#offside records

[thetoxicvault]

CUIR

Album Album (2024)

Offside Records

Lorient / France 🇨🇵

[faerie-stole-my-url]

Tbf I've been a ref before, I would 100% let a nine year old ref an adult game so long as he could keep relative pace with the action. One of the first things they tell you when you are being taught to ref a soccer game is that as a ref, you might make the wrong call. But that field is under your authority, so whether it's the wrong call or not, you have to follow through and the players you're refereeing for WILL honor it. They do not have a choice.

Does wonders for self-confidence and having a sense of responsibility tbh. Highly recommended activity for kids, especially those with an interest in sports but no real desire to be that competitive.

[cerastes]

In the spirit of the current event, which operators do you think would be best/worst sports fans in RI?

Indra - "COME ON INGERLAND!!!! SCORE SOME FAKING GOLS!!!!!"

You'd have to explain what Offside is to Suzuran like 4 times and she still doesn't get it.

Everyone from Bolivar is obviously a huge futbol fan, La Pluma curses like a sailor and gets incredibly incensed whenever the referee makes any call whatsoever.

Ch'en mans the grill at big games and doesn't know much of what's going on but she's having a good time grilling meat and pounding brewskies.

Ptilopsis but because she just lies the entire time about rules and shit, everyone believes her because of her encyclopedic knowledge of sports rules but only those that really know her know that she is just fucking around with everyone. "Oh, this player scored the Terra record on longest distance goal last season" "Woah, really?" "No" "..."

Logos and Machinist.

Reed - "COME ON INGERLAND!!!!! GET FUCKED!!!!!"

I think Franka gets extremely enthusiastic and no one else from the Blacksteel group present knows a damn thing about what she's talking about, but the reality of the matter is, she once scored with a hot Cautus in a sports bar bathroom once and that basically informs all of her appreciation for sports as a vehicle to smashing coochie.

Cuora is the only one that actually knows her sports and is a decent human being about it.

Saria knows about boxing no doubt, but likely not passionate about it.

Flint knows nothing about boxing no doubt, but is very passionate about it.

Dusk and Gladiia have the most esoteric possible conversations about sports from the angle of "art lovers who are curious and enthusiastic about artforms that Terrans practice" but Suzuran had to explain to them what an Offside was 4 times last game night.

[shitsndgiggs]

hey this is a request for Arda Güler!

Well, we all say that goal against Georgia right? It was absolutely spectacular.

I’m thinking about reader who sees the goal and is so happy for him. And they enjoy quality time together. When they get back to the hotel it’s just fluff and reader telling guler how proud of him she is.

You can change it as much as you want. I hope this request is understandable. I have an idea of it but can’t seem to write it down 😭🤭

Thanks

MOMENTS OF GLORY- ARDA GÜLER

Arda scoring a spectacular goal in his Euro debut match

Arda Güler x fem! reader

︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿

I sat nervously in the stands, surrounded by Arda’s family, as Turkey's first Euro match against Georgia began. The air was electric, and Arda's family buzzed with excitement and anticipation.

The game kicked off, and Turkey immediately took control. In the 25th minute, Mert Müldür scored with a powerful header from a well-placed corner.

The stadium exploded with cheers, and I felt a wave of relief wash over me as Turkey took the lead.

Just two minutes later, Kenan made a brilliant solo run and slotted the ball into the net. We erupted again, only for our cheers to turn into groans of disappointment as the goal was ruled offside.

In the 32nd minute, Georgia capitalized on a momentary lapse in Turkey's defense. Georges Mikautadze slipped the ball past our goalkeeper, leveling the score at 1-1.

The turkish crowd fell silent for a moment, but quickly regained their spirit, chanting and cheering for the team to push forward.

As the first half ended, tension hung in the air. "He's doing so well," Arda's mother said, gripping my hand.

"I can't believe how far he's come," I replied, feeling a surge of pride.

The second half started with both teams playing with renewed energy.

Then, in the 65th minute, the moment everyone was waiting for arrived.

Arda picked up the ball on the right side of the pitch. He picked up the ball and cut inside onto his left foot, and unleashed a stunning strike into the top corner.

The stadium erupted in ecstasy, fans screaming and jumping in the pouring Dortmund rain.

Arda's mother clutched my hand, tears of joy streaming down her face. "Did you see that? He's amazing!" she exclaimed.

I nodded, overwhelmed with emotion. "He's worked so hard for this moment," I replied, my voice choked with pride.

"He broke Cristiano Ronaldo's record." Arda's father added, his voice filled with pride.

In the 74th minute, Georgia made two substitutions, desperately trying to change the momentum of the game.

Turkey responded with their own substitutions in the 79th minute, ending with Arda being substituted for Yusuf Yazici.

As Arda walked off the pitch, the crowd rose to their feet. A thunderous applause echoed through the stadium, with fans clapping and cheering for the young star.

His family and I stood up, clapping and cheering with all our might. The ovation was deafening, and I could see the pride and joy in Arda's eyes as he acknowledged the fans, waving and smiling.

"He deserves this moment," Arda's mother said, tears still glistening in her eyes.

The final minutes of the match were nail-bitingly intense. Both teams fought fiercely, but Turkey's defense stood strong. In the 90+7th minute, Kerem Akturkoglu sealed the victory with a brilliant counter-attack goal, making it 3-1.

As the final whistle blew, the stadium erupted once more.

We headed down to the pitch, still buzzing from the victory. Arda walking over to us, his face radiant with happiness.

"You were incredible out there," I told him, wrapping my arms around him. He smiled, "I couldn't have done it without all of your support."

Arda's mother chimed in, "We are so proud of you, Arda. That goal was something special."

We spent a few more moments on the pitch, congratulating him and taking pictures.

