#ok sorry guys for the rambling i havent been on here in a while

[periipheral]

opening the sims (for real this time)

[turtlespancake]

me when i write a character who is prone to dooming themself and then they run off and doom themself. core traits are stubbornness and a willingness to disregard their own humanity gET BACK HERE IM NOT DONE WITH YOU

[cowboybrunch]

writerblr interview tag!

thank you for the tags @tragedycoded (here) @sableglass (here) and @saturnine-saturneight (here) <3 ive been meaning to get to this one for a minute sooo let's get into it

Short stories, novels, or poems?

i started with poetry, so it has a special place in my heart. all of my short stories turn into beasts. is it a cop out answer to say all of the above?

What genre do you prefer reading?

it'd be easier to list what genres i don't like. when i say ill read anything, i mean ill read anything. lately i've been on a sci fi kick (thanks Pierce Brown) but i love a good modern trashy romance as much as the next guy (i read the booktok sludge so you dont have to!) im not really a nonfiction guy but hey, if anyone has some recs, ill give em a shot

Are you a planner or a write as I go kind of person?

def NOT a planner. usually when i start writing i have a vague idea of where we start and where we need to end up, but what happens along the way is a surprise for everyone involved

What music do you listen to while writing?

SILENCE. sometimes white noise. i cant focus with music, brain gets jumbled

Favorite books/movies?

of all time? oh god for books, probably This Is How You Lose the Time War or The Song of Achilles but The Locked Tomb series is def up there. not a novel but i've read Bluets by Maggie Nelson so many times i probably have it memorized by now favorite movie is Zoolander, easy answer. that movie owns. i can watch it on repeat and ill never get sick of it

Any current WIPs?

Dust to Dust is still alive but im taking a bit of a hiatus before hopping into the final bit (tag is here if you wanna see me ramble about it) Felix Wonder is the fun time brain break WIP of choice currently and im working on draft 3 of Burden of the Reluctant Death (we will get to the ending this time. we will)

Create a character description of yourself: 

Elusive, or pretends to be. Too much energy in too small a body. Refuses to sit properly in a chair. Prone to fits of melancholy remedied by sunlight. Easily excitable, but fussy. Same outfit every day: big sweater, little pants, fuzzy socks. Nails bitten bloody but at least her hair is clean (if a bit too long for summer)

Do you like incorporating actual people you know into your writing?

i could say no but that would make me a liar

Are you kill happy with your characters?

i was gonna make a joke but it would be spoilers soo. i write about grief. no way everyone makes it out alive

Coffee or Tea while writing?

coffee. i dont like tea (sorry sorry!)

Slow or fast writer?

im very much a burst writer so. flood or drought, no in between. lately i'd say SLOW but im just waiting for that spark u get me?

If you were in a fantasy world, what would you be?

this really isnt fantasy but i feel like i was destined to be the kind, slightly off-putting maintenance man in a haunted apartment building that says cryptic things like "don't take the east elevator on a full moon" and "the air conditioning has made that noise since the fire in 12B"

Most fav book cliche:

yea there's only one bed and ill eat it up every single time!!! also: "i didnt know where else to go" or basically any overdone romance trope you can think of. im here for it

Least favorite cliche:

if there's a cliche that i dont like, i havent found it yet

Favorite scene to write?

confession scenes of any kind! scenes where the big tough character breaks down. any kind of emotional revelation, positive or negative

Reason for writing?

words in head, need words out of head ok ok fine, serious answer. i feel like writing is both asking and answering the question, "have you felt like this before? has anyone ever felt like this before? am i alone?" and it's proof that you're not the first and only person to ever experience the things you're experiencing. even this made up guy in this pretend world understands rage and despair and joy and grief and love. the source is different but the result is the same. human connection, man. love it and! it's fun. im having fun

tag!!

@knightinbatteredarmor @friendlesscat @tildeathiwillwrite @glassonthewall @illarian-rambling

@mysticstarlightduck @dyrewrites @sarandipitywrites @oliolioxenfreewrites @xenascribbles

[etherealspacejelly]

wow, im sorry the space dad thing took that kind of toll on you. but you're awesome either way. you are awesome whether you're space dad, space cousin, space friend, or just space blog. thanks for all the rambling asks you answered from me and your thousands of former children <3

its ok its not you guys' fault. you weren't to know.

ive been considering giving it up for a while now but i didnt want to let anyone down. it all just kinda came to a head recently when i realised how much time and energy it was taking from me. i was literally sick and bedridden and still felt guilty for not being there for people who needed me. thats not healthy!!!

its my own issue that i have seen crop up in my life time and time again, where i put others needs before my own even at the detriment of my own health, mental or physical. thats an issue i need to work on myself, but in the meantime i need to reduce the things that trigger me to behave like that, and space dad was one of them.

im so glad that everyone has been so understanding so far. i dont want anyone to feel as if they have done anything wrong, because they havent. this is my issue that i am aware of and am working on.

at the end of the day, im just a guy on the internet. im not a father, or a therapist, or a mental health professional. i came here to have a good time, i dont owe anyone my emotional labour. not to the extent that i was giving it, anyway.

ill still be there for my friends when they need me, as much as i would expect them to do the same for me, but im not gonna spend time moving heaven and earth for strangers on the internet anymore.

[suw4]

sorry, i have not been looking at my drafts. i cant bring myself to write. i dont find it enjoyable as of late. i didnt want to make this post for a lot of reasons but like,, i wanted to inform yall this. i dont want to say im discontinuing all of my works because yk i rather please yall than myself. and i never wanted to be those writers where they just discontinued something that their readers considered good. before i was a writer, i was a reader. so it was heartbreaking to see no updates. and i understand that feeling as a reader.

ive set such high standards for myself. write longer stories, trying to perfect my english and make my stories more interesting and not repetitive. i guess i dwell on that a lot that i find it really infuriating. lately, it felt my english has gotten worse. so theres that. my stories felt off. in summary, i suck at writing now.

idk what else to say so imma start rambling here.

i love yall readers. god, i really do. you lot made me feel good about my writing. im so glad that everyone (well, at least most) liked it. im also so glad that i helped other people through my stories, influenced them to write their own. it was a huge honour, honestly. i feel good. i felt good. its just frustrating now that i cant bring the same energy anymore.

going pass that, i feel bad for the ones that have requested and i have not written anything yet. or more of i did write something but i couldn't continue it. there are requests from like 2yrs ago that i havent finished. just imagining them waiting for years while i wrote other stories feels unfair. idk maybe i think i just feel a lot.

okay most importantly. am i going to discontinue or not?

i dont want to. there are so many stories left in my drafts that i long for everyone to read. im just holding onto hope that someday in my heart, my love for writing would come back. and i fucking hope it does.

my other works, like the sickening blame. that book is so infuriating, i swear. i had written that because i was inspired on a what if scenario that i wanted to write. but ive never gotten to that point cause the story felt like it doesnt make sense. (or more like, i didnt plan shit and i just started writing while going with the flow). at that point, i was writing, thinking the reader is an oc and not as you, the reader. which i know some people dont like. but i still kept it up because there are readers who likes that book (im rambling again oops)

😔😔😔 i hate this ok thats it.

for the ones that are still here, i love yall. you guys are precious to me. bye

[tobi-momo]

Coming Out to the Boys as Lesbian :) (fem!reader)

Request:

Ofcofcofcofc i love this request and im glad yall keep coming to me for this😭 it makes me so happy that i can give you guys comfort

Type: Headcanon

Genre: A little angst, Fluff!, COMFORT

Pairings: NOTE THAT YOU ARE BEST FRIENDS NOT DATING (obvs?) Bakugou x Reader, Kirishima x Reader, Kaminari x Reader

Warnings: coming out, homophobic parents

Bakugou

when you come out to this man, it will probably be on accident- him probably teasing you or something because you were staring at a random guy

you said “no im staring at the girl”

he already knew tho- you didnt have to tell him

you would still freak out tho like ohmygodohmygodohmygod

he would look at you with a smirk bc you finally told him

hed be like “ya? it was fuckin obvious anyways.”

you would exhale sharply and relax a tiny bit before realizing something

“please dont tell anyone, oh my god especially not my parents they’ll probably kick me out or something” you rambled

hed look back at you like ‘wtf do you mean? why would they kick you out?’

so he asks just that.

and you tell him about your parents thoughts, feelings, beliefs on being a lesbian, or a part of the lgbtq+ community in general and he gets M A D

this man is your best friend- hes been to your house plenty of times and he knows your parents- like he never thought that they would be like this

you are gonna need to restrain this mf from actually killing your parents im not kidding

he will adopt you AJHFKD

he will make sure that you are okay to go through and this man is especially good at faking about you being straight if needed

i feel like if he finds you staring at a girl or flirting with one he would silently egg you on to go talk to her or shoot your shot (he would act like your a nuisance ab it lets be honest)

he really cares for you tho and will protect you from your mean parents

this did not make any sense? ohmygod sorry i hope you get the point sdjhsf

Kirishima

this man is shocked to say the least

he thought- he thought- he thought you were into guys???

you finally gain the courage to tell your best friend and he is SO mf happy for you but so shocked

he actually knows your parent’s beliefs and wrong opinions on being a part of the lovely community and so he is already hugging you

bc he knows it was really hard for you to do this and its still really scary to do this to literally anyone so he understand and is here for you :)

he will buy you things and make you feel comfortable to talk about these things with him

yall would be walking down the street and hed be like ‘hey look at that super cute girl!’

he would be sooo mf casual w you ab it

it would be hard for him to keep in the fact that youre gay tho- youll have to remind him a bunch to not tell anyone

will totally think hes your wing man too BAHHAH

<33 he loves you 

Kaminari

this mf didnt even hear you while he was flirting with you

and when you told him and he was listening it didnt even process LMFAO

he fucking said “aw, dang!” bc he couldnt have you omfg

then he would proceed to flirt with you after

when you tell him not to tell anyone hed be like “i can do that!” then tells LITERALLY EVERYONE IN THE CLASS

luckily the ppl in class are trustable (except for grape juice cuz *gag*) so they didnt tell anyone (m*neta is the type to be like “you just havent been with the right man yet *wink wink*)

but once you tell him URGENTLY not to tell him bc of your parents hes like “oh shit. ok” - like it finally clicks? 

he still flirts with you asf tho- what else did you expect?

he feels really bad for you so he helps you get girls hehe

he thinks hes so good at girl advice jfksjdfg but you just hear him out

he will just come up to you one day and be like “so, where we goin? i heard there’s a couple cute girls at the mall~” he wiggles his eyebrows oml such a goof

hes so cute tho and wouldnt trade you for anyone else so <3

wow i am terrible at this jc- but please enjoy hehe

tag list: @zerohawks​ @combat-wombatus​ @hitosushi​

[nayspy]

Yes, Maybe ,No : 6

Summary: When you have to move away with your family and you find a very nice surprise but it brings pain as much as it brings happiness. But is the happiness worth it??

