#The skit with Wendy and Soos is a reference to Justice League Unlimited

[tinfoil-jones]

Jerk Ford AU: "Quality" Time

Jerk Ford returns home slightly earlier than in canon, sometime between the episodes "The Love God" and "Northwest Mansion Mystery".

Compared to Canon Ford, despite being rude and unpleasant to everybody, Jerk Ford spends much more time with the family! And also his former lab assistant; Retired Tech Billionaire, Old Man McGucket. This is because he and Stan are not fighting, so Stan doesn't try to keep Ford away from everybody. He encourages it, actually.

Results may vary.

Jerk Ford with Stanley:

*exactly 10 minutes after Jerk Ford dispatches the gov't agents*

"Stanley, I'm so glad to finally be home. You wouldn't believe how much I missed you. I knew I'd come back eventually, but I'm sorry it took so long and you had to save me from my mistakes again. I can't wait for us to move on with the rest of our lives."

"Me too, bro. Now-" *hands him a pamphlet*

"What's this?"

"A catalogue of therapists. Pick one."

"...Wha-."

"If you don't pick a therapist in the next five minutes I am going to drag you by the hair to the nearest shrinks office you emotionally constipated, underfed f**k."

Jerk Ford with his Niblings:

Wendy: I've been having these nightmares about Northwest Manor...

Soos: No sweat, dude. We can go there, and see that whatever you're scared of is just a part of your imagination.

Jerk Ford: You're going to need my help. I'm going with you.

Soos: Hold your horses, dawg. No one asked for more help. This whole trip might just prove the girl-dude shouldn't be sleeping with her nightlight off.

Jerk Ford: Lava lamp.

Wendy: How did you...? What, did you break into my house?

Jerk Ford: *scoffs* Please.

Jerk Ford:

Jerk Ford: I break into everyones house.

Jerk Ford with his Grand-Niblings:

Dipper: I will send you STRAIGHT TO HADES, where you belong!

Jerk Ford: I'll see you there, pipsqueak. Well, I'll try to; I'd need a magifiying glass.

Dipper: Why you-

Mabel: Why can't we ever play a normal game of Go Fish?

Jerk Ford with Retired Tech Billionaire Old Man McGucket:

Fiddleford: It's an entire dimension of sentient robots?

Jerk Ford: Mhmm.

Fiddleford: And they have the ability to take the form of normal Earth vehicles should they choose?

Jerk Ford: Yes.

Fiddleford: And there's been a civil war raging between two factions of them for a thousand years?

Jerk Ford: What about it?

Fiddleford:

Fiddleford: Ford, you're talking about The Transformers.

Jerk Ford: The what?