#now there are two of them

[thecoffeelorian]

I'm At Soup! (TBB Edition)

Title: I'm At Soup!

Fandom: Star Wars/The Bad Batch

Characters Involved: Crosshair, Batcher, Hunter, and Wrecker

WC: 486/Under 1k.

A/N: This is the one-shot to celebrate me reaching 300 followers on Tumblr! Thank you all for getting me here, and let me also tag the following people specifically:

No Pressure Tags:

@oraleandreu @gun-roswell @harmless--dreamer @built-on-hope-1977 @orangez3st

@hellhoundmaggie @lulalovez @momojedi @lazyprofessorpursesalad @still-nix-d-goffic

@archivewriter1ont @cloneflo99 @tink1221 @leapingbadger and anybody else who would like something funny to read. :D

Don't call unless it's an emergency, Hunter had requested, wanting nothing less than near perfect silence during his latest shopping trip. Under normal circumstances, Crosshair would have done just that, as he already had first-hand experience with being overwhelmed and also wasn't all that eager to force others to go through the same thing.

However...no thanks to Batcher having run off ten minutes ago, her confusion as to whether or not the moon-yos of Pabu were living animals or squeaky toys, it was unfortunately time to call in the reinforcements.

Specifically, calling up Hunter himself over the commlink, all the while he himself stood at attention by the dining room table.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Cross, what's up?"

"I need your help, can you come here?"

"Uh, I can't, I'm buying clothes."

"Alright, well..."

Letting out a small sigh, Crosshair just shrugged and continued with the call. Best not to overthink the situation, after all...yet.

"...Hurry up and come over here."

"I can't find them."

What.

"What do you mean, you can't find them?"

"I can't find them, there's only soup."

A small crackle of static popped over the system, then an awkward silence followed...and curiously enough, no 'Gotcha' or other hints that this was just one big joke from Hunter.

"What do you mean, 'there's only soup'?"

"It means there's only soup!"

"Well then, get out of the soup aisle!"

"All right! You don't have to shout at me!"

Next came the sound of footsteps as Hunter continued down a different aisle, a small huff of annoyance, and then--

"--There's more soup."

"What do you mean there's more soup?"

"There's just more soup!"

Two aisles of soup now...? This was getting out of hand, and no, that wasn't a round of self-deprecating humor.

It. Was. Madness.

"Go into the next aisle!"

"There's still soup!"

"Where are you right now?!"

"I'm at soup!"

At Soup?! How could any Trooper in the known galaxy, be it far far away or a few klicks ahead, suddenly be 'At Soup'?!

"What do you mean you're "at soup?"

"I mean I'm at soup!"

"What store are you in?!"

"I'm at the soup store!"

"Why are you buying clothes at the soup store?"

"Kriff you!"

Both Troopers turned off their ends of the commlink with a loud slap, each of them so frustrated with the other that they most likely would not be on speaking terms for the next hour.

Back on Crosshair's end, he would merely shake his head in disgust before going off in search of the dog treats, if only to give Batcher a reason to come running the moment he jostled the bag loudly enough.

On Hunter's end, however...he would be comforted with one of Wrecker's hands upon his shoulder, along with the following vote of confidence:

"I think we're gonna have to stun this guy, Sarge."

"Dank Ferrik," Hunter sighed in return. Today just wasn't his day.

[marilynshamu]

I HAVE NO SELF CONTROL.

[medical-anon-whau]

@egrets-not-regrets @kit-williams

Pen Thief Alpharius update

You were correct when you mentioned that there would be more Alphariuses (Alpharii? Sneaky-Cheeky Astartes?) then the one I first met. I know this because there was Pen Thief Alpharius in the house with his bonded companion…

When I know for a fact that Pen Thief Alpharius was participating in one of the classes that we offer for lay-caretakers. The patient cheerfully interacted with Pen Thief Boogaloo as if the two of them were the same being.

Should… I… Should I ask if they know they have multiple Alpha Legionnaires with them? Are they being kept in the dark about this? From what the patient has told me, they've known at least one Pen Thief for most of their life. Would that cause more problems or increased aggression?

[numahachi]

[ikeharris128]

When you find out, that there are two fully painted movies:

[tlmtwelve]

August 14, 2024: Waxer and Boil

[j-lo-ker]

Got so many jokes I see myself coming and going

[alwayschasingraiinbows]

Burrito blanket time

[appalachianmounta1n]

ADHD vibes

[wishfulsketching]

This is what the dynamic was like

[eydilily]

would you bite the hand that feeds you?

[lewdcookies]

For a moment I thought the Chocolate Wizard had gotten himself an apprentice.

New Character Unlocked!!!

Berries & Chocolate Basket

[maeamian]

Part of the reason that Republicans are so desperately acting like they will never lose again is because they are deeply terrified that this is their last real chance to win. The big orange dipshit came in and gutted the party of everyone who wasn't a loyalist, which left it full of nasty little gremlins who have gaping voids where charisma and human decency is supposed to go.

They still hold a lot of power, but if we stop them this year the next presidential election may not be the Most Important One Of Your Life™, that's not a guarantee or anything, but if they don't win here and now their future looks grim, this dipshit is the only guy they have left and he's extremely diminished and has his brains leaking out of his ears at this point. We can beat him into the ground.

So that's what we're gonna fucking do. We're gonna break these fucking fash. They will crash upon us and we're gonna break their fucking necks. When they come for us they will lose because they're fucking losers and we have each other's backs which is something they fundamentally are incapable of comprehending.

[creekfiend]

something that drives me insane on a relatively regular basis as a body jewelry understander is talking to people who have sensitive skin who are like "oh well I just can't wear any earrings without my ears getting inflamed" and I say "well what have you tried" and they say "well I've tried sterling silver and I've tried gold..." and it's like. ok. I don't know how gold and sterling somehow got spun by the jewelry industry as being especially good for sensitive skin but whenever I'm like "well have you tried implant grade titanium" they're always like "no....... but I've tried sterling silver... and it didn't work ..." like. I don't know how this narrative about sterling silver somehow got so strong but when they put pins in your fucking legs when you snap your leg in half are those pins made of sterling silver or are they made of implant grade titanium or surgical steel????????? HELLO. HI. YOU MIGHT BENEFIT FROM TRYING IMPLANT GRADE TITANIUM I AM JUST SAYING

[akanemnon]

I don't like this place. It's turning everyone edgy and sad.

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MASTERPOST (for the full series / FAQ / reference sheets)

[stardella]

Siblings but in space