#oh the imposter syndrome.
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I dont know. i wish i was as smart as i pretend to be sometimes
#my posts#oh the imposter syndrome.#experiencing The Symptoms#the truth of the matter is i'm not very creative and i'm mediocre at art and writing#and i may act like i understand music and music theory but i don't#and i pretend to know a lot about metal but i really only know anything about aluminum and copper#and i act like i understand planets and stars and their relation to each other#and i think the worst one among all these things i pretend to be knowledgeable about is ethical philosophy.#i've really only taken two and the other philosophy classes i've taken i eked by on#genuinely don't know how i passed my logic course so much of that goes over my head#i like acting clever because it makes me feel better about the simple fact i'm not really skilled at anything#most of the time when people ask me things i supposedly know i do a quick google search and just rephrase it#do i think this makes me a bad person? no.#it just makes Me feel bad#and honestly who Doesn't like the idea of being smart#and tbh is experiencing that Youngest Child Inadequacy which is t fair to my brother at all but oh baby when that sneaks up on you#anyways i don't really have anyone i can talk to about this stuff#i mean i do but i don't like burdening people with my vents so i use my blog sometimes as a journal#negative/#tbd.
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I have had a lot of thoughts on the original story after listening to the Sherlock&Co "Gloria Scott" and a new headcanon just dropped.
Chapter 1: part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4 - part 5 - part 6
Masterpost (Index)
AO3
thoughts, if you're curious:
As far as gay Victor Trevor absolutely got me, I don't think there was anything serious between him and Holmes. This all comes down to my reading of Holmes, who is (to me) too aroace-spec to get involved in a regular relationship (althouuuughh about Holmes, his sexual and romantic orientation and him discovering it I have had so many thoughts I could write a whole essay). He likes to have a default person though, someone who will take him as he is, and maybe even admire a little - now that's Watson, earlier it was Trevor.
And yea I think Victor got a crush straight away after their first meeting, maybe they even talked about this at some point. Maybe Holmes said that he won't be able to reciprocate this affection but if Victor is fine with keeping things as they are, then he is too. I like to think they stayed pen friends even after Trevor's leave.
I feel like I should emphasize this? My intention in the comic was to make Trevor visibly flustered because he didn't expect a young attractive boy (he's hopeless in my head), while Holmes simply didn't expect to see someone his age and so sincerely sorry.
#i feel like i lost the ability to write meta for my drawings you know#the irrational feeling that i'll get misinterpreted if i don't explain everything thoroughly is taking over#truly horrible#also my imposter syndrome is full on lately in terms of my art so ughh it's so hard to share anything#at least i don't think anyone even sees my sh art so i may ramble in the tags here an noone notices :3#my art#sherlock holmes#victor trevor#acd holmes#acd canon#sherlock holmes fanart#i am rotating young holmes in my mind lately#oh yes and i made victor a botanist and named his dog dante for no apparent reasons#holmes collage adventures
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is it possible to work on your thesis without feeling like a failure at least once a week? experts are saying "no"
#OH BABY. the imposter syndrome is syndroming#previously my issue was i was doing too much. and it was such a relief when my advisor said to do less#but now i'm like ''fuck but what if this isn't enough''#what if i start working on my topic once the proposal is done and there's not enough material to analyze!!!!!#what if i run away into the woods and am never seen again.
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Good luck with crit!! If nothing you've got a bunch of unqualified Tumblr people who love your comics, but I'm sure you'll do great :)
guys i was stressed for literally no reason she looked me dead in the eyes and told me that the comic i turned in was better than some published books and that i should be sending it to publishers. i almost cried
#i was like this is what i want to do for the rest of my life and she was like good. i’m shaking so hard rn oh my fucking god#art school imposter syndrome defeated forever and ever i am going to lose my absolute mind#help me#personal
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I got one of your dolls recently and am very excited! But how does it feel to send them out? Is it mentally just a business transaction or is it kind of sad? Or is it happy?
Thank you so much anon!!
Honestly, the most fun part of the dolls to me is the process of making them! I have kept a handful of my dolls, but the satisfaction of finishing them up far outweighs the satisfaction of having them up on the shelf. I'm pretty happy that people love my work enough to buy it!
