#of wikipedia articles that I want to read after doing the research here

[piratewithvigor]

AEW Roster Organized By Age (& events, for context)

Source: Smackdown Hotel

Jan 3 1952 - Jim Ross

Feb 8 1952 - Elizabeth II crowned

May 30 1955 - Jake Roberts

Nov 3 1957 - Laika becomes first animal in space

Nov 7 1957 - Tony Schiavone

May 13 1958 - Velcro is patented

Sep 20 1958 - Arn Anderson

Mar 20 1959 - Sting

Jun 12 1963 - Jerry Lynn

Jul 1 1963 - ZIP codes are introduced in the US

Oct 13 1963 - Don Callis

Nov 11 1963 - Daddy Ass

Apr 14 1967 - Jeff Jarrett

May 9 1967 - Kevin Kelly

Oct 11 1967 - Taz

Dec 6 1967 - First successful heart transplant

May 10 1968 - William Regal

Oct 30 1968 - Luther

Apr 10 1969 - Dustin Rhodes

Jul 16 1969 - Apollo 11 lands the first people on the moon

Mar 24 1970 - Christopher Daniels

Nov 9 1970 - Chris Jericho

Dec 18 1970 - Rob Van Dam

Apr 3 1971 - Alex Marvez

Jun 12 1971 - Mark Henry

Feb 8 1972 - Paul Wight

Oct 12 1972 - Karen Jarrett

Nov 29 1972 - Atari releases Pong

Oct 30 1973 - Adam Copeland

Nov 30 1973 - Christian Cage

Jan 1 1974 - Jim Ross starts his career in wrestling

Sep 23 1974 - Matt Hardy

Oct 8 1975 - Michael Nakazawa

Jan 23 1976 - Nigel McGuinness

May 8 1976 - First roller coaster with a loop in it opens

Oct 4 1976 - Emi Sakura

Feb 28 1977 - Lance Archer

Aug 31 1977 - Jeff Hardy

Nov 9 1977 - Alex Abrahantes

Dec 12 1977 - The Butcher

Mar 17 1979 - Samoa Joe

Aug 1 1979 - Prince Nana

Oct 3 1979 - Johnny TV

Dec 29 1979 - Justin Roberts

May 6 1980 - Colt Cabana

Jun 2 1980 - The Blade

Jul 16 1980 - Excalibur

Nov 17 1980 - Mercedes Martinez

Dec 27 1980 - Claudio Castagnoli

Feb 19 1981 - Shawn Spears

May 22 1981 - Bryan Danielson

Aug 1 1981 - MTV debuts

Dec 12 1981 - Eddie Kingston

Apr 7 1982 - Sonjay Dutt

May 21 1982 - Kota Ibushi

Aug 3 1982 - Nyla Rose

Oct 10 1982 - Tony Khan

Dec 3 1982 - Jake Hager

Mar 1 1983 - Mark Sterling

Mar 19 1983 - Matt Sydal

Apr 1 1983 - Scorpio Sky

Jul 26 1983 - Roderick Strong

Oct 16 1983 - Kenny Omega

Dec 7 1983 - Matt Menard

Jan 26 1984 - JD Drake

Feb 2 1984 - Brian Cage

Feb 17 1984 - Jimmy Jacobs

Feb 23 1984 - Serpentico

Mar 20 1984 - Angelo Parker

May 4 1984 - Orange Cassidy

Jun 30 1984 - Dax Harwood

Jul 1 1984 - PG13 rating is invented

Sep 19 1984 - Renee Paquette

Nov 4 1984 - Ryan Nemeth

Nov 8 1984 - Keith Lee

Dec 26 1984 - Pat Buck

Dec 29 1984 - Anthony Henry

Jan 17 1985 - Mark Briscoe

Feb 13 1985 - Truth Magnum

Feb 26 1985 - Penta El Zero Miedo

Mar 13 1985 - Matt Jackson

Mar 19 1985 - Luchasaurus

Mar 20 1985 - Matt Taven

Mar 23 1985 - CJ

Mar 31 1985 - First Wrestlemania

May 16 1985 - Mike Bennett

May 19 1985 - Malakai Black

Apr 20 1985 - Jay Lethal

Jul 15 1985 - QT Marshall

Aug 6 1985 - Tony Nese

Sep 9 1985 - The Bunny

Dec 7 1985 - Jon Moxley

Dec 25 1985 - Miro

Jan 24 1986 - Vincent

Feb 5 1986 - Madison Rayne

Feb 19 1986 - Shawn Dean

Feb 21 1986 - The first Zelda game is released

Mar 2 1986 - Bishop Kaun

Mar 4 1986 - Dalton Castle

Apr 8 1986 - Big Bill

Apr 22 1986 - Chuck Taylor

Jun 15 1986 - Cezar Bononi

Jun 29 1986 - Serena Deeb

Jul 22 1986 - Thunder Rosa

Aug 21 1986 - Pac

Oct 22 1986 - Taya Valkyrie

Jan 13 1987 - Ian Riccaboni

Feb 4 1987 - Aaron Solo

Mar 1 1987 - Kyle O'Reilly

Mar 7 1987 - Angelico

Mar 10 1987 - Alex Reynolds

Mar 17 1987 - Brody King

Mar 30 1987 - Trent Beretta

May 17 1987 - Cash Wheeler

Apr 21 1987 - Dutch

Jun 18 1987 - Brandon Cutler

Jul 20 1987 - Evil Uno

Sep 5 1987 - AR Fox

Jan 19 1988 - Wardlow

Mar 20 1988 - Josh Woods

Apr 14 1988 - Marina Shafir

Apr 17 1988 - Dasha Gonzalez

Jun 11 1988 - Hikaru Shida

Jul 18 1988 - RJ City

Aug 23 1988 - Metalik

Aug 28 1988 - EJ Nduka

Aug 31 1988 - Athena

Sep 26 1988 - Buddy Matthews

Sep 29 1988 - Rush

Nov 24 1988 - Anthony Ogogo

Jan 25 1989 - Stu Grayson

Apr 10 1989 - Juice Robinson

Apr 11 1989 - Ari Daivari

Jun 14 1989 - Peter Avalon

Jul 5 1989 - Adam Cole

Jul 27 1989 - Nick Jackson

Jul 31 1989 - Max Caster

Sep 20 1989 - Ethan Page

Nov 3 1989 - Andrade El Idolo

Dec 17 1989 - The Simpsons premiers

Aug 17 1990 - Danhausen

Aug 20 1990 - Mark Davis

Sep 30 1990 - Swerve Strickland

Nov 12 1990 - Stokely Hathaway

Dec 18 1990 - Anthony Bowens

Dec 30 1990 - Rey Fenix

Jan 9 1991 - Ruby Soho

Jan 23 1991 - Powerhouse Hobbs

Jan 30 1991 - Toa Liona

Feb 4 1991 - Mike Santana

Apr 22 1991 - Nick Comoroto

Apr 23 1991 - Dr Britt Baker DMD

May 18 1991 - Colten Gunn

Jun 4 1991 - John Silver

Jul 14 1991 - Diamante

Jul 21 1991 - Adam Page

Aug 23 1991 - World Wide Web starts up

Sep 27 1991 - Ortiz

Nov 22 1991 - Brandon

Nov 22 1991 - Brent

Jan 15 1992 - Preston Vance

Apr 7 1992 - Abadon

May 19 1992 - Kip Sabian

Jun 3 1992 - Red Velvet

Aug 17 1992 - Saraya

Sep 14 1992 - Penelope Ford

Sep 15 1992 - Dralistico

Oct 9 1992 - Jay White

Dec 27 1992 - Yuka Sakazaki

Jan 7 1993 - Darby Allin

Jul 28 1993 - Sammy Guevara

Jan 25 1994 - Willow Nightingale

Feb 21 1994 - Ricky Starks

Mar 26 1994 - Paige Vanzant

Apr 12 1994 - Marq Quen

Jun 6 1994 - Lee Moriarty

Aug 26 1994 - Austin Gunn

Sep 16 1994 - Kiera Hogan

Apr 17 1995 - Bandido

Apr 23 1995 - Jamie Hayter

May 29 1995 - Konosuka Takeshita

Jun 6 1995 - Tay Melo

Aug 7 1995 - Kris Statlander

Oct 19 1995 - Toni Storm

Nov 13 1995 - Boulder

Nov 13 1995 - Bronson

Nov 22 1995 - Toy Story is released

Dec 10 1995 - Satnam Singh

Mar 15 1996 - MJF

Aug 11 1996 - Lexy Nair

Oct 26 1996 - Wheeler Yuta

Apr 29 1997 - El Hijo Del Vikingo

Jun 4 1997 - Riho

Jun 15 1997 - Jack Perry

Jul 10 1997 - Isiah Kassidy

Oct 27 1997 - Leyla Hirsch

Dec 13 1997 - Lee Johnson

Mar 9 1998 - Parker Boudreaux

Jul 15 1998 - Anna Jay

Aug 4 1998 - Mariah May

Sep 7 1998 - Daniel Garcia

Dec 15 1998 - Komander

Dec 24 1998 - Kyle Fletcher

May 4 1999 - Hook

Sep 20 1999 - Darius Martin

Oct 2 1999 - Skye Blue

Mar 3 2001 - Dante Martin

Mar 23 2001 - WWF buys WCW

Nov 8 2001 - Julia Hart

Oct 13 2004 - Billie Starkz

Jul 10 2005 - Nick Wayne

Jan 17 2012 - Negative One

[slayfk]

I just saw your post about western North Carolina. I've been following the situation (mostly through social media) and I'm devastated. This part of the country has always been one of my very favorites to visit (I'm in Georgia) and I want to help if you know of any mutual aid or organizations? I donated to the Red Cross but thought I would ask if you had any suggestions. I'm so sorry this is happening to y'all

i included resources and donation links at the bottom of this post

the great smoky mountains (appalachians) are the most visited national park in the united states, having received over 13 million visitors in 2023. despite this, its residents are hated or at least largely ignored by the majority of the united states. they are portrayed as hillbillies and conservatives that deserve nobody’s time. this is far from the truth. appalachians have been mistreated by the government and general populace for generations. they are given next to nothing and expected to be able to survive that way. it’s disgusting.

everyone who is not from appalachia , i recommend reading more about just how much it and its residents has been abused by the united states government. even reading through the wikipedia article on the social and economic stratification in appalachia can be helpful in understanding how fucked up this area has become due to the abuse of capitalism. i urge everyone to do some research on the coal mining industry when you have the time. not many people know just how bad it really was, and just how much it’s affected the mountains and the people in them.

here are some interesting articles i found on a quick search:

“Coal Mining in Appalachia” by The Moonlit Road

“A History of Appalachian Coal Mines” by Kenneth Lasson

“Coal’s Legacy in Appalachia: Lands, Waters, and People” by Carl E. Zipper and Jeff Skousen

“Nearly 60 years after the war on poverty, why is Appalachia still struggling?” by Dr. Abigail R. Hall Blanco

“Human Rights in Appalachia: Socioeconomic and Health Disparities in Appalachia” by Evan Smith

“Passive, Poor, and White? What People Keep Getting Wrong About Appalachia” by Elizabeth Catte

“Culture, Poverty, and Education in Appalachian Kentucky” by Constance Elam

[what-even-is-thiss]

how DID you stop paying money to free to play games in any case? you should share that advice

I deleted all free to play games off my phone and iPad and bought a video game without any microtransactions.

