#not to ramble^2 but its interesting to me that im okay with sharing all this on here

[phagodyke]

ohhhhh my god girl i don't careeeee

[kroosluvr]

yay!!!!!!!

typo that im too lazy to fix: on the last page, "kasumi was one of the best gymnasts [in japan]"

edit: BRO I IDDNT REALIZE AKIRA ND SUMIRE WERE SHARING A SPOON TO EAT THE CURRY AM I INSANEEEEE <- She literally drew this image

1st 2 pics are genderbent akira+goro as well as sumire, 3rd pic is canon akira and sumire

in my head m!sumire is dedicated to rhythmic gymnastics, but the fact that it's not a popular sport somehow causes a mental block for him: kasumi was a trailblazer in men's rhythmic gymnastics. he was setting the course, but now he's gone. so does sumire live up to that? does he have to fill his brother's shoes? or can he just strive to be the best rhythmic gymnast he himself can be?

he was always solemn and driven growing up, but after the accident, he drove himself further into his practices and routines in an attempt to "recapture the spark" that kasumi had. of course, this is mostly in vain... chasing his shadow doesn't get him anywhere

he slowly develops the cognition of "sumire" being "kasumi's replacement." the younger brother that stepped up to the plate. to attend to his anxiety/depression he goes to dr. maruki (i'd say this takes longer than in canon, because he was always so busy with practice that he didn't really. comprehend 'oh perhaps i need counseling after my brother died' LMAO. and even then it's more "ok im gonna start competing internationally, so i need to make sure my mental is in tiptop shape"

he starts to reveal his insecurities to dr. maruki who. yknow. does all that. i don't think this sumire would specifically say "i wish i was kasumi" but more "i want to continue his legacy the way only he could have done it" which dr. maruki himself takes as "ok so u want to literally be kasumi"

i'd also say his "transformation" into "kasumi" is more jarring than in canon? canon "kasumi" is polite, eager, cheerful and sunny, but i imagine m!"kasumi" to be more boisterous, more outwardly outgoing/extroverted/outspoken, a little bit of a daredevil

on top of that, i think (perhaps) since men's rhythmic gymnastics isn't super popular, maybe not many ppl have heard of "kasumi yoshizawa" to begin with? so maybe ppl accept him as "kasumi" a little easier, which is. um. bad LOL

not sure if this helps his gymnastics at all. i thinkkk it does give him the confidence to execute more complicated routines that sumire himself didn't have the self-confidence to try before. but, of course, this doesn't affect anything in the rhythmic gymnastics world since. erm. everyone knows kasumi died. awkward!!!!

i think the shame would be all-encompassing when he breaks out of the delusion. he never wanted this.... all he wants is to keep competing with his brother, to keep supporting him into the limelight, and he'll never have that again. so i think, like canon, his arc is learning how to support and uplift Himself -- but more like, become more self-sufficient in terms of his own gymnastics instead of always seeing himself as second place to kasumi (and being okay with that)

it's different than canon as kasumi always told sumire they'd take the world stage... TOGETHER! ->

while i think for m!kasumi and m!sumire they worked in tandem, it was never really a dream. kasumi simply decided "i want to do this" and so did sumire. the thing is, kasumi's skills just far outweighed sumire's, and that much was painfully clear to him. kasumi was one who could bring men's rhythmic gymnastics into the international lens, and sumire has no idea if he could ever be strong enough to do that.

there's an interesting sort of dissonance here....... like. big fish small pond (genderbend au) or small fish big pond (canonverse.) i think its interesting.. okay enough rambles from me its 4am sdjsdjfh

edit: last thing i think. in canon it’s heavily implied that kasumi took the reins and pushed sumire to do stuff / pick out clothes for them both / kinda set the stage for both of them but i think in gb au sumire just follows kasumi as a result of kasumi being such a bright light. sumire has ambitions the same way kasumi does but he lacks the self-esteem to back it up…. it’s similar in canon but not 1:1 if that makes sense? i think in canon sumire is still questioning if it’s even her dream to compete in gymnastics so that’s the main diff

[damagedcoda6669]

okay so i am. so confused! are you a system/plural after all?

you made a post on your twitter about being the "original host" which is. a plural term of course but ALSO i'd like to say that the idea of there being an "original" is veeery misleading and not actually possible in DID/OSDD

the reason DID/OSDD exists at all is because a child's identity was unable to fully form in their developmental years, so the identity splits off and fractures into several parts necessary to keep the child safe. because of this, there can be no "original host" because there was never an identity formed that could be considered the "core," in a way, at all. it gives off the idea that there was one set identity that split off others later on in life, which isnt how DID/OSDD works in terms of alter formation

also, the disorder can only be developed in your early formative years, so its mostly unheard of for a system to go through life with a single part only to split off later on. your brain splits off alters in response to stressors or traumatic experiences, and so when the disorder is formed there would have to have been a fracture from the beginning where your identity wasnt able to come together to form a single one. multiple alters can be "original," in a sense, but there is not one sole original

i suppose that other alters could have simply been integrated and so they arent a part of your system anymore (leaving you as the "original host"), but thats probably not my place to explore and its all a bit too complicated for a tumblr ask

there are parts that have been around longer than all the other parts and there are parts that identify with/as the body or the head of the system, buuuut i just wanted to share that tidbit of information because misinformation can be very harmful when it comes to healthy plurality!!

in any case, dont let this cause you to spiral into more self-doubt because — surprise! DID/OSDD is supposed to be hard to understand or identify within yourself. its a trauma disorder formed to make you as functional as possible, so generally the disorder tries very hard to hide your other parts from you as to protect you from those traumas. being confused is a major part of plurality, and most long-term hosts do have the misconception of being "original" because there was no reason to think otherwise.

its also fully possible that you have been the host for the majority (or entirety) of your life, so dont get me wrong! im just trying to share that the idea of an "original" alter isnt possible.

regardless of whether or not you're plural, i wish you the best in exploring yourself and the way that your brain functions. you're doing great, truly!

and if i misinterpreted anything, im deeply sorry for that too. i'm just a stranger on the internet trying to provide input using the information i was given, and i genuinely dont mean any offense by this ask. DID/OSDD is also something i'm very interested in and passionate about as an autistic individual, so... im very sorry for the essay

