#not to mention the impact no physical activity will have on my mental

[stamkose]

I am not having a good time :/

[kyoshitargaryen]

shifting tips for neurodivergent shifters!

shifting tips for autistic people, and for those with ADHD and OCD! for scripting ideas, click here! (coming soon!)

hey, everyone! I'm autistic and I have ADHD and OCD -- all of these things have greatly impacted my journey. these are some of the things that have helped me progress with shifting and with getting to a healthy place mentally in general. note : I have aphantasia, so any time I mention "visualizing" it moreso means thinking of it. instead of seeing "visualizing" as something you can't do, put it into perspective of the things you CAN do. if you can daydream, you can visualize, even if you're not physically seeing anything. don't let it stop you!!

tips!

don't think that you can't shift while autistic. I've done it, and you will too if you haven't already. the only thing that could stop you is your own lack of belief.

if you're like me, you take everything extremely literally. that makes understanding what people -- especially neurotypical people -- mean when they give advice difficult and even harder to apply. here's some things that I've realized about common shifting tips.

5 Senses Methods

I've noticed that some people who talk about "using" your senses, don't exactly mean to use them or to force them. for the longest time, I kept getting so caught up in trying to force the experience that I was keeping myself from shifting entirely instead of trying to physically hear something, or taste or smell or feel, focus more on understanding how those senses work. you probably know the taste of your favourite soda. you probably know what steak or chicken tastes like. you know how when you have your mind set on a particular dinner or drink or experience, you HAVE to have it or else you won't be hungry or thirsty or excited? you KNOW what those things taste like. you KNOW what you expect, all while not physically having those things in front of you. try living in that expectation, in the knowledge and understanding of what you're going to get. this also works with general manifestation! think about what you're wanting for dinner tonight. think about your dream vacation destination. just lightly imagine it. you might be able to almost taste it now. you might be able to almost feel the wind on your skin, or a light rain, or warm sunshine. try approaching shifting like that!

I struggled for the longest time over letting myself move when I go to shift. Feeling symptoms go away just because I had to move or twitched unconsciously was so frustrating. I actually forced myself to lay perfectly still on my back even while feeling physical discomfort and pain. yes, I understood that you can move, and that you don't need symptoms to shift, but I was so caught up in feeling the transition and in my body in general that I found it impossible to let go of control like that. when I first tried focusing on the position my body would be in in my desired reality, I focused way too hard on feeling it. and I'll be honest, forcing myself to feel the physical sensation of laying down in a different position did work. I really did feel it. It just didn't help me shift. and obviously the moments where I would become more aware of my body in this reality or I needed to move were practically devastating. but then something clicked. I was so busy trying to feel my whole body in my desired reality that I was only grounding myself in this reality, and I was slowing down if not outright stopping myself from shifting. you know how you breathe automatically until you are suddenly reminded that you have to breathe to survive? or how you don't necessarily feel your knees or your toes until you think about them? you're only aware of the parts of your body that you are actively interacting with. our minds are trained to tune out a large amount of the sensory information going on in our bodies. imagine how exhausting it would be if you had to manually pump your heart. you probably don't feel what you're sitting or laying down on after you've been there for a long period of time, unless you're actively feeling discomfort or pain. take a moment to take stock of your body. now that you're aware of it -- you probably feel so much more than you did a few minutes ago when you weren't thinking of it. keep that in mind! now pay attention to the places your body overlaps. right now, my elbows are on my lap, and my ankles are tucked under my thighs. the places where your body overlaps are the easiest things to focus on and remember. picture yourself in the passenger seat of a car. you're tired, so you're leaning down on the centre console. your head is tucked into your elbow to shield your eyes from light. focus on the parts of your body that overlap. you KNOW how it feels to rest your head in your elbow. you likely know how it feels to sleep in the passenger seat. instead of trying to pay attention to your body as a whole, think of these little contact points. do this for a few minutes, and I guarantee you that you'll eventually begin to actually feel it, or at least, you'll forget about your physical body in this reality. don't make yourself feel this things, just remember how it feels. this way of aligning myself to my desired reality makes the process go by so much faster. once I feel comfortable remembering how my body would feel in that position, I move on to other things. I remember how it would feel to have my fingers run over the seatbelt or the buckle. I remember how the blinker or the windshield wipers sound. slowly but surely, these things build up and then you're not consciously thinking of them anymore, you're just there. but the best part of it? it's so easy to get myself back into the "zone" if I move in my CR. since I'm not trying to feel a whole environment and my whole body at once, I'm able to quickly and easily remember and experience the position I'm in in my DR. I don't worry about symptoms, or even actively notice them. I'm just there. once I have put my focus on those few contact spots, I'm in my DR. then, it's just a waiting game for when I can open my eyes. I'm in no rush, because I'm just relaxing!

Staircase Method

don't worry about visualizing the perfect space. I was so caught up in making sure the amount of stairs I was walking up or down matched the environment I was thinking of. don't worry about that. the only thing that matters is getting yourself to a point where you're relaxed and you can let go of your original reality. I kinda see shifting as removing velcro. your consciousness is velcro'd to this reality, especially when you're inexperienced with shifting, have doubts, or are going through a slump. the deeper you get into a method, the farther you get from focusing on your CR (the fact that you're still there, that you still feel your body, that you still hear and smell your CR environment), the more the velcro releases. if you try to make everything perfect, you're only making yourself realize that you're not actually in your DR, that you're just doing a method. instead, just focus on knowing how it feels to walk up or down stairs. don't worry about a length of time, or the number of stairs. don't worry about any turns or bends, just go straight up or down. once you feel like the "velcro" of this reality has released, you're ready to enter your DR.

Counting

at the beginning of my shifting journey, I was obsessed with making sure I counted correctly. if I accidentally skipped or repeated a number, I would get so frustrated. don't worry about being accurate or perfect. the sun does not rise and fall on your ability to count on endlessly. focusing too hard on counting will just keep you from becoming aware of your DR. again -- try not to focus so hard on the process of getting to your DR, try to just focus on being in your DR.

Just BE in Your DR (or, Let Go of Control)

I have two ways that I love to describe this;

it's like driving a car. when you've reached your destination, you put the car in park, you turn it off, and you get out. you don't drive past it, or keep hitting the gas, you don't assume that you haven't made it yet. you just know you're there.

it's like trying to fall asleep. you might be counting sheep, or daydreaming, or thinking about what you want to dream of, but you're NOT thinking about how to get home, you're not thinking about changing your clothes, or brushing your teeth, or doing your nighttime routine. you're just there, in your bed, waiting for sleep to take you. you know there's nothing left to do but sleep. so let yourself exist in your DR. think of methods as a way for you to pass time in your DR rather than a way of getting there. you're on a long car ride, or the hogwarts express, or in the middle of a lull hour at your job. you have freetime, so you just keep your mind busy enough to be entertained (and possibly ready to go if you're needed). just relax. you're there. you're just don't need to be "on" right now. think of how you mask in social situations, but you unmask when you're by yourself or you're somewhere safe and comfortable. your mask doesn't need to be on! your customer service voice doesn't need to be used. think of it like being idle in a video game!

Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts

especially when I go to shift, I get intrusive thoughts. what if everyone hates me? what if my s/o cheats on me? what if I somehow cause a sequence of events that gets someone or an animal hurt or killed? it doesn't matter if I have things scripted to prevent all of these, my brain thinks them anyway. intrusive thoughts don't bend to logic. so don't try to use logic to fight them. it's gonna sound kinda crazy, but just think the opposite every time they come up. thoughts are just thoughts. even the ones that seem really scary and really powerful.

Call him Voldemort, Harry. Always use the proper name for things. Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself.

as much as I dislike Dumbledore, he kinda ate here. it's the same thing with thoughts -- if you have an intrusive thought, immediately combat it with the opposite sentiment. it might seem ridiculous or pointless at first, but I promise you, it will work eventually. this has been my favourite way to heal through my anxiety and my ocd. no, it doesn't go away, but I've learned how to manage them, and how to stop fearing them. they're just shadows, and all they need is light to be driven away. have you ever done or said something ironically or as a joke, and then somehow over time it became a genuine part of your personality? that's because your brain is even more literal than you are -- it can't tell when you're doing something as a joke, it just knows that you ARE doing something. that's what "fake it until you make it" is all about. it's how I've completely transformed my world, manifested physical changes, created a better self image and grew my confidence level. one day you'll be thinking poorly of yourself, but then eventually, once you start actively fighting against those thoughts, your brain catches up to them and believes it as fact. that's the magic behind affirmations! don't think you can only use them to shift or to manifest. you can use them just as effectively to make changes within yourself!

that's all for now! I hope these tips help you guys, because they really have changed both my life and my shifting / manifestation journey for the better.

yoshi !!

[newworldwritings]

If Only (preview)

paring: San x chubby!reader

genre/warnings: angst, fluff, suggestive, second chance, time travel/new universe (1950s), mentions of car accidents, female reader, featuring all of ateez (greaser ateez), featuring some of the nct & stray kids boys, smoking, motorcycles, fuckboy activities, lowercase intended, insecurities, body shaming, we hate hyerin, san being oblivious in flashbacks, yunho being an absolute golden retriever, wooyoung is a bit of an ass (sorry, don’t worry tho he gets a character development) will mainly be in sans pov but will switch from other perspectives, any bold & italic words are what the characters are actually thinking

word count: 1k+

pls reblog!

taglist: open! just comment to be added!

a/n: I had a dream of this (not with the members) & I wanted to write it out, also got a bit inspired by “Marry My Husband” but it’s a completely different plot.

preview:

“san i can’t be letting you back in every time things go sideways with her, i'm done being the second choice.”

“i’m done. goodbye san.”

those were the last words L/N Y/N had told me after i chased after her out of the school, and being the idiot i was i just stood there watching her walk away from me towards yunho, one of my best mates. since when did they become close? but those were the last of my worries. i had just lost my childhood best friend because i was too blinded to show this school i was the best at everything by going after the most sought out girl of the school hyerin. when i should’ve gone for y/n. she always stood by my side, never once showed me disloyalty, and always picked me up anytime hyerin shooed me off for her other boy toys. she never once judged me for my ways and i took her kindness and love for granted.

now im left here alone with no hyerin in sight, probably making out with jaehyun, and my mates are probably having the time of their life’s at the dance with no clue that i had lost y/n.

while watching her enter yunho's car my mind was yelling at me to go after her. but i couldn’t, i had been selfish for too long. i knew she needed me to let her go so she could move on.

but that also meant i had to move on but how could i move on with life when i had lost the best thing that i could ever have in life.

watching yunho's car pull out the parking lot, i decided that one last time i wanted to be selfish. so i chased after the car. not noticing how i ended up on the main road, not noticing how a car was coming towards me until it hit me.

i flew back and laid on the road while looking at the night sky, i wanted to scream at the universe for doing this to me. when in reality i should’ve been yelling at myself for being stupid, and oblivious.

the pain from the impact of the car started invading my whole body. it hurts. everything. mentally and physically.

i closed my eyes hoping someone or something would come and take this pain away from me. not just from the impact but from my heart as well.

i heard sirens and people rushing towards me, but i also heard someone saying my name over and over again. but i couldn’t open my eyes. until someone shook my body forcefully.

then i got up like i had just woken up from a nap. looking around trying to find out who was shaking me rather than helping me. then i noticed i wasn’t on the road, it wasn’t night time, and there was no car.

rather i was on a field under a tree next to a building that looked like our university. what the fuck.

