#not that my blogging schedule means anything to yall i just feel like i should explain the inconsistencies

[smokeys-house]

btw I don't go through the tags on weekends and sometimes I'm not on here on the weekends so if I miss something that's why

[coupsie-daisies]

Kinktober '23: Virginity | Min Yoongi

Pairing: GN!Reader x Min Yoongi

Genre: Smut (minors DO NOT interact), Kinktober 2023

Summary: You finally tell Yoongi, the guy you probably shouldn't be fucking around with, that you're a virgin. Nothing could have prepared you for his reaction.

WC: 2.3k

Warnings: Reader is described having a vulva and breasts, but uses gender neutral pronouns, virginity loss (a dumb construct), unprotected sex, mentions of alcohol consumption, marijuana mention, fingering, Yoongi has a dirty mouth and a bit of a possessive streak, creampie, soft Yoongi

A/N: Here we go, kinktober day 1!! Hopefully yall like it, and forgive me if I fall behind schedule. Let me know if you'd like to be added to the taglist for my kinktober fics

Tags: @dragonofthenorth0726 // @wooyussy // @burningupp-replies // @bunnypig18 // @decaffedthoughts // @brownieracha // @ferrethyun // @snow-pegasus // @wonuqrtz // @mixling-blog

Main Masterlist

Kinktober '23 Masterlist

This fanfiction is property of @/coupsie-daisies, reposting on any other platform is prohibited

You felt ridiculous underneath Yoongi, the thought clouding your mind as you kissed him, as his hands pushed up your shirt to expose more of your stomach for him to touch. And the worst part was that you felt even more ridiculous for thinking about it so much.

You had been fooling around with Yoongi for a couple of weeks now. You'd met at a party one of your older friends had invited you to, and you knew Yoongi by reputation only. He was a bit of a fuckboy, he'd slept with plenty of people and made quite a name for himself as an 'experience'. It was actually a little terrifying the way people talked about him, like he was something everyone had to experience.

But he'd been kind when you'd met him, introduced by your friend Hoseok with a request to help keep an eye on you. You'd been offended, actually, at the implication that you couldn't look out for yourself. But having Hobi's friends around to keep an eye on you had actually been quite nice, eliminating the need to socialize with strangers and all that. Yoongi had kept a drink in your hand, though sometimes swapping it out for water when he'd decided you should slow down, and eventually you ended up sitting on a couch, sidled up to him as he smoked up with his friends.

The first time you kissed Yoongi he was high, and you were maybe a little more tipsy than you should have been. But it was the start of something great. You and Yoongi were friends, maybe not the closest of friends but he wasn't a stranger. You felt safe with him, and you could go to each other with your needs. Any needs. Which was how you ended up under him now, his fingers rubbing firm, fast circles against your aching clit.

"Yoongi, please," You whined. He smirked, and you cursed him silently because you really did understand why everyone was obsessing over his skills.

"Please what, pretty baby?" He asked, leaning down to kiss your throat, and you huffed.

"Please, wanna cum. That's what you came over for, right? To get me off, help me destress." You were being annoying, you were sure, but you didn't care in the least. You just wanted to get off, and Yoongi had promised to help you relax. But instead he had you winding so tight you thought your muscles would tear.

"Not gonna make you cum on my fingers, baby. You want to be fucked stupid, right? Don't wanna think anymore? Gonna make you all dumb on my cock instead."

His words sent a rush of arousal through you, wetness dripping out to slick onto his fingers. But even so, he stopped, feeling the way you tensed under him. His fingers were slower now, barely giving you anything as he pulled back and gave you a questioning look.

"You don't want that?" He asked. You and him had never gone that far, sticking to dry humping or going down on each other, sometimes he'd slide his fingers into you, but that was different.

"No! I mean, I do! It's just..." You squirmed, blinking away your building anxiety. Yoongi stopped entirely, sitting back to give you space to breathe, but the distance only made you feel naked, much more exposed than you would have liked.

"You know you can tell me. We communicate. I promised to take care of you, I'm still gonna do that." He promised you, and you fought off a small, surprised expression. You hadn't imagined he'd taken it that seriously back then, let alone now.

"I'm a virgin." You said finally, avoiding his eye. There was quiet, and you squirmed before Yoongi was towering over you, his hand gripping your chin to lift your gaze back to him.

"You've been letting me play with you all this time, and you just weren't gonna tell me that?" He asked, his thumb tracing over your lower lip. You could swear his gaze was only getting more intense, and you swallowed.

"It's embarrassing," You admitted. He huffed out a tiny laugh, his eyebrow quirking upwards in the way that always had you going a little bit feral.

"Embarrassing? What about me being able to ruin you for any other man is embarrassing, pretty thing?" He asked. You felt a quiet squeak slip past your lips. You quickly regained your confidence though, not wanting to give him the upper hand.

"So you wouldn't be able to ruin me for anyone else if I'd already slept with another person? Good to know," You teased, lips curling into a troublesome grin. He rolled his eyes, tongue poking at the inside of his cheek. Then his lips were pressed to the sensitive spot just under your ear, his tongue dragging over it before sucking hard. Your body pressed closer towards his, rolling into the warmth that washed over you.

"Oh, baby, I already have." He whispered, his attention trailing further down your neck, leaving tiny bruises that you knew would bloom bright overnight. Your fingers laced through his hair, tugging lightly as a silent plea for him to leave his teasing and move on. He groaned quietly, not seeming to want to wait either.

He sat back, taking a minute to admire you as if he hadn't seen you laying naked beneath him more times than he could count on one hand. You felt a new wave of arousal rush through you under his attention. His hands brushed your stomach, sliding up to cup your tits, thumbs brushing in feather-light touches over your nipples as if he would hurt you if he touched them too firmly. You released a breathy moan, your eyes shutting as you basked in the attention.

"Gonna make you feel so good." He said, quietly enough that it was almost like he was talking to himself, but you knew better with the way his hands lowered down to knead at your thighs, feeling the soft plush flesh under his fingertips before pushing them wider apart.

You were entirely exposed to him, and even though he'd touched you just a little while earlier, this felt so much more intimate. His fingers slid easily through the wetness leaking from your hole, teasing you with slow, careful touches before sliding two into you, scissoring them and curling them carefully. His eyebrows were furrowed as he focused on the slide of his fingers inside your pussy, his tongue poking against his bottom lip. The attention had you hot all over and you squirming which only forced his fingers to prod a little harder against that spot you loved. You keened, his name on the tip of your tongue but coming out instead as a long whine.

"Please, need you. Don't wanna wait anymore. Waited forever." You huffed. He smiled, a genuine, brilliant smile as his thumb flicked over your clit. And then, finally he was pulling his hand away, maneuvering the two of you with gentle touches until he was settled between your legs, the tip of his cock nudging against your folds.

"Say it again," He requested, the head of his aching length running teasing circles around your clit. "Say you need me, tell me how bad."

"Yoongi," You huffed, and he dipped his cock ever so slightly between your swollen pussy lips, laying enough pressure over your entrance to make you choke on your complaints. Any shame or frustration gave way to pure desperation to feel more of him, to be full of him, surrounded by him. "Please, I need you. Need you so bad I could cry, want you to be my first, want you to take me."

Your words made him hiss, his hips pressing carefully forward, nudging his cock into you inch by inch. You tipped your head back against the pillows, your back arching off the bed and pushing you closer to him, needing more of him, needing him closer. One of your hands scrambled to find his waist, pulling him down closer to you. He didn't hesitate to give in, lowering himself until your chests were pressed together, his face tucked into the crook of your neck and his hips continuing their slow, steady roll against yours. It was another few moments before he was fully sheathed in your tight, wet warmth. His weight rested on his forearm beside you, his other hand gripping at your hip, thumb tracing over the curve there.

"Feel so fucking perfect wrapped around me, shit," He grumbled, voice muffled against your skin, but you heard them all the same, your walls fluttering around him as you tried to get used to the feeling of having him inside of you. He was definitely hitting places you'd never felt before, stretching you out more than his fingers ever had and making the fire in the pit of your stomach burn hotter, the flames consuming you and turning your inhibitions to ash.

"I need more. Fuck me, baby, please. Can take it." You begged, your fingers stroking through his hair again. He shifted, the movement pulling him out of you, and you almost sobbed when he rolled his hips back to draw most of the way out before sliding back in with ease. The rolling thrusts of his hips were slow, easy, and you melted into them. You tugged at his hair with one hand, the other dragging your nails against his waist, pulling him impossibly closer until you were breathing him in.

"Can't believe I haven't done this yet." He mumbled, sucking at your shoulder until a pretty little mark was left in his wake. "You're fucking made for me, built for my dick. Never gonna let you go. All mine, gonna take such good care of you."

He was almost as fucked as you were, his breath coming out in pants as his hips sped up. He slid his hand down, pulling your thigh up to wrap around his hips, drilling himself even deeper and groaning when you moaned his name, tightening around him.

"There," You managed to gasp, and Yoongi shifted, giving himself a little more leverage to speed up, fucking against the spot that had made you react so perfectly for him. He wondered under the fog of his mind if you'd ever felt it before, if your fingers could reach it, if you had been waiting for him to find it. Or maybe, he hoped as he reached down to swirl his fingers around your clit, maybe you would only associate it with him. The spot that he hit just right, the spot that he could find with ease.

"Choking me," He hissed out, never easing up. Your legs tightened around his hips, and your walls sucked him in like every pullback of his cock was a loss you couldn't stomach. You were close, he knew that reaction, knew those sounds like the back of his hand and he was determined to feel you cum on his dick. "Go on, pretty, let go for me. I know you're almost there, you can let go."

His words were soft, sweet, washing over your like ocean waves and dragging you down into your orgasm, air ripping from your lungs as you released around him. You trembled, your hips grinding up to meet his desperate movements, and his movement slowed down to ease you through it.

His movements didn't stop even as you came down, and it was hard to say if he was urging you towards a second one or if he was just too transfixed by the feeling of your walls finally wrapping around him like they'd been waiting for him to slide into you.

"Want you to cum too," You said, the hand in his hair moving to guide his lips towards you, pulling him into a kiss. The taste of him on your lips was like a drug, his tongue slipping past your lips to map out your mouth and his teeth dragging against your lip, not hard enough to be considered a bite, but certainly enough for you to know he could. It didn't take anything more than the kiss to push him over the edge, his groan getting lost in the press of your lips, and his hips pressing flush into yours as he spilled into you.

The kiss slowed, still hungry and desperate, but languid now as if he were savoring the moment of you two pressed so close together. Once he was out of breath, he pulled away, nuzzling into your neck and dragging you as close as he possibly could given your position. He rolled you onto your side with him so the two of you were tangled together, his softening cock finally slipping out of you and his leg trapping yours between his own.

"How was it?" He asked after a few moments of stroking his fingertips against your waist. You kept your eyes closed, basking in his attention and letting a smile curl on your lips.