Eventually, his family decided to head back to the hotel to rest.

"We'll see you later, sweetheart," Arda's mother said, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Don't be too late."

"I won't, mom," Arda replied with a smile. His family waved goodbye and headed off.

I stayed behind, waiting for Arda to finish celebrating with his teammates and go through the post-match routines. I watched as he interacted with fans, gave interviews, and finally headed to the locker room to shower and change.

The stadium slowly emptied, but I remained, leaning against the railing, feeling a mix of pride and joy.

After what felt like an eternity, Arda emerged from the locker room, freshly showered and dressed. His face lit up when he saw me waiting. "Hey, you," he said, wrapping me in a warm hug. "Thanks for waiting."

"Of course," I replied, holding him close.

We walked to the car together, the night air cool and refreshing after the intensity of the match. On the drive to my hotel, we talked about the game, replaying every moment.

"That goal," I said, shaking my head in awe. "I knew you had it in you, but seeing it happen was something else."

Arda smiled, glancing over at me. "I've been dreaming about that moment for so long. I couldn't believe it when the ball actually went in."

"You deserve it," I said, reaching over to squeeze his hand. "You've worked so hard, and it's all paying off."

When we arrived at the hotel, we headed up to my room. Arda flopped onto the bed with a contented sigh, and I sat beside him, brushing a strand of hair from his forehead.

"I'm so proud of you, Arda," I said softly. "Not just for the goal, but for everything. The dedication, the effort, the way you carry yourself. You're incredible."

He looked up at me, his eyes shining. "I couldn't have done any of this without you," he said, his voice filled with emotion. "You've been my rock, my biggest supporter."

"I'll always be here for you," I replied, leaning down to kiss his forehead. "No matter what."

We lay there for a moment, enjoying the quiet and the closeness. Then I asked, "Why didn't you want to celebrate with the team for the rest of the night?"

Arda sighed contentedly, intertwining his fingers with mine. "I wanted to spend this moment with you. Celebrating with the team is great, but you've been there for me through everything. I wanted to share this with you."

My heart swelled with emotion. "That means so much to me, Arda. Thank you."

We lay there for a while longer, just talking and basking in the joy of the night. Eventually, our stomachs growled in unison, making us laugh.

"How about we order room service?" I suggested.

Arda grinned. "That sounds perfect."

We browsed the menu together, picking out our favorite comfort foods. When the food arrived, we sat on the bed, eating and talking, reliving every glorious moment of the match.

It was a perfect, intimate celebration, just the two of us.

[smicksstuff]

Could you write more SMAU’s for Marc Guiu and Héctor Fort?

Secrets

hectorfort! x reader!, marcguiu!xreader!, siblings!xreader!

summary: join elizabeth as she makes her comeback into the football scene. rumours arise about her new bae but are the rumours true ? make shocking discoveries as ellie sets the record straight.

oc: Elizabeth (Ellie) Sainz

-

elliesainz

Barcelona

liked by hectorforrt_, marcguiu9, ybsf, pedri, and 157,874 others

elliesainz i’m back babyyyy !!

view comments

pedri looking stunning as ever !! 😍😍😍

elliesainz 🫶🏽

pablogavi mi favourito is back

elliesainz ❤️❤️

hectorforrt_ my partner in crime is back ❤️

elliesainz shits about to go downnnn

pablogavi no no not more pranks

elliesainz 🤨🤫🤐😈

hectorforrt also why does gavi get a pic and not me

elliesainz you refused to take one

pablogavi she just likes me more 🤫

hectorforrt geez the things i do for this girl and this is what i get 🙄

user1 “this girl” bros jealous his friend is getting more attention than him

user7 omg is she the one that people have been spotting with hector ?

marcguiu9 god i missed youu 🥹❤️ (comment deleted)

marcguiu9 besties back 😍

elliesainz never ever leaving again 😙

user1 geeez who is this girl ???

user2 she got all the boys whipped

user3 ngl she’s got me whipped tooo

user4 this is elliesainz she is a local restaurant owner. she has a little cafe bar in Barcelona called Offside. They have one of the best paellas and drinks. she is quite famous in the barca community !

user2 she aint nobody 😳

user6 she is one hot chef

liked by marcguiu9 and 829 others

user6 no way marcguiu9 just liked my comment

user7 bestiee is there smth going on ??

user8 ngl they would make a cute couple

user3 nahhh my bets are still on her and hector, they have known each other since forever.

-

hectorforrt_

Barcelona

liked by elliesainz, marcguiu9, user7 and 902,262 others

hectorforrt_ we are getting the gang back together

view comments

elliesainz i love you guysss 🥹🩷

marcguiu9 what will i do without you guys

hectorforrt_ absolutely nothing

elliegonzales i second that ✊🏽

marcguiu9 geez thanks guys 😑

user3 shipping hector and ellie so bad now

user7 same bestie, samee

-

elliesainz posted on her story

hector and chef - trending on X

text messages between hector and ellie

-

elliesainz & hectorforrt_

Barcelona

liked by hectorforrt_, pedri, marcguiu9 and 1,039,728 others

elliesainz thank you papa for my big brother who plays professional football. hectorforrt_ i love you but i love your friends a little more 😗❤️

view comments

hectorforrt_ can’t believe im being used for my friends

elliesainz but i said i love you 🥹

hectorforrt_ 🙄

elliegonzales 😞

user3 BROTHER ???? HERMANO ???

user3 hold UPP !! OMG ive been shipping them together for so long

user1 i need 1-3 years to get over this 🤡

user2 ngl i see the resemblance now

emilygonzales I CALLED THIS ON X

pablogavi FINALLY one less secret to keep

elliesainz i had to save you

marcguiu9 i love my sibling besties 🩷

hectorforrt_ yeah but you love me more

marcguiu9 depends

hectorforrt_ on what ?

marcguiu9 well she can cook. you cant do it to save your life

elliesainz awww you love me moree ✊🏼🩷

marcguiu9 🤐🤐🤐

user7 wait how are they related ??

user4 if im not wrong her dad remarried after her mom passed on.

user7 oh, im so sorry for her.

user4 i think its been a secret because her dad didnt want her to be in the media too much. he didn’t want her to be picked on given her past.

