#oh boi here we go lol

[chikoyama]

mock date (plotted) | @kimuromou

"Uh, Kimura-san, I was curious to know if you could, uh, if you could share your opinion on the kinds of outfits that guys prefer girls to wear?" Sounding a bit sheepish, Chiyori struggled to maintain a sense of subtlety as she poked her head into her classmate's room.

Earlier this week, a guy had randomly approached her at the mall, requesting her number. He’d sent her a message, and after exchanging a few conversations through texting Chiyori had — suprisingly enough — agreed to meet up with him for a date in three days.

Obviously, the teenage girl wanted to make a good impression, and since Kimura-san was a guy, she figured he could provide her some guidance on what to wear. Besides, Chiyori knew he had a rather decent taste in fashion. Hoping she hadn’t caught him in the middle of doing something important, she glanced at him from the doorway, expectantly.

[violent138]

The idea of the Batkids doing normal people things while suited up is hilarious to me, you know, like Red Robin and Spoiler making the 9 o'clock news while racing through a grocery store because they totally forgot to get the things Alfred asked them to bring for the family dinner. Or Damian and Dick swinging into the Bludhaven Zoo mid-patrol because Dami really wanted to see the new baby tiger. Red Hood buying lemonade from a kid's stand and then standing there awkwardly messing with his helmet, trying not to hurt the kid's feelings. Black Bat, on a particularly tiring day randomly appeared in the nosebleeds of the ballet hall and started sniping phones out of people's hands. Or Signal and a deeply irritated Batman changing out a blown-out tyre in some back alley, earning amused looks.

[dicenote]

Death Note characters ranked on how good they are at driving, from worst to best:

Near: I'm sorry, but he's not reaching the pedals. Like, if you could strap his brain to a car and make him psychically drive it, he'd do better than most people on this list. But in a regular car he'd unfortunately struggle. Maybe he can control the gas/brake while Rester steers, or vice-versa.

Matsuda: I just know that he gets distracted by every little thing. Funny road sign? New song on the radio? Discussing murder notebooks with his passengers? He suddenly forgets that he's in the middle of changing lanes.

Ide: Better than Matsuda because at least he keeps his damn hands on the steering wheel. He's considerably worse if Matsuda and/or Aizawa are bickering in the car with him, though.

Misa: Her placement can be shifted up/down a few spaces depending on your definition of "good". She will get you to your destination 10 minutes earlier than you expect, but multiple traffic laws will be broken on the way.

L: Look, I know he piloted a helicopter in canon without a license, but the sky doesn't have lanes or traffic lights. He can figure out how to drive the vehicle, sure, but his driving is chaotic and only marginally better than Misa's overall.

Light: Like L, he probably doesn't have a license and could work his way around a car. Unlike L, he wants to look like the perfect law-abiding citizen and will try his best to drive like one. He ends up going a bit under the speed limit because of this. L finds his behavior highly suspicious.

Aizawa: Completely average driver, other than the occasional bout of road-rage. Or Matsuda-rage, if a certain idiot is messing with the AC again.

Mogi: Also completely average, but goes completely silent while driving (except when working as Misa's manager). Is he focusing on the road, or does he just not feel like talking? Nobody knows.

Mello: Prefers motorcycles, but is shockingly capable at driving a wide variety of vehicles just fine. He'll even obey the law if he isn't actively committing a crime in said vehicle.

Soichiro: We saw him smash that car into Sakura. Dude managed to make that look cool as hell. When not breaking and entering TV studios, though, he's probably very good at going the speed limit and following traffic laws and all that boring stuff (he is a cop, after all).

Matt: Roughly half of his experience driving is from Mario Kart and GTA, but he can still somehow Tokyo Drift IRL. Theoretically, these could be points against him (see L's placement), but he's so bafflingly good that Rule of Cool makes him the best by default. My point is that he could drive normal, but where's the fun in that?!