Pairs: Peter parker(andrew)x reader

Series masterlist

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"How about a good morning?" I said.

"Good morning, what the hell is wrong with you?"

"Caroline,please don't yell right now." Mom exclaimed.

"Mom she is smiling it's weird. "

"Caroline."

"Sorry okay but I am used to her sulking around mom. She is humming songs like a musical is about to start and she is going to start dancing."

"I am sitting right here." I exclaim.

"Okay so why have you been smiling  past 3 to 4 weeks."

"I just am. No reason."

"You should bring this guy home honey. We can have like a family dinner with friends and family."

"What? How do you know it's a guy?" And she arches her brow 'do I look stupid?'

"I'll ask him."

I can't believe I have been on 3 dates with a guy . Parker is such a sweetheart and a gentleman. My soul hurts just thinking about him. Okay not really but that's besides the point. I think I am starting to like him. I mean I did a long while ago but like officially. I smile just thinking about the way he asked me out.

*The asking out sjhsh

Peter smiled at me and asked " So when are you going to go out with me ?"

" I don't know when are you going to ask me out?"I smirked.

Peter just stared at me mumbling a "ill be right back"

Wait what. What did I do wrong?

Shit should I not have said that.

"SO YOU RAN AWAY?" Gwen practically yelled at me.

"I DIDN'T THINK SHE WOULD SAY YESS!!"I yelled right back at her.

"But-"

I am just standing there thinking where the fuck did I go wrong.

And then Peter was back after a few minutes with Gwen.

"Can you repeat that again I want proof that you said yes!"

"Peter , oh you are so cute."

"WHY AM I HERE I DONT WANNA THIRD WHEEL YOU GUYS!"

"So how did you like it?" I ask her.

"I loved it."

"Wait is that Greg?" And I frown because idk who Greg is.

"Who?" "The guy from our school he is there we should go say hi!"

"Now why would we do that?" I ask her.

"Come on peter." "I'll be here."

And well now this Greg guy is sitting at our table.

"Well so yeah I got stood up."

"Yeah the same thing happened with us except for the part where she showed up."

"Peter!" She whisper yells.

"What it's true? I am sorry if you felt bad."

"No no it's okay , you guys are like the best couple other than the sex thing."

"What thing?" She frowns.

"You guys havent had sex."

"Whattt? How the fuck do you know that?"

"Everyone does." "But we never told anyone." She says.

"I mean I told a few guys I guess and the canteen lady. I don't know who could have snitched."

"I can't believe you just said that." She mumbles in disbelief as if it's my fault.

"You told Gwen." I remind her.

"She is our mutual friend Peter."

"So I am gonna go. Sorry" Says creg drew whatever

"It's fine Greg. Not your fault." Ah that's the name. And now she is not talking to me . Great.

"I can't believe people are talking about our sex life." I say as I change my clothes.

"What is there to talk about we barely have one?" Peter so stupidly pointed out. Gwen snorted on the other end of the phone call . "I'll call you later Gwen ." I sigh as I end the call. And turn to Peter.

"That's why they are doing it, Peter."

"Oh."

"Why would you tell people we haven't had sex."

"Because we haven't. "

"Ugh."

" I am sorry ok it's just that i am dating this beautiful girl and I can't stop rambling about it. I get it I shouldn't have told people."

I just mumble a yeah and sit on my bedside as he bends down to kiss my nose.

"Peter I am sorry I should not have gotten mad at you. I just I am not used to being in a relationship and everything going good. And I don't know . I just feel bad. I am sorry."

"It's okay baby."

"No no it isn't."

"Hey its okay come here."

He pulls me into his arms . And slowly cups my face . As he rests his forehead against mine. It feels good having someone.

As I slowly open my eyes and find those brown eyes looking into mine.

"I like you ."

"I like you too Peter."

As we both lean in and our lips touch and start moving in sync as if we that was the only thing they were made for.

As he slowly starts to back me against a wall. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah I wanted to for a while I just didn't know if you wanted to you know sleep with me."

And as a answer my lips capture his again.

He is freakishly strong by the way.

My back is against a wall. As he leans a forearm over the side of my head.

And taps my thigh as if on cue I wrap them around his waist. As he walks towards my bed and sits so I am straddling his thighs.

He starts undressing my shirt while still kissing him and I hold back a moan in my throat.

"Wow." He whispers as he realizes I am not wearing anything under the shirt.

"Mhmm" I start kissing his jawline. And slowly move down his neck and lean back and start taking his shirt off. As if he realized something I didn't he flips us over. So he is on top of me. "You good?" I ask him.

"Yeah sorry"

"It's okay."

"Just a second. I will be back "

But then just like that he is gone

[multifandomwriter18]

Feeling a little down: Chatnoir x reader :PART 1:

A/n: hey so it’s been awhile since I last posted. Sorry for being so inactive I’ve been working full time and I’ve been really busy. I havent been in such a writing mood and of course work and life has been keeping me on my toes but I’ll try my best to get asks / requests done and try to be more active on here.

Since it’s been a while since I posted a Chatnoir x reader I thought I’d post one now. *this is taken from my Chatnoir x reader oneshots on wattpad.

I'm basing this chapter on season 2 Glacier..(was that the name of it?) I think it was episode 10? You know the one where the ice cream guys gets akumatized and Chat Noir gets depressed cuz LadyBug didn't show up and Marionette is upset about Adrien? Yeah well this will be sorta based on that specific episode but without the whole akumatized part etc. OKAY! Now... You may enjoy!

ALSO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 200 FOLLOWERS! I know it’s not a lot to some of you but it really means a lot to me. Thank you for all the support and love I have received on my blog. Be sure to follow my other one @swiftdagger-con *keep in mind I cannot message anyone on that blog but feel free to send dms on this one here :)

Tears weld in my eyes as I small sob breaks out of me. I was standing up on the roof top/balcony of my house.

I can't believe it..

(Boyfriend name) broke up with me..how could he do something like that?!

"I don't love you anymore (y/n)..I'm so sorry..I'm so sorry.."

His words ring inside my head. I don't love you anymore..

My whole body shakes as I clenched on to the bars of the balcony. I held on for dear life chase it felt like the whole world was shaking..

"I thought I could love like I loved (your enemy's name who was once dating your now ex.bf) but I don't..I just..I..I just can't.."

I clenched my jaw as I covered my ears, shaking my head trying to making the noise in my head stop.

Not too long ago Rose was telling me about (bf's name) and (your enemy) getting close together at a small Café.

I take in a sharp inhale and slumped down pressing my face against the bars. Marionette and Ayla were trying to cheer me up today with some ice cream along with Nino but nothing was working.

Not even Adrien could help me..I mean he couldn't even go anyways but still..

I grabbed a tissue and blew my nose. My (eye colour) eyes burned from all the crying. I bet I looked hideous. Strands of my (hair colour) hair stuck to my sweaty forehead.

All this crying was making me sick. I closed my eyes and take in another deep breath. I stood up and shakily went into my bathroom and splashed water on my (skin colour) face.

•(When I mean by skin colour I mean like pale, or flushed or like light coloured skin, or dark or tan etc.)•

I looked in the mirror and frowned. My once (eye colour) eyes were now a little blood shot and I had small bags under my eyes.

I groaned and slumped on my washroom floor. "Come on (y/n) you can do this..you gotta be strong.."

I stood back up and cleaned up my face with more water. I sighed and dried my face again. Slowly my eyes softened a little more and the bags under my eyes didn't look too bad.

I fixed my hair into its usually side braid and walked back outside. I closed my eyes enjoying the cool breeze.

I leaned against the bars and looked up at the moon. I have to be strong..

"Hi there, (y/n) right?"

I gasped nearly falling on my ass. I was too much in a daze and I didn't even see Chat Noir sitting on the railing.

I stared at him with wide eyes. "Ah..I didn't mean to frighten you..I um..I was wondering if I could hang out here.."

After I was able to slow my heart heart I walked a little closer to him. "Ah..yeah sure..I mean-yeah! Yeah, I would mind that at all." I rambled out as he slumped a little looking at the stars.

"Y-you ok?" I asked softly as I moved a little closer to him. "I guess.." He barley whispered and I frowned.

"What's wrong.."

"Love issues.." He grumbled and I looked away. "I know how that feels.." I muttered as I looked back at the stars.

"Wait what happened to you?" He asked softly as his soft but sad green eyes met my glassy (eye colour) ones.

I looked away and tucked a stray strand of (hair colour) hair behind my ear. "You first.." I mumbled and he sighed. "I had this whole little date planned for LadyBug and I..b-but she didn't show up..it's not like she would've came..she said she might now be able to come but..I had my fingers crossed..I thought she would've made it.." He replied as I felt his voice starting to break.

"I..I'm so sorry Chat..I..maybe she was-"

"-it doesn't matter anymore..what happened to you?" He asked cutting my off.

I bite on my lower lip as I made sure to not cry. Especially in front of him..

"M-my..my uh...my boyfriend broke-broke up with-with me." I babbled out as I let out a small laugh.

"Not like I didn't see it coming..the thing that made me wonder was how he came up with the whole thing. 'I don't love you anymore..' Who says that to someone?" I hissed out as I cursed under my breath for saying to much.

"(Y/n)..I'm sorry to hear that..I mean..ouch..that must've sucked..wait I-"

I waved him off as I leaned against the railing. "It's ok, I got used to it a long time ago.." I stated softly and looked over at him who seemed even more depressed.

He met my gaze and looked away. "Yeah..I guess your right.."

I frowned and without thinking my hand rested on his. "Hey..don't be like that..I-maybe she was busy..people sometimes have a full plate and can't do everything at once."

He huffed as I felt his cheeks turn pink from our touching hand. I sighed and looked at him with a faint smile.

"I don't think she meant any harm..Ladybug didn't mean to hurt you..there's always next time right?"

He shook his head and I frowned pulling my hand away. "I'm sorry..I'm just making it worse right? I'm sorry.."

He looked at me and stepped off the railing and stood next to me. His back rested against the railing as his eyes met mine.

"Please stop apologizing..it's not your fault..and no your not making this worse, I promise you that.."

My eyes widened for a small moment and then softened. He gave me a small smile extended one gloved hand.

"How about I cheer you up a little, I have the perfect place." I stared at him and back at his hand.

Slowly and shakily I placed my hand in his as he then held me close.

"Hold on tight ok? I promise I won't drop you.." I smiled as I warped my arms around his neck closing my eyes as I breathed in his sweet, almost drugging scent.

"I know you won't..I trust you.." I rest my head on his chest as I was able to hear the rhythm of his heart beat.

I felt a small purr rumble in his chest making my stomach dip and churn. Finally when he was ready he scooped me up in his arms and we were then on our way.

Part two will be up soon! Thanks for reading!!

I don't think I want to add heavy sexual scenes for this chapter..

