#now i have no idea what my sleep schedule is doing
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when you tried to go to bed at 9:30 last night like you usually do and end up not being able to sleep until like maybe 4 or 5 A.M. and now youâre feeling tired and kinda weak today. (because you usually get a little weak if youâre up all night) and you were worrying about not sleeping the whole night (like you always do when this happens) and worried that you were going to be up for over 24 hours because you got up at some time before 6 A.M. yesterday and was worried that you wouldnât fall asleep before then.
#literally what else is new iâve been having this happen and also waking up in the middle of the night more than i should since i was#a sophomore in high school#i had melatonin sprayed on my pillow and it maybe like barely helped if at all. which is weird cause melatonin has ALWAYS helped me whenever#i took it before. it literally was one of the things that got me through sophomore year of high school#honestly every time nights like these happen nowadays itâs not AS bad as it was sophomore year but i still get scared cause this is one#of my worst fears. and also iâve had this happen often even before sophomore year of high school. first time was during the summer#after 7th grade. but it didnât happen AS often before sophomore year of high school#before then it was like one night every few months or something#now i have no idea what my sleep schedule is doing#also i naturally wake up early and have always been doing that since i was like maybe 6 years old which probably doesnât help#a more personal post than most of the other posts iâve made#i really need to take a nap later
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Give us a life update after milton! You know you fans care!
I SURVIVED
Holy moly that was an incredibly long night. I camped out in the living room with my cat and my roommate's cat for the duration of it because it was safest and I could monitor the news from the TV. The hurricane itself had west-blowing wind and rain and went around me for the most part. I lost power for a few minutes around midnight but it came back on shortly after. The worst part of it all was the tailwinds đ
I've never had tailwinds be this bad. By this point the hurricane was already on the east coast, and I had no idea where all this was coming from. This is what caused my patio door to leak, but smartly I put towels down so it didn't ruin the carpet. I was so exhausted being up for over 24 hours at this point I kept dozing and woken up by a powerful blast head on at my windows. This video honestly doesn't do some of the gusts justice, but I was too tired to record it all. By daylight my roommate's kitten woke me up with kitten teeth and it wasn't storming anymore so I went to bed đ still had power, but no internet. It took until the afternoon to have it restored, but I'm only 1 of 3 out of a team of 30+ coworkers who have power at all. So work is going to be interesting tomorrow...
Tornadoes touched down all around us, the closest one being 30 mins from my complex. Thankfully, due to my location, we didn't experience flash floods and very minimal damage to the complex.
The TLDR is I survived, Spyro and I are okay, and now I'm just trying to recover from being up that long with no sleep and violent ass winds NGJFKGNFKGFN thanks to @sawrinwrites , @ghoulsamgrusam , @temporary-tats , and Rue for checking on me throughout the night <33 it really helped a lot while experiencing this alone
EDIT; I should also clarify my roommate is also okay. She got forced to stay on property at her job so she could be guaranteed to work (Disney fucking sucks never work there). She had to be evacuated shortly after getting to her hotel after her shift but she isn't sure why. That's why I was by myself watching our cats. But the important thing is we're both okay!
#thank you for sending this I really appreciated seeing it when it came in <3#hurricane milton#I'm so tired man#trying to save my sleep schedule by nursing a monster#I have no idea what to do now I'm still in freeze mode LOL#the weather has been breezy and overcast#typical for post-hurricane
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maybe you should doodle however many or few starcon/helix/damned characters as you like (in human or alien form) in cute halloween costumes! imagine... ZEX dressed up as Ariel thelittlemermaid...
Day 26 - "I hadn't realized humans also had aquatic subcultures!" "Oh, well, uhm..."
#My art#Requestober#SCII#Damned#DAX#ZEX#The Captain#You can't tempt me like this I'm too weak to it agh#I am sorely convinced that with a Slightly longer time frame to work on this I would've gone with my first idea#It was way overly-ambitious for a less-than-24-hour time limit but hhghhh I /do/ want to draw everyone in cute costumes!!!#Super doesn't help that I very broke my sleep schedule and like as soon as this came in I fell asleep for three hours lol#And was still tired!!! That's just not fair says I#But I still managed >:3c Because I limited my scope haha but that's important too!! And it still turned out cute!!!#I mean how couldn't it - ZEX as The Little Mermaid is just-#I'm enamoured it's so perfect for him..........what an excellent idea...........definitely not going to be thinking about this for A While#Funnily enough my immediate thought was actually angst haha - the mermaid has to give up her voice! What would ZEX give up?#That he hasn't already anyhow - and then thoughts of reviving Zelnick but selfishly I just hhghgh I love himm I love themmmm#For now the cutes tho!!!!#It tickles me so bad that a significant portion of Damned takes place in October hehe <3 ZEX arrived in November but still!#And then the Halloween event to get their canon outfits back fjdskalfjd ahhh!!!#I'm many many years too late lol but there's something very lovely about the theme continuing ahh <3 <3#Oh yeah and there's also two others in costume here lol - the Captain's was easy haha <3 Dashing prince! He suits it âŞ#For DAX lol at first I considered Triton? But he's not quite That bad about ZEX's human infatuation#Not that he's as admissive or manipulative as Ursula either - at some point it might've just become ''I want to see him in it'' lol#He's so happy about it haha <3#Can you tell I had fun with ZEX's costume lol - sparklies!!! Had fun with the glitter on his shoes :D#I Will find a place to use my scale brush anywhere and everywhere and that's a threat#I wonder what ZEX would think of human animation haha - I only remember there being one movie night at the Institute!#Surely Disney would get the greenlight to be played in the Sun Room! ZEX having a transcendent ''seen'' experience aw <3
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All of Me Loaves All of You [ch2]
[ch0 | NOW ON A03]
Today was the big day. Louise was woken up way too early for her taste, 6 a.m., to go to the wedding venue. To save on costs the whole thing was very DIY - aside from renting a ballroom and hiring a caterer, no way was Bob Belcher catering at his own daughterâs reception and missing out on the important stuff. Besides, he still hated catering.Â
So Louise had to be up at the buttcrack of dawn to go and help make sure everything was perfect. Which of course she was the perfect person for the overseeing of...just not for another few hours. Or at least 5 or so shots of espresso. Which she halfway downed on the drive with her parents and Gene.
Zekeâs cousin Leslie was already unfolding chairs outside when the Belchers arrived, a gaggle of children running around and not really helping. Who was helping though was a very tired looking blonde. Louise grimaced as Logan spun around, swinging a chair like Leatherface as he tried to not hit any of the children dashing about. He was very off balance and Louise sipped her caffeine and hoped sheâd see him fall. Maybe heâd twist his ankle and someone else would have to stand it as best man. Leslie would be a suitable choice, he could even dance.
No such luck. Brown eyes squinted as the man righted himself and managed to set the chair down without incident. They then looked down at her just as dark coffee as the blonde started walking over with one of those smarmy little smirks of his.
âYou gonna help with the labor or just stare at the workers?â he chided, arms crossed and that left brow of his raised so high Louise thought it may get lost in his bangs. Not bangs she could hide under like an umbrella if it rained, but a jungle that her fingers would probably get ensnared in if she-Â
She blinked. Then she scoffed. âUnlike yooou, I have the all important job of making sure the bride doesnât lose her shit. This means that I donât have to do manual labor, thank you very much.â
Logan rolled his eyes and huffed a little, but then he motioned to the building. âBride-not-zilla is in there with Susmita already.â He looked like he was about to say something else, but Louise spoke first,
âGreat well you keep doing a mediocre job out here and Iâm gonna go crush it in the dressing room.âÂ
She pushed past him, a little bit of coffee splashing his shirt and giving a âha!â when he called out her name in an accusing whine.Â
Dodging way too rambunctious children, Louise crossed the lawn and the ballroom. Then she cracked the door open for a decency check before sliding in. Linda had beelined when they arrived and was flitting about while Susmita handed a robed Tina a thermos.
âBit early for vodka ainât it?â Louise cracked. Her sister gave a sleepy glare. She shrugged and muttered, âTough crowd,â and went to the pile of bags. She and her mom had put their stuff in the same bag and now was the time for Louise to dig around. They had a couple of hours before they were needed for the photoshoots, but Louise knew if she wanted to avoid manual labor she should get ready asap.
âLouise donât you wanna lounge for a bit in the fancy robes?â Linda asked, waving a fluffy pink robe around. The question stopped Louise in her tracks. She stared at the cloth in question as it beckoned like a siren. If she put that on then not only would she not be forced out of the room, but she also wouldnât have to use any effort to make herself up much earlier than she needed.
âYes Mother, I would like to lounge in the fancy robes, thank you.â Louise agreed while putting down the bag. She took the robe from her mom and slid it over her pjâs. The microfiber fleece lulled her into a sense of security. How can Tina be grumpy in this?! she wondered for a moment. But then she remembered how little sleep everyone had gotten.
âAlright so. Whatâs the game plan Sus?â She decided it was going to be much better directing all inquiries to the brideâs maid who had it all together.
-x-x-x-
An hour of sitting around later and Louise found herself growingâŚ.bored. She was currently hanging upside down on the settee, scrolling aimlessly on her phone. Her coffee was gone and replaced with a mimosa flute. Which she was nursing because she felt like 8 am was too early for alcohol but Linda was still always ready to get a party started.
âBesides, Louise, a mimosa is a morning drink. Itâs perfectly acceptable,â the older woman insisted while lifting her own flute up.
âItâs a brunch drink, Mom,â she countered with a smile. âBrunch starts at 11, 10 if youâre being generous.â
â9 am if youâre in the Philippines,â Susmita chimed in without looking away from her tablet. Louise heard a Level Up come from the device and caught Susmita grin.
Linda let out a tchk. âAhhhh you girls and your cement-ticks.â
âSemantics, Mom,â Tina joined in. Her tea was finally kicking in, she still wasnât allowed to have coffee after that whole espresso episode she had as a teen.
âWhat did I say?â
âNevermind, Mrs. Belcher. Hey, do you know when Gretchen will be here?â Susmita asked, expertly redirecting the subject. Louise admired that. It was nice to have someone else who could handle the family.
And like magic, the door opened to revealâŚ.Tammy and Jocelyn. Louise groaned the smallest amount. The two may have grown up over the years, and sure Louise and Tammy have had their fair share of âsame wavelengthâ moments but...Â
âTinaaa, girl weâre heereee!â Tammy exclaimed with way too much energy for 8 in the morning. She made a type of shrill sound that Louise wasnât sure she could describe. âI canât believe youâre getting married today!â
âYeaah youâre, like, making it so official today,â Jocelyn added in the same lilted monotone sheâs always had. Her head turned to the minibar next. âOoo is that orange juice?â
Some things donât change and it was just too early. So Louise took this as her cue to stop hiding inside and flipped herself off the settee. âWhelp looks like youâve got enough people to hold down the fort in here T, Iâm gonna make sure everythingâs going smooth on the battlefield,â she announced while straightening out her robe.
Before Tina could protest, Louise gave her older sister a quick kiss to the top of her head which was graciously washed this morning, and headed out the door with her mimosa in hand.
She didnât immediately regret it, even if she had to quickly dodge a gaggle of scamps rushing by. But she did so without spilling mimosa, so that was a win. Smirking to herself, she noticed Gene shuffling by.
âYo Gene, whereâs the fire?â she called, already heading toward them.Â
The middle Belcher looked around without stopping. âOh Louise!â They gave an appraising up and down glance before pointing. âI do hope that I have a robe waiting for me in either dressing room.â When Louise just raised her eyebrow, they shrugged and turned back to watch where they were going. âThe fireâs at Alexâs van. Not a real fire, this time, just that the equipment is there and it needs to be-â they flailed an arm in the general direction of the building, âthere.â
Louise now regretted coming outside. Or at least regretted blindly following her sibling. Carrying equipment while holding a drink was going to be way more work than she planned on doing.
âBob why donât you trade m-â a voice grabbed Louiseâs attention, shaking her from her musings. Not that sheâd admit just whose voice did that. A little ways in front of them Bob was at a wizard painted van with Alex and Logan, waving the blonde away with one arm and clutching something that looked hefty in the other.
âI got it, Logan, donât-â pause for straining noise, âdonât worry about it.â
Gene and Louise shared an eye roll and hurried a little faster to the group. Louise shouted out, âDad come on youâre one wrong breath away from dying at any moment, let the middle aged guy throw out his back instead.â
Close enough now, Louise could see Logan huff and roll his eyes. âIâm not even 30, Four Ears.â
âAnd?â she quipped back, not having any real backup. Which she cleverly hid with a sip of her drink. Seeming to pick his battles, Logan just shook his head. Louise thought she saw the corner of his lips tug up. But thatâs something neither of them would admit.
Turning her attention back to her elderly father, Louise tutted. âFor real, Dad, let someone else get that. Iâll trade you,â she said while holding out her half empty flute. The fast action caught the patriarch off guard and he precariously handed the cargo over in exchange. Louise finished the transaction by taking a careful step towards Logan.Â
âAnd now you take this,â she chimed while lifting the luggage by the handle. When the almost-30 year old took it without a second thought Louise prided herself on not cackling right away. The double take he did when he realized what happened caused her to burst, however.
