#now I have to clean my tear ducts

[009720kakashi]

Soooooo turns out your tear ducts can be blocked. Did not know that. Not the glaucoma's fault this time yay :D

👋🏻👀 hello

[cereovo]

DIY notebook/junk journal tutorial for people on a budget

I found myself watching a lot of bookbinding videos recently & had the realization: I could probably do that at home, for free. And I was right. So before an influencer convinces you to drop 50 dollars on a book press and a fancy bonefolder, here's how:

STEP 0: MATERIALS

Cardstock - This can be any slightly thicker paper. I've been using postcards and blank greeting cards, because they're already around the size I want, but you can even use the cardboard from a cereal box if you want something sturdier.

Scissors/Xacto knife - You need at least the scissors, but the Xacto knife makes things a lot easier. If you have an actual paper cutter, use that instead.

Glue - your choice, I've been using modpodge but you can use a glue stick, etc instead.

Sturdy tape - duct tape, electrical tape, masking tape, etc. It needs to hold up to wear and tear; washi/scotch tape will not work.

Binder or Paper clips - binder clips are my preference but large paper clips work in a pinch

Ruler(s) - If you have them, I recommend using two rulers: one metal (if you're cutting paper with an xacto knife), one plastic or wood (this will be your bonefolder).

Pen or pencil

Paper scraps - These will be the pages of your notebook. You want them to be the same size or bigger than your covers. You can use literally anything; I've been using the last blank pages of old planners and notebooks, end pages of old books, and various scraps that would otherwise be thrown away.

Safety pin - Awl substitute

Needle and thread

ADDITIONALLY you should have a) a surface to glue on and b) a surface to cut on. A piece of scrap cardboard works well for both.

--

STEP 1: DECORATING THE COVER

Take the cardstock you want to use for your cover, cut it to size if you need to, and fold it in half, using the side of your wooden/plastic ruler to flatten the crease. If you want to decorate it, take a magazine clipping or paper scrap of your choice and glue it on one side ( shown below). Avoid gluing anything onto the crease.

Flip it over and trim the sides down. Cut off the corners, then glue and fold the sides over. Use the ruler on anything you need to crease.

Flip back over and repeat for the other side! Make sure to leave a gap at the 'spine'.

STEP 2: CREATING A SIGNATURE

A "signature" is a stack of folded papers, aka, your notebook's pages. Take the papers you wish to use, fold each of them in half, and nest them together. I've been using 10 sheets of paper for mine, which will become 40 pages total. It might be harder to fit more than this into a small-sized notebook. Also, I try to arrange the sheets so that the CLEAN EDGES line up at the BOTTOM of the stack, with the rough edges at the top. This way you'll only have to trim 2 sides instead of 3.

Line your cover up with the signature's bottom edge, making sure everything inside is aligned neatly. Then slap on a binder clip and trim off some of the excess material with scissors, if needed.

Use a ruler to mark where the edge of the cover is, then remove the cover to avoid damaging it (but keep the binder clip). Hold the ruler firmly in place slightly to the left of the line you just made. Carefully make repeated, even strokes with your xacto knife along the side of the ruler to cut straight through the layers of paper. Repeat with the top of the signature. A metal ruler is recommended for this step because a sharp xacto knife WILL CUT THROUGH PLASTIC AND WOODEN RULERS. I learned this the hard way, but if you're careful it should be fine. If you have access to an actual paper cutter, skip this step and use that instead!! it's way faster and safer!!

The finished signatures should be the same size as your cover now.

STEP 3: PUTTING IT TOGETHER

Stick your signature into the cover, align everything, then open to the center page. Clip the pages to the cover at the top or bottom, one on each side, in this 'open' position. Make a few marks along the center crease with even spacing.

Awl time. Using your marks as a guide, CAREFULLY push your safety pin through your signature and out through notebook's spine. You might want to use a thumbtack to make things easier on your fingers.

The next step is to sew the sheets together through the holes you made. Unfortunately this is not a sewing tutorial, so if you don't know how to thread a needle you might want to pause here and look that up. I'm using a simple saddle stitch, keeping the knots on the outside. There are many ways to do the actual book binding, including just stapling it, but this is how I do it.

You can remove the binder clips at this point. The only thing left to do is reinforce the spine. Trim the thread and fold your Sturdy Tape of choice over the spine, leaving some excess at both ends. The goal here is mainly to cover up the loose thread. Split the excess along the dotted lines shown below...

...Then stick it down on the insides of the front and back cover.

And you're done!!!!!

Enjoy your cool new handmade notebook!

[3motionally3xhausted]

Redesigning the Fentons!!

Hi yes this is for yet another Danny Phantom AU of mine it has nothing to do with the Apprenticeship AUs but unlike that batch I actually wanna turn this AU into a fic eventually once I get through a few other big projects I have *sobs*

Anyway individual files for each character under the cut along with my obligatory rambling about all the choices I made ;)

Jazz! Honestly, when I was a kid, I always thought she was 18 not 16 so it was kind of a shock when I started rewatching the show about a yr ago and heard that. Anyway, she's 17 in this AU but already moved out to college on a scholarship bc living in FentonWorks is kind of hell and she has that Older Sibling Guilt for leaving Danny there. For her clothes, I wanted it to be a mix of tactical and preppy.

Danny! (Fenton) The effects of FentonWorks hell is much more visible on Danny than Jazz because she got out of there as soon as she could. Because of that though, a lot of the chores in the lab got pushed onto Danny, without passing on many safety tips, like replacing the ecto-filtrator, cleaning contaminated tools, organizing ecto-weapons, etc. And because he doesn't know any better when it comes to safety, he has many symptoms of radiation poisoning: visually, this comes through in the discoloration/scarring on his skin (Jazz has some slight scarring on her face and hands as well), the cataract on his left eye, as well as burst blood vessels in that eye. For his clothes, I wanted them to look a bit ragged and worn through ripped seams, tears in the jeans, & duct tape around his shoe.

Danny! (Phantom) I don't actually have a lot to SAY about my choics, but I am really happy with it. There are still a few things. I wanted his hair as Fenton & Phantom to be different but still reminiscent of the simplistic rendering of the original show: Fenton is kind of timid so his hair falls over his face, & Phantom is more active/aggressive so his hair is pushed upward. The only other thing I want to comment on is his skin: it's kind of about how I usually stylize Phantom (and I mentioned this when I redesigned Dani a while back) but a "healthy" Phantom in my style would have more bright cyan skin and an unhealthy Phantom has a more dull/zombie green. And lastly, as a ghost, the radiation poisoning kind of cleans up into more neat scarring rather than the muddy/bleeding look as Fenton.

Maddie! Now, I'm gonna be honest, real vulnerable here,... I hate Maddie's canon haircut. It's ugly, I'm not sorry. But I can modify it, so it's fine: now it's curlier, a bit darker, and has a few grey streaks bc she's a genius and constantly pulling long working hours. And, it didn't come across as much as I wanted, but she's got some biceps, strong lady. Now, I'm not really sure why, but I wanted to shift the color of her and Jack's jumpsuit, making hers much more desaturated.

Jack! Big guy. I don't have many thoughts about him either, but I did give him glasses and some stubble for a little bit more dad energy (?) I mainly changed the color of his jumpsuit bc Orange is an extremely hard color for me to render for some reason, so now it's the classic Hazard Yellow. Finally, the most notable difference is the coat I put on him for a bit more scientist energy but my main reasoning for it is the potential visual of him being an absolute tank jumping from overhead with the ghost gauntlets and his coat flapping behind him. Also, I generally like the idea of him presenting himself as a big, dumb teddy-bear, always smiling, but completely unhinged below that facade: dropping the smile or not while towering over you in shadow. Wild imagery.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Do not count on any actual steps towards creating this fic in the near future, it's just on my mind right now, but I NEED to finish my other projects first 🙏🙏🙏 That said, I will (eventually) get around to a handful more character redesigns for this AU including: Vlad, Sam, Tucker, Valerie, Paulina, and maybe Lancer & Dash

[mashiraostail]

Plleeassee 'you can sit on my lap' with Halsin PLEASEEE

ur wish is my command I did SFW bc it felt right but lemme no if u want different :3

It was always the same, which was sort of what annoyed you. It's not that your day to day fights had been particularly hard it was just the constant bumps and scrapes and bruises that weighed you down. Never enough damage to justify wasting healing magic, but just enough that you were uncomfortable in your day to day. You left some wounds to heal even once you're back at camp, preferring to let the others get fixed up before you. Today you could feel the itchy irritation of a cut healing over, right across the bridge of your nose. It was a constant bother, like a bug flying around your face, a tickle that would not subside no matter which way you scrunched your nose up.

"This city air isn't doing anything for me either." You feel Halsin's hand come down on your shoulder, heavy and warm. For a moment you were confused, you'd not complained at all since setting off for the day, then you realized your discomfort may be less subtle than you thought.

"Oh..." You wave, "who am I to complain?" You did enjoy Halsin, well perhaps more than enjoy.... given your late night trysts. Though he was still unfamiliar to you in some ways, and lacking a formal name for what the two of you shared often left you uncertain in your day to day with him.

"Please, I think this city would benefit from some complaining." He looks down at you, "I thought I was the only one."

"No..no.." You resist the urge to peel the scab over the bridge of your nose away, you were certain you'd start gushing blood all over, which given your current location made no sense at all. It had actually been a rather tame day so far, and it was already almost over.

"I think even the most dedicated Baldurians have it in them to complain about the smell from time to time." You give in, and start to chip away at the corner of the scab closest to your tear duct.

Halsin just laughs, "I see, well I suppose it's good to know I'm not alone..." He removes his hand from your shoulder and looks around a bit as you walk, though he stays close to you.

You can't help but hiss at the feeling of your skin peeling back, beyond the first wound, you supposed that was karma for picking it.

"Are you alright?" Halsin turns over his shoulder at you, "I heard you-" He looks down at your hand by your nose, "leave that alone." He bats your hand away, "you should have let me clean it up days ago, see now? You've made it worse."

"It's itchy." You rub the bridge of your nose for emphasis, "and I can't help it. I've always picked at my scabs, where do you think all these cool scars came from?"

"I can't say I doubt that. But still, this city is dirty, it's best to not bare an open wound to this kind of air." He procures a small cloth and dabs at the blood as it appears, "it's good you didn't peel open this whole thing, and it's a wonder you've not complained till now."

You can't help but flush at the attention, if anyone with you notices they spare you, "I'm alright, I've dealt with much worse."

"I'm sure you have, but there's no need with me around.... To tell you the truth," He dabs the small cloth with his tongue and wipes the dirt and grime away from the edges of the newly opened flesh, "I enjoy doting on you."

You look down at your boots to avoid looking at him, you can feel your ears burning.

"It's hard to see the damage out here, do you think you can hold out till we set up camp for the day?"

"Of course-" You swallow your embarrassment, "I'm okay like this, I'll live."

"Oh I hope so." Halsin is smiling at you, "who knows what I would do otherwise." He hands you the cloth, "keep this, incase it bleeds anymore."

"Thank you." You look up at him, "you've been a big help."

"Don't thank me, just.." He guides your hand holding the cloth up to your nose, and uses it to cover the wound, "keep it clean until we settle in for the night." You can only nod up at him.

True to your word you do keep your wound covered in the cloth for the rest of your journey that day. It was a long one, boring too. As much as the little battles left you irate, a boring day of gathering information and talking to every no name on the street was equally irksome.

When you get back to camp Halsin seems busy with Gale, who despite his best efforts is always the most banged up by the end of the day. You almost feel bad for him, until you see him bright and pristine every morning. So you sit by the fire, content on sharpening a stick into some sort of miniature spear, humming to yourself.

When Halsin finds you all of the dark bark has been scraped off the stick leaving it white and brittle looking.

"You hide in plain sight you know?" He offers you a hand and you take it, allowing him to hoist you up to your feet.

"It's one of my many talents." You toss the sharpened stick down, "how's Gale?"

"He's fine, I apologize, I should have come to you first."

"No," You laugh, "I'm sure he needed it more than me. You're here now."

"I am." He smiles at that, wider than you'd ever previously given yourself credit for, "come, let me see." He waves you closer and leans down toward you.

Once you've closed most of the gap you feel his eyes wander beyond the gash over your nose, down to your neck and collarbones, all to way to your wrists.

"Now that we're close like this...when was the last time you've been healed? Has Jaheria been taking up the job in my stead?" He seems almost offended at the thought.

"No-" You shake your head, "No, I've been mostly alright."

"Alright? You're practically covered in cuts and bruises- let's go someplace more private, you should have a once over." He guides you with a hand sprawled out between your shoulder blades, not leaving room for protest.

"You should have come to me sooner." He breaks the silence once you're away from camp, surrounded by trees and brush.

"You're always helping the others, I'm used to this, I'd rather they get what they need." You insist, gesturing vaguely to yourself.

"You can all have what you need." Halsin seems perplexed, "there's more than enough healing magic to go around, you don't have to worry about that."

"well it must be exhausting, constantly casting spells, you're always taking care of the others, what about you?"

"What about me?" Halsin tilts his head at you quizzically, "I'm alright too."

"Well who takes care of you?"

"When you live as long as I have," He starts tending to some of the smaller cuts on your arms, "you learn to take care of yourself. It comes with time."

"That's not fair." You frown, "everyone relies on you. It must be a heavy weight, especially with no one to lean on, or to rely on to care for you."

"You." Halsin sits on an old stump, "I have you. We care for each other....unless I'm mistaken."

"You're not." You allow him to turn you around, inspect you every which way for any major damage left untended.

"Good. Come here." He waves you into him but you stand, flushed and confused before him.

"Here." He gestures again, "you can sit in my lap."

Nervously you do, slotting yourself against him. It hadn't been many times but you'd sought his company before, and the feeling of his large hand cupped around you thigh was welcome, almost calming. It doesn't take very much magic at all to get you right again, and you're glad to accept it, at this point the constant discomfort was bordering on pain.

"You must be exhausted, they were small injuries but they were plenty, it must have worn on you." His hand spreads over the small of your back, "I meant what I said before." On his lap it's much easier for him to rest his head against your chest, you feel his hair tickling the side of your neck as he does.

"I enjoy caring for you, perhaps it's self serving, but please allow me the pleasure of it more often."

"I wasn't sure-" You flush at the sudden tenderness, it wasn't brand new, nor was it unwelcome, but it was still fresh, still took getting used to. "I didn't want to burden you."

"Be sure now." He picks his head up, "you're more than asset to hinder or help me me.... and certainly more than a friend." He spares a glance down to your hand, where it has wrapped around his bicep. "Don't be modest, when you ask for me, I'm happy to go to you. If I can bring you any comfort on the road ahead, then I'd be honored to."

"Thank you, Halsin." You rest your hand on the side of his neck and he hums at the feeling, glancing between your bodies then back to your face.

"You don't need to thank me," His hand slides along the divot of your spine, a soft touch made firm by the rough skin of his palms, "just come to me, whenever you need, even when you don't need to, but only want to. I do miss you after our nights together. I'd take comfort in knowing you feel the same."

"I do.." You nod, "I just hate to steal you away when the others-"

"Steal me away all you like," He laughs, "Gods, that sounds heavenly. I'm sure the others can manage a few hours." He kisses you for the first time that day. Which wasn't unusual, often he waited for more private moments to voice and show his affections, it was welcome and warm and you were glad to be on the receiving end of his affections.

"And knowing you feel the same is all the better." He wraps his arms around you in a bear hug perfectly fitting of the man giving it.

"I'm grateful to have spent this time enjoying you." He takes a deep breath, like he's trying to get as much of your scent as possible.

"Can we stay for a bit? Like this?" You pull back and pin away a stray strand of his hair, his chest huffs with a light airy chuckle as he nods.

"Of course, but you'll have to tear me away when you're done. I fear I won't want to go anywhere once I've settled down with you on me like this."

He resumes his bear hugging and despite the tightness of the hug, and the closeness of your bodies you don't feel cramped at all.

[ghostskiss]

I just done playing cod mw3 and Soap death killed me from the inside, just want to console my mind, I want to see Simon with Soap'ssister!Y/N as lover having each other after the trauma please??? i love your writing and i believe you can ease my heart <3

hey bby! sorry for the late reply, i hope this eases you after some time <3

———

Pain

Pairing: Simon "Ghost" Riley x Soap's Lil Sis Y/N

WC: 4.3k

Warnings: 18+ ANGST, Trauma bonding, Character Death, Mentions of depression, Grief, Sadness, Blood/Injury TW, Bathing in a tub, Soft!Dom Simon, Massaging/hands all over F! body, Clitplay, crygasm, tbh kind of DDLG-esque ((to me at least)). No DDLG wording used though Tried not to spoil too much on Soap's death for other readers!

note: please take care of yourselves loves. if you relate to Y/N in this, i am so very sorry and it does get better. be patient and kind with yourselves and reach out. people need you as much as you need them and that is a strength. not a weakness.

———

Pain.

Pain is what you've been feeling. Disaster, chaos, sadness. But pain was King in your heart. The deciding factor for many things in your life since your big brother has...

You grip your chest and double over in the kitchen, dropping your coffee mug in the sink. Sucking in a breath, you allow the grief to wash over you in the deadening wave that it is. That's what you've learned over these past couple of months. They come and go in waves, this thing called Grief. It hurts every time. Sometimes at night you wonder if they'll ever go away. If it'll always feel like you're drowning without him here. Your big brother. Johnny.

Even though you're clenching your chest and squeezing your eyes shut as you feel through this pain, you haven't cried lately. It's like you've cried so much the first couple of months that your tear ducts have stopped working. A few more moments pass and you stand up straighter, looking at the broken mug in the sink. You feel nothing now, like you hadn't been in agonizing pain just seconds ago. Enough to have made you drop and break one of your favorite mugs. Awhile ago that would've made you cry. You used to be so raw with emotion after the passing of Johnny. Now nothing seems to get you to except the random waves of grief.

Touching a shard in the sink with mild disinterest, you think about all things you used to do. Things that made you feel something. Anything but this never-ending pressure and weight on your shoulders, like you're carrying it around like a support blanket. Your finger slips on the shard, the ceramic cutting into your pointer finger, blood welling to the surface quickly. Another glance of mild disinterest as you bring your hand up to study the open the wound. It hadn't even hurt. How...odd. The warmth of the red liquid trails down your hand to your wrist, as it slowly leaks from your finger.

The doorbell rings, pulling you out of your morbid trance and you blink, almost in shock from the sound. Some days it feels like you're holed up in world different from others entirely, that no one can get you here. The doorbell rings again and this time your feet seem to be unglued finally. Ripping off a paper towel, you press it to your finger and yell out weakly,

"Coming."

Your voice cracks painfully and you wince. When was the last time you'd spoken out loud? The grip you have on your finger tightens as you glance around your home. Christ, when was the last time you'd cleaned anything? Eaten? When was the last time -

Someone pounds on the front door. You zoned out again in the middle of the front entry way. Trying to blink away your dazed state, you reach for the door, opening it. A breath catches in your throat, staring at the...

Ghost.

Ghost.

The man stares down at you in his own confused state, his dark eyes behind that mask he wears taking in inventory of every little thing. In the past you would've shrunk away from his searching gaze. In the past, you would've felt fear. You would've felt self conscious. You stare up at him and will yourself to feel something, anything.

You realize he'd been talking to you and you blink again, voice croaking, "Sorry? What?"

"Why the hell are you bleeding?" His head nods to your hands.

You glance down confused, had already forgotten what happened moments ago. The blood has seeped through your meager little paper towel and was making a fine mess down your arm again. Detached, you state, "Broke my mug."

Ghost is silent for a moment, watching you watch the blood trickle down even more. He's almost unnerved, seeing you in this state. How long have you been like this? His jaw clenches under his mask and he gently grabs your hand with injured finger, squeezing it to keep the blood from flowing as he redirects you back inside. The fact that you move in zombie-like trance pains him. Something he knows well. Seeing it in you...seeing it in Soap's baby sister. And knowing what you're feeling or you're lack of feeling makes his chest hurt.

In your dissociated and detached state, you move with him as he guides you through your own home from behind you. You don't feel entirely here on this plane of existence. But you know that you trust this man, that he's going to help you with your injured finger. That this was a man that your brother trusted with his life. His life.

That thought snaps you out of it and you inhale sharply, taking in your surroundings like you'd been asleep this whole time. Ghost has since sat you down at the kitchen table, glass of water next to you and some ibuprofen. The water runs in the kitchen sink and you can smell your lavender hand soap. Your head turns to the kitchen, catching Ghost's gaze as he dries his hands off. He stares at you and then nods to the items on the table. Turning back to it, you grab the glass and frown, seeing your already bandaged finger. You drink some water and down the pain killers with it as Ghost comes around and pulls a chair from the table to sit in front of you. He gently grabs your hands into his and holds them, leaning his elbows on his legs.

"How are you?" his voice is quiet, not exactly a whisper, but something above it. It's nice. It's calm. It's familiar, in a way. You think about the last time you'd seen him. When was it? Johnny's funeral. Johnny.

"Hey."