THIS IS SO HELPFUL U HAVE NO IDEA. I KNOW NEXT 2 NOTHING ABT PLURALITY AND SYSTEMS. dont apologize 4 the rambling, its much appreciated!!! i get the same way abt bpd and autism so i get it!!! psychology and mental disorders r one of my special interests so im the same way!!! ^_^

i guess my post moreso came from the concern that i only have vry vry spotty, fuzzy, sometimes FAKE memories of my childhood, if any at all (id say i remember less than 1% of it, and most of what i "remember" is only becuz of photo evidence or testimony from other ppl) and my identity only rlly formed when i joined the internet at maybe 12 yrs old. so i sometimes have doubts that i formed when the body was born, but rather that i was created and that im a product of the internet inparticular, but that might also be a delusion??? its confusing, whenever i get ideas abt my identity they turn out 2 be fake sometimes. its hard 2 pinpoint what i am. so i was trying 2 say that i dont think ive been here since the birth of the body and that i spawned later on. idk if im explaining myself correctly, its hard 4 me 2 understand. but i appreciate u correcting me and explaining it 2 me in a way thats easy 4 me 2 digest!!! i dont want 2 spread misinfo evr.

i think im plural??? ive had liek 8 headmates (and a headspace at one point) that ive been able 2 identify, but nobodys rlly taken me srsly abt it until vry vry recently. ive always been told that im making it up 4 attention, or that im faking DID, and i was even told by a dumbass doctor that it was just my autism and that they were all imaginary. i nvr rlly claimed 2 be plural either, i always just got shot down whenevr i introduced the possibility of there being other sentient ppl in my brain. but i think that i am, probably. im not sticking 2 any labels atm becuz im confused and uneducated abt my headmates and im not diagnosed w anything, but i feel comfy with plural as a label becuz its a vague umbrella term. i nevr claimed 2 have DID becuz ive always known that my headmates cant front and take over my body (ive even asked one and she told me she couldnt LOL) ALTHOUGH. they MIGHT be able 2 front simultaneously as me, ive had edgy (whos currently dormant) finish art 4 me if i got tired, back in 2020 when he was still active. and i know alters fronting is a diagnostic requirement for DID (i think???) but i dunno. theres SOMETHING up w my brain.

i tried 2 post abt it on twitter actually, that i thought i was plural (a handful of ppl asked me so i wanted 2 confirm) but i deleted the post like an hour later becuz i wasnt getting any comments or likes and i was scared that i did something wrong and didnt know, or that im not actually plural and other plural ppl were mad at me 4 using their label. it made me so anxious >n<

i am such a yapper.. 4give me

[werewolf-girlfriend]

ive been enabled so let me share some of my thoughts on how to get ur art noticed online

if u want Engagement on ur posts then i believe that its critical to make people care about ur art. the easiest way to do this is to appeal to something they already care about, like fandom, aesthetics/subculture, current events, having fun (people love humor!). a harder but perhaps more fulfilling route is to talk about ur own ocs and projects enough until people start caring about them too

theres an infinite amount of topics people care about out there so id suggest picking something u already care about urself and channel ur art energy there. trying to make art for the most popular things out there regardless own interests is an exercise in misery, id advise against it..! if im allowed to get superstitious for a moment, i do believe that even untrained eyes can tell whether a piece of art was fun to work on or a chore. and besides! if ur having fun then its easier to create more, and the more u create the more chances ull have at getting lucky and having a post seen :)

on a very related note, art is a way to communicate ideas so the quality of the idea being presented in a piece of art is paramount to how popular a post will be. what i mean by this is that technical skill isnt the primary determinant of a posts popularity. if all your posts are portraits of original characters then people will have a hard time connecting with your posts and theyll keep scrolling, even if those portraits are masterpieces! the major exception to this is probably other artists, who ive found usually have a greater appreciation for the technical side of art (we can only speculate as to why..!)

lemme finish by saying that making popular posts and being good at art are two entirely different skillsets, ive seen many incredibly skilled artists with jack shit for notes because they dont give people a reason to care about their stuff NOT TO MENTION its a huge game of luck whether a post will get seen. so dont go insane in pursuit of recognition!

(i dont want to make this post too long so ive included examples from my own art and their note counts with my analysis after the break)

hello and welcome to the extracurricular segment to this post :) i bring yall two pieces from my art blog @werewolf-artfriend:

here we have a portrait of my fursona that im still proud of and a sketch suggesting "what if sniffers (from minecraft) were the size of mountains?" (let it be noted that the sniffer sketch was posted right during the minecraft mob vote = peak interest in the subject of sniffers).

the portrait at the time of writing has a crisp 30 notes, whilst the sniffer sketch has over 2000 notes. from the same artist, on the same blog, posted only a few months apart. i believe this is a good example both of the power of a piece of art having an interesting idea at its core AND of a piece appealing to the interests of the masses

this is of course just two convenient example posts, but i have experienced fan art of popular topics getting thousands of notes a couple of times now, amidst my other furry shit that these days get around 200-300 notes in comparison

this may sound like a really long winded way of saying "fan art make the world go round" but i just want to point out the nuances that

1) it matters what u make fan art of: if a fandom is small or dormant (waiting on new canon content for example) then clearly less people will be excited about the fan art you make. dont expect 10k notes on ur post if the average recent post in the fandom gets around 200 etc etc

2) it doesnt have to be fan art! ive also had some of my bird art get thousands of notes because people simply like birds :) and this applies to ANY topic people care about! the world rly is your oyster on this one

anyway i think ive started rambling dhgdjhgd thanks if u read this far! i hope i got my point across! and if ur feeling down about ur art not being seen then just keep at it okay! keep creating and keep having fun! keep sharing ur ideas and perspectives with the world and ur audience will eventually find u! i love you!

[system-of-a-feather]

Not even entirely sure what this ramble IS about but I do gotta share it

But the realization and awareness that I have - for at least the past like two years and increasing in frequency - been experiencing a lot of paradoxical sleep is just such a fucking interesting experience and a thing I'm DEFINITELY exploiting cause like, I've very much kind of just found a way to basically fall asleep in literally less than 2 minutes and actually go into REM stupid fast while still being conscious / lucid w/out dreaming and its so fucking wild.