Of course she had expertly weaseled her way into carrying the smallest thing there was. âYou were really going to make the father of the bride carry a cd case? You monster,â she teased.Â
Logan let out a single bark of a laugh. âYou shouldâve been out here earlier when I handed him the extension cord.â The twinkle in his eye as Louise reached for imaginary pearls was not to be missed. And Louise thought she caught that too. âThis is the last of it though. So classic Louise-timing.â
âPssh, itâs an art, really,â the young woman boasted. She tried to block out Gene and Alex behind them. But when your sibling only knows stage whisper as a lowest setting that was difficult, especially when that skill is extended to their platonic soulmate.
It was Alex who spoke the question, âDo you think weâre going to perform at their wedding soon?âÂ
And Gene who answered, âNot for another 7 years.â
âRight, right. In their 30âs,â Alex concluded, referring back to Geneâs ancient prophecy.Â
For the millionth time in 3 hours, Louise rolled her eyes. Gene said a lot of things off the cuff, and that was just one of those things. Her sibling was not a prophet, and she was never going to reconnect and marry Logan Barry Bush in her 30âs. For one thing, they had already reconnected now, before Louiseâs 20âs. So that was already not going well in Geneâs favor.Â
Still, she cast a quick glance at Logan and noticed that his face was just the slightest shade of pink. An impish smile took her face.
âI donât know Logan, I think we should see if Hall and Oates would get back together for us. If theyâre still alive in 7 years that is,â she said a little louder than normal. The blonde had the briefest moment of confusion before that rusty gear in his brain clicked over.
âAwh but I was really looking forward to Beyonce,â he pouted.
âI donât think weâd be able to afford her baby,â she consoled. Cue the indignant gasps from the peanut gallery in the back, and a confused noise from Bob up front. Choosing to leave the former suffering, Louise called out to the latter, âNothing, Pops!â Then shared a snicker with Logan.
And that really helped pass the steps back to the main area. Thankfully because Louise was thinking that she needed a refill-osa after that. God maybe I am turning into Mom a little.Â
âSo has anyone checked on Zeke?â she asked, setting down the cd case and opening the door to the building. Gene went right on past her, presumably to cash in on their own pink fuzzy robe. Without answering, so she assumed that was a ânoâ. So she looked directly at Logan.
âYeah Iâve been checking in between tasks. Heâs got the rest of the party in there with him for company.â
Satisfied with the answer, Louise gave a nod and went inside. Sure enough, Gene was walking out of the âgirlâs roomâ in a fluffy pink robe and two flutes of whatever concoction they made. Louise knew one was non alcoholic for Alex, so it was probably just orange juice and Spryt. The two passed with a nod. However Gene paused and caught Louiseâs attention.
âYouâre not really gonna hire someone else to do music for your wedding, are you?â
The youngest Belcher sighed with a smile. âOf course not. If I ever get married youâre the first person Iâm hiring. Third person I call. If I donât dual-call Tina and Millie first Iâm pretty sure theyâd materialize and murder me.â
Gene laughed and gave a thoughtful, âThat does sound like them.â Then they were out the door and waving one of the flutes around, splashing the contents everywhere. Louise chuckled and re-entered the bridal world once more.
Before she knew it, it was wedding time.
[ ch3]
#louigan#louise belcher/logan bush#louise belcher x logan bush#bob's burgers#bobs burgers#bob's burgers fanfic#starmoth's writing#holy fuck i actually did it#i committed and finished another chapter#also like i wrote the first paragraph and then left it for a while#thought up an idea post-shower and went âi'll rememberâ#went a while then after another shower went âshit wait idr. oh yes i do but i better write it this timeâ#spent about 20 minutes air drying bc i was jotting the idea that spiraled into a little more on my phone#and then when i moved it to my doc (which i forgot i had phone access to) i saw that i wrote the first paragraph already#so i was like. no biggie i'll move that to chapter 3#BUT GUESS WHAT'S GETTING PUSHED BACK ANOTHER CHAPTER#bc i wrote this in spurts and then at midnight decided i'd work on it while i had a pre-bed chicken sandwich#and i proceeded to write 1102 out of 2242 words when i should've stopped and gone to bed by 1#it is now 2:27 in the morning#i don't have work or anything but i was hoping to fix my sleep schedule#but damn if i don't listen to the call of the wrild#anyway a bit of the wedding and then the reception is next#also i can finally post to ao3 but that'll be maaaaybe tomorrow#i'm kinda just really really bad at posting things#oh also i didn't actually start writing until 12:20#i just thought about starting at midnight
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my fibro meds have truly destroyed my tolerance for antihistamines
#blue chatter#my nose has been v stuffy this week!#I take a Benadryl (already a bad idea) expecting mild spiders and feeling a bit sleepy#and Pass The Fuck Out for 7 hours#okay cool. Iâll do Claritin. itâll take longer to work but thatâs okay-#Pass The Fuck Out For 7 Hours#okay. sure. fine. Iâll take half a Benadryl; itâll work less effectively but I rly would like to not be so stuffy-#guess what! Pass The Fuck Out For 5 Hours!#which is. teeeeechnically shorter. but still defeats the point#Iâm gonna try half a Claritin but those pills are so small already#I know my gabapentin has warnings about anything with drowsiness as a side effect so I tried to do rly low doses#bc it also has those warnings for alcohol and I can drink one drink and feel like. just a tiny bit tired and otherwise fine.#so I thought an antihistamine would be no issue. I was WRONG.#also for context before my fibro meds I was able to take a 24 hour Claritin and be barely even tired#or take 2 Benadryl and feel sleepy and spidery but not actually *fall asleep about it*.#the spiders are unpleasant but Benadryl does work faster for existing stuffiness/allergic reactions. Claritin for me works better as a#preventative measure than a treatment once Iâm already sniffly.#by spiders I do mean tactile hallucinations. which funnily enough I have not gotten at all taking Benadryl now.#BECAUSE IM ASLEEP#not awake enough long enough to feel imaginary spiders! which would be an improvement except I cannot keep falling asleep when Iâm busy!#this is also why Iâve only been testing this on days I know I wonât have to drive or go to class/have things due that day#bc I suspected the sleepies would be worse even if I did not understand the magnitude#as a side effect Iâve now ruined my sleep schedule enough that my body is used to taking a midday nap and expects it#which is Not Helping
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save me mango yogurt
#i Don't Want to meet with my professorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr in 3 minutes :(#i did not sleep so i could finish the fuckass outline that we both know i'm not gonna follow when i write the actual paper#and she liked my idea the first time i presented it but what if she doesn't want me to directly expand it what if she wants something new#AGH#:/#a post#the last meeting went long and i panicked and exited the zoom so now i have to just? guess? how long it'll take for them to wrap shit up?#i personally hate everything that's happening <3 i just wanna do my laundry so i can pack#but then i have to think about outfits and then i have to drive 4 hours to then be driven 2 hours to fly. for 5 hours. ('-_-)/|#my ass will be conked on this fucking plane i'm so excited to be unconscious#i'm gonna give them 10 minutes i think? and then just not panic next time if she's still there#i have 3 different drinks atm 2 of which are different teas this shit is serious#we moved. the fucking meeting. to tomorrow. when i will be in fuckass indiana </3#at least it'll be 1pm est but i've fucked my sleep schedule so bad at this point that literally anything could happen
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i am so tired and i cant fucking sleep. no odea if i should brute force this shit for more 3 hours until it works or just give up and go play videogames
#i feel like shiiit#im taking my sleep meds but its like theyre suddenly not working#i have no idea what caused that or what to do about it. so#i only was able to fall asleep at fucking like 7 am yesterday#and now my schedule is completely fucked#i was born under some kind of curse
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...
#so i survived my 1st week as a phd student. it's interesting. im not sure how i feel#the negatives are that i forgot how much stress being around people causes me. as a research assistant i was able to be on my own schedule#and go into the lab at odd hours so i never had to see anyone. but now im in classes and teaching and have a shared office#classes are tolerable stress wise so long as im sitting on an edge. i only feel a lil like im dying. teaching makes nauseous beforehand.#which is odd bc im not really worried while im doing it or before im doing it. i thibk its just that i have to interact ans i kno im a#mediocre teacher bc id rather die than do the back and forth of asking questions and u should teach interactively#i like to break down complex idea and help people with problems but i was not build to teach in classrooms. i get knocked off points when#i give class presentations bc i cant make eye contact lol. so that'll b annoying this semester. and its just so hard to function in an#office space. idk its weird like i dont even feel it that much while im there its just like a flashing *i need to leave* alarm. and then#when im alone its like a physical weight off of me. and i cant tell if thats what's draining my energy or if ive just cycled into a low#energy lul bc im just like. i wanna sleep. and for me thats always a sign that somethings wrong. i dont feel that bad mood wise but its#like there's a rock weighing me down as im trying to tread water. so those r the big negatives. the positives r that#i do enjoy being back in school. i love the structure of it. but im also self destructive abt structure so well see how it goes. but my#lab mates seem nice as does my advisor. i feel a bit bad bc ill have to learn genome stuff from the ground up. and today i was trying to#convey ideas to him like an insane person. bc i dont have enough background to talk fluidly abt my prospective project and i have a picture#of what i mean but not all the details. hopefully i made some sense. i think the idea is cool. and thats the other really positive thing.#the papers i have to read associated with this project r waaaaaaaaaay more interesting than anything i ever had to read for my masters. like#they're the types of papers i would force other ppl to read for lab meetings. so im optimistic abt not hating it by the end haha#yay for being excited abt science. but i guess thats the other thing i feel bad abt. like im interested but haven't read a lot to prep bc#i cant express how difficult dyslexia makes things but also i cant control how interested in things i get so i bassically banned myself#from reading papers im actually interested in like 3 years ago bc in retrospect i was prob going thru a hypomanic episode#and i was like reading papers abt microbes in Antarctica all day and not working on my stuff. and i just remember walking into the lab at#like 5am to trasfer alage with tears streaming down my face bc i was just like. i cant have this nice thing and b functional. it has to stop#so i just created this weird barrier in my mind where im not allowed to read fun papers. so its odd to b reading them now for work. its odd#also i was walking to my office worring abt things and then i saw some moss growinf around the edge of the sidewalk and it made me wanna cry#bc i am an extremely normal individual. i have normal feelings abt photosynthesis. but anyway yeah. its been interesting#hopefully ill stay optimistic. next week we have a orientation for new grad students. and i might have to drive like an hr away. hate that#the driving i mean. not the orientation. that should b fun#unrelated
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woohoo spiraling out of control right now (what else is new really I've been fucked up and spiraling for weeks now) and trying to figure out reasons not to delete my tumblr and discord and myself along the way
but you know. talking about myself on my blog automatically means I'm attention seeking and fishing for pity right? should just shut up and stick to the news eh, it's all I'm good for :D
anyway if you need me I'll be in the corner reliving the past, coming to terms with reality, and trying to convince myself I'm not the problem despite every indication to the contrary âď¸ď¸
#sterechats :)#09:58 pm - this is a bad idea but scheduling it anyway#what's the worst that can happen really? everyone leaves again? nobody talks to me again?#probably gonna delete this in the morning so. meh. not like it matters not like I matter :D#10:29 pm - wow it feels like my head is on fire#like my brain is actually burning and I can't do a damn thing about it#I should be happy right now! the devils are winning! my favorite guys are scoring!#but no! I'm barely keeping it together around my family and praying I don't wake up tomorrow <3#11:00 pm - I need to get out of here#I need to get out of here out of here out of here I can't stay here any more this is killing me#everyone hates me and I need to chew my arms open maybe then everything will make sense#why am I even writing these tags what does it matter#I was so much more in control of myself when I was sh-ing#maybe I should get back to that maybe it'll help I don't know anymore#I just want my friends back but they hate me hahahaha#11:24 pm - wonder how many people are gonna block me after this one#how many people will finally be fed up and leave for good#everyone leaves and I should be used to this by now#here's a truck stop instead of saint peter's (yeah yeah yeah yeah)#11:41 pm - it's friday afternoon/there goes antigone to be buried alive#in the next world I want to be something useful/like a staple gun/or in love#I would fall off a cliff for you/a thousand times and call it a good day#maybe I'm just incapable of being human! maybe that's it!#maybe I'm not even human at all... but something worse instead...#1:22 am - moving the posting of this back from 3 to 6 am#not that that matters and not that I matter but I don't think I'll sleep#and I don't want this to post when I'm awake#I know I'm just going to get unfollowed and blocked and left behind as always#because happiness and good things and friendships just aren't things I get to have really#I just wish people would stop lying and telling me they're different and they'll stay when they're not different and won't stay
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realized I've eaten 1.5 meals today and once again thinking about how my mom assumes that I'm fat because I sit around shoveling cheetos in my face all day or something
#we are. both very lucky that I don't have an eating disorder. she'd never fucking know if I did!!#(I MEAN I don't eat enough but-- you know disordered eating but not in an eating disorder way if that makes sense)#(I'm not intentionally restricting I just have a fuckt sleep schedule and adhd and depression etc so my eating schedule gets fuckt too)#she sees that I'm fat and says 'I worry about your health đ°' and doesn't even realize that she has no idea what's unhealthy about me#actually :) my cholesterol blood sugar and blood pressure are all always consistently really good :) what do YOU think my problems are :)#matter of fact my main problems right now are vitamin deficiencies because I don't leave the house or eat enough : )#about me
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Bro, i go to bed at like, 9-10pm. 9:4something today. And then end up actually sleeping lie an hour later i think.