You look up from your joined hands, realizing yet again you'd went away somewhere. Ghost's eyes ping to yours, back and forth, like he's trying to read your mind. Like he's trying to figure out where you're going too. How to keep you here with him. How to keep you present. He leans closer, and you don't even flinch. Like you're in and out of your own consciousness, not aware of anything. His bare hands run up your arms softly and he notes the goosebumps raising as he tickles you. Good. At least you're somewhat aware of that. You blink again, coming back to him from the stimulation. You shiver slightly and Ghost hums, deciding that physical touch is going to work at least for now.

"Why are you here?" you whisper, peering up at him. Your eyes are wide, like he's waking you up out of a dream you'd been stuck in for awhile. This is going to hurt, he realizes. He gently squeezes your shoulders.

"To check in on you. Soap..." his voice dips, "Johnny told me to look after you. I...I'm sorry I haven't been here." He stops at that, not knowing what to say. He doesn't have an excuse. He can't say it was work. Can't say it was anything but his own selfishness, his own pain, his own anguish. He'd lost a brother too.

Something in his voice triggers it in you. Something that starts to slowly swell up inside, like a different kind of pressure. You feel more alert, sharper.

"You're sorry?"

Ghost nods and lets out a slow sigh, his fingers still loosely trailing on your skin. It's starting to irritate you slightly, as you feel his touch awaken your skin. "I don't have an excuse. I made a promise and I couldn't keep it. But I'm here now. I'm here. And if I had known...if I had known you were like this I wouldn't have been... I don't know. Scared. Scared to see you. I was -am- grieving too."

Scared to see you. The man who was the last person with Johnny. The man who had him more than you had him. The man who took your brother away from him. Scared of you. Grieving too. Like he had his brother killed. Killed. Taken away.

Anger. Anger is what this new feeling is. You almost revel in it, almost shuddered with excitement that you're finally, finally feeling something other than the pain. Your heart rate picks up and you almost feel delirious.

"If you hadn't known I was like this?"

Ghost catches the change in your tone and his gaze jerks back up to you in question. You can see his brows dip in confusion as he pulls his hands away from you.

"Honey, look around this place. You...you're not doing okay. I shouldn't have waited this long." He says gently, like you're not aware of how bad you are. Like you have no idea how much you've been in. Like you're not aware at all.

"I know I'm not doing okay, Simon." You spit out behind clenched teeth, "My brother got killed."

Ghost flinches at that, jerking back into his seat as he stares at the ground.

You feel like you conquered something. You feel in control suddenly, prideful that you hurt him with your words. You stand up abruptly, knocking your chair back and Ghost looks up at you with pain in his eyes. You feel high off of that fact. You aren't the only one in pain anymore. You don't have to feel it. You can inflict it.

"You weren't the one who lost your family." Another flinch from the man in front of you, "You weren't the one who had random men show up at your front door step and tell you your brother was killed. You weren't the one who had to go to the funeral and see people who knew him, but not the way that you knew him, people who didn't grow up with him, people who took him away from his real family, people who only worked with him not loved him-"

"I loved him."

Your next words catch in your throat as you gaze down at him in shock.

"What -"

"I said I loved him." Ghost stands up slowly, his hands up like he's approaching a wounded and feral animal. You back up in fear like one anyways. "I loved your brother. I loved Johnny. Johnny loved you. He loved you. He'd always talk about you. He'd show me the letters you'd write him when we'd be shipped out. He'd show me pictures of your family. He'd tell me anything he could about you. He loved you. I know you loved him. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't here for you. I'm sorry I couldn't share the things I had with Johnny, but I'm here now and I'm ready. I'm ready to share anything you want to hear, I know we weren't close before this, but your brother was my best friend. He was a brother to me. I know that our pain of losing him is different, but we still lost someone dear to us. Your brother was dear to me. You alone for that are dear to me as well. I will not let you walk through this alone anymore, sweetheart."

Ghost slowly reaches up and brushes your cheeks and that's when you realize you're crying. A sob catches your throat as you throw yourself at the man in front of you, burying your face into his chest as you cry. His arms come around you, keeping you to him, holding you as your body shakes with emotions. It's not only pain now. Nor anger. There's love and relief. Because now someone does finally understand where your heart and head have been since your brother passed.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Simon I didn't -" you start, staring up at him with tears blurring your vision. He shushes you and shakes his head, thumbing your tears away.

"Allow yourself to feel everything in this. No emotion is wrong. Anger is healthy." He rubs your back as you press your face in his chest again, breathing him in. It feels good, being hugged by a man such as him. After a few moments, Ghost untangles you slowly from him and jerks his head to the stairs. "Let's get you in a bath."

----------------------------

You stare down at the bubble bath lit with candles in a bit of anxiety. It looks warm and welcoming. Holding your finger up you stare at the gauze wrapped tightly around it. Strict orders under Lt Ghost was to not remove the bandage, even when you complained you'd had to leave your entire hand out of the bath then.

Startling you into a slight jump, Ghost's voice comes from behind the paper thin bathroom door, "You okay? I don't hear you in the bath."

You gnaw on your bottom lip, "Yeah, I'm uh...thinking."

"Thinking?"

You dip your toe in and shudder in delight. Yeah, that man might not look it, but he runs a good bubble bath. You lower yourself slowly, careful not to get your bandaged finger wet. Your body seems to groan with relief as you settle back into the water, head dipping back to lean on the edge of the tub. A few quiet seconds go by before Ghost is at the door again.

“You okay?”

You nod and then realize he can’t see you. “Yeah.” your voice sounds calm and at peace for once. You look around the dimly lit bathroom, candles on the counter lighting the room just enough. “I just wish I could wash my hair. Or anything really. I can’t get my hand wet.”

You think he’s gone by the lack of reply. Which is fine, you didn’t expect him to sit outside your bathroom door the entire time, even if he said he would. That’d be ridiculous to ask of him —

“I can do it. Wash your hair, I mean.” His voice is so soft from behind the door you think you made it up.

“I—”

He starts up again, this time a tad louder and rushed, like he’s trying to find the right words without offending you, “I won’t look. Obviously. There should be enough bubbles to uh… cover you. Not that I’d look even if there weren’t any. Just. Listen I’ll only help wash your hair. Don’t want you to get your bandage wet.” He pauses for a second. “If you want.”

You think it over while looking down at the bath. He’s right, he wouldn’t be able to see anything. You chew on your lip, thinking it over, probably for too long. Letting a slow sigh to calm your nerves, you nod and call him in. He comes in silently and you tense, feeling his presence fill the room. What are you doing? This is your brother’s…lieutenant. War buddy. Best friend. You’re letting him in the bathroom with you while you’re naked for Christ’s sake.

You turn to catch him rolling up his sleeves, bare hands grabbing the edge of the tub to help lower himself down to his knees. You feel yourself shrink back into the bubbles, glad for the low lighting so he can’t see you blushing. He’s staring at you softly, like he’s watching every tiny reaction you’re having to him. Studying you to see if you’re too uncomfortable. You don’t want him to leave so you sit up a little, moving closer to him. He nods a bit and reaches up to untangle your hair from the pile you placed on top of your head. He sweeps his fingers through your hair and your eyes close, allowing yourself to feel in the moment. Not think it. He grabs your bath cup and dips it in the water, letting the warmth cascade through your hair. Gently, he tips your head back so it doesn’t get in your eyes, his large hands are surprisingly soft as he finishes getting your hair wet enough for shampoo. His fingers massage your scalp with the suds and you groan, leaning into him more.

He chuckles, “You’re acting like a cat.”

“Do you like cats?” you ask, curious. Your eyes are closed and you hum as he rubs your head more.

“Hm. I’d like you if you were a cat.”

“You hardly know me. What if I were a bad cat?”

“No such thing.”

He dumps more water through your hair, rinsing you free of all your past worries and fears. You feel your body relax more and you sigh, sad that this is going to end soon. Your eyes peer open at him and you shiver, now thinking of how you have a man, this large mysterious man bathing you. You’ve known of him, met him a couple of times when Johnny would come home and bring him along. But he never talked much, in fact, you were a little scared of him sometimes. Johnny always joked with him but you swear the man was mute around your family. Seeing him so…intimately under the lighting of your bathroom, his rough but gentle hands on you, washing you and touching you, had your heart clenching and your thighs pressing together under the water. Was that wrong of you? What would your brother think right now? In the beginning it was appropriate enough, but now with these thoughts running rampant, it didn’t feel like an innocent hair washing session. You were suddenly so aware of how naked you were. How the bubbles in the bath were dissipating like they do after some time.

Ghost looks at your bandaged finger, grabbing your hand to pull you closer to him to inspect it. He makes a satisfied sound in seeing that you haven’t gotten it wet.

“Need me to wash you?”

Your throat dries as you stare at him, as he’s casually looking over your hand in his. You think of those very same hands on your body. His fingers caressing you, sudsing you up with your body wash. You’re about to tell him no, to be respectful to him. He’s probably innocently thinking he’s helping you and here you are getting worked up over him just washing your hair.

“I won’t…I won’t—”

“Do anything I don’t want you to?” You finish for him, not sure if that’s what he was even going to say. He nods anyways and catches your gaze to level it, like he’s telling you means it. Not only with his words but his eyes. You nod back and you stare at each other for a moment longer before he’s reaching for the wash. He pours some in the palm of his large hand and you swallow, turning your gaze away from him, the eye contact beginning to have been too much.

His hands connect with your shoulder softly and you close your eyes, tension leaving you quicker than you thought. He leans you forward a bit and gets your back, dipping under the water and coming back up. Your head lulls to the side as he comes back up and sweeps his hand across your collarbones, raising your arm to get your armpit and you giggle, though he seems to be taking his job seriously. He grunts at your reaction and turns your body a bit to get the other side of you.

You shudder, trying not to squirm under his tickling touch. His hands dip under the water to grab one of your legs and you squeal, catching the sides of the tub so you don't tip under. He laughs lightly, lathering up your calves and feet, your toes trying to wiggle out from underneath his grip. It's light and playful until you sit up, completely forgetting the setting that you're in. Ghost's hands drop from you and he sits back abruptly, making you frown and glance down at yourself. Bubbles from the bath are slowly falling from your breasts down your sides and stomach, your nipples tightening from the change in temperature. Ghost's wet hands grip the edge of the bath and you're both frozen, like you're both shocked at what you're witnessing. Heat fills your body and you turn towards him more, hearing the ever so slight hitch in his breath as your nipple grazes his knuckles.

Your uninjured hand grabs one of his and tugs gently, getting him to unglue his fingers from the tub. He watches you move your joined hands towards your chest and he utters your name out in a low warning. You pretend not to hear him as you guide his hand to cup a breast gently.

"You didn't wash me here." You whisper innocently, now looking up at him through your wet lashes. You feel Ghost's fingers spread before lightly gripping you in response. You shiver, pressing more into his touch.

Ghost lets out a noise in the back of his throat, like he's unsure on how to proceed. "We--"

You grab his other hand and do the same thing, the sudden action cutting him off from whatever he was about to say. His eyes drop to your breasts and he swipes a thumb across your nipple before testing the weight of you in his palms. You let out a small sigh, eyelids drooping from the feel of his warm hands on you. He plays with you like that, sweeping, feeling, testing, and washing your tits as you struggle to keep your head up from the pleasure. His fingers trail down to your sternum, even further to your belly button and you're nodding your head, like you're trying to encourage him to keep going.

"You want me to wash you there too, honey?"

You're nodding again, eyes half open while your press as much of yourself into his hands. Practically begging him without saying the words. Ghost hums and he pulls away entirely, standing up to chuck off his sweater that's gotten wet from the bath. Underneath he's got a plain black t-shirt that hugs his broad shoulders and you sit back, taking the large man in as he settles back down.

"Turn around. Lean your back here." He pulls your shoulders against the tub, his hands coming around you. You look down and watch his hands fondle your tits, fingers coming around to pinch your nipples lightly, just giving you enough pressure to gasp. His head settles in the crook of your shoulder, material of the mask brushing against your neck lightly, tickling you. He turns and whispers darkly in your ear while one hand trails down the front of your body, other gripping your chest.

"Let yourself feel. Stay with me."

Your eyes drift shut as his fingers go lower and lower until you're raising your hips to catch his finger tips into your sex. He chuckles airlessly, pressing into your aching clit. "Right here, baby?" You nod again frantically, whining out as he starts pressing slow circles. Your clit throbs as his fingers catch it, rolling it and playing with it as you gasp out. "Keep that bandage dry." The tone he delivers that in has an underlining connotation of a threat. An or else.

It makes your breath hitch and your head lull back, hitting his shoulder as he leans into you from behind the tub, his fingers playing slowly, exploring you. His other hand cups and plays with your breasts and he hums with curiosity when he finds the right spot, the right pressure. You don’t need to tell him, he can tell by the way you tense and then melt into him, almost like you’re fighting against the pleasure he’s giving you. His cock strains hard against his jeans and he curses himself about the morals and lines you two are crossing, yet he can’t find it in himself to care. In the throes of your pleasure as you cry out louder, your hands that were on the tub’s edge start to slip and the masked man tsks at you.

“Hands out of the water.”

You whimper and place them back on the edge, gripping and holding so you don’t entirely submerge yourself in the water containing you. Ghost picks up the pace of his fingers circling your clit and you moan out, hips bucking up. You’re close.

“Ghost,” you gasp, not sure what you’re about to say or beg or plead for.

“That’s it. Let go. Let go.” his voice is coaxing, like he’s gently leading you, not demanding you. Nurturing you, taking care of you. Your body responds like it was a command, toes curling, head falling backwards, breath catching and then crescendoing as your legs tense up, capturing Ghost’s ever moving hand to your pussy as you come. It’s breathtaking and blinding, and by the time you come back to reality, you’re gasping for air like you finished running.

Ghost lets you gather your bearings before he’s slowly untangling himself from you, rinsing the rest of your body off. He helps you stand on your wobbly legs, pulling you up and put of the tub with ease. A warm large towel comes around you and he dries you off thoroughly before wrapping it around your body and pulling you into him. He rests his cheek on top of your head, rubbing your back in the embrace. You can feel yourself crying, though you’re not sad. You blink away the tears as Ghost holds you.

“Let’s get you in bed sweetheart.”

He transitions you into your bed, and you reach out for him with watery eyes. He sighs a bit, but kicks off his boots and clambers into the bed after you, somehow just knowing this entire time what you need. The bandage, the bath, the feeling of something other than the pain in your heart. He pulls you into him, keeping you wrapped in the covers and he softly kisses your forehead through his mask. Your eyelids droop. Even though you’ll never get your brother back, and Ghost will never get his back, you’re here together. Going through it together. You were never really alone, even with how bad it hurt and how much you thought otherwise. It didn’t hurt right now, but it may in the future and that’s okay. You had time. You’re going to take it one step at a time.

“I’m right here baby. You’re okay.”

And you knew he was right.

[whatwooshkai]

for the smoke & mirrors ask - have you had 16 yet?

"You do it! You're the leader!"

"I am not asking! Boulder, you ask."

"Okay-"

"Actually, nevermind. This is stupid. I'll just use my hoses-"

"No! You are not spraying me in the face again, you almost broke my optics-"

"Oh shut up, you were fine!"

"Barely!"

"Blades is correct, that level of pressure-"

"Stay out of this, Chase!"

"Seriously, guys, I don't mind asking-"

Cody sighs, lowering the lift all the way down before the rescue bots break out into an all out brawl. Five minutes of listening to them bicker and yet he still has no idea what they want.

"Hey guys!" he announces, and every helm snaps over. Cody is suddenly aware of the size difference. "Whatcha talkin' 'bout?"

The rescue bots' gazes flit between Cody and each other, seemingly having a silent conversation before Boulder pipes up and says, "We want you to wash our faces."

"Huh?"

"Our faces," Chase repeats. "We would like you to wash them."

"Yeah, I heard," Cody says, giving them a lopsided smile. "I just wanna know why."

"Well, back on Cybertron you'd have to go to a detailer to get your face properly cleaned," Blades explains. "Lots of small seams, big servos, it's not exactly easy to do it yourself. But we figured, since your servos are so small...?"

None of the rescue bots are looking at him. Boulder is very interested in their hands, Blades is scuffing his feet, Heatwave is tapping a beat on his arm that makes Chase's finials flick in time.

Oh my god. Are they... embarrassed?

Cody coughs into his fist to stifle a laugh. His dad says it all the time: "For a race of advanced alien robots, they're just as bad as us."

"I can wash your faces!" Cody assures them. "Frankie'll be here soon, and she'll be happy to help too!"

There's clear embarrassment radiating off the bots, but Cody decides not to let them stew in it and runs to the storage closet to grab the supplies, fumbling with his comm link at the same time.

"Hey, Frankie," he says, pressing his cheek to his shoulder as he puts the car soap in a bucket with some sponges and towels. "How far are you?"

"Walking in now," her voice crackles over the comm line. "Why?"

"The bots asked for their faces washed, so we're doing that," he explains, grabbing a second bucket.

"Why...?"

Cody shrugs, then realizes she can't see him. "Because they asked. Isn't that a good enough reason?"

Frankie sighs, but there's a smile in her voice. "I guess so. Coming down the lift now."

"Don't get off, we'll need some height." Cody carries his supplies out of the closet, past the bots who are currently greeting Frankie, up onto the lift beside her. He sets down their supplies and they divide them between each other, and Heatwave fills their buckets when prompted.

Boulder and Blades come forward first, sitting down and letting Frankie adjust the lift so they're at the perfect height.

Cody has been close to the rescue bots before. He sits on their shoulders, they carry him around in their hands, sometimes they sit him atop their helms! But he realizes that he's never been this close to their faces, and now he understands why they wanted this.

Boulder's faceplate isn't perfectly smooth, there are small grooves and seams and scratches and scuffs, there's little divots under their optics that almost look like tear ducts. Cody dips the sponge into the soapy water and starts on Boulder's cheek, but nearly drops it when the rumbling starts up.

Blades had slumped over immediately, leaning his chin onto the railing of the lift, and while Boulder was doing a better job of keeping themselves upright, twin rumbling rises from their chests, the unmistakable purr of an engine.

Frankie and Cody exchange looks, not wanting to ruin the moment. Like cats! Frankie signs excitedly, and Cody can't help but grin, because they are.

There's a shocking amount of dirt on Boulder's face, so it takes almost two hours to get the towel to come out clean when he wipes it across their cheek. Blades has fully fallen asleep.

Heatwave's tapping his arm impatiently while Chase has busied himself with a book, but his tapping foot is giving him away as well.

"All done!" Cody announces, clapping his hands together, and Boulder blinks sleepily, before giving him a big smile.

"Thank you!" they say brightly, standing up shakily and picking up Blades with them, making room for the other two.

Chase takes a spot in front of Frankie as Heatwave sits in front of Cody. He leans onto his hands to brings his face close enough for Cody to reach it.

Heatwave looks exhausted already, and far worse for wear than Boulder did. It almost seems like there's dark circles under his optics, there's dirt crusted into the scar on his cheek and in the seams of his jaw, and there's a dent just below his left optic.

He's asleep in minutes.

All four rescue bots' engines purr in time.

[starseneyes]

Theloise - Theo Sharpe / Eloise Bridgerton - Bridgerton Season 3

You might be saying, "Rachel, Theo wasn't even in Season 3. Are you kidding me!?"

Welp, yes, our beloved printer's apprentice did not appear in the flesh in Season 3, but I've wanted to talk for a bit about his influence and how he is definitely still on dear Eloise's heart and mind.

What do I mean by that? Welp, you'll just have to read to find out, gentle devlish readers.

SPOILER ALERT: Fair warning that everything in Bridgerton Season 3 is up for grabs. If you wish to remain unspoiled, remain above the "read more" line.

Now... let's dive in.

"Since when are you one who simply glides in?" "Since when do you wear so many ruffles?"

Even though Colin is the main love interest of Season 3, there is a lot of Eloise in Season 3. And here we immediately see that they are both calling one another out for out-of-character behavior—him for his attitude and her for her attire. They are both pretending to be something they are not.

Where in Season 2, Eloise ran from it, she has decided to lean into it in Season 3. She is hurting from everything that happened with Penelope and Theo last season.

For Colin, now that Anthony is married, the eyes of the ton will naturally shift to him or Benedict. After wounding his heart with Lady Crane last season, Colin seeks to numb himself, to conform to expectation.

Eloise, similarly, is heartbroken from everything that transpired with Penelope and Theo and seeks to embrace conformity with the hopes that it will eventually stick.

But duct tape works best when applied to a clean, dry surface. Eloise's tears still coat her emotional being, and this isn't quite working, much as she wishes it were.

"Eloise! Surely you are not eager to hasten to the modiste?"

Eloise chuckles at that. No, at her core she is still not enthused about this. But, she is trying to play her part.

And the two brothers who know her best repeatedly call her out on it through the season. They want her to know that they see she is not herself, though they might not even guess the reason.

And yet one thing the siblings give one another is space. This can backfire, at times, in terms of truly understanding one another. But, I think Eloise needs this.

She needs this season of flailing and finding her footing without a man. Yes, I'm a Theloise shipper, but part of that is because I believe Theo is the one man in her life who will support her, encourage her, and appreciate her.

He'll never try to stop her from chasing her dreams, from trying to change the world, from making a difference. No, he'll come alongside her and never steal her thunder. It's part of why I love them as a pairing.

