#not the healthiest way of thinking lol but it is a thing

[itsmistyeyedbi]

This might be a silly question but...do anyone of your detective's believe in fate? Why or why not? Did their view of it change after meeting Unit Bravo and experiencing the events of the twc books?

[widevibratobitch]

almost made a very insensitive post but i Stopped <3

[cheapshrimpysheep]

I read the rules and I hope I'm not doing something against them! I have a cute request... Headconan with the Pomefiore trio (Vil, Rook, Epel Separately) and a female reader who was tasked with taking care of a newborn for a day (I didn't think whose child is this honestly lol I just liked the idea.) and she ask them to help her :3

COMMENTS: I liked the idea! The only problem is that I have 0 experience with children, let alone babies. 😅 So I asked a friend of mine who has taken care of newborns to help me, and she did such a good job that I ended up writing more than I expected. 💜

I hope you and all enjoy it 👶

CHARACTERS: Pomefiore (Vil Schoenheit / Epel Felmier / Rook Hunt)

TAGS: Fluff; Fem Reader; Headcanons; Flirting

WORD COUNT: An average of 680 words per character.

CONTEXT: You hear someone knocking on the door of Ramshackle Dorm and when you open it you find Professor Trein holding in his arms, not Lucius, but a baby.

He explains to you that one of his daughters showed up to visit him and the island, but she needed to do something and asked Professor Trein to take care of his grandson for a while. But Professor Trein still has work to do and can't take care of the baby at the same time, so he asks you to take care of him for a day until his daughter comes back.

He also tells you that if you need help, ask Pomefiore's students as they are some of the ones he trusts most.

“Me? Help take care of a baby? I have never done such a thing. Why would you ask me for help? I'm sure someone with younger siblings would be more qualified for-” Vil is interrupted by the baby who started crying in your arms. He sighs. “Sorry, I shouldn't have spoken that way. May I?”

Vil stretches his arms to ask you to hand him the baby. Despite saying he had no experience with children, he picks up the baby with incredible delicacy.

“You're right, you're right. I shouldn't speak so harshly in front of you.” He says in the sweetest voice you've ever heard from him, as he rocks a little and smiles at the baby. The baby starts to calm down and looks at Vil's face in amazement.

“Someone has good taste.” He chuckles, then looks at you. “Very well, I'll help you. But only because this is Professor Trein's grandson. However, I'm also curious to see how you do on this task.”

Whenever the baby starts crying for some reason, Vil is always very calm about it. No matter how many failed attempts to understand what the baby needs, he will never show any kind of frustration. At least not near the baby.

If the baby is crying because he has a dirty diaper: The first time this happens, Vil will ask you to change it so he can see how it's done. And if it happens again he will offer to do it that time. The two of you will take turns whenever this happens afterwards.

If the baby is crying because he is hungry and needs a bottle, Vil will offer to prepare the milk in the healthiest way for a baby. But he will ask you to be the one to feed the baby.

While you give the baby a bottle, Vil will watch you. Not to check if you are doing it correctly, but to enjoy the sight of you doing it. You can't read minds, so he can imagine that this is your beautiful baby as much as he wants. If you look at him, he will simply smile at you.

If the baby is crying because he is sleepy and Vil offers to try to rock him, you will see him standing and rocking gently while singing a lullaby with his beautiful voice. He will look at you at some point and smirk at your admiring gaze. “You and this baby are lucky.” He will whisper after the baby falls asleep. “I have never sung exclusively for anyone.”

If you rock the baby and sing him a lullaby, Vil will look at you with admiration and affection. And if, by chance, you are singing a song that he knows, he will join you and the two of you will sing together. He will even get closer to you and in the end you will see the baby sleeping in your arms and between the two of you. Vil will smile smugly and whisper to you: “Be careful if you brag about this to anyone. There are people who would kill to be in your place.”

While the baby is sleeping, the two of you will try to entertain yourself in quiet ways. Vil will continue with his usual routines if he can and make you join him. Any beauty treatments he does like skin care, he will do them to you too.

If the baby is crying because he is simply in need of some affection, you will probably be the person in charge of that. Vil will see you talking to the baby, hugging him and giving him little kisses on the cheek, maybe even talking to him in that baby voice.

Vil will start to daydream about you, imagining you taking care of his and your child. And he will smile thinking about it. Entertaining the baby will be your job. Let's face it, you're probably more fun than Vil in this regard.

If you are in a flirting phase with each other, he will approach you, hug you from behind while you hold the baby in your arms and whisper in your ear: “You would be a wonderful mother. And I know that our children would be the fairest of all.”

“You're in luck. I already had to take care of my cousin a few times when he was a newborn, so I have some type of experience at least.” Epel tells you half confident, half fearful.

Even though he wants to convey confidence, you can see that he holds the baby tensely, as if he were holding a very expensive piece of glass and was afraid of breaking it.

When the baby starts crying he immediately gets worried because there are a multitude of reasons why the baby could be crying and you both just have to guess what it is.

He will always interact with the baby with a smile, but the more failed attempts to understand what the baby needs, the more frustrated he will become and it will reach a point where he will grab you by the arm and say in despair: "WHAT DOES HE WANT?!"

If the baby is crying because he has a dirty diaper, Epel will say: "Oh, I've already changed my cousin's diapers a few times, I can take care of that."

If the baby is crying because he is hungry and needs a bottle, Epel will help you prepare the milk for the bottle.

If Epel is the one giving the baby a bottle, you will see him sitting on the sofa focusing on the baby in his arm and on the bottle. At first his expression is almost serious, but as soon as he becomes more comfortable you see him smiling at the baby. “Wow, for someone so little you have a big appetite, don't you? Heh heh.”

If you are the one giving the baby the bottle, Epel will look at you while you are distracted with the baby. If you look at him, he will look away and you will see him blushing slightly because of the things he was thinking.

If the baby is crying because he is sleepy and Epel offers to try to rock him, you will see him standing and rocking gently while singing a lullaby from his homeland with that dialect that you only understand half the words. And you will hear him sing with that sweet voice he has.

If you rock the baby and sing him a lullaby, Epel will look at you with admiration and affection. And if, by chance, you are singing a song that he knows, he will join you and the two of you will sing together. He will even get closer to you and in the end you will see the baby sleeping in your arms and between the two of you. Epel will blush and turn away.

While the baby is sleeping, the two of you will try to entertain yourself in quiet ways. Good chance he'll start carving some apples for you.

If the baby is crying because he is simply in need of some affection, you will probably be the person in charge of that. Epel will see you talking to the baby, hugging him and giving him little kisses on the cheek, maybe even talking to him in that baby voice.

Epel will start to daydream about you, but he won't even dream of telling you anything about it. Eventually, he may join you in making the baby happy.

“You are asking me for help with taking care of a baby? BEAUTÉ! Oh, what a wonderful experience to go through with you of all people! ... If I have any experience with babies? Absolutely none! Isn't that exciting?” He says with an enthusiastic smile and not at all worried, unlike you.

The first time he asks to hold the baby, you may even be reluctant to let him do it. “Protective already?” He smiles at you in admiration. “Indeed, there is no more beautiful and inspiring power in nature than the fierce protection of a mother. Or of any woman over a child. I am so extremely lucky to be able to see this side of you.”

But if you eventually let him hold the baby, you will see him take great care when holding him. And looking at the baby with an extremely affectionate look. “To think that we all started out in this world so fragile. La beauté de la nature.”

When the baby starts crying he will be...excited about it? He genuinely enjoys having to figure out what the baby needs and failing in his attempts. “Oh, we haven't figured it out yet? What could it be?” He says smiling.

If the baby is crying because he has a dirty diaper: The first time this happens, Rook will ask you to change it so he can see how it's done. He can learn and appreciate you at the same time. And if it happens again he will gladly offer to do it that time. The two of you will take turns whenever this happens afterwards.

If the baby is crying because he is hungry and needs a bottle, Rook will help you prepare the milk for the bottle.

Just like with diapers, the first time this happens Rook will ask you to be the one to give the bottle to the baby so he can see how it’s done. However, he learns quickly in the first few seconds. The rest of the time he will simply enjoy the sight of you doing it. And if you look at him, he won't look away, you'll see him looking at you with an extremely admiring and affectionate look, and smiling at you with a slight blush on his face.

After that, if it happens again, Rook will gladly offer to be the one to give the baby the bottle this time. You will see him sitting on the sofa, smiling while focus on the baby in his arm, at least in the beginning. As he begins to feel more comfortable, you will see his shoulders relax. If he looks at you and sees you looking at him with a certain kind of affection, he will smile broadly.

If the baby is crying because he is sleepy,  Rook will immediately offer to sing a lullaby to him. But he will teach it to you first in case you don't know, so you can sing it together. Rook will ask you to be the one holding the baby. You can see that he feels more protected and relaxed with you (I wonder why). As you sing, Rook will focus on you while you focus on the baby.

While the baby is sleeping, Rook's attention will remain focused on you. He will join you for any activity you want to do to entertain yourself.

If the baby is crying because he is simply in need of some affection, Rook will try to fulfill this role, but even for a baby his love seems to be too much, and the baby starts to struggle in his arms because he wants you to be the one to give him affection. Rook will be a little sad that he was rejected so brutally honestly, but will be very happy to see you making the baby happy. However, he will continue to help in any way he can.

Rook will see you talking to the baby, hugging him and giving him little kisses on the cheek, maybe even talking to him in that baby voice. And he will start to daydream about you. “You truly are a source of light and comfort. It's impossible not to be captivated by you and this baby is proof of that.”