But BRO. I LITERALLY CANNOT SLEEP RN.
I GOT IDEAS JUST BEFORE BED AND NOW IM ALL GIDDY THINKING ABOUT THEM
Theyâre for tomorrow for school and i cant shut my mind up for it to calm down and just sleep.
Helpâ
#i had to express this#possibly ranting here might help actuallyâŚ#ok so weâre making a trailer for a course Iâm doing.#and 1. its supposed to be 2 minutes long and i think with what weâve got so far its only like a minute or less.#2. i only have had a base idea of how its all gonna be laid out.#UNTIL NOW#I HAVE MADE A GOOD GOOD SOLUTION TO BOTH OF THE PROBLEMS#i got new scenes I LOVE and i figured out the layout/ length of scenes#and in my mind its looking EVEN BETTER than before#so now i just have to wait until tomorrow to explain to my group members what Iâve got.#and then plan a schedule for how when we do what.#and then storyboard some new scenes#and then figure out pacing of the day#etc and yeah#and then Iâve got a physics test in the morning. so i wanna finish up another project before that starts. and Iâve got the idea ever for tha#but yeah#okokokk#hopefully that rant helped;#i shall go back and try to sleep again now.#ciaoâ#have a good day
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ok so i was gonna get drunk last night but after like. four shots i fell asleep for two hours watching a video and woke up at midnight like uhhhh hello and then i just went back to sleep and now i am fighting for my LIFE trying to stay asleep like i do not want to be up at 7:30am when i donât have to work wtf
#grrrrrrrrrr oh well maybe iâll stay up for a bit and then nap ????? idk#my sleep schedule is fucked rn i have No Idea what iâm doing rn#iâm sad i didnât get to get drunk tho bc i was looking forward to having a fun time listening to music and watching a movie maybe and then#i fell asleep đ§đťđ§đťđ§đť and todays my only day off so i canât try again tonight LMAO#next weekend tho ! i shouldnât be so tired and iâll be able to actually drink and stay up#part of my issue was i didnât drink with a monster as a chaser i think thatâs why i fell asleep iâm usually Fine#anyways i guess iâm awake now hi everyone :)
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i am going to be fully driven insane by having to live with my parents
#i am SO NORMAL about being fitted into a strict schedule that gives me a quick chain of stress-coping mechanisms-falling asleep speedrun#in the evening in a timing that absolutely guarantees i will miss at least two hours of sleep per night#i used to be able to just fix myself a meal at 12yo WHAT HAPPENED why can't i fucking stand the idea anymore#how did they manage to make me internalize so deeply that i owe them to always be there for them despite not liking it despite the triggers#i wanted a burger tonight it's been so long. i asked my mom if we could go get a burger mom said yes#dad wanted to go and eat at the fucking fast food place as a fun wittle family outing#if i had gotten the burger i'd probably had have to eat it at the dinner table with them anyway#it doesn't matter because i can't get a burger#i can't get a burger before coming home i can't go out later and get a burger i'll always have to be there at eight thirty#to eat the same crap#i want to have a calm moment i want to have a break but i've perverted those into mental illness because i got too attached to them#now i have nothing i just feel like shit whatever i do#i deserve to die i don't even know how anyone can compose with that#how the fuck did we build someone like me#but i'm financially dependanttttttttt so i'm stuck hereeeeeeeee and i'm so fucking abnormal i'll probably never find a jobbbbbbb#i can't take a breakkkkk or tell anyone how i'm feelingggggg because they'll feed me the same shitttttt#about how persevering in a path i'm failing at and that makes me unhappy either way is the moral and virtuous solutionnnnnn#and they're right because there's nothing for me out thereeeee i have to conform to the system and the system doesn't work without moneyyyy#so i have to leech off of my parents to surviveeeeee except being near them makes me mentally illllll and leeching off of them also doessss#my stomach hurts#broadcasting my misery#vent
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âDamn- already Bakugo? The movie isnât even over!â
Denki whined, grabbing the remote to pause the comedy that was playing on the tv. It was movie night in the dorms, a way for the class to bond and decompress after classes. Everyone was huddled together, wrapped in blankets and sharing snacks. All accept Bakugo, who scowled at his yellow haired friend.
âItâs my bed time. Iâll see you nerds in the morning.â Denki huffed, crossing his arms as he muttered about Bakugoâs old man behavior. But Kirishima smiled, giving him a short wave and a âsleep well Baku-bro!â. The rest of the class also sent their goodnight wishes as Bakugo headed to his room.
It was only 8:30, which was a bit early even for Bakugo. He usually headed to bed around 9, but tonight was special.
When he got to his room, he locked his door and walked to his mirror, making sure his hair was to his liking and that there was no popcorn in his teeth. When he caught himself fretting over his appearance, he rolled his eyes and scoffed, wiping his sweaty palms on his jogging pants. âThe fuck am I worried for? Itâs just a Skype callâ. And while he was right, it was just a call, it was a call with /you/.
You and Bakugo had been dating long distance for the past year and a half.
You met at the I-island convention, where you two got into a friendly competition at one of the challenges. After you managed to beat him at his own game, he recruited Mina to find you on social media. Anyone who could beat him was special..and it didnât hurt that you were gorgeous to boot. However, his heart sank when he found out that you didnât live in Japan. Still, he decided to follow and dm you anyways..which you promptly answered. The two of you have been talking non stop ever since.
What was just messaging turned into calling, then FaceTiming, to full on movie nights where you would count down to try and start the movie at the same time. And while it was inconvenient, it was fun. He wouldnât trade it for the world.
Which is why he was always promptly on time for your calls. You had both been busy that week, so you werenât able to talk as much as you normally did, which is why you scheduled the call. With the time difference, you would be slowly waking up to get ready for school while he was going to bed. He was able to tell you about his day, while he watched you get ready for yours.
The time difference was a hard challenge to navigate, but you made it work. Talking to eachother was the high light of both of your days. You loved seeing his face and hearing his voice, even if it was virtual and he loved the same. You were both very meticulous in nature as well, making sure that your times were aligned to get the most out of your talks as possible. That way, it always felt like enough.
And while it would be nice to hold him, to see his face in person, to kiss him..this was enough for now.
Bakugo hopped into his bed, plugging up his phone before pressing call and waiting for you to answer. And when you did, he was met with sleepy eyes and a warm smile. He couldâve sworn his heart was doing actual backflips.
âHi Kats..â
âMorning dumbassâ
You smiled at him, your heart fluttering at his teasing. And just by seeing your smile he knew, that until he could get to you, this would be enough for him.
ââââââ
Ps: im starting to do requests! So if you have an idea for me, go ahead and put it in my asks <3
#mha#mha fic#boko no hero academia#bakugo x black reader#bnha x reader#katsuki bakugo mha#mha headcanons#bnha bakugo katsuki#katsuki bakugo x reader#bakugo x reader#mha bakugou#bakugou x reader#bakugo katuski#bnha bakugou#bakugou katsuki#bakugo x y/n#bakugo x reader fic#my hero academia fic#my hero academia fanfic#my hero acedamia#katsuki x y/n#mha katsuki bakugo#katsuki bakugo fluff#katsuki x reader#bakugo katsuki
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đď¸âđ˛đ°đđ´ đśđśđş........... THE SORCERER SALARYMAN ......filed under the that's not my jjk man series
visitor log: your sweet boyfriend, nanami kento, promised he'd come visit you tonight bunny. awe baby, don't cry, you're sure that's actually him at the door but you'll run through your checklist just to make sure, won't you?
classifications: huge crybaby!reader, bunny nickname in lieu of y/n, praise kink, an actual plot and backstory lol, dumbification, heavy dacryphillia, pet play, tights kink, raw dog, riding, breeding, manipulation, heavy cuteness aggression, slightly yandere nanami (maybe not so slight lol), angst but comfort, feelings of isolation, fluffy sweet moments of genuine romance, post-shibuya nanami (he survived with burns), burn trauma, jjk society sucks and a gojo cameo lol.
incidents: 6.1k
special shoutout to @yung-notorious who i bounced ideas off of and who had super sweet things to say about this story in general and is the reason i went so deep with this. đĽš
*knock-knock*
A firm yet familiar knock jolts you awake.Â
The clock reads a little past 3 am, its faint ticking the only sound filling the dimly lit stillness of your condoâs living room.
You had triedâand failedâto stay awake for Nanami. Determined to wait for him, you curled up on your cloud-like sofa with your Switch. But by 1 am, sleep had claimed you. Not even the promise of a solid turnip trade in Animal Crossing could keep your eyes open.
Yet Nanami rarely came over this late, always mindful of your sleep scheduleâor lack thereof. Heâd often remind you that you didnât get enough rest anyway, and he wasnât wrong.
One thing was certain though: Nanami had always kept his word when heâd promise to visit.
You missed Nanami terribly, only being able to see him via FaceTime for the past few days. So despite the unusual hour, a rush of excitement courses through you. Springing off the couch you practically run to the door.
But your enthusiasm is cut short. Your cozy, thigh-high-covered legs came to a screeching halt just short of answering the door. Mind racing, you think on you the exact reason why you hadn't seen your overworked boyfriend in so long.
Doppelgänger curses.Â
What if it wasnât your Kento at the door?
The intrusive thought grows more persistent as silent tears begin to shimmer, pooling in your long lashes.
âBunny, you awake, my love? Iâm so sorry Iâm this late, dollâIâve missed you.â Sniffling you calm a bit hearing the familiar voice.
Well, it certainly sounded like Nanami.
âUm, y-yeah, K-Ken, mâhere.â
As much as you try to hold back your sniffles, the cracks in your voice are evident as you move more cautiously this time towards the door. Fiddling with the hem of the overly large white tee you are swimming in (one of Nanamiâs undershirts), you perch up on your tippy toes to reach the peephole.Â
Peering out into the hallway, you conclude that it certainly looks like Nanami too.Â
Tall, well-put together in his usual glasses, suit and tie. Not to mention ridiculously handsome, even with the burn scars that riddled half his bodyâthey never bothered you anyway. You just want to be in his arms and have to fight the urge right then to lower the barrier and fling the door open.Â
âNow, now Bunny baby, donât cry. I know it's very late but donât be scaredâyou remember what youâre supposed to do now, right love?â
The checklist.
âY-Yeah, I remember Kenâ*hiccups*âbut mâscared.â
You practically sob out the words, unable to control your anxious tears from rolling down your cheeks as you try to take steadier breaths.Â
The checklist had been Nanamiâs idea, a sure fire way for you not to worry and verify it was actually him at the door. Always considerate, he was so sweet to youâeven though you felt unworthy of him.
You are a sorcerer in your own right and yet your fight-or-flight response is completely fuckedâyou simply just freeze-up and cry.
It wasnât entirely your fault though, growing up in a well-to-do non-sorcerer family that pampered you, keeping you sheltered from most of the world.Â
Not out of cruelty though, it was genuinely for your own protection.Â
Surprisingly, they believed you without question when you confessed to seeing spirits. From an early age, you couldnât set foot anywhere without encountering grotesque figures clinging to people or lurking around objects. As you grew older, you came to understand that these monstersâtwisted and varied in shape and sizeâwere everywhere. They moved freely, unnoticed by anyone else, even daring to roam the streets in broad daylight without a hint of fear.
As a result, you were homeschooled. Often lonely, you found it impossible to make friends outside of your own siblings and cousins. Whenever you did meet other kids, they dismissed you as an attention-seekerâor worse, labeled you a freakâwhenever your abilities to see the supernatural were revealed.
Yet at the age of 13 is when already dire matters escalated exponentially. You discovered that when frightened your cursed energy, that you knew nothing of then, would run amuck. You couldnât control your powers, unintentionally injuring others and nearly killing one of your beloved younger cousins when they jumped out of the pantry to give you a playful scare.
After the incident you voluntarily isolated yourself even more, terrified of the world and yourself for the 6 years that followed with no contact with anyone but your immediate family. Until out of the blue, your parents would bring an Assistant Manager representative from one of the many Jujutsu schools. They gave you more insight into the curses you were seeing and promised youâd even learn to master them if you'd work for them.
You hated to leave your family but you were aware of the ever growing threat you are to them so long as you canât control your powers.Â
Not to mention, the promise of meeting others like you had your heart racing with excitement, youâd almost forgotten the feeling resigning yourself to your feelings of loneliness. You thought you were completely alone but there apparently was a whole other world you werenât aware of right in front of your face this whole time!
Unfortunately, like the many others who enter the Jujutsu world from outside families, you received a rude awakeningâone that youâd learn was far more isolating than being locked away in your home as your hopes of being understood were quickly disillusioned.Â
Well, they understood you fine, they just donât care.
