#not saying it doesn’t deserve to be found but we gotta have priorities

[demonlorddante]

Lost media fans will be like “can you help me find my lost media” and it’s always one of these categories:

-baby show pilot from the 00s

-most fucked up gore video to ever exist

-shittiest song you’ve ever heard

-something completely made up that never even existed to begin with

[diofasolia]

{Always}

{Shattered! Dream x Reader}

Shattered! Dream by @shattereddreamsau

Writings by me

Today (8/7) is Shattered! Dream's birthday and I decided to post a writing I did last year—which is also the reason why I eventually join in the tumblr

Because back when I wrote this story, I found Dark Cream comic, which made by amazing @zu-is-here

Her creations give me the inspiration for the writing

The story is long (it has like 2000 words in it) and may be a bit cheesy, but I'll be happy to know if you read the whole thing (◡ ω ◡)

******

Before the story start, I want to ask you a question.

   Do you believe that the worst person can change?

   Oh! How awkward, sorry, I ask the wrong question.

   What I meant to ask is—

   Do you believe that the best person, the kindest person in the world can change?

   Maybe…all it needs is a tiny push?

   The harsh whipping hits in my abdomen again. I kneel on the ground, thinking how deep the scar might be from that blow.

   "What're you doing!? Look at your king when I'm talking to you! Such a piece of useless trash!!"

   "I apologized, My Lord."

   Raising my bruised neck, I gaze at the former guardian of positivity. Those eyes that used to hold the tenderness, now only fill up with hatred.

   "Where're those fricking basters!? I told you to track down my brother and other Sanses!"

   "I'm sorry, My Lord. They escaped. I can't find where their location is–"

   Not even waiting for my sentence finished, another powerful punch land on my face. I watch as a tooth fall out of my mouth. Blood dripping down my chin.

   "Worthless! Can't even do a little task like that!"

   Multiple kicks and insults throw at me. The numb feeling slowly occurs in my torso as I curling up into a ball.

   Closing my eyes, the memories from the past arises in my mind, bringing me back to the day that I seal my fate.

   "Dream? Earth to Dream!"

   "(Y/N)? What's wrong, love?"

   "What's wrong? I've called your name for five times! But you didn't answer to me."

   Dream scratches the back of his skull, looking a bit embarrassed.

   "Is that so? I'm sorry, (Y/N)! It won't happen again, I swear!"

   I cuddle Dream close, letting out a giggle.

   "It's fine! I don't really mind it. But Dream, you tend to space out recently. Is there something on your mind? You can tell me everything, you know that, right?"

   Giving me a kiss on the cheek, Dream smiles gently. He assures me that there's nothing to worry about. It’s just the task of guardian makes him a little exhausted.

   "Well, if that's the case, go on and get some rest! I will inform you if something was up."

   "Okay! Thanks, (Y/N), I'm glad I have you by my side."

   "Me too, my dreams and hopes."

   It's been quiet in Dream's room. He must be very tired. I knock on his bedroom door, telling him to wake up.

   "Dream, I know you're tired. But you still need to eat."

   "Dream? Are you awake yet?"

   There's no answer.

   Guess I’ll have to get into his room.

   Yet no one is there, only an opening portal hanging in the air.

   A portal leads to Dream's corrupted universe.

   "I'll show you, brother. I know what you're feeling…I know what you're going through…"

   "No! Dream, stop!! You don't know what you're doing!!"

    Two vague voices shouting in the distance. I begin to run like my life is in danger.

    What the heck is going on here?

    What is this dreadful feeling?!

   I'm too slow.

    The half bitten black apple lay on the ground. I watch in horror as the small tendrils creeping out Dream's eye sockets. His painful screech rings in my ears.

   "Dream!!!"

    I reach out to him, hoping that I can comfort Dream in my arms. The positive energy…they gotta do something, right?

   "What…? Nightmare! Let go of me!! I need to…to get Dream!!"

   "No! You can't get near him now, (Y/N)! You'll…you'll get hurt!"

    I thrash in Nightmare's hold, screaming at the top of my lungs.

   "Dream!! No! Dream!!!"

