jiminniethemarshmallow - Tumblr blog

jiminniethemarshmallow · 2 months ago

Text

I Remember pt. 3

Pairing: Jimin x Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Warnings: Jimin is insecure and anxious so he does things that don’t make a lot of sense :(

Word Count: ~15,500

(A/N): I don’t usually write angst so bear with me y’all 😭 Also, sorry this took so long, I started taking classes again this year and things got crazy. Hope you enjoy!

Tag: @13-manggaetteok

The sight of Jaebeom at your door makes you sick to your stomach as you realize he’s just seen Jimin standing behind you. But you try to play it off and act casual after slamming the door shut at your back, greeting him as usual.

“Jaebeom! Hi!” Forcing a smile.

“Good morning!” His smile returns and you nearly sigh in relief at his laid back personality.

“So… what brings you here this early in the morning?” You would have liked to sleep in a bit longer, but now you have a situation to deal with before you’re even fully awake, still wiping sleep from your tear ducts.

“Well, I was cleaning out my car and I found your jacket in my backseat so I thought I’d deliver it to you.” He offers it to you with a dramatic bow of the head, presenting it with both hands like it’s an important artifact, and you would have laughed if you weren’t so disturbed by his presence. You’d been avoiding him because you have yet to figure out how to tell him that you no longer want to see him, so this meeting is less than ideal. Especially with Jimin here. “I felt bad that we haven’t been able to see each other these past few weeks and I missed you, so I really just needed an excuse to see you. I hope I’m not intruding on anything.” He finally starts looking bashful as he reaches up to rub his neck, looking back at the closed door behind you where you assume Jimin is still near. Knowing him, he’s probably still standing there trying to eavesdrop on your conversation to see who this mysterious new man is because Jimin just simply cannot ignore drama. Even when it somewhat involves himself.

Catching your wandering thoughts, you feel horrible for having strung Jaebeom along like this. He came here because he missed you. Missed how you used to talk and text almost every day and go on dates. And now it’s practically radio silence from you and he has no idea why. Well, he might have a clue now after seeing the man in your home.

“That’s… really sweet of you Jaebeom.” You can’t find anything else to say. He is intruding if we’re being honest, but you don’t want to give him the wrong impression. But then again, maybe having him think Jimin is here for that type of reason will push him away and he’ll break things off with you first so you don’t have to do it to him.

“So, may I ask who that is?” He gestures past you and you’re surprised by how straightforward he’s being.

Jimin watches from a few windows over, making sure not to press his face to the glass so you and your mysterious visitor can’t see him. Just as you thought, he is far too nosy to pass up watching this interaction. You look very uncomfortable talking to this man, body facing slightly away from him, arms crossed protectively over your front. Your eyes shift back and forth as you shift your weight to your other foot, taking a long time to speak after his last question. Jimin wonders what the man said to you to make you look like this. Were you talking about him? He’s pretty sure he made eye contact with the man when you opened the door so that is completely likely.

Finally, you say something back to him, speaking slowly, and Jimin wishes he could read lips. The man blinks once, twice, swallowing deeply before nodding. His mouth opens like he wants to say something, but it doesn’t seem like he does, closing his lips again and processing your words. You frown at this reaction, facing him head on as you give a lengthy explanation, he assumes. The guy at your door doesn’t say anything for a long while and Jimin can practically feel your anxiety through the walls. Were you telling him about him? Who is this man to you in the first place? Jimin can only assume this is the one you were talking about when you went out to dinner that one night, where you said your relationship wasn’t that serious and you could “drop him” whenever you felt like it. But watching you interact now, it seems that you value his opinion at least a little bit and are maybe a little closer than you let on originally. Jimin’s not sure how to feel about that just yet.

“So that’s Jimin.” Jaebeom trails off. “Is he living with you now?”

“No, he’s not.” You reply stiffly. “He’s-“ For some reason you feel the need to explain yourself to him, even though you’ve determined that him getting the wrong idea would be to your benefit. But you just can’t stop yourself. “We were only hanging out. As friends.”

“As friends.” He repeats, taking in the information and digesting it, processing it with a nod of his head. You can’t decipher what he’s thinking and it’s beginning to frustrate you that he’s so unreadable. Though, you still don’t sense any jealousy from him. He never did come off as the jealous type anyway. He takes a step back from you with a half smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes and doesn’t say anything until you question it.

“What’s that look for?” You don’t try to hide your confusion.

“Oh nothing, just looks like I’ve got some competition.” This time there’s a mischievous glint in his eye as he walks away, bidding you farewell with a wave of his hand and commenting that he’ll see you later. You kinda hope he doesn’t see you later because it seems that things just got a little more complicated for you.

Even though Jaebeom didn’t stay long, it feels like that conversation lasted hours. All you want to do is curl up under your sheets and hide from everyone as you try to figure out what to do now. He’s obviously not going to give you up easily it seems but you wonder what he plans to do moving forward. Sighing, you watch as his car drives away from your home before turning around and entering your house again, only to be faced with problem #2. Jimin.

He’s still standing a few steps from the door, not even hiding that he had been watching you talk to Jaebeom, feeling brazen due to his curiosity. You stand there staring at each other for what feels like an eternity, neither of you knowing what to say, until you break the unbearable silence finally.

“I’m guessing you want to know who that was?” Pointing a thumb behind you at the door.

“I mean… you don’t have to tell me anything, it’s your life, you have a right to privacy.” He states, which you find funny because he was just eavesdropping not even seconds ago. You call him out on it.

“Says the person who was just standing with an ear pressed to my door to listen to my conversation.” You sass with a click of your tongue, letting a tiny smile creep up your cheeks so he doesn’t take your sentence as being hostile. He rolls his eyes at you, countering that he was not “listening in” with his ear to the door, but he does admit that he was watching from the window. “Just admit it, you were curious.” You say with a laugh.

“Fine. But who wouldn’t be when a mysterious and handsome gentleman comes to your door in the middle of the morning to hand you- what is that, a jacket?” Jimin gestures down to your hands where you’re still holding your jacket, prompting you to walk into your bedroom to put it with the rest of your dirty clothes in the hamper. He follows closely behind you. “So, is that the guy you’ve been seeing?”

“Yeah, his name is Jaebeom.” You concede, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. “But like I said before, it’s not that serious. He just came to give me back this jacket I left in his car. Don’t think too much about it.”

“It’s not serious but he drove all the way over here at the crack of dawn to give you back something as trivial as a jacket?” He questions, giving you a look.

“I haven’t been able to see him in a while so he just wanted to return it in case I needed it, you know, since he doesn’t know when or if he’ll see me again.” Your voice starts to take on a defensive tone, it going up in pitch with every word. You idly begin to tidy up, walking around to the other side of the bed to fix the sheets and put some distance between you and Jimin. He doesn’t buy your explanation, shaking his head.

“I can tell you right now that that’s not true. I bet he just missed you and was using that as an excuse to see your lovely face again. It’s what I would do.” You pause at his subtle compliment and at how spot-on his assessment of the situation was. Sure, he’s always been perceptive like this, but it catches you off guard every time. You don’t have anything else to say to him, so you continue to make your bed. “And what do you mean by ‘if’ you see him again?” He uses air quotes with his fingers for effect. “Are you not planning on seeing him anymore?”

You sigh again, moving to the other side of he bed to finish your work, pulling at the sheets more aggressively than necessary at his line of questioning. “I don’t know, Jimin. I haven’t decided yet.”

“Well why not? He seems like a nice enough guy, do you not like him anymore?”

“I don’t know.” It’s not that you don’t like him, it’s just that you’ve been distracted by someone else for the time being.

“How long have you been seeing him for?”

“A few months.”

“A few months is a long time to not know if you like someone or not, (Y/n). It’s obvious you do like him.”

“So what?” He’s starting to annoy you.

“So, you have no real reason not to see him again.” Jimin steps a tiny bit closer to you.

“Okay?”

“What I’m saying is, if you like him then you should continue seeing him.”

“That’s not really your call to make, Jimin.”

“But you’re already practically dating.”

“No we’re not, it’s just casual.” The thought of dating anyone else that isn’t him sends a chill up your spine for some reason.

“So you just casually like each other and have been seeing each other for months?” When he puts it like that it does sound like you should be dating. And your chemistry with Jaebeom is undeniable. But you both decided to take it slow and go at your own pace to see how things turned out. And it just so happens that things took a drastic turn when Jimin returned so of course you wouldn’t know how to feel about him yet. You don’t say any of that though.

