#ok sorry. im on my bullshit

[arshem]

the passage of time is relentless

[marsbotz]

i need them to explode btw

[gncrezan]

some old @chrysanthemumgames hermes-seph sketches!!! some of it is established-relationship daydreaming but also a peek at my dark and twisted mind (sprawling intricate spidey au)

[littlehatmouse]

i finished this in the last 20 minutes of lesbian visibility week after not drawing at all LETS GO

[altruistic-meme]

it's midnight and i can hear my upstairs neighbors talking. do you know how LOUD you gotta be for that??? I've only ever heard my neighbors voices when they are FIGHTING, like, yelling and screaming. i could report them to the complex since there's a "quiet after 10pm" rule but alas im not a cop. still annoying as hell though.

[flugame-mp3]

what do you fucking mean that's how charlie dies. THAT'S HOW CHARLIE DIES??? i mean i know the show has a penchant for killing off every character who's not a winchester brother or an angel of thursday but good god. what the fuck. charlie was such a good and enjoyable recurring character, and she had such a fandom impact that i've seen, and she's only around for THREE SEASONS?? (sidebar: it's amazing she has the presence she does for only being around for a couple episodes in the long run!) but: was this necessary? and she just dies offscreen after her skills are utilized to progress the plot of decoding the book of the damned?? oh my god. what in the actual fuck. i'm finding myself getting genuinely very upset at her death. she did not fucking deserve that. and i can absolutely see why the fan response to her death is what it is now. completely fucking unjustified and throwaway and useless.

[lostxmelody]

i am back. buckle up bc it's another slow burn mikofuu *immediately passes away*

[sak-supernatural]

Just a quick poll because I feel like shit:

My rambling story if you care;

I work in a caffe/coffee shop and have been there for 2 years now. Things were pretty great to start with and they seemed to accept the fact that I'm autistic. But recently the tone has shifted and I am constantly being ordered around (things that I know to do and am usually in the active process of going to do). This is all coming from the bosses wife. I have been uncomfortable and annoyed with the tone she takes with me for a long time now, and things all came to a head this past week when she was running the shop more often than usual (she typically only does an hour here and there, and covers breaks). There were two incidents and if it had been handled with an ounce of professionalism I would not even have brought it up. The exact words that were spoken were; "just make the drinks, I don't want to hear any more about this" (in the tone one might speak to a disrespectful child). "This" being an order she had taken that was wrong. The customer came up to the till (I was running the till) to amend his order (he was wrong initially and offered to pay the difference, nice guy) and instead of letting me ask which drink he wanted to change she butted in and said; "oh that's OK we’ll get that for you", while having no idea what exactly needed to be changed. She then poured away the drink she thought was wrong (it was in fact one they wanted) and made us make two new drinks, one of which was completely the wrong thing! We (me and the other girl) had questioned this, and that's there she bit our heads off about it.

The other incident (the one that made me speak up) was about my timing on my lunch break. Apparently I was late (she has said this so many times). We have 30 minutes for lunch and when I got back from mine (I set 30 mins on my watch, every day) she whisper called me over, away from where I was working on clearing the backlog of dishes that were strewn all along the worktop in a mess that she had created. AND ACCUSED ME OF BEING NEARLY 10 MINUTES LATE! I was sick and tired of being spoken to with the disrespectful tone she was using so I stood my ground that I wasn't late (and she didn't like that). She is egotistical and can't accept that she can makes mistakes.

I want to quit so badly 😫. I tried to have a conversation with my boss about what was bothering me (you know, like he has insisted I come to him with any problems) and he just dismissed me completely. The ONLY thing he focused on was the lunch break and he pulled up the cameras, as it turns out I was apparently 3 WHOLE FUCKING GOD DAMN MINUTES LATE! 3 minutes! What the actual fuck is wrong with you if you think 3 minutes is rounded to 10?! And being told; "your break starts when I tell you to go, not when you sit down" and; "you need to be back, apron on, ready to work before the end of the 30 minutes". OK I think I've got it, so my break is not in fact 30 minutes it's more like 25 at a stretch. /pa Thanks for misinforming me, I greatly appreciate not being told the specifics. /s This also goes for when he said my performance had been "slipping" in the last few weeks, and when I asked exactly how and what I had been "slipping" in, HE WOULDN'T TELL ME! Because there wasn't really anything and he was just grasping at straws for something to throw in my face.