In my case I did this at the start of the 2020 pandemic after I lost my job and needed to conserve money and the game I bought was stardew valley. And it really was hard at first but whenever I felt tempted to open those free to play games again I would open my computer and start playing stardew valley instead if that was possible.

I also slowly started to fill my time on my phone with more productive things. Reading Wikipedia articles, playing sudoku on a one time purchase app, messaging my friends, using free flash card apps.

I limited myself to only playing video games I paid for in full without microtransactions for over a year. After that I redownloaded candy crush to see if I could handle it. And then after I successfully did that I redownloaded clash of clans and nothing else.

I limit myself to just these two free to play games and have forbidden myself from spending any money on them or playing any idle games that just make number go up. And for the most part it’s worked. I don’t even play them much anymore. Video games I’ve paid for in full are much more fun and don’t continuously suck money out of me.

Yes perhaps it doesn’t cost 30 bucks to play candy crush or battle cats but during my worst days they got way more than 30 bucks out of me.

And what else can I get for 30 bucks? Skyrim. Two or three indie games. A book. Two books. Things that actually make me happy.

Instead of chastising myself for spending that money I started to ask myself how I can spend that money in a way that will bring me actual joy in the long term and not continually take from me.

And that new attitude led me to falling in love with Stardew Valley and Kingdoms and Castles and Oblivion and Skyrim and cult of the lamb. My favorite games of all time. I got back into studying Spanish and German and I started investing in my personal research material for stuff I want to put in my stories and collecting novelty cookbooks.

I never have much disposable income if I have any at all. But the little I do have is now spent on stuff I actually want that will keep me entertained for longer. It was really hard to get here though. The first couple of months I wanted to redownload adventure capitalist and adventure communist a lot but I held out. And I still don’t redownload those games because they’re not good for me. They grab hold of the worst parts of my brain and don’t let go. There’s some things that I simply cannot do without them sucking all the life out of me. It’s hard to realize that. It’s even harder to break away from those things. But it is possible.

[mikimakiboo]

Time Travelers AU - Researches

You guys seemed to like the first part so here we go again :) not much action yet, I know, Dust is still trying to figure out what to do with them :')

Prev (and first part)

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@ancha-aus summoning you real quick

@crazy-snake you wanted to be tagged sooooo here you go

Dust was on his laptop, trying to make some researches about these four mysterious time travelers, trying to learn some things about their cultures, to get an idea of what he should be prepared for. They already ate, Dust having decided to make some pasta, and just with that he had already been met with various looks of confusion and suspicion: out of the four, only Cross and Nightmare knew what pasta were, and while Dust wasn't very surprised by that, he had been a lot more confused when the only one who knew how to use a fork, or simply what a fork was, had been Nightmare, the others preferring to use a spoon or even their fingers, which earned them some disgusted looks from the noble, that, for once, Dust could quite agree with. After a quick Google research on his phone, Dust had learnt that forks hadn't been introduced in the Roman Empire until the fourth century and in France in 1533, while vikings usually used either knives, spoons, or their fingers, but no forks. After that, Dust figured it might be a good idea to make some more researches...

He watched them from his chair, to make sure they weren't destroying his house. Cross was standing guard in front of his door, not moving an inch, Killer had miraculously stopped rummaging in his drawers to stare in wonder at a lava lamp instead, and Nightmare was sitting on the couch. Dust had given him his reading tablet that he got from work as a gift, having found a French book from 1532 by François Rabelais, right before forks were imported, titled Pantagruel. Nightmare had been.. reluctant to take the tablet, watching Dust showing him how to scroll up and down, he had however seemed quite curious about it when he had seen the French writing, and had agreed on taking it "car il n'y a bien que cela à faire ici". Dust wasn't sure what that meant, but he was pretty sure it was an excuse so it didn't seem like the noble was just curious but rather didn't have a choice. Horror was looking through the window when he finally let out a sigh and went to sit on the couch as well, making the mattress sag under his weight. Nightmare looked up for the tablet to frown at the viking, and shifted away from him, against the armrest, to which Horror frowned too. Dust watched these two interact, he watched Horror grab Nightmare's cape to feel the texture and Nightmare slapping his hand away to take back the cape, Horror holding out his hands as a peace sign. He would probably have to watch them closely, make sure they didn't get on each other's nerves.

Dust was in the middle of reading a Wikipedia article when he was interrupted by Nightmare.

- Dust ? Vôtre, uh.. parchemin magique.. ? Est terminé.

He recognized the word "terminé", as it sounded like "terminate", and guessed that Nightmare must have finished the book, which was frankly impressive because it had nearly four hundred pages and he gave it to him not three hours ago.

- Uh.. okay.. ? You, uh.. want to read another book ? I can look if there's any other.

Nightmare didn't respond, frowning slightly. Right, Dust's phone was charging, so he didn't have Google Translate turned on. He tried to think of the translation for book, he had used it when presenting the tablet to the noble, surely he didn't forget it so fast.

- Uh.. autre.. livre.. ?

He said, with a bad accent, but Nightmare seemed to understand as he slowly looked down at the tablet, seeming perplexed, surely wondering how Dust was going to pull a book from something that looked like a weird parchment, or just how long was said parchment. Dust stood up to grab the tablet from Nightmare's hands who looked up at him, he searched for a few seconds before handing him the tablet again, this time opened on a book titled Gargantua, a prequel of Pantagruel by the same author, from 1534, one year after forks were imported. Nightmare shot him a suspicious look before taking the tablet and starting to read again. At least this one was easily occupied.

Horror bent over, trying to see above Nightmare's shoulder, which only made him flinch and shift away from the viking, pressing the tablet against his chest as to prevent him from taking it away.

- Ne vous approchez pas de moi !

He said with a tone that he wanted threatening, but his voice just sounded afraid. Horror frowned at him.

- Hey, no fights. I don't have enough money to replace furniture.

Horror looked up at him, sitting straight, but before he could say anything a sword was between them. Cross had moved from the door. He glared at Horror.

- Eo vos conseilloie de rester asis.

They both stared at each other before Horror huffed, sitting on the other end of the couch again. Cross quickly glanced at Dust before focusing on Nightmare.

- Allez-vos tresbien, Sire ?

Nightmare looked at him before nodding, sitting straight too after having shot a last look at Horror who was now looking through the bay window of the backyard, not paying attention to them anymore. Cross put his sword away and returned to the door, ignoring Killer who had been watching the whole scene.

- Si vis pugnare, possum servare score.

He said with a sharp smile and amusement in his voice. Nightmare glanced at him.

- Sine me pugna, lego. Et desine obstrepere.

Killer chuckled, and turned his attention back to the lamp, letting Nightmare go back to his reading.

Okay what just happened ? Dust hadn't moved, he hadn't understood a word of what they all said, but apparently the situation had been sorted out ? After they almost started to fight ?

He should really try to learn at least the basics of their languages. But which one should he start with ? Probably French and Old Norse, because no one here seemed to speak Old Norse so he couldn't count on them to translate, and Nightmare could help him with Latin and Old French, so focusing on French first would be easier, and maybe he could pick out some words from Latin in the process ? He should have taken French in school instead of Spanish.

Dust returned to his seat, searching once more for some helpful websites with tips to learns the basics of French and Old Norse. He only found dictionaries for the latter.

- ᚹᚺᛖᚱᛖ ᛞᛟ ᚹᛖ ᛋᛚᛖᚨᛈ ?

Dust had been in the middle of reading the dictionary when he almost jumped from his chair, not having noticed that Horror was now next to him. He was surprisingly quiet.

- Huh ?

Horror looked at him, frowned, understood that Dust didn't get what he said, and pointed at the window for Dust to take a look. It was night, the moon was high, and the clock on the wall said it was past one in the morning already. Right, they probably wanted to sleep.

But where would they sleep ? Dust only had one bed and one couch, no air mattresses, no extra mattresses either, and just a few extra pillows. He thought for a while, he couldn't share his bed, and he didn't particularly want to anyway, the couch could maybe hold two people on it but he doubted anyone would want to sleep this close to one another, so that left the floor, and the deckchairs he had in his backyard. Didn't vikings sleep outside anyway ?

Dust made a quick research and looked at Nightmare who had apparently finished his second book as the tablet was resting next to him on the couch.

- Hum.. dormir.. ?

Killer, Cross and Nightmare all looked at him. Well, seemed like "sleep" sounded the same in the three languages.

- Ubi ?

Killer asked, a question to which Dust didn't have the answer because he didn't know what ubi meant. He went on Google again, looking at the French translation for "where do you want to sleep".

- Où voulez.. vous dormir.. ?

He looked at Nightmare next, pointing at Killer to silently ask him to translate for him. Nightmare sighed, annoyed to be an intermediary, but still translated.

- Ubi vis dormire ?

Killer looked around for a second before answering.

- Ad angulum parietis.

Nightmare looked at him with surprise, frowning and tilting his head as if he just heard some big nonsense, but before Dust could ask what Killer had answered he saw him crossing the living room to go sit on the floor against the angle of the wall. Strange. But he seemed pleased. Dust kept staring for a few seconds before focusing on Cross and Nightmare again, waiting for their response. Nightmare was looking at the couch, that he didn't leave during all the evening to the point Dust wondered if it had become a sort of safe place for him, and simply sighed before rearranging the pillows. Seemed like the noble was going to sleep here tonight. Cross however stayed planted in front of the door, so Dust asked again.

- Dormir ?

- Eo ne poez dormir, eo doi monter la warde.

Dust didn't understand, but judging by the fact the knight didn't move, he figured that it a least meant he would stay by the door.

Dust then turned to Horror as he was the last one not having answered. He asked the question again, this time typing on his computer and showing him the translation as he didn't know how to pronounce it. Horror looked in wonder at the screen for a few seconds before focusing on reading, bending down a little, before standing up again and going to the bay window. He pointed at the backyard as he looked at Dust.