"It is a book! A rare Bavarian text on the right of-" "I am in the middle of reading something. It's called Emma." "A novel? You have never been one for silly romances." "Perhaps my tastes have changed. The writings I read before of women making their way outside society, those were the romances."

Because in the quiet moments of comfort with a man who valued her and her opinions, who uplifted her as a woman and appreciated her thoughts, she did, indeed, find romance.

But she learned it was a fantasy. They were pretending. They were dipping their toes into something that cannot be.

And, more than that, she's terrified that her dream of being an independent woman are impossible. Remember, Eloise doesn't need a man to be a complete. She doesn't crave romance like Daphne. She doesn't long for marriage like Francesca.

Eloise wants to make her own way in the world. Daphne said she knew that she would. And I believe wholeheartedly it can happen.

But right now, Eloise doesn't believe.

"Lady Whistledown nearly ruined me last season. I've lost the battle, and I have no appetite for the war. So, I've joined the winning side. Not unlike you, I take it."

Again, the dialogue drives home the point that Season 3 is about disguises for both Colin and Eloise. They are both trying desperately to be who society wants them to be.

For Colin, he tries to play the role of the charismatic Rake when he desperately yearns for connection in a partner. For Eloise, she tries to assimilate into debutante culture, but finds herself rebelling despite her best efforts.

Neither is living the life they're meant to live. For Colin, his resolution came in Season 3. My deep suspicion is that Eloise's might arrive in Season 4.

I know I keep poking at this, but symbols and parallels are rarely coincidental or unintentional in television. There are so many moving parts, yes, but there's also a lot of oversight and overall direction.

It feels like we're moving toward Eloise's romantic resolution. But, I'm getting ahead of myself.

"I have kept your secret exactly because I do not wish to keep revisiting the past."

Because that past is painful. Revisiting the past not only reveals the betrayal of a friend's confidance, the secrecy and lies, but also the lost love.

Yes, loves, I am convinced our Eloise fell in love.

It wasn't love like the love she'd seen with her siblings, so it might have been hard for her to recognize, at first. But when he gave her the books, something shifted in her.

Remember how she went to see him the next time? She walked right into the shop, declaring she wasn't there to solicit his works, but the man himself. That girl had confidence in her love.

He pushed her away. Then, when they reconnected, she pushed him away. And that time it took. Remembering the past takes her back to the week she lost her best friend and her love—the two people who knew her best in the world.

And in the absence of that, Eloise started floundering.

"Now you have my life, and I have mine." / "Now you can go back to your life, and I can go back to mine."

The first is from Season 3, Eloise to Pen. The second from Season 2, Theo to Eloise. It is no coincidence that as she was just talking about "the past" and the "damning things" written by her friend about Eloise's time spent with the wrong kind of company she follows up with an allusion to Theo.

Pen has no way of knowing this, of course. This is for the audience and for Eloise.

"Would you prefer to be promenading with your fellow debutantes?" "Would you like to watch grass grow?"

She really really doesn't fit in here. And she knows it. But she is trying to find her footing, nonetheless.

And she cannot do this with a man.

I remember the Summer after I met the love of my life. See, I met him while I was in the middle of a breakup with my high school sweetheart. And I told Matthew I needed the Summer without a man in my life.

He waited for me. But that time was so important for me to figure out who I was outside the influence of the people telling me to marry a man I realized I didn't even love, outside the influence of a man who might sway my opinions.

No, I needed time for Rachel to find Rachel. That is what Eloise needs, now. She is floundering, but it would cheapen her journey if she found herself because of a man.

Eloise needs Season 3 to figure out who she is and who she wants to be. That way, when she meets or reconnects with the man of her dreams, he will be able to come alongside her, to complement her, to live side-by-side instead of reigning over her.

"I do not understand the limits of your new outlook." / "My rebellion is not some party dress I put on to play a part, Mama..." / "I, too, know what it is like to feel oneself an imposter. Parading around ballrooms in feathered frocks, pretending to be someone I am not."

The first quote is Benedict to Eloise as they walk through the garden. The other two are from Season 2, one spoken to her mother, and the other to Benedict.

In the past, Eloise assigned her clothes a costume—something that in no way reflected her true self but were expected by the ton.

In the present of Season 3, she has seemingly embraced the costume. And as Benedict proceeds to enumerate the ways she not quite fits the ideal of who she is supposed to be, he misses entirely that the reason she cannot fully fulfill the requirements is because this isn't who she is. Not really.

Like Colin and his three-ways, she's attempting to do what she believes she is supposed to do, to be who she is supposed to be. But her true self is always rebelling. Just as his is.

"I am so grateful now that Mama has you to absorb her attention. I can delay dealing with suitors at least another year. Maybe longer if you hold out as well!"

Remember last season and how Eloise felt certain she'd disappointed her mother in every fashion. Francesca fits the mold more easily, even if her taste in suitors baffles her family.

But part of me wonders if this is another little bit of foreshadowing for us. Yes, we know that Benedict is the hero of Season 4 (as he should be), but could they perhaps pull double duty as they did with Francesca in Season 3?

Meaning—might we see our Eloise meet her match in Season 4? Or, perhaps, reconnect with an old beau? We can hope, right?!

"It seems Colin is helping her look for a husband." / "After all, a woman is allowed to have but two interests—marriage or slewing slander about her peers, apparently."

In Season 3, she gossiped to Cressida about her brother and Penelope, which is falling entirely into the trap of what she told Theo a debutante was expected to do.

"Perhaps if you were more decided about your former friendship, you would not have felt the need to gossip."

You want to be like them, El? Welp, you're like them. Your carelessness and falling in line with who you're supposed to be has hurt Penelope.

And might we acknowledge the mirror, again, of Colin and Eloise, here? His comments at the end of Season 2 gutted Penelope. Again, he was acting the way society expected. Now, Eloise has fallen into that same trap.

"It is not pleasant to have Whistledown write about oneself, is it?"

Oh, she is still super salty about her best friend writing about her private conversations with her about the first man she ever fancied, about the real connection she made with someone outside of society, about a quest that brought unlikely potential lovers together.

"It was quite harsh what she wrote about you. Unnecessarily so, I think."

And there's the care. She still cares about Penelope. She just isn't ready to forgive her, yet.

"Would you like to come in? I have a few new books-"

And Eloise cuts her off. Eloise hasn't sought out new books in some time. Because books are a place where she connects with others—with Penelope and Theo, and even Colin through his gift of them.

I imagine her father was the first to open his library to his curious girl, and Violet never shut it. It's entirely head canon since I haven't read the books, but it's a pleasant one.

I can imagine Eloise showing Theo her father's study with pride, and him gaping in awe not only at the contents, but at the kind of man her father must have been to encourage his little girl to open her mind.

I think the feminist in him would appreciate a feminist raising the woman he loves.

"We are not all so lucky to have the support of our families as you do."

This, right here, is one of those reasons I think Theloise could be viable in Season 4. Yes, I'm delusional. I'm aware I'm delusional. But give me this hope tonight, okay?

Eloise's family is good at conforming to society on the surface, but not a one of them has done love the "easy" way. Perhaps Francesca, but even she went outside what her mother expected of love.

With Kate as a sister-in-law, whose Mama married into her working-class family and adopted her, I think Anthony would soften into condoning the match. I can dream, right?

"Have you all thought about your wedding day? What you shall wear?"

Eloise was stepping toward them, ready to attempt to connect. But at the sound of the conversation, she made a hasty retreat. This isn't who she is.

Even if she ever married, she would likely do as Francesca—small, intimate, without fuss or flutter. Family-only and intimate. Hell, she may never marry at all, but the last thing she wants to worry about is frivilous details.

Deep down—she still wants to change the world.

"I find books so captivating. I have a collection of over 1,000 myself." "Nothing a book loves more than to be collected."

Her "what the fuck" face is on point, here. Books are meant to be read.

Yes, we have a lot of books in this house, but either we've read them or bought them because we didn't want to lose the chance to own them before they were banned.

To boast about collections in that era was often seen as status. But Eloise knew of a man who had very few books, and yet still shared them with her. To exchange knowledge and thoughts. That is true wealth.

"You are unlike many people, Eloise. How is it you have the courage to be so different?" "It is not courage. I simply cannot understand why other people do not see things the way I do." "And how do you see things exactly?" "Well... since you have asked."

I feel like this is the door creaking open to who Eloise is. She's faded into the background as much as possible, making herself as unremarkable as she can so as not to garner attention.

But the last person to truly invest in her thoughts was Theo, and she closed off all of that. She closed the door on Penelope after her betrayal.

And while her friendship with Cressida is a tenuous one, she hopes to deepen it, here.

"Can you imagine all the spare time there would be if we did not always have to think about marriage? The time we would have to read or exchange ideas or do anything that isn't entirely for the purpose of ensnaring a husband?"

But Cressida isn't listening to her. That's the heartbreaking thing, here. Eloise is finally being herself, at long last, because she believes she can be that person with Cressida.

"We shall return to this conversation another time, yes?"

And look how Eloise doesn't want to stop. She wants to be herself, again. She yearns to talk about what matters to her.

Here, she cracked that open and found that Cressida wasn't even really listening to her. The only people who really valued her thoughts have been Penelope and Theo.

But in trying to share her thoughts and getting excited about them for the first time in ages, she starts to step outside the box she crafted for herself that never quite fit anyway.

"And once again I am left to face the fact that everyone eventually pairs off when I too would rather be out riding."

Eloise doesn't want to pair off. She has no desire to be a wife, a mother, any of that.

Theo was an absolute surprise to her last season, and she never really thought that through. At this point, she thinks that door is completely closed and she'll never have to think about it, again.

But she has intimated several times during the season that she expects her mother's gaze to return to her and the matter of pairing her off.

"And after spending a season feeling nearly invisible..."

She is talking to Cressida, here, and relating it to Whistledown. But, this is truly how she feels. She spent a season being invisible, blending into the wallpaper, avoiding standing out in any fashion.

But Eloise wasn't born to blend. She is a pretty Bridgerton, yes, so she already stands out in a crowd. But, she is also a natural-born rebel who wants to change the status of women and their role in the world.

"I've put them all in danger, again, just like last year." "That was my fault." "No. I was reckless."

She truly believes this. And, yes, sneaking around with a man below her station was not the most thoughtful thing she's ever done.

And, yes, she was the one who sneaked off during her brother's aborted wedding to see the printer's apprentice where Lady Whistledown printed.

But I truly believe this is what keeps her from reaching out to Theo after they separated at the end of season 2—she doesn't want to risk anything happening to her family.

Think about it. In Season 3, Kate tells her, "Family is everything". And, it truly is for the Bridgertons. She experiences warmth and love and kindness in a way she now knows other young women do not. She won't risk it.

And I believe she thinks Theo wouldn't even want to see her. So, double the reason to not even consider him an option. No, her only match will be a match she doesn't want. Of this she is certain.

"I did not know until last year and I was too brokenhearted to speak of it."

Her poor heart broke in two directions—the love of a friend, the love of a lover. Colin knows about only one.

"I think you should consider yourself uncommonly lucky you have never been in love."

And while it's biting, we know that Colin has no idea what she's been through. Benedict knows enough to have recognized the look of heartbreak on his sister's face last season, but Colin has no idea.

I still wanted to punch him in the face (undeservedly) on instinct.

"Her Majesty accused me of being Whistledown, once, and I survived it. Though not without some scars."

Theo is one of them. And you can see Colin's curiosity pique.

Had Eloise not pivoted the conversation back to Penelope, he might have inquired, might have searched, might have tried to find out what possible scar his younger sister has to bear.

"Tell me what you are reading."

I love this as a source of connection for Eloise and Pen. When she reaches over to take her hand, this is the moment of forgiveness. For Eloise, sharing what one is reading is a form of love.

When Theo offered her books from his own meager collection, that was an expression of love. He did not have a room full of curiosities, but a few well-loved tomes that he wanted to share with her.

Eloise expresses and experiences a lot of love through the exchange of ideas and thoughts. Opening back up to Penelope is complete when she asks what her friend is reading.

"I think it rather ordinary, in fact, that I find myself, yet again, swinging to and fro, not moving in any particular direction." "Where is it you wish you were going?" "For now, I should like to be with the family, until this Whistledown business with the Queen blows over." "And it will. And then?" "Anywhere, really. I've spent nearly all my life in either Mayfair or at Aubrey Hall. If I am going to attempt to make change in the world, certainly, I shall need to see some of it first."

Ah, there it is. Theo's words from Season 2 are still following her:

"Or perhaps you have not yet seen enough of the world to make sense of them yet."

One of the things I didn't pick up on however long ago I wrote my S2 Meta was that "yet". "Yet" is a powerful word. It implies that he believes she can, that she will, that her future holds adventures.

As Eloise sits on the swings with her brother, she laments her small view of the world. Yes, she dipped her toes into Theo's world in Season 2. And she realized how much she does not know about it.

Now, she's ready to learn more about the world beyond her tiny part of it.

"Meet people who are not my family or debutantes on the marriage mart." "You wish to change the world, again? I thought you were more interested in fitting in this year." "I think I am properly done with all of that." "There she is."

And Eloise needs this development and this growth before Theo comes back into her world.

Look, I know Theo doesn't exist in the books. I know I am reaching here because information about Season 4's shooting is scattered, filled with inaccuracies, and more guesswork than guarantees.

But I love the idea of us circling back to him as heavily as the influence of his time with Eloise hangs over Season 3. Narratively—as well as fangirly—I love the idea that it's all pointing back to Theo.

Am I wrong? Probably. But, I like hope. It's something we need more of in this world.

Another thing I love about this is how she and Benedict never had a full conversation about the why's of her transformation back and forth. She and he are matched in their quest for identity and a place to belong.

Neither has quite found it, yet. But out here on the swings they find a sounding board in one another—someone who truly gets it. And as Eloise's journey mirrored Colin's in Season 3, wouldn't it be interesting if hers mirrored Benedict's in Season 4?

"I simply wish to live, for a little while, outside our tiny bubble. Have some adventures. I cannot change the world without seeing more of it."

There it is, again. Theo's words coming back to her. And I really feel like it's intentional—like they're setting something up.

Now, I could be completely off, here. But it feels something like hope. And, oy vey, we could all use a little hope right now, eh?

As always, thanks for reading, loves. We probably have another 2 years before we get to see what the next season looks like, but until then I'll be daydreaming about a fierce woman and the supportive man who could come alonside her in a vision of love that is all their own. I can dream, right?

[constesplanetarium]

☼⚠︎ Yandere Stalker/Kidnapper x Gn! AFAB! Reader (Part 2)

Darkness rating ) 7/10: “Feel that shiver up your spine?”

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

part 1 is here!

my friend wanted me to write another one ;) SHAME HER NOT ME!!!!

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

DEAD DOVE, DO NOT EAT.

This work contains potentially sensitive content to some. Please be careful.

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

CONTENT WARNINGS!!!

Violence, aggression, and drugging.

Word count: Around 1.8k

₊˚ ‿︵‿︵‿︵୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿︵ ˚₊

“Say ‘aah’!” The piece of food stuck on the fork hits your lips, and you scowl at him. What if he poisoned it? Drugged it? It’s not like he’s afraid of drugging you since he’s done it before. He pouts and scoots his chair in front of you a bit closer to yours, his knees bumping into the front of your chair. The ropes around your wrists are getting more irritating, and at this point you would’ve preferred duct tape. Why the hell is he trying to be nice to you in the first place?

If he wanted to fuck you, just get on with it.

“Aw, c’mon baby, you know you have to eat.” You don’t even know his name. “I made it just for you! You don’t want to eat? Not at all?” It is a little tempting. The food looks and smells delicious, and he’s making it a point to hold the plate near you, so the steam goes all in your face. Luckily, your fear overrides the need to eat at the moment. “Pleaseee? It’s good, I promise it is! Look.” He stuffs the food in his mouth and starts to chew, not breaking eye contact with you for even a moment. He stabs up some more food onto the fork, and holds it up to your mouth again, wagging the fork around a bit, as if to entice you. He swallows the food he had just ate and smiles. “See? C’mon and take a bite.”

No.

No.

No.

You glare at him and shake your head slowly, muttering a small curse about how you think about him and his food.

Honestly, his food can get thrown in the trash, and him too for all you care.

His smile drops on almost an instant. “Open your mouth.” He snaps, and you shake your head in a refusal. You’re not eating that shit.

The plates suddenly dropped onto your naked lap, the hot ceramic slowly stinging your skin as you wince. He aggressively grabs your face and shakes it side to side, the stinging getting even worse as you cry out in pain. “Look how nice I've been treating you, baby. I can be a lot more meaner than this, you know? Open your mouth.” The hot food is practically shoved in your mouth, the fork almost stabbing into your cheek. Your legs start to shake as you try to shove the scalding plate off, but he takes the plate off for you, only slightly. You guess he doesn’t want the food to spill. The ceramic still stings your skin as he holds it at an angle. “Chew it.” You almost don’t do what he asks, but you can see how angry he’s getting. He might stab you again if you aren’t careful. You start to chew the food, and it surprises you on how good it really tastes. But you aren’t going to give him that satisfaction.

His face shifts back to a smile and he sits back down in the chair. “Good, huh?” He slides the plate back into his hand, setting down a piece of cloth to prevent it from heating his lap up. His cold hand rubs your thigh affectionately, trying to comfort you from his own mistake. “I have to make sure you eat, okay? You were asleep for a… A while.” After that, he giggles and takes some more food on a fork, holding up to your mouth. “Aaah.” You open your mouth this time, and you get to watch his face light up as you start to chew. With some hesitance, you swallow and he nods. “Good job, baby! Eat it all up, okay?”

After your meal, he cleans your mouth with the cloth and plants a small kiss on your lips, walking back up the stairs for quite some time as you hear the water of the sink run. The light of the world above looks so distant now, and you already miss the feeling of waking up this morning in your own bed. You miss being able to walk free. You bite your tongue in an attempt to stop the tears from welling up in your eyes. The thought of him kissing your tears away is terrible. You’re able to pull yourself back together by the time he comes back down, locking the door behind him.

“Okay, baby, so I did some thinking while I was washing the dishes.” He chirps over, sitting in his chair. His hands are really fidgety. “It might be too early for this but,” Oh my god. What now? “I want to let you out of the chair, really, really bad.” With a small sigh, he gets up, holding you by the shoulders as he towers over you. “But I know you’re going to run away. I'm not stupid.” He frowns and leans down, kissing your forehead. “So let's do this.” He vanishes behind you for a few moments, rummaging through a drawer noisily. You can only imagine what he-

Oh my god. Oh.

It's a needle. A syringe. A fucking drug, oh my god, no way. Your voice comes out as a short sob and you choke up in fear as he flicks the syringe and pushes up, a small droplet forming of the clear liquid. What the hell is in there? What is it, what is it, what is it, what is it, what is it

“This’ll just make you feel a little sleepy and sluggish, so you can’t run.” He finally looks down at you and frowns. “Isn’t the chair uncomfy? You don’t want to come out and lay on the bed with me?” No, no, no, no, no, no, no, please oh my god. No way. You shake your head, everything crashing down on you at once. You stammer out a short, quiet refusal and he scowls. “Well, how am I supposed to take you out of the chair then? Hmm.”

After a few seconds of silence, he shakes his head and smiles. “Not the whole thing, just a little.” With a whisper and a kiss, he pushes the needle a bit in your arm and you tear your gaze away, breathing in and through your mouth as you try to calm down. He pulls out the needle after a bit of time and he waves the syringe in your face for a moment, and you get a look on how much is still in there. About half. At least he didn’t lie about that.

“It’ll just take a second to kick in.” He says in a sing-voice, walking behind you to grab something you don’t know. Ah, oh… You already feel funny. You don’t make an effort to fight back as he loosens the ropes at your wrists and ankles. You’re lifted off your feet as he carries you bridal-style to the bed in the corner, setting you down. Ugh.

You can barely think straight.

You feel him tie the ropes back around your wrists and ankles, but you can barely keep your eyes open to protest. The bed droops next to you, and you're met with a blurry sight as he lays down next to you, a book in hand. Did he take it from the drawer from your nightstand?

“Do you want me to read to you?” He says softly, rubbing your cheek affectionately. You can’t even respond. All he does is nod, and goes back to his book, flipping to the first page. “I’ll read you chapter by chapter every night. This is one of my favorites, a childhood book of mine.” He chuckles, and starts.

“‘Once I was six years old, I saw a magnificent picture in a book, called the True Stories from Nature, about the primeval forest.’” He has such a nice voice. “‘It was a picture of a boa constrictor in the act of swallowing an animal. Here is a copy of the drawing.’” He flips the book around and leans down, showing you the drawing. All you can see are the blurry shades of orange and gray of it, and you smile weakly in an attempt to please him. He adjusts himself and plants a warm kiss on your cheek, saying something that you can no longer comprehend, as you finally pass out, the softness of the pillow under your head becoming too overwhelmingly comfortable.

Your body takes a while to adjust to being awake again, your vision still a bit blurry. You hear some shuffling of someone far away and finally take in your surroundings properly. It looks like he decided that just wrapping your ankles wasn’t enough, and decided to wrap some extra rope around the bed frame too, keeping you in place. You watch him push the chair you were just in to a corner of the room, a song playing on a small radio on the dinner table. Sounds like it’s an old style jazz song.

