#of an inherently depressed and traumatized person

[lobpoints]

The way Ayin is my favorite LC character but I literally can't talk about him except with my friends

[serial-unaliver]

cluster b personality disorders are essentially just grouping defensive reactions to trauma--especially repetitive trauma in early childhood--into stigmatizing labels.

i've already mentioned this but it bears repeating: the only reason I have both a ptsd and bpd diagnosis is because some of my trauma related symptoms resulted in "attention-seeking" and "manipulative" behavior. the line is drawn between cluster b personality disorders and trauma as basically calling you an inherently bad person, which, if there is no connection to trauma made, will only result in the diagnosed person assuming there is no point in changing their behavior. it also makes treatment for mental health more difficult and even puts your life at risk. my family members with depression are taken seriously if expressing suicidal ideation or harming themselves but I am not: mine is tied to attention-seeking. "you cut yourself again? what the fuck is it this time?"

really the only useful thing the cluster b label has done for me is make it easier to find people with similar experiences online lol.

sorry to any other traumatized person gifted with one of these diagnoses.

[reunionatdawn]

My Analysis of Sylvain's Promiscuity

(Japanese Translation) Sylvain: So, the persistent stares of women, the appraising looks of noble daughters… I had to smile and accept them. …Because I had the Crest, you see. Byleth: That's not true. Sylvain: It's already too late now, but I understand. …I should have just said one word, "no".

This part of Sylvain's Japanese A-Support with Byleth really stood out to me. He felt like he should have just said "嫌だ" (iya da). It is a rather strong expression that conveys not just a simple "no" or "I don't want to," but also a feeling of being disgusted or significantly displeased by something. Based on the context and his tone of voice here, it strongly implied that he was remembering some specific traumatic memory from his past regarding sexual consent.

(Japanese Translation) Mercedes: And many women have approached you, targeting your Crest. ...I won't ask what happened. But I have a feeling that deep down in your heart, you hate and fear women...

Mercedes could tell that Sylvain didn't just hate women; he was afraid of them. She knew that something traumatic probably happened to him that he didn't want to talk about. I think he was probably taken advantage of at a young age by an older woman who was trying to get pregnant with a Crest baby. She forced herself on him and he didn't feel like he was capable of saying no.

Felix: And you never consider how your actions hurt others…or how you hold them back. Sylvain: That's never my intention. Come on, you know me better than that. I'm not really—Look, if that's the impression I've given you, then I'm sorry.

Sylvain was totally unapologetic about how his womanizing affected Ingrid. And he didn't care about hurting any of the girls he pumped and dumped. But he was very apologetic to Felix for hurting his feelings. The localizers seemed to be aware that there was supposed to be a connection between Sylvain's C-Support with Felix...

Sylvain: You think I'd cheat? On you, baby? Never. Come on, you should know me better than that. You're the only one for me. I swear.

...And his C-Support with Byleth. He apparently expected Felix to know him better than that to think he'd ever really cheat on him, even as he flirted with girls right in front of him. Which is an... unusual way for him to approach their relationship. But survivors of childhood sexual abuse often cope by engaging in sexual promiscuity.

(Japanese Translation) Sylvain: I mean, being dumped or dumping someone, it's a common story, isn't it?

Sylvain tried to downplay it in their B-Support, but he was very hurt after getting dumped by Felix in their C-Support. He was not expecting Felix to apologize to him and truly thought it was over between them. And he seemed to be taking the pain of that breakup out on the village girl he dumped in his C-Support with Byleth.

(Japanese Translation) Sylvain: That girl too, just because there was another woman, there shouldn't be a reason to get that angry.

CSA can distort a person's understanding of love and intimacy. It can create a split between emotional intimacy and physical intimacy, making it difficult for them to experience love and sex as interconnected. Sylvain did not inherently associate sex with love. So, he truly didn't understand why his casual flings would be considered cheating or why it would even make Felix jealous or angry.

(Japanese Translation) Sylvain: Sigh… Seeing the pained expression of a cute girl, it's hard to handle. (Option 1) Byleth: It doesn't look like it. Sylvain: No, no, it's really hard. I'm still pretty depressed about this. (Option 2) Byleth: Really? (Male Byleth) Sylvain: Ah, it really is painful. I feel like I might collapse on my knees any moment now. …Well then, Professor, they say the best way to heal from this kind of love pain is a new love, right? How about going out with me for a bit? Let's go woo some girls together! (Female Byleth) Sylvain: It's obviously hard, isn't it? ...Professor, you can comfort me if you want. Oh, the other day, I got some good tea leaves! How about it, in my room...

Sylvain didn't love any of the girls he slept with. But he was using his hook ups as a way to fill the void of true love and intimacy.

Ingrid: When you were fifteen, you sought—relentlessly, might I add—to involve yourself with Lord Gwendal's daughter.

CSA blurs the survivor's understanding of healthy boundaries. Sylvain did not want to get married. In fact, he said that he would have run away if he had the courage. But he had no say in the matter. Some survivors may develop hypersexual behaviors as a way to regain control over their bodies. It can be a way to exert power in situations where they had previously felt powerless. By being sexually active on their own terms, they might reclaim a sense of agency.

(Japanese Translation) Sylvain: I just picked up that girl from around here. I thought we'd just have some fun and then go our separate ways. But it seems like she ended up getting more attached to me than I expected. Man, what a hassle. Byleth: You're too frivolous. Sylvain: What are you talking about, Professor? This kind of casual fun is the most comfortable for me. …Well, no matter what you think, I have no intention of changing my ways. You see, even though I'm a good-for-nothing, I'm still a noble with a Crest… I try to avoid getting too involved. It only brings trouble. Eventually, I'll be quietly married off to someone suitable, and that'll be the end of it.

Abuse can severely impact a person's self-esteem and sense of self-worth. Some survivors may engage in promiscuous behavior as a way to seek validation or affection. Sylvain believed he was a good-for-nothing and doubted whether he was worthy of love. His sexual conquests were also a way to combat his poor self-esteem.