#though sometimes the imposter syndrome kicks in and im like oh god theyre gonna hate this and then i get scared#strangeasks#strangetext
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Sometimes, when I'm playing Among Us with my friends, I start to doubt whether or not I'm playing it right. Like...am I actually supposed to be doing tasks right now? What if I'm supposed to be killing people
I think I've got imposter syndrome
#this is based on a true story btw#i just had a moment in the middle of fixing wires#and went oh so this is that imposter syndrome everyone talks about
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“i’ve done all this work and i’m not really in pain, i must be faking it”
i say as a slide down the stairs because it hurts too much to walk down
#seriously this happens all the time#oh i just be faking it#as i am in debilitating pain#disabled#disability#actually disabled#chronic illness#chronically ill#chronic pain#disabled life#imposter syndrome
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do you have any tips on how to start writing fics?
the outsiders brainrot actually has me coming up with ideas and i have a desire to start writing them into actual stories but i've never written outside of class papers/assignments and i don't really know where/how to start since it's all just my own prompts and ideas and there's no grading rubric lmaoooo
like do you plan out each fic with a list first or do you just start writing about the main plot point of the chapter and fill in out of order or do you just start writing and see where it takes you... do you do any research while you're planning or pull from other authors/fics/posts or write from experience...
how do you decide when to stop writing or decide on which endings/paths/plot points to go with... the deadly combo of indecisiveness and perfectionism along with having no guidelines or due dates is crippling me so im asking some of my fav authors (who have also been inspiring me to write and be creative)
wait hi this is so sweet thank you!!! 🥹🥹 i will preface All This (sorry i yapped so much lol) by. i’ve been writing fic for like ten years and i think a lot of my old fic, while deeply cringe and awful, was all very important to getting me where i am today where i feel i can accurately get across what im trying to say!!!
first. hone your ideas!!! try to find a good niche you feel comfortable in (but also. don’t limit your creativity!!!). idk for me it’s easier to start specific and small rather than super general bc then i have Tooooo much freedom u know. i think my niche sorta across fandoms is generally softer dialogue, exploring close siblings or familial or friendship bonds an dynamics through situation, a lot of fluff, maybe a lil hurt comfort
i basically exclusively write in order! unless i get a really cool line/paragraph in my head that i write out and save for later to fit in somewhere. i usually have a like one-line idea that just Comes to me (ex. this was my entire line idea that turned into that pony getting jumped fic!)
then i’ll expand it a little more into a shitty little paragraph (ex. here’s a few!!!)
and then tbh after that i just kinda write everything in order from top to bottom from there. i wish i were more organized tbh and writing long fic/chaptered stuff is still sooo hard for me (which is why i don’t do it much yet lol) but im really trying to break out of it!! slowly we are learning!!! retaining the inspo and drive necessary to write that much is harddddd lmfao
before writing i always do have a solid idea where i want it to start and go and end though. like that ponyboy jumping fic i Knew i wanted to have pony get jumped in the opening scene, then go home, try to break down cutting his own hair, brothers come in and talk him down and it ends with talking abt johnny, even if i didn’t like. List that all out in words in a document.
definitely do research!!! espppp for outsiders bc it was like 60 years ago!!! well researched fics are soooo obviously tonally different and it’s always super obvious imo when that sort of care is put into ur writing. that fic i wrote about darry getting a panic attack was important researching bc panic attacks weren’t well known or researched or even Called panic attacks back then, so it’d be hella jarring seeing like 1967 13y/o pony whip out “you’re having a panic attack darry 🤓👆” yk lmfaoo
i SOO get the perfectionism and having no due dates thing btw. i have literally like 5 fics i’ve started and not finished in my docs rn with like 15 more ideas i wanna write someday. tbh! try to enter that Hyperfixation Zone and be really excited about what you’re making!!! helps it go by easier bc i swear sometimes i’ll write fic and it feels like pulling teeth even though it’s supposed to be fun!!!
last thing. try and find friends to bounce ideas off of and go crazy with you <3 or ppl to beta read!!! makes writing SO much easier and sm more fun having a your own lil personal cheerleader!!! if you ever need a beta id be soooo happy to read whatever you’ve got and hype u up!!! <3 i hope this helped at least a little bit LOL my writing process is kinda chaotic ngl
#the outsiders#this was so nice 🥹🥹🥹#thank u for reading my silly lil fics <33#i always think they sound so goofy (imposter syndrome is crazyyyy) but stuff like this makes me sooosjsbsksdjw <3333333#asks#oh also forgot to say but i don’t tend to look to other authors really esp regarding fic concepts#lots of ppl inspire me but imo it’s just too easy to accidentally read things and then plagiarize or copy ideas even if you don’t mean to!#just be careful of that LOL#just use my good ol imagination 98% of the time!