… What’s his name?

“Hmm?” He turns around, and his face lights up at the sight of you again. “Oh, you’re awake! You fell asleep while I was reading, you know?” He says, trotting over to the radio as he shuts it off. "We'll have to start over tomorrow night, but it's not like we got far anyway." Luckily, it doesn't seem like he's mad. “Uhm, my name, my name…” Your eyes flicker up to his as he takes a seat next to you. It looks like he’s struggling to smile. “Just call me ‘Darling’ for now, okay? Or anything else you’d like.”

How about Idiot? Asshole? Dickhead? You scowl at the affectionate nickname he gave himself and snuggle your head back into your pillow, looking away. A small laugh and a kiss on your cheek lets you know he isn’t mad at your rejection. "Aww, you're so cute baby. I could just eat you." Because of yesterday's show, you aren't sure if he's joking or being serious.

“I love you, so, so much."

i wanna make the next part darker ;) expect smth crazy

[hiskillingjar]

Objectification (Lawrence/MC)

it’s my last night in my current flat and i’m feeling weird about it. enjoy something weird!

day 14: objectification  third person, law’s pov. it/its pronouns for MC.

Dyed hair fell to the floor in messy chunks.

Hastily snipped clumps of platinum, almost yellow, softer than spun wool and lighter than their own, shone in the moon's pale glow, beams streaming through the wide, open windows on a hot, summer night, plants casting shadows over the mold dotted walls.

Dyed hair, the bulk of it that yellow blonde, with dark, muddy roots, like a streak of shit on a pristine canvas.

Doll-like, they thought. 

An artificial version of themself, a version that the could have been (that they wanted to be, deep down), fake, hollow, empty and devoid of anything that made it human. 

Emptier than they already were.

Blue eyes, filled with tears, stared up at Lawrence as they hacked through the hair with garden shears, the rusty metal snagging and painful as it pulled at its scalp. 

Fake emotions, like its fake hair.

"You know that crying won't do you any good," Lawrence murmured, their typical monotone low and intimidating, their gaze giving away nothing close to empathy. "Do you think I'm going to stop, just because you're crying?"

It sniffled weakly, murmuring wordless pleas for mercy (a mercy it was never going to find from them) into the thick layer of duct tape wrapped around its jaw (it had to be shut up, somehow), tears continuing to fall down its flushed face.

Struggling had stopped long ago.

Eventually, the pleading would stop too.

Once the bulk of dyed hair had been cut away, matting on the floor like clouds of gold, Lawrence set the shears aside and took its chin in hand, tilting it up to get a better look.

"You look better this way, I think," They said quietly, leaning in, their dead, grey eyes boring into tearful blue. "Maybe it was for the best that I got rid of all those…fake colours, you know...and revealed something honest about you. Something real." Their lips quirked slightly. "But I'm not done yet."

It whimpered again as Lawrence let go of its chin and reached back to their desk, producing a disposable razor, caked with rust.

"See, I like to keep things clean, neat and tidy." Their head tilted to the side. "Mm, for the most part anyway. But, ah, I want you to be clean, neat and tidy too." Their quirked lips shifted into an odd sort of smile, gentle and eerie. "I think you'll like how it feels...and I know I'll like how you look."

Despite the rust, the razor was still pretty sharp. It cut through a short patch of brown hair with barely any effort, revealing the smooth skin of their scalp, now dotted with near-black stubble (like clogged pores, clogged with dirt and grime and mess, and perfect).

It continued to cry and whimper throughout the long process, as more and more hair tumbled down its trembling shoulders and to the ground, and more and more skin was revealed.

They would be good materials for an art piece, Lawrence thought, or maybe stuffing for a pillow or bed set.

It felt like such a waste not to use everything, after all.

Once the last of the hair was cut away, the only sounds in the apartment were a faint ringing in their ears (a typical arousal response that they hadn't managed to suppress just yet) and the quiet sniffling that came from the occupant of the chair.

"Now now, look at you..." 

Lawrence's voice had lost its harshness, replaced with a gentle and almost sympathetic tone.

"Isn't that better? I think it is, at least. You certainly look a lot more honest this way, mm?" 

They placed their hand on its cheek, feeling the warm tears on their skin as it continued to cry.

"You're still crying...why is that?" They ran a knuckle down its cheek, feeling the beads of tears. "Mm, it probably didn't feel good, did it? You'd gone through all the effort of dying your hair just for someone to...cut it all off. How do you feel, hm?

It couldn't make a sound, trying to swallow back its sobs as its body sank down, shying away from their touch, no matter how gentle it was.

"Do you feel scared? Humiliated, maybe?" They leaned over its shoulder, putting both hands on either side of the chair to box it in, keep it still and pinned, like a dead butterfly or a frog about to be dissected. "Is your personhood that fragile that I could...get rid of it, just like that? Hm?"

It whimpered again, blue eyes flitting to the side, trying to avoid eye contact.

Trying to avoid the difficult truth of their observation.

Lawrence moved in even closer, leaning in so that their dry lips were softly grazing the side of its neck, taking a slow and quiet inhale, the sweet smell of its hair still lingering, even when it was gone.

"Maybe you were never even a person to begin with. Maybe you were always just…an object, fake and hollow, and all it took was someone else, some...other object," They huffed out a sardonic laugh, letting their lips gently brush against the bare skin of its neck. "To see you, to recognise that your act is all bullshit, and actually understand you for what you are. Is that why you're scared?” They tilted their head again. “Because that idea is just so...crushing to you?"

It was silent again.

They could relate to that, at least.

That crushing expectation to behave like others do.

Pretending to be a person was exhausting, even for someone like them who made every excuse not to, who worked unsociable hours and moved away from everyone they cared about at the drop of a hat, just so it would stop.

They couldn't imagine how tiring it must have been for someone like it, doing it day after day after day, with not even a suggestion of respite.

Lawrence felt another huff of sardonic laughter slip out, wheezing, like they were being choked, followed by a sigh.

"All that effort, trying to play at being a person. Hah, what a waste..." They raised their hand back, running their fingers along the nape of its neck, their touch gentle, almost affectionate. "What a waste for it to all mean nothing now."

Its head sank lower with another defeated whimper, wrists twisting in their thick binds, struggling again.

They couldn’t have that.

Lawrence took its head in both hands then, forcing it upwards in a firm grip, so they could look into eyes that had lost almost all of their fight and spirit.

"You're a pretty object, I'll give you that," They murmured, leaning in again. "You have pretty eyes...and a pretty mouth...pretty skin...all fake, empty and soulless though. Just like me."

It gave them a forlorn expression, silently pleading; 

"What else could you possibly do with me now?"

Lawrence's lips curled into an odd sort of smirk, something like excitement appearing at the edges.

"Oh, I'm not nearly done with you yet," They responded, their hands moving down to its shoulders, restless fingers idly tracing its skin before pressing down, making sure that it didn't move from the seat.

"We're just getting started, doll."

[youling-the-ghost]

sfth incorrect quotes pt.7 because I haven't made these in *checks notes* ALMOST A WEEK?!?!

Sam: My hands are cold. Luke: Here, let me hold them. Sam: My lips are cold too. Luke: *covers Sam's mouth with his hand* Luke: I wasn’t that drunk. AJ: You colored my face with a highlighter because you said I was important. Luke: BECAUSE YOU ARE! Tom: Mint is just cold spicy. The Squad: ... Sam: What the actual fuck is wrong with you.

Tom: Do you think different paints have different tastes? Luke: They do. AJ: ...Why did you say that with such certainty? Luke: Don’t say a word. Sam: Fergalicious. Luke: Sam, I said no words. Sam: Oh, I see how it works. Two weeks ago, we’re playing Scrabble, it’s not a word, now suddenly it is a word because it’s convenient for you. Sam, to the Squad: The real secret to immortality? Not dying. You want to be immortal? Okay, that’s easy. Just don’t die. That’s it. Refuse to die. There you go. AJ: But how- Sam, ignoring him: "But how", you may ask. Well, easy. Just don’t do it. Refuse to. Say "no thanks". Luke: Am I a boy? Am I a girl? It doesn't matter. I'm going to burn your house down. (yes I'm continuing with the "Luke is an arsonist" bit) Sam: Look, Tom, it's the third time this week you had a mental breakdown and its Monday. Luke: Fight me! AJ: Ha, look at your size! What are you gonna do, kick my ankle? *Later* Tom: Why is AJ crying? Sam: Luke kicked him really hard on the ankle. Police Officer: You have the right to remain silent. AJ: I choose to waive that right! AJ: *screams* Tom: Dude, I will never forgive Craigslist for banning me after I wrote a post seeking a sworn nemesis. Whoever reported that is obviously my nemesis but I was so pissed. Sam: Hey! Tom: What do you want? Sam: Remember what we were talking about yesterday? Tom: Nope. Tom: Be kind. Everyone is fighting their own battles. Luke: Why would I be kind? I will be brutal and relentless and ride into battle by their side! AJ & Luke: *"accidentally" set the kitchen on fire* AJ: We need an adult! Luke: AJ, you are an adult! AJ: We need an adultier adult! Get Tom! Tom: Sam, keep an eye on Luke today. He's going to say something to the wrong person and get punched. Sam: Sure, I'd love to see Luke getting punched. Tom: Try again. Sam, sighing: I will try to stop Luke from getting punched. AJ: So are you gonna explain how the hell you crashed my car? Luke: Well we were driving and there was a deer in the road, so I said "Sam, deer!" AJ: ...And what did Sam do? Luke: ...He said "Yes, Honey?" (when gay chicken goes too far, but not in the way you were expecting) Sam: Why does my arm shake and turn bright red when I’m eating dirt? Tom: Tom: Why are you eating dirt? Sam: Did I ask you if I should eat dirt? No, so answer my question. Luke: I hate Sam. Tom: Don’t say hate. That is a mean word. Luke: Fine, I LOATHE Sam. ("Sam is full of shit." - Luke Manning, Discord Q&A, 2024) Sam: There is no i in happyness... Tom: There is if you fucking spell it right. Luke: watching their house burn down Luke: Luke: *starts filming* Waddup, guys, welcome to my vlog, today's topic: how to get away with accidentally committing arson because you forgot Spaghetti O's cans are metal and thus non-microwavable! Step one: deny everything. (I'm determined to make arsonist!Luke a reccuring joke) Tom: Go ahead, Sam. Let it out, cry. If you don't, your tear ducts will get blocked up, and then when you get old, you won't be able to cry. AJ: Just when we thought it was safe to let you back into the conversation. Sam: All right, AJ, that’s it, you’re grounded! I found a rap album hiding under your bed and it was the clean version. I didn’t raise you to be such a nerd! AJ: I’m not even your kid- ("I get my motherfricking baby back, baby back-") Sam: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl. Luke: Okay. Sam: And make out during the scary parts. Luke: Th- Luke: The scary parts. Luke: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl. Sam: You guys worried about Tom? AJ: Totally! Luke: Yeah, he called me in the middle of the night and just yelled, "what do I do, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?" Sam: And what'd you say? Luke: "I dunno, I dunno, I dunno, I dunno." AJ: Sam: He's lucky to have you as a friend. Some guy, to Luke: Look at you! All cute and small! I could just eat you up! Luke: *proceeds to kick them in the shin and run away* Sam, walking past: Rule number 1, don't call Luke cute or small.

[jiminniethemarshmallow]

I Remember pt. 3

Pairing: Jimin x Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Warnings: Jimin is insecure and anxious so he does things that don’t make a lot of sense :(

Word Count: ~15,500

(A/N): I don’t usually write angst so bear with me y’all 😭 Also, sorry this took so long, I started taking classes again this year and things got crazy. Hope you enjoy!

Tag: @13-manggaetteok

The sight of Jaebeom at your door makes you sick to your stomach as you realize he’s just seen Jimin standing behind you. But you try to play it off and act casual after slamming the door shut at your back, greeting him as usual.

“Jaebeom! Hi!” Forcing a smile.

“Good morning!” His smile returns and you nearly sigh in relief at his laid back personality. 

“So… what brings you here this early in the morning?” You would have liked to sleep in a bit longer, but now you have a situation to deal with before you’re even fully awake, still wiping sleep from your tear ducts. 

“Well, I was cleaning out my car and I found your jacket in my backseat so I thought I’d deliver it to you.” He offers it to you with a dramatic bow of the head, presenting it with both hands like it’s an important artifact, and you would have laughed if you weren’t so disturbed by his presence. You’d been avoiding him because you have yet to figure out how to tell him that you no longer want to see him, so this meeting is less than ideal. Especially with Jimin here. “I felt bad that we haven’t been able to see each other these past few weeks and I missed you, so I really just needed an excuse to see you. I hope I’m not intruding on anything.” He finally starts looking bashful as he reaches up to rub his neck, looking back at the closed door behind you where you assume Jimin is still near. Knowing him, he’s probably still standing there trying to eavesdrop on your conversation to see who this mysterious new man is because Jimin just simply cannot ignore drama. Even when it somewhat involves himself. 

Catching your wandering thoughts, you feel horrible for having strung Jaebeom along like this. He came here because he missed you. Missed how you used to talk and text almost every day and go on dates. And now it’s practically radio silence from you and he has no idea why. Well, he might have a clue now after seeing the man in your home. 

“That’s… really sweet of you Jaebeom.” You can’t find anything else to say. He is intruding if we’re being honest, but you don’t want to give him the wrong impression. But then again, maybe having him think Jimin is here for that type of reason will push him away and he’ll break things off with you first so you don’t have to do it to him.

“So, may I ask who that is?” He gestures past you and you’re surprised by how straightforward he’s being. 

Jimin watches from a few windows over, making sure not to press his face to the glass so you and your mysterious visitor can’t see him. Just as you thought, he is far too nosy to pass up watching this interaction. You look very uncomfortable talking to this man, body facing slightly away from him, arms crossed protectively over your front. Your eyes shift back and forth as you shift your weight to your other foot, taking a long time to speak after his last question. Jimin wonders what the man said to you to make you look like this. Were you talking about him? He’s pretty sure he made eye contact with the man when you opened the door so that is completely likely. 

Finally, you say something back to him, speaking slowly, and Jimin wishes he could read lips. The man blinks once, twice, swallowing deeply before nodding. His mouth opens like he wants to say something, but it doesn’t seem like he does, closing his lips again and processing your words. You frown at this reaction, facing him head on as you give a lengthy explanation, he assumes. The guy at your door doesn’t say anything for a long while and Jimin can practically feel your anxiety through the walls. Were you telling him about him? Who is this man to you in the first place? Jimin can only assume this is the one you were talking about when you went out to dinner that one night, where you said your relationship wasn’t that serious and you could “drop him” whenever you felt like it. But watching you interact now, it seems that you value his opinion at least a little bit and are maybe a little closer than you let on originally. Jimin’s not sure how to feel about that just yet.

“So that’s Jimin.” Jaebeom trails off. “Is he living with you now?” 

“No, he’s not.” You reply stiffly. “He’s-“ For some reason you feel the need to explain yourself to him, even though you’ve determined that him getting the wrong idea would be to your benefit. But you just can’t stop yourself. “We were only hanging out. As friends.”

“As friends.” He repeats, taking in the information and digesting it, processing it with a nod of his head. You can’t decipher what he’s thinking and it’s beginning to frustrate you that he’s so unreadable. Though, you still don’t sense any jealousy from him. He never did come off as the jealous type anyway. He takes a step back from you with a half smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes and doesn’t say anything until you question it. 

“What’s that look for?” You don’t try to hide your confusion.

“Oh nothing, just looks like I’ve got some competition.” This time there’s a mischievous glint in his eye as he walks away, bidding you farewell with a wave of his hand and commenting that he’ll see you later. You kinda hope he doesn’t see you later because it seems that things just got a little more complicated for you. 

Even though Jaebeom didn’t stay long, it feels like that conversation lasted hours. All you want to do is curl up under your sheets and hide from everyone as you try to figure out what to do now. He’s obviously not going to give you up easily it seems but you wonder what he plans to do moving forward. Sighing, you watch as his car drives away from your home before turning around and entering your house again, only to be faced with problem #2. Jimin.

He’s still standing a few steps from the door, not even hiding that he had been watching you talk to Jaebeom, feeling brazen due to his curiosity. You stand there staring at each other for what feels like an eternity, neither of you knowing what to say, until you break the unbearable silence finally.

“I’m guessing you want to know who that was?” Pointing a thumb behind you at the door. 

“I mean… you don’t have to tell me anything, it’s your life, you have a right to privacy.” He states, which you find funny because he was just eavesdropping not even seconds ago. You call him out on it.

“Says the person who was just standing with an ear pressed to my door to listen to my conversation.” You sass with a click of your tongue, letting a tiny smile creep up your cheeks so he doesn’t take your sentence as being hostile. He rolls his eyes at you, countering that he was not “listening in” with his ear to the door, but he does admit that he was watching from the window. “Just admit it, you were curious.”  You say with a laugh.

“Fine. But who wouldn’t be when a mysterious and handsome gentleman comes to your door in the middle of the morning to hand you- what is that, a jacket?” Jimin gestures down to your hands where you’re still holding your jacket, prompting you to walk into your bedroom to put it with the rest of your dirty clothes in the hamper. He follows closely behind you. “So, is that the guy you’ve been seeing?”

“Yeah, his name is Jaebeom.” You concede, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. “But like I said before, it’s not that serious. He just came to give me back this jacket I left in his car. Don’t think too much about it.”

“It’s not serious but he drove all the way over here at the crack of dawn to give you back something as trivial as a jacket?” He questions, giving you a look.

“I haven’t been able to see him in a while so he just wanted to return it in case I needed it, you know, since he doesn’t know when or if he’ll see me again.” Your voice starts to take on a defensive tone, it going up in pitch with every word. You idly begin to tidy up, walking around to the other side of the bed to fix the sheets and put some distance between you and Jimin. He doesn’t buy your explanation, shaking his head.

“I can tell you right now that that’s not true. I bet he just missed you and was using that as an excuse to see your lovely face again. It’s what I would do.” You pause at his subtle compliment and at how spot-on his assessment of the situation was. Sure, he’s always been perceptive like this, but it catches you off guard every time. You don’t have anything else to say to him, so you continue to make your bed. “And what do you mean by ‘if’ you see him again?” He uses air quotes with his fingers for effect. “Are you not planning on seeing him anymore?”

You sigh again, moving to the other side of he bed to finish your work, pulling at the sheets more aggressively than necessary at his line of questioning. “I don’t know, Jimin. I haven’t decided yet.”

“Well why not? He seems like a nice enough guy, do you not like him anymore?”

“I don’t know.” It’s not that you don’t like him, it’s just that you’ve been distracted by someone else for the time being.

“How long have you been seeing him for?”

“A few months.”

“A few months is a long time to not know if you like someone or not, (Y/n). It’s obvious you do like him.”

“So what?” He’s starting to annoy you.

“So, you have no real reason not to see him again.” Jimin steps a tiny bit closer to you.

“Okay?”

“What I’m saying is, if you like him then you should continue seeing him.”

“That’s not really your call to make, Jimin.”

“But you’re already practically dating.”

“No we’re not, it’s just casual.” The thought of dating anyone else that isn’t him sends a chill up your spine for some reason.

“So you just casually like each other and have been seeing each other for months?” When he puts it like that it does sound like you should be dating. And your chemistry with Jaebeom is undeniable. But you both decided to take it slow and go at your own pace to see how things turned out. And it just so happens that things took a drastic turn when Jimin returned so of course you wouldn’t know how to feel about him yet. You don’t say any of that though.

“It’s- complicated.”

“I don’t understand.” 

“It’s not for you to understand, it’s not your relationship.”

“I’m just trying to make sure you’re not throwing away an opportunity here. If you like him, you should keep seeing him. If you didn’t like him that would be different, but I can see how awkward you got when he saw me. You clearly didn’t want to give him the wrong impression, which means you care about what he thinks of you.” He’s completely right and you know it, but it really isn’t his place to say any of this to you. He doesn’t know anything about you and Jaebeom. And why does he care so much in the first place? It’s almost as if he wants you to date Jaebeom instead of him. You can’t, for the life of you, figure out why he would want that though and it hurts to think that he isn’t planning on being in your life in the way you want him to be. Your sadness then turns to anger.

“Can you please just drop it?!” You hate to raise your voice at him but he’s pissing you off. “It’s actually making me uncomfortable to talk about this with you. And no offense to you but I didn’t ask for relationship advice.” You say this as neutrally as possible and Jimin knows you truly didn’t mean it in a hurtful way. But somehow it seems to hurt worse when you say it like that. He drops the subject immediately.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to… sorry I overstepped.” He looks down at his feet when you turn to look at him. He can hear you take a deep breath. “I should probably go soon, I don’t want to overstay my welcome.”

“You could at least stay for breakfast.” You offer quietly, trying to show him that there were no hard feelings after your mini argument. Of course, you expect him to reject your offer now that you’ve told him he made you feel uncomfortable. You prepare yourself to say goodbye to him earlier than you’d like. But surprisingly, he agrees to stay, possibly because it’s a free meal and he’s excited to eat your cooking, though you warn him that you’re no master chef. 