“It’s- complicated.”

“I don’t understand.”

“It’s not for you to understand, it’s not your relationship.”

“I’m just trying to make sure you’re not throwing away an opportunity here. If you like him, you should keep seeing him. If you didn’t like him that would be different, but I can see how awkward you got when he saw me. You clearly didn’t want to give him the wrong impression, which means you care about what he thinks of you.” He’s completely right and you know it, but it really isn’t his place to say any of this to you. He doesn’t know anything about you and Jaebeom. And why does he care so much in the first place? It’s almost as if he wants you to date Jaebeom instead of him. You can’t, for the life of you, figure out why he would want that though and it hurts to think that he isn’t planning on being in your life in the way you want him to be. Your sadness then turns to anger.

“Can you please just drop it?!” You hate to raise your voice at him but he’s pissing you off. “It’s actually making me uncomfortable to talk about this with you. And no offense to you but I didn’t ask for relationship advice.” You say this as neutrally as possible and Jimin knows you truly didn’t mean it in a hurtful way. But somehow it seems to hurt worse when you say it like that. He drops the subject immediately.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to… sorry I overstepped.” He looks down at his feet when you turn to look at him. He can hear you take a deep breath. “I should probably go soon, I don’t want to overstay my welcome.”

“You could at least stay for breakfast.” You offer quietly, trying to show him that there were no hard feelings after your mini argument. Of course, you expect him to reject your offer now that you’ve told him he made you feel uncomfortable. You prepare yourself to say goodbye to him earlier than you’d like. But surprisingly, he agrees to stay, possibly because it’s a free meal and he’s excited to eat your cooking, though you warn him that you’re no master chef.

He helps you cook a simple breakfast then you both sit at your small dining table in silence. It feels so domestic and familiar eating with him like this in your own home. What makes it feel even more like your old relationship is how you two can have a disagreement then turn around and go back to normal like nothing happened. Eating with him now reminds you of your last dinner together, when you cooked together and sat across from one another at this very same table, discussing his work trip and you trying to convince him not to go. The air was tense back then, all of your stress bubbling to the surface as he did his best to ease your nerves. You’d raised your voice at him then too, accusing him of invalidating your emotions and not taking you seriously, but he remained calm and tried to listen to you more actively, hearing you out genuinely and even expressing that you were starting to make him nervous with how serious you were. But ultimately, his response was that he couldn’t skip this work trip just based on your bad feeling alone since his boss already had it out for him and would almost certainly fire him if he skipped out. None of his coworkers were available to go on the trip so it would damage the company’s reputation if they didn’t send someone out to the conference. He explained all of this to you and you shook your head with every word he said, pointing out that his job wouldn’t matter if he’s too dead to attend the conference. You remember him sighing, thinking hard, but concluding that he simply couldn’t miss it. In hindsight you were absolutely right, and a cloud forms over your head when you think of this.

Noticing your unexplained change of mood, Jimin clears his throat and speaks. “Jungkook mentioned you the other day.” You look up from your plate.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. He said you didn’t keep in contact after I disappeared.” Biting your lip, you look back down, pressing your lips into a line.

“I didn’t keep in touch with anyone after you disappeared.” You mumble, picking at your food. Another minute passes.

“You went through a tough time after losing me, didn’t you?” Jimin’s eyes meet yours and there you find sincerity, sympathy, and a tad bit of guilt. Shocked by his sudden statement, flashes of those three long years play back in your mind, almost sending you into a spiral. Looking away, you try to force your eyes not to get glassy. It takes you a while to find your voice.

“It was… hard. Really hard.” Is all you can say. The low that you hit after losing Jimin was something that you never thought you’d come out of alive. But you made it anyway, so you try not to think about the worst of it. “It took a lot of work for me to get to where I am now. Or at least to where you found me when you first came home. Which, admittedly, still wasn’t a great place. You would not have wanted to see me back then.”

Your eyes tell a story of a million words and he can see the pain still fresh in them even as you lower your head. He nods in understanding, taking a shaky deep breath before addressing you again, something changing in his face. “I don’t know if anyone has told you this before, but I’m so sorry you had to go through that. And I’m so so proud of you that you made it through.” His hand reaches across the table to find yours and this time a tear rolls down your cheek before you can catch it. You use your shoulder to wipe it, apologizing for getting so emotional.

“No, no one has ever said that to me before. Thank you, Jimin.” You muster a smile, tightening your hand in his.

This is the kind of intimate moment that you missed having with him. He’s always been amazing at giving reassurance and encouragement, at telling people how he feels regardless of the reaction it gets from them. Sometimes it sparks arguments like the one you just had. Other times they can be really touching. He’s always had a way with words and you don’t think you’ll get to have moments like this with anyone else but him. Jaebeom at least has never said anything like this to you. He did show sympathy when you told him about Jimin initially, but it wasn’t the same. Could you be with someone who wasn’t like this when you needed them to be? Could you be with someone who isn’t Jimin?

After the moment passes, Jimin lets go of your hand in favor of picking up his utensil to continue eating as if he hadn’t just said the most impactful thing you’ve heard in a long while. You blink away the rest of your tears and stuff another mouthful of food in you cheeks, hoping it will make the lump in your throat go away.

You found processing the events of last week to be challenging. You went through a rollercoaster of emotions from the moment Jaebeom appeared on your doorstep and now you have to deal with the aftermath of it. Jaebeom apparently took you having Jimin over as a sign to try even harder to win you over, and it has been an interesting few days to say the least.

You currently have an audit at work and your boss has been working you to the bone to make sure everything is perfect, so you haven’t had much time to do anything but eat, sleep, and work. Again, you are struck by a mix of emotions because you feel relieved that you have a real excuse not to see Jaebeom, but at the same time you feel guilty and anxious about not having time to see or talk to Jimin. Jimin has been acting strangely ever since your encounter with the other man. You found out that his old friend Namjoon helped him get a corporate job that he seemed excited about (which you find funny because he always used to say that he never wanted to work in corporate), so he’s been just as busy as you settling into his new job. But that doesn’t excuse him from not responding to your texts and being standoffish when he does respond. He seemed fine when he left your home last week, but after that he’s been… odd. You get the feeling that he doesn’t want to talk to you anymore and you have no idea why. Maybe he took offense to something you said during your argument. The line about not asking him for relationship advice was pretty harsh and Jimin is a sensitive guy so that could be it. But then again, why didn’t he show that he was hurt while he was at your place? Why would he wait an entire week to be upset? You just can’t seem to wrap your head around it and it’s been driving you nuts.

Speaking of driving you nuts, Jaebeom has been the exact opposite of Jimin. He’s been more interactive with you than ever, sending you good morning and good night texts, checking in with you throughout the day, offering you a space to vent after you told him you’ve been stressed (though you haven’t taken him up on his offer because you really shouldn’t be talking to him anymore in the first place), and writing you cute little paragraphs to encourage you with your audit even when you don’t respond. He really would be the perfect boyfriend, but all his efforts do is annoy you at this point. Everything that he does to win you over is a mirror image of the things Jimin used to do when you were together, so even when he is right in front of you, all you can think about is Jimin and how badly you want to be with him instead of with this other man. The longer you’re away from Jimin, the lonelier you feel, and you think you’ve spent enough time without the man that you love. Jaebeom is nice and all, but he’s just not the one that can fill the void in your heart, no matter how hard he tries. Not when Jimin is still around. It’ll be a tough pill to swallow for him, but you’ve decided you’ve dragged this out long enough. Plus, your level of irritation grows with every romantic gesture he attempts.

When you walked into work this morning there was a bouquet of flowers on your desk along with a teddy bear— flashy and oh-so-embarrassing. All of your coworkers (the sons of bitches) were crowded around you as you opened the card attached to see who they were from, and instead of your heart soaring from the gesture, it sank. The flowers were from Jaebeom, of course, and they also contained a short message that read:

“I tried to find flowers as beautiful as you, but it was impossible so I just got you your favorite. See you tonight at 6pm, your place ;)”

What. The. Hell.

