#now I have to live with it for the next 10 years

[tinfoil-jones]

Jerk Ford AU: "Quality" Time

Jerk Ford returns home slightly earlier than in canon, sometime between the episodes "The Love God" and "Northwest Mansion Mystery".

Compared to Canon Ford, despite being rude and unpleasant to everybody, Jerk Ford spends much more time with the family! And also his former lab assistant; Retired Tech Billionaire, Old Man McGucket. This is because he and Stan are not fighting, so Stan doesn't try to keep Ford away from everybody. He encourages it, actually.

Results may vary.

Jerk Ford with Stanley:

*exactly 10 minutes after Jerk Ford dispatches the gov't agents*

"Stanley, I'm so glad to finally be home. You wouldn't believe how much I missed you. I knew I'd come back eventually, but I'm sorry it took so long and you had to save me from my mistakes again. I can't wait for us to move on with the rest of our lives."

"Me too, bro. Now-" *hands him a pamphlet*

"What's this?"

"A catalogue of therapists. Pick one."

"...Wha-."

"If you don't pick a therapist in the next five minutes I am going to drag you by the hair to the nearest shrinks office you emotionally constipated, underfed f**k."

Jerk Ford with his Niblings:

Wendy: I've been having these nightmares about Northwest Manor...

Soos: No sweat, dude. We can go there, and see that whatever you're scared of is just a part of your imagination.

Jerk Ford: You're going to need my help. I'm going with you.

Soos: Hold your horses, dawg. No one asked for more help. This whole trip might just prove the girl-dude shouldn't be sleeping with her nightlight off.

Jerk Ford: Lava lamp.

Wendy: How did you...? What, did you break into my house?

Jerk Ford: *scoffs* Please.

Jerk Ford:

Jerk Ford: I break into everyones house.

Jerk Ford with his Grand-Niblings:

Dipper: I will send you STRAIGHT TO HADES, where you belong!

Jerk Ford: I'll see you there, pipsqueak. Well, I'll try to; I'd need a magifiying glass.

Dipper: Why you-

Mabel: Why can't we ever play a normal game of Go Fish?

Jerk Ford with Retired Tech Billionaire Old Man McGucket:

Fiddleford: It's an entire dimension of sentient robots?

Jerk Ford: Mhmm.

Fiddleford: And they have the ability to take the form of normal Earth vehicles should they choose?

Jerk Ford: Yes.

Fiddleford: And there's been a civil war raging between two factions of them for a thousand years?

Jerk Ford: What about it?

Fiddleford:

Fiddleford: Ford, you're talking about The Transformers.

Jerk Ford: The what?

[drdemonprince]

I was writing this when I saw your most recent substack post on sexuality, so please forgive if I'm not super coherent.

As someone who has been living in a country without much, if any, real legal protections for most of my time as an out trans person, that while I understand the fear right now is high it was not until a few years ago that we did not exist at all in the public consciousness. That terrible prison show was the first time a trans woman appeared in a not "haha look at the gross tranny" way, and that was maybe 10 years ago. Non-binary people existence is even more recent. While I get having a bunch of religious fanatics hate you sucks, from what I gathered despite some claiming otherwise, the rest of the people don't really care that much. It's an issue that gets blown up by the media because it's nice and controversial which gets ratings (or these days, clicks/views), and, as a made-up problem, allows politicians to appear strong and decisive. (Also, there being lots of local differences and court stuff I can't even begin to understand influencing this because your country is very confusing.) It's hard for me to properly measure what people claim and what is actually true.

Come what comes, but there's a difference between preparing for the worst and assuming it already happens. This is going to sound callous, but people need to remember that as much as it sucks to stuck in survival mode and not being able to get government documents corrected, they probably have the grit deep-down to get through this. Maybe it's easy for me to talk, I used to work in building when I was on hormones, didn't tell anyone in that setting, and just shrugged it off and cherished the time I spent with friends & supportive people who knew me as *me*, and lied through my teeth whenever it was necessary and off from being assaulted a few times (not work related, school days) without major injuries because I was good at getting the fuck out. Then again, I've had a therapist tell me I'm scary good at compartmentalizing, so take that as you will.

