#ok so we’re making a trailer for a course I’m doing.

[iced-souls]

Bro, i go to bed at like, 9-10pm. 9:4something today. And then end up actually sleeping lie an hour later i think.

But BRO. I LITERALLY CANNOT SLEEP RN.

I GOT IDEAS JUST BEFORE BED AND NOW IM ALL GIDDY THINKING ABOUT THEM

They’re for tomorrow for school and i cant shut my mind up for it to calm down and just sleep.

Help—

[spookyscarydemonbabe]

ok, picture this: chilling with eddie at his trailer and like maybe you guys are just watching the price is right on tv and you start making jokes and eddie out of nowhere spits out “marry me”

the thought that sits rent free in my brain atm omg

STOP IT THIS IS SO CUTE 🥹

You guys will just be having another lazy sunday together

Laying out under a throw blanket on the couch, some snacks, and the GSN is on all day long

Every show that comes on, you and Eddie will play along with them, guessing the closest prices for The Price is Right or seeing who can figure out the puzzle first on Wheel of Fortune

Eddie likes to say he lets you win every time but he just doesn’t want to admit you’re better at guessing games

It’ll be a bit later in the day, the two of you decided on chinese takeout over a game of rock paper scissors and you’ll be waiting quite a while for it

You two are still playing your guessing games and of course you win again, and in response Eddie tackles you into the couch and starts bombarding you with kisses and tickles

You’re a mess of giggles beneath him, and though you try to push him off it’s just no use

The tickles stop when he makes it to your lips and he’ll kiss you deeply, giving you enough time to move your hands up and hold his cheeks

He’ll slowly pull away and smile down at you for a moment, moving his hand up to move the hair away from your face and give you one more kiss before he just blurts it out

“I can’t wait to marry you.”

And it catches you completely off guard

You’ll look at him for a moment, shock all over your face, and he seems confused at your response until it clicks for him

“FUCK I FORGOT TO ASK”

He’ll quickly get up and run into his bedroom, rummaging through a few drawers before running back out with a little black box in his hand

You’ll sit up on the couch as he runs out and he’ll get down on one knee and take one of your hands before asking you with all sincerity in his voice

“(y/n), i feel like i’m asking you this way too late, but i love you. Will you marry me?”

By this point there’s already tears in your eyes but you wipe them away and give him a simple nod before he slides the ring onto your finger and started running around and jumping like he just won the lottery

And technically he did

The ring he got you was GORGEOUS

It was small and simple, but it was so Eddie and you adored it

Just a silver band with a small black stone in the middle, but it looked so perfect on your finger you couldn’t stop looking at it

He’ll stop his cheering and come back to you, holding you close and kissing you nonstop in the thrill of his excitement and you ask him

“Did you just forget that you didn’t propose to me?”

He’ll admit how nervous he was to do it and he had a plan figured out where he was going to make it a big thing with all your friends there but that wasn’t him

He wanted it to be something small and simple, not a huge event with a million eyes on you expecting you to say yes

So he kept the ring in his bedside drawer, hidden away, waiting for the right moment and it just completely slipped his mind

And that doesn’t surprise you one bit

Your food will finally arrive and the two of you will go back to what you we’re doing before, watching your game shows and spending time with one another

He’ll kiss your forehead and tell you what an amazing girlfriend you are before you shake your head and show him the ring on your finger

“You mean fiancé?”

[hendersister]

the power of love

summary: you and steve sneak into a preview screening of back to the future.

pairing: steve harrington x henderson!sister reader

title 🎵: the power of love by huey lewis & the news

a/n: sorry i didn't know how to end this so it just like kinda ends...

“You almost ready, Steve?”

You’re sitting in the back room of Scoops Ahoy, waiting on your friend Steve. He’s in the bathroom changing out of his work uniform into some normal clothes. 

“In a minute!” you hear Steve yell from the other side of the door.

You and Steve have big plans tonight. One of the projectionists at the mall's movie theater told you that they were having a secret late night preview of the new movie Back to the Future. It’s not set to open for a couple of weeks and you’ve been dying to see it. As soon as you heard about the preview screening you asked Steve if he wanted to come along. You wish your little brother Dustin wasn’t away at sleepaway camp because you know that he wanted to see the movie too.

“Ok I’m ready! I’m ready!” Steve announces as he opens the bathroom door.

You jump to your feet. 

“C’mon, let’s go!”

You and Steve leave out the backdoor. Working at the mall has some perks. You both know all the secret passageways and found out a way to sneak into the movie theater. You aren’t the only people who take advantage of this. Dustin’s friends bug you or Steve at least once a week about sneaking them into the movies.

“Relax Y/N! We’re not going to miss it,” Steve reassures you, and then, “I’m sure that projectionist guy will hold off on starting the movie until you arrive. What’s his name again?”

You roll your eyes.

“His name is Danny and he wouldn’t do that,” you answer.

“Yeah he would! That dude totally has a crush on you,” Steve tells you.

“No he doesn’t!” you deny it.

“Trust me, he does,” Steve insists. There’s a hint of jealousy in his voice.

You shake your head in disbelief.

Steve opens the door that leads into one of the side hallways at the cinema. He lets you out first and then follows closely behind. You lead Steve to the theater. Even though this was supposed to be a secret sneak preview, the theater is pretty crowded.

You and Steve find two seats together just as the trailers start. Steve knows he has a few minutes to spare before the movie begins and he’s going to take advantage of that time.

“I’m gonna get a coke,” he tells you as he rises to his feet.

He walks away before you have a chance to respond. As you watch him leave the theater you shrug to yourself. Oh shit! I should’ve asked him to get me one too… 

Steve steps out into the lobby and approaches the concession stand. He recognizes the girl behind the counter. They went to Hawkins High together.

“Hey Steve,” she smiles. 

“Hey Jennifer. Can I get 2 cokes?” Steve nods.

Jennifer raises her eyebrows. 

“Who’s the lucky girl tonight?” she questions Steve.

“Oh, uh, no date tonight. Just here with a friend,” Steve replies.

“Sure,” the cashier rolls her eyes, unconvinced.

A few minutes later, Steve returns to your theater with the drinks. 

“Hey. What’d I miss?” Steve asks as he sits down beside you.

“A lot! There’s another movie coming out soon with Michael J Fox. He’s gonna be a werewolf that plays basketball,” you tell him.

Steve scrunches his forehead.

“Wait… What?” 

“Yeah! It’s called Teen Wolf,” you laugh, “Don’t judge me but I kinda want to see it….”

Steve chuckles and hands you one of the cokes. Your eyes widen. You didn’t even get the chance to ask for a drink but Steve got you one anyway. You’re touched by the gesture.

“Thank you,” you say sincerely.

“Of course,” Steve smiles.

The lights start to dimmer and the “Our Feature Presentation” graphic appears on screen. It’s showtime.

You and Steve watch the movie in awe. Back to the Future isn’t like anything you’ve ever seen before. You know that you’re watching something special. The movie isn’t out for another few weeks but you just know it’s going to be a huge hit.

While watching the scene where Lorraine makes a move on Marty, you close your eyes. It’s just too cringey. You impulsively flinch, accidentally taking Steve’s hand. You’re about to pull your hand away but Steve, still focused on the screen, instinctively intertwines his fingers with yours. 

You let out a deep breath. You don’t know how to explain it but holding Steve’s hand just feels right. You feel safe and at ease.

You and Steve quietly hold hands for the rest of the movie. You don’t let go until the end of the movie when the entire theater erupts into cheers. Everyone is clapping, including you and Steve. You loved it.

The two of you are hyped as you walk out of the theater. 

“That was one of the best movies I’ve ever seen! I think it's now in my top three!” you exclaim.

“Yeah! It was so good I can almost forgive the fact that the girl was trying to bang her son,” Steve jokes.

“You should go as Marty McFly for Halloween this year. I think you could totally pull off that costume,” you suggest.

“Oh yeah?” Steve smirks.

“Yeah definitely. Just don’t include those suspenders. Not many people are able to pull off that look like Michael J Fox,” you advise.

“Mhmm,” Steve nods, taking in what you just said.

“But on the flipside, I don’t think Michael J Fox could pull off your Scoops Ahoy uniform. You are the only guy I’ve seen that actually looks good in it,” you tell him.

Steve’s face perks up.

“You think I look good?!”  

You shyly smile.

“Yeah… but you look good in like everything,” you quietly reply.

Steve smiles. His heart melts a little bit. Since hitting puberty people have been telling Steve that he’s good looking. But it means more coming from you.

[nbnb0498]

Bestfriends?

Corey Haim X Fem reader

Summary: Corey and Y/n have been best friends forever they’ve

been in so many movies together and they love each other but

as friends…..Maybe that will change

*no spell check*

This has smut !!

“Y/nnnn” Corey said walking up to her as she was getting her makeup done for a new movie they are gonna be in together. “Hi Corey.” Y/n said smiling slightly not trying to move so she doesn’t ruin the makeup that the makeup lady was doing. “After we’re all done with filming wanna go out with me and Feldman?” He said with his cheeky slime as he sat down next to her. “Ooo yeah!” Y/n mumbled as the makeup artist start to put lip gloss on y/n “great, I’ll see you then” Corey smiled then walking out of Y/n’s trailer.

after a few hours of filming Y/n was waiting at Corey’s car waiting for Feldman and him.Y/n then saw the, walking up to the car, Finally “thank you what the hell took you guys forever I’m freezing” y/n shouted as they both were so slow. “Sorry not sorry” Feldman smiled sarcastically “shut up let’s just go already” Y/n rolled her eyes as she got in the back of Corey’s car as Corey started running to the car “sorry y/n I had to change” Corey said as he open the drivers door.He was wearing sweatpants and a sweater. Y/n tried not to look but she couldn’t resist she shook it off and said “Where are we going?” “I don’t know how about we get some food?” Corey said as he started his car and looked back at y/n. “Sure” Y/n smiled at Corey. Y/ns has like Corey forever since they meet she had her eyes on him. He was funny, sweet and handsome. God she wishes she could just sit on his pretty face.

They all got some food and since it was late they ate it in the empty parking lot just talking “oh- shit I gotta get home” Feldman said “alright let’s go then.” Corey drove to Feldman’s house. “See you guys later” “byeee” y/n said as she got into the passengers seat then Corey drove off. “What do you wanna do since it’s just us?” “Um I don’t know whatever you want” Y/n smiled “Hmm let’s see…what can we do.” Corey said tapping his left hand on the wheel as his right went into y/n thigh. “You know I love you right?” Corey kept looking at the road then back to Y/n “of course i love you too” Y/n smiled “W-well what if… I loved you more then bestfriends?” Corey started to rub y/n thighs as her eyes widen. “I-I…I don’t know” Y/n couldn’t even breath at this point.

“Would that be ok?” “U-ummm I..” Y/n was so shocked she couldn’t even speak properly. “Yeah it would be ok” She said a little embarrassed as she looked out the window.After a few minutes of silence Corey pulled into an empty parking lot. “What’s wrong? Is um everything ok?” Y/n said.Corey was just staring At her never breaking contact “what wrong Cor-.” Y/n said laughing as she the. Got caught off by Corey kissing her.She broke the kiss after a few seconds but then she went but in.Y/n then got on top of Corey’s lap as they counted to make out. Their tounges sliding into each other’s mouth making Y/n moan.Corey pulled away as he pulled off y/n’s shirt she wasn’t wearing a bra. “Fuck they’re so big.” He said as he started to kiss them, that made y/n giggle.

As Corey played and kissed Y/n’s boobs she started to straddle his lap.Corey threw his head back “Fuck I’ve always wanted to do this with you” Corey groaned Y/n smirked as she went a little fast.Corey was just there with his face in between y/n’s boob kissing and biting defiantly leaving hickys. “O-oh my god Corey….” Y/n moaned “Yeah.? You like that” He mumbled. After a few seconds later Corey pulled away and got into the back of his car. He smirked at Y/n as he started to take off his sweatpants Y/n watching his every move.She was literally drooling

His veiny long cock was hard.His pink tip leaking with pre cum.Corey the took off his sweater he was completely naked. “Come on” Corey smirked.Y/n climbed into the back seating beside Corey.She started to take off her leggings leaving her in her underwear.After that Corey posited y/n so that he back was on the window and her legs were speared out.Corey was in between y/n’s legs. Corey started to rub his fingers on her clit thru y/n’s underwear making her gasps as she was already wet. “So wet for me already huh?” Corey groaned, Y/n’s moans making him go crazy. “P-please more..” Y/n moaned as she watched Corey.Corey then moved y/n’s underwear to the side as he shoved 2 fingers inside of her as he started to finger Y/n. “J-Jesus Christ y-yes!” Y/n screamed slightly as her and Corey made eye contact.Corey smirked still holding eye contact.

“So wet and tight squeezing my fingers so tight.” Corey said watching Y/n’s every movement.Corey moved closer so they could kiss. Y/n put her hands on each side of Corey’s face.Their tounge slide in each others mouths. Y/n was moaning in Corey’s mouth making him pump his fingers inside of her even faster. “Oh f-fuck Yes..yes yes!” Y/n’s screamed pulling away from Their little make out session. “C-Corey I’m gonna c-um” After a few seconds Corey pulled out his fingers.He sucked on his finger getting Y/n’s juices. “You taste so good, so much better then all those other girls, mmm” Y/n smirked as she pushed Corey onto the other side of the door Good things Corey’s windows were tinted. “Your cock looks so yummy” Y/n smirked as she spit on the tip of Corey’s cock

“Would look so good looking so good inside of me” Y/n rolled her as to the back of her head as she said that out loud.Corey move y/ns hair out of her face as he held it tight shoving his cock down her throat. “Fuck Y/n…” Corey groaned as he threw his head back. Y/n’s gag reflex wasn’t helping her out but she kept going. Tears started to run down her cheeks as Corey started shoving his cock even further down y/n’s through. Corey watched as the tears fell from y/ns eyes making him smirk. “Good girl” Corey moaned “I’m gonna cum soon give you all my cum to taste” Corey said that made Y/n never want to stop. A few seconds later Corey’s cum shot out into y/n’s mouth. “Swallow” Corey said and that’s exactly what she did showing her tongue. “Good girl such a good girl” Corey said going to sit in the middle seat man spreading.

Y/n then sat on Corey’s lap.Corey slid his cock inside of y/n’s and started to fuck her hard. “Oh-fuck y-es” y/n moaned as her eyes rolled to the back of her head. “Good girl, taking it so well” Corey moaned as he pounded into y/n’s cunt. “I’m gonna c-um already f-fuck!” Y/n screamed pain and pleasure taking over her whole body. “Want me to cum inside you, huh? Give you all my babies, I bet you would like that slut” Corey watched as Y/n’s big tits bounced in his face. “Y-yes please fuck I love you I- love you” between Y/n!s loud moans and Corey and her skins slapping you could hear them from miles away. “ I love you too, fuck” Corey moaned as his face was between y/n’s bouncing tits. “Thank you thank you!” Y/n s-creamed as Corey pounded into her, “I’m- g-gonna I-I’m coming wa-” Y/n moaned as she felt like she had to pee she tried to get off him but since his Corey’s arms were wrapped around her waist she couldn’t. A few seconds later y/n squirt all over Corey’s cock. Corey smirked as he started to rub y/n’s clit not wanting her to stop “oh my God!” Y/n screamed. “Holy shit! I- never made any squirt before I guess that means you have to be my wife now” Corey smiled as he said that “I’m happy to hear that.. but I’m your car has all of my.. stuff on it” y/n said embarrassed. “I’m fine pill just wipe it down no big deal” Corey said as he kissed y/n slowly.

Let me know what you guys think!!!

[chronicsyd]

I have Arcane photos! (And thoughts!)

Ok so as far as I know all these are legit for the Annecy festival where they might drop some more s2 hints on 6/12 (personally I don’t think any trailers are coming until Sept/Oct like they did for S1 but that’s my thoughts on that) moving on,

First photo,

Clearly on the outside of the building, Vi looks similar to one of the generic poses she was holding in s1 posters so I don’t have much to say on her. Caitlyn on the other hand looks outright pissed, which I don’t blame her considering I’m one of the people convinced Cassandra’s biting the dust due to Fishbones, ngl I think they’re also using one of Ekko’s frames from ep 7 fighting Jinx so I don’t have much to say on him either as for Jinx it’s hard to tell where her eyeline is directly hitting I think it’s just generically at the three of them and of course her eyes still gleaming with Shimmer.

Next,

This one shows more of our Topsider friends, you can make out Victor, Ekko again, Sevika’s right next to him (you can tell by the nose and snarl on her lips) I think that may be Cait popping up again but I wasn’t sure cause Cait doesn’t really wear lipstick, Heimerdinger right next to them with his usual panicked expression, and in the lower right hand corner you can just make out Mel which means we’re probably seeing her post Fishbones (yay for Not-So-Average-Fangirl the ❤️Art❤️ has survived. Srry I just thought that was funny) Anyway, I don’t see Jayce here but he’s one of the few that I said is absolutely surviving into S2 mostly cuz I don’t think they could go on without wonder boy.

And lastly (for now),

This is clearly supposed to foil the S1 poster with young Vi and Powder where a scared Powder was looking directly at the audience. And, while Vi’s embrace of Powder was protective, this doesn’t hold that same merit to me at least. And this may just be me but Jinx’s eyebags look Significantly darker than episode 9 sooo yea she’s not doing better and Vi looks outright terrified (not that I blame her, honestly) and it looks like she’s just kinda starting off while Jinx has remained looking at the audience.

(Yea so I don’t have more unfortunately but as soon as I do you know I’ll be frantically posting it. Also my autocorrect keeps trying to put Ekko as Elmo and it’s really annoying 🤬)

[islandtarochips]

Arthur’s Note: After watching that AWESOME trailer! I just wanted to do a small story or maybe a one shot about my Black Ops OC! I’m feeling so hyped up on how this one goes! Summary: Koa who was just spending time with his family. Who he had gotten back with again. Enjoying his off-time with his girlfriend (not being the wife YET for they were still divorced) and his two sons again. Until he got a call from his General wanting to talk about something. What is it that they’re going to talk about? Is it another mission threatening their home or is it someone else’s problem that he has to help out with? Let’s find out shall we?

Words: 3802

Clouds had darkened the blue sky during the day. As the rain poured onto the city of New Zealand. Where Koa had lived all of his life. Living in the house with his loving girlfriend who he had gotten back together after from the last mission he went to.

He was happy to see her and his two sons gathering in the living room. Watching the news on TV.

He was making some tea and some snacks for them as he took the tray. And walked over to them. 

As he set it on the table and gave the cup of tea to Aroha, his girlfriend. He saw the news on the TV saying about the riot that is going on in America.

“It’s CHAOS over there…” Aroha said worryingly seeing how messy it was. She took a sip from her cup as she looked at her boyfriend. “Doesn’t this worry you?”

Koa sighed as he gave the snacks to his younger son, who was laying on the floor while drawing, and gave the other one to his eldest son. “Kind of but don’t actually care. And that’s the thing about these Americans. Always causing chaos with NO reason.”

He grabbed his tea as he took a sip from his cup and pulled Aroha closer to him. He smiled at her. “But I’m not worried right now since I’m safe here with you and our boys.” Then he leaned closer and kissed softly on her cheek. “Mostly with you.”

Aroha giggles, feeling his lips against her cheek and then her head. “Oh stop it you.”

Their eldest son, named Kai, gagged playfully at the sight of his parents giving each other affection. “Gross! Get a ROOM, you two!”

The youngest son, named Ari, giggled a bit and also gagged. “Yeah! Get a ROOM!”

The couple chuckled to see the boy's reaction of them showing their love. Koa smirked at the two playfully before continuing to kiss Aroha on the lips.

The boys gagged even more before Kai covered his little brother’s eyes.

Aroha giggled at her lover’s playfulness before she joined in.

“Can you give us a BREAK?! We’re young over here!” Kai complained as he tried to look away from this sick love scene.

Koa leaned back and grinned at him. “You might act like this as well once you get a girlfriend.”

His eldest son rolled his eyes before they all heard the house phone rang. Kai went to get it as he walked to where the phone was hanging on the wall.

It kept ringing before he picked it up.

“Hello?”

Koa let his lover lean onto him as he glanced at his older son talking on the phone.

“...um…ok. Hold on.” Kai looked towards the living room before calling out. “Hey dad! Someone is on the phone for you!”