First of all, he doesn’t know if you’re even available tonight so he’s got some nerve planning a spontaneous date like this. Second, nearly everyone in your office has now seen his invitation and are gushing over how you have a hot date, asking you a million questions about who this person is and how you got so lucky. They’re all assuming that this is your new boyfriend after getting over Jimin and you’re too embarrassed to correct them, silently moving the flowers and bear aside to start your tasks for the day. At the end of the day you give the stuffed bear to the wide eyed intern and leave the flowers in the break room to wilt in the dark.

Six o’clock sharp rolls around and you get a knock at your door.

You’re still dressed in work clothes, bags under your eyes from working an overtime shift, and no patience to deal with the man at your front door. You’re going to have to break the news tonight before this goes any farther; he doesn’t deserve to be strung along.

“Good evening, madam!” Jaebeom greets, presenting you with a basket as soon as the door is opened all the way, filled with candies and snacks. Immediately you’re hit with flashes of memories of Jimin doing this exact thing, showing up at your old home before you moved in together with a basket of your favorite goodies “just because” and showering you with love and affection after you told him about the shitty day you’d had. You’re forced to blink the memories away and you’re at a loss for words, unsure of how to tell this other man that he’s wasted his time and money on you because you just simply cannot get over your past.

He seems to get embarrassed by your silence, lowering the basket when it becomes apparent that you have no intention of taking it. The air around you becomes awkward but he shakes it off, still sporting that handsome grin. He really is good looking, and if Jimin didn’t exist you would have been dating him by now. In another universe you probably never meet Jimin. Never get to fall in love with him or get to know what an amazing person he is. In another universe Jaebeom probably doesn’t meet you when you’re at your lowest, broken almost beyond repair and he doesn’t have to work so hard to get you to like him. He probably does all of the things he’s doing in this timeline and you crumble into his arms at every gesture, at every text, at every smile. In another life you end up with Jaebeom and you live happily ever after. But in this timeline, in this life, you don’t want him the way that he wants you. You long for someone who you thought was out of reach, but has returned to you once again out of thin air like magic. They say if you love something you have to let it go, and if it comes back it’s meant to be. Well, you let Jimin go once, albeit unwillingly, and he came back from the dead to be with you again. You’d be wrong not to take the opportunity to get him back, even if that means losing the man that’s standing right in front of you. Ready and willing to give his heart away to you if you’d only have him. You can’t have them both so you have to break someone’s heart to have what you really want. That thought makes you a bit sad and you try not to show it on your face, steeling yourself for what you have to say.

“I’m kinda surprised you actually showed up.” Is the first thing you say to him, wiping your hands on your pants.

“Of course I showed up, I’m the one that planned the date!” He laughs, but you don’t do the same, only offering him an awkward smile. “How was work?”

“It was fine.” Your answer is curt and he notices immediately that something is off.

“You sure? You seem a little down.” He steps closer, expecting you to move aside and let him into your home, and when you don’t move his eyebrows lift in surprise. “May I come in?” He tries, starting to get nervous. Well that makes two of you.

“Um, sure. But I- can we talk?” You’re stuttering now and you clear your throat to get the nerves out of your shaky voice. He nods solemnly like you’re about to tell him that someone died, dread filling your gut as you try to prepare your words to make this go as smoothly as possible. Finally, you move aside to let him into your home, and he hesitates for a moment before stepping inside.

Jimin has been thinking of you all week. Thinking about all of the things he’s learned about you over the past few months and feeling that ache in his heart from missing you. He’s been a bit cold to you recently because he felt like he was in the wrong for pursuing you since you had already been seeing someone, and he doesn’t want to get in the way of that if you truly want to be with that other person. He’s also been distancing himself because of the heavy guilt that he’s been feeling after grasping how tough losing him was for you. He knows it wasn’t his fault but deep down he feels like it was. He’s the reason you struggled during those 3 years, and even though he doesn’t know all of the details, he can sense that you are still struggling in some way. His biggest fear is hurting you and he’d rather lose you than hurt you so deeply again.

So why is your place the first place he thought to drive to after getting his drivers license today? He’s got his GPS out and is turning the corner onto your street with no real goal in mind, simply wanting you to be the first to know that he passed. And also because he missed seeing your face. Of course he feels terrible for being so stand-offish to you too and wants to apologize in person. He just can’t sort out his emotions between you seeing Jaebeom, him being the reason for your poor mental health, and his heart wanting him to just confess his feelings to you, everything is all jumbled up. But seeing you tonight might clear some things up for him and he knows that once he sees you he’ll make up his mind on how to proceed.

Pulling up to your house, he can see a car that isn’t yours in the driveway. He’s seen it before, recently, and it doesn’t click whose car it is until he sees the man standing outside your door. There Jaebeom stands, basket in hand, dressed nicely like he’s going on a date. And you are in the doorway talking to him, dressed in a lovely pants suit with your hair pinned up, stepping aside to let him into your home. As Jimin gets closer he sees Jaebeom nod, then take a step forward to enter your home and his heart sinks. Again he feels like he’s intruding on something and his face gets hot in embarrassment. Of course you’re going to continue seeing Jaebeom, you never said you would stop seeing him even though you denied that you were dating. And he’s the one that was encouraging you to continue seeing him in the first place, so there’s no real reason for him to be upset. Except he is upset. But more than that, he’s disappointed. It hurts more than he thought it would to see you with someone else, and it feels like his world is crumbling apart at the thought that you might end up with this man instead of him.

He continues driving past your house with stinging eyes, feeling silly for feeling the way he does. Like he said, you shouldn’t throw away the opportunity to be with someone you like just because of him, and part of him still feels that way, but the bigger part of him wishes you would ignore his words and still choose him.

Inside your home, Jaebeom sits awkwardly on your couch playing with his fingers as you take your time locking your front door and trudging over to him. You sit next to him, turning your body slightly towards his and it is a lot like the last time you had him over, except the air is much more tense.

“So what did you want to talk about?” He asks, though he probably has an idea of what you’re going to say. Swallowing hard, you wrack your brain for the right words to say.

“I don’t really know how to say this so I’ll just cut to the chase. Jaebeom,” you start, talking with measured words. “Getting to know you over these last few months was truly a pleasure. You’re smart, handsome, funny, and all around one of the most patient people I’ve ever met, and I am really attracted to you, truly. But-“

“You’re still in love with him?” He cuts you off with a quiet voice, a whisper so quiet you almost don’t hear it.

You pause with a frown, nodding slowly, and he lowers his head. Your voice takes on a deeper tone, soft and almost as heartbroken as his. “I know how much effort you put into trying to make me happy. When we met, I was a shell of who I used to be and you were one of the main people that stayed patient with me and helped bring me back to life. Even though you never saw who I was before… everything that happened… you still had faith that I was more than that lifeless lump of flesh that couldn’t even muster a smile at the nice gentleman who offered to pay for all of my groceries when I forgot my wallet at home.” You half laugh at the thought, recounting how Jaebeom had been in front of you in line at the store, packing away his things into his cart when he overheard you talking with the cashier about how you had left your wallet and would have to abandon the small cart of items you needed. You didn’t have much, only about 10 items, and Jaebeom graciously walked over and paid for them after hearing the sadness in your voice. You thanked him profusely without making eye contact and he admitted that he found it cute, finally causing you to look up at him. His smile was almost blinding and it only caused your heart to ache as you remembered another blinding smile that you thought you’d never see again. He asked for your number when you asked how you could repay him, and selfishly you gave it to him, knowing it was only because his smile reminded you of Jimin, and even now you feel guilty about it because you’ve roped him into more than he bargained for just because you were looking for a replacement to pull you out of your grief. You feel like a terrible person. And maybe you are. “And even now, you continue to bring me gifts and wear your heart on your sleeve for me even knowing there was a possibility that Jimin coming back might change things between us.” You gesture at the basket of goodies sitting on your coffee table. “You plan spontaneous dates and send flowers to my job and show up to my house all dressed up— you do all of this for someone that you aren’t even sure likes you the same way, and that just tells me that you are so, so genuine and thoughtful, and it’s crushing me that I can’t reciprocate. I do like you, it’s just that my heart is pulling me in a different direction. And it is totally not fair to you that you did all the work to get me back to a place where I can accept love again and you don’t even get to reap the rewards of your labor. But it’s also not fair to you to be strung along like some toy. I’m so sorry that I wasted your time, you deserve so much better than me.”