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i left this on your tellonym as well but why do you think we've babygirled barty and evan but not bellatrix for example i try hard not to use words like misogyny but i cant think of anything else and need your thoughts
p.s congrats on 11k!
okay so i'll give my thoughts BUT i wanna preface by saying that i don't think i've ever read a bella fic so i have no idea how she's portrayed in centric fics
i think the first thing is just,,, she killed sirius 🤷♂️
and like yeah, barty attacked the longbottoms but sirius is a BIG part of the fandom, obviously. i think it puts a lot of us off of engaging with her because we'd have to try and emphasise? sympathise? justify? whichever term you prefer! i just think it would be harder if she killed one of our faves.
which also! we know i like pete and i can see the potential double standards there BUT we have evidence that pete was their friend. we know he was a good person at first, we have no idea about bella. we have no idea what she was like pre-DE, we do however know she was a DE and she killed sirius, and that makes it harder to (insert preferred term x)
building upon thattt, @courfee made this next point in a comment of my tt today (sorry, i'm stealing it 😖😖)
we have more canon info about bella than barty and evan !! so we have that grey space to look into motivations or reasons, or even to just explore their characters more. there's more space to play with them but we have a lottt of lore about bella and that restricts us a lot more (esp if we're talking about "babygirling" which btw, i dislike that term but i get it so yeah, if we're talking about "babygirling" it'd be harder with a character we know so much about but don't approve of any of it)
my finalllll point is just,,, sometimes we dislike characters 🤷♂️ like i know i do all my yaps and they seem very put together but a lot of the time my opinions are just like "yeah it could be this but also MEHHHH i just like it/dislike it" and i sit and think about it before filming. generally i'm just floating around clueless and engaging with whatever i like with an empty head 😭
no thoughts, head empty, just vibes
bella as a character is just one that i don't like. so i don't engage. head empty. not because she's a woman, i just don't like her character.
i never know how to end yaps on here 😭 yolo. okert. slay.
#yapper 🫵🏻🫵🏻#sorry for stealing your point fra#i'll send you reimbursements (cat memes)#oh ALSO! tyty yes 11k#insanity#imposter syndrome i fear
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Don't know if I've gushed about this here yet but I will gush about again!!!
I love how loving the gods have 'tricked' me into loving parts of myself I have forsaken. I could never claim to be as cunning or witty as Lord Hermes or let alone as ferocious and driven as Lord Ares- BUT I still see traits of them in myself.
How can I take my silver tongue for granted if Lord Hermes so graciously gifted it to me?
How could I look down on what others deem to be 'bad emotions' if it's what helps Lord Ares win the war?
It's been a long journey and it's going to be a longer one still to love myself fully but I think I'm starting to truly love the journey and not just tolerate it for the sake of surviving.
#hermes deity#ares deity#ares worship#hermes worship#damn#love the feeling of falling in love with the people I care about over and over again#can you use the term 'people' for the gods?#I've been able to set boundaries and allow myself to be 'feral' more often#sometimes I feel like a little kid who managed to do something their parents taught em#“Oh man Lord Ares is gonna be so proud of me for feeling one (1) emotion today!”#AND HE IS#“Hehe I wonder if Lord Hermes will appreciate me tricking this asshole into giving money to the community”#AND HE DOES#I used to feel so much guilt and shame for this shit#it's feels nice to be loved wholly (and fucking scary)#blah blah blah imposter syndrome blah blah blah gods seeing the ugly parts of you and going meh#I CAN'T#helpol#hellenism
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Sometimes you really do need to go back and reread your own writing
#i've been battling imposter syndrome#but i'm reading over earlier chapters like oh wait#wait i can do this#early shorby is so adorable
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Me: man. It’s been a while since I watched the terror. I don’t have anything else to watch so I’ll put it on. I’ve probably overplayed it by now and it ‘ll be boring now but-
Me exactly 5 minutes later when I see jared harris come into frame:
#the POWER HE HAS OVER ME#and especially since I’ve been feeling bummed bc I’m worried I haven’t developed Lady Terror’s interpersonal relationships with other#characters enough (an imposter syndrome lie) and crashing so hard from burnout that I fear I won’t be able to make the first chapter happen#before I have to go back to school again#but his face… oh his FACE#my wife he heals me#francis crozier#jared harris#the terror
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FULL 78 CARD ENGAGE TAROT DECK HAS PRE-ORDERS OPEN! ISN'T THAT SO COOL?! CLOSES 2.4.23!