Especially as it is made apparent quickly you were classified at the highest level.
Special grade.Â
Yet despite your ranking you find zero camaraderie and very little empathy as the majority of sorcerers you encountered came from generationally gifted families who regarded someone like you with either envy, annoyance or scorn as the competition. Compounded with the fact you were a certified scaredy cat despite having a power very few could compete with made you into the running joke of Jujutsu society.
Your fear crippled your ability to fully utilize your powers which was seen as weakness.
This earned you the title of âThe Bunny Sorcererâ or just âBunnyâ for short.Â
It was cruel but fitting since you did startle easily, just like a little bunny rabbit. Even the presence of a weak curse, one you could crush under your shoe, sent your heart racing and your wide eyes darting around in panic.
You hated it more than anything, but you didnât run.
Where could you even go?
You refused to put your family at risk again. They had protected you for so long, even when it meant endangering themselves. Even if this new world rejected you, at least your presence here wouldnât jeopardize them like before.
So, you gritted your teeth and endured, swallowing the bitterness of being reduced to nothing more than a toolâa "breeding mare" to be kept alive for future use.
All for your family.
With a deep breath, you pushed the painful memories aside, exhaling slowly as you forced yourself to refocus on the present.
Things are different now though with Nanami in your corner believing in you.
âI-I remember the checklist Ken, b-but how will I know itâs really you?â
Thereâs a tense pause before Nanami speaks again, the fatigue edged in his tone given the late hour rationalizes the delay in your mind.Â
âEverything will be okay Bun, youâll know, I promise. Just use the checklist like we practiced, doll. I believe in you.â
Clutching onto Nanamiâs shirt, you nod your head despite him being unable to see it through the door.Â
*sniff* â...mâkay.â
You can do this!Â
Nanami believed in you.
Like he always did.
From the very start of him becoming your mentor by the end of your second year in Jujutsu society.
You arrived to him as quite the pitiful little thing. Dejected and broken, you shrank yourself into being as obedient as possible. No one wanted to deal with the headache of looking after youâthe three mentors in two different office locations before finally being transferred to Tokyo was proof of that.
Unceremoniously handed over to Nanami, you were to be his problem. He was to look after you until you learned to control your powers enough to be married off.
Nanami had been semi-retired since recovering from an unfortunate incident with a curse that had caused the entire left side of his body to be burned, he was lucky to keep his eye. His first real assignment back and he had to be burdened with you. Yet despite your many short-comings as a sorcerer, you were never a joke to Nanami. Nanami did not seem to mind that you had a soul far too sensitive and gentle for any real battle.Â
Ironically enough, you actually begin to love the nickname 'Bunny' when he calls you it. The name was always accompanied by a small endearing smile that soothed your spooked nerves, as he reassures you that he too âfinds the world a little too harsh and unpredictable at times.â
Nanami would always tell youââBeing afraid isn't a weaknessâitâs proof that you care, that you are alive and want to continue to liveâthatâs what we are fighting for. You just do it in your own way Bunny, donât worry about the rest.âÂ
With the patience that would rival a saint, Nanami never ridiculed nor expressed disappointment in your failures, they werenât failures he would tell youâonly roadblocks for you to overcome. Heâd overcome his injuries, like you could overcome your fears.
And you had.Â
Clinging to him like a lifeline, you felt you owe the semi-normal life you live now to his support and unwavering belief in you. Over the past three years with him, you have conquered so many of your fears.
Nevertheless, it still wasnât enough to keep this doppelgänger fiasco from regressing you back to the state you were in before meeting Nanami. Technically someone of your strength should have been out there fighting and exercising curses too.
Even though most doppels were low-level curses, their energy patterns mimicked their human counterparts, and their sheer numbers were overwhelming. The fear of making a mistake and accidentally killing a real human left you paralyzed.Â
The higher ups quickly decided youâd be better off waiting in quarantine, like a civilian.Â
For the first time in a long time you feel like a nuisance. You knew that Nanami would have to take on your burdens as he always did, now working harder than ever.Â
You missed Nanami terribly over the last few days so you just want this to be your sweet boyfriend so badly, but this is the first time you've had to do this.Â
Even with all the times you and Nanami practiced, preparing for this very moment, you still donât know if you can go through with it.
Sniffling back tears, you steady yourself.Â
The first thing on the list was to check his appearance.Â
Starting from the top, there wasnât even a hair out of place. Nanami looks dashing with his slicked back 7:3 salaryman style with slightly tapered sides, the density somewhat thinner on his injured left side. You bite your lip, as your gaze slides lower, his goggle glasses were the right shade and color. As well, with the exception of his scarring, his face nor body had no abnormal markings or features, just his familiar strong jawline set into a firm neutral expression.Â
Nanamiâs clothing passed inspection too. Not a wrinkle in sight. He wears his speckled yellow print tie and nicely pressed suit, with a single brown leather glove on his left hand to protect his marred thinned skin during battles, same as always. Nanami, although often worn by the end of the day, always kept a neat, well put-together appearance.
âWell, my love?â
The small smile that edges his lips makes you bounce on your toes and you canât wait to let him in and jump into his arms but you know you still have one more set of checks to be done.
âYou passed, Ken.. but mmm, weâre not done yet! N-Next are the questions!â
You hear Nanami lightly chuckle at the door clearly finding your nervous determination to correctly identify him endearing.Â
And just as you were hoping for, Nanami passes the questions with flying colors too.Â
âAlright doll, are you satisfied that itâs me? May I come in now?â
Chewing on the nail of your thumb you donât know why you are still wavering.
Heâd answered all the questions right and his appearance was flawless from what you could tell.Â
However something just didnât feel right and a renewed panic shoots down your spine.Â
âUm, IDK⌠Ken, I-I want it to be you and I think it's youâŚb-butâŚâ
Looking away, you pressed your forehead against the door unsure of what to do next.Â
âDonât think too hard now about it Bunny, youâll start second guessing yourself again.â
Nanami answered all the questions correctly, just as the real Nanami would.
So why couldnât you shake this feeling of something being off?Â
You whimper as you just want to hold him and look up into his soft brownâand it dawned on you.
His eyes!
âT-Take off your glasses, Ken.â
A heavy silence follows, longer and far more tense than the one before.
âS-Show me your eyes KentoâŚplease? T-Then Iâll believe it's you, then Iâll let you in. I promise!â
You're desperate to see his warm hazel eyes, even if they were strained with an exerted tinge of redâit was the final thing you needed to calm your worried heart and know for sure.Â
Youâd spent so much time gazing up into them, there's no way even the most perfect clone could duplicate them for you.
âNow, my BunnyâŚâÂ
Nanamiâs tone shifted, turning cold and devoid of the usual warmthâa chilling, almost menacing edge that wrecked shivers down your spine, as if the person speaking wasnât him at all.
â...why would you ask that of me? Open the door for me lilâ Bunny. Iâm beginning to lose my patience with you.â
Nanami? Losing his patience�
Your brows furrowed as the ominous tension hits you like a pound of bricks, the cracks in the doppelgänger's facade rapidly crumbling away.
Swallowing a hard lump, you have to confirm it with your own eyes.
âS-Show me!â
Nanami just chuckles, removing his glasses to reveal himself as a doppelgänger with two pitch-black holes oozing thick, dark fluid where his gentle brown eyes should be. The doppel hears your sobs through the door, and you stumble back, falling on your ass as the door frame trembles from the curse rattling against the barrier.
The curse was strong, stronger than normal reportings and before you knew it the door flew open, almost completely off the hinges. However it wasnât enough to break your barrier and have them enter.
âHeh, didnât think you would suspect me at allâdealing with someone as weak-minded as you.âÂ
Fear wrecks through your body as the words coming from the clone sound more distorted and monstrous than ever.
âNow when I do get in there, youâre really going to regret itâyou pathetic sniveling skinbag. I think Iâll peel it off you slowly, skin you just like a little rabbit, Bunny. Would you like to be my meal?â
Tears spill freely now, your bleary eyes blinking against the steady flow. Yet, for the first time, the emotion rising in your chest isnât just fearâitâs anger. Raw and undeniable.
This disgusting curse really had the audacity to mimic your precious Nanami!
Resolute, your legs shake like a newborn fawn yet you still manage to draw yourself to your feet. Your eyes are closed, screwed shut as you attempt to drown out its taunts and provocations. But you can still sense it before you, which was good because you didnât want to have to look at the grotesque form of the person who meant the most to you any longer than you had to.
âAwe, did I upset the wittle Bunny?âÂ
The doppelgänger's voice returned to a pitch similar to Nanami's, making a mockery of the both of you further before his voice turned more twisted than ever.Â
âBecause I guarantee the huge disappointment you are is even more upsetting to the real Nanami.â
âNo, thatâs not true! The real Nanami would never say that!â
Sparks dance at your fingertips as you concentrate, pouring your energy into the barrier. You have the strength, but his cutting insults and the relentless pounding against the shield gnaw at your focus. Doubt creeps in, and your energy falters, flickering as you fight to hold onto your resolve.
Come on girl, get it together now!
Just as Nanami taught you, you steady your mind with slow, deliberate breaths, shutting out the doppelgängerâs cruel taunts. The deep, calming flow of air through the back of your throat soothes your heart, which had been pounding like a drum, and sends a surge of energy coursing through your veins. With each exhale, your power gathersâstronger, sharper, and more focused than before.
Yet, as your eyes finally open and you ready yourself to unleash your ability, the doppelgänger is suddenly silenced. Going mute before a choked gurgle escapes its lips before its head splits into piecesâcut down by Nanamiâs precise ratio technique.
The new Nanami that appears before you immediately removes his glasses, and when you meet his soft hazel eyes, theyâre exactly as you remembered: gentle, tender, and reassuring.
Thereâs no doubt about!
Heâs the real dealâheâs your Nanami!
Instantly dropping the barrier, Nanami catches you as you leap into his arms, wrapping your legs around his waist.
âEvening Bunny, my heart.âÂ
Hearing the words coming from him, the actual Nanami, has you falling apart in his arms ugly crying into his chest with happiness and relief.Â
But your tears could never be ugly to the real Nanami, who holds you tighter as he coos how proud he is of you and how heâs so sorry for being late and leaving you all alone for so long.Â
ᥣđŠáĄŁđŠáĄŁđŠ
The fact stands, Nanami finds immense beauty in your tears.Â
And although he has never failed to pronounce your beauty no matter how much of a distressed state you were in, the direct affection for your cries isnât something heâd ever elaborate on.
Nanami is terrified of what he might say.Â
The underlying truth being that you awoke a ferociously strong lust in the form of cuteness aggression whenever Nanami saw even the tiniest bit of wetness dew on your lids.
âHAA! D-Daddy, D-Daddy puhlease! I-I cannnnnnnât!â
However, the flowing tears that Nanami could pull from your sweet puffy eyes while you so dutifully bounce on his cock are definitely his favorite.Â
Once in his arms you had pulled him down to the floor, ripping off all his clothes as the rush of varying emotions had gone straight to your pussy. And of course, you being the perfect peach you were for him, volunteered to ride himâwithout a condomâfor the first time.
You claimed you wanted to feel all of the him inside you, no more barriers between the two of you.Â
Nanami certainly is more than happy to oblige you as always.Â
Mounting him, your manicured nails find purchase on his solid abdominals for leverage, assisting your feet planted on the ground as you bouncedâmuch like an actual bunnyâon his cock, feeling the pulse of every vein dragging along your walls.Â
This was another reason loved to call you Bunny as you certainly wanted to fuck like one.
âHm? Wasnât it you? My slutty doll, who begged to ride me though, pet?â Â
Your pretty mewls of protest only make him harder as your gooey cunt quivers when he refers to you as his âpetâ.
A soft girl to the core despite the strength you possess, you loved the way Nanami claimed you by calling you his pet. There was a comforting simplicity in itâno expectations, no pressure to be anything but yourself.Â
Just the quiet assurance that he would care for you, exactly as you are.
This was evident by all the affection he would shower you with daily as well as the pretty pink leather collar with a hollow rose gold heart that said âBunnyâ in matching rose gold cursive. You'd been wearing it this entire time, wanting to greet him at the door with it on.
âYou can Bunny. How many times must I tell you, my love? This is what you were waiting for, yes? Having the nerve to play with my pussy before I came homeâyou weren't even wearing panties under my shirt, pet.â
By now Nanami's shirt has been long discarded from your body. You are completely bare save for the thick leg warmers digging into your plush thighs and your collar twinkling in the dim living room lighting.Â
You knew exactly what you were doing too, fully aware of how much he loved seeing you in his oversized undershirt. The material, drenched in the musk from a hard day's work, hung loosely over you, draping your curves perfectly to tease and captivate.
You were deadly to him.
In combination with the tights you wear revealing just a fleeting silver of skin with each subtle step ignited a feral dominating urge Nanami otherwise tried to keep in check. A guaranteed way for your pussy to end up stuffed and your ass spanked as he folded you over the nearest piece of furniture.
It goes without saying you wouldnât greet him after so long wearing anything elseâyou even naughtily played with your pussy earlier so you'd could have him inside of you as we walked through the door.