Looking down, you end your monologue and wait for his reaction, a little scared of how he’ll respond. Jaebeom doesn’t seem like the type to lash out, but with all that you’ve just said who knows what his response will be. What you don’t expect is to feel his hand gently on your thigh, giving you a reassuring squeeze. You look up to find him giving you a sad smile, not an ounce of malice in his gaze as he looks at you.

“Why do you look so sad, beautiful? It’s not your heart that’s being broken.” He gives you a half smile and you nearly burst into tears, feeling so yucky for rejecting this sweet man. He removes his hand from you, running it from his forehead to the back of his head with a sigh. “I kinda knew this was coming, you’ve been dodging me for weeks.” Your face goes pale and he laughs. “Yeah, I noticed, but don’t feel too bad. This is a hard conversation to have so I don’t blame you for putting it off.” Your wide eyes cause him to grin, lifting his head to look at the ceiling. “I wasn’t sending you flowers and bringing you gifts solely to win you over. Partly, it was because I love seeing you smile and I hoped it would brighten your day at least a little. You always seem so conflicted when we see each other. Like you’re battling with yourself in your head about something no one else would understand. First it was with grief, now it’s love, but it seems like two sides to the same coin to me. I understand that it’s probably so hard on you to be between the idea of moving on from your past and going back to what you know, and I commend you for actually coming to a decision about it. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn’t know what to do and I would probably keep both options in limbo for much longer than you did. But, man, it really sucks being on the losing side.” He sighs.

“I’m sorry.” You find yourself apologizing before you can stop yourself.

“Don’t apologize, you had to choose someone. But just know, I don’t regret anything that I did within these past months. I don’t regret meeting you or getting to know you. Or being a part of this love triangle and trying to win you over. Though I have to say, it wasn’t a fair competition.”

“What do you mean by that?” Your eyebrows knit in an adorable way and he has to look away from you before he can let his heart flutter.

“I mean, how could I possibly compete with someone who brightens your life that much? Ever since you told me he came back you’ve been so much happier. I can see it in your entire demeanor, with how you carry yourself now, with how your eyes look lively and free. I was only able to bring out glimpses of that in you, but- Jimin, was it?- he is able to change your entire world. So how could I be upset when in the end you’ll get to be yourself again after all these years and live happily ever after? I only want the best for you, and if you are your best self with somebody else, then who am I to get in the way of that?”

Feeling your eyes well up with tears, you close them and take a shaky breath. Jaebeom is just too good to be true. You never thought you’d be the one brought to tears in this situation, but here you are, crying at the heartfelt words of the man you didn’t choose. You tell yourself that that other version of you in another universe is happy with him. Running into his arms and accepting his love instead of crushing it under the heel of her foot like you are right now. That picture of the other version of him stays with you as well, hugging you and pouring all of his love and adoration onto you instead of swallowing it down like he’s doing now, putting on a brave face to save your feelings even when you’re trampling all over his.

Opening your eyes, you spread your arms to ask silently for a hug, and he scoots closer to accept. Nuzzling your face in his shoulder, you let a few tears slip free. The hug you share communicates all of your remaining emotions that you don’t have the words for, and you hope he hears them loud and clear. The way he squeezes you tells you he does, and it’s a long minute before you’re pulling away, wiping your eyes with a smile and observing how his are now glassy too.

“So this is it, huh?” He asks, looking at you longingly.

“Yeah.” You frown.

“I… guess I’ll see you around?”

“Yeah.” You choke out.

He sits there for a second longer, staring at you as if committing your face to memory, before getting up from your couch and heading to the door. You don’t follow him and he lets himself out, leaving you staring into space with a heavy heart, listening to the sounds of his footsteps getting farther away until you hear his car door shut, the engine turn on, and the sound of his wheels leaving your driveway.

The ache in Jimin’s heart grows every day that he doesn’t talk to you. It wouldn’t be too far off to say that he’s pouting by not texting you back, but he just can’t seem to bring himself to reply after what he saw that night. Plus, he’s been caught up with his new job and things have been hectic as he looks for a place to move out of his parent’s house to. No, that’s an excuse. The reality is that he has all the time in the world when he’s not at work, and he has chosen to use that time to sulk about not being with you instead of trying to continue your friendship or even ask you for answers. But even if he were to ask you for answers, he’s almost positive that he won’t like the answer to the question “why did you invite Jaebeom into your house that night?” You would probably only break his heart more by saying that you decided to be with Jaebeom instead and that you were inviting him in to make sweet love in his absence. That thought makes him frown deeply, a pit of jealousy forming in his gut.

But that’s what he wanted, right? You should have the chance to move on with someone else after the pain you’ve endured. You should be with someone that makes you happy and if that person is Jaebeom then he has no right to speak against it.

Blazing white shines through his window and angles right into his already open eyes, no need for an alarm as he’s already been awake all night. One cup of coffee, black, and a bowl of his favorite cereal. His mother is in the living room crocheting as he walks past to use the restroom, watching him as he drags his feet with eyes half open. A fleeting thought of you crosses his mind, of how you told him you used to find it so funny that his eyes barely open in the morning when he’s still sleepy and how you found it so endearing how clingy and cuddly he used to get. He’s still like this, craving the warmth of your body this morning, but you’re not here to supply him with cuddles or love and affection because you’re giving it to another man. His mother watches as he nearly runs into the doorframe of the bathroom on his way out, still locked in his heartbreaking daydream of you snuggled up with that handsome stranger.

“Jimin-ah,” his mom calls, concerned by how disoriented and sad her son looks. “When is the last time you left the house, honey?”

“Hm? I leave every day to go to work…” he replies back quietly.

“That doesn’t count. When is the last time you left the house for something that wasn’t work?”

Since he saw you at your house about 5 days ago. She already knows the answer so he doesn’t have to say this out loud, and she forces him to call up Taehyung and Jungkook to spend some time with them to raise his spirits. And hopefully they can talk some sense into him.

Jimin sits uncomfortably at the table as his two best friends stare back at him with blank looks of disbelief, looking at him as if he were stupid after he explains what he saw that night. The boba shop buzzes with people on this busy weekend afternoon, somehow making their silence that much more unsettling.

“What? Why are you guys staring at me like that?” He whines after an excruciating minute passes without them saying anything. He can’t read either of their thoughts from their expressions and it’s making him nervous.

“I’m so sorry to say this, but that is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.” Jungkook states, shaking his head in dismay at his friend’s stupidity. “So you just assumed they were going on a date and drove off without confirming?”

“What else was I supposed to do? Go knock on her door and ask her “hey are you going on a date with him right now?” just for her to laugh and say ‘yes’ and slam the door in my face?”

“Could it be possible that she didn’t set up the date and he was just coming over to surprise her? You know, since he’s kinda competing with you to earn her affections?” Tae asks, trying to wrap his head around Jimin’s thought process.

“I mean, that could have been what was happening, but I think it’s much more likely that he came over to go on a date with her.” Jimin pouts, taking a sip of his boba drink.

“Okay, say that was what happened and they were going out on a date. That doesn’t mean that she’s made a decision to date him instead of you. Wasn’t (Y/n) going out on dates with this Jaebeom character at the same time that she was seeing you?” Jungkook tries to reason, earning a frown from Jimin.

“Yes, but this just felt different. It looked like there was some tension between them when he was walking into her house, like something was about to happen between them.”

“I mean, tension isn’t always sexual, she could have been about to break his heart and tell him she doesn’t want to see him anymore. Were they smiling or was the vibe serious?” Taehyung swirls the liquid in his cup, watching as the tapioca pearls spin around the bottom, seeming half uninterested in the conversation.

“It was more serious, but I don’t really know because I didn’t get a clear look at their faces.” Jimin admits, trying to think back to what you looked like. He definitely doesn’t remember you smiling or anything though.

“Then there’s a possibility that I’m right and she was inviting him in to have the breakup talk with him. Well, it isn’t really a break up if they weren’t actually together.” Jimin doesn’t say anything to this so Taehyung continues. “The way I see it is, it doesn’t really matter what they were doing or talking about that night, what matters is your response to it. Are you just going to roll over and let this other guy steal your girl from you when she’s clearly still into you?”

“Tae’s right, are you really going to just let him have her?” Jungkook adds, both of them looking at Jimin expectantly. He lets out a deep sigh, looking sadder than ever.

“The thing is, she’s not my girl, I don’t own her and she doesn’t owe me anything. I can’t just treat her like I’m entitled to her heart when she clearly has feelings for someone other than me.”