At least now I know where I stand (not valued) and can move forward from there, and as he directly said to me; "this is how things are going to be, and if you don't like it maybe this is not the place for you". No sir, an ableist, excuse making arse is not someone I want to work for.

The best part is my brother was sitting right near us in the caffe and heard the things that were being said to me. My family are all angry on by behalf and I'm trying to let that make me feel better. It's hard to keep being strong, and not fall into the belief that I'm the problem. I did nothing wrong in asking to talk through some problems, I'm just so done. 😔

[definitelynotnia]

im sorry i have to rant im so fucking pissed

my exams end on 19th and I have to get rid of some books and buy some books which are quite pricy online so I had planned on going to college street on 20th and selling my books and buying the new ones at a cheap price and i was frankly really excited about it because all I get is a one day break to relax bcz i have to start studying for entrances from 21st so all I have is 20th and i wanted to spend it at college street and then get some food and basically have like a solo date kind of thing.

and i was so so excited about it i told my boyfriend about it like 500 times bcz i kept forgetting i've already mentioned it and it was literally on my mind a lott so i kept bringing it up and ik it seems like not a big deal cz i can just sit at home and chill too but i literally do not get to go outside my house. like- the last time i went out was new years eve and after that the only time i've gone out is to school or to give my boards that is it. my mother has some weird like problem wiht me going out like even if i tell her that i just want to go to our terrace for 5 minutes just to get some fresh air she won't even allow that she'll be all suspicious and like sTaNd In ThE bAlCOnY aNd TaKe FrEsH aIr like she herself doesnt leave the house (and blames it on me and my brother ???? when have we ever stopped you bro, she said I HaVe To Be HeRe To KeEp An EyE like im 18 i dont need to be watched 24/7 stop blaming me for choices you put upon yourself) and i just feel so suffocated ALL THE TIME i feel so overstimulated and im so sick of rotting on my bed and i dont want to wait for some birthday party or friends meet up to be able to leave my goddamn house i just wanted to go and have a fun day and get me some books thats it.

anyway so initially the plan was that my mom would go along but something came up so she wanted to postpone it to 21st and i didn't want to bcz i'd already be missing 3 days bcz of my boyfriends birthday, holi and my brothers birthday (all of which are important and i dont want to miss which makes me the villain apparently bcz i should "adjust" and cancel my "parties" instead of trying to stick to my plan bcz that makes me too demanding and selfish apparently) so i suggested that ukw why dont u go do ur thing which came up and i'll go to college street by myself...which is when the solo date idea came which i had really wanted all along but didnt bring up bcz i knew she'd say no but now there's a valid reason for me to go alone so like, its a pretty easy fix i can just go alone but noooo. First of all,

I've been to college street multiple times before so its not like its an unknown area to me

im going by metro which is quite safe

im going when there is stark daylight and i will return home much much before it gets dark and im literally 18

she never lets me go anywhere alone, not even take ubers alone if i want to get back from somewhere my bf has to come drop me everytime and then go backwards to his house which is so so so stupid and i never get to go out alone unless accompanied by family or by a male friend, so obv when i said i'll go to college street alone she refused to let that happen and started screaming about how 'if its so important to go on 20th bcz u dont want to miss a day of studying then cancel ur 'parties' and study then' and i was like no its not about missing a day its just that there's a very easy and logical fix to this problem which is i go alone and its not inconveniencing anyone so why cant i just do that but she will not listen to that bcz im 'adamant' and 'everything has to be according to me' bcz i found a viable solution to the problem. so instead of letting me just go she was literally ready to pay much more money and buy the books online, like.....why cant i just go bro??? (and she keeps telling me im a waste of her money bcz i will amount to nothing in life and my education was a failed investment or wtv so like now why are u wasting more money??? im literally trying to save the money that u 'waste' on me so just let me ???)