   "What's wrong, love?"

   My teary eyes stare up, it's…Dream's voice.

   But it sends an unknown coldness down my spine.

   "Ahh, you're crying! Good, keep doing that."

   A sadistic grin spreads on Dream's face.

   "I love it."

   Nightmare is already sobbing, begging for his beloved brother to come back. I walk step by step to Dream, putting on the best smile I can muster.

   "My love…Dream…please, come back to me…! I love you. I know you're strong enough to resist those negative feelings…"

   Dream cackles loudly. The tentacles wrap tightly around my neck, pulling me closer to him.

   "Go back? To my weak self? (Y/N), when did you become stupid? Why would I do that?"

   "I've already past the point of no return."

   A bucket of freezing water splashes on me. I must have passed out during the abusing session.

   "Wake up."

   "Get clean up, we're leaving."

   I pick up my sore body, stumbling across the lonely hall that me and Dream live in. There's no one here except the two of us.

   "Make a choice, (Y/N). Will you join me? Or will you prefer to disobey me like my coward brother?"

   "I'll go with you."

   I want to weep, yet I can’t even shed a single tear. I shouldn't be upset. After all, it's me who decided to follow my corrupted lover.

   Filling up the bathtub, I submerge myself in the steamy water.

   "Why, (Y/N)!? Why are you side with him!? Open your eyes! Dream doesn't love you anymore. He's just using you!"

    "It doesn't matter, Nightmare."

   "Great job, (Y/N)! You make this AU full of despair and miseries! I always know you're my favorite soldier!"

   "It's my pleasure to serve you, my lord."

   I scrub my blood-stained skin, the wounds sting because of the soapy water. Some of the old gash reopened, making me yell in frustration.

   "We can save Dream! Don't lose any hope, (Y/N)!"

   "How? There are barely things we can do. It's over, Nightmare. Look at yourself! You transfer back because Dream shattered! How are you gonna turn him back? By let someone else eats a black apple again?!"

   The white dirty bandages wrap around my mess up torso. Why am I even bother treating my injures? They sure are going to reopen soon anyway.

   "No matter what you say to me, I won't change the path I've chosen, Nightmare."

   "I've already gone far enough."

   "I don't understand…he's hurting you, (Y/N). Are you still…in love with my brother?"

   I hate it so much.

   The smell won't disappear no matter how many times I wash it over and over.

   I hate it.

   My hair smells like those disgusting goop on Dream.

   Why can't I get rid of this sickening stink!?!

   Throwing the bottles at random direction, I tug my hair till I scream out.

   "What's with all that noises in there!? You better finish your business soon, I'm losing my patience!"

   I hate it.

   "I deeply apologize for making you wait for such a long time, my lord."

   I wish I can understand your pain sooner.

   "Whatever, time to leave."

   I'm sorry I couldn't save you.

   "My lord, where are we going, may I ask?"

   Dream's left eye glows in excitement.

   "I find out where those sneaky scums are hiding."

   With a wave of hand, Dream opens the portal leads to an unknown empty place.

   No one is left out.

   Nightmare, Ink, Blue, everyone's here.

   "And I'm going to give them a pleasant encounter."

   But today is a little different.

   Then all hell breaks out.

   Nightmare's starting to transform. The dark gooey substance covering up his body gradually.

   The same routine as usual. Nightmare pleads Dream to stop his actions while the former guardian of positivity just laugh it off, a bit talks here and there.

   "Miss me, dear brother?"

    The crazy laughter of Dream rings in the air.

   "Yes! Finally, things are getting interesting!"

   While Dream focusing on battling with Nightmare, I have to handle the two other skeletons.

   "I know deep down you don't want to fight us, (Y/N)! Let's just drop our weapons, okay?"

   Ink creates a bunch of arrows, ready to launch them at Dream. I block his charge immediately, slashing Ink's arm with my sword.

   My silence is always my only answer.

   "No one's going to get near Dream."

   I continue to attack Blue. We've already been through this conversation many times.

   "How…how's this possible?!"

   Dream can only defense himself from Nightmare as the latter one keeps on firing attacks. It looks like Nightmare gets more advantage of the battle.