He helps you cook a simple breakfast then you both sit at your small dining table in silence. It feels so domestic and familiar eating with him like this in your own home. What makes it feel even more like your old relationship is how you two can have a disagreement then turn around and go back to normal like nothing happened. Eating with him now reminds you of your last dinner together, when you cooked together and sat across from one another at this very same table, discussing his work trip and you trying to convince him not to go. The air was tense back then, all of your stress bubbling to the surface as he did his best to ease your nerves. You’d raised your voice at him then too, accusing him of invalidating your emotions and not taking you seriously, but he remained calm and tried to listen to you more actively, hearing you out genuinely and even expressing that you were starting to make him nervous with how serious you were. But ultimately, his response was that he couldn’t skip this work trip just based on your bad feeling alone since his boss already had it out for him and would almost certainly fire him if he skipped out. None of his coworkers were available to go on the trip so it would damage the company’s reputation if they didn’t send someone out to the conference. He explained all of this to you and you shook your head with every word he said, pointing out that his job wouldn’t matter if he’s too dead to attend the conference. You remember him sighing, thinking hard, but concluding that he simply couldn’t miss it. In hindsight you were absolutely right, and a cloud forms over your head when you think of this.

Noticing your unexplained change of mood, Jimin clears his throat and speaks. “Jungkook mentioned you the other day.” You look up from your plate.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. He said you didn’t keep in contact after I disappeared.” Biting your lip, you look back down, pressing your lips into a line. 

“I didn’t keep in touch with anyone after you disappeared.” You mumble, picking at your food. Another minute passes.

“You went through a tough time after losing me, didn’t you?” Jimin’s eyes meet yours and there you find sincerity, sympathy, and a tad bit of guilt. Shocked by his sudden statement, flashes of those three long years play back in your mind, almost sending you into a spiral. Looking away, you try to force your eyes not to get glassy. It takes you a while to find your voice.

“It was… hard. Really hard.” Is all you can say. The low that you hit after losing Jimin was something that you never thought you’d come out of alive. But you made it anyway, so you try not to think about the worst of it. “It took a lot of work for me to get to where I am now. Or at least to where you found me when you first came home. Which, admittedly, still wasn’t a great place. You would not have wanted to see me back then.”

Your eyes tell a story of a million words and he can see the pain still fresh in them even as you lower your head. He nods in understanding, taking a shaky deep breath before addressing you again, something changing in his face. “I don’t know if anyone has told you this before, but I’m so sorry you had to go through that. And I’m so so proud of you that you made it through.” His hand reaches across the table to find yours and this time a tear rolls down your cheek before you can catch it. You use your shoulder to wipe it, apologizing for getting so emotional. 

“No, no one has ever said that to me before. Thank you, Jimin.” You muster a smile, tightening your hand in his.

This is the kind of intimate moment that you missed having with him. He’s always been amazing at giving reassurance and encouragement, at telling people how he feels regardless of the reaction it gets from them. Sometimes it sparks arguments like the one you just had. Other times they can be really touching. He’s always had a way with words and you don’t think you’ll get to have moments like this with anyone else but him. Jaebeom at least has never said anything like this to you. He did show sympathy when you told him about Jimin initially, but it wasn’t the same. Could you be with someone who wasn’t like this when you needed them to be? Could you be with someone who isn’t Jimin?

After the moment passes, Jimin lets go of your hand in favor of picking up his utensil to continue eating as if he hadn’t just said the most impactful thing you’ve heard in a long while. You blink away the rest of your tears and stuff another mouthful of food in you cheeks, hoping it will make the lump in your throat go away. 

You found processing the events of last week to be challenging. You went through a rollercoaster of emotions from the moment Jaebeom appeared on your doorstep and now you have to deal with the aftermath of it. Jaebeom apparently took you having Jimin over as a sign to try even harder to win you over, and it has been an interesting few days to say the least. 

You currently have an audit at work and your boss has been working you to the bone to make sure everything is perfect, so you haven’t had much time to do anything but eat, sleep, and work. Again, you are struck by a mix of emotions because you feel relieved that you have a real excuse not to see Jaebeom, but at the same time you feel guilty and anxious about not having time to see or talk to Jimin. Jimin has been acting strangely ever since your encounter with the other man. You found out that his old friend Namjoon helped him get a corporate job that he seemed excited about (which you find funny because he always used to say that he never wanted to work in corporate), so he’s been just as busy as you settling into his new job. But that doesn’t excuse him from not responding to your texts and being standoffish when he does respond. He seemed fine when he left your home last week, but after that he’s been… odd. You get the feeling that he doesn’t want to talk to you anymore and you have no idea why. Maybe he took offense to something you said during your argument. The line about not asking him for relationship advice was pretty harsh and Jimin is a sensitive guy so that could be it. But then again, why didn’t he show that he was hurt while he was at your place? Why would he wait an entire week to be upset? You just can’t seem to wrap your head around it and it’s been driving you nuts.

Speaking of driving you nuts, Jaebeom has been the exact opposite of Jimin. He’s been more interactive with you than ever, sending you good morning and good night texts, checking in with you throughout the day, offering you a space to vent after you told him you’ve been stressed (though you haven’t taken him up on his offer because you really shouldn’t be talking to him anymore in the first place), and writing you cute little paragraphs to encourage you with your audit even when you don’t respond. He really would be the perfect boyfriend, but all his efforts do is annoy you at this point.  Everything that he does to win you over is a mirror image of the things Jimin used to do when you were together, so even when he is right in front of you, all you can think about is Jimin and how badly you want to be with him instead of with this other man. The longer you’re away from Jimin, the lonelier you feel, and you think you’ve spent enough time without the man that you love. Jaebeom is nice and all, but he’s just not the one that can fill the void in your heart, no matter how hard he tries. Not when Jimin is still around. It’ll be a tough pill to swallow for him, but you’ve decided you’ve dragged this out long enough. Plus, your level of irritation grows with every romantic gesture he attempts.

When you walked into work this morning there was a bouquet of flowers on your desk along with a teddy bear— flashy and oh-so-embarrassing. All of your coworkers (the sons of bitches) were crowded around you as you opened the card attached to see who they were from, and instead of your heart soaring from the gesture, it sank. The flowers were from Jaebeom, of course, and they also contained a short message that read:

“I tried to find flowers as beautiful as you, but it was impossible so I just got you your favorite. See you tonight at 6pm, your place ;)”

What. The. Hell.

First of all, he doesn’t know if you’re even available tonight so he’s got some nerve planning a spontaneous date like this. Second, nearly everyone in your office has now seen his invitation and are gushing over how you have a hot date, asking you a million questions about who this person is and how you got so lucky. They’re all assuming that this is your new boyfriend after getting over Jimin and you’re too embarrassed to correct them, silently moving the flowers and bear aside to start your tasks for the day. At the end of the day you give the stuffed bear to the wide eyed intern and leave the flowers in the break room to wilt in the dark.

Six o’clock sharp rolls around and you get a knock at your door.

You’re still dressed in work clothes, bags under your eyes from working an overtime shift, and no patience to deal with the man at your front door. You’re going to have to break the news tonight before this goes any farther; he doesn’t deserve to be strung along. 

“Good evening, madam!” Jaebeom greets, presenting you with a basket as soon as the door is opened all the way, filled with candies and snacks. Immediately you’re hit with flashes of memories of Jimin doing this exact thing, showing up at your old home before you moved in together with a basket of your favorite goodies “just because” and showering you with love and affection after you told him about the shitty day you’d had. You’re forced to blink the memories away and you’re at a loss for words, unsure of how to tell this other man that he’s wasted his time and money on you because you just simply cannot get over your past. 

He seems to get embarrassed by your silence, lowering the basket when it becomes apparent that you have no intention of taking it. The air around you becomes awkward but he shakes it off, still sporting that handsome grin. He really is good looking, and if Jimin didn’t exist you would have been dating him by now. In another universe you probably never meet Jimin. Never get to fall in love with him or get to know what an amazing person he is. In another universe Jaebeom probably doesn’t meet you when you’re at your lowest, broken almost beyond repair and he doesn’t have to work so hard to get you to like him. He probably does all of the things he’s doing in this timeline and you crumble into his arms at every gesture, at every text, at every smile. In another life you end up with Jaebeom and you live happily ever after. But in this timeline, in this life, you don’t want him the way that he wants you. You long for someone who you thought was out of reach, but has returned to you once again out of thin air like magic. They say if you love something you have to let it go, and if it comes back it’s meant to be. Well, you let Jimin go once, albeit unwillingly, and he came back from the dead to be with you again. You’d be wrong not to take the opportunity to get him back, even if that means losing the man that’s standing right in front of you. Ready and willing to give his heart away to you if you’d only have him. You can’t have them both so you have to break someone’s heart to have what you really want. That thought makes you a bit sad and you try not to show it on your face, steeling yourself for what you have to say.

“I’m kinda surprised you actually showed up.” Is the first thing you say to him, wiping your hands on your pants.

“Of course I showed up, I’m the one that planned the date!” He laughs, but you don’t do the same, only offering him an awkward smile. “How was work?”

“It was fine.” Your answer is curt and he notices immediately that something is off.

“You sure? You seem a little down.” He steps closer, expecting you to move aside and let him into your home, and when you don’t move his eyebrows lift in surprise. “May I come in?” He tries, starting to get nervous. Well that makes two of you.

“Um, sure. But I- can we talk?” You’re stuttering now and you clear your throat to get the nerves out of your shaky voice. He nods solemnly like you’re about to tell him that someone died, dread filling your gut as you try to prepare your words to make this go as smoothly as possible. Finally, you move aside to let him into your home, and he hesitates for a moment before stepping inside.

Jimin has been thinking of you all week. Thinking about all of the things he’s learned about you over the past few months and feeling that ache in his heart from missing you. He’s been a bit cold to you recently because he felt like he was in the wrong for pursuing you since you had already been seeing someone, and he doesn’t want to get in the way of that if you truly want to be with that other person. He’s also been distancing himself because of the heavy guilt that he’s been feeling after grasping how tough losing him was for you. He knows it wasn’t his fault but deep down he feels like it was. He’s the reason you struggled during those 3 years, and even though he doesn’t know all of the details, he can sense that you are still struggling in some way. His biggest fear is hurting you and he’d rather lose you than hurt you so deeply again.

So why is your place the first place he thought to drive to after getting his drivers license today? He’s got his GPS out and is turning the corner onto your street with no real goal in mind, simply wanting you to be the first to know that he passed. And also because he missed seeing your face. Of course he feels terrible for being so stand-offish to you too and wants to apologize in person. He just can’t sort out his emotions between you seeing Jaebeom, him being the reason for your poor mental health, and his heart wanting him to just confess his feelings to you, everything is all jumbled up. But seeing you tonight might clear some things up for him and he knows that once he sees you he’ll make up his mind on how to proceed.

Pulling up to your house, he can see a car that isn’t yours in the driveway. He’s seen it before, recently, and it doesn’t click whose car it is until he sees the man standing outside your door. There Jaebeom stands, basket in hand, dressed nicely like he’s going on a date. And you are in the doorway talking to him, dressed in a lovely pants suit with your hair pinned up, stepping aside to let him into your home. As Jimin gets closer he sees Jaebeom nod, then take a step forward to enter your home and his heart sinks. Again he feels like he’s intruding on something and his face gets hot in embarrassment. Of course you’re going to continue seeing Jaebeom, you never said you would stop seeing him even though you denied that you were dating. And he’s the one that was encouraging you to continue seeing him in the first place, so there’s no real reason for him to be upset. Except he is upset. But more than that, he’s disappointed. It hurts more than he thought it would to see you with someone else, and it feels like his world is crumbling apart at the thought that you might end up with this man instead of him. 

He continues driving past your house with stinging eyes, feeling silly for feeling the way he does. Like he said, you shouldn’t throw away the opportunity to be with someone you like just because of him, and part of him still feels that way, but the bigger part of him wishes you would ignore his words and still choose him.

Inside your home, Jaebeom sits awkwardly on your couch playing with his fingers as you take your time locking your front door and trudging over to him. You sit next to him, turning your body slightly towards his and it is a lot like the last time you had him over, except the air is much more tense. 

“So what did you want to talk about?” He asks, though he probably has an idea of what you’re going to say. Swallowing hard, you wrack your brain for the right words to say.

“I don’t really know how to say this so I’ll just cut to the chase. Jaebeom,” you start, talking with measured words. “Getting to know you over these last few months was truly a pleasure. You’re smart, handsome, funny, and all around one of the most patient people I’ve ever met, and I am really attracted to you, truly. But-“

“You’re still in love with him?” He cuts you off with a quiet voice, a whisper so quiet you almost don’t hear it. 

You pause with a frown, nodding slowly, and he lowers his head. Your voice takes on a deeper tone, soft and almost as heartbroken as his. “I know how much effort you put into trying to make me happy. When we met, I was a shell of who I used to be and you were one of the main people that stayed patient with me and helped bring me back to life. Even though you never saw who I was before… everything that happened… you still had faith that I was more than that lifeless lump of flesh that couldn’t even muster a smile at the nice gentleman who offered to pay for all of my groceries when I forgot my wallet at home.” You half laugh at the thought, recounting how Jaebeom had been in front of you in line at the store, packing away his things into his cart when he overheard you talking with the cashier about how you had left your wallet and would have to abandon the small cart of items you needed. You didn’t have much, only about 10 items, and Jaebeom graciously walked over and paid for them after hearing the sadness in your voice. You thanked him profusely without making eye contact and he admitted that he found it cute, finally causing you to look up at him. His smile was almost blinding and it only caused your heart to ache as you remembered another blinding smile that you thought you’d never see again. He asked for your number when you asked how you could repay him, and selfishly you gave it to him, knowing it was only because his smile reminded you of Jimin, and even now you feel guilty about it because you’ve roped him into more than he bargained for just because you were looking for a replacement to pull you out of your grief. You feel like a terrible person. And maybe you are. “And even now, you continue to bring me gifts and wear your heart on your sleeve for me even knowing there was a possibility that Jimin coming back might change things between us.” You gesture at the basket of goodies sitting on your coffee table. “You plan spontaneous dates and send flowers to my job and show up to my house all dressed up— you do all of this for someone that you aren’t even sure likes you the same way, and that just tells me that you are so, so genuine and thoughtful, and it’s crushing me that I can’t reciprocate. I do like you, it’s just that my heart is pulling me in a different direction. And it is totally not fair to you that you did all the work to get me back to a place where I can accept love again and you don’t even get to reap the rewards of your labor. But it’s also not fair to you to be strung along like some toy. I’m so sorry that I wasted your time, you deserve so much better than me.”

Looking down, you end your monologue and wait for his reaction, a little scared of how he’ll respond. Jaebeom doesn’t seem like the type to lash out, but with all that you’ve just said who knows what his response will be. What you don’t expect is to feel his hand gently on your thigh, giving you a reassuring squeeze. You look up to find him giving you a sad smile, not an ounce of malice in his gaze as he looks at you.

“Why do you look so sad, beautiful? It’s not your heart that’s being broken.” He gives you a half smile and you nearly burst into tears, feeling so yucky for rejecting this sweet man. He removes his hand from you, running it from his forehead to the back of his head with a sigh. “I kinda knew this was coming, you’ve been dodging me for weeks.” Your face goes pale and he laughs. “Yeah, I noticed, but don’t feel too bad. This is a hard conversation to have so I don’t blame you for putting it off.” Your wide eyes cause him to grin, lifting his head to look at the ceiling. “I wasn’t sending you flowers and bringing you gifts solely to win you over. Partly, it was because I love seeing you smile and I hoped it would brighten your day at least a little. You always seem so conflicted when we see each other. Like you’re battling with yourself in your head about something no one else would understand. First it was with grief, now it’s love, but it seems like two sides to the same coin to me. I understand that it’s probably so hard on you to be between the idea of moving on from your past and going back to what you know, and I commend you for actually coming to a decision about it. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn’t know what to do and I would probably keep both options in limbo for much longer than you did. But, man, it really sucks being on the losing side.” He sighs.

“I’m sorry.” You find yourself apologizing before you can stop yourself.

“Don’t apologize, you had to choose someone. But just know, I don’t regret anything that I did within these past months. I don’t regret meeting you or getting to know you. Or being a part of this love triangle and trying to win you over. Though I have to say, it wasn’t a fair competition.”

“What do you mean by that?” Your eyebrows knit in an adorable way and he has to look away from you before he can let his heart flutter.

“I mean, how could I possibly compete with someone who brightens your life that much? Ever since you told me he came back you’ve been so much happier. I can see it in your entire demeanor, with how you carry yourself now, with how your eyes look lively and free. I was only able to bring out glimpses of that in you, but- Jimin, was it?- he is able to change your entire world. So how could I be upset when in the end you’ll get to be yourself again after all these years and live happily ever after? I only want the best for you, and if you are your best self with somebody else, then who am I to get in the way of that?”

Feeling your eyes well up with tears, you close them and take a shaky breath. Jaebeom is just too good to be true. You never thought you’d be the one brought to tears in this situation, but here you are, crying at the heartfelt words of the man you didn’t choose. You tell yourself that that other version of you in another universe is happy with him. Running into his arms and accepting his love instead of crushing it under the heel of her foot like you are right now. That picture of the other version of him stays with you as well, hugging you and pouring all of his love and adoration onto you instead of swallowing it down like he’s doing now, putting on a brave face to save your feelings even when you’re trampling all over his. 

Opening your eyes, you spread your arms to ask silently for a hug, and he scoots closer to accept. Nuzzling your face in his shoulder, you let a few tears slip free. The hug you share communicates all of your remaining emotions that you don’t have the words for, and you hope he hears them loud and clear. The way he squeezes you tells you he does, and it’s a long minute before you’re pulling away, wiping your eyes with a smile and observing how his are now glassy too. 

“So this is it, huh?” He asks, looking at you longingly.

“Yeah.” You frown.

“I… guess I’ll see you around?”

“Yeah.” You choke out.

He sits there for a second longer, staring at you as if committing your face to memory, before getting up from your couch and heading to the door. You don’t follow him and he lets himself out, leaving you staring into space with a heavy heart, listening to the sounds of his footsteps getting farther away until you hear his car door shut, the engine turn on, and the sound of his wheels leaving your driveway. 

The ache in Jimin’s heart grows every day that he doesn’t talk to you. It wouldn’t be too far off to say that he’s pouting by not texting you back, but he just can’t seem to bring himself to reply after what he saw that night. Plus, he’s been caught up with his new job and things have been hectic as he looks for a place to move out of his parent’s house to. No, that’s an excuse. The reality is that he has all the time in the world when he’s not at work, and he has chosen to use that time to sulk about not being with you instead of trying to continue your friendship or even ask you for answers. But even if he were to ask you for answers, he’s almost positive that he won’t like the answer to the question “why did you invite Jaebeom into your house that night?” You would probably only break his heart more by saying that you decided to be with Jaebeom instead and that you were inviting him in to make sweet love in his absence. That thought makes him frown deeply, a pit of jealousy forming in his gut. 

But that’s what he wanted, right? You should have the chance to move on with someone else after the pain you’ve endured. You should be with someone that makes you happy and if that person is Jaebeom then he has no right to speak against it.

Blazing white shines through his window and angles right into his already open eyes, no need for an alarm as he’s already been awake all night. One cup of coffee, black, and a bowl of his favorite cereal. His mother is in the living room crocheting as he walks past to use the restroom, watching him as he drags his feet with eyes half open. A fleeting thought of you crosses his mind, of how you told him you used to find it so funny that his eyes barely open in the morning when he’s still sleepy and how you found it so endearing how clingy and cuddly he used to get. He’s still like this, craving the warmth of your body this morning, but you’re not here to supply him with cuddles or love and affection because you’re giving it to another man. His mother watches as he nearly runs into the doorframe of the bathroom on his way out, still locked in his heartbreaking daydream of you snuggled up with that handsome stranger.

“Jimin-ah,” his mom calls, concerned by how disoriented and sad her son looks. “When is the last time you left the house, honey?” 

“Hm? I leave every day to go to work…” he replies back quietly.

“That doesn’t count. When is the last time you left the house for something that wasn’t work?”

Since he saw you at your house about 5 days ago. She already knows the answer so he doesn’t have to say this out loud, and she forces him to call up Taehyung and Jungkook to spend some time with them to raise his spirits. And hopefully they can talk some sense into him.

Jimin sits uncomfortably at the table as his two best friends stare back at him with blank looks of disbelief, looking at him as if he were stupid after he explains what he saw that night. The boba shop buzzes with people on this busy weekend afternoon, somehow making their silence that much more unsettling.

“What? Why are you guys staring at me like that?” He whines after an excruciating minute passes without them saying anything. He can’t read either of their thoughts from their expressions and it’s making him nervous. 

“I’m so sorry to say this, but that is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.” Jungkook states, shaking his head in dismay at his friend’s stupidity. “So you just assumed they were going on a date and drove off without confirming?”

“What else was I supposed to do? Go knock on her door and ask her “hey are you going on a date with him right now?” just for her to laugh and say ‘yes’ and slam the door in my face?”

“Could it be possible that she didn’t set up the date and he was just coming over to surprise her? You know, since he’s kinda competing with you to earn her affections?” Tae asks, trying to wrap his head around Jimin’s thought process.