If you are in a flirting phase with each other, he will go deeper with his praises. “Any child of yours will be deeply fortunate to have you as a mother.” He will come closer to you and whisper to you. “And I wonder if I would have such a privilege to be by your side to raise them. Maybe even help you make them. And see how wonderful it would be to see the two of us together as one... or more.”

If you dropped in here out of the blue and want to read more from me, you can find it in my pinned post: INDEX

[kanmom51]

JM's fascination with JK's tiddies

Is it only me or have we kind of ignored this moment? Moved on a little too quickly from it, at the very least.

But before we get into it here, did y'all notice this?

Stop looking at JK's bare back, that's not it!!!

It's JM's comment that had me thinking.

JM didn't have to tell JK he didn't touch him, not to mention the fact that they constantly get handsy with each other, so why would he have to say that?

Noticed it when the episode came out, and first thing that came to mind was: "he knows". They see everything. They know what people say about them. We know about some of JM's fans having a hard time accepting what those two have, and more so the constant claims of JK being mean to JM or even physically abusing him. You think the two of them are unaware of these posts? With this comment, I'm kind of thinking that the answer to that would be an astounding no. They know. We've seen them do things, say things in the past that were clearly a reaction to online claims, hateful posts. I do think this is one of those occasions. Imo, the second JM said "this is violence" he knew there would be those that would run with it... hence the comment to follow.

Ok, and now this:

Why is it that while saying "don't get excited already" he's going for JK's pecs?

We've addressed many of their interactions from their trips, sweet and naughty. Including their Sapporo trip. But somehow, this moment has gone a little under the radar.

I guess that in an episode where we have them both prancing around half naked enjoying each other's company in the hot and cold tubs, flexing their arms and chests in our faces, this moment can get slightly lost, lol.

So, here I am, doing a public service (aren't I great that way?), bringing it back for us to talk about.

I will start by saying how much I love love love their playfulness. It's never ending. Of course, just like any long term loving couple, they have their difficult moments (we are all human after all), but also, like many long term loving couples, they have this humor reserved only to the two of them, knowing how to laugh together, play together, have fun together. They have their own games, their own jokes, many a times those around them are in the dark, unable to understand or join in (at times, as we see with the other members, not wanting to, seeing that they are so over those two already, lol).

And while I'm at it already then:

I love their relationship. Just had to say that at this point.

I love how they love each other to death.

I love how they have been together for close to a decade and still lust over each other.

I love how sometimes you catch them looking at the other like it's the first time they've seen them, like they are the hottest thing under the sun, like they are the sun and the moon to them (well, they literally are the sun and the moon).

I love how much they know each other.

I love how much they look out for each other and take care of each other.

I love how much they not only love one another, but actually like each other.

I love how they just FIT.

I love how they have their own Jikook sense of humour and I love how playful they are with each other.

I love how they CHOSE to enlist together. Chose to spend the 18 months of military service with each other even when knowing that this clearly meant a more difficult placement and service. I love how they were the most important thing to each other, being together, looking out for each other, looking after each other through this difficult time of their lives.

All of the above makes for the healthiest loveliest long term relationship.

And then you have the combination of the playfulness and the hots with the "grab/touch/poke/fondle the chestie" game, which seems to be one of JM's favourite games, lmao.

JM most definitely has a fascination with JK's chest. Past, present, future.

They are litterally JM's chestie besties.

He looks at them, he touches them, he grabs them, he pokes them, he talks about them.

He owns them!!!

[writingmeraki]

here and now.

a kim mingyu drabble !

pairing : secret!agent!mingyu x secret!agent!reader, established relationship ( they are married )

genre : angsty with fluff :)

warnings : reader is pretty miserable, cussing, cheol is mean but annoying mean, petnames, kissing, unhealthy routines.

author's note : ohhh i can't let go of these two, i rlly jst like this au a lot lol, i wonder if you would want more set in this same au, lmk hehe :) hope you like this !! but also the fact that i have other wips but i can't get this specific couple out of my head ???? very self indulgent bcoz tell me why i want this mingyu with me rn. also third work this month...let's hope we keep balling like that!!!

set in the SAME universe as this !

word count : 1.6k

The world was miserable.

You wanted to curl up in a ball and just lay in your bed, sleeping until you could no longer differentiate between reality and dreamland.

But alas, you couldn’t. As an agent, sleep to you was like a reward. One would think a need should never be something you get once in a while but, your job was practically making all your essentials feel like rewards. 

Mayhaps not the healthiest, but you were already used to it and your body as well, so you were not truly affected when you couldn’t get any of your essentials. 

Though, you were sure the world felt more miserable because you hadn’t seen him in so long.

Kim Mingyu, the man you married. Your husband.Your other half, your other puzzle piece, your other- you get the point. Six months, twelve days, and ten hours since you last saw him. 

He was gone on a mission that was supposed to take no less than a month, but who were you kidding? Who was your boss kidding? Top priority missions always took up time. 

The thing that still pisses you off is why you weren’t allowed to go with him. 

Apparently, you were needed back in Seoul and not there was the bullshit reason. You spent enough time being annoyed and angry at that, now you just felt terribly upset. Upset without him in your life physically, sure virtually he was one message away, but being on the complete opposite side of the globe also meant time zones were a pain in the ass.

Sighing, you made your way into the tall building disguised as one of the offices but it was where your agency was. You held a cup of coffee, that was just as bitter as your mood, in fact you didn’t even like coffee, but today you felt no point in trying to uplift your mood because the only thing that would was a certain person who you were not even sure when you’d meet. 

It was not you who felt this way, in fact Mingyu was probably feeling worse. Having been someone whose love language was physical affection, it did not feel the same through a fucking screen. He was ready to quit actually, three months into it because he terribly wanted to see you, but you convinced him he’d be back sooner if he finished it. 

You knew you were lying to him and yourself, but you had no choice. This was your duty right? 

The boss’ office was still as peculiar as he was, never failing to amuse you whenever you’d enter and always finding new collections or items decorating it. Today, you saw an art piece that was of the sun and the moon. 

Everything reminded you of him. He was your sun, even your moon too. 

You frowned more at the thought, wondering how the heck were you not able to not think of him for a few minutes. Then again, perhaps being together for more than a decade would do the trick. You’re practically bound permanently by that point. 

Sitting down on the cushion chair in front of Seungcheol, you didn’t even bother greeting him, still in thoughts until you heard a chuckle from in front of you. 

“What’s funny?”

“You look extra miserable today.” 

You glared at the man, annoyance changing into anger with retorts about how he’d feel if he was kept away from his partner for this long, considering he was someone who was pretty boastful about his partner. 

“But- I did not call you for that. I have a special mission for you. And no, I don’t have any updates on Mingyu.”

You groaned at his words, considering what he said was just getting worse and worse as he spoke. 

“For this though, you’ll have someone with you. You’ll be needing another person to complete this task. They should be arriving in a few minutes.” 

“Please don’t be a rookie, I don’t have the patience to deal with one, not right now.” You figured you couldn’t not do it. It was your job after all. But perhaps he’d be a little considerate. 

“Oh don’t worry, I think they are pretty experienced, maybe even more than you.” He grinned but you couldn’t quite put a finger on what he meant. His eyes gleamed with something you couldn’t tell. 

“Just say you hate me, Cheol. It’s easier.” You bitterly spat out, taking a sip of the now cold coffee and frowning in distaste. It seemed it was up to par with your state. 

You leaned back, looking at the watch on your wrist, seeing it’s been a few minutes already and wondering just how long this person would take. 

You tried to pinpoint who it possibly was, but you were never good with names of people you might have seen in passing. That was more of Mingyu’s thing, he always remembered the forgettable things. 

The sound of the door opening was what made you perk up. You sat a little straighter, feeling like perhaps you shouldn’t make it outwardly obvious to the entire population how you were truly feeling. 

Seeing the chair pull, you didn’t bother looking besides you, feeling that seeing them from the corner of your eye was enough. They were a little further from you, but you could tell they were quite…large? They were wearing a cap and a mask, practically their entire body was covered with a black coat. It was suspicious and you just wondered if this was just an excuse for Seungcheol to have you murdered in a discreet way. 

Seokmin…? No, he's almost my height, probably Chan? 

You didn’t even realise the person had taken your coffee, pulled off their mask,took a sip of it and almost spat it out. 

“Baby this is actually so disgusting, since when did you drink this?” 

Wait.

You recognised that voice. 

He kept the cup back down on the table in front of you, wearing that very very familiar ring on his left ring finger. 

You think your brain short circuited at that very moment. 

Now you knew why Seungcheol had a sly grin. 

The fucker planned this. 

In all his glory, Kim Mingyu sat beside you, now seeing no point in wearing the cap, he tossed it off and threw it on the table. He shuffled his hair, which was now longer than you last saw it.

“Missed me?” He had the audacity to say that with his stupid canines peaking out, wearing that stupid grin that made you feel giddy all over and the stupid glint in his eyes that shone as he took you in.

Stupid, stupid, stupid Mingyu for making you feel like throwing up in all mixes of emotions. 

So in the mix of it, you just remained frozen. Eyes blank, nothing on your face physically to indicate any emotion. 

“I’ll leave you two…just don’t do…stuff.” Seungcheol retorted and your hands itched to strangle him. 

Before you could even comprehend you were now alone, you felt your chair being pulled to face him. Your mind still in disbelief and conflict.