[jellydragons]

been watching a lot of hermitcraft recently and am happy to report that i am hopelessly endeared by these little goobers 💕 they’re like bugs to me

close ups under the cut!

gonna be real this was absolutely just me taking the opportunity to get my grubby lil mitts all up in their character designs lol i heart interpreting mc skins

[thetanzanitequill]

⛓️ The Boys!! ⛓️

They are not sorted by order of importance.

[byfulcrums]

More IDW TF out of character fake twitter!!!!!

[abisalli]

Here it is as promised: my take on the color-wheel-challenge 🌈 This was a lot of fun! Thank you to everyone who sent in character requests! (there were a lot 😳)

[sheila--e]

MASSIVE ART DUMP BABY WERE SO BACK!!! this encapsulates most of january and february LOL. i've been drawing a lot :) <- (well, not right now... im kinda blocked now and can only produce pages full of sheila doodles..)

[thepurplebones]

[aroaessidhe]

2025 reads / storygraph

Kiss Me, Maybe

contemporary romance

an ace lesbian has an accidental thirst trap go viral and uses the attention to talk about her experiences - which ends up developing into a silly idea to do a scavenger hunt where the winner gets to be her first kiss

she starts to plan it, with the bartender she’s had a crush on for years, and realises she’s starting to fall for said bartender - and as their relationship develops so does her understanding of her identity & connection towards her community

grey-ace lesbian MC

arc, out may 6!

[wpnovakcrystal]

Linked Universe Monopoly - Intro

Edit Because I forgot to add it: Part 2 Here

(Doing a round of Monopoly with some Computer players for New Years tonight, so I decided to name them all after the boys lol. Figured it'd be a good time to get some writing practice while I daydream about the interactions!) (Will try to update in real-ish time over/after how long it takes to fully play as fast as I can write it all out lol. Apologies for the resulting rushed/poor grammar)

Legend grumbled as he hurried his car down the main stretch of road, grabbing a handful of fries as he did. He was thankful that the gang had invited him to their New Year's party after all that had been happening, but a bit malcontent with the when and where. It was already dark out at 4:30, and there was too much traffic for what otherwise would have been just a regular Tuesday, and of course it had to be all the way out at the Ranch. He was primarily lucky that he was able to get out of work in time, knowing that traffic to the countryside on a night like this would have just gotten worse, and that any restaurant he wanted to hit might have been closed, though the latter appeared to be accounted for.

Now past most of the congested commercial part of the suburbs, Legend signaled right onto one of the residential side streets, muttering to himself about one of the minivans in the left lane that he felt was boxing him in. He sped himself down the narrow residential streets, occasionally making note of some of the Christmas displays that lit up the sidewalks as the Suburbs likewise began to pass. Reaching empty fields and tree lines, he came to a stop at a T intersection, and after a brief dejection about the oncoming traffic, he turned left and flipped his brights on. The road continued straight for a while before it began to curve uphill to the right, further isolating him from the well-lit city he had just driven through. Illuminated with nothing but reflectors and barricaded highway chevrons, It came to an end about a mile or two up, right at the Ranch's mailbox and gate to the gravel road, which had been freely left open for him.

He slowly proceeded up the hill as the house and stable came into view. From there he could see everyone else's cars already parked by the front door, as the porch lights illuminated the completely black abyss that was the Ranch at this hour. But yep, they were all here. Wars' Sedan, Four's Compact, Wild's mechanical hodge-podge that barely resembled the "Jeep" it was supposed to be, and one of the guy's trucks, either Twilights' or Time's, He couldn't tell. He didn't see Hyrule's Hatchback yet, but he suspected that Sky, and most certainly Wind, had car-pooled. Pulling his coupe up behind the truck, he killed his lights and engine, grabbing his two bags and two drinks of dinner between his arms.