[missmisandrytabletalk]

I've realised how incredibly hostile, envious and demeaning patriarchy has made these men towards women when I heard countless women in my life calling me intelligent, be it from my circle or my family but NOT a single man acknowledging my intelligence or appreciating me for my intellectual debates or the enormous amount of times I managed to raise rational arguments and have actually beat them to it. And no saying ''good job!'' for maintaining a good academic record doesn't fucking count at all.

It's like they have a superiority complex that is deeply instilled into them that the moment they see a woman/young girl start questioning the complexities of life, happen to indulge in academic discourse or in general start flourishing as a learned individual, they immediately attempt to invalidate our achievements and prove us wrong by giving us petty challenges. Supposedly: ''Oh you love watching football and good at playing it too? Let's hear about the offside rule then.''

All that because we no longer allow ourselves to fit their dumb, naive and gullible girl image? What they don't seem to digest is that women have always been intelligent throughout the history. They only used to play dumb in the fear of getting burnt, divorced or severely beaten up had they stood for anything that was against a man's conventional and harrowing idea of how a woman behaves. Survival was the only priority then.

[brighter-by-the-daly]

Jordan Nobbs x Reader

Wingwoman

Posted: 05/05/23 Edited: 09/07/23

Prompt: A Jord and Ona fic, with that interaction on the field included - anon

AN: not Jordan x Ona but the interaction is included. Also Jordan’s ex is not based on Leah as I don’t think she’d act like that ✌️

“Jordan what are you doing?” leaning over the back of the sofa to see your best friend flicking through her ex girlfriend’s Instagram photos again; “this isn’t healthy; it’s been 3 months since you broke up!”. Throwing her head back to look up at you, her eyes in her forehead because she’d heard you say that one too many times. Your words clearly hadn’t sunk in as she’s still stalking her ex, snatching the phone out of her hand and shoving it into your back pocket and walking away. “We’re going out tonight, I’ll be your wing woman” you called back to her from the kitchen, Jordan whined your name in frustration as she watched you swan out of the room “but I don’t want to go out!” she shouted through to the kitchen. “Tough shit, you need to get over her and the best way to do that is getting under someone else” you said as you handed her a glass full of whatever alcohol that was left over from your last house party.

“What about Ona? I saw you two flirting on the pitch the other day” you teased her. “What are you talking about?” Jordan asked trying to cover her cheeks that were turning red, she knew exactly what you were talking about but continued to deny any knowledge of it. Jumping onto the sofa next to her and opening TikTok you scrolled through the copious amounts of edits of the “you were” comment after Jordan was offside. “That wasn’t flirting!” her tone turned defensive “are you sure, cause those eyes guuuurl they ain’t nothing!” shoving your phone into her face. It was hard to deny the clear and obvious evidence of flirty behaviour between them both. “Shut up!” she snapped elbowing you in your ribs as she got up to walk away, soon realising you still had her phone and demanding it back. Standing up you towered over her waving the phone above her head, “when you can reach it, you can have it!” you smirked knowing there was no way your tiny friend would be able to. Folding her arms and glaring at you she knew there wasn’t any point in trying to win her phone back. Jordan being only 5ft3 and you 5ft9 meant you weren’t intimidated by her stance, telling her to find something cute to wear before running away to your room and locking it behind you.

A few hours passed when you returned to the kitchen to mix another concoction before proceeding to Jordan’s room. “You better be ready!” you called out before opening the door, clapping your hands gleefully at the sight of her dressed up and ready to go. Handing her the cocktail of mysterious liquid you ordered the taxi “where are we even going?” she asked while spraying perfume on her neck and wrists. “The only place you need to go to get over an ex.. Coyotes!” - your local gay bar in Birmingham. “I’ve never been to a gay bar!” Jordan seemed a little apprehensive “well there’s no better time than the present is there?” you tipped the glass up from underneath as she sipped so she’d down your awful tasting drink making her wince. “They’re so intimidating!” her whinging had started again and you could not bare it. Walking up behind your friend to untuck the hair from her blazer, you looked at each other through the mirror “Jordy, don’t you always have a good time with me?” your words pandering for compliments of your immaculate track record of nights out. “Debatable!” she scoffed. Your eyes shot daggers at her through the glass until she gave in, “yessss!” she agreed with an eye roll just to shut you up. “Thank you! Now let’s go and find you a wife!”

Leaving the taxi you dragged your best friend into the club. You were so excited when you heard she was transferring to Aston Villa, you’d first met in England’s U15s and have been friends ever since. You’ve never been on the same team before and now you get to live with your bff, winding her up every single day just like you’re both 13 again.

“I don’t know where to put my eyes!” Jordan shouted over the music then looked to the floor to avoid any and all eye contact. Drag queens on the stage, scantily dressed people dancing on podiums… to be fair to her, there was a lot going on. Taking her hand to lead her to the bar, you ordered your first drinks then set up shop by the pool table allowing her to get used the the atmosphere. She only had to keep her eyes on you, the balls and who was winning. You let her win to build her confidence cause that’s what friends do and after a few games and drinks she had warmed up to her surroundings. Taking her blazer off to go and dance, she tried to entice you over with her awful moves while you tried to scout out a good match for her. Laughing from the sidelines you thought she’d never find someone to spend the night with if her dance moves are anything to go by so you went over to help her find her rhythm. Standing behind her and holding her hips to get her into the groove of the music, you then backed off to give her some room to shine.