“san!”

i looked forward to the person in front of me calling me.

“y/n?” but this was not my y/n i could tell from the very different clothes she was wearing and her hairstyle was completely different. it seemed like a hairstyle that would be done in the 1950s.

“come on, we’re gonna be late!” she pulled me up and started fixing my leather jacket. wait when was i wearing this. where am i?!

while I was lost in my thoughts i heard a group of people calling me towards the entrance of the school. wait is that?

“come on san we don’t want to get yelled at by Ms. Lisa again hurry up!” hongjoong?

it was all my friends, but it wasn’t at the same time? since when did we all start wearing matching leather jackets? but before i can question anyone y/n pulled me towards them.

“lover boy is gonna miss his chance to talk to hyerin before class.” i turned too wooyoung, who was snickering, but i was too focused on his appearance. he didn’t have his oreo hair as he liked to call it, his hair was all black with an undercut. when did he have time to do that? before i could turn to y/n to ask her what’s going on i was being pushed towards the door, following the rest of the boys, while i had time to look around the area i looked at the backs of my mates and some of there side profiles. they all had their hairs gelled back, even jongho who preferred the boyfriend style. what stood out to me the most was the leather jackets we were all wearing had ‘ATEEZ’ in big white letters with 3 motorcycles below it. they all look like they had just came out a greaser movie with this style they all had. wait… y/ns style of clothing along with my mates. am i in a different timeline..? no that can’t be.

to further prove my theory, i turned to y/n.

“y/n, what’s the date?” she looked at me weirdly.

“it’s march 29?” she said as if it was the most obvious answer. “no, what year are we in?”

“san are you ok? did you hit your head? you’re acting really weird”

“who’s acting weird?” wooyoung turned around to look at us. “san, he’s asking what year we’re in.”

wooyoung only chuckled, “he's probably just nervous because hyerin is going out with him this weekend, san it’s 1955 you bimbo. now loosen up don’t want to scare hyerin off.”

i stopped in my place. “it’s 1955!?” everyone turned to me. “aye san you sure you good?” i turned to yunho with a look that screams ‘do i look good to you?’

“oooookaayy, i’m gonna take this one to Lee before class, we will catch up to you guys later.” y/n waved to everyone while pushing me towards a different door.

what the actual fuck is going on.

[postitforward]

Mental Health Spotlight: Jasmine Marie, Founder of black girls breathing®

Jasmine Marie is a speaker, breathwork practitioner, and the founder of black girls breathing®. Her work is innovating the wellness, healthcare, and research industry by making mental health services accessible to Black women while filling in the gaps of data and research available on this underserved and underrepresented demographic. Marie plans to impact one million Black women and girls with her work by 2025. She is a serial founder with a past life in global haircare brand marketing and an alum of NYU Stern. The impact and range of her work to date is expansive—ranging from underserved minority communities to stressed-out college students and executives. She’s brought her expertise to elite colleges such as Harvard Business School, Columbia University, and Cornell University, and her client list includes corporations such as Estée Lauder Companies, Under Armour, Capital One, Ford Motor Company, Facebook, and Twitter. Marie has been featured in Oprah Magazine, Good Morning America, VOGUE, Forbes, Harper’s Baazar, Marie Claire, Glamour, Nylon Mag, Wall Street Journal, and Black Enterprise, to name a few.

What is black girls breathing®? And why was it created? black girls breathing® is a safe space for Black women to manage their mental and emotional health and heal trauma in their bodies with breathwork and community.

I created black girls breathing® after finishing my breathwork training and seeing so few facilitators that looked like me yet knowing how much chronic stress and trauma (generational, societal, etc.) and decided to create it. I used my background in business to help me develop a model where we could provide this work accessibly.

Do you have any secret hobbies, skills, or interests?

I don’t think I have any secret hobbies but for a while, I would always feel embarrassed whenever anyone asked that question, as a lot of my hobbies can maybe seem boring to others lol. But I love to read. Reading is one of my favorite hobbies. I love having quiet time…any activity that allows me to feel refreshed, sit with my own thoughts and enjoy my solitude. I think because I deal with so many people’s energy that in my spare time, I just like to spend time with self. I love to cook though…it’s a very meditative activity for me that allows me to unwind from my day.

How did you get started in this work? And why is it important to you?

As mentioned above, after my breathwork training, I realized there were so few Black breathworkers. But before that, I found breathwork while being stressed out after graduating from business school at NYU and working in beauty in NYC. My nervous system was so fried I began having physical symptoms…rashes and an inability to sleep. The doctor would see me and always say, “This is stress. How can you reduce your stress?” Fast forward to me finding my first breathwork class and falling in love with the way it allowed me to just feel more space in my mind and body.

WOW — ONE MILLION Black women and girls breathing by 2025 what an ambitious goal! What impact do you see this having?

It is an ambitious goal, but in 2020, we fundraised $55k to make our work accessible for one year. After the year was done, it was so clear that we couldn’t stop there. So many Black women needed this work, and we would hear that over and over again. So I decided if I was going to do this work, I was only interested in creating real impact and a goal that would signify that. Imagining 1 Million Black women using breathwork as a tool to regulate their nervous systems, heal from compounded trauma and reduce the effect that chronic stress has in our community (health challenges linked to chronic stress: heart disease, high blood pressure, breast cancer, ovarian cancer, fertility issues, and the list goes on) will not only affect them but our community as a whole. Ending the passing down of generational trauma and normalizing healing.

What would you suggest to people who feel like they cannot find the time to breathe or practice mindfulness?

I would first affirm that it’s okay they feel that way. Western society has done a great job of making us feel that anything outside of productivity is not only a waste of time but the least important thing we should make space for. Making time for yourself for any mindful activity can be eased into and it can start with being more aware of the present moment and practicing that action on a daily. Maybe you create a routine where every morning for 3 minutes right when you get up, you take a moment to be still, notice your breathing pattern and focus on each and every inhale and exhale.

Why is Black representation important in this industry?

The wellness industry isn’t unlike other industries where Black representation is lacking. I think it’s important to see other Black women caring for themselves because, historically, we’ve been taught to do the opposite for oh so long.

Where do you find joy?

I find joy with my family and my loved ones, in intimate moments with friends, in good food and conversation, and in being able to create something and see it grow, shift, and evolve.

Want to learn more about black girls @blackgirlsbreathing?

Check out their website!

Breathe with us on March 27th @12pm EDT during their Mindful Monday Breathwork for Anxiety session on Tumblr Live

Ask black girls breathing all the questions on your mind for IssueTime on Navigating Anxiety in an increasingly digital, lonely world

Take the pledge with black girls breathing®

[baddestbittyontheblock]

wanda maximoff fic recs (2)

𖣁 hi everyone!! here is my second rec for wanda, i hope you all enjoy!! 𖣁

ཐིཋྀ remember to like and reblog the works you enjoy in order to support each incredible writer!! ཐིཋྀ

𖣁 however, make sure you read the information on each story themselves such as triggers & warnings 𖣁

ཐིཋྀ if you’d like me to remove your fic from this list, message me! ཐིཋྀ

ਏਓ beginners episode by @wandasfifthwife hockey coach/player!wanda x ex figure skater!reader | HEAVY TOPICS, injury (r = leg and brain), r’s mother is verbally/physically abusive, r’s mom sees herself in r, body-image issues, heavier angst w/ happy ending, hurt/comfort, established relationship (w&r), break ups (not w&r), past relationships, player!wanda for a minute, injury (w = broken nose), 2.1k

-your mother had made a suggestion during dinner for you to get out more, have a sport or a club activity to join so you weren’t inside so much.

ਏਓ she tells me keep fucking cause she loves this shit by ^ hockey player!wanda x afab!fem!reader | SMUT MDNI, established relationship, angry-makeup-im going to miss you-sex, argument, angst w/ happy ending, hurt/comfort, top!wanda, bottom!reader, strap (r receiving), oral (r receiving), impact play (spanking), marking (neck), r is called little thing (by wanda), overstim if you squint, cum kink?

-wanda has an away game, meaning she has to leave you in the morning. your emotions to rise, hurt turning into anger and causing you to snap at her, resulting in an argument—but you can’t stay mad at her. before you can realize you’ve ended up under her, pleas for her to fuck you good before she leaves.

ਏਓ nightmares by ^ hockey player!wanda x afab!fem!reader | HEAVY TOPICS, mentions that r’s mother was physically&mentally abusive, nightmare has a SLIGHT description, angst w/ happy ending, hurt/comfort, argument (w&r), nightmare, love confessions, r thinks they’re going to breakup, fluffy ending

-your lack of sleep comes to play when you snap at wanda and end up sleeping on her couch. wanda comes face-to-face with the issue when you come into her room late at night, crying from a nightmare

ਏਓ say, “don’t go” by @scarletssienna wanda maximoff x reader | hurt, comfort, angst, mommy wanda, sub!reader, grinding, car sex, fingering, hair-pulling, oral, biting, fighting, scars, AU, 6k

-it’s been three years since you and wanda saw each other last - three long years. you were as good as dead to her. figuratively, and unfortunately, literally.

ਏਓ unspoken truths by @spaghettiposts wanda maximoff x reader | pregnancy, dickhead vision, friends to lovers, attempts at comedy, reader being a sweetheart like always, mutual pinning, faint talks of abortion, talks of nausea and vomiting, 4k

-you and wanda have been friends for years, but never once has she showed up at your doorstep in this state. pregnant, alone, and hurt. you take her in and you both dive into the difficulties of pregnancy, and hiding feelings.