- Oh you want to sleep outside ? Sure, as long as you stay in the backyard.

Dust got up to open the door for him, going out with him to put a deckchair in place in case he wanted to use it.

Horror inspected it before nodding and giving Dust a pat on the shoulder. At least he wanted it to be a pat but the small skeleton was so light compared to his usual companions that he actually pushed him on the chair, much to Dust's surprise who looked up at him from where he was now laying. Horror looked guilty.

- Uh, i-it's okay, I'm fine, just.. didn't expect that.

He quickly reassured as he got up.

- Damn you're strong.

He muttered.

- ... ᛈᚨᚱᛞᛟᚾ.

Horror said, looking down. That sounded like an apology.

- It's okay, really, uh.. well.. sleep good ?

He gave him thumbs ups before quickly going back inside before the situation became more awkward.

Well, seemed like everyone was settled for the night, so Dust could go in his own room and get prepared for bed too. He had a day off the next day, he was originally planning to rest but that option was off the chart now.

He sighed and let his body collapse on his bed. He just hoped his apartment wouldn't be a mess in the morning. And that maybe they would dissappear too and this whole experience would turn out to be a big dream...

A very strange big dream...

[mamapyjama]

I’ve been rereading the current anime arc in the manga, and finally got to The Apology™️, and I wondered what words Katsuki used before translation.

Disclaimer: I’m sure others must have posted about this before but I couldn’t recall reading it myself. I do remember there was a lot of talk about the way he used “gomen” as the Japanese fandom were saying how cute and childlike it sounded, so I thought I’d see if there was anything else interesting there.

Oh, my sweet sweet baby boy…

So, just before he says ‘Sorry for everything’ (ima made gomen), he says:

言ってどうにかなるもんじゃねェけど

本音だ

出久

“Itte dōnika naru mon ja nē kedo… Honne da…Izuku”

Which in the English translation, gave us:

And “speak my truth” is lovely and all, but the word from the original that stuck out for me was ‘honne’.

I’m not sure how familiar most people are with honne–tatemae (I only know about it because I go way way too in-depth when researching for my fics lol), but it’s a concept that every Japanese person is deeply aware of, and underpins much of their society.

Here’s the Wikipedia intro:

Ohhh, that is some extra juicy context for Kacchan’s speech. Essentially, he is saying that everything up until now has been his tatemae, a public façade to protect his own position (strong, powerful hero etc), but that he can’t keep that up and he wants Izuku to see his honne, his true, private self.

Excuse me while I melt from the cuteness.

But WAIT! There’s more!

How much do you know about second-person pronouns in Japanese? (Nope, this isn’t about ‘kare’ again this time hehe).

You’ve probably noticed in the anime that Kacchan says “Temee” a lot, and you may have also noticed that it tends to get translated as cursing. So it actually just means ‘you,’ but like a really rude way of saying it, such that the only way of reflecting that in English is to replace ‘you’ with something like Bastard or Asshole.

Again, have an expert explain:

This and the below are from a very excellent article about second-person pronouns and how they are used for context and drama in anime specifically. I’d recommend reading it as the context is really interesting!

So although pronouns aren’t actually commonly used or necessary in much spoken Japanese, when they are used, it’s a deliberate way to tell you about the relationship dynamic between two characters.

But why, you may ask, am I talking about pronouns again?!

Because, dear friends, throughout the first half of his speech, Kacchan uses ‘temee’ as usual to describe his past with Izuku. I’ve highlighted it below, and pls also note the shaky speech bubble showing his nerves during the ‘honne’ section. 🥺

HOWEVER, straight after he says he wants Izuku to see his Honne, Katsuki switches pronouns from ‘Temee’ (v rude), to ‘Omae’ (very casual/familiar). Below is the page after the apology.

Considering we now know pronouns are not necessary to convey meaning, that’s a hell of a lot of omaes on one page!! Boy cannot get enough of saying it.

If you want more about the different pronouns, see below for a helpful table of common uses for both. And please indulge my shippy heart for highlighting the second usage (but, like ‘kare’, you never know)…

Katsuki is showing Izuku immediately and repeatedly that this is who he wants to be to him and how he wants the world to see them. His honne, his inner desire, is to be close to Izuku, to treat him as an equal.

He’s not just saying sorry, he’s showing that—at least from his perspective—things are going to be different from now on. But, like, also, that this was how he felt about him in private the whole time?! GAHHHH.

So there you go, the apology that was already a massive turning point in their story/relationship was actually even deeper and more beautiful than we all thought. Yet again, Japanese conveys nuance and intention far beyond what can be translated. 😭💕

[bonefall]

Hearing Loss Research Dump

Heyo!! You probably reached through the footnote at the end of the Hearing Loss Guide for Warrior Cats! I often get asked questions like, "How do you make these guides?" and "Do you have sources?" So this time, I tried to keep a bit of a loose "journal."

Unfortunately it got disorganized after a few sessions (since this project ended up taking about 2 - 3 weeks to do) but, hey, hopefully it helps.

I have dumped all of my sources here and explained my thought process as I went along, so that you have a good foundation to go forth and do your own research.

I may update this post with more information and links, or remove sources if, for some reason, it is revealed that the source was harmful or not credible. SO, PLEASE feel free to recommend good educational organizations, documentaries, and blogs here on Tumblr willing to take questions.

This post is set to "no one can reblog" so that you're always seeing the most current version of this post. Just in case a source gets challenged, or one of the sensitivity readers wants their name removed, or I end up adding important corrections, etc.

This is Version 1.0, and it was updated on 1/2/2024.

The research "dump" post is messy, because it's a Bonus Thing that's supposed to go along with the very pretty and ~concise~ Herb Guide that I created.

Session 0

I had wanted to do this for a while, but this RIDICULOUS thing that was said to an Anon and then shared with me almost gave me an aneurysm. I asked if my followers wanted this boosted to the top of my priorities, they said yes, and here we are.

In the process I also looked for input, especially from deaf/HOH followers. I made a note to include tinnitus, unilateral (one ear) hearing loss, and I'm considering doing a second guide just for how to TREAT the ear infections I mentioned would lead to a lot of hearing loss in RiverClan.

An outline of the Herb Guide post was written just before I did any real research, so I had a general idea of the aspects of hearing loss I wanted to talk and learn about.

Sat down to start my research the next day.

SESSION 1: The Basics

My first step is always just a basic internet search, including a pit stop at Wikipedia to read the article, and then follow the sources or find a place that explains the concept more deeply.

Because my project's about anthropomorphic cats, I always start with humans first, then swing over to a search on felines. I'm usually alternating between them because that is how my mind works, hearing something in one and then linking that to some sort of question about how that would look in cats.

From Wikipedia, the World Health Organization, and the American Speech-Language-Hearing Association, I learned that "Hearing Loss" is the blanket term for all lack of hearing, and "Deafness" is when it totally prevents you from understanding speech.

Like blindness, most deaf people can hear a little. Stressed that.

It's also here that I started with cat hearing. First I looked at Purina, but it wasn't a great find, besides a link to common signs of ear infections which I put in my back pocket lmao. I came across Dr. Pippa Elliot's article for Petful.com, and this one is MUCH more informative.

I started thinking critically about a lot of that info. Cats have a much higher range of hearing than humans, a feline society would actually catch hearing loss loooong before humans would catch it in a pet cat. Plus the whiskers. The article actually mentions that when you check a cat for hearing loss, you have to avoid blowing wind on the whiskers or even vibrating the ground.

Very sensitive animals, fascinating. Anyway, back on humans,

There's also FOUR TYPES of hearing loss. Conducive, Sensorineural, Mixed, and Auditory Neuropathy. I also went and found a good explanation from the CDC to double-check Wikipedia.

And it's a good thing I did! Wikipedia did not mention Type 4 at the time of my research, and the CDC's article is VERY straightforward and informative.

Types;

Conducive: Sound can't get through the canal. Usually a blockage.

Sensorineural: A problem with the hearing organs or the auditory nerve.

Mixed: Both of these at once

Auditory Neuropathy: The ear detects the sound, but doesn't send the signals to the brain properly.

From what I can tell from the National Institute for Deafness and Other Communication Disorders, Auditory Neuropathy is less well defined and can have overlap with Sensorineural. Sometimes it has to do with damage or malformation of the inner ear hairs, other times it's completely unknown and just assumed to be a brain issue.

So according to that definition, Auditory Processing Disorder is a type of auditory neuropathic hearing loss.

Then I started watching Christmas movies and forgot I was doing research oops. Time waits for no man, nor muppet. Very important that once a year you watch movies that make you cry and also Gonzo is there.

BUT. Throughout this project, I was constantly finding new sources on "the basics" that explained things in different ways. I didn't find all of these in that one session, but I will dump them in a straight list here.

Straight statistics of prevalence of hearing loss in the UK

Two types of inner ear infections (got cut from the guide because I was trying to stay focused on the disability itself, not causes and ear ailments)

Congenital deafness (Helpful, but again, was trying to keep the guide focused on general disability writing advice, not explain every single reason why a person could be deaf. That's for one's own research!)

Degrees of hearing loss (But notably I've also seen these thresholds shift around. This one says deafness starts at 95 DB, but I did also see 81 elsewhere.)

A guide on soundproofing which put the affects of noise on your ears into perspective (helpful with comparisons to degrees of hearing loss)

REALLY GOOD GUIDE ON HERTZ AND DECIBELS (And also comparisons of different decibel levels, in relation to the thresholds of hearing loss)

Tinnitus

SESSION 2: Comparing human and cat hearing

I felt like I had a good understanding of the basics here. The four types, some considerations for cat biology, some tidbits to mention like most people with hearing loss still being able to hear a little, etc.

NOW I'm going to finish reading any sources I opened up in side tabs, and learn about the side effects of hearing loss that I've seen so far. Tinnitus was requested specifically.

But, I felt pretty confident at this point, so I started actually working on the guide itself. It's good because that's when I start getting really specific questions like, "Just how sensitive IS a cat's hearing next to a humans?"

Found this article comparing human and feline hearing, and also went for a source on common causes of ear infections in cats, and compared them to common causes of ear infections in humans. Basically everything WE get, and more. I also remembered a vet that I worked with explaining that humans don't get ear mites because our ear canals are shorter, but honestly I don't really want to hunt down a source on that.

Bottom line is that it seems that cats get ear infections significantly easier than humans.

SESSION 3: Paying attention to deaf and HOH experiences

Started loading up some videos on Youtube, and follow along with presentations from deaf speakers, awareness charities, and so on.