Likewise, you know the dedicated efforts you exert now that has sweat glistening off your jiggling tits, core muscles clenching for stability and leaves you panting, pleases him to watch as well.
Nanami grins lovingly at your labors, he is convince you have to be a masochist at heart. As big of a scaredy cat as you are, you rarely ever run from his cock.
Even now when the force needed to bully his thickness into your slick pussy over and over had your tongue lolling out and your eyes lodged deep into the back of your skull murmuring gibberish.
Youâd easily fuck yourself dumb for him.
You still persist, even when it feels like his immense girth might split you into two from the intensity of your pleasure. Being with Nanami is the first time since entering the Jujutsu world where you didnât feel alone, where someone didnât mock or ridicule you or expect you to be a tool for their benefit.Â
So youâd push through for him, through anything.Â
Even though your stomach flutters with butterflies full of uneasy anticipation every time youâd plead with your burning thighs to lift you once moreâknowing soon the laws of gravity would prevail and you'll have the very wind knocked out of you when your cervix slams down hard onto his portly tip.
âAlways such a sweet slutty girl for me, my loveâŚâÂ
One of his hands strokes your calf encouragingly while the other runs along the bend in your knee, briefly toying with the hem of fabric at your thighs, before resting on your belly. Nanami is too enthralled by the way your stomach bulges and deflates again, his cock scraping along your gummy walls making a complete mess of you.
â....Can you feel me here too, pet?â
When Nanami hands dip into the soft rolls of your tummy just below your navel itâs intentional and directly over your g spot. Your nails dig into his abdominals as you sew your eyes shut. You're oh so close to cumming and you want to milk Nanamiâs cock, twitching against your womb, for all its worth.
âKâHNN!â
âWhat was that? Speak up my love, or I wonât be able to hear you over your pretty crybaby pussy, you arenât going to let her be louder than you, hm?â
Nanami gifts your ass with a firm open palmed smack.
âHAAAâMMMMNâNot f-fair K-Knghh!â Â
The creamy squelching of your pussy threatens to cry even louder as you continuously impale yourself on his cock. You pout crying through barely intelligible complaints but your lustful hips never stop, no matter how much they ache from spreading wide across his broad pelvis.
You could barely think, let alone form words so if your pussy wanted to speak up for you in this case, youâd let her. You were too busy trying to remember to breathe, spittle depositing on the sides of your lips from the way you swore you had somehow pushed Nanamiâs long dick all the up up into your ribcage.Â
His big strong hand cups your cheek, thumb gently swiping through your tears and sweat as Nanami encourages you to keep going for him. The act seems so lovingly selfless but truly itâs to push the strands of hair away from covering your face so Nanami could see your wild tears unhindered.Â
Nanami understands quite well how twisted it is of him to get off on your tears to the extent he does. That said, itâs those moments of softness, when you are at your most fragile and desperate, are the ones he cherished above all others.
Those were the moments you only look to him.
You not only made Nanami feel wantedâyou made him feel needed.Â
Truthfully, even now he felt as if he was undeserving of all your perfection. It was clear, you were a diamond in the rough. Beautiful, strong, and a rather sweet and friendly disposition once you felt comfortable enough in your surroundings to open up. Not to mention you had youth on your side, just barely reaching your mid-twenties while Nanami was well into his thirties.Â
Aging and horrifically disfigured on his left side, he had long resigned himself to solitude even before his disfigurement. Nanami being the consummate workaholic salaryman of Jujutsu society, he already had no life beyond his job responsibilities.
Pathetically, even in his rare moments of daydreamingâimagining the soft beaches of Malaysia he had more than enough vacation days accrued to visitâhe walked those sandy shores alone in his mind.
Nanami, if anything, was a realist. He knew he might as well be a curse among regular civilians given his appearance now. He pretends even now not to notice the double take stares or whispers, the looks from sympathy to pure horror. Â
So it's no surprise Nanami never dared to consider anything other than his reality.
Until you came along and changed that.
âMNNNN K-KENâMâGONNACUMMâGONNACUM!â
Your words slur as your ass slams down in his lap with more fervor. The increase in friction of your clit against his pubic bone causes your squirt along with the milky fluids at the base of his shaft to gush everywhere. Your arousals soil his torso and causes your soggy tights to slouch around your thighs.
Your hands lose traction in the mess you made on Nanami's taut stomach, the muscles flexing and quivering from your frantic slippery gropes at his flesh. Nanami's balls grow more sore with every impact of your flesh rippling together. His sack is so eager to release the viscous surge of syrupy white fluids heâd built up in his absence. Â
Completely on autopilot, his words barely register. It isnât until Nanamiâs voice cracks, repeating himself twice more, that his words finally break through the haze of ecstasy clouding your mind.
âHAAAâCanât stawpppâFFFFUHâjusâ put it in mâtummy d-daddy!â
As if on the command of your words and spasming cunt reaching its spine-tingling nirvana, he does just that. Grunting loudly and throwing his head back, Nanami almost chokes on his own spit from how tight a hold your filthy pussy has on him when the geyser in his loins suddenly bursts, sloshing inside you.
A keen cry slips from your lips at the feeling of his hot cum swirling in your womb, marking you. Nanami fills your pussy to absolute capacity until dribbles of cum trickle out of your hole. As your adrenaline breaks its crest you can now feel the arches of your feet screaming at you as your legs can no longer support yourself. Exhausted you fall forward onto his bare sweat-slicked chest, your mission finally complete.Â
Nanami too for a moment feels sated. However as soon as you caught your breath you just had to peer up from his chest to bashfully give him a small innocent smile like you werenât just brazenly riding his dick like a starved cockhungry whore.
âMissed you, Ken.â
You whimpered softly, pressing a tender kiss to the scarred skin over his heart before resting your cheek there. Your heart-eyed gaze locks with his, unwavering and full of loving devotion.
Fuck. Â
Something snaps and a tyrannical urge tingles on the tip of Nanami's every nerve, ignited by sweet adorable nature.
Pulling you into a kiss you Nanami as he wholly devours you, not allowing you rest. The taste of your slobbering moans into his mouth are simply addicting and he could spend hours teasing and suckling on your cute little tongue if youâd allow him.
Rolling you under him and onto your back in a mating press, you mewl at the electricity shooting through your cunt upon his length swelling again. This position makes it easy for his cock to restretch your sloppy spongy core he thrusts slow and deep into you.Â
Your hands instantly push against his hips, squirming while trying to prevent him from disturbing your still spasming womb.Â
Yet Nanami was having none of it. Restraining both your hands in one of his own overhead.
âI know my pretty pussy isnât acting all scared of cock now? Not after the way she greedily drained me and gobbled up my seed.â
Now was Nanamiâs turn to savor every part of you.
Thereâs fresh sobs that spill down your puffy face again when his cockhead roughly prods into your cervix.Â
âT-Thatâs it, let em all outâHAAAâShow Daddy how much that crybaby pussy loves getting slutted out, pet,âÂ
Nanami's words amplify the quivering of your cunt with each new thrust spurring his hips to slam back into yours. The slick moisture on his balls causes a harsh sting every time they slap against your ass and encourages him to go faster, increasing your tears and pleasure.
Getting off on you being his tight wet little fleshlight, Nanami considers if he's still too twisted to be with you.
Had the burns from the incineration of half his body seared him so severely it sullied his very soul into the sadistic form it is now?
The truth lies in the withheld secret that Nanami had, in fact, stalked his own doppelgänger, following it all the way to your high-rise condo. He could have stopped the creature long before it ever reached your door. However his own darknessâslimy and sadisticâheld him back.
A part of him feels ashamed, guilty for standing by and allowing your tears when he could have prevented them. But he did truly believe in you. Nanami was knew you were far stronger than you gave yourself credit for, and, in his own flawed way, he wanted to show you that strength.
You could have easily blasted his doppelganger curse to hell, yet Nanami wasnât such a beast he'd traumatize you by making you harm something that looked so much like him.
No, he only truly enjoyed your tears when you were under him like this, so drunk off his cock youâd forget about any other fear.
"K-K-FUHâNNN!"
Your hands are still above your head as Nanami continues to pound you like a madman. Your mouth gapes open to wordless cries that beg him to let you cum. The lewd gurgles and slurps from your pussy wringing out his cock echo in your earsâshe's sobbing enough for the both of you and itâs mozart to Nanamiâs ears.
Honestly, Nanami never wanted to be apart from you that long ever again.Â
Itâs In that moment, deep in your guts as your ecstasy renders you dumb, chest arching up like a beacon. Nanami realizes that your presence is as essential to his existence as the sun itself.
You are his sun.
Your warmth is more comforting, tempering his traumas and offering a soothing peace he never imagined was possible. The tranquility he envisions, basking in under golden rays, only matter if youâre beside him sharing in that serenity.
Now when Nanami pictures himself walking carefree along sandy shores in his mind's eye, youâre there with him, hand in hand.
The thought of you being married off to some ancient sorcerer clan, destined for mistreatment, fills him with a quiet rage. Heâd die before allowing that to happen.
Noâhe would make you his. Forever.Â
Because now, the idea of a life without you feels unbearable and from the desperate way you creamed on him as if his cum was sustenance for your needy succubus pussy letâs him know you feel the same way even if you can't verbalize it in the moment.Â
Nanami had known how you felt ever since the day you first met Gojo. Heâd managed to keep you off Gojoâs radar for 4 months, but hiding you forever was impossible. When you finally crossed paths, Gojo, ever the smarmy jester, wasted no time teasing and flirting with you relentlessly, despite your timid nature.
Yet things had taken an unexpected turn when Gojo casually suggested that a sorcerer of your grade should train with him instead. Nanami stood next to you stoically, his face in a hard line. He knew Gojo wasnât entirely wrongâyou likely would progress faster under his tutelage even though he'd likely terrorize your nerves in the process. With Gojo, you wouldnât have to endure training sessions cut short by Nanamiâs bouts of phantom pain or the constant disruptions caused by the unpredictable chills and sweats that had plagued him since losing the ability to regulate half his body temperature.
Still, neither of them could have anticipated your reaction.
The moment Gojo made the suggestion, fat tears brimmed in your eyes, spilling over in seconds. Nanamiâs heart shattered into pieces as your small fist clung desperately to sleeve like a lifeline. Your plump bottom lip trembled, and when you finally spoke, your dejected voice was so soft it was barely more than a whisper.
âYou're going to get rid of me too, Nanami?â
The question came out more like a statement, like you'd expected him to eventually. It's in that instant that the damn Nanamiâs carefully restrained feelings broke. His heart ached with a deeper affection he could no longer deny. Gojo, for his part, immediately backed off, though he made it a point to tease Nanami mercilessly afterward.
âYour little crybaby bunny got so upset thinking Iâd steal them away.â
Frankly, as long as Gojo left you alone, Nanami didnât care what the hell he said nor anyone said or did. All that mattered was you staying by his side.
Nanami decides he's had enough as a new clarity washes over him.
Fuck these doppelgangers.Â
Fuck his job.Â
And most importantly?
Fuck the Jujutsu world.
Nanami knew Gojo had been dicking around for whatever reason when they should have been rid of these doppelgangers long before this point. However, Nanami couldnât bring himself to care anymore, refusing to be apart from you working himself to the bone if Gojo was also not taking this seriously.
For the first-time in his career as as sorcererâNanami is taking a vacation.
He's booking 2 first-class tickets to Malaysiaâtomorrow.
âBunny, weâll have to get you a new collar, my pet. Wouldnât want the metal to heat up too much on the beach and scar your perfect skin.â
Wha? A beach?Â
"Hnnnâm'kay K-Ken..."
Agreeing to anything, you're reduced to goo from the way Nanami has been tearing through your guts like he was in a trance.
You have zero clue what Nanami is talking about.
However, that's probably for the best to be honest.
Otherwise the amount of nervous, apprehensive tears that would leak from your eyes upon learning his plans to bust your pussy wide open like a coconut over and over on a public beach of all places would surely have earned you three more rounds.
......RESULT: PASSED đđđđ đđđ˘đđđ đđđđđđ đđđ! đđđ đđđđđđ˘ đđ đđđđ đ˝đđđđđâđ đđ đđđđ đđđđđđ đ˘đđ đđđđ đđđ-đ đđ˘ đđđđđđđ đđ đźđđđđ˘đđđ. đłđđâđ đ đđđđ˘, đ˘đđâđđ đđđ đđđđđđđ đđ đđ˘ đđđ đđđđ. đđđâđđ đđđđ đđ đđđđâđđ đđ đđđđđđđ đđđđđđ. đ˝đđđđđ đđđâđ đđđđđđđđđ đ đđđ đ˘đđ đđđđđ đđâđ đđđđđđ đ˘đđđ đđđđ đđđđđđ đđđđđ đđ đ đ đđđđ đđđđđ˘ đđđđđ đđ đđđđđđđ đ˘đđâđđ đđđđđ˘đđđ đđđ đđđđđ.
that's not my jjk man series (visit series page for full animation)
lmk what you think~!
comment and reblog! next up a no-nut-nov multific!
Šblkkizzat 2024. do not steal works or gfx, do not translate.