Koa turned his head to where Kai was at. And then looked at Aroha before kissing her head as he said to her that he’ll be back. She nodded and removed herself for him to get up. And let her youngest son come up on the couch with her.

Koa slowly walked over as Kai handed him the phone. He told him to go sit with his mother before answering the phone.

“Hello?”

“Captain Nakiu? It’s General Akahata.”

Koa felt surprised to hear his General’s voice through the line. “General? Why are you calling and how did you know my number?”

“I have my ways, Nakiu. But I need to tell you something. It’s important.”

“Oh um…of course, sir. Say it away.”

“An old comrade of yours is coming in around midnight. To give you a message about the mission that I…hope that you’ll accept and understand.”

Koa was confused at the General’s words. “Sir, I don’t understand. I thought the mission that I took two weeks ago is my LAST one. And I just started my leaves.”

“I know. But this is important, Colonel. And it’s not my choice to tell them that you don’t want to.”

“Then who am I going to speak with?”

“…it’s best for you to talk to them once your comrade comes.”

“Sir?”

“Just talk to them, Nakiu. And if you choose to deny it. Then say so to THEM. Is that clear?”

“…yes, sir.”

Then he heard the General sigh softly on the other line of the phone. As he’s feeling old already. “And please…don’t make heated arguments with them. I’ll be going now. Have a nice day, Captain.”

“You too, sir.”

Soon he heard the General hung up before Koa slowly placed the phone back on the wall. He took a deep sigh before looking towards where his girlfriend and their sons were at.

He slowly walked over and leaned over the couch from behind as he smiled at them. “I’m back.”

Aroha looked up at him and smiled softly. “Hey.”

He saw Ari was already asleep in her arms and felt his own heart being touched. Then saw Kai was also asleep while sitting on the floor, laying his back against the couch in front of her.

“I guessed my snacks had put them to sleep.” Koa said with a light chuckle. As he gently traced his fingers on Ari’s little head.

Aroha giggles a bit. “Seems like I have taught you well on cooking huh?” She gently held Koa’s hand after he withdrew it from Ari. “Who was that on the phone?”

She noticed his expression when she mentioned it. She knows something is wrong. “Honey?”

Koa turned his head to look at her. “Oh um…that was…” He was trying to avoid telling her about his work. For he did promise that the last mission he went to would be the LAST time for him to go.

But he also knows that he can’t lie to her either. So he took a deep breath as he held onto her hand tightly. “That was my General. He said that one of my old comrades will be coming here at midnight to discuss with someone about…the mission.”

Aroha raised her eyebrow as she felt a bit surprised at this news. “But…I thought you’re not going back until in two months...”

“I know, pepi (baby). And he said that I can deny it if I want to. Depending on whatever dangerous mission they’ll put me in.”

“Then DENY it. You’ve worked so much.” Aroha pleaded. She gave him a concerned look as she gently tightened her grip onto his hand.

Koa sighs softly. “I need to see if this IS important. If not then I’ll deny it right away.” He leaned down over the couch and gave her a soft kiss on the head. “I promise.”

Aroha sighs through her nose as she calms down a bit. She understands her husband’s work but…she JUST got him back. Even their past relationship wasn’t so good. She saw how much he changed after joining the army.

And now he came back to her. Being a different man that she never knew he could. She softly removed her hand from his and placed it onto his cheek. As her thumb gently stroked against it. She looked into her lover’s eyes. As if she hopes that he’ll understand how SHE feels.

She doesn’t need to say it. For Koa could read well from her. He knows that she’ll ache if he leaves. But he also knows whatever missions that his General will send. It must be important.

—----------------------------------------------

11:50PM

Queenstown, New Zealand

Aroha was in the room, checking on their sons in each of their rooms. Smiling softly before walking back to Koa, who was sitting at the dining table. She saw him staring at the clock that was on the wall. Seeing the second hand was moving inch by inch in seconds.

She could tell that he’s feeling a bit anxious. Before she started to walk over. The two turned their heads towards the door, hearing the doorbell ringing.

Koa looked at Aroha. “Wait inside the room, pepi.” He told her with his soft voice.

Before she watched him stood up from his seat and walked over to the door. She slowly turned around and walked to the room as she glanced back. Before seeing Koa opening the door.

She quickly went inside the room but left the door crack open. She took a peek through it as she was curious of who was at the door.

“Sergeant Eruera? The General sent YOU?”

A young man, who looked to be in his 20s, showed a respectful smile towards the captain. He saluted in front of him. “Yes, sir! I am your old comrade, sir!”

The two were just staring at each other before laughing a bit. The two shared a hug while Koa patted his back.

“My god, it’s been a while!” Koa said with such relief in his tone. To see an old familiar face.

The Sergeant leaned back as he gave the old Captain a big old smile. “It HAS been, sir! And I’m so happy to see you!”

“Please, no need to be formal. I’m out of work.” Koa stepped aside for him to come inside. While Aroha was still watching. Being quiet so they won’t hear her.

As soon the Sergeant walked inside, Koa closed the door and locked it before getting a good look at him. “Look at you, Haimona! Getting taller! Almost to my height actually.” He smiled as he used his hand to measure between him and the Sergeant.

Haimona, who is the Sergeant, laughed a bit as he pushed Koa’s hand down. To stop him from teasing him about his height. “Yeah, I am.” He smiled softly at his Captain, after a long time from his long lasting mission. “Really miss you, Koa. Thought you will never come back from that mission in America.”

Koa chuckled a bit as he nodded. “Yeah…me too.”

There was a moment of silence between them before Haimona breaked the atmosphere between them. “Sir, General Akahata gave me this cell phone for you to call them.”

He gave him the phone as Koa took it. Aroha saw the phone as well and felt a bit confused as to why he would give him the phone.

The Captain looked at this phone before looking back at his Sergeant. “What’s the number?”

Haimona brought out the paper and gave it to him. Aroha could see the paper being handed to her boyfriend as she kept quiet.

And saw Koa looking at the piece of paper before dialing it. She could hear the phone ringing as she saw him laying it on the table and putting it on speaker.

Koa lay both of his hands on the table while leaning forward a bit. The two were waiting for the call to be answered before they heard a voice coming through after the fourth ring.

“Hello?” It was a female voice with a British accent.

Koa paused for a bit after hearing that familiar voice. “...Hello?”

“Captain Nakiu? Is that you?”

“Yes. This is him. Who is this?”

There was silence on the phone. After a few seconds, she answered.

“It’s Park. Helen Park.”

Koa raised his eyebrows in surprise before standing up as his expression changed from being surprised into annoyance. “What the fuck do you want, Park?”

The Sergeant felt a bit awkward to see his Captain looking so pissed already. Even Aroha felt surprised to see him like this.

“I thought I told you and the others to NEVER contact me.”

“I know! I know! But this is important! And we need-”

“NO.”

“Please! Just listen to me! It’s-”

“I said NO, Park. You and the others had done enough damage with ME around. So I’m not taking PARTS of it. Goodbye.”

“Wait! Nakiu!”

Koa was about to hang up before someone else called through the line.

“Not even for ONE minute to hear the reason, NAKIU?” A male voice had asked.

He paused. His hand stopped from reaching for the phone.

Haimona looked at Koa. Seeing him freeze like that. “Sir?”

Koa slowly put his hand down onto the table after hearing that voice. The voice he thought that he’ll never hear again. “Charles…?”

“Yes, Nakiu. It’s me. I’m with Park right now. And…she told me about this mission.”

“...why ARE you with her? Thought you don’t want NOTHING from them.”

“And you’re right, but…she has my attention when she mentions someone.”

Koa looked at Haimona, seeing his confused expression. Before looking back at the phone. “Who?”

“It’s Aleks.”

Koa’s eyes widened after hearing that name. “What? What happened? Is she okay? Is she hurt? Why is she INVOLVED with this?!”

Charles sighs to hear the Captain’s worried reaction. “CALM down, Nakiu. She’s alright. It’s just…Park had a feeling that Aleks was trying to find Adler. You saw the news didn’t you?”

Koa nodded. “Yes. Which was CHAOS. But what Adler?”

That’s when Park jumped in to answer. “He hadn’t responded to ANY of our calls or messages. And Aleks is being paranoid at the moment. So the first person that I could think of is…you.”

The Captain stood there silently as he processed what she said. Before sighing in annoyance. “Was he being kidnapped again? Because if he is then I’ll-”

“It’s not that, Koa. He’s gone rogue. Even Woods.”

Koa felt a bit surprised at this. Not for Adler but for Woods. “What? How? Why is Woods part of this?”

“I…I don’t know. Not even Charles could find out.”

“Ok. But where’s Mason, Hudson and the others? Why aren’t THEY helping the two?”

Koa was silenced from the phone. As if the two were trying to say something before answering that question. “Park? Moore?”

“Koa…Mason and Hudson…were KIA. From one of the missions.”

Haimona could see Koa’s reaction. With widened eyes.

“What?”

Park sighed. “The two of them had died by the hands of that man named Menendez. But that would be another time. For OUR time is ticking. We just need your assistant, Nakiu. To help Charles and Aleks on this mission. To help us locate Adler.”

Koa was silenced after hearing all of that. He had never felt so shocked to hear the news of his dearest friend, not HUDSON though, had…died. The thought of Woods losing his friend from that mission. Made him feel sad for him.

But the thought of Adler. The man of whom he DESPISED ever since that day of finding out of him UNALIVING someone. UNALIVNG someone who he promised to help and protect. UNALIVING someone who he called them his own blood. But yet…he was too late to save them. All because of that man with a scar on his face and wearing sunglasses.

Charles heard no response from Koa. Which he knows that the Captain is still deciding. He sighed before speaking up. “Koa…I understand that you and Adler have…a DIFFICULT relationship. And so have I. With you as well.”

Koa rolled his eyes at that last sentence but continued to listen.

“But Aleks TRULY needed our help. Don’t you want to help her?”

Koa thought about it but then thought about his family. As he looked at the family photo of his girlfriend, his two sons and him. The photo which they took after being accepted again into the family. And then saw the photo of his daughter next to it. He thought about it so deeply. He sighed.

Aroha, who was still in the room and was listening, could see Koa’s expression. She could tell that he was going to deny it. They may not know how Koa reacted but she USED to marry him. And she knows him LONG enough. And also, remembering him talking about his old friends. She had never seen him change SO much because of them. Even seeing him looking so happy when he talks about them.

Knowing that he was the only child in his family and never had any other siblings. And dealing with his father after his mother had passed.

Imagining him being broken because of his father before marrying to her. And she knows that it’ll break him even more if he doesn’t decide to help his old friends. So she quickly got out of the room and walked towards him.

“I’m sorry, Charles…but I-”

“Honey?”

Koa and Haimona turned their heads to see Aroha standing there. 

His eyes widened to see her before walking up to her.

“Aro? Pepi (Baby), what are you doing still up?”

Aroha looked up at him into his eyes before gently touching his hand. “Can we…talk?”

Koa saw how serious she looked but in a worried way. He looked at his Sergeant asking him to let them know that he’ll be back.

Haimona nodded and started to talk with them while Koa took Aroha into the hallway. 

He turned to look at her. “Something wrong?”

She slowly shook her head before she looked back to see Haimona was still talking on the phone with those people. And then looked back to look into her lover’s eyes. As much as she doesn’t want him to go but she doesn’t want him to live with the regret of not helping his friends who are so close to him.

“You should go.”

Koa’s eyebrows rose after hearing that. He was surprised. “What? Why?”

“Koa…don’t you care for your friends?”

“......Yes.”

“And do you wish for them to suffer all because of that ONE person who you will not forgive?”

“What? No!”

“Then GO.” 

“Aro-”

Aroha took both of his hands. “Koa…you can’t just stop helping people all because of that ONE person that you can’t forgive.”

“Yeah, but he-”

“I’m not done.” Then she moved her hands up slowly from his hand and up to his face to cup his cheeks. “Koa, do you remember when you asked for MY forgiveness?”

He was silenced for a bit as he looked into his lover’s eyes. Those sweet brown eyes. As he slowly nodded.

“And I forgive, haven't I? I forgave you for I saw how much you’ve changed. And proven to me that you REALLY want to get back together not only for my sake but for the boys as well. And look how much you’ve gotten so close with them again.”

Koa was silenced after hearing all of that as he glanced away. Feeling uncertain.

“Hey, look at me.”

He slowly looked back at his lover and saw her soft smile.

“You don’t have to forgive him right away. But…can you TRY? For me and your friend?” Aroha pleaded with him as she rubbed his rough goatees.

Koa leaned into her soft touch as he sighed calmly. And looked back down to her soft gaze. Seeing that reminded him of those wedding nights that they used to have. Oh how much he missed those nights.

So he touched one of her hands and kissed her palm before looking at her. “If you’re sure, pepi.”

“I’m certainly sure, taku aroha (my love).” She said with a sweetest smile that he missed seeing.

Koa smiled back before kissing her lips as she did it back. Before leaning back and lay his forehead against hers. “I promise this time. That I’ll be back and I’m all yours.”

“Better keep that promise or I’ll have to rethink our relationship.”

Koa chuckled as he kissed her nose before walking back to where his Sergeant was at. And seeing him still talking with Park and Charles on the phone.

“Haihana, maku e whakahaere. (Sergeant, I’ll take over)” Koa told Haimono before seeing him nodded and stepped back before he got to the phone that was on the table.

“Captain?” Park started to call out for Koa through the line.

The Captain started to sigh as he looked back to see Aroha was standing nearby in the hallway. Seeing her soft smile before nodding.

He took a deep breath. “When do you need me?”

He heard the silence again from the phone. Knowing that they’re surprised by his answer.

“ASAP.” Park said before he heard Charles talking through the line.

“And you BETTER not be late or I’ll kick your ass for it.”

Koa chuckled deeply. “If you can even REACH, hoa (friend).”

“Shut up. Anyway, there will be a private plane at your base in New Zealand. They are on their way. So might as well get packing.” Charles said while Koa nodded.

“Sure. See you soon. And Charles?” He heard Charles humming in response. “Glad to hear from you again.”

“......same here, Koa. We’ll see you soon.”

Soon he hung up the phone before Koa leaned back from the table and sighs. And looked at Haimona. “Tēnā koe, Haihana. (Thank you, Sergeant).”

The Sergeant nodded with a small smile. “Of course, sir. And…do you need any assistance with this mission?” He gave the Captain a smile as if he was pleading to come along.

“Negative, Sergeant.”

“But sir-”

“Ko taku tikanga, Haihana. (I mean it, Sergeant)” Koa said with seriousness in his tone. Haimona caught that and understood before nodding.

“Sorry, sir…”

Koa sighed before looking at Aroha. Nodding her to come.

She walked over before feeling his arm wrapped on her waist. “Koa?”

He smiled softly at her before looking at Haimona. “Don’t take this the wrong way, Sergeant. But…”

Haimona saw his Captain looking saddened as he continued to listen to his words.

“I have lost too many people that I’ve known and cared for. Too many who were still alive who moved away from me and too many who already died under MY watch.” Koa looked at him with his pleading eyes to his Sergeant and begged him to understand. “So please…toku hoa (my friend). Understand that I’m saying this to you NOT because you’re not ready. But because this mission is too hard for me to handle if I lose another one who is so close to me.”

Haimona looked at his eyes, seeing the truth through it. And he clearly understands how his Captain has been going through. “Understood, sir. And I’ll be waiting for you when you come back.” He smiled at Koa before standing firm and saluting to him.

Koa smiled back at him before sighing as he looked at Aroha. “I’ll be seeing you when I get back.”

She nodded and quickly gave him a peck on his lips before smiling softly. “I believe you.”

After that night, Koa had already packed his things and went to kiss his boy's head, who are still asleep, without waking them up. As much as it pains him to leave them without explanation and hopefully they’ll understand.

But thanks to Aroha reassuring him that she’ll explain to them. And gave each other one last kiss before he walked with the Sergeant to head to the base of where his mission begins.

Characters (Left -> Right)

Charles "Charlie" Moore -> @deeptrashwitch

Aleksandra Clarke R. -> @alypink

Tagging these peeps for I promise them to finish these! (Already tagged Witch and Aly onto this as you can see up there!)

@welldonekhushi @imagoddamnonionmason

[5and3nevermind]

🐱: Jimin, let’s get you shirtless and do a dance just like that.

🐥: I’m on it.

🎬: [cut]

⚠️ 🤡 Speculation ahead:

Ok, I included that moment at the top because I want to start with something positive before we get into this.

I don’t believe in the “2018/2019 break-up” theories. I just don’t see it. And trust me, I’ve looked for it because let’s be honest…you can’t have a break-up without a relationship to begin with, right? In other words, you could argue that it would actually help prove that yoonmin is “real.” Not to mention the fact that many yoonminers see a rift during that time. It’s human nature to want to see what everyone else is seeing. No one likes feeling like “I must be missing something.” But…I have looked and I don’t see it. During that time, we do see some restraint when it comes to their physical affection, but there are enough wonderful moments scattered throughout that time that I just don’t see a break-up. That’s my opinion, and I understand I’m kind of on my own on this. 😉

Now…where I do see some bumps in the road is late 2019 and early 2020. This includes Jimin’s visit to the Shadow set, which clearly didn’t go the way Jimin had hoped and which was still the subject of some debate a couple months later at the MOTS7 purple sweater day. (Sorry, I can never remember the official name of anything.)

The Black Swan contemporary dance reaction video, where that screenshot at the top came from, was released on 200119…in other words, right in the midst of this period.

I see good and bad here. Yoongi says Jimin should do a shirtless dance too. Jimin says that Yoongi’s video (I assume this was a reference to Interlude: Shadow) was amazing.

On the other hand, there were some little bickering moments in this video that don’t quite feel like the “for fun” Tom-and-Jerry bickering that we’re used to.

But enough about that! Rather than dwelling on the negative, what I find incredible is the way we are able to see them repair this problem (whatever it was). Because that’s what people who are extremely close do. With Yoongi and Jimin, we see them making extra efforts to fix things throughout mid 2020. They put in the effort and emotional energy to rectify things. And we see the result of this effort during surgery era when Jimin was so attentive and concerned about Yoongi, and Yoongi in turn was appreciative and outspoken about Jimin’s support.

- at the MOTS7 event, Yoongi mentions that Jimin showed up at the Shadow set and that he appreciated it even though he didn’t express that at the time. Remember, at this point we hadn’t seen the visit yet. So Yoongi isn’t saying this for our benefit. He’s saying it for Jimin.

- radio live in May 2020: Yoongi brings up the fact that Jimin did not show up to the Daechwita set and asks why. They discuss it pretty openly, the fact that Jimin had wanted him to ask. He wanted to be appreciated more fully/openly. 🐱: “Do I have to beg?” 🐥: “Of course!” Bravo to Jimin for being up-front about this and telling Yoongi what he wants. And bravo for Yoongi for listening and then demonstrating that he understood…

- also during that live: Yoongi lists the times in which he’s publicly stated that Jimin is special to him. He also mentions that he originally wrote People for Jimin.

- and let’s not forget Yoongi’s absolutely glowing intro for Jimin that day, and Jimin getting so giggly and telling Yoongi he loves his radio voice.

- during ITS, Yoongi invites Jimin into the trailer to listen to songs he is working on. We know one of those songs was Amygdala, which is very special and personal to Yoongi. We also know this song was for Yoongi’s solo album, not BE. So, Jimin’s role as Music PM was not the reason Yoongi invited him to hear the song.

- also during ITS, we see Yoongi make an effort to spend time with Jimin. They ride together in the car, do woodcarving together, play video games. Yoongi makes an effort to invite Jimin to participate, especially in the gaming.

- Yoongi was very vocal about wanting Jimin to be the music pm for BE, and he praised him more than once for his efforts during the BE promotional period.

- and then sprinkle in a dash of matching shirts during the yoonminjin dance live.

We are talking about real adults in a real relationship/friendship/partnership/whatever you want to call it. There will be challenging spots along the way. That’s an absolute guarantee. What tells me a lot about yoonmin and their bond is that we see a problem and then we get to see them implement a solution. To me, from my perspective as a yoonminer, I think all of this shows that they’re willing to put in the effort to overcome hurdles when they come across them. It also shows a lot of emotional maturity/emotional intelligence on both of their parts.

Sorry I didn’t link to receipts for all of this because I had a lot to say, but feel free to ask if you’d like a source for any of this.