ADHD protip: If you're like me and often feel the need to get up and walk around when you're trying to focus on something, playing flash games on Neopets or a similar petsite while keeping a video popped out is a great way to help with executive function impulse stuff. Firefox and the program Freetube both allow for you to pop open a small window that you can move around your screen.

I absolutely adored this video from Montfort University, which collected experiences from people who were actively losing their hearing. I'm feeling that a lot of folks are probably anticipating the Herb Guide with the expectation it'll talk about fully deaf warriors like Snowkit (And BB!Whitewing, who is deaf in Better Bones), but one of the most important things I'm learning is that partial and unilateral hearing loss is both common, and important to talk about.

That section on people forgoing hearing aids is so bitter. The way that they were reluctant to even "admit" they had a disability (feeling as if it "doesn't count"), felt like hearing aids were for "old people" so they resisted getting a device that would really help, and that one woman who finally realized what her own mother must have been going through when she was in her shoes...

Jeez, man. Ableism really hits us all, doesn't it? You'll reject the small bits of help that were SHAKEN out of the pockets of an uncaring world, just so you don't have to admit you might need it.

I am vaguely aware that there's buzz within the deaf community about hearing aids, with some deaf people actually having extremely negative feelings on them. I didn't manage to find those people though, besides what I remembered from Tumblr posts explaining that cochlear implants tend to destroy what little hearing remains. I also didn't know what sorts of hearing aids exist, just basics.

In any case, it's not what my guide's about. Clan cats wouldn't be able to make devices like that-- so to compensate, I tried to stress that forcing warriors to "assimilate" to able-bodied society is bad compared to "accommodating" them. But I did make a little aside note on the guide itself as a PSA.

ANYWAY I'm keeping that pinned in my mind as I go through this. A LOT of these speakers are talking about their implants and how much they changed their lives, so I'm taking things with a teeny grain of salt, knowing I'm probably not getting the entire hearing-impaired community's feelings on this.

Rachel Kolb's Tedx talk was DEEPLY insightful, she is an absolutely fantastic presenter and her statistics are gutwrenching. I'm also paying close attention to how she described her speech therapy classes, how tactile the lessons are, how she had to hold her hand to her teacher's throat and learned that the trick to an N and an M was to speak it through the nose...

The theme of this part of my research has really been "heartbreaking," honestly. Next I watched this one from a BBC interview, where the speaker talks about how much EFFORT they have to make to listen to others. The casual cruelty of hearing people just not caring enough to reach out and make sure she can follow along in the conversation.

I know it's maybe not the same thing, but I teared up a bit at some parts, because that's something I've also felt as someone who's ADHD/Autistic. How much it hurts when people won't even take the goddamn time to clue you in. Like you're not worth it

Even if it's just for a silly cat community, I really hope the weeks of effort and hours of reading I put into this guide and journal makes someone feel seen. You're worth the time. I promise I mean it

Anyway,

Like The Basics, I kept finding more things as I went through my research, outside of this session.

Struggles of deaf people in life and the workplace

Social struggles, particularly in the digital age

Cochlear implants: Pros and Cons (It was really not relevant to my project here, BUT, I figured it was important enough to even mention in an aside on the main guide.)

Really interesting passage from a married couple losing their hearing

"What is it like to be deaf?" Mentions the link to memory loss in people who are hard of hearing due to the brain "discarding" misheard sentences.

SESSION 4: Relevant questions.

This is the point I was asking more targeted questions, as I was actively writing the bulk of the guide, because in spite of everything this remains a cat project. If I was about to write something and then realized I didn't actually know like... WHAT causes it, HOW it happens, How COMMON a thing is, I would go and find out.

For example I knew that Snowkit had a higher chance of being born deaf, but didn't exactly know why, or how it happens, or how much higher of a chance that was. So, I looked up white cats with blue eyes, and looked up the percentages associated with deafness in them.

Apparently it's rapid degeneration, instead of the inner ear just not forming properly. I could go down that rabbit hole and learn more about why, but at this point, I'm far enough along that I need to start deciding when something isn't really helpful but just interesting. It's REALLY easy to get distracted at this point in making these guides.

That lead to to look at how people tend to handle their deaf cats and make their lives better, which also lead me to a good source on how to clean a cat's ears. That's another thing I had to halt at; because this guide is about DISABILITY, not about treating ear ailments.

When you're doing research this way, I find it helpful to "limit my scope." I've mentioned this technique/skill/advice in the past with some of my cultural expansions for the Clans too. You can see how maaaaassive the guide I wrote got even while staying on topic; it easily could have gotten bloated by even MORE tangential knowledge.

But I do plan to make an ear treatment guide at some point, as well.

I then started trying to learn more about rodent squeaks. How high in hertz they are, when different animals make them, how loud in decibels, etc. I couldn't find very much, because sound/hearing in general is actually WILDLY understudied, especially in terms of non-human animals.

But I did find this article on mouse vocalizations, specifically, and this webpage on various animal hearing ranges.

(though the webpage begs ppl to be careful about making comparisons between the numbers on the page, because they come from different studies with different parameters. But like. somehow i think this is good enough for funny cat project)

Lastly on this topic, I tried to find a good source on whiskers and how well they can "replace" hearing, and ended up finding this EXCELLENT article on allllll sorts of hearing loss related things in cats. It's got it all. Whiskers, common causes, tests. It's great.

SESSION 5: Sensitivity readers

I'm trying to be extra careful with this guide, with the knowledge in mind that this one was highly requested and likely will get decent reach. So, I figured it was more important than usual to speak to disabled individuals who could advise me, to my face, instead of only relying on what I'd seen in my research and secondhand information.

(especially since my style in writing these guides tries to be "simple," trying to limit how much medical speak I use and explaining terms in-depth when I need to use them.)

I spoke to @sylsoddsandends, @s0ulfulsapph1cf, and one more. While talking to them, they brought up even more to me that I hadn't considered.

For example, I did not know that unilateral hearing loss (affects one ear more than the other) actually resulted in a loss of "distance perception," the same way that I don't have depth perception because I've got low vision in one eye. I grabbed a scientific paper to read about it and went forth.

I also got a ton of good feedback about how much I stressed that lipreading is difficult, added some advice on a unilateral HL cat would stand, brought in some notes about chronic pain, so on. I then went to preview it to a bunch of personal friends to give it a couple more once-overs for typos and flow and such.

The last thing I did was reach out to those sensitivity readers again, and ask their permission to link them here. I don't have permission from the last reader yet (which is on me, I should have asked sooner). So there will be an update here if/when they get back to me.

POSTMORTEM

Nothing here yet! I will make an attempt to collect any follow-up questions and such down here.

[olderthannetfic]

The main problem that I have with Youtubers who attempt to approach media analysis and fandom through theory and academia is that the vast majority aren't academics. Just being in undergrad isn't actually enough, contrary to the thoughts of many. Reading a Wikipedia article and reiterating what one may find in some Google, even Google Scholar, searches. Ideally, these would be topics approached by people involved in academia as a profession, people with doctoral degrees, who can discuss complex topics in a way that is easily understood by the masses. "What is the negotiation between gender and sex in BL?" "How does CMBYN articulate/complicate hierarchal roles within the gay novel?" "Could SnK express an alternative reading of the formerly isolated Japan?" These are complicated questions they attempt to answer in their video essays when they seldom ever understand the theories they employ.

Yes, I understand this can sound elitist, but as a Black afab person who is currently in a doctoral program for literature, there aren't "easy" answers to any of the questions they attempt to pose, and many Youtubers who primarily make long-form video essays lack the life experience and expertise to sufficiently discuss anything. They're usually too set in their thoughts to answer or explore the broader implications of their claims. Defending a dissertation forces you to do this. Forming a committee of experts in various fields and convincing them to aid you in the development of your dissertation forces you to do this. Being in academic and cordial communication with your peers from all over the world in your field forces you to do this. It's not easy to constantly intake new information from various eras and nations (depending on your topic), meld this information into a coherent essay, and continually make edits as you learn new information, thus changing your outlook on things. Also: it's really petty of me, but it's also incredibly annoying to grade poorly researched undergrad essays who, after some prompting in office hours, say they got these ideas on books, movies, and shows from breadtubers like Somerton, SZ, FD Signifier, or hbomberguy. Cue: me going to watch their videos and realizing they have no idea what they're talking about 88% of the time in terms of theory and application of said theory. Even the ones who frame themselves on being educators in real life, like Signifier, lack any nuance, depth, or media literacy to make a compelling argument if you know even the slightest bit of information. On the bright side, I now know why I've encountered several students with ideologies that are basically conservatism with a veneer of progressivism, or "conservatism in a queer hat."

This concludes my long-winded way of saying "Don't turn to Youtubers for media analysis. You're better off just reading articles by people who have to actually know what they're talking about. The majority of Youtubers (especially the breadtubers) don't have the bandwidth to discuss anything more complex than an episode of Blue's Clues."

--

I mostly agree, but I'd point to a slightly different problem. I'm hesitant to say that the PhD itself is the deciding factor, but I do think a lot of video essayists are insufficiently prepared.

I'm a big fan of Folding Ideas who does have some formal schooling in film, but I don't think it's that education per se that makes him great. He sets himself apart from other video essayists by actually doing his research and having an in-depth approach to his subjects. He doesn't resort to clickbait, and—here's the key—he often takes months or even a year to work on something.

Honestly, I think that's a big part of it: the hoops most youtubers who want to make a living at it have to jump through involve a lot of clickbait and pandering and a fast production schedule. They don't involve reputable peer review except by the court of shriek-y public opinion on twitter.

They'd like to present themselves as documentary filmmaking (which is essentially what Folding Ideas' longer videos are), but they don't actually live up to any of the usual standards of that either.

I think it can be elitist to say that someone needs to have certain letters after their name, yes, but what really strikes me about your average youtube media analysis type and the fanbase is that they want shortcuts.

Exploring the whole history of the gay novel so that you have enough background to talk about CMBYN means reading quite a few novels. Even if you decide to throw out all past scholarly opinion on the topic (which you shouldn't), if you're going to have a meaningful personal theory, you need to have read a lot of novels first. How can you hope to be the person providing the neat overview of the whole genre if you haven't familiarized yourself widely with said genre, and not just through a summary by someone else? That amount of reading doesn't happen overnight.

The trite, surface-level media analysis online is often from people who want to be hailed as great intellectuals but who aren't willing to put in the years it takes to do all the background reading and to develop their skills in argumentation, writing, etc.

Grad school is a convenient and probably faster way to go about all that, but I think you could do it outside of a formal framework... But you would need to actually do it.