"It was perfect." You said, pressing closer so he couldn't see the way your smile grew.

"Only the best for my darling." He said, tipping your chin up to kiss you again. You smiled against his lips before pulling away a bit. He followed your lips, and you giggled.

"Yours, huh?" You asked, fingertips drumming against his bare chest.

"I want you to be. Always have. Now more than ever.  don't want anyone else to have you like I do." He confessed without hesitation, and the sincerity in his voice genuinely surprised you. Your teasing gaze softened, and you kissed him once more.

"Nobody will. They couldn't even if they wanted to. I'm all yours."

copyright 2023 coupsie-daisies, all rights reserved

[honeytonedhottie]

so you're my only hope and i really wish for your advice. it's humiliating to say my story but i really need help. so i was misdiagnosed with schizofrenia (i 100% know i'm healthy) i need to lie that i have schizofrenia because my mother needs money. and here comes my desires : revision and desired age/grade level and maaany more. i have no responsibilities literally zero! the way i manifest is i walk around my room and viseualise, affirm and overall manifest which is fun but the thing is do you think i should build healthy day routine instead of just pacing around my room all day long? could you provide me a routine? thank you for help because yall are saving me for real. it could be even self care habits to do every day anything to avoid pacing around

thank you for coming to me 💗 and im so sorry about ur story. im so happy that you know the law because you deserve all of ur desires and more!! 💗

so to build a healthy routine and schedule for urself. doing so builds discipline. im gonna give u some healthy habits, a morning and evening routine, and resources for those things. a good place to start tho is making a weekly agenda that changes with the week, something to switch things up every week. just make one 💗💗💗

—healthy habits🩰⊹ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ♡̴ ⋆⁺₊⋆

♡ moving ur body/pilates - i personally do pilates and i recommend it to literally everybody. but the basic idea is to move around (and that does not mean pacing in ur bedroom) i mean get ur blood flowing and get moving. it doesn’t have to be pilates it can be running, a sport, dancing, yoga etc

here’s a link to one of the pilates workouts that i recommend if ur a beginner : 

♡ get a hobby - some hobby recommendations: if u are good at writing try poetry, try teaching urself how to draw or paint or sculpt, learn how to dance, learn how to play an instrument, learn a sport, learn languages, become a good cook, write stories, start a blog, learn to sew or crotchet, learn tech, read lots of books, watch/listen to lots of podcasts. literally just get busy 

♡ meditating and journaling - this is so good not only for ur mental health but it can also improve focus and keep u grounded. keep a journal or start meditating every day

here’s a link to a guided meditation for self love : 

♡ self care - i LOVE self care. literally practice self care every single day. take care of ur nails, skin, hair, lashes EVERYTHING. be super intentional with ur self care bcuz it tells our brains that we are worthy of effort and it’ll LITERALLY make u feel like a princess. 

♡ manifesting - you mentioned that u wanted to do some revision so something that i recommend for revising is using SATS. or state akin to sleep. once ur in state akin to sleep go back in ur mind and revise whatever u want. or just do SATS before bed every night. this is such a powerful manifesting tool

♡ sleep - aim to get between eight to ten hours of sleep a night. you’ll look better, feel better, and your physical and mental health will just skyrocket 

—morning🌸⊹ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ♡̴ ⋆⁺₊⋆

♡̴ first thing in the morning, fix ur bed 

♡ open the blinds/windows if the sun is out, this all depends on what time u wake up but if the sun isn’t out just skip this step 

♡ stretch for a couple minutes 

♡ write down at least three things that ur grateful for (don’t write down what u aren’t grateful for AT THAT MOMENT, literally just write down three things that ur grateful for right then and there) 

♡ brush ur teeth and use a tongue scraper 

♡ have a glass of water with some lemon slices 

♡ take a warm shower and moisturize 

♡ skincare routine 

♡ put on an outfit that makes u feel pretty 

♡ if u get nauseous when u eat breakfast then try eating something light, but if that doesn’t work then listen to ur body and just skip breakfast. if that’s not the case tho eat a balanced breakfast 

THEN GET TO WORK ON YOUR AGENDA THAT I MENTIONED IN THE BEGINNING<3 

—evening🍥⊹ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ♡̴ ⋆⁺₊⋆

♡ take a warm shower and moisturize 

♡ 30-60 minutes of self care and pampering 

♡ make a yummy dinner that’s nourishing 

♡ read for 20 minutes or watch something that enriches u 

♡ evening yoga 

♡ drink water 15 minutes before bed 

THEN GO TO SLEEP AND HAVE SWEET DREAMS <3 

this is just an idea, or a basic guideline to follow if u need it. customize it to ur specific needs and day-to-day life. im so excited for all ur desires to manifest cuz u deserve it! mwah 💗💗💗

[muzanswaifu]

Ive seen a lot of people confuse me leaving for “people being mean to writers” or getting hate for the things i write of how i write them but its not

But Im not leaving just bc of the audience, i can handle some hate and honestly it was kinda fun from them bc ik that hate comes from jealousy and trolling

Im leaving because of other writers and my “friends”

Ik i said i would get into it and i really dont want to all that much bcuz im tired and just wanna be done with this but it feels wrong to leave under a false assumption and let people think their actions dont have consequences

Ive dealt with a lot from my peers on here, back talking, hating, straight up bullying, and i just cant anymore

I cant deal with drama irl AND on the internet, bcuz at the end of the day i can just delete everything on here and be done with it all so thats wat im gonna do

Tbh this has been building up for a while, i can only handle so much from “friends” and irl i cut people off pretty quick and on here should be no exception but ive fucked up and let people do watever too long and its bitten me in the ass

Yes ik im dramatic lol, ive gotten that a lot and a lot of people hate me for, a lot of people love me for it, its how i am and it keeps things interesting. I get it, i like to make a lot of call out posts. Y? Bc people deserve to be called out and idgaf ab appearances on here. If someone did something bad, im gonna call them out bc last i checked its my blog and i can do wat i want. If u wouldnt do it, thats fine, its ur decision, and this is mine

Yes, i dont post a lot, I. Am. Busy. I have work. I have school. I have a social life. I cant write smut all the time even tho i want to, and at the end of the day, its not my job to write smut all day so people can read it and move on. I like to interact with yall, its fun, i like to talk to a lot of different people on her since my irl friends arent really into anime. Apparently people think im a loser for that? Ok? Sorry i like to talk to people on the internet when im bored instead of producing smut all day for people to read, ig i shouldve remembered im only on here to provide content since i dont deserve to have some fun, my mistake

Requests? Requests r a generosity. So many of my requesters have been absolute angels with being patient in receiving their requests, happy to just see me writing or interacting at all. Others have hounded me regularly telling me im lazy and selfish for not completing my requests, saying im an asshole for not completing them over my own projects bc “they asked first”. LMAO, U WRITE IT THEN???? i dont owe anything to anyone, certainly not someone who comes here solely to read my fics, not even leaving any interaction or encouragement whatsoever, then leave.

The icing on the cake? The tip of the iceburg? Discord of all places. Im sorry some of u didnt enjoy my server, i really am. Ive never used discord before and me and the mods did the best we could and im sorry i couldnt be as attentive to it due to my busy schedule

Im sorry i couldnt get there in time to stop conflicts or just straight up call people out, and im sorry someone had to make another server since they didnt like how i was handling mine bc i didnt take their side in a fight that THEY WERE WRONG IN? But i tried to be nice, tried to defend her and nicely explain y she was she cant say anything they want in any situation bc people get hurt. but it didnt matter. Y? Bc apparently i cant tell people what they can and cant say…

And that made me realize something! Theyre right! Theyre absolutely right and im so stupid for not seeing it until now! I cant stop people from saying things to me. I cant stop people from talking shit ab me. I cant stop people from even saying things on my own blog and server! I just cant. Bcuz in the end, people r gonna say what they want and do what they want bc people dont wanna learn. They dont wanna talk. They dont wanna hear ab how what they do or say affects others. They just wanna do what the want when the want, and they wanna be allowed to, bc fuck everybody else. Everybody is the victim in their own story, and i deserve to be the victim in mine.

And what would a victim do in this situation?

Leave.

[chevelleneech]

So, this ask has been in making for quite some time and i assure you absolutely unrelate d to your recent post about km timeline, i started this ask way before that after ep5, but i feind you quite reasonable and civil so I am going to list down a few reasonable/plausible reasons of why there are certain discrepancies in the whole jikook narrative which sort of is overlooked or brushed over which sort of discredits the whole thing and, lets try to have a reasonable discussion rather than giving opinions on my(anon's) dumbness or whatever.

the recent bed softness/mattress talk in EPS 5, if they were partners (hell, even as friends/dormmates) and JK has all of them over all the time, seems like a preference that JM, as a partner, should know about. and yes, it was talked in a way that JK was letting him know his preference as a reason; otherwise, I would have said oh, that's too soft/hard.

jms depression talk in 2022 in the docu scenes/ that came out after the concert etc, is jk was not aware of anything his supposed bad mental state, his sleeping schedule, oh but jm's friend knew and helped him and he recognized it but it was all being made aware to jk as a friend and that was when they werent really doing any solo stuff. I mean, it's clear they didn't live together, but this is something that I would have thought jk would know, and don't come at me with the jm hides his thoughts. They all do, I would suppose it would be a bit diff for a SO.

jk asking to bring his stuff to jm in that vlive in morning so its good to assume they dont have stuff at eo's places + in April 2023 jk did not know any of face schedule and seeing it for the first time on a tv, when he was actually quite free through early jan/feb/sort of mar too. In the SMF pt 2 trailer, even Tae knew; suga also knew his schedule, but aside from that, he was even confused about the last day of jm's music show.

literally the first comments jm did on jk's live was followed by jm saying take care or how ar eyou something was clearly seperate and miles away from eo atleast for the past two years. whereas tae and jk were clearly closer with jk saying what are you doing here to tae as in they were doing soemthing before/playing as also confirmed in tae's vlive in feb was it? which was not rude but just continuing convo.

the infamous vlive of jk watching jm's content wasnt because of he missed him like people romantically state but because he was def. not up to date on his band member who is supposedly his couple but was catching up on his content bc he did not know when things were airing or when his schedules were or even talking to eo.

i have more which i do not recall fully at the moment (have sent asks about them in past and each time by each person its answered by a simple no or not possible w/o any reasoning (prob bc yall dont have it yourself) but i will def come back and point out if needed)

so talking about knwoing eo fav spices which is obv if jk and jm lived in a dorm for 10 years should know about,hell they know taht about suga as well, tae as well etc. is not a very proof of thier relationship infact its all these small unnoticable or brushed over things which show such discrepancies and holes in the whole narrative which should make a person think again and be reasonable. there are a few blogs, not yours (hence why I even came here, but you , akookminsupporter etc, are a few blogs that are actually reasonable) that pull such weird ass thoughts as if they know what km are thinking, it's surprising and concerning. all these points are no compare but to point fallacies which appear to exist if they are, in fact, dating. the recent mattress talk is what made me even more aware and why I thought I should try to have a civil discussion/ask about it.