#âá°đđžđđđśđ¢ĎĎĐşŃ#âá°đđžđđđśđ¢ĎĎĐşŃâŃнιŃ#nanami kento#nanami jjk#nanami x reader#nanami smut#nanami x you#nanami fluff#kento nanami x reader#kento nanami x you#nanami x y/n#kento nanami smut#kento nanami x y/n#jjk nanami#jjk#jjk smut#jjk fluff#jjk angst#nanami angst#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu nanami#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen smut#kento nanami#jujutsu kaisen x you#jjk x you#jujutsu kaisen fluff#tnmn#thats not my neighbor
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do you believe me now? | 3
in which spencer reid spends a rainy day teaching inexperienced fem!reader how to touch him. of course, her efforts don't go unrecognized, much less unrewarded
series masterlist
18+ (smut) warnings: inexperienced reader, softdom!spencer, sub reader, oral m receiving, reader swallows lol, a truly sickening amount of praise, like really, you JOKINGLY refer to each other as dirty sluts, r has longish hair, spit mentioned once, thigh riding (moans loudly), its filthy idk what to tell you, i feel like i've crossed the desert on foot i don't even know what else is in here, your honor they're in love, i take you to dinner first, this part is stupidly long a/n: had a fucking field day the three separate times i had to rewrite this el oh el... but think i like how it turned out?! anyway, if u like this PLS lmk bc writing it took a small piece of my soul, and yes there will be a part four!! take care of yourselves!! i love you!!!
You give Spencer half a minute or so before knocking on his door for a second time.Â
Itâs miserable outside, and though the hallway youâre standing in now isnât terribly cold, youâd much prefer to be in Spencerâs apartment, where it will be the same toasty 68.5 degrees as always. Not that the heating will magically dry you. And not that youâll be there for long, if the date youâd scheduled last week goes on as planned.Â
Youâre getting worried, about to knock for a third time when the locks finally click and the door opens to reveal a disheveled Spencer Reidânot at all looking ready for a date. You take in his ensemble; blue checked pajama pants, FBI Academy crewneck, the usual questionably paired socks. Heâs rubbing his droopy eyes, which slowly widen as he notices your attire.Â
âShit, Iâm sorry, our date! I meanâyou look really nice. I look⌠like this. Why donât you come in while I get ready to go?â
He holds the door open a little wider and you step through, relishing in the familiar warmth as you pull your hood down and excess water droplets spatter on the ground.Â
âWhen did you get in?â you ask, hanging your raincoat up on a hook. You know heâd wrapped up a case yesterday evening, but youâd gone to sleep before the team left Cincinnati.Â
Spencer pauses in the middle of the room, staring at the antique flooring like he forgot what he was doing.Â
âUh⌠four hours ago.â
âWhâfour hours? Spencer, you must be exhausted.â
He laughs awkwardly, running a tired hand over his face.Â
âI mean⌠Iâve definitely felt better.â
You kick your soaked shoes off and cross the room until youâre toe to toe with him. Immediately his hands settle on your waist and yours find his arms. His eyes are kind, and heâs clearly pleased by your presence despite his lack of energy.Â
âThe weatherâs terrible, anyway. Letâs just go out another day.â
His features have softened and you can see how tired he truly isânot just in his bleary eyes, but the way his fingers grasp weakly to you, the way his head bows slightly. It seems bone-deep.Â
âBut I havenât seen you in a week. I donât want you to go home.â
Your lips twist. A clap of thunder rolls in the distance and the rain starts coming down even harder against the windowpanes.Â
âWe could hang out here. We can take a nap!â
Spencer sighsâhalf resignation, half disappointment.Â
âBut we made such good plans,â he laments.Â
You kiss his cheek.Â
âPlans that can be rescheduled. The bookstore will still be there next weekend.â
It takes him a moment to settle into the idea, but you watch the exhaustion win.Â
âOkay. But no nap. I want to be awake for you. Coffee?â
You nod enthusiastically, beaming at the prospect of getting to spend the day doing nothing with him. Spencer mirrors your grin, before pressing a kiss to your head.
âYouâre so cute.â Heat creeps into your cheeks and you canât think of a satisfactory reply, but in the end you donât need to, as he tugs gently on your hands. âCâmon. Tell me what mug you want.â
The kitchen counter bites into your palms as you lean with your back to it, watching Spencer putter all around the kitchen as he works on the coffee. It makes you tired just to watch.Â
âAre you sure you donât want to take a nap? Caffeine isnât a substitute for sleep, you know.â
âI do know,â he agrees, measuring coffee grounds. âBut other than last night, I actually slept fairly well this week.â
âYou seem exhausted.â
âI⌠am tired in lots of ways. Not all of which can be resolved with more sleep.â he admits.
Your heart drops ever so slightly at the way his voice weakens as he looks through the fridge. Sometimes you remember there are still things you donât know about himâsides you havenât met. His work side is one of them, and it more than a little intimidates you.
âBad case?â you ask, voice quiet and crackling with nervous energy.Â
Spencer nods, approaching and setting a carton of milk on the counter behind youâcaging you in with his arms in the process. Itâs hard to find the words when heâs this close, but you manage to stumble through them.Â
âDo⌠do you wanna talk about it?â
Spencer hums, tilting his head before gently saying, ânot right now. But thank you for offering, lovely.â
âOkay, wellâif you change your mind⌠if thereâs anything I can do to make you feel betterâŚâ
Finally he stops with the teasingâthe unabashed staring at your lips, the faux-attentive nodsâand drops his head to your level to kiss you properly. Itâs obviously an attempt to get you to shut up, youâre not dumb enough so as to miss thatâbut you donât really care why heâs doing it so long as he does it at all.Â
âI feel pretty great right now, actually,â he murmurs against your lips, a hint of a smile coloring his words. âDo you want sugar in yours?â
âUmâŚâ
Your eyes dart helplessly between his as he pulls away and you struggle to un-fluster yourself enough to answer his simple question. Spencer seems to delight in this. The longer it takes you, the bigger his perfect smile gets.Â
âYou took too long. Youâre getting sugar.â
âAre you sure thereâs nothing I can do?â you plead later on the couch, for the third or fourth time, setting your mostly-empty mug on the coffee table.Â
His eyebrows raise.Â
âIâm sure, honey.â
âBut I want to help,â you pout, pulling your knees into your chest. Spencer regards you for a moment from the other end of the couch, before beckoning you closer wordlessly.Â
âYou are helping,â he assures you, gently grabbing your wrist as you crawl into his lap. He rubs soothing circles into the delicate skin with his thumb. âYou being here and being you is plenty.â
Itâs the closest youâve been to him since before he left, and while youâve all but given up on asking him to sleep with you, it doesnât mean you donât think about it multiple times per day. Itâs especially difficult to keep your thoughts PG when you havenât seen him in a week, and his hair is all messy, and heâs got his pajamas on, and youâre in his lap, and heâs looking at you like that.Â
âWhat are you thinking about?â Spencer murmurs, likely concerned by your lack of response and the glazed-over look in your eyes. You reanimate, averting your gaze to the spot on your thigh heâs now rubbing absentmindedly.Â
âNothing. I just missed you.â
âI missed you a lot, too.â You donât even have to look up to know that his brows have twisted into a pleasant sort of bemusement, like you are a particularly complex puzzleâyou can hear it as he continues speaking. âIâm still not used to having something external take up so much of my attention while Iâm trying to do my job. Iâve never had that before. Not something good, anyway. Itâs like every time I leave, Iâm thinking about you more than the time before. And I was already thinking about you a lot.â
The corner of your mouth twitches as he rambles.Â
âReally?â
âYeah, really,â he chuckles. âYou prove to be incredibly distracting even when youâre hundreds of miles away. Do you know how many nights I almost called you before realizing it was one in the morning?â
A slow smile spreads over your face.Â
âOh? Whatever could you have been calling about at one in the morning?â
Youâre teasing him, and it works. He blushes adorably.Â
âUm⌠probably exactly what youâd expect. In hindsight I think itâs best that I refrained.â
âWhat?â You grin, incredulous, forgetting your shyness and leaning closer. âYou totally shouldâve. Iâve never had phone sex before. I wouldâve done it.â
âNo, you wouldnât!â Spencer laughs. âIt would have just been me talking to myself with you on the other line. I donât think phone sex is really up your alley.â
âShut up,â you laugh as your lips meet. He smiles into the kiss. Before you get too lost in it, you pull away, leaning back when he tries to follow you. âI think youâre over-complicating it. Itâs just dirty talk, right? I can totally do that. Itâs just, like⌠blah blah blah, dirty slut, something somethingâŚâ
You trail off as he gives you a look. Poker facedâaside from the slightly narrowed eyes sparkling with humor.Â
âYou want me to refer to you as a dirty slut?â
Maintaining eye contact is an uphill battleâyou crack in a matter of seconds, resting your forehead against his and closing your eyes stubbornly.Â
âNo. For all you know I want to call you a dirty slut.â
Itâs ridiculous, but he recognizes the bravado for what it is, still smiling slightly as he rubs your hips.Â
âRight. I apologize for assuming. But just for future reference, I donât want to be called that, and I donât think Iâd be comfortable calling you that, either.â
âBut you can call me other stuff,â you remind your boyfriend, pulling back and still not looking at him.Â
âYeah? Like what?â
And just like that, youâre shy again.Â
âI donât know⌠nice things. I like when youâre nice.â
âI like being nice to you.â Itâs so sincere-sounding that you meet his gaze, examining his face. His eyes are clear and soft on you, the only source of warm light on such a grey day, as his hands keep running slow lines over your sides. âKiss?â
And how could you ever deny him anything?Â
As has happened before, the kiss starts out innocent enough. And itâs not that it gets particularly heated, or anythingâitâs just that it doesnât end, and after a few moments your mouth slips open and so does his and thatâswhat gets both of you worked up over a period of minutes. Pressure and heat that youâre becoming accustomed to build between your legs, and you donât even notice that youâve begun rocking back and forth in his lap until Spencer is attempting to still your hips with patient but assertive hands.Â
âHoney, thatâsâslow down, sweetheart.â
Finally he gets a grip on you and you realize as soon as you stop moving that there had been friction occurringâand youâre pretty damn sure you know what you were grinding against.Â
Your whole body feels hot with arousal and embarrassment.Â
âOh my godâIâm sorry,â you mumble, moving your hands from his shoulders to cover your face. âThat was an accident, Iââ
âItâs fine,â Spencer assures you, squeezing your waist gently. âI just wanted to make sure you knew what you were doing because I know we havenât⌠gotten there, yet.â
A moment passesâyour hands fall to the FBI stitching across his chest, studying the letters without really seeing them. You havenât gotten there yetâŚÂ but why not? Why havenât you touched him, or even seen him? You think back to the few times heâs touched you and realize that you had been too busy with either your own insecurities or pleasure to genuinely consider how it might be affecting him. He says your name gently, drawing your attention.Â
âYou okay?â
You nod haltingly, brow furrowed as you think.Â
âIâyeah. I was just realizing that I havenât, like⌠touched you, yet.â
Itâs silent for another long second, and you glance up, to where heâs studying you with a dissonant kind of relaxed scrutinyâa knowing confidence that probably comes with a lot more experience than you have.Â
âDo you want to?â
Woah.Â
Usually you have to beg on hands and knees and prepare a slideshow presentation before he agrees to doing anything sexual in nature. Heâs never so overtly invited or initiated it before. Not that youâre complaining by any stretch of the imagination. Â
You nod shyly, still fiddling with the fabric of his shirt.Â
âIf you want to, I can show you how. But itâs also absolutely okay if you donât.â
Show you how?Â
Your brain is melting into sludge at the idea.Â
âI do,â you admit, meeting his gaze again. Itâs kind, and you know he really wouldnât be upset if you said noâbut now that youâve thought about it, you feel deeply compelled to try.Â
âOkay. Come here, first.â You lean forward expectantly, eyes fluttering shut as his hand finds the back of your neck and he pulls you into another soft kiss. By the time your lips separate again, your head is spinning. âWeâre just trying something, okay? Youâre allowed to stop whenever you feel like it. Really low stakes. Got it?â
You nod, still close enough that your noses brush as you do.Â
âGot it.â
He presses one more chaste kiss to your lips before pulling away and leaning back into the couch.Â
âScoot back a little, angel.â
Wordlessly you do so, heart pounding with nervous excitement as he lifts his hips and slides his pajama pants down just enough to where he can comfortably pull himself out, andâ
Your breath catches.Â
Now, you may be about as virginal as they come, but you werenât born yesterday. Youâve seen porn, youâve received unsolicited nudesâit is the 21st century. Yet never before have you thought to yourself; wow, that dick is the pinnacle of beauty. Perfect. Breathtaking. But thereâs just no other way to describe him.Â
So thatâs what hits you firstâhow unexpectedly pretty it is.Â
The size sinks in a quick second later.Â
You canât tell with perfect accuracy how many inches he is, but youâre pretty damn sure heâs big. Thatâs meant to fit inside of you?