I think it's driven by a bunch of people who were The Smart One in grade school and never learned how to work hard on long-term projects instead of pushing through in a sprint. They're used to relying on being the smartest to cut corners and do things before they get bored, only they probably aren't the smartest anymore anyway, and they mistake being smart at one thing for being smart at all things.

There's a real lack of respect for the entire concept of expertise.

[zmediaoutlet]

fic: troth

a gift for @flownwrong as part of the kris kringle mingle -- have a good year, bud. :)

title: troth pairing: sam/dean length: 3200 tags: established relationship, season 10, truth curses

(read on AO3)

It's a sigil, some weird language neither of them recognize, two inches more-or-less square seared onto Dean's chest under the no-demons-allowed tat, right over his heart. Between that and the fun little gift from Cain, he's starting to feel crowded.

"Why there," Sam says, the jackass. Dean takes in a breath and Sam immediately looks sorry, says, "Wait—"

"Magical sigils tend to follow the ley-fields of the human body," Dean says, "so they can take advantage of belief foci: head, heart, hands, genitals, clusters of veins and nerves. In this case the sigil is inscribed in the place of greatest meaning for the witch who designed it."

His voice rasps. Sam grimaces. Writes it down, too, damn him. Like Dean's a damn wikipedia article he's referencing.

"This is not a question," Sam says, carefully. He ignores Dean's eyeroll. "I wonder how you know this stuff. I mean. I know we've been doing a lot of research but it seems—I don't know. Impossible."

It's not a question and so Dean doesn't know how to contribute. His tongue's felt weighed down, ever since they left that cabin in the mountains. His head hurts, fuzzy like lack of sleep and a hangover headache are warring for which can suck most, but Sam's been in some level of freak-out since yet another who-knows-how-terrible weird mark has imbued itself onto Dean's body and so here they are, at the tables in the library, researching through the night. Dean wants to say, hey, at least this one isn't trying to make me into a murder machine, but he can't seem to speak without being asked for something. Sam probably wouldn't appreciate it, anyway.

The spell leapt from the witch bitch's grimoire as Dean was tossing it into the fire, like it refused to die even as she went down under Sam's bullet. With the grimoire gone they'd probably be up the creek—and yet.

"I'd like you to drink a glass of water," Sam says. Another careful non-question. He sets it in front of Dean. "Your throat sounds like it hurts."

It does. Dean drags his hands over his face, hard, and then drags them over the back of his skull and presses his fingertips brutally into the muscle at the back of his neck that's aching like after a twenty-hour drive. Like trying to shift poured cement. Then he picks up the glass and drains it in cool glugging swallows, until his belly sloshes, and then he leans back in his chair with his eyes closed. Not the worst thing in the world to have Sam coddling him. From Sam, this counts as coddling.

The chair next to him drags out. "Don't hate me," Sam says. That's not a question, either. Dean gives him a sidelong squint and Sam's got his elbows braced on the chair arms, hunched, looking sorry. He's looked sorry a lot, this year. Dean can't say it but he hopes he communicates how dumb he finds the whole attempt is with, whatever, the shape of his ears and the distance apart his knees are set, and closes his eye again. "Yeah, okay," Sam says, quiet. Then: "Why can't you talk of your own volition?"

Dean's mouth opens.

Thing is, he's not saying it. It's like there's some portal that opens somewhere around his voicebox and information pours out from some other place. The answer's something about the witch cursing whoever killed her with knowledge beyond blah blah, but that doesn't mean Dean's got to pay attention to it or knows what it means. His head's killing him, anyway. Sam's writing down something while Dean babbles about a Greek curse originating from Delphi and Dean's just—a speaker, turning in to radio wherever. Crank the volume and listen to him go.

"This is… incredible," Sam says. "Dean, I think—could you tell me anything?"

"Yes," Dean says, and expects more, and nothing comes. Level of detail is all over the place, but whatever it is always seems to be true.

"Huh." A dragging sound: Dean opens his eyes, and Sam's pulled up his laptop, is clicking around. White light washing out his face. "Okay: what website am I looking at right now?"

"Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia," Dean says. When isn't he.

Sam squints at the screen, says, "What's the URL?", and Dean doesn't get to call him an absolute bitch before he starts parroting out: "H T T P S colon slash slash—" although at least Sam looks like he regrets it well before Dean gets to say Oracle.

His throat really does ache by the end and his head hurts bad enough that tears smart at the corners of his eyes. From talking. Somewhere, Sam at age twenty-two is feeling vindicated. The room blurs and he closes his eyes again, grips the table so as not to sway so visibly. "Are—" Sam starts, but luckily he seems to remember to use the massive brain in his massive head and doesn't ask; he touches Dean's arm, instead, gently at first and then squeezing hard. It hurts a little, is warm. Feels good. Dean should get cursed by some kind of dead Big Fat Greek Wedding broad more often.

"Yes or no questions, maybe," Sam says, mostly to himself seems like. Then: "Does answering hurt?"

"Yes," Dean says. Sam is supposed to be the smart one, right? He's testing that now.

"Does… the complexity of the question increase the strain of answering?"

"Yes," Dean says, voice cracking like he's friggin' thirteen, and Sam squeezes his shoulder instead, and then the back of his neck where everything seems to have been replaced by screaming furiously hot steel, and somehow Sam's hand doesn't sear right off so that must be something that Dean's dealing with on the inside. He feels like he should be visibly smoking.

"Hey," Sam says, quiet, and touches Dean's face, and—ah, damn it, the tears have spilled over so his face is all wet. He'd crack a joke about cutting onions but he figures Sam's heard it, and anyway he already got a lecture about autonomic responses to pain when he broke his collarbone, that one summer when they were kids, does Sam remember? None of which he can say but Sam maybe gets it anyway, since he smears his thumb over Dean's cheek and then says, "Stop being a wuss," so Dean can shove vaguely in the direction of Sam's heat, and Sam can grunt on the weak impact and then say, "Okay, c'mon—" and drag Dean to his feet even if he thinks he might faint.

His bedroom. Sinking into the memory foam, his forearm over his eyes. Sam turns on the bedside lamp and Dean flinches, even with the shade, so the lamp goes off again. A few seconds pass before Sam sits on the side of the bed.

"Guess it would've been too good to be true to just get the answers to life, the universe, and everything," Sam says. "Or, I guess we could, but then you'd blow up? What do you think, worth it?" Quiet, although he's just about the one thing that doesn't seem to hurt right now. Dean fumbles a hand down and finds Sam's leg, warm through denim, and flicks him as hard as he can. "Ow." Yeah, that's what he gets.

Sam sits there quiet for a while, Dean's hand tucked in against his thigh. While Dean breathes it feels like the pounding of his head reduces, a little—just a regular high-speed drum solo and not a Keith Moon explosion—and it feels less like he's gonna puke and have a stroke all at the same time.

"One reason we've got to fix this: I don't know how, but somehow I'm missing the crack you'd normally make about me holding your hand." Dean snorts. Sam's fingers move against his pulse. "Maybe later we can try more yes and no stuff. I want to be able to just ask how to get rid of it but I don't want to give you an aneurysm."

Sam's hand moves up his forearm. Dean swallows. Lot of answers they could use.

He expects Sam to get up but he stays. His hand folds over the mark on Dean's arm and stays there. Another pulse point but Dean guesses that's not why. Sam's warm, which is a stupid thing to keep thinking but it just feels so damn good Dean can't give himself too much crap for it—he is warm, and he feels right, and he smells good on top of everything else. Been a long time and everything's been so weird and scary, even scarier than normal which for their lives is really saying something, and he missed Sam, is all. A lot. More than he could say, and now that he wants to say it he can't. His life's a real joke, a lot of the time.

While his pulse slows further he thinks about the last time Sam was in this bed. Six months ago maybe. With Sam hating him and him knowing he deserved it, and how that didn't matter in the face of the dumb physical release they both needed, and how they didn't look at each other and it was dark and for Dean's part at least it wasn't even enjoyable, just—an exercise, muscle being used to its highest straining point and then the relief of dropping the weight, endorphins flooding, making it seem worth the effort. The next-day ache something you didn't think about in the moment. Kind of thing you didn't want to remember in the minutes before you died but it came up in the last flickering montage, the way he'd sat on the edge of the bed feeling loose and nasty and drained and just rotten down through every layer down to the very center where the little kernel he relied on to be himself, to be anyone worth knowing at all, had gotten dislodged and he wasn't quite sure he knew how to find it again. Sam had walked out of the bedroom without saying anything and that had felt right, or at least like the least wrong thing, considering all the wrong that had gone on. On the day he died, that last time, even if getting his lungs perforated hadn't been on the top things he wanted to do that day, that last little fleck of him felt like it got pinned down under the blade—he'd been there, at least, and been able to look at Sam and have Sam see who he was, and all the sorries he'd wanted to say and all the fault he knew was his just bubbled up and evaporated into the dank air and he didn't know, then, how to sum it up. All he should've said to his brother and all he felt and there wasn't time to say sorry for that last time. To apologize for all the times before. To go back, down the years and decades, and say wish I hadn't saddled you with all this, and yet also to say—I'm so glad they saddled you with me, and yet also—you are the best part of me, and yet also—and yet also. How impossible it was to summarize what being Sam's brother had meant and would always mean. Because where would he be, otherwise.

Sam hasn't let go of his arm. His heart beats slow as honey.

"This isn't a question," Sam says. Dean's fingers twitch against his leg. Sam's voice is low, even. "I've been thinking of the crappiest things to ask you. Big stuff, little stuff. Every thing I've wanted to know all my life. Things that happened when I was gone. Stuff I know you lied about. Like whatever happened to the Starburst I was saving in my backpack, that time in fourth grade when I wanted to share them with Laura Harris." It's almost a question but apparently not enough of one, thank god, because Sam really wouldn't like the answer. "I want to know how to get that thing off your arm. I want to know why you did it."

Dean pulls his arm off his face. Sam's looking right at him, in the half-light.

"Thing is, I think I know, but I don't know that I know." He seems like he's about to say something else and bites his lips between his teeth instead. He swallows, and shrugs. "Hard to cut out filler words."

That doesn't make sense but that's not unusual when Sam's thinking out loud.