ਏਓ to seek forgiveness by @esouliie wanda maximoff x fem!reader | strap (r!receiving), breath play?, wanda is rough & reader is crying lol, aftercare! (18+)

-recklessness requires a certain type of punishment, but you can only take so much

ਏਓ hers by @themidnightcrimson top!wanda x reader | 18+ only. minors: do not interact, jealousy, possession, voyeurism, fingering

-in which natasha has a hard time staying away from what isn't hers, so wanda decides to teach her a lesson.

ਏਓ the scarlet siren by ^ wanda maximoff x fem!reader | siren!wanda, dubcon/noncon, fingering (r receiving), oral (r receiving), size kink, biting, a lot of blood, violence, fear, suspense, drowning, deep water, mentions of death, i wrote this in an irish accent for some reason, did you know i have thalassophobia?, 6.0k, 18+ only. minors: do not interact

-in which you take a trip out to sea that you will regret.

ਏਓ their mistake by @scarlet-daisy dark!wanda x reader | mentions of torture and being kidnapped, hydra agents & wanda killing them

-“you made a really big mistake…”

ਏਓ lost in the universe (pt:1) by @mionemymind wanda maximoff x reader | fluff, cursing, slight angst?

-y/n is transported to a different universe and by chance, meets the wanda that inhabits it.

ਏਓ lost in the universe (pt:2) by ^. wanda maximoff x reader | fluff, kissing, cursing, jealousy, 1.3k

-the aftermath of y/n being rescued from the alternate universe.

ਏਓ you’re the only thing keeping me center by @themultiimagines wanda maximoff x fem!reader | smut (18+ MDNI), jealousy (healthy ofc), thigh riding, cursing, 2.7k

-you’ve never had a bond with anyone quite as strong as the one you have with wanda.

ਏਓ turn a blind eye by @wndaswife  wanda maximoff & fem!reader | MDNI: smut, a bit angsty in the beginning, some fluff at the end, tiny mood switch because wv wanda is scary but also just the cutest, manipulation, implications of magic usage (this is up to your interpretation), fingering, cunnilingus, mommy kink, dom!wanda maximoff

-something strange is happening in westview, and your wife is adamant about soothing your frustrations.

ਏਓ a glimpse of you by @marvelfilth wanda maximoff x f!reader | dubcon, noncon, somnophilia, oral, fingering, pet names, (18+)

-she looks down at her chest where your head rests, your back pressed neatly against her front, and smiles when she sees you fast asleep. and then she gasps, because the image twists abruptly, and now you're no longer asleep, but panting, your cheeks red, your forehead glistening with sweat. wanda's hand moves between your legs, the wet noises her fingers make as they plunge deep inside you make her shudder.

✦ dividers by @cafekitsune, @dollywons ✦

[nenelonomh]

the effect of what (and how) you eat

okay, this is a big topic. and so this is a long post. i'm going to be going over the effect of what you eat and why it's important to think about what foods you are consuming. don't worry! i do my research-- at the end of the post will be a few resources, and i'll show where i've gotten my information.

lots of dietary advice is available over the internet, but often the people absorbing the information do not understand the why. knowing where your information is coming from,, and not believing everything you read online is key to actually maintaining a good, healthy diet.

before you read: TRIGGER WARNING THERE IS MENTION OF EATING DISORDERS,,

let's start with this: like everything in this age, food is a double-edged sword. overconsumption and underconsumption can both kill you. what you eat; how you eat--it can help or hinder whatever your goals may be.

here's the effect/s: the connection between diet and mental health is profound. while we’ve long understood that diet plays a crucial role in overall health, emerging research in the field of nutritional psychiatry sheds light on how what we eat directly impacts our emotional well-being and mental state.

the brain-gut connection: the gut is closely linked to the brain. trillions of living microbes in our gut have essential functions, including synthesizing neurotransmitters. these neurotransmitters send chemical messages to the brain, regulating sleep, pain, appetite, mood, and emotions.

to improve your gut health, here's what you can do:

by eating a varied diet that includes fruits, vegetables, whole grains, nuts and seeds, essential nutrients are provided which feeds the beneficial bacteria in the gut. high fibre foods promote gut health by supporting good bacteria.

fermented foods, such as yogurt, kefir, sauerkraut, kimchi, and miso are rich in probiotics—live beneficial bacteria that boost gut health. kombucha (a fermented tea) is another option.

avoiding reducing processed foods can reduce the diversity of good bacteria in your gut. when i say processed foods, i'm referring to ultra-processed foods, for example, fried foods and frozen meals. they may be easy and cheap, but they include preservatives, artificial colouring, chemical flavouring and texturing agents. all of which our bodies are not made to consume. it's ignorant to tell you to avoid processed foods at all costs. that's not realistic, and a horrible mindset. instead, you should manage your intake. enjoy treats every now and then and don't punish yourself for it.

hydration is key to a healthy gut. water supports digestion and nutrient absorption.

stress management, eating well and exercise can also help your gut microbiome's health.

by having a healthy gut microbiome, you are helping your body to have lower chronic inflammation, have regular bowel movements and more effectively absorb nutrients. therefore, you will have a stronger immune system, have clearer skin and support your digestion and metabolism.

why eating protein matters: proteins are made of amino acids, which serve as the fundamental building blocks for various structures in our bodies. these amino acids are essential for forming enzymes, hormones, tissues, and DNA. protein is vital in maintaining and building muscle mass. when activities like strength training and physical exercise are engaged in, protein helps build and repair the muscles.

hemoglobin, a protein in our red blood cells, transports oxygen from our lungs to other tissues. without adequate protein, oxygen delivery would be compromised. antibodies, which defend against infections, are made of proteins. a well-functioning immune system relies on sufficient protein intake. collagen, a protein, maintains the integrity of our skin, hair, and nails. adequate protein supports healthy skin elasticity and wound healing.

the recommended dietary intake for protein relies on factors such as age, weight, height, gender, activity and overall health. remember that individual needs can vary, so consulting with a healthcare provider or registered dietitian is advisable to determine your specific protein requirements.

many diets exist that cut out entire macronutrients (keto for example) but that is not the way. each macronutrient has great importance in helping the body function.

carbohydrates are the body's (including the brain) preferred energy source. they enable muscle contraction during exercise and even at rest. carbs maintain body temperature, support heart function, and aid digestion.

the keto diet comes from the belief that when carbohydrates are not providing energy (are not being consumed), the body will use reserved energy stored in lipids (fat). while this is true, this diet is not maintainable-- it throws the body out of whack, storing more energy to maintain homeostasis.

fats provide energy and are essential for hormone production. they contribute to cell growth, brain health and vitamin absorption.

our brain is composed of ~60% fat. fats are essential for neurotransmitter production, affecting mood, cognition, and hormonal signalling. cholesterol, often associated with heart health, is a precursor for steroid hormones (testosterone, estrogen, progesterone). without adequate cholesterol, our body cannot produce these essential hormones.

effects of diet on mood: firstly, going long periods without eating can cause a drop in blood sugar levels, leading to tiredness and irritability. secondly, consuming excessive amounts of food can make you feel tired and lethargic.

choosing the right carbohydrates can help maintain blood sugar levels. our brain primarily runs on glucose (obtained from carbohydrate-rich foods). you can opt for slow-release carbohydrates to maintain steady energy levels. slow-release carbohydrates (a.k.a low GI food) provide a more sustained and gradual release of energy compared to other carbohydrates. examples include fruits, vegetables, whole grains (grainy bread, brown rice, oats) and sweet potatoes. high GI foods rapidly spike blood sugar levels due to their quick digestion and absorption.

going too long without eating can lead to low blood sugar levels, resulting in irritability and fatigue. overeating to discomfort can also leave you feeling tired and lethargic. consistent, moderate-sized meals help maintain stable blood sugar levels and promote an even mood.

i know, overeating is an issue that one cannot simply 'turn off'. it's important to know the psychology, and if you struggle with it--please talk to a health professional.

here is what i can tell you about overeating:

overeating is typically a learned behaviour and habit. certain foods are associated with pleasure and reward. when enticing food is encountered, we engage in eating behaviour and immediately experience pleasure. this reinforces the habit, making it challenging to change.

overeating may be serving as a coping mechanism for emotions. when feelings of sadness, disappointment, frustration, or even joy arise, someone may turn to food. emotional eating provides temporary relief, reinforcing the behaviour.

the first delicious bite triggers pleasure, satiates our appetite, and improves our emotional state. our memory associates this reward process with eating, leading us to continually seek that pleasure. this is due to immediate reward.

people with eating disorders may disregard their health, body, body image and lifestyle goals. they use food as a way to punish themselves and gain control over their life. restrictive eating disorders can lead to 'binging behaviour'. bingeing serves as a way to numb emotions. anxiety, stress, and depression can trigger binge behaviours. consuming certain foods or substances (like junk food or alcohol) releases dopamine, the “feel-good” neurotransmitter. this chemical rush can lead to physical addiction, reinforcing bingeing. a culture (unfortunately which is abundant in the world today) that emphasizes consumption as a measure of worth can contribute to bingeing. messages about thinness, drinking, and material possessions can drive these behaviours.

i hate that i am having to say this but alcoholism is bad. and caffeine addiction is bad. in no way is harming your health aesthetic or 'a vibe'.

limiting caffeine and alcohol can also improve mood. again, i'd like to stress that there is never going to be one perfect diet, and allowing yourself to enjoy whatever food you like is perfectly fine- as long as you are doing so in moderation.

everything is a balance.

resources/further reading, to end: Fat Requirements For Optimal Hormonal Health - Clean HealthHow Dietary Fat Benefits Hormones - Women's International Pharmacy (womensinternational.com) The truth about fats: the good, the bad, and the in-between - Harvard HealthDietary fats | healthdirectMacronutrients: Definition, importance, and food sources (medicalnewstoday.com)Know Your Macros-Why Macronutrients Are Key to Healthy Eating | Cedars-SinaiWhy the Proper Balance of Macronutrients is Vital for Good Health - Functional Diagnostic Nutrition What Is Protein & Why Do You Need It? (eatingwell.com)Protein: Why Your Body Needs It (webmd.com)Protein | The Nutrition Source | Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public HealthBinge-Eating Disorder (Compulsive Overeating) | Psychology Today AustraliaThe Psychology Behind Binge-Watching | PsychregBingeing: Why It Happens and What You Can Do About It (greatist.com) Understanding Overeating: The Psychology Behind It - Listen-HardWhy stress causes people to overeat - Harvard HealthThe Truth About Overeating | Psychology TodaySlow-release carbs list (medicalnewstoday.com)Why understanding carbs (and how to count them) matters | Diabetes UK Food and your mood - Better Health ChannelHow food can affect your mood | Nutrition AustraliaStress-related stomach pain: When to see a doctor - UChicago MedicineWhat Is Gut Health? A Comprehensive Guide to Digestive Wellness | U.S. News (usnews.com)Why Gut Health Matters More Than You Think | Well.Org Probiotics: What They Are, Benefits & Side Effects (clevelandclinic.org)Probiotics: What You Need To Know | NCCIH (nih.gov)What should I eat for a healthy gut? - BBC FoodLet’s Eat: How Diet Influences the Brain (brainfacts.org)

i know the fact that the resources are one big block may be annoying, but i don't have the commitment to in text reference lmao. hours of research and writing for a blog post, yes, but in text referencing is just too far.

i hope you learnt something

❤️joanne

[trans-femme-fag-dyke]

T4T sEggs Cracking

Sex changes when you transition as a t-girl. New realities come into focus. New turn-ons emerge. A world of novel psychological and physiological experiences are added to the mix, or replace it entirely. Hormones and their impact terraform the ecology into a mycelial divine feminine, replete with new pleasure pathways. In short, it is wild and beautiful, feral and oozing with potential.