[eddiesgorlie]

so, austin and reader act together in a movie in which he is a villain, so their relationship is abusive, and he feels so bad seeing his girlfriend miserable (even though she is acting) that after recording he spoils her being super kind and doing everything to please her

Love this idea! I’m so sorry it took so long for me to post it.

Unneeded Apologies

Warnings: Movie violence, cursing.

Word count: 832

“Go to hell, you asshole!” I yelled. “What did you say?” He spat. “I said, go to hell, you asshole!” I yelled again as I grabbed my duffel bag of my items. “No one treats me like that.” I mumble as I go to open the motel door. “Get back here.” He said as he not so aggressively grabbed me by my hair. “Cut! Austin come on, you’ve got to try to make it a little more realistic, you don’t have to hurt her of course but don’t barely touch her.” The director sighed. This was about the 17th time we’ve had to reshoot this scene for Bikeriders because of this moment, he was scared to hurt me so he was being too gentle for the abusive boyfriend role. “Lets go from the top again.” The director said.

“Let me go! Please.” I cried as he carefully held me by my neck. “You don’t ever talk to me like that again, you hear me?” He yelled. “Yes!” I yelled, clawing my hands between my neck and his hand. “Good.” He said, dropping me and I fell into a ball on the floor. “Cut! That looked perfect, great job. Take 5.” The director said. Austin quickly kneeled onto the floor to help me up. “Are you ok? I didn’t hurt you, right?” He asked, moving the hair that was over my eyes. “I’m doing great! Let’s go take our break, a sandwich is calling my name.” I said strutting towards our trailer.

“This is amazing.” I said almost inhaling my sandwich, when you’ve got 5 minutes you have to do what you’ve gotta do. Austin was sitting across from me on the couch, looking mopey as he ate his soup. “What’s wrong babe?” I asked. “I’m ok, is your sandwich good?” He asked, putting on a fake smile. “I know you better than anyone, Austin. Tell me whats wrong.” I said, reaching for his hand. “I don’t want to have to act out these abusive scenes anymore, I’m too scared I’m going to hurt you.” He said. “Austin, you could never hurt me.” I said. He opened his mouth to talk when the trailer door was thrown open. “Come on, we’re shooting the bar scene.” A man said.

Austin seemed to be happier the rest of the day, sneaking over to hug or kiss me, holding my hand at any chance. “Last scene of the night!” The director yelled. It was the big fight scene, just about the only scene where Austin’s character protects mine. “It’s pretty early, let me take you to dinner after this.” Austin whispered. “Early? Its 11pm.” I laughed. “Early for waffle house.” He said, smirking. “You know I love hash browns.” I said kissing him before the scene started.

Finally after what felt like years, we were done at 12:15. “Let’s get changed and head to our fancy dinner.” He said, grabbing my hand as we walked to our trailer. We both changed into comfy sweatpants and t-shirts and got into the car. “Y/n, you promise you’d tell me if you’re uncomfortable with a scene?” He asked, looking between me and the road. “I promise, Austin.” I said. “Thank you.” He said as he stroked my hand. “I’m so tired.” I said, leaning my head against the seat. “Do you want me to grab take-out?” “Take-out from Waffle House? Is that a thing?” I asked. “I mean, I think so. Hash browns and blueberry crepes?” He asked. “You got it.” I said, smiling at the fact he has my order memorized. He got out of the car and walked into Waffle House. I pressed the button to lay my seat back and turned on the seat warmer, closing my eyes.

My eyes flickered open as he tried to quietly get into the car with a take-out bag. “Did I wake you up? I’m sorry.” He sighed. “No, I was just resting my eyes.” I lied. The drive back to set was quiet, just Austin humming to the radio. “Those boots are killing me!” I say as we walk into our trailer, referring to the boots my character wears. “Here, let me rub your feet.” He said. “No, it’s ok Austin. Lets eat.” I said, setting the bags on the table. “Come here, babe.” He said. I sighed and grabbed the take-out containers, sat on the couch and put my feet into Austins lap. He was damn good at massages. He got to work and I picked up a piece of bacon and stuck it in his mouth. “Thank you.” He said once he was done chewing. “I love you.” I said. “I love you.” He said smiling.

Finally at around 2am, we were full and my feet weren’t aching. “We have a 6am call time, don’t we?” I sighed. “That we do.” He sighed. We tiredly walked to bed curled up under the sheets. “Goodnight, I love you.” He said kissing my head. “I love you.” I said.

[almostgigi]

"I Know The End"

Warnings: hurt/no comfort, angst everywhere, crying, yelling, unrequited love, light use of y/n, heartache. So fucking sorry!! Also Eddie throws some mean comments so, mean!Eddie but almost not.

Summary: Reader confesses to bestfriend!Eddie, but he stands there and, after a few seconds, he turns around and leaves. Poor reader’s heart is shattered and her only company are her sorrows. Seeing him again would be a challenge.

wc:2.9k

Eds and I were friends for a long time now. We met at school when I was just the new kid with big hopes and dreams and they seemed to go to hell on the second day there. A group of boys from the basketball team harassed me and made me cry, but it was ok, cause my hero came to rescue me.

“¡leave her alone you assholes! She’s a lady, ¿what the fuck are you doing treating a lady like this? That just speak of how little your dicks are, no men that deserves respect would do this” he had said. Somehow, he broke those guys egos and they left me alone forever. I haven’t heard a word from their mouths ever again. Not to me at least. They were afraid he would come at them if they did.

He was now my best friend, confined to love me for eternity and beyond, and so was I. We started hanging out, and then hanging out more until there was no time we spent separated. Nights talking, drinking, smoking. Evenings of coffee and cookies, mornings of jogging and laughing at how funny Eddie runs. Days after days where our trust in each other was stronger and our bond was even unbreakable. He knew my house, he met my dad, I knew his place and had met Wayne. There was nothing we didn’t tell each other; I knew everything about him and he knew everything about me. Well, everything except for one thing; my eternal and utter love for him.

There was a point in my life where I started to see him differently, I don’t know when that was because suddenly I realized most of the time I thought about him, or I would dream with him, maybe even pay more attention to his gestures. But I know exactly when was the exact moment I knew I was inevitably in love with Eddie.

We were in his trailer, I stayed the night. We already had dinner and were watching a movie in his couch, my legs resting on his lap, one of his hands caressing me every now and then. Some shitty horror movie was on but I was lost in my head. Suddenly I look at Eddie who was very invested in the movie, and I notice his lashes are longer than last time I saw them. He’s always been a fan of horror movies to the point where they made them laugh at some moment. And when he did I looked at his lips and I mentally slapped myself for even looking at something that shouldn't be important to me. But his smile was beautiful, and his laughter made his chest rise and fall quickly. His chest, I wanted to sleep in it, I knew it was the most comfortable and his heart rang in my ear when he did. And suddenly I imagine myself kissing him, it was only a second that flew in my mind, but it was enough to make me move in my place trying to get that thought out of my head, it wasn't right.

“everything ok sweetheart?” he asked.

“y-yes, I was just sleepy” I invent an excuse worth having thought of such a thing.

“oh, in that case, let’s go to bed. I’m sleepy too, I was just comfortable” he giggles and I die inside. He’s mesmerizing. “I’ll feed the cat and we’ll go to bed, alright?”.

“yeah, sure. I wanna say goodbye to Moonlight please” a stray cat we often fed and we decided to name after a few months.

“course honey. Here you go Moonlight, but first...” he picked the cat up in his arms. “mommy wants to say goodbye” his words went straight to my fast-beating heart. I kissed the kitty on the head and scratched behind his ears a little. Then he went to eat as Eddie puts him down. “now we’re done for today. I’ll close everything and you go put your pjs, alright?” I nodded and went to his room. Room we often shared when I stayed the night. We were already comfortable enough to sleep together, but that night was different. “you ready? It’s freezing cold outside, good thing I got the heater last week, although I’m warmer when you hold onto me” he lets a snort out and I wonder what he’s thinking about.

“you use me for my heating service” I say in a playful tone.

“oh darling, you wound me, I’ll never hurt you anyway possible” his arms wrap around me and the cold weather is left behind as we warm each other, our bodies intertwined, also our legs. “I’ll see you tomorrow baby, good night” his voice in a whisper.

“good night Eds”.

I realized I wanted common and simple life only if it was with him. Just him and I and out little Moonlight against the world. Pay the bills and make dinner, go to sleep under a million covers and hug forever in the bed. Wake up together jsut like we always do and kiss under the light of the kitchen when I’m making breakfast.

And I would of loved it if that night wasn’t only my awakening, but his too. It would have been a dream come true if he realized he actually loved as me more than just a best friend while our bodies were wrap together. But it didn’t, it was just a normal night for him. To me, it was my whole heart exploding into a million pieces like fireworks.

I can’t blame him for not feeling what I felt all this time, that would be just pathetic of me. Plus, I can’t really hate him even if I tried my very best. So I had gathered my guts and I’ve put them close to my mouth so I could say what I’ve been meaning to say for a long time. It was easy, right?

I love you.

I’ve been loving you for a real good time.

I love you with my soul.

Nope, it wasn’t easy. Just thinking about it makes me wanna throw up. There are many ways this could go.

1- He loved me too (I’m waiting is this one and this one only so we can be Mr. and Mrs. Munson someday)

2- He loves me like a friend and nothing more but eventually falls for me (I fell first but he felt harder)

3- He doesn’t love me and never will (I’ll probably go sleep on the highway)

4- He hates me and never wants to speak to me ever again.

¿See? Those are good options. Well, not good if he doesn’t love me back but at least they’re realistic. And as you can see, I didn’t say

5- He stays quiet with a blank stare and then leaves without saying a word like a fucking psycho.

Which, if you wanna guess, is exactly what he did. Maybe it was a reflex, or the best he thought at the moment, but he knows me like the palm of his hand and he knew that would hurt me.

This night was almost exactly like the night I realized I loved him. Him and I and a movie we didn’t know. Moonlight was already ours, so he was inside in his tiny bed. I did not think, that would have made it harder, I just said it.

“Eddie, I love you” I spit.

“I love you too, dummy” he thinks I tell him I love him like I normally would.

“No Eds... I love you” I say the mid word in a different tone so that he understands what love I meant. The hand that was holding my leg finally lets go and goes back to his lap. His eyes are astronomically big right there and then, he can’t believe it. What can I say? I’m good at hiding stuff. He stares a couple seconds more and then he just gets up, grabs his keys and leave. Leaves my house like millions of other times, but this one feels wrong. Feels like he’s never coming back through that door. Feels like a thousand cuts in my heart and he didn’t even say goodbye.

I curl up in bed and cry myself to sleep. Inside my head I keep reliving the moment he leaves me and I sob uncontrollably until I have no more tears left to cry and I try my best to rest.

“It’s been three days, rob, three fucking days. He’s never been away from me that long, he’s not going to be my friend anymore, that’s it” I was convinced he was gone and everything in between us both would stay forever unspoken, broken.

”Darling, you need to give him time, he’s a man, they can’t process information fast, look at dingus” one movement of her head leads me to look at Steve who’s moving some boxes around the house.

”Huh?” he says, he heard his name.

“See? Living proof” she jokes. We both laugh and keep helping him around.

”You moving out?” I ask given the thousand boxes he’s carrying.

“I wish, no. I’m just moving this to the garage. Some things I no longer need. I’ll take them to charity tomorrow morning” he leaves one on the floor and shows us some clothes and toys from when he was a little boy.

“Here, I’ll help you organize them” maybe that way would be more easy and fast.

“Go nuts baby” his smile is wide and I spend my evening with them, having a good time and forgetting about anything else.

Monday mornings were absolutely disgusting to me. I could barely drag my feet out of the bed and make coffee. School wasn’t any better, and without the best of my friends I can say it would be a shitty day.

“Maybe he has been thinking and came to the fact that he loves you but he’s waiting to tell you when you’re alone” Peter, one of my friends, says trying to cheer me up.

“Or he hates me for ruining our friendship and he’ll rather die struck by lightning than see me again” me being a pessimist was absolutely normal by now.

“Or there’s that too” I give Peter a dead stare. “What? You said it” I shake my head and keep eating.

By the time we had to leave I couldn’t find Eddie nowhere. He wasn’t at lunch in the cafeteria and he wasn’t in his respective classes. He wasn’t in the library either so I had only one place more to look. Old drama classroom where he and the guys would have hellfire reunions was close on my way out so I step aside and knocked. It seemed like nobody was in there but I could see the lights on. I stepped inside not even wanting to knock again. He was sitting in his throne observing the nothingness and thinking I assume.

“Sorry, I saw the lights and went in. Couldn’t find you anywhere” I explain to him, as he lifts his gaze to connect it with mine.

“Mhm” It’s the only thing he says. He doesn’t speak, just hums.

“I’ve been looking for you, wanted to talk you know?” I launch an attempt to touch on the subject.

“about?” he tries to avoid it, obviously.

“don’t play dumb, you know about what” I spit. No time for rodeos.

“It’s not a big deal, don’t bother” the way he talks, he’s never done it before.

“¿It’s not a big deal? ¡Of course it’s a big deal! I told you I love you for God’s sake ¿How is that not a big deal?” tears already threatening to come out of my eyes.

“I didn’t intend to hurt you” yeah sure.

“but you did, you stood there like a ghost and never said a word, which I can almost understand because you weren’t expecting it, but then you proceeded to avoid me for days when we always spend them together, that I can’t understand. I refuse to, actually” my stomach hurts, like a million butterflies dying.

“you know I hate awkward situations, I don’t know how to handle them. What did you expect, really?”

“I don’t know, but certainly not avoiding me, that’s not the answer to any problem” I raise my voice a little, a hot rage coming from me was palpable in the air.

“well I’m sorry if I can’t be the perfect guy you want me to be. Apparently I’m some kind of imbecile since I can’t take correct decisions” he’s fully screaming at me now. I want to cry like a baby.

“you’re being idiotic Eddie, you’re missing the point. I came here to make things better, not to fight” I hold both my arms with my own hands to give me some kind of comfort.

“pretty fucking nice we’re treating each other, ¿don’t you think?” still loud, the vocabulary extends a little.

“we’re losing the thread of the conversation, please” I try my best to calm down as it’s not going well and I’m making him react the worst possible, and that makes me wanna cry even more.

“¿What do you want from me?” he’s tired, almost as if talking to me devastated him. Made him feel empty.

“¿From the bottom of my heart? For you to love me like I do. But I know I can’t force you to do it, so I want you to be clear, honest. I need to hear you at least, cause being away from you it’s killing me” the sweet sound of his voice was like caramel to my ears. I loved to hear him talk about his likings and everything he did say during the day. These past four-to-five days were torture. Not being able to hear him, his laugh or just him complaining about a song or movie he hates and had to see cause Wayne wanted to at dinner table.

“I just- I don’t feel like that y/n” and just like that my world fainted. I knew he probably didn’t like me back. But hearing him say it is actually really hurtful.

“Okay... Yeah, that’s what I needed. See? That wasn’t so bad” tears roll down on my face, from my cheeks to end in my lips, where I taste them, salty.

“it’s not okay, you’re hurt now, you’re hurt cause I don’t love you like a woman” his hands are in the air, every movement defining his uncomfortable behaviour.

“I lived before being unloved by you even as a friend, I’m not gonna die without your love” I state my point as a ‘I don’t care if you don’t love me back’ even when I do.

“so you don’t want us to be friends anymore?” almost a question, almost an statement.

“that’s not what I said, c'mon”

“you said that if you didn’t have my friendly love you would live anyways”

“yes, but do you know how fucking much that would hurt? Eddie, I rather have you as a friend than not have you at all” my brows frowning as I plead with my eyes. I plead that he understands how much I love him as a friend first and then whatever this is. “I can live without being loved by you, but I can’t live without you in my life” I take his hands in mine, he flinches at first, then he let’s me take them. “you’ve been my person all this damn time, you’ve been there for me and we’ve been each other’s comfort. I can’t lose you. A world without you in it is a world I don’t wanna live in. A little heartache won’t kill me, I’ve been there before. Loosing you will, looking at you and not being able to talk to you. Seeing you from afar and thinking I can’t tell you to come watch a movie, to hear a new song with me. Walk through the forest with you or go to parties just to drink and dance then go for a burger and home like old people. Smoking together and sharing the most stupid thoughts, laughing so hard it hurts, but good. That would kill me” the sudden feeling of his hand on my cheek makes me go black instantly. Forgetting my love for him would be the hardest I’ll ever had to do. But it had to be done.

“I’ll eventually come back to you, I know. But I’m not ok, I never meant for this to happen and I feel responsible. Hope you can forgive me and give me the space I need, I’ll come back to you when I’m better, when I’m not feeling guilty or like I could break your heart even more for being close to you, with any gesture of mine” all of his insecurities about this were showing finally, and I felt like I broke the most pure thing I had in my life. I should of kept my mouth shut. He leaves again, this time I just know he ain’t coming back, cause I’m not gonna look for him like today. I interrupted his space to see him, that’s not gonna happen again. He prefers not to keep me, that’s okay, I’ll learn to live like this. Wish I wasn’t crying like I just lost my life.

[themultifandomgal]

Tyler Hoechlin- Our Love

No More Secrets

March 2011

"Ok YN Tyler ready for your last scenes?"

"No" I pout looking at Jeff making everyone laugh. I raise my hands up ready to be handcuffed on some railings. I've made a family here. Tyler and I have been dating secretly now for the last 4 months. Not even the rest of the cast know yet

"Ok quiet on set. Episode 12 scene 9 take 1. And action"

"Der?" I say weakly

"Hm" he hums back but doesn't look at me

"Just in case we die..."

"We won't" his head snaps towards me. He then shows me that one of his hands are free

"I love you" I blurt out as Estella, before Tyler (Derek) can reply a man walks in

"Ready to have some more fun. To be honest my knuckles are kinda hurting so I brought some help" he lifts his bat up "I need to warn you. I sit to play in collage" he goes to swing at me but Tyler as Derek grasp the bat and behind him is Tyler P as Scott. He knocks the guy out

"Scott help Stella out of them" he nods towards the cuffs

"No"

"What?"

"Not until you tell me how to stop Peter"

"You really want to talk about this right now?"

"Yeah I'm with Derek. My arms are kinda numb and I'm starving"

"He going after Allison and her family. He's going to kill them"

"So what?" Tyler shouts.

We continue the scene until we hear cut.

Time for dinner. Thank goodness because I'm starving. Before we all walk to the food truck on set and order our food, I head to my trailer to grab a coat because it cold out this evening. As I walk into my trailer I'm pushed in and the door closes. I immediately panic, that is until Im turned around and facing Tyler

"What are you doing?"

"Coming to give my girlfriend a kiss, or am I not allowed?" Tyler's hands move round my waist

"Of course but your going to make us obvious. Yesterday you followed me in here and we exited together. There going to get suspicious"

"But that's the fun of it" he smirks leaning down to place a kiss on my lips, I of course let him. He pulls back and holds me close to him

“I love you Ty”

“And I love you”

“We best head back” I sigh

“I’ll grab my jacket. Make it look like that’s what I came for” I give him a hum letting him know I’ve heard him.

Once Tyler has his jacket we head to the food truck, we gab our food and sit down. Tyler sits next to me earning a look off Crystal

"So YN how do you feel about your first acting job?" Holland asks

"Great. I mean it helps that we have such an amazing cast. All of us get on so well"

"It definitely helps" Posey laughs "I've felt like we've really become a family over the last year"

"We are" I give a little smile “I’m going to miss this while we’re on a break from filming”

Our next scene is outside in the dark. I'm only wearing a tank top and I'm freezing. Tyler and I wait until we're needed in the scene so we both have blankets over us and are huddling together in our prosthetics watching the scene play out in front of us. It's one of the final scenes in the episode where Peter is kills Kate and Scott attacks him

"Cut! Can we have YN and Tyler ready on set?" I hand the blanket to Holland who is watching the scene as well. We both get ready to walk into the scene "ok and action"

Tyler and I walk over to Ian who's lying on the floor with fake blood over him. Tyler kneels down

"Wait you said the cure comes from the one that but you. Derek if you do this, I'm dead"

"You've already decided" Ian whispers

"Do it Derek you deserve this" I tell him.There's a bit of sfx that makes it look like Tyler's just slashed Ian's throat

"I'm the alpha now" he says. His eyes will glow in post production

"And cut! Thats a wrap on YN and Tyler for this season thank you" everyone applauds and cheers making me feel a little emotional. In 3 months time the first episode will be aired and I'm super nervous. Tyler wraps me up is his arms and hugs me. I notice Holland give me a smirk and raised eyebrows.

