#of an inherently depressed and traumatized person

[lobpoints]

The way Ayin is my favorite LC character but I literally can't talk about him except with my friends

[reunionatdawn]

My Analysis of Sylvain's Promiscuity

(Japanese Translation) Sylvain: So, the persistent stares of women, the appraising looks of noble daughters… I had to smile and accept them. …Because I had the Crest, you see. Byleth: That's not true. Sylvain: It's already too late now, but I understand. …I should have just said one word, "no".

This part of Sylvain's Japanese A-Support with Byleth really stood out to me. He felt like he should have just said "嫌だ" (iya da). It is a rather strong expression that conveys not just a simple "no" or "I don't want to," but also a feeling of being disgusted or significantly displeased by something. Based on the context and his tone of voice here, it strongly implied that he was remembering some specific traumatic memory from his past regarding sexual consent.

(Japanese Translation) Mercedes: And many women have approached you, targeting your Crest. ...I won't ask what happened. But I have a feeling that deep down in your heart, you hate and fear women...

Mercedes could tell that Sylvain didn't just hate women; he was afraid of them. She knew that something traumatic probably happened to him that he didn't want to talk about. I think he was probably taken advantage of at a young age by an older woman who was trying to get pregnant with a Crest baby. She forced herself on him and he didn't feel like he was capable of saying no.

Felix: And you never consider how your actions hurt others…or how you hold them back. Sylvain: That's never my intention. Come on, you know me better than that. I'm not really—Look, if that's the impression I've given you, then I'm sorry.

Sylvain was totally unapologetic about how his womanizing affected Ingrid. And he didn't care about hurting any of the girls he pumped and dumped. But he was very apologetic to Felix for hurting his feelings. The localizers seemed to be aware that there was supposed to be a connection between Sylvain's C-Support with Felix...

Sylvain: You think I'd cheat? On you, baby? Never. Come on, you should know me better than that. You're the only one for me. I swear.

...And his C-Support with Byleth. He apparently expected Felix to know him better than that to think he'd ever really cheat on him, even as he flirted with girls right in front of him. Which is an... unusual way for him to approach their relationship. But survivors of childhood sexual abuse often cope by engaging in sexual promiscuity.

(Japanese Translation) Sylvain: I mean, being dumped or dumping someone, it's a common story, isn't it?

Sylvain tried to downplay it in their B-Support, but he was very hurt after getting dumped by Felix in their C-Support. He was not expecting Felix to apologize to him and truly thought it was over between them. And he seemed to be taking the pain of that breakup out on the village girl he dumped in his C-Support with Byleth.

(Japanese Translation) Sylvain: That girl too, just because there was another woman, there shouldn't be a reason to get that angry.

CSA can distort a person's understanding of love and intimacy. It can create a split between emotional intimacy and physical intimacy, making it difficult for them to experience love and sex as interconnected. Sylvain did not inherently associate sex with love. So, he truly didn't understand why his casual flings would be considered cheating or why it would even make Felix jealous or angry.

(Japanese Translation) Sylvain: Sigh… Seeing the pained expression of a cute girl, it's hard to handle. (Option 1) Byleth: It doesn't look like it. Sylvain: No, no, it's really hard. I'm still pretty depressed about this. (Option 2) Byleth: Really? (Male Byleth) Sylvain: Ah, it really is painful. I feel like I might collapse on my knees any moment now. …Well then, Professor, they say the best way to heal from this kind of love pain is a new love, right? How about going out with me for a bit? Let's go woo some girls together! (Female Byleth) Sylvain: It's obviously hard, isn't it? ...Professor, you can comfort me if you want. Oh, the other day, I got some good tea leaves! How about it, in my room...

Sylvain didn't love any of the girls he slept with. But he was using his hook ups as a way to fill the void of true love and intimacy.

Ingrid: When you were fifteen, you sought—relentlessly, might I add—to involve yourself with Lord Gwendal's daughter.

CSA blurs the survivor's understanding of healthy boundaries. Sylvain did not want to get married. In fact, he said that he would have run away if he had the courage. But he had no say in the matter. Some survivors may develop hypersexual behaviors as a way to regain control over their bodies. It can be a way to exert power in situations where they had previously felt powerless. By being sexually active on their own terms, they might reclaim a sense of agency.

(Japanese Translation) Sylvain: I just picked up that girl from around here. I thought we'd just have some fun and then go our separate ways. But it seems like she ended up getting more attached to me than I expected. Man, what a hassle. Byleth: You're too frivolous. Sylvain: What are you talking about, Professor? This kind of casual fun is the most comfortable for me. …Well, no matter what you think, I have no intention of changing my ways. You see, even though I'm a good-for-nothing, I'm still a noble with a Crest… I try to avoid getting too involved. It only brings trouble. Eventually, I'll be quietly married off to someone suitable, and that'll be the end of it.

Abuse can severely impact a person's self-esteem and sense of self-worth. Some survivors may engage in promiscuous behavior as a way to seek validation or affection. Sylvain believed he was a good-for-nothing and doubted whether he was worthy of love. His sexual conquests were also a way to combat his poor self-esteem.

(Japanese Translation) Sylvain: If by any chance a child without a Crest is born, that generation is just given up on… But generally, the head of the family keeps having children until one with a Crest is born. Then, the child with the Crest becomes the next head and repeats the same thing. You understand? For commoner girls, someone like me is easy prey. Byleth: That's not a nice way to put it... Sylvain: Even if you say that... Should I say that it's a good stepping-stone to becoming a noble?

Survivors may find it hard to believe that others have good intentions, fearing that getting close to someone will lead to betrayal or harm. Sylvain assumed that every girl who showed interest had an ulterior motive. In the English version of his B-Support with Byleth, he lamented how girls viewed him as a trophy and a studhorse.

In Japanese, he was even more cynical. "格好の獲物" (kakkou no emono) literally translates to "prime catch" or "ideal prey." It is often used to describe someone that is seen as an easy or attractive target, whether in a literal hunting sense or in a metaphorical sense, such as someone being an easy victim for exploitation, manipulation, or attack. The phrase can carry a negative connotation, implying that the person is vulnerable or easy to take advantage of.

(English) Sylvain: If I marry a girl and she gives birth to a child with a Crest, that kid might become the next head of House Gautier. (Japanese Translation) Sylvain: If they can have a child with a Crest, that child might become the next head of the family.

The original Japanese version of this sentence didn't mention marriage. Nobility status is granted to any child who bears a Crest, regardless of whether they're a bastard. And so, a commoner woman wouldn't even need to marry Sylvain to benefit from his blood. All she would need to do is sleep with him and become pregnant with a child who bears the Crest of Gautier.