At this, both men laugh, causing Jimin to look up at them, confused. “Yeah right, tell that to her.” Jungkook says through a snicker, taking a sip of his boba.

“Huh?”

“Dude, the way you’ve got her heart in shackles is ridiculous. I’m not sure if she even knows you don’t literally own her, I haven’t seen her even glance at another man since she met you.” Taehyung laughs.

Jungkook nearly bounces with excitement as he recalls something from the depths of his memory, nudging Taehyung with his elbow. “Hyung! Remember in high school when that guy from her class confessed to her in front of all 3 of us and she told him she had “feelings for someone else” while making direct eye contact with Jimin?”

“Yes! And she didn’t even know his name! She called him “Daehyun” when his name was Doyoung.” Taehyung laughs uproariously, slapping the younger man on the shoulder. “Man, we teased her about that for years after you two finally got together,” He addresses Jimin, who looks lost as usual. But he’s gotten used to being the odd man out when people reminisce, simply wanting to know more about the story, especially if it involves him. “And just like you are now, you were completely clueless to how she felt.”

“I don’t know how you didn’t catch on after that, she was literally staring you down when she said it. I could almost see the cartoon arrow sign above her head pointing at you saying “it’s YOU, Jimin, I have feelings for YOU”. I still can’t believe it took you almost 2 months after that to ask her out.” Jungkook sighs, shaking his head.

“Yeah, because he was “unsure” if she liked him back.” Taehyung says, rolling his eyes as Jimin looks between the both of them.

“How can you be unsure if someone like (Y/n) likes you back? She’s not the most subtle, at least not when it comes to you.” Jungkook is right. You have never been able to hide your expressions around Jimin, or stop yourself from getting shy, or stop the word vomit that comes with being nervous and oversharing things about yourself because you don’t want Jimin to misunderstand anything when it comes to you. Jimin has seen the word vomit first hand, when you were trying to explain Jaebeom’s relationship to you, desperately trying to get him to understand just how insignificant Jaebeom is to you.

“Thanks for bringing that up, Kookie, I’m now 100% convinced that (Y/n) doesn’t even know that other men exist. She’s only ever had eyes for you, Jimin.” Sounding completely certain, Taehyung leans back in his seat as if to say that that’s the end of the conversation. But that nagging voice in the back of Jimin’s head reminds him of how nervous you looked when Jaebeom came to your door that day and saw him standing there. And how stiff you got when he started questioning you about Jaebeom.

“But she clearly does know other men exist, she’s been dating one for months.” Jimin says quietly, crossing his arms on the table and resting his chin on them. “Things have changed since high school. Both of us have changed so it’s not impossible to think that she grew to have feelings for someone else.”

“Even if she does have feelings for this guy, her feelings for you obviously outweigh her feelings for him. I’m not sure how you don’t see that.” Jungkook is starting to get irritated with the back and forth resistance that Jimin keeps giving them. Why is it so damn hard to get him to see that you want him and only him? “Wasn’t she the one who kept saying that the two of them weren’t dating when you were asking her about it? That doesn’t sound like someone who wants the other man.”

“Right. Plus, she waited a whole 3 years before even attempting to date. She wouldn’t even think about breathing in another man’s direction after your disappearance because she didn’t want to be disrespectful to you and also because she still had such deep feelings for you that it was sickening to even think about anyone else. You think those feelings just disappeared overnight because some other guy came into the picture?” Tae tries to reason, but it only makes Jimin feel worse. He’s already held you back so much, he’d hate to be the reason you give up on finding love elsewhere.

“I- I don’t know.” Jimin buries his face him his arms, a headache forming behind his eyes at the rushing thoughts running through his mind. He’s torn, and even though his friends tell him otherwise, he can’t help thinking that your feelings reside with someone else. He’s frustrated with himself that he just can’t accept that you want to be with him, and he doesn’t know how to convince himself that it’s true.

“Well, we’ve said all we can say to convince you. Now it’s up to you to decide whether or not you’ll pursue her.” Jungkook concludes, finishing the rest of his drink and using his straw to suck up the remaining pearls at the bottom of his cup, nearly choking as one flies up the straw and down his throat.

“But just know,” Taehyung starts, patting Jungkook on the back as he coughs, “if push comes to shove, we’ll be on (Y/n)’s side so you better not fuck up.” His ominous warning sends a chill up Jimin’s spine as Jungkook nods in agreement. He sounds like a protective older brother threatening his little sister’s boyfriend, and there’s a flash of familiarity in the feeling it gives him. As if Taehyung has said or expressed the same sentiment to him before. He wants to ask if he’s said that before, but Jimin is far too intimidated by Taehyung’s deep voice to ask.

Jimin goes home with a lot to think about, both of his friends having made valid points. His room feels empty and large and he cuddles up with a pillow to try to replace the warmth that he craves from you, thinking about how he could have you all to himself if it wasn’t for Jaebeom. He picks up his phone and begins typing, wanting to let you know that he didn’t mean to ghost you, that he’s been missing you like crazy, and that he wants to see you soon if you’ll let him. But he ends up deleting his message when he thinks back to your face, how you’ll probably be upset with him for reaching out to you after all this time. Or maybe you’ll be nervous and hesitant to reply because you don’t know how to tell him that you’ve chosen Jaebeom instead and only want to be friends moving forward. Or worse, you’ll leave him on read just as he’s done to you and block him and he’ll never get the chance to talk to you again because you no longer want him in your life and he has to respect that. Jimin is spiraling, the bad thoughts mixing with the good: your beautiful smiling face followed by thoughts of you kissing Jaebeom, the feeling of your warm hands cradling his face like you did the first time he saw you, followed by his name being blocked in your phone. He starts to feel a bit nauseous and stands up from his bed, dragging his feet on the way to the shower where no one can see the tears that begin to drip from his eyes as he runs hot water over his face.

It’s the next day and you wake from a dreamless sleep, not feeling rested at all. In fact, you haven’t gotten a good nights sleep since Jimin stopped responding to you almost a week ago. You’ve always known Jimin to be a stubborn one, but this is just too much. It has been far too long without hearing from him and you’re starting to get nervous. Did you do something to make him angry? You’ve barely spoken to him in the past 2 weeks, with him not even bothering to reply beginning about 6 days ago, so you doubt you’ve done anything wrong. Has he simply given up on you? You sure hope not. Jimin is a lover, not a fighter, you know this, but you desperately hope he hasn’t been intimidated by Jaebeom to the point that he’d stop chasing after you. But maybe that’s exactly what happened. He told you he wanted you to move on, to find happiness with the opportunity right in front of you, but you had no idea he would completely take himself out of the running by ghosting you. Just the thought of him doing that pisses you off and you are 5 seconds away from calling him up to ask for an explanation before another thought pops into your mind.

Taehyung has always been on your side with these types of things. In the past, when Jimin would do something to piss you off or if he was being unreasonable, it was always Taehyung who played the middle man and talked some sense into him. Maybe that’s what he needs to do now.

You: Hey, I need your help with something

Taeddy Bear 🧸: If this is about Jimin then I’m in

You: …You don’t even know what I’m going to ask

Taeddy Bear 🧸: I’d even be down if you said you wanted to murder him for ghosting you

Taeddy Bear 🧸: Cuz honestly? Same

Taeddy Bear 🧸: What is it?

You: So he told you he’s been ghosting me?

Taeddy Bear 🧸: Basically

Taeddy Bear 🧸: He seems torn between talking to you and giving you space

You: Space? Why the hell would I need space???

You: We didn’t have an argument or anything

Taeddy Bear 🧸: 🤷🏻 but it seems like he convinced himself that you’ve chosen the other guy over him

You: No??? Why would he think that?

Taeddy Bear 🧸: He saw him at your house last week and assumed you were going out with him

You: 😐

Taeddy Bear 🧸: Hey don’t shoot the messenger

You: I literally told Jaebeom I don’t want to talk to him anymore that night! All he had to do was wait a day 🙄

Taeddy Bear 🧸: I tried to tell him! He was convinced that something spicy was happening between you two

You: Spicy how 🤨

Taeddy Bear 🧸: He thought you were *inviting him in*😏

Taeddy Bear 🧸: Not inviting him in to talk

You: 🤦 God he’s such an idiot 😭😭

Taeddy Bear 🧸: Yeahhh but you love him

You: I do 😫😭

Taeddy Bear 🧸: So we have to do something about this!!