Here’s my thing, I feel like all of these concerns and questions have been discussed at length many times over, so there is no answer I can give you, one you deem reasonable or otherwise, that will satisfy your curiosity.

The only reason I would imagine they talk about certain things the way they do, is because they either don’t already know the answers or they’re bullshitting for the cameras. The members have known each other for over a decade, as you’ve said. Jimin and Jungkook shared bed many times in their early years, and we know again, that Jungkook used to hang out in Jimin’s hotel rooms all the time. So in regard to your first question, isn’t it reasonable to assume he already knew JK wasn’t a fan of too soft mattresses?

They’ve shared a mattress so many times, that the idea of it having never ever been brought up until that day in Jeju simply does not seem likely. It makes more sense that he, for whatever reason, just didn’t want that particular bed. Could it be he just didn’t want to swap? Sure. Could it be the mattress really was too soft? Sure, either way, I don’t know. I also don’t know why he’d present his reasoning to Jimin the way he did, aside from: a) reiterating info people already know about you is normal or b) JM truly didn’t know and he was telling him. Either way, it doesn’t change what I think is likely going on between them.

2-4 are things neither of us know the full extent of. They don’t owe us 100% full transparency on what they’ve talked about together. We don’t have to know how much of Jimin’s struggles he shared with Jungkook, because we don’t know what their relationship status is outside of assuming they like each other and prefer being around one another. Personal struggles and whom Jimin decided to let in, is not our business, and whether or not he was open and honest with his potential partner falls into things we don’t need to know. If not knowing whether or not JK knew all of it tells you they aren’t together, so be-it. You don’t have to believe anything you don’t want to believe, if your experience and understanding of the world tells you not to.

I already said enough about 5. I already said I believe them saying they weren’t that much in touch during 2023, but it’s not an objective fact that JK was watching Jimin’s content because he wasn’t caught up. Same way it’s not an objective fact that he was doing it because he’s in love with him. It’s all subjective, as there were times where he said he didn’t watch something, then other times when he’s quoting Jimin before he even speaks, proving he did indeed watch the content. So perhaps he simply just missed him. As a friend or as something more is your choice to decide.

Basically, unless either of them reveal partners they’ve been with during these later years, the answers any of us want will likely never ever be given. At least not until it’s 2053, and one of them writes a tell-all. So you can think they’re dating, best friends, or just good coworker friends, but you can’t ask questions to strangers online in attempt to have them hash out the reasons behind something they don’t have the full details of.

I personally think Jimin and Jungkook have something going on. You don’t, and that’s perfectly fine.

[gladiatorcunt]

# RULES - ♱ ♱ ♱

“They're angelic symbols, passed on to mankind by the archangel Gabriel.”

+ general ::

♱ 18+ , no minors may interact. ageless blogs will be blocked. for blank blogs: if you have an age in your bio and you don’t seem like a bot, i’ll let it slide. tws will be tagged accordingly but lmk if i’ve missed any. requests are open and if you’re not sure if i write for a fandom/character, just ask. do not copy, repost, or translate my work anywhere. all writing is my own. dm’s and asks are also open

♱ dark fic & non dark fic topics welcome (specifics below but since i��ll definitely forget stuff, feel free to ask. will be more dark content focused overall though)

♱ no ultra specific requests (reader’s full appearance or background, basically outlining an entire fic that you should maybe write yourself, etc.)

♱ mainly smut reader inserts including those that vaginas and/or dicks w/ different terminology for specific parts being used on occasion (please understand that my readers won’t be neurotypical or all that extroverted as it’s hard for me to get in the headspace to write that. and also that having a certain style of dress, feminine or masculine, doesn’t mean that that reader is a man or a woman. & gn pronouns doesn’t always mean nb it just means a general they/them that anyone can read and imagine themselves in.)

♱ plus sized reader is the only physical trait i will typically involve (other than glasses sometimes) bc i’m plus sized (no hate to people who aren’t plus sized, i’m just tired, and i write for myself at the end of the day)

♱ i can’t shut up so requesting other parts is fine but please do so respectfully and with the understanding that it might not be a priority or that it might not happen

♱ trying to work and go to school so i don’t have a posting schedule. i also do not take requests atm but ideas/thirsts/suggestions are fine with the understanding that they may never see the light of day

♱ i reserve the right to not fulfill a request or write something i said i was going to if life gets in the way, i’m just not feeling it, or it’s a topic/fandom/character i don’t write for

# REQUESTING & ASKS - ♱ ♱ ♱

“One for every sin. So quite a few.”

[dune, the boys, elden ring, wuwa, & original content]

+ i won’t write ::

♱ extreme physical abuse (character enjoys hurting reader in whatever non sexual way or vice versa), cnc (triggering for me and not how i personally cope), scat, degradation, hardcore humiliation, whipping, exhibitionism where people are actually watching, cheating (character on reader), torture, hardcore bdsm, choking to the point someone passes out, anything involving frogs (same reason), child abuse/csa (reader can have a past that involves those things but no explicit descriptions), love triangles (they’re either poly by the end or not, i’m not into the tsitp type drama), pornstar au (not for me), blindfolds/object gags, pegging, unrequited love (let me be delusional), characters or reader making the other(s) jealous on purpose or because it’s funny (just a personal pet peeve), orgasm delay/denial, dom reader (will write this on occasion but it’s never a sure thing), only character x character

+ i will write ::

♱ pregnancy (either in the baby trapping way or otherwise), non dark fic topics, dub con, toxicity aside from cheating & physical abuse & bullying, obsessive/possessive behavior, oviposition, yandere, manipulation, kidnapping, gentle & slightly harder non con, wax play, psuedo-incest, rpf (no underage people obviously), knifeplay, face slapping, incest (ONLY WHEN IT COMES TO HOTD/ANY TARGARYEN YALL PLEASE-), omegaverse, vomit, pain play, monster/creature stuff, bondage/leashes, characters or reader as hybrids, age gap (no underage stuff anyway between minors but also no age gaps involving minors), au/s, female characters, oc x reader, etc.

+ don’t send messages about ::

♱ the crow remake & bill skarsgård (i’m 50/50 on him objectively but don’t push it, messages that focus more on him are fine i guess. it’s more the remake itself.)

♱ hades game spoilers, god of war ragnarok spoilers, honkai star rail spoilers, arkham knight trilogy spoilers, baldurs gate 3 spoilers, gotham knights spoiler, assassins creed odyssey and origins spoilers, borderlands presequel spoilers, persona 5 spoilers (or anything i mention currently reading or watching or playing

♱ deeply personal trauma/info that can doxx you (asking for advice is fine), i’m sympathetic but i’m a stranger on the internet. also nothing about hating kids or marriage or people in relationships, at my core i’m an obsessive romantic that wants to get married and have kids someday.

♱ asks that pretend to know me irl or be one of my mutuals, i am paranoid and i will believe you. anything about drugs (other than weed) and mental health medication/anti psychotics unless i’m asking for advice. no selfship stuff unless you’re my mutual, (you can interact obviously i just don’t wanna be messaged about it too heavily). and no hate towards subliminals or reality shifting

♱ any nightwing ship (and the dickbabs cheating thing) that’s not dickkory or him x me, i do not play about that man. so therefore, no nw slander unless i started it lmao.

♱ any anti spirituality or predatory/bigoted christian behavior (those spam sounding ‘you’re going to hell but jesus can save you’ youtube comments) . also no fear mongering when it comes to politics, and no ‘but voting for kamala won’t do anything’ (if you’re in the us just don’t vote for trump idgaf).

♱ meeting my faves irl (esp hayden christensen), i’m so happy for you objectively but my eyes will twitch out of my head.

♱ lewd things directed at me, no strong flirting if you’re not a mutual i’ve known for a bit, any vagueness that my ND brain could not pick up on (say what you mean and i’d appreciate tone tags).

♱ cw dc shows (other than smallville) & disney star wars (check my about me for the shows i like), any strong love for han solo (he’s just a guy to me and also atton rand clears).

♱ eddie munson, tengen uzui from demon slayer, or eren yaeger (sorry, also don’t ask about stranger things or attack on titan in general). also no drake meat riding (i’m a kendrick fan)

♱ the stereotype that southern people are dumb/etc. any hate towards people in extremely rural areas specifically (don’t call me a redneck that gives me the biggest ick)

♱ the whole scott/logan/jean/her clone/emma thing. my main x-men ships are cherik, scott/logan, logan/nightcrawler/storm, mystique/hank, logan/storm, jean/storm, logan/nightcrawler, rogue/gambit, & bobby drake/johnny storm.

♱ anything overtly negative and pessimistic, including sui ideation and/or you having a GENUINE psychotic break or mental breakdown. (i wouldn’t recommend a hotline immediately but if you don’t have a trusted person in you’re circle to talk to they can maybe get you through that moment.)

♱ a demand for a follow4follow type relationship, ‘i’ll reblog your fic ONLY if you’llreblog mine’, any obviously conditional support for example: don’t follow and then once i’ve followed back or reblogged with your posts, unfollow me.

♱ batman being an abusive dad & damien slander, anything having to do with slade or trigon (teen titans trauma, also don’t ask about teen titans go), the ric grayson plot, dc live action movie flash & aquaman (justice league 2004 aquaman is my fav aquaman)

♱ anti anakin/hayden’s acting slander or overtly pro jedi opinions, DO ask me about star wars lore & it’s universe in general bc it’s my number one interest.

♱ larian studios meat riding, hate towards ascended astarion and the people that like him, any mention of that one writer who’s name starts with a w, durgetash/gortash, any astarion ship that’s not him x tav or x reader (esp him x gale), downplaying wyll’s treatment, hate towards evil route players.

♱ pro daemon targaryen sentiments (or disrespectful hotd fandom war behavior of any kind). i’m team green but i love characters from both sides and also it’s not a real war!

if you’re uncomfortable with any of the above topics, filter the tag/content so you won’t have to see it from me

- gladiatorcunt 2023 ++ intro.

[whosthatdccharacter]

Heyo! We've done six of these so far and it's been fun running this little game for yall. I hope its entertaining for you!

Now that we've got some under our belts I wanted to open up for feedback on a few different points. Im going to go over how ive done stuff so far, so if you have any thoughts on aspects of it you can chime in.

Putting the rest under the cut since it's kind of long.

1. Timing

So far I've tried to post new ones at sort of random times in the day so it doesn't give any one a consistent advantage. Im US Eastern and posts might go up anytime between 8am and 2am. I might even use the queue to schedule round the clock.

Another timing thing is that when someone guesses right, I give at least a few hours more before posting the reveal. It's just to give people a little more time to play, even if someone gets the answer right away. That's not to say you cant play after the reveal posts go up, but if youre anything like me, as soon as the ability to see the answer is available im clicking that link lol.