What I wasn’t prepared for, though, was how transfiguring the experience of T4T sex would be. Not by a mile.

Degrading Glorification

(What follows is a dual narrative, embellished and made whole by my lover’s own description of our tryst, which may I tell you is really fucking hot. Anyone who finds discovery and meaning in the process of writing has my attention and, most likely, my lust).

Just another day on Grindr receiving unsolicited dick pic after dick pic from people who ignore my profile’s clear insistence on T4T only.

While I don’t avail myself of these opportunities, there is something to be said for the euphoria that comes from being seen by cishets as a girl. Even seeing me as an attractive t-girl, if they’re purely fetishizing that tribal identifier, doesn’t hurt. Having spent too many years in the closet as a boy-modular gay, I am immune to the aggression of those advances and treat it more like a research project, tagging each new appendage into its relevant mental taxonomy: thick, thin, black, white, clean, cum-covered, veiny, etc. Back in the day, these advances were perfectly acceptable — direct, to the point, like the hawking of wares in a saturated meat market. I was less interested in what they were attached to as I was in their function. Emotion and personality were cast aside.

As a t-girl, though, there is a crossing of the privilege divide into an East Berlin of fear and insecurity. Too often, and too unpublicized, are the examples of anti-trans violence that it’s simply not the same fuck economy that it used to be. And anyway, my orientation has changed.

Orientation shift in transition is a topic that could command an entire thesis, so I won’t go into it here. Suffice it to say that almost overnight, as the estrogen moved through my body, I lost my interest in gay or straight men. Perhaps because being with a gay guy, although still on the table before secondary sex characteristics set in and I could stealthily navigate those penetrations, would send a dysphoric signal deep into my programming.

I find myself attracted to trans energy mostly.

Grindr is a numbers game in Los Angeles. There’s so much flakiness you become accustomed to being ignored or conversations end abruptly. Not to mention that hooking up here is so governed by travel times which fluctuate wildly throughout the days asymmetrical commuting times, that the whole affair can be a non-started at the outset.

But she responded. Glorious brunette, with long wavy hair, small pursed lips and an aloofness that immediately activated my pathological desire of the emotionally unavailable. What can I say, my mother fucked me up.

She — let’s call her Adeline — lived about 10 minutes away, so in an abundance of well-heeled politeness cut with impatient lust, I went to pick her up.

Cue the usual slightly coy banter as we both worked each other out during the ride. The dissipation of fear which comes with these Grindr “dates” for traps, which always carry a soupçon of terror to them and see us scrambling to etch a last will and testament into our iPhone notes app and share location with friends as it plays out.

I emerged from the bathroom topless.

Oh fuck, she thought, nipple piercings. The most physical symbol of deviance there is.

We started making out on the sofa and immediately some force took a hold of me. I felt like our bodies were fusing inside a blacksmith’s forge. We were glitching like a hacked mainframe, opening up its secrets to Snowden’s deft digital lock-picking. We were like people who hadn’t eaten in days set loose on a Vegas buffet.

I ran my hands over her back and through her hair, interlocking my teeth around her neck and ears. Almost epileptic in spasms of uncontrollable, uncensored I searched for my frontal cortex and managed to articulate that we should move to the bedroom.

My friend S had told me to expect fireworks in my first T4T experience. Their look of both shock and empathetic excitement registered on their FaceTime framed face.

They hinted at the dynamic’s incendiary force with an elliptical smile, leaving me hanging like a teaser trailer.

“I can’t explain it, but there’s just something to that energy, that vibe. I’m so excited for you. Like fucking excited!”

And Jesus fucking christ, they were right. I can see why they held off on the detail. Language fails.

We made our way to the bedroom where I revealed my kink drawer. There’s a cornucopia of debauchery in this unassuming pine wood piece of furniture: masks, paddles, leashes, collars, nipple clamps and floggers.

We negotiated our limits, settling on consensual non-consent. In short, anything goes.

We couldn’t have been more perfectly matched. When she initially shared photos with me on the app she gave a trigger warning around the bruises I’d see. It just so happened that impact play and relishing in the blues, browns, yellows and purples of corporeal graffiti aftermath was something we shared.

“I don’t care if you draw blood,” I assured her.

“Well ok then, you pathetic little slut,” she hissed, “lay the fuck down.”

I hadn’t fully anticipated how rapidly she would turn on the sadistic domme energy and I didn’t question it. I couldn’t.

Mmmmmmmmm, mama’s hungry, I thought as my crotch began to throb.

I don’t need to pull my punches, she thought, I can really indulge this deeper cruelty in me.

“Yes, mistress!” I responded, getting into role as the slut spit dump I’d soon become.

I lay down.

“Open wide, slut,” she ordered as she spat on my face, all the while positioning her mouth over mine and dribbling long translucent threads of drool onto my tongue and down my throat. She lunged for my neck with lupine grace and hunger, digging her teeth in and unleashing eddies of dopamine and oxytocin. I could feel the fledgling bruises on my neck and knew they’d be difficult to hide but at this point she could have pushed a blade into my lungs and I’d have kissed her while the blood bubbled out of my mouth.

These were feelings I had never felt before.

It was like all my shame, low self-esteem, trauma, alienation, anxiety and isolation channeled a lightning strike turning sand into clear shards of luminescent glass.

It felt both individual and collective, all ruptures and salvation of minority stressed gender fuckery, raining down and being soaked up. An effervescent tribal alchemy of ecstatic release.

The power of consensual degradation cannot be underestimated. I took years of being trodden down by things beyond my control. The abuse of my mother, the deprivation of affection, the laundering of all currencies of love through a front of cold calculation. All of this turned to steam through the act of my submitting to it with someone who also made me vibrate with light. All of those times when I had no fucking say in what happened to me, as humanity depriving as it was and violently unfair, I now took back. I resignified it, reclaimed it, decolonized and liberated it.

She attached the leash to my collar and yanked me onto the floor.

“If you’re a good girl, you’ll get a treat.” She said sternly, with the consummate control of a well-etched domme.

Up until now, she’d only really experimented with this role but now, she leapt up into the saddle ready for battle. From where I crouched, lapping up her girl dick with such an eagerness to please, it felt like she’d been doing this all her life.

In the dawn of her 20s, this girl came with a level of sexual confidence and experience that can only be found in trans circles. It’s like our bodies are always searching for each other with odyssean ardor. Simultaneous electrons suspended in tandem states.

I clambered back onto the bed like a dog and she straddled me, our girl dicks entwined in her hand with a vibrator in between. Edging, foreplay, the beautiful mirage of the female orgasm which rises and falls, ebbs and flows, coming into focus then going blurry as the mind and the body speaks in foreign tongues.

It was the kind of sex you never want to end. Constant punishment, submission, bratty deliberate misbehavior, retaliation, good behavior and treats.

“You told me you were going to cum you fucking whore. Well, are you?!” she cursed.

“Fuck my pussy, mistress. I need something in me so I can cum for you.”

One, two, then three fingers entered me as she celebrated my gaping hole.

“I love how loose you are.”

Ugh, I felt so seen. I’ve been trying to make my ass loose for years. It’s been one of my sexual north stars. I want to be able to get entire cities inside me. Until my neo-puzzy arrives, my ass has been my pussy substitute and I’ve wanted her to stretch until my bud becomes labia and turns from circle into that canal like corridor of floral ingress.

It didn’t take long, with my ass full of her hand, and I reached that liquidless trap climax and lay there panting, dripping in spit, sweat, and a sense of sexed gender euphoria I had waited 39 years to feel.

Who knew that in order to feel my most beautiful, it would take this level of degradation.

We languished, dripping in sweat and overtaken by an exhaustion which was held in abeyance by the relentless motor of sex.

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to do that again,” I said, with the last remaining energy and breath left in me.

“We might not be able to. I’m probably moving to Berlin in a few weeks,” she responded with a signature level of matter-of-factness and regret.

Afterword

This is a post from Threads that resonated with me.

@aspirationaltea I think this post is me realizing T4T lesbian is the full explanation of my sexuality at least?

That’s how I walked away from the experience with Adeline. Literally and figuratively changed forever. In one fell swoop a single lover had the power to make me feel seen for the first time in my life.

Now of course any first time has the potential to carry the hyperbole of its impact. But the water that slacks the thirst of the desert stranded is the exact same water we all drink. The difference, however, is life saving.

I would usually chalk up an experience without more penetration as fun but not fulfilling. In this scene I had a few fingers inside me for a few minutes. And yet I lost all sense of time and place, sinking into the experience like feet in clittoral sand.

It was pure T4T lesbian sex, as much connection, edging and build as it was a wham bam teleology. The purpose was communion and connection.

T4T sex transfigures and transubstantiates the entire experience into a physical act. Inside every bite, kiss, spit, yank, finger and curse, was a microcosm of the entire experience of trans identity. Eucharist anointed trap fantasy.

Our shared struggles, estrogen shortages, dirty glances turned our way, rejections. Our alignments, the joyful tears t-girls shed over the smallest things as their emotional synapses reinitiate, our first sports bra. Everything is there, unspoken but enacted ritualistically like the world is burning all around us and we carry on regardless. Which is, alas, what it feels like a lot of the time.

At the core of the experience was the abiding sense of safety which comes from being intimate with someone who knows how important it is to cultivate that in as many spaces, few though they may be, as possible.

In addition, the dimension of kink/BDSM brings its own magnetic locus of individuation and resignification. We find submission, abjectification, degradation, and pain paired up with consent, control, compassion, negotiation, communication, and transcendence. We recontextualize experiences which in every other life domain are precursors or consequences of socially aberrant behavior or undesirable hierarchical role playing.