Your bestie deserves the world and you’re so fed up of her still pining over her ex, you never liked her anyway and didn’t see what Jordan saw in her. She deserves someone who cherishes her and explains the jokes she doesn’t understand, not take the piss out of her. Jordan was always the butt of her jokes, always showing her up in front of her friends and demanded she stayed at the club she was at even though she wasn’t progressing there.

Frustratingly watching on as a few contenders came close but soon backed away when Jordan didn’t talk to them, you made your way back over to her. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” you shouted so she could hear, she shrugged like she didn’t have a clue what you were talking about. “You’re not gonna go home with someone if you don’t talk to them!” you tried to encourage her. “What am I meant to say?” she replied. You were getting fed up with her ‘I don’t have a clue how to be a human being’ act and started responding sarcastically - something Jordan knows all too well happens when you’re frustrated. “Oh I don’t know, anything! You literally said nothing!” your voice now becoming exasperated with shouting over the music. “Okay okay, what about how’s the weather?” she laughed at your expense. She knew exactly what she was doing, she hadn’t got through 30 years of life without knowing how to talk to people. “Oh my god Jord! Weather really gets a girl in the mood! You’re not even trying!” the sarcasm taking over you now, there was no going back - sarcastic bitch is now your personality for the evening. “That’s because I don’t want to try!” she told you forcefully.

If you were a good friend, you’d have stopped pushing. But you’re a great friend, so you didn’t. “Are you seriously telling me there’s no one here you think is remotely attractive?” holding her shoulders and encouraging her to look around. Jordan glanced from the dance floor and to the bar before her eyes dropped back onto you. “Well there is one, I guess..” her voice seemed uncertain but you were glad you were finally getting somewhere. “Great! Tell me who and I’ll set you up” unable to contain the excitement that was brewing with the mission. “I can’t!” she shook her head smiling, breaking your hopes and your patience. “Well just show me then!” your eye widened in pure irritation. Jordan held your gaze for a few seconds until you got impatient and hurried her along with her decision “come on!!”. Taking your shirt into her fist and yanking it down to bring your head closer to hers so she could reach your face, she bravely and unhesitatingly kissed you.

Your eyes still open in shock at what was happening and a look of confusion on your face caused her to stop and break apart from you. Staring at each other in the middle of the dance floor surrounded by bodies, your eyes and mouths wide open in panic. Your blank expression caused Jordan’s face to turn bright red as she turned and sprinted towards the exit. Grabbing your coats and bags you followed her outside into the night, your long legs managing to climb 3 steps at a time meaning you swiftly caught up with her, yelling her name into the darkness begging her to stop. You had no idea where she was heading, just running down the street in the middle of winter without her jacket on.

Luckily you’re a footballer who knows how to keep pace as you grabbed her arm to stop her going any further, spinning round to look at you her words came out so quickly that you barely had time to process what she was saying. “I’m sorry! I don’t know what I was doing, it’s the drink, I don’t want to ruin our friendship!” her head fell into her hands firmly embarrassed about what she’d done. “You don’t need to apologise Jordy, I didn’t know you felt that way about me” you said calmly, placing your hand on her shoulder to reassure her you weren’t judging. “I- I don’t” she stammered which is her tell when she’s lying. Slumping down with her on a nearby bench to try and get the truth out of your friend, liquid confidence now wearing off you wrapped her blazer around her shoulders. “When did this start?” you asked her gently, wanting her to know you’re still her best friend and care about her deeply. “Since I met you” she looked down at her shoes to avoid your eye contact. “That was 17 years ago Jord!” you said shocked that she’d been keeping this in for nearly two decades. “I know! We were young and didn’t know what it meant to love someone, let alone another girl. Then we grew up and went to different clubs and we didn’t see each other as much, we both got in and out of relationships at different times and I thought I’d rather have you as my friend than nothing at all. I didn’t know if you felt the same way and I just didn’t want to jeopardise anything but now we play for the same team, we’re both single, we live together and those feelings just came flooding back. I was looking at her photos to stop myself from thinking about you.” You let her finish what she had to say, it took a lot for you not to interrupt her and when she finally looked up from the floor, you didn’t know how to tell her what you wanted to say. Holding her cheek you brought her face closer to yours, trying this again as your lips locked together, eyes closed and taking your time. Her hands moved into your hair as your second kiss of the night became deeper before pulling apart again. Jordan’s face looking relieved and slightly shell shocked - “I didn’t want to find someone to go home with cause I only ever want to go home with you” she smiled.

[wileys-russo]

14th time in the season offside for our stina ballerina 🩰 record breaker

[offsidenewsco]

Loving him was Fed(orov).

To celebrate the third anniversary of Red (Taylors Version), a record the Offsides staff know All Too Well, we assigned players and narratives from across the NHL to our favourite songs from the album.

Read & listen along here: https://tinyurl.com/2mc8feyh

[swampstew]

KillerCook Chapter 13

Welcome to Raven’s Reading Nook - a small corner of this blog dedicated to cozy story times. Join us in the family room as we sit around and celerate Straw Hat Luffy's birthday. Rated Mature for language. Minors DNI

Going Live in 3…2…1…

GO

“Good evening everyone, thanks for tuning in. I’m Killer and this is my neighbor, Sanji.”

The two blond men sat at a slim table as they faced they audience, both waving their hands in greetings and casual small talk as viewers started joining the stream.

“Have you ever been on a live stream? Wait, are you even on social media?” Killer asked.

“Killer, we follow each other on Instagram,” the curly browed man scoffed.