   "Seems like you can't control your tentacles very well yet, little bro."

    Nightmare mocks, resulting Dream to lose his temper. He strikes at Nightmare blindly, only to receive a powerful blow in the guts.

   "Dream!!"

   I rush to Dream, who’s looking more exhausted than usual. From the way how he’s panting heavily, I know he's already losing too much strength to fight.

   "Get away from me! I don't need your help!!"

   The attack is sloppy but I didn't dodge it. Dream can beat me all he wants after I get him to safety.

   Even if it means I can possibly die.

   "My lord, I apologize, but we have to move to another universe again."

   Dream growls at me.

   "It's you who are dragging me down!!"

   They're still following us.

   I'm whacking to the ground in a flash. A heavy boot stamps on my ribs harshly.

   The nasty cracking sound and my piercing shirek fills in the air.

   "You're no longer useful to me."

    I watch as Dream disappears in a portal. He doesn't even spare a glance at me. Leaving me bleeding and slowly dying on the ground.

   "I've told you."

    Nightmare's lurking shadow towers above me.

   "Oh no, Ink! We must save (Y/N)! She's…!"

     Ink put a hand on Blue's shoulder, shaking his head solemnly.

   "We can't, Blue. Remember, our priority is to capture Dream."

   "Please, Night…"

     I find myself pleading to Nightmare.

   "Don't…kill Dream…"

   "You and I both know that's an empty promise, (Y/N)."

   Three skeletons begins to move towards the portal that opens by Ink. Before they leave, Nightmare whispers in a quiet voice but loud enough for me to catch.

   "…he's in Dreamtale."

   How much will you sacrifice for protecting your fallen love?

   "You really are dumb. You know that?"

   "Or you're just enjoy me breaking you apart bit by bit?"

   "Don't you scare of your own nightmares?"

   "I deserve it."

   "I'm already living with it."

   "You will always be my fading dreams."

   "It's my own redemption."

   "Surrender now, Dream. Then we can put an end to this whole mess."

   My time is running out.

    "Heh, I thought you know me well, dear brother. You should get the answer by yourself now."

   "…goodbye, my poor little brother.

   I pray to you, God. Let me see him one last time.

   I can't save him the last time.

    It's always a miracle how accurate the portal can lead to.

   "(Y…Y/N)?"

   This time, I'm going to save Dream.

   There's no pain anymore.

   "…at least…you……say my…name……one…last……time…"

   Crimson blood drips down my penetrated torso. I think I see Dream's crying. But that might be just my own tears.

   Forgive me, Dream.

   My collapsing body falls forward, landing on the soft grass surface before me.

(3rd pov)

   "Nightmare, I need your assistance."

   "I thought we're enemies now."

    "There's a method I want to try. It might succeed to bring Dream back."

   "Well, I'm here to listen."

   "She's just a tool."

   "Nothing else."

    "Because I know him well. The extreme emotion is the only possible way to get things right again."

   Dream mutters to himself like a broken recorder. Staring the wrecking body of yours, his non-existent heart begins to hurt.

    "I refuse! That's too dangerous! You surely will be dead in this terrible plan! Besides, how can you so sure he'll behave like you predict!?"

    "It's worth it. I'm doing this for the whole alternate universes, and him."

    "But…you…"

    "Wake up! I demand you to wake up now! (Y/N)!!"

    "It's not…worth for your own life."

    "Don't pity me. Pity for the one who can't help himself in his own nightmare."

    "Wake up."

   "Don't leave me…alone, (Y/N)…please…my love…"

   Ahh, it must be the time when he transfers into this horrible creature.

   Nightmare, who’s now in his uncorrupted form, widening his eyes.

   "…congratulations, (Y/N). Your suicidal plan…works."

   Dream doesn't recall when’s the last time he breaks down.

    No one dare to speak a word, except Dream drowning in his own pitiful cries.

     "Always."

     "I don't understand…he's hurting you, (Y/N). Are you still…in love with my brother?"

   You look at Nightmare with a smile, replying to him like it's the only correct answer in your mind.