(Japanese Translation) Sylvain: Well, nowadays with our diluted blood, most of what's born are guys like my older brother, though… Crest-bearers have always been both envied and desired by people. I understand the value of my blood, in my own way. …To the point of disgust.

I don't think the girls that Sylvain was hooking up with in his Byleth Supports were using him. They seemed genuinely hurt by his behavior. But it would not be too farfetched to believe that Sylvain had an encounter with a female sexual predator in the past.

(Japanese Translation) Ingrid: …And stop making jokes like that guy did about being fine with dying.

Engaging in promiscuous behavior often involves taking risks. It can even be a form of self-harm like cutting. After making advances on Lord Gwendal's daughter, Sylvain was almost killed by her father. And he not only expected to get stabbed eventually, but he did not care if he did. He just laughed and joked that it would be fine if he died.

(Japanese Translation) Sylvain: It's fine, as long as you're okay… If you're alive, then I…

I'm sure that Sylvain was not really joking here. Engaging in promiscuous behavior is also a way to dissociate from one's emotions. As children, Felix and Sylvain had made a promise that they would always be together until they died together. Sylvain knew he was going to be forced into an arranged marriage after graduation. Apparently, he didn't want to have "the talk" with Felix and deal with a painful breakup. He only allowed himself to engage in casual relationships because he wouldn't feel bad about dumping them later. He was unable to be with the person he really wanted, so he slept around to avoid dealing with his pain.

[alexandraisyes]

This is a flag I found for ASPD. There's an entire archive of support flags for people with different kinds of Cluster B Disorders. I just really like this version.

Antisocial Personality Disorder can be disabling and is considered a social disability. Depending on the psychologist it’s also considered an emotional disability like ADHD or Bipolar.

This may not make sense at a glance, but there’s psychologically found logic behind this.

People with ASPD have severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Chronic Depressive Disorder, and General Anxiety Disorder GAD).

The disorder also tends to be comorbid with Bipolar Disorder, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder (DDD), as well as some psychotic disorders like Brief Psychosis Disorder and Schizophrenia. although these last two aren't as common.

There's also a chance for people with ASPD to have overlapping traits from other Cluster-B Disorders (NPD, BPD, HPD). And many people with ASPD struggle with impulse disorders. Common impulse disorders related to ASPD are as follows:

Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED): Characterized by recurrent outbursts of verbal or physical aggression that are disproportionate to the provocation.

Kleptomania: A recurrent urge to steal items that are not needed for personal use or for their monetary value.

Pyromania: An impulse control disorder characterized by recurrent and deliberate fire-setting behavior.

Pathological Gambling: Persistent and recurrent problematic gambling behavior that leads to significant distress or impairment.

Trichotillomania (Hair-Pulling Disorder): An irresistible urge to pull out one's own hair, resulting in noticeable hair loss.

Many people with ASPD also struggle with addiction and may be fighting addictions to drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping, binge eating, and social media because these are quick endorphin fixes that help us feel something due to the inherent nature of ASPD to be numb almost 24/7.

It's extremely rare for someone with ASPD to get disability aid. Which probably sounds ridiculous, when you look at this massive list of issues. A large part of it is our society. People tend to see someone who has a label that is synonymous with Sociopath and Psychopath (there's a difference between the two) and immediately want them in jail. And it doesn't matter how long they've known that person, or what their relationship is. (I got dumped last year when my ex found out I have ASPD and almost disowned during Christmas when I told my dad. The only reason I haven't been being that he thinks it's a demonic issue that can be "cured with prayer".)

On top of that, our psychology system isn't built to handle someone with a personality disorder like ASPD (or even NPD). I get told a lot "You're really self-aware." Which is basically them saying they aren't going to help you. Of course I'm self-aware if I'm going into the therapist's office for advice (at the least) and actual help (would be great), but I get turned away because if I'm "self-aware", so I should be able to figure it out. This isn't an issue that pertains directly to ASPD, it's also one that affects every disorder that's hard for a neurotypical to understand.

This is more personal. Feel free to read this in a mildly irritated, but not very much, tone of voice. Preferably a tired scholar from Skyrim, that'll make my day.

I cannot function in today's society. I can't hold down a job, and I've tried time and time again. I get a few months in and I hit a wall and my mental health goes to shit. I had to quit my last job for my physical safety because I got bored with just life in general, to the point I was seriously considering sticking my arm in a fry vat.

I haven't even managed to get a proper diagnosis because I don't have health insurance, and I have so many false disorders on my medical diagnosis sheet from my narcissistic father bullying my long-term therapist into giving me damn near every disorder except for ADHD and Conduct Disorder (I was below the age of 18, but it would have helped me in the here and now with securing the diagnosis I need for medical reasons.) Growing up several doctors I worked with wanted to get me set up for an ASPD diagnosis and my father told them no. And because of where I lived I had no say in it, and even if I did my father was abusive, so goodbye to ever speaking up for myself.

On top of that, I'm a woman. There's a severe gender bias in ASPD, as well as the fact that women with ASPD are reportedly less likely to be physically aggressive and more likely to be mentally aggressive, so our symptoms show up slightly differently than the stereotype. And don't even get me started on the stereotypes. Plus women are more likely to be studied for comorbid disorders than psychologists even considering ASPD. This is the same shit autistic women struggled with.

There's a massive underreporting in the female ASPD populace because of this, and a lot more masking going on because everything gets chalked up to "she's just a bitch" or "hormones". There's also just not enough research done on females with ASPD to understand how it may be different from a male with ASPD.

I'm tired. I've been fighting for a year to get people to recognize me as an individual who deals with ASPD. Every time I run into threats of being abandoned (which is horrible, considering I was abused and then abandoned by my biological mom, then put in foster care for the next 4 years), or the road block of "You're a woman. Are you sure you don't have BPD? That's the female disorder." Or just getting tired of the uphill slope. I only have so much stamina, and sure I have a lot of spite for the world, but eventually that's going to run out too. And then I'll probably kill myself.

The suicide rate in general is less than 2%.

The suicide rate for people with ASPD is 23%.

[room-surprise]

sorry if this was answered before, but what inspired you to assign kabru and mithrun their specific studies in your college au? it suits them very well!

I don't think someone's asked this specific question! And if they did, I've forgotten lol Thank you for sending me such a nice ask!

I felt that Kabru would want a "difficult" major like medicine because if he does anything less, he feels like he's not working hard enough. He's capable of doing something difficult so he has an obligation to do it, to help other people.

He's also ambitious in a way, he feels like he *wants* to do something difficult because he enjoys the academic challenge. He wants to have to make an effort and not just coast through effortlessly like I think he does with most academic studies. The challenge makes it more fun for him.