He opened his door to the blistering darkness; and Fuck, it was cold. While the snow and rain that fell before Christmas had all melted, the cold remained. It was supposed to fall below freezing that night, but the wind hadn't picked up, which was good news for tomorrow, aside from the anticipated flurries. Elbowing the door shut, he walked with the bags under his arms up the front step and to the front door. Once again assuming his welcome, he grabbed hold of the handle with his right hand and opened it to a blast of forced air heating and warm yellow lights.

Wild and Four were on the couch directly in his line of sight, but it was Wind who peeked his head up from the front sofa on his left and welcomed Legend with a smile.

"HEYYY! Legend's here!" He chirped enthusiastically. Legend responded with only a huff, as his cold and tired body yearned only for the food he had bought.

The other two looked up at him; Four first, and with a look of disapproval. Warriors now also reared his mug from around the stairwell.

"-Did you stop for food BEFORE coming to a New Year's Party?" Four oh so warmly welcomed.

"You guys didn't exactly tell me what your plans were, and I didn't feel like driving 20 minutes after work in the dark without at least SOMETHING to eat!"

"After all our Champion has done to prepare this meal for us, you've decided to be ungrateful before you even showed?" Wars snarked, which he then complimented with a pat to the shoulder. "That's a new low even for you!"

"Oh, Shut up, you twit. As if you ALSO didn't grab lunch out today!"

Knowing he had already won, or that perhaps he was also guilty, he lowered his left from Legend's back and simply smirked.

"Hey Malon! Legend's Here!" Wind called.

Her head also peeked out from the half-wall in the kitchen, as she too offered a smile.

"Well, Hey there! We were wonderin' when you'd show! I heard ya had work today?"

Legend sighed.

"Yeah, and let's not talk about it." he dejected, dropping himself onto the couch next to Wild. He wrapped his bag of food up and set it on the end table, in defeat. With the real food prepared, his sandwich was to be reheated later, and the fries were likely to be sacrificed to a lukewarm fate. He retrieved his phone and began loading his weather app as the others continued their small-talk, primarily Twilight talking to what must have been Sky in the kitchen with the dishes, and Wind who was shifting his attention back and forth between Wild and peering out the window.

"Food should be ready soon 'nuff! Hope you boys worked up an appetite!" Malon said in earnest.

The other four heroes shot Legend another judging glare, which he again ignored. Checking the temperature, he saw it was an even 32 outside. Typical; Now it was time to check socials. This was about when Wind began to peek out once more, this time in response to the glare of approaching lights.

"Is that Him…? YEP, ITS A HATCHBACK! HYRULE'S HERE!!!!!!" he nearly squealed. What a shrill little child, Legend thought, but now at least someone he could appreciate was here.

The Young teen eventually made his way into the foyer, his large and furry winter coat rivaling that of Twilight's daily tunic, and conveying a snowy wonderland that didn't presently exist. Wind went up to greet him, and likely 'award' him.

"I hope I'm not too late!"

"You're the last one here, congratulations." Leg sneered, with Wind also quipping something snide.

"You're perfectly on time." The old man remarked as he came into view of the living room guests, with his descendant in tow. "Dinner is just about ready, and the table is set, so make your way over."

Wind dashed around the quickest, followed by Wild and eventually Hyrule. Four sat up and followed behind, as Wars also began his slow approach.

"…. You really going to commit to that couch, and not a home-cooked meal?"

"I'll make it there on my own time. Buzz off." He snarled, refusing to look up from his guilty catharsis of reading Ravio's sappy fluff on social media.

"Well, that 'Time' is now, so if you want something worthwhile, you better get yourself up. Unless YOU want congratulations for being last." He grinned before exiting.

With another mopey groan, he got himself up and finally shed off his coat; "Staying a while" as Malon remarked. Making his way to the dining room, most everyone had already assembled behind a chair. The dark wood table, ornately decorated with blue and white china, lit up the similarly well-kept and immaculate dining room. Dare Legend say that this arrangement was better than the Christmas dinner last week?

