#now i have to pick up my medications

[khaire-traveler]

*destroys universe*

It's one of those days.

[moeblob]

You know, when I kept getting asked "so you didn't ever have severe pains before now?" in the hospital and I kept replying "I have a high pain tolerance" I meant it. However, there is only so much pain my tiny 4'9" body can hold... (aka I am sweating and in agony bc I'm getting told to use LESS severe pain meds so I don't rely on them too much and it is AWFUL)

[neallo]

the wild flip side of Mello's derangement towards Gevanni is that, in a no-Kira universe, i personally think Near could be almost as bad (at least internally) towards L over Mello. similar situation in that i think L has... not so much interest in Mello generally, & absolutely no interest in him sexually. i also can't really picture Mello's interest in L being sexual in nature, but Near is sitting there watching the fawning and hero worship on the verge of popping a blood vessel about it. imo. imqho. also, L finds this fun, is vaguely charmed by Near's hatred and bloodlust toward him, and possibly occasionally exacerbates the tension on purpose when he's bored. BYE

[transmasc-rose]

RULES: make a poll with 5 of your all-time favorite characters and then tag 5 people to do the same. See which character is everyone's favorite! (tagged by @seaweedstarshine)

Tagging (don't worry if you don't want to/have done it already!): @transgenderdoctorwhomst @27-27-gruff-triplets @quietwingsinthesky @lost-tardis-room @a-shard-of-quartz-lol

[daisywords]

\

[themalhambird]

so I made this post, @celebrimbor-apologist made these fantastic tags:

#Just#I could imagine Sauron as a khan-esque guy#He's angry at the federation#He hides in plain sight#Manipulates mansplains manslaughters his way through it#While he's on the ship#Adar sees right through him because#Hes been with the capitalist assholes who fucked up his uruks#But by that time Adar is still kinda new on the ship so he isn't as trusted#That's what makes it all the more tragic that sauron gets along well with Celebrimbor#Because Adar and him got along well#Please no Tyelpe dying here please#But dramatic “we were all fooled” scene in sickbay pls#ALSO#Navigations Officer Camnir#Vorohil at the weapons console

and, well. My hand slipped...

Without any discussion amongst themselves, the other senior officers have fallen into pattern, keeping vigil at Celebrimbor’s side in the medbay in shifts. It feels important that somebody is there when he wakes up, and well. The Lindon has spent the better part of a month in enemy control, dead in space, with engineering and the bridge both sealed off, life support functions cutting in and out and explosions buffeting the ship at random moments. The medical officers have their hands full. 

“Ga…lad..riel?”

It’s been three days. It’s early- or late, depending on perspective- and it’s Galadriel’s turn on Celebrimbor-Watch. She had been just about half way to sleep herself. Now, she snaps awake– a bright smile splitting her face at the sight of Celebrimbor’s sharp, bright eyes.  “Hello you.”

“Did…it work..? The transporter?” 

“It worked.” 

Celebrimbor exhales with relief, eyes shutting for a moment. The grief and distress on his face eases briefly, and then his eyes fly wide open once more. He sits up, moving as though he intends to swing out of the bed and start running. “The warp drive. The core, it’s going- the system wasn’t made to handle- she’s going to blow-”

“No, no- Celebrimbor, you fixed it.” Galadriel grabs his arms and holds him steady, noting in the back of her mind how he flinches and whimpers at the contact but not wanting to let go until she’s sure he’s not going to do himself further injury by trying to get up. “Remember,” she says, fixing her steady eyes on his. “Remember? You rigged up a transporter beam and blasted Sauron off the ship. You got control back to the bridge and dropped the shields cutting engineering off. Adar came down– just him, in case the air was too toxic, the deck too unstable or dark for anybody else. Adar found you, and you told him about the transporter, and the threat to the warp drive. You fixed it together, and then you collapsed. Adar carried you from engineering to the medbay, and you’ve been here for three days.”

“Three days?” Celebrimbor repeats. Slowly, he lets Galadriel sink him back down against the pillows. The first officer nods. 