“Oh the one I hardly use?” Killer asked in surprise, quick to pull out a cell phone. After scrolling for a few seconds, “Oh yeah, here you are: Sanji {censored}. Wait, THAT’s your last name? Are-are you serious?”

“Yeah, I’m adopted. What about it?”

“Why would you use your full government name on the Internet, you [redacted] idiot?” Kid griped as he came into the camera’s focus, taking the third seat at the table.

“It was never a concern until you blabbed it out loud in front of 3,000 and growing listeners,” Sanji snapped at them, whipping out his cell phone from his suit. “Great, now I gotta go on private…huh…hmm…maybe, maybe I’ll just change my user name,” he quieted down suddenly.

“Ooooo-kay. Moving on - we’re switching things up a bit. Today is a friend of a friend’s birthday and, surprisingly, a few people came to us seeking advice on making cake. Did no one ever teach them to bake? So Sanji and I thought we would make it a challenge. For ours and your entertainment.”

The camera was shifted offside to the second half of the kitchen, on the massive kitchen island that was set and stationed with ingredients, counter-top ovens, and three contenders.

Franky, Usopp, and Bubblegum.

They waved at the camera before the spotlight was once again on Killer.

“Now I’m no stranger to making cake but I’m brave enough to acknowledge that when it comes to plating and food decorating, Sanji is the true expert. Heat, please bring out the birthday cakes.”

Heat walked to the camera and showed off the treat before depositing the three-tier cake, with classic yet tastefully festive decorations, on the table for the hosts. Clean calligraphy on the top declared it to be Sanji’s roommate’s name, the birthday boy. Straw Hat Luffy. Repeating the process, Heat dropped off another cake, this time the cake was designed and shaped to look like a hunk of meat. A small straw hat sat atop of the bone leg.

“Thank you, Heat. Our challenge is to have our contenders make cakes that rival Chef Sanji’s. The rules are: it has to taste well, look good, the cake must be made using the ingredients on the table - no getting creative…looking at you, Bubblegum…” Killer warned.

“Both stacked cakes are layered with buttercream frosting, and decorated with more frosting, modeling chocolate, and fondant for the details. On average it takes about 90 minutes to bake and decorate a cake with enough time for cooling and correcting for any errors. But Killer is a bit sadistic.”

“That I am. And because it’s my show, I’m only giving these guys one hour.”

Kid slammed his hands on the table, standing up to shout, “SO GET BAKING!”

A separate camera was stationed and angled to record the contenders, catching Usopp as he jumped and knocked his bowl of eggs on the ground. Shattering.

“Ooooh and we’ve suffered our first casualty already. Of course Kid caused it and OF COURSE Usopp reacted,” Killer commented.

“Yeah this is going to set him back a little but not by much, Killer. The rule of thumb is to have your eggs and butter be at room temperature so they incorporate with the ingredients better. Having to use colder eggs means his batter could come out denser than he intends,” Sanji lit a cigarette. “Oh I meant to ask, can I smoke in here?”

“It’s fine, we smoke in the house all the time,” Kid left the table and the suspicious sound of bubbling water could be heard, followed by a billow of smoke.

While Usopp rushed around Bubblegum to retrieve new eggs, Franky was fast at work setting his ingredients in order to start baking. Bubblegum was lightly dancing on his feet as he read over the written recipe they had been provided.

“We gave them base cake mix recipes so they have to decide a flavor combination on their own, which can really make or break a cake’s standing with the crowd,” Sanji piped up after taking a few drags.

“If I was given a bad cake, I’d take it personally,” Kid said menacingly, drumming his metal prosthetic fingers on the table.

“Yeah yeah the threatening and torturing, we’ve all heard it,” Killer waved him off. “Sanji, how did you make your cakes? Explain so our viewers can learn the proper way.”

While Sanji explained the intricacies of the art of baking, Bubblegum, Usopp, and Franky were hurriedly working on their creations.

Franky was whistling as he quickly mixed his ingredients, pouring the thin batter into the pans and popping them into the oven. He looked confident, with the box of butter left unopened and parchment paper forgotten. Things one would normally use to grease a baking pan and protect batter from sticking.

Bubblegum was pouring his cake batter in the pans before he froze, a worried look on his face. Looking between the oven and his station, he quickly opened a can of dulce de leche and drizzled it directly into the batter, using a fork to mix it evenly.

Usopp, in an effort to save time, was throwing all his ingredients into the bowl and mixing them together. The batter was looking a little liquidly as he stepped in place to channel his nervousness.

“While the cake is baking, you should work on your buttercream frosting, a key point in the process to keep the cake moist while you decorate. It also serves as a binding agent for folding fondant over it. We gave the contenders pre-made fondant and modeling chocolate because I have some compassion. Drape the fondant over the cake, smooth it out, and trim at the edges. For a regular cake you can mainly use buttercream, but I would recommend it for shapes like the meat cake because it can help it maintain some structure, if it’s balanced just right. Too much weight can cause it to fall off or make a dent in your cake.”

“Modeling chocolate is great for decorations and requires a less refined hand compared to buttercream calligraphy. I would knead and mold the chocolate to be a straw hat, the bone leg coming from the meat of the cake, or maybe something cute like little balloons and party hats as cake toppers,” Sanji chuckled.

“I’m going to make some predictions,” Killer folded his hands, “Franky’s cake will get stuck to the pan, Bubblegum’s cake might come out crumbled based on how hard he was forking his pan, and I’m a leeeettle concerned about salmonella from Usopp’s cake.”

“If it looks and smells fine, I’ll eat it,” Kid chipped in.

With two minutes left on the timer, Killer reminded the bakers to put their cakes under the frosted cake covers when the timer hit zero seconds.