And since the reveal post tags the winner, I wait at least a few more hours for the next silhouette post so the prev winner doesnt have the advantage of being notified of the next one.

So a question here is should I wait longer or shorter on any of these areas? Do you like that its only one unrevealed at a time?

2. Difficulty level

This has been the hardest because it's a learning curve to find what's easy, what's hard, and why. There are SO many characters and runs, so it's hard to know if something I thought was memorable was even a blip on other people's radars. So ive tried to do a mix of difficulties.

Easier ones mean more people have the satisfaction of guessing and maybe getting it right, but if it's too easy then it might feel like these are puzzles for babies.

Harder ones mean a challenge and a lot of satisfaction if you figure it out or know that it's some niche thing. But if it's too hard then nobody gets it and it can feel kind of bullshit.

So what im wondering here is, do you feel like these have been too easy or too hard? Do you like it being a mix?

3. Character and image selection

If I put up a straightforward silhouette of Etrigan, everyone's going to get it and there's no challenge. On the flip side if i did a silhoutte or jason blood standing in a contextless room its like that could be literally any random man, so itd lead to random guesses. So ive been trying to find the sweet spot of the silhouette being somewhat familiar but not completely unique, and the rest of the image with some stuff going on. I think that's been going well but it does mean it relies on me and my ability to make a good little puzzle of it. So i hope I've been doing an alright job in that area.

Choosing from particular runs is interesting. I usually think of a character first then go find something they were in. Im finding the stories with other characters and team ups are good options to provide that extra context. But then the tricky part is that i have to be at least somewhat aware of whats popular and whats not. I dont want to use a panel from a run nobody read (unless its really good), and I also dont want to do one so infamous that everyone knows it like the back of their hand. So as with choosing particular images, I hope my choice of titles I'm sourcing these from has been fair.

4. How to guess

I went with tags so it encourages people to reblog and hopefully spread awareness of the blog. I think its also the easiest way people are inclined to interact per post. We couldve done asks but sometimes those get dropped by tumblr, and all the reveal posts would be answers to asks instead of standalone posts.

I like the idea that even for old ones people can still play and have fun with guessing on their own. Not sure if theres a clever way to encourage that.

And i hope the leaderboard is fun. Just a small incentive to participate. Its like saying nice job, thank you for playing.

5. Hints

As mentioned previously, if over a day goes by and nobodys got it ill post a hint. I've only done one hint so far and i was really not sure how subtle or overt i should be. Idk if anyone has thoughts about it?

--

So that's it. That's the process behind things and kind of where my mind is on it. I want it to be fun and chill, so if you ever have feedback about something you can always send an ask. It can be about the topics here or really at anytime about anything.

Thanks for playing everyone! Keep it up!

[atrial-ofhorror-if]

Hey Everyone!

Its been a quick minute since I’ve made an update. I actually took a lil break (and am still on that break) from Tumblr. I wanted to get my self together, but I also wanted to get back on here and give you guys a quick update!  

First, I want to thank everyone whose sent me kind words/wished me well in the ask box! Y’all are my rock, and I can’t even explain how much it means to have a support system when you’re going through something tough. So for that, I love y’all 🤎🤎🤎. 

Also, to the anons with the tea, y'all actually told me some things that I didn’t know was going on and happening within the IF community (I know, I live underneath a rock! 🥴🥴) so I feel like I know how to move accordingly from now on. Once again, thank yall so much! I feel like I should do something special for you all but I really don’t know what... If you have anything that you guys would want to see in the next update, or like lil spoilers or something like that let me know!

Secondly, my job is picking up once again, and we are EXTREMELY short staffed (Thats what happens when you work in local government ). I’m having to take the brunt of a lot of the work there, so I’ve found that I’m having to try and play catch-up with a lot of my scheduled writing. In lemans terms, everything is getting pushed back by a month... AGAIN.  I hate it too y'all, I wish this game would write itself!

Now onto the game updates.

For ‘A Trial of Horror’, I have like 25% left of content I need to add and then I’ll be ready to upload it into twine and start the editing process. Editing typically takes me like 2-3 weeks and then I send it off to the testers, and make even more adjusments from there. Depending on how big the update is, I think I should be able to upload something by the end of June 🤞🏿🤞🏿(fingers crossed). 

In case y’all didn’t know... I’m planning on creating a Naruto IF (no relation to Boruto PLEASE)!

As of right now I’m still ironing out general plot, setting, and clans that I’m including in the IF (Uchiha Clan and Hyuga Clan definetly). I’ll probably make another blog page or just use this one as my general IF one once I’m ready to make an introduction page. I’m not sure yet. Once I have more info, I'll make sure to give you guys the tea~~

Overall, I hope you all stay healthy, safe, and feel loved 🤎🤎

See ya soon 👋🏿👋🏿

[emiko-matsui]

hello this is my official list of what i think every member of the bau would work with if they wouldn't work at the bau like if that wasn't a reality you get me

——

Jason Gideon: look i know this is technically canon but i truly do think he would be an author and would guest lecture a bit in his later years and like sure he could still write true crime books but also just regular crime novels i think this old man would just like to write

Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: i think she would work inside of the media, not in front of the camera necessarily but as a communicator or similarly inside of the media and the news. however i think there's a possibility of a divergence of path for her, i think its possible she could end up in a hostage situation due to her job in a similar situation like in neon terror and would start working out as a coping mechanism and like genuinely would pick up a (extra?) job as a personal trainer at her gym

Derek Morgan: firefighter. that's it i don't know what to say other than that, derek would 500% be a firefighter. there's nothing else. now that i think about it derek should've been a firefighter from the beginning fuck the bau this is his true calling don't even @ me

Elle Greenaway: similarly to JJ i think elle would work inside of the media but as an investigative journalist. well i think she would start out as a regular journalist but become an investigative journalist after a while because her drive would be too big you get me. also niche but i think that when she was a teen she was like briefly a singer like you know robin from how i met your mother but she would've made angry girl music

Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: genuinely don't think this punk could stay away from the government so i think he would still work a fancy government job just not inside of the bau, maybe not even the fbi but i so think he'd still be in government. now what i have no idea because i know nothing about the government especially the american government seeing as im not even remotely american

David "Dave" Rossi: now i don't even know if this fucking counts but you know those really fancy shops that are like made of dark smelling wood and is called something extravagant with a cursive gold font and they sell like cigar or wine or herbal products or like mustache wax or whatever the fuck you know the places im talking about. i think rossi would work there and be that old man at the counter who will come up and talk to you and you have no idea if he just works there and is really invested in this stuff or if he owns the place or just a really weird costumer but then he's the one you pay too so you assume it's his but the moment you step out of the store you've forgotten his face and you never want to go back there but you always think about it once a month or something. if you don't know what kinda place im talking about consider yourself lucky

Penelope Garcia: if the bau wasn't even a prospect here there's no question that penelope would still be a hacker illegally and make most of her money from there but i also think that she would work in a small second hand shop with lots of old trinkets and clothes and stuff just because she genuinely thinks it's fun to work there and also the old woman who owns the shop lets her be on the computer when there's no costumers in the store. i just think she would sit there in her cupcake dress next to a ceramic old cat from the 1930s talking to bernice about her grandson while hacking jeff bezos on her computer

Spencer Reid: now it's time for spencer all over the place reid who i think would work at like one of those really prestige but still public libraries where like everyone is welcome but they have like locked rooms with super valuable books and stuff and he kinda does whatever there bc sometimes he gives tours talking about thr history of the building and stuff and sometimes you find him at the counter ready to guide you to the specific book you're looking for plus twenty other recommendations you should read if you like this book and sometimes you find him in a window reading and his coworkers politely ignore he's had his "break" for three hours now bc he guided 17 tours yesterday (only ten were scheduled) and they suspect he mightve slept here. plus in his spare time i think he would do some independent work to keep him stimulated with stuff but that's not a fully developed idea yet

Stephen Walker: this might be controversial but i think stephen would be a guidance counsellor at like a school and i don't know why but he has the vibe and i think he would be quite good at it. maybe he just gives me more official jawbone vibes from dimension 20

Emily Prentiss: i firmly believe this woman cannot hold down a job for her life. i think the bau and interpol were flukes in her reality because im quite certain emily would physically not be able to keep one job for longer than a year. if you mention a job she's probably done it. she's done everything from high positions in government to bagging groceries to leading seminars to breeding puppies. listen emily prentiss is a lesbian ex goth trust fund kid (like canonically yall). i think right now she's working with the lights for a theatre production and she's liking it and seems to have a knack for it

Tara Lewis: this one's out there but i think she would work as a principal at a university (do universities have principals?). but like the one who's in charge of a school but like advanced studies with like adults study after they've already studied if you know what i mean. idk i just think that's what she would be

Luke Alvez: hate to do this to luke but he would simply just be a cop. or like a detective (that's like a promotion for a cop in america right? bro my knowledge extends to brooklyn 99 and brooklyn 99 only). i hope this is because i feel like luke is the serious crime version of jake peralta and jake is the sitcom version of luke. anyway, cop

Matt Simmons: this is my magnum opus but bro i think he would be a podcaster. i think he would do a podcast with kristy. for everyone who follows my blog think justin and sydnee mcelroy but matt is sydnee. i think they would have a little podcast together. after his unit at the fbi (?) got got by linda barnes i think he would retire home and start doing podcasting full time with kristy. this is my hot take

Kate Callahan: because such a central part of kate's personality/backstory is that her sister died in 9/11 i think that kate would've been a nurse. specifically a nurse not a doctor and i don't think it's because a lack of competence or anything like that fuck u no i genuinely think kate wanted to be a nurse and chose to study to become that. her hours would still be crazy but maybe meg isn't as worried about her now

Ashley Seaver: i don't have a lot for seaver but i think she would work in local government more centralised like those guys from parks and rec and yes i realise ive made way too many references that some people might not understand but here we are. i think seaver would do whatever leslie does in parks and rec or something like that

Alex Blake: this is just a formality to have her on here because she's literally a linguistics professor in the show

[add-the-account-yourcosmicguide]

So I revamped my account profile. Again. .. I get easily bored of looking at the same theme over and over, it's just another symptom of my A.D.H.D brain hahahehe

Who misses this version ?

Now my blog is a little bit better. It's a bunch of chaos still I know lllol😆🥰😍🙃 that's all part of my show buttt🥰but but thix time at least I'm feeling thd vibe of my profile a bit more ... its more tuned jnto my aura anc my mood.

And I bet I may change it again too.

What yall thinking?