“Three days,” she confirms. “You’re doing well, and the Lindon-” she pauses. Frankly, the Lindon is a mess. Whatever Sauron was trying to achieve, the engine deck has been well and truly cannibalised. So bad is it that the engineers- having secured life support, and repaired any immediately threatening damage, are reluctant to touch anything else until Celebrimbor is able to take a look first. Gil-galad has sent distress signals not only on Star Fleet channels, but on Vulcan, Klingon- even Ferengi frequencies. In an uncharacteristic display of temper and bloodlust Elrond has declared that if they ever manage to figure out what random coordinates Celebrimbor sent Sauron to, he’s going to pull the Maia’s guts out and rearrange them and see how he likes it. “The Lindon is stable,” she says, “and in no immediate danger.”

“Oh. That is…that is good.” Celebrimbor’s eyes drift closed again. Federation medicine had vanquished whatever burns, cuts, and bruises naturally rapid Feonorian healing hadn’t already taken care of (and it worries everyone that Celebrimbor both had wounds old enough that they should have already healed themselves- and that the true extent of how badly hurt their friend has been injured in the last month is, as of yet, unclear). Nevertheless,  the Engineer’s captivity- and, Galadriel supposes, his ordeal in the run up to it, the period where there had been a growing concern that he was experiencing a psychological breakdown- has left him gaunt- visibly ashen and exhausted. He swallows, and seems to be steeling himself for something. When he speaks again, he doesn’t open his eyes, and though he seems to be doing his best to lie very, very still, there’s a faint tremor in his fingers. 

“Galadriel?”

“Yes?”

“Will you…will you please tell Captain Gil-galad that I…am ready to be escorted to the brig at…his pleasure? I will…co-operate fully. With a court martial. Whatever charges he wishes to bring, I’ll not contest them.” he turns his face toward her and when his eyes open again, they are brimming with tears. “If he will see me, I should like to apologize. I neither expect nor deserve forgiveness, but even so, I am sorry. For my foolishness. For not..being strong enough…” A tear spills down , dripping onto the bridge of his nose. Galadriel’s own eyes prickle. 

“Celebrimbor.” She moves her hand to just above his, and when he doesn’t draw away, gently takes it. His fingers are colder than they should be. “Of course Gil-galad will see you- but because you are his friend and he is concerned, not because he is angry. There is no question of a Court Martial- you saved the ship-”

“After I endangered it in the first place-”

“After your attempts at warning of the danger were ignored-”

“The danger that was all my fault-”

“Control of the ship was seized by a hostile alien force who manipulated and coerced you into doing its’ bidding,” Galadriel says. “Celebrimbor, we all thought Annatar was who he claimed to be. That you saw through it at all…well. You remember when he was with us as Halbrand. And I nearly punched Gil-galad in the face?”

Celebrimbor frowns. “...You did punch Gil-galad in the face. And then Gil-galad punched you back. You both ended up rolling around on the floor, pulling each other’s hair.”

“Not according to any of the official logs,” Galadriel says archly “According to the official logs, we only nearly came to blows.  Only you, Gil-galad, and I know different-”

“Elrond knows.”

“Elrond knows everything, Elrond doesn’t count.”

They lapse into silence for a while. It’s not uncomfortable. “The point is,” Galadriel says at last. “If he hadn’t left us when he did, the first time, I don’t know that he wouldn��t have persuaded me to mutiny. And it took us weeks of going back over everything when we found out he wasn’t who he had claimed, piercing it all together, that we even realised he had been manipulating us. And then, when we were explicitly watching for him…he did it all over again. We were all fooled. Alright, Adar was suspicious,” she acknowledges, a little begrudgingly. “But all that meant was that Annatar- Sauron- persuaded me to lock out his access to the bridge. To be fair, I’m still not sure how he had access in the first place-”

The tips of Celebrimbor’s ears turn pink. “That- ah. That may have been me. A flux coil blew in one of the helm’s navigation controls during the party for Disa and Durin’s anniversary. It was a downshift, no one was on the bridge, and everyone else was having such fun, I didn’t want to drag them away to spend half an hour standing about watching me in case I somehow managed to give myself a plasma–shock doing repairs so routine I could manage in the dark standing backward and with one hand tied behind my back. And, well, I got distracted by- that doesn’t matter- and I forgot to revoke it, and no one seemed to mind his coming and going as he pleased until…well. Until Annatar.”