But like I've been doing little self experiments of observation with it and like the other day I was like "Aight Im tired, Imma give myself fifteen minutes" and in 8 minutes got the whole fucking "cat nap" feel of shit while still being aware of like the general passage of time albeit at like 2x speed and I was in the plane today and Im like "dude I literally felt my body turn off what the fuck this is kind of fucking cool" plus also me going "Okay so I lost the ability to dissociate to take a break from existing with recovery but INSTEAD I've unlocked Sleep Hax"

Cause Im like HOLD UP

When I get REALLY deep into my thoughts and just rest my eyes and I SWEAR to GOD Im literally awake but I am OBVIOUSLY externally asleep, that is ACTUALLY sleeping and that is ACTUALLY going into REM and part of why I retain that sense of being awake is cause my brain goes into REM stupid fast

And so Im just like bro bro bro

I can go from not being able to nap in the day time to being the MASTER napper while just engaging in my deep thought?

AND THE FUNNIEST THING

IM LIKE THIS IS LIKE LUCID DREAMING WITH NO DREAMS IS THAT A THING

I LOOK IT UP

LIKE

HELLO HOW DID BUDDHISM COME UP AT ME AGAIN

Like its NOT clear light sleep as I experience it but Im like man its like Im lucid dreaming but with no dream i wonder if that is a thing But dude like of course cause I've always made myself my own guinea pig and shit I'm just taking this weird thing about me and testing where I can go with and its fucking wild to have no dream but be "ah, I'm asleep, I should proabbly wake up in a bit" and actually like tuning into senses through the sleep like muting of it all to just keep track of time while asleep its SO weird but kinda fun

Cause I can hear everything still but I am still asleep and if I choose to actually pay attention to the muted auditory stuff I can process shit Im hearing while Im asleep and its so wild Its like my self science experiment of the past few weeks XD I do though wonder if there is a relationship between this and Buddhism cause I will say... Its timing was around when I started getting really into Buddhism and its gotten more the more I get into it so Im like... Maybe there is a side effect of doing a lot of mindfulness, observation, meditation shit hmmm Something something regular and frequent practice of simply observing and engaging in deep but present thought sets the base line for both being able to relax and quickly fall asleep while still engaging in said thought AND observation soemthing something It's something I do have to look into cause its fucking interesting And I have talked about it to my doctor and as long as I'm feeling rested in my sleep, particularly night sleep, and Im not falling asleep suddenly, its NOT a medical issue

[echoing-gravity]

MLB X MCU AU in which Marinette gets revealed as Multimouse to the entire world

Because Alya cant be trusted to be responsible with a camera.

Every-fucking-one knows now. hawkmoth. her PARENTS. Hell even TONY fucking STARK knows she was a hero.

and then her parents make/force her to take Style queens offer to intern in NYC, because, from their perspective she is not safe in paris. and like- the AVENGERS are in new york so surely it must be safe there. so they pack up and move their entire bakery business.

and she ends up going to midtown high-school, where not to her knowledge, fellow teenage superhero Peter parker aka "Your friendly neighborhood SPIDER-MAN" goes to school.

Cute adorable shipping commences.

peter is all like "omg another teenage super hero???!!! like me???? i thought i was the only one???? transferring to MY school?!!! SO COOL!!"

"marinette is super smart, marinette is pretty, she was one of THE Miraculous Ladybug's sidekicks how cool is that??!, marinette is COOL!! maybe we can be friends? how am i gonna talk to someone that cool though?? i cant tell her my secret identity!!!"

insta-crush. peter is a marinette SIMP

(and yo, dont get on my case about marinette being super fucking smart, this is the girl who figured out she was getting a birthday party from just seeing one of her friends holding a bike pump. that girl is a tactical genius! she just has self esteem issues. they are both nerd, their just nerds about differnt things, let the nerds date!!!!)

of course Marinette still has the ladybug miraculous -even tho everyone thinks she doesn't have the rat miraculous anymore- and the miracle box. so she can still fight hawkmoth because the horse is basically fast travel irl, Space miraculous super conveintent.

(also concerning the mirsacle box, im going with my headcanon/Unlucky 13 AU on what that looks like post "ladybug becomes guardain" because that egg thing from canon? fucking lame

These ones^^^)

It would be canon compliant till season 2 and most? of season 3? but like fuck miracle queen, season3 finale + truth made me stop watching the show. so like in this au, lets just assume Fu is dead, and ladybug has had the miracle box for some time now. and that they got the miraculous when they were 13, and are currently 15? yeah? okay.

(also prolly chat salt, it doesn't HAVE to be chat salt, but like- He. Keeps. Trying. To. Quit. And leave all the work to marinette!!!! its happened like 3?? times now? Marinette CANT quit!!! its literally "do this or lose all your memories!!!" she is being held hostage by a fucking magic box full of responsibilities no 15 year old should have to deal with.)

I headcanon that marinette stress-bakes, so like cute scene number #1 after peter and marinette become friends, could be something like "marientte stresses for a test, and then bakes to much food so her parents make her take it to school to share with her peers, and she ends up giving like- 1/2 of them to parker, becuz of his super high metabolism.

and how marinettes got her whole "i'm RESPONISBLE!!! for the whole fucking universe now, omfg i'm the reason fu is basically dead" angsty shit going on which kinda parallels peters whole "i have super powers, and if i dont do something to help then its my fault if someone gets hurt, like how my uncle died. With great power, comes great RESPONSIBLITY!!!" angst. maybe they could trauma bond. who doesn't like a good hurt comfort trauma bond fic?

marinette likes designing fashionable but also functional clothes.

peter likes designing gadgets and techy things. let them be nerds together!!! in love!!

i feel like they would be the kind of couple/friends to just ramble on about their passions and they would listen to each other even tho they dont know much about each others interests yet. (also hey what if marinette and peter co designed one of peters early suits pre-stark suit??? the fucking writing potential this ship has omfg c'mon ppl!!! why are we sleeping on this??)

oh! and maybe peter figures out that marinette is also ladybug -but later on- cuz like, he has superhearing? and tikki isn't as subtle as she thinks she is.

and then he's all in awe like "Wow holy shit!!! she made her ladybug secret identity FOOLPROOF!!!! no one would ever fucking suspect!! maybe she can help me with mine???"