(Japanese Translation) Sylvain: If by any chance a child without a Crest is born, that generation is just given up on… But generally, the head of the family keeps having children until one with a Crest is born. Then, the child with the Crest becomes the next head and repeats the same thing. You understand? For commoner girls, someone like me is easy prey. Byleth: That's not a nice way to put it... Sylvain: Even if you say that... Should I say that it's a good stepping-stone to becoming a noble?

Survivors may find it hard to believe that others have good intentions, fearing that getting close to someone will lead to betrayal or harm. Sylvain assumed that every girl who showed interest had an ulterior motive. In the English version of his B-Support with Byleth, he lamented how girls viewed him as a trophy and a studhorse.

In Japanese, he was even more cynical. "格好の獲物" (kakkou no emono) literally translates to "prime catch" or "ideal prey." It is often used to describe someone that is seen as an easy or attractive target, whether in a literal hunting sense or in a metaphorical sense, such as someone being an easy victim for exploitation, manipulation, or attack. The phrase can carry a negative connotation, implying that the person is vulnerable or easy to take advantage of.

(English) Sylvain: If I marry a girl and she gives birth to a child with a Crest, that kid might become the next head of House Gautier. (Japanese Translation) Sylvain: If they can have a child with a Crest, that child might become the next head of the family.

The original Japanese version of this sentence didn't mention marriage. Nobility status is granted to any child who bears a Crest, regardless of whether they're a bastard. And so, a commoner woman wouldn't even need to marry Sylvain to benefit from his blood. All she would need to do is sleep with him and become pregnant with a child who bears the Crest of Gautier.

(Japanese Translation) Sylvain: Well, nowadays with our diluted blood, most of what's born are guys like my older brother, though… Crest-bearers have always been both envied and desired by people. I understand the value of my blood, in my own way. …To the point of disgust.

I don't think the girls that Sylvain was hooking up with in his Byleth Supports were using him. They seemed genuinely hurt by his behavior. But it would not be too farfetched to believe that Sylvain had an encounter with a female sexual predator in the past.

(Japanese Translation) Ingrid: …And stop making jokes like that guy did about being fine with dying.

Engaging in promiscuous behavior often involves taking risks. It can even be a form of self-harm like cutting. After making advances on Lord Gwendal's daughter, Sylvain was almost killed by her father. And he not only expected to get stabbed eventually, but he did not care if he did. He just laughed and joked that it would be fine if he died.

(Japanese Translation) Sylvain: It's fine, as long as you're okay… If you're alive, then I…

I'm sure that Sylvain was not really joking here. Engaging in promiscuous behavior is also a way to dissociate from one's emotions. As children, Felix and Sylvain had made a promise that they would always be together until they died together. Sylvain knew he was going to be forced into an arranged marriage after graduation. Apparently, he didn't want to have "the talk" with Felix and deal with a painful breakup. He only allowed himself to engage in casual relationships because he wouldn't feel bad about dumping them later. He was unable to be with the person he really wanted, so he slept around to avoid dealing with his pain.

[silverflameataraxia]

The IC - and this fandom - want to hate on Nesta for being "mean" or for "letting" Feyre hunt. People want to say that she's this selfish monster, but when you look at all her accomplishments throughout the series, it paints an entirely different picture. Nesta's traumatized, hurt, and depressed, yes, but she's also a fighter and she cares, deeply, about everyone.

I compiled a list of all Nesta's achievements throughout the books. (Let me know if I forgot anything!)

• Survived being physically and emotionally abused for years by her grandmamma and mother

• Stole a Duke out of spite because an heiress was cruel to Elain

• Begged family members to help them when they fell into poverty

• Chopped wood so her family could keep warm

• Resisted a High Lord's glamour

• Fought off Tomas

• Tried to rescue Feyre from Prythian

• Urged Feyre to go back to Tamlin, where she was loved and happy, which led Feyre to go UTM, which led to her freeing the Fae in Prythian

• Feyre wondered if Rhysand would even be able to use his Daemati tricks against Nesta's mind

• Agreed to let the IC meet with the human queens in her home, which would thus label her a Fae sympathizer, which could get her killed if found out

• Mailed correspondence between the human queens and the IC

• Urged the human queens to assist the humans beneath the wall

• Calculated how many ships would be needed to evacuate all the humans beneath the wall

• Urged the human queens to give their Book of Breathings to the IC

• Stole power from the Cauldron itself while it was boiling her alive and violating her

• Pushed aside her own trauma to watch over, and take care of, Elain after they were turned High Fae against their will

• Knew Feyre went into Lucien's mind

• Worked with Amren to try and repair the Wall

• Went to the High Lord's meetings to try and convince them to fight for the humans

• Went with the IC to each and every war camp to serve as a warning bell for when the Cauldron was being used

• Scried, and found, the Cauldron in the middle of Hybern's war camp

• Tended to the wounded during the war

• Was the only one to notice that Cassian was injured after a battle, and tended to his sprained wrist

• Was loyal to Feyre and never told the IC that she left the battle to find the Suriel

• Saved Cassian's life

• Used herself as bait for the King of Hybern - knowing she would die - so Feyre could reach the Cauldron

• Placed her body on top of Cassian's so she would take the brunt of the King of Hybern's power as he killed them

• Beheaded the King of Hybern

• Overcame her fear of bathtubs on her own

• Supported local businesses while suffering from depression

• Got multiple priestesses out of the library - some for the first time in decades - to come to training, and convinced Emerie to come

• Saved Gwyn from a terrible tongue lashing by swapping out books underneath Merrill's nose

• Is the only person to stand up to Merrill

• Made the House of Wind

• Almost beat Rhysand - and resisted his inherent dominant voice - while sleeping

• Scried successfully for the Mask

• Found the Mask in the Bog of Oorid and used it to summon the dead to kill - and behead - the kelpie

• Made the first magical weapons in 15,000 years

• Was the only one to tell Feyre the truth

• Was able to find the chamber with the eight-pointed star in the Prison when no one else knew it existed