Also he wants to help people, it makes him feel good and like his life has a purpose... and he wants to do something that has good job security, so he will never have to worry about needing someone else to take care of him. He has access to money from Milsiril, but he's avoiding using it, because he doesn't want to be in her debt any further, or to give her any possible method of controlling his life.

I also have an unfortunate amount of experience in hospitals due to personal and extended family medical issues, and as a result I'm overly familiar with doctors and medicine. So writing about Kabru being involved with medicine was fun, and I felt like i could convincingly fake that I knew what I was talking about.

Mithrun, I wanted him to do something "frivolous" because his family situation means he never has to worry about taking care of himself financially. Many famous artists in history ended up artists because they were disgraced noble or wealthy children who left home and "slummed it" with artists, writers, prostitutes and other social outcasts.

Mithrun, in college AU, has never once in his life worried about money or thought about working in order to earn a paycheck. His family has so much money that even if he spent extravagantly every day of his life, they would never notice.

I also thought there was something inherently funny about a stern, traumatized ex-soldier who has experienced death and torture wanting to be an artist, plus a lot of the mental issues Mithrun is facing are things a lot of art students face, though usually different reasons (anxiety, depression, low self esteem etc.)

Additionally, my spouse and I both went through art school, so we're intimately familiar with what it's like, the type of people who are there, the way the teachers are, the assignments, the various things that make up the whole experience.

There are also some secret plot reasons that I made Mithrun an artist, which will start to become clearer as the story progresses.

Thank you again for reading, and for writing to me! 🥰

[drdemonprince]

CW: suicide, commitment, psychosis

My sibling is someone who unequivocally says being committed saved their life and was not inherently traumatic outside of the extremely traumatic mental health crisis that led to it. (However, our local psych ER/psych inpatient is probably one of the better ones and does not use any kind of restraints or force medication. They seem to have an okay track record explaining what the pills are and asking if the person can try them, which I get can still be coercive in some cases, but worked well with my sibling. Also, I was visiting them as much as I could every day, which they found really helpful, and I could keep my eye out for any issues.)

My sibling (~30) had a severe psychotic episode that doesn't quite fit any current DSM diagnosis. They went 0 to 100 from no suicidal ideation to actively attempting suicide in front of me due to delusions about being hunted by supernatural entities who would torture them. They finally could not sleep for days, and therefore I could not go to sleep because they'd try to kill themself. They were not dangerous to me intentionally, but one or both of us could have been hurt by me trying to take a weapon from them. They could not think at all outside of panic and delusions and had no short term memory, so they describe themself as having been incapable of understanding their condition. They weren't able to engage with any social interventions, because how would you have the time or bandwidth if you were living in terror of demons about to torture you and couldn't remember conversations from an hour ago?

They went to the hospital voluntarily after being stopped from attempting, but then they were committed because of aforementioned memory issues when they shortly informed the doctors they had to leave and kill themself. In a moment of lucidity, they were glad to be there, but they just couldn't stay lucid from moment to moment. Trying to get outpatient help in the weeks all this was escalating had been fruitless, with a lot of dismissive assholes, but these particular inpatient docs actually cared and asked how they were doing and figured out a dose of antipsychotics that made it all just... stop like a switch had been flipped.

Once they weren't operating under the terrifying delusions, they 100% did not want to die and were so relieved I stopped them and got help from others when it was becoming too dangerous to us both for me to intervene alone. I get that this kind of crisis is really different from living with chronic suicidal ideation or depression, which is something I personally deal with on a low level, but it was a genuine, terrifying situation where someone's expressed wishes were the opposite of what they wanted when they could understand their situation more fully.

I am allowed to share this, but if this is somehow not on anon, please delete it. Stigma about psychosis is REAL.

Yo this is super helpful, thank you for sharing. One of the trickier aspects of upholding disabled people's autonomy and taking a harm reductionist approach to suicide and self-harm is the fact that people in a state of psychosis may temporarily want something they would otherwise never want.

Though with some experience working through it with a caring and informed support network, it is possible to stand in for the person's stated desires and help them get through the period of lacking lucidity -- and of course psychosis can become a lot less destabilizing with time. i know someone who relies on a close friend to help ground them when they're having delusions and hallucinations -- a quick phone call is now enough to convince them they don't need to kill themselves, but that's after years of getting used to having psychotic states.

glad you and your sibling found solutions and made it through this okay.

[grilledcheese-savage]

Is Animorphs Ableist?

Short answer: No.

Long answer: Look, some of the people on this site genuinely scare me. Their leftism goes so radical that it goes back around to being somehow right wing. There's some real puritanism that's going on that I'm not liking AT ALL. Listen, you can and should think about media critically, and I'm sure there's some things to be said about the way the auxillary morphs are handled. But as someone who is disabled and is a wheelchair user, I feel I'm obligated to defend this series choices.

I believe books should always be able to portray heavy topics, especially when it comes to books about war. Because what is Animorphs if not a book about war? In war bad things happen. People are used. People are broken. People are thrown away. Not once does Animorphs portray these things as a morally good thing to do. In fact, I'd say Animorphs makes you stare right at the disgusting, morally corrupt, real situations that happen in war, so you don't forget them when it comes to vote.

War creates disabled people. There's no way around it. Either you're a veteran, traumatized by the things you've seen, lost a limb etc. being treated as cannon fodder (where the word comes from) or a civilian who was caught in the crossfire. No matter how justified the war, good people get hurt. People get hurt. Not once does Animorphs try to portray it as something that's worth the end goal. I think this is where people get confused. Animorphs is a first person story. You are being spoken to by an unreliable narrator and in the last book where arguably the most "ableist things" are said and done, you aren't just being spoken to by kid; you're being spoken to by a captain. The context surrounding the situation can be easily forgotten seeing as the book is 20+ years old, but Jake isn't a "good person" he's a ruthless soldier trying to see the a-z. That ruthless end goal that can save the greater public. SPOILERS INCOMING IF YOU HAVENT READ ANIMORPHS PLS DO ITS FREE ONLINE: Jake says it himself in one of the most famous lines in the book "It took my breath away, the pure, ruthless perfection of it.

-All i had to do was send my friends to die."

What he said isn't a good thing. Arguing that the author or creators wanted you to take "kill your friends, end a war!" away as a message from the book is being willfully ignorant. Jake just saw his parents be taken over by aliens, while all his friends got theirs back. He lost everything and he's depressed because deep down he knows he will have to kill his brother to end this war. All he can do is focus on ending this war. And then he sees it. The end.