Fox miraculous shenanaigans insue????? The daily Bugles next headline be like: "SPIDER-MAN SAVES SI INTERN PETER PARKER FROM ETC ETC"

( the media thinks Ladybug and Chat are 1000+ years old due to that thing alya found in that museum that one time. and the fact that people know that Thor and Loki are super old.

Ladybug's excuse to the public for letting a teenager, Nay! for letting a THIRTEEN YEAR OLD CHILD use an extremly dangerous magical artifact for a little over 2 years, goes something like this: "Marinette was the ONLY person in france- maybe in the whole world! that was compatible with the Rat miraculous, it takes a very smart person to be able to multitask like that, and marinette has a photographic/phonetic memory."

i headcannon that marinette photographic/phonetic memory, and that the Rat Miraculous is the math miraculous that was mentioned in the comics that one time, and that if an incompatible person were to try and use it they would at BEST develop a severe case of split personality disorder/ or schizophrenia, and at WORST their brain would- just- melt out of their ears. )

Also he calls her "Spots" or "LuckyBug" when shes in hero mode.

(i cant think of cute nicknames for peter, ugh "web head" is just something i cant picture marinette saying. what's the french word for spider? what's the french word for cobwebs??)

She prolly just calls him "Webs" or "Spidey"

[qevillous]

hai hello i wanted to ask abt how u view shadow s5 and any hc's you have for them as sort of both individuals and as a group :3 go as in depth as you like im a sucker for long detailed explanations

OUYH MY GOOOD SHADOW S5 OH MY GAGGDG

OH MYG OD okay hey

shadow s5 as a dynamic is so interesting to me because its very similar yet very VERY different all the same because of exactly who gets changed.

so first on like individual levels heres how i take the shadows ahem clears throat (STINKS that we dont have canon aloarmy but okayyy hinodeya)

shadow rider is canonically a coward, hes nervous and self doubting. hes verrrry exaggerated in the manga so i like to exaggerate him in writing. i think hes more of an incompatible follower who cant get picked by anyone instead of a compatible loner who chose to be alone like normal rider.

shadow army has no canon interp so i interpet them similarly to how eging jr was flipped but in reverse. theyre less organized, they dint fuckin button their shirt right they wear their coat unzipped shitty tie shitty facepaint yk the deal. i also interpret them as more aggresively rebellious where normal army is more of a passive stickler. that basically means they’re more laid back and explicit. 

shadow aloha ALSO has no canon. so i interp him as a loooserrr LMAO very sarcastic but very pessimistic, where normal aloha is more of a sarcastic optimist. he comments on shit in the background like hes talkin to someone even tho nobody gives a fuck what he thinks and he doesn’t particularly care about his surroundings. overall just the loser in the corner of a party sitting down holding a drink instead of the main focus. 

shadow mask is silly. silly guy. they’re obviouslt exaggerated a LOT in the manga so i like to tone them down just a bit, acting more happy for the sake of being happy instead of high energy. that contrasts masks ideal of being cynical for the sake of being cynical. i think both are sarcastic but on shadow masks side xe doesn’t mean it, and they come off as insincere, explaining how their excitement at the battle felt like excessive overkill despite it not being so.

shadow skull is very similar to normal skull in expressiveness, but is different in awareness. i think shadow skull is very aware of his surroundings but not very emotionally empathetic. i think what he lacks in empathy is made up for in his directness. 

shadow s5 is interesting because it pretty much completely throws the social dynamic of s5. normal s5 is 1 extrovert 1 ambivert 3 introverts, and instead of shadow s5 being 4 extroverts 1 ambivert 1 introvert, shadow s5 is ACTUALLY 2 extroverts 3 introverts. which makes it even more interesting because of just how much more balanced it makes their social interactions split into duos.

for example shadow raimask is very chill since they both share a similar mindset, where shadow raimask is chaos because they have directly oppising mindsets. on the flip side shadow alomask is direct opposites, and normal alsomask is ALSO direct opposites but swapped over. i could talk about it for a while but i think i would start rambling like a crazy person. i like the idea of shadow s5 in a more casual light instead of the manga’s exaggerated one. it would give more insight to their personalities and interactions but we cant have Anything can we bcz hindodeya haaaates meeeeee.

[thirdtimed]

👁👁 what's orv im intrigued <- fruityghast (sideblog)

smiles at you so serenely. i'm unimaginably delighted to have been asked and on a completely unrelated interest sideblog nonetheless LOL thank you for indulging me!!

--- --- ---

so, what is orv?

omniscient reader's viewpoint, in it's most functional definition, is a behemoth of a korean web novel spanning well over 500 chapters. this admittedly makes it a little difficult to describe in full scope. if you'd like a more detailed post explaining it & its main appeal i recommend ot3's post!

but here's my attempt at a shortened summary for you:

orv is about a down on his luck office worker, kim dokja, who indulges in web novels as the only means of escape from his brutally mundane daily life. his utmost favorite web novel is a long winded, complicated, and incredibly boring story that no one else has the time or patience to read, leaving him as its sole reader. despite this, the novel has continued to update for the past 13 years, even if seemingly only for him. one day, after more than a decade of single-handedly reading and supporting this story, the author gives out a notice they'll be concluding the series at long last. but before dokja can read its last chapter, the world shifts and changes, and the novel itself comes to life a la reverse isekai. the world has become the novel. and as its sole reader, dokja has now become one of the only people to know the world's future. he spends the rest of the story trying to guide the ensuing chain of events in a more favorable direction than the one he read-- all so he can finally reach the end, that final chapter that he never got to finish.

i think at its heart orv can be best surmised through its main refrain: "this story is for that one reader." it's an action packed shounen fantasy death game adventure story BEHEMOTH; but at its heart lies one of the most sincere love letters to the art of storytelling i've had the chance to read. it loves cliches and cheesy tropes and mary sues and everything else we're told is "bad" about fiction unabashedly, because it loves you, the reader, for taking the time to read it regardless.

i talk about it within the context of life series watcher lore mostly because they share metanarrative elements and because i as a person am kind of always ambiently musing about orv, but otherwise they are two very different media. I'm really happy to have gotten the chance to ramble about this though!

if you read all of this first of all 1) thank you so so so much and 2) PLEASE FORGET EVERYTHING I SAID IN MY PREVIOUS POST THAT WAS ALL MAJOR SPOILERS>. MAJOR MAJOR SPOILERS LOL. LMAO EVEN.

