#now there are two of them

[thecoffeelorian]

I'm At Soup! (TBB Edition)

Title: I'm At Soup!

Fandom: Star Wars/The Bad Batch

Characters Involved: Crosshair, Batcher, Hunter, and Wrecker

WC: 486/Under 1k.

A/N: This is the one-shot to celebrate me reaching 300 followers on Tumblr! Thank you all for getting me here, and let me also tag the following people specifically:

No Pressure Tags:

@oraleandreu @gun-roswell @harmless--dreamer @built-on-hope-1977 @orangez3st

@hellhoundmaggie @lulalovez @momojedi @lazyprofessorpursesalad @still-nix-d-goffic

@archivewriter1ont @cloneflo99 @tink1221 @leapingbadger and anybody else who would like something funny to read. :D

Don't call unless it's an emergency, Hunter had requested, wanting nothing less than near perfect silence during his latest shopping trip. Under normal circumstances, Crosshair would have done just that, as he already had first-hand experience with being overwhelmed and also wasn't all that eager to force others to go through the same thing.

However...no thanks to Batcher having run off ten minutes ago, her confusion as to whether or not the moon-yos of Pabu were living animals or squeaky toys, it was unfortunately time to call in the reinforcements.

Specifically, calling up Hunter himself over the commlink, all the while he himself stood at attention by the dining room table.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Cross, what's up?"

"I need your help, can you come here?"

"Uh, I can't, I'm buying clothes."

"Alright, well..."

Letting out a small sigh, Crosshair just shrugged and continued with the call. Best not to overthink the situation, after all...yet.

"...Hurry up and come over here."

"I can't find them."

What.

"What do you mean, you can't find them?"

"I can't find them, there's only soup."

A small crackle of static popped over the system, then an awkward silence followed...and curiously enough, no 'Gotcha' or other hints that this was just one big joke from Hunter.

"What do you mean, 'there's only soup'?"

"It means there's only soup!"

"Well then, get out of the soup aisle!"

"All right! You don't have to shout at me!"

Next came the sound of footsteps as Hunter continued down a different aisle, a small huff of annoyance, and then--

"--There's more soup."

"What do you mean there's more soup?"

"There's just more soup!"

Two aisles of soup now...? This was getting out of hand, and no, that wasn't a round of self-deprecating humor.

It. Was. Madness.

"Go into the next aisle!"

"There's still soup!"

"Where are you right now?!"

"I'm at soup!"

At Soup?! How could any Trooper in the known galaxy, be it far far away or a few klicks ahead, suddenly be 'At Soup'?!

"What do you mean you're "at soup?"

"I mean I'm at soup!"

"What store are you in?!"

"I'm at the soup store!"

"Why are you buying clothes at the soup store?"

"Kriff you!"

Both Troopers turned off their ends of the commlink with a loud slap, each of them so frustrated with the other that they most likely would not be on speaking terms for the next hour.

Back on Crosshair's end, he would merely shake his head in disgust before going off in search of the dog treats, if only to give Batcher a reason to come running the moment he jostled the bag loudly enough.

On Hunter's end, however...he would be comforted with one of Wrecker's hands upon his shoulder, along with the following vote of confidence:

"I think we're gonna have to stun this guy, Sarge."

"Dank Ferrik," Hunter sighed in return. Today just wasn't his day.

[marilynshamu]

I HAVE NO SELF CONTROL.

[medical-anon-whau]

@egrets-not-regrets @kit-williams

Pen Thief Alpharius update

You were correct when you mentioned that there would be more Alphariuses (Alpharii? Sneaky-Cheeky Astartes?) then the one I first met. I know this because there was Pen Thief Alpharius in the house with his bonded companion…

When I know for a fact that Pen Thief Alpharius was participating in one of the classes that we offer for lay-caretakers. The patient cheerfully interacted with Pen Thief Boogaloo as if the two of them were the same being.

Should… I… Should I ask if they know they have multiple Alpha Legionnaires with them? Are they being kept in the dark about this? From what the patient has told me, they've known at least one Pen Thief for most of their life. Would that cause more problems or increased aggression?

[numahachi]

[ikeharris128]

When you find out, that there are two fully painted movies:

[tlmtwelve]

August 14, 2024: Waxer and Boil

[j-lo-ker]

Got so many jokes I see myself coming and going

[alwayschasingraiinbows]

Burrito blanket time

[appalachianmounta1n]

ADHD vibes

[osiochenofarcudan]

Guys there's another one now.

[wishfulsketching]

This is what the dynamic was like

[lewdcookies]

For a moment I thought the Chocolate Wizard had gotten himself an apprentice.

New Character Unlocked!!!

Berries & Chocolate Basket

[a-scary-lack-of-common-sense]

Hey, do any of you people remember that one tf2 comic where soldier is talking to a bunch of wooden cutouts thinking they’re real people? You know how it was supposed to be a joke about how insane Soldier is, unable to differentiate the inanimate from the alive? Am I the only one who lost my mind about the implications of that or am I going just as insane as him.

You can see how lazy I got near the end but I couldn’t be bothered to work on this anymore

[bricreative]

She knows the answer, she just needs to hear it

Part 5 of ?

Part 4 <<

Part 6>>

[eydilily]

would you bite the hand that feeds you?

[shotmrmiller]

roommate soap who catches you masturbating because nothing else quite takes the edge off like a little death or two but instead of looking surprised and pivoting, he stands there and looks perturbed.

yer doin' it all wrong, lass. it's no wonder ye always strung tight.

you go from mortified to insulted in seconds, but before you can even snarl at him to leave, he's already dragging his big ass boyfriend in the room, still fully appalled at how you're mistreating yourself.

got tae see this, simon. appalling, it is.

and now you're being manhandled into different positions, toys long abandoned for thick fingers and coarse palms, lube replaced with spit and they'd left you with the destabilizing knowledge that the first peak they'd brought you then had been humiliatingly fast and efficient and somewhere along the way, fingers had been replaced with tongues.

(that you had to almost crawl yourself to the bathroom after your long nap and they hadn't even fucked you is embarrassing.)