[theres-an-impulstor-among-us]

Friday Night Stabby best quotes part 32 (01/10/21)

Brody was missing from this session so Joker filled in for him.

(also, as weird as this sounds, cw for mentions of blood IRL)

…

Astro: Joker, do you wanna vouch for me that I didn’t kill this person? Joker: Astro and Skizz didn’t, but Astro was thinking about it. So, you know, take that for what it’s worth. Etho: We all have those thoughts though.

...

Impulse: I will admit, I have a weird new role that I don’t know what it means. Astro: Poisoner? Impulse, the poisoner: No. Skizz: Jerkface McJerkyton? That’s not new.

...

*Evil and Skizz are accusing each other, Astro is the deciding vote* Astro: I have a question. Give me a number between one and twenty. Skizz first. Skizz: Wow. I go first? Astro: Yup. Skizz: Uhh… ten. Astro: Okay. Evil? Evil: Eighteen. Astro: By the… laws of the… averages, uh… *votes* Sorry, Evil.

...

Joker: I’d like to make an announcement. Skizz: Go. Joker: I’m not friends with Skizz anymore. He marinated me. I’m not talking to him anymore, so if someone can tell Skizz this information, that’d be great. Skizz, laughing: Impulse, if you could tell the Joker I don’t care.

...

Etho: I trust Evil the most this round. Evil: ...and I’m not sure I trust you, Etho. Impulse: Ooooohhh. Spicy.

...

Evil: -and when I came back up, Pearl was dead. And I only heard one other voice. And he’s a very slippery fruit. Endless: Oh dear. Impulse: Apples are slippery too. It wasn’t me, though. Tango: Go slip on an apple! Endless: I was reading way too much into that statement, okay, let’s go.

...

Impulse: I was heading to the microwave in the cafeteria to cook a burrito. Skizz: Was it bacon and egg or bean and cheese? This matters. Impulse: I didn’t make it to the cafeteria cuz this got called. Tango: How do you know it was a burrito, then? Skizz: OOHOOHOOO. VOTING IMPULSE. Impulse: Cuz that’s what I’m hungry for! Allow me to dream!

...

Joker: I was there with the body. It was Endless. The last thing he said, and I quote: “Joker is amazing. And I’m sorry that I have to die.” Impulse: Don’t buy it. Don’t buy it. Joker: That’s what he said. I held his body as he died and that was the last thing he said. *pause* Joker: He also said “make sure to let everybody know that Skizz smells like poop.” Skizz: Ah, there it is.

...

Tango: Voting Skizz. Skizz: Whoa! Impulse: Was Skizz on the stack? Etho? Skizz: I was several steps away from it. Tango: I dunno, Skizz deserves to be voted off. Joker: I mean, I have to agree with that.

...

*Skizz cut his foot on broken glass during the break* Endless: Not gonna lie, my wife would kill me if that happened. She’d be like “yeah I’m sorry about your foot but what’d you do to the carpet?” Tango: Yeah, you heal; the carpet doesn’t.

...

Impulse: Think we might have to go another round without Skizz. Joker: Are they gonna have to amputate? Impulse: Probably. Joker: Yeah, I’d imagine so. Impulse: Be cool if he got one of those peg legs. Joker: I think he’s got an extra foot in his mouth, so he can use that. Evil: Wow… Impulse, snickering: Brutal. Joker: Was- Was that too soon? Impulse: Too soon, too soon. I mean, the dude’s still bleeding, you know?

...

Tango: Is Skizz back? Skizz: I’m back. Tango: Eyyyy, Skizzleblood! Skizz: Dude, I cleaned up all the glass, I cleaned up all the blood- Tango: Tell me it’s like a crime scene in your living room right now, that’s all I wanna hear. Skizz: -and then I made myself a drink and I’m coming up the stairs - I have tile stairs - and I’m like “oh there’s blood all over the stairs- I’ll get that later.” Tango: YEAH! Priorities! That’s what I like to hear!

...

