#oh baby it just don't matter
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hello :) could you maybe explain a little bit how dan wootton blackmailed louis?
ugh sorry for taking a while to get to this. The problem is I feel like the only two ways to answer this are by spending a week and a half of full time labor sifting through old posts and evidence to get every detail right and lay out an airtight case, or to halfass something very serious, and so I felt a little stuck. So since I can't seem to find a good halfway point, apologies but here is the half assed version, if you want to get into it more I invite you to do your own deep dive or talk to other people, but here's how I remember things. Louis has almost never on video explicitly said things about Larry not being real and/or anything negative about fans and their theories (mostly the opposite), up until the last couple years when he obviously decided to make a major change he didn't talk about Freddie much at all let alone saying he was his kid, honestly not that much about Eleanor even; except for in two major interviews with Dan Wootton, each of which lined up with a serious traumatic Tomlinson family event that they managed to keep out of the tabloids until the very end (Jay's illness and Fizzy's struggles with substance abuse). After the fact of those events a lot of small things that didn't make sense at the time came together to look very much like Louis traded those interviews (and those answers) for having his family's private matters kept private. Story trading of this kind is a publicly known real thing that happens, and there were various clues that suggested he was being leaned on about those stories to lend legitimacy to the idea that it was something that happened in these cases. Given what we know about Dan Wootton and how he operates even before the recent flood of information and even more now, I think it's more than likely that he has been holding the threat of outing Louis (as he has done to many other public figures) over his head for over a decade, and has used his family's tragic struggles to get Louis to dance like a fucking puppet for him and I will REJOICE at his downfall when it comes whether it is now or 20 years from now... because someday it will, he has made too many enemies to stay above it forever
#I did start to try to deep dive before I realized it was too much#but I was reminded that when Louis was doing txf as a judge while fizzy was struggling#many people thought he had been pressured somehow into it; later when we knew what had been going on people were like#oh maybe he just wanted to be close to home to deal with fizzy stuff or somethng#but also: keeping fizzy stuff quiet would potentially be the info we didn't have at that time that could answer that q too of what they use#given the DW🤝simon jones🤝simon cowell cursed connections#(for the newbies: simon jones aka DWs bestie is Louis' publicist for no apparent reason even now long after he has gotten free of the rest#of the modest/syco/simon cowell shitshow)#anyway another example of story trading in our fandom is zayn's baby sister's teen pregnancy#which was known to the fandom early on but kept super quiet by respectful fans- during this time Z did some unprecedented actual interviews#for no obvious reason#and then iirc pretty much the day she turned 17 a very lowkey article reported on her marrying her bf and mentioning a pregnancy#but as if it was recent not like 7 months along#and even when she gave birth soon after it was all kind of... glossed over and around and not reported until a little later#blah blah blah#I felt like it was weird to talk about this for some reason but when I thought about it#I don't know if it matters. Like maybe talking about him not being a dad and being gay or whatever at all is bad#but assuming we're doing that anyway. why not talk about the struggles around that#and the creeps holding it over his head#dan wootton
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finally caught up a wee bit with dr who, i skipped the babies one cos it sounded terrible, went with the music episode.
good things: i like the doctor and the baddy was fun and clarose (i forgot her name twice now) is fine. also a very good episode for reaction images:
less good: i think i made a few of those faces myself while watching. what i assume was foreshadowing was pretty bad (had someone decided "one word repeated every episode" wasn't enough?). i am not sure why the doctor knew exactly what was happening, i don't mind that as an occasional plot device (they do know pretty much everything, after all) but it felt over done in this. why was there a music battle? why was there a song? WHY IS MURRAY GOLD BACK, HAD WE NOT AT LAST BANISHED HIM?
