#space marine husbandry

[cursed-40k-thoughts]

• hard exoskeleton concealing squishy vital bits inside

• wide body with segmented limbs and downturned mouthparts

• many specialized organs and glands

• comprise about 25% of currently known guys

• god’s favourite

the rumor come out: does astartes is beetles?

Astartes DOES is beetles

And sometimes arachnid

[valhallasoutlaw]

A pamphlet featured in our last seminar! Make sure that you know the signs so that you and your Blood Angel can live a happy, harmonious life!

[robot-roadtrip-rants]

Ultramarines are a very popular first-time breed, and for good reason. They are tidy, efficient, easily trained, naturally obedient, and are one of the friendlier breeds. Unfortunately, they are also one of the more expensive breeds to keep due to their deep-seated need for bling.

Ultramarines LOVE bling. Wild Ultramarines will decorate their nests with statues of their pack leaders and scavenge for shiny metal to gild their armor. You may recall the Siege of '92 when a park's ornate railings, broad pavilions, and equestrian statues attracted a whole company of feral Ultramarines, who claimed it "for Ultramar" and drove off the visitors so they could build a nest. Astartes experts theorize that Ultramarines use bling to establish status and attract mates.

New owners should be prepared to purchase at least one marble sculpture and several gilded items for their Ultramarine's enclosure. They should also award him with medals and other decorations for his armor and weaponry. Upkeep is easy--as long as the owner provides their Ultramarine with sufficient supplies, he will clean and maintain his bling without prompting. Indeed, some Ultramarines find bling cleaning to be a calming activity.

Failing to invest in bling will cause a rapid downturn in mood. Initially, the blingless Ultramarine will vocalize frequently about "shame" and "dishonor" to express his distress. If the situation is not amended, he can become lethargic and withdrawn and may even grow a beard. Alternatively, he may become increasingly aggressive as he seeks to find or earn more bling. If an Ultramarine begins showing these signs, it is highly imperative for an owner to purchase more decorations for his enclosure, and to frequently assure him of his honor.

[wolf-tail]

Ultramarine owners: This is Brother-Seargant Neronius Commodias of the 5th Company, we purchased him for 100000 thrones

Death Guard owners: This is Stinkus McFuckface we found him in the dumpster

[littledarknesgold]

A Brief Respite

Warnings: Yandere, Obsessive, Possessive, Possessive behaviour, Mention of blood, Mention of killing an animal

(Tired of all this sushi and hype around the Astartes, the man actively rejects the idea of connecting with the Space Marine who begins to hang around near their home)

You wake up again to rustling and scurrying sounds outside, it seems that even the fact that you bought a house in the wilderness did not help you escape from being stopped from being disturbed, but at least you were able to escape from something else, from this maddening fanaticism for these damn Astartes. Space Marines. Or whatever they are called? In short, from these creatures.

They came out of nowhere, speak an incomprehensible language, do whatever they want and most importantly, everyone is delighted with them (not everyone, but most people), even your shitty friends, in whom you thought you would find common sense, one after another got hooked on this shit.

You feel sick from this, you want to take a double-barreled shotgun and shoot yourself, but this is not the first time the world has gone crazy, right?

New rustling sounds outside force you to get out of bed and, throwing open the window, shout, "Get out, you garbage rat!"

For a while the sounds stop and with a feeling of deep satisfaction you wait back in bed, already closing your eyes you jump from the sound of broken glass.

Something flew through the window and slammed against the wall, falling to the floor, leaving a dark stain of blood on the wall.

You couldn't fall asleep until the morning. Only in the morning, in the light of the merciful sun, you saw a 'gift' (or a threat?) - a dead rat, or rather what was left of it after hitting the wall.

With disgust and revulsion, you threw the rat into the trash, washing the blood stain off the wall all day. You had heard enough about the manhunters among the Astartes, so the next night you slept fitfully, hugging your gun.

However, it was of little help when a huge shadow broke into your house.

[felinisnoctis]

Hey if the new primaris marines have chimeric gene seed does that mean I can have a blood angel/night lord hybrid? Because if I get all my space gothic vampire fantasies in one neat little package I might go a bit feral.

[slaaneshisass]

🥵HOT SPACE MARINES🥵

IN YOUR AREA🔥🔥🔥🔥

CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT MORE

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https://youtu.be/fC7oUOUEEi4?si=Fj4_Sz7hIcahh2lv

[incorrect-primarchs-quotes]

Friendly reminder that, especially when dealing with chaotic breeds, they need to be tamed.

If they sense you're not good or strong enough to care for them, they will try to be in charge and will show clear signs of dominance over you.

I know it can be difficult, but it's for their sake.

Here's a little example.

Don't worry, the baby is fine. No pets were harmed in the making of this video.

[horuslupercal]

post your astarteskeeping takes that will have you like this

I'll go first: I don't think it's possible to ethically keep thousand sons as pets. I know they're popular for their beauty and intense hobbies but their social needs are incredibly complex and hard to meet even for professional keepers, not to mention the psychic aspect

[mollyencrypted]

I adopted a Raven Guard from the shelter and he's supposedly free of any conditions, but I feel like something's wrong? He's way more aggressive than the breed is known for, and his colouring is off - his skin, eyes, and hair all look right, but in the light his armour looks more like a dark blue than black, and he's got very sharp teeth (and knows how to use them!)