What Dean can't say:

It was the obvious thing to do. Things were real bad between him and Sam but that wasn't the only reason, or even the main reason, he said yes. There was a huge evil thing that was going to just get huger and more evil and he was presented with the only way to stop it and there wasn't, for him, much more reasoning than that needed to do what was necessary. Maybe if Sam had been with him, Sam would've talked him out of it. Maybe. But more than likely, they would've just argued about which one of them would have to get laid out on the sacrificial altar this time around, and after he'd nearly lost his mind and his heart trying to stop Sam from dying last time, he'd be damned if it was Sam who'd die this time, and—he would've done whatever it took to get the thing on his arm and not Sam's. Including betrayal, as bad or worse than what he'd done to keep Sam alive last time. So, it was just as well. He'd defeated the huge evil thing and all that was lost was himself. Not much of a weight on the scales, really. And Sam would be fine. Sam had proven that, half a dozen times over.

"Your pulse slowed down," Sam says. Dean can't even really nod—that seems to count as communication—but it's obvious, anyway. Sam's cheek sucks in on one side and he looks all over Dean's face. "I guess this might be counterproductive, but—your head still hurt?"

"Moderately," Dean says, and then he makes a face. Who talks like that? It makes a little pulse of pain bloom at the back of his neck where his spine hits his brainstem, but so what.

Sam kinda laughs. "Okay," he says, and then sits there, with his hand big and warm at the crook of Dean's elbow and his eyes still on Dean, and his body there, close. God, has Dean missed that. Six months isn't the longest they've gone but—six months feels like a long time, these days. Knowing how quickly the days can run out.

"Sorry," Sam says, first. Dean sighs and Sam gives him a look. Yeah, Dean's got looks too. Even so, Sam lets go of his arm and then lays his hand heavy on Dean's chest, meets his eyes. "This is a question." Dean raises his eyebrows and Sam holds there, lips parted, like he's really thinking about it. Then: "Do I need you?"

Dean's mouth opens and he says, "No."

If it didn't hurt on a number of levels it'd be kinda funny how Sam's face changes. Full-on blanch, like faced with the nastiest-ever monster. Dean's chest feels like it's been hit with a sledgehammer and he pushes Sam's hand away, struggles up to sitting, only Sam grabs him again by the arm, shaking his head, brow all crumpled, but hell—if they've proven anything in the last dozen hours it's that Dean is a mouthpiece for the truth, the ultimate truth, the truth that's past guesswork and implication and is just actual fact handed down from the universe.

"Wait," Sam says, like Dean's saying any of this crap out loud. Dean twists his arm away and puts his back to the headboard, the wall. Sam lets go with his hands held high, face all sorry. "That's not true, though, Dean. It's not true."

Dean looks at the ceiling, because he can't shrug or shout and he thinks if he tried to leave Sam would just fight him about it. If that's what Dean answers then that's the answer. He just wishes Sam hadn't been enough of a dickhead to prove it to them both.

"God, I can't think how to—" Sam touches his leg, and then the center of his chest, and Dean smacks his hand away but Sam puts his fingers right back, like he's sounding Dean's body for answers. "Do you need me?"

"Yes," Dean says, and really ought to punch Sam in the face for proving the contrast, but as he's grabbing Sam's wrist Sam shakes his head and says, quick, "Do you want me?" and the answer to that is, of course, "Yes," and Dean's just about sick with it. Why is he—

"Do I want you?" Sam says, and then fast while Dean's opening his mouth, "I don't know if that's enough. But I do, Dean. I want you here, and I do need you no matter what—I don't know, maybe not to literally live, but I want you, I want you with me, I want to hunt with you and I want to be here because it's where you are, because—god, do you know why?"

Dean's answers blur from yes to no. Sam holds his jaw, curled in weird on the bed, eyes all over his face again, searching. His hair stupid in the back-light from the hall. No, Dean doesn't know why. "I could make you answer," Sam says, tight, hurt. Dean grips his shirt. "I want you. Do you believe me?"

"I—" Dean says, and his throat stalls. His head hurts but nothing's arriving to fill it.

Sam curls forward, his forehead touching Dean's. "This curse sucks," he says, breath hot on Dean's mouth, and Dean can't argue with that but there's this ringing in his ears that's kind of distracting him. Sam's skin smells so good he can't stand it. "I want you. Is that true?"

Dean nods, the answer whispering out.

Sam's thumb dragging over his cheek, rasping in his stubble. Under his sternum there's the weird panicked feeling of having missed a step down in the dark, where your whole body lurches in unthinking terror, but also this weird tight coil of—of he doesn't even know what. Two true things to hold at the same time and if they're true then how could he not believe them?

Sam's thumb pushes hard under his bottom lip, dents it against his teeth. His head dipping, his temple against Dean's. Dean gets a hand on his shoulder and wants to say—fifty things. Wants to punch him, still. A little. Maybe a lot. Six months, though, and how screwed up they've been. His heart thuds low in his gut and his head hurts but so what. He sits up more and Sam moves with him, his shoulder curving in toward Dean, his other hand sliding down Dean's side.

"I don't want to ask," Sam says, soft against Dean's ear, but he doesn't need to. Never has.

[recurring-polynya]

Izakaya Kamenoya, part 3

It's been so long, and I kept getting busy with stuff, but rest assured, I have not stopped thinking about every shinigami's favorite watering hole, Izakaya Kamenoya, for even one second of that time, and today I am going to talk about what's really important: what kind of booze can you get there.

The multiplicity of drink options is honestly the thing I really love about Kamenoya. On a meta level, someone has to draw all this stuff, like, with their hands. I have no idea, actually, if the animators consider this sort of thing a break from all the powering up and sword fights and rolling across cave floors, or if they consider a Trip to the Bar to be really tedious. My point is, they very well could have just always drawn people drinking out of the same cups, except they didn't, they drew a series of loving close ups of sake-pouring and a variety of drinkware styles. On a more Watsonian level, I just like the idea that, like Alice's Restaurant, you can get anything you want at Izakaya Kamenoya. So let's get into it!

I think the thing that really made me notice this was this scene from the Amagai Arc, where you see Kira doing mokkiri, or overpouring his sake. (At least I think that's what he's doing. The articles I read sounded more like the server is supposed to do it, which emphasizes the establishment's generosity, so maybe Kira is just being a messy drunk. I'm pretty sure you're also not supposed to pour yourself sake, you're supposed to do it for your tablemates)

Often, mokkiri is done into a masu, which is a small square box that was used as a standard measure for rice. You can see Nanao drinking out of one here!

What kind of cup to drink your sake out of is a huge topic, but basically, it depends on the flavor and characteristics of the sake. The fact that Kira and the Lads are drinking out of clear glasses might imply that they're drinking chilled, summer-style sake (or possibly trying to appreciate the clarity of the vintage, as if this is what you call up Iba and Renji to go to the pub for).

I am not an expert, so I'm not going to attempt to identify exactly what these different cups would be classified as, but you can see a variety of shapes, sizes and materials.

I found less information on different shapes of tokkuri (that's the slightly bigger bottle that you serve from), but those come in a variety, as well. Mostly, they have either the large, oval-shaped jugs you can see in the first picture, or the more slender white ones in the second. I am really fond of these tall boys that Kira and Hisagi have, which seem to have straighter sides than the other kind, kind of like a milk bottle.

While we're looking at that picture, there's an ad on the wall for beer. Beer!

In modern times, beer is actually the most popular alcoholic beverage in Japan, which Wikipedia tells me came about after WWII because of restrictions on the use of rice. They've had beer since the Edo era, though, and many of today's major breweries got started in the late 1800s. I love the idea that beer is a thing you can get in Soul Society, but it's clear that it has not overcome sake in popularity the way it did in the World of the Living--which makes sense, because of they never had those restrictions. (In other words, throw this in the bucket of stuff like tattoos and attitudes toward homosexuality that I think diverged from the Living World because of weird quirks of history).

In fact, Kamenoya apparently imports beer from the World of Living (maybe it also has local brews as well).

Look how lovingly that bottle of Kirin is drawn. 😂 The fact that it's shown in a glass mug in the ad, but served in a Pilsner glass here supports the idea that there are multiple kinds of beer available. Now, I believe that Kirin Zero is non-alcoholic. It's surprisingly hard to do research on beer labels from 20 years ago. I couldn't find a label that looked exactly like that, and Kirin's non-alcoholic offering seems to be called Kirin Free now (Kirin Zero is now zero-carb and I couldn't figure out if it's alcoholic or not). In any case, I am choosing in my heart to believe that this is because of weird TV censorship and in no way implies that Rukia is not one of the champion drinkers of the Gotei-13.

Don't get me wrong! I love a bar that offers non-alcoholic options! You can also get tea at Kamenoya, which you can see Tobiume and Okyō drinking below; Momo has some as well (they also have a discussion about it)

earlier posts in this series: (part 1) (part 2)

[spicyapple1234]

In chapter 111 we were introduced to 'that man' if you all remember. That mystery man was the most formidable foe of Fyodor before Dazai. Most of you must have wondered about the mysterious man who was able to tackle Fyodor far back (the newest chapter had it confirmed that Fyodor is a old rat) before Dazai was even born. However, your attentions might have soon drifted off to Dazai and Chuuya because they are alive and the events that have forth occurred. A few hours ago only I had read the whole chapter again and after looking into it I suddnely had the urge to write this article. Hence, here I present you with a theory about who the mystery man could be alongside some insight in the possibilities of Fyodor's ability as well!

My first guess about the mystery man was, Leo Tolstoy. if you got interested in literature after watching bsd just like me, then you must be familiar with the name. Don't worry I too haven't read anything of him but i figured that some research won't hurt :3. so, where was I? right, you may now question why had i jumped to this conclusion? well to answer your query i would like to ask you the name of the newest bsd chapter--right it's ressurectio or-if you happen to read some other translation-ressurection. Now, guess who have a book named resurrection? Yes! it's none other than Leo Tolstoy!

And hey, now we are going to be introduced to Fyodor's ability soon if I am correct. so, it's damn sure that the ability is not crime and punishment so...what could it be?

let's try looking back to the name of the new chapter. I think you get it! what if Fyodor never existed? what if it's Tolstoy in Fyodor's body? theories about Fyodor having a ability to transfer his consciousness through blood are circulating around internet, but what if Tolstoy is the one transferring his consciousness through blood?

There is also a possibility that Fyodor can steal other abilities because in the book crime punishment raskolnikov, the main character, stole an axe from another character and murders some other characters. (I haven't read the book and all this information is from wikipedia) so there can also be a possibility that with his ability crime and punishment, Fyodor could have stolen Tolstoy's resurrection?

Ofcourse, it is very likely that my theory can't be correct and may sound stupid but this all is written for fun and to share my views to others! whether you would like to think about it or not, it's your decision reader ^^ .

funfact- tolstoy didn't liked Dostoevesky's writing style but liked his book notes from the house of the dead meanwhile Dostoevesky was pretty chill about it and liked Tolstoy's book anna karenina and even called it perfect!if somehow Tolstoy do end up in bsd then i would love to see their dynamic ><

Then, I shall take my leave to give you some time to think!