*Skizz’s colour has turned from blue to grey due to a glitch* Tango: So Skizz, you’ve been grey. Skizz: I got- I got nothin’. Tango: Did you- How much blood did you lose? Are you turning into a- Skizz: *bursts out laughing* Evil: Zombieeeee.

...

*body is reported* Tango: I did the pipes! I did the pipes! I did the pipes! I did the pipes! I did the pipes! *pause* Endless: Congratulations? Tango: I PIPED!

...

Joker: If Tango could just finish his pipe dream earlier, the game would’ve been over. Tango: Is there a kick feature in this game? Just curious, asking for a friend. Endless: Yeah, if you go into the chat, there’s a boot option. Tango: OH! Joker: Endless. Shut up.

...

Evil: Do we wanna switch maps and see if there’s more stability? Tango: Yes. I’m done with this map. Impulse: But I just took pictures! Tango: Can we play, like, the real map? Impulse: I got kicked off the ship for taking those pictures! Joker: Whoa. I dunno what I just walked into but that did not sound right. Endless, overlapping: Yeah, I’ve been there. That’s- That is not something you want on your record.

...

*Impulse saw Tango morph back from being yellow* Impulse: *calls meeting* Impulse: What’s it like when an apple tries to become a banana? Skizz: Ooh, it’s like a smoothie! Endless, chuckling: What? Skizz, in a funny voice: Put a little blueberry in there. Tango: We got a little fruit action going on there or what? Joker: How much blood did you lose, Skizz? You feeling okay?

...

Skizz: Etho. Say words. I like your voice. Etho: What’s up, buddy? What do you want to know? Skizz: I wanna know why you killed sweet Pearl. Etho: Which round? Skizz: Ohohh man. THIS round! Body’s not even cold!

...

Astro: We’re trying for our first task win. Oh, unless Joker’s not gonna do his task. Joker: I- Uh… What, Astro? Astro: Huh? What? What? Where? Huh? Joker: Tasks?

...

Skizz: Who is not doing their tasks?! What IS that? Astro: I’ll give you seven guesses. Skizz: Joker Joker Joker Joker Joker Joker Joker. Joker: Someone called? Skizz: Are you- Are you not- Do you have tasks, Jokes? *long pause* Joker: Um… Are we talking about like, around my house? Skizz: *sighs* Okay.

...

Joker:*reports a body* Joker: OH I found this! Impulse: *laughs* “Oh I found this”? Joker, also laughing: I don’t know why I said it that way.

...

Skizz: Can you do your last task? Cuz that would just be super. Joker: Yeah, Endless. Can you do your last task? Endless: My tasks are done, dude! Joker: Oh. Then I guess you don’t need to do it. Skizz, why are you asking him to do his last task? Skizz: Talking to YOU, Jokes.

...

*Mrs Tango’s body is reported* Endless: It’s just Mrs Tango, let’s move on. Joker: That’s rude, Endless. Endless: Skipping. Moving on.

...

Endless: Whoever killed Mrs Tango, you’ve got my full support. Joker: Endless. Stop it.

...

Impulse: I wonder if Endless and Evil were both imposters and they were trying to cover it up by having a fake conversation in the upper left engine. Evil: No, it was a conversation about the fact that I miss him. Impulse: Yeaaaaah, that felt strange. Like, nobody misses Endless ever. Skizz: Yeah that’s definitely fake. Impulse: That’s what sold me, dude. I was like there’s no way he’s giving him compliments.

...

Skizz: I love you buddy but I just- I’m not even gonna vote for you, I just want to put some sus because- Impulse: You’re wrong. You’re wrong; you lost too much blood. You’re wrong. Skizz: That could be it. That could be it. Impulse: You’ve admitted that you’re off tonight, right? Skizz: No I didn’t, I’ve been crushing it. I was off on Etho ONE time and it got me a little- It shook my confidence. Impulse: Get me voted off, Skizz. I want your confidence to be crushed. Skizz: Oh…

...

Joker: You know what, I just wanna vote Endles out cuz I’m getting tired of his… poop. Endless: Do it, let’s do it. Etho: He might be jester. Endless, in an ominous whisper: Yesss, I’m jester.

...