“Hi.” He spoke gently, his hands now reaching towards yours and grasping them. It had been way too long since he smelt your signature perfume, held your hands in his with the same intensity, felt your touch. He thinks he might just die in peace now. 

“I’m just trying to figure out if I’m dreaming.” You murmured as you blinked slowly at him, still unmoving even though he now was bent down and closer to you.

The grin on his face widened as he leaned in, and next thing you know, you felt his lips on yours. 

Familiar…just like…home. 

He pulled back, still smiling as he softly laughed, “Real enough, darling?”

Mingyu wasn’t someone who was caught off-guard easily but he was the moment you launched forward and wrapped your arms around him. He yelped as he held you, surprisingly not toppling over.

You didn’t even grasp you were full on sobbing at that point, your entire body shaking and held you even more tightly. He stood up, one arm around your waist and the other gently rubbing your back. 

“I’m here now, I’m here.” He whispered softly as his hand caressed your hair, you moved your arms to wrap them over his shoulder as you placed your head in the crook of his neck. 

“i-i really-” missed you. I felt incomplete without you. I just…I really missed you. I really fucking love you.

You wanted to say as cheesy as it may have sounded, but cheesiness be darned you couldn’t hold back, not when the time apart made you realise that it didn’t matter if it was just another way of showing your love for him. You also realised Kim Mingyu deserved all possible ways of showing your love for him.

“I know, ‘s okay baby, I know.” You only sobbed harder as you pulled back, not caring how you looked, probably a whole mess with red eyes and tears all over, his arms were still around you as you held his face with both hands. 

He was there. You thought as you caressed his cheeks. He was there. You thought as he looked at you like he’d finally found his treasure,eyes twinkling, smiling at you.

And he was there, right there, with you as you tilted your head up, closing your eyes and placing your lips on his. 

Because no matter what or how long, Kim Mingyu would always find his way back to you, his other forever half. 

And oh, you’d make sure he was never apart from you from then on. Not even for a day. 

all written works as well as images and edits (unless credited) belong to pri. do not plagiarise, repost, re-edit or claim as yours. pics mostly found on pinterest.

writingmeraki Ⓒ 2024

feedback is always appreciated 💌

links : main navi ! | svt masterlist !

[superfallingstars]

Personally I think jily is supposed to be idealized (like how James and lily were idealized) to Harry. James gets knocked of his pedestal in swm and so does jily by Harry questioning if his father forced his mother into marriage. Later when talking to lupin and Sirius James and Jily get a slight defense and Harry is back to feeling alright but with the knowledge that things weren’t perfect.

I personally don’t read Jily as abusive (even though I read James as being abusive to snape at school, but I don’t think that violent, physical behavior was extended to Lily) but I definitely don’t read them as a “good” couple (whatever that means). I think you can read it in many different ways given there is so little of them and I think an interpretation that their relationship wasn’t the healthiest is perfectly plausible with the scant information we’re given.

Yeahhhh that’s probably what JKR intended. James and Lily are the fridged parents who are dearly mourned and missed, and as a result, their flaws are completely smoothed over in everyone’s memories. But in Snape’s Worst Memory, Harry learns the hard lesson that things aren’t always what they seem, and that nobody is perfect, not even his dead father. Hurrah.

My problem with this is that I think it’s very boring, LOL. Like it really is probably exactly what JKR intended (given her middle-of-the-road takes on every moral and political question that happens in these books), but man, it feels like such a cop out. James basically ruins Snape’s life for no reason, and the conclusion we’re meant to draw from this is just, well, people are complicated! NO!!!! Bad answer!!! Like, Snape also did some terrible things, but at least he spends a ton of pages actively suffering/atoning for his sins. But James, on the other hand, is only somewhat implied to have changed maybe slightly a little bit somewhere off-page, and we just have to take #1 James Potter fanboy Sirius Black and serial understater Remus Lupin at their word. So if James was supposed to be “redeemed” – or even just excused – wow, it really doesn't work for me. You can't go as dark as "protagonist questions if his father forced his mother into marriage" and then just brush it off like no big deal, Joanne! And it’s so frustrating, because all it would've taken to fix this would've been to show James being a good person instead of just telling the reader that he was one (proof: trust me?). Ugh.

So because of all that, I agree that from what we’re given, it’s quite difficult to read Jily as “good.” We rarely see them interact, and when we do, James’s behavior is wayyyy too similar to the trope of “terrible guy eventually gets the girl even though she seems to hate him with every fiber of her being because his persistence and not taking no for an answer is just toooo romantic to resist.” Which sucks, lol. It feels like JKR is basically being like, “eh, James was young and dumb, whatever” and giving him a huge out for all the grief he caused Snape (and Lily, for that matter) – and she expects that the reader will agree that that is a legitimate excuse for his behavior, and by extension think that it's reasonable for Lily to forgive and eventually marry him. And man, I am just not sure if that is enough to convince me. (And evidently, I'm not alone, considering the “Jily is abusive” meta post that likely sparked this ask!)

With that said, I agree that it’s a stretch to say that James was abusive (or even implied to be abusive) toward Lily. It’s not a completely unfounded take – it could probably be written well in a fic, and even be canon compliant – but you would really have to extrapolate that dynamic from the little information we’re given (as you pointed out). And more importantly (at least, re: that meta), I don't think JKR intended that interpretation at all.

Personally, I just don’t think it makes sense for the narrative for James and Lily to have been in an abusive relationship. And by the narrative, I mean Harry. If Jily is an abusive (or even just bad) relationship, that would have massive ramifications for the way Harry sees his parents. Ideally he would have to come to terms with that at some point – I don’t think it makes sense for James’s and Lily’s relationship to have been this way and not have significantly affected Harry – but imo JKR clearly does not want to deal with that. Like you said, the point of SWM – aside from foreshadowing Lily and Snape’s relationship – was to knock James off his pedestal and basically go, See, nobody’s perfect. <3 And the story is not interested in engaging with James’s behavior on a level any deeper than that lol. Which ok, I don’t love it, but if we’re not going to spend time dealing with morally gray James, then it doesn’t make sense for him to be even more morally gray (or rather, have him fall face first over the line into becoming a downright despicable person) by making him abusive toward Lily.

So that's my Doylist analysis: no way in hell did JKR intend Jily to be an abusive relationship, but she also didn't do a good enough job defending and/or redeeming James after SWM, so we're just left to speculate about how much he really changed. Still, I don't think "JKR is a bad writer" is a very satisfying answer. After all, the only reason that I'm engaging with this text in the first place is because I'm a fan of it, so I think it's also worth looking at it from a Watsonian perspective – or at least, to accept the events of the book as they're written and try to fill in the blanks. (Imo so much of the fun of fandom is trying to fill in those blanks in a satisfying way, to expand upon a character and try to reach a more interesting conclusion than the author did... And I would be remiss not to mention that, because it undoubtedly influences the way that I (and probably also you, if you're on this side of tumblr) engage with the text.)

So for me, as a Marauders era fan, I’m faced with: ok, I don’t really like the idea of these two characters together, but they canonically got together, and I think the story is better because they got together, and it’s better if they genuinely like each other, and it all had to happen somehow – so how can I explain it in a way that both makes sense with the story and is satisfying to me? And my answer to that is twofold.

First, I imagine that James was not always quite such an awful guy (as in, not always as showy, combative, and cruel as he was in SWM). After all, there is a glimmer of goodness in him when he chooses to save Snape’s life during the Prank, revealing that somewhere deep down, he does in fact have a moral compass. And second, I think that he has to have changed. And I mean a genuine change – one that might not have resulted in completely different behavior (after all, he was still hexing Snape through his seventh year) – but regardless, something that makes him seriously reflect on his actions and reconsider his motivations. His behavior in SWM is just too inexcusable for him to get with Lily – partly because Lily is generally framed as a Very Good Person, and partly because regardless of how she is framed, James was still awful to her – without any self-reflection or growth. Of course, the problem then becomes explaining this in a satisfying way!

And I have some ideas in mind – but they’re definitely more speculation than fact, and omg this post is long enough already. Luckily, I received another ask on this topic, so I will save my self-indulgent headcanons for that.

There is one last thing I want to mention, which is (part of) my reasoning for why James may not have been such a bully all the time and why I think he has the capacity for change, and it's been nagging at me ever since I read that meta post (which again, presumably started this whole thing). I think one thing that bothers a lot of people (including me!) about James is that it seems like he chooses to pick on Snape in SWM because of Lily’s presence. He wants to show off to her, so he keeps looking over to the girls by the water, he ruffles his hair, he deepens his voice, and he tries to get her attention by targeting Snape. Following this logic, we can presume that James wouldn’t have done any of this if Lily hadn’t been there – and that’s the part that got me thinking. I have to wonder if Lily was perhaps not the only person who James wanted to impress in that scene… in fact, I think it’s incredibly likely that James would have acted differently if the Marauders hadn’t been there! (Harry has "the distinct impression that Sirius was the only one for whom James would have stopped showing off," and Sirius saying that he's bored is the inciting incident for James spotting Snape...!) Yes it’s going to be a James masculinity analysis because this is what happens every time I talk about these fucking characters apparently. So idk, stick around if you’re into that.

And of course, thank you for the ask!

[celaenaeiln]

I just finished Forever Evil and I think it’s insane how this man who even though is a parallel for Batman is still not Bruce and yet he shares the same codependency to his Dick, just like Bruce is lmao 😂 I’m starting to think that Damian is the only Wayne who have a healthy relationship with Dick, and that’s because it’s Dick himself who mentors & takes care of him 😂

YES YES YES!!!