If you liked my perception, i can also give you a theory about who Mori could want in the pm! i would write it anyway but if you wish then i will write it sooner :3

[soyouwinagain]

i recently got into baseball (right in time for the new season) and i wanted to ask if you have any links available for reading that you consider relevant about the sport?

ahhhh hi welcome!!

I feel like i'm not really the right person to ask this since roughly 90% of my baseball knowledge was absorbed passively by watching a truly unreasonable number of games in very few days while having a Hard Time™️ with grad school. I learned the basics back in 2014 while I should've been preparing for my final school exams (do you sense a pattern here?) and then, upon my return to baseball in 2022, I implemented a policy very early on that I would not look up rules and lore because I did not have time to commit to the obsession that would invariably follow because and wanted to be normal about the sport (lol. lmao even.). but even now, I mostly only look up specific details on wikipedia or baseball-reference.com when I absolutely have to, and otherwise let the broadcast educate me. this is supposed to be fun and not my job, after all

however, after all of that, I do have a few things I recommend:

this primer by @baiyunli which does a great job of breaking down some of the basics and how to have fun even when you have no idea what's going on (key to me, clearly!!!)

this post by @juergenklopp which sums up some of our brainrot and has a whole lot of helpful links, including a list of other people posting about baseball on here

if you're into the Phillies (highly recommend), Matt Gelb's articles for the Athletic are generally worth reading (firefox+reader view lets you bypass the paywall)

iconic Phillies articles of the current era: the faux-front jersey research + this insane piece about the 2022 playoff celebrations + Nick Castellanos is Turning Johan Rojas into a Dirty Little Slut

if you're looking for some big-picture nonfiction about baseball, I highly recommend The Empire Strikes Out, here's a link to the audiobook (thank you Fir). if you want the extensive pitch for this book, it is at the bottom of their post I also linked above!

hope you have fun here!! <3 (and that whichever team you pick doesn't break your heart too soon)

[nousernameideas22]

Wanted to talk about some common misconceptions regarding terminology I see online while talking about OSDD

NOTE: I am not a psychiatrist or researcher, I'm just a student with a little medical experience! This is also not meant to discredit anyone or anyone's experience, I'm just trying to find the roots of terminology!

So, a lot of the times I see people talk about OSDD-1a and OSDD-1b, but when reading the DSM-V and DSM-V TR, there's no mention of a 1a or 1b. There's OSDD-1, OSDD-2, OSDD-3, and OSDD-4, but no specification of 1a or 1b. At first I just chalked it up to a community created specification to differentiate symptoms, but when reading a little bit deeper, I realized there's quite a bit more to it. After asking around and running in circles to find a potential medical root for these terms, I ran into a chain of misconceptions, mostly coming from the fact people don't read the DSM and just cite other articles. So here's some stuff on the terms OSDD-1a and OSDD-1b, from a medical perspective!

Before getting into the story, I just want to show the DSM-V so it doesn't look like I'm pulling shit out of my ass when I say OSDD-1a and 1b are not listed in the DSM-V. Pages 306 - 307 list the diagnostic criteria for OSDD, including specifications of OSDD 1 through 4.

(Cut since I'm using the PDF lol)

The criteria for OSDD-1 are similar to OSDD-1a and OSDD-1b, but not exact or separated. Even if you check the DSM-V TR (pages 348 - 349), it doesn't exist in there. I also checked the ICD-11 for clues, and found no references anywhere.

For reference, here are the common criteria stated for the two:

OSDD-1a: "Members of a system are less differentiated than in classic DID, but experience amnesia." OSDD-1b: "Members of the system are differentiated from each other, but do not experience amnesia"

I pulled the wording from the Multiplicity and Plurality Wiki and Pluralpedia, which the former refers to 1a and 1b as clinical while the latter refers to it as a colloquial term. Of course neither of these are credible sources, especially since the former states a blatant falsehood. So if they're not diagnoses from the DSM, where are they from?

Even good ol' Wikipedia mentions them but cites nothing. (See [Citation Needed], and none of its sources at the bottom of the page mention 1a or 1b either.)

A common source I see people direct me to when looking for answers is did-research.org, a site that aims to provide resources for, understanding of, and awareness of dissociative disorders. The article I'm often linked to, the only one on the site that mentions 1a or 1b, explain the differences between the two and between DID in a more academic way. [Comparing OSDD-1 and DID] It also mentions DDNOS, which will be very important later. But if you go down to their sources, none of them mention 1a or 1b, and both actually predate the DSM-V, which came out in 2013. [Here's the first source listed, and here's the second!]

And if you look around the site, you'll learn that the author is not a medical professional, but a med student, and that the site is not at all for research purposes, but just for awareness.

So if this site can't lead to the origin of OSDD-1a and 1b, it's time to turn back to the wikis and blog posts that talk about them and look at their other sources, one of which is the site traumadissociation.com. Which again, does not mention 1a or 1b. But if people read the sources that are being linked to them on other articles or blog posts, they'll spot something that looks familiar.

DDNOS-1a and DDNOS-1b, two diagnoses from the DSM-IV that merged into OSDD-1, with some specifications now being diagnosed as DID. And it's not like this information is only hiding in this site. Just Google DDNOS and all of the information linking OSDD-1a to DDNOS-1a and OSDD-1b to DDNOS-1b is right on Wikipedia!

But of course Wikipedia cites faulty sources, but thank god we have the DSM-IV handy! On page 490, right at the end of the dissociative disorders section:

So OSDD-1a and OSDD-1b are not, in fact, current diagnoses, but are pretty much renamed versions of DDNOS-1a and DDNOS-1b; outdated diagnoses from the DSM-IV, which was published all the way back in 1994.

Which begs the question... Why?

Reading the diagnostic criteria for OSDD-1 is confusing, as it describes a multitude of different experiences and symptoms. OSDD as a whole almost feels like a broad swoop to cover all dissociative symptoms that can't be fit into DID. And with how damning getting diagnosed with anything can be, the confusion one must feel when getting slapped with a loaded diagnosis -- or realizing they fit into said category -- is pretty fucking confusing. So of course people want to go back to the thing that makes things a little neater.

Dissociative disorders are horribly under researched and misunderstood, and while it's so great that people are finally breaking out of the stigmatization and talking about their experiences, misinformation, large or small, can lead to more harm. Yeah, this is a minor thing with a term that can easily be uncovered if you Google for ten minutes, but I think a lot of this can reflect a larger issue within online mental health spaces.

I encourage everyone to look into what I linked, since if even one of y'all becomes a researcher that's going to make major strides for the scientific community, as well as for people who actually have dissociative disorders. Also, if I messed something up, point it out to me and I'll fix it!!

And for the love of god, please read your sources.

[space-ace-elias]

Alternatives to Doomscrolling

are you struggling with doomscrolling? so am i! thats why i made this really long list that will hopefully hold your attention for a little while and let you take a break from doomscrolling. this list is made up of my own ideas and ones i found online so have it! please! don't get stuck in the trap!

ALTERNATIVES TO DOOMSCROLLING: -Use Duolingo Game-like format that has the small bits of serotonin, but also feels like collecting so lasts for a long time -Use Headspace Lets you relax, allows you to take a step away from screens for a little while -BBC Sounds Still has sound if thats what you want, has variety if its the kind of music you’re into. -Some sort of game on your phone Mildly addictive like scrolling, but challenges your brain a bit more -An app called Calm Music and other soothing sounds to help you sleep better -Make tea What can I say? It’s tea, I love tea, I have lots of different varieties like lemon and ginger, green tea and mint, green tea and lemon. I’m drinking some while writing this. -Make. Lists. I made this list to avoid doomscrolling, and so far its working, because I like the feeling of using a keyboard, because it feels like I’m being sort of productive, also I like lists in general. -Start a journal I don’t journal particularly often, I mainly do it because I like nice notebooks and nice pens, so I get to use both of them, thank the stationary nerd in me for that. -Stretch Stretching is good, nice even if its only your hands. Its okay to go back to scrolling after but just a break for >5 mins is good because it takes your eyes away from a screen for a little while. -Audiobooks/podcasts I guess they can be good, you can curate them to your interests which is nice. -Think of something you’re interested in, read the wikipedia article on it. I like this because its easy to switch to if you catch yourself doomscrolling, it doesn’t take you away from the screen but it gives you an opportunity to learn something that you might not have none. I guess this is fuelled by the neurodiversity -The NASA Website Okay so I know this is really specific, but honestly if you go to the bit about the solar system or the universe its got some cool stuff for you space nerds like me out there. Here’s one I like https://science.nasa.gov/universe/stars/ -Find a craft Knitting, crocheting, just plain drawing whether its digital or traditional, jewellery making, something that has the dopamine and serotonin that you’re trying to get while doomscrolling -Start learning a new skill Similar to the last one but its less craft based, could be coding, a sport (not my thing but I guess some people are into that), or something similar, find something that you don’t need a lot to start with. -Start that book on your bookshelf that you haven’t read I’ve got so many on my shelf personally that I really want to read -Set yourself a schedule This isn’t an alternative to doomscrolling (I mean it could be if you want it to be), but it allows you to step away without having to force yourself in that moment, and have something ready for you to do instead. -Don’t get Pinterest It’s not TikTok or Instagram, but its still just as bad, its where most of my doomscrolling takes place, its the same as any short video format but in pictures most of the time. -Make a playlist I have so many playlists, its honestly a problem, I make them for hyper fixations or characters that I’m currently obsessing over, which is a pretty constant thing for me. -Watch a TV show/film Could just be an episode of a show, or a long film, depending on how much time you have. I also like YouTube personally, since you can find a lot of stuff on there, and I know the adds suck but honestly I find it bearable. -Just research alternatives to doomscrolling Seriously its good, I like it since it’s what I’m doing right now, you don’t have to turn it into something like this if you don’t want, but just knowing that there are other options can really help you step away from scrolling. -Decorate your environment My bedroom walls are covered in handmade and non-handmade things alike, it makes everything feel more unique and more comfortable. I’m not talking about re-painting your walls because I know that option isn’t available to everyone, but small things like a little handmade poster can sometimes help.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Since people ask me a lot how to research this or that type of mythology or religion I'll just tell you how I go about researching mythology and religion I'm not familiar with in general.

Keep in mind I'm not an expert. I'm just a guy who reads a lot about mythology.

So first, know what you're looking for. What culture's belief system are we looking at? Because you can't just look at a broad region. If you wanna know about "African" or "Asian" mythology generally that will not help you. You need to be looking at something specific. A specific group or religion.