• Scried and found the Harp

• Resisted Lanthys' seduction and quest for power and control

• Used Ataraxia to bind Lanthys into physical form before beheading him

• Saved Cassian's life

• Seduced Eris

• Made the charm bracelets for her, Gwyn, and Emerie

• Overcame her fear of fire on her own

• Cut the ribbon, thus becoming Valkyrie

• Passed the Blood Rite Qualifer

• Ran down the ten thousand steps of the House multiple times

• Served as a courtier

• Threatened Tamlin to not reveal the Night Court's alliance with Eris, and he never did

• Fought the Illyrian males who dragged her into the Blood Rite

• Saved Emerie's life

• Saved Gwyn's life

• Carried Gwyn as far as she could up Ramiel

• Was willing to sacrifice her life to stay behind and fight off Bellius and his friends so Emerie and Gwyn could win the Blood Rite

• Held the Pass of Enalius

• Refused to give Queen Briallyn the Dread Trove, even if it meant her death

• Saved Cassian's life

• Unmade Briallyn

• Possesses the Crown

• Saved Feyre, Nyx, and Rhysand's lives by using the Dread Trove and sacrificing her power

• Is the sole person who can contain the power of all three objects of the Dread Trove

• Is one of a few people who can wear the Mask and live

• Can summon the Dread Trove from anywhere, no wards can keep her from them

• Has a connection with the Mother

• Was able to tell that Bryce's tattoo was Made and that it was the Horn

• Used the Mask to help her kill the Middengard Wyrm

• Beheaded Vesperus

• Gave Bryce the Mask to help her defeat the Asteri

• Worthy opponent to Rhysand, the most powerful High Lord in Prythian history

• Helped to end the enslavement of Midgard

• Ended the threat to Prythian, and all worlds, that the Asteri presented

• Befriended a whole other world

• Got Truth-Teller back for Az

• Was gifted Gwydion

And to think Nesta has only been the MC of one book. Since we know her story's not over yet, I cannot wait to see what else she accomplishes by the end!

[alexandraisyes]

This is a flag I found for ASPD. There's an entire archive of support flags for people with different kinds of Cluster B Disorders. I just really like this version.

Antisocial Personality Disorder can be disabling and is considered a social disability. Depending on the psychologist it’s also considered an emotional disability like ADHD or Bipolar.

This may not make sense at a glance, but there’s psychologically found logic behind this.

People with ASPD have severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Chronic Depressive Disorder, and General Anxiety Disorder GAD).

The disorder also tends to be comorbid with Bipolar Disorder, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder (DDD), as well as some psychotic disorders like Brief Psychosis Disorder and Schizophrenia. although these last two aren't as common.

There's also a chance for people with ASPD to have overlapping traits from other Cluster-B Disorders (NPD, BPD, HPD). And many people with ASPD struggle with impulse disorders. Common impulse disorders related to ASPD are as follows:

Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED): Characterized by recurrent outbursts of verbal or physical aggression that are disproportionate to the provocation.

Kleptomania: A recurrent urge to steal items that are not needed for personal use or for their monetary value.

Pyromania: An impulse control disorder characterized by recurrent and deliberate fire-setting behavior.

Pathological Gambling: Persistent and recurrent problematic gambling behavior that leads to significant distress or impairment.

Trichotillomania (Hair-Pulling Disorder): An irresistible urge to pull out one's own hair, resulting in noticeable hair loss.

Many people with ASPD also struggle with addiction and may be fighting addictions to drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping, binge eating, and social media because these are quick endorphin fixes that help us feel something due to the inherent nature of ASPD to be numb almost 24/7.

It's extremely rare for someone with ASPD to get disability aid. Which probably sounds ridiculous, when you look at this massive list of issues. A large part of it is our society. People tend to see someone who has a label that is synonymous with Sociopath and Psychopath (there's a difference between the two) and immediately want them in jail. And it doesn't matter how long they've known that person, or what their relationship is. (I got dumped last year when my ex found out I have ASPD and almost disowned during Christmas when I told my dad. The only reason I haven't been being that he thinks it's a demonic issue that can be "cured with prayer".)

On top of that, our psychology system isn't built to handle someone with a personality disorder like ASPD (or even NPD). I get told a lot "You're really self-aware." Which is basically them saying they aren't going to help you. Of course I'm self-aware if I'm going into the therapist's office for advice (at the least) and actual help (would be great), but I get turned away because if I'm "self-aware", so I should be able to figure it out. This isn't an issue that pertains directly to ASPD, it's also one that affects every disorder that's hard for a neurotypical to understand.

This is more personal. Feel free to read this in a mildly irritated, but not very much, tone of voice. Preferably a tired scholar from Skyrim, that'll make my day.

I cannot function in today's society. I can't hold down a job, and I've tried time and time again. I get a few months in and I hit a wall and my mental health goes to shit. I had to quit my last job for my physical safety because I got bored with just life in general, to the point I was seriously considering sticking my arm in a fry vat.

I haven't even managed to get a proper diagnosis because I don't have health insurance, and I have so many false disorders on my medical diagnosis sheet from my narcissistic father bullying my long-term therapist into giving me damn near every disorder except for ADHD and Conduct Disorder (I was below the age of 18, but it would have helped me in the here and now with securing the diagnosis I need for medical reasons.) Growing up several doctors I worked with wanted to get me set up for an ASPD diagnosis and my father told them no. And because of where I lived I had no say in it, and even if I did my father was abusive, so goodbye to ever speaking up for myself.

On top of that, I'm a woman. There's a severe gender bias in ASPD, as well as the fact that women with ASPD are reportedly less likely to be physically aggressive and more likely to be mentally aggressive, so our symptoms show up slightly differently than the stereotype. And don't even get me started on the stereotypes. Plus women are more likely to be studied for comorbid disorders than psychologists even considering ASPD. This is the same shit autistic women struggled with.

There's a massive underreporting in the female ASPD populace because of this, and a lot more masking going on because everything gets chalked up to "she's just a bitch" or "hormones". There's also just not enough research done on females with ASPD to understand how it may be different from a male with ASPD.