No, noâthatâs a consideration for another day. Right now you need to stop staring like an idiot. You glance up at his face, and heâs sporting a cocky little half-smile which lets you know youâve been caught. Motherfucker heâs so hot. Itâs unnerving.Â
âDo you have something youâd like to say?â he asks politely, quite obviously containing his amusement. But you canât summon a sufficiently sarcastic response.Â
Your voice comes so soft when you reply, âyouâre pretty.â
Spencer melts, eyes impossibly softening.Â
âPretty?â His smile is earnest now. He strokes your cheek and you canât not lean into his touch.Â
âMhm. I want to, umâŚâ your lips twist to the side as you look back down, finding heâs not gotten less intimidating since you last checked. âBut what if Iâm bad at it?â you whisper. He chuckles, brushing hair over your shoulder. Â
âItâs kind of a hard thing to be bad at. And Iâm gonna help you, okay?â
Itâs the honesty with which he speaks to you that makes you feel so safe. There are no hidden intentions or words that seem to mean one thing but really mean another. Spencer wants you as a person more than he wants you as a body and thatâs been clear since the first time he touched you. You take a deep breath.Â
âOkay. What do I do?â
âFirst, youâre gonna spit in your hand.â
You look up, alarmed.Â
âYou want me to intentionally get my spit on you? Is that not your worst nightmare?â
âBelieve it or not, Iâm not super worried about yours,â he teases. âBut if youâd prefer, I can spit in your hand.â
âActually, mine is fine,â you laugh nervously.Â
Hesitantly, you do as instructed, even though it seems frankly bizarre.Â
âGood. Now just wrap your hand around it, like this.â His voice is quiet, focused as he guides your hand downward. Your heart rate ticks up again as he encourages you to wrap your hand around the base of his cock. He feels much warmer than youâd expectedâhis skin is silken beneath your touch but heâs undeniably hard and that sort of eliminates any sense of him being fragile from the equation.Â
âItâs gonna be less sensitive down hereâand then, up hereââ he slides your hand back up, covering your thumb with his own and swiping it just below the head of his cock on the underside. He hisses and you look up in fascination. âThatâs the most sensitive part.â
Without further instruction, you do it again, keeping your touch light and watching his face for a reaction. His drawn brows twitch, furrowing deeper for a second, and his lips part. A heavy exhalation passes between them and quickly builds into a breathy laugh.Â
âWhat?â you murmur, over-eager to please and very nervous to do something wrong.Â
âNothing. Just feels good, thatâs all.â
âDonât laugh,â you pout. Of course that makes him laugh again, and he leans forward to kiss your head.Â
âIâm laughing at myself, angel. Iâm a grown man fighting for my life from a handjob that youâve barely started. I knew it would be different with you but I didnât realize it would be this different.â
Heat rises in your cheeks and you look away.Â
âYou donât have to lie to make me feel better.â
âIâm not lying,â he urges, grabbing your free hand and encouraging you to uncurl your fingers. His thumb traces circles in your open palm, before capturing your entire hand in his. âDo you feel how much softer your hand is than mine?â
You frown, attempting to feel whatever it is that heâs pointing out. Despite the fact that you think he has very nice hands, you realize heâs right. By no means would you say that theyâre rough, but you can tell where his gun normally sits in his hands, where his fountain pen rubs against his fingers. âYeah.â
âYeah. Anything you do is going to be perfect because itâs you.â
Spencer drops his hand to your leg, rubbing it soothingly. The other moves to cover yoursâthe one wrapped around him.Â
âYouâre gonna help me, right?â you ask quietly. Some adventurous part of you is very excited about this as an experimentâfascinated by the reactions youâve already gotten from him and eager to push it.Â
âI am. Little bit tighter, honey. Iâll tell you if itâs too much.â
You do as youâre told, and heâs murmuring more praiseâslowly encouraging you to begin moving your hand with his own. A shaky exhale catches your attention, drawing your gaze to his face. His eyes are, of course, cast downward, but his expression is hypnotizing. Those lips remain slightly parted, and suddenly you wonder if he makes noises like you do. In that moment it becomes your lifeâs mission to find out.Â
For a while you continue letting his hand guide your movements, but he keeps things so slow for your sake that youâre getting impatient. You forgo his direction, picking up the pace but trying to keep the rhythm heâd instilled in the motion. His hand slackens around yours.Â
âFuck,â he hisses to himself. The hand on your thigh rubs achingly deeper into the flesh. âAngel, what are you doing?â
âI want it to feel good.â Suddenly shy again, you slow down. His hips stutter, which you think may be a sign that it was working. âAm Iâwas that bad?â Spencer looses a breath, looking almostâŚÂ frustrated?
âNo, Iâm justâIâm weirdly close to coming.â
âThatâs a good thing, right?â
âWell,â he mutters, ânot usually. Mostly itâs embarrassing.â
You giggle, a release of some tension, and begin pumping your hand again. His breath hitches and he finally looks up at you, meeting your eyes with his own lust-glazed ones. Heat pools deep between your legs.Â
âI want you to come,â you admit quietly as you twist your wrist, brushing that spot underneath the head of his cock again. His jaw literally drops, and a look that is part confusion, part pleasure, twists his features. You see the surprise sparkling in his eyes and it only spurs you to keep talking. âIâve never seen how you look when you do, but Iâve imagined it. I bet you look so pretty when you come, Spencer. âNd then I would know that I can make you feel good, too.â
âYou⌠you are making me feel good,â he assures you. The way his brow furrows and his  lips are parted give you a feeling thatâs entirely new. Normally, youâre the one falling apart under his touchâbut when itâs the other way around thereâs a whole new kind of pleasure in it for you. You feel kind of powerful. Maybe even close to confident.Â
âReally? Iâm not this quiet when you touch me.â
âIâve haâahâhad more practice not making noise.â
âBut why?â you implore, ignoring the fact that heâs slept with other women and enjoyed the sounds they made, and opting to brush your thumb across that extra sensitive part he definitely shouldnât have told you about. His hips buck up and he hisses, which is immensely gratifying to you.Â
âBecause I like to listen.â
âWhat if I do, too?â
In a moment of divine inspiration , you cover the tip of his cock with your hand, swirling beads of pre-come over your palm. Spencer moans and his hips jut up into your grip. Itâs a beautiful sound, just as youâd hoped.Â
âJesus, fuck.â
You understand why he seems to enjoy touching you so much. Itâs so rewarding to watch as his breathing picks up and pleasure contorts his faceâto watch him get messier and messier and lose his composure a bit more with each stroke of your hand. Itâs so simple but Spencer looks at you like youâre exercising some arcane deviant power over him and heâs not sure he should be enjoying it as much as he is.Â
Distantly you think about how it felt when he had his hands on youâand then, in clearer focus, how it felt when he went down on you. Both were perfect, but something about his lips so gentle on the most intimate, vulnerable part of you had felt like ascension. Maybe it was the emotional component, or maybe it just felt fucking good. Regardless, it seems an irresistible thought.Â
You keep stroking him until his head is lolling on the back of the couch as he groans.
âSpencer?â
âYeah, baby?â
He sounds so destroyed it makes you clench around nothing. Without any indication that youâre going to do so, you stop touching him, and the speed with which he lifts his head again is almost comical. Immediately, while heâs utterly defenseless and desperate, you ask, âcan I use my mouth?âÂ
His eyes widen, and then shut, as he processes your request with a tiny shake of his headâprobably trying to clear the haze of pleasure from his mind before he answers.Â
âHoney,â he rasps eventually, opening his eyes and smoothing a hand over your hair, âyou donât have to do that just because I do. Thatâs not why I do it.â
âBut I want to,â you murmur, shy and mildly embarrassed by what feels almost like a soft rejection. âI donât think I could do anything, like, mind-blowing, but⌠I want to try.â
Your face is hot by the end of the sentence, and you canât meet Spencerâs eyes as his fingers twitch over your hip. A quiet moment passesâbut itâs short-lived.
âOkay. Go ahead, baby.â
Wide eyes dart up to his.Â
âReally?â
Spencer smiles fondly, brushing an invisible speck from your cheek.Â
âI donât think Iâm capable of turning that offer down. Not when itâs you.â
âOkayâum, should I justââ Spencer watches on, finding your sudden enthusiasm completely adorable as you scoot off of his lap and gingerly kneel in front of him. Your eyes are big and glassy as you look up at him, hands set politely on his knees. You squint suspiciously, eyes darting between his face and his cock, now about as hard as itâs ever been due to your toying. He knows itâs probably intimidating for a girl who has never seen one in real life, and he feels kind of bad about it. You do terrible, wonderful things to him that he doesnât understand. âWow. So... it looks bigger from down here.â
âPlease donât try to choke yourself,â he instructs hurriedly, leaning forward slightly. âI really donât need you to do that. Itâs fine if you canât fit it all, I justââ he exhales shakily. Spencer is most definitely strong-willed but he canât pretend like the sight of you on your knees for him, inches from his aching cock for the first time isnât impacting his cognition. Most importantly he doesnât want to make you feel pressured. Heâs trying to not let how badly he wants this show in case you change your mind.Â
Spencer watches as you psych yourself outâwilting like a thirsty flower.Â
âBut what if Iâm bad at this?â you mumble, hands curling into loose fists atop his legs. Spencer pushes your hair back, tucking it behind your ears.Â
âWhatâs your worst case scenario?â he asks. Your answer is immediate.Â
âThat Iâm so bad you make me stop halfway through.â
Spencer canât help but laugh again.Â
âIâm sorryâI just⌠honey, you are really underestimating how profound your effect is on me. I just almost came from a minute long handjob. I can assure you that I wonât make you stop halfway through because Iâd rather not have your mouth on me. That is⌠thatâs just not going to happen.â
You lean your cheek against his thigh. He might actually pass away.Â
âWill you tell me if Iâm doing something wrong?â
âHonestly, as long as you donât bite, youâre in the clear.â
Your eyes squeeze shut and your lips pull into an embarrassed little smile.Â
âGreat. Thank you for that invaluable advice.â
âOf course,â he smiles. It fades slowly as you take a deep breath and look up at him, obviously steeling yourself, before leaning forward and taking him in your hand again. He watches with bated breath, repeating no sudden movements to himself over and over as your hand moves up and down a few more times and your head lowers.Â
You delicately, so lightly trace your tongue from the base of his swollen cock to just underneath the leaking tip, mapping a vein, and his hips buck as you take him into your mouth experimentally. Only the first few inches fit but the sight of your lips wrapped around him, the way youâre looking at him is so unbelievably erotic Spencer knows he wonât last very long.