So let's say, as an example, you want to research the stories and beliefs and history of Tibetan Buddhism. Because that's something I'm looking into researching right now, so I'll take you through my process of getting started on it.

So the first thing I do is... google Tibetan Buddhism. Now this is a still-living religion that has continuously been practiced since it's founding, so I scroll past the Wikipedia and Encyclopedia Britannica entries until I find something by the people currently practicing it. In this case, I found an article by the Sakya Monastery in Seattle that gives a basic overview of their beliefs and different types of the religion that is currently practiced. This is what I'm looking for. I want to give myself a fairly good foundation of understanding of what's going on here before I start digging past the surface.

After this, I look for more articles and videos by monasteries explaining the basics. If this were from a religion that is either dead or has not been practiced continually since its founding I would skip all this and just go to the next step. Watching YouTube videos made by outsiders.

So after I give myself an idea of how people who practice the religion present themselves, I go searching on YouTube for overviews. I'm specifically interested in videos made by people that regularly make videos about this kind of thing and take it seriously. Sometimes this can take some digging. Something to look for is people who cite their sources, people who present the facts without outward judgement, and people who acknowledge their own biases while they explain these things.

A lot of these videos often give me ideas for books and primary sources to start referencing. With Tibetan Buddhism there's a lot of the regular Buddhism texts, along with a few others. I'm not looking to become an expert in this religion or convert to it, so I'll settle for reading about these books. I'm fairly familiar with Zen Buddhism specifically and the history of Buddhism more generally so this helps me a teeny bit here but Tibetan Buddhism is very specifically its own thing so I start googling specific stories and types of practices mentioned in the videos and articles I've been using.

Once I have been reading things from various different perspectives and feel comfortable enough to the point where I feel like I could explain the basics to someone who knows nothing about the mythology or belief system, this is the point where I start looking into books. This is also the part where I actually start combing through various Wikipedia articles, following chains and looking through reference sections to see if there's any good sources I should be digging into.

When I look to buy or borrow books, it depends on how in-depth I want to go. As is, I'm probably gonna buy a couple of different books on a beginners guide to Tibetan Buddhism and perhaps something on the history of it. With each book I consider I look up the author. Are they an expert in this subject? Do they practice this religion? Would I rather buy a book by someone that follows the religion or someone that's a scholar of it? Because you will get very different results depending on who is writing it. Things written for spiritual purposes are very different from purely educational books, so what do you want to get out of this research? Are you just looking for entertainment? Do you just want to be more knowledgeable about the world in general? Does someone you love find importance in this subject? Are you doing research for a project? Are you looking to incorporate aspects of this religion into your own life? The types of books you buy or borrow will heavily depend on your intentions and you should be careful about actually reading the book descriptions and reading the backgrounds of the authors to make sure you're buying the correct one for what you're hoping to get out of this.

My purpose in this case is simply feeding my own curiosity, so I'm leaning towards buying Essential Tibetan Buddhism by Robert A. F. Thurman. It's a bit old but it's written by someone that's a professor of Tibetan studies and has translations of some essential texts in it, so it seems like a good starting point for me, and possibly also an ending point. Because like I said, this is mostly about my own curiosity.

If I wanted to dig further I'd probably start looking into the reference sections of various books for other things to read, start digging into lists of primary sources, possibly find free to watch lectures online by people with doctorates in this sort of thing, and read into primary sources I find referenced in the various secondary sources I've been consulting up to this point.

Basically, start on the surface and follow the rabbithole down. And always remember that the perspectives of people who study something in a secular way for a living and people who actively practice a religion will be different from each other. Pick and choose what sources you use depending on what your intentions are. Reading something about Orphic hymns for scholarly reasons or for other research purposes and reading Orphic hymns because you're a Hellenistic pagan who wants to incorporate them into your personal practice are two extremely different things. Both are valid reasons to buy a book on Orphic hymns but the two books that the two hypothetical people here would buy are very very different from each other.

Good luck out there and always be respectful while you're poking around.

[thrilling-oneway]

The queer thread didn't really get critiqued for shipping purposes though, it was mostly critiqued for the abundance of harmful western stereotypes slapped onto an asian cast and media (Tsukasa is emotional therefore feminine (misogyny!) therefore queer) and borderline if not outright racist inclusions (such as VBS gets partying, drugs, sex related content) which is a strange thing to say about the group based on street music which originated from black culture.

I don't think it's fair to write it off as just that when this is the type of rhetoric that sends discussion of queerness back several years by boxing queer behavior in via homophobic stereotypes. It's really truly incredibly regressive.

ftr i did not read past like the first few tweets of that thread when i posted that ask. i went back and read the full thing later and yeah it was very...how to put this, Not Good and some of their characterisations were incorrect too, airi's section stuck out to me in particular

there were several things wrong with that thread for a start, which you've already pointed out and yeah after reading the thread i totally agree that the OP was rightfully called out. historically when the topic of queercoding has popped up in this fandom (in any way actually, not just applying to like Rui or An) it tends to get jumped on pretty quickly by people arguing about shipping. that's why i mentioned it and it's what the anon was talking about (i don't even know if they were talking about the same thread but i'm assuming they were)

i get what the OP was going for. they wanted to make a thread about queercoding that people couldn't start ship discourse over, which, fair enough. they just executed it absolutely terribly. also like the thing is that most of the queercoding is done through relationships, as with, most queer characters lol. you have to talk about shipping if you want to talk about how the prsk characters are queercoded. talking about visual codes and non-relationship related stuff can only cover mizuki, and shiho/rui/debatably akito to some degree for each. LIKE THEY LITERALLY SKIPPED MINORI BECAUSE ALL HER QUEERCODING RELIES ON HER ATTRACTION TO OTHER CHARACTERS.

i've been talking about their errors and doing actual research into the topics all day on my twitter actually! like full wikipedia deep dive on the japanese version of the site and i've been reading articles and blogs for like the past half hour. it kinda bummed me out that people were calling out the thread for its eurocentrism and stereotyping but wouldn't provide any corrections (i don't blame anyone for not making a second thread lol i just think it would've been cool) so i decided to do the research myself and then post it on my private twitter with 4 followers. but i've had a lot of fun with it! i'll put some of my tweets under the cut

don't take all of this 100% seriously, it's mostly just me making little commentaries on my research (i'm still going actuallyoh hey when did it gets to midnight)

i also posted a powerpoint with some examples of queercoding (including shipping stuff) in the game here (this was pre-6 hour google deepdive though, but most of it still applies)

[my-name-is-siduri]

The Search for Pet Shop Boys: The Musical

Image source.

Yep, I'm back at it again with an essay about an obscure Pet Shop Boys topic. For those that are just skimming through, here's a quick summary: Closer to Heaven (not to be confused with the song of the same name) is a musical created by the Pet Shop Boys in collaboration with Johnathan Harvey. While the cast recording album is easily available online, a complete video recording of the musical has never been released. Despite this, a few officially recorded segments as well as amateur recordings have surfaced over the years.

tl;dr I have created a Youtube playlist that contains every publicly available recording of the Closer to Heaven musical that I could find.

Want to know more? Read on.

While I could go into depth about the history, making of, plot, and critical reception of the musical, it's already been done by others on the internet who went into far more detail than I ever could. If you want that info, I would highly recommend reading Wayne's page about the musical as well as its Wikipedia article. Both of these pages helped me a lot in my research.

(As a side note, I attempted to contact the Closer to Heaven fan club linked on Wayne's page. I received an email back from the server saying that it's not longer in use. No fan club membership for me...)

And so began my search for a shred of footage from this musical. Youtube was my first pick...and I was pleasantly surprised to find that there are indeed a few clips that have been uploaded! There were enough clips that it was possible to compile them into a playlist!

What Has Been Found So Far:

The first nine minutes and fifty-six seconds of the musical, My Night (2001)

Closer to Heaven (2010)

Shameless (2010)

Friendly Fire, including a few of the lines leading in (2001)

Closer to Heaven reprise 1, does NOT include the lines leading in (2001)

The last four minutes and thirty seconds of the musical, note that all the clips available are of the Positive Role Model ending and not the Vocal ending (2001, 2010, 2015)

miscellaneous clips that I haven't been able to identify with certainty (2001, 2019)

For good measure, I also checked Twitter, Tumblr, Reddit, Dailymotion, Vimeo, and Archive.org. Nothing came up on any of those sites. Granted, the effectiveness of these websites' search features wildly vary, so it's not impossible that there's something there, but buried.

I did find quite a few photos on Twitter of both the 2015 and 2019 productions. Enough, in fact, that I decided to start a Pinterest board to curate them and others. After some digging around online, I even managed to find a few pictures from earlier productions. So there's that as well.

So where does this search go from here? There's a few possible leads:

Amateur Recordings

I'm pretty sure this is the extent of this branch of the search. If any more video exists, it's way too buried for me to find. Really, the only way any progress could be made in this direction is if someone suddenly uploaded more footage one day (which does happen, but is hardly guaranteed).

2001 Official Recording

Small amounts of footage of the original 2001 production of Closer to Heaven has shown up in news coverage of the time and A Life in Pop. If I'm remembering correctly, a few sources from the time mentioned that Neil and Chris had wanted to do a home release of the musical at some point. Why that never happened, who knows. What happened to that footage, and if it still exists, is also not known.

I have to be honest, I'm not going to even try to pursue this route. It feels like the only way this will ever surface is if someone suddenly gave it to go ahead for it to be released. Not impossible, but I'm not holding my breath.

2019 Official Recording

Looking back at the 2019 production trailer, you might notice that it's a montage of several scenes in the musical. Now this is a complete guess, but it really feels like there's more footage than just what's seen in the trailer...perhaps even the entire musical?

Above The Stag, the company that ran the 2019 production, does have a contact email available on their website. I've heard from others who attempted this search in the past that contacting them has been fruitless. Still, I wanted to cover my bases. I sent a simple email asking if they recorded the rest of the musical and, if so, is it available for viewing anywhere. I'll provide an update if I ever get a reply.

Other Official Recordings?

If there were official recordings of any of the other productions, I found no evidence of them in my search. But if they do exist, they're probably even harder to find than these two.

Conclusion

I'm not the first person to search for a recording of Closer to Heaven, and I probably won't be the last. I'm not really sure if this is more progress than others have made before, or if this is just retreading old ground. In any case, I hope that making these compilations helps someone out.

And of course, I'd like to make a call here. If you have any recordings of Closer to Heaven, PLEASE make them publicly available and let us all know!

Thanks for reading, everyone!