“The point is- and maybe don’t tell anyone else you gave a non-Federation civilian you met when he abducted you the security clearance to get onto the bridge,” Galdriel interjects into her own sentence, the image of an external investigation into this whole mess suddenly flashing before her eyes. “The point is, we were all fooled, Celebrimbor. Twice over.” she squeezes his hand. “You have nothing to blame yourself for, no apologies you need to make.”

“Nevertheless,” Celebrimbor says. He gives her hand a hesitant squeeze in return. “I will make them. Will you tell the Captain I wish to see him, when it’s convenient?”

“I’ll tell him you’re awake, and he’ll come straight down.” Galadriel stands, leaning forward to drop a gentle kiss on his forehead on her way up. “I’d better fetch you a doctor, to, just to give you another look over now you’re awake.” She lets go of his hand, but lingers long enough to give him a last smile. “It’s good to see you, my friend. It is so very good to see you.”

[endfght]

lots of stuff popped up over the last week/s so sorry for goin mia again</3

[englishmagic]

Hurrayyy I’m experiencing my first full blown uti 🥳

Absolutely not fun. It’s like, mild discomfort, mild discomfort, nothing, significant discomfort, mild discomfort, nothing, nothing, DEBILITATING PAIN AND NAUSEA

[crab-people-overlord]

"You're Getting Older/Ass Burgers", the Analysis that nobody asked for:

I’ve seen lots of discourse about the ‘’You’re Getting Older’ x ‘Ass Burgers’ episodes (and for good reason - imo they’re some of the best episodes in all of cartoons and even media in general that shows what depression is actually like). Folks seem really eager to pick sides - either defending Stan's struggle with depression and condemning Kyle's abandonment, or justifying Kyle's decision to distance himself from Stan's overwhelming negativity. But here's the thing: this really isn't a situation where we need to choose teams (and picking a team misses the whole fucking point).  I’ve had this written for a while but might as well share it now since I’m feeling a certain way about TikTok’s potential ban in a couple hours lmao.

Imo, the truth is a combination of both. Stan was wrong to expect Kyle to understand the utter depression and dark thoughts he was having and be able to offer real support based on those extremely dark thoughts. And Kyle was 100% wrong to just give up so easily on such a deep friendship despite the struggles and negativity his friend was projecting onto him. And I hate either Stan apologists defending Kyle being a piece of shit for this, and I similarly hate Kyle apologists for defending Kyle walking away so quickly and giving up so readily to their deep friendship even if it was for something he couldn’t understand. Neither side is right.  

The brilliance of these episodes lies in how they capture the messy reality of friendship during mental health struggles. Stan's experiencing something terrifying and incomprehensible - literally seeing and tasting everything as shit, a perfect metaphor for depression. He's a 10-year-old kid dealing with adult emotions he has no framework to understand or express. Of course he lashed out, especially given that it was the ADULTS he was supposed to trust who got him into alcohol in the first place. Of course he was difficult to be around. But telling your best friend "fuck you" and then trying to backpedal? That's not okay, depression or not.

On the flip side, Kyle's position is equally complex. Watching your best friend spiral into darkness while being completely unable to help or understand what they're going through? That's scary as hell, especially for a kid. But the show makes it crystal clear through the executive's pointed commentary that walking away from someone diagnosed with a serious condition - which depression absolutely is - represents a fundamental failure of friendship.

The episode literally tells us word-for-word what the creators want us to get from it:

Later on, the exec says, "Oh yeah, like any friend would say something that severe and then try to take it back' (at Stan trying to downplay his telling 'fuck you' to kyle's face earlier.)

And then they say when Kyle says that Stan's negativity was poison to him, the exec says sarcastically, "Yeah, like any friend would walk out on somebody who was diagnosed with a serious illness!"

The exec here is telling us what the creators want you to get out of the episode - that Stan, despite his scary and new feelings, never should have verbally treated Kyle that way, mental health issues or not. And that Kyle, despite the scary things his friend was feeling and how confusing it was, never should have just walked away from him. Trying to defend either boy’s behavior does nobody any good. THEY BOTH WERE WRONG.