I'm so glad you noticed!!

Dick isn't just made for Bruce okay, he was made for the Wayne family.

Like this is actually canon!!

Telos - the AI who was the one who used his powers to cause the convergence of the multiverses in Convergence - says this

Convergence Issue #4

"Your Batman. He died protecting you. Or trying to. The bond between you and Bruce Wayne echoes in every reality."

And he's right. Well, almost.

Convergence Issue #4

THOMAS WAYNE LITERALLY WENT FROM "I don't care if you die" to "I'M BLOWING MYSELF UP TO SAVE YOU. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR LAST NAME IS, IT'S WAYNE NOW BISH" in two seconds flat.

Convergence Issue #2

And the thing is Bruce's dad and Dick didn't even know each other until like an hour ago but instantly Thomas Wayne was taken by him.

Ofcourse you have Bruce's brother too who also loves Dick

Justice League (2011) Issue #25

"In another world, you called me the brother you never had. And you were the brother I always hoped for."

Which is a pretty big thing given what he did to Bruce:

Justice League (2011) Issue #25

But does it end there? Is Thomas Wayne Jr's twisted desire to have Dick by his side again the finale of the show? NO BECAUSE IT ISN'T EVEN THE CLIMAX

He murdered Dick's parents just so he could have Dick bond with him. He crossed to a whole another world because he was driven mad with grief at not having Dick by his side

Justice League (2011) Issue #25

You know what this means? If Bruce hadn't reached Dick in time, then Dick would be Talon on Owlman's earth again. His intent here isn't just fixing his earth as he claims to Dick. No, his real intent is the unspoken thoughts in the Owlman text.

But you know what's kinda freaky? Bruce on another world has done the exact same thing as Owlman. Owlman has watched Dick for a long time and then killed Dick's parents. This Bruce Wayne didn't kill Dick's parents but -

The All Star Batman and Robin, the Boy Wonder Issue #1

"Yeah, I've had my eye on him for awhile."

Bruce, can you make it sound any creepier and stalkery?

Aside from the general creepiness of observing Dick, they do have the same codependency issues. Now that you bring it up, Thomas Wayne Jr's mental state relied on Dick's happiness and exitence and Bruce's does too -

Detective Comics (2016) Issue #1074

When Bruce gets possessed by a demon, in the safety of his mind, he goes back to two memories he cherishes dearly, two memories where he uses as pillars of strength his dad and the Dick.

When Dick is killed by the monster in his mind, the light in Bruce's head literally goes out. He then goes to the worst place and time in his mind - his parents' death. I seriously cannot overstate the importance of Dick to him.

He and Dick are connected in every universe.

Damian undoubtedly has the healthiest codependency relationship with Dick. Unlike Thomas who died for him, Thomas Wayne Jr who killed for him, Bruce who lives off him, Damian needs him in a way that doesn't drive Dick crazy lol. For now.

In the future if Dick dies though,

Batman (1940) Issue #666

So....

the entire Wayne family's kinda crazy about Dick.

[kingconia]

TWISTED WONDERLAND BOYS AND HOW THEY WOULD ACT IF YOU WERE THEIR OLDER SISTER

warnings: hints of angst? mentions of possessiveness

RIDDLE ROSEHEARTS. ❤️

— Big sister? More like a second mother;

— Childhood was rough for both of you, and there wasn't much to do for ground Riddle from it fully, but you tried so hard to make it better than your own;

— You took punishments for your brother, you intentionally caught attention of your mother, so she could ignore Riddle, and you tried to teach him how to have fun properly;

— Riddle understands it when he grows older, but nevertheless, he always was your boy;

— You are his family, but you are also his best friend;

— It hurts you to see how much impact mother put on his mental health, and you struggle so hard to fix it, somehow;

— You are the only one, who can break the rules and make Riddle smile. He doesn't really cares if you are following them, and you honestly don't even try;

— To him, you are always a soft one, his gentle big sister, who takes care of him in the most motherly way;

— But once someone wrongs him... Oh, you definitely your mother's daughter as well;

— OFF WITH HIS HEAD!

MALLEUS DRACONIA. 💚

— Time is different from fae, but Malleus always remembers that you came first, and shows you a lot of respect;

— But you never felt that you are the elder sister THAT much with him;

— Most people assume that you are twins. You look identical, you act the same way, you are both strange in the same manner that people find scary;

— I think, both of you would be quite... Codependent?;

— You had only yourselves all this life, and it hardly changed, since no one wants to socialise with you in the school, so;

— You and Malleus are always together, hip to hip, and sometimes people even confuse you two;

— You are really more shades of each other than anything else, but you are comfortable with that. You share everything, you spend all your time together;

— ...Kinda possessive towards each other, too.

KALIM AL-ASIM. 💛

— When he was younger, you took care of him, admittedly, with some unwillingness. You were older, he was smaller and restless, and you just wanted to mind your business;

— But he is such a sunshine! Always was;

— Your heart grew softer, when he told you, while being still a small bun, that you are the most nice person in the world;

— (You really wasn't back then, but for him? You are now!);

— Basically sunshine and sunshine protector;

— You have a hard time trusting his friends and people around him, and, man, Jamil suffered from your suspicion enough, but... In the end, he is the part of family, too;

— I feel like Kalim adores having matching things. Matching accessories, hats, clothes. He thinks it is an amazing way to bond with you, and you are so into it;

— He is that kind of younger sibling that the more he grows, the more balanced your dynamic becomes, because he starts caring for you, too;

— You are the healthiest duo in the world, lmao.

LEONA KINGSCHOLAR. 🧡

— In this case, you are not the oldest in the family, but you are older than Leona, nevertheless;

— When he was a kid, he loved you so much. He was amazed by you, thought you are so cool, so powerful;

— So he started to take example from you. Quietly, without never mentioning that to you. (So, if anyone Farena blames on Leona becoming is such an ass, it is you, lol);

— Leona started act like you, learned your fighting tips, stole your talking manner, and... And clothes;

— It was you, who started wear leather in the family first, especially, gloves, and it was you, who made yourself two little braids by the both side of your ears;

— Leona is a little copycat, but you honestly love it;

— You took care of him the most from the family in the childhood, because others were busy or never wanted to deal with a cursed kid, and that is why Leona is so into you;

— As grown-ups, Leona starts hating all your friends OR boyfriends—don't dare to have one, he hates him, too—and really insecure because of the thought that you will lose interest in him, since he is not the kid to be taken care of;

— Ha, jokes on you. He is always your little stupid baby.

AZUL ASHENGROTTO. 🩵

— Much like Leona, you was his example all his childhood;

— But unlike his situation, you never had such a bond, when he was a kid. You were always busy with your own stuff, scamming people, reading and studying, and he felt, well, lonely;

— So, if Leona copycates, because he adores his sister, Azul does it in the order to become closer. Yes, he kins Mastermind of Taylor Swift, lmao;

— But it works, and you start taking care of him more often, hanging out to explain things. Azul is happy;

— But others? Others hate both of you;

— Contracts, lies, scams: you do it so perfectly, so smartly, so easily, that others just hope both of you will get thrown out of school, lmao;

— As Azul becomes the same level as you, someone, you can call your equal, you start your little competition. Azul tries to trick you, so you could fall on it, and lose to him;

— It is a friendly one, and you actually love your little game so much!;

— But, oh, Azul... Big sister knows better.

VIL SCHOENHEIT. 💜

— You are older, and that meant you came first. So, you are naturally prettier and more talented. Thanks, he hates it;

— As a child both of you had an amazing relationship, but as Vil got more involved with the outside world, he became more envious of you;

— It feels like he can never reach your level, and people used to pester him a lot with stupid questions about you;

— So, as a teen, he distances himself from you, starting to act annoyed and hateful, focusing solely on becoming better;

— You don't understand what is going on, or what to do, and you actively try to fix everything, but... Eventually, you are too tired to deal with all of it. You surrender. If Vil hates you, so be it;

— He misses you so much all the time, but at the same time, he don't do anything to change your situation. He only silently checks your new photos, listens to your conversations in corridors, and that's all;

— Life goes hard, and once he finds himself in front of your doors, crying and sobbing as a kid. You can't deny him, so you spend all night rocking him in your arms;

— But in the morning there is no trace of him, and in the corridors you act like strangers again;

— And no matter how often it starts to repeat, you still never talk properly.

IDIA SHROUD. 💙

— He is the most annoying little brother EVER;

— He is so stereotypical little sibling, lmao. He just whines about how old and not interesting you are, slams the door, and ignores you half of the time;

— Thanks, you hate it;

— But you try, nevertheless! You try to understand his talks, games and interests, and if you still don't, then you buy him a lot of stuff he wants;

— You bring him food and water, and constantly pester on his health;

— Actually, Idia doesn't hate you! He just likes being annoying little shit;

— So, if something gets too intense or tiring, he stops acting this way, and shows that he cares;

— But if no one dies, he puts typical teenager record player, lol;

— At this point, you are fine with that.

[namtanlovesfilm]

Can you recommend me any BL or Queer dramas / series that is just pure fluff and soft without much sexual scenes? Just been wanting to watch something not to heated

um... yes! I very much can :) (although shows that fit this description are actually quite rare to find so I had to rack my brain for this lol)

WHOLESOME FLUFFY BL SHOWS

COOKING CRUSH

I mean... as soon as you said 'pure fluff & soft' I thought of this show, bc it's the LEGIT definition of it! it's adorable & hilarious and truly has the healthiest bl ship ever who is composed of the two cutest patooties. it's a true romcom bc it nails both the comedy & romance elements and is just THE feel good show for me :)

MY SCHOOL PRESIDENT

this is another show that has very little drama or un-cute moments. the characters are adorable, the friendship is top-tier, and the slice of life aspect really invests you in the story. definitely will have you smile most (if not all) of the time!