*Joker is ejected* Endless: If this is wrong, we’re never gonna finish this game. Joker: Nope. You’re not. Now you gotta figure it out. Skizz: If we’re wrong, you gotta [do your tasks]. Do it for me. Oh, that was never gonna sell him.

...

Skizz: I think Impulse might be jester, I think the imposters are Etho and Evil, and the only legit people are me and Pearl. Impulse: *gasps* Evil: Wrong. Skizz, you are so wrong. Skizz: I KNOW I AM; I CAN’T DO THIS GAME ANYMORE! I WAS SO GOOD WHEN WE STARTED! I HATE THIS GAME! Pearl: You are wonderfully right, I had my hand on that scanner. Skizz: I BELIEVE PEARLY POP! VOTING EVIL!

...

Skizz: Hey! Tango! Why is Joker done with his tasks like three weeks before you? Tango: I dunno, man. I don’t know what’s happening right now. Joker: Yeah! Yeah! How’s that, huh?! How about now, sucker?! Skizz: *bursts out laughing* Joker: I- I dunno, I felt… I felt vindicated for some reason.

[angstysebfan]

What about reader and Bucky being close and hanging out a lot (dinners, chilling, movie nights etc.) and basically everyone, including reader, thinks that they're dating. Just taking it slow.

One night when reader and Bucky are out for dinner again, a woman comes over to their table. Bucky and her kiss and he introduces her as his gf. He wanted to introduce her to everyone tomorrow but he doesn't mind if his best friend knows first.

Reader leaves without a word and when bucky comes home to the compound, he can't find her and tells the others what happened. While he doesn't know what's going on, everyone looks at him flabbergasted like "what?! we thought you were dating y/n!"

Maybe he likes her too but never thought she would see more in him?

Sorry if that was a bit long. 🙈

Just found your blog and love your writing. Gonna read, like and comment over the weekend when I have more time!! ❤️🐧

Oh boy... this is awesome! I hope I do it the justice it deserves!!!

--

Are We Dating?

You and Bucky walk with your arms linked toward the restaurant. The smile on your face is big and wide because you love how romantic Bucky is. You both have been dating for a few weeks, and he is constantly taking you out on dates. It’s been very low key, which exactly what you were looking for in a relationship. He has been the perfect gentleman, hasn’t even kissed you yet, but you are hoping that happens tonight.

You remember the first time he asked you out. He looked so confident and cute, it made your heart soar! He took you to the lookout at Pier 17, which gave you a beautiful view of the Brooklyn Bridge. Afterwards, you both walked along the water front holding hands and talking about everything. When you both got back to the compound, he walked to your door, kissed your cheek and bid you goodnight. Since then you have gone out a few times a week, and your heart is falling more and more for this man.

As you get to the restaurant, Bucky brings you to a table toward the back. You start looking at the menu and look up and notice that Bucky was looking at the door. “Everything ok, Buck?” you ask.

He looks at you with his stunning blue eyes and gives you a warm smile, “You bet, Doll,” he says warmly.

Doll, the nickname that he only calls you, and it makes you swoon every single time. The butterflies start to flutter as you force yourself to look back down at the menu and not at your handsome boyfriend. Though you have to admit it’s extremely hard.

After you decide what you want you look up and and see that he is looking past you tot he door again. You are about to ask him again what he was looking at when you see him smile wide. You turn and see a beautiful woman walking toward your table with a large beautiful smile. Your stomach drops slightly, but you think maybe it’s a misunderstanding.

“Bucky,” the woman says as Bucky stands up.

“Hey Dollface,” Bucky says wrapping his his arm around her waist, pulling her to him. When their lips met your heart physically shattered. The breath left your lungs and tears immediately came to your eyes. The couple pulled away from each other with smiles, not realizing you are having a breakdown in front of them.

Bucky turns and looks at you and furrows his brows, “Y/N? Are you alright?” he asks concerned.

You grab your coat and quickly got up, running away from them and out of the restaurant. you hear Bucky calling you, but you ignore him and keep running. Once you leave the restaurant you decide not to go back to the compound, because you are just too embarrassed to face the team. You run the other way and don’t stop until you physically couldn’t run anymore.