I'm tired. I've been fighting for a year to get people to recognize me as an individual who deals with ASPD. Every time I run into threats of being abandoned (which is horrible, considering I was abused and then abandoned by my biological mom, then put in foster care for the next 4 years), or the road block of "You're a woman. Are you sure you don't have BPD? That's the female disorder." Or just getting tired of the uphill slope. I only have so much stamina, and sure I have a lot of spite for the world, but eventually that's going to run out too. And then I'll probably kill myself.

The suicide rate in general is less than 2%.

The suicide rate for people with ASPD is 23%.

[dykemcqueen]

not the person who sent the ask that received these tags but... i too am a lover of egotistical asshole self sabotaging suicidal codependent protags. tell more about bartimaeus?

THE BARTIMAEUS TRILOGY by jonathan stroud is the greatest fantasy series for children ever written. it takes place in an alternate history london where magicians make up the ruling class. as was once true in real life, england is a massive colonial power with a baseless aristocracy that brutally oppresses the working class. the "commoners" believe that magicians have inherent power, but secretly all magicians are just educated in the art of summoning and controlling spirits (hatefully referred to by humans as "demons"). all western magicians of this period punish and abuse spirits into doing what they want, no exception, as has been the case in many places and in many time periods over the years. the spirits are just invisible, giving the magicians the illusion of power.

the series is about 3 people: nathaniel, a traumatized adolescent boy who rapidly starts sacrificing his morals for power and prestige in the cutthroat world of the magic elite; bartimaeus, an ancient all-powerful djinni that nathaniel relies on to do his dirty work; and kitty jones, a commoner whose friend is brutalized by a magician who is never brought to justice. it's actually also about a fourth person who died thousands of years ago, but that's a surprise tool that will help us later.

the story is about how these 3 lives intersectin a decade of political turmoil, as the commoners' oppression becomes untenable and foreign governments sick of the british empire's power seek to exploit its growing weaknesses. it's about how the power-hungry oligarchy cannibalizes itself, and how external political, cultural, and social forces shape the characters and their relationships.

it's about trauma and power and justice. it's about oppression and freedom and classism and colonialism and the many purposeful lies inherent in the system you believe you can't change (*cough* capitalism *cough*). it's about how connection to another person can change you. it's about recognizing who the real enemy is.

it's also, if you would believe it, riotously, insanely funny, mostly because bartimaeus—who narrates about 50% of it—is a sarcastic, irreverent drama queen who can never shut the hell up. he's been alive for 5000 years and he's made it this far by being avoidant and self-serving and bitchy and lucky. he thinks he's hot shit and he kind of is, but he's mostly just driven by a need to survive. he and nathaniel are friends but also not really. nathaniel is both scared of him and scared to lose him, and the series ultimately centers on their relationship, the wariness and abuse and dependence, and the way it changes as nathaniel changes. nathaniel also does go through severe depression, for that anon who was asking about lockwood.

the bartimaeus trilogy is tightly, deftly written, and one of the only kids' series that i think 100% holds up without caveats. there's a great balance of action, emotion, humor, character development, and plot, and the worldbuilding is insane—it's very smart and never overexplains anything. i can't recommend it enough. every character is written with such care and realism by a writer who Knows How to Write. it's so, so good. every fantasy fan should read it imo.

[room-surprise]

sorry if this was answered before, but what inspired you to assign kabru and mithrun their specific studies in your college au? it suits them very well!

I don't think someone's asked this specific question! And if they did, I've forgotten lol Thank you for sending me such a nice ask!

I felt that Kabru would want a "difficult" major like medicine because if he does anything less, he feels like he's not working hard enough. He's capable of doing something difficult so he has an obligation to do it, to help other people.

He's also ambitious in a way, he feels like he *wants* to do something difficult because he enjoys the academic challenge. He wants to have to make an effort and not just coast through effortlessly like I think he does with most academic studies. The challenge makes it more fun for him.

Also he wants to help people, it makes him feel good and like his life has a purpose... and he wants to do something that has good job security, so he will never have to worry about needing someone else to take care of him. He has access to money from Milsiril, but he's avoiding using it, because he doesn't want to be in her debt any further, or to give her any possible method of controlling his life.

I also have an unfortunate amount of experience in hospitals due to personal and extended family medical issues, and as a result I'm overly familiar with doctors and medicine. So writing about Kabru being involved with medicine was fun, and I felt like i could convincingly fake that I knew what I was talking about.

Mithrun, I wanted him to do something "frivolous" because his family situation means he never has to worry about taking care of himself financially. Many famous artists in history ended up artists because they were disgraced noble or wealthy children who left home and "slummed it" with artists, writers, prostitutes and other social outcasts.

Mithrun, in college AU, has never once in his life worried about money or thought about working in order to earn a paycheck. His family has so much money that even if he spent extravagantly every day of his life, they would never notice.

I also thought there was something inherently funny about a stern, traumatized ex-soldier who has experienced death and torture wanting to be an artist, plus a lot of the mental issues Mithrun is facing are things a lot of art students face, though usually different reasons (anxiety, depression, low self esteem etc.)

Additionally, my spouse and I both went through art school, so we're intimately familiar with what it's like, the type of people who are there, the way the teachers are, the assignments, the various things that make up the whole experience.

There are also some secret plot reasons that I made Mithrun an artist, which will start to become clearer as the story progresses.

Thank you again for reading, and for writing to me! 🥰

[compassionatereminders]

What does one do/say when a severely depressed (diagnosed) person refuses to acknowledge that their depressed? And when they say they sleep the entire day to avoid the world/you? Do you just let them be? I'm so inclined to do that. It's a family member that I'm financially dependent on. If I'm partially causing you to just want to sleep because you refuse to face reality/me then I want to distance myself because seeing them in that state absolutely hurts.

I think it's valid to distance yourself, yes. While I don't support the rethoric of people being mentally ill because they maliciously refuse to get better, I recognize that there are contexts where being close to mentally ill people can be traumatizing and harmful and that mental illness can play a role in abusive dynamics, and I don't believe that you or anyone else are inherently and indefinitely obligated towards any mentally ill person in your life

[nostalgiclittlespace]

Hi, I like your blog! I was wondering what the term "impure age regression" means, because I've seen it mentioned in one of your posts as well as others in the community. Does it just mean NSFW regression?