MY RIDE

this show is my little underrated gem! it does have SOME drama, but it's mostly about two overtly kind main characters who fall in love despite odds. it's so cute, so wholesome, and genuinely just a fucking good time if you wanna cheer up :)

OUR DINING TABLE

another show that does have some deeper, sadder moments (almost all shows do lol) but is overall a beautiful story of healing through community & food with, again, incredibly kind and lovable characters which I could not recommend more!

WE ARE

this show is one I had no expectation for... except perhaps that I thought it would suck. however, while it is in no way a masterpiece & will frankly go down as a forgettable show for me, it was actually REALLY enjoyable. this show truly has close to zero drama and is just about love & friendship. frankly the friendship element is what did it for me, paired with the unique & lovable characters. this is just a great time if you want to turn your brain off & enjoy the cuteness imo (there's a couple sex scenes tho but nothing very explicit)

WHAT DID YOU EAT YESTERDAY

yet ANOTHER show about food lol, bc one thing about food bls, there's 500 of them & they're all super cute and wholesome lol it's law :') this one is the OG, it's as non-sexual as it can get since there's barely any intimacy, but it's very wholesome and has 2 seasons + 1 movie + 1 special ep. you just follow this older gay couple through life as they cook their awesome recipes while still getting some social commentary on being lgbtq+ in japan, it's just... I fully want this show to keep getting seasons forever, I love it so much! (also idk if you're interested in gls but 'she loves to cook and she loves to eat' is also a show with the same premise but wlw & I adore it!)

THE NEW EMPLOYEE

this one is also an underrated gem of mine even though it's a very overlooked kbl :( it's a very simple story that is explicitely lgbtq+ (very rare for kbls) & the couple really is the cutest with great chemistry! I really enjoyed this one & would recommend it :)

I WILL KNOCK YOU

now... with a title like this, you might be wondering if this is truly a "wholesome" and "pure" show... IT IS! this show is the proof of the kind of silliness thai dramas can offer, and why they're so great. it's dumb and frankly weird at times, but it's also one of the funniest thai comedies ever & has great character growth! despite featuring SOME violence, it is actually just a really wholesome romcom, and the character of noey is frankly iconic af. one of my fave niche bl shows!

RAK DIAO

speaking of dumb, silly, wholesome comedy... rak diao is the first (and still the only lol) thai bl sitcom. it follows a very simple story with almost no drama and has a very lovable & fun main character. this is such a cute show which is, again, way too underrated!

BON APPETIT

what did I say about food shows & being wholesome? yeah, that! this one does have SOME drama, more than the other shows featured on this list, but it's very quickly squashed down & also so predictable I don't think it will influence your mood whatsoever. this is overall very cute & wholesome, although a bit basic. but the chemistry is very good so I'd recommend it!

LOVE SICK

now, I've mentioned over the years (MANY TIMES) about how love sick is my comfort show. yes, it's old & the camera work, acting, etc. are MILES behind current bl shows, and yes, it's actually not that wholesome bc they're cheating on their girlfriends the whole time, but... this is like the OG my school president, but even more lovable imo. it's a true slice of life, and the characters are all so cute & fun, the friendship literally carries the entire show & phunnoh are one of the most healthy ships ever (despite the affair!) this show has a lot of obstacles to enjoy it but imo it's worth it. I love it so much. it'll forever be super special for me :) also I feel like watching the first ever thai bl should be a rite of passage lol!

BOYS' LOCKDOWN

I had to mention at least one filipino bl here, and it's one that pretty much no one watched but I absolutely loved! this is soft & wholesome to the T, two guys accidentally meet during lockdown (bc they both are wearing masks with d*cks on them lmao this show is great) & fall in love but encounter difficulties meeting through quarantine. there's no drama, the chemistry is great, the story quite well written... it's so cute!

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

my love mix-up

star & sky: sky in your heart

papa & daddy

ossan's love

my secret love

takara & tamagi

our dating sim

destiny seeker

my mate match

[eatmangoesnekkid]

One thing I struggled with when I was in my 20s during my coming-of age-story of blooming into Goddess spirituality as taught by one of my mentors/muses was how semen was healthy for the female body. This is a common way of thinking with those who practice tantra, kama sutra, divine union, ancient temple arts, etc., and what is pushed in "Goddess- centered" and of course heteronormative patriarchal women spaces. However, the most disciplined, healthy, regenerative, mentally-clear men will always practice semen retention, which means that they would NOT release their semen into a woman's body during sex, and would circulate it internally throughout their own body to increase their organs' vitality instead, unless both parties were desiring to procreate a child. The thinking that semen was generally healthy for the female body as also taught in one of my favorite books "The Sexual Secrets of the White Tigress (a book I obviously don't completely agree with but helped to expand my consciousness) never fully added up with me and no one could ever answer my inquiry that "if semen is so healthy for the female body, why do the healthiest, strongest men have to practice semen retention....why would the divine be so cognitive-dissonant..lol?" I would not be surprised if our Western world had a centuries-old, clandestine operation to weaken both the female and the male body so that neither one of us would know our full power and magical potential. And I know many women whose pH balance and vaginal biomes gets out of wack after having penetrative sex with their male lover. There is so much division and anti-male propaganda out there, and that's not what I'm up to nor is it a conversation or line of thinking I would ever participate in. I'm more interested in women and other female-bodied people coming into our full alive power and magic—softening and strengthening our bodies and life force energy, expanding our minds, integrating our shadows, and birthing real authentically beautiful lives of rest, nourishment, regeneration, adventure, and ease that shift the collective energy forward into more love and life-giving resolutions. I wrote this to encourage those with female bodies to question everything, including me, because the "truth," whatever that means, will also influence your entire physiology overtime. What I know is that most of what we have been taught are lies and made up by men and patriarchal-centered women, for the benefit of men. Many of you have asked me private questions around working out and getting back active and strong in your body, but also express how tired and inflame your body is, could this be why? Because what I also know is that there are plenty of men who dump their stress, disappointments in life, rage, anger, and the like into women's bodies when they ejaculate therefore women have to be more intuitive and mindful in choosing lovers. But there is so much unlearning that every human must be willing to do in order to live healthier more emotionally-intelligent lifestyles thereby be awake enough to not continue to make a series of bad decisions in life. Because there are plenty of healthy, dutiful, deeply loving men out there to choose from if/when you are interested. May the veil of conditioning be lifted from the inner eye so that you begin to know who you truly are. Elevate your frequency so that you CAN be more grounded, centered and clear in your choosing. And what's also true is there is valid nuance as well that I won't be able to go into here on this blog at this time. -India Ame'ye, Author

[byechristopher]

⠀

In Another Life.

– CHRIS STURNIOLO ANGST.

Author's note: omg hi, again. You'll soon find out how much I love angst, trauma and just "dark" fics. It's a way to express myself every once in a while. I hope you all like it, if you have any requests in mind, feel free to let me know. I will make it up to you all with some fluff, I promise, lol. Do not copy/steal my work. :)

Warnings: (not proof-read) this is pure angst, mentions of death, coping with death in general, trauma bonding. If any of this is triggering to you, do not read, please. Have a great day, instead.

Playlist:

It is only 6:00AM and I am up and running, ready to start my long day, although my sluggish gait says otherwise. I always loved waking up so early in the morning – it gave me time to start doing things when people were still sleeping. It is always a struggle to keep myself awake, though.

"I'm outside."

The screen lights up and I can see Chris' name from here – he must be outside already. I sigh and I quickly put my jacket and scarf on, not forgetting my boots, of course. With my bag in my hand, I quickly leave the house, trying to be as quiet as possible so that my mom doesn't wake up.

Chris is waiting in the car, I take a better look at my surroundings – the fog makes it hard for me to see, it's dark and it's cold, and the humidity makes it look like it rained.

"Hey, Chris. Thanks for picking me up." I mumble, he nods with an understanding look on his face. He's got that sickening purple colour under his eyes and his skin is even paler than usual. We match, he looks like a mess, too.

How couldn't he, anyway? It was a difficult day today. It's only been three years and how could we ever forget?

Me and Chris have known each other for a long time. Ever since we were babies – our families were very close. That was until my parents got divorced and we never saw my father ever again; made my mom isolate herself. My father came back one day, asking for forgiveness for leaving like this. Not from my mom, from me. I didn't want to trust him but I still talked to him every now and then. Now, Chris never really liked me and I never really liked him, it's not like we ever had an actual conversation. Before something terrible happened, to the both of us. On the same day. On the same plane. The plane crashed – my father happened to be there and Chris' best friend happened to be there.

We were both devastated so we found ourselves hanging out more than usual – is it called trauma bonding? I think so. That's what we did. Bonded over trauma. Because that's what we needed most; a person who knows and feels what we feel, who goes through the same experience. I don't think it was he healthiest thing to do, but who is really healthy inside on this earth?

"Give me, like.. fifteen minutes. I'll be back, okay?" he says and I give him a reassuring hug, pecking his cheek. I nod, watching him go visit his best friend's grave while I visit my father's.

"I can't believe it's already been three years since you've been gone." I chuckle, making sure everything is clean and the flowers are nicely put in the vase, "right when you were about to actually spend time with me, hm?" I can feel the tears in my eyes, and every time I speak, it's like I'm digging an invisible knife deeper into my heart.