I'm enjoying the two games events that I've got going on on my blog currently especially since yall give me such detailed feedback about my vibe and the vibe of my blog and how I come across and eh wow dudes yall must have known me in z past life of some shit !!??? Because like each kf you guys had something right intriguing to say about me without really even talking tk me before ! But I guess it's cuz mmm I leg it al, hang out on my blogwho I am, I'm not hiding that's for sure j just straight shoot fell what's on my mind and I will sag THERESOOOMHCCHMORE THAT IMNOT SAYYING due to thd fact that I for the most part am sort of hiding the reality and severity of my illnesses dud to myself wanting to keep it private bc it usually leads to lots ov trouble the more I speak about my cancer,.. and other debilitating mental and cognitive factors and disease or illness that I've struggle with, flr damn solong.

It seems like my bad witch too tough like a grunge aestetics acting likd a goth that is the theme of my tumblr (such I relate to in subtle ways compared to mh normal, style) If seems that it had a big bad negative effect on my ask box. OK ok that's such an extreme lol 😆 but I mean yall might of got a perspective of the OLD ME through that view of my blog ... like yeh when I use to be a teen and had lots more health and vitality and my kickass style was rockin my socks instead of hospital gown gear and I.V dreading bedding in this damn depression of my anxious corner of my mind and my weak body but yah I am tough exterior like I take no shit that's for sure and sassy sure I'm able to sass you lol it's just my energy level these days isn't the goth hard-core witch fae I use to be as much I'm milder and calmer but hysterical at the same time because I'm dying 😅🙃 and this is crazy I haven't come to terms with it , I don't have my bucket list cleared I'm so lost ....

Eh but yah so many of you took my blog and viewed it as if it'd style was an example of me , but clarifying it's the old me thanks for describing znd reminding me who I am really am and eh j just got turned around and lost myself. This is the new me .

My old blog was jusg an outfit in mg closet I'd wear out on nights I felt that 2014 nostalgia of Tumblr being the aestetic blog it was lol

Yall mistook me a bit. I can ooze confidence and sexuslity and can be a sex kitten oozing self confidence and sticking thd mild finger to the air but...

Now I lay in bed do not party hardy or drink Baacardii. I barely get my ensure and boost down without throwing up !! #sickypoo -spooniewitch

I'm hardly anything likd thd beauty I once was

Need your help people

I'm in a sick sick 😷🤧 time of my life so desperately clinging to barely nothing to hope for the future seems so bleak...

Iv got ZERO donations and my operation is scheduled in 8 weeks . To remove thd xanceruus mass on my kidneys abd bladder . I ain't to go to bathroom regular.

Please some people should consider donating so I can live another year or so then from there get the home therapy j need from the nurses anc get better because as it stands ima goner.. won't be here for more than a couple weeks more living on this planet abc I rea,kg enjoy Shamanic Healing I'd likd to do more pick a carss too and tell ysll who yuf Spirit guides ard abx who yyr soulmate ix even twinflame, I'm available for the game think about seeing mh article ad just on my profile peeps

I'm in o so soo much dxmn pain, wish these painkillers would work longer than 20mins . Not good enough .... I cannot sleep. I have no support here. Ivc how nobody

😥sad sad sad

To donate my public PayPal email is cosmicmysticguidance@gmail.com

www.paypal.me/cosmicguide

[theunconcernedembalmer]

Toko! I was thinking of creating an ask the character blog for IDV or Genshin Impact and wanted a few tips on how to start off. Anything you can share?

ey yo my dude!! thank you so much for this question, now im lowkey tempted (again) to make a genshin ask blog sjadhlkshgkahshglsaj anyway my 1.5 cents is under the cut, yall know how much i talk here HAHAHAHAH

uhhhhhh so i guess we start with picking a character u really Vibe with tm? I KNOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE COMMON SENSE BUT LIKE ive been considering making a genshin ask blog for a while now but i never really got to it cos i couldnt really decide on a character (plus the fact that their outfits are. so intricate. is also a hmm since i try to follow details to a t) (at first i wanted to do zhongli, but i feel like to be able to muse him well u need to know the lore super super well, which i dont n im too lazy to research on that aha. n u know how much i respect characterizations, especially for such a complex character like him. i also considered xiangling for a period of time mostly for guoba but also like i have 2+1 blogs here n having one more might not be a very good idea aha) (as for aesop he was my Hyperfixation Character tm also cos i looked at his kit n went Yep i could work with this. probably)

so assuming ur not a dumbass like me n u kinda know who u wanna pick, id actually say to snoop around here for other ask blogs n kinda get a feel of the... scene? is that the word? or like u know, other blogs that u can potentially vibe with. ive run a couple of ask blogs before this current one (both that have died for different reasons) n from my experience interacting with other blogs (if theyre okay with it, i think most should be) is pretty fun. it also kinda helps get ur blog around to other ppl on other blogs so they can go Oh whats this cool shit n check u out, n its also a reason why we kinda reblog promo posts for other blogs (also cos we’re always excited when someone new comes on, its really the more the merrier. we see all :eyes:). interacting with other blogs is also an option when ur inbox is looking real roomy too

another reason why i havent exactly done a genshin blog is that idk i cant actually seem to find genshin ask blogs around (i have seen rp blogs, or those that answer asks with mostly text instead of art, but thats. not my thing since i hate my own writing aha) (i did find one aether blog some time ago, but for some reason i hardly see them around anymore??? idk man i might be wrong). its not like im trying super hard to find them ask blogs, so im sure they exist out there (hopefully?? im not sure but im being optimistic). i mean theres nothing wrong with just starting an ask blog without others around, but for me i do find a difference when i interact with other ask blogs n when i dont, n i prefer when theres others to have fun with (unfortunately i couldnt find any ask blogs to interact with in my previous fandom. i tried, but the blogs i approached seemed to go inactive shortly afterwards...) plus u get to meet friends that way too :D (i made a lot of friends via idv askblogs n its really been a joy vibing with others)

as for the idv scene. gestures around me. unfortunately there are a lot of ask blogs that arent that active anymore, but theres still some of us who are alive n kicking empty inboxes, n im sure everyone would love to see a new face around. winks at u. also there seems to be a lot more blogs popping up lately, which is really heartening to see.

then u kinda just. make ur blog? n a starting introduction post so ppl can reblog it n spread the word XD n yay u have a blog i guess??? XD

i gotta say tho. dont expect ur blog to take off immediately (especially for smaller fandoms like idv, tvbh i didnt think my blog would even get half this far when i started cos of how non existent idv tumblr seemed to be) n ur inbox will probably be looking pretty empty a lot of the time (or at least filled with some that u havent quite thought of how to reply to yet aha) (but also like empty inboxes happen pretty often, im sure most of us here have experienced this problem)

in the case of the first ask blog i ever started, it never really took off at all. ngl it was kind of demoralizing n depressing but to be fair i had picked one of the more obscure characters in the series, so obscure that many ppl in the fandom would have never heard of this character before. if u wanted to know, i took a character that only appeared in the 2nd musical of the series, who also made a very brief cameo in the manga to acknowledge his existence within that universe. thats how obscure my character was, but i went with him purely because he was my favourite character. i will say though i did enjoy it while it lasted n i learnt a lot from the experience, n i think thats whats important really.

i guess this kinda leads on (not really but let me digress) to the whole uhhhh thing where if u choose a more popular character, u get more attention. which is fine i guess? if u really vibe with the character, i mean theyre popular for a reason. n choosing a more popular fandom (like genshin) would objectively also get u more viewers n numbers. but like honestly i believe that ask blogs are meant for u to have fun with, n like trying to get popular gets tiring pretty fast (this shouldnt be like a main goal, but u know sometimes u subconsciously also want that gucci follower count n bomb ass notes or something. i used to be guilty of this until i realized it isnt worth it) especially if ur not enjoying yourself in the process. (case in point: my previous fandom was considerably larger n my blog got about 700 followers within a year or so, but it got very tiring n stressful to maintain after my interest in it died, n no one was really interacting with the blog even though i tried which kinda made it even more depressing despite the so called success n popularity of the blog)

anyway on a less serious note, theres a lot of fun stuff u can do with the ask blog, like some ask blogs have really fancy tags that i really like n try to do but also like not really HAHAHAHA. i kinda just channel what i want to see in an ask blog into my own ask blogs (good art is one, i try very hard for it to be good :,DD another is characterization, n others is just extra miscellaneous arts n stuffs like au ideas or memes. these are also somethings u could work on during ask box downtimes perhaps)

uhhh another side thing is like a posting schedule i guess? like ppl would be more likely to interact (i think) if ur blog is relatively active, n this is usually determined by the last post u made (i think XD). but like generally for blog maintenence id say try to kinda find a frequency that ur comfortable with?? cos i know my once a day posting is kinda insane if i wasnt so hyperfixated on all of this n fight the urge to dump all ur replies when u finish them XD (though ive seen some blogs do that n they do it pretty frequently so its pretty nice to know once u see their post u can spend some time going through the latest batch of posts XD) the queue function is pretty useful here even though i truthfully have never really used it, i kinda just post from my drafts really but it also helps to space out ur content to seem somewhat active especially when u dont have the time to be working on replies sometimes. i hope u know what im trying to say here aha

ANYWAY that was like my 1.5 cents cos i dont even think its worth 2 cents HAHAHAHAH these are just my thoughts from running all my blogs up till now, some that are still running n the others that have just died a natural death. i wouldnt actually delete them (theyre still around actually XD) cos theyre kinda like archives n i can look back at what i did last time. cos ngl i made some high quality stuff back then, n i dont even know how i managed to do that aldhflhdsgk. also ppl do look at archive blogs every now n then for the content thats there yknow

BUT YES anyway if u do decide to join the idv ask blogs hmu, ill be sure to give u a lil shoutout here. winks

[missorgana]

interrupt me

pairing: finn/poe dameron

fandom: star wars (sequel trilogy)

rating: teen and up

word count: 2502

warning: swearing

summary: Finn wants Poe to be his boyfriend, so badly, it's sort of unbelievable he hasn't asked him already. But he doesn't know how. (high school AU)

(finnpoe week 2020 is here yall!!! so excited for my baby event tbh. annddd here’s my first fic for it, i chose high school au bcus well im cheesy ok. if u want to enter finnpoe week with me you can check out the event blog and my post here!! hope you enjoy this fluffy mess!)

read on ao3

“So?”

When Finn realises this is the only greeting he’s getting from his best friend, he gives her a semi-awkward chuckle, as he always does when he can’t quite figure out what she’s on about.

Very much not the first time.

“So… what?”

And she raises her eyebrows in an offended look.

Offended in the only way Rey can be, because she’s never seriously been mad at him, mind you.

“I can’t believe you.” she simply tells him, opening her locker in the process.

Okay, maybe Finn has an idea of what’s frustrating her. After all, she texted him about it last night. A text he was keen to avoid at that time.

“I got your text, I swear-”

“And you didn’t respond because of the reason I suspect?”

Man, Rey really should be a psychic or something. Kind of freaky how she’s always two steps ahead of him.

Her annoyance did fade slightly when Finn let his defeat show.

“I know, I promised you.” and he tells her while shoving the chemistry book down in his bag, the bell interrupting before he continues, “But, I, uh. It just wasn’t the right time, okay?”