(TW: mentions of NSFW, kink, and ageplay)

Hey! and thanks! I’d be happy to explain the term :)

So in the SFW age regression community, we frequently use the terms ‘pure’ and ‘impure’ to describe our regression. I think it would be easiest to explain both terms, as they are cooperative.

Pure regression is what you’ll see mostly on this site. It’s the stuffed animals, play time, kid’s shows, snacks, moodboards, and general joy. This is what people usually think of when they hear the term ‘Little Space.’ All together, this is the happy stuff.

Impure regression still refers to entering a younger headspace, but not because you are happy, nor is it going to make you feel happy. Impure deals with the darker side of regressing. It often includes tantrums, crying, feeling overwhelmed, depression, flashbacks, and other negative feelings. That joy and happiness isn’t there. Usually, this is where we are processing our trauma.

Both pure and impure regression are very important in their own ways. While it might seem best to avoid the stress and negativity as much as possible, working through trauma is how we are able to move on and overcome it. And, the balance of pure VS impure headspace depends on the person. The way they experience and cope with it will vary as well.

While I can understand why someone might assume ‘impure regression’ to refer to NSFW due to its title, it is in no way sexual. Quite frankly, it’s the opposite, as this is when a regressor is at their most vulnerable—literally being in the headspace of a traumatized child and absolutely cannot consent while in that mindset.

The SFW age regression community is in no way affiliated with any ageplay, kink, etc. Unfortunately, the internet loves to prey on the agere community, which has made it harder to distinguish terms.

Age regression (SFW) and ageplay (NSFW) are completely separate groups and mean very different things. The first being a trauma healing community, and the latter being a BDSM subtype. It is a common misconception, but there is no such thing as NSFW age regression. It is either age regression, which is inherently not sexual; or it is ageplay, which is sexual. I hope none of this is coming across too hard, btw; I don’t want it to seem like an attack or anything. I absolutely understand how the terminology can be confused, I just want to make sure to draw clear lines between the SFW and NSFW in order to keep the community safe.

Thank you for your question and I hope this helps! If something doesn’t make sense, then feel free to shoot me another ask and I’ll elaborate. Lots of love to you, anon, and I hope your day is going well :)

-Marty 👻

[grilledcheese-savage]

Is Animorphs Ableist?

Short answer: No.

Long answer: Look, some of the people on this site genuinely scare me. Their leftism goes so radical that it goes back around to being somehow right wing. There's some real puritanism that's going on that I'm not liking AT ALL. Listen, you can and should think about media critically, and I'm sure there's some things to be said about the way the auxillary morphs are handled. But as someone who is disabled and is a wheelchair user, I feel I'm obligated to defend this series choices.

I believe books should always be able to portray heavy topics, especially when it comes to books about war. Because what is Animorphs if not a book about war? In war bad things happen. People are used. People are broken. People are thrown away. Not once does Animorphs portray these things as a morally good thing to do. In fact, I'd say Animorphs makes you stare right at the disgusting, morally corrupt, real situations that happen in war, so you don't forget them when it comes to vote.

War creates disabled people. There's no way around it. Either you're a veteran, traumatized by the things you've seen, lost a limb etc. being treated as cannon fodder (where the word comes from) or a civilian who was caught in the crossfire. No matter how justified the war, good people get hurt. People get hurt. Not once does Animorphs try to portray it as something that's worth the end goal. I think this is where people get confused. Animorphs is a first person story. You are being spoken to by an unreliable narrator and in the last book where arguably the most "ableist things" are said and done, you aren't just being spoken to by kid; you're being spoken to by a captain. The context surrounding the situation can be easily forgotten seeing as the book is 20+ years old, but Jake isn't a "good person" he's a ruthless soldier trying to see the a-z. That ruthless end goal that can save the greater public. SPOILERS INCOMING IF YOU HAVENT READ ANIMORPHS PLS DO ITS FREE ONLINE: Jake says it himself in one of the most famous lines in the book "It took my breath away, the pure, ruthless perfection of it.

-All i had to do was send my friends to die."

What he said isn't a good thing. Arguing that the author or creators wanted you to take "kill your friends, end a war!" away as a message from the book is being willfully ignorant. Jake just saw his parents be taken over by aliens, while all his friends got theirs back. He lost everything and he's depressed because deep down he knows he will have to kill his brother to end this war. All he can do is focus on ending this war. And then he sees it. The end.

Killing the auxillary morphs (disabled child soldiers) and committing mass genocide on his enemies. When he decides to follow through with this plan we see him lie to the only person he has left to love (and might I add, a symbol of humanity, empathy and hope) Cassie, and watch her cry in agony as she's forced to watch all the soldiers she trained, loved and by proxy sent to die, be killed one by one excruciatingly. We are supposed to feel bad reading this. Yes it ends the war. But it leaves us the audience with the question, was it worth it? If you take empathy out of the equation, yes you could argue it was worth it. But Cassie is empathy. It wasn't worth it to her. She is who we are supposed to connect with in this scenario.

Another situation I see people argue as ableist- that the yeerks are supposed to be metaphors for disabled fascist nazis. No. Thats not even close to the truth.

The yeerks are creatures that cannot hear, see, or feel very well when they are just themselves. They are entirely intelligent beings with the capability to communicate and empathize. Yeerks are not inherently evil beings. There's no such thing. This is why The Departure was written. The Yeerk empire for the majority of the books is written to be inseparable with yeerks themselves, and again, that is because the story is written in first person. Canonically, the animorphs view yeerks as evil, inhuman things that are irredeemable so it's easier for them to sleep at night. That's why when cassie talks to a yeerk who sees things differently than the empire, the animorphs are immediately suspicious, and get downright angry when Cassie first tries to explain to them that there are good yeerks.