I don't know how long it's been because I'm still cleaning and trying not to think about anything, but I see Chris walking over to me. It's so obvious that he's been crying, but he offers a smile anyway. His nose is red, it's kind of cute.

"You feeling okay?" he wraps an arm around my shoulders, giving me a reassuring squeeze. I nod.

"What did I always tell you? Everything happens for a reason." I chuckle, wiping the tears away from my eyes as we walk away, and towards the car.

"I used to hate hearing that. But I believe it now." he nods and clears his throat, "Connor believed it, too." it took him a while to say his best friend's name without crying. I told him that Connor wouldn't be happy to see him crying like this – that was the only way to make him stop.

"I gotta go to work, now. But we'll meet later, yes?" I say, wrapping my arms around his waist, looking up. The combination of the sky, his tears and his pale skin make his eyes go icy blue, I can't help but smile a little bit. He nods and cups my cheeks, bringing me closer to him to give me a soft kiss on the lips.

I'm not sure what me and Chris have going on. We definitely hang out a lot, we kiss, I basically have all of my stuff in his house, we have sex, but we've never said anything about relationship, or anything like that for that matter. We've been going through the most traumatic and difficult experience in our lives, so I feel like we desperately need the affection but we're the only ones who feel the same. So we just.. do stuff together. I try not to think about it too much.

I definitely not want to think about it when I'm in his arms. We're in front of the fireplace, sitting down on the carpet. I'm sitting in between his legs with my back pressed against his chest, and his arms wrap all the way around my shoulders and knees (that are pressed to my chest), keeping me warm.

"I'm so glad to have you here with me, being by my side on this horrible day, every year." he whispers in my ear and I close my eyes.

"So am I. You're making me feel like I'm not as alone as I thought I was." I whisper back and let my head fall on his shoulder, turning my head so that I'm able to look up at him. We sit in silence for a bit.

"I was thinking.. what you always say. Everything happens for a reason. What if.. what if all of this never happened? What if they were both still alive, what if our families kept being this close, what if we kept hating each other.. would we still find a way to be where we are now?" his voice is low and steady, I can see the fire moving in the reflection of his glistening eyes, "or was this tragedy meant to happen for us to find what we wanted in each other?"

I stay silent for a little bit. I've thought about this a million times and every time makes me go crazier than the previous one, "is love supposed to grow in souls and bodies that are filled with so much pain? Because if so, then it's nothing like what they taught us love would feel like."

"Do you think love is what we feel for each other?" he presses a kiss on my warm cheek.

"I don't know." I say truthfully, "I think that we both find shelter in each other's pain. We feel the need to be heard, to be understood, and then we want to hear the other, to understand their pain. To help each other, to be there whenever they might need, to care."

"Isn't that what love is?" he asks innocently, "in its most tragic form?" he looks me in the eyes and smiles softly.

"I suppose so.. yeah.." I say because, indeed, love could also bloom in shattered hearts, it doesn't always have to be flowers and rainbows, "and to answer your question.. I think I would definitely imagine myself loving you, without all of these." my voice is as soft as it can get.

"I would definitely fall in love with you, too." he says, looking into my eyes. And for a moment, I imagine us just like this. In a life where we would be happier. In a life where we would be able to love each other, without anything holding us back, in a life where we could keep the people that we wanted in our lives. In a life where we would have the space and time to express our feelings, understand our feelings.

"So, stay with me forever and even longer than that.." he says and I smile, leaving a trail of kisses on his neck, all the way up to his cheek and lips, "I might be able to become someone who loves you even in the good times."

"That's a promise, then. Because I'm definitely staying, till I'm ready to love you in the good times, too." I smile and slowly turn around to face him this time, wrapping both of my arms and legs around him, like a koala.

He laughs, he's hugging me and kissing me softly, "want me to make you some hot chocolate?"

"Yes, please."

⠀

[aspenlovesmedia]

Time to talk about Martin as a Buried avatar because I am aware this seems like an odd choice in my au but I have my reasons.

So, to get a little personal for a moment (this is relevant I promise), I have often felt trapped by my own mental illnesses, my differences to others, and my need for people to like me. For a long time I forced myself to do whatever I could to help others because in my mind if I didn’t then they would have no reason to like me and people had to like me because it was better that I was burning myself out than being alone again. I think you can see the similarities between my own experiences and Martin.

The Buried I think is often overlooked, and I feel like a lot could have been done with being trapped by your own anxiety, where you’re buried underneath the worries of everyone else and can’t escape the hell of your own creation because you’re so afraid to be a bad person.

While Martin very much fits the Lonely and the Web, I feel season 1/2 Martin had such a potential to become aligned with the Buried instead. Rather than isolating himself, Martin becomes more and more desperate to help everyone around him because if he helps them, then he’s useful, but this also leaves him unable to do anything else. He’s so caught up in keeping everyone else happy (or at least as close to it as he can get them) that he struggles to do anything else. His anxiety around how others view him traps him, and the powers around him want him stuck.

Now the Shifted Gaze Martin is in a slightly different situation to canon Martin by the time the story starts as he’s actually friends with Jon. Jon is already well on his way to becoming a Web avatar, so he’s a pretty different person to what he is in canon. He’s still really not the best at socialising, but it’s more in a he says the bare minimum of words he needs to rather than he’s being a dick kind of way. To put a long story short, Martin sees this man who is completely alone, and makes it his mission to ensure Jon isn’t as alone as he is.

The thing is in doing so, he accidentally becomes the one thing keeping Jon’s humanity alive, and that makes Martin the perfect target for the Buried. Martin begins by being trapped trying to help Jon, then that extends to Sasha and Tim when he joins the archival team, and he does not have the time or energy to take care of himself. Martin and Jon’s dynamic in this au is really not the healthiest lol. I’d say it gets better but that would be a lie. Martin so strongly ties himself to the people he cares for he stops caring about what happens to himself, and when certain events happen, well let’s just say the Buried gets a new avatar.

Martin is still aligned with the Lonely in some ways in this au, but the Buried is what claims him.

Btw sorry if any of this is rambly or doesn’t make sense, I am writing this while sleep deprived lol. I feel like this will really start to make sense as I write him in the actual story rather than me explaining it this way since I have to leave out some major things due to spoiler reasons. If you have questions please feel free to ask them I would love to answer.

[imanes]

doing a lil august reading wrap up because apparently i read 13 (!!) books. in chronological order (bolded are those i recommend):

city of stairs by robert jackson bennett: quite the interesting read. i think the character work in this one is a standout, as well as the world building. the good thing is i have no idea where this trilogy is going so it's exciting. the audiobook for the second book arrives in 2 weeks on my shelves on libby so I'll be reading the sequel soon

braiding sweetgrass by robin wall kimmerer: this one took me a whole entire year to read and finish lol. no comment. or maybe one comment: i think i'd have found this book a lot more eye opening if i had read it three years ago so right book wrong time i guess? i do recommend it i just think it didn't impact me as much as i thought it would

the blighted worlds by megan e. o'keefe: this one hit me like a truck!! i was so obsessed. it's a sci-fi space opera with an element of horror and an interesting romance sub-plot. basically everything i love lmao. i really do recommend this book it might actually be my fave of the month

sanctuary by ilona andrews: i have to stay up to date on all things kate daniels-related to this spin off was high on my tbr. it was a lot of fun but it petered out toward the end

where the dark stands still by a.b. poranek: a bit of a let down not gonna lie. the gist of my opinion is that it felt underdeveloped and in turn i felt under-interested in whatever was going on

shadows of self by brandon sanderson: once again i am begging the protagonists of this series to stop being aggravating

the fractured dark by megan e. o'keefe: continuing my obsession with the devoured worlds trilogy... unfortunately i have to wait on my libby hold to get the audiobook of the next one (i read with my eyeballs and listen at the same time to help with concentration)

the right to sex - feminism in the 21st century by amia srinivasan: i read this book because i know of two people who broke up with their significant other (one of them resulting in a divorce) after reading this book so i had to know what srinivasan had cooked in there and yeah she did cook.

the way of kings by brandon sanderson: just part of my re-read in preparation of the release of wind and truth in December. this month we tackle (again) words of radiance teehee

just for the summer by abby jimenez: womp womp womp. idk what it is with romance authors these days they're in a competition with themselves to portray the healthiest love stories but this one teetered on the wrong side of boring one too many times and the volume to therapy-speech in this one was staggering.

the ex vows by joyce jessica: twas a cute poolside read, it's nothing revolutionary but it was pleasant enough and it didn't make me roll my eyes like just for the summer jdkjgsk at least the love interest had a personality and a life... i mean it's fiction so it's not a life but it appeared as if he contained multitudes or something

funny story by emily henry: I'll go ahead and say it nobody writes a contemporary romance quite like miss henry because she's got the secret recipe for the right balance between heartfelt feelings and amusing situations + her dialogues feel a lot more natural than most (though if i had to nitpick she always has this side character who's a fountain of wisdom and gives you life-changing monologues but i guess such people exist out there)

the thief by megan whalen turner: the megans are really out in full force because this is another book written by a megan that i loved so much. yes half of this book is a fairly episodic journey across made-up countries, yes i ate it up, yes the second half is worth the wait (if you were out of patience, which i wasn't, bc i was having fun) and yes the plot twists are chef's kiss. "gen's ambitions are his own" is the perfect summary. everand has all the audiobooks so you know what I'm gonna do... that's right... listen and read at the same time

as an aside the tandem reads i do with both books and audiobooks happen only when i like the narrators. if i find a narrator i like i stick to them like glue because they're few and far between as far as my picky ass is concerned. i never do romance audiobooks they're the worst...