Whether the sub is in control or the dom is, just as with tops and bottoms, is a question for the ages. The person under the thumb, in so allowing it, arguably possesses some power over the person they artificially and consensually elevate to that position. When you have nothing to lose because you have relinquished it, you can only be net positive existentially.

The point is the horizontal socialism of the trans lesbian experience. No one person controls. All are equal and the roleplay is merely an enactment of the end of dominion by external forces.

For what baits the enemy like getting back on your feet or smiling in their face? As blood streams out of your nostrils and you turn to face your captor ready for another beating, you demonstrate an unwavering faith in the ultimate form of the Golden Rule: if your enemy strikes you, turn the other cheek and ask, “Have I been a good girl, Mistress?”

[everythingwasnormalhere]

actually I've been thinking about it and kenny is so disability-coded???

like, even without my chronic pain headcanon, if we only take the canon material, he's incredibly disability-coded and im not sure why nobody's mentioned it before

Ok so, first thing first, south park isn't exactly known out of its community for having the best rep of... anything, actually, but anyone who's watched the show knows it has some of the best disability representation of any piece of media. Jimmy and Timmy, neither of their characters revolve around being disabled - they don't even make much fun of it! (It's south park, they have to make fun of everything). Their characters are complex, not because they're disabled, but because the writers didn't want to make them revolve around that. And if you don't believe me, please just watch the fucking show or at least their episodes (this is however not about them so I won't say much more about them, there's some pretty cool posts on this site that talk about this in more detail if you wanna read more though)

Now, onto Kenny: Kenny is a pretty cool guy. Fandom favorite, well-known even by people who don't watch south park. And besides how he's incredibly cute (like, c'mon, you heard his little "woohoo!"?), the reason why he's so famous is simple: He dies in every episode.

(well, not every ep in the latest seasons, but at the beginning he did and that's enough for me)

You might be thinking, "hey Loki, that's cool, but I have no fucking idea where this is going". And I'll tell you: his constant deaths actively avoid him doing stuff. Dying makes him spend less time with his friends, he can't take part in their shenanigans, he's generally unable to do things due to dying 24/7. Like, hell, he spent a whole season not hanging out with the guys because he was too dead for that! His friends substituted him, and he's still less-there since that happened.

This means: the impairment 'has a substantial and long-term adverse effect on their ability to carry out normal day-to-day activities'

(because he can't carry out normal day-to-day activities when he's, you know, fucking deceased)

Also, as Kenny himself says, "'Pretty cool'? Do you know how it feels like to be stabbed, to be shot, decapitated, torn apart, burned, run over? It's not 'pretty cool' Kyle! It fucking hurts!". His deaths cause him actual, physical pain. And guess what's a disability criteria?

You guessed: they have a 'physical or mental impairment'

(it "fucking hurts", I think that's physically impairing enough)

Also, his deaths have slowed down for the last few seasons, sure, but they still happen. And this is important, because they'll probably keep happening for the rest of his life - and if not, they've already lasted long enough anyway:

A 'substantial adverse effect' means more than just a minor impact on someone's life or how they can do certain things. This may fluctuate or change and may not happen all the time.'Long-term' means either:it will affect them or is likely to affect them for at least 12 months it's likely to last for the rest of their life It can still be considered long-term if the effects come and go. For example, a fluctuating condition might affect someone for a few months at a time with other times when they're not affected.

So, yeah. Kenny, canonical Kenneth McCormick, legally qualifies as disabled. But what makes him such good rep? He's still a well-loved character, not only in spite of his disability (yes, I'm calling his deaths a disability, sue me), but also because of it. Kenny is a pretty cool guy, he's cute, he's silly, he's a goddamn perv but really respectful about it too, and he dies in every episode which is actually hilarious. And about the perv part - fuck yeah, disabled character who not only isn't asexual, but is canonically the first in his friend group to do (consensual) sexual things! He's also canonically pretty desirable, he's the 7th in the List after all (and he's not just there for the girls' benefit like Clyde, Kenny is poor asf which means they genuinely find him desirable, and probably could've ended in the top 5 had it not been rigged). He's such a cool guy, and he's also disabled, and we love him for it.

Not to talk about Mysterion & PK, whose literal powers are the things that disable Typical Kenny - which, yeah, it's a bit of inspiration porn, but it's also a huge "fuck you" to god on Kenny's side. And it's not like "hey, I rose over my disability!", the moment in which Kenny talks (complains) most about it is actually when he's playing Mysterion - or it is in the show, at least. He was given bullshit, and yet he used it on his own benefit, but that didn't make the struggle disappear in his usual life - he's still disabled, no matter how much he uses it in his own favor. And we all love him for that.

I think he's actually awesome disability rep, mostly because he's accidental representation, and yet can (and in my opinion should) be read that way. Kenny McCormick is a beloved character everywhere, and he's also canonically disabled, and I love him for it.

[covid-safer-hotties]

Also preserved on our archive

This article pisses me off as the author seems to have been trying to not mention masking and other prevention despite some of those interviewed being pictured wearing masks. Vax and relax helped to get those 1 in 12 Utahns into this situation!

By Emily Ashcraft

SALT LAKE CITY — Blake Bockholt says he used to be very active. He was a high school English teacher who would go running, cycling and canyoneering.

Bockholt suffers from long COVID.

"My life is completely different than I thought it would ever be," he said Wednesday at an event announcing a new long COVID study.

It took Bockholt a few years to figure out where his boundaries were. He said he should have stopped teaching two years earlier than he did. He kept teaching, reducing the number of classes he taught to what most teachers taught, and then fewer than most teachers.

As he pushed himself each day, it would take a large toll on his body — something called post exertion malaise — and he could not recover. That led him to lash out at his family, and eventually his principal stopped by his house and told him he needed to go on disability and stop working.

"I knew the limits were a long time ago. It was coming to terms with that," he said.

The Utah Department of Health and Human Services released a report on Wednesday saying long COVID is significantly impacting many Utahns. The report is designed to provide information to medical providers, patients and others to help all Utahns have similar opportunities for living healthy lives.

"About one out of every 12 Utahns is experiencing long COVID and facing the physical, mental, emotional and financial impacts that can arise. There is a significant unmet need to acknowledge and support these patients and their caregivers," the report says.

Bockholt said now his goals are to take care of his physical and mental health so he can be there for his family. If an activity doesn't benefit his physical or mental health or his family's well-being, he doesn't do it.

He said he is doing much better than he was six months ago, but he does not think he will ever get back into a classroom. Although, he still pushes himself too hard at times, specifically for going to his children's games on the weekends.

"There are some things worth overdoing it," he said.

The report says 57% of Utahns with long COVID reported severe symptoms, or symptoms that had a significant daily impact, in a 2022 survey, while 43% reported mild symptoms. Those with severe long COVID are twice as likely as the average person to have symptoms of depression and anxiety.

Cindy Wynette, a vaccine program manager with the health department who also had lingering symptoms of COVID-19, said she felt alone and didn't have anybody to vent to. She appreciated being able to have discussions in a long COVID Facebook group, which she also used to find resources.

"I was so lucky that my symptoms weren't as severe," she said. "But I can tell you that after about two years, it really did start to get to me."

Wynette said her senses of smell and taste were gone for about a year, and after that they were severely distorted for even longer — which made it hard to cook food for her family and eat.

Now she said she gets each COVID-19 vaccine because she doesn't know what would happen if she contracted COVID-19 again and doesn't want to find out.

The report said the best way to prevent long COVID is with vaccinations.

Lisa O'Brien was on the health department's long COVID committee from its beginning and helped review the study. She said the 1 in 12 statistic was not surprising and is a lower percentage than what she had seen estimated.

She was bedridden by long COVID and said her heart rate would spike anytime she stood up.

"My body just could not regulate and do, like, the normal things that it was supposed to do," she said.

O'Brien said she cycled through about 50 different symptoms. At first, doctors attributed her symptoms to anxiety or the power of suggestion. Eventually she became involved in long COVID communities online. She is one of the first 300 in an international Facebook support group and started a Utah-based one.

Now, she said she is mostly better; she has mild symptoms, sometimes feeling her heart speed up more than it should or waking up in the night with a crazy heart rate — something that is scary for her.

The study found that of people in Utah with long COVID, 54.5% reported excellent or very good health, while 14.1% reported fair or poor health. In the last month at the time of the survey in 2022, 11.3% reported their physical health was not good for at least half of the days, and 16.5% reported their mental health was not good at least half of the time.

O'Brien was a mail carrier for 20 years and said she lived an active life. She didn't want to wonder if that part of her life was gone.

"I wasn't gonna let that happen. I was gonna go out and find help … and take everybody with me," she said.

She got involved in advocacy work early on, even while she was bedridden. She said she knew Utahns were going to need help and there were more people and she didn't want other people to need to follow the same path she was forced to take.

[xpy-poems]

I've been feeling really overwhelmed with all the news about luigi mangione lately and especially today and have been struggling to find an outlet/someone to talk about it with... luckily tumblr exists ig. I've been ruminating on the topic all day (and being woefully unproductive) because I'm thinking, like, what would've pushed him that far? So tbth from the content I've seen today, it seems like LM was dealing with some serious back pain/surgery/recovery/lack of improvement, which can have a serious impact on your mental health.

Personally speaking, I have had chronic back pain for the past 7 years. For around 5-6 of those yrs I was having trouble getting diagnosis and treatment with little to no improvement, until I was finally able to get a doctor to essentially prescribe me an MRI, majority of which was thankfully covered by my mom's insurance from her work. I'm young enough that I can still use her insurance, and I can't even begin to imagine the costs without it. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression ~2yrs ago, which my doctor told me can be seriously impacted by prolonged and/or constant pain without relief (the feelings of hopelessness when youve spent years seeing dr after dr, physical therapists, chiropractors, acupuncturist just to manage the pain, not even relieving it... doing countless excercises and stretches that even hurt to do... it's tough), and my pain isn't even debilitating. I can pretty much function normally (just with constant mid to low level pain) but guys it fucking sucks. Just existing is like 5x harder sometimes-- no one talks about how exhausting it is to be in pain 😭 and I don't even realize it myself sometimes until someone mentions it. (Thankfully, my dr was again able to 'prescribe' therapy for me and get it covered by insurance 🙏.)

From what I've read, LM was dealing with *debilitating* back pain and potentially recovery from a surgery that, by all accounts, would've made no difference and could've made things even worse, and being 26, he would no longer be reliably covered by a (his parent's) health insurance. Whether he had his own, I don't know, and in this economy, there's no guaranteeing it would've helped. Having chronic pain, his premiums would likely be astronomical, if anything he needed would've been covered by a different provider to begin with.