Maybe something a little vanilla like scenes..

Anyways stay tuned for more!

[jestersticks]

ok gamers kind of a ramble but here we go its my opinion so its inherently correct bc im super cool

i see a lot of posts about how like “ben shouldve been more upset over things that happened !! this kids traumatized let him show it !!” and ok while i see your guys point i feel like a lot of yall forget that 1) ben is either 10 or a teenage boy(dependin on what ur referencin) and 2) all the bits of show were made in the 00s and early 10s(disregarding the reboot). So like.. idk what to tell you guys mens mental health was and honestly still is a more or less ‘taboo’ subject. also ben DOES show signs of bein upset about things just not in the way you guys want i guess ?? and the thing is like,, ben doesnt outright talk about his issues ? in the episode about feedback when rook asked him about it he refused to answer and later on was like,, angry about rook finding out? i havent seen that episode in a hot minute so excuse me if im bullshitting anyways ben literally just never came to terms with that stuff ? honestly if the events of that episode didnt happen i doubt his feelings regardin feedback(which was like idk u kno self blame n all dat or smth) wouldve ever been somethin they went over which is like !! dude its so obvious from then on at least how ben deals with his issues; he doesnt ! he just keeps everything in that evil little box called ur brain to ignore and sometimes cry urself to sleep over which i mean me too bestie ! /j also aside from that i see people say he shouldve been more hung up about kevin n gwen leavin but he was upset??? shown in how he was kinda pissy about rook bein there and idk i feel like him bein all “well cant go to mr smoothy :/” was a pretty good indicator that he was havin a not very great time right then. also idk if u wanted him to be sad about that for like forever u might have ur own issues to work thru bc i dont think thats like... healthy /hj 

anyways tdlr ben honestly probably does deal with mental health issues just in a “never gonna acknowledge this unless im literally forced to” way

also i could probably go more into depth abt this but this is already like a big giant paragraph that doesnt make sense so sorry </3

[blacknpurplewarpster]

[IDW Skywarp Headcanon]

More about his awful comments/attitude towards others

I know I’ve written about this before but I cant seem to find it anywhere on my blog. I was rereading the original comic series and thought I’d elaborate a little bit more than what I had previously wrote. I was going to include a snippet from Unicron #2 

Skywarp: “Among others. Could you try bumbling into trouble a little closer to the mainland next time? This was decidedly inconvenient.”  Helix: “I think he means ‘Glad you guys are okay. Sorry it took so long to reach you.’ Isn’t that right, Skywarp?” Skywarp: “I suppose. I would have been more annoyed if we had come all this way and they were already dead.” Helix: “Do you actually know when you’re being awful?” Skywarp: “Almost always. Fortunately, showing up and being remarkable are more important to being a G.I. Joe than unnecessary human pleasantries.” 

Skywarp mentions that he knows when he is being awful with his comments and just overall to others when Helix calls him out on it after just saving part of his team. This team he has been with for a few years and is close to them, even Rock. Going through the comments, he makes snarky ass comments towards Rock and doesn’t give a shit about what his friend thinks either. I’ll come back to Rock in a bit here. Some of his comments towards Rock are rather hilarious in the way Skywarp is portrayed doing them. Not to say Rock deserves his shitty attitude. But later on, they become better and closer friends. 

Even though he is no longer a Decepticon, he still puts duty above everything else, even if it means stepping on others toes or hurting others feelings. Thing is, Skywarp doesn’t care. He feels being blunt is better than beating around the bush or sugarcoating things. He will tell others straight up what he feels and doesn’t give a shit about what it might do. 

Another example is he even says this to Thundercracker, whom he hasn’t seen in a decade or more. 

Thundercracker: “Last time I saw you, you shot me in the face.” Skywarp: “Eh, you deserved it.” 

Like jeezus straight to his face. I think it was like the second sentence he said to Thundercracker after not seeing him for YEARS. Like harsh much? 

So pretty much no one can hide from this. The one thing I have noticed, his snarky comments seem to back off once there’s a tighter bond between himself and whomever else. This happens once Skywarp has a change of heart once he realized how Rock and himself are a lot more similar than he thought. Rock repeatedly tells Skywarp about being alone but he finally realizes this at one important moment. Rock decides to own up to his mistakes of paralyzing Grand Slam and wants to sacrifice his life to blow up the Fatal Fluffies in hopes to get rid of his guilt but its also a sense of pride from him. Skywarp decides to stay back with Rock and decides to stay even when the detonator goes off--surprise surprise, he saves Rock and their bond grows close. 

Here’s some of their conversations between one another just to show you: You can skip all the way down to see my final thoughts. 

---------------------------------------------------------------- GI Joe #1: Rock: Hey, uhh, Skywarp… I was wondering… seeing as we’re teammates… you think I could ride back with you? Skywarp: Are you asking me…to open up my cockpit… and allow you to climb inside of me? Rock: Umm.. yes? Skywarp: Jets off Rock: Looks like I’m with you again.

GI Joe #4

Skywarp: “Look at them. Squabbling in the dirt like… like insects! They can’t do anything. They can accomplish nothing… without me!” Rock: “Hey Skywarp… Instead of waiting for transpo, I was thinking that if you don’t mind, maybe we could.. you know.” Skywarp: Squints hard and jets off Rock: “Jerk.”

Gi Joe #5 Skywarp: “Tell me… you geeks got your data…?” Skywarp: “This isn’t working! I’m tired of you insects leaning on me! Why am I the only one— GAAAH!” Covergirl: “Don’t worry, Skywarp…the calvary’s arrived!” Skywarp: “Now you cowards show up, after sending me ahead.” Rock: “Hey now… I offered to ride with you.” Skywarp: “You know my feelings on that.” Skywarp: “Are you even helping at all?!” Rock: “Honestly? Not really. But if you’d let me ride with—ooofh-!” Skywarp: “Gahhh!” Covergirl: “Skywarp! Come in! Do you read us?!” Skywarp: Khhkkthhhkkt Rock: “Skywarp! Are… are you ok?” Skywarp: “kkhkt No…But I will be there once we will that thing. Were you getting emotional, you sentimental insect?” Rock: “What? I was… No…”

GI Joe #6 Skywarp: “Hrmph. I’ll be the judge of that. Crude ugly thing. If this is the best you can do, no wonder you can’t fix me.” Roadblock: “Four Joes. Skywarp counts.” 

Rock: Turns into this monster from the Fatal Fluffies Skywarp: “I know what this is really about...” Rock: “Hunh?” Skywarp: “...You’re sad I wouldn’t give you a ride. But don’t worry, you’ll get what you want...When i carry you out in pieces.”

GI Joe #7 Skywarp: Is fighting mega-Rock and knows to be gentle and junk. “You are as arrogant as the rest of them! Even enlarged! even with horns and claws! You are nothing but an insec--Urlkh--!” Is being choked out.

Skywarp: “Hey! You watch your mouth!”

Rock: “I know. That’s why I’m volunteering. I’ve done enough damage more than enough. Let me redeem myself please.” Skywarp: “Sure but you aren’t going alone. Someone needs to defend your position while you set up the bomb.” Rock: “But I.. I threw you into the mole pod. the explosion was..” Skywarp: “Yeah, so another one doesn’t scare me much, besides...as soon as the bombs in place, before you hit the button... I”m getting out of here.” 

GI Joe #8 Rock: “Almost read! You gotta jet!” Skywarp: “You’ll be overrun before you can hit it! Besides...It’s an honor to stand by your side. You are a true warrior.” Rock: “No...I’m a Joe. We both are.”  Skywarp saves Rock by letting him ride inside of his cockpit in order to get away from the blast.

Gi Joe #9 Rock: “He wouldn’t let me use the radio.” Skywarp: “You haven’t earned the privilege!” Rock: “Whatever. You ready for the blast beat?”  Skywarp: “Do we have to call it that?”  Skywarp and Rock: “Yoooooooo Joooooooe!”  Rock: “Thanks to Skywarp! Hes letting me ride with him!” Skywarp: “Once! Only once!” 

GI Joe First Strike #1

Skywarp: “You need to get him his own jet!”

Scarletts Strike Force 1 Rock: Skywarp, I”m serious! Seriously! Doc: You know he’s the only one who can put up with your grouchy metal butt.. Skywarp: I thought you liked-- Doc: Nope Skywarp: .... Fine Rock: Hey! Piggyback ride! Skywarp: Start using that shotgun or I’m doing barrel rolls!

---- This is where Skywarps attitude really changes. -------

Rock: And they were chanting this name...glub? golob..goolub? Hey! Are you even listening to me? Skywarp: Its a boring story about something that didn’t actually happen! Why would I listen to it?! Rock: Because it’s stressing me out, man. It felt...different.. Skywarp: Different from your other dreams? Rock: Yeah dude Skywarp: Different from your Jem dreams? Rock: Come on man.. Skywarp: A holograms fan. You’re not metal. Rock: They have some serious riffs, alright!?

Scarletts Strike Force #2

Skywarp: Can you fix my teleportation? Or are you techgeeks just as worthless as everyone else in the Lemuria? Rock: Dude, I’m standing right here. Hey man can I help? Grand Slam: I’ve got it Rock. You only ruined the bottom half of me. Skywarp: Getting m teleportation fixed is the only reason I threw in with you insects! why havent you fixed it yet? You’ve been trying and failing since the EDC!  Grand Slam: Like I told you: We don’t have the tech, or the knowledge. or the materials.

Scarletts Strike Force #3 Skywarp: Yeah. Me. And you’re welcome. Don’t act so shocked. you insects think a giant robot doesn’t know his way around a rudimentary geothermal generator? You’ve been recruited. We’ll rendezvous in DC. You have three minutes to find yourselves a ride before surveillance is back up. Helix: Aren’t you letting people ride inside of you now? Skywarp: Only Rock ‘n Roll! 

Unicron #2 The first set of quotes goes right here in events wise. 

----------------------------------------------------------------

This is the end of their interactions. I know I didn’t show everything but it shows a huge chunk of how you can see how Skywarp is only “nice” to Rock really because in his optics, he isn’t respected by some of the others, especially Grand Slam. So in his mindset, why does he have to be nice if he doesn’t have the respect? 

He figures he lost his respect towards Thundercracker (or rather TC lost respect for Skywarp) because of what he’d done to him so he resets back to being an ass. He thinks their history doesn’t matter anymore, so he resorts to just tell him straight-up. Perhaps he was always straight up before their meeting with Starscream and he’s resorting back to his normal or preset attitude/maturity. That all of what has gone on from him shooting TC out of the sky onwards, smacked him so hard it woke him up from this “fantasy.” If that makes sense?? I’m tired and rambling. 