anyway i called my dad last night and told him and he was super ok with the idea he said its a good idea that i go alone and that he would speak to her but then today when i asked her if dad spoke to her she said yes, we'll go on 20th and i was like .....we? so apparently she CANCELLED her previously immovable thing for which she wanted me to cancel my 'parties', she cancelled that and agreed to go with me on 20th just so that i dont get to go alone- like ???????????????? what is ur problemmmm

so obv i was super annoyed and i went on a whole ass rant about how i literally struggle to even cross roads bcz i dont know shit about basic travelling bcz all my life ive been in a car and its a running joke with all my guy friends that i 'cannot navigate' and 'dont know any places' and obv??? if im never allowed to go anywhere then how tf will i know the places- the only places i know is bcz recently i've been paying a lot of attention and asking my dad stuff about what roads to take to reach certain places and when i go out with my friends i kind of try and learn a bit but thats it i've only ever gone alone completely alone to two places which is my beauty parlour thats 5 minutes away from my house and one bazaar one time that was 2 bus stops away, thats it. thats my extent of public travelling alone. and now im supposed to go to a whole new STATE for college and i cant even call myself an auto without struggling. and like- is this not a basic life skill??? like ok yeah its not rocket science and i will probably figure it out even if i start later in life but why not now? most of my guy friends literally go everywhere alone, why not me? and my dad agreed with all of this but my mom was just like "you'll be in the hostel only, no need to go out of the campus" like ARE YOU FOR REAL????????? and she's like "if u want to learn skills learn how to cook" like ok yes i will also learn how to cook for sure but i wont have a fucking kitchen in the hostel but somehow cooking is an urgent skill i should learn but going places by myself is unimportant bcz i should just never? leave? the? hostel?

anyway after much screaming and shouting my dad gave up and just cut the call bcz he doesnt want to get into an argument with my mother and my mother was being all suspicious like why do u hAvE tO gO aLoNe AlL oF a SuDdEn even though i literally explained why i want to do this alone but she doesnt think thats valid. so she refuses to let me go and i asked her for one reason why i shouldnt cz usuallt its always "no u have exam what if smthn happens" but now i literally dont even have exam so whats ur excuse now? streets will always be unsafe forever so "what if smthn happens" is not a reason to never let me go out without a man so just gimme one reason and she couldnt give me a single reason she just said "i said no, thats it".

and now she's gone off about how im useless and blah blah and "high maintainance" bcz i want books and "everyone else (some pishi's son) just studies online" and so the whole option of college street is apparently now cancelled and she's trying to set up a whole ass kindle account (half the books i need arent even available as ebooks) just because i wanted to go by myself.

[erisolkat]

god i hate everyone

[sodrippy]

purple is my favourite colour for aesthetics AND for prose

[just-sp-in-inginthevoid]

It's ✨ speculation time ✨

See, if Sano grandpa hadn't been there, Shinichiro and Mikey would've ended up in an institution and could've been separated

Perhaps Mikey never thought about it - he had no reason to - but what about Shinichiro? When Emma comes to their home and she talks about her big brother and he goes to see Izana and-

Izana has no family left, and that could've been Shinichiro (it's not a fair comparison - especially not when Shinichiro can come see his mom whenever he wants)

Shinichiro sees himself in Mikey, at least a bit, and knows Mikey will be greater than him - hence he wants to be there to help Mikey no do great mistakes like he maybe did back then during Black Dragon. And once again I'd like to mention Shinichiro only left Black Dragon for Mikey and would have stayed if not for him + would have gone far deeper into illegality - this boy became a delinquent to cope with his father's death and change of lifestyle.

So what if he saw himself in Izana as well?

He went to see Izana with perhaps little to no information on him - we don't even know how he figured out where Izana was. Did he know right off the bat Izana wasn't his (or Emma's) biological brother? The answer to these questions do not matter here, sorry for that.

Did he think Izana thought of Emma the same way he thought of Mikey? He perhaps went to see him after Emma opened up to them and talked about Izana - did he go see Izana for Emma? To make her happy? After all, that's what he says in her chapter-backstory: 'I want to make her smile' and even if Mikey did succeed to make her open up at the end, Shinichiro himself needed to do something to get closer to her.

But then. Izana's main thing is that he (feels) is alone. We don't know how Shinichiro dealt with his father's death+his mother's extended hospitalization+his lifestyle going from 'typical citizen life' to 'living with grandfather, having to raise siblings as a teen, being a delinquent' but it's clear he relied on Mikey('s well-being) a lot. Mikey is the only thing he has left from his previous normal life (aside from Takeomi) and without him he'd have felt way lonelier.