I can't really make any conclusions (not knowing him or his situation on any sort of personal level), but I can't imagine the mental health struggle that comes with all that, especially coming from what looks like a really active, able-bodied life. Not to mention how the state of the world and society impacts the mental health of anyone who thinks too long about it (hello gen z nihilism). Add that to the way our society treats men's mental health, and it looks to me a lot like hopelessness, aggression, and the sense of no other choice plus nothing left to lose.

(I've been thinking and being depressed about this all day, if you couldn't tell)

Edit: I can't tell if everything is still alleged or if anything has been confirmed, but IF (if!!) he had done anything, these would be my thoughts on it, based on what we know about him publicly.

[thisisthinprivilege]

ANONYMOUS PLEASE <3 I’m at my wit’s end with my mother. I wanted to complain about her fatphobia, and I also wanted to you thank you for how reading here has helped me and my sisters. 

I’m a small fat in my 40s. I’ve been a bigger fat, and I’ve also been very, very skinny. I developed anorexia at about age 6 due to the usual issues one develops that from and was thinner than thin until I finally started to actually recover. I got very fat very quickly on the drugs I was put on, then dropped down in size to small fat once I stabilized and didn’t need them. No idea what my “comfortable” or “natural” size would have been without so much damage, but I’m going to guess “about this”, since it’s what I am when I’m neither restricting to the point of heart damage, nor on drugs that also made me sick in many other ways. For me, a comfortable size is the size I have when I’m not actively altering it in ways that hurt me, so I’m not going to question it.

My next younger sister, however, is a bigger fat, and pretty much always has been. In her 30s, she’s fat in a way that does restrict her clothing options and employment (she once told me that an interviewer had given her “feedback” on a job interview, and it was that she looked “sloppy”. She was wearing perfectly nice, clean, pressed, professional clothes- and expensive clothes of course, as that’s the rule for bigger clothes as we know. She was just fat in them.) Being “healthy” doesn’t really matter to this - and indeed if it did I wouldn’t have half of this rant - but she is. Fit and strong, great at physical things like endurance sports in a way I never have been. She is also perhaps the most self-aware and level-headed person I have ever met about stuff like this. When what people say bothers her, she will discuss her feelings and not try to hide them or their impact, but she will also deconstruct, and conclude that what the person has said is stupid. So it’s like she neither tries to pretend she’s immune to harm, nor allows others to be right in hurting her. 

And she eats exactly what she wants, and since we’re both autistic this also includes pickiness on sensory stuff - she doesn’t eat what she doesn’t want to, and does eat what she does. She was a great person to be around during my recovery, even though I never even mentioned to her at the time that I was in it (I didn’t tell anyone in my family about it until years later,) just because she made food such a non-issue. 

And our mother will not shut up about her size. Our mother is also fat, we’re a fat family, but my mother decided years ago that I am the one to make my sister “address her weight.” I literally left the country to get away from my family (not related to this specifically) and she STILL emails me about it. I don’t respond to those emails. I DO have lovely chats with my beloved sister on Skype though. 

I have tried all your scripts with my mom before - the team here have SO many great scripts that have worked wonderfully for me in other situations, like work or friend groups. I have told my mother I don’t agree, many times backed up with sources (sources thanks to you!) I have told her I’m not interested in the conversation and have hung up or walked away when she has persisted. I’ve called her out when she tries it on in public on multiple occasions. She will not stop. She is convinced that my extremely wonderful, fit and thriving, very happy sister is at death’s door. She’s also convinced that I, a person who has been repeatedly hospitalized for ED and the mental complications that caused it (which she now knows all about, and in fact did visit me in hospital the last time I was in, which was only a few years ago by the way) am the person to talk to her about it and make her see the error of her ways. My sister and I talk quite openly about this, and we’re both agreed our mother is full of shit and we’ll both be ignoring this. We both have also decided to persist in having a relationship with her, though with BIG boundaries around it. (Trust me, this fat bullshit is the thin edge of the wedge with her, and we’re both VERY exacting about when we will talk to her and what about. But we also both love our mother, and she’s the only parent we have.) The thing I’m most struggling with I think is that as I said, our mother is also fat. I actually feel some real sympathy here as I’m aware she’s clearly projecting her own issues on both of her daughters, but god is it mean. She couldn’t see how sick I was when I was skinny, even though I was very literally beginning to die (in fact, all she had to say to me was to mention my weight when I got fat) and she can’t see how happy my sister is in her life, because she’s fat so can’t possibly be happy, and she’s still, now, as perhaps some last gasp of control, attempting to make us fight each other over it. 

It hasn’t worked, thankfully, and it never will.

My mom has many other issues, I’m sure, but my god, it is sometimes quite astounding to look at what hell fatphobia hath wrought on my mom’s psyche and ideas of being a parent. I’m grateful my sister(s) and I instead read blogs like this so we’ll hopefully pass a lot less of this on. So I guess this rant is half a complaint and half a thanks. It’s been really helpful to be able to come here and read, for both of us (and our younger sisters as well, who we are steadily converting), to remind ourselves that mom’s wrong. My sister is fat and an exceptional person. I’m fat now too, and the world didn’t end (and in fact actually got a lot better.) Our mom is just plain fucking wrong.    Anyway, thank you. I know you’re not planning to be as active with new posts lately, but please know that you’ve been wonderful this whole time, and keeping your archives up is of immense help to at least this one group of sisters. It's been awesome to relay one of the younger ones to an older post from time to time (actually quite a few times!) Note: I wanted to tag ED as I do mention it but I don't see it in the list of tags under submission. I tagged "trigger warning", "Weightloss", and "food" to hopefully cover it. 

Apologies for the first post of this.

[camp-counselor-life]

Mental Health Month for Camp Staff

Ok, so May is Mental Health Month and I made a post a while back that I wasn't sure I would do anything for it (universe knows I did very little for every other awareness month this year). But here we are, late May, and I am ready to write this post.

I think the best question to ask here is "What role does camp play in mental health?" And there's so many places to go with this question. We can break it down further by talking about the role it plays for camper mental health, for staff, and even for parents. Honestly, most of us are probably very aware that camp plays a role in mental health, even if we can't articulate it. So here goes, here are some ways that camp impacts mental health:

It is an escape to a safe place. This is probably the most obvious one, because so many people talk about camp being their safe space or their escape from the troubles of life. Camp is a safe space though, and we as camp staff are a big part of making that.

It promotes healthy social connections. Camp is built around developing healthy group dynamics and friendships. How many of us have met close friends through camp?

It creates a sense of routine and consistency. Camp might be chaos, but it's got its own rhythms and rituals, both for staff and campers. Flag, meals, bedtime and wake times, all of these are fairly consistent throughout the weeks and months of camp.

It supports conversations with emotional fluency. We are pros at navigating friendship issues at camp, so campers benefit, but staff also not only get training and practice in this emotional fluency (I hope), they also model it with coworkers, often with the help of more senior staff.

It provides a caring, supportive adult. This one might sound like it only applies to the kiddos, but hear me out. In the camp environment, most of us find some sort of caring support, either campers from a camp staff or camp staff from each other.

It supports healthy coping skills. Camp is plentiful with coping skills and lessons, although they probably aren't presented that way. We love journaling, reflections, and gratitude practices. Not to mention time in nature, social time, and more activities that are built into the camp day.

It supports time outdoors and active time. Physical activity, in whatever form you do it, helps promote mental wellness. For me it has greatly reduced my anxiety and mood symptoms (even if it's not 100%) and has had the added bonus of creating a habit that puts me in contact with my neighbors. Activity is a part of camp I loved, and a lot of people find their favorite ways to move through experiences, which they may not have without camp.

It is an opportunity to be silly and laugh. Those Pinterest quotes that say laughter is the best medicine might be on to something. The happiness that many of us feel at camp, regardless of position, can't be discounted for it's benefits.

I'm sure there are even more benefits. Have a great rest of your May and into your summer!

[july13th2004]

Dream Me Home

Characters/Relationships: Kratos Aurion, Anna Irving, Kratos Aurion/Anna Irving, Kranna, Dirk, Lloyd Irving, Dirk & Lloyd Irving, Dirk & Anna Irving, Anna Irving & Lloyd Irving  

Genre: Gen/Angst/Family/Romantic Fluff

Rating: T

Warnings: Some Blood/Injury/Non-Sexual Intimacy

Word Count: 3183

Mirror Link: AO3 | Pixiv 

Summary: Anna shares a story with Kratos one night, before they fall asleep, detailing more of what her life was like when she was apart from him. She also shares more with him about the book that had a deep, meaningful impact on her leading up to their reunion.

Author's Note: It's Good Couple Day! So here's a fic that I was going to post sometime back in September, but it wasn't even close to being finished at the time. This one is set in my Anna Lives AU, and is going to read a little differently than any of my past fics. Also, the romance and fluff in this one is more subtle than some of my past fics.

Anna always dreaded her weekly trips to buy supplies in Iselia. She despised having to conceal her identity just to protect not only herself, but Lloyd, Dirk, and Noishe too. And with the increase in monster activity in the forest, she usually ended up fatigued from all the battles by the time she either reached town or the cabin. All of this was starting to wear on her both mentally and physically.

So when she was about a hundred yards away from the entrance into town on this particular trip, she took a moment to stop and recover some of her energy before lifting the hood on her poncho up over her head. She took out a jar of apple gels from her knapsack and popped one into her mouth, quickly chewing then swallowing while she impatiently waited for the apple flavored gummy to take effect. Once the apple gel took effect, and some of her energy had recovered, she threw her hood up over her head, making sure it concealed her eyes without making it difficult to see where she was walking, then walked off slowly towards the entrance into town.

Usually after purchasing all of the supplies and groceries the four of them would need for the week she would try to get back to the cabin as soon as possible, but today was different. Today there was a traveling merchant in town, one who just so happened to be selling a variety of books. This piqued Anna's interest so she made her way over towards the crowd of people that started to gather around the merchant.

“Gather around everyone!” The merchant shouted merrily, “I've got lots of books from all over! From Palmacosta, Izoold, Asgard, even Luin! And all are just waiting for you to purchase!”

Anna perked up at the mention of her hometown and squeezed her way through the crowd towards the merchant's table. She ended up on the far left side of the table and began to peruse the variety of books on display. Each book had a card displayed in front of it containing information about the title, the author's name, a brief summary, and what town or city it came from. One book that caught her attention immediately just happened to be one from her hometown of Luin. Before she could take a closer look at the summary on the card, though, she heard a woman next to her excuse herself as she reached over to pick up another book and its respective information card near the one she was looking at.