We walk to our trailers, which are next to each other. Once away from eyes Tyler takes my hand in his

"I think we should tell everyone about us” I say to Tyler entering his trailer “we’ve finished filming today, the others finish tomorrow. And we’re not going to see them until we go to comic con in 2 months. Then after that we probably won’t see anyone for 9 months or maybe more”

“If you want to tell everyone we can. I’m happy if your happy”

“Thank you” we stay in a comfortable silence until I realise something “how do we tell everyone. Like do we gather them around and say, hey we’re dating and have been for the last the last 4 months”

“Or we could walk back to set holding hands. See if they notice?”

“I’d still like to keep it out of the public eye. For now at least. Just while I’m starting my career. I don’t want anyone to think Im piggy backing of anyone or creating news just to boost the show or…”

“Hey that’s ok. I actually agree. Keep it quiet for now. Still need to have some fun” he laughs making me laugh along with him.

So that’s what we’re doing. We’re walking back to set holding hands where everyone else is still. Holland is the first to notice and screams

“Finally!” Crystal shouts

“What?” I frown laughing

“Well I mean it was kinda obvious. Constantly next to each other, going into each other’s trailer”

“Ok well now that you guys know. We’d like to still keep it on the down low for now. Away from the public”

“Of course. Just glad you trust us enough to keep it a secret for you” Holland walks over and embraces me into a hug

“Of course. You guys are family”

[authortobenamedlater]

Good, bad, questions, and predictions for this week. Harebrained Halo Headcanons of the week.

Good: Casting is still this show’s greatest selling point, particularly Joseph Morgan’s Ackerson. Every performance is stellar, and that goes a long way toward covering the series’ flaws.

I like the look at the rank-and-file military and the confirmation that there are in fact other Spartan teams out there. And, because this is me we’re talking about, I like the religious references. Babylon 5 trained me well, I guess. The St. Christopher Medal, Corporal I’m-a-Baptist, Talia’s family praying before dinner, Shaman Lady telling John to “find your faith, Spartan” because she has seen his death which comes soon. WHAT is up with that by the way. They can’t just leave a line like that there.

The costuming has leveled up this year. The Spartans’ duty uniforms last year, as I’ve said, looked like spray foam insulation and slinkies. These ones may look like the Spartans are managing a Cabela’s, but I still like it better. Also, Kai would rock the gun counter. Not one for modern AUs, but all of the Spartans working at a Cabela’s has some appeal.

The new intro and use of the actual Halo music.

Bad: Honestly, nothing about these two episodes is straight-up bad. It just doesn’t feel like a follow-up to S1. Some of this is a new showrunner, so of course things will look different, but it also seems like they took the easy way out of resolving some things from last season. I am trying to reserve judgment until at least the halfway point, though, so I won’t say more yet.

Neutral: Keyes is an admiral now. Like…OK? What does this mean in the grand scheme of things? Did they need a new admiral when Parangosky got the boot? Keyes also seems like someone’s pulling his strings. ONI/Ackerson, probably. Something’s up here. This is not the Jacob Keyes we saw last season.

The show has not told us what ONI is. The lack of context for people who aren’t coming from the games/books has to be frustrating. Also is Ackerson still a colonel or not?

Speculations/wishful thinking/questions: Miranda is working on the S-IIIs, maybe even IVs. Or she has been rebooted to be a line officer like her game character. Miranda DOES have a ship in S1. Halsey mentions “Miranda’s ship” during the fight on Eridanus. So this wouldn’t be as big a leap as it seems. Miranda could be out running some science mission. I like this idea, really. We’ve seen the side of Miranda that came from her mom; it would be cool to see the side that came from her dad.

What “monster” does Kwan mean? My money right now is on the Flood. I’m pretty sure Soren and Laera don’t know Kwan is on the Rubble since Soren asks where Kessler is getting the ideas about monsters. How do Kwan, Laera, and Kessler fit into everything here?

What’s Parangosky up to? The Paramount website had her planning Operation: Red Flag but she’s a civilian now. Also, how did John not know that? Anyway. Was she planning Red Flag when she got cashiered? Is she planning it from behind the scenes?

Soren’s “arrest” is how he gets to Reach (we see him in Halsey’s holodeck prison in one of the trailers) which is how he and John end up fighting together. This might be a good time to mention my plot bunny that Soren and Vannak have some long-standing feud from a training incident in their youth which would get reignited if they ever met again.

Cobalt team will yank their pellets.

John seems very much like Halo 5 Chief this season, don’t know if that’s on purpose or not. Even his brooding about Makee parallels Game Chief’s Cortana angst. Though TV Chief has plenty of that too, he just doesn’t know it. Look how he reacts every time someone mentions they took Cortana out of his brain.

How and when will they reunite John and Cortana? Will she go back in his head? Or a chip like her game self? I see advantages and disadvantages to both. But, given how the show has changed AI, where would Cortana’s chip go? John’s helmet wouldn’t have a port for it, and neither would any ships or…anything. There’s a trailer scene where John puts on his helmet and the visor is cracked, so maybe he needs a whole new helmet and it could be fitted for Cortana? I think with the planet frying there are bigger things to do around FLEETCOM though.

But when they do reunite John and Cortana, are we gonna get the scene from the end of Fall of Reach where Ackerson almost kills John and Cortana gets revenge???? I have said this before but I REALLY want to see that.

Makee. Is this really her? Could it be a clone? Projection? I’m inclined to say it’s her but no harm in entertaining wild theories. At least my Vital Record AU isn’t canon. I was low-key worried about that.

OK, Bum Bum gave me his cold and I need to take NyQuil and sleep now so I’m going to end this here. See everyone tomorrow night since I’m going to drop off Tumblr until I can watch.

[dreamwatch]

WIP Wednesday Game

I got tagged in WIP Wednesday by @farahsamboolents- thank you! :D

Here’s how it works:

In a reblog of this post (so people can find you in the notes) or new thread (w/ rules attached) if you want to play on your own, post up to five (5) filenames of your WIPs; not titles, file names.

Post a snippet from one of them. Snippet must be words you wrote in the last 7 days. We’re posting progress here. If you haven’t made any, go make some and come back to play!

After you’ve posted, people can send you an ask with one of your file names. You must then write 3 sentences in that file. If the filename is one you can't share from (for example, an event or gift fic), write 3 sentences on it anyway, and then 3 more on another to share.

That’s it! You can invite others to join in, or just post. I’ll be searching the reblogs to find people to send asks to!

If you’re reading this, you’re invited!

If you see someone posting a WIP Wednesday Game snippet, send them an ask! Make them write.

File Names:

Like A Stone

Recovery & Aftermath

Dustin & Eddie

Eddie Hands One Shot

Steve & Eddie 90s

Prison Fic

Jesus, every time I do this there's another one to add to the list... and not a single finished fic. 😫

Ok, because I haven't done this for a bit, and because I have never shared a whole fic, I'm going to drop a decent size snip below from Like A Stone. This is part of a scene that I hate and I'm thinking of cutting, so I'll leave it here for posterity. Also, I think this falls under the realms of unreliable narrator...

****

“I didn’t really think you cared anymore, to be honest.”

Eddie stares open mouthed. “What? What do— of course— ” He reaches up and grabs Dustin’s wrist and pulls him back to sit on the bed. “Hey, look at me,” he says ducking his head to catch Dustin’s eyes. “Of course I fucking care, you asshole. Of course I care.”

“It doesn’t feel that way sometimes,” Dustin chokes out. “It doesn’t feel like it ever, actually. You’re never around anymore—”

“I work, man—”

“It’s not just work, Eddie, and it’s not just me. Whenever we call you’re out, and yet I know for a fact you don’t go anywhere. You haven’t spoken to Gareth in months. Out of all the people that left us, you’re the hardest to take, because you’re still fucking here.” 

And it’s like an arrow to the heart. Because of course Eddie cares about him, but he’s done nothing to show it. Dustin has been an inadvertent victim of Eddie’s spiral. All the things he’s done to himself this last year to protect himself, they had consequences he hadn’t quite understood.

“I’m sorry, okay? I’ve— fuck.” Eddie takes a steadying breath. “Look, I’ve been going through some shit, okay? I mean, I think you know that, right? I didn’t hide it very well at New Years,” he smiles wanly at Dustin who doesn’t return it. Eddie looks across the room, out of his bedroom, anywhere but at Dustin.

 “I haven’t felt… good, I guess, for a long time. And I haven’t dealt with that very well, and I hurt you and I didn’t mean to, I really didn’t mean to. I know it’s hard to understand but… it’s just really fucking hard to be around people right now.” He turns back to Dustin, who is staring at his shoes, nudges him with his knee to get his attention. “I’ll try to do better, okay?”

Dustin huffs, “Whatever man. I have to go.”

He watches as Dustin rides off through the trailer park and he feels like a piece of shit. How does he explain this to him? What this last year has done to him, how he’s not his Eddie anymore? He’s a broken bottle of a man, empty and sharp. 

That he’s having actual conversations with a dead girl now. Steve says Chrissy is sweet, but that was before, before he killed her, before she told him she wants him to die. Chrissy is different too, now. And if Eddie spends more time with his friends, more time with Dustin, then that means Chrissy would be closer to them, right? And she was sweet, once, but he doesn’t trust her anymore, doesn’t trust her near Dustin. 

So, he will try to do better, he will, but he has to be careful. He has to keep Chrissy away from his friends, and from Wayne. He deserves whatever she does to him, he deserves to be scared all the time, but they don’t. He couldn’t help her but he can keep them safe.

****

Oki Doki - tag time! As usual no pressure tags and I am so sorry if I miss anyone or if this is the 20th time you've been tagged this week - I think I need to make a list of who actually wants to be tagged for WIP Wednesday, and who wants me to fuck off!

@gravytape @devilyouwere @thisapplepielife @hbyrde36 @occasionaloverboy @cuips-not-cute

[pricklypear1997]

Wowowowoowow. This dumb bitch is still going off about me lol 😂. Suddenly I’m full blooded chetnik Serb now lol ok. Go ahead wishing violence and death upon another nation even though you’re the only one actually spreading genocidal hatred towards a neighbor country while also claiming shit that just isn’t yours. The tumblr is called @talking-about-albanians and she’s obsessed with Serbs and calls everyone a rapist and assumes we’re all Serbs, Chetniks and r*pists for calling out her blatant genocidal hatred and stupidity. This person is sick. Don’t believe me? It’s all over her profile.

Now these articles are here to simply prove a point; Albanians today are killing Serbs, and that there are clear statistics that both sides harmed one another HOWEVER, there was no Albanian “Genocide” before the bombings. The CIA had infiltrated and trained the KLA (Kosovo liberation army), and they did horrible things to Serbs, but sure the Albanians will deny any responsibility of course because everything is Serbia’s fault and ALL Serbs are murderers and rapists, despite the plethora of evidence against Albanians and their mistreatment of Serbs. The countless Serbs who actually ironically had to evacuate Serbia and move elsewhere including the US, describing the atrocities that were inflicted onto them by the Albanians in Kosovo. The CIA and NATO are pure evil organizations that killed so many innocent civilians, that includes Serbs AND Albanians. I don’t understand why Albanians are convinced the Serbs killed them en masse when it was obviously the bombing inflicted by NATO of Kosovo that did that. The US created instability between the 2 people groups as a way to weaken Serbia and make them financially unstable. Why? Because the US viewed Serbia as a threat. Why did they view them as a threat? Good question. It’s probably because they’re a Slavic ethnic nation that was also previously communistic, which is ironic considering how many American elites and politicians are suddenly pro socialist (as long as it suits their needs) despite the more laissez faire capitalistic mentality imbedded in American “culture”. NATO is also using (my country) Bulgaria as a puppet, I mean just look at our shitty corrupt politicians and this obsession with trying to get into the EU while also somewhat supporting American government intervention and other things such as supporting Kosovo and even having our own military stationed in Afghanistan (I mean what the fuck)… I hate NATO and the CIA with such great passion. They are a pure evil and the bane of all our existences, yet Albanians are so delusional and play right into their hands. DO NOT get me started on the whole Russia VS Ukraine shit of a pointless war that once again the US/NATO/CIA is just using Ukraine as a pawn against a long time enemy; Russia. It’s honestly just sick. All of it. There’s literally no excuse for bombing foreign land, ESPECIALLY CIVILIANS. THERE IS NO EXCUSE IN STARTING WAR IN FOREIGN LAND. GET THE FUCK OUT OF OUR LANDS YOU WESTERNIZED SHITBAG TRAILER TRASH GHETTO RAPPING CASTRATING CHILDREN PEDOPHILE LOVING RETARDS. IT’S SO FUCKING OBVIOUS WHAT THIS SHIT IS, AND ITS A CULTURE WAR. AMERICA HATES CULTURE. AMERICA HATES COUNTRIES WITH RELIGION IMBEDDED IN THEIR CULTURES. AMERICA HATES COUNTRIES THAT ARE MUCH OLDER THAN IT AND HAVE REAL HISTORY AND CULTURE AND ETHNIC IDENTITY, UNLIKE THE US. THE US USED ALBANIANS TO DESTROY SERBIA’S REPUTATION, THEY’RE DOING IT ALL OVER AGAIN WITH UKRAINE AND RUSSIA. THEY HATE EASTERN EUROPE AND THE BALKANS AND THEY ONLY SEEK TO DESTROY US.

[subbyfoxelf]

[book review] northern lights by philip pullman (1995)

i first read this in college around when the ill-fated movie adaptation was coming out. i had seen the trailers and was thirsty for more fantasy type stuff, which it turns out was literally the entire cynical motivation for making the movie because they totally lotr-ed it up. the book is actually much more a response to narnia (which itself received the lotr-ification treatment in its film adaptations), but has a much different aesthetic/genre that the movie largely ignores, but we’re not here to talk about the movie rn i’m just setting the context of my first reading.

i was in the middle of reading it when the catholic church & others started calling for boycotts, and that was back during my misguided religious phase so at that point i was like “well, fuck.” but i was already in the middle of the book and i was really enjoying it so i kinda shrugged it off & decided that i enjoyed it but i didn't like that the church was the bad guys, and it was ok to enjoy something i disagreed with.

obviously now the anti-church stuff is a feature for me rather than a bug, so i was interested to see how i would feel about the book now with that in mind. and uh yeah, i do love that aspect of the book, very much so, yes. but it’s also so far in the background that a reader could be forgiven for it not being one of their biggest takeaways if they’re not paying close attention? like, by the end of the book it’s pretty fucking obvious that that was the entire point, but that turn happens in literally a line of dialogue at the end of the book (which i fucking love), but it’s not difficult to see in retrospect why even at my most brainwashed (not the fun/kinky kind, the boring religious kind) i was able to shrug it off and enjoy this as a silly little adventure yarn. which btw makes it pretty fucking hilarious that the church was so fragile about it, but whatevs!

but yeah, even though i don’t think it’s actually going to change anyone’s mind, that last interaction between lyra & pantalaimon that i alluded to earlier was everything to me this time. when pan says, “if they [the church] think dust is bad, it must be good!” and i forgot that that point was made that explicit in this book. it’s possible to miss its import if you’re just caught up in the breezy adventure the rest of the book has been, but it just absolutely turns the world upside down. i fucking love it.

also, another thing that hit me on a completely different level this time was this passage:

his hands, still clasping her head, tensed suddenly and drew her toward him in a passionate kiss. lyra thought it seemed more like cruelty than love, and looked at their dæmons, to see a strange sight: the snow leopard tense, crouching with her claws just pressing in the golden monkey’s flesh, and the monkey relaxed, blissful, swooning on the snow.

“strange sight”? idk man, sounds pretty normal to me.

other things i loved included serafina talking about feeling the starlight & moonlight on her skin. even though it wasn’t particularly foregrounded, all the witchy stuff was wonderful. i also loved iorek byrnison. as if having a magical little animal spirit that was part of yourself & you could talk to & cuddle wasn’t enough, lyra also gets a fucking armored bear king protecting her! what a lucky girl!!

and of course lyra herself was a wonderful protagonist. she’s just so fucking good. strong desire to protecc.

in the category of things i didn’t so much love was all the casual, careless racism. like, don’t get me wrong, this isn’t as bad of an offender as the aforementioned lewis or tolkien books, or a lot of its more direct influences like say the works of jules verne, but it still is rather frustrating all the same.

kinda par for the course for stuffy british adventure stories tbh, but again it’s not like outlandishly racist or anything, just… there’s an undercurrent throughout that i wouldn’t feel right not mentioning.

i also think it’s worth noting that while these books are marketed as y.a., they’re probably, uh, a bit heavy for the average kid? like, some genuinely traumatizing stuff happens!! but also idk kids are a lot more resilient than people give them credit for, i know this wouldn’t have phased me if i had read it when i was 12, just feels worth mentioning that it gets pretty dang dark.

so yeah, if you can shrug off the fairly commonplace racism of someone who seems like he’s trying his best but is too british not to be casually racist, this is a pretty great read. i find it very easy to get sucked in. lyra is such a great protagonist who you genuinely want to be safe, and the writing style hits that really nice sweet spot where it has a lot of inherent personality that leaps off the page, but it’s also still extremely approachable, which is just the perfect recipe to make something compulsively readable.

a-rank

[jodilin65]

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 29, 2004 FedEx found us with no problem. In fact, they found us early while Tom was out getting the mail.

Valentine’s winner emailed Tom saying she sent the payment on Friday, but we’ll see.

As for Haiku, Tom thinks she shipped this last Friday the 27th, and not Friday the 20th which was when I got the tracking link. He says that people can have UPS print labels and send emails before packages are even sent, so I’m wondering if Ricki did that to make me think she was sent out last Friday because she knew I was getting antsy for her, and is ignoring me because she knows she shipped her this last Friday. Either way, I better get the doll or a refund.

Anyway, I got the supplies as I said, and of course they had to fuck up and I had to play email with Bob. I know everyone makes mistakes, though, and it was a simple matter to resolve. They left the grape oil out and I asked if it was on backorder or what. Bob emailed me back saying Jeff had been busy at the site and that he was expecting it in a week. He asked if I wanted credit or for him to keep it on file to put towards my next order. I asked that he ship it when he gets it and he agreed to do so.

Meanwhile, I spent nearly 10 hours going through the 5000 big sticks, pulling the bad ones which amounted to a few hundred which I dipped for myself. I have those and my 500 minis soaking. I soaked $30 worth of retail stuff for next to nothing. I use the minis as timers for when I bounce. They burn a half hour and I do two half-hour bounces a day. They’re also good for in the car when we go by all those smelly cows.

The burners are so-so. The wire pop-ups don’t come with a base of any kind. You have to put it on a plate or something. It’s not something I really care for. Some of the colorful clear acrylic burners are rather dull. Especially the browns and yellows. The greens and blues are ok, but the bright orange sure is nice. I’m keeping one for myself. The only problem is that they’re poorly made. The hole is too low on the slanted part which means some of the ash bounces off because the tip of the stick is too high. Tom’s taking care of that, though, but drilling a second hole higher up the slant, and at an angle that’ll lower the stick closer to where the ash is supposed to fall.

Incredibly, the mini sticks are slightly too long for the mini stick bags. Why oh why are people so stupid, I wonder? Can they ever do anything right? At least they only cost a couple of bucks. I’m sure we can use them for other things anyway.

I got the hang of making the stuff now. I’ve found that it’s easiest to toss the sticks in a Ziploc bag and soak them that way. Then when I go to dry them, I cut off the top of a 2-liter soda bottle that’s clean and dry and I dry them in that.

Meanwhile, tomorrow we’re going to list a couple of variety packs with burners included, to see how they do.

As for our other stuff, it’s not doing too well. The dolls and flags have no bids, but the lamps and hat do, so at least we’re getting something, along with whatever his ancient laptop goes for.

I lost a couple of pounds, so I’ve got just a few more to go. Maybe I’ll do that for as long as I can; diet down to 127, eat my way back up to the low 130s, and go back and forth like that. I’d prefer to diet to 100, even 115, and stay there too, but that’s just the dream of a 38-year-old packed with heavy muscle and a dead metabolism.

I was pleased to get mail saying they want to publish yet another Little Buddy picture! When I signed up as Lin S, I submitted a picture of him licking ice cream off a spoon. I used my real name when I submitted it.