Killing the auxillary morphs (disabled child soldiers) and committing mass genocide on his enemies. When he decides to follow through with this plan we see him lie to the only person he has left to love (and might I add, a symbol of humanity, empathy and hope) Cassie, and watch her cry in agony as she's forced to watch all the soldiers she trained, loved and by proxy sent to die, be killed one by one excruciatingly. We are supposed to feel bad reading this. Yes it ends the war. But it leaves us the audience with the question, was it worth it? If you take empathy out of the equation, yes you could argue it was worth it. But Cassie is empathy. It wasn't worth it to her. She is who we are supposed to connect with in this scenario.

Another situation I see people argue as ableist- that the yeerks are supposed to be metaphors for disabled fascist nazis. No. Thats not even close to the truth.

The yeerks are creatures that cannot hear, see, or feel very well when they are just themselves. They are entirely intelligent beings with the capability to communicate and empathize. Yeerks are not inherently evil beings. There's no such thing. This is why The Departure was written. The Yeerk empire for the majority of the books is written to be inseparable with yeerks themselves, and again, that is because the story is written in first person. Canonically, the animorphs view yeerks as evil, inhuman things that are irredeemable so it's easier for them to sleep at night. That's why when cassie talks to a yeerk who sees things differently than the empire, the animorphs are immediately suspicious, and get downright angry when Cassie first tries to explain to them that there are good yeerks.

When people try to compare the yeerk empire to real life wars and genocides, it makes me frustrated. Yes, they share similarites. But by saying that yeerks are just "nazis" you are missing out on some really good writing and at the same time shrinking the impact of those horrifying real life tragedies by comparing them to a kids book. But If I HAD to compare them to a real life scenario to make you understand, I probably would compare them to russia. Because the Russians in the ukranian war aren't evil. They are people stuck in a horrible system. When cassie finds out the yeerk she's stuck with doesn't want to be in this war, she uses COMPASSION to create a league of symbiotic yeerk-morpher sympathizers. She LITERALLY steps in their shoes by morphing into a yeerk against her greater fears. Ok, this post is getting very cassie focused for some reason but the point is- They arent trying to say that being disabled is an "excuse for committing war crimes", because the yeerks aren't disabled. They aren't even a metaphor for being disabled. In fact, the yeerks were shown in the prequels that they would've been perfectly fine with their symbiotic relationships on their original planet if someone didn't start the empire, using exploration as an excuse for colonization. That's how most empires start I'd argue.

Basically, calling them all nazis is a gross generalization of the true meaning of the series. Now that I'm done with showing why I dont agree with those opinions, here's some reasons why I think animorphs is actually very pro-disabled activism.

In book 41, Jake goes through a traumatic mission and hallucinates another dimension where the yeerks won. In this world, he sees what the empire does to disabled people. The yeerk empire is ableist, and shoves all their disabled people that cant be used as hosts into a dirty alley to die. When one of the people there ask him if he's supposed to be there (this is a police state) he says yes, and internally monologues about how his trauma currently disables him. If you read it, its very ahead of it's time. The yeerks have "no use of disabled people". So what do they do? They forget about them, ignore their needs, and mistreat them just like reality. And in the 90s, mental health being taken seriously as a disability was still a very young idea.

When the auxillary morphs are first created, Cassie was the first one to come up with the idea of "using disabled people as soldiers since they wont be infested" and instantly dismisses it. She thinks it's morally corrupt but is convinced into talking to them after one of the other morphs explains that they cant do this alone and they should at least have a choice, which, in my opinion is pretty progressive. It does not stay progressive of course, since the animorphs are on and off used as a metaphor for the american military. When they get there, they give false promises that some of them might be healed if they gained their disability in an accident. In my opinion, this could be a metaphor for how the military gives people the option to join in exchange for free education. Then after people fight and gain disabilities, some of them cant go to school and cant even find a job. I think again, this is a progressive idea about how the military is a gamble, because as soon as they gain the morphing abilities, whether or not it heals their human form, they still have to be soldiers. They were doomed from the start.

The military can and will forget about their own as soon as they arent able to fight. How is animorphs portraying this a bad thing? In fact, personally I think the disabled characters were good representation but thats a rant for another day.

I know a lot people can be very black and white when it comes to media but please give animorphs a chance because it's not even close to being ableist.

[talks-with-the-void]

you don't need to have been abused to be a traumagenic system

look, I know when people say "traumagenic" they usually - not always - basically mean repeated abuse before the age of ~12 (or ~9, depending on who you ask).

but that's not the only way for a system to be traumagenic. and also remember, traumagenic =/= DID/OSDD/UDD. we personally are a traumagenic system without a dissociative disorder (and we never had one).

you know, growing up poor can be traumatic enough to cause you to form a traumagenic system. depression can be traumatic. any mental illness, disorder or disability can be inherently traumatic and cause you to form a system.

there are so many reasons why you can identify as a traumagenic system. of course it can be abuse, but also a million other things. you don't have to fit into any boxes, if trauma caused your system, you can call yourself traumagenic.

your trauma counts, doesn't matter how it looked like or when it took place. doesn't matter if you have a dissociative disorder. doesn't even matter if your trauma only indirectly caused your system, however that might exactly look like in your case.

there are others like you, so don't shy away from using the terms you want to use!

[no-stupid-questions-official]

I see a lot of people saying that if you're depressed/suicidal you should tell your friends/family and reach out to them. but then I also see a lot of other people saying it's bad/"trauma dumping" to share that you're depressed/suicidal with someone, and even some people saying that it's inherently traumatic and abusive for the other person to have to listen to these thoughts.

I'm an autistic person who used to tell people very readily when I was feeling bad, but after seeing opinions like the latter I've stopped and now avoid bringing it up at all costs because I hate the thought that I'm hurting people, and I feel guilty wondering if I've accidentally traumatised people in the past when I've told them about how I was feeling. But sometimes when I'm feeling bad I do want to tell my friends, but then I'm scared that it'll hurt them so I don't.

So I guess I'm just wondering if there's a concrete way to tell when it's bad/good to share your negative feelings? Is there etiquette around this stuff? How do you tell the difference between reaching out to a friend vs trauma dumping on them?