Deep down, I truly believe he cares but he isn’t going to show that side. He needs to put duty before anything else because that’s the motto Skywarp lives by. You can see a lot of this change in him throughout the entire series but it really sets out from AHM series onwards. His whole attitude flips and starts to really develop his character and we see this. I have a feeling he didn’t used to be like this but what he’s done in his life has shaped him to act in this way. Perhaps its a way of not letting others get close to him. It might very well be a defense mechanism. Who knows, we truly won’t know canon wise since the series ended. 

THANKS FOR BEING HERE FOR MY HEADCANON AND RAMBLE OF THOUGHTS. 

[mysocalledreality]

I’ve always had this secret that not many people know.

To the average person this is just a closet, a door, a place to hold clothes. But to me this simple little room had thousands of demons hiding inside. This is the first time I have opened this door in five years. To take this picture. Why am I taking this picture you ask? Well let me explain

December 22, 2011, 8:55 PM

The night i had decided to take my own life. I remember this day so vividly

This wasnt the first time I had attempted suicide, I had tried a few months prior by downing a whole bottle of bernadryl and vodka but i just slept for two days. I remember waking ups so upset with myself. This time was different, I was determined this was going to work, Mom was in her room watching TV, my baby sister had just been put to bed. The night was the scarieset time of the day for me. I never understood why, I always just knew that when the sun started to set, anxiety would always kick in. I remember sitting by the wopen window looking at the icy water and the traffic on the highway 

The air was still, cold, the room was quiet, collecting dust from not being used for a while after our last foster kids moved out. I remember for a split second, I shut my eyes and took in what i thought would be my last deep breathe of that crisp cool air when I shut my eyes and saw my entire life flash before me, Then all of a sudden i felt this weird feeling, almost like a terrified happy feeling. So I thought to myself, why am I feeling low key happy in a moment like this. So I had to fix it, with the one way I knew how. All of the sudden that happiness turned to rage, so I ran down stairs and grabbed the biggest knife I could find. Usually I would go for my arms or legs but as usual I Blacked out. All I remember from that moment was picking up the knife and seeing it on the floor in a pool of blood.I felt my shoulder and realized that I had carved my shoulder up pretty bad. So I ran back upstairs knowing that my next move would change my life forever. I sat at the door of the closet and wrote my final goodbyes

“ I love you so much, I’m sorry for all the pain ive caused you, I’m sorry I couldnt be the perfect son or bother you wanted, Im sorry ill never amount to anything you wanted out of me. I’m just a failure like i’ve always said. But dont worry, you and babygirl will have an amazing life without this burden behind you holding you back, Its ok. I need to do this for everyone, I promise you wont even miss me”

I put on my favorite outfit and did my makeup for the last time, put the letter in my pocket and began. I could taste the end coming, I stood on the stool, feeling my air getting slimmer as I sway back and fourth tightening the belt more and more until everything went fuzzy, then right as I was about to kick the door with me on the hook shut I heard a little voice.

“big brother is that you crying? are you ok?” 

I didnt respond, I figured it would be easier for her or mom to find me dead so I couldnt see the reaction. She started to walk up the stairs, at that moment I knew I had two choices, Take one step forward and make their worst dreams become a reality, Or untie that belt that was just a few seconds from taking everything away from you off. Those few seconds felt like hours. I felt my heart racing, my legs shaking, my palms sweating then all of the sudden I stepped back. Untied the belt, and closed the door. I ran back into my room in a split second so that she would have no idea what happened. 

As she went downstairs to go back to bed I had a thought, 

I stood up, went back into the other room and stared at my setup for about four hours, contemplating, reading over my letter over and over again, looking at my arms and legs and all the damage I had done to myself, then I looked in the mirror. I saw someone who I couldn’t even recognize. I heard my voice, saw my body but It wasnt me. I had no idea who this person I was looking at was. I looked at myself for a harsh minute then saw a picture of my baby sister and my mother on my mirror. Smiling at me as bright as the sun. I looked back up and said to myself “What the hell are you doing?!” 

In this moment I realized I nneded to do something. I took a deep braethe took the longest shower I had ever had in my life then went upstaris and cleaned spottless what I was about to do and locked that door. I havent opened it in since a year ago because of the flashbacks.. But the whole moral of this story isnt to show everyone my suicide attempt, but to show how you can grow. I’m going to post a part two to this post with a little project I have been working on as a part of my recovery and I’m super excited to share it with you guys! 

Now I want to finally say, thank you to everyone who read this whole post {I know I ramble a lot} It means the world to me. And also that recovery takes time, I’ve been clean of all self injury since 2013 and my last suicide attempt was this exact one, and I still to this day deal with a trauma I put myself through. But if I can find the light at the end of the never ending tunnel and be sitting here almostr 9 years after the attempt. You can do it to. And sometimes all it takes is one person to snap you out of that mind set, For me it was my sister. And still to this day she has no idea she legit saved my life. 

I love you guys!  

[bitchryver]

Headcanons on how the ToG series might have gone if Sam and Nehemia had stayed alive? I’ve been pondering on it myself, since I want to write a fanfic kinda involving how that dynamic would have played out with the story.

oooohhhh my gooooddd im so delighted you asked me that I have SO many thoughts!!! I’d love to read a fanfic like that bc im always……thinkin abt it

okay so in MY head it goes a lil somethin like this:

In terms of Sam, the plot of the final story in TaB goes ahead as it does in canon- Arobynn tells Celaena that Sam is dead, BUT this time he tells her one of his spies reported they saw sams body in Rourke Farrans house.

So good ol celaena, like the big dumb chaotic aries moon she is and forever will be, goes to farrans house for revenge.

Except- its a trap to catch her, like it is in canon, and she ends up in endovier.

But this time, instead of grieving for sam and dealing with the fact that arobynn might have betrayed her, she believes both arobynn AND sam have betrayed her

Maybe because she doesn’t see sam in farrans so she thinks its a trap, or maybe arobynns plan to seperate the two is to manipulate the two apart by sowing that seed of doubt in celaena, knowing that she will return to only trusting him, so he plans to have celaena think sam is in on it 

Now when Sam hears celaena’s gone to endovier? loses it. He’s totally suspicious of Arobynn and enlists the help of lys & Wesley to get revenge/ and or get her out. 

I don’t know whether he would stay with arobynn- part of me imagines celaena being gone means he’d have to pay off his debts again or something, maybe he wants to hang around arobynn to gather more information about why he set celaena up

i don’t really think he could bear to live in celaenas apartment, because i think he’d feel REALLY guilty and angry.

so sam doesn’t succeed in breaking celaena out before dorian gets to her, and i think he as a character would grow a bit tougher and a bit meaner. maybe throw himself into the pit fighting a bit more.

so dorian comes to exploit  i mean free celaena, and then i think the plot progress as normal- in terms of how nehemia is introduced, and how their relationship develops.

[quick side note-i think celaena, still reeling from what she thinks is a betrayal, and then a terrible year, maybe does go through with the dorian half-romance b plot in the first book, and then can’t go through with it in the end. I don’t think she would go for chaol at all, because part of the reason she’s drawn to him is the sense of stability he provides, and because its a chance for the life she wanted with sam-  stability and sam-like traits work against her in this timeline; why would she be so taken when chaol says he’d leave adarlan with her? Sam promised to do the same and he betrayed her.]

Now in terms of Nehemia- like i said, the plot progresses as normal in terms of their relationship and interactions, and nehemias desire to force celaena to become the person she needs her to be- this time, NOT because she think aelin/celaena is the only one who can save her people or her country or whatever, but because her firepower and her country are valuable assests to the strategy nehemia wants to plan for her country/

and nehemia is working on dorian AND aelin at the same time, but she feels way less bad for dorian. She’s determined that this is what needs to be done, that it HAS to be done that way, but she’s really struggling with the guilt of watching celaena clearly struggle a year out of endovier.

I think she’d also be slightly, secretly angry at celaena/aelin- like she COULDN’T understand why and how aelin would want to shirk her role as a queen. And I can see that tension being there for a while as a response to nehemias guilt, maybe to mask it, because she genuinely has come to love celaena.

So I think it goes one of two ways- Nehemia fakes her death as a way of escaping the castle and the dodgy rebels to get back to Ellywe with the information she’s learned, making an educated guess that doing so will tip the emotional tether in celaena to force her to become aelin. aelin = firepower = fighting skills = terrasen army. jackpot.

OR celaena eventually confies in Nehemia, instead of chaol that she’s the Queen, and then its Nehemia who convinces the King to send her to Wendlyn.

And that creates a massive tension because celaena is like WHAT i JUST told you these people are literally related to me 

And she’s angrier than she’s ever been because this, to her, is betrayal no. 2

Maybe its that anger, instead of grief that fuels her revival as aelin. 

So then back to Sam- I don’t know exactly  if he’d be part of the Terrasen resistance, but I think maybe celaena being taken to endovier, run by adarlan tips him into Fuck Those Guys territory.

Either way, when celaena runs into Archer in book 2, archer goes back to sam to say GUESS WHAT

celaena is not only alive, but working for the king! she’s the kings champion!

Sam either takes this well: I cant believe they would make her work for them how terrible are they lets keep resisiting them 

Or he takes it badly i.e “You mean to tell me I’ve been working against adarlan FOR her this entire time and she’s been working for them happy as a clam? she just SIGNED over her life to the guy?? Fuck her”

Because here’s the thing- I don’t see a role for a chaol in a world where sam is still alive, because I think sam would fill the role chaol occupies in com/hof/qos/tod/- the bitter, jilted lover who felt like they gave up SO much for her and look what she’s gone and done that stupid bitch

Im saying this based on how sam confesses to celaena in TaB- he knows they are BOTH being abused by arobynn, he knows he’s the only one of the two that recognises it as abuse, and he still says to her that he can’t be around her if she “chose” arobynn over him. He doesn’t really….want to share.

OR option 3: In the timeline where Nehemia sends Celaena to Wendlyn, Nehemia herself stays in Adarlan and continues working with the rebels, one of whom is Sam. From Sam she learns more about celaenas back story and begins to feel a bit more understanding of her, and begins to queitly pray that she’s done the right thing, that celaena will understand why it had to be done. I don’t think she would make apologies for it, but she would be genuinely concerned about how she’s doing over there, unlike every other character in hof.

But Sam learns from Nehemia about Celaenas brief dalliance with Dorian, or learns from Aedion about who she actually is. I don’t think it would be the knowledge of who she is that bothers him, like it did chaol, but instead the idea, warped by the bitterness of her and dorian, that she had all this power all this time and ran away from it. I see that being that kicker in the confrontation, and I see Aelin having to have the conversation on the balcony with him instead of chaol.