#dw#negativity though D:#mostly#BUT i like the main actors and they're the only people in every episode so at least it's the good way round there right?#it took me this long because i overall don't like RTD's style of Who and this contains a lot of the things i don't enjoy about it :'(#there were moments... there were moments it felt like ten'n'rose had returned from their hellish clique-dimension (season two) to haunt me.#good fucking god i never want to go back there again.#but you know what? at least RTD let this Scottish Doctor use his own accent instead of saying it would be “a tour of the regions” if he did#so that's nice :)#i think Clarose might be northern unless i just transplanted that onto her from one of her mothers (clara and rose had a baby????)#oh wow her eyes go so big! like comically fucking huge! i love it! at least for now!#fifteenth doctor#OH YEAH AND ABOUT THE NUMBERING#rtd critical#(seems like a useful tag for me lol)#at least the doctor kissed the tardis though :) that's what really matters isn't it? the otp. their love. etc.#LOOK HE IS WEARING HER COLOUR 💙💙
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Jinx is such a majestic representation of CPTSD and no one can tell me otherwise
#many people see bpd but I honestly don't?#what's bpd specific of her#but cptsd specific? oh boi#the vivid flashbacks#the fully negative image she has of herself#my baby becomes fully suicidal after Isha dies#she already was when Silco died but when she had Isha around she had a reason to live because she could do good for once in her life#doesn't matter how high you reach how respected you are among your people#and her destructive force#all just because she wanted to be loved#but she hurts everyone loving her constantly so she chose death to save the only person alive loving her (Vi)#(also I didn't really like alternative powder arc my faves have to suffer sorry </3)#jinx#jinx arcane#arcane season 2#arcane s2#cptsd
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*sprays fandoms with a spray bottle* height is NOT a personality trait!!!
#STOP IT#idc if they're canonically short ortall or whatever but STOP IT#thereis literally no correlation between height and personality guys pls...#shprt ppl aren't uwu lil babies need p[rotecting and tall ppl aren't omg must protecc strong silent#most ppl don't even acknowledge height that much like come on why do we feel the needto bring it up ALL THE TIME#LET PPL LIVE#ngl i have stopped reading fics or refused to reblog art bc of height jokes on either end or if a character is depicted incorrectly in#direct correlation with their height *cough n/injago fandom w/ jay and cole*#pisses me off ugh#like i'm short and barely anyone mentions it#only my students or my sister and my students do it usually bcof whiplash bc oh wow she's our teacher she;s short! and my sister is like a#few inches taller than me and is younger and thinks it's funny that's it!!! maybe sometimes my students do it if they wanna be jerks#but most don't!!! bc they don't care!!! bc it doesn't matter!!! also if a character has a canonical height and you make them shorter tHAN#THEIR CANONICAL HEIGHT THAT'S JUST WEIRD especially bc ppl usually do it to infantilize them!!!#and how about we stop treating short ppl like children also. that'd be great. especially if they look young on top of being short :)#okay am done now#sometimes i think about height in fandoms and just get filled with burning rage#c.huuya short jokes piss me off#the n.injago fandom ruined height in fandoms for me even moreso lol#and like obviously in other fandoms too but those are the main two that piss me off regarding height🙄#corey talks:)
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and then no one said anything about the fact that if i watched ONE MORE episode tenax pulls a "i'm not angry i'm just disappointed i'm hurt" about scorpus signing with the white faction.
#do you see the vision here <- guy who has a watch rate of one episode per month#oh the implications of scorpus not being there for tenax in his time of need... the death of the child who is not but is symbolically their#is that a separate fic completely yes but it is ALSO in some ways a divorce fic. tenax like i needed you but scorpus also needing him#OH MY GOD THEY LITERALLY DO SAY FELIX WAS HIM and i can do SO much with the concept of a “stray”. oh please. please strays instead of rats#one knife to the ribs one fixed race one apartment board THAT'S A STORYLINE BABY RISE OR DIE THE ROMAN WAYYYYYY#i do see your calla/tenax storylines i do. i could be swayed but we are not here for that currently this is the same as the chariot racing#like i KNOW what i said about the gold faction representing everything that scares scorpus a dream he never thought they'd reach#and then to have it ripped away now he no longer even has the dream untarnished i do understand. which is why the “i'm disappointed”#kills me even MORE because it shows he gets it. like on some level he does understand why scorpus had to but it's his pride that's wounde#so to continue from what i WAS saying with:#sets the bar so low because how else would tenax love him (as if tenax would not do the same thing if he lost) and they have even MORE#questionable celebratory reward sex. yes i assigned scorpus a degradation/praise kink the world works in wondrous ways don't question it#scorpus/tenax#those about to die#tenax making sure to care for the kids is what's killing me too because i REALLY want to draw a parallel with scorpus making sure he takes#care of the prostitutes. yes he's a notorious hedonist yes he has a lot of sex but he always pays well doesn't he. over-well. he pays too#much and ends up in debt he pays enough to buy girls freedom. so that they only have to if they want to. it gets him a reputation sure AND#it gets whole houses of girls under his (and therefore tenax's) protection. you can't bruise her up; that's scorpus' favorite girl.