When people try to compare the yeerk empire to real life wars and genocides, it makes me frustrated. Yes, they share similarites. But by saying that yeerks are just "nazis" you are missing out on some really good writing and at the same time shrinking the impact of those horrifying real life tragedies by comparing them to a kids book. But If I HAD to compare them to a real life scenario to make you understand, I probably would compare them to russia. Because the Russians in the ukranian war aren't evil. They are people stuck in a horrible system. When cassie finds out the yeerk she's stuck with doesn't want to be in this war, she uses COMPASSION to create a league of symbiotic yeerk-morpher sympathizers. She LITERALLY steps in their shoes by morphing into a yeerk against her greater fears. Ok, this post is getting very cassie focused for some reason but the point is- They arent trying to say that being disabled is an "excuse for committing war crimes", because the yeerks aren't disabled. They aren't even a metaphor for being disabled. In fact, the yeerks were shown in the prequels that they would've been perfectly fine with their symbiotic relationships on their original planet if someone didn't start the empire, using exploration as an excuse for colonization. That's how most empires start I'd argue.

Basically, calling them all nazis is a gross generalization of the true meaning of the series. Now that I'm done with showing why I dont agree with those opinions, here's some reasons why I think animorphs is actually very pro-disabled activism.

In book 41, Jake goes through a traumatic mission and hallucinates another dimension where the yeerks won. In this world, he sees what the empire does to disabled people. The yeerk empire is ableist, and shoves all their disabled people that cant be used as hosts into a dirty alley to die. When one of the people there ask him if he's supposed to be there (this is a police state) he says yes, and internally monologues about how his trauma currently disables him. If you read it, its very ahead of it's time. The yeerks have "no use of disabled people". So what do they do? They forget about them, ignore their needs, and mistreat them just like reality. And in the 90s, mental health being taken seriously as a disability was still a very young idea.

When the auxillary morphs are first created, Cassie was the first one to come up with the idea of "using disabled people as soldiers since they wont be infested" and instantly dismisses it. She thinks it's morally corrupt but is convinced into talking to them after one of the other morphs explains that they cant do this alone and they should at least have a choice, which, in my opinion is pretty progressive. It does not stay progressive of course, since the animorphs are on and off used as a metaphor for the american military. When they get there, they give false promises that some of them might be healed if they gained their disability in an accident. In my opinion, this could be a metaphor for how the military gives people the option to join in exchange for free education. Then after people fight and gain disabilities, some of them cant go to school and cant even find a job. I think again, this is a progressive idea about how the military is a gamble, because as soon as they gain the morphing abilities, whether or not it heals their human form, they still have to be soldiers. They were doomed from the start.

The military can and will forget about their own as soon as they arent able to fight. How is animorphs portraying this a bad thing? In fact, personally I think the disabled characters were good representation but thats a rant for another day.

I know a lot people can be very black and white when it comes to media but please give animorphs a chance because it's not even close to being ableist.

[drdemonprince]

CW: suicide, commitment, psychosis

My sibling is someone who unequivocally says being committed saved their life and was not inherently traumatic outside of the extremely traumatic mental health crisis that led to it. (However, our local psych ER/psych inpatient is probably one of the better ones and does not use any kind of restraints or force medication. They seem to have an okay track record explaining what the pills are and asking if the person can try them, which I get can still be coercive in some cases, but worked well with my sibling. Also, I was visiting them as much as I could every day, which they found really helpful, and I could keep my eye out for any issues.)

My sibling (~30) had a severe psychotic episode that doesn't quite fit any current DSM diagnosis. They went 0 to 100 from no suicidal ideation to actively attempting suicide in front of me due to delusions about being hunted by supernatural entities who would torture them. They finally could not sleep for days, and therefore I could not go to sleep because they'd try to kill themself. They were not dangerous to me intentionally, but one or both of us could have been hurt by me trying to take a weapon from them. They could not think at all outside of panic and delusions and had no short term memory, so they describe themself as having been incapable of understanding their condition. They weren't able to engage with any social interventions, because how would you have the time or bandwidth if you were living in terror of demons about to torture you and couldn't remember conversations from an hour ago?

They went to the hospital voluntarily after being stopped from attempting, but then they were committed because of aforementioned memory issues when they shortly informed the doctors they had to leave and kill themself. In a moment of lucidity, they were glad to be there, but they just couldn't stay lucid from moment to moment. Trying to get outpatient help in the weeks all this was escalating had been fruitless, with a lot of dismissive assholes, but these particular inpatient docs actually cared and asked how they were doing and figured out a dose of antipsychotics that made it all just... stop like a switch had been flipped.

Once they weren't operating under the terrifying delusions, they 100% did not want to die and were so relieved I stopped them and got help from others when it was becoming too dangerous to us both for me to intervene alone. I get that this kind of crisis is really different from living with chronic suicidal ideation or depression, which is something I personally deal with on a low level, but it was a genuine, terrifying situation where someone's expressed wishes were the opposite of what they wanted when they could understand their situation more fully.

I am allowed to share this, but if this is somehow not on anon, please delete it. Stigma about psychosis is REAL.

Yo this is super helpful, thank you for sharing. One of the trickier aspects of upholding disabled people's autonomy and taking a harm reductionist approach to suicide and self-harm is the fact that people in a state of psychosis may temporarily want something they would otherwise never want.

Though with some experience working through it with a caring and informed support network, it is possible to stand in for the person's stated desires and help them get through the period of lacking lucidity -- and of course psychosis can become a lot less destabilizing with time. i know someone who relies on a close friend to help ground them when they're having delusions and hallucinations -- a quick phone call is now enough to convince them they don't need to kill themselves, but that's after years of getting used to having psychotic states.

glad you and your sibling found solutions and made it through this okay.

[abyssal-werewolf]

you don't need to have been abused to be a traumagenic system

look, I know when people say "traumagenic" they usually - not always - basically mean repeated abuse before the age of ~12 (or ~9, depending on who you ask).

but that's not the only way for a system to be traumagenic. and also remember, traumagenic =/= DID/OSDD/UDD. we personally are a traumagenic system without a dissociative disorder (and we never had one).

you know, growing up poor can be traumatic enough to cause you to form a traumagenic system. depression can be traumatic. any mental illness, disorder or disability can be inherently traumatic and cause you to form a system.

there are so many reasons why you can identify as a traumagenic system. of course it can be abuse, but also a million other things. you don't have to fit into any boxes, if trauma caused your system, you can call yourself traumagenic.

your trauma counts, doesn't matter how it looked like or when it took place. doesn't matter if you have a dissociative disorder. doesn't even matter if your trauma only indirectly caused your system, however that might exactly look like in your case.

there are others like you, so don't shy away from using the terms you want to use!