So what did he never make Izana and Emma talk again?

Well first, I won't give you the canonical answer, I don't have it, second — to learn to know someone, you have to share a point in common you can talk about, right?

If Shinichiro thought Shinichiro&Mikey's relationship = Izana&Emma's relationship, what else could he have talked about? He knows Mikey better than Emma, and Izana knows Emma but not Mikey. If Shinichiro wanted to share things about Mikey so that Izana get to know him a bit (even without meeting him) and if he wanted that by doing that Izana will talk about Emma... well that completely backfired we know that, but I don't think that implausible. Shinichiro's not perfect, he messes up – he's human like any other character.

After Izana's 'stop talking about Manjiro, my head hurts because of him', Shinichiro stepped back from talking about Mikey (supposedly). He tries at some point to tell Mikey about Izana ('what would you think if you had another big brother?') but without talking clearly about Izana – he's still not sure about how to do it

He doesn't know if he can talk about Izana with Emma either. She progressively stopped talking about him and the last time she saw him she was 3. Does she remember him? If yes, how much? Not much, right? Emma was the same age Mikey was when their father died, Mikey doesn't remember their father, sure Emma would want to see Izana again, just like Mikey would like to see their father again but at the end of the day they know how to live without them, don't they, because they do not have much memories about them whereas Shinichiro remembers his dad and Izana remembers Emma and and— and next thing Shinichiro knows, Izana pushed someone to suicide and ended up in Juvie.

Shinichiro is Black Dragon's leader and founder, he knows a lot of people and a lot of them did messed up things, because they could, because they had to, because they had no other choice, because they didn't know better... But it's his younger brother here

And it gets even worse after Izana gets out and Shinichiro tells him Black Dragon is first and foremost for Mikey. Izana becomes Black Dragon's leader and twists Black Dragon's essence and image. But Shinichiro doesn't do much to stop it – he doesn't really know how to connect to Izana, and he certainly doesn't know how to make Izana (who doesn't react when Shinichiro tries to talk to him about Emma) connect to Emma and Mikey (especially not with the current situation and the past few years)

But there's something deeper than this

Because that's it, what Izana made of the 8th generation is what could have been the 1st.

Izana acts just like Shinichiro could've acted if he didn't have Mikey (and it becomes even worse after Izana figures out he isn't related by blood to any of them). Discovering delinquency, going in it, getting beat up, trying to find connections, trying to find a way to make the anger and pain stop — without his father, Shinichiro gets into delinquency (he can still withdraw), without Mikey, Shinichiro falls even deeper (he cannot return from it).

And somewhere, Shinichiro doesn't want Izana (whom he failed, and failed again) and Mikey (who only sees Shinichiro as perfectly imperfect) to meet – first of all, because Izana will lose it, and second of all, because you can't convince me Shinichiro would be okay with Mikey finding out about any of his mistakes

Still, Shinichiro loves his brothers and his dream is to take care of S.S Motors the three of them together. If Izana wants a family related by blood, then he'll go find Izana's mother to the Philippines (did he succeed? Most likely not. But he got the two Babus – one for Mikey's upcoming birthday and the other for Izana once he'd have find a way to make up for last time, maybe)

His dreams are cut short as he finds death and karma and one question lingers in my mind —

Where the heck is Izana in the original timeline.

It was ✨speculation time✨

[scourge-sympathiser]

maybe a hate crime tht i went fur easter scourge instead of transgender scourge today

[permanentreverie]

.

[p4nishers]

crowley is the biggest simp alive with the weakest fucking nervous system when it comes to az and aziraphale is just like "MARRY ME ALREADY U FUCKER" cause if dude's in, he's IN and since they're free from heaven and hell he's probably barely holding himself from proposing every time they're in the same room like one time crowley is VISIBLY agonizing about holding his hand or some shit and aziraphale sighs like a man with the weight of the world on his shoulder and gestures wildly at their wedding rings then is like "oh shit so THAT'S what i forgot to do" and crowley immediately discorporates

[tei-to-tei]

me, writing: I'm gonna be nice to everyone in this chapter

also me: whoops oh god oh fuck my hand slipped