Taeddy Bear 🧸: What do you need me to do?

Just as you thought, Taehyung is as helpful as ever in devising a plan for you to confront Jimin. You both agreed that if you told him to just meet you that he’d either say no, or say yes and be extremely anxious about it to the point where he’d almost be in tears from stress, so you decided to surprise him with your presence at a neutral place.

The doorbell rings at Taehyung’s place, the weekend finally here again and the boys lounging around together. Taehyung’s ears perk up at the sound like a dog, struggling to hide his mischievous grin as he knows exactly who is at the door.

“Jimin-ah, can you get that?” He asks politely, motioning for Jungkook to sit when the younger man begins to stand. The muscle bunny looks confused, but Taehyung gives him a look that says he’ll explain later.

“Why can’t you get it? It’s your house.” Jimin yawns, not loving the idea of getting up from his comfortable position. His eyes are fixated on the tv screen and he whines when Tae hits pause and the action stops.

“You’re closest to the door.” Tae bickers back, throwing a piece of candy at his best friend. The doorbell rings again and this time Jimin shifts to get up, groaning like an old man as his knees crack when he stands.

“Fiiiiine.” He sighs, dragging his feet to the door, unsure of what to expect on the other side. Maybe there’s another one of Taehyung’s friends coming over that he has yet to meet. Or maybe it’s a package or food delivery. Whatever Jimin is thinking, he sure doesn’t expect to see you on the other side of the door, standing there picking at your fingers nervously, glancing up at him with almost as shocked an expression as him.

“O-oh, I wasn’t expecting you to be the one to open the door.” You stutter out, having expected to have a little more time to prepare before seeing him. His face goes pale at the sight of you and he takes a step backwards. His heart jumps because all he’s wanted to do for the past few days was see your face, but now that you’re here he doesn’t know what to say. Was this a set up? He looks behind him in the direction of his friends, though he can’t see them from the doorway, and silently curses them in his head. “Can we talk? Please?”

He takes a deep breath, the consequences of his own actions and cowardice looking him right in the face with those beautiful eyes, so deep and genuine that he has no choice but to agree. “Sure. But let’s go in the back.” He suggests, not wanting any of Taehyung’s nosy neighbors to intrude on your conversation. The sound of his voice sends a shiver through you and you hide it with a nod. He moves aside to let you into his friend’s home, cutting his eye at the two men as they wave at you on your way to the back door, giving Jimin a thumbs up when you look away.

The thought of having to talk to you makes his stomach twist because he has absolutely no idea what to say to you. You don’t even know the reason why he stopped responding, and knowing you, you’re probably thinking you did something wrong to deserve this treatment from him, when in reality, it’s his own cowardice that’s kept him from seeking the truth. But at the same time, he doesn’t think he’s prepared to hear what the truth is. He knows how shattered you are without him, but he has no idea just how shattered he’d be if he found out for certain that you won’t be his.

He swallows hard when the back door finally shuts behind you, the two of you alone and staring at each other, almost daring the other to speak. He decides to take the lead when he sees that your lips remain in a fine line, swirling thoughts not coherent enough to speak yet despite you having practiced what you were going to say all night.

“I’m assuming you and Taehyung came up with this brilliant plan to corner me, huh?” He starts, turning his attention to the spider web that rests between the posts of the railing of Taehyung’s small deck. There sits a spider toward the center of the web, swaying in the wind and waiting for its prey to fly into its trap. Dark clouds roll overhead, the threat of a storm brewing.

“I’m not cornering you. You can leave whenever you want.” He makes no motions toward the door so you continue. “I only wanted to have a conversation with you and get some things off my chest, and since you’ve been ghosting me, this is the only way for me to do that.” Your pretty lips form into a small frown and all Jimin can think about is the way they look stretched into a smile. He’s the reason you aren’t smiling now, and he feels absolutely terrible about it, a knot forming in his stomach at the guilt he feels for not contacting you. “So, why the hell have you been ghosting me?”

“I’m sure you’ve heard it from Taehyung already…” he mumbles, looking away from you again.

“Yeah, but I want to hear it from you.” You respond immediately, not letting up.

He takes a deep inhale, letting it out slowly as he thinks of what he saw at your place and all of the terrible nightmares he’s been having of you with Jaebeom and him ruining your happiness with him. “I… saw Jaebeom at your place last week. I know you’ve been seeing him for a while and that you like him so it’s only natural that you’d still be going on dates and inviting him in. It just felt like I was being a home wrecker by interjecting myself into your life while you were already seeing someone, and seeing you invite him into your house made me feel like I was intruding on your relationship. I mean, you guys would be practically dating at this point if it wasn’t for me showing up out of nowhere, so I decided it would be best for me to take myself out of the equation and let you be happy with him.”

“So you made the decision all by yourself to walk away based on an assumption that I had chosen him?” When you put it like that it sounds like he made a bad call. He nods regardless. “Why do you even think I chose him in the first place? Because he was at my house?”

“Because he was dressed up like you were about to go on a date, bringing you gifts and you were inviting him into your house. It didn’t seem like you were rejecting him.”

“So you decided to ghost me after seeing 5 seconds of an interaction with no context?” Your voice raises in volume just slightly, starting to get pissed off.

“What else did I need to see? Did you want me to sit outside your window and watch you have sex with him to determine if you were still seeing him or not?” He snaps back, looking irritated himself. He ignores the way your face contorts. “Listen, it’s fine if you want to be with him, just tell me. I was wrong for ghosting you, and I’m sorry, but I thought it would be easier for you if you didn’t have to decide between the two of us. I have feelings for you but I don’t want you to throw away your relationship with him because of me.”

“What relationship?!” Just listening to him say so many incorrect things at once is making your blood pressure go up. “Jimin, I invited him inside to reject him. I told him that I didn’t want to see him anymore and that I had chosen you!”

At this he blinks, taking in the meaning of your words. You think he’s going to have an epiphany moment where he realizes just how dumb he was acting and apologize to you for assuming incorrectly, but instead he seems to get angry, which perplexes you.

“You broke up with him for me? But he’s literally the perfect man. You deserve the world and he looks like he could give it to you. Why would you throw away that for me?”

“I did not “break up” with him— for the millionth time— we were never together! And Jaebeom is a great guy and all but he is not the perfect man. You know how I know that? Because you are the perfect man. You are the perfect man for me.” You take a step closer to him, trying to get through to him. He’s always been like this, doubtful of himself and his worth.

“How can you say that so confidently? I’m not the exact same person I was when we were together, (Y/n). I can’t remember any of the time we spent together before the accident so our relationship wouldn’t be the same if you do go back to me. You barely even know me anymore.” He looks down at his feet, feeling so insecure that he almost wants the ground to open up and swallow him whole. He just can’t wrap his head around the fact that you would choose him, someone with his memory and identity in shambles, over another man who has his life put together and memory intact, who is settled and has a great personality with an equal desire to make you happy. Your eyes squint at him at his last statement as if that was the dumbest thing you’ve ever heard in your life and the look on your face makes him take a step back. You look like you could strangle him for being so stubborn and thinking so lowly of himself.

“I do know you, Jimin! I probably know you better than you know yourself. I know that you like sleeping in on weekends but feel guilty if you sleep past 11am; I know that when you laugh too hard, your eyes shut and you can’t see until you stop laughing; I know that you had a friend in 2nd grade that made fun of you during show and tell and that’s why you don’t like speaking in front of crowds.” He looks at you incredulously, not expecting your word vomit. “I know that you like to drink! You can hold about 4 or 5 shots before you really start feeling it, but you prefer wine or whiskey on most nights. I know that you pride yourself on being meticulous and neat, and that you love when people notice and praise you about it! I know that you cry every time you watch “Inside Out” because Bing Bong was your favorite character.”

“But that’s all surface level-“

“I know that you’re an overthinker that tends to doubt his self worth when it comes to other people, just like you’re doing now. I know that you haven’t changed from the person who proposed to me and cried his eyes out when I said yes because you had convinced yourself that I would say no. I know you value your friends and family more than anything in the world and would do whatever it takes to see them happy, even at the expense of yourself. I know that you’ve got a thick skull and won’t let anyone tell you otherwise once you’ve got your mind set on something, whether it be for work, relationships, or fun. And if it’s something negative about yourself that you’re struggling with, I know that you need a lot of reassurance to feel comfortable because you hate being an inconvenience to others.”