Rey’s shoulders are still tense, she huffs, but ultimately shrugs.

“You also said that after your last three dates, you know.”

He does know. Yes, he knows too well.

Long story short, Finn’s been going out with Poe for nearly three months now. Exactly, pretty Poe, the prettiest person ever in the entire world, probably.

The boy who asked him out after many history lessons of looking at each other in secret, and talks of doing homework together that only resulted in giggling and gushing about Hozier.

Well, Rey thinks it’s about time they became official. Like, officially a couple.

She does this because she loves Finn, and she loves them, and yes, he wants Poe to be his boyfriend, so badly, it’s sort of unbelievable he hasn’t asked him already.

But see, he doesn’t know how.

Or of course, he knows the words, but it’s like, whenever he’s with Poe, his mind implodes and revels in whatever they’re doing, and at the end of the day, he’s none the wiser.

They’re on the way to class, and they’re gonna be late either way, so Finn asks his best friend, “I know. But, you know, what if… I mean, what if he doesn’t want to?”

Rey still looks at him in all her stubbornness, but rubs her shoulder, clearly sensing his worry.

His worry goes deep, because yes, they’ve been going out for three months, but, you know, Poe’s like the star of this school. Star of the student council, if anything.

Finn just can’t help doubting himself. Wondering, Poe’s too good for him, or maybe, Poe hasn’t asked him because what they have, what made him ask out Finn isn’t there for him anymore.

He hopes none of that is the case. But he’s always had a habit of overthinking.

“I love you.” she tells him, a certainty in her voice, tugging on his arm just a bit so they won’t be in real trouble with Ms. Holdo, “And he’s so lost in you. I know it’s scary, but he isn’t asking, and if you don’t ask, nothing’s gonna happen.”

She’s right. So right.

So he links their arms and runs down the hall, figuring it speaks louder than words.

…

Finn finds himself thinking a lot.

This isn’t exactly unusual, but, you know, sometimes he overthinks.

Seriously, he knows he needs to ask Poe already.

But his concerns aren’t crazy, okay?

He’s actually already met Poe’s mom, last month, albeit it wasn’t planned. It was maybe too fast. They’re going fast. Or what?

Rey’s assured him enough times now that three months is a perfectly healthy time to become an item, or whatever you call it.

It’s not like they’re popular. Poe’s got a bit of hype, but he’s not at the top of the food chain.

And you know, reputation isn’t all that matters.

Or he tries to tell himself that, because what if it is to Poe?

Before his best friend made him promise to make the move, as she calls it, she was visibly upset, perhaps more than himself, when the other boy hadn’t asked him first.

Maybe he’s just as nervous as Finn. Like, it’s valid, right?

But also, Poe’s been in a couple of relationships before, and yes, that might not sound like much, but Finn’s never been serious with anyone prior to this.

And he didn’t really think it would bother him until now, where Finn ponders his inexperience, and might be edging towards a mental breakdown in the middle of the history lesson, when said boy on his mind touches his hand under the table.

Yes, Rey was only bitter for a few days when the boys started sitting together, “leaving her behind”, as she called it. But she doesn’t really mind now that Rose transferred, he’s sure.

Finn always thinks Poe wants to borrow a pencil when he touches his hand, or has a question, or something mundane.

But he might be getting used to Poe reaching out just for the sake of the touch, sooner or later.

Only the other boy whispers when Ms. Holdo has her back turned, “You okay?”

Oh, so he can tell. That’s great.

No, really, it’s great, because this boy’s so empathetic, when he’s not fiercely protective, or sarcastically defensive.

Finn wonders if he’s thinking of the same thing.

He actually got started on a question last time, some form of it, anyway, but they were not so generously interrupted by some of Poe’s friends, Jess and Snap, he’s pretty sure. That scared him off. Embarrassing, he knows.

Besides, it was like, ten minutes, and Poe seemed just as embarrassed, and they more or less cheered them on. Lovebirds, they called them.

“Ignore them, please.” the other boy told him, like, a million times. He was so cute blushing like that.

If only Finn hadn’t abruptly chickened out when he tried to get the question, instead distracting Poe with whatever he saw first, which, very fitting, was ice cream.

Man, the other boy eats so much ice cream, he has to admit he’s slightly worried about his health.

He’s got a lot of things to worry about, huh.

“Of course I am.” he whispers back, and fuck, he’s just barely caught when Ms. Holdo turns around, and he’s got this feeling like Poe doesn’t believe him, but the conversation’s over like that.

The boy’s smile is a reassurance. A little bit, at least.

…

Is he avoiding Poe? Or is Poe avoiding him?

Finn doesn’t really know, to be honest.

They haven’t seen each other in, what, four days now, because he’s letting his head get the best of him, and he declined the boy’s offer to accompany him for the football game, instead having another nerve wracking conversation, filled with possible ways his crush could call them off.

Rey probably thinks he’s overdramatic, but she doesn’t say, and spends a good two hours calming him down, because she’s lovely.

It isn’t just a crush anymore, Finn realises.

God, he likes him, so much.

And on their last date, it started raining, like in every cheesy teen movie ever, and when he couldn’t hide that he was freezing, Poe, of course, gave him his jacket.

It’s just too much.

Not long after his phone call with Rey, his roommate returns from the game, and Rose tells him that Poe missed him.

Does that make him feel good or bad?

They text a lot.

Like, late into the night a lot, to a point where his sleep schedule might’ve gone for the worse. He’ll restore it sooner or later.

Anyway, Poe seemed like he had something on his mind yesterday. At least, he was taking a while to answer, and usually, his texts keep flying almost a second after Finn’s replied.

But whatever he felt coming never came. The other boy had to go, that is, and Finn thought, maybe this time, he’ll ask.

Or maybe he was looking for a sensitive way to break up. Shit. He wouldn’t break up with him via text, though, surely? Poe’s respectable. He’s got manners.

Or maybe the world just doesn’t want them to communicate anymore, ever, and will just continue to interrupt them, which is rude and totally unfair.

Even at the library this guy, honestly, he can’t remember the name for his life, but this guy had some issue with a suggestion of Poe’s in the council, which he apparently felt the need to bring up then.

The curly haired boy in front of him gave an, “I’m kind of busy, right now.” three times before the other student, finally, minded his own business.

Maybe Poe thinks Finn doesn’t want him around him anymore after avoiding him. Why does he do this?

He hates conflict. It can die in a pit.

Even though it isn’t a conflict, like his best friend so wisely told him, maybe he’s just a bit stupid, or maybe his worst nightmare is true and Poe doesn’t want anything serious.

His head feels like it might explode.

The girl discarding her shoes shoots him a weird look.

Of course, she can tell he’s nervous, just as much as Rey, or probably anyone else, at this point, but Rose has developed a sense of knowing when Finn needs to be left alone.

So, she brews them both tea and lays down with her headphones on, but not before handing him something cold and metal, which turns out to be a pin.

It’s a tiny yellow sun.

Finn doesn’t have to ask who it’s from, or who he’s hoping it’s from, anyway, because the boy is so utterly cheesy that he’s compared him to sunshine on more than one occasion.

Even more cheesy that Poe got him a gift relating to a stupid nickname. But also, he loves it. Loves it a little too much.

It’s ridiculous.

So he’ll opt to sleep now, tugging Poe’s jacket a bit tighter around him.

…

Poe’s suggested to skip school today, and Rey swears she’ll nag Finn to no end if he doesn’t go along, so here he is.

Of course this boy wants to get ice cream.

And of course he knows a perfect place, as he says, which, surprisingly, is a junkyard filled with old cars, which Finn sees little wrong with.

He’s pretty sure the rich people in this stupid town probably discard these for the newest model. Poe laughs and agrees when he voices his thought.

When they’re side by side on a blue Corvette hood, ice cream and marshmallows long gone, it’s silent, except the other boy’s humming.

Maybe this is the right time. Or the worst time. Wait, he can’t think like that, he should listen to Rey.

Finn might as well get it over with, if the worst case scenario is really gonna happen, right?

And so he decides to open his mouth with his thought along with him, only Poe does the same, and there’s a small cluster of “Hey-”s and “Oh-”s and “Sorry”s.

So maybe the boy has decided to end it on a good note, like a goodbye date.

Could be worse, right?

“I was thinking, uh…” Poe begins, but it doesn’t seem to end, and Finn nods him along, and sits up straighter, maybe it’ll be easier to bite the emotion in him like that.

“Yeah?”

The boy chuckles at himself.

It’s like he doesn’t want to look at him, cause he’s keeping his eyes on his lap, but then, gaze turning towards Finn again and biting his lip.

“Do you want to be my boyfriend?”

And Finn’s ready to deflect, to shrug off the hurt, get up and leave, when, holy shit, what did he just say?

Exactly the thing he wants him to say? Exactly the thing he wants to say? Unbelievable.

He’s got to have a few seconds to process that. Which is probably what makes Poe freak out, because he’s suddenly, almost, taking the words back, “If you think it’s too fast I understand, I-”

“No!” he exclaims. A bit louder than he wanted, alright, good thing this yard’s practically abandoned.

“No, Poe, I really want that. Like, oh my god.”

“Really?”

The nods are eager, and Poe’s smiling so much brighter now. Finn can barely hold himself from copying it.

“But seriously, I thought you’d break up, or I mean, stop our dates or something.”

Now that offended look is familiar, has Poe been spending time with Rey? Could fool him, at least.

He almost gasps, which reminds Finn how truly ridiculous he is, when he’s not keeping up his status in debate.

“Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?” he asks, and yes, is the answer, and Finn can’t help feeling bad, so he tries to make it better by touching his hand, the same way the other boy’s got the habit to in class.

“Yeah, I mean, I thought maybe I wasn’t good enough.”

Now Poe looks distraught, like Finn told him a puppy died or something, and Finn wants to shrug it off, but the boy meets his lips before he gets the chance.

Okay, he would call this a rude interruption, if he didn’t like this so much. He’ll let it slide, just this once.

“Who put that idea into your head?” Poe says, like he’s already out of breath, it’s adorable, “You’re, like, God. Too good to be true.”

And instead of answering Finn continues this cycle of kissing his boyfriend’s lips and cheek and neck, really, they’re a lot better at this than talking.

It’s so much nicer than talking too, but Poe has to finish his sentence, he assumes, “I would’ve asked sooner, you know. But I feel like everyone keeps interrupting us lately.”

It’s like their minds are one, Finn’s sure Rey’s gonna roll her eyes at them after this.

He almost can’t speak when they’re both laughing, and Poe’s touching his face, now, that’s what’ll take up his mind, “Me too.”

Honestly, Finn would let the boy say more, if he wasn’t his boyfriend now, right, so when Poe is starting on a rant of those exact problems, there’s really no other choice than direct him away from the negativity and back to kissing him again, because he loves his voice, but that’s just about enough talking now, he thinks.