Now we finally get to why that post about sexuality prompted all this. The bit about the trans woman finally being able to relax when dommed... That struck a nerve, which is strange because I don't really have much sex-drive, but that kind of softness is not something I've had in my life much. Always in the role of taking care and looking after others, never being on the receiving end, not just emotionally, but sexually also because oh dear is it an ordeal when people project the trans dommy mommy shit on you. Especially as now, 8 years after the first go around I find myself being the calm and collected one supporting others again and it's not even a conscious act on my or their behalf, despite setting boundaries (and having them respected mainly) I somehow got the invisible label of "mom who got her shit together" (as if) when I too would sometimes like to unwind and get fucked properly into the next timezone.

thank you for your message. I hope that a lot of younger or less seasoned American trans people who are freaking the fuck out right now are able to put some of their own understandable stress activation aside to read it and really take it in. also, it's a real bummer when people lean on you to always be the strong and capable one. and it is miserable how this role gets voiced upon us simply by virtue of having endured a great deal, or having grown a little bit older than some other people. obviously in your case this dynamic is far more deeply entrenched because of misogyny and transmisogyny and how that shapes people's expectations of the labor that women provide to them, especially trans women, but I do understand a little bit of how miserable it feels to be shunted into that kind of role. and I hope that somebody really just pounds you into the mattress or gives you whatever kind of sexual attention and care-taking helps you feel weak and needy and okay and like somebody else has it all together for a while sometime soon.

[deathlywounded]

“The Bear and the mushroom shepherd ram —Chapter 2 (this is an 11 pages comic but tumblr max is 10 images per post :(, luckily this is pretty self conclusive, but I’ll add the last page next anyway)

Some time ago I made a comic about how Rev and Halsin met. Since Rev is my only non-durge character I decided to make a backstory for him. This was their first meeting, Halsin had been researching the mind flayer infection for some time and his messengers told him about a mysterious hermit living in the heart of the mountain, maybe he might know something, maybe he could have something to do with it? Halsin was kidnapped by the goblin camp not long after he started frequenting him, so in this playthrough rescuing him was one of the first things Revna did after arriving at the grove and hearing about the Archdruid's kidnapping.

Rev (them/he) is a spore Druid/urchin wood elf (my favorite kind of Druid) they have horns due to spending the last years of their life living in isolation away from civilization, adopting the likeness of goats and cervines in the heart of the forested mountains. Such is their love for these animals they decided to keep the horns and the singularly colored eyes (also, they miss the weight on their head when not wearing them) Decided to make them a genderless beast because, hear me out, a shapeshifter being connected to nature n’ living away from human costumes studying fungal behavior. What would a being like that need a damn gender for? Nothing, the answer is nothing.

I shared it in parts but now I want it to be easier to read and uninterrupted by goddamn ads. I’ll be doing the same with all the comics I shared like this.

[thornethenorn]

I wanna hear all the fun facts about the norn then pretty please

Okie dokie hehe

1. It's assumed that there is a spirit of the wild for every animal that exists, not just the ones we hear about. This leaves room for a lot of original spirits for people to make

2. They produce a lot of body heat, and this is likely why they don't cover up in cold environments- they would overheat. I made a whole post about this you can find in my Biology of Tyria tag.

3. The Kodan believe that norn are descendants of Kodan who didn't listen to Koda and went south. This is likely not true.

4. The lowland Kodan call norn "Children of the Bitter Wind"

5. They're shapeshifters. It's not acknowledged enough that they're literally a race of shapeshifters.

6. They also have an AVERAGE hight of 9ft tall. They can be way taller than that, probably.

7. They don't sleep in beds. They don't have mattresses, just piles of furs and blankets. They also will sleep on the floor.

8. Skaalds are bards, yes, but anet literally just took the actual Norse word for 'singer/bard/poet" and added an a.

9. Speaking of which, Hoelbrak means "hall of noise" in old Norse, but in-game, it means "lowland" in the norn's native language.

10. The norn's native language is canonically mostly lost, but it can be infered that its writing system, described as runes, are similar to elder futhark runes. In old Norse, elder futhark was the writing system and alphabet. Old Norse was mostly a spoken language, but occasionally could use the runes as writing. The runes also had individual meanings and were used for divination.