--- --- ---

okay, so how do i read it?

if youre still interested, i tentatively recommend starting with the webtoon adaptation before jumpping into the web novel. i personally found the english translation of the web novel clunky and hard to read at first, and thus neglected to finish orv for the longest time. that is, of course, until i reread the webtoon and got left on a cliffhanger so bad that i finished all 551 novel chapters within the span of a week.

there's problems with the webtoon adaptation of course, but i think its translation is slightly more accessible & its visuals make it an easier read than diving headfirst into a novel. but do consider making the jump to the novel earlier than later though, it's an incredibly gratifying read if you do make it all the way to the end.

okay im done thank you for this ask!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! explodes into a million particles

[blood-teeth]

I absolutely love the mouth of elysium omg.

I'm intrigued so much by it. And alil grossed out at times lmao 🤣 but that's okay! Your writing is just really vivid and descriptive it's hard not to imagine the gross imagery 😅

I love it so much. It makes me so thoughtful tho. Like this is just my rambles so forgive me. But it's very cultlike. This devotion. The knowledge that you'd probably be better off not being here but feeling honored that your life is being sacrificed for some greater good.

Like moved by it all. When I'm here like.. this shit is so sus. Lol

Being that brilliant that you feel like it was just your fate to be doing this despite how MCs mom didn't even really want it for herself in the beginning and their dad has a whole legacy of dying in the pursuit of it all. As again. An honor.

It's crazy. And interesting. And crazy. And a part of me is just like how much of this is actually true. Is this place really home or just an elaborate prison keeping people here. And that same part has me saying fuck the King because whose to day this isn't some goal to save your home but the need for a selfish scared little man who knows death is all our due and is using his people as pawns to strive for some immortal elixir that he feels only he's worthy of. That it's not to save a kingdom but because he is so egotistical that he believes he is the kingdom.

I feel sorry for MC but ai also feel their rage and it's both interesting and conflicting. The shifts between when they are alone and you read this doubt and self depreciation and then swiftly cry over being "allowed" and "chosen" to sacrifice your life for a dream that isn't yours.

Like they aren't even studying anything they want to from my understanding.

This story has me thinking so much and it's chapter 2. Christ lmao.

Sorry that this is so long. It's great writing is all i wanted to say then i got carried away. 🤦‍♀️💕

aww thanks so much for sending me this it absolutely made my day <33333

YES i'm so glad this is being portrayed and picked up in the way i was hoping!

i wanted to write about an environment that was so plainly and obviously abusive, but the MC can't help but love it. its the only thing they've ever known and how can you not help but love all that you have? They're constantly conflicted, but they don't know enough to be resolute. if that makes sense.

it's very on purpose that you as the player has so little choice right now when it comes to actual gameplay.

and for the king- to live for someone else. to potentially die for someone else - is as you've accurately put it "sus" and yes so much of this story will be unraveling the intricacies of the labyrinth and what the relationship the king and the labyrinth truly have.

im curious to know what you've thought about the Princess/Prince once they were introduced as well! and not jut the MC's thoughts, but the entirety of the class seemed to be moved just as equally.

i'll share something here about the Princess/Prince, too.

their names mean Gift of God

[grungiiuvu]

Hi! Previous anon here! I just rechecked ur blog and i saw u replied to me and ajsjdnkdkdn im so honored u wanna know more abt my culture😭😭😭 but before i start rambling i just wanna say im apart of two chinese clans? Cultures? Idk how to say it but i googled it and its called a province so province it is! My mom is fu jian and my dad is fu jian AND ke jia, but since my grandma's(ke jia) influence is so strong and most of my grandpa's(fu jian) relatives are 💀 i actually have an equal share of both cultures. By that i mean like, two different languages, which are thankfully just spoken, not written, and also lots of different food and pronunciations! For example, instead of hongbao, i say angbao.

Okay, so! I think one of the most prominent things i've grown up with is like, nicknames. And one thing i see is so common in tgcf fanfictions is the "A". Like: A-lian, A-qing, A-xin. Which okay, its actually used but its actually very uncommon(at least where i've grown up). Only person that uses it is my family is like, my grandpa and its to ny grandma. My grandma calls him BY NAME its actually crazy. We tend to use more double names? Idk how to say it but for example Mu Qing would be Qing Qing, Shi Qingxuan would be Xuan Xuan yk? My parents only call me by that, but the purpose of the nick names would be to mostly shorten the names becus most ppl have 3 character names. So unfortunately someone like Xie Lian(who has a 2 character name) would be refered to mostly as Xie Lian and not A-Lian or lian lian😭 And! The "A" prefix isn't only used from the last character! Sqx can also be refered to as A-qing as well as A-xuan, as well as A-qingxuan(its complicated)

For family stuff, younger siblings usually never refer to older ones by name. Like sqx would call swd ge ge, wu du ge, du gege but never outright Wudu.

And i also found out u wrote cheap villain??? I owe everything to you its so WELL WRITTEN?? AND THE PLOT?? ITS SO GOOD KIKE KSJDJD BUTTtttt one thing i've actually wondered is like accents. Like in english, ppl who speak mandarin tend to have accents! And ppl in BeiJing have a very prominent one. First time i tried talking to someone in BeiJing i had trouble understanding cus even tho we were speaking the same language it sounded so different! The tcgf donghua actually sounds a lot more similar to tawainese than like native mandarin cus it sounds so clean cut, if ykwim??? Like the pronunciation in the donghua is GOODDD and so SHARP(i may be jealous). BeiJing mandarin tends to sound more round and so I would've liked to see like, mu qing waking up in a whole new reality, starts speaking, and xie lian is like: "huh? What? Mu qing, SLOW DOWN WHAT ARE YOU SAYING!?" I think it would've been funny, in my opinion😭😭 (do i sound fussy again i hope this comes off as light hearted😭)

I MIGHT add more cus theres actually sm more i wanna say but im gonna leave it at here i hope it isn't TOO long😭 ur welcome ti ask me anything u want to know cus I LOVE talking abt my culture!!! Hopefully this isn't too boring for u😭

This wasnt boring at all!!! I love learning about different societies, it really fascinates me!! I'm from England and South Africa, so both my cultures are very modern western (living in the UK doesn't help) so I'm utterly at a loss with Chinese culture aside from deep-diving on the internet and doing my own research lol :')

The nickname thing is very interesting and i didn't know that!! tysm for telling me :D I know I've used it quite a bit in Cheap Villain but i feel I'm too far in to switch it up now TTvTT I don't want to seem like I'm abruptly changing things, and making the story inconsistent!