“Boyfriend?” and of course, Poe laughs again at that, tipping his head back, but quick to turn his gaze back, because every quirk just makes him even more pretty.

“Yes?”

And he replies, “Can I interrupt you, though?”, not even waiting for an answer before he’s pulling him in for the millionth kiss, it seems, cupping his neck and tugging on his hair.

It’s impossible that Poe can smile even wider, surely, but he does.

“I guess I’ll allow it.”

[juupajaa]

Let's talk about coping skills ok? Here's some shit you can start using/practicing while unlearning disordered eating:

Sleep. Oh my god yes. This is one of the most effective ways to block Bad Shit in real life. Sleep is the closest thing we have to a reset button and getting enough sleep is just as important as getting enough food, so don't ever think you should feel bad for sleeping. How: Forming a good sleeping schedule can be hard but thankfully it gets automated after you've done all the hard work. Waking up the same time every morning (even when you could sleep in or you had just an hour of sleep😴) helps your body to recognize it as a pattern and it will adjust to it. Your body's own clock can be a huge asset if you give it a schedule. It will wake you up at the same time and make you tired at the right time, but first you have to be consisted with how you sleep. Long naps and irregular waking hours make your body confused about when it's supposed to feel tired. Caution: if you already have sleep problems, napping might make them worse. Naps should never go on for over an hour! 20-30mins is the optimal time.

Activity: Now this can mean exercise and exercise is a perfectly good way to get your mind back to reality and the stress relieving effects of exercise are known by everyone and their mother by now. BUT activity can be easy and chances are you have a fecked up relationship with exercise anyway. How: Taking a walk or doing yoga/stretching/breathing exercises are a good substitute for exercise and even better if you can do it in nature. Walking is great bc you can do it just the way you want, with music, in silence, with a friend, alone, at night, in the morning, noon, sunshine, rain, whatever you want. Even just ten minutes is enough to get you over the worst crap. Caution: obviously exercise is off limits if you can't do it responsibly. If you've anxiety about going outside, start easy. Maybe just around the yard/your street? Your room maybe?

Daydreaming: Aw feck yeah, this is the best 😎 Daydreaming is my main thing and I've found it to be most effective in fighting that existential dread that hits me every time I start to feel like I'm not everything I could be. How: Basically just go somewhere you won't be disturbed for a while and start making up all those fantasies! If you're drawing a blank, find magazines, social media, music, whatever you need to get you going. I usually go to some really neat tumblr blogs to look at the cool pics of shit that makes me think that I've still stuff to do. Self care tags are also really helpful. Making lists can also make this more fun and it's important to remember that you aren't committing to anything, you're just daydreaming and making some vague plans and dreams. Caution: you can definitely go overboard with this. Take note of your state of mind when you start eyeing for inspiration, bc sometimes it can get overwhelming and you'll just get sad about your own life again and that is not the goal of daydreaming at all.

Hobbies/distractions: This could be anything that requires you to focus enough to forget about That Thing that makes you feel like shit. How: Close the door and put on a sick track and start doing that thing baby. It doesn't matter if you do it only for a little while, nor does it matter if you don't do anything "valuable". Just get busy for a while. Caution: Make sure you take on something you can actually do, I know I've walked into that trap quite a lot. If you start some project and it proves to be more difficult than you can do right now, it can make you feel even worse. So do stuff that's doable✌

Pampering: YALL. The amount of times I've had to walk myself to the shower and have a God Damn Relaxing Time is astronomical, but it does make me feel better everytime. How: Anything can be pampering, even something as small as having a cup of tea. Sometimes you gotta dedicate a whole damn day for going through every inch of your damn body and make sure you are clean, fresh and feeling silky and soft, but that's not every day. Painting your nails is also surprisingly fun, ad is sitting down to binge watch your favourite movie for the billionth time. Caution: You've gotta make sure you get to do your thing in peace. Kinda ruins the whole purpose of nice, relaxing self care moment if it's interrupted 😑

Talking to: Ehhhh it works tho. Having a chat with yourself is a good way to do a bit of an reality check and vent at the same time. How: Ask yourself what's up my dude. This doesn't mean you have to find a mirror and talk out loud but that's an option too if you wanna. Just taking a moment to tell yourself that it's going to be fine and to ask why you're feeling like you do can do a lot. It gives you time to process the situation better and look for a possible exit or a solution. Caution: honestly the only thing that go wrong with this is that you start mocking yourself. Don't do that. You get yourself better than anyone so try to be sympathetic when you're feeling like crap.

[stimmybinnie]

Autism Acceptance Month Days 20-24

OKAY SO IM THE WORST XD I had typed a couple of these days up but forgot to actually schedule them... so heres another giant post... im sorry >.<

April 20: Discuss stimming. In what ways do you stim? What does stimming mean to you? What do individual stims that you do mean? Do you have any stim toys? What would you like people to know about stimming? I mean, I kinda talk about my stimming a lot on this blog already (ya know, stim bin...) and i'm kinda too tired to actually say anything about the individual stims themselves... all i can really say is that when it comes to stimming, i want people to know that it's normal and neccesary for me! don't shame people for stimming :c also i do have a ton of stim toys... joon and i really need to post our collections on here lol

April 21: Give a shoutout to some of your favorite autism blogs/autistic bloggers okayyyyy so this took way more thinking then I would like to admit because a lot of the time i dont look at yall's urls... i go off of the profile pic (or the general colours of your profile pic which is even worse...) or i know you by the content but not the url -_- ANYWAY some of my faves are (in no particular order): @butterflyinthewell - thank you for all the content and videos you post!!! i have nbeen able to learn a lot about autism through your content and have been able to use your videos to communicate things to NTs when I couldnt communicate what i wanted to say myself!) @autie-jake - thank you for making these prompts!!! i also enjoy all of your blogs content, it always makes me smile!) @autistickeely - i really enjoy the stuff you post and reblog, it gives me a lot of good reminders and positivity on days when i really needed it >.< I loved seeing your post recently (is it from today??? tumblrs concept of time is weird) about your comfort items! made me hug my stuffies real tight ^-^ @frogitivity - okay i love all the stuff you post (and i initially followed for the frogs lol!) but i gotta say i love the whole #bug talks tag! i love the fact that you share videos and such of your stimming and stuff too!! @undiagnosedautismfeels - since i am undiagnosed, i love scrolling this blog to help me remember that i do belong here and am autistic which is very very important to me >.< @biggest-gaudiest-patronuses - can i really make a autistic shout out post without shouting out Autistic Icon Gaud?? No I cannot. Seriously, tho, their blog is hilarious, gaud... thanks for simultaneously weirding me the fuck out and making my fucking day with every single post you have XD ((i also now realize that im not sure if we actually follow all y'all on stimbin here.... i follow you guys from my personal tumblr lmao but ill make sure to follow if we haven't already on this blog XD))

April 22: What are some social rules that do not make sense to you/that you don't understand? recently I'm struggling a lot with the fact that i need to tell people i cant talk. I'm usually very verbal but when i get burnt out, socializing is the first thing to go lol. So unless you're my person or I come to you first, I Do Not Want To Talk. And in fact, its usually extremely exhausting and honestly pisses me of very quickly which is something i'm currently trying to figure out how to tell people because when I tell people i just dont want to talk, they get offended and im not sure why. I think it's because I am usually talkative (obviously... have you seen my posts...) so when I'm not talkative people get worried and talk to me more... which,,, thank you for caring but also you're making it worse??? please someone help i have no idea how to express this to people >.< those who know (and accept...) im autistic have no issues with giving me space but those who dont know or dont believe me when i say im autistic (or those who dont know how it affects me...) dont seem to get it and just get mad at me. this is a social rule im having an issue with because it always got me in a Lot of trouble as a kid and even recently (maybe 2-3ish months ago??) my old manager got very hurt because i told her i just didnt want to talk that day and thats why i was quiet, but not to worry about me, i just needed some time/space & she was very hurt by that and kept bringing it up so i'm just really not sure how to do this....??? its very much a me thing and has nothing to do with you, so why do people get all upset, offended, mad at me, and ridicule me for not wanting to talk to them???? help /.\

April 23: Do you have any internal rules? What are they? Honestly, I know that I do but I can't currently think of any. They usually stem from masking/forced masking growing up so I don't really consciously think about them any more? its just a survival tactic from growing up. Like you know, don't rock in front of people, don't do this, don't do that, etc etc. I literally can't think of most things right now because I kinda block them out??? I should probably work on that. Can't help myself from getting out of the trauma mindset if I don't even know what I'm avoiding! The only like neutral/positive rule I can think of right now is that I really don't like my food to touch. Like, there are certain things I will mix, but if I can avoid things touching on my plate, I absolutely will. does that count as an internal rule? i think so lol

April 24: Talk about community. What does the autistic community mean to you? Is it important? How does it feel? to me... the autistic community is very important. If you made it this far in the post, you’d know just from my few little shout outs, community means a lot to me. I'm not necessarily one to wrap up my identity in my labels (as i talked about in my first post of days 1-5 cuz like this post... i missed some days -_-) but I enjoy having the label because it helps me to realize im not alone in my struggles, and my accomplishments can also be shared with a wonderful community. There's always something to be said about the importance of having people who share your interests and/or experiences, and it's amazing that i can just search into the actuallyautistic tag and find so many relatable posts and amazing people who i can relate to in even a small way. I thank everyone who has ever posted or reblogged something into the actuallyautistic tag for giving me such a comforting sense of belonging. Love all you guys >.<

[resilientmama]

Coping

Obviously I did not stick to my intended schedule. 

I got sick, Taylor has been sick, I started remodeling a bedroom in our home and I’ve been dealing with some emotional issues.

The deployment blues have been real. Thankfully we’ve gotten to see him at least once a week, but that is not nearly enough compared to the amount of time we’re going to be missing him in our home.

The amount of support I’ve gotten, publicly and privately, has been amazing. 

I appreciate everyone who’s reached out to me, especially those that have extended an apology for believing the slander without a backstory.

Veering back to my topic, coping.

My most asked question is how I possibly do this, day in and day out. Even though court has stopped for awhile and things are moderately calm, the alienation and aftermath of it are still with me and my husband every single day.

I think for the first six months I didn’t cope with anything. I just ignored it.

I gave birth to my son, Logan, almost exactly a month after my last court date. I just threw myself into being a new mom. I struggled with postpartum depression. And then that never went away. Finally I explained the last two years events to my psychiatrist and it was obvious no depression was caused from birthing my child. 

I was diagnosed with PTSD.

I know some people are going to say stating my medical diagnosis is idiotic. But its really not. Mental health is important. Its not something anyone should be ashamed for discussing or advocating for. 

I was abused, am still experiencing a long term abuse I don’t have control over, and I think everyone should be educated about it.

Everyone hears PTSD and associates it with current or former service members. But often victims of physical, emotional and sexual violence are who are affected by this disorder.