“I mean, that could have been what was happening, but I think it’s much more likely that he came over to go on a date with her.” Jimin pouts, taking a sip of his boba drink. 

“Okay, say that was what happened and they were going out on a date. That doesn’t mean that she’s made a decision to date him instead of you. Wasn’t (Y/n) going out on dates with this Jaebeom character at the same time that she was seeing you?” Jungkook tries to reason, earning a frown from Jimin.

“Yes, but this just felt different. It looked like there was some tension between them when he was walking into her house, like something was about to happen between them.”

“I mean, tension isn’t always sexual, she could have been about to break his heart and tell him she doesn’t want to see him anymore. Were they smiling or was the vibe serious?” Taehyung swirls the liquid in his cup, watching as the tapioca pearls spin around the bottom, seeming half uninterested in the conversation.

“It was more serious, but I don’t really know because I didn’t get a clear look at their faces.” Jimin admits, trying to think back to what you looked like. He definitely doesn’t remember you smiling or anything though.

“Then there’s a possibility that I’m right and she was inviting him in to have the breakup talk with him. Well, it isn’t really a break up if they weren’t actually together.” Jimin doesn’t say anything to this so Taehyung continues. “The way I see it is, it doesn’t really matter what they were doing or talking about that night, what matters is your response to it. Are you just going to roll over and let this other guy steal your girl from you when she’s clearly still into you?”

“Tae’s right, are you really going to just let him have her?” Jungkook adds, both of them looking at Jimin expectantly. He lets out a deep sigh, looking sadder than ever. 

“The thing is, she’s not my girl, I don’t own her and she doesn’t owe me anything. I can’t just treat her like I’m entitled to her heart when she clearly has feelings for someone other than me.”

At this, both men laugh, causing Jimin to look up at them, confused. “Yeah right, tell that to her.” Jungkook says through a snicker, taking a sip of his boba.

“Huh?”

“Dude, the way you’ve got her heart in shackles is ridiculous. I’m not sure if she even knows you don’t literally own her, I haven’t seen her even glance at another man since she met you.” Taehyung laughs.

Jungkook nearly bounces with excitement as he recalls something from the depths of his memory, nudging Taehyung with his elbow. “Hyung! Remember in high school when that guy from her class confessed to her in front of all 3 of us and she told him she had “feelings for someone else” while making direct eye contact with Jimin?” 

“Yes! And she didn’t even know his name! She called him “Daehyun” when his name was Doyoung.” Taehyung laughs uproariously, slapping the younger man on the shoulder. “Man, we teased her about that for years after you two finally got together,” He addresses Jimin, who looks lost as usual. But he’s gotten used to being the odd man out when people reminisce, simply wanting to know more about the story, especially if it involves him. “And just like you are now, you were completely clueless to how she felt.”

“I don’t know how you didn’t catch on after that, she was literally staring you down when she said it. I could almost see the cartoon arrow sign above her head pointing at you saying “it’s YOU, Jimin, I have feelings for YOU”. I still can’t believe it took you almost 2 months after that to ask her out.” Jungkook sighs, shaking his head.

“Yeah, because he was “unsure” if she liked him back.” Taehyung says, rolling his eyes as Jimin looks between the both of them.

“How can you be unsure if someone like (Y/n) likes you back? She’s not the most subtle, at least not when it comes to you.” Jungkook is right. You have never been able to hide your expressions around Jimin, or stop yourself from getting shy, or stop the word vomit that comes with being nervous and oversharing things about yourself because you don’t want Jimin to misunderstand anything when it comes to you. Jimin has seen the word vomit first hand, when you were trying to explain Jaebeom’s relationship to you, desperately trying to get him to understand just how insignificant Jaebeom is to you. 

“Thanks for bringing that up, Kookie, I’m now 100% convinced that (Y/n) doesn’t even know that other men exist. She’s only ever had eyes for you, Jimin.” Sounding completely certain, Taehyung leans back in his seat as if to say that that’s the end of the conversation. But that nagging voice in the back of Jimin’s head reminds him of how nervous you looked when Jaebeom came to your door that day and saw him standing there. And how stiff you got when he started questioning you about Jaebeom.

“But she clearly does know other men exist, she’s been dating one for months.” Jimin says quietly, crossing his arms on the table and resting his chin on them. “Things have changed since high school. Both of us have changed so it’s not impossible to think that she grew to have feelings for someone else.”

“Even if she does have feelings for this guy, her feelings for you obviously outweigh her feelings for him. I’m not sure how you don’t see that.” Jungkook is starting to get irritated with the back and forth resistance that Jimin keeps giving them. Why is it so damn hard to get him to see that you want him and only him? “Wasn’t she the one who kept saying that the two of them weren’t dating when you were asking her about it? That doesn’t sound like someone who wants the other man.”

“Right. Plus, she waited a whole 3 years before even attempting to date. She wouldn’t even think about breathing in another man’s direction after your disappearance because she didn’t want to be disrespectful to you and also because she still had such deep feelings for you that it was sickening to even think about anyone else. You think those feelings just disappeared overnight because some other guy came into the picture?” Tae tries to reason, but it only makes Jimin feel worse. He’s already held you back so much, he’d hate to be the reason you give up on finding love elsewhere. 

“I- I don’t know.” Jimin buries his face him his arms, a headache forming behind his eyes at the rushing thoughts running through his mind. He’s torn, and even though his friends tell him otherwise, he can’t help thinking that your feelings reside with someone else. He’s frustrated with himself that he just can’t accept that you want to be with him, and he doesn’t know how to convince himself that it’s true.

“Well, we’ve said all we can say to convince you. Now it’s up to you to decide whether or not you’ll pursue her.” Jungkook concludes, finishing the rest of his drink and using his straw to suck up the remaining pearls at the bottom of his cup, nearly choking as one flies up the straw and down his throat.

“But just know,” Taehyung starts, patting Jungkook on the back as he coughs, “if push comes to shove, we’ll be on (Y/n)’s side so you better not fuck up.” His ominous warning sends a chill up Jimin’s spine as Jungkook nods in agreement. He sounds like a protective older brother threatening his little sister’s boyfriend, and there’s a flash of familiarity in the feeling it gives him. As if Taehyung has said or expressed the same sentiment to him before. He wants to ask if he’s said that before, but Jimin is far too intimidated by Taehyung’s deep voice to ask.

Jimin goes home with a lot to think about, both of his friends having made valid points. His room feels empty and large and he cuddles up with a pillow to try to replace the warmth that he craves from you, thinking about how he could have you all to himself if it wasn’t for Jaebeom. He picks up his phone and begins typing, wanting to let you know that he didn’t mean to ghost you, that he’s been missing you like crazy, and that he wants to see you soon if you’ll let him. But he ends up deleting his message when he thinks back to your face, how you’ll probably be upset with him for reaching out to you after all this time. Or maybe you’ll be nervous and hesitant to reply because you don’t know how to tell him that you’ve chosen Jaebeom instead and only want to be friends moving forward. Or worse, you’ll leave him on read just as he’s done to you and block him and he’ll never get the chance to talk to you again because you no longer want him in your life and he has to respect that. Jimin is spiraling, the bad thoughts mixing with the good: your beautiful smiling face followed by thoughts of you kissing Jaebeom, the feeling of your warm hands cradling his face like you did the first time he saw you, followed by his name being blocked in your phone. He starts to feel a bit nauseous and stands up from his bed, dragging his feet on the way to the shower where no one can see the tears that begin to drip from his eyes as he runs hot water over his face. 

It’s the next day and you wake from a dreamless sleep, not feeling rested at all. In fact, you haven’t gotten a good nights sleep since Jimin stopped responding to you almost a week ago. You’ve always known Jimin to be a stubborn one, but this is just too much. It has been far too long without hearing from him and you’re starting to get nervous. Did you do something to make him angry? You’ve barely spoken to him in the past 2 weeks, with him not even bothering to reply beginning about 6 days ago, so you doubt you’ve done anything wrong. Has he simply given up on you? You sure hope not. Jimin is a lover, not a fighter, you know this, but you desperately hope he hasn’t been intimidated by Jaebeom to the point that he’d stop chasing after you. But maybe that’s exactly what happened. He told you he wanted you to move on, to find happiness with the opportunity right in front of you, but you had no idea he would completely take himself out of the running by ghosting you. Just the thought of him doing that pisses you off and you are 5 seconds away from calling him up to ask for an explanation before another thought pops into your mind. 

Taehyung has always been on your side with these types of things. In the past, when Jimin would do something to piss you off or if he was being unreasonable, it was always Taehyung who played the middle man and talked some sense into him. Maybe that’s what he needs to do now.

You: Hey, I need your help with something

Taeddy Bear 🧸: If this is about Jimin then I’m in

You: …You don’t even know what I’m going to ask

Taeddy Bear 🧸: I’d even be down if you said you wanted to murder him for ghosting you

Taeddy Bear 🧸: Cuz honestly? Same

Taeddy Bear 🧸: What is it?

You: So he told you he’s been ghosting me?

Taeddy Bear 🧸: Basically

Taeddy Bear 🧸: He seems torn between talking to you and giving you space

You: Space? Why the hell would I need space???

You: We didn’t have an argument or anything

Taeddy Bear 🧸: 🤷🏻 but it seems like he convinced himself that you’ve chosen the other guy over him

You: No??? Why would he think that?

Taeddy Bear 🧸: He saw him at your house last week and assumed you were going out with him

You: 😐

Taeddy Bear 🧸: Hey don’t shoot the messenger

You: I literally told Jaebeom I don’t want to talk to him anymore that night! All he had to do was wait a day 🙄

Taeddy Bear 🧸: I tried to tell him! He was convinced that something spicy was happening between you two

You: Spicy how 🤨

Taeddy Bear 🧸: He thought you were *inviting him in*😏

Taeddy Bear 🧸: Not inviting him in to talk

You: 🤦 God he’s such an idiot 😭😭

Taeddy Bear 🧸: Yeahhh but you love him

You: I do 😫😭

Taeddy Bear 🧸: So we have to do something about this!!

Taeddy Bear 🧸: What do you need me to do?

Just as you thought, Taehyung is as helpful as ever in devising a plan for you to confront Jimin. You both agreed that if you told him to just meet you that he’d either say no, or say yes and be extremely anxious about it to the point where he’d almost be in tears from stress, so you decided to surprise him with your presence at a neutral place.

The doorbell rings at Taehyung’s place, the weekend finally here again and the boys lounging around together. Taehyung’s ears perk up at the sound like a dog, struggling to hide his mischievous grin as he knows exactly who is at the door. 

“Jimin-ah, can you get that?” He asks politely, motioning for Jungkook to sit when the younger man begins to stand. The muscle bunny looks confused, but Taehyung gives him a look that says he’ll explain later.

“Why can’t you get it? It’s your house.” Jimin yawns, not loving the idea of getting up from his comfortable position. His eyes are fixated on the tv screen and he whines when Tae hits pause and the action stops.

“You’re closest to the door.” Tae bickers back, throwing a piece of candy at his best friend. The doorbell rings again and this time Jimin shifts to get up, groaning like an old man as his knees crack when he stands.

“Fiiiiine.” He sighs, dragging his feet to the door, unsure of what to expect on the other side. Maybe there’s another one of Taehyung’s friends coming over that he has yet to meet. Or maybe it’s a package or food delivery. Whatever Jimin is thinking, he sure doesn’t expect to see you on the other side of the door, standing there picking at your fingers nervously, glancing up at him with almost as shocked an expression as him.

“O-oh, I wasn’t expecting you to be the one to open the door.” You stutter out, having expected to have a little more time to prepare before seeing him. His face goes pale at the sight of you and he takes a step backwards. His heart jumps because all he’s wanted to do for the past few days was see your face, but now that you’re here he doesn’t know what to say. Was this a set up? He looks behind him in the direction of his friends, though he can’t see them from the doorway, and silently curses them in his head. “Can we talk? Please?” 

He takes a deep breath, the consequences of his own actions and cowardice looking him right in the face with those beautiful eyes, so deep and genuine that he has no choice but to agree. “Sure. But let’s go in the back.” He suggests, not wanting any of Taehyung’s nosy neighbors to intrude on your conversation. The sound of his voice sends a shiver through you and you hide it with a nod. He moves aside to let you into his friend’s home, cutting his eye at the two men as they wave at you on your way to the back door, giving Jimin a thumbs up when you look away. 

The thought of having to talk to you makes his stomach twist because he has absolutely no idea what to say to you. You don’t even know the reason why he stopped responding, and knowing you, you’re probably thinking you did something wrong to deserve this treatment from him, when in reality, it’s his own cowardice that’s kept him from seeking the truth. But at the same time, he doesn’t think he’s prepared to hear what the truth is. He knows how shattered you are without him, but he has no idea just how shattered he’d be if he found out for certain that you won’t be his. 

He swallows hard when the back door finally shuts behind you, the two of you alone and staring at each other, almost daring the other to speak. He decides to take the lead when he sees that your lips remain in a fine line, swirling thoughts not coherent enough to speak yet despite you having practiced what you were going to say all night.

“I’m assuming you and Taehyung came up with this brilliant plan to corner me, huh?” He starts, turning his attention to the spider web that rests between the posts of the railing of Taehyung’s small deck. There sits a spider toward the center of the web, swaying in the wind and waiting for its prey to fly into its trap. Dark clouds roll overhead, the threat of a storm brewing.

“I’m not cornering you. You can leave whenever you want.” He makes no motions toward the door so you continue. “I only wanted to have a conversation with you and get some things off my chest, and since you’ve been ghosting me, this is the only way for me to do that.” Your pretty lips form into a small frown and all Jimin can think about is the way they look stretched into a smile. He’s the reason you aren’t smiling now, and he feels absolutely terrible about it, a knot forming in his stomach at the guilt he feels for not contacting you. “So, why the hell have you been ghosting me?”

“I’m sure you’ve heard it from Taehyung already…” he mumbles, looking away from you again. 

“Yeah, but I want to hear it from you.” You respond immediately, not letting up.

He takes a deep inhale, letting it out slowly as he thinks of what he saw at your place and all of the terrible nightmares he’s been having of you with Jaebeom and him ruining your happiness with him. “I… saw Jaebeom at your place last week. I know you’ve been seeing him for a while and that you like him so it’s only natural that you’d still be going on dates and inviting him in. It just felt like I was being a home wrecker by interjecting myself into your life while you were already seeing someone, and seeing you invite him into your house made me feel like I was intruding on your relationship. I mean, you guys would be practically dating at this point if it wasn’t for me showing up out of nowhere, so I decided it would be best for me to take myself out of the equation and let you be happy with him.”

“So you made the decision all by yourself to walk away based on an assumption that I had chosen him?” When you put it like that it sounds like he made a bad call. He nods regardless. “Why do you even think I chose him in the first place? Because he was at my house?”

“Because he was dressed up like you were about to go on a date, bringing you gifts and you were inviting him into your house. It didn’t seem like you were rejecting him.”

“So you decided to ghost me after seeing 5 seconds of an interaction with no context?” Your voice raises in volume just slightly, starting to get pissed off.

“What else did I need to see? Did you want me to sit outside your window and watch you have sex with him to determine if you were still seeing him or not?” He snaps back, looking irritated himself. He ignores the way your face contorts. “Listen, it’s fine if you want to be with him, just tell me. I was wrong for ghosting you, and I’m sorry, but I thought it would be easier for you if you didn’t have to decide between the two of us. I have feelings for you but I don’t want you to throw away your relationship with him because of me.”

“What relationship?!” Just listening to him say so many incorrect things at once is making your blood pressure go up. “Jimin, I invited him inside to reject him. I told him that I didn’t want to see him anymore and that I had chosen you!”

At this he blinks, taking in the meaning of your words. You think he’s going to have an epiphany moment where he realizes just how dumb he was acting and apologize to you for assuming incorrectly, but instead he seems to get angry, which perplexes you.

“You broke up with him for me? But he’s literally the perfect man. You deserve the world and he looks like he could give it to you. Why would you throw away that for me?”

“I did not “break up” with him— for the millionth time— we were never together! And Jaebeom is a great guy and all but he is not the perfect man. You know how I know that? Because you are the perfect man. You are the perfect man for me.” You take a step closer to him, trying to get through to him. He’s always been like this, doubtful of himself and his worth. 

“How can you say that so confidently? I’m not the exact same person I was when we were together, (Y/n). I can’t remember any of the time we spent together before the accident so our relationship wouldn’t be the same if you do go back to me. You barely even know me anymore.” He looks down at his feet, feeling so insecure that he almost wants the ground to open up and swallow him whole. He just can’t wrap his head around the fact that you would choose him, someone with his memory and identity in shambles, over another man who has his life put together and memory intact, who is settled and has a great personality with an equal desire to make you happy. Your eyes squint at him at his last statement as if that was the dumbest thing you’ve ever heard in your life and the look on your face makes him take a step back. You look like you could strangle him for being so stubborn and thinking so lowly of himself.

“I do know you, Jimin! I probably know you better than you know yourself. I know that you like sleeping in on weekends but feel guilty if you sleep past 11am; I know that when you laugh too hard, your eyes shut and you can’t see until you stop laughing; I know that you had a friend in 2nd grade that made fun of you during show and tell and that’s why you don’t like speaking in front of crowds.” He looks at you incredulously, not expecting your word vomit. “I know that you like to drink! You can hold about 4 or 5 shots before you really start feeling it, but you prefer wine or whiskey on most nights. I know that you pride yourself on being meticulous and neat, and that you love when people notice and praise you about it! I know that you cry every time you watch “Inside Out” because Bing Bong was your favorite character.” 

“But that’s all surface level-“

“I know that you’re an overthinker that tends to doubt his self worth when it comes to other people, just like you’re doing now. I know that you haven’t changed from the person who proposed to me and cried his eyes out when I said yes because you had convinced yourself that I would say no. I know you value your friends and family more than anything in the world and would do whatever it takes to see them happy, even at the expense of yourself. I know that you’ve got a thick skull and won’t let anyone tell you otherwise once you’ve got your mind set on something, whether it be for work, relationships, or fun. And if it’s something negative about yourself that you’re struggling with, I know that you need a lot of reassurance to feel comfortable because you hate being an inconvenience to others.”

The entire time you ramble on, you don’t notice his flickering resolve. It both fills and breaks his heart because of how well you know him, and it only confuses him more. He should run from you and let you move on, he was your past and you deserve to step away from him and continue with your future. But at the same time, he hasn’t changed at all and your rant is proving that. Everything you say about him is true, and it shouldn’t be difficult to rebuild what he lost. Maybe he’s just afraid he won’t live up to who you once knew. But everything you say proves that he is still that person, and you still very much know him. 

Dropping your voice, you draw closer. “I know how amazing you are at listening to other people’s problems and offering emotional support, yet you find it hard to express your own feelings verbally sometimes. I know that you think you’re holding me back. And most importantly, I know that we once loved each other with all our hearts, and that I still love you just as much— if not more— than I did before.” Taking a breath, you stare at him, trying to understand what’s going through his head. “The point is, I don’t want you to distance yourself from me. I don’t want a new life with a new person. I don’t even want our old life together because even then we weren’t perfect! I just want you with me; the one that’s standing in front of me right now looking clueless and dumbfounded,” He closes his mouth, embarrassed. “The one that doesn’t remember our past but was willing to follow me around the city making new memories anyway. Who you are right now is more than enough for me. So please, let me choose you. I’ve already made my decision, it’s up to you to accept it.”

Heart in your throat, you wait for him to say something, anything, but he stays silent. The longer the pause the more you worry, wondering what he’s thinking. Scratching his neck, he struggles to find the words, opening and closing his mouth as he fights an internal war. 

“I just- I need some time to think.” He finally speaks up, not meeting your eyes.

“What do you still need to think about? You either want me or you don’t, you accept my confession or not.” When he stays silent again your frustration reaches a fever pitch and you have to remove yourself from him before you say something you don’t mean. “You wanna know what I also know? That you’ve always been oblivious when it comes to me, so I’m just going to say this plainly for you: I love you and I can’t imagine living without you again. I don’t want Jaebeom, I only want you— so you get back to me once you figure out whatever is going through your head. I’ll wait for you, even if I have to wait forever. But I’m really hoping you don’t take forever because I really miss you.” Your voice breaks a little at the end of your sentence and you turn toward the door quickly, opening the sliding glass and making your escape before he can see the tears welling up in your eyes. You leave without saying anything to Taehyung and Jungkook, your scent wafting after you, filled with sorrow and despair. 

Jimin stands there, sucking on his lips and wondering if what he did was the right thing. He takes his time coming back into the house, finding his two best friends staring at him in anticipation. “How did it go?” Jungkook asks, looking back at him with doe eyes.

“Judging by the way she stormed out I’m guessing it didn’t go well.” Taehyung surmises, pausing the tv and turning his full attention to Jimin as he sits back down on the couch with his head in his hands. He explains the conversation/argument he just had with you and waits for his friends to respond.

“Jimin what the hell!” Jungkook is almost in tears for you, face getting hot from the second hand embarrassment he’s getting from the way you put yourself in such a vulnerable position for this imbecile. Jimin blinks at the anger the younger man is displaying on your behalf. “I should hit you for putting her through this.” 

Taehyung does the honors and slaps Jimin on the back of his head, not saying a word. 