#she can charge more for being favored. he can pay for massive parties where no one else is invited and if he falls asleep midway drunk#off his ass after a race the girls would never say. they still get paid. if tenax comes to watch and give instructions they'd never say.#if tenax tells them all to leave and it's just him and scorpus in the golden room and all the girls see before they shut the door#and latch it behind them is scorpus on his knees in the soft plush cushions with tenax offering him grapes one by one from his fingertips#like a favored concubine instead of the champion whose laurels are tilted on his head they won't say a word. not even when the noise#inside the room continues for long after the hour runs out the girls still stand watch until it's quiet and then crawl back in around where#scorpus is alone in the big wrecked bed with a smear of blood or wine on his mouth who could say. certainly they wouldn't.#no matter what they still get paid. whether they did the work to wreck him or not.#ANYWAY#they take care of the selves they couldn't protect is what i'm trying to say. for tenax it's the child he was/scorpus it's the body he sold#only he hasn't stopped having to sell it. & i guess as we're learning with the extortion tenax is still a child running from a burning hous
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hate when i see a youtube video that's like 'analyzing why [thing] is bad!' and you watch the video and they just say nothing for twenty minutes
#random thoughts#watched a video on why a specific character was poor representation for survivors of assault#and it was such a nothing burger of a video#'this character is bad because children might see them and think their behavior is okay' okay?#i learned how to block out memories from finn adventure time but that doesn't mean memory suppression shouldn't be addressed in media#plus hazbin hotel. i'm talking about angel dust btw if that wasn't blaringly obvious. is an adult cartoon. for adults#adult cartoons shouldn't have to restrict their subject matter because kids could see it#and angel dust being a male queer SA victim using hypersexuality as a coping mechanism could be good!#and the fact he hits on other people despite it making them uncomfortable isn't exactly a problem a la his character?#it could be a control thing. i used to do something similar (pushing other people's boundaries and complaining when they pushed back)#because it made me feel some kind of control over my life#it could start off as a really shitty joke and then grow into 'oh god is that why he does that??'#but anyway their second main point was that the songs were bad? and that poison being an upbeat song makes it bad#like despite listing many other songs which are upbeat with heavy lyrics. but somehow poison is the exception because it's a cartoon?#like again that could be a character thing. angel dust using obfuscation as a coping mechanism to distract himself from his shitty life.#。・゚゚・the lyrics are upbeat to distract you from how dead i feel inside・゚゚・。#and their reading of the second song seemed really mean-spirited?#like as 'everyone has problems so you're not special because you're a whiny baby' rather than 'you're not as alone as you think you are'#and like if op wanted to just complain about a show they watched then yeah go off i do that all the time#but don't parade it as character analysis???#and they say 'oh reading it as a feelgood you're not alone message doesn't work because these characters' struggles are not equal'#but like. sometimes rape needs to feel like it's not some special trauma. it's not unique and you're not uniquely fucked up for it#two characters' traumas don't need to be directly comparable for them to bond!!!#and im not like. defending hazbin hotel btw. never seen it not going to see it no thanks#i'm just complaining about a mediocre youtube video that i'm going to forget about in a week#god i hate that brand of youtube video. where they just complain about things without going into depth about why they're bad#especially if their complaints are shallow and don't have to do with like. the actual structure of a character or story#like it's so easy to say 'this character is bad because theyre a predatory stereotype' but like. go into some depth at least#i think i hate these videos so much because they're fueled purely by hate. no love for the source material or even a desire to learn#or a love for storytelling even
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i enjoyed high school! i had a lot of friends! some of them were even close! but holy SHIT . i can say, with full confidence now. HIGH SCHOOL SUCKS SHIT and im GLAD I DON'T GO THERE!!!