Ok so second side note, and i havent finished koa so i dont know if we meet the royal family in Ellywe or if we learn whether or not they knew about her plans but in the timeline where Nehemia returns to Ellwye, the court and her family are FURIOUS with her, 1. because she’s the heir to the throne in an increasingly dangerous environment what do you mean you faked your death  to escape the country are you fucking serious??? WHY??? and maybe these grown men in her court don’t take her seriously because thats a big theme.and then 2. because her court are annoyed she took the iniative to do something so they keep chipping away at her- where is your firebringer- oh she’s not here? and we don’t have a guaranteed alliance? and you’re not in contact with the rebels because 1. they think youre dead and 2. one of their leaders was murdered by your friend to avenge you? Hows that gonna help. So she has to fight for their approval the same way aelin later fights darrow. what a beautiful parallel that would be.

Like imagine the JOY and relief and FEAR nehemia would feel upon hearing about aelin setting maeves people on fire- she begins to wonder for the first time,,, who is it she’s actually unleashed…. and will she want to help her?

Sorry I know thats SO long and rambly and kind of aelin centric i literally dont know how to write ANYTHING without including ms [g]a[y]shryver in it. also i cannot,,,,,, spell,,,, but THANK YOU for this ask i hope your fanfic goes well!!!!!

[ohalemalia]

Daily Dose - (Part 2) (S.M Imagine)

Pairing: Scott McCall x Reader

Warnings:  emeto (throwing up), i havent proof read this whoops

A\N: Thanks for being so patient with me. Family things came up but i really wanted to get this out so here we go, part twoooo. Debating on a title change

Word Count: 1974

Summary: What makes Scott McCall so damn interesting? And what’s he got up his sleeve?

Needless to say, against my will and better judgement, thoughts of Scott McCall bounced around my head for the longest time. I came to the realization (all by myself, not because I eavesdropped on his conversation with Nurse Melissa, of course) that Wednesdays he got out of school early and would be by around 1:30pm to drop lunch off for her.

There was absolutely no reason for me to be interested, but when I really thought about it, I think it was because he was the only fresh face in this bland hospital (and the fact that he brought his mom lunch every single week, like come on, it doesn’t get better than that). But for the record, I am not into him because that would be insane considering we’ve had one, well, half of just one conversation. I refuse to be a cliche character who falls in love with the first boy they see no matter how smooth their skin looks or how toss able their hair is that you can just run your fingers throu

NO.

NOPE.

Not even going there.

Besides, realistically speaking the only relationship that I would be in anytime in the foreseeable future is me and this hospital bed. The only action I would get would be

Never mind, I’m not going there either.

Anyway, in case you were wondering it’s 1:23pm on a Wednesday. Not that that has any significant meaning.

P.S. I Still Love You by Jenna Han was currently under my nose and although my eyes were skimming over the page, my brain was elsewhere. My room had a side view of the front desk, so if he was coming, I would know about it.

What was I even going to say? Was I going to say anything? Was he going to even come in here?

This was stupid. I was stupid. I was being stupid.

I tried to focus on Lara Jean, but out the corner of my eye there he was again.

He set a bag of food on the counter and smiled at the front lady at the desk as he spoke to her. She pointed somewhere. He nodded and took a seat in one of the plastic waiting chairs. He looked down at his phone, scrolled for a few moments and laughed at something on his screen. I craned my neck to get a better look at him. He was wearing yet another tight shirt, this time in an olive green color and a denim jacket over it. His motorcycle helmet was sitting on the chair next to him. He leaned back in the chair and spread his legs in that guy sit that guys always do. He scrolled. And he scrolled. And he kept scrolling.

“Oh my god, could you look up from your phone for just one second,” I muttered underneath my breath.

His head snapped up as if someone spoke to him. He looked around the waiting room until his eyes met mine through the glass. I nearly choked. He blinked and then furrows his eyebrows at me. I quickly looked down at my book, hoping that he would just look away. I gave it about thirty seconds before I looked up again, and to my surprise he had disappeared from the chair. My shoulders slumped. Oh well. I guess I’d see him next week.

The doorknob to my room clicked and the door slowly opened. I looked up and my heart damn near stopped right then and there. He was there, in my doorway, smiling that puppy dog smile at me.

“I figured you could use some company,” his eyes widened and his words blurred together as he rambled on, “Unless that’s totally not okay then I can just leave and I’m really sorry and you can totally forget that I was even here.”

“No, it’s, I,” I closed my eyes, trying to reset my brain and get it to form complete sentences, “Yes, you can come in.”

“Cool,” He came in and shut the door behind him. He looked over my room again, his eyes resting on the dead flowers on my side shelf.

“I would water them,” I started to explain, “But I’m just, you know, really busy…”

“Yeah I bet,” He walked over to the shelf and gestured toward the books, “Can I?”

“Um, yeah, go ahead.” I’d never had anyone else touch my books before, so I watched him very carefully.

“Wow,” he mumbled under his breath, “It’s like your own personal library.”

“I wish,” I sat up straighter on my bed, “At least at a library I can get new books, I’ve read all of these.”

His eyes widened again and he held up a book, “All of them?”

“At least three times.”

“Wow,” he mumbled under his breath, “So, what do you read?”

“At this point, anything.”

It was silent as he went through my books. I felt self conscious as I heard the turning of pages of my books ripple through the air. Did he think my book taste sucked? Did he think reading was lame anyway?

My mouth began to salivate but I wasn’t hungry for answers, I wanted food. Real food. Whatever was in the bag that he had set down on my counter.

“That smells really good,” I felt like I was in a trance, a servant to the delicious smells of Fatburger.

Scott looked over his shoulder at the bag, “That?” He set the book down and walked over to the bag. He opened it up and looked inside, “It’s a burger and some fries. I brought it for my mom, but I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t mind if you had a couple fries.”

“Oh, I think she’d mind a lot,” I laughed half heartedly. He looked at me as if he didn’t get the joke. Or as if it wasn’t funny. I think the latter.

“I really shouldn’t,” I made it sound like I was being modest and humble, but my body would probably expel that greasy mess as soon as I put it in.

“No seriously, it’s okay Y/N,” he chuckled, “Really.”

As tempting as it was, I grimaced, “I can’t. Really. But thank you.”

He frowned as he folded the bag up and put it back on the counter, “Can I ask you a kind of personal question?”

“I suppose so,” I tapped my chin, “If you don’t mind that I might get really offended and kick you out.”

“I just,” he pressed his lips together as if he were selecting the right words, “Do you ever get out of here?”

I pressed my lips together and shook my head.

“Ever?” He was incredulous, “Like, what about school?”

“I don’t mind missing that,” I laughed, “Trust me.”

“Well, where do you wanna go?”

I was all too prepared for this. There were countless hours of staring at blank white walls to compile a list of places I’d rather be. I reached toward my books, “Can you pass me The Little Prince? It’s the book with the--”

“‘Got it,” He held the book up and handed it to me. I opened it up to page 42 and slid the sheet of notebook paper out that was scrawled on with glitter gel pen.

Y/N’s List of Places to Be Other Than Here

(No offense Melissa if you see this)

1. A friend’s house

2. A sleepover

3. Disneyland

4. Birch Aquarium

5. Greece

6. Mexico

7. Italy

8. A park

9. Fatburger, or any place that sells real people food

10. In the arms of someone I love

11. Northern Lights in Iceland, Sweden, Canada or Norway

12. Paris

13. On a road trip with friends

14. A Diner

Scott read over my shoulder as I read the items on the list out loud.  I could feel my face burning up as I got to number ten. I had definitely written that in a moment of weakness and vulnerability and it doesn’t reflect who I am as a person, obviously. I am not some cheese ball. “It’s not finished,” I folded it up, “And some of them I obviously can’t actually do, so, it’s just a dumb list.”

“I don’t think it’s a dumb list,” Scott held his hand out, “Can I see it again?”

“I, um, well,” I sighed and placed the paper in his hand. He looked it over again, his brow knitting in concentration. He nodded, “Okay, yeah, no totally not a dumb list.”

“I’m glad it has your seal of approval,” I picked at a loose thread on my sheets, “But I think I’ll just--”

“Uh,” Scott looked at the door as if he heard something coming, “Shoot. I gotta go.”

“Oh? You do?”

“Yeah,” he whirled around the room, packing up his belongings, “I probably shouldn’t be here and I might’ve told the receptionist I was going to the bathroom.”

“Oh, yeah, you probably should...you should go…”

“Before my mom kills me,” He grinned, “But at least I’m in a hopsital, right?”

His face immediately paled, “I mean, well she can’t really, you know--”

“Scott?!”

I could hear Melissa calling Scott’s name from the hallway. By the sounds of it, it sounded like she very well might wrangle Scott’s neck.

“Gotta go,” Scott opened the door and began to slip out.

“Wait, Scott, you still have my--”

The door shut behind him. I sighed.

“...my list.”

---

The next couple of days were a haze for me. I had a pretty bad fever. All I remember is waking up at 4:12am and immediately emptying the contents of my stomach into a bed pan. Nurse Melissa was off that night and instead Nurse Rosa came in and took my temperature while another Nurse, probably an intern since I didn’t recognise him, wrote some stuff down. Nurse Rosa reported me having a fever of 102. I slipped in and out of consciousness after that. I really wish I had a better description for it but it honestly all just was a haze that I was mostly asleep for it. My body felt like huge sandbags strapped into my mattress. My skin was burning. The light was too bright for my eyes. I was miserable.

When I woke up, I would’ve been happy about the fact that I felt better if it wasn’t for the fact that it was Thursday evening. Scott had come and gone by now. I sighed and turned over on my bed to face my books. What I saw there improved my mood easily by fifty points.

There was a stack of new books on top of my book collection, all with yellow BEACON HILLS HS LIBRARY stickers on them. There was my flower vase, but  it had brand new totally not withered flowers in it. There was a note attached to the vase. I pulled it off and unfolded it to see some messy handwriting scrawled inside:

-Y/N

I asked my mom if it was ok to come visit since you dont get a lot of visitors and she said yeah (: I came by but the docs said it wasn’t a good time, i waited around as long as i could, i’ve been coming after school too but it’s still being pretty bad, i hope you feel better soon because i’m bringing you something on wednesday and i don’t want it to go bad before you get to it. check in your drawer all the way in the back on the right. hope you enjoy it (but if it’s going to make you sicker...probably don’t eat it. get better soon,

-Scott M..

I leaned over as far as I comfortably could and opened the drawer on the bedside table. My hand flew to my mouth as I gasped, tears welling up in my eyes.

I had never been happier to see a Fatburger bag in my life.

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[subdivisi0ns]

tagged by the lovely @britneyshakespeare to answer these 10 questions & come up with 10 of my own. thank you !! 💗

psa i wrote way too much please don’t read this. just skip to the questions at the end if i tagged you

1. What are 3 songs that mean something to you, and what do they mean?

that’s hard because i don’t usually find personal meanings in songs. i’m a lot more interested in what the song means to the artist who wrote it. but let’s see if i can think of some

-um. after all by david bowie was always Highly Relatable. like. prattling on & on waxing philosophical only to suddenly realize everything i said is wrong and don’t hate me and also now i’m having an existential crisis and i shouldn’t have started talking in the first place? M e

-when i was first getting into rush i was a big fan of Self Isolating To Cope and also i had no friends and was proud of it (bc if i couldn’t find a way to take pride in my [perceivedly] unchangeable flaws my entire self image would come crashing to the ground and that just wasn’t a good time . anyway). so the lines “nothing can survive in a vacuum / no one can exist all alone” from turn the page pissed me off. but now! now i have loads of friends and i feel legitimately cared about and i feel like i can comfortably reciprocate that and now when i hear that song i think you know what neil? you’re goddamn right.