We discussed Tom’s plan on how to go and what to do, even though we don’t yet know where we’re going. The plan is to sell the car and the furniture. Then we’ll buy a small trailer, one even smaller than Dennis’, so we won’t have to stay in hotels, and we’ll rent a storage container for our stuff.

The first thing we’ll do when we get moved is install the septic tank, the water tank, and the solar panels/batteries to generate our own electricity. Then we’ll build a shed and put up the internet dish. After that, we’ll build a bathroom and a temporary bedroom so I no longer have to sleep in the trailer. He thinks we can get this done in 2-3 weeks. Once the main house is built, the bedroom will become a workroom, and hopefully, we’ll install some form of fences along the way as well.

Whatever we do, I just want to get it done!

Later…

The renters are getting on my nerves right now. They’re idling a loud truck, the kids are screaming bloody murder, and their dogs are running around on our land as if they own it. I just hope to hell those damn dogs don’t interfere with the showing of the house! The people are no doubt going to walk about on the land and if they come running up to them, who knows how they may take it? Since 99% of the people here get dogs just to toss them outside 24/7, I’m hoping they won’t be that 1% that either keeps their dogs indoors or doesn’t have dogs at all. The worst thing that could happen would be a sonic boom when the people are inside the house, but that’s a lot less likely than these beasts getting in the way.

The truck just left, but I’m sure it’ll come and go 2-3 more times before they pack it in for the night. It makes me wonder where they go so often. We live 30 miles from the nearest city, so why would a person come and go so often in a town like this?

Anyway, Tom’s still checking out land everywhere except for the eastern part of the country where the humidity levels are higher. We even saw an appealing 8-acre parcel in Oregon. The forest is so thick there that if we have noisy neighbors who are always home, and I know we will, it won’t matter. Wherever we go, I’m sure we won’t be next to the nice quiet older couple that if they do have a dog, it’s inside most of the time, and who doesn’t come and go 5 or more times a day. No, we’ll be next to the home-all-the-time and very rowdy Brady Bunch with their 3 outdoor-only dogs and who knows what in the way of music and vehicle noise/activity.

Now I’m down to 129. I don’t get it. I just don’t get it. It’s so, so easy to go from 132 to 127. As easy as it is for me to gain weight. So why in the world do I just stop losing at 127 no matter what I do? Because something up there wants me to? I’ll be 127 no later than Wednesday.

Still nothing from Ricki. So she either lied about when she shipped the doll or she did ship it on the 20th and just doesn’t want to deal with tracing it. I hope it’s just a case of her bullshitting rather than the package being lost or given to the wrong person.

Still nothing from Paula either. Not even a quick “thanks, I got the stuff.” She’s no doubt busy getting off on getting her ass beat, then running to admire her bruises in the mirror.

Another doom vibe comes true. That back right tire on the car I sensed blowing out blew today, though it was the back left tire. Close enough.

Later…

The renters are back. From the looks of it, they went to get hay for the horse. The next few trips out will probably be for water.

Later…

We ended up doing pretty well after all when it got down to the last few minutes, but that’s not too surprising, I guess. That is when all the action happens. The competition over the hat was fierce. It ended up going to someone in Colorado. The only thing of mine that didn’t sell was the flags. The dolls are going to the same person in the Bay Area, the desk lamp is going to someone in Minnesota, and the disco light is going to someone in Massachusetts of all places, but at least they all live in the US! We’re getting a total of $44 for all this stuff, and except for the disco light that I won with tickets at Game Works, it all only cost us $15 since everything else but Meagan was given to us, which is about what our profit will be after eBay gets their cut and the postage is paid. Still, $15 to pack and ship these unwanted things to others who do want them, versus leaving them here for nothing, is worth it enough to me.

His horseracing game and laptop still have a few days to go, and while the game has no bids, the laptop’s up to $47!

Tonight, on a 7-day listing, we put up 2 decorative plates his mom gave us (I guess next will be the ones I stole) and 3 incense samplers. Each sampler will include an acrylic burner and a 10-pack of 4 different fragrances. We started those at $1.50. One has a blue burner, one has a green one, and one has a brown one.

Anyway, we really didn’t think the dolls were going to sell. It wasn’t till the very last minute that that person bid on them.

Tomorrow should be a fun day for mail. Dalene’s set to arrive, plus the blue Fairytopia Barbie should be at the PO. I don’t know for sure about Barbie, but it’s exciting to know that at around 6 AM, about when I crash, Dalene will be loaded onto a truck bound for Casa Grande where she’ll then be loaded onto the delivery truck! Though she wasn’t a top priority doll-wise, I have wanted her for nearly a year and a half now.

We’re going to wait till we’re moved to order molds.

They seem to boom in spurts where they boom for a few days, then it’s quiet for a few days, and back and forth. Hopefully, I’ll sleep ok till I’m back on days for what I guess will be the last time in this house. Of course, that’s what I thought before, so who knows what other delays may lie ahead? I know we’ll move sometime this year!

I guess tomorrow’s the day my 23 100-packs get shipped out, according to what Bob told me, and I really hope they don’t fuck up and send me 22 packs or 23 packs with one of them being the wrong fragrance!

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 27, 2004 The desk lamp has a bid on it and Tom won $15 on a Slingo, so that’s good, but what’s not good is that Ricki took the rest of the money for Haiku, and I’m like, yo woman, I haven’t received the damn doll! It better get here today like Tom says he’s sure it will. If not, I want the money back. I’m sick of this doll chase!

Houdini must’ve possessed Little Guy last night because he finally broke out. I found him playing in my office. I tanked him overnight, but now he’s back in the wire cage with the plastic roof on to block the widest area which is where I’m pretty sure he got loose. If he gets loose again, though, I’ll just toss him back in the tank till he gets bigger.

Someone emailed Tom last night saying they live in Gilbert, wanting to know if they could pick up the laptop if they win it. Tom told them they could. They’ll probably arrange to meet at Harrah’s if they win.

I could hear someone’s music from the north end of the house, but couldn’t tell where it was coming from. Probably the renters. There was someone home there, though there pretty much always is.

Now that I ate my way back up to 132, I’ll diet back down to 127. See, if I kept eating 2000 calories a day, I’d easily gain 100 pounds in a year!

Later…

Our ghost is getting antsy for us to leave, so not only did the place reek of death, but while I was listening to music, it began playing volume games. My stereo’s volume is set in 2-decibel increments. Well, I suddenly noticed a song got a little softer and saw it had dropped to 24 all by itself from 20. I bumped it back up to 20, and it magically went back down to 24 again. I don’t have to be an electronics expert to know it can’t do that on its own or on account of any mechanical problem.

Amazon Books emailed me saying that 2 of the 3 books I listed didn’t sell, so I threw them in the sell-it-or-leave-it pile we have in the living room.

Not surprisingly, I still haven’t received Haiku. I’m so beyond being fed up with this doll delivery curse that’s been on me ever since I started collecting, and I’m very, very seriously considering hanging it up. Tom says not to worry and that he’ll call Ricki Monday and that we’ll get either the doll or our money back, reminding me that it’s her responsibility to get her here.

I know it is, so then why is it that I’ve been the one having to fight for her for a month now? Why is it always up to me to email or call people to get them to do their damn jobs? I’m so fucking sick of having to correct other people’s mistakes and do their work for them! I wonder if I should even get the mannequin when the time comes. I mean, would they get it to me? I just don’t get why it’s such a big deal for people to put things in the mail and just mail them off!

Ricki took the money for it last night, so somebody fucked up somewhere be it her or UPS. The damn doll could be anywhere, and who knows if it’s traceable? Maybe she had the printing label done up on the 20th but didn’t ship the doll till today. I checked her email, and from what I read, she was talking about sending it on Friday the 20th, not this Friday. And I don’t like how she’s ignoring my email. All I know is that I’m not ordering any more dolls. I’ll get them in person or I won’t get them at all. I don’t want them with the mail games included in the price. Meanwhile, until the delivery curse hits other things, other things are what I’ll get, but not till we’re moved and settled.

The winner of Valentine still hasn’t sent us the cashier’s check for her, so come Monday, assuming nothing arrives tomorrow, Tom’s going to let her know that we’re not going to play mail games with her either and that the doll will go to the runner-up. I didn’t want this one to win in the first place because she had negative feedback. You’re not supposed to bid if you do, but people don’t know how to read. That’s why the camera is on its way to France.

So far we’re not doing so well this time around with our eBay listings. Perhaps that’s why we won the $15.

There is some good news in the midst of these doll headaches and that’s that both my supplies and Dalene are in Phoenix. I didn’t think there’d be a problem with Dalene. She’s plastic, after all. What sucks is that UPS doesn’t do Saturday deliveries, so she’ll have to sit there till Monday. The supplies, on the other hand, should be here tomorrow.

More good news is that the complete second season of Charlie’s Angels (with Cheryl Ladd and not Farrah) is due out in April! I was hoping it would be, and I’m also hoping that eventually, all the episodes with Kate will be out. I’d much rather buy them than play hit or miss with a DVD recorder once we get one. I’m glad I wasn’t Kate’s co-star. What torture it would’ve been if I couldn’t have had her! It’s too bad Jaclyn Smith isn’t my favorite angel. She was the only one who remained on the series throughout its 5-year run. I’d be surprised if they put out any DVDs after Kate left the show and Shelly Hack and Tanya Roberts hit the scene as its ratings plummeted from there. Anyway, this set will make a total of 49 episodes, and I believe she was in about 87, so I’ll be a little over halfway there. I made Tom watch some with me earlier and I told him I’d watch some of his favorites with him if he wants.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 26, 2004 Haiku’s tracking site never updated, yet because they never changed the delivery date listed, I’m still hoping she’ll be here today. Tom said it’d make them look really stupid if there was a delay and they didn’t update the delivery date, but people are too stupid to care just how stupid they look, so I’ll just hope for the best. All I know is that I’m getting really sick and tired of fighting for porcelain dolls. A person shouldn’t have to work to get dolls delivered to their door once they’ve been paid for. This is supposed to be the shipper’s responsibility. I shouldn’t have to call this person and email that person asking where the damn thing is, yet tomorrow, for the last time, I’ll call Ricki if I don’t get her today. If it turns out for some reason that she still has her, I’m going to tell her to keep her and refund my money. I’m not going to fight for a doll I’m not meant to have. I hate to have to deprive myself of any more porcelain dolls, but if Haiku doesn’t arrive today, I’m going to order all vinyls. For some reason, they don’t seem to have a problem getting to me. Not yet anyway. I might do Ashton, but I’ll have to do without Alexa, Sweet 16 Bailey, and dolls like that if there’s always going to be a problem getting them.

Tom says another possibility is that Ricki screwed up the shipping label and so they redid it with a different tracking number, and since you can’t trace packages by name, I can’t know this for sure.

Another thing that’s strange is that Ricki never took the rest of the money for her, but Tom says that may be simply because she’s waiting on delivery confirmation.

This will be it as far as Maricopa purchases go. We may be here another couple of months, but still, we don’t want anything cutting it too close.

There’s this gorgeous 40-acre parcel of land in northern Nevada that’s way remote. It gave me good vibes just from seeing shots of it on the computer screen. It might be good to make myself wrong about the White Mountains and get out of Arizona altogether. In Nevada, we can do internet gambling and I can get fruit trees shipped there if I want them. Plus, they don’t tend to play favoritism when it comes to non-whites, and I doubt they hate Jews and gays as much and have such ridiculous laws.

The good thing is that Bob sent me a tracking number and when I traced my package, I found that FedEx does Saturday deliveries, unlike UPS. They’re cheaper too, so as long as they can find us without always having to be led in by the hand, I just may like them better. Their tracking site is easier to navigate as well.

Last night Tom listed an old laptop and a horseracing game. The computer’s already up to $16 and he hopes to get a lot more than that come Sunday. Of my stuff, the hat’s got a bid on it.

I totally love my new Little Guy. Usually, it takes days to really bond with a new pet, yet if anything happened to him right now I’m sure I’d go to tears. He likes us better than the other rats, though today I saw him playing with one of them for the first time. I think he’ll like being in a huge wire cage with roommates better than being all alone in a small glass tank. Besides, he eats well here. I’m sure the store doesn’t give him the variety of food he gets here.

Although Little Fella’s still hanging in there, I don’t think I can keep him going much longer. He’s just too old. I’d be awfully surprised if he made it out of here with us.

We have this game we play where I walk up to the cage and he jumps up to the roof for me to open it and take him out. I think he’d literally jump up into my arms if he could! He loves to be held. Most rats tend to be fidgety in a person’s arms, even if they feel comfortable with them because they’re such animated creatures. This one’s got just as much spunk as any other young rat, yet he often parks himself either on my shoulder or under my ponytail at the nape of my neck and just sits there for a while.

Later…

Sure enough, Haiku never came, so I went and emailed Ricki and once again we’re playing the where-is-it? game. I’ve already deleted the names of other dolls from my list that I was going to get from her once we got moved and settled. They’re just not worth fighting for. Meanwhile, I hope I get the $27 she already took for it if no one’s going to deliver it to me.

I also think it was dumb of me to order from them just because they’re cheap. Discount prices usually mean discount service.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 2004 Tom’s painting right now so I thought I’d write.

Little Guy is such a sweetie. He sure is quick and nimble, too. He’s very calm, yet full of spunk. He loves to be handled and he jumps up at me when I walk by the cage.

I sculpted a mini stick burner last night, then colored it with permanent markers that won’t wash off. It’s the best burner yet if I do say so myself. The problem with most ash catchers is that they don’t have a dip in the center that’s long enough to catch all the ashes, so the ashes from the top of the stick tend to roll off. I also made the part that curves upward where you insert the stick stand up straighter so that the stick sticks pretty much straight out and closer to where the ashes fall. That way they won’t bounce off the edges. It’s a very sturdy and sure ash catcher.

I hope that the fact that I haven’t gotten a shipment notice from Bob doesn’t mean that the first order hasn’t been shipped yet. They’ve never taken longer than two weeks before, so maybe, just maybe, it’ll get delivered today. I don’t sense it, though.

Dalene went from Palatine, IL to Hodgkins, IL, then she departed from there at 7:00 this morning.

We all struggle in life and I know there’s no way around it, but God needs to ease up on us. He really does. Our struggles have been way too extreme. I mean, how often do people get thrown in jail for something they shouldn’t be thrown in jail for? And how often do people lose their house? I could keep going back in time and adding more extremities to the list, but I won’t. I just wish God would give us a break and give us more ordinary struggles to deal with. I’m also sick of the one thing after another bullshit. I wasn’t even done with the freeloaders and off probation much more than a month before Tom got shit on and fired. And this transition is taking forever! We know we lost the house, we’ve known it for months now (especially me), so it’s like, can we just quit with the delays and get on with it already? It’s like, just let us get moved even if it’s to a dump of a house or even an RV! I just want to get moved and stay there for at least 15 years if not forever. And I’d like a few months in between problems, too. Problems that are a little less off the wall.

Anyway, I still sense we’re going to the White Mountains and I still sense the $135,000, but I’m no longer sure of April with the way we had to stop and play form. A delay like this could bump it up a month or even two, but I guess I still sense we’ll be out of here in April. It just might be late April.

Later…

No wonder I didn’t sense a delivery today. Bob emailed me just now saying it’s going out today.

Anyway, I did some Barbie research and found that even the people selling the blue fairy on eBay say it’s very hard to find, so I ordered one for $16.99 + free shipping from New Jersey. Why that one’s so obsolete beats me, but it doesn’t seem that Walmart or K-Mart are going to carry it anytime soon.

Counting all the Barbies I’ve kept, along with friends of hers, I’ll have a total of 29 once the blue fairy arrives.

Still no update on Haiku, yet it still says she’s on for tomorrow’s delivery. Tom said he once tracked a package that didn’t update until the evening before the day it arrived. I’m going to be getting rather worried if there’s no update this evening. Why is it always the porcelain dolls that are so hard to get? I don’t have nearly the trouble I have with them when it comes to getting vinyl dolls.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 24, 2004 We listed more items a little while ago, but by the time we got done with the 6 items I wanted to list, he was too tired to list his things, so he’ll list them Thursday and do 3-day listings. My stuff will end on Sunday evening just like last time. I’ve got the Autumn and Meagan dolls listed, 2 flags, a desk lamp, the revolving party light, and a sequined baseball cap. Tom had to edit it because he wrote sequenced instead of sequined.

I woke up miserably tired yesterday so I decided again to say to hell with my schedule for now while there’s nothing much going on. If I’m on nights when the house is on the market; they call before stopping by, so he can get me up when we get called. Last night I slept the 12 hours I knew I needed to sleep and didn’t get up till just before noon.

Although yesterday started off with me being tired, it was still a good day. We mailed Alex and Eve off to New York first. I believe they’re going to a store owner who’s going to resell them. Today Tom mailed the camera to France, and we haven’t yet received the cashier’s check from Michigan, so Valentine hasn’t been shipped yet. I think she’ll be going to a collector.

We zipped over to Casa Grande from the PO and checked out a few craft shops, but they didn’t have what I wanted, so we went to both Walmart and K-Mart. Walmart had a few figurines to paint, but I wasn’t impressed with them, so I got glitter paint and sculpting clay instead.

At K-Mart, I got the pregnant Midge doll who wears heels so high that I’m sure no pregnant woman would ever wear. Not that high anyway. You probably wouldn’t have your hair so long if you were pregnant either, and of course, her stomach gets perfectly flat when you remove the “womb” which isn’t very realistic. After childbirth, you have too much stretched-out flesh to get your stomach all that flat. Even I know that without ever having a kid, though a few women come close every now and then. Still, it’s a cute doll and adds variety to my collection. I even decided that since I’m getting to be more and more of a Barbie collector, I’d make a chart like my porcelain and fashion doll chart, and so I did. It took quite a while to create as I had to sift through journals to find out when I got who.

Because of all the controversy over the pregnant Midge doll, she’s starting to be pulled off the shelves. Tom said he heard the controversy was over people not wanting anything sexual related to a child’s toy which makes no sense. If this is really the case, then no dolls of any kind should exist as we all got here by sex. I heard it was over sending a message saying that family is the only suitable lifestyle. Either way, it’s true that they preach certain lifestyles too much, suggesting other ones aren’t good. It’s okay to have family this and career that but what about being single? How about being gay? And why not be single with kids? I think it’s horrible how in today’s world a pregnant woman is as scoffed at as a working woman of the 60s was. Everyone’s an individual, and as long as they’re not harming others they should be able to live their lives as they see fit and everyone else should stay out of it and mind their own damn business.

Our last stop was at Pick-A-Pet. We wanted to get a younger rat for Baldilocks to play with and so we did. He’s a cutie. I liked him right away and he seemed to do the same with me. He’s of a solid color which isn’t quite white nor is it tan. It’s like a soft cream color. Since we’ve had Little Buddy and Little Fella, I’m calling this one Little Guy. They had him alone in the store for a couple of weeks to be segregated from the rowdier rats. When the girl there picked him up, he seemed eager to be handled and didn’t run and cower in the corner of his small glass cage (we could tell he’d never climbed a wire cage before when we got him home).

The girl there also told us of these people who not only let their rats run around loose, but they sleep with them, too! I don’t see how even the heaviest of sleepers could do that. If they sleep at night, that’s when the rats are most active.

Once we got him home he was a little intimidated by the others but is getting used to them. He’s capable of escaping if he really wants to, but he hasn’t. However, he sure does love to explore when I let them out. Tom and I play with them together at times and I was amazed at how far he ventured away from home. Normally they start out little by little, getting further away with time. Unlike his roommates, he just may end up crossing the kitchen.

Anyway, it had stormed before we left. Then, right after we got back in it poured like hell, partially filling the washes.

I surprised myself by sculpting a rat and in no time at all, too! Then I baked him up firm and painted him with the 6 different colors I got of the glitter paint. Not a bad first try. I always had the feeling I could sculpt, though I don’t expect to take it that seriously and be sculpting dolls. I don’t care to do it bad enough to get that good. I’d rather concentrate on other things like painting/selling figurines. Since we can’t find a good selection in person, we’ll probably order concrete/cement/plaster molds from an eBay store with the sale money from this latest listing. There are some flowers, mermaids, angels, rabbits and Indians I like.