The entire time you ramble on, you don’t notice his flickering resolve. It both fills and breaks his heart because of how well you know him, and it only confuses him more. He should run from you and let you move on, he was your past and you deserve to step away from him and continue with your future. But at the same time, he hasn’t changed at all and your rant is proving that. Everything you say about him is true, and it shouldn’t be difficult to rebuild what he lost. Maybe he’s just afraid he won’t live up to who you once knew. But everything you say proves that he is still that person, and you still very much know him.

Dropping your voice, you draw closer. “I know how amazing you are at listening to other people’s problems and offering emotional support, yet you find it hard to express your own feelings verbally sometimes. I know that you think you’re holding me back. And most importantly, I know that we once loved each other with all our hearts, and that I still love you just as much— if not more— than I did before.” Taking a breath, you stare at him, trying to understand what’s going through his head. “The point is, I don’t want you to distance yourself from me. I don’t want a new life with a new person. I don’t even want our old life together because even then we weren’t perfect! I just want you with me; the one that’s standing in front of me right now looking clueless and dumbfounded,” He closes his mouth, embarrassed. “The one that doesn’t remember our past but was willing to follow me around the city making new memories anyway. Who you are right now is more than enough for me. So please, let me choose you. I’ve already made my decision, it’s up to you to accept it.”

Heart in your throat, you wait for him to say something, anything, but he stays silent. The longer the pause the more you worry, wondering what he’s thinking. Scratching his neck, he struggles to find the words, opening and closing his mouth as he fights an internal war.

“I just- I need some time to think.” He finally speaks up, not meeting your eyes.

“What do you still need to think about? You either want me or you don’t, you accept my confession or not.” When he stays silent again your frustration reaches a fever pitch and you have to remove yourself from him before you say something you don’t mean. “You wanna know what I also know? That you’ve always been oblivious when it comes to me, so I’m just going to say this plainly for you: I love you and I can’t imagine living without you again. I don’t want Jaebeom, I only want you— so you get back to me once you figure out whatever is going through your head. I’ll wait for you, even if I have to wait forever. But I’m really hoping you don’t take forever because I really miss you.” Your voice breaks a little at the end of your sentence and you turn toward the door quickly, opening the sliding glass and making your escape before he can see the tears welling up in your eyes. You leave without saying anything to Taehyung and Jungkook, your scent wafting after you, filled with sorrow and despair.

Jimin stands there, sucking on his lips and wondering if what he did was the right thing. He takes his time coming back into the house, finding his two best friends staring at him in anticipation. “How did it go?” Jungkook asks, looking back at him with doe eyes.

“Judging by the way she stormed out I’m guessing it didn’t go well.” Taehyung surmises, pausing the tv and turning his full attention to Jimin as he sits back down on the couch with his head in his hands. He explains the conversation/argument he just had with you and waits for his friends to respond.

“Jimin what the hell!” Jungkook is almost in tears for you, face getting hot from the second hand embarrassment he’s getting from the way you put yourself in such a vulnerable position for this imbecile. Jimin blinks at the anger the younger man is displaying on your behalf. “I should hit you for putting her through this.”

Taehyung does the honors and slaps Jimin on the back of his head, not saying a word.

“So let me get this straight. You disappear for three years, (Y/n) is miserable. You return and she’s happy. Then you ghost her because you think she’s chosen to be with another man, making both of you miserable. She breaks things off with the guy she was seeing to be with you, giving both of you the chance to be happy again, and you tell her you need to think about it? What else is there to think about, hyung? Do you not want to be with her?”

“It just feels selfish of me to want to get back with her. I’ve hurt her so deeply before by almost dying and I’m just really scared of hurting her again. And what if I’m not good enough for her anymore? What if I can’t love her the way she wants to be loved and I end up disappointing her? I can’t remember all the things I used to do, nor do I know her well enough now to know what she wants. Jaebeom seems like such a good guy and I can see her being happy with him, it only feels right to let her move on from me instead of selfishly trying to keep her for myself.”

“And you don’t think you’re hurting her by doing this?” Taehyung’s voice seems to get deeper as he finally speaks up, trying to control the volume of his voice. “You don’t think it was selfish to make the decision to stop talking to her on your own without consulting her first? I think it’s very arrogant of you to think you know what’s best for her without even considering how she feels.” His harsh words cut deep and cause Jimin’s eyes to sting. Taehyung has never been one to mince his words, unafraid to tell his friends when they are in the wrong. And Jimin can tell that you and both of his friends were— and still are— very close by the way they defend you in your absence.

“I’m with Tae on this one,” Jungkook says when Jimin looks in his direction. “All this time she’s been telling you how much she loves you and how much she missed you and you’re still saying this? She told you point blank that she doesn’t want to be with Jaebeom and that she wants you and you are completely disregarding her feelings by forcing her to be with him. Do you think it’s fair to her to have to lose you all over again? You didn’t see her while you were gone, you don’t know the suffering she went through without you, do you think she deserves to go back to that? (Y/n) is the sweetest, most caring, patient person any of us has ever met and here you are playing with her heart like a toy. She said she would wait for you, but I doubt she’ll wait forever. I wouldn’t if I was her. So you better figure out what you want before she moves on for real. Do you really want to see her with someone else?” Both of Taehyung and Jungkook’s words strike a cord in Jimin’s heart and he thinks about how utterly depressed you’ll be if he decides to leave you again. He thinks back to everything he’s heard from the people around him, how they all said you struggled alone and separated yourself from the world, how you said you had to claw your way up from the depths of hell to become a functioning human again after those 3 long years of misery. He can’t imaging causing you that level of hurt again, and he hadn’t even thought about that when he was spiraling. Plus, he doesn’t think he can stomach the thought of seeing you around town with someone else, hearing about how well you’re doing with another man through your mutual friends.

“This insecurity about yourself that you’re feeling is completely unjustified. I know she loves you more than anything and I’ve seen you love her before. That’s why I’m confident that you’ll be able to make her happy, whether you remember your past or not.” Taehyung says, sounding more encouraging now after seeing Jimin’s change in demeanor. “Do you want the chance to love her again?”

Jimin swallows, thinking about how badly he’s missed you over the past few weeks and how he wants nothing more than to have you in his arms. Despite the fear he holds in his heart about not being able to live up to who you think he is, he still desperately wants you to be his. “Yes.” He chokes out, scared that he’s ruined things by not telling you this a few minutes ago.

“Then if you have feelings for her the way you say you do, I suggest getting off your ass and chasing after her.” Jungkook concludes, pushing Jimin’s back and forcing him to stand from the couch. “Now!”

The sky is dark as it begins to drizzle. You find yourself jogging from your driveway and fumbling with your keys to get into your home before the sky opens up and starts raining buckets. As soon as you get inside you speed dial your friends, plopping down on your bed with a forearm covering your eyes. The entire ride home you managed to control your emotions by cranking up your music so high you couldn’t think, but now that you’re alone in silence, everything comes bubbling up to the surface.

Joy and Mina both answer your group FaceTime call, having been told about your plan to meet Jimin in person, and they expect you to be squealing in excitement, so when you stay silent on the other end for more than 2 seconds they know something is up.

“Oh god, what happened?” Mina asks, looking at your ceiling as you place your phone on the bed. “Did he reject you? Because I swear if he did I’ll drive over there and kick his ass myself, just say the word.” Always the fighter, Mina would go to bat for you anytime you needed and you’ve always been thankful for that.

“No, he didn’t reject me.” You mumble, frowning at how weak your voice sounds. When you don’t elaborate, Joy finishes for you.

“But he didn’t necessarily accept your confession either, huh?” There’s empathy in her voice and it causes a cascade of tears to flow down your face, the dam breaking and destroying everything you’ve built. You try to cry as silently as possible, embarrassed for your friends to see you like this for some reason. They’ve seen you worse than this, seen you at your lowest and helped to drag you out of it, but this hurt feels different. You’re not mourning or grieving the loss of anything and you haven’t been flat out rejected so it almost feels like your pain isn’t justified.

“He said he needed time to think.”

“What is there to think about? He either likes you back or not, it’s simple.” Mina scoffs, balling up her fist behind the camera.