-uh i s’pose i relate to another brick in the wall pt 3 which is not a good thing but. i dunno i really love being angrily in denial of needing any help whatsoever along to this song. it’s my flaw-pride anthem (don’t worry i don’t take it literally. it’s just fun in the moment)

-shit i know this said three but the one person who i relate to EVERY FUCKING SONG he’s ever put out is bill wurtz. never have i felt so understood than when i listen to bill wurtz’s music. god it’s the most uncanny feeling, i really really understand it a lot

ok i have to stop thinking of more . turns out a lot have meaning to me ive spent like an hour on this question alone Moving On

2. What’s your ideal self like?

. this was The Worst question to ask me because i can and will ramble on for hours given the opportunity

well i’d be able to execute my ideas, for one. instead of just having a half-baked - quarter-baked - fleeting concept with no real idea of how to achieve it. more specifically i want to be able to write songs. more more specifically i want to be able to write the music aspect of songs. i can’t do it. i dont fuckin know why i just can’t. but if i could i think i just might be content with life.

but that doesn’t mean there aren’t still things to improve. i wish i was funnier. i like my weird brand of humor/abstractity online but that’s hard to replicate in real life. i wish i was better at thinking on the spot. i wish my memory didn’t only retain stuff when it feels like it. i wish i was better at putting my thoughts into words, more concisely and accurately and effectively.

um i wish i didnt have executive function issues. like i wanna just do stuff and not have it take all the energy out of me. wish i had the energy to do it to begin with. wish i could keep up with socializing and not ignore people for hours/days because i can’t get myself to maintain conversation.

ok clearly this is leading down an endless tunnel of what i’d change so . i’ll just say my ideal self is a successful musician with a good social life but also an element of mystery and intrigue. my ideal self is just david bowie

3. Who, of all your family members (immediate or extended), do you think has had the most influence on you, for better or for worse?

my mom for a lot (a looooooot) of reasons but if i go into it this is gonna push it over the line from a tag game into a therapy session (if i havent crossed that line already)

4. What’s your main outlet of expression?

writing. journalling. fuckin , social media. actually yeah that more than anything. my Self is on display here if you look at my tumblr(s) my twitter(s) and my instagram(s) you’ve got a pretty goddamn decent picture of who i am

5. What was the first album you ever bought for yourself?

uh i mean i listen to most stuff off of youtube if i don’t already have it so like,,? i dunno. does itunes count? the first vinyl i ever got was wish you were here (for forty fuckin bucks god) but i paid with my aunt’s money so does that even count. i don’t know.

6. Do you like to go shopping?

depends on a lot of things. lately i’ve been in the mood to just get out of the damn house whenever possible (love being a high school dropout !) so the answer is pretty much yes anytime. but it really depends.

7. Kind of cliche but, if you could have dinner with any person, living or dead, who would you pick?

i wanna be the fourth person at the dinner with rush table. just to observe. i’d be terrified to actually have a conversation with any of my idols. okay but if i had to get over that fear i guess i’d pick..... bowie? todd? i don’t know this is hard. alex lifeson circa 197something so he can take me back to his place afterwards you pickin up what im puttin down

8. What TV show do you watch when you’re feeling stressed or low and you need a quick feel-better fix?

i don’t watch tv like ever not even in this case but i guess full house

9. What was the last intriguing conversation you had about?

everything my girlfriend said to me today (edit: yesterday but i did this last night) was great everything my girlfriend’s ever said to me was great

oh that didn’t answer the question at all i just realized. uh they were telling me about the star wars prequels (which i have not seen) and earlier we were having a very analytical conversation about a particularly interesting rush photo

also me & @swanky-trash were discussing our plans to take down trump and all the rest of those bastards while wearing jareth from labyrinth costumes and eating mushrooms. because it’s our destiny as clones separated at birth. yknow just life stuff

10. What’s something about yourself that you don’t think comes across as painfully obvious online, but is, in fact, in person?

shit are we at the end already? damn. i was enjoying this (can you tell).

okay here’s another one i could go on for 12 years about. but uh. i probably come across as way more perky irl? like my voice is all high pitched and i talk really fast and smile and laugh at everything and i have a whatever the opposite of monotone is voice. i don’t like that. i try to combat it online with the all-lowercase typing and shortening of words and omission of punctuation and that sort of thing. i think it’s worked. also i may be terrible at typing but i am WAY worse at speaking. i’m scatterbrained as hell and if i seem at all interesting or witty online that all goes to shit irl. also i can’t fucking talk to people who i only know in person? it just doesn’t work. thank god i have you guys

haaaa okay sorry for the rambling here are the questions

1. what’s the best day/one of the best days you’ve ever had?

2. how important is your social media presence to you?

3. what achievement are you proudest of?

4. describe your sense of humor.

5. is there anything you’re good at or like to do that people who don’t know you well probably wouldn’t expect?

6. what’s your most interesting family story?

7. favorite color palette?

8. what’s something that would be very “out of character” for you to do?

9. yknow that thing on twitter that’s like “pick 1 & rt for good luck” and the options are good grades, meet your idol, money, or crush texts you? which one would/did you pick and why?

10. what’s a song you either wish you’d written or feel like you could’ve written?

i tag @thetemplesofrush @thumbnailoak3 @swanky-trash @lavender-layne @realalexlifeson @davies-jones @goallines-and-musicrhymes @fruitthemed @graveyarding @cosmikdebris99 and anyone else who wants to do it and dont feel pressured to do it etc etc god i hope none of you actually read this whole thing i am so sorry

[sorikkung]

You did an intro to got7 a while ago could you maybe do one for A.C.E.??? They seem like a good group but I'm clueless atm so it would be v helpful!!!

lololol i did an intro to mark from got7 but not got7 as a whole, but yes ofc i will i love my talented bois and i love rambling about them heRE WE G O

an introduction to a.c.e, for dummies (jk ily choice is a great fandom pls join us)

also this is gonna get rlly long so im gonna put it under a cut

A.C.E is a 5-member boygroup under beat interactive!! which is a p small company atm so my boys dont exactly have the high quality living and practice areas and food that they deserve :(( THEYLL GET THERE THO IM SURE OF IT THEYRE LEGENDS

here’s their youtube channel with aaaaall sorts of goodies

i started stanning a.c.e predebut, bc they had a lot of content for a group that hadn’t debuted yet, and it was enough to snatch my attention real quick so you should check that shit out, they did a shitton of AMAZING covers and to get their name out there more, street buskings its a lot but i swear its worth your time theyre so talented!!

also they have matching tracksuits what more could you ask for tbh (as you can see from that vid, they’re literally so fucking extra)

a few of my favs are

this rlly long busking video w girl group songs and just a bit of everything tbh,

THIS amazing remix/cover of kard’s don’t recall by the rap line + this one cute girl,

only THE most iconic playing w fire cover, band version, (I WILL NEVER STOP SCREAMING ABOUT THAT VIDEO HONESTLY I COULD MAKE A POST ON THAT COVER ALONE ISTG) 

their flashlight cover that is enough to make a grown man cry omfuckigngOD it makes me feel things hjskskkh

that ONE TAKE dance cover they did of 3 of taeyangs songs, all focusing on a different member of the dance line

im gonna stop here before i link every damn cover they made

okay so now that thats covered (bad-um-tss) time for…DEBUT

THIs beauty right here is their debut song cactus, which has this really deep meaning to it. bc they came from a small company so they have to work extra hard to even be able to debut let alone be successful and they’re like a cactus bc cacti grow in the desert where there’s very little water but they still manage to stand strong even through the hardest of weather an environment conditions and eventually sprout beautiful flowers,, buuuuuut its also a meme for obvious reasons.

tbh debut era choice culture was just listening to cactus on repeat for days bc it was their only song at the time skjslaas not much has changed tbh LMAO but yes theyre a very edm loving group so their DANCE SKILLS ARE ON POINT SERIOUSLY IVE SEEN FEW GROUPS AS AMAZING AT DANCING AS ACE WOWOW

oh yeah did i mention that their fandom name is choice and that choice are literally the softest fandom my multifandom ass has e v e r been in?? theres literally no cringy or toxic side of the fandom its just so soft and welcoming and pure and everyone is so nice and sweet and friendly and just??? wow i love choice a lot hjkskjsshkhk choice are also SUPER talented too stan talent stan choice

speaking of cringe ace is that group that just like skipped the entire “rlly cringy boygroup debut phase” completely like no weird debut haircuts or outfits or weird lyrics about girls, well actually thats all kinda objective but like they made those outfits work ok and im a cactus isnt that weird of a lyric if you know the deep meaning behind it

aS yOu CaN sEe, cactus era was the era of the tHIGHS and the hot pants. it was literally so iconic it blew up and with great reason too, have you seen those thighs?? AND THEY KNOW IT TOO they even mentioned they chose the hot pants as their style concept and took better care of their legs than their faces. true kings. heres a video of a.c.e talking about the whole hot pants thing and just their legs in general its some quality shit. and heres a video where they decide to show off just how great their thighs are bc they like to kill choices like that, this video is important and iconic bc its where the wowson ship began and also when they declared who the king of thighs were amongst the kings of thighs. definitely a necessary watch for new choice imo. donghun lowkey grinds on the floor at 4:04, you’ve been warned. honestly that video just gets progressively gayer lmao i love it

also for us international choice they made an ENGLISH cover of cactus CAN YOU BELIEVE IT I LOVE THEM SM they didnt have to but they did and oml stan a group who stans you back this hard their english aint that great but theyre trying and i appreciate it so much theyre so amazing look

five months later they dropped their second single, callin’, and b o y was this a stressful comeback, beat had us FOOLEd,, i genuinely thought it was gonna be a flowerboy soft concept yknow with like some sweet lowkey ballad or soft pop song, but nOOooOOOooo, MORE HARDSTYLE EDM not that im complaining callin is a bop but i was TRICKED