[666silco]

Been thinking about the plot hole everyone is mentioning, that being how Silco probably knew Vi and Powder, and why did he want to kill them, why he recognized Powder but never told her, all that. I think the answer that we will get (realistically) in some form is that Silco was very distant by the time Powder was born and Vi was not old enough to remember him, especially after the drowning incident and him getting older. I also think Silco knew it was them the whole time, in fact I think he had an eye on them (lol, Eye of Zaun) the entire time, not just when he was planning an attack on Vander. The problem is that the time between the drowning and Vander’s “death” Silco was so blinded by hate (even if he had respect for him) toward Vander that he didn’t even care that much. It wasn’t until he held Powder that his mindset changed. “We will show them all.” Powder was done wrong just like he was. She was just like him. He needed to show her the way to heal.

Which also speaks to why s2ep2 is very fascinating. It’s the healthiest Jinx ever felt, when she went into hiding. As well as her even mentioning when she spoke to Silco’s empty chair, that Isha softened her and maybe he felt the same when they met.

Between the drowning and Vander’s death, Silco was relentlessly fighting for Zaun (he wasn’t known by the council yet, but that’s not the point) and also so full of anger for Vander, he was not a force to be reckoned with. I still think that about him in ep4-9, but thinking about how Jinx softened with Isha, it’s very possible that Silco did the same, to a certain extent. Sevika called him out in ep4 for letting things go too easily, sitting and waiting. Dude didn’t even check if Vi was actually dead or not. He wasn’t even actually prepared for if Finn actually was going to have Sevika kill him or not. Think of it as a test all he wants, he was terrified. Similar to the Enforcers not even recognising Jinx when she revealed herself.

I do want to say that im not justifying the plot holes with this post, just sharing some thoughts. I have some gripes with s2 at the moment, I just prefer to not be negative as I have a long line of history with shows that felt a little rocky at times. I prefer to keep my major critiques to myself or save them for the show to be over.

I hope that we get at least a few more minutes with Silco and Vander, I feel like the flashbacks created even more questions than we had before.

Im very highly anticipating Act III at the moment.

[road-untraveled]

I dont know if this will reach anyone who can give me some insight but I am, undoubtedly, being courted by Hermes.

I know in a lot of pagan and Hellenistic circles, this kind of thing is viewed negatively. Trust me, I have been going through an uphill battle of discerning whether or not this is me projecting or if it's legit. Given my attitude and hesitations, along with A LOT of confirmations, this is in fact happening.

Tirelessly, I have been trying to research and dig for any other experiences specifically around Hermes but there's so very little out there. If I'm being honest, it makes me want to tear my hair out lol

I can't help but think that this his way of telling me that the way we define our relationship and build it, is our own. That I shouldn't be comparing to others but for me, I want to devour every bit of information I can get my hands on. And I have some inklings why some people don't come forth to talk about their experiences, it literally sounds insane. Trust me, I have checked that I am mentally sound and not in any psychosis. This is actually the healthiest I've have felt in a while.

Yet, I'm perplexed by the lack of people who find themselves in romantic throes with the likes of Hermes. Other gods seem to have amassed larger groups and with it, comes that information and a buzz of shared experiences.

I can't help but wonder if he's more selective about who he offers this path to. Either way, I'm screaming into a pillow

[musicalmoritz]

Can we get a list of all the tbhk ships you can think of ranked in order of how much you like them? I'm just curious! Leave out anything you flat-out don't like of course!

Ooooh, this will be a challenge! I’ve done the teirmaker list thing twice for TBHK ships but my opinion on them keeps changing (there are some I used to not care abt that are now some of my favorites). I think I’m gonna try to break this up into sections to make it easier

The Holy Trinity

Aoinene- Obviously my all time fave. I’ll be honest I wasn’t expecting it but this one has shot into my top favorites of all time, which is a very sacred list🙏🏻 I wasn’t expecting to love them so much because I really like the canon pairings but Beecalm’s fan fictions (and many others) altered my brain chemistry. Once I started to focus on them more I couldn’t stop and now I over analyze everything they do. And ofc writing my own fics made me like them more. I really like the potential of both of them keeping secrets from each other and Nene sort of knowing there’s something up with Aoi but being totally unaware of the extent of it (yk like if they were written by an author who gaf abt them they could be so cool). Also the “best friend becomes the villain” trope is simply superior

Mitsukou- This one recently swapped with Terukane. I expected it to be my favorite bcuz canon gays usually are but Aoinene surpassed them. I still love them tho, I like how fucked up they can be with all the cannibalism and bullying as a love language. They’re all cute and angsty but they also have some serious problems, like dudes please get therapy. Mitsuba wanting someone to depend on and Kou wanting Mitsuba to only depend on him. It’s like a train wreck I can’t look away from. But also like I want them to be happy and hold hands. Maybe they can get couples counseling

Terukane- Don’t be fooled by it dropping one level, I still love them a lot!! I like the fanon concept of them helping each other heal, especially when fics have Akane taking care of Teru. Really, this is my “I just want Teru to be happy” ship lol. The shippers are so funny and good at analyses, and I like how they both thrive off of their rivalry. They have such a comedic duo thing going on too, the final exam chapter was so funny. Their relationship is built on trust, or something like that

Absolutely Fucking Love

AoiAoi- This one may come as I surprise considering Aoinene and Terukane are so high but I’m obviously a huge multishipper. The thing with their names is so funny to me, it’s the first thing I tell my friends abt TBHK every time I introduce them to it. I love how complicated they are while at the end of the day still being very dedicated to each other. They’re both so down bad, it’s cute. Despite their initial toxicity, I strongly believe this is the healthiest canon ship but I’ll hold my tongue

Terukaneaoi- I am strongly hesitating to put this one so high since it used to be more of an after thought but I simply cannot separate AoiAoi and Terukane from this ship so it feels fitting. Even if I’m shipping two of them without the other I still imagine them being very important to each other. My enjoyment of the manga increased tenfold when I started interpreting their love triangle as “Aoi and her two boyfriends.” Lowkey believe AidaIro ship them too. This is what I mean when I say we need more poly ships

Hananene- Also struggling to put this one so high but they’re the main couple, I feel like they deserve this spot. Every now and then I start to think I don’t care abt them that much but then I remember the ending of the Picture Perfect arc and I’m like oh right. They’re soulmates. Their relationship is one of the highlights of the manga for me. I mainly prefer this ship with Amane’s personality over Hanako’s but they are the same person so it’s cute either way

Sakuhiko- This was very briefly my favorite. I headcanon them as sapphics which gives them extra points lol. I love how Natsuhiko seems to know Sakura so well, and how dedicated he is to them. I like the idea of them having a less conventional relationship, they aren’t “together” but they’re still together. Very romantic and typical TBHK fucky messed up stuff. Villain couples are elite

Aoimei- This one could’ve been higher than HanaNene and Sakuhiko but I’m a coward lol. I’m happy that AidaIro gave us sapphic breadcrumbs, even if it was only in an au. To me these two just make sense, they would be perfect for each other. Mei is absolutely a lesbian in my eyes and Aoi has gotta be some type of sapphic. I like that they stayed together even after the love potion, and how Aoi was more comfortable with the idea of Mei falling in love with her than any of the guys. I am absolutely in love with this ship

Adore

Aoimei 2.0- This is the version with No.4 Mei. I am not the first to come up with it but I do believe I’ve made the most fan content for them lol. I sometimes like this more than OG Aoimei but they’ve sadly never interacted in canon so it gets docked a section. It’s such an interesting concept, the way both of them exist as a culmination of the rumors made about them. They would have such an interesting dynamic, in my mind they are enemies to lovers lol

Terukaneaoinene- This one is soooooo underrated. Terukaneaoi is great enough on its own, add Nene and you have all the best ships mixed together. You have to be deep into multishipper hell to like this one bcuz p much every combination of ships here are enemies with each other. Best solution? They all date

Akaneneaoi- Okay I’m just gonna go through every poly variation within Terukaneaoinene here, they’re all pretty interchangeable with each other. This one is great because it’s Aoi and her two favorite people

Teruaoinene- Supremely underrated!! Teru is great, he deserves two girlfriends. And instead of Aoi and Nene being pitted against each other bcuz Nene likes Teru and Teru likes Aoi, they both get to date him AND each other. So fun

Teruakanene- Their little date was so cute (technically they’ve gone on two now). Idc if it was meant to be a Terunene date, Akane was included in my heart. Not crazy abt the lack of Aoi here but this is still an elite ship (one of my mutual named them Pineapple Pals)

TeruAoi- This one is deeply controversial. Tbh it could be above the poly ones I just listed but I like them more in the context of Terukaneaoi or Terukaneaoinene. Teru’s potential crush on her in canon is very cute to me, and I like how she seems to warm up to him throughout the series. I will never understand how people headcanon that they hate each other lol, either they’re dating or they’re best friends

Meinene 2.0- No.4 Mei version ofc. This one is a bit interchangeable with OG Meinene but I like this one a teensy bit better bcuz of the hand-holding scene. Every time I listen to “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” by the Beatles I think of them. This is truly my “I just want Mei to be happy” ship. I like the idea of Nene helping her work on her mental health/self-image issues