-

[saintsenara]

🖤, 🤍 and 💀, please!

thank you very much for the asks, anons plus @poetryandbloods-blog!

which character is not as morally bad as everyone else seems to think?

i mean, given the level of reading comprehension in this fandom, pretty much all of them... with snape and dumbledore at the top of the pile.

but i'm going to go for a female character, for fun and profit, and say... petunia dursley.

petunia is - like vernon - primarily a children's literature archetype - the wicked stepmother/aunt/guardian who is constantly trying to assert authority over the child-hero, with very little success. she has to be pretty one-note - shrill and cruel and demonstrably non-maternal [and performatively womanly because she's innately unfeminine] - because it's what the narrative conventions which govern her demand.

but, nonetheless, when we look at her without the restrictions of these genre conventions, there's a lot about petunia which can be used to contextualise her actions in the series with rather more nuance than they're often afforded.

when petunia is - at most - twenty-four, she has no parents, her sister is dead, she's at home all day with one toddler [and she appears to have no other social support when it comes to caring for dudley], and she's just had another toddler dumped upon her in incredibly traumatic circumstances.

vernon appears to be considerably older than her - him complaining in the very first chapter of philosopher's stone about how "young people" dress doesn't make sense if he's in his twenties as well, and i tend to imagine that he's at least fifteen [if not twenty] years older than his wife, meaning that, since they apparently married before lily and james, petunia was twenty-two at most when they tied the knot and vernon was anywhere between thirty-seven and forty-two. vernon is also from a higher social class than she is - and so much about her canon behaviour can be explained by recognising how nervous she is about not disappointing him by revealing to their neighbours that her class-performance is a pretence, rather than something she was born into.

this isn't to deny her agency in her decisions - she is, of course, also confined in a prison which is directly of her own making [the bland domesticity of her perfect little house, all of which is an artifice constructed so she doesn’t have to admit how deeply she once longed to be magic] - and nor is it to deny that her treatment of harry is wrong.

but it's important to note that nothing is completely black-and-white. petunia's cruelty is intertwined with an obvious loneliness - which is only compounded by the twin societal monsters of class and gender conventions.

and she makes a great subject for a nuanced character study, and i'd love to see more!

which character is not as morally good as everyone else seems to think?

hagrid, who is a death eater.

if you had to choose one major character to die, who would you pick?

answered here.

what is a popular [serious] theory you disagree with?

"black family madness".

while many mental illnesses - and the personality traits which can be contributing factors to them - run in families, and while i'm interested in the idea that sirius' depression when he's trapped in grimmauld place mirrors walburga's own after he leaves home in a way which can be thought of as inherited, i really dislike the idea that there's some sort of inherent madness running through the black family like a generational curse.

this fanon attributes anything bad done by a member of the family - especially a female one - to madness. which is obviously an inaccurate and stigmatising approach to mental illness - but which i also think is also a very dull way of examining the cyclical, generational thread of prejudice and restriction which runs through the blacks in canon.

[mikajihiko]

Catching up with AKIHIKO KAJI's changes in Given Bangaihen --- (10th Mix_2)

DISCLAIMER: A forewarning that this blog contains SPOILERS, including but not limited to story plot and some panels of the latest chapter of Given Bangaihen ( Given 10th Mix_2). Proceed with caution!

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On a thread on Twix (Twitter+X) Ive yapped about changes in main 4 Given after the span of 10 years. On this blog however I want to concentrate on Akihiko, which, as a synopsis I simply said:

Akihiko continuously allows Haruki to have his way with him. He's very soft, wanting to always please Haruki in any way possible, but not in a way where Haruki is allowed to step on him. The vibe is similar as pre-dating Akiharu, but added the anxiety of post-dating Akiharu.

However, I cant help but feel like I simply grazed over the topic considering Akihiko is a character who goes through constant change, in fact thats his entire thing- from changing to be a man deserving of Haru's love to having a dedicated emergence chapter. Err, My point is that that spiel isn't the only thing thats changed about him. Hence this blog and so I shall continue to yap~

Starting with his direct appearance. Our first impression of Akihiko is that he's someone who looks depressive and ragged who has a tough exterior, cool, and seemingly stone-cold which throughout the series we learn that these ragged looks are physical manifestations of actual depressive episodes stemming from the numerous abuse he receives from a past, yet continuously haunting, ex-relationship

As the story progresses we see him gradually get back into his nature of being a constantly smiling and giddy guy with a child-like demeanor; And, that continues to be the case in this sequel! Having energy to dawn fake circle glasses and a hat to go match it (as a "disguise" / intimidation tactic for the "bugs™")

With regards to personality, his inherent nature of being giddy and child-like never ceases, however, so does the pre-existing anxiety. Albeit not so obvious, Akihiko's past relationship has traumatized him in ways that he or a lot would not expect.

From someone who never really cared about his past partners shenanigans, when it comes to Haruki, he ultimately tries his best to continue to make up for things even after 10 years by wooing him, ergo continuously following through as per Popov-san's words; not that genuine sweet gestures seem to be a problem for him or Haruki.

From someone who had to be coerced into doing things, when it comes to Haruki, he doesnt have a problem with anything and gives in to all of Haruki's qualms; Always aiming to please! Of course, being in a healthy relationship makes it easier to do. Besides, what's there to wear a disguised marriage ring for aesthetics just to keep the bugs™ off Akihiko 😗

Compared to the past as well he has become more protective! In other words, became expressive in showing jealousy and possessiveness, only wanting Haruki for himself; which in itself is a drastic change as finally, he understands what it means to want someone all for himself. Considering high school Akihiko never cared for trivial things, into after-dating-HarukiAkihiko who admits to hating seeing his boyfriend play with an ex, into 7-years-later Akihiko who becomes overly defensive of Haruki's nape, into finally 10-years-later Akihiko who's against Haruki wearing the 'wedding ring for aesthetics' because he "doesnt want Haruki to look like a lonely wife". Its quite the evolution, emergence if you may, which admittedly is very cute

But yes, as I circle back, this stemming from the trauma of being in a relationship with someone who was completely commitment-phobic. The fear of doing just one wrong thing ultimately leading to Haruki leaving (even though Haru wont) is a chance he will not take. But also then again, its not like Akihiko hates it, completely indulging with his lover like this answers the calling of his romantic side! But, something to look forward to with how things will waver when the boat gets rocked in chapters to come; I'll leave that for the future as I digress!

Ig so far thats all I have important to say~! Im looking forward to the next chapters! Im excited to see how these changes in each character would affect interactions! Similarly to how Ritsuka has let go of his SUPER idolization of Akihiko hehe I look forward to seeing other changes~!