The three judges rose to their feet as they counted down the last 10 seconds.

“3…2…1…present your cakes!”

The three contenders lifted their respective covers for both camera’s that were now hovering between all 6 men as they stood at the kitchen island.

It was…hard…to stifle the giggles and laughter coming from Killer and Sanji, while Kid looked more or less baffled with the results.

Franky’s cake was well structured like the tier cake Sanji had made, if only a little flatter and less attractive. Franky was good at making things, but not so much with decorating - at least not when it comes to cakes. His cake was layered with fondant that slightly ruffled at the edges, and his buttercream handwriting wasn’t the best. His chocolate balloons were perfectly spherical but missing their strings, so they were actually more like colorful balls.

Usopp’s cake was much, much smaller than all five cakes. His station was a mess of puddles and crumbled cake, suggesting his cakes had cooked too thin and fell apart easily. To compensate for the small stature, Usopp made an effort to recreate the meat shaped cake. It certainly looked like a meat. The cake was the same color as Sanji’s, the straw hat looked fairly decent, unfortunately it - along with the molded chocolate bone - weighed too much and fell off the side.

Bubblegum’s cake was a combination of both. He had made the tier cake, and added the straw hat and a mini-meat sized cake as the toppers for his cake. Instead of buttercream lettering, a single candle stood between the toppers.

“I don’t actually know how old he is,” the tattooed man said sheepishly.

Kid was about to say something when Killer stopped him, “Its taste testing time. Cut off a slice from each cake and we’ll let you know if it’s acceptable to give to the birthday boy…man… Is he still a teenager or in his twenties?” he whipped his head to Sanji.

Sanji lit another cigarette, “He’s a kid at heart.”

“Good enough! Let’s take a bite.”

Starting with Franky’s cake, Kid and Sanji’s faces immediately crinkled as Killer went off camera to eat his piece.

“The…the flavor,” the redhead choked out.

“It’s…certainly a unique choice but I’m not sure I can place it,” Sanji looked at Franky.

“It’s cola flavored,” the mechanic gave the camera a thumbs up.

“It certainly is,” Killer responded as he grabbed bottled water for himself, Kid and Sanji. “Your cake had us in the first half. It looked like it could be trusted, and while the cola in itself isn’t a baaaad flavor, just…when it’s in my mouth, I feel like my taste buds are screaming, ‘that shouldn’t be cake!!’”

The judges nodded in agreement before moving on to Usopp’s cake. Only this time, Killer didn’t step away to taste it.

“Usopp, your cake is somehow cooked in some layers but not in others and I’m struggling to understand how that’s possible,” Killer nudged the cake around the plate.

Sanji agreed, “You know my policy on not wasting food but I don’t think I can defend this one. Your creative skills shine wherever you take them, the cake definitely looked edible.”

Kid was the only one who ate his portion, “Can barely taste the flavor,” he shrugged, biting into the chocolate straw hat.

Moving on to the final cake, the judges tasted the generous slice presented to them.

Sanji started, “Bubblegum, I don’t know you that well but I can tell, you can make a cake on the fly. I liked your last ditch effort to flavor this cake with the caramel drizzle and it gives your cake a nice texture, especially where the cake is a little dry. Your decorations are pleasant to look at, you even went the extra mile by combining both my examples into one!”

Killer came back to the kitchen island, “He’s an overachiever, that’s our Bubbs. I even like how he made the straw hat out of rice krispie treat covered with thin layers of buttercream.

“Suck up,” Kid rolled his eyes as he finished the plate, “But its a good cake BG. You make me proud. I don’t really love fondant so I appreciate you topping the cake with frosting and leaving the fake crap to the meat topper.”

“The meat is also made of rice krispie treat,” Bubblegum chirped.

“Work smarter not harder, that’s m’boy.”

“It time to declare which cakes are acceptable to bring over for Luffy’s party,” Killer announced. The three judges took a few minutes to themselves to discuss the cakes.

Lining up in front of their contenders, Killer addressed them and the live audience at the same time, “We saw some struggles, we saw some personal challenges, and most importantly, we saw growth. Whether or not that helps you make better cake in the future is not really my problem but I hope you at least take away something meaningful from this.”

Usopp nervously giggled.

“The cakes that are acceptable—“

Killer didn’t finish his sentence, cut off as someone shouting throughout the house could be heard.

“SAAAAAANJJIIIIII? WHERE AAARRE YOOOUUUUU?” the person with a tune in his voice was coming closer to the kitchen, “C’mooonn!!! We can’t start the party without you!! Are you hiding my cake here? I promise I won’t take a bite out if it and cover it up like last time.”

The kitchen occupants were silently moving towards the backyard sliding glass door, hoping to make a clean escape. Their hopes quickly blown away as the kitchen door handle turned.

Monkey D. Luffy walked through the door, multiple cone hats sat over his trademark straw hat.

The last words the audience heard: “HOLY CRAP FIVE CAKES?!?!?!”

Before the live stream suddenly cut to black, a rabid Luffy sprinted towards the judges and contenders as they screamed in fear.

Read on Wattpad | Read on AO3

[mowu-moment]

i don't have a witty way to put this, but this man kicked the goalpost in frustration when he kicked the ball offside today. just wanted the record to show that

[stormoflina]

Heyyy, can you translate a little bit of Domis post-match interview? (If it's not too long of course)

Hii! Sure thing. Did you mean this one?

I: "Dominik, you had to come back a lot to the defensive line. How much of this was pre-planned, conscious, or was it perhaps based on your in the moment feeling during the match?"

D: "It was my feeling [my choice], I wanted to be a part of the game. Perhaps I was a bit too deep... It was a bit pre-planned, a bit not, we will look back on the footage to see if I did well or not."