“So let me get this straight. You disappear for three years, (Y/n) is miserable. You return and she’s happy. Then you ghost her because you think she’s chosen to be with another man, making both of you miserable. She breaks things off with the guy she was seeing to be with you, giving both of you the chance to be happy again, and you tell her you need to think about it? What else is there to think about, hyung? Do you not want to be with her?”

“It just feels selfish of me to want to get back with her. I’ve hurt her so deeply before by almost dying and I’m just really scared of hurting her again. And what if I’m not good enough for her anymore? What if I can’t love her the way she wants to be loved and I end up disappointing her? I can’t remember all the things I used to do, nor do I know her well enough now to know what she wants. Jaebeom seems like such a good guy and I can see her being happy with him, it only feels right to let her move on from me instead of selfishly trying to keep her for myself.”

“And you don’t think you’re hurting her by doing this?” Taehyung’s voice seems to get deeper as he finally speaks up, trying to control the volume of his voice. “You don’t think it was selfish to make the decision to stop talking to her on your own without consulting her first? I think it’s very arrogant of you to think you know what’s best for her without even considering how she feels.” His harsh words cut deep and cause Jimin’s eyes to sting. Taehyung has never been one to mince his words, unafraid to tell his friends when they are in the wrong. And Jimin can tell that you and both of his friends were— and still are— very close by the way they defend you in your absence.

“I’m with Tae on this one,” Jungkook says when Jimin looks in his direction. “All this time she’s been telling you how much she loves you and how much she missed you and you’re still saying this? She told you point blank that she doesn’t want to be with Jaebeom and that she wants you and you are completely disregarding her feelings by forcing her to be with him. Do you think it’s fair to her to have to lose you all over again? You didn’t see her while you were gone, you don’t know the suffering she went through without you, do you think she deserves to go back to that? (Y/n) is the sweetest, most caring, patient person any of us has ever met and here you are playing with her heart like a toy. She said she would wait for you, but I doubt she’ll wait forever. I wouldn’t if I was her. So you better figure out what you want before she moves on for real. Do you really want to see her with someone else?” Both of Taehyung and Jungkook’s words strike a cord in Jimin’s heart and he thinks about how utterly depressed you’ll be if he decides to leave you again. He thinks back to everything he’s heard from the people around him, how they all said you struggled alone and separated yourself from the world, how you said you had to claw your way up from the depths of hell to become a functioning human again after those 3 long years of misery. He can’t imaging causing you that level of hurt again, and he hadn’t even thought about that when he was spiraling. Plus, he doesn’t think he can stomach the thought of seeing you around town with someone else, hearing about how well you’re doing with another man through your mutual friends. 

“This insecurity about yourself that you’re feeling is completely unjustified. I know she loves you more than anything and I’ve seen you love her before. That’s why I’m confident that you’ll be able to make her happy, whether you remember your past or not.” Taehyung says, sounding more encouraging now after seeing Jimin’s change in demeanor. “Do you want the chance to love her again?”

Jimin swallows, thinking about how badly he’s missed you over the past few weeks and how he wants nothing more than to have you in his arms. Despite the fear he holds in his heart about not being able to live up to who you think he is, he still desperately wants you to be his. “Yes.” He chokes out, scared that he’s ruined things by not telling you this a few minutes ago. 

“Then if you have feelings for her the way you say you do, I suggest getting off your ass and chasing after her.” Jungkook concludes, pushing Jimin’s back and forcing him to stand from the couch. “Now!”

The sky is dark as it begins to drizzle. You find yourself jogging from your driveway and fumbling with your keys to get into your home before the sky opens up and starts raining buckets. As soon as you get inside you speed dial your friends, plopping down on your bed with a forearm covering your eyes. The entire ride home you managed to control your emotions by cranking up your music so high you couldn’t think, but now that you’re alone in silence, everything comes bubbling up to the surface.

Joy and Mina both answer your group FaceTime call, having been told about your plan to meet Jimin in person, and they expect you to be squealing in excitement, so when you stay silent on the other end for more than 2 seconds they know something is up. 

“Oh god, what happened?” Mina asks, looking at your ceiling as you place your phone on the bed. “Did he reject you? Because I swear if he did I’ll drive over there and kick his ass myself, just say the word.” Always the fighter, Mina would go to bat for you anytime you needed and you’ve always been thankful for that.

“No, he didn’t reject me.” You mumble, frowning at how weak your voice sounds. When you don’t elaborate, Joy finishes for you.

“But he didn’t necessarily accept your confession either, huh?” There’s empathy in her voice and it causes a cascade of tears to flow down your face, the dam breaking and destroying everything you’ve built. You try to cry as silently as possible, embarrassed for your friends to see you like this for some reason. They’ve seen you worse than this, seen you at your lowest and helped to drag you out of it, but this hurt feels different. You’re not mourning or grieving the loss of anything and you haven’t been flat out rejected so it almost feels like your pain isn’t justified. 

“He said he needed time to think.”

“What is there to think about? He either likes you back or not, it’s simple.” Mina scoffs, balling up her fist behind the camera.

“I’m sorry, (Y/n).” Joy drawls, frowning when you finally pick upon your phone and reveal your tear-stained face. “Do you need us to come over? We can bring alcohol and watch a movie or trashy reality tv until we get sleepy.” She offers, knowing exactly what you like.

“Yeah, I can bring some of that plum sake you liked last time and we can get fucked up and cry our eyes out singing love songs.” You want to crack a smile at the memory of you and Mina singing “Love” by Keisha Cole several years ago when she got her heart broken by a guy she was seeing. They were just friends with benefits and he apparently didn’t see her as anything more than that, so she was left completely shattered when she hinted that she had feelings for him and he broke things off with her shortly thereafter. You spent two days at her place, just the two of you, watching horror movies, ordering food, drinking, and scream singing heartbreak songs until her neighbors came banging on the door for you both to shut up. It made her feel slightly better to have that catharsis, but you aren’t sure that would fix you this time.

“I don’t know… I don’t really feel-“ You are cut off by the sound of your doorbell, followed by a few knocks. At first, you consider not answering it and letting whoever was at the door think that no one was home, but then you remember that your car is out front and it is possible that whoever it is saw you come him. Sighing deeply, you get up and trudge to your door, annoyed when a few more frantic knocks echo throughout your home. Wiping your eyes, you pause before opening the door, mentally preparing yourself to talk to a neighbor or solicitor or even a door-to-door salesperson, but what you don’t expect is to see Jimin standing there in the pouring rain, hair wet and sticking to his forehead, panting as if he was out of breath. You blink at him, instincts telling you to slam the door in his face. Sensing this, he puts his hand on the door beside your head, standing closer than you were prepared for. You stiffen up, but he doesn’t move an inch away from you. Water drips from the ends of his hair and you can’t help but remember the way he looks after a shower, your chest tightening as the visual of him alone is enough to steal your breath away despite your best efforts to be upset with him. 

“Wh-what are you doing here, Jimin?” You manage to stutter out, unable to make eye contact with him when he’s staring at you so intently. You hear a small gasp from your forgotten phone that is now dangling at your side, Joy and Mina sporting surprised looks not unlike yourself.

“Please, just hear me out.”He says, taking in how you glance up at him with innocent eyes, and it is then that he sees how red and puffy they are, sure signs that you had been crying. It breaks his heart and before he can stop himself he’s pulling you into a hug. 

It’s sudden and this is the most physical contact you’ve had with him up to this point, so he isn’t sure how you’ll react, especially after the heated conversation you had not even 30 minutes ago. You don’t say anything, but you haven’t pushed him away and locked him out of your home yet, so he takes that as his sign to continue.

“(Y/n) I’m so sorry, I’ve been such an idiot.” He starts, and those words are music to your ears. Because yes, he has been a complete idiot, but you want to hear him say why. His arms drop from you and he takes a step back, hand reaching up to push back his hair. Rain continues to fall on him, soaking his clothes and dripping down his face, but he doesn’t seem to care as he forms his thoughts.

“Go on.” You prompt, letting him know that you’re willing to hear what he has to say. He visibly relaxes at this, genuine eyes meeting yours with an almost pleading stare.

“I know you probably hate me right now for not saying this sooner, and I’m nervous as hell to say it, but I drove all the way over here to tell you this so I’m just going to come out and say it.” He sounds like he’s trying to hype himself up, despite all of your feelings being out in the open for him. You brace yourself for what he’s about to say still, already feeling like crying because Jimin seems so sincere at this moment, reminding you of when he first confessed his feelings for you all those years ago. 

“What is it?” You ask quietly, praying that this is headed in the direction you’re hoping it is. He takes a deep breath.

“(Y/n). It hasn’t been that long since I’ve known you, but it’s been long enough for me to know that I don’t want to lose you. I feel so connected to you in this inexplicable way, like my soul knows you even if my brain doesn’t remember, and it’s made being without you hell. It felt like I was going through withdrawals when I wasn’t talking to you, but I couldn’t bring myself to face you when I thought you had chosen Jaebeom because I was scared you wouldn’t want me in your life anymore, even as a friend. And if we were just friends, I wasn’t sure if I could handle seeing you with someone else all the time, so I decided it would be easier to just let you go without knowing all the facts first or consulting with you to see what you wanted. I was just playing the hero, thinking it was so noble of me to let you go and be with someone else instead of listening to how you felt and letting you actually be happy. And I was ignoring my own heart that was telling me to go after you because I didn’t want to seem selfish by overshadowing your feelings with mine if what you wanted was to be with somebody else.”

The tears welling up in your eyes begin to fall and he reaches up to wipe them, wet thumb grazing your skin in the gentlest way possible that makes your heart do somersaults. 

“But now I’ve come to terms with the fact that it’s okay to be selfish sometimes and it’s okay to follow what I want. (Y/n), I know what I want now. I want to fall in love with you. I want the chance to be in love with you again.” A small sob escapes your throat and you cover your mouth with your hand, turning away from him as you are overcome with emotion. His hand slides down to the side of your neck, caressing it gently as you cry. “I can’t imagine my life now without you. You’ve been there ever since I came home; and even when i was being a dick, you checked in on me and asked if i was taking care of myself. I haven’t done anything to earn your love so far, but I promise that I’ll do everything in my power to make you as happy as possible, because that’s what you deserve. I’ll be your knight in shining armor if you need me to be, I’ll be your pillow and shoulder to cry on, and I’ll try my damndest to make sure to never make you cry sad tears because of me again.” You collect yourself enough to turn toward him, eyebrows arched sadly as the unstoppable tears continue to fall. Even though you’re crying, he still thinks you look absolutely stunning, the most beautiful person he’s ever seen and he doesn’t need his memory to know that. “I’m so sorry I hurt you. Both in the past and now. But I promise I’ll spend a lifetime making up for it. So please, will you give me the chance to love you again?” He pleads, trying to read the expression on your face. 

You take your time answering, ingesting his words and feelings as he stands there getting drenched by the wrath of the skies. If you’re trying to sweat him out it’s working because Jimin feels a knot of anxiety forming in his stomach the longer you take to answer. You’re still frowning, wiping your face and sniffing when you finally look back at him, almost looking more upset than before. For a spilt second he thinks you’re going to reject him. Tell him that you don’t actually want to be with him anymore because of everything he’s said and done up to this point. But then you crack a small smile, almost imperceptible, and his heart soars.

“Of course, Jimin.” Is all you say, and he breaks out into the widest smile you’ve seen from him in a very long time. The only other time you’ve seen him smile like this is when you said ‘yes’ to his proposal, but that seems so far away that it feels like it happened in another lifetime. In this life, however, Jimin is reaching out to pull your face to his before you can register what’s happening, pulling you into a kiss that makes fireworks go off in your brain. He holds you close to him, moving his mouth against yours, and it is the single best kiss you’ve ever had. It feels like you finally got your man back. Oh, how you’ve missed him. 

Cheering from your phone causes you to break the kiss, both of you startled by the noise. You bring the phone up to see Mina and Joy clapping and cheering as if they were watching a live show, causing you to laugh.

“Is that Mina and Joy?” Jimin asks, having heard about them from you, but not having met them yet recently.

“Yeah,” you chuckle, telling them to quiet down.

“Oh god, did they hear that whole thing?” You can see his cheeks turning red out of embarrassment, not expecting to have an audience.

“Unfortunately, yes.” You nod your head, watching the embarrassment grow on Jimin’s face.

“You should be saying “fortunately, yes” because I was 5 seconds away from going over to Taehyung’s house to beat your ass for making my girl cry.” Mina rolls her eyes, earning a disapproving shake of the head from you.

“Alright, well now that you’re in our good graces again I think it’s time for us to hang up and give you some privacy, right Mina?” Joy asks, though it’s less of a question and more of a command. Mina lets out an exaggerated sigh followed by an “I guess” and they both say goodbye to you and Jimin before your phone goes silent. 

“Speaking of privacy,” Jimin starts wiping water from his face. “Can I please come in now?” Not even noticing that he was still half outside of your doorway, back still getting soaked with rain, you gasp and pull him inside. The door closes behind the two of you and a warm feeling washes over him as you escort him to your bedroom to get him some dry clothes. It feels familiar and domestic, like he’s finally home again.

(A/N): Part 4 will contain smut!! But this concludes the main story. Thanks for reading!

[mysticnora4]

HIIII🤍 This is the first time I write here and sorry for my english.

Let me know what you think.

WE CAN LEARN TO LOVE AGAIN- bakugo katsuki-

summary: Bakugo from the beginning of his third year thinks about himself and wants to become the number one hero. Therefore, he decides to make a decision.

tags: sadness/angst, breakup, selfish bakugo , bakugo thinks only of himself, sad!reader.

Please read the story listening to this song

————————————————————————

Right from the start

You were a thief, you stole my heart

And I, your willing victim

Bakugo and I started dating in our second year. I found out that he liked me through Kirishima. It was quite strange to think that someone like him could have such feelings.

I let you see the parts of me, that weren't all that pretty

And with every touch you fixed them

Then something went wrong.

The last year at U.A. had been particularly difficult for me, for both of us. It was supposed to be a year full of hopes and promises.

I remember clearly how happy we were, how his eyes would light up when he talked about his dreams and how he wanted to become number one. And I was happy to support him, to be by his side, to share every small victory and every challenge.

Now you've been talking in your sleep, oh oh

Things you never say to me, oh oh

Tell me that you've had enough

Of our love, our love

But time seemed to change things. As the end of the year approached, Bakugo became more and more distant, focused only on himself and his goals.

I was beginning to feel neglected and put on the back burner. Our eyes crossed less, our conversations became more rare, and the silences between us became heavier.

Just give me a reason, just a little bit's enough

Just a second, we're not broken, just bent and we can learn to love again

It's in the stars, it's been written in the scars on our hearts

We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again

I tried to keep the relationship alive, but whatever I did didn’t seem right. Every time I tried to talk to him, I felt only his frustration and his desire for perfection, while I felt more and more invisible. Our love, once invincible, was crumbling.

I'm sorry I don't understand

Where all of this is coming from

I thought that we were fine (oh, we had everything)

Your head is running wild again

My dear we still have everythin'

And it's all in your mind (yeah, but this is happenin')

You've been havin' real bad dreams, oh oh

You used to lie so close to me, oh oh

There's nothing more than empty sheets between our love, our love

Oh, our love, our love (love)

I remember the moment when I asked him to talk seriously. It was a cloudy afternoon, and we found ourselves in our favorite corner of the campus, where we had spent so many happy moments. I felt my heart tighten when I saw the determination in his eyes, that same determination that I had admired at first. But he was now headed for a future that no longer included me.

Just give me a reason, just a little bit's enough

Just a second we're not broken just bent and we can learn to love again

I never stop, you're still written in the scars on my heart

You're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again

"I need to focus completely on myself and my goals," he said, his words cold and direct. "We can’t continue this relationship."

I said nothing.

And I had understood, though I did not want to accept it, that his dream of becoming the number one hero was too great to share, and I could do nothing but watch him from afar as our dreams and our love crumbled.

The pain was unbearable, but I knew that I could not force him to stay, nor could I stop him from pursuing what he wanted.

Oh, tear ducts and rust

I'll fix it for us

We're collecting dust, but our love's enough

You're holding it in

You're pouring a drink

No, nothing is as bad as it seems

We'll come clean

Just give me a reason, just a little bit's enough

Just a second, we're not broken, just bent and we can learn to love again

It's in the stars, it's been written in the scars on our hearts

That we're not broken just bent and we can learn to love again

Now that it’s all over, I feel a void. Bakugo is destined to become the hero he has always wanted to be, and I must find my way without him.

Just give me a reason, just a little bit's enough

Just a second, we're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again

It's in the stars, it's been written in the scars on our hearts

That we're not broken, just bent and we can learn to love again

Oh, we can learn to love again

Oh, can learn to love again

Oh, that we're not broken, just bent and we can learn to love again

————————————————————————

I hope you like it🤍

All rights reserved © mysticnora4 2024. Please do not repost, modify or claim as yours.

I'm watching you👀

[rottenpumpkin13]

Mass text from Director Lazard:

Attention! According to my sources, the Department of SOLDIER is getting a surprise inspection by the President in less than 2 hours. Please wear your uniforms (shirt included!) and be on your best behaviour. If you have to, you can use the storage room 4903, but please no human or animal corpses this time. Use the incinerator in R&D. Please remember to pick up all your belongings after the inspection, let's not traumatise our cleaning staff again.

The Fire Olympics scheduled for Saturday is an unofficial event and we are NOT going to mention it to the President.

Kind regards,

Lazard

Inspection Day

• Lazard sends the email, then casually goes back to work, reviewing some documents, the norm. The SOLDIERs are a handful, sure, but trusts his men. They're good people and that's why he's letting them have the fire olympics. After all, they deserve it. They've been on his best behavior lately and—why does he smell smoke and hear screaming?

• He gets up and rushes out into the main hallway.

• First thing he sees is Sephiroth running from a determined Angeal and four other SOLDIERs. Angeal has a uniform shirt in his hands and the others are all holding tranquilizer guns.

• Angeal is laughing manically while chasing him, screaming "HAHA WE GOT YOU NOW BITCH" and Sephiroth is heard replying with "I REFUSE. NEVER. OVER MY DEAD BODY."

• Genesis is crying. He's playing tug of war with his red coat while two 3rds try to wrestle it away from him.

SOLDIER: Commander, I understand why you're upset, but it's not part of the issued uniform!

Genesis: But I'm the Crimson Commander! The Red Mage of ShinRa! How else am I supposed to show that I'm special!?

• Meanwhile Kunsel stumbles out of Genesis's office looking dazed and petrified.

Kunsel: The amount of illegal shit in this man's office OH MY god. Zack! Hey Zack, help us drag some of this kerosene, gasoline, fireworks, Molotov cocktails, Dynamite, Sephiroth cardboard cutout filled with bullet holes, and what I hope isn't drugs down into the storage room...Zack? Zack, where are you going?

• Zack ignores him. He's holding a box of leashes and cages and looks as white as a sheet.

Zack, mumbling to himself: I knew this was going to happen one day. Okay, Zack, you got this. You got this, don't panic.

• And then Cloud stumbles out of Angeal's office holding a.... suspicious..plant.

Cloud: CODE RED. CODE FUCKING RED. HEWLEY HAD MARIJUANA IN HIS OFFICE.

• Angeal, who was passing by holding a struggling Sephiroth with duct tape over his mouth, stops cold in his tracks.

Angeal: I had WHAT in my office?

Genesis, hopeful: Oh! It grew!? <3

Angeal: YOU WERE GROWING WEED IN MY OFFICE???

• At that moment Zack walks buy with about 8 dogs on leashes and a cage under his arm that contains a feral hamster.

• But no one pays attention because Sephiroth has freed himself, tears away his shirt, and is running away screaming through his duct taped mouth.

• Angeal and the other SOLDIERs run after him, nearly crashing into a dispirited Roche coming in

Roche: Bad news, guys. How are we gonna cover the hole in the lounge wall from the time I drove through it on my bike?

• Zack walks buy with 3 pigs on leashes and an exotic bird on his shoulder.

• Angeal walks back in dragging Sephiroth. Sephiroth has his hands and feet bound. They put him in another shirt and are now left with the arduous task of tying his hair up.

Sephiroth: #$*@&!

Angeal: Woah! You kiss your mother with that mouth?

Sephiroth:

Angeal: Ah shit, man, sorry.

• Zack rides by on a horse.

• Genesis walks in wearing the standard SOLDIER uniform without his added accessories.

Genesis: No, no, noooo! I look so boring! How am I supposed to—ACK!

• Kunsel crashes through the ceiling and falls on top of Genesis. Genesis is now partially unconscious on the floor covered in white dust, and there is now a gaping hole in the ceiling.

• Kunsel: Guys, quick, someone help me burn these illegal documents I stole from the turks and was hiding in the vents!

• A few SOLDIERS run out of the elevator hacking and coughing with watering eyes.

Luxiere: Commander Rhapsodos's illegal items broke the incinerator.

• Zack runs by chasing 7 chickens.

• Cloud runs in.

Cloud: You're not gonna believe this! Remember the stolen materia the Turks were investigating a few months back? I found the stash here. The culprit is a SOLDIER!

Genesis: Well they're not going to confiscate MY loot!

Cloud: IT WAS YOU!?