Meinene- OG Mei version. Their pancake date lives in my head rent free. Might like it a bit better than the other Meinene but idk they swap a lot. Recently this Meinene has been consuming all my thoughts. It feels so canon, AidaIro clearly wanted Mei to have a girlfriend

Sakunene- This ship should be so much more popular than it is. Like every ship listed below Aoimei 2.0 in this section, it could be swapped with any of the others depending on my mood. This is PEAK enemies to lovers hero/villain character foil vibes. They are everything to me. Nene having a crush on Sakura is lowkey canon so I wish more people recognized their potential

Terunene- So overhated because people have no imagination smh. If Nene came to understand who Teru really is (I think she’s learning but shhh) I think they could be absolute couples goals. Unlike most fans I don’t rly want Teru to have a crush on Nene in canon, I think most people who suggest that only say it bcuz they don’t want to try to understand TeruAoi. But I digress. Super cute ship

Akanene- Another divisive one!! They seem to have this weird animosity towards each other in canon (likely due to Aoi) but whenever they team up…oh man, I love seeing these two work together. They’re both hopeless romantics so they’d be able to match each other’s energy

Aoimeinene- A fairly recent one but I’ve become obsessed. I tend to think of each of the ships separately tho so I need to figure out how the dynamic would work with all three of them. I hope to someday write a fic for them and make this ship more popular (tho I think I’m already on my way to doing that with this blog lol). There are not nearly enough femslash sapphic ships in this fandom, I need more

HakuSumi- Not really sure how to rank this one, I love love love their relationship but I’m not heavily invested in it…still, I don’t want to put it too low. My favorite husband and wife, they deserved better :( I’m glad the fandom is starting to warm up to this one, maybe they’ll have a renaissance like AoiAoi

Super Cute!

SakuMei- No.4 Mei version. We briefly saw them together in ASHK so I think AidaIro know they would be good friends. Their personalities match each other very well and the fanfics are amazing (seriously pls read SakuMei fanfics they’re so good). I lightly associate Mei with the Broadcasting Crew so I like to think she and Sakura would hang out a lot. I headcanon them as exes lmao

Natsuteru- Almost forgot about this one…I have mutuals that would sue me over that. So we all know that Natsuhiko and Teru are exes but consider them as transfem butch lesbian exes. Yes I’m right I’m so correct. I will also accept butchfemme Natsuteru

Kounene- Okay so like…I don’t really multiship a lot with Mitsukou *the crowd boos me* I know, I know. I think this ship is insanely cute as a concept but SOME of the fans are weird abt Mitsukou and HanaNene. It throws me off a bit but I have full love for the ship itself, only when it’s requited on Nene’s side tho. I’m not crazy abt one-sided pairings

HanaKou- Again with the mtsk thing…but let’s be real this ship is art. They could do Romeo and Juliet but Romeo and Juliet could not do HanaKou. I prefer them as best friends but I totally get why so many people like them romantically. They have a funny dynamic. I have a request for them so be on the lookout for that

MitsuHana- Hear me out hear me out, this one is so funny to me. Specifically the concept of Hanako having a crush on Mitsuba. I like to think they’d have the same dynamic as Richie and Eddie from It if you catch my vibe (Hanako is Richie and Mitsuba is Eddie). It pairs well with Kounene too

HanaNeneMitsuKou- Only if Mitsuba and Nene aren’t dating, I don’t fw Mits*nene. Specifically I like this ship when things center around Kou, he’s super nice and protective of everyone so all his friends crushing on him feels so realistic lmao. The four of them would bully each other so hard too, I like to picture them acting similar to the main four from South Park. Please see the vision

SakuAoi- Rumor Girlfriends!!! I love the concept of this ship and they have been shown together a lot in official art. Tbh this one could be higher, but I need a bit more for it yk?? I totally get the concept but it hasn’t completely clicked for me yet. This one may level up in the future tho, as I said the concept is very interesting. I would love to see it in an au where Aoi is with the Broadcasting Crew.

MinaMari- We know little to nothing about their characters but the concept is so cute to me. They’d probably be higher if they had more focus in the manga but alas, they are extremely minor characters😔 They give me major Chappell Roan vibes tho

Sakoo- I’m not overly invested in them but this ship is a staple so they get this category. They’re a cute background ship to Mitsukou. I could see them having some type of crazy slowburn and getting together in their 30s

LemonFuji- A ship I came up with, they are so silly to me. I was gonna put this way lower but then I remembered it’s my favorite Lemon ship. Kinda forgot abt them tho so they could technically be moved a tier down…but no, as the captain of this ship I must go down with it. LemonFuji World Domination

Lemonkane- Not really sure where to put this one in relation to the others but I like them. The fact that they dated in canon always baffles me, I love whenever AidaIro say gay rights. It’s a little funny to me that this isn’t Akane’s main mlm ship, it’s like Lemon got demoted

NagiTsuchi- Say it with me…Old Man Yaoi. Another one I’m not majorly invested in but this is my designated ship for both characters. Workplace romance is one of my favorite tropes, especially with teachers. The Yugi Twins’ dads, trust

Like

Sakuaoinene- So I guess this tier is an “I see the vision/I could get into it” category. I’ve always been aware of this poly ship but for some reason I’ve never looked too deeply into it!! I did make headcanons for them once but beyond that I just don’t think of them often enough. I’ll have to think about it more, the concept is god tier. I like all ships between them so this could be like supreme toxic yuri or smth

Natsunene- Their little door date was so silly and no one talks abt it. I feel like I’m the only person who ships this. Please let them be girlfriends

KouAoi- One of the best rarepairs fr fr but there’s so little content so them. I have a fic idea for them but I haven’t had time to write it yet. To me this is a “crush on your older brother’s best friend” ship lolol. I think it would be more of a celebrity crush on Kou’s part but it’s still adorable

Sakuaoimei- No.4 Mei version. I have a fic request for them that I swear I’ll get around to at some point (I’m trying to stick to a schedule but school has kept me busy this week). I’ll have to brainstorm more of a dynamic for them, I feel like they’d all fit really well together. Sakura and Aoi would nerd out together about horror stories while Mei watches them fondly. Aoi deserves two ghost girlfriends

YoMitsu- I like this one as an unrequited thing, like Yokoo being the typical protagonist of a teen movie and Mitsuba being the unattainable crush. And drama! His crush is dating his best friend. Very much Jesse’s Girl vibes. I made headcanons abt this on TikTok and got ppl all invested in the lore

SatoMitsu- Don’t know much about this one but it seems sweet, he protects him from Kou’s bullying

YoKou- This one is weirdly popular for a rarepair, I feel like I see it all the time. They seem cute enough

SaKou- Satou 100% had a crush on Kou at some point. So did Yokoo but we already covered him. In like 10 years he’s gonna be going about his day and randomly be like “ohhhhh so that’s what those feelings meant”

SaKooMitsuKou- Cute poly ship! Satou and Yokoo help Mitsuba and Kou keep their violence to a minimum. Actually maybe we shouldn’t drag them in to all their drama. Nvm let them be silly boyfriends

SakuMeiAoiNene- Works with either Mei tbh (I’m too tired now to rank them separately I’ve been working on this all throughout the day). Any ship between these characters is elite, I fully support it and would read a fic abt them (or write one)

Koukane- See this one has potential but in my mind they are brother-in-laws so I’m still trying to sell myself on it. I like it tho!

SumiYako- I can’t rly see Sumire with anyone but Hakubo lol but it’s femslash so ofc I like it. I need fics and edits for them, I feel like this one could really grow on me. I want to marry both of them fr fr

TsuchiYako- At first I loved it, then I hated it, now I’m warming back up to it. I could see them having a thing without ever having to discuss it yk?? Like they’re together in some sense and they both know it without having to make a big deal out of it

MitsuKane- One of my moots said they would smoke weed together and I have loved the concept ever since. Another ship I feel like I could get into

SakuTeru- Ignore the ranking for this last category btw I have lost the plot. I cannot see Sakura with a man but if it’s nb or transfem Teru then yes. Very interesting concept

SakuNatsuTeru- This ship is so funny I need to look more into it. They all give me major poly vibes so seeing them together feels biblically accurate

SakuMei 2.0- Original Mei version. I’ve not rly looked into it but I could see myself liking this one. They give me opposites attract vibes

NatsuAoi- A rarepair that only I ship (I think). It’s super chaotic to me

LemonAoi- Aesthetically pleasing, I saw an edit for them once and it was life changing. Really I love any Aoi ships, her complex character makes for very interesting dynamics (even tho she only rly cares abt 2 ppl)

Mama Yashiro x MitsuMom- People pair them together a lot so that Mitsuba and Nene can be siblings and I’m totally here for it. Another one I’ve been meaning to write a fic for bcuz there’s not a lot focused solely on them (for obvious reasons). Let the milfs kiss

MitsuLemon- Another rarepair my moots introduced me to. I’ll have to look more into it but yayyyy their colors go together

Lemonkaneaoi- The original concept for TBHK is so fascinating to me. We could’ve had it all

TeruLemon- Fun rarepair, love the overload of blonds here

TsuchiHaku- I saw fan art of them once and I have not stopped thinking abt it

KataSumiHaku- I was recently introduced to this one and I love it, I’m obsessed

Okay there are probably more I could think of but those are ones I don’t care enough about to list. If I get invested in any new rarepairs you will probably catch me yapping abt them on here. Just assume Mitsukou and SouKou are equal btw I did NOT wanna bother with listing them separately. Again, my rankings change a lot but this is probably the most accurate one I’ve done in terms of categorization. Thank you for this ask, I really enjoyed making this!!