Haiku’s tracking never updated, but neither did her delivery date, so I’m going to assume she’s somewhere in Texas right now, will hit Phoenix tomorrow, then here the next day. Can’t wait!

Meanwhile, Dalene’s getting ready to leave Illinois and will be here Monday, March 1st!

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 22, 2004 Yesterday was a lot of fun! Yes, life really does improve with age. We talked, laughed and joked along the way about all kinds of things. Despite Tom’s faults, and we all have them, there’s definitely no one else like him in the world. Guess I wouldn’t be coming up on a decade of marriage if there was.

We were talking about what we’d do if we were suddenly the only people in the world. I’d want to live on the beach in California. We’d both want to raid the stores worse than the blacks did when they had to carry on like spoiled little children over the Rodney King verdict (though I always agreed those white pigs were guilty). Tom pointed out that it’d be hard not to be tempted to do things that were dangerous, like flying big jets. That would be tempting, alright.

Anyway, we headed out at 9:30 in search of yard sales. As I told Tom would be the case, there were very few because we were looking for them. It’s when you’re not looking that you find these things. We did make several stops, though, and we got a lot for our money. There were only two yard sales. The first stop was at a church rummage sale. I was kind of glad not to find anything there of interest as I didn’t exactly like the idea of our money going to a church.

We drove through the area closer to the mountain that’s gorgeous with tons of saguaros and that was also too expensive for us. I was bummed to have gotten such dull land, but now I’m glad we did or else that’d be two things that’d be hard to give up. Giving up the house will be hard enough.

Once we felt we’d gone far enough and decided to turn back, we passed a scummy-looking cock trying to hitch a ride. I told Tom he should’ve teased the sucker and turned around right after we passed him, making him think we were stopping to pick him up. He laughed at that one.

Then we were nearly run off the road by some cock who passed us on a single-lane road. Right as we turned onto a double-lane road and I told Tom to run and jump on top of him and tailgate the sucker and that there were no pigs around, one passed us heading the opposite way. Fortunately, though, the pig didn’t stop and turn around to chase us because we were 6-7 miles overboard. Meanwhile, Tom scared the cock off, cuz pig around or not, he went flying down the road like the devil was chasing him. It was pretty funny.

We discussed the possibility of having a street name at the new place, and Tom said that although he thinks we will, maybe we’ll get to name it. That’s when I said, “How about Don’t Fuck with Me Lane?”

He said, “That’s something you’d name it, alright. I like Incense Lane.”

I said, “Yeah, or Angel Lane since Angel is my favorite fragrance and a nice name as well.”

After we stopped at the Stanfield Circle K, we zipped across the street to another yard sale, but found nothing there, either. They just had one Barbie in which one of the women there was bragging about it being from the 60s which was precisely why I didn’t want it. I’m a modern doll collector.

The next stop was at a gift shop in Casa Grande. They had a lot of cute knickknacks, but nothing that really jumped out at me, so then we went to Eckard’s drugstore where I found an adorable figurine. Actually, it’s pretty big compared to most, so I’d say it’s more like a statuette. It was unfinished with just a coat of flesh tone as it was meant to be an outdoor decoration. It’s a little girl with ponytails kneeling on the ground, legs tucked under her, holding a bubble. The plastic bubble really looks just like a bubble, too. There’s a wicker basket by her side, too. I knew right away I didn’t want to throw her outside with the dogs and for the birds to poop on her, so I picked up kid’s washable paints at K-Mart and a set of brushes. I named her Katrina after a character in my current best seller, so to speak. I painted her hair yellow-blond, the bows in her hair purple, and her dress pink with blue and green accents. I did her nails in pink and her eyes blue. Doing the eyes and eyelashes was the hardest. I did orange dots for earrings and made the basket blue with orange around the top. The basket would be good for flowers, coins and other little things. Right now I have a few packs of gum in it. She’s on brown dirt with clumps of green grass. I wish the brown was lighter, but the paint kit came with all darker browns. She was definitely worth the $13, plus the few bucks the paints and brushes cost. She’s a good size and would be 16” high if she could stand.

This brought us to another possible selling idea. Since it’s only $10 a month to open an eBay store, we might add painted figurines that I paint to sell along with the incense. It’s fun to do, and tomorrow we’re going to check out some craft stores in Casa Grande. Maybe we’ll get some molds.

Because of the new Walmart, K-Mart was near dead. We had to wait forever at the register, though. The only other things I got there were a set of 7 scented shower gels and a silver glitter barrette to replace the purple glitter barrette I just lost that I’d had for a million years. Must’ve had it since I was somewhere between 15-20.

The only other stop we made was at a dollar store. I don’t know why they say they’re a dollar store when half the things in it are more than a dollar. For $2, I got a thick bushel of long brown hair attached to a hair clip. This way if I want to go long without having the hassles of having to wash and brush it till my own hair gets long again, I can use this. It’s similar to the one I had back east that was on a banana clip. A few more gray hairs, though, and it won’t look right.

Yesterday was Lin S’ birthday yet Memolink didn’t give her the 50 points they gave Jodi, so they must either know who Lin S really is or quit giving out birthday points.

I ordered 23 100-packs a little while ago. I’ll be looking forward to that, along with the dolls and supplies.

Today we’re doing the usual Sunday things �� laundry, trash burning, and Tom’s edging in the bathroom. I draped an old sheet over the rat’s cage just in case it was the paint fumes that made LF ill.

Later…

The 4 items we sold tonight did pretty well. I paid a total of $80 for the 3 dolls I sold and made back a little more than half of that, not counting shipping. Alex and Eve sold to the same person in New York for $14.55 and $21.50, Valentine sold to someone in Michigan for $5.50, and his camera sold to some idiot in France for $8. He’ll have to let the stupid shit know that we specifically said we’d only ship within the US and that if they really want the damn thing, they’ll have to foot the postage.

He got an email while he was out burning from someone in Australia asking if they could bid on one of the dolls, but by the time he got around to checking his mail, the auction had ended.

He says he’s willing to be flexible if they’ll pay the postage, but I’m like, as flexible as France? I don’t know if that’s worth the time and trouble.

Next week I’ll be listing 12” Autumn and 16” Meagan, but not 22” Amelia. She’d be too much shipping, so I’ll either yard sale her or keep her. Whatever’s meant to be. I’m also going to list those 2 lamps and 2 flags. He’ll have half a dozen things to list, too. Oh, and we’re going to relist 5 of the 6 plates as well. We want to research one of them further as it could be worth a lot of money.

Anyway, for the first time in ages, I feel like I’m working at something I enjoy, and for once, for once, I’m getting paid for my work, so that’s nice. Doing things for nothing is okay every so often, but when that becomes all you do for so many years, you start wishing you could get a little something for all your time and effort.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 20, 2004 That’s 3 days in a row they boomed by, so I’m glad I decided to stay on days. I let myself sleep in till 9:00 yesterday to get the 10 hours of sleep I knew I needed. Today, though, I got up at 8:00 and tomorrow I’ll get up at 7:00. That’ll give me a couple of hours to wake up before we go scout out the local yard sales to see if we can find anything good to sell on eBay. I can’t wait! I’m totally looking forward to it. Maybe I’ll find something good for me, too. This selling frenzy we’ve been on is fun!

When I got up this morning I was afraid I’d get no email pertaining to Haiku and an email saying that Dalene, who we finally got around to ordering last night, was out of stock. However, there’s a pending transaction to take the money for Dalene, and UPS sent me the tracking number for Haiku! Finally, she’s on her way! She and Dalene are both coming via UPS and may arrive on the same day.

Alex has 5 bids and is up to $8, Eve has 5 bids and is up to $10.06, and Valentine has 4 bids and is up to $5.50.

I got a letter from Mary. She’s been doing well. She mentioned the doll pictures I sent, but not my stories. I hope she got them and just forgot to mention it.

She said she hasn’t felt like working on the book, though she did enclose a letter for Maria for me to translate which I had fun doing.

Another month and she’ll have been there a whole year. By now she must’ve had to put up with a million cell changes and other changes as well as new rules. Nothing ever seems to stay the same for long in jail, prison or on probation.

It’s still looking like we’ll end up in the White Mountain area and we’ll probably leave here in an RV or trailer of some kind and then buy the land, rather than buy it first. We want to scout it out and for me to use my vibes to focus in on if there’s any evil lurking about a particular piece of land or not.

Her cousins are sending her money which is good, since she’s so disgusted with Carolyn, not that I can blame her. If I’ve said it once, I’ll say it a thousand times – the best thing she could do would be to walk away from her family forever. Maybe even Adam if he’s still associating with her mom as he may try to pressure her into contacting her. Sometimes we really gotta wipe the slate clean like that, but most importantly, she’d be ridding herself of people who have used and abused her in just about every way possible. No one can make her walk away from her family, particularly her mother, Carolyn, Rick and Derek, but I can’t stress enough just how much better off I think she’d be. Take it from someone who put up with 31 years of abuse from her parents, aunts, uncles, brother and sister, I told her, then finally mustered up the courage and self-respect it took to pull back and see them for the people they really truly are. Once she does that and once she asks herself if they’re her type, she can be rid of them and move on. I understand she’s young and it’s a difficult thing to do at her age. When people told me I shouldn’t have anything to do with people like my family who could do the things they’ve done to me when I was younger, I just couldn’t imagine having the strength to let go. After all, our family is all we’ve known and so it’s not an easy thing to do when we’re young. It wouldn’t surprise me in the least if she did end up cutting them off in the future and wished she’d done so years ago. It takes guts, and the more she sees her family for what they are, and the more she grows and gets stronger, the easier it will be to let go of the bad and move on to the good. I told her not to let anyone try to tell her that dumping her family is cold. They wouldn’t be so quick to say that if it was a lover that was abusive, would they? People put too much stock in biology, but as far as I’m concerned, biology is no excuse for even a fraction of the things her family’s done to her, nor what mine have done to me.

I don’t understand why her case is taking so long. Why don’t they just get the trial over, give Monster his sentence, give her hers, then move on? I mean, what’s the big deal? Why the multi-year holdup? Those snipers who shot up a zillion people a year or two ago are already tried/convicted.

Come to think of it, I wonder if the February “win” vibes were really all about the swap meet and eBay, and perhaps I just assumed they were about tickets cuz I didn’t know we’d be doing that for sure this month.

Anyway, we don’t know yet how we’re going, where we’re going, and what we’re going to live in till the house is built. We may live in an old single-wide or an RV. We may sell the car and go up in either a U-Haul or a trailer that we’ll pull the truck with, or get rid of so much stuff that we can fit it all in just the car and truck, though I doubt that one.

I wonder if people let their dogs run loose in the White Mountains as well. It wouldn’t surprise me if they did. It just doesn’t seem customary for Arizonans to take their dogs indoors unless they’re Miss Perfect.

I just made myself up a bundle of butter rum incense. It felt so good to be able to do that too, and just make my own!

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 18, 2004 No Mary mail today. I’m still waiting to hear her review of my books, but she doesn’t usually write unless she has drafts to enclose, which means she probably hasn’t been in the mood to do drafts. I know now that her aunt does have my number, so if something were wrong, really wrong, I’d get a call. Or, as I should put it, a message, since I don’t usually answer my phone. I don’t always hear it ringing either, depending on where I am and what I’m doing.

In the midst of the happy, productive feeling I’ve had what with working and getting paid for my work, there is some sorrow mixed in, for my Little Fella’s dying. Since he doesn’t appear to be suffering, I’m trying to put spells on him to prolong his life for as long as possible. If he were suffering, I wouldn’t do it. That’d be selfish and cruel.

Tom listed an old camera he has from the late 30s and I listed Valentine. Later he’ll go through the sheds to see what old junk he has in there he can sell.

I told him getting tickets is a waste of time because of all the selling we’ve been doing. Because of that, we’re going to be compensated with losing tickets, I told him, but he’s been getting them anyway cuz it’s fun for him.

I told him to beware of a tire blowing on one of the vehicles. Sure enough, he said one on the car started leaking.

Later…

Little Fella’s still hanging in there, and the spell I put on Tom to protect him from spiders and scorpions so he could safely rummage through the sheds seemed to work well. He always runs into them in the sheds.

I’ve been having a blast running around the house looking for things to sell while we’re on this successful selling streak. All things we don’t want, naturally. When the shipment of supplies arrives, we’ll probably put together a variety pack of sorts, both with and without burners, to sell on eBay, too. They sell tons of incense on eBay, though, so I don’t know for sure if we’ll do this. It seems you can sell just about anything on eBay.

Since Valentine also got a bid, I think maybe next Tuesday I’ll list Amelia, Autumn and Meagan. Tuesdays are good for beginning 5-day listings. As we’ve learned, prime time on eBay is in the evenings, especially on weekends so we want our auctions to end then. I’ll also try selling the two remaining flags I have, a cap decorated with sequins, the crystal lamp and the revolving disco light.

I don’t know if it means anything, but it hit me that we may not be punished for moving in the way we were for moving here because of how we’re being forced out. We were forced out of Phoenix too, but not in the way we’re being forced out of here. Where we end up, though, could be a punishment in itself, so we’ll just have to wait and see. All I know is that something wanted Tom out of the bank and us out of this house. Somewhere within the next 45-90 days, we should know why.

Later…

Oh no, I won’t be letting my schedule go. Not with the thunderous booms I just heard. I hate feeling controlled like this! Sleep is one department I haven’t been able to lift the curse from, but because I don’t have to get up 5 days a week in order to make a living, I doubt I ever will. I figured it was something up there’s way of compensating me with the fact that I don’t have to work. Still, I wish people would leave my fucking sleep alone. If it isn’t neighbors waking me up, it’s something else.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 17, 2004 It seems we’ve traded in booms for shots. Yeah, they’re shooting up a storm out there. I don’t know why, but they’re shooting every day from sunrise to sunset like last year.

He started my Imprisoned Love story yesterday and said he didn’t like the start of it, saying it seemed too busy and almost like I was in a hurry to get through it. Yeah, there’s a lot of action crammed into not so many pages.

Meanwhile, the story I’m working on now may end up taking forever. Especially if I’m unable to work on it for a while.

I’m surprised and pleased to report that both dolls have bids on them. Eve’s had 27 views and Alex has had 24. Maybe the sell curse is off! With their sale money, I’ll probably buy some more dipped 100-packs. It’d take 23 scents to cover the $50 minimum, so I think I’ll get baby powder, black Henry, black magic, black narcissus, booty call, butt naked, bump & grind, cedar, fast cash, hot love, jasmine, magnolia, majmua, morning mist, patchouli, puddy cat, strawberry musk, strawberry vanilla, sun moon stars, sweet musk, vanilla melon, white diamonds & white linen.

We’ve been discussing the various alternatives as far as what to do until we’re in the house. We may even rent an RV instead of getting a cheap old single-wide. That way we won’t have to play hotel while we’re waiting for the dump to be set up. The septic in particular can cause enough of a delay. Or maybe we’ll rent a drivable moving van. For just a little over $200, we found that we could get a drivable van that’ll hold furniture from a 4-bedroom house, and use it to pull the truck. We’d then sell the car and the old green truck.

However we’re going, wherever we’re going, I just want to get it over with!

We agree that it’d be best to build the house in modules. Why wait till it’s all complete when we can start with a bedroom and a bathroom and use it right away?

I hope Haiku gets shipped out this week without any more delays! I think that if there are any more problems I’m going to tell her to forget it and to refund the part of the money she’s already taken.

Later…

We’re really turning the tables as far as our luck and old curses go! Not only was I astonished to get a check from Netflip for the $23.90 they owed me, but also, Eve’s now up to $10.06. Still down to $1.25 on Alex, but she’s black, so that’s probably why.

Tonight I plan to list the 14” Valentine fairy on a 5-day listing, starting at a buck. Porcelains aren’t in demand like vinyl is, so I don’t know if she’ll sell. If she doesn’t, I’ll try to sell her at the tag sale. If that doesn’t work, then I guess she was meant to stay with me as I won’t be leaving her behind in the house.

He worked on the bathroom while I worked on the retreat earlier. I got almost half of it done.

Calling a realtor tomorrow as we planned is going to be delayed a week or two. Tom sent the bank a letter a week ago telling them that we plan to sell. He then planned to give it till today to see if he heard back from them about it, saying he had to go through certain procedures. Sure enough, there’s this form they want him to fill out before it can be listed. In the meantime, I’ll probably let my schedule go for a while.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 16, 2004 Today we’re painting and getting the house presentable for the realtor who he’s going to call in two days. I’m not just worried that the realtor and or potential buyers will try to fuck us over because there are evil, greedy people everywhere and because we’re cursed with that, but I worry about Tom’s Mr. Nice Guy appearance/attitude. I really believe that’s part of why so many people have taken advantage of him. He doesn’t need to be a monster, but if I were seeking someone to screw over, just a few minutes of talking with him and I’d get the impression big time that I could walk all over him and that he wouldn’t fight back. So hopefully he won’t come off as too nice this time around. Better to be a bitch and scare people off than to be so nice that you end up being a magnet for trouble.

The 16” vinyl Alex and Eve dolls were listed last night at a buck with no reserve. Tom thinks they’ll sell, but I have my doubts. Anyway, we’ll find out next Sunday. They’ve had 10 views so far.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 15, 2004 Oh, those damn freeloaders and the headaches they put us through! And damn the colorblind idiots who call this paint soft pink when it’s really a cross between off-white and light peach. It’s a lovely color - don’t get me wrong - it’s just that it’s going to take two coats to cover the blue tulip design in the bathroom, and that room’s no doubt going to be hard enough on Tom with all he has to paint around. He even has to paint around the mirror because the damn thing’s glued on because they couldn’t line the screws up with the studs. He says it’ll be easy enough to scrape off any paint he gets on it, though, once it’s dry.

I’m going to be doing most of the retreat myself, but now that we know the pink doesn’t cover well because of how light it is, it’ll be done in blue.

Wednesday’s the day he decided to call the realtor. Tomorrow, President’s Day, I’ll do a basic cleaning to have it presentable for showing. I’ll keep it clean enough on the surface till it’s sold, then I won’t worry about it afterward. If I could survive all the cleaning I had to do when we moved in here, I’m sure the newcomers can handle putting forth a little elbow grease of their own. It’s not like it’ll be trashed, though. Actually, it’ll be cleaner than most people would leave it. I can just imagine the condition someone like Miss Perfect would leave her house in if she sold it, not that she ever would.

I’m sunburned and drained today, but won’t let myself take a nap as that’d foul up my schedule. It’s now at the point where I’ll need to be on a schedule till we’re settled in Dan’s dive. Tom thinks that’ll be 8 weeks from now, but I know that things usually take longer than expected, so I’m considering it to be 12-16.

I’m going to try to muster up the energy to work on my story since I may have to be without my computer for a couple of months or more. Hand-writing journals is one thing, but hand-writing stories is the worst way to go, I think, because of all the changes you make along the way. Therefore, I’d recommend those with computers who like to write stories use that. Even a typewriter hardly seems suitable to me. I was shocked when Mary told me that Stephen King supposedly hand-writes his stories before he types them up. I can’t imagine why anyone would want to do that.

I’m not going to worry about my weight till we’re settled in the new place. Then I’ll decide whether or not to try to maintain it or allow myself to gain whatever, since losing isn’t really an option. When we were at the swap meet I looked around at all the people and thought, no wonder they say the average American is overweight. Very few were thin, and of course, most who were thin were mostly under 30.

We opted not to return to the swap meet today because of our sunburns and because we figured the same people would be there since it’s such a small town.

Tom thinks the buyers will want a home inspection done here as well, and I was like, on a 4-year-old house? But he says it’s not just to see that the house is structurally sound, but to get a warranty, and that basically everyone has it done.

I wasn’t going to do this, figuring that it’s not the buyer’s fault that someone had to fuck us over and cause us to lose the house, even if we are ready to go, but they’re still invaders as far as I’m concerned, that’ll be living in my house. Therefore a curse is in order. I shall hex the people’s lives who move in here. Again, I know it’s not their fault, but hey, lots of things happen to us that we didn’t ask for. I shall damn them with illness, depression, and financial woes.