i drew kagetsu! can you guess which card he is.... hee hee
#fire emblem#tarot#kagetsu#oh my god what an honor it was to be accepted TT_TT#the other artists are SOOO amazing i had such bad imposter syndrome lol#please consider checking us out and/or supporting us!#fire emblem engage#fe engage#kagetsu fire emblem#kagetsu fe
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Skip and loafer rant incoming in tags
#vi rambling#skip and loafer#the. the imposter syndrome of it all. the shima finally reaching towards a goal only to be told that he shouldnt be doing that.v#when hes been bending himself towards social expectations just so he wont be rejected and forced himself to wear a facade for others out of#fear of rejection. finally pursuing something for himself to disconnect it from the trauma of being a disappointment. and being told#he shouldnt because outwardly it may seem like hes accepted by everyone but to shima everyone just accepts his facade and never the real him#FUCKKKKFKFJCIFKC FUCK!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!#and mitsumi standing up for him like she wanted him to do for her SHE CARES SO MUCH. AGRGHRRR#and shima finally expressing his feelings outwardly hes so. :( his blushhh... but also it makes me so SAD WHEN WILL YOU SMILE AGAIN BOY!!!#and he was nervous to perform in front of mitsumi im so. so normal. because this role is even more personal to him. AND NOW HE KNOWS#and ujie... still a dick move but also how was he made this relatable in like. 2 pages. and rhe end scene was really good actually...#reminds me of shima confronting kanechika way back. but now hes a lot more assertive and expressive! HES GROWN SO MUCH.#anyways can you tell im insane.
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god I wish I could look up ftm stuff without being hit by an absolute deluge of detrans/pregnancy shit in the tags. I viscerally hate both of those things to the point that I mostly just don't go looking anymore because it isn't worth it. would it be so damn hard to not put those things under the regular ftm tag.
I don't blame the people with those kinks for having them mind you, it just feels really inconsiderate to be throwing your "teehee I'm a confused girl" fantasy shit directly into the faces of anyone who searches ftm tags and might already be really fucking tired of hearing that from people who are completely serious.
#considering how much work it is in real life just to get people to stop treating me like Nonbinary Plus™ it's just. must we#why is everyone's first reaction to trans men apparently to find absolutely any excuse to not refer to them as men#I mean I know why it's because we let the terfs con everyone into their whole 'the only correct opinion about men is to hate them' tripe#but still it's annoying and disheartening like no wonder I've got perpetual imposter syndrome#even my fuckin mom after I came out was like 'oh yes you know I've always seen you as more gender neutral'#WELL THAT SUCKS FOR YOU BECAUSE I'M NOT#I HAVE A GENDER. NOT THE GENDER ANYONE APPARENTLY WANTS ME TO HAVE BUT I HAVE IT NONETHELESS#DON'T REALLY CARE ANYMORE THAT IT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE NOT BEING ABLE TO SHIT ON MEN AROUND ME#the really annoying thing is that the whole 'trans fetishization' thing (WHEN IT'S CONSENSUAL) can be hot just.#not in the way these people are doing it
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hey i've been in a psych ward in southeast europe. it was necessary, and it fucking sucked. genuinely, no one mistreated me, it's just that the doctors have very little time for each individual patient and i was truly at rock bottom. and overall. it still saved my life. it was a safe unchanging environment with a routine and people who knew what i was going through. it was weird being the youngest there at 21, it was weird getting the pills from the nurses in tiny paper envelopes one at a time, it was weird and sucky and uncomfortable as fuck. if it came to that again, tho, i would do it again bc my alternatives were all so much worse. i wish you so so so much luck and wellbeing, stay strong, mwahmwah from another mentally ill girlie.
this is v v helpful information thank u so much!!
#im definitely at rock bottom myself but i feel like i still have a strong enough support system to not 'need it' if that makes sense#but idk how much of that is just my imposter syndrome talking#we'll see!! the doctor did sign me up for some crisis help and there's two people coming to my house tomorrow to assess my situation#so thats a bit scary cause they could just be like. mmmnn we're locking u up!#but as far as im aware im not a danger to anyone but myself so the chances of that are slim?? i think??#im also on the fence bc. on the one hand a controlled environment away from everything sounds nice but on the other hand#the thought of someone else in control#someone i dont trust or even know#is extremely scary#we'll see we'll see we'll see#but thank u for being so vulnerable to share this just to help me! i really appreciate it#oh do let me know if ud like me to delete this from my blog tho!
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