Happy Akiharu Foreverr!!!🍁🌸

[hualianisms]

saw someone saying that the difference between HC & FX's loyalty is that HC dares to say no to XL and that "stop following" never worked on HC, and i have a lot of thoughts about this.

i think there's 2 major things that make XL's relationship with HC vs with FX completely different, especially if comparing XL & HC 800 years later, vs XL & FX in book 4.

the inherent difference in social status btwn XL & FX

the circumstances surrounding how FX & XL's friendship deteriorated in book 4, vs hualian meeting 800 years later when XL is in a way better mental state

bc of these 2 factors, i personally feel like hualian's relationship vs FX & XL in book 4 are in many ways not fairly comparable.

firstly, the inherent differences in social status btwn XL & FX:

while it's true that XL & FX were close friends and XL never treated FX as just a bodyguard or servant, it's undeniable that 800 years ago, XL & FX's relationship had inherent big differences in social status. the thing is that in a historical chinese context, differences in social status make a huge difference, bc confucian societal hierarchies and roles are rigid. in fact to me as a native chinese speaker, mxtx was already pretty lax in her portrayal of the status differences btwn XL vs FX or MQ. a crown prince vs his personal retainer have huge inherent differences in status that create lines that cannot be crossed by the retainer. bc of this, in other c-novels or c-dramas, it's rare to see a crown prince and his personal retainer being best friends on an equal footing, much less a romance between them (the romance would be forbidden and face societal backlash).

bc of the inherent differences in social status, it's much harder for FX to outright defy XL when XL gives a direct order, for example if XL dismisses FX as a servant - and it's very obvious in the revised version of the novel that in the scene where XL tells FX to leave, he's also dismissing FX as a servant as he also says "i don't need you anymore". that's something that's hard for FX to just ignore. it's like if your boss fires you, you can't just say "no."

while i would argue that FX himself dares to talk back to XL (in book 2 he often scolds XL and in book 4 after xianle's fall, FX even dared to do something like give XL a punch in the scene when XL came back from getting stabbed) - it's hard for FX to insist on staying if XL just dismissed him and told him to leave. some might see it as FX being afraid to speak out, but to me it's not about fear, but about respect. FX has deep respect for XL. he scolds MQ every time MQ shows disrespect to XL and even went on a long angry outburst to MQ in book 2 about how MQ should respect XL as XL is His Highness. it's evident even 800 years later how much FX respects XL.

in contrast, HC with XL 800 years later does not have this inherent status divide of master & servant. 800 years later, hualian meet as complete equals. if they had gotten closer when HC was still a commoner child and XL was still a crown prince, the difference in social status would have been an issue too.

2. the circumstances surrounding hualian's relationship 800 years later, and XL & FX's relationship in book 4 are extremely different

when hualian meet 800 years later, they get to know each other as not just equals, but as individuals who are 800+ years old. they have had literal centuries to mature and grow as people. and, XL is in a way better mental state 800 years later. in contrast, XL & FX in their book 4 falling out were dealing with extremely tough times, barely struggling to get by each day, traumatized by the fall of xianle and losing almost everything of their old lives (with XL especially in the worst psychological state he's ever been, extremely traumatized by the events with BWX and clearly depressed). people really don't make the best decisions when they are in bad psychological states - that's when they tend to make bad choices.

HC may have seen XL at XL's lowest, but they were not friends at that point. they didn't have to live with each other, they only were around each other for an extremely short time in book 4. they didn't have a mutual, reciprocal bond. ofc i'm sure if HC was in FX's position, he would have never left. but for FX's specific position, he was living with XL, was XL's good friend and personal attendant, was actually day-to-day witnessing and being on the receiving end of XL's heavily deteriorating psychological state. XL was screaming at FX and having intense mental breakdowns due to trauma. it's important to remember that XL in book 4, especially after being stabbed 100 times, was completely different from his normal self. he was not himself at all. any friend would be alarmed to see their friend completely different all of a sudden, and questioned it.

however, FX did not know or understand what XL was going through, and when he tried to ask, XL didn't tell FX about any of it, and instead shut him out and pushed him away. FX probably wanted to help, but didn't even have a way to understand what was happening. he was helpless. and even XL's own mother didn't know how to help either. she, too, was pushed away when she tried to talk to XL.

we also have to remember that we, as the reader, know that XL only pushed FX away due to an intense fear of abandonment, but FX did not have the knowledge that the reader has. FX did not know that at all. from FX's pov, XL didn't want him around anymore. from FX's pov, even as a friend, how could he force XL to change his mind if XL didn't want FX around anymore?

bc even completely ignoring social status differences, even in terms of friendship, when friends have a messy falling out like that, where one basically tries to cut ties with the other (with an implied leave and stop staying/living with me - it's practically being kicked out), and if the other friend truly believes that they are no longer wanted around (which is what i think FX interpreted), it could in some ways be ignoring your friend's own wishes or even your friend's personal boundaries, to say "no" and insist on still following even after being told to leave. i find their fight and falling out in book 4 pretty realistic for how friend breakups happen in real life.

so to me, the circumstances were very different. when HC says no to XL, it's 800 years later, when XL is in a much healthier mental state, they don't have an inherent status difference, and XL isn't trying to drive HC away completely. XL is only doing something harmful to himself, which HC can push back against on the grounds of prioritizing XL's own well-being. it's not when XL is trying to cut ties with HC due to abandonment fears. (not saying that HC would leave in any circumstance, but that the situation FX was in would be complicated to experience in reality and not as simple as just saying no. and that FX's choice was more complicated than just blind obedience.)

in fact, FX & XL's friend breakup, although incredibly painful for both of them as well as the reader, paved the way for them to reconcile 800 years later when XL is no longer the crown prince & FX is no longer his personal retainer/bodyguard. they no longer have such a big difference in social status between them. they are both also 800 years older - i.e. had lots of time to mature and grow as people, and in a much better psychological state. they are in a much better place this time around to form a much healthier friendship with each other on a more equal ground.

[ultimateplaylistmaker]

What do you headcanon the PreGame Cast`s personalities were like?

just like every other thing ive thought longer then five seconds about, i have a google doc about it

Now I don't have ideas for everyone but here's the sum up of who I do have figured out

Kokichi

God complex manipulator who believes himself to be the only person truly alive, he acts sweet and caring to get what he wants, and will entice people into bullying him to then leverage it for pity or blackmail, cares incredibly deeply about his appearance and how people perceive him and only lets down his guard to animals as he finds them inherently better then people due to actually making sense

Shuichi

Is rather manic and touch starved and has a lot of sexual and violent intrusive thoughts, however he is self aware of what a mess he is and trying to make sure he never actually hurts someone, very clever but heavily hindered by a low attention span, Tired and just wishes he could be a normal person and not this obsessive freak (his words)

Kaito

Very bitter thanks to his chronic lung disease draining his family's money, rather apathetic to the world, likes to avoid getting involved in things but he cant help but push into a situation when it gets serious, temper, thinks the previous people who played the game are Selfish Cowards because he bets if someone with a doctor ultimate actually used that damn talent he wouldn't be in this mess

Maki

BIG Guro fan, epitome of cute quiet shy girl who you look over the shoulder of and see she's drawing detailed gore, craves excitement, finds most other people annoying but doesnt really hold it against them, used to self harm before Kaito stopped her and became one of her only friends, was kinda manipulated into joining the game by staff at her orphanage