From a purely technical perspectiveâhe knows heâs gotten objectively better head. Still, something about the way youâre so delicate with him, so soft and timid in the way you lick and kiss and take him into your mouth has him fighting not to come already. Maybe itâs wrong, but knowing that heâs watching you do this for the first time in your life is obscenely arousing. The idea that youâve never trusted another person this much; that youâre letting him be the one to help you navigate something as new and as important as sexuality. The more he thinks about it, though, the more he realizes: itâs not your inexperience that turns him on. Itâs just you. Everything you do is so undeniably youâhe recognizes your mannerisms in every tiny motion, in every glance, and itâs killing him. Youâre like a dream as you look up at him with big nervous eyes, (no, really, he has had this dream) and he remembers he wants to be reassuring youânot pondering life and human connection.Â
âLook at you,â he murmurs, groaning and hips twitching as your cheeks hollow, wrapping his achingly hard cock in soft gentle warmth so sweetly it feels taboo. âSo good, baby. So gorgeous like this.â
You whine around him, receptive as always to his obsequious praise, and he notices the way your hips wiggle as you seek friction. God, you must like this a lot. Spencer gathers your hair into a makeshift ponytail, resting his hand on your head as you begin to bob it. That, he wasnât prepared for. Heâd have been satisfied with just kitten-licks and suckling but he wonât complain about this. Itâs slow, and so intentional as you keep watching him for feedback cues. Ever his observant girl, youâre constantly paying attention. Aware of his reactions. He needs to keep telling you youâre good or else youâll assume youâre terrible.Â
âOver-achiever,â he whispers through a little smile as you down even more of him.Â
Spencer is for the most part a kind and gentle person. For better or worse he is also a man, and he canât help but fantasize about getting you all teary and drooly as he holds your mouth open and sees how much of his cock he can push down your throat. But againâkind. Gentle. So when you get a little over-zealous, attempting to sacrifice your comfort for his pleasure, he pulls your head back slightly. âThatâs far enough, angel. Thatâsâfuck. God, youâre good at this.â The words are thoughtless, muttered to himself more than you as he watches through a haze while you look up at him with glassy, half-lidded eyes, slipping him in and out of your warm mouth, a little faster now as you gain confidence.Â
You whine desperately around him, like youâre the one nearing orgasm and not him. The sound of your pleasure as you suck his cock makes him dizzy. His hips buck, pressing him a little deeper into your mouth. âJesus fucking Christ,â he exhales. âSlow down, baby. Iâmââ a louder moan from him like youâve never heard as he thrusts shallowly turns you on profoundly. Heâs so much more vocal than youâd have imaginedâsonically and verbally. He breathes out a quick, âfuck, fuck, fuck,â pulling your hair slightly, and youâve never wanted to touch yourself more but you know you canât focus on both. Instead you work on making him comeâyou can worry about you later. He says your name, with an authoritative edge to his tone that makes you throb. âHoney, if you donât stop, Iâm gonna comeââ
You swirl your tongue around the top of him like candy and heâs done for. Spencer tries to pull out, which only results in cum both in your mouth and on your face. The orgasm is his strongest in recent memory, and he grunts, watching your lips part and a little squeak escape as he comes all over your faceâbut you keep stroking him all the while. Once heâs 90% sure itâs over, he falls against the back of the couch, breathing heavily and looking down at you through hazy eyes. Oh, heâs going to feel terrible about this in a few secondsâbut right now you look fucking perfect. Your eyes are wide, nervous as his essence drips over your face and down your neckâhe groans when you swallow cautiously, averting his eyes to the ceiling lest he do another thing he regrets.Â
âBaby, I am so sorry,â he mutters, forcibly clearing the haze of orgasm from his mind and sitting up, fixing his pants and looking around before locating the box of tissues on the side table. âIâm so, so sorry. I shouldnât have done that.â You look up at him attentively as he wipes himself from your face as gently as he can.Â
âWhy not?â
âBecause I didnât ask you first. I wasnât thinking clearly.â
Spencer guides your head around by your chin, wiping your jaw and lips.Â
âItâs okay, Spence, Iââ
âNo, itâs not,â he cuts you off, trying to at least turn his guilt into a learning experience for you. Heâs not deluded enough to think someone like you will stay with someone like him forever, because sometimes he does things like that, and heâs reminded that there are certainly people out there more deserving of you. At the very least he can clarify that nobody should ever do what he just did to you. âItâs really not nice to do that to someone.â
âDo you care what I think at all?â
Spencer freezes, finally forcing himself to look you in the eye. Despite the fact that heâs mad at himself, heâs sure itâs coming across as being directed at you. And he knows youâre sensitive, especially about this kind of thing.Â
âOf course, I do, baby. Iâm sorry. Do you want to come back up here with me and tell me what youâre thinking?â he murmurs, cupping your jaw. Hesitantly you nod. The tissues end up on the tableâwhich he will be thoroughlywiping down laterâbefore you crawl back into his lap from the floor. Spencer helps you settle against him, hoping he hasnât messed this up irreversibly. He keeps his voice quiet as he rubs your leg. âWhat were you going to say?â
âI was going to say,â you begin, âthat itâs fine, because youâll remember to ask next time. And because⌠I kind of liked it. I like whenâwhen you do stuff like that.â
Itâs a miracle he can hear you with the way your voice drops into an almost-whisper and youâre hiding against his shirt.Â
âLike what?â he murmurs. Although heâs not sure heâll be able to handle the answer.Â
âLike⌠I donât know. Like you can do whatever you want to me. Like Iâm literally yours.â Each word makes you cringe further, but Spencer has to try hard to maintain a cool facade as he processes this. If heâs going to try and be chivalrous, youâll have to move away from this topicâthis revelationâimmediately. Thankfully, you seem eager to move on. âSo⌠how did I do?â
He almost laughs. It seems exceedingly obvious how you did, but as per usual, you require verbal reassurance.Â
âThat was really good, baby. You did well.â
You blossom.Â
âReally?â
âI wouldnât lie.â
âWas I the best girl out of all of the other girls?âÂ
I wasnât in love with any of the other girls.Â
Just barely, he manages to stop himself from saying it, pinwheeling his arms on the edge of a very steep verbal cliff. The realization that heâs been in love with you for a while hits him like a truck. But he canât tell you that right now. He should wait until youâre less vulnerable.
Fuck.Â
He really wants to tell you right now.Â
âActuallyâdonât answer that,â you decide, while all of this happens in his head in less than a few seconds. âI want to go back to pretending Iâm the only girl youâve ever seen in your life.â
âYouâre the only one that matters,â he offers, relieved to express at least some portion of the much bigger truth. Then he frowns. âNot that the other women Iâve met donât lead important lives. I actually know a lot of incredibly influential and intelligent people who are women. I have deep respect for all of them. Am I helping or making it worse?â he rambles. You giggle. He has his answer. âWhat about you? How do you feel?â he asks after a moment, tenderly, lowly, stroking your hair as you lean against his chest.Â
It takes you a moment to deliberate, fiddling with the fabric of his shirt.Â
âI feel good. I, um⌠liked it a lot more than I would have thought.â
âWell, thatâs good. Much better than if you had hated every second of it.â
You hum in agreement, and he waits for you to say whatever youâre holding back. It comes sooner than heâd have anticipated.Â
âI feel bad about the times before. How did you just⌠go to sleep after? Were you not, likeâinsanely turned on? Not that Iâm, like, irresistibly sexy, or whateverâyou know what I mean.â
Spencer smiles because he knows you canât see him.Â
âI wasnât doing it to pressure you into feeling obligated to reciprocate, I guess. My line of reasoning was that it would be less intimidating if I didnât even present it as an option until you wanted to try.â
âOh.â
Spencer thinks he sees where this is going.Â
âWhy?â he asks, leaning back and encouraging you to look at him. âAre you insanely turned on?â
âWhâthatâsâI didnât say that!â
Spencer can feel how warm your cheeks are as he presses his lips to the side of your face.Â
âYou can tell me if you are,â he murmurs, all smiley as he moves to kiss your lips. âIf you want something, you need to ask for it. Iâm not a mind reader.â
âYes you are,â you grumble. âThatâs literally what behavioral analysis is.â
Not quite true, but surprisingly, he doesnât feel the need to explain to you the semantics of what he does for work right now.Â
âWhat got you all excited?â
âYou know what,â you mumble, trying to look away again. Spencer doesnât allow it this time, gently grabbing your jaw.Â
âYes, I do. But I want you to tell me. If you want me to make you feel good, this is how youâre going to convince me that you deserve it.â
You whine wordlessly, looking at him with those big, lust-glazed eyes.
âYou wanted me to teach you how to use your words, right? This is it. Iâm giving you an opportunity. If you donât want to, thatâs okay. Maybe we can take a nap, like you said earlier.â
âNo! I likedâum, I liked all of it. I didnât know if I would, because I was really nervous. But when I firstâyou knowâand you got all quiet⌠it was like you couldnât even talk for a minute. I was kind of proud of that. Because normally nobody can ever get you to stop talking.â Spencer narrows his eyes incredulously, a small smile tugging at his lips. But he doesnât interruptânot when it seems youâre finally starting to get more confident in your words. âAnd I really liked the noises you made. I think that was my favorite part. I liked when you pulled my hair back, and how you spoke to me. And when⌠when you got me messy and I had to swallow it. I really liked how it felt because I couldnât think of anything else, just making you feel good. I really wanted to⌠make you proud, I guess. Is that weird?â
Spencer shakes his head no, a fond smile on his face when your eyes meet his again.Â
âNo. Itâs a pretty normal thing to feel when youâre nervous and wanting to impress someone you care about. And I would have been proud no matter what, for the record. You were being very brave.â
You pull your bottom lip between your teeth, watching him expectantly. Spencer should have known youâre too needy to truly absorb anything he says to you right now. Which is actually pretty cute. Everything you do is endearing to him.Â
âStand up.â
You frown.Â
âButââ
âJust stand up,â he demands calmly, preferring to think of himself as firm and not bossy.Â
You do, looking rather annoyed and confused as you plant yourself in front of him.Â
âWhy?â
âYou are so full of questions.â His hands slip up the side of your legs, under your skirt, and hook in the waistband of your underwear. Spencer looks up at you meaningfully and you nod, swallowing.Â
As he pulls down, Spencer can literally feel the resistance of the fabric clinging to your soaked core. Under his touch the skin of your thighs is warm and soft. He wants to feel it on either side of his face, he wants to hear you whine as his stubble rubs against it, he wants to feel it clamp around his wrist, he wants it between his teeth and he definitely wants it pressing against his hips as heâ
But no.Â
There will be time for all of those thingsâespecially the last oneâlater. For now, heâll reach between your legs just to seeâ
âOh, my god,â Spencer half-chuckles, half-groans, upon feeling how wet you truly are for him. He drags his knuckles from your dripping entrance up over your clit, pinching very lightly and earning a squeak from you which he ignores. âYou really did like having your mouth full of me, huh?â
âI told you,â you breathe, visibly relaxing some as he continues to play with you for a moment. Then he pulls his hand away again, patting his thigh.Â
âSit.â
âYou want me toâŚâ
âYes,â he says, simply.Â
âBut is it not going to⌠am I not going to mess up your pants?â
âYou are even more neurotic about messiness than I am. I can wash them, honey. Come here.â
Spencer guides your hips over his thigh, watching your pretty face twist with uncertainty as you fully settle on him. Fuck, he can feel your warmth through the fabric instantly. Already heâs getting hard again.Â
âWhat am I supposed to do?â you whisper, bunching his shirt in your fists. Spencer slides your skirt up higher, revealing the way youâre nestled against his thigh. He spreads you a little further apart, exposing more of your clit to the material underneath you. Immediately you press against himâhe watches the delicate flesh rubbing gingerly against him and  his grip tightens ever so slightly.Â
âAll you have to do is rock back and forth. Itâs easy.â
Already youâre starting to do itâbut he guesses itâs like earlier where you donât even realize itâs happening.Â
âBut⌠I wanted your mouth,â you admit, quietly, slinging your arms around his neck and burying your face there.Â
âDo this for me first. Just get yourself off like this one time and then you can have my mouth. You said you wanted to help me feel better because Iâm tired today, right?
âYes,â you mumble, squirming over him.Â
âWell, there are a lot of days when I get back home and Iâm tired. Iâm gonna need you to be able to get on top of me, just like this, and make me feel better. And I know you donât know what it feels like to have something that deep inside of you yet, but itâs gonna be a lot. Even once you know how it feels to have me inside when youâre underneath me. I need you to practice for me right now so youâll be ready, okay?â
You could come from the words alone. You nod, dazed with need as you roll your hips in a circle, pressing his thigh against your clit.Â
âBack and forth, baby,â he murmurs, guiding your hips forward with his hands locked around them. âBack and forth, just like thisâŚâ
You moan quietly, shamelessly, eyes fluttering as you look down and watch your clit dragging over the darkening fabric. Itâs easier if you isolate your hips, grinding down without moving your legs or upper body at all.Â
âIt feels really good,â you whisper under your quickening breath.Â
âYeah? Does it?â
âMhm.â
âGood, angel. You look like you know what youâre doing.â
Itâs audible now, quiet and wet and dirty.Â
âI donât,â you breathe. He sucks in a breath of his own, stilling your hips with fingers pressed deep into your flesh.Â
âSit up, baby.â You really wish he would stop making you stop, but you donât want to keep going in case he needs you to quitâso you rise slowly, thighs trembling as you kneel. Spencer groans at the strings of your arousal momentarily connecting your core to his pants before they snap, getting your inner thighs wet. Thereâs a dark, very wet patch over his thigh, shining like glass. He thumbs over your slick clit absentmindedly as he looks up at you like youâre a miracle. âYouâre fucking soaked. Iâve never seen you like this. Is this all from making me come?â
You nod feverishly, hips grinding against nothing in search of friction. He sits you back down on his leg, allowing you to sloppily find your rhythm again. Spencer bounces his leg lightly and you cry out softly, buckling forward. His arms wrap around you, still pressing you down against his thigh as you rut against it.Â
âYouâre sweet. Maybe I should have known how much youâd like it when I came all over your pretty face. You really like hearing that you did a good job, huh? I bet you like it even more when I prove it to you.â
You moan a âyeah,â barely processing his words.Â
âMy good girl even swallowed on her first try. Took it so well. And now look at how youâre taking this. Youâre gonna love riding, baby. Just going to be another thing youâre good at as soon as you try it.â
âSpencer,â you gasp, overwhelmed by the praise. Heâs bouncing his leg at regular intervals and everything is so sensitive.
âI know itâs harder to finish this way, but just one time, remember? And then you can have my tongue for as long as you want. You are my only plan for the day. Just give me one like this.â
But itâs not really harder to finish this way. Then again, youâre so turned on you could probably finish if a breeze hit you just right. Regardless, the thought of him going down on you again pushes you even closer to the edge.
You donât know how much time goes by like that, you rubbing against him like itâs the last thing youâll ever do, him pressing up into you until the pressure is so taut it snaps. Thereâs no time to warn him, but you suppose you donât really need to. You writhe against him, caught between wanting to keep going and not being able to take more stimulation. He lifts you up just slightly, trying to separate you from his leg. You exhale deeply as your body relaxes, already close to dozing off against his chest.
âWe canât have you tapping out just yet. I still have to fulfill my end of the deal.â
In the end, he fulfills it three times over, and you end up showing your appreciation in kind one more timeâmuch slower and more comfortably in his bed. He gives you plenty of time to learn what he likes, taking your teasing and coquettish explorations like a champ and never so much as tightening his grip in your hair. Turns out, you don't exactly spend the day doing nothing.
And you do end up taking that nap after all. Just... much, much later. And with less clothing on.
-
part 3.5
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