Everyone besides Sky, who had already taken his seat apparently, now began to take their own. Malon and Wild paired up to bring the serving dishes out, while the boys in turn settled them on the table. With a prayer of Thanksgiving and well-wishing from Time, the boys all began to dig in. The food was all passed around for serving, then again for seconds, and for some even thirds, until most everything in the serving dishes had been depleted in less than a half hour. And as it was Wild who prepared it, believe me, It was good food. But in all due honesty, Legend felt it was nice to just have the 9 of them (plus Malon) sharing in fellowship together. Telling their stories, freeing up some pleasant secrets, and revealing certain other, more embarrassing ones. Of course jokes about the rabbit and his hair came up, as did his deflections to either Hyrule's cooking or Wild's more reckless antics, but the enjoyment remained shared.

Pleasantries and conversation continued well after the food was finished, as nobody excused themselves except to briefly retrieve another drink from the fridge or wash up their hands. Dessert was going to be a good hour or so away, so nobody really had anything else to do aside from socializing.

That was until one portion of their banter manifested. Wind, who had at some point followed Malon away from the table, returned back carrying a big box in his hand.

No- Rather- THE big box.

He and Malon had found the Monopoly.

[adrialae]

VALORANT AO3 Stats 2: Ships

(Part 1: Popularity)

I lost my motivation to make graphs for the top ships/tags like I was planning to, but I did notice some interesting things I thought were worth pointing out. (I'll also link the spreadsheet for anyone who wants to see the numbers.)

Interesting Thing 1: This actually wasn't included in the spreadsheet, but I was quite surprised the F/F fics outnumbered every other category considering... the general state of AO3. I think this is the only video game fandom I've been in where that's true, including the game in which 80% of the main cast is female.

2: Considering the top 10 relationship tags for each character (platonic relationships included), Brimstone and Astra* had exactly zero relationships in which they themselves were involved. To me, this seems to indicate that they mainly appear in the background of fics that focus on other characters, so they might actually be less popular than the fic counts alone indicate.

*I think Harbor/Astra should have shown up on Astra's list, tied for sixth, but it didn't and I'm not sure why. (details)

3: Nanobomb (Killjoy/Raze) was in the top 3 ship tags for every character except Deadlock, for whom they were fourth.

4: Remember when I said y'all were horny for Chamber? The top "additional tags" weren't super interesting because they were quite similar across the board, but I did notice that he had Smut in fourth (it was usually in spot 6-8). He was the only character who had more Smut than Hurt/Comfort or Fluff and Angst, and three of his top ten tags were sex-related.

5: Relatedly, /reader ships showed up for five characters. Four of them were Chamber, Sova, Harbor, and Iso. The last one was KAY/O - Chamber/Reader made it onto his list too, probably because there weren't that many KAY/O-centric fics.

6: Fade had the highest proportion of fics tagged with one specific relationship, with 42.5% of her fics featuring Fade/Neon. Iso and Raze were a close second and third. Additionally, Fade's second most popular relationship tag was Fade & Neon.

I think I've reached the limit of things other people might possibly find interesting, but here's the spreadsheet if anyone would like to take a look at it! (No promises about readability, though.)

[mushroompollution]

Part 1: Bargaining

Finally, the day of negotiations had come.

Leo had suggested meeting in Reim Lunettes' office, an offer which had been met with surprise. This was an unofficial conversation, without the knowledge or approval of Pandora's other directors. Leo and his compatriots wouldn't be able to stroll right in through the front door and halls of the organization.

And they wouldn't need to. Leo still had the coordinates saved from the tea party and his attempts to snoop around for any information on Humpty Dumpty so long ago.

And so, at the appointed time, Leo appears in a flash and a burst of black feathers, a dramatic touch meant to mislead the reality of his teleporting trick. With him are Vincent, Echo, and Lottie, who had asked to come along after revealing her previous interactions with the Mad Hatter.