#my school was actually pretty nice for a high school#my teachers were cool#im actual friends w one of em#but like. Omfg#if you as a high school student have ever felt annoyed about being treated like a baby or feel like you're just getting pushed around#like you're not treated as a real person. even by the staff who are nice. like all the clique stuff is stupid bullshit and you just want to#be an adult already#don't listen to anyone who tells you to treasure your high school years they can be fun but BEING AN ADULT IS SO MUCH BETTER#i got excited to VACUUM the other day!!! because my space in the dorms is MINE#and oh my god i love my parents and my family and their house is nice. BUT WOW LIVING IN A DORM RULES#not just bc its a nice dorm (That helps) but bc . like . so much is up to ME and im part of every decision#by default#and i get to Decide everything#a good part of this is just starting w a blank slate yk. i dont have to clean anything up and get rid of old stuff and rearrange#to decorate the new room in a way i want (in a way thats designed for me to keep it clean‚ rather than just the way that Happened)#and its like. i can really take pride in my space yk?#like i share it w 3 roommates but my part is Mine#and its not just where i sleep its like... i decorate it i clean it i like it i hang out in it#augh. college good.#if you're in high school no matter how much you like life rn: IT GETS BETTER
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THRILLED that Death Thrice Drawn is a decent 3zun song
#Not the Most 3zun song but I can imagine an animatic to it and go ohhhhhhhhgh which is what matters#And that's good. If a song called DEATH THRICE DRAWN wasn't a 3zun song it would just be mean#And it is! THE AWFUL TRUTH HAS ELUDED YOU FOR TOO LONG/UH OH! EVERYTHING YOU KNOW IS ALL WRONG!#I hope you know/That you can trust me; baby it's just me...#I hope you know/That you don't owe me; oh girl you own me...#I hope you know/You're really special; you're so next level...#I hope you knowwwwww#How much I believe in you!!
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re: that poll i just wanna say i don't think having fantasies is cheating but like..... if there's a real person in your life that you think about fucking and fantasize about fucking while you have a whole-ass partner like.... again it's not cheating but it's not like a chill thing to be doing?
#that's why i answered gray area#just coming from my experience ok#i never cheated on my ex but i wanted to and i think that's still pretty bad sorry !#sue me !#they were just as hurt about the whole thing anyway so it didn't matter that i didn't ~actually cheat lmao#it just makes me wonder how many of the people saying no have actually been in a situation where they need to answer this#in my experience it was something i thought was very black and white until it happened to me personally#and i also don't think it's a straight v queer thing as much as it's a simple monogamous v polyamorous thing#like a LOT of the responses on that poll talk about being poly and it's like of course that wouldn't be cheating. to YOU#ig the straights just happen to be more monogamous so that's why the results are Like That#it's all about boundaries baby#oh wow a tumblr poll with no room for nuance made me mad? shocking!
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Between Natlan on the horizon (which I have thoughts about I will restrain...) and Itotia showing up in the most recent Venti chap (and won't confirm or deny that she maybe might be showing up in the main fic quite soon), my girl is on the brain. Here she is, everyone's favorite wayward, warmongering wretch, the Pyro Archon!
#fic stuff#smfwtwd#my art#my baby girl#messy woman my beloved#I love writing all my archons my she's my favorite little accident haha#I can't get over me writing a cool random natlan fatui person that suddenly went “oh yeah I'm the pyro archon just to let u know”#iconic behavior haha#I will mourn u when canon comes in...#especially because im probably going to have some complicated thoughts on it ahhhh don't wanna think about that#she'll always be real in my heart and thats what matters
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dear god that would be turbo cringe or whatever, but seeing all those annoying little things in fics over and over again really makes me want to write one in which they're not obligatory funnymoments but rather like, words that have meaning and weight and so on
#shrimp thoughts#like. 1. characters acting all cryptic and condescending when their friend who isn't aware they're queer and in love comes to them for#advice like 'oh figure it out yourself baby :)' that's so obnoxious. this is a romcom not a hero's journey you're TWENTY not a Wise Mentor#2. characters acting condescending and rolling their eyes soooo hard about how their friend hasn't figured/took them so long to figure out#they're queer because it was so obvious! how can you be so dense! or: how can you be IGNORANT of kink matters (that we never told you about#3. characters making retching noises and complaining how disgusting/gross their friends are once they get together. the friends aren't#like frenching or fucking on the dining table but just smiling at each other. free pass at homophobia nonetheless ig#4. characters reacting to any sort of doubts/internal conflict their friend has with 'omg who cares just do the thing! stop overthinking!'#ETC ETC#so many times i've started reading a good fic with an otherwise engaging characterization only for the writer to pull an Easy Fan Favourite#like one of the above and like ggggghhhhhhhhhh#if it was one (1) character in one (1) fandom or even just a type of characters i wouldn't mind AS MUCH but it's everyone whether it makes#sense for them or not. is this guy calm and sensitive? doesn't matter! he's going to do and say the same things a silly chatterbox type#of a character because telling your friends they're gross for being a couple is universal now#OH i almost forgot. everyone's having kinky sex of many different kinds but react like twitter teenagers to any mention of sex in general#'ew! TMI! i don't want to hear about all the insane shit you do in your bedroom! not in front of the children! not while i'm eating!'#'just read better fanfiction' look i'm TRYING i'm TRYING OKAY
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Woooo, I just wrote 200 words of the Sifki Sequel Fic! \o/
#i don't know if anyone else wants Medieval Queenship Discourse Disguised As Fanfiction but i do and that's what matters here.#like all British people i am deeply concerned with the public image projected by royal families and how much of that is lies.#also i suppose this is babyfic it's just not necessarily happy babyfic but the baby is essential to the plot so it has to stay.#i'm gonna do that thing where the characters repeat a line throughout the story with increasingly alarming implications#*through happy tears* oh how i love a repeated line whose meaning drifts as the story develops#fic related
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I'm 9 weeks away from giving birth, gender (sex) was supposed to be a surprise and the ultrasound tech today had to go and ruin it. I've been robbed of such a special moment I was looking forward to happening at birth and now there's nothing to do about it. I can't help but be extremely upset.