The stuff about the shi siblings is very helpful!! I shall be sure to remember that 🫡🫡

I've only recently started hearing about the accents thing, I'm afraid :')) If i had known when i first started writing Cheap Villain, I definitely would've done something about it lol! it was such a good joke opportunity missed o(TヘTo) Hopefully, I'll find somewhere to put it in, because that'd be very fun :D

I absolutely loved hearing all this!! feel free to send as many as you'd like :D I am aware I really don't know much about other cultures and I'm always happy to learn more anytime :))

Im so glad you enjoy Cheap Villain!! I've been trying my best haha

tysm anon!! :D

[kopivie]

gasp, im the same too😭

i dont know why, but i think im hiding my vulnerable self behind an act that is this person who “doesn’t care what you do or we did (for some things) and just laugh it off”, my friends call me naturally passive aggressive (but in the nice, playful, we’re-just-joking-around way, yk?)

my family doesn’t even know my music taste because i never play it for them, and when i do, its songs specifically picked to get me the least amount of judgement. my sister dumped the makeup she didnt want on me so i’ve been trying it out right? bc i have a competition and need to wear make up. she says to let her drop in and see how its going, and i said “..okay” but still hide in my bathroom when i do it, and when i’m done, i shove it all in some corner, hidden away by a few things. it’s nothing embarrassing, no one’s a makeup genius at the beginning, and yet i still dont want her to see until i’ve somewhat perfected it.

im getting more girly now and find wearing short heels pretty cute and fun. this one dress from my sister is cute and i like how it looks on me, but i don’t buy heels, i dont wear the dress out unless needed because ig im shy. my family knows me as the one who only wants to wear pants and changing isnt bad, per se, but idk why im hesitant to let them know that hey, i wanna get earrings again, wear heels and cute dresses occasionally too.

there are MUCH weirder people online and just generally around us, but i’m scared of not being a part of the norm :(

-🦫got wordy again, whoopsie. ANW ISTG TUMBLR’S BEEN EATING MY ASKS HELP??😭 i think i’ve sent like myb 2 awhile back😭😭

no no, don't apologize for being wordy! i fully understand what you mean – dulling parts of yourself to ensure that others don't view you as "other" or strange is something i do all the time. i even lie about my experiences sometimes just to round myself out and make myself palatable.

but as i've been learning lately, that makes enjoying my life very difficult. there are so many things i want to do because these things make me happy – like live-dubbing an ace attorney or danganronpa game with my friends on stream, or making a podcast or blog where i can just idly talk about my experiences – but i don't do these things because i fear that people won't hear me. if you're not interested in what i have to say, that's fine; i don't want to bore anyone or force them to be subject to my psychobabble.

but i love sharing my thoughts with others. i love sharing my view of the world with others and learning from them. i want to do makeup too, but because the people in my life don't see me as someone who needs it, they'll discourage me from doing it. yet another part of myself and my interests that gets smothered against the concrete.

what i will say, though, is that my blog has never changed and neither has its purpose. you're more than welcome to be yourself here. you can ramble about your interests here. your future plans, dreams, and brainstorms all have a home here, alongside my own 🫶🏽

[bitchy-peachy]

A little bit of my room at the physical therapy oncology room I was given. I won't take more pics yet cos I don't have permission and don't wanna overstep (but if the doc says its okay Im giving a tour for those interested in seeing a physical therapy hospital for cancer patients.)

All of the therapists are oncologists too which also impressed me. Like i talked to the head doctor that convinced me to come here and they're both physical therapists and oncologists that started the special physical therapy spa for people that have been paralyzed etc from bone cancers/tumors. Im exactly where I should be.)

So far my room is HUGE that I can easily use a wheelchair and walker without knocking into anything.

Bathroom is also huge so its a lot easier for me to do everything. I'm by myself and there's like 7 other patients so I took the risk and put stuff in the bathroom to have my hygiene products more accessible (although I don't mind sharing my stuff as long as I'm asked first tbh. If I get a roomie or anything. I helped my last roomie out so it was all good)

The only downside... is the food 😭. I think it's my diet though. I have pre diabetes cos when I was on steroids I was craving very sweet things so I was eating butterfingers, chocolate covered raisens AND nuts, bonbons, lollipops, tons of cookies well... I messed myself up that I gave myself pre-diabetes (be careful, you guys. I can't believe it was THAT easy to give myself pre-diabetes. Watch your health so you won't end with a shitty diet like me 😭)

I know they're trying to stabilize my blood sugar so I won't get full on diabetes (cos it can be stabilized. My aunt and grandpa were stabilized and are back to normal again)

But a flavorless, high fiber diet is really ugh. I'll have to suffer through it cos they know what's best and they're basing my diet on my blood work (they check EVERYTHING here. Glad I went to this hospital rather than the local one in my town. The hospital in my hometown is nowhere near this attentive to every detail and plus the social worker in my town hospital sympathized with and sneakily told me to come this hospital cos of its success rate. Heck a number of the staff are survivors themselves so I know there's a high success rate (and they call regularly to check on you so they keep track of you even if you're not hospitalized)

Anyways I waxed poetic enough. I will force myself to eat the bland food cos these people literally have helped me stand up and walk again and have shrunken most of my tumors and I'm so grateful for that although I really hated the steroids, some hold ups, i was ornery. I hate being that way but now after 2 weeks of being off the steroids and stabilizing I feel like such an epic bitch cos I was complaining for stuff that couldn't be helped.

I tend to be a looooooot more patient and laid back than that moody bitch I was displaying.

I worked for years in childcare. I got paid a lot for it too and while I was college I even had a waiting list cos some of the problematic kids only got along with me (I was good dealing with unruly hyperactive ones. Some kids i couldn't handle however, *cough* my younger brother *cough* cos i wasnt an absolute miracle worker but you get the point. By the times their parents picked them up the kids would be well fed and tired cos I wouldn't let up on entertaining them in physical activities like sports etc. Best thing for these kids is exhausting them with activities they like 🤣.