I asked Tom and he assured me we can’t lose the house once it’s built because we’ll own it outright. Therefore, no one could possibly have a hold on it in any way or start a chain reaction that ultimately causes us to end up losing it. This was comforting to know because if there’s one thing in life I’ve learned it’s that if there’s a way for people to control your fate, they will. They may not always have those exact intentions and they may be affecting it in an indirect kind of way, but still, if they can seal your fate in the slightest of ways, they will. This doesn’t mean we’re totally exempt from someone burning it down, but I think that’s a lot less unlikely as opposed to other events that could cause us to lose it.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 14, 2004 After 5 hours at the swap meet, we did astonishingly well. We made $185! Just the old Nintendo alone was $40 and we sold half of the CDs so that was like $75 more right there. One guy, like me, was a huge Linda Ronstadt fan and bought 8 CDs, all of her. One woman bought about 25 CDs. Her daughter kept saying, “Ok, that’s enough, that’s enough,” and I was like – will you shut up!

They surprised us with what they bought and didn’t buy. We didn’t expect things like the Barbies, CD cleaner, kites, and thermal cups to sell. We were surprised the lamps didn’t go, along with the boom box. Tom was right in predicting that the old sewing machine would sell, though, and that the two porcelain dolls wouldn’t.

Half the people spoke Spanish and there were these guys who knew no English that asked me if the old TV was cable-ready. When I told them it wasn’t, they were no longer interested, making me wonder if perhaps I should’ve played dumb to their Spanish. Tom says they wouldn’t have gotten it anyway.

Most people’s merchandise, from what I could see, was clothes and jewelry. I got a beautiful bracelet for $2 from the same lady I bought the wind chimes from. It has a cluster of pink glass stones in the center of it and clear glass stones on the side. It’d make a good doll choker as well.

I also got a gorgeous shiny shirt that has these sequin-like things on it for $5, but I’m going to either put it on the mannequin whenever I get around to getting one which should be this year or use it to make clothes for the fashion dolls. Maybe I’ll send it to Ricki to make a dress for that Chari doll. Then again, I doubt I’ll do that as I don’t know if there’d be enough material to make something for 23” Chari.

We sold all but one of the 5 quilts we had, a hand vacuum, one of the coffeemakers, coffee filters, a mirror, a stuffed rabbit, a jewelry box, some duffel bags, some knickknacks, the little palm plant, plus a purple and yellow flower arrangement, and what else? I wish I’d taken notes on what we sold, as well as bags for people to put stuff in so we wouldn’t have to give up one of the boxes that would’ve been good for moving.

They came at us the instant we got there, barely giving us time to set up. I had to keep my eye on the table while he kept his eye on the truck, which became a table as well since we ran out of room on the 3 tables we took.

A few women bought quite a bit, but they became obnoxious after a while because they were distracting and getting in the way of other customers.

All the old plates sold, and I think a couple of glasses did, too. I was surprised the really nice cut glasses didn’t sell. We did sell candle holders, candy dishes and little things like that. The most shocking thing to sell was Giselle’s head. Another vendor bought it and put it on his display table. Same with a small clock he got from the bank. The guy next to us got it, but it never sold and he packed it in right before we did. I was surprised none of the cat and dog mugs sold, but they did get some pots, all 3 drawing books, the English/Spanish dictionary, a purple puff scrubber with a handle on it, an old cactus pitcher, and some old silverware. They also got the 3-tier candle that gave off soot. Only one bag of incense sold and that was the brown sugar. I agree with Tom that we probably would’ve sold more had we had burners and maybe even one burning.

One of the women was telling another woman, “Hey, I saw your son in court the other day.” My first thought was that she worked for the courts, but nope. She got in trouble herself for writing bad checks.

The kids didn’t get too obnoxious, though there were a couple of kids running around screaming for a while next to us.

The weather was perfect. A little chilly to start with, but the winds were calm. We both got sunburns on our faces. We forgot to put sunscreen on before we left.

It only costs $2 to set up. The swap meet is held in a huge lot by a convenience store with a fast-food restaurant next to it. I used their bathroom once and got us some soda and munchies.

I had to stop saying things were a “quarter” when someone would pick up a 25¢ item, and tell them it was “25¢” instead because they couldn’t understand my Eastern accent.

Some people had some weird stuff there, like an old parking meter. And I thought a mannequin for decoration was rather eccentric!

With the money from our surprisingly wonderful sales, I’m getting Dalene (finally) and he’s getting a jewelry-making kit. We have tons of pieces of turquoise that his mom gave us years ago. We just might be able to generate a few grand from that alone. Besides, jewelry might be a good thing to sell anyway simply because everybody loves and wants it.

I won’t be as hard-pressed for a home business once we get out of the huge house payments, but it’d still be nice so that Tom could work for us and not for someone else, and not have to worry about write-ups, firings or layoffs.

Anyway, we’re both very happy that we did so well.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 13, 2004 I forgot to mention that the other day I received mail inviting me to a convention in Washington DC to receive a silver bowl with my name on it for outstanding amateur photography of 2004. However, even if we had the money to make the trip, Washington DC is not an appealing place to go and I don’t need a bowl. We were laughing at how they said they’d want me to give a speech on how I came to take the picture. I can just imagine that! I’d be like, “Well, I complained against the people with the wrong connections that were the wrong color which ultimately led to me being framed and thrown in jail. Then, when I got out of jail, part of the probation required community service, which was in my case, scrubbing labels off of old wine bottles, so that’s how Little Buddy came to be Hiding Amongst the Bottles.”

Little Fella’s been pretty funny ever since I moved his cage to the opposite wall so it’d be out of the way of the area we painted. After he was out running around for a while he’d run to the corner his cage has always been in looking for his house. Today he searched and searched, then decided to just plop himself down in the corner anyway. We dragged the cage back over, and sure enough, he hopped right on in it.

I’ve been calling the other one Baldilocks. His poodle-like fur is really thin.

We’re done painting in the living room and in my office. We decided not to add clouds to the office wall because it really doesn’t look all that great. I think this sponge would be better for making colorful splotches, but I’m not going to work that hard and spend that much money so someone else can live with it.

The window’s also been replaced, so that leaves just the bathroom and retreat to paint, plus tidying up outside a bit more. We’ll probably also take the wet vac and vacuum the sand out of the toilet tanks.

I was right and Tom was wrong. Coming to the end of week two, it’s still obvious I’m not going under 127. However, with my amount of muscle, age and height, 127 is an ok weight. I’m going to stick to the hourly workouts, but I’m going to bump my calories up to 1500 a day.

I’m afraid my February ticket vibes were nothing but false vibes. Especially since one of the Circle K stores isn’t selling Slingo tickets anymore.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 12, 2004 If I wasn’t convinced before that there’s a doll curse on me and that something likes to tease me with getting dolls, then I’d certainly be by now! I mean, I don’t fucking believe this shit! Now Ricki, who says she needs to kick herself in the rear, is saying the damn doll won’t be shipped till next Friday because she broke a hand and had to replace it. Why can’t I ever just order a doll and get it???

My first thought was that I wouldn’t get any more dolls from her, but no matter where I go, there’ll always be problems so I may as well get them from the cheapest place as long as they do a good job.

I got back in with Memolink as Lin S, but Tom still doesn’t think I’ll get anything from them. He’s now convinced they’re scammers. He thinks that site was deliberately rigged not to go away so they could use those who wracked points up as an excuse to get rid of them so that they’d have fewer people to give prizes to. We’ll find out sooner or later. They probably are scammers because as it is, I know I’ll never get the $15 certificate I ordered before they canned me, though I’ll still play along for now. Another reason why I won’t get it is this thing that doesn’t want me making money.

Speaking of money, I had a vibe saying we’d sell $67 worth of stuff on Saturday, but I don’t know. I don’t even know if I trust the vibes I had about winning on Slingo tickets this month.

A guy in Rhode Island won his mixed coins for $31, and soon we’ll be listing other things.

We ordered supplies today and this time we’re having them come via FedEx. I hope there are no delays or fuck-ups, I really do! We got $80 worth of stuff. Everything from 11” sticks, mini sticks, acrylic burners and wire pop-up burners, oils, big bags, small bags, and dipped angels.

We got the blue part of the mural wall done and most of the blue on the office wall. We still have to fill it in, add clouds to both walls, then tackle the bathroom and retreat.

Tom’s hoping a developer will buy this land because then it might be easier to let them deduct a couple of thousand dollars from the price so we can stay a couple more months and not be so pressured to find new land so fast. Land-splitting is a popular trend, so that’d be nice. Plus, I still worry the renters and the dogs and trash that they can’t get a lid on will deter potential couples and or families from wanting to live here.

I just hope there are no evil spirits awaiting me at the new place! No punishments or compensations. I’ll be damned if I’ll go to jail again for getting something I really want. I really believe that that was part of why God let them frame me; because I left the city. That and my fighting back against the blacks and Mexicans. Or trying to anyway.

Tom brought up a good question pertaining to the spirit that dwells here, and that’s how far does its territory extend? Is it possible that we would never have encountered it if we’d set the house on the other side of the wash, for example? Am I its only target? Or will it be a nuisance for anyone who lives here? Will it follow me if it is primarily after me?

Nonetheless, Tom thinks I’ll be happier in a different climate where I can be outdoors more often. I’m not indoors so much here solely because of the heat we have for most of the year but because of all the dogs running loose as well.

Paula’s last package went out yesterday. I realize it isn’t just a matter of whether or not I could ask her for a little money if we needed it that bothers me, but the fact that she didn’t take the initiative on her own to send any when she knew damn well we needed it and when she got thousands of dollars. I’m sure it’s all gone now, though, spent on that sick cock of hers. She can’t send me one single solitary letter without a favor in it. It seems the more I give, the more I get taken advantage of. I’ve certainly done way more than enough for the girl, so I’m just going to ignore her for a while.

My weight’s been hanging around the 127-pound marker. I’m really surprised I haven’t gone back up to the 130s, though not surprised I haven’t gone under 127 like he still thinks I will. If he ends up right, I’ll have to figure out why I lost the weight so I’ll know what to do when I go to lose weight in the future. My first guess will be the much-extended workouts. Before I got this exercise ball, I sure as hell wasn’t working out an hour every day, faithfully. The ball makes ab work much easier and more comfortable. Mary, who’s also heavily into working out, ought to try it once she’s out.

After I was the one who figured out how to remove the lower window that’s cracked which I laughed at Tom for, he took it out and is now in Casa Grande getting it replaced. That’ll be $30 the damn ghost cost us! They just better do it right if they don’t want to be the first to screw us over and not get away with it and have it be the first time I fight back and do get away with it.

Speaking of getting away with things, well, as Tom pointed out, if anyone would get caught, it would be us, so due to the fact that we have no business license yet, we’re going to put just a plain label on the bag with the fragrance name along with instructions so no idiots go lighting it like a candle. It’d be just our shit luck for some off-duty pig, maybe even the one that came out with the bullshit story, to nail us on some form of no-no while others got away with whatever, so we’re being extra careful.

I just hope I don’t run into that tale-telling pig, though to tell you the truth, I doubt I’d recognize him if I saw him. In fact, I’m sure I wouldn’t. I only saw him twice for a few minutes, and he was obviously as ordinary-looking as most guys are to me, or else I’d remember him. I just picture him as being the type to come up to me and boldly say, “Hi, Jodi. How ya doing? Remember me? I’m the one that arrested you,” in the way an old acquaintance would say, “Remember me? I helped build your house a few years back.”

I would completely come unglued if this happened, though I can’t imagine it happening. I know things have happened that I thought couldn’t or wouldn’t happen, but if all continues to go well, God will never again punish me with the blacks, Mexicans or anyone that was associated with them.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 2004 I thought maybe, just maybe, today was the day and I would find myself at 126, but no. I’m 127½. I know I’ll never lose any more weight. The question is, do I maintain what I’ve got or let myself gain more? It’s just that if I let myself climb to 140-150, I may very well never be able to get back down to where I’m at now. My weight’s been elevated too long which is no doubt the reason I’m unable to lose the weight. Your body gets so used to being a certain weight after so long that it gets really hard to change it. Also, a lot of my weight is muscle. Even Tom agrees I don’t look more than 120 pounds. The only way to lose more weight from here would be to lose the muscle and I don’t want to do that. It’s also hard when each thing you eat puts a pound on you and you only lose 2 pounds in your sleep. So if I have popcorn, a sandwich, and a bowl of soup, that’s 3 pounds right there, and I’d only sleep off 2 of them.

They’ve been awfully trigger-happy for the last few days. I wonder why they started up all of a sudden after all this time.

Another Wednesday I don’t have to play report, though I doubt report days are still Wednesdays. I’m sure it’s changed by now along with a zillion other things.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2004 My allergies are acting up a bit, but so far I’m holding out on having to use the spray.

Yesterday we priced the stuff we hope to sell at the swap meet. Most of it is in 25¢ or $1 groups. I just hope it isn’t windy that day or something! We’ll also be hoping to sell about 5 bags of each of the 5 fragrances we have so far. Today we’ll order fruit, watermelon, grape, and chocolate oils to complete one of the variety packs, plus a 100-pack of dipped angels for me, along with bags and sticks. We want to make sure the curse has been lifted enough that we can sell it first before we go all out. Besides, we don’t have the money to do so right now anyway. We need to hang onto what we’ve got for the new land.

They had the perfect, and I mean perfect, deal online in northern AZ which is now where my vibes are strongly placed (in or near the White Mountains). There was a 37-acre lot that already had the dive on it which we plan to live in till we get our castle built. It was 1000 square feet which sure beats the 600-800 I was afraid we’d end up stuck in. This wasn’t on eBay either. Buying from eBay makes me a little nervous. It’d be just our shit luck to buy a piece of land, go on out to it, then find it doesn’t exist. It’s very unlikely, but unlikely things do happen, and knowing that God hates us enough to have something like that done to us, isn’t very comforting. I had to ask myself many times – are you sure God would let that happen?

Yes, he would, was the answer. And with no qualms whatsoever, so this is why we really have to look out for ourselves because we’re all we really have in that department. I’d like to think that God didn’t quite hate us that much, and he probably doesn’t, but you just never do know.

I heard a bunch of bangs yesterday afternoon that I thought were car doors at the new place in front. After so many of them, I realized that not even the freeloaders slammed that many doors when they’d set out on one of their many harassment campaigns. This was when it hit me that I was hearing gunshots, not car doors. I was surprised to hear them too, after so long without hearing them, and during the middle of the week, too. Tom said it sounded like target practice by the way they were firing so rapidly.

I still don’t have any bad vibes of anyone lurking about with evil intentions, so that’s good unless God’s keeping me from sensing them so I can be taken by surprise. As I said before, I just hope that if there is anyone with evil in mind, we’re out of here before they can act on it. I know better, though. If this were really the case, God’s going to make sure we’re right here where they can get at us.

I taped the bathroom in preparation for painting it. It’s just masking tape you use to edge along areas you don’t want painted.

As I told Tom, I think the best way to handle the broken windowpane in his office would be to remove it, then keep our mouths shut and hope it’s not noticed. If it does get noticed, all we have to do is say we weren’t aware of it. No one could peer into our brains and prove we really did know about it.

Anyway, I’m looking forward to moving, getting that over with and having more money as much as I’ll miss this house. I really hope it’s more remote. I want to live with nature, not people. If I want people, I can just go to the city. Most people are scared of remote, but I love that feeling of being the only ones around where we live. This is what I mean when I say God’s blessed me as well as cursed me. I have no fears. Absolutely no fears other than spiders, open heights and big dogs. Other than a few things, it’s like I lack the ability to feel fear, but I guess this is a good thing since fear is a negative emotion. The worst emotion, in my opinion, is depression, but still, I’m glad I’m so hard to scare!

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 9, 2004 Yesterday turned out to be a fun day. When we got to the swap meet, people were still setting up so it wasn’t crowded at all. Tom was right about most of the stuff being junk, but not all of it was. They had some good books and those wind chimes were there, too. I got a couple of them for $5, then for just $1, who should I find there but Midge herself! The very one I was going to try to get on eBay till I ran out of money. This is the one with the painted-on bikini like Lea’s only Midge’s suit is blue and Lea’s is purple. I think that of all Barbie’s friends as well as Barbie herself, the Midge doll has the best face. She was in very good condition for being used. I sponged off the few scuff marks she had on her, washed her hair with liquid hand soap, brushed out the knots, and she was as good as new.

As I told Tom, I think we can sell some things there, but I don’t know how much. At least I don’t have to worry about anything being too dumpy. I mean, they had old pots and pans there that made our old ones, which I had worried may be too beat up, look like they’re brand spanking new.

After we left the place we headed for Casa Grande and Whataburger’s drive-through. On our way back we stopped at a smaller swap meet just past the huge dairy farm where Tom got an old computer for its fan and a backup drive, and I got 4 paperbacks, 3 of which are true crime stories, 1 of which is a James Patterson book Mary said she read. She said I have a lot of James Patterson in me, so I figure he must write stuff I’d like.

Anyway, we got masking tape and are going to spend the week pricing stuff, along with doing more painting and ordering more supplies.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 8, 2004 Today we’re going to the swap meet. I’m looking forward to checking it out. Tom has a little cash in case I want a $3 wind chime or a book in Spanish, which according to him, may be all I’d want since their stuff is so crappy.

I’m still not under 127, but I haven’t jumped back up either. I’m kind of taking the day off today, though I haven’t yet decided whether or not I’m going to allow myself a day off once a week from exercising. The good thing about it is that I couldn’t pig out if I wanted to since my stomach has shrunk down to nothing. A plate of spaghetti alone made me feel like I was going to burst.

How I wish I could continue losing 4 pounds a month! But me, 119 in two weeks? I don’t think so! I still don’t know that I’ll ever get under 127.

We decided to readjust our variety packs a bit. We decided to have 5 sticks of 6 scents in each pack and charge $5 for those we add burners to and $3 for just the incense. I settled on the floral pack having jasmine, carnation, gardenia, magnolia, patchouli, and cedar, though cedar’s a tree. The fruits and sweets pack will include fruit, watermelon, grape, brown sugar, chocolate, and butter rum. The miscellaneous pack will have fast cash, baby powder, vanilla musk, puddy cat, hot love, and black magic.

We started painting the mural wall to see how bad it would smell. It didn’t smell bad at all. We first thought it was lousy paint and that we wouldn’t get an even finish, but as it dried up, it was just fine. We have finished it yet, though.

Next week is when he’ll probably be contacting a realtor, and I hope it’s a woman. I really do.

I also hope I receive notification that Haiku’s on her way! I’m getting tired of waiting for that damn doll, but you know how it is when I order dolls. There’s always some delay or problem.

Next weekend is when we go to sell at the swap meet. This should give us a good idea of just how cursed or not-so-cursed we are/will be.

The unexplained foul odors continue to come in spurts. It seems 8:30 AM is one of its favorite times. It makes me wonder - if it really is connected to whatever lurks about this land - if it was killed at that time or something.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 7, 2004 Well, this is it. I’m now down to 127. The diet itself has gotten a bit easier because my stomach’s shrunk on account of not eating as much, but I still don’t know if I can lose any more weight. I’m going to be putting spells on like crazy! I doubt God would help me even if he did like me as I doubt he’d see an extra 30 pounds as being all that much of a crisis. So, I’m on my own to either succeed or not succeed at this point.

Tom’s been dieting too, having one sensible meal, plus two Slim-Fast shakes a day. Tomorrow, after we check out the swap meet, we’re going to go to Casa Grande for our meals at a drive-through, though at my height it may not be so sensible if I eat anything else, so I’m going to remember to eat only that. I’m going to get a kid’s meal at Whataburger. The chicken strips and fries. It’ll be close to 1000 calories, so I won’t have anything else but salad that day. The adult portions would simply be too much for me now after 5 days of eating so little.

Tom usually stops at the PO on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. Today we’ll probably mail out Paula’s last incense package, and the last package ever for that matter. I haven’t heard shit from her. I’ll probably get drafts from Mary, though. She’s been on a roll with sending drafts every few days or so. She’s also been good with including letters, filling me in on her life and answering any questions, so that’s cool.

He finished my medical romance story yesterday and says it’s my best yet. I was surprised. I didn’t think that one was going anywhere. I mean, I didn’t think it was bad, but I didn’t think it was all that exciting either. Mary, who finds suspense really scary, just may think that one’s the best so far, too. She’s more of a romance person than a suspense person. At least she seems to be anyway. The Angel Eyes story, which I plan to tackle after I finish College Romance, should be more romance-like than anything else. I’ve already begun taking notes for that story.