#I always knew there was a 50-50 chance but I assumed with finding out at birth I'd just be so excited it wouldn't matter#I found out in the least special way#and now I feel no connection - I don't know how I'm going to connect to this baby#oh it's just so ridiculous now people tell me “it's so hard to keep a secret these days” so go ahead and ruin something special for me#31 fuckin weeks I didn't eat the marshmallow but someone couldn't help but throw it into my mouth#pregnancy#pregnant#I'm done with this shit
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I want to be someone who has smart and interesting things to say about shows/movies that I like - like when I tried to convince my friends that they really need to watch Leverage. that would have been useful! instead I'm just like 'it's sooo good I like it so much I love all the characters they're all so awesome ����'
my thoughts are generally just like.
ooh he soo prettyyy. I want to braid his hair. hehe he punched someone. look at his lil face 🥰 baby boi. pretty smile his mouth is so nice I like his teeth. chest hair. hands! arms arms arms 🤤 his eyes are so pretty. oooh blood on his face, blood on his face! he's growling. annd his voice is all raspy again. I wonder [many many redacted thoughts]. ooh now he's in danger oh noo 😏
there's a bunch of 'she's so pretty' and 'I love her' somewhere in between all that too but mostly it's just. very, very stupid
#and I wonder why I don't remember the plot of probably half the leverage episodes#I'm rewatching it with my partner now and it was. definitely interesting. how I remembered pretty much everything from season 1. annd it#got so much worse after that#I wonder why that could be :')#I have said at least half of these things out loud just during the last episode I watched#I am so fucking stupid for this man#no thoughts just 😍#my brain melts and gets replaced with just pictures of Eliot with hearts drawn all over them like I'm a creepy stalker but also 12 years old#and tbh probably half of it is actually just. oh I need him. I want him. I love him.#do you sometimes wonder why some people feel the need to share every goddamn thought they have no matter how dumb it is?#why? oh no reason. me? oh no I don't do that I'm so normal!#hey at least I didn't once mention how fighting him and fucking him would definitely not fix anything but tbh yeah no it totally would#it really would#annnd now I'm losing my mind again and I better shut up before it gets even worse#like fuck it's like I literally lose the ability to form a single coherent thought#I've had thoughts about shows before! I'm capable of that! but not wjrn#there's a man.#ugh. horrible. bad. so stupid#(but he's hot and I want him and)#(oh crap now he's really in danger oh no I don't like it oh don't hurt my baby 😭)#(oh thank god now he's hitting people again. phew.)#anyway shut up shut up shut uppp#personal
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I dont know. i wish i was as smart as i pretend to be sometimes
#my posts#oh the imposter syndrome.#experiencing The Symptoms#the truth of the matter is i'm not very creative and i'm mediocre at art and writing#and i may act like i understand music and music theory but i don't#and i pretend to know a lot about metal but i really only know anything about aluminum and copper#and i act like i understand planets and stars and their relation to each other#and i think the worst one among all these things i pretend to be knowledgeable about is ethical philosophy.#i've really only taken two and the other philosophy classes i've taken i eked by on#genuinely don't know how i passed my logic course so much of that goes over my head#i like acting clever because it makes me feel better about the simple fact i'm not really skilled at anything#most of the time when people ask me things i supposedly know i do a quick google search and just rephrase it#do i think this makes me a bad person? no.#it just makes Me feel bad#and honestly who Doesn't like the idea of being smart#and tbh is experiencing that Youngest Child Inadequacy which is t fair to my brother at all but oh baby when that sneaks up on you#anyways i don't really have anyone i can talk to about this stuff#i mean i do but i don't like burdening people with my vents so i use my blog sometimes as a journal#negative/#tbd.
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