I do take medication for this, and it helps. I do have bad days. I have sad days. But talking about why I feel this way has helped me the most. 

What is PTSD like for me? 

Its fixation. One small thing could go bad in my day, like waking up late or forgetting to put the clothes in the dryer from the night before and I started beating myself up. This internal emotional abuse lead to fixation. I fixated on everything that’s happened, events that started in 2011 all the way to things that happened in 2018. The fixation was debilitating. I wouldn’t leave my house. I wouldn’t answer anyone’s phone calls. Taylor works out of state a majority of the time, and often we’re on opposite schedules. So the days I couldn’t talk to him, I would talk to no one. I found solace in revolving my life around Paxton and Logan. Thanks to the Life360 app it had been pointed out to me that sometimes I was going 5-6 days without even leaving my house. I had became a shell of a person. I was struggling in my college classes, sometimes dropping them for lack of motivation to even participate in online forums that were required. I hid from everyone.

I made myself sick.

I was either stone faced and silent, or viscous and hateful.

Then I saw a quote posted on Facebook. 

“Don’t judge others because they sin differently than you. God won’t be asking you about their sins, he’ll be asking about yours.”

I am by no means a religious person, but this quote spoke to my heart.

So I decided to make a change. I started talking. I refused to even say my alienated children’s names for the longest time. We removed all of their photos from our home, I cleaned out their room. I mourned my children like they had passed away. But I stepped away from my grief and started focusing on the good memories I had and the hope for a brighter future for all of us. 

I woke up one day with a different state of mind. I took baby steps. I started speaking more positively about myself and others. I didn’t wince when someone brought my children up to me in conversation. I started being friendly to everyone instead of shying away from even being acknowledged by anyone other than family and friends. 

I’ve been working diligently at this behavior for a few months now. And I can honestly say this is the closest to happiness that I have felt since the allegations started two years ago.

So what was the key to me coping? Not hiding anymore.

I started writing rough drafts for blog entries. I didn’t have the courage to publish them, but it was a start. 

When I got to the mental state that I felt all around healthy, I took this plunge. 

In my opinion, its one of the better decisions I’ve made.

I’ve hurt a lot of people during my grieving process. And I’m hoping those people see the things I write and maybe gain some insight as to why I treated them the way I did. I’m not seeking forgiveness via a public internet forum. The people I need are actively participating in my life, but maybe it will help the people who were active understand where things went wrong.

Just because I have made the conscious decision to change my state of mind from negative to positive does not mean I expect anyone else to follow suit. 

The reality of that not being possible has been shown to me, as recently as yesterday.

And this is my peace I have to speak on the matter.

I do not expect someone with their own issues and internal hurt within their heart to respect me for finally finding my voice. I don’t experience the individual day to day struggles that anyone reading my blog experiences. I didn’t believe life would turn to rainbows and butterflies the day I hit share on my Facebook. I do expect adult behavior. I expect to be able to share my story, share my healing and the things I am advocating for without being made fun of. If we focused more on improving our own lives and mental health, along with our children, we wouldn’t be swimming in this constant sea of toxicity. And not for one minute do I appreciate being made fun of on social media for doing something constructive and positive with myself after I was beat down by the same three individuals for two years straight. And if you have been a victim of parental alienation yourself, shame on you for participating in shaming the advocacy and awareness of something that does affect you daily. Things that happen in the dark will always be brought to the light. If the truth being told is an issue for anyone, don’t be a participant in immoral actions and you won’t feel the humiliation and guilt by association. Forgiveness is always an option, but you have to give to receive.

Thank you to anyone who is reading this. Watch for another post tonight on the subject of Malicious Mother Syndrome. And after many inquiries, I will begin telling you Taylor’s story next week. It’s going to take two posts yall!

Be positive, be happy, be loving.

WE ARE ALL WORTHY OF RESPECT AND BEING GENUINELY HAPPY.

[leedrop-angel]

Fight and make up

This is a story I was thinking of before I made this blog, and was completely comfortable writing, but now that I have this blog, and am super comfortable to write, I'll do this story, and someone else I gave the prompt to, and they said they're gonna do it so watch for @ticklish-sides for when they do it as well :D ( and read there other stuff, there really talented)

Lamp( Roman, Virgil, Logan, Patton)

Logan and Virgil fight, and won't make up, so Roman and Patton step in and do their thing (YES ITS A TICKLE FIC) but it starts off sad just so yall know

~~~~~~~~~

"I DIDNT MAKE HIM HAVE A FUCKING MENTAL HEALTH DAY LOGAN" Virgil screamed, Logan came to him fuming cause the video was late for everyone cause Thomas had taken a mental health day, Patton and Roman didn't mind, but Logan was now off schedule and that pissed him off. Roman heard them arguing, and Patton went next to him, worried.

"YOUR HIS MENTAL HEALTH, YOU MADE HIM MISS THIS IMPORTANT FUCKING VIDEO, MAYBE IF YOU NEEDED THE DAY YOU SHOULD HAVE DUCKED OUT LIKE BEFORE" Logan shouted, both were fuming at this point. And Patton and Roman seen it was getting worse and had to step in, "guys calm down" Patton spoke up, but was ignored "WHY, SO YOU CAN BEG ME BACK, IF I LEAVE YOUR WORDS WON'T WORK TO GET MY ASS BACK" Virgil now had tears in his eyes, but Logan wasn't gonna lose this was, "NOBODY NEEDS ANXIETY. MAYBE YOU AND YOUR MENTAL HEALTH SHOULD GO BACK TO THE FUCKING DARK SIDES WHERE YOU BELONG!"

"THAT'S ENOUGH"

Roman shouted, seeing how that one broke Virgil, but all Virgil did was throw his new hoodie at Logan and ran off to his room, both angry and sad, Logan took the hoodie and threw it away, stomping to his room, feeling the same. "This isn't good Roman, they have never fought like that, what do we do!?!?" Patton said, scared they won't make up. " Don't worry Padre, I'll talk to Logan, you talk to Virgil, let's try to get them back before a duel starts" and with that, they went to help there person

~~virgil+ patton~~

Virgil was trembling with rage, he had tears down his eyes, and something he didn't ever wanna bring back, his old black hoodie, and a black shirt, soon while deep in thought about Logan's words, Patton came in " hey kiddo, how you doing" Virgil looked up, then at his wall mirror, " this is how" was all Virgil said, before he punched his mirror, shattering it, and getting glass in his hand, but he didn't care, Patton though screamed at that and goes into his bathroom, getting the first aid kit and tweezers. "Virgil you didn't need to do that!" Patton slightly yelled and took his hand, getting the glass out " that's how I feel Patton, I showed you instead of tell you. Why are you here anyway?" Virgil spoke, sadness in his voice. And Patton finished at his hand before speaking again. "You need to come with me, you and Logan need to-"

"DONT SAY THAT NAME IN MY ROOM AGAIN" Virgil yelled before Patton could finish. "I have nothing to say to it, if it wants to apologize to me, then I'll talk, but till then, I don't want its name spoken in this room" Patton could tell Virgil was extremely unhappy, they always knew cause if he was mad at you, you where a it to him. And Patton sighs, "my shadowling, please. He made a mistake, you both need to talk it out" Patton begged, but Virgil stayed strong, "keep it away from me, it doesn't deserve to speak around me, now please leave Patton, I Wanna be alone..." And with that Patton sighed and walked out hoping Roman got farther than him

~~~~~~

~~roman and Logan ~~~~

" Logan?" Roman walked in as if walking on eggshells, but logan was stress cleaning with his own room, “I'm not talking to him roman, so don't even try to talk me into it”. was all logan said as he fixed his bed, but roman refused to listen,” I will not leave till I get you to apologize to our resident emo!” but logan just rolled his eyes, “he should apologize to me, he messed up our schedule, and now everyone is mad at Thomas for missing the video” but before roman could say anything, logan snapped, and a robot came over and pushed roman out of the room.

~~~~~~~~

Patton and roman met back up, both obviously upset, “any luck padre?” roman started already guessing on that answer, “no, and I guess the same for you princy?” and all roman did was shake his head, “please just give me time to think of a way to get them together, ok pops,” and Patton nodded listening to roman.

a week went by, and logan and Virgil refused to be in the same room, hell, Virgil hasn't even left his room to eat or anything, but before Patton could try to go to the room and fail at talking to Virgil again.roman took him aside with a huge grin. “ Patton I got a great idea, ill get Virgil, you get logan. take them to the imagination, but don't tell them that the other is coming. ok?” and Patton just smiles and nods and takes there plan into action.

~~time skip~~

roman and Virgil where the last to walk in, but when logan and Virgil saw each other, they both stared at each other. both wanted to talk, but both wanted the other to start. but before anyone could leave, roman and Patton snapped, and soon vines came from the ground and grabbed both Virgil and logan legs and arms, the arms pinned to the ground as the vines turned into stocks, and the vines kept their arms above there head. “ Patton, what is the meaning of this”

“ROMAN GET ME OUT OF THESE” was all that came from both boys said, as they struggle to get free, but both of them realized they were trapped. “ you guys are not getting free till you make up,” Patton said, and roman nodded

“I have nothing to say to it” Virgil started and suddenly bit his lip, feeling a vine graze his side as it took his hoodie off. “ and I can't talk to someone who cant help Thomas” logan stated and squeaked as he was stripped of his socks, feeling the vines slither up his feet. “ the longer you don't apologize to each other, the longer this will be, but you both won't last long, so start talking” roman said, but no words where said. but soon both boys squeaked, feeling vines slither under there sleaves and wiggled under there arms, Virgil bit his lip, and logan puffed his cheeks up to stop the giggles, but it was true, the longer they stayed quiet, the worse it got. roman and Patton just watched, waiting for them to make up.

“tick-tock boys, roman said and the vines went down to there ribs, and logan was the first to break, giggles started to come from him “ nohohoho this ihihihis worse!!!” logan giggled, struggling more, but Virgil didn't giggle yet, “ihihihi won't stahahahart” but soon Virgil started to tremble, but soon he broke into laughter, as his belly was attacked next, but logan laughed as well as the vines attacked his feet, “guys come one of you start, it will just get worse” Patton squeaked and Virgil was the first to start. “IHIHIHI DIDNT STAHAHAHAHAHRT IHIHIHIT”

It stayed like that for 5 minutes but soon both of them where cackling as there feet, bellies, belly buttons, ribs and pits where attacked, and both said this a the same time, “IHIHIHIHIHIHIM SOHOHOHOHOHO SOHOHOHOHRHRHRHY” and suddenly it was all over, they where both let go, and soon in such a tickly daze hugged each other as it was over. “would you guys wanna go to your rooms, or st-” before Patton could say anything, Virgil and logan fell asleep, hugging each other, and roman just made a king-sized bed appear under them, and him and Patton just went on the bed, and just started there cuddle pile, everyone happy that they where back together. no more fights.