“Oh, excuse me…” The woman said politely before quickly reaching over and grabbing one of the books and its information card from off its display. “I just wanted to take a closer look at this one.”

Anna briefly glanced at the woman without responding to her. The woman had stark white and slightly spiked hair, and she was wearing an ivory colored blouse and a pair of dark colored slacks. It certainly wouldn't be difficult to find her in a crowd.

___________

“I don't mean to interrupt you, my dear, but you never mentioned that you met Raine before.” Kratos commented, tilting his head to look down at his wife, his hand giving her bare shoulder a soft squeeze.

Anna gave her husband's bare chest a quick kiss, then looked up at him. “Oh, well I suppose that's because I only met her in passing, and just that one time. I also never asked for her name or knew that she was Lloyd's teacher at the time.”

She then let out a sigh before continuing, “Lloyd wasn't interested in discussing school with me, despite my repeated attempts to try and talk with him about it.”

He gave her a soft, knowing smile, then gestured for her to continue with her story.

___________

Anna took a closer look at the information card for the book that caught her eye moments earlier. While she didn't recognize the author's name, the summary seemed to intrigue her enough that she was greatly interested in purchasing it. She asked the merchant about the price after quietly getting his attention. He happily told her the price, and she took out her bag of gald and handed him the correct amount without a second thought. The price was quite a splurge, but she believed it would be worth it in the end. And this book seemed to be exactly what she needed to read right now.

After making her way back through the crowd of people with her new book in hand, she hurriedly ran towards the town entrance and exited into the forest. She took a quick look at her new book, examining the gold plated title and author's name on its pristine looking leather bound cover and spine. The book’s title, ‘Dream Me Home’, appeared to be embossed into the leather, and the book also appeared to be new, as though it had been printed and released recently. Anna was excited to read it and couldn't wait to get back to the cabin as she reluctantly placed the book inside her knapsack.

She briefly checked to make sure her sheathed daggers were secure at her sides, before taking off and running into the forest.

___________

“Wait, my dear, you kept those daggers I gave you?” Kratos inquired, raising his head again along with an eyebrow.

Anna averted her gaze, her eyes looking downcast as she answered, “Well, when you left Lloyd and I in Iselia, I ended up losing them. If I recall, I think it was when Kvar and his men caught up to us. I remember Lloyd and I had to hide in an unoccupied house in town for a few days while they searched the town. Eventually, he found us, and well, you know the rest… I most likely ended up losing them inside that house before he found us.”

He reached up and cupped her cheek, his expression crestfallen as he spoke in a sincere and sympathetic tone. “I apologize again, my dear. Truly.”

She placed her hand atop his and leaned into his gentle, loving touch. “You don't have to apologize for that again, honey. You didn't know, and we were both misled in thinking that intel you received actually came from the resistance group.”

Kratos sighed and turned his head, his spiky bangs fell in front of his eyes, and Anna could tell his worries still hadn't been assuaged.

“Still, Anna… I…”

Anna shook her head, then reached down to cup his cheek. “Oh, Kratos… I've already forgiven you for all of your decisions back then. …And now we're together again, and that's all that matters going forward.”

She then leaned down and kissed his cheek, letting her lips linger for a time.

“I hope that you can forgive yourself soon, honey. Not just for your sake, but for mine as well…”

Her husband slowly turned his head back to her, and their eyes met. His expression softened and he gave her a gentle, knowing smile while his thumb lightly brushed her cheek.

“I will try, my dear.” He remarked, his eyes boring into hers, “Now please continue…”

“Oh, well, anyway…” Anna began as she placed her hands on her husband's chest, “About a year after Dirk rescued Lloyd and I, and after I had fully recovered from my injuries, Dirk crafted a new pair of daggers for me. And I've used those ever since.”

___________

Anna was exhausted and had acquired a few new injuries by the time she exited the forest and made her way along the stone path back to the cabin. She ate another apple gel and downed a panacea bottle before entering the cabin. Lloyd and Dirk immediately stood up from their seats at the dining table and ran up to her.

“Mom, are you okay?” Lloyd asked, his expression and voice full of concern. “You don't look so good.”

“I'll be all right, Lloyd.” She replied, giving her son a weak and tired smile as she gingerly set her knapsack down on the floor and took off her poncho. “Just had a few rough battles with those hornets again.”

The young teen’s eyes glanced over at his mother's arms, and he immediately noticed the trickle of blood running down from both of her upper arms. “But Mom, you're bleeding!”

Anna looked down at both of her arms. “Oh, I see… Then-”

Before she could finish her response, though, she collapsed to the floor.

“Mom!” Lloyd cried out, panicking and rushing to her side.

“Lloyd, grab ya mother's bag and follow me.” Dirk instructed the teen after taking Anna into his arms. “It looks like I'll be doing the cooking tonight. Ya mother needs to rest for a while.”

The young teen nodded and immediately grabbed his mother's knapsack. Dirk carried Anna up the stairs and to her bedroom, with Lloyd following closely behind. He set her down on her bed, then turned to the young teen, who set his mother's bag down next to the bed.

“Take the supplies out of ya mother's bag, Lloyd. Then put everything away in the kitchen.” The dwarf told the teen, “I’m gonna bandage up her wounds right quick, then we should both let her rest until dinner’s ready.”

Lloyd nodded, then proceeded to take out the separate bags of groceries and supplies from inside her rather large knapsack. Dirk expertly bandaged up Anna's wounds on her arms as Lloyd left the room and headed downstairs to put the groceries and other supplies away. The dwarf then quietly left the room when he was finished with caring for her injuries.

___________

“Did this happen often, my dear?” Kratos asked, his voice full of concern as he kissed the top of her head and wrapped his arms around her.

“No, it usually only happened about once a year.” Anna replied reassuringly, nuzzling her head against his chest. “And I think the reason why it happened is because the panacea always took hours to counteract the poison. At least for me it would. I’d usually wake up a couple hours later from my poison induced fainting spell feeling completely fine again.”

Kratos only hugged her tighter in response. He still felt immensely guilty about not being able to protect her all those years they had been apart from each other.

___________

When Anna came to around two hours later, she looked over at the nightstand on the right side of her bed, and noticed a still piping hot bowl of stew with a note beside it. The note was from Dirk, and it was short and to the point. It read:

I made ya that beef stew ya always like to make for the three of us. Hope I followed yer recipe correctly! Eat up and feel better!

Anna smiled to herself as she took the bowl of stew off the nightstand and began to eat. Dirk had always been so kind to both her and Lloyd. Sure, he could be a little gruff and even harsh at times, but it was never without reason. Once she was finished with her meal, she placed the bowl back on the nightstand and reached for her knapsack on the floor at the side of her bed. She was eager to start reading her new book.

The hours seemed to fly by as she sat up comfortably in her bed and read the book she purchased earlier in the day. She was nearly finished with the fifth chapter when she heard a knock at her door.

“Hey mom, if you're awake now, can I come in?” Lloyd asked after quietly knocking on his mother's bedroom door. “I just wanted to say goodnight to you before I go to bed.”

“Yes, Lloyd I'm awake now.” Anna answered her son. “You can come in.”

She heard her son let out a relieved sigh as he slowly opened the door and entered her room.

“Oh, I'm so happy to see you awake, mom!” Lloyd cheerfully mentioned, “Are you feeling better now?”

Anna nodded at her son and gave him a soft smile. “I'm fine now, Lloyd, though I'll probably keep these bandages on my arms overnight. It must be getting late if you're heading to bed now. I guess I lost track of time.”

“What's that book you're reading, mom?” The young teen asked, pointing to the book on the bed next to Anna.

“Oh, this is the book I purchased earlier today when I bought groceries in town.” Anna replied, “I've read about five chapters already, and so far I'm really enjoying it.”

“What's it about?” Her son asked, giving her a slightly intrigued expression.

She gave her son a soft, yet wistful smile, and replied, “It's about a knight and a commoner who are lovers. The knight often has to be apart from his lover for months, even years at a time before they can reunite. And the commoner often dreams, almost every night, of when her lover will return to her for good.”

Lloyd frowned, and his expression turned to one of mild disgust, “That doesn't sound like something I'd want to read. Romance? Gross…”

Anna gave her son a soft, knowing smile, “Well, Lloyd, someday you might fall in love with someone, and the whole idea of romance and being romantic won't sound so bad anymore.”

___________

Kratos softly chuckled, “I can see our son making that sort of comment.”

“Yeah, and look at where he is now.” Anna laughed wistfully. “It's hard to believe this happened about five years ago.”

The couple was now facing each other under the covers in bed, her hand over his in the middle of the pillow they shared.

“Indeed, my dear…” Her husband agreed, “How long did it take you to finish reading this book? And when did you start dreaming about me and our future reunion?”

She thought for a moment, then replied, “Hmm… I think it took me about a week to finish the book, since I only had enough time in the day to read it at night before I went to bed. And for your second question, I believe I started dreaming about your return to me the night after I first finished reading the book.”

Kratos gave her a thoughtful smile, “I see… You told me that one morning when I found the book on the nightstand, that after reading it, your hope that I would return to you had been restored. You also mentioned that you had a conversation with Lloyd one night in regards to your feelings about waiting for me, and that your conversation with him gave you some renewed hope as well. Did Lloyd notice any improvement in your mood after reading this book?”

“Oh, I think he did almost immediately.” Anna replied, giving him another wistful smile. “And I truly meant it when I told you that morning that this book had a profound impact on me over the last few years.”

___________

Lloyd noticed a significant improvement in his mother's mood and demeanor about a week later. She appeared to be her usually cheerful and determined self once again.

“You've been in a really good mood the last couple of days, mom.” The young teen commented one morning to his mother as they were eating breakfast. “I'm so glad that you're happy again!”

Anna couldn't help but laugh a little at her son's comment. “And I'm glad you noticed, Lloyd! I think I'm finally feeling like my usual self again. It was quite tiring feeling so down all the time, and for so many months until now. I hope you never have to experience that feeling, at least not for as long as I had.”

Her son flashed her a bright grin and the two continued to talk until they were finished eating and Lloyd had to head off to school. Once Anna was finished with washing and drying off their dishes, she told Dirk she was going into town to buy groceries and supplies and would be back in a couple hours. For the first time in months, perhaps even years, Anna no longer felt that heavy sense of dread she usually felt with her weekly trips into town.

Over the next few months and years, whenever she began to feel that dread and doubt again, she would recall a few of those poignant words the knight told his lover in the epilogue of that fateful book.

If we should ever have to be apart again, my love, then dream me home. Dream me home. Until I am able to return to your side.