Kaede

Apathetic and horny, copes with her depression through adrenaline and said horniness, has a secret soft spot for kind people as theyre a rare breed and she thinks its endearing and cute not that she'd ever say it, good ear for tone

Kirumi

Parentification personified, basically the mom to her younger siblings because her parents are terrible and she hates her siblings, desperately wants to have a life outside of having to be the mom of her family, the stress has turned her aggressive and snappy refusing to listen to anyone else and fighting anyone who gets in her way, her grades are plummeting because she has to do All the chores and she doesn't have time to study or even do homework some nights

Rantaro

A little sexist in that way where he doesnt mean to be sexist but he kinda buys into the whole chivalry sexism of having to take care of women, the only thing he hates more then being a leader is someone else trying to be the leader, after his first game and learning he'll be put in a second one he starts breaking laws to try and get into jail to get out of it, feels like hes weak and pathetic for being traumatized after his game and having to have bodyguards.

[zonedelicious]

EchoVN analysis thingy

This will be a quick analysis of the furry visual novel Echo which will obviously contain spoilers. This is my own personal interpretation of the narrative and shouldn't be taken as factual. I must also state that I am not sexually interested in any of the characters, so this will be an asexual reading of sorts.

Echo to me is a story about mental illness and how it affects people. All 6 of the main characters are suffering mentally and that has affected their relationships with each other. Of course there is the paranormal entities that exist within the town of Echo. Our characters are one small part of a greater messed up world.

When seeing how people talk about the characters it is very similar how people discuss mental illness in real life. That is villainising it. With no offense to anyone in particular, there is often a hatred towards these characters that feels personal and that hatred comes from ableism. Thinking that none of these characters deserve happiness, that they're inherently bad, or that they're psychotic, it's all ableist reaction. And maybe that's intentional. Because Echo is a game that makes you feel uncomfortable. And maybe it's trying to make you question your own biases.

If there's one character that could potentially represent this best it is Sydney. The kid that drowned. Who's often portrayed as a cruel and even demonic kid. Some say he's even the one behind all the demonic entities. You could say he's a bad person. Right? But that would be wrong. Because Sydney being a bad person is a lie. A lie Chase made up.

Chase is an unreliable narrator who throughout the game is often seen lying and intentionally twisting the truth. It is his coping mechanism. He intentionally exaggerated Syd's bad moments and lies about Syd's death, to cope with the fact that he was the one who killed him. Chase as well as TJ had buried their memories of the event due to how traumatic it was for them and avoid thinking a out Syndey at all. In Flynn's route we even see Syd as a very friendly kid. It was only after his father's death that he grew distant from the others, because they judged him. Sydney was not a monster. He was simply another kid. Anyone could have taken his place. Just like Chase, the player frames Sydney as a bad person. You would expect him to be bad. Especially when being aware of common horror tropes of a vengeful ghost. But of course that never happens. Sydney probably has even forgiven Chase from what Micha says in Jenna's route. So what's the message then, that Chase is the bad guy? Well you would think that of course, but that's also false.

Chase is a mentally unwell person. He has been possessed for so long that he doesn't even know who he is. He lies and manipulates people because he is emotionally detached from everything. Does that makes him evil? No. He's simply a person. He does shit things. He has mental issues he can't control. This of course is shown by him literally being possessed by multiple ghosts, that also represent real world mental health issues. In TJ's route he is basically no longer in control of his own body according to Sam. He is a puppet. And that doesn't excuse his actions entirely. But it needs to be understood that he and everyone else in the game are suffering from serious mental health issues, and in the real world that means they are unstable and not fully in control of their own actions. So while yes technically a demon possessed Chase killed Sydney and Flynn. It was also a metaphor for how mental illness can cause you to do things you do not want to do.

Carl could get a job and go to college and be the best student and get all the girls and be happy. But that's not what's it like when your anxiety is so bad you start having panic attacks constantly.

TJ could just man up and be a badass. But how can you expect a 19 year old to change like that when they've been emotionally stunted due to trauma.

Trauma, depression, anxiety etc. It is all fucking painful, it fucks you up, and you can't function because of it. I relate with all these characters because I felt it too. I lost a friend and I've quit college and I had anger issues and people treated me like I was crazy. Probably shouldn't be personal on a furry post but I need to emphasize that this shit is really fucking hard to deal with.

So to say these characters are irredeemable and inherently bad, it is simply cruel to me. Yes I do think someone like Leo deserves love and care and to be hugged. Not because I want to fuck him. But because I understand that this is a broken man who does not deserve the pain he is going through.

Leo is the reason I started writing this essay. Before I even started playing I saw how Leo is said to be the worst person ever. To the point that liking Leo is seen as "missing the point". Which I find strange because Leo is never portrayed in the game in this way.

"I can fix him" in reference to Leo is a meme for how an absurd of an idea it is, but the game itself says that he should go to therapy, which is the game saying Leo should get fixed in a way. And he does get fixed. In his good ending he refuses to get Chase's number. In Jenna's route he apologizes to Micha and takes responsibility for his past actions. Leo makes changes despite being mind fucked by the mental illness devil. So him being portrayed as evil I think goes against the actual message.

Most of what I said for Leo also applies to Jenna. Though the hate she gets is also heavily tied to the fact she's the only girl in the main group and this is a game aimed at gay males. Any action she takes is the wrong one. Funny as that's exactly how Jenna grew up. She was always screwed over no matter what and had to eventually leave home. And her cold personality is a defense mechanism a lot of women develop to protect themselves from men. Then maybe she was also a way for cis gay men to question their misogyny.

So what's the end message? That you should excuse bad actions? Not necessarily. I think it's important to differentiate when a person chooses to hurt someone and when they don't. With Flynn, his bad actions are often choices. He chooses to be distant and an asshole. Yet at the same time this is how he communicates. I do not think Flynn knows he's hurting Carl when he insults him. Is it wrong to do so? Yes. Does Flynn care about Carl and doesn't want to hurt him? I believe so. Is Leo selfish and obsessive? Yes. Does Leo genuinely care about his friends and wants to protect them? Also yes.

Again this is simply how mental illness is. Anger issues, personality disorders, etc. The way you act does not always reflect your intentions. I'm not an expert here and don't know the right terminology. All I know is that functioning as a normal human being is really fucking hard. It affects your life and your relationships. And most of the time it isn't your fault.

So that's what Echo means to me. It is about people who are suffering. Who make mistakes. Who are assholes. And who are still people despite all that. They aren't evil, or psychos, or monsters. They're just people. And I am happy that the game treats them as such the entire time. People with mental illnesses deserve happiness.