Waiting for them are Sharon, Break, Oz, Alice, and Gilbert. Elliot had been excluded, with Break declaring him too biased and too emotional, and Leo concerned for his safety.

As expected, the Baskervilles immediately find themselves caught inside a magic binding circle drawn upon the floor. "no hard feelings, it's an understandable precaution," Leo chirps. Not that it would matter. Though the circle froze their feet in place and prevented them from using their Chains, it couldn't account for the otherworldly technology in Leo's pocket should they need to escape.

Despite the unwelcome greeting, their meeting goes well.... For the most part.

Break admits for the first time what the Will of the Abyss's wish actually was: to be destroyed. Both parties begin to realize their goals are in alliance.

So why are they enemies?

They agree to work together, instead of fighting each other. No one quite notices the way Vincent's eyes narrow at Break in disgust.

The Sealing Stone is a matter of contention, however. Leo's desire for peace and clearing his clan's name come off earnest enough. But when pressed about the Baskervilles' mission, their reluctant leader has few answers.

How do you plan to actually kill the Will of the Abyss?

Or even reach her chambers, at the very bottom of the Abyss?

Was the Tragedy a consequence of the previous Glen's attempts to do the same?

Will it happen again?

Are his intentions as pure as his vessel's?

Questions all met with one common answer,

"i won't know until the Stone is broken and i can ask him plainly."

"do we have to ask him?" Oz wonders. "between all of us, we should be able to do it on our own, right?"

"If the Tragedy was caused by his last attempt, then he'll probably know how to prevent it from happening again," Lottie argues. "Don't you feel like something is coming? Like we don't have time to waste with trial and error and experiments, when we could just consult him instead?"

Leo tries to assure them he believes he'll retain his own personality. But he can't promise it. And for Break and Oz, that seems to be an issue. Leo spills his theories that the Tragedy wasn't the vicious plot the lone survivor had described.

"that's why we need to break the Stone and learn the truth from the memories of the so-called mastermind himself," Leo presses.

"But those are just theories," Break maintains.

"And why would Jack lie?" Oz asks.

"but that means putting the world in danger if you're wrong," Oz argues. "besides, Jack promised to show me the truth himself. even if I... really don't want to see that ever again......"

"and i'm offering to witness those atrocities myself in order to understand them," Leo asserts, those starry eyes fixed on the blond with an intense stare.

The debate draws on and on, both sides making their points. Finally, Break calls them all to silence just as tensions seem to flare.

Whether they break the Stone or not can be settled in their next meeting. After all, they still need to decide what to do about Pandora.

As important as he is, Break is not the sole voice of the organization. Their mission would go against all of Pandora's goals. It's why he had kept the truth from even Sharon and Reim for so long, worried he would be killed if his true intentions got out.

That said, with all this new information, he's confident he and Sharon can sway Duchess Rainsworth. "But that Idiot Hair Barma is a wild card." Leo and Vincent share a glance at that. Oz easily offers to convince his uncle.

But they won't likely be able to overrule Pandora's directors without a completely unanimous vote from the Dukedoms.

And Vanessa... "well, she's never really liked me," Leo admits. "if i can bring Elliot in, he might be able to change her mind, but i know she still blames me for everything that happened."

It's a start, at least. Break and Sharon agree to meet the Duchess as soon as possible. She'll know what to do, whether to proceed on their own or handle things through proper channels.

They can meet again tomorrow to decide the next step.

In the meantime, however, their conference is adjourned, and everyone begins to go their separate ways.

Break and Sharon stay behind inside the office to discuss. Leo sends Lottie to the others lurking nearby, then he and Vincent meet Oz and his friends outside the organization's headquarters. It's been so long since Leo's seen any of them. Maybe they can meet Elliot and get some lunch. As friends, not just enemies under ceasefire.