I: "During the first half, it looked like you were not satisfied [with the result/how they were playing], or at least that's what your body language suggested."

D: "Then I will try to improve on that."

I: " Are you satisfied with the game?"

D: " It's not my job to say that. I think we have played better games. We were too wasteful in many situations. If we had only stayed calm, we would have been able to outplay them, get the ball into the final third. We will have to pay attention to that, but most important is the final result."

I: "As captain, your unbeaten run [with Hungary] continues, now you are getting closer to the Aranycsapat's [Hungary's best team ever, think Puskás] record of unbeaten matches."

D: " Yeah, we are on it, but we only focus on our own performance. The more we can remain unbeaten, the better. I think this is what we all think.

I: "When you dropped back to play as a right back... it can be said that you did everything to win this game."

D: "If I'm the one who has to do that, then I will do that, no complaining...

I: *interrupts* "Is that your new position?" *laughs*

D: "No. *smiles* But if the captain [manager] puts me there, I will try to do my best there. I will do the dirty work, just like everyone in our team. We are all part of one team, I'm not beyond doing the dirty work [nobody is]. I think all of us did their fair share of work tonight."

I: "Penalty... what was going on in your head?"

D: " I thought about changing up a bit (he always shoots it to the left corner), but then I was like nahh... First, I thought about giving the opportunity to Séfi (he calls him Seffi tho lol), but then I decided otherwise. " *laughs*

I: "You ended up being the only goal scorer in this match." (Séfi's goal was ruled out for being offside.)

D: " Maybe if he [Séfi] hadn't worked out so much during his rehab, his shoulders wouldn't have hung in." *everyone laughing* "Anyways, the final result is the most important, I'm glad that we won!"

Sorry, if there are misspellings or anything, I'm on a roadtrip and did it on my phone.

[bogusbyron]

i just sent that stex ask and what do you mean the story has changed over time 😰 do you think you could explain

(also side note i think you might like the flaming lips' music you just have that vibe yk)

oh god, yeah, so.... the starlight express canon is NOT consistent at all, and its changed so much to the point where everyone kind of makes up their own canon as far as i can tell. like its a pick n mix for bits you like. with a show being as old and expensive as it is, as well as the fact that its... not really based on anything with a really loose plotline, a lot has been changed, for cohesion/safety/expense cuts. the most notable rewrites were the 90s rewrites (see: New Starlight Express original london cast recording) and the more recent 2018 bochum (germany) rewrites. and now 2024 london revival rewrite.

from what i can tell and anyone can correct me if im wrong here - the canon changes from like any production, and sometimes even during the runtimes of shows (think rusty's broadway post-starlight costume change, or andy partridge's wig as electra) - with so many different actors portraying their interpretations of the blank-slate side characters, you can see a lot of different things being done. (i always think of that one show in which krupp and purse were flirting offside during pumping iron, with krupp playing bongos on purse's arsecheeks). little things like that are super interesting and funny.

overall ... yeah the storyline changes. songs keep getting cut and swapped and added. which is why i think a cast recording for the new 2024 revival would be awesome ...

[newtonsheffield]

nothing good starts has so much offside vibes i just cant!! please tell kate is going to kill it in her job and everyone is gonna love it and then all fans are going to be thrilled when they get together!!

The thing is: She did only sign a one year contract with Bridgerton Family Racing. Mostly because it was what she wanted and it would give both parties a clean cut if it wasn't working out. Only issue being: It is working out phenomenally. Anthony's finished one race outside the top 4 and that was when he was involved in a pretty serious scrap that wasn't his fault in which Carlos Sainz rolled over the top of him and there were a few flames.

And now other teams are circling because they've learned that Kate does only have a one year contract and Anthony's in his dad's office like-

"She's the only engineer I've ever clicked with, just give her whatever she wants!"

"Kate knows we want to reup her contract, and I've offered her five years, she has a right to weigh her options, Anthony."

And Edmund's getting asked about it more and more leading to him just sighing.

"Of course we want Kate to stay with us, we've had incredible results this season and I feel, and I hope Kate feels as well that we're building something really special there. We've got a great record of fostering young talent and I hope that this is something we can continue with Kate. But at the end of the day, it's her choice to make and if she feels it's time to move on family is built into the core of what we do over at BFR. It's in our name it's in the way we treat our team and once a part of that family: always a part of that family and we'll wish her all the best."

And part of him genuinely doesn't believe he's going to be able to keep Kate at Bridgerton until she walks into his office one day and clears her throat, "Do you still want five more years?"

"I want about 25 more but we can start with 5."

Meanwhile, fans are going a little bit rabid because they can see the growing tension between Kate and Anthony. There's the flirty comments and the way he gets out of the car and hugs her first, and the way he always leans right over the balcony while the team drags her forward to get sprayed with champagne. There's the way he'll be walking by her giving an interview and just join in. The videos on his social media of Kate with her coveralls on and her hands in the engine of her car captioned, Yes daddy.

Everyone's pretty convinced they're well on their way to being something more. And it's fascinating to watch.

But imagine the other team principals watching Anthony declare his undying love for Kate right there on the podium and the bloody season's not even finished yet but no one can catch him on points and it's very sweet actually: but they know they're never getting Kate away from BFR now.

"They could split up. Could get nasty."

"He just asked her to be the mother of his children. They're never splitting up."

And Edmund's just grinning ear to ear. Mostly he's happy that young love prevailed, of course, of course that's it. But maybe he now knows he's got a great engineer who'd make a great team principal one day locked in forever and that's a reason to smile too.