What makes these episodes so powerful is their refusal to offer easy answers. Stan couldn't help falling into depression, but he could have tried harder to not push Kyle away or verbally be so harsh. Kyle couldn't fix Stan's depression, but he could have shown more patience and understanding instead of just bailing when things got tough. The show is saying something profound here: sometimes in life, everyone can be wrong at the same time, and that's what makes these situations so painfully human.

If there is anyone to be upset with in this situation, it’s the adults in Stan’s life. Their failure is staggering and unfortunately realistic. Randy and Sharon’s response to Stan's crisis is almost a textbook example of how not to handle a child's mental health issues (and this is coming from someone who usually respects Sharon). Instead of focusing on their clearly struggling son, they make it all about their own drama. Randy goes on national TV to call his son a ‘freak’ and the reason for the divorce. I love Sharon,and while it is shown she at least does the bare minimum to take Stan to therapy, she often gets way too involved in her showdowns with Randy over her children’s well-being (just look to the episode where Stan gets shot at school  but Sharon caves to Randy’s nonchalant response on this. I know this was more meant to be funny, but genuinely, what about Stan in this situation? What fear did he have to go through when he got shot at school and realized his parents didn’t fucking care enough to immediately go see him? Again, I love Sharon, but her potential of being a good parent is seriously held back from her hold on Randy’s manipulations.)

Stan also goes to the school-counselor as a cry for help, but Mr. Mackey’s response is both satirical and sadly reflective of real-world issues in mental health diagnoses. Rather than actually listening to Stan's symptoms and concerns, he jumps to an incorrect diagnosis based on trendy medical fears (the vaccine-autism conspiracy theory). This represents a broader criticism of how mental health issues in children are often misdiagnosed or dismissed, especially when adults are more concerned with their own theories than actually listening to the child. I think one of the only times I’ve actually teared up when watching SP or ANY SHOW is when Stan asks while finally crying after being so emotionally numb for so long, so vulnerably, “How do you go on when NOTHING makes you happy?” Stan is genuinely asking this question here. He utterly does not understand how anyone can continue to live life while being so miserable. But of course, Mr. Mackey goes to ruin it by touting conspiracy theories. This context actually makes Kyle's failure even more tragic - he was literally Stan's last hope for support, the only person left who Stan thought might have understood, the person he loved and trusted the most, the only person he trusted enough to open up fully to, and the last thing in Stan's eyes to turn to literal shit. But it also somewhat explains Kyle's inability to handle it - he's just a kid himself, and when all the adults in Stan's life failed so spectacularly, it's too fucking much to expect a 10-year-old to know how to handle his friend's depression. The episodes work as a damning indictment of how society handles childhood mental health issues. While Stan and Kyle's friendship breakdown is the emotional core, the real villains are the adults who should have known better and done better, and I won’t accept any Stan or Kyle ‘apologists’ claiming otherwise. It's especially poignant because South Park usually portrays kids as being more sensible than adults - but here, everyone fails, highlighting just how difficult mental health situations can be to navigate without proper support systems.

[sainte666]

I will not have a trauma induced meltdown on the phone with the pharmacy today I will not have a trauma induced meltdown on the phone with the pharmacy today I will not have a trauma induced meltdown on the phone with the pharmacy today I will not have a trauma induced meltdown on the phone with the pharmacy today

[capricioussun]

Update: I never really got better from that virus, so I got a bunch of blood tests and it turns out I'm significantly deficient in like five important things and have some sort of problem, so that's probably why these past two months have been like dragging myself face down along pavement.

On the plus side! Things I can do about it! On the downside, the last round of blood tests less than a year ago were really normal so these aren't going to Fix Me, just get me back to my prior level of moderate functionality

[thorntopieces]

man

[itsdappleagain]

personal vent time!

i HATE this fucking post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[douubles]

im having a bad stressful week. i would fucking destroy a bag of cheddar & sour cream ruffles right now

[transvamp]

DEATH TO ALL PHARMACIES

[minminambus]

Forever going to bite the walls and shake tables over casual expressions of ableism. It’s basic human respect to acknowledge and provide understanding for someone’s illness / condition / disability.