This was my first analysis post. Well it's a rant post really but those are the same things. I hope to make more posts like this in the future as I am bored and jobless and that's what you do on the internet. Thank you for reading everyone.

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

watching the sonic ova again and it’s genuinely so impressive how throughly the people working on it get metal sonic like it’s obviously been an influence towards every portrayal of him since bc the staff there understand him on a deep conceptual level. like it’s most obvious with sonic heroes which takes heavy inspiration from the film except it portrays metal's identity issues in a much darker light but like just in general like. the ova portrayal of metal sonic is The template every other portrayal of him. like his personal identity issues his beyond monomaniacal obsession with sonic to the point it leads to him defying orders them having a much deeper personal rivalry than the other sonic robots eggman made him being severely mentally ill like. cd establishes that he’s cruel mocking and ruthless but the ova is the origin of his complexities of a character, ones that were absolutely carried over in the rare cases sega let metal sonic even have a character (like where’s his sass from cd he's as dramatic a bitch as sonic in that but they don’t even let him taunt sonic he’s lost personality he had in the sega cd games how do you DO that) like. heroes metal sonic is pretty undeniably a beyond terrible person but it’s clear that he's also had a complete mental breakdown from how inherently traumatic his existence is and mania adventures depicts him as borderline suicidally depressed again like. the ova clearly influenced both of those immensely.

and not only does it do that but then it goes delightfully off the rails and uses it’s complete understanding and establishment of its character to take him in a completely unique direction. i mean for one it’s a canon metonic soulmate AU like. they're metaphysically linked and share a soul and mind they’re literally soulmates by definition. but also it fully embraces the more complex areas of his characterisation and makes him a full on tragic villain with a redemption arc. metal sonic in the ova is undeniably a person, and one who can care for others and be good if given an opportunity (even before the final scene! like, he gave the old man owl “his”/sonic's favourite clothes, and they share memories and likes so presumably they’d be something he very much likes and would want to keep too) and the fact he's basically been programmed only for destruction and never able to live a proper life is sad. he kills himself at the end. it’s not something triumphant or even satisfying, because it’s so fucking sad that he's aware he'll never be able to live that normal life. how there can only be one sonic. and yeah, he fucking dies, so the ova (which was planned to be a full blown anime) defined metal sonic's whole everything for the next thirty years while having him as a one-shot character. they wrote the best metal sonic for a one off appearance. incredibly ballsy decision and it makes me sad it never got picked up bc if they completely defined a character who appeared in like, one episode the fucking geniuses could have done some insane shit with a full series.

[caiusmarciuscoriolanus]

Idk if I was blinded a little bit by mads mikkelsen or this is just an unpopular opinion. Hear me out: Tonny in pusher 2 isn’t a complete pile of garbage 🤷🏻‍♂️. Like I get that he spent most of the movie doing progressively bad shit but I don’t think some people are actually taking into account the gravity of his situation or how the circumstances of his environment has affected his life. Like im of the full understanding that most people have full control over their actions and should be held accountable. Like I said, Tonny made bad choices and did bad things. But there’s such an important topic in this film that I don’t see a ton of people talk about. He mentions to the mother of his child in one scene that the events of the first movie with frank left him with a traumatic brain injury and that it affects his memory. But (through mads’s acting choices) we see time and time again as he tries to prove himself to others, he has a difficult time thinking critically about his actions before he does them. This shows itself every time he tries to prove himself to his father. It shows everytime “the cunt” takes advantage of him and manipulates him into helping him. And even towards the end when he takes his son and runs. It even shows in tiny moments, like when he’s having a convo with the mother of his child and she tries to hand him off the baby to smoke a cigarette. He looks at her confused and she says “ take his legs”. For the most part, people know not to grab a baby by the legs. But he does it because he’s so focused on his own awkward nature that his brain tells him to grab the babies legs almost on autopilot. It’s only after she calls him stupid (as almost everyone else in the film has repeatedly called him as well) that he realizes he wasn’t actually suppose to grab the babies legs. There’s more instances where it’s made apparent that the general physical brain trauma and the trauma that has been built up by his father (which we can assume has been a long time thing) has caused issues for him in the long run. You could argue that his father was done with his sons antics,but based on the fact that his father owns what is basically a car theft business and also later asks that tonny be the one to kill his ex wife, it’s made evident that his father isn’t necessarily a good person either. Not to mention the fact that his father had no intention to feel even the slightest bit of compassion after tonny finds out about his own mother and repeatedly expresses how she was crazy and in turn, lumping her in as another reason for him to hate his own son. I see all the time people say “well I was raised in a similar fashion and I know better than to fuck up like that and do bad stuff like that”. And that’s fine. But your story and how you handle it doesn’t dictate how others do. Everyone is dealt a certain hand and has to use whatever skills are given to them to decide how they go about it. If your decision making skills are off and you have no support system, and you think everyone is a against you, how can you possibly heal or make things better for yourself. You can argue “but it’s fiction, it’s not a realistic scenario” and you’d be wrong. I know personally a couple of people in similar boats. Sometimes, the system isn’t set up for people. And sometimes they struggle their whole lives to figure it out. And sometimes they don’t. Most of all it’s genuinely depressing and sad. But that doesn’t mean that tonny didn’t have the ability to be a good person. Or that he was inherently a bad person. He was just a human in a state of making bad decisions and doing bad things. I think you see that in the way he treats the baby despite the hand the of his raising. He could easily decide to be a bad father, to neglect the baby at times. But really it’s the only time we see him genuinely gentle and at ease. He knows how it feels to be small and to have bigger beings in your face. They decide if you’re worthy of their time and affection. So he tries to make it a point to take on being a dad even if he’s not sure how.

[avpdvoidspace]

"Having a personality disorder doesn't make you bad"

Yes it does, most of the times. You won't be Jeffery Dahmer but you'd cheat, manipulate and hurt people around you 99% of the times

wow, thank you for explaining personality disorders to me, someone who has been diagnosed with two for 17 years. I'm generally terrified of people irl and have only ever had sex with one person in my life, but okay. Anyway, the unfortunate truth of life and relationships is that 100% of people, neurotypical and neurodivergent alike, hurt the people in their life. When someone does so intentionally to cause harm, they make that choice to do so. Do you also talk this way about people with traumatic brain injuries? Huntington's disease? Or are personality disorders the sole diagnosis you've given yourself permission to scapegoat and dehumanize those diagnosed with them? I guess I should be able to decide people with anxiety and depression are inherently abusive. One of the people who abused me relentlessly in my childhood fits this desciption. If you disagree with me, you're victim blaming!