LOOK AT THIS SHIT ITS ALL AESTHETIC AND THE CLIP OF THE SONG WAS ALL SOFT I WAS REALLY EXPECTING SMTH SOFT im sorry im still salty that beat tricked me but ITS FINE bc callin is a HELLA BOP like i honestly didnt expect them to top cactus so quickly bc like cactus was hella but they DID and its amazing and heres the link be blessed (warning, these gifs above make it look like a soft vid but there are LOTS of flashing colours and lights and its really intense on the eyes if youre not comfortable with that dont watch, just listen)

they also supplied multiple dance pracs you can find on their channel for callin bc ace feeds us well, although callin had a reaaaally short promotion period bc right after they got thrown onto survival shows for more publicity, but hey, its working!! choice is growing bigger every day and im so proud

donghun, wow and jason all went on yg’s show mixnine, and jun and chan went on the idol rebooting show, the unit. both teams are doing EXTREMELY well on their respective shows!! but ill talk more about that in their individual member profiles bc they havent been put on the same team for anything yet rip

edit: mixnine finished and donghun and jason made the cut for the final group, sehyoon didn’t :(( so dongson will be promoting with the mixnine group for a lil bit!! also chan made it to the unit debut group but jun didnt. im hoping for a sehyjun subunit pls

that was long af but now im gonna dive into the members individually!! so its probs gonna get twice as long sorrynotsorry i warned you

Jun (Park Junhee)

jun is the so-called fiery leader of ace (also lead dancer and lead vocal) but is honestly just a giant dork and a sweetheart. hes the type of guy who you scream at for being dumb and call him an idiot but thats your weird way of expressing your undying love for him?? ask literally any jun stan, they’ll say they hate him. hate him for being so PERFECT like a fucking DISNEY PRINCE he’s the designated prince of the group you know theres always that one member and hes just so LOVEABLE and stupid and skjdakhkjs he fuckign dropped his cake on his birthday when do your faves ever. dad of the group, probably lost the maknaes in the shopping mall about 3 times already. talks a lot, hates aegyo, his members might be planning on sacrificing him to satan? he does on idol class with chan every…i think its wednesday and fans vote who gets punishments n stuff and jun loses every damn time i think hes losing his faith in choice lmao. #saveleaderjun

he’s kinda married to donghun, they’re the parents of ace but donghun might try murder him in his sleep idk man, but now hes on the unit with chan and theyre all cute and you can literally ship everyone with everyone in this group

he has HELLA charisma on stage tho oh my gOd also he has one of the most unique singing voices ive ever heard so its really easy to single out, his face also is the first i learned to tell apart?? he has rlly high cheekbones and a wide but thin smile.

this is actually an ot5 video not just jun but jun’s reaction was by far the most iconic so i have to put it in his section, get you a fave who can FLY lmaooo

it would be CRIMINAL if i didnt solo out jun’s ringa linga cover, thE MOST ICONIC JUN COVER EVER HJFKDSJKFDSJK if i ever stop talking about this assume im dead bc IVE NEVER GOTTEN OVER IT jun in a leather jacket looking all rude and staring at the camera like that im WEAK, SO WEAK, AAAAAAAAHHHH

[ahem] MOVING ON

Donghun (Lee Donghun)

donghun, sometimes romanised as donghoon and often referred to by choice as hun or hoon, is the oldest member of the group and another total sweetheart, honestly ace is just a group of sweethearts, he cares for his members so damn much and is super soft?? but ALSO A s Av Age he’s on mixnine with sehyoon and jason and he SHOT DOWN YG, once again I C O N I C, yg was at a loss for words, heres more receipts of him being savage, i love my sassy boyfriend. BUT HES ALSO A SWEET NOODLE HJKSHJKS oH and did you know that before he joined a.c.e he had no experience in dancing whatsoever and in a year and a half, he caught up with the other four members that have been dancing since they were kids?? I STAN TALENT YALL you’d literally never be able to guess that bc all of them are like on an equal dance level its insane

also he used to have braces during cactus era and it was the softest shit

[cOUGHS] so like did someone say disrespect,,, bc he can do that too,,,,, aAAAAAAAH the duality of this man istg

he’s the main vocalist and has vO C AL S OF AN A N GEL, he has so much soul and emotion in his voice, and has adlibs for days oh my god, he also has the MOST BEAUTIFUL FALSETTO i’ve ever heard, fight me, actually come at me. his voice works REALLY well with chan so they pair him up with him for quite a handful of covers like the all of me one i linked (one of my favs omfg it makes me emo) cause like, his soulful voice plus chan’s higher, sweet voice just sounds so great together i love our main vocals wow.

sPEAKING OF WOW,

Wow (Kim Sehyoon)

his stage name is wow, but its hard to take seriously so the fandom just calls him sehyoon lmfao. it used to be seyoon but when he went on mixnine, he revealed sehyoon was the official romanization so here we are lmao. even if your bias isn’t sehyoon…it’s sehyoon. he’s just that guy ya feel me?? anyways sehyoon is a relatively quiet and reserved guy, but his members really pull out the dork in him, i love it so much?? he doesn’t talk much but when he does all of a.c.e directs their full attention to him to listen, its really sweet, hes pretty awkward with people but you can tell he just feels so safe and comfortable with ace it honestly warms my heart. he’s the main rapper and main dancer, but!! our multitalented man is also a vocalist. yes, you heard, me, the main rapper can sing, and really well at that. (if you scroll up back to the flashlight and dont recall covers, you can see more of his voice.)

gets the least lines, but not by much. although hearing his singing voice in their actual songs has happened like with 2 lines?? so idk man im just waiting for their ballad song that theyre apparently doing for their third song, god im so ready. i love his voice a lot, damn.

he’s also like reeeeeeeeeally gay for jason…the entire fandom ships it and they even ship it themselves. wowson, the otp of ace, they honestly just cant keep their hands off eachother??? i know a friend who struggled to tell apart jun and jason so she just looked at who sehyoon was standing next to and instantly knew it was jason. THEYRE SO CLINGY. i love my squishy boyfriends. 

OHHH BOY…i really could’ve used an even more disrespectful gif than this but that would ruin the surprise of watching it in the actual video!! as you can see, sehyoon is the K I N G of disrespect on stage, that shy lil fluffle bean you see offstage?? GONE. DISAPPEARED. VANISHED. this is why his stage name is wow, sehyoon disappears and you just go wow. choice has dubbed him king of bodyrolls with great reason, he makes every concept into a sexy concept, he just has that intimidatingly sexy aura to him, its incredible. 

now…are you ready….i bet youre not…who am i kidding NOBODY was ready for this shit. on mixnine, sehyoon was picked as leader for one of their stages (i think he was leader for ringa linga too??) and got to choreograph the routine. if you think its already rude 10 seconds in, its all over for you bitches when the lighting goes yellow. i feel the need to repeat, our boy CHOREOGRAPHED THIS. IT WAS ALL HIS IDEA. EVERY. SINGLE. PART. this is the same kid who everyone on the show knew as the shy, quiet, handsome boy. but then. 

but then he did this.

Jason (Kim Byeongkwan)

jason is his stage name that he chose for himself but his real name is byeongkwan, its another case of an idol having a stage name and nobody calling them by it?? i mean most new choice call him jason and i personally switch between the two but most choice seem to call him byeongkwan or bk if theyre extra lazy lmao. memers call him byonk sometimes.

jason is the weird child of the group and we all love him…he’s the second lil ball of sunshine and part ½ of the maknae line. he’s often found clinging to sehyoon or literally any of the members bc he’s an affectionate son who loves cuddles okay?? p r o t e c t   h i m.

he’s also the lead everything. yeah thats really not fair but jason is op ok?? singing, rapping, dancing, visual, like sehyoon he’s the full package, i can hardly call them the rap line they’re just the op line t b h. triple threats.

on their official twt jason likes to confirm wowson a lot, its p great lololol he’s the biggest wowson shipper of all time. want more wowson? i gotchu, here’s one of my absolute fav moments. (ft. junchan/chun)

he has some HELLA CHARISMA on stage like boy can u pls chill. they also love doing his eye makeup with that red makeup and it looks rlly good bc bk has such pretty eagle eyes and its his Look™ and that along with his onstage persona is a DEADLY COMBINATION HDSJKSKSLKJS 

i’m just gonna keep this short; even if your bias isnt byeongkwan, your bias is byeongkwan. he has that affect on everybody. number one bias wrecker out of the fandom t b h apart from sehyoon (he cant be my bias wrecker if he is my bias so im safe :^J)

Chan (Kang Yuchan)

INTRODUCING OUR CHANSHINE, MAIN VOCAL OF ACE, CUTIE MAKNAE CHAN!!!! he always introduces himself as a.c.e’s main vocal cutie maknae chan, its his iconic line and it suits him so well like LOOK AT HIM ISNT HE JUST A FUCKING RAY OF SUNSHINE WHAT A PURE CHILD I MUST PROTECC he’s literally the happy virus y’all AND ACE KNOWS IT TOO heres this one time where donghun even said that looking at chan cheers him up. certified sunshines only, everyone. also watch that whole video its long but its worth your time.

anyways our boy is a main vocal and as mentioned in donghun’s part they harmonize!!! so!! well!! i mean tbh all of ace can harmonize with eachother its the most beautfiul thing but these two are main vocal for a reason okay. if you didn’t already watch it in donghun’s part listen to THIS and have your ears be blessed i cry everytime oh my god skdfhd ALSO THIS IS SUPER IMPORTANT ITS LIKE ONE OF MY FAVOURITE VIDEOS ON THE INTERNET i want to cry i lvoe chans voice so much i love chan i love kang yuchan og hmylhdg sodf i was gonna say i swear im sehyoon biased but im not istg ace is bias wrecking me 24/7 its been the hardest group to pick a bias in ever im not kidding i cant even

also known as kang RUDE, chan was all innocent sunshine and daisies until out of the blue he decided to give the disrespect king sehyoon a run for his fucking money. NOBODY FUCKING SAW IT COMING WE ALL THOUGHT HE WAS SO PURE AND THEN HE SUDDENLY STARTED FLASHING HIS ABS EVERYWHERE AND GRINDING ON THE FLOOR AND DOING THAT AND WE JUST CANT HANDLE IT i dont know a kang yuchan please save me oh my lord

okay this already has an ungodly amount of links and honestly i could go on, but this should be a good enough kickstart for you!!

stan talent stan a.c.e everyone. welcome to the choice family. its literally the softest and sweetest fandom out there. we welcome you with open arms and lots of cacti!!!

[greystoner]

Do u have a post somewhere abt your ocs? Who are they what do they do!