Gilbert and Vincent walk on ahead, speaking casually for the first time in what must be years. Gilbert apologizes for assuming the worst about his brother. Though the words turn his stomach, Vincent just smiles and assures him, "I did it for you though, brother.♡"

Alice runs off in the direction of a nearby food truck, following the smell of delicious meat.

Oz hangs back with him as Leo takes a moment to text Elliot.

"it's nice to think we might actually be able to resolve things without fighting for once," Oz remarks.

Leo smiles in agreement. "see, i told the others i wouldn't have to kill you," he giggles playfully. Oz's laugh isn't quite as comfortable. "i want to believe things are going to be okay. that even after i'm fully Glen, we'll still be able to work together. i don't want any more suffering, for any of us."

"yeah. I'd like that too," Oz agrees. A brief, content silence falls between them as Leo taps a message on his phone. A crisp, late winter breeze blows through the plaza, grey clouds rolling in overhead.

And then Oz offers a handshake.

Leo smiles, reaching out to return the gesture.

But their hands never meet.

There's the sound of metal as a sharpened chain flies through the air from the shadows.

A sickening burst of blood.

And suddenly, everything falls apart.

[byfulcrums]

Out of character fake twitter my beloved <3

[rainbowdoggieunicorn]

If Cyn took over Me instead of Tessa.

Fun fact it was on a post on Where Cyn took over Your Sona Body. I can't remember where it was but it was as real.

[blackjackkent]

Oho. I thought maybe we had run out of surprises, but nope! DURGE STUFF DURGE STUFF DURGE STUFF!

"I welcome thee to the Devil's Fee, where every hellish curio is a--"

"Oh. It's you."

(A/N: Lol. Rakha looks so tired.)

Excellent. Another face out of her forgotten past. Thus far, when someone has recognized her, it has not been a sign of good things to follow. (On the bright side, though, at least she is now free of the beast, which in the past has often risen up at such moments and, for instance, caused her to murder a cat with her bare hands.)

Rakha sets her jaw, instantly on guard but, for the moment at least, the diabolist doesn't seem to be offering particular threat, although she also doesn't seem too pleased to see Rakha.

"Your little scrote of a friend left this on my floor the last time you visited," she says, pulling a battered hat out from under the counter. Rakha feels her stomach churn unexpectedly at the sight of it; it's Sceleritas's.

Helsik lets the hat fall onto the countertop, raising a slight cloud of dust, and then squints at Rakha curiously. "I presume you have returned to re-engage my services?"

(A/N: There are a couple different dialogue options here, and realistically the flat, "I've never met you in my life," is the most Rakha-ish, but she keeps making incredibly tired faces in this conversation and so I can't resist taking the second option instead...)

"Shit," Rakha says wearily. "This again." She reaches out as if to take the hat, then seems to think better of it and just lets out a long, heavy breath. "Remind me of our past association?" she says between her teeth.

Helsik raises an eyebrow slowly, and then smirks. "You forgot what we did? I find that hard to believe," she drawls. "But if you speak truth, perhaps I could... jog that lazy memory of yours?"

"Enlighten me."

The diabolist clicks her tongue with a soft laugh. "You seek answers. Lord Mammon seeks coin. I will happily mediate - make me an offer."

Rakha doesn't know who this Mammon is, but the point is clear enough. Helsik wants money.

Irritation flashes through her. It is bad enough to have to cobble together scraps of her own broken past without being forced to pay for the privilege.

Her lips draw back off her teeth in a sudden angry snarl.

Growl.

"Ahhh, how cute," Helsik purrs, unintimidated. "You tried that last time, too. You want answers, you pay, just like everyone else. Mammon is nothing if not egalitarian."

Rakha sighs, reaches into her pocket, wordlessly dropping a gold piece on the countertop.

Toss a coin to the diabolist.

Helsik laughs. "Ah. Ahah. Ahah - quite the fitting token. Let it not be said that Lord Mammon's servant does not deal with paupers." Her eyes harden. "But I'm afraid you'll need to offer an awful lot more than that. I'll be keeping the coin though, of course." And she slips it into her pocket.