“I’m sorry, (Y/n).” Joy drawls, frowning when you finally pick upon your phone and reveal your tear-stained face. “Do you need us to come over? We can bring alcohol and watch a movie or trashy reality tv until we get sleepy.” She offers, knowing exactly what you like.

“Yeah, I can bring some of that plum sake you liked last time and we can get fucked up and cry our eyes out singing love songs.” You want to crack a smile at the memory of you and Mina singing “Love” by Keisha Cole several years ago when she got her heart broken by a guy she was seeing. They were just friends with benefits and he apparently didn’t see her as anything more than that, so she was left completely shattered when she hinted that she had feelings for him and he broke things off with her shortly thereafter. You spent two days at her place, just the two of you, watching horror movies, ordering food, drinking, and scream singing heartbreak songs until her neighbors came banging on the door for you both to shut up. It made her feel slightly better to have that catharsis, but you aren’t sure that would fix you this time.

“I don’t know… I don’t really feel-“ You are cut off by the sound of your doorbell, followed by a few knocks. At first, you consider not answering it and letting whoever was at the door think that no one was home, but then you remember that your car is out front and it is possible that whoever it is saw you come him. Sighing deeply, you get up and trudge to your door, annoyed when a few more frantic knocks echo throughout your home. Wiping your eyes, you pause before opening the door, mentally preparing yourself to talk to a neighbor or solicitor or even a door-to-door salesperson, but what you don’t expect is to see Jimin standing there in the pouring rain, hair wet and sticking to his forehead, panting as if he was out of breath. You blink at him, instincts telling you to slam the door in his face. Sensing this, he puts his hand on the door beside your head, standing closer than you were prepared for. You stiffen up, but he doesn’t move an inch away from you. Water drips from the ends of his hair and you can’t help but remember the way he looks after a shower, your chest tightening as the visual of him alone is enough to steal your breath away despite your best efforts to be upset with him.

“Wh-what are you doing here, Jimin?” You manage to stutter out, unable to make eye contact with him when he’s staring at you so intently. You hear a small gasp from your forgotten phone that is now dangling at your side, Joy and Mina sporting surprised looks not unlike yourself.

“Please, just hear me out.”He says, taking in how you glance up at him with innocent eyes, and it is then that he sees how red and puffy they are, sure signs that you had been crying. It breaks his heart and before he can stop himself he’s pulling you into a hug.

It’s sudden and this is the most physical contact you’ve had with him up to this point, so he isn’t sure how you’ll react, especially after the heated conversation you had not even 30 minutes ago. You don’t say anything, but you haven’t pushed him away and locked him out of your home yet, so he takes that as his sign to continue.

“(Y/n) I’m so sorry, I’ve been such an idiot.” He starts, and those words are music to your ears. Because yes, he has been a complete idiot, but you want to hear him say why. His arms drop from you and he takes a step back, hand reaching up to push back his hair. Rain continues to fall on him, soaking his clothes and dripping down his face, but he doesn’t seem to care as he forms his thoughts.

“Go on.” You prompt, letting him know that you’re willing to hear what he has to say. He visibly relaxes at this, genuine eyes meeting yours with an almost pleading stare.

“I know you probably hate me right now for not saying this sooner, and I’m nervous as hell to say it, but I drove all the way over here to tell you this so I’m just going to come out and say it.” He sounds like he’s trying to hype himself up, despite all of your feelings being out in the open for him. You brace yourself for what he’s about to say still, already feeling like crying because Jimin seems so sincere at this moment, reminding you of when he first confessed his feelings for you all those years ago.

“What is it?” You ask quietly, praying that this is headed in the direction you’re hoping it is. He takes a deep breath.

“(Y/n). It hasn’t been that long since I’ve known you, but it’s been long enough for me to know that I don’t want to lose you. I feel so connected to you in this inexplicable way, like my soul knows you even if my brain doesn’t remember, and it’s made being without you hell. It felt like I was going through withdrawals when I wasn’t talking to you, but I couldn’t bring myself to face you when I thought you had chosen Jaebeom because I was scared you wouldn’t want me in your life anymore, even as a friend. And if we were just friends, I wasn’t sure if I could handle seeing you with someone else all the time, so I decided it would be easier to just let you go without knowing all the facts first or consulting with you to see what you wanted. I was just playing the hero, thinking it was so noble of me to let you go and be with someone else instead of listening to how you felt and letting you actually be happy. And I was ignoring my own heart that was telling me to go after you because I didn’t want to seem selfish by overshadowing your feelings with mine if what you wanted was to be with somebody else.”

The tears welling up in your eyes begin to fall and he reaches up to wipe them, wet thumb grazing your skin in the gentlest way possible that makes your heart do somersaults.

“But now I’ve come to terms with the fact that it’s okay to be selfish sometimes and it’s okay to follow what I want. (Y/n), I know what I want now. I want to fall in love with you. I want the chance to be in love with you again.” A small sob escapes your throat and you cover your mouth with your hand, turning away from him as you are overcome with emotion. His hand slides down to the side of your neck, caressing it gently as you cry. “I can’t imagine my life now without you. You’ve been there ever since I came home; and even when i was being a dick, you checked in on me and asked if i was taking care of myself. I haven’t done anything to earn your love so far, but I promise that I’ll do everything in my power to make you as happy as possible, because that’s what you deserve. I’ll be your knight in shining armor if you need me to be, I’ll be your pillow and shoulder to cry on, and I’ll try my damndest to make sure to never make you cry sad tears because of me again.” You collect yourself enough to turn toward him, eyebrows arched sadly as the unstoppable tears continue to fall. Even though you’re crying, he still thinks you look absolutely stunning, the most beautiful person he’s ever seen and he doesn’t need his memory to know that. “I’m so sorry I hurt you. Both in the past and now. But I promise I’ll spend a lifetime making up for it. So please, will you give me the chance to love you again?” He pleads, trying to read the expression on your face.

You take your time answering, ingesting his words and feelings as he stands there getting drenched by the wrath of the skies. If you’re trying to sweat him out it’s working because Jimin feels a knot of anxiety forming in his stomach the longer you take to answer. You’re still frowning, wiping your face and sniffing when you finally look back at him, almost looking more upset than before. For a spilt second he thinks you’re going to reject him. Tell him that you don’t actually want to be with him anymore because of everything he’s said and done up to this point. But then you crack a small smile, almost imperceptible, and his heart soars.

“Of course, Jimin.” Is all you say, and he breaks out into the widest smile you’ve seen from him in a very long time. The only other time you’ve seen him smile like this is when you said ‘yes’ to his proposal, but that seems so far away that it feels like it happened in another lifetime. In this life, however, Jimin is reaching out to pull your face to his before you can register what’s happening, pulling you into a kiss that makes fireworks go off in your brain. He holds you close to him, moving his mouth against yours, and it is the single best kiss you’ve ever had. It feels like you finally got your man back. Oh, how you’ve missed him.

Cheering from your phone causes you to break the kiss, both of you startled by the noise. You bring the phone up to see Mina and Joy clapping and cheering as if they were watching a live show, causing you to laugh.

“Is that Mina and Joy?” Jimin asks, having heard about them from you, but not having met them yet recently.

“Yeah,” you chuckle, telling them to quiet down.

“Oh god, did they hear that whole thing?” You can see his cheeks turning red out of embarrassment, not expecting to have an audience.

“Unfortunately, yes.” You nod your head, watching the embarrassment grow on Jimin’s face.

“You should be saying “fortunately, yes” because I was 5 seconds away from going over to Taehyung’s house to beat your ass for making my girl cry.” Mina rolls her eyes, earning a disapproving shake of the head from you.

“Alright, well now that you’re in our good graces again I think it’s time for us to hang up and give you some privacy, right Mina?” Joy asks, though it’s less of a question and more of a command. Mina lets out an exaggerated sigh followed by an “I guess” and they both say goodbye to you and Jimin before your phone goes silent.

“Speaking of privacy,” Jimin starts wiping water from his face. “Can I please come in now?” Not even noticing that he was still half outside of your doorway, back still getting soaked with rain, you gasp and pull him inside. The door closes behind the two of you and a warm feeling washes over him as you escort him to your bedroom to get him some dry clothes. It feels familiar and domestic, like he’s finally home again.

(A/N): Part 4 will contain smut!! But this concludes the main story. Thanks for reading!

#icymi #i remember #jimin

24 notes · View notes