I know I rambled but what I'm saying is that these kids were children others didn't want to take on cos it would take A LOT of patience to deal with their attitudes and high energy levels and I was able to handle them and not get mad (probably cos I used to be an "unruly kid" myself and I know we can change and know what we needed to simmer down)

Those steroids... I know that I bitch a lot about them... I wasnt me AT ALL with those demonic pills. This IMPATIENCE, lack of comprehension skills, like my brain and temperament switched. I mean I'm sassy by nature (to other adults) but this went BEYOND that.

So if you're taking these types of meds... and you see those changes, don't worry cos that's not you and you know it. Once you're outta it you'll realize that. I'm actually terrified now that my mind has cleared and I apologized to some people but they said they've seen it happen to most saintly of people to not be upset (which makes me feel worse 😔)

Anyways dang i talked too much ahahahaha. Wanted to give a big update about this nice new location to help me out (still impressed. Glad i let the head doctor convince me to enter the program, lol) and I'm feeling like my old self every day little by little finally.

[plotyeast]

Uhhhh UHHH I DID A TMA UNDERTALE AU (Archivetale????????!!!!!)

okay so i wrote this shit at like 2 fucking am and im a writer so i wrote it like a summary u find at the back of a book instead as a proper description of an au idea and im not gonna edit or remake it to make it legible cause sleep deprived me is a me i dont mess with

I would love to ramble more about this au if anyone else is interested tho. I have so many ideas

my fucking undertale hyperfixation came out of the dead to smash my tma hyperfixation and now we have this mess:

One day Assgore notices a certain position has gone empty for quite some time and decides to fill it.

Now Alphys is the Head Scienctist of the Underground's Royal Archives and has a large backlog of work she has to get through. A wonderful position for an equally worthy scientist.

If only Alphys didnt lie about the creation of a soul. 

Well at least she has her girlfriend (maybe?! its a little scary to think about) to support her. Even if Alphys doesn't really deserve her either. Not that Undye would approve of that frame of mind.

The more Alphys looks into the strange events recorded within the royal Archives, the more Alphys's eyes widen and see a whole new world underneath the world of monsters she came from.

The monsters weren't the only things the humans sealed with the barrier...

Aware of and Beheld by the fourteen fears that haunt monsterkind in their shared prison, Alphys buries herself, and those closest to her, deeper into her work and the work of the previous Head Scientist. 

A man who speaks in hands, and no longer exists in the memory of anyone in the underground.

Somehow, Alphys must find a way to banish the Dread Fears once and for all until the fifteen and final Fear, the Exitinction, falls from the surface and Changes the Underground into a wasteland of wind and Dust. All the while keeping herself from giving into the temptation of endless knowledge and Undyne's urge to give into endless Slaughter.

hahahahaha im losing my fucking mind i have almost everyone sorted into their respective entities and i wanna show them off so badly im working on it rn i swear

um idk how ill show off this au, probs via contextless doodles and comics of events thatll take place in this

um yeah

rip everyone. A lot.

yay

[helpmyinterestsareverywhere]

(A late) Intro Post <3

hi hi hello hello! :D

Call me by literally ANY nickname you could possible get from my username, go wild👍 - She/her, an 18 year-old just vibing around here. This blog doesn't really have a theme - I just reblog/talk about whatever interest i have at the time :3

MAIN INTEREST/ONE'S YOU'LL SEE THE MOST:

Lego Ninjago (most likely talking about Lloyd) - (also I went through a phase of making incorrect quotes for Ninjago so if you scroll far enough back you'll find them LMAO)

Our Life (visual novel series)

STUFF YOU MAY SEE RANDOMLY:

Visual novels (a general interest of mine so they will come up A LOT but its normally the series I listed earlier but sometimes other ones come into my orbit)

Youtube stuff (sorry 🧍‍♂️)

Random TV shows/movies (sometimes from my childhood) that get like 2 posts in a row and then radio silence afterwards

Random video games that I don't really talk about but do enjoy

I have DESPERATLY tried to organise this blog, so I have a few(?) tags to do with it - these will be in the "tags" section on this post but im also going to list them here with explanations:

#hmiae rambles - posts where i have just YAPPED and YAPPED, normally in the tags and they could be about anything LMAO (sometimes they're my own posts, sometimes they're reblogs who knows <3)

#hmiae personal - times where information i have shared/talked about is from my actual "offline" life - stories/facts/anecdotes etc

#hmiae asks - evey single ask I have answered is under this hashtag just for ease - if someone has sent an ask with their actual blog name, these asks will also be labelled with "#your username asks me" so that its easy to find your own ask if needed/wanted

#hmiae art - my art! - stuff i have drawn (honestly this is mostly my OC, actually might JUST be my OC lmao)

#oc poppy hart/#ninjago poppy hart - these tags are SPECIFICALLY about my OC for Ninjago (most, if not all of these posts are art i believe) - these tags are normally paired with #ninjago oc and #ninjago oc art (but of course these aren't my own tags)

I AM in the LGBTQ+ community and I really do not have any hangs-up about blocking people - so just be behave 'round these parts okay thank you (and no weird minor x adult/proship stuff because EW + illegal)

My asks are always open & I have the anonymous feature on (may change if people start to get weird)

Thats it! I hope you have a fun time looking around <3

[mordcore]

on forgiveness.

i think "we" (christianity-shaped western culture?) need to talk about the concept of forgiveness nad it's problems.

my parents probably neglected me to some degree growing up. i know they had good intentions and that they tried to be better parents than their own parents were and i can see in which areas they succeeded with this, but there are also areas where they failed or came short. like in the areas of teaching me things like self care or emotional management or validating my own experiences.

it's sometimes hard to hold in my head at the same time that they are not evil or bad, and that they caused me a lot of pain. also blame is such a difficult thing because "we" use it too much when it's not useful. were they responsible for teaching me these things, yet did not do an adequate job? yes. is some degree of failure a normal part of parenting? also yes. blame is useless here, it doesn't tell me anything important or help me to process things, but blaming either them or myself or both parties leads to guilt and/or resentment, and those emotions feel like they are holding me back from working on fixing that relationship.