Rakha's irritation is growing - not the old mindless rage of the beast but her own cold frustration at being mocked and roadblocked. "Here's 100 gold," she says tightly, slapping ten platinum down where the first coin sat.

"Hmm," Helsik says cheerfully. "The King of Avarice accepts your humble offering." She spreads her arms in a dramatic gesture. "You stand before Mammon's Picklock, Latchkeeper of the Nine Hells. My business is not information nor hellish curios, not really. I break people into the Hells. That's my thing." She pokes a finger at Rakha's chest. "I opened a portal for you and Lord Gortash."

Rakha remembers that strange, tense conversation with Gortash back in Wyrm's Rock at the coronation. He said that back in the life she has forgotten, the two of them were partners in creating the cult of the Absolute. That she would have been in Orin's place, had Orin not stabbed a knife into her skull.

"What business did we have in the Hells?" she asks slowly.

Helsik laughs brightly. "My word... this is embarrassing," she says, lounging back on her heels. "Perhaps I should have explained our terms better. You asked me to jog your memory. Jog I did. Our micropact is complete." She peers at Rakha keenly, and then smirks. "Would you like to make another transaction?"

Rakha is struck suddenly with a very strange thought, which is that in some ways it was easier when the beast was still in her head. Matters of annoyance like this tended to end almost before they began, with the beast taking over and the one causing the annoyance examining their own body from an angle of several feet away.

She does not want that to be her default reaction; she is grateful the beast is gone. But she can't deny that it was simpler. Instead, now she must determine the long way through problems, which is very much not always a clear path.

"How much to tell me *everything* about your dealings with Gortash?" she says after a long pause to think, glaring at the dwarven woman steadily.

Helsik sighs dramatically. "You are just *no* fun," she whines, then begins to scribble rapidly on a piece of paper while Rakha reflects that this is probably the most accurate thing anyone has ever said about her.

"Adjusting for inflation," Helsik mumbles to herself, "the appreciable value of knowledge, Lord Mammon's tithe... a-hah." She finishes scribbling, then lifts the paper for Rakha to see. "There we are."

The paper reads, in remarkably elegant script, 5000 gold pieces.

(A/N: Damn. :O Hector had to pay 20,000, which only got knocked down to 10,000 by Karlach threatening to put one of Helsik's limbs in each separate corner of the room. I'm not sure if this is a) because we're on easy mode, b) based on the relative amount of money Rakha is carrying vs Hector, c) a Dark Urge specific discount, or d) Helsik getting nerfed in some intervening patch, or perhaps a combination of all four, but either way, I am entertained.)

Rakha, luckily, is pretty well stocked for coin at this point, and has never had any particular interest in it except as far as using it to accomplish more important goals, so she just shrugs.

"Sounds like a deal," she says calmly, and begins unloading her pouch of coins into a small pile on the countertop.

"Oh, yes, I should think that'll do deliciously," Helsik says, scooping the pile of platinum up with a smirk. Then she folds her arms and thinks, looking at Rakha for a moment before speaking.

"The two of you wanted to steal something from Mephistopheles, so I punched a portal into the Archdevil's dusty vaults. That 'something' was the inimitable Crown of Karsus. You and Gortash absconded with it - catching the interest of a devil named Raphael." She cocks her head to one side. "His House of Hope is furnished with a great deal of treasures, many related to Karsus. But alas, he lacks the crown itself. He's rather ambitious; one can only wonder what he has planned for the Crown."

She leans forward pointedly. "The answers to that can probably be found within his house."

(A/N: This speech is... a little baffling.

First of all - very interesting that Rakha was apparently involved in Gortash's initial raid to fetch the Crown in the first place, although it makes sense in retrospect and adds a fun extra new dimension to their previous partnership.