[mywitchyblog]

Hi I recently read your posts about using shifting as escapism and that it's not actually bad so I was wondering, I suffer with severe ptsd and I really struggle with a lot of anxiety and nightmares is it possible I can shift to a reality where I no longer have trauma and ptsd and just live a normal life? I really hope the answer is yes because then I'm getting back into shifting, also LOVE your posts

Yes, absolutely!

If any of your questions start with "Can I...?" or "Is it possible to...?", the answer will always be yes. You have full control over your experience, and with the right mindset, anything is achievable.

Understanding PTSD and Mental Illness

Let’s take a moment to dive deeper into what PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) really is. PTSD is a serious mental health condition that can develop after a person has been through a traumatic experience. What many people don’t realize is that PTSD doesn’t just affect you mentally—it physically alters the brain. Specifically, areas like the amygdala, which is responsible for processing emotions, become hyperactive, while the prefrontal cortex, which regulates decision-making and control over behavior, may show reduced activity. The hippocampus, essential for memory formation, often shrinks in size. These changes illustrate that PTSD is not just a psychological condition; it’s also a neurobiological one, rooted in the brain's structure and chemistry.

But this also applies broadly to many mental illnesses and disorders. For instance, depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and conditions like autism or ADHD all have physical correlations in the brain, either due to genetic factors, developmental differences, or environmental influences. Autism and ADHD, for example, are neurodevelopmental conditions where the brain is "wired" differently from birth, affecting how individuals perceive and process information.

Shifting: Not a Physical Process

When it comes to shifting, however, it's important to understand that shifting isn’t a physical process. Shifting doesn’t mean physically transporting your body or brain to another reality. Rather, it’s a metaphysical, consciousness-driven phenomenon, where your mind or awareness shifts into a different reality—what we call the Desired Reality (DR). Your physical brain in your Current Reality (CR) remains as it is, but your consciousness detaches and moves into the DR.

Because shifting operates on a metaphysical and consciousness-based level, the mental and physical conditions tied to your CR brain, such as PTSD or other disorders, do not inherently carry over into your DR. Your consciousness is free of those conditions unless you specifically choose to bring them with you.

This means that if your CR brain has PTSD, it won’t affect you in your DR unless you consciously script it to follow you. Since your DR brain is essentially "new" and separate from your CR brain, it does not automatically carry any mental illnesses or injuries unless you script them into existence.

How to Ensure Your Desired Reality Experience

If you’re concerned about any lingering conditions in your DR, scripting can be a powerful tool to set clear intentions for your experience. For example, you could write in your script: “In my DR, my brain is perfectly healthy and neurotypical. I do not, cannot, and will never experience any mental illness, disorder, or injury, including PTSD.” This ensures that your DR brain is free of any limitations or conditions you don’t want to bring with you.

Shifting gives you the freedom to design your reality exactly how you want it. If you don’t want to carry over your PTSD, anxiety, or any other condition, simply leave them behind in your CR. Your consciousness is malleable and adaptable, meaning you have the power to create a version of yourself that feels entirely free from any mental or physical ailments.

Why Shifting Can Be Therapeutic

Shifting, for many, can be a form of therapeutic escape. Since you can choose how you experience your DR, including the state of your mental and physical health, it offers an opportunity to exist in a reality where you are free from the burdens of mental illness or past trauma. Shifting can provide relief, a sense of empowerment, and even personal healing. It allows you to see yourself without the constraints of your CR conditions, potentially giving you the space and clarity to explore new aspects of yourself.

Final Thoughts

So, to put it simply: If you have PTSD or any mental illness in your CR, it won’t automatically follow you into your DR unless you choose to bring it with you. You have the power to create a new reality, free from the limitations or conditions of your CR brain.

And if you ever have any doubts, just remember: you can always script your DR to be exactly as you want it to be. For example, scripting “My brain in my DR is perfectly healthy and neurotypical, free from any mental illness or disorder, including PTSD,” ensures that your DR experience is peaceful and exactly as you desire.

Lastly, thank you so much for your lovely compliment—I truly appreciate your kind words!

[no-stupid-questions-official]

I see a lot of people saying that if you're depressed/suicidal you should tell your friends/family and reach out to them. but then I also see a lot of other people saying it's bad/"trauma dumping" to share that you're depressed/suicidal with someone, and even some people saying that it's inherently traumatic and abusive for the other person to have to listen to these thoughts.

I'm an autistic person who used to tell people very readily when I was feeling bad, but after seeing opinions like the latter I've stopped and now avoid bringing it up at all costs because I hate the thought that I'm hurting people, and I feel guilty wondering if I've accidentally traumatised people in the past when I've told them about how I was feeling. But sometimes when I'm feeling bad I do want to tell my friends, but then I'm scared that it'll hurt them so I don't.

So I guess I'm just wondering if there's a concrete way to tell when it's bad/good to share your negative feelings? Is there etiquette around this stuff? How do you tell the difference between reaching out to a friend vs trauma dumping on them?