11. They were forced out of their native home and have been for 200 years. Even after killing Jormag the corruption still makes the far Shiverpeaks uninhabitable.

12. Norn and Jotun used to be some of the most powerful magic weilders in Tyria.

13. I call them the viking furries race as a joke but honestly they're more like the normal scandanavians. This isn't really a fact about norn this is actually your monthly PSA that vikings were from literally ONE part of scandanavia and the history of this region is so much more nuanced than just "those guys with cool pirates"

14. They're anets least favorite race of the main five (next to Asura free my guys Asura mains) and if I have to write the rest of their lore on my own I will

15. Also the norn and Asura have a lot of parallels that should be explored more often. Both pushed out of their homes and given half-written lore that we're begging to be completed

16. Norn live up to 120 naturally. However, almost nobody ever lives this long because of their culture. They constantly try to top themselves and push themselves too hard and die to 'hold my beer' moments and that's sad

17. Norn women die so often in the story. The fact Arina survived getting thrown into Nayos is a miracle

18. They're named after the Norse version of the Fates. The Nornir (singular being norn) in Norse myth were the three goddesses that sat at the base of Yggdrasil and spun threads of fate. While they can be depicted as hags, they are also sometimes depicted as maidens. This works for the norn race because their culture is insanely intertwined with the concept of fate and destiny.

19. They're not human. Anet are cowards for not doubling down on that. Norn should've had pointed ears and fangs and slit pupils and I will die on this hill

20. There's a stereotype of norn being dumb muscle that only drink and hunt but fuck you all they're nuanced and perfect and I love them

Now we're not even getting into my headcanons either so...

[choppersconfirmedkills]

the first time i recall shifting

So I have finished my homework and as the votes would have it, you all get a storytime of the first time I ever shifted (that I can recall).

I affectionately like to refer to this as the crying baby incident (lord knows why, I'm just screwed up in the head).

Let me set the scene...

The year is 2021. I am living with my older sister as the live in nanny for my then 10-month-old+ niece (she's now nearly 5, someone sedate me). During this time I was shifting to my very old MCU DR, and was still majorly under the influence of 2020 shiftok.

I was dear friends with the person who coined the original ADHD method (the one with 8D audio), she told me stories of how much it worked for her so I decided to try it. I managed to do all the steps right (which I now know does not matter one bit), and during the subliminal section of the method, I was floating in and out of consciousness rapidly.

I have sleep issues and night terrors so this was not unheard of for me. However, during one of these moments of consciousness, I am awoken, from the opposite side of the bed I fell asleep, to the sound of a baby crying, and an exorbitant level. So I immediately jump into action. I say something like "Don't worry ____, AT is coming, just give me a second." Again this is all while I'm half asleep.

I go to grab my phone to turn on my flashlight as it is dark in the room and I realize, the shelf next to my bed isn't there. The room I'm in looks like a combination of the room I fell asleep in and my DR bedroom.

The baby cries again and that is when it hits me. My niece is asleep soundly, 2 floors above me.

I lay back down, knowing I've shifted, and have the mentality of "fuck that" and I close my eyes and immediately slip back in and out of consciousness rapidly. I then woke up the next morning in reality, where I had initially fallen asleep.

Even though while I was there I knew I had shifted, I still tried to find an explanation for what I experienced.

1st it was a dream, but that made 0 sense as everything was moving in real time and I experienced all my senses.

Next, it was sleep paralysis, but I obviously could move so it wasn't sleep paralysis.

Maybe I heard my niece actually crying? Not in the basement when she was on the second floor.

So I determined it was a shift, and allowed myself to bask in the excitement of doing it even though it was weird.

[crimsonblue31]

Whoever thought integrating the operation by touch into the cooking world clearly never cooks... I want my physical buttons and knobs back. At least they don't care when my hands are wet, the pot boiling over or the pan going over the touch area and I don't have to wait 5 minutes before I can continue cooking because the whole thing shut down... because it didn't react when my wet fingers tried to quickly turn the heat down so it doesn't boil over, or I pulled the pan off because I wanted to quickly add something without it spilling everywhere... I really tried to get buttons when we got our new kitchen, but it was impossible. T.T

[a-scary-lack-of-common-sense]

I am exhausted, good heavens.