We agree that it’s best not to tell potential buyers of this house about the sonic booms they’ll be in for. Most people sleep at night so they probably won’t mind them. It’s not like it’s every few minutes of every day that you hear them anyway. I mean, as much as I’d prefer to do without them myself, I’d much rather that than city noise. If they’ve never heard them before, they too, are going to be like what the hell? when they hear the first thunderous boom. I remember the first time I heard/felt it. I was asleep. Tom was working days. I thought someone broke into the house and I ran out of the bedroom ready to pounce. I felt like both an idiot and a very relieved person when I found no one there. The next thing I did was check to see if any shelves went down. When I found everything in its place I was really confused until Tom heard it, too. His first thought was that they were blasting a mountain somewhere. He didn’t realize right away it was sonic booms because he didn’t know they were allowed to do that over land, yet apparently, where there’s no ocean, they can fly.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 6, 2004 I decided to weigh myself today. I’m a little bummed to find I’m at 128 and have only lost 3 pounds. Tom says that losing 1-2 pounds a week is reasonable for me, whereas a 3-4 pound-a-week drop is more reasonable for him. He says that if I give it till the end of the month, I should get under that infamous 127. I don’t know. I mean, I don’t want to get my hopes up.

All the information out there about dieting/fitness can be as confusing as all the different religions, and eventually you end up not knowing what to believe.

Tom had an excellent selling idea. The idea is to buy little things from eBay, then sell them at swap meets. Originally, he thought he might do it the other way around and buy stuff from swap meets to sell on eBay, but the swap meets are selling pure crap. Nothing but overpriced junk.

Harrah’s casino wants to do an interview with him on Monday concerning a job emptying the slot machines which he doubts he’ll get. I doubt it, too. I don’t sense it. He’s going to stick to his original plan, though, and not take any jobs unless they pay well. If he gets a good-paying job, we’ll relocate somewhere around here. If not, there’s no sense in him taking shitty-paying jobs just to quit in a month or two when we move. For now, we’ve got shitty pay for doing nothing, though we are going to make up several bags of incense and check out the swap meet this weekend. Next weekend is when we’ll probably start selling.

If only we could sell enough stuff, be it from here or at swap meets, to keep him from needing a regular job! We’re sick of working for others. We want to be our own bosses where we don’t have to worry about write-ups, firings or layoffs. It’s all going to hinge on the incense, and of course, fate. We can only try our best and then the rest is up to whatever’s meant to be.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 5, 2004 This is day 4 of having just 1 sandwich, 1 popcorn, and 1 Ramen noodle packet, along with my hourly workout, and I ask myself – why do I bother? I’m only going to lose a few pounds, then stop once I hit 127. Oh well. I should be able to at least maintain my weight this way. If not, maybe I’ll quit food altogether and just eat like maybe once a week or something like that. We’ll see. I still don’t think I have diabetes or a wacky thyroid because I have no symptoms, and of course I can’t count on any help from above.

Tom got cans of light blue and pale pink paint. The bathroom and retreat will get the pale pink and one office wall along with the mural wall will get the light blue. Then we’ll take a can of white paint that came with the house for touch-ups and do the clouds with that. We’re going to start on the bathroom later on this morning.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 4, 2004 I slept miserably, though I’m awake enough to write. The Air Force woke me up twice today and so did the hunger pains. I was like please, please God, give me strength! And if you won’t, please, if there’s anything else out there that can help give me the strength not to succumb to this hunger, help me! So far so good. As far as getting boomed and vibrated awake; I’m just going to have to get used to that being a fact of life because any rural town not close to the ocean is going to have that. They’ve been flying like they were when we first moved in which means they’re probably not going to settle down till we’re about ready to move. You don’t get more than two days without them booming by these days!

In Mary’s draft that I got today, she speaks of being molested by her uncle Rick, Carolyn’s husband, and how many others have claimed to have been molested by him as well. Her sick, wimp of a mother wouldn’t believe her when she tried to tell her about it, Carolyn called her a liar, and then Carolyn’s own daughter, who was also molested, wrote Mary saying she was disgusted by her family trying to cover it up. She said Carolyn didn’t want him going to jail because she didn’t want to lose Rick’s army benefits.

So I’m reading this and I’m like, Mary, Mary, Mary. You mean to tell me that this uncle you say you’re still afraid of as a grown woman is the very one you still write to and speak with, along with his wife who protects him? How sad. How utterly sad. Is there ever going to come a day when she has enough self-respect to ask herself how can her aunt stay with him? How can she stand to even look at him? And how can she herself stand to associate with either the aunt, uncle or mother? I really think the best thing she could do when she gets out would be to grab that kid of hers and turn her back on the whole family except for Adam, then start over fresh. And she should stay single if she can’t stay away from the abusers. As I told her, I know for a fact that people like her mom, Jared and Rick never change, and if they do, it’s very short-lived. I truly believe from experience that the more we associate with people like that, the more they’ll just keep bringing us down.

And why isn’t Rick in jail? He belongs there with all the other little pervies, but no, God must protect him. Any mother who believes the word of others over their own child is no mother as far as I’m concerned, and her aunt, being the pervert protector that she seems to be from what I’m reading, is almost as bad as the pervert himself. This is why if I could give her any advice, I’d suggest she take the rest of the time she’s in that place to ask herself – are these the types of people she wants in her life when she gets out? Try to look at them as people, I told her, and put the shared blood aside for a minute. Then ask herself, do I like these people, really like them?

Had my father been a pervert, I’d have gotten the same reaction for telling my mother – rage and disbelief. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, had one of them killed me, the other would still be standing by them today as if it never happened.

Nonetheless, my life may not be perfect, but it sure does get better with age and I think hers will too, as long as she can get off her abusive-people kick. I think one of the biggest keys to being happy, or at least a lot happier, is who we associate with.

Mary’s right when she talks about how all forms of abuse can have such devastating effects. It seems it’s turned her into a frightened individual while it’s made me a very angry one. So much so that I still wish I’d handled Marty differently when he threatened me, and either kicked the shit out of him and shown him that he can’t threaten just anybody, or thrown a mock punch at him to get him to attack me so I could call the pigs and have him arrested, though this was the late 70s or early 80s, and with God as his protector, that’s not how it would’ve worked. The pigs would’ve blamed me for my own attack and told me they couldn’t do anything cuz Marty was “family.” With this fact in mind, he should’ve waited till I was stronger and braver and in my own apartment to make the threat where I’d have been, beyond a doubt, physically capable of making sure the sick fuck never again even so much as dared think to threaten anyone again.

Just like I was right about us not being able to make shit doing surveys, I was right about Memolink kicking us out for point-stealing. Those who clicked 25 points got their points taken away and those who clicked more got their membership terminated. I decided a long time ago that I wasn’t going to let what happened with the freeloaders keep me from speaking my mind when I have something to say, so without the least bit of intimidation, I sent them a message saying that what they did was wrong. It was their mistake and we shouldn’t be the ones to have to pay the consequences for their own screw-up when they’re the ones responsible for their own damn site. They suck, I told them, and I plan to spread the nastiest word I can about them.

Let’s see them have the guts to put that in their testimonials!

See, this is why I wouldn’t seek revenge on the freeloaders even if I knew where the cowards were and had the opportunity to do so. I know God would only lead the pigs right to my door. I can’t get away with the piddliest of things like point-stealing, yet others can beat me, try to rape me, play with my head, rip me off, frame me, etc., and God help me should I try to fight back!

It’s okay, though, cuz I’m just going to sign up as Miss Jodina S as soon as we move and use my old Feisty Dawn address. For now, I’ve signed up with My Points which is identical to Memolink. In fact, they have the same Lucky Surf lotto, which as we’ve discovered, is not exclusive to Memolink. Anyone can play it and they don’t have to join any points program either.

My top favorite fragrances are angel, baby powder, black cherry, black Henry, black magic, black narcissus, booty call, brown sugar, butter rum, bump & grind, butt naked, carnation, cedar, chocolate, cranberry, Choctaws mono, escape, floor, fruit, fast cash, gardenia, grape, honey, honey musk, hot love, jasmine, love supreme, magnolia, majmua, morning mist, Nubian musk, patchouli, pear, puddy cat, pussy, rain barrel, sugar plum, sun moon stars, sweet musk, vanilla musk, watermelon, white diamonds, white linen.

There are still a few more I’d like to sample such as vanilla melon, cherry musk, cherry opium, cherry vanilla, patchouli rose, strawberry musk, and strawberry vanilla.

Later…

As I read on, I found that Mary’s aunt did acknowledge what happened, though it was thirty years too late. The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized that while it’s easy for me to call her a sick criminal herself for protecting Rick, what if I were in her shoes? What if Tom was guilty or accused of a crime – any crime? Would I turn him in? Absolutely not! So as wrong as she was, a part of me can relate to her.

Still haven’t weighed myself, but I know I’m still dropping. I doubt I’m under 127, though I’m probably right about that weight.

Yesterday was the first day in ages that I was stuck. I was shocked, though not too shocked as I always get stuck when trying to lose weight. I’m not worried about it anymore, though, because now I know that that doesn’t affect weight like I thought it did.

We cut tops off 2-liter soda bottles to air-dry the 200 or so sticks in that we made up to hopefully – hopefully – sell at a swap meet somewhere around here, and boy was our kitchen ever so fragrant! I even started getting a bit of a headache, the aromas were so potent, that I stuffed them in a cabinet. It’s too bad we’re not going to have the space to do that for a few years once we move.

I found out that the monthly giveaways they have at the incense place are for retail customers only.

At first I thought I wouldn’t bother with curtains, valances or any form of window coverings in “Dan’s dive,” as we call it since we’ll be in something similar to what he had. Then I decided to take some of the valances the house came with to use in the dive. It’ll be a sort of souvenir, too. Then, once we build our dream house, I’ll use the lacy valances I prefer.

Another piece of this house I’m taking is a spare scrap of carpet. We’ll use it as a doormat there and I’ll leave the ones that are here where they are.

Tomorrow’s a flight day, so I’m going to try to stay up as long as I can. That way I can also go out this Sunday without feeling too tired.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 2, 2004 Amazingly, both UPS and the Air Force let me sleep today, though I woke up a zillion times for a second just because. Meanwhile, Tom got the water pump installed, and the truck’s running fine.

I just hope we can get out of here before the next thing breaks! It’s been since November, so we’re about due any minute for something else to break. If it could just hold out till after we’re gone, that’d be wonderful because we have so much going on right now.

Although I don’t want to weigh myself till next Sunday, I can tell I’m down to 128-129. In 1-3 days I should hit 127, then comes the critical part and that’s to see if I can keep it going and not jump back up like I always do when I hit down at 127. If something’s wrong, I really do want to know about it. That way I can decide whether or not I want to try to dodge the quackery while I try to get the problem fixed, or just live with it. That is, whenever the hell we’re insured again. My vibes are shifting, now saying he may not be working till after we’re moved, and that yes, we are going up into the mountains, but I don’t know what state.

The further we go, the more Mary and I may have to fly to see each other when she’s out which would mean staying overnight. I don’t know if she’d dig that idea any more than I would, but considering the fact that we spent 9 days and 8 nights locked in a tiny room together, I guess we could handle a night or two at each other’s houses.

Anyway, the appetite suppressants have been worthless and the hunger’s been intense. I realize that no matter what aids I use, at 1200 calories a day I’m going to be hungry anyway. Anyone would be.

This shitting twice a day has got me stumped. I deliberately cut out foods that make you shit more so I wouldn’t go as often, but it seems I couldn’t get irregular if I tried. I don’t know, maybe all the salad or the tea’s doing it. I have more tea in the winter. Besides, it’s something I can put in my stomach without the calories that my coffee creamer has. Even so, I wish my body would quit this shit-happy cycle it’s gotten on. If it’s not going to hurt me to go 4 or 5 days a week and if going every day isn’t going to help with my weight, then why bother? But twice a day? That’s a bit overkill! I’ve been going when I first get up, then again towards the end of my day.

Tom says there’s a virus going around. I guess someone with a grudge against Microsoft put out this thing that sends out tons of emails. There’s a reward being offered, and I jokingly told Tom that it’s too bad we can’t say he did it, turn him, collect the reward, then bust him out of jail!

Memolink is also screwed up big time. We can’t even get into their site. My first thought was that they banned us for point-stealing and right after I legitimately earned a $15 certificate because something doesn’t want me making money and because Tom and Jodi can’t get away with shit, but the more Tom investigated, the more it appears to be a problem on their end.

Not surprisingly, my decorative plates didn’t sell. Of course not. Why should my stuff sell? Tom’s thinking of relisting them now that he knows what to say when describing them which he says he didn’t do the first time around. When I asked him what he meant by that, he said that since people are even dumber than he thought, it’s really all in how you describe your items. For example, one of the people who bought his coins gave him positive feedback saying that the coins were exactly as he described them. Meanwhile, he never did describe them in the first place. You gotta make people feel they’re getting a deal and like they’re taking advantage of you, as he says.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 2004 Currently, it appears that the best way to make the incense is going to be to let it soak for a day and to let it dry for a few days. It seems the more we let them dry, the less smoky they are and the more potent the fragrance is.

Today I got the pink fairy in the Fairytopia series, so that’s two down, one to go. I haven’t seen the blue one yet, though I’ve only been to Walmart twice since they came out. They say that blue is most people’s favorite color, so maybe that’s why there haven’t been any blue ones.

Yesterday I had an average of 2000 calories and 20 minutes of working out, so that earned me a jump up to 132. Starting tomorrow, I’ll drop back to 1200 cals and do an hour of exercise. What else can I do? Look at my outstanding talent for gaining weight as a gift from God and just go with it? Try to rack up all the pounds I can and call each one of just another one of life’s many blessings?

Speaking of God, every so often, like maybe once a year or so, I pray to him for help with something I’m stumped on, such as not being able to lose weight for the last couple of years, just in case he decides to listen to me for a change and help me. I know better than to count on it, knowing that I wouldn’t have gotten so big in the first place if he didn’t want me to. Besides, I don’t think he cares what the hell I weigh. Still, I got on my knees, and just like most people cross themselves, I did my little Star of David and asked for the strength to stick to the diet plan, to lose weight and keep it off, and not be given a new problem in exchange should I miraculously lose weight and keep it off for more than 5 minutes.

Tomorrow’s the day the prep work begins. We’re going to start with doing a tape and texture job where the cut bathroom panels are and where the strip is that we popped off to put the mural up. We’ll also fill in big holes. Not tiny holes made by tiny nails, but places where we had screws holding up shelves.

I’ll probably be the other way around this time. The last move was a bitch to prep the old place, yet moving into this house after we were done playing trailer/hotel was easy because there was so much space. This time around, prepping to move should be easy, while moving should be a bitch what with moving into an old dive ¼ the size of this place. I’ll have to remind myself that it’s only temporary every time I get frustrated with the peeling linoleum floors and the years of caked-on dirt, rust, grime and calcium that just won’t go away no matter how hard I scrub. In fact, I better enjoy baths in my big clean garden tub before I have to take them in a tub with soap rings dating back to before the release of Charlie’s Angels!

I erased the penciled outline of the pink ballerina silhouette on the wall by the closet and scrubbed the badly faded pink areas. I made it almost invisible. I’m sure the buyers won’t notice. Besides, this is likely to be a kid’s room, so it won’t matter as much as it would if there were discolorations in the kitchen, den or living room. Then, we’ll do the same skyscape on the wall where Patrice and the playboy’s silhouettes are.

It’s maddening out there right now with the damn dogs. I don’t know if they got into a fight or what, but I do know that Arizonans can’t keep their dogs under control and to themselves worth shit. Especially out here.

Later…

The sun has set, so off goes the dogs. Tom shooed some off the land today, then he just shooed another one barking in front of the house. Maricopa’s dogs are lucky we’re not staying here because I swear I’d shoot them all if we couldn’t get fences!

Our vanilla extract and butter-pecan experiments were a bust. They wouldn’t even light. Now he’s trying to mix cooking oil with mesquite leaves which I’m sure will also be a bust. The uncut butter rum is good, though, and I’m thinking maybe we’ll save a little money, time and work by just doing all uncut sticks.

Got 1 number.

Tom checked out the swap meet which he says was a zoo. He says they were selling major crap and that it wasn’t moving too well because they were asking too much. So, he figures we’ll have an easier time selling our stuff cuz we have nicer crap and we can lower our prices. He’s been researching eBay and finding a lot of crap for sale there too, so we might sell even more stuff that way. I’d prefer to avoid the zoo and do a yard sale here, but then we wouldn’t get as many people other than the neighbors. Next weekend, he wants to bring me to the swap meet to see if I can get any vibes, then we’ll take it from there.

Meanwhile, there’s no reason the water pump shouldn’t be here tomorrow so he can finally get the truck back up and running. The damn thing’s been sitting in Phoenix since Friday afternoon.

I still can’t believe no one’s moved in yet in front, and I also still can’t complain either. I’m hoping we make it out of here before they do arrive.

Tom showed me the basics of our site. I like its layout. He took me to the links to the java games, rat pics, doll pics, desert pics and wildlife pics that I’ve taken. He’s now uploading it as we figured that February 1st was a good time to start. The next step will be taking pictures of the incense. People like to see what they’re buying, so we’ll take pictures, but still keep a little mystery there. If they know they can buy the stuff themselves and make it themselves, they won’t want to get it from us.

Because ours is a free site as opposed to one with a monthly fee, I have to watch what I say. I can say “I got this particular doll at Paradise Galleries,” but I can’t add that I had to fight tooth and nail to get it and that their service sucked so bad that I quit buying from them after a while.

The prepping began today, too. We puttied up the panels in the bathroom. Tomorrow we’ll sand it down, then it’ll be ready to paint.

Our ghost is at it again. I heard footsteps behind me, but when I went to turn around, no one was there.

[eddieydewr]

I'm not trying to be a negative nancy but i do genuinely worry that the noah hate train won't calm down by the time s5 comes out. I just worry about noah and his family as well as the s5 experience for us fans (i hope that doesn't sound selfish). I want this to be enjoyable for EVERYONE but with ppl being so hateful it's hard, especially for noah, i mean no wonder he purged his socials. Just by looking at the comments on kalemyname's post, it gives a clear vision of how ppl just want to be hateful and act like sheep. Now don't get me wrong there were some things noah did that kinda make me raise an eyebrow at first and things i still dont quite understand, but this situation is complex and i personally feel it's pretty clear noah isn't who the internet is trying to make him out to be.

Of course, ppl are talking bad about other cast members now for being friends with noah or not speaking up about the topic (as if they will unfriend someone they have PERSONALLY known for 10 years just because randoms on the internet can't get a grip) meanwhile others act like other cast members can't do any wrong like you said in another post (no hate to the other cast members at all). I just worry about everything this will affect (maybe im getting ahead of myself but yeah). It's good to see more positive comments and it's an unfortunate fact that ppl will hate no matter what (like how ppl have recently hated on Millie for her accent, or back then bc she was a talkative kid who said "cringy" things) but i still worry. I hope this ask doesn't stress you out or anything i just needed to get this out i suppose. And I apologize if you've got 50 asks like this before.

if season 5 is released in october or november next year and the hate train continues then i’m sorry but those people need professional help. i doubt the i/p war is going to last that long. people on both sides are running out of money and patience. and there’s an election in the US later this year. pro palis will get bored eventually, they’ll move on after the war ends as they always do every time there’s a conflict between israel and palestine. so the noise around noah will die down, it has to. it’s only logical. people can’t hold on to this performative anger for… what, 3 years?

will noah haters continue to exist? yes, just like before every time he did a “controversy” and they’ll be like ummmm did y’all forget the time he said this and did that whenever there’s a pop crave tweet about him 🙄 but when the cast like millie and finn are consistent with mentioning noah, if noah comes back to social media to promote ST, when we get to see teasers and trailers and we’re all excited about new content and will byers!!! the stupidity will die down, save a few genuine haters with nothing better to do.

also, the kalemyname drama makes no sense because there’s a video with noah on feb 21 and most of the comments were nice but the latest one, peoole were foaming at the mouth?? i just don’t get it. but we can say the hate train isn’t exactly linear.

i do get similar asks like this but it’s ok! let it out <3 look at my prev ask and see what noah’s mum said: he’s ok, just taking a break from social media but is happy to be back on set :) also it’s not selfish wanting to enjoy the experience without pro palis screaming to boycott the show. people in real life don’t behave like this. but if, god forbid, people are still insane then i’d mute words and block accounts? idk. curate your internet experience! 💚