do i forgive my parents? that is impossible to answer. i don't hold it against them, because i understand that they did the best they could within the limits of their own upbringing, the stresses of poverty, immigration and culture shock, workplace drama bullshit, chronic pain and other health issues, and the neurodivergence that at least one of them definitely also has and didn't really know much about.

i cannot possibly hold it against them.

but i feel like saying that i forgive them implies that i am no longer allowed to feel angry or hurt or sad or upset or have flashbacks.

forgiveness is often pushed as necessary for healing, but i think that's probably a very christian thing. i think that for myself, what this concept holds that i actually care about, is the "holding it against them" part. in my experience conflict resolution, if successful, entails both parties understanding where the other is coming from and what their intentions are; which in any relationship worth entertaining are good ones; and to learn to trust in that again and maybe a little more than before, and i think me and my parents are doing that with each other. this whole understanding their point of view an intentions usually makes any holding it against someone unnecessary. i find i only keep a grudge if they havent explained their point of view in enough detail to convince me their intentions are good, or their intentions are actually not that good.

but if i say i forgive them then i am not allowed to feel angry anymore, and it is vital for my recovery that i be allowed to feel what i need to feel.

so i say for this situation its probably smart to completely throw the concept of forgiveness out the window and just say what i mean which needs many words but maybe most problems worth solving need many words.

[ad-hawkeye]

Semi Fifty Shades of Artem Question: But how would you rewrite Artem's 2nd anniversary PV? What would you have liked to see? Where would you have wanted the story to go?

HI. TOLD YOU I WAS STEWING ON THIS ONE. oh goodness, this took some time!! i just wanted to say thank you; this was oddly healing to type out HAHA, so thank you for the patience!

hmmm, i think this answer would vary for most people, so i’ll just get self indulgent and ramble on about what i would have wanted ;p so my disclaimer: i am not a card writer, and these ideas are kinda disjointed, but i hope you enjoy regardless!

i think if i truly had things my way, the second anniversary card for artem wouldn’t be a proposal at all; it’d just be a celebration of their first anniversary together. and it’d be focused around a major life event. maybe they’d move in together. or maybe rosa finally passed her exam. possibilities are endless.

this is bc in general, i feel the boys’ stories all go at different paces, and forcing them all to propose at the same time felt really, really weird. luke proposing this early made a lot of sense. artem proposing this early made no sense at all. and so forth.

but, okay. fine. if we’re working within the confines of what all of the second anniversary cards had with the required proposal, then i can work with that too. so LET ME AT IT!!

part 1: so i’d keep celestine’s wedding. that was probably the one thing i really liked about artem’s card. they just went about it. uh. wrong. but what i’d do is like. artem and rosa are invited to celestine’s wedding. we get some fun banter and antics (and i kinda wanna hear artem and rosa’s speeches). then artem catches the bouquet celestine aims at him during the bouquet toss (card art one + two, would line up perfectly with the preexisting card art). rosa is a bit flustered, and mentions in narration that she and artem had been talking about their future, and they’d both be open to getting married, but they never got to finish the conversation or confirm it for sure.

ultimately it is celestine’s big day, but rosa can’t stop thinking about the idea of marriage in her life bc she’s, well, at a wedding.

part 2: the wedding eventually ends. rosa winds up going back to artem’s place. now i’m aware this is going to play out similarly to the end of personal story 4, but just bear with me bc i really liked their quiet talk from that. artem lets rosa stay over for the night bc its late and they’re both exhausted. however, due to the excitement, they can’t sleep, so they’re up talking in the kitchen or something. artem doesnt make coffee bc he knows it’ll keep them up even more, probably makes hot chocolate since that seems to be their non-coffee thing.

they wind up talking about celestine’s wedding and how nice it was and how happy they are for them, but they’re both thinking about the obvious question and not saying it. until rosa laughs and is like. funny you caught that bouquet, huh. and artem’s like i’m pretty sure celestine aimed that thing directly at me. they laugh. and rosa continues broaching the topic until they’re both finally forced to address the elephant in the room, something they were both too anxious to bring up out of fear of looking pushy. after a long and touching conversation im too lazy to write about, it ends in artem asking rosa if she’d be interested in marrying him. it’s not an official proposal, just a late night, mature conversation between the two confirming what they want in the future, inspired by the events of that day. 

rosa says yes she does want to marry him, and coyly asks if this was an official proposal. and artem sheepishly admits he doesnt have anything proper planned that night, starts getting stressed in his artem way when things dont go the way he planned, and says he would want to surprise her with a more put together proposal now that he got the go. 

rosa says she was just teasing and that sounds perfect. they share a kiss. and optionally, if hoyoverse was so insistent on the “did they bang” aspect of the cards, they could put that here. and artem and rosa better be awkward about it. this is MY version of the card!! im CANNING the daddy dom foreplay goddammit!

part 3: splitting things up this way since the cards seem to require the boys dressed up in a nice little suit in a nice location to propose for realsies. a bit of an unspecified time skip happens (hey some of the other boys had a time skip and artem deserves one too) bc im trying to fit in both agreeing to get married + planning the proposal + THE proposal, which is HARD so just hear me out HAHA. so i’m thinking artem would invite her to a private, special place for the two of them. like i know this was mentioned in another ask, but there was nothing special about their proposal? no special location, no special callbacks. it BUMMED me out.

so i’ve been thinking about cards. my first thought is cloudbreak temple and entwined fate. you know how private and quiet the end walkway and overlook were? yeah, there. i know they go back to the temple for the personal story card, so if that’s too similar, it could be something different too i guess? like mentioned a while back, he could have mentioned the movie “about time” or referred to the shouldering of their burdens, or ANYTHING that shows up fairly often in artem’s cards.

so back to the nice location. he acts like it’s just a typical visit, but rosa knows something is up bc he is 1. a nervous mess, 2. dressed VERY nicely like more nicely than usual, 3. kept avoiding her gaze out of embarrassment the past couple of weeks (wow! ONE other thing i kept from the second anniversary card!)

winds up proposing there. she gets to tease him a bit bc she could tell it was coming. the still shot of him proposing is kept. she cries bc holy shit this is actually happening, huh. then the final, official card art would be of the kiss after this.