[iwakuraz]

feeling like,,,, soon I'm probably gonna become obsessed with evangelion again. the weather forecast says I'm gonna have the evangelion brain disease not too long from now

[elvenferretots]

On one hand, I feel horribly guilty for having a couple weekends where I've committed to absolutely nothing to the point of backing out of volunteering at a local dog show.

On the other hand, I have dog sport events literally every weekend and practice or class at least twice a week throughout the entirety of October and November. I think I get a free pass for a couple weekends.

[1-800-i-ship-it]

scooby dooby blu where are you

im in link click and orv hell xD

about to visit arcane hell soon...

where are you 👀

[icewindandboringhorror]

reminders of the passage of time moodeboard

[orcelito]

Did driving practice today. Actually did parallel parking practice this time, even tho I really didn't want to still. Finally got it into my head that I can maybe do this.

SO......

I have scheduled my driving test. For November 13th, 3 weeks from today.

[imwritesometimes]

my mother, ever trying to invent drama and catastrophe and get me over to her house so she can argue with me, has informed me today, the first time she's talked to me since the last ~catastrophe~ she overreacted to and fought with me, that there is 'water on the side of the house'

outside? yes.

it's been raining on and off here for a while. it is winter. the water is outside. in the yard. I was like. ok.............. it's outside. it's raining. this..... isn't a problem?

this was an offensive answer

[danielnelsen]

there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn

[iamfuckingsorry]

I've slept for like maybe 4 hours a night on average since Wednesday last week and I am /so/ fucking over it. I got like 7 hours last night because I stupidly agreed to go on a trip and got home very late, but man that's not anywhere close to enough. I've spent the entire day tired af today, was /so/ tired and ready to fall asleep when I got home from work, but decided I was gonna wait till at least like 8 pm because I didn't wanna wake up at 2 in the morning unable to fall back asleep. Then it got to like 7 pm and my roomies all started hanging out in the kitchen, and the new guy has never heard of the term inside voice, and the washer was running and they were playing cards and it was. I spent two hours in bed with the lights off trying to fall asleep but I only managed to listen to a convo about how it's important to eat meat and protein and how bad carbs are for you (my new roomie is a gymbro)...

Now all my roomies are quiet but my upstairs neighbour it watching TV so loud I can hear every single word, and there's fireworks going off somewhere as fucking always, and I'm too upset to be able to fall asleep anyway. And I have to bite my fucking lip when crying to stop myself from making any sounds, because then everyone in this flat and every single one of my neighbours would hear me. And I can't even sleep in on weekends or anything, I literally get woken up by my flatmates being loud anyway.

And I dunno, I know I might just need to get over myself, but I'm just so fucking tired, and so fucking upset that I can't even choose /when I want to go to sleep in my own fucking home/, and I'll be stuck living like this for the next 6 months, and I know it's not /that/ bad, but also maybe it is that bad, and either way I don't wanna do it, but I fucking have to because I'm already paying some 65% of my current income for rent (with 4 flatmates! I honestly should have just paid a bit more for a tiny shitty studio) and I can't afford to break the lease. Like even if I move back home tomorrow I'm still stuck paying my fucking lease.

I know this is extremely minor compared to problems some of y'all are having, but man, I am *so* upset by this. Like I cannot spend 8 hours a day sitting in a loud af open space office, commuting 2-3 hours a day because the buses are so fucking unreliable, then come home and be surrounded by more noise and not even be able to do normal things when I want to. Like even getting 7-8h of sleep somewhat consistently is not /great/ for me, I'm a 9 hours a night kind of person, and this will absolutely ruin me if I have to do this for 6 months. And it's for a shitty fucking job that I thought sounded interesting but that's been extremely meh so far and doesn't even pay minimum wage because of some weird legal loophole.

Legit considering ways to get evicted.

[kateis-cakeis]

people are really so weird and so fatphobic huh

(and oops most of my commentary is in the tags XD)