-

[saintsenara]

🖤, 🤍 and 💀, please!

thank you very much for the asks, anons plus @poetryandbloods-blog!

which character is not as morally bad as everyone else seems to think?

i mean, given the level of reading comprehension in this fandom, pretty much all of them... with snape and dumbledore at the top of the pile.

but i'm going to go for a female character, for fun and profit, and say... petunia dursley.

petunia is - like vernon - primarily a children's literature archetype - the wicked stepmother/aunt/guardian who is constantly trying to assert authority over the child-hero, with very little success. she has to be pretty one-note - shrill and cruel and demonstrably non-maternal [and performatively womanly because she's innately unfeminine] - because it's what the narrative conventions which govern her demand.

but, nonetheless, when we look at her without the restrictions of these genre conventions, there's a lot about petunia which can be used to contextualise her actions in the series with rather more nuance than they're often afforded.

when petunia is - at most - twenty-four, she has no parents, her sister is dead, she's at home all day with one toddler [and she appears to have no other social support when it comes to caring for dudley], and she's just had another toddler dumped upon her in incredibly traumatic circumstances.

vernon appears to be considerably older than her - him complaining in the very first chapter of philosopher's stone about how "young people" dress doesn't make sense if he's in his twenties as well, and i tend to imagine that he's at least fifteen [if not twenty] years older than his wife, meaning that, since they apparently married before lily and james, petunia was twenty-two at most when they tied the knot and vernon was anywhere between thirty-seven and forty-two. vernon is also from a higher social class than she is - and so much about her canon behaviour can be explained by recognising how nervous she is about not disappointing him by revealing to their neighbours that her class-performance is a pretence, rather than something she was born into.

this isn't to deny her agency in her decisions - she is, of course, also confined in a prison which is directly of her own making [the bland domesticity of her perfect little house, all of which is an artifice constructed so she doesn’t have to admit how deeply she once longed to be magic] - and nor is it to deny that her treatment of harry is wrong.

but it's important to note that nothing is completely black-and-white. petunia's cruelty is intertwined with an obvious loneliness - which is only compounded by the twin societal monsters of class and gender conventions.

and she makes a great subject for a nuanced character study, and i'd love to see more!

which character is not as morally good as everyone else seems to think?

hagrid, who is a death eater.

if you had to choose one major character to die, who would you pick?

answered here.

what is a popular [serious] theory you disagree with?

"black family madness".

while many mental illnesses - and the personality traits which can be contributing factors to them - run in families, and while i'm interested in the idea that sirius' depression when he's trapped in grimmauld place mirrors walburga's own after he leaves home in a way which can be thought of as inherited, i really dislike the idea that there's some sort of inherent madness running through the black family like a generational curse.

this fanon attributes anything bad done by a member of the family - especially a female one - to madness. which is obviously an inaccurate and stigmatising approach to mental illness - but which i also think is also a very dull way of examining the cyclical, generational thread of prejudice and restriction which runs through the blacks in canon.

[mikajihiko]

Catching up with AKIHIKO KAJI's changes in Given Bangaihen --- (10th Mix_2)

DISCLAIMER: A forewarning that this blog contains SPOILERS, including but not limited to story plot and some panels of the latest chapter of Given Bangaihen ( Given 10th Mix_2). Proceed with caution!

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On a thread on Twix (Twitter+X) Ive yapped about changes in main 4 Given after the span of 10 years. On this blog however I want to concentrate on Akihiko, which, as a synopsis I simply said:

Akihiko continuously allows Haruki to have his way with him. He's very soft, wanting to always please Haruki in any way possible, but not in a way where Haruki is allowed to step on him. The vibe is similar as pre-dating Akiharu, but added the anxiety of post-dating Akiharu.

However, I cant help but feel like I simply grazed over the topic considering Akihiko is a character who goes through constant change, in fact thats his entire thing- from changing to be a man deserving of Haru's love to having a dedicated emergence chapter. Err, My point is that that spiel isn't the only thing thats changed about him. Hence this blog and so I shall continue to yap~

Starting with his direct appearance. Our first impression of Akihiko is that he's someone who looks depressive and ragged who has a tough exterior, cool, and seemingly stone-cold which throughout the series we learn that these ragged looks are physical manifestations of actual depressive episodes stemming from the numerous abuse he receives from a past, yet continuously haunting, ex-relationship

As the story progresses we see him gradually get back into his nature of being a constantly smiling and giddy guy with a child-like demeanor; And, that continues to be the case in this sequel! Having energy to dawn fake circle glasses and a hat to go match it (as a "disguise" / intimidation tactic for the "bugs™")

With regards to personality, his inherent nature of being giddy and child-like never ceases, however, so does the pre-existing anxiety. Albeit not so obvious, Akihiko's past relationship has traumatized him in ways that he or a lot would not expect.

From someone who never really cared about his past partners shenanigans, when it comes to Haruki, he ultimately tries his best to continue to make up for things even after 10 years by wooing him, ergo continuously following through as per Popov-san's words; not that genuine sweet gestures seem to be a problem for him or Haruki.

From someone who had to be coerced into doing things, when it comes to Haruki, he doesnt have a problem with anything and gives in to all of Haruki's qualms; Always aiming to please! Of course, being in a healthy relationship makes it easier to do. Besides, what's there to wear a disguised marriage ring for aesthetics just to keep the bugs™ off Akihiko 😗

Compared to the past as well he has become more protective! In other words, became expressive in showing jealousy and possessiveness, only wanting Haruki for himself; which in itself is a drastic change as finally, he understands what it means to want someone all for himself. Considering high school Akihiko never cared for trivial things, into after-dating-HarukiAkihiko who admits to hating seeing his boyfriend play with an ex, into 7-years-later Akihiko who becomes overly defensive of Haruki's nape, into finally 10-years-later Akihiko who's against Haruki wearing the 'wedding ring for aesthetics' because he "doesnt want Haruki to look like a lonely wife". Its quite the evolution, emergence if you may, which admittedly is very cute

But yes, as I circle back, this stemming from the trauma of being in a relationship with someone who was completely commitment-phobic. The fear of doing just one wrong thing ultimately leading to Haruki leaving (even though Haru wont) is a chance he will not take. But also then again, its not like Akihiko hates it, completely indulging with his lover like this answers the calling of his romantic side! But, something to look forward to with how things will waver when the boat gets rocked in chapters to come; I'll leave that for the future as I digress!

Ig so far thats all I have important to say~! Im looking forward to the next chapters! Im excited to see how these changes in each character would affect interactions! Similarly to how Ritsuka has let go of his SUPER idolization of Akihiko hehe I look forward to seeing other changes~!

Happy Akiharu Foreverr!!!🍁🌸