[apomaro-mellow]

i gotta do everything my damnself

Sitting in the back of his car, Henry Creel let out a bone deep sigh. How a world famous star like him couldn’t find the perfect voice was putting him close to depression. Every night, he went to a different club, listening to singers pour their hearts out. But not a one elicited the response he was looking for. Still, it had become his greatest ambition. Anytime he wasn’t asleep, he was searching for the voice.

“One more club”, he ordered his driver. “And then we’ll call it a night.”

---------------

Steve stood in the wings as a band performed. He looked to the crowd. Pretty slim out there. But that was life in this town. Even on a weekend, the bars they were able to find gigs didn’t have a huge pull. 

He moved away from the curtain and went further backstage. Jeff was doing his usual ritual of pacing back and forth, sometimes hopping in place, while Gareth and Crash were playing rock, paper, scissors, trying to get as many ties in a row as possible. Their record was four.

Steve found his boyfriend Eddie, sitting on a stool, tapping his foot in time with his strumming.

“So the stage manager said we get one song, right?”, Steve clarified.

“Yep, just the one before they kick us to the curb”, Eddie said, not looking up from his strings.

“But if we do good-”

“Stevie baby we always do good.”

“I mean if they like us”, Steve walked closer and bent over, his hands on his knees. “Then we could do two songs. And one of them could be mine.”

Eddie looked up then. “Angel, I love your voice. But that song’s not metal. And we’re tryina create a brand here.”

“What brand, Eddie? There’s like five folks in the audience.”

“Boys? What do you think?”, Eddie posed the question to the rest of the band.

He got a resounding round of no’s and head shakes. They knew better than to get between a lover’s quarrel. Especially since Eddie was so whipped he typically bent to Steve’s will anyway.

“Eddie, both songs could show off our versatility.”

“If we sing my song and then follow it up with some radio-friendly love-fest, it’s gonna be confusing. Better to just stick with the one genre for now.”

Steve frowned. “Eddie, that song is fo-”

“Hey punks, you’re on deck. Try not to clear the room too much, eh?”

Eddie scowled and now that he was in a mood, there’d be no talking to him. Steve would just have to jump on the opportunity when the time came and hope the rest of the band backed him up.

They were introduced to the stage and Eddie immediately got them started. The song began like an explosion. It was one they all resonated with, about getting the fuck out of Hawkins and never looking back and fuck everyone here.

Situated in a dark corner of the venue, Creel watched, waiting for any voice that would get a reaction. He had a small metal box on top of the table. Inside was an even smaller creature.

Creel’s cool eyes glazed over the guitarist parading on stage and shouting out over his own riffs. No movement from inside the box.

A few people in the crowd seemed into them but it wasn’t a very warm reception. When the song ended, the stage manager looked ready to shoo them off. When he saw Steve’s face, Eddie fought with himself. Then, after much mental deliberation, he gave a bow towards Steve and stepped away from the center.

Steve took his place and shared a look with the other members before a softer song began. Then he looked to his boyfriend, hoping that this time the words would reach his heart.

“Oh what will the signal be for your eyes to see me?

Watching offside as I wait, just in case you need me...”

For a moment Steve didn’t look away from Eddie, but Eddie kept his head firmly down on his guitar, looking for all the world like he just wanted to get this over with. Biting down the disappointment, Steve gave his attention to the audience. Maybe his voice could reach someone out there.

And it was.

But the one reacting was a tiny, slimy creature, trying to escape from its metal prison to get closer to that alluring voice. Creel drummed his fingers against the box, feeling something he hadn’t felt for a long time - excitement. His eyes glazed over Steve’s form.

“Now that you know why I’m here, let me show you what loving an angel is like.” Steve gave another meaningful look to Eddie, which was again wasted on him.

When the song ended, Steve left the stage first. By the time the rest of them came backstage, he was already gone.

Gareth was rubbing at his face and Crash wanted to bang his head into a wall.

“Hey Eddie, here’s a suggestion, why don’t you actually sing with Steve for once?”

“Cause I don’t sing that crap. We’ve got three types of songs: Fuck you, fuck me, dragons are the shit. Did you hear anything about love songs?”

“Plenty of hardcore bands sing about love”, Gareth groaned.

“But like that?”, Eddie gestured towards the exit door Steve had probably walked through. “All...gooey and soft and vanilla?”

“Dude!” Jeff jabbed a finger to his chest. “You just described you and Steve.”

Eddie looked like he was buffering and trying to catch up. “We-we’re not vanilla. If you knew what me and my baby got up to-”

“TMI”, Crash said quickly, covering his ears.

“Kinky or not, Steve turns you to butter. You melt”, Gareth said.

Jeff nodded. “You get gooey. And soft.”

Eddie pulled at his hair. His Stevie had changed him, but not that much, right? He let out a loud breath. Maybe that was the problem. But singing a song like that went against everything he believed. He didn’t want to become that kind of band. Was that kind of thinking worth causing a rift though?

“Why do I get the feeling that if I split with Steve, he’d take you guys in the divorce?”

Gareth, Crash and Jeff all answered in line.

“You don’t have custody of us, we’re always wrangling you.”

“Are you really gonna propose one day?”

“I would kill a man to keep eating Steve’s brownies. Even if that man is you.”

Eddie paced around for a moment before heading towards the door. “Alright, I’m stubborn, not stupid.”

The rest of them gave him looks that said ‘are you sure?’

“You three debate that while I find my lost songbird.”

Eddie left the club, already knowing where Steve would go. Unbeknownst to them all, someone else was already on the prowl for Steve.

A/N: the hardest part of this was NOT making Eddie the kind of guy who says “My baby angel sweetheart darlin can play ANYTHING he likes.” but he’ll get there eventually. Part 2 coming soon.

[incorrectnwsl]

At least AM13's offside record will never be beat ❤️

If we were ever gonna get AM7 again she’d take that as a challenge.