___________

“And that's exactly what I did off and on for the next few months and years, until you returned home to me, for good.” Anna concluded after giving her husband a lingering kiss on his cheek.

“That was a nice bedtime story, my dear.” Kratos commented, softly chuckling before letting out a yawn. “Perhaps I should finish reading this book sometime this week…”

“Oh, you don't have to if you don't want to, honey.” She added, shaking her head slightly. “I just wanted to tell you in more detail how much of an impact this book had on me the past few years before our reunion. And I suppose I also wanted to share more of what my life was like while we were apart.”

“And I'm glad you did, my dear. But that's why I would like to finish reading this book, too. Because I know how much it means to you.” He stated sincerely, reaching up to cup and caress her cheek.

Anna immediately wrapped her arms around her husband's neck and kissed him deeply. “Oh, Kratos… I know I've told you this numerous times over the last month, but I am so, so happy we're together again! And I am so grateful we were given another chance to spend the rest of our lives together. I love you, honey!”

Kratos automatically wrapped his arms around her and embraced her tightly, one hand reaching up to gently hold her head. “I love you too, my dear. And I promise I will always be by your side. Both now and for the rest of our lives.”

___________

“You know I still dream about you, right? Even when I'm asleep in your arms…” Anna commented sleepily a short while later, comfortably resting her head against her husband's chest.

Kratos kissed the top of her head. “I sometimes dream about you, too, my dear. Now let's go to sleep…”

“All right… Thank you for listening to my story tonight, honey. Goodnight, Kratos… I love you.” She murmured before falling asleep.

He smiled to himself and kissed the crown of her head again before letting his head fall back against the pillow. “Goodnight, Anna… And I love you, too, my dear.”

Then Kratos closed his eyes and fell asleep with Anna wrapped in his warm and safe embrace. The couple dreamt sweet dreams of each other as they looked forward to waking up together, and in each other's arms when morning arrived.

[wildwinterlunas]

Alright I saw someone post about people misinterpreting Gabe being an ex-cop and it got me thinking....

And you know what happens when I start to think...

So this person pointed out that Reyes left the police force and joined the military right after he realised the corruption within the police force and that nothing he did effected anything. This is a cycle that repeated up until Overwatch, which is what Doomfist used to manipulate Reyes. This person is correct and I think the reason why this isn't pointed out more is because of how bad "Code of Violence" is written. I stated before that what upsets me about CoV is the fact it brings up so many interesting points but it's bogged down by the shitty character writing and the lack of focus on those points. This is one of the things that is heavily effected by those problems.

Reyes saw the same corruption time and time again to the point when he talked to Akande he was already at a breaking point. The thing is though is that a big part of Reyes's character in this aspect is that he sees the corruption in the police force, in the military, in Overwatch, but what he doesn't look at is how he's contributing to that corruption. Reyes is said to have been "hard on crime" when he was a police officer, which might seem good on the surface, more criminals locked away means less crime right? But that's not how it works, and it actively ends up benefitting the corruption within the police force. Him being harder on crime didn't do anything because Reyes himself was contributing to the corruption. This cycle repeats up until a very important moment.

When Gabe hires Cassidy.

Now I have been on record saying that Cassidy did not have much of a choice in joining Blackwatch, it was either that or a high security prison, not to mention he was around 17 at the time. I have also been on record saying that Blackwatch was not a health work environment. However, that doesn't erase the fact that for Cassidy it gave him an out, gave him a chance to do something other than crime, it had many downsides but it still helped Cassidy.

And it's also something Reyes had never done previously, give a criminal a second chance. This is a positive turning point for Gabriel's character, and it would continue to be positive until Moira and Genji, Genji because he really shouldn't have been hired in the state he was in, both physically and mentally, and Moira for very obvious reasons.

The thing about Reyes when I first started thinking about this is that I noticed he tends to over correct, he saw what he did with Cassidy made a change, something that hadn't happened before, and then proceeded to give a chance to people who either shouldn't have been given one or should have been given a different chance. Then when that (literally) blew up in his face, he went back to what he was doing before, being hard on the people he thinks deserves it.

The saddest thing about this is the fact that if he had just talked to Cassidy, someone who is a confirmed victim of the systems in place, he would have gotten some insight on what he was doing wrong. But another thing about Reyes is that he's stubborn, combining that with the fact he tends to underestimate Cole. Instead of looking for advice, something Cassidy would give him, he ended up pushing him away.

And this leads me to my last point.

This continuous cycle of recognising corruption, trying to fix that corruption, ends up helping corruption spread, leads to Reyes becoming Reaper. Leads him into becoming the thing that he was fighting against, because he is now helping an organisation that directly benefits from the corruption of the world. An organisation determined to make history repeat itself. A history Gabe lived through and saw didn't actually have that much of a positive impact other than to the people who actively benefited from it, aka, the rich and well connected that exploit other people and get away with it.

Honestly I don't know why I haven't taken a better look at this until now, it is so interesting to look deeper into.

[aspengenic]

I think is interesting how in one video Noelle explains that they're a subsystem, the one on internet is a subsystem

I don't know if they're the general host subsystem or if they're just fronting for internet, but either way the rest of their system outside their subsystem must know about what Aspen and Noelle are doing and how it's harming, forget about all the people who she harms because it's obvious she doesn't care about them, but the main system should know that what Aspen and Noelle (Just mentioning them because they're the most active on socials) are doing is harming them

Aspen doesn't need the internet break, all The Entourage subsystem need a break from socials because they're doing themselves more harm than anything and they should acknowledge that

When I heard they're a subsystem I really felt bad for their main system, I know Aspen's and Noelle's actions are pretty shitty, but their immaturity is harming them so bad that they don't even see it and that might be a problem in their recovery process

Idk I'm just rambling

Also I'm sorry all this cowards were reaching you in anon to defend Aspen and demonstrate they don't even understand for what this blog's about

From what I've heard, the Entourage Subsystem is likeee... the one that handles social media altogether? Or maybe I'm misremembering, so correct me if I'm wrong. Part of me wonders if they log out of their socials if - and when - they feel someone else outside of the subsystem around. Maybe the rest of the system genuinely doesn't know about it. I think if I recall correctly, they mentioned that littles are usually fronting if it's not the subsystem, but again! correct me if I'm wrong.

I do also feel bad for the rest of the system and maybe through therapy, amnesia barriers will be removed more and the rest of the system will be able to do something about it.

I definitely agree the subsystem as a whole needs the break though, like. I've said it before and I still stand by it, Noelle isn't any better, and neither is Exploit. They have a loooottttt of healing they need to do. It is nice seeing they're not as bad as they were before being put on medication, and I do get that Aspen is extremely self destructive, but that should be all the more reason to keep them offline, and they're still causing harm whether or not they're on meds - it's just not as bad.

I can acknowledge there has been some growth there, but it feels like they take one step forward and two steps back and they have not taken accountability for anything even still. They definitely need a break from social media.

As for the anons, it really didn't bother me that much. However, I do actually have generalized anxiety disorder and the constant flood I was getting wasss... yeah. Overall it was something I was genuinely laughing about, but I know how it can impact my mental health and I'd rather nip that in the bud before my mental health does a decline. For as long as I've had this blog, I haven't gotten any anon hate that I can recall and today it was like the floodgates opened. I was doing my second job today (which is from home, so it wasn't impacting me in a physical workplace) and it was not something I expected at all.

Unfortunately I will have people that disagree, a lot of new fans that are probably very young and vulnerable to manipulation and genuinely just don't know about everything they've done collectively, and will send hate to this blog. That should've been a given and something I should've been more mentally prepared for. I definitely have a hard time ignoring anon hate or passive aggressive comments and that's something I need to work on in general, to just not give them the time of day and delete/block.

But it can also be the other way around. If you don't like what this blog is for or about, the block button is free, it's very easily accessible. You can just block and move on. /nay

I do find it a bit interesting that their mods know about the blog, and part of me wonders what the mods think about it. I've heard stories from ex mods of theirs coming out with how they were treated by Aspen and co, and part of me hopes these mods aren't treated the same way as past mods have been. I hope Aspen and co are also listening to their current mods if/when they give her any constructive criticism.

[youremyheaven]

Talking about films, The Shawshank Redemption feels like a Saturnian film to me. As I near the end of my Shani Mahadasha, I reflect on the lessons of Saturn. The lead character's life sentence for a crime he didn’t commit mirrors how Saturn punishes you for past karmas, making the Mahadasha itself feel like being in jail—constantly monitored, living in fear of punishment, and doing thankless jobs, all while questioning what you did wrong. Throughout his prison life, he faced significant challenges that would traumatize anyone. However, he had to keep his head down, work honestly, do his daily chores, and consistently dig his tunnel for 19 years, one step at a time. In the end, his perseverance paid off—he escaped and took the illegal money he had laundered for his warden as a finance guy, reaping the rewards for his honest efforts. Time moves very slowly during this period, often leaving you lost in your thoughts, reassessing your entire life by recalling and reflecting on past events. To distract yourself, you must stay busy with physical or mental activities. For every wrong action, he was sent to 'the hole,' a solitary prison with no light, signifying even harsher punishments for wrongful acts during Saturn Mahadasha. You can’t live freely during this Mahadasha; any attempt to do so is met with external resistance. Reflecting on my time during this Dasha, I realized the many similarities between the film and Saturn Mahadasha. It just clicked one day, and I felt like sharing. Overall it's no doubt an uncomfortable period but brings on massive and permanent character development

😭😭😭BESTIEEEE 😭😭😭

Shawshank is one of the first "grown up" films I watched in my early teens and it had a very profound impact on me. So seeing you mention it and compare it to Saturn MD really hit home 🥺

Thank you so much for sharing 🥺

I'm curious about where your Saturn is??

Everybody experiences their dasha differently so I hope nobody's discouraged reading this. It does not have to be as brutal. It can be but honestly through great difficulty, we achieve greatness ✨ nothing in life is easy and if you must suffer, you can suffer during any dasha. But that said, yes, Saturn is a tough one.

It reminds me of the song One of the Girls by Jennie, The Weeknd & Lily Rose Depp. All three of them have Vishaka in their big 3 and that song is super Vishaka/Jupiter coded

When Jennie sings "top of the world but I'm still not free, this is a secret that I keep, until it's gone, I can never find peace, waste my whole life, just to be" ,, she was talking about Saturn mahadasha ya'll 🤣🤣🤣😭

The lyrics really hit home because for the majority of Jennie's career, she was actually going through her Saturn MD and she's also Saturn atmakaraka and girlie has truly endured so much 😪