• Zack passes by with what could potentially be all of the Chocobos in Midgar.

• Angeal finally gets Sephiroth into the complete, official SOLDIER uniform sans accessories. Sephiroth looks severely miffed and wants to run away, but Angeal is holding a tranquilizer gun.

• Zack walks by with an Alligator. It's notable to mention that the alligator has a name tag that reads Lacoste.

• And then Roche walks back in.

Roche: Im gonna pass out. Did you guys read the handbook? Article 38 says all SOLDIER operatives cannot have hair that exceeds 30 centimeters.

• Angeal looks at Sephiroth.

• Sephiroth looks at Angeal.

• Angeal pulls out a razor.

Sephiroth: OH NO YOU DON'T

• Both he and Roche run away screaming.

Genesis: Oh, I almost forgot about the stripper pole we installed in the gym. Better go take that down.

• Zack rushes by riding an ostrich.

Lazard: I'm going to get fired.

[the-catmans-offical-2]

Uhhh update on the Wratg 03 creature thing I'm making, as well as my process so far - kinda.

I started on developing the facial shape!

(Ignore the messy ass background, I only just cleaned up.)

I started by removing the head from the body, this is because the head could only move from left to right and in no other motion - so I cut a hole in the head and attached a black plastic thing with a sphere end! Now the head can pivot all sorts of ways. Oh, and I also made the head stuffed with fabric so not only is the head full of something to keep the plastic thing from falling in, but to keep it light as well!

See the black thing poking out from beneath the skull? That's what I was talking about! Anyway, after I did that I ended up beginning the eyes - using two white marbles and acrylic paint. I just used white, purple and this sorta gray-blue color. I also caked up hot glue in the eye sockets so that the eyes can move freely within them but also so that there's enough friction fron the rubbery substance that they don't just roll around.

That's the eyes finished, I think I did pretty good on them for a guy who's been running on like 5 hours of sleep and is blind as fuck (I need new glasses) :(

This is what I started today, I added in these stretchy fabric things that allow there to be stress on said fabric - so I used that to develop muscles of sorts, via eyelids, cheeks, and the muscle that allows you to move your jaw. I also started adding teeth! No, they're not tooth picks, they're actually fossil teeth I got a while back and thought would be perfect to use here. Also hot glue mess lol.

Then I started using red fabric for the muscle layer, so to speak. Really it's just a way for me to have red for the gums and tear ducts, and it allows me to fully develop the first form of the face shape before I add in some polyester fiber to make him have fat.

And here's where I left off!

Just so you all know, I have no idea what I'm doing - I never do when I go to create projects as such - I just.. Wing it. Originally I was gonna do the clothes first, but then I ended up doing the head lmao. It happens. Hopefully I'll update again soon, I still need to figure out what I'm doing to give him skin; Will it be fabric? Or maybe paper maché? Who knows, because I certainly don't.

[kiaxet]

Once again, the latest update from @somerandomdudelmao has left me fully in my feelings, and so I come to you with ~900 words of emotion.

(This one is a rough one: content warnings for death, sibling death, self-sacrifice, and just general despair. Y'all have read the update. You know what we're doing here.)

~~~~~~~

It's supposed to be over.

Master Michelangelo-

(No, no, he's never thought of himself that way. No matter how many times he's been called Master Michelangelo, in his own head he's still just Mikey.)

-Mikey has given everything. He'd opened the portal, watched his own mystic energy - grown larger and stronger with each battle even as it consumed his youth and his very life as its fuel - tear through his arms, cracks traveling up his body until the force of it shattered his form, consuming everything that kept him bound to the physical plane in order to form one last-ditch attempt at setting things right.

He'd managed a wink and a smile, and then he'd died.

And yet he's still here. Why-

The promise. The caveat to the plan. Leo.

Leo had refused to leave him alone at the end, and Mikey will be damned before he refuses to return the favor.

Not that there'll be anything left to damn. The family's Ninpo is what connected them to the Hamato afterlife, and Mikey's is shattered, expended to give Casey a better chance at life. At this point, he's held together with the metaphysical equivalent of duct tape and spite - Donnie's favorite building materials when supplies ran short.

(Donnie's gone. Mikey failed him - failed to catch the infection, failed to cure it, failed to find his spirit amongst the Hamato ancestors. The Krang had obliterated him, and Mikey had failed to help until it was too late.)

(He can't find Raph among the ancestors, either. One more big brother failed.)

(He knows there won't be much left of Leo - not after Leo spent so long being Mikey's living shield, letting the Krang tear into his Ninpo time and time again in order to keep Mikey's intact - but he won't fail Leo. He can't. He can't.)

He's still here, for now, and that has to be good enough. He levitates, surveying a battlefield gone cold in the wake of an overwhelming Krang victory, and goes in search of his last remaining brother.

Leo's corpse isn't far - Mikey spots it near where the portal had been, face down in rock that had been blasted smooth and clean. Krang laser. There's no surviving those.

His gaze flickers upwards across the horizon, and he sees something glow near the corpse, a white outline coming into being before the color follows after, taking a familiar shape. It's-

It's Casey-

It's Casey, but he looks different. Better. His clothes are intact and clean - brand new, from the looks of it. His hair is washed and fluffy. His face and arms have filled out and his shoulders broadened, like he'd been getting good food and enough of it. He doesn't look like the Casey Mikey had made a portal for minutes ago; he looks like how they'd all wanted Casey to look, like he's finally getting what they would have killed to have been able to provide for him. He looks like a dream.

And that's how Mikey knows it's a lie.

It's the Krang. The Krang have done something, made one final twist of the knife that's been stuck in Leo's heart since the night they lost the Key - for all Mikey knows, they're going to use it to desecrate his brother's body, and he is not letting that happen. He zooms closer to Leo's corpse-

"We did it, Mikey, we got him out-"

-and feels the world tilt.

That's not Leo's corpse, because Leo's not dead. He's clinging to life, muttering nonstop in a voice barely above a whisper - he's not long for this world, but he's still here-

The lie cries out in Casey's voice and makes for his brother-

And Mikey lashes out, magic coming to his hands as easily as it ever did. It's not enough to incinerate the lie - the thing is too smart, too quick, and pulls back with only an injury to its arm. That's enough of an opening for Mikey to land in front of Leo, snarling at the lie wearing his nephew's face. "Don't. Touch. Him!" That's his brother. That's his brother. That's the only brother he has left, and he won't have him for long, but that doesn't mean the Krang can take him! "Whatever Krang trick you are-"

Spite, while fun, is no substitute for engineering. Donnie had told him that once.

The spite - and whatever else is holding him together at this point - gives out, the collapse manifesting as pain, and Mikey folds in on himself with a groan. He can fight - he will fight - but if the lie forces combat, then fighting will be the last thing he'll ever do, and Leo will die alone.

He can't. He just…he can't.

He drops to his knees, laying a spectral hand on Leo's head. Leo doesn't react - his Ninpo is shattered to begin with, and Mikey wouldn't be surprised if death's door has robbed Leo of his senses as it is - and just keeps talking.

"We got Casey through the portal, he'll be okay, he'll get to grow up without all of this, we did it, we- we- we did it, Mikey-"

Mikey kneels there, one hand on his inert brother's head as Leo's life slowly sputters out. Eventually he'll die, and what fragments are left of his spirit will disintegrate, too shattered by years of warfare to persist after death, and Mikey will let himself fade along with them. Together until the rapidly approaching end, like they'd promised.

He kneels, and waits for oblivion to come.

[quintessencewrites]

Nobody Gets Me

Riri Williams x fwb!reader

How am I supposed to tell ya?

I don't wanna see you with anyone but me

Nobody gets me like you

Warnings: 18+! smut, implied smut, nudity, explicit language, slightly toxic!Riri, fluff eventually

Word Count: 2.7k+

Tags: @yvxmpire @zestgodtj @k3nn3dyxo @mlmilani @letitias-favv @doms-fav @sweetalittleselfish-honey @g4yforu @remwritess @widowmakker @becauseimswagman1 @iloveours @dayjlovesromance @zayswriting @inmyheadimobsessed

A/N: Super special, super heartfelt shoutout to @k3nn3dyxo for thinking up this concept <3 I just put it to words. Inspired by the song Nobody Gets Me by SZA from her SOS Album. I've had this song on repeat, so of course I had to do my own take on it.

“Alright, y/n, I’ll see you?”

I’d barely finished wiping the cum off my inner thigh before she stood to grab her pants and slide them back up the legs that were shaking for me just moments ago. 

“Do you have to go? Like right now?”

A sigh rolled off her lips, “Y/n, baby, we talked about this.”

I ignored the stinging statement. “We can watch a movie. Cuddle? Aftercare? Give me something.”

Her gaze darted to the watch on her wrist before continuing to search the room for her brassiere. “Nah, I got a date in twenty minutes, y/n. I still gotta go wash your scent off me so Serenity don’t trip.”

Nude bra in hand, she pulls the straps onto her toned arms and attempts to clasp the garment. 

“That one’s mine, Ri.”

She looks down at the bra, too large for her B-cups, and shrugs, stripping from it. “Whatever, I’m going back to my dorm anyway. I’ll just grab another.”

My back rests against the headboard as I watch her continue to dress, tears threatening to spill from my ducts. My pride won’t let them run over; she won’t see me cry over her. 

This had been our arrangement for months. And we had talked about it. Multiple times, actually, and talking turned to screaming and doors slamming and texts going unanswered for days until she showed up at my doorstep and fucked me into accepting her apology. 

“We work too well as friends,” she had told me, three fingers deep and speaking through my moans. “We don’t wanna jeopardize that by putting a label on it, right baby?” She could’ve gotten me to agree to anything at that moment, as she coaxed the orgasm out of my sore pussy. 

So we agreed to be friends who fucked. The agreement was more Riri’s than my own, but that’s what it was. She dated multiple people on the side and too often ended those dates by coming to my dorm to get what they hadn’t given her, before leaving to repeat the cycle. 

My little black book was empty. I couldn’t bring myself to see anyone else. Nobody made me feel the way Riri did. She sent butterflies swarming in my stomach. We would work as a couple and I know we would, but she wasn’t willing to give us a chance. 

Fully dressed, nix a bra, Ri stepped back over to my bed to plant a kiss on my forehead. I refused to look at her, eyes stone-clad on the television mounted on the adjacent wall.

 “Hey,” she whispered so gently it tugged at my heartstrings. Her hand gripped my chin and dragged my gaze back to her too-pretty features. “Don’t be like that. I’ll text you after, okay?”

She didn’t even give me time to answer, placing a gentle peck on my lips and walking out of the door. 

My figure was frozen in that spot for several minutes, not wanting what just happened to really be over. 

I turned over in my sheets, feeling the wetness soaked down to the mattress. “Goddammit, Riri.” 

As I strip the bed, the memory of my clean linen awaiting me in the dryer a few doors down came to play. That’s how I’d run into Riri in the first place. A disgruntled groan left my lips at the realization that I’d have to leave my room to retrieve my laundry, assuming someone hadn’t stolen it after all these hours. 

The oversized Reptar slippers from the Rugrats collection squeaked with each step I took. The laundry room was plunged into darkness when I arrived and the flicking of the light switch disrupted my entire world.

Ignorance truly was bliss. 

Riri.

Serenity; seated atop a washing machine, back turned towards me. 

Ri, fingers furiously making contact with Serenity’s cunt, catching my eyes when I’d turned on the light. 

The two of us holding the record for the world’s quickest staring contest, my gape full of shock and heartbreak, her’s indistinguishable. 

I break away first, rushing out and leaving Riri to her vices.

Back in my room, underneath my Riri-scented covers is where I spent the night. The tears finally made a promise out of their threat and poured down my face. The convictions hit me hard through the hours of darkness.

I wasn’t stupid; our deal was clear. We weren’t in a relationship and Riri was allowed to sex with whomever she wanted, as was I. Though in the back of my head, I knew I wasn’t her only, I’d sure as hell hoped. 

Sleep overcame me at some point and during it, my hopes washed away. 

By the time I awoke, the sun was high in the sky, warming my skin through the open blinds. 

What time was it?

Well past noon, my phone displayed. My first and second classes of the day were but a faint memory now. 

The LED screen also presented a number of missed texts and calls from Riri herself. 

‘Y/n, open the door, baby.’

‘You weren’t supposed to see that.’

‘You ignoring me?’

‘So you skipping classes now?

‘I’m not playing these games with you.’

The last call from her was only 18 minutes ago. My fingers were itching to press her name, listen to the line trill, and hear her apologies. 

An incoming call placed those plans on hold. 

“Amari, hey!”

“Y/n. wassup? You good?”

The girl’s voice had a calming effect, the baritone doing something to me. 

She spoke again, “You never miss class. Everything straight?”

Nah, nothing was straight. “Ye-yeah, um, I just had a nightmare. I overslept. ”

Flashbacks of Serenity moaning Riri’s name drowned my thoughts.

Honestly, had it not been for my false hopes and holding out for Riri, Amari would've been able to call me hers. She never hid her attraction for me, regardless of how many times it went unrequited. We shared a major and her beautiful presence made itself known in every class I had this semester. 

“Oh, ight. I was just missing my signature y/n smile this morning.”

Her words managed to pull that smile from me. “You’ll see it, next class. Does that makeup for it?”

“Nah, y/n it doesn't. I already started my day off wrong. I can't wait that long.” I can hear her pearly white grin through the receiver. “How bout I stop by?” Amari continues. “I got the notes you missed and I’ll bring food. Consider it a late-lunch date?”

Date…if Riri could, then so would I. “A date it is. I’ll see you in 20?”

The Devil Wears Prada played in the background, drowned out by Amari’s laughter. The handsome chuckle that came from her lips warmed my stomach. “Wait, wait, wait. How the hell did you end up on your ass again?”

My smile mirrored hers. “I told you already, dude. I was a dancer; I was trying to do a high kick in a long-ass skirt and the skirt swept my other foot from under me. Down I went.”

“How long ago was this?”

Silence filled the room. My attention returned to the lo mein in front of me, sliding off the chopsticks held poorly in my hands. 

“Y/n, baby girl, when was this?”

The pet name didn’t go unnoticed, but my shame overshadowed my giddiness. Shaking my head slowly, I whispered my response, “Last week…”

Amari was doubled over, captivated by her giggles. “You’re so eccentric.”

“Girl,” I started, laughter spilling from my own tongue. “Just because you call me weird with a pretty word, don’t mean you didn’t just call me weird.”

“A pretty word for a pretty girl, nah?”

Whew, if the blush rose any faster, I would’ve fainted. “Am I the pretty girl?” I teased, curious about her comeback. 

“Other than me, you the only other girl in here, and I know I’m pretty fine. I tell myself that every day.”

“You cocky bitch,” my stomach is cramping and tears are streaming, the chuckles engulfing me. 

“Anyways, I don’t get to tell you that every day. Tell you that I think you’re a pretty girl,” she states with a lick of her lips, spreading the warmth in my stomach. Amari leans forward, eyes locked on mine. My body mimics her actions until we’re both just inches away. 

“I’d kind of like to kiss a pretty girl right now if that’s okay?”

The words are lodged in my throat, and at that moment, Riri doesn’t even cross my mind. Amari is here, she’s with me right now, and she wants me. “Yes,” I breathe out. “Yes, it’s okay.”

No hesitation is present in Amari’s features when she leans further to press her lips against mine, and I oblige. 

Her mouth is so soft, I sink in, throwing a hand onto the bed to catch myself. Though distracted by the kiss herself, Amari grabs hold of my hips and pulls me to straddle her lap. My legs fit perfectly around her and I settle into my new place.

Our tongues swim together, fighting one another until Amari takes dominance and I follow her lead.

Moans escape me and she swallows them up. Our notes and Chinese food are long forgotten; we’re only craving each other. Her touch is everywhere, struggling with a place to satisfy. Without separating our lips, I take her hands and place them on my hips. As if on instinct, her thumbs hook into my waistband and start to drag them down, nails dragging on my skin as well. 

The air surrounding us is thick and hot, as are my thoughts. Amari peels my shirt from my body, releasing my braless nipples to perk up at the feeling of her on me.

A pounding on my door tears us apart, chests heaving hard, lungs working overtime to catch the breath we’d lost over each other.

I don’t pull my eyes away from Amari and she keeps hers locked in on me. “Do you need to get that?”

I shake my head so quickly, the room spins. “No,” I respond, licking my lips, begging them to not go dry. 

Thankfully, the gorgeous girl doesn’t need me to repeat myself. Her head dips, finding a new place in my neck and the kisses turn hot and aggressive. Bites litter my skin, promising to be evidence of this rendezvous. Amari’s shirt is off and thrown into a corner, allowing my hands to caress her through the black sports bra she adorned. 

“Oh, Ri.” The moan flees me, loudly before I catch it. “You’ve never called me that before, baby girl,” Amari breathes into my neck, causing a giggle in response.

The thumping on my dorm door becomes a banging. “Let me get it. I’ll send whoever it is away and we can finish what we started.” Amari offers, already standing and giving me no time to protest.

Her long legs reach the entrance in two strides. Riri is standing in the doorway, small body filled to the brim with anger. Her eyes barely acknowledge Amari, but they lock onto me. My topless figure, still exposed to the air, retreated back like a child about to receive a scolding. 

She finally turns to Amari, now leaning against the frame. “Bounce,” Riri seethes. 

“Excuse me?” the taller girl’s brows are drawn high, probably in shock at Riri’s anger and disrespect.

Riri’s gaze returns to me, though her words are meant for Amari. “Leave. Me and y/n need to talk.”

Amari follows Riri’s stare to my pathetic posture. “Y/n”? 

All I can offer up is a half-assed smile. “You should go. I’ll call you later.”

With a single nod, Amari retrieves her shirt and books and exits the room, bumping past Riri as she does. Ri takes this chance to invite herself in, slamming the door behind her.

In a few steps, she’s seated at the foot of my bed, eyes trying so hard to tell me something her mouth wasn’t. We sit in silence, neither of us wanting to be the first to speak.

Suddenly, a dry smile spreads from cheek to cheek. “You fucking other bitches, but moaning my name?”

I roll my eyes to the heavens, knowing she hates when I do. “It’s her name too, Riri.”

“Mm,” she hums. “I missed you today in uh - three classes.”

“You didn’t have Serenity to keep you company?”

Ri sucks her teeth at my pettiness. “Nah, but it looks like you wasn’t sitting up here worried too much about me and Serenity.”

Her words almost burn me. The horniness originally present in my veins has turned to anger. Riri doesn’t get to be jealous, but she sure as hell could be as hurt as I was last night.

I push the blanket aside, dropping to all fours to crawl over to Riri. “I wasn’t. I was about to get fucked, good too. Until you interrupted it.”

She doesn’t speak, eyes fixated on me and my partially naked body. “What do you want Ri? You get to have Serenity moaning your name and cumming on your hand and I’m just supposed to sit around and wait for it to be my turn?”

As angry as I was trying to stay, her face falling at my words almost melt away my hard demeanor. Her eyes are now readable, sadness displayed on them like a teleprompter. 

“You can’t have your cake and eat it too, Riri. If you’re having sex with other people, so can I. Matter of fact, how about you have sex with who you want and I have sex with who I want and we stop having sex with each other.”

That gets her attention, and her voice vibrates the room. “How am I supposed to let you go?”

I’m ready to interrupt, but her next words silence me. “I don’t wanna see you with anyone but me, y/n. Okay? I-I’m not mature enough to be able to watch you do to me the wrong I do to you.”

Tears cover her features. “I love you, y/n. I have a shitty way of showing it, but I’m a coward. I’m too afraid to have my heart broken the way I must be breaking yours.”

I don’t even notice my own tears begin to streak my face. “Seeing you cry makes it worse, baby. Come here,” she welcomes, patting her lap, and inviting me to sit. 

Acceptance is granted and I take a seat, allowing her to pull me close. “I only like myself when I’m with you, y/n. I should’ve stayed to cuddle. To play in your hair or something. Anything.”

“I bet you tell Serenity the same thing,” I declare, still feeling petty. Riri sighs a deep, tired sound. “I kicked Serenity to the curb, baby.”

The shock in my features is hard to hide. “Why?”

She rests her head against my bare breasts, eyes staring intensely into mine. “Nobody gets me like you.”

My smile fights to return, “You’re so damn corny.” Riri’s grin coaxes mine out.

“Corny but I mean it, y/n. Please, start from scratch with me. Give me a chance to do it right.” She bites her bottom lip, anticipating my answer.

“Do it right how?” I challenge.

“Take you on dates,” Ri kisses my hand.

“Cuddle you while we watch movies,” a kiss on my shoulder.

“Aftercare after every time I make you cum so hard, you lose your ability to form a legible sentence,” her lips touch my neck, exposing her vision to Amari’s love bites.

“Ugh,” Riri starts, but my expression is enough to stop her short. 

“How about you start now?” I suggest.

When she smiles, it reaches her eyes and lights up her whole face. She nods and takes a handful of my breast, guiding my nipple to her warm mouth. It felt good when it was Amari, but it feels right with Riri. 

“Mm, Ri,” I draw out, sucking in a hiss when she grins with my nipple between her teeth. 

"Yeah, I knew you were moaning my name, baby" her stupid, arrogant voice rings out.