Does anyone know what's happening with my little guy?

[barn-anon]

Sarvak grits his teeth as he tries desperately to rein himself in. Why did he ever think the Nails would bring him closer to his father? Why did any of them think so?

He sucks in a deep breath, he can’t slip up. How many of his brothers had let their guards down, thinking all would be well only for it to not be the case? Humans, their own bonded ones, they’re a treasure beyond words. No one back home would’ve let one of his kind into their house.

But they did, his did. And not lashing out is the least he can do to repay this kindness, a kindness undeserved.

She’ll be home soon, she rarely takes long to come back from her work.

A growl leaves his lips as the Nails bite again, refusing to be ignored. He can’t do anything though. Simply being here is forbidden, the laws in place prohibited anyone with the Nails to stay in the city, and in most cities in fact. If he even tries to take it out on a stray or wild animal, he risks costing his human her home.

It’s the jingling of keys that signal the coming of relief. His human’s soft voice calling out as she closes the door behind her. He’s slips out of his room and wraps his arms around her fragile form. The demand to crush, to rip her apart is always there. But with her in his arms it’s softer, quieter.

Tagged: @kit-williams • @egrets-not-regrets • @bleedingichorhearts

[cursed-40k-thoughts]

Behold ...babies.

Smol babies, fuzzy babies, soup stealing lol bastard babies.

Da woyks

They are perfect and flawless and I would kill for them

[lazywriter-artist]

“Yeah he’s an indoor marine but we like to try and take him out for a bit, ya know? After all he loves his little enclosed patio at home and really since we’ve gotten the carrier he’s seemed so much happier with it. We’re just glad to let him be outdoors and have this stimulation.”

[shiyorin]

Imperium Pet Shop

Tired of your mundane, unenhanced human existence? Seeking more meaning and purpose in life? Well friends, do I have the opportunity for you!

Step right up to Imperium, the galaxy's finest pet shop. We've got a wide selection guaranteed to enlighten, entertain and maybe even serve your strategic ambitions.

We have the finest selection of regular, loyal Astartes looking for a home. Like our Alpha Legions, they just want a quiet life in your home, definitely no secret plans for espionage or recon.

Or how about our Luna Wolves, they'll be the perfect household companion, and absolutely won't try to rule over you or your neighbors. No ambition there!

Maybe our Thousand Sons. Rest assured, our boys show no signs of developing magic or psionic beyond their station. No dust to be found here!

Our adoption fees are extremely reasonable for beings of their caliber. We definitely don't use the profits to fund any secret projects, no sir. And you can rest assured our Astartes were ethically sourced from totally legitimate breeding programs with no dubious origins or unintended side effects whatsoever. Every Astartes is guaranteed 100% free of genetic tinkering, cognitive enhancements or secret directives to conquer the stars on our watch. We swear it on our totally normal pet emporium!

So come down today and let Imperium take your friend ownership experiences to the next level! I'm sure you won't live to regret expanding your domestic horizons, nor will the authorities come sniffing around asking unwanted questions. What's the worst that could happen? You'll have a story to tell, that's for sure!

Imperium - expanding minds, dominating worlds, definitely not planning interstellar domination one household at a time. Act now and the first 100 customers will receive a tech-priest with your purchase!

Terms and conditions apply. No refunds for megalomania, galaxy-spanning victories, or Warp entity possessions. Imperium is not responsible for any rebellion, heresy, existence failure, or AI uprisings that may occur.

[wolf-tail]

It is time...

[littledarknesgold]

Delusional

Warnings: yandere, mention of murders, persecution, obsession, possession, description of something unpleasant, somnophilia, non-consensual sex, mention of impregnation, smut.

Heavy hips rose and fell carefully, trying to contain the desire to speed up the pace, but he couldn’t do that otherwise his owner would wake up and then his plan wouldn’t work.

The Astartes bit his lip, clutching the sheet with his hands, suppressing moans and sobs full of lust.

He couldn't risk this chance to finally get what he had wanted for a long time.

The sheets beneath him became damp and covered in a sticky whitish liquid - a symbol of his love and devotion to his human.

He had never wanted it so much with anyone other than his human. He had purposefully rejected other Astartes even when in heat. His netro yearned for his true mate.

Unable to contain the last impulse, a deeper groan escaped from his throat, and a new portion of semen covered the sleeping human's stomach, but even this noise did not wake him. The Space Marine chuckled. This was the result he was looking for, the sleeping pill was working, that was a good sign.

Having cleaned up a bit and hidden the traces of his crime, he curled up around his man, purring like a contented, well-fed cat.

He buried his nose in his human's hair, closing his eyes and already imagining his master's surprise when the Marilenlings were born in a couple of months.

Art belongs to this author: @vthestalker

And thanks again for this to my best assistant in the world)