However, I'm deeply confused about why Helsik is telling them about Raphael. Helsik, at this point, doesn't know that Rakha is here to break into the HoH to fetch the Hammer, so she has no reason to believe Rakha has any interest in Raphael.

My initial thought was that Helsik has been instructed by Raphael to keep an eye out for Rakha and encourage her towards signing his contract to give him the Crown post-Brain, but I don't get the impression that Raphael knows Rakha was involved in the original plan at all.

Jaheira (and presumably the other companions as well) speaks up now and abruptly ALSO vehemently agrees with the need to go to the House of Hope, purely because of what Helsik just said and without reference to the Hammer (their initial reason for going) at all.

So I guess the TLDR of this conversation is supposed to be, "Hey, you were here one time before and stole the Crown of Karsus. Raphael is also interested in the Crown of Karsus and you had better find out why."

Maybe the intention here is that Helsik is hoping to wrangle another sale by informing Rakha about a potential threat. I guess that makes the most sense. And I guess Rakha does want to know about why Raphael wants the Crown, in addition to wanting to steal the Hammer. It still just kind of reads rather oddly, like Rakha's involvement in the initial theft is the REASON that she would care about Raphael's interest, which doesn't really seem to follow.)

"Time for a social call, then," Jaheira says dryly. "I'm sure Raphael makes for a wonderful host."

"Can you help me break into the House of Hope?" Rakha asks.

A familiar low voice resonates abruptly through her head. "Such a task would be tantamount to suicide," the Emperor growls. "Do not even entertain it."

It has been a little while since Rakha heard anything from it; their last conversation was directly after Orin's death, and it has been remarkably quiet since. Perhaps it is sulking. Perhaps it has simply realized it has no more leverage over her.

Does it know that she seeks the Hammer, that she has decided on a final, irrevocable breaking of their alliance? Perhaps the Emperor, like Helsik, thinks her interest is in Raphael's plans for the Crown. Better it continue to think so as long as possible.

"So keen to return to the Hells," Helsik quips, unaware of the discussion happening inside Rakha's mind. "I suppose it's warm this time of year. Very well - if you wish to die in Avernus, that's your business. Mine is charging you for it." She sticks out a hand. "Of course, such a task will require quite the substantial donation to Lord Mammon's coffers."

(A/N: Oh, there's the 20,000gp charge, rofl. So never mind, Dark Urge just gets charged a quarter again MORE than Tav does. Brutal. XD )

Rakha watches as she scribbles another, much larger, number on the same sheet of paper, and begins to feel a headache throbbing inside her temple. Twenty thousand gold. She still doesn't care about the gold in and of itself - but she doesn't have that much, and there will be no way for her to get it without losing far too much time that is needed for other matters.

She thinks rapidly, then presents a counteroffer. [PERSUASION] "Waive the fee," she says. "And I'll add one of Raphael's artifacts to your collection."

Helsik squints. "You put me in a difficult position, mortal," she says pensively. "You are almost certain to fail." A pause. "Almost. And so there is a chance you might succeed. Fine - I'd like to be able to carry all of my precious stock without the need of a team of oxen. There are Gauntlets of Hill Giant Strength within the House of Hope. Free passage, and you fetch them for me. Deal?"

Given the far more significant thing Rakha is en route to steal, this feels relatively simple by comparison. "Deal," she says flatly. "Let's do this."

Helsik nods firmly and begins unloading several small bags of items and a large book out onto the countertop. "Allow me to outline how this is going to work," she says briskly, suddenly all business. "First - you were never here. We never spoke. Second, you will perform the rites yourself; I want absolute deniability. Here's the grimoire and necessary components. Take this key, too. It unlocks the ritual room upstairs. There's a blood circle already drawn." She smirks faintly. "Don't ask whose blood."

Narrator: Along with the grimoire and components, Helsik hands you a note containing precise instructions for performing the ritual.

She leans forward, narrowing her eyes firmly at Rakha. "Finally - you were *never* here. That is of utmost import to remember. Now... begone!"