HOO BOY sorry this took me so long to get to i havent had a lot of spoons

my ocs are all a part of my original story which i still… need to title lmao. or at least, my main 3 ocs are! valére, cosette, and theodore. i have a 4th in the making named apollo but i don’t have a lot down for him yet. and a 5th one will be revealed in the future

i can try to give a description of their original canon (it’s basically like a supernatural/horror/comedy) and then talk about each of Them specifically. i actually have a pinterest board i started making for the story the other night. and the 3 of them have their own individual boards too.

first thing’s first: the setting of the story is primarily in france.

basically in the world there’s a handful of individuals who are very, very sensitive to the supernatural. you can think something like mediums/psychics, but their sensitivity is far beyond those. it starts when they’re a child, seeing supernatural things such as ghosts/spirits etc on a regular basis. each person has different reactions to it of course, but many get so used to it that they don’t realize how Not Normal it really is.

there’s also these supernatural beings i’ve been calling ‘messengers’ for now until i come up with something better. they’re neither good nor evil, necessarily, but they’re generally tasked with fighting off monsters and at times, keeping a close eye on that handful of humans because, obviously, these humans would attract anything supernatural like a moth to a flame. it can put them in a lot of danger. but their main job is to fight off malevolent creatures from the world. the messengers tend to travel between the mortal world and others frequently, and often take the shape of animals or even people. with animals, most try to pick an animal that would easily blend in. so basically birds, cats, dogs, etc. some have one animal they stick with, others change depending on where they’re going.

a lot of the monsters can’t be seen by normal humans, but normal humans can still certainly be affected by them. the monsters that these messengers have to fight off range from imps to goblins right up to thinks that border on eldritch abominations. think a lot like, monsters you’d see in bloodborne or dark souls or w/e.

also messengers can be considered “symbiotic” while demons are “parasitic”. but that’s a whole other worldbuilding post for another time.

BUT ANYWAY ONTO THE CHARACTERS THEMSELVES please be prepared for a shitton of Words and rambling

ok starting with valére. here’s his pinterest board

and here’s a drawing of him a friend of mine did a while back

so valére is kinda like the Main Protag of the story. he’s the one that’s most fleshed out currently. he’s a 39 year old dude of french peruvian descent that was born in marseilles, france. his father’s side of the family were peruvian immigrants and have been in france for a few generations. his mother is french/polish, so val is mixed, but takes a lot more after his father’s side.

he’s a 6′5″ brick wall of muscle and appears intimidating at first, the scars don’t help, but he’s a giant teddybear. he’s very friendly, smiles a lot, laughs a lot, but can be a little odd with his behavior and people can think he’s a little weird because of it.

he grew up in marseilles and had a pretty cozy life. his parents weren’t Rich but were definitely upper class, so they never struggled much. the visions of spirits and whatnot were always present thru his childhood and he never thought much of them, they were just a normal occurrence in his mind. so it was easy for him to ignore them and vice versa, and it was hard for anything malevolent to feed off of him.

he did have some trouble making friends growing up though, mostly because a lot of other kids thought he was a weirdo and he sort of was but without meaning to be. just, when you grow up constantly surrounded by spirits and shit, then it’ gonna kinda shape you in a way. but he’s always been open and kind to others, and hates conflict and will do what he can to avoid it or break it up.

and he was the kind of kid that got hurt a LOT cus he had – and still has – the tendency to be rather reckless. his pain tolerance has always been crazy high. like, by the time he was 6 he had already broken an arm and a leg. he broke his leg on the playground but got back up and tried to play again as if nothing happened and his parents were like WHAT the fuck.

but anyway when he was like 9 he was walking back home from school and he found this giantass pure black owl injured in the gutter and he was like ??? because it was the middle of the city, what’s this fuckin owl doing out here, and why is it hurt? basically it’s hurt really really bad and it could very well die but he hauls this giant bleeding bird up in his arms and it doesnt even try to attack him and he carries it back home and spends hours that day taking care of it with the help of his mom and manages to keep it from dying. then the next few days he takes care of it and feeds it and after they finally released it valére swore for years it thanked him and said it would repay him some day

after that the spooky shit kinda got more intense but he never really thought much of it and just carried on and it seemed like he was the only one that could see any of it anyway. but otherwise things were relatively calm for a while

when he was 20 he was visiting some cousins out in paris. he was leaving a bar at like 3am and he was followed out by some guys. and at this point valére is already a huge dude so basically it takes 4 of these guys to properly get him down and then another slit his mouth which left him with nasty scars. there wasn’t much of a reason for it outside they were assholes and also took all of his money he had on him at the time. right after they left tho, even tho he was bleeding everywhere he got up and basically started walking toward the nearest hospital but not even halfway there someone spotted him and stopped him and called an ambulance LOL but even after that whole ordeal it really didnt put a damper on his overall positive attitude

things were quiet again for a bit but he started finding feathers around his apartment every so often and he’s like ???????

when he’s 22 things go to shit fast and he’s involved in a nasty traffic accident where a truck crashed head-on into his car, and it lands him in the hospital with gashes all over his body, spine broken in multiple places and many other broken bones, and his chance of living was very slim. if he did live, he’d be paralyzed and in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. turns out that owl he saved like 13 years before was this sort of like… spiritual/paranormal agent thing carrying out a mission disguised in that form and it got attacked by a malevolent being the day valére found it. and true to its word it repays him by basically saving his life by transferring its power/essence into him. and of course the doctors and his family things its a miracle etc etc ANYWAy

what mr owl failed to mention was that now that valére had these powers he’s pretty much kinda thrown into The Job as a messenger himself and basically has a duty of hunting down and killing the big scary evil monster demon stupid assholes so hes like cool i guess

he’s just all in all a pretty friendly well-meaning guy even if he looks kind of imposing with his scars and being a 6’5” brick wall of muscle (hes got some squish around his belly tho). and he says weird shit still sometimes and he laughs a lot. and it’s rare to catch him in a bad mood and he tends to avoid people if he is in one. he is very emotional tho and cries really easy. but even tho hes super friendly and welcoming he doesnt get close to people due to the danger of his job and he doesnt wanna wrap anyone else up in it, but even when hes asked why he dodges the question. but after now 17 years of doing that kinda work hes kind of really traumatized from everything hes seen (and also the accident and almost Dying in the hospital) but he hides it very well.

he’s the Dad Friend™

his abilities are: he’s capable of sprouting four black owl wings for flight, invisibility (but he can do selective invisibility, meaning he can make a certain person/people able to see him if he wants), he’s got cool swords he can summon at will that has a lot of powers of its own, and he can also do spatial/time manipulation but it takes a pretty big toll on his body so its kind of only for desperate measures. he can manipulate/control fire. also he can teleport i guess. but if he uses too much of his powers at once he can lose control and basically turn into a freaky monster (i keep imagining the glasgow smile scars tearing open and his teeth r sharp and theres like this black sludge coming out of his mouth… woo) and go on a rampage and then later will be back to normal but it has only happened once when he was still getting used to it and he swears Never Again (lol)

he likes bandannas (he has like 58967659 different ones and is always wearing one around his neck) and sweaters (like the bandanas he has like 58967659) and cream puffs (any pastry really but those r his favs) and cats and small dogs and classic literature and sappy romance movies. also hes gay and works at a flower shop during his free time

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ONTO THE NEXT: cosette! her pinterest board is here

i don’t have a good reference pic of her yet… besides this thing i did a few weeks back

along with a big wip i’ll post eventually.

but yeah so she’s a 19 year old girl of romani descent, but she’s been kind of separated from the culture for a long time, since her parents died when she was young and she was put into foster care before finally being fully adopted by 11.

she’s got a lot of attitude and likes to cause trouble, because her adoptive parents are kind of strict and it caused her to have a very rebellious streak. at one point she uses their money to buy a motorcycle lmao so that’s her main mode of transportation and it’s sick as fuck. the helmet she wears while riding it has lil cat ears on it.

but she is well-meaning despite the rebelliousness and sharp tongue. she likes to crack jokes and tease the people she cares about, but will go to the ends of the earth for them.

she hasn’t had her powers as long as valére has, obviously. val has had his ever since she was still just a baby. she got her powers when she was 17, so she’s still getting used to them. she saved a cat from being attacked by stray dogs and surprise! the cat is just like the owl that val saved once. and one day when cosette gets hit by a car, the messenger offers her some of its life force. and now it sticks around with her as a cat and she calls her gigi even tho that’s not her real name

basically considering how gigi takes the form of a cat, some of cosette’s abilities are based off that, not unlike how since the messenger that val saved and vice versa was an owl so he has the power of flight and whatnot, she’s incredibly resilient, has heightened reflexes, can do Sick Parkour, always lands on her feet, and she has lil fangs that grow when she uses her powers and her eyes do Cat Things too. and her nails can turn into claws lmao. she also has powers similar to val’s like the invisibility, spatial/time manipulation, etc, but considering she’s still kinda new to it all she’s not As Powerful as val can be yet

but she meets val literally just bc they pass each other on the street one day, she senses val is The Same, and follows him back to his place DSBFHDBDFHFGF and decides she’s going to stay there and val is just like ???????? ok cool

she’s a huge lesbian btw

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theodore is the next oc (pin board here) and the one whose fc is louis garrel. here:

 he’s 34. the youngest of 5 kids. his siblings were extremely mean to him throughout his childhood lmao cus they thought he was a freak. like for the first 5 years of his life he legit never spoke and was petrified by the visions of spirits and stuff he’d see. his parents didn’t know what was going on, they’d take him to a therapist and of course the therapist had no clue

so he grew up as kind of a cold and distant guy. hes very well meaning deep down but he just didnt have a happy childhood. the one relative he has a good, loving relationship with is his father. he excelled in school and was popular at first bc hes Handsome but considering his disposition it was hard to get close to him at all

and the case with him and his messenger is strange because. until he gains his powers he and the messenger had never met before whatsoever. the messenger is named vadim and takes the form of a giant black wolf. im still working out Why vadim even bothered saving him but basically, theo gets shot by his eldest brother and left to die. vadim drags theo off somewhere secluded, saves him, etc.

except vadim isn’t exactly a messenger but also isn’t a demon either. he Used to be a messenger. soemthing happened that made him Not so he kind of toes the line between them. messengers are kinda like angels in a way but on a much lower tier i guess. demons are just… demons

and this is where the symbiotic/parasitic thing comes in

bc messengers are very serious about repaying debts. it’s why val and cosette survived at all, because they had saved the lives of messengers before so said messengers saved them. and, for example, gigi pretty much lives with cosette now and cosette offers her protection and vice versa. it’s mutually beneficialmeanwhile like

if youre possessed by a demon you dont really get much out of it yourself. you’re pretty much just. a host to a parasite

and vadim is like… he isnt possessing theo but hes still feeding off of his energy despite saving him and giving him power. i havent really decided a lot on theo’s power but. he’s really strong. which is one reason vadim bothered saving him. bc he could see the fuckton of untapped potential

and a lot of it is due to his bottled up anger and hurt and whatever

also he and val kiss

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the 4th i’m working on is named apollo and his pin board is here

he’s Sort Of an antagonist but not exactly im still working on his info but he looks like this

he’s a successful businessman but unlike the other characters he Actually Died before he was saved except. he was brought back by a demon that posed as a messenger. and basically bc it was kinda like a deal with a devil sort of thing. now he has to do whatever it wants and is lowkey possessed but also is kind of getting a kick out of bad shit but also not? he’s full of a ton of Conflict. but also the demons messenger counterpart comes into play at some point to help save apollo it’s good

the demon is a white snake and the messenger is a black one

no step on snek