--

Bucky’s POV

The elevator opens and Bucky rushes out and into the common room, where the team was sitting talking. “Has anyone seen Y/N?” he asks panicked.

They all shake their head, clearly confused. “Weren’t you on a date with her?” Sam asks.

Bucky, who was walking toward your room, stopped dead in his tracks. “Date? It wasn’t a date. We were having dinner. I actually wanted to introduce her to my girlfriend, but she ran out and she isn’t answering her phone.” Bucky looks down at his feet, “She thought it was a date?” he asked quietly.

“Bucky she thought you were dating! Hell we all thought you both were dating! You have taken her out multiple times, going on long romantic walks, holds her hand, call her Doll. What is she supposed to think?” Nat asked annoyed.

Bucky paled. Did you really think you were dating? How could he be so stupid as to not notice? He never in a million years thought that you would date him. He is not good enough for you! Bucky looks at the team, who all look pissed off at him.

“I-- I’m the biggest fucking idiot in the world,” Bucky says, running a hand through his hair. 

The team nodded in agreement. “Well how can I make this better?” he asks.

“I honestly don’t know if you can. You are still with your girlfriend, and I’m sure you’re not planning on dumping her, right?” Nat said, taking out her phone and typing.

“I-- I don’t know. I mean I like Liz. She is sweet, and funny, and caring. She likes me in spite of what I was. I would hate to just dump her, but--” Bucky stops thinking about how upset you must be right now. 

How the hell has he fucked up so badly? He has been obsessed with you for months! He thought you were just being friendly, and he was willing to push his feelings aside just to be with you as a friend. But now to find out that you have feelings for him and thought you were dating? 

“But I’ve been in love with Y/N for months. I mean I don’t want to hurt Liz, but Y/N is the one I want. The one I’ve always wanted,” Bucky says. “Shit, I gotta find her!” he begs.

“I know where she is. Come on, I’ll drive,” Natasha says walking toward the elevator, Bucky following behind.

--

Nat pulls up to a deserted park, “She is down by the lake. She doesn’t know you are coming, so good luck,” she says. 

Bucky takes a deep breath. He already broke 2 hearts tonight, can he manage to save 1 and his own? When he got in the car with Nat, he immediately called Liz and explained everything. Luckily she was a good sport, but he could tell she was heartbroken. It just made him feel like more of an asshole, but right now his priority is you.

He gets out of the car and silently walks toward the lake. He sees you sitting in the dark, on a bench, staring at the water. He knows you haven’t heard him yet, so he steps on a small branch to make noise. When you do, you turn and look at him, heartbreak evident in your features.

“What do you want?” you ask venomously, turning your head back toward the lake.

“To beg your forgiveness,” Bucky says, as he slowly walks closer.

You scoff in response, “Go back to your girlfriend. I have nothing to say to you,” you say.

“Doll, please,” Bucky begs, and that seems to allow the anger flow freely out of you.

“DON’T call me Doll! You lead me on! You made me feel that you had feelings for me! You had to have known that I liked you! I thought.. I thought..” you start hyperventilating.

Bucky rushes over trying to help, but you push him away, “No! I don’t want your help! I want nothing from you! You fucking asshole!” you scream while still wheezing.

“Y/N, stop! Let me help you!” Bucky begs grabbing your arms. 

You feel like you are about to pass out and stop fighting him. You look at him and see him taking deep breaths. You try your best to match his and eventually the tightness in your chest releases. You immediately pull your arms away from him once you feel better.

Bucky sighs, “Y/N, I cannot apologize enough for everything. I-I didn’t know you felt that way about me! I thought you just wanted to be friends! I mean I am not nearly good enough for you!” Bucky says.

You refuse to acknowledge him, so he continues, hoping to get through to you, “But I like you too. I know it’s hard to believe because of what happened tonight, but I swear I thought you only liked me as a friend. The only way to get over you is to date someone else. I wanted to introduce you tonight, but then everything happened.” Bucky stops to take a breath.

“I fucked up, so badly. I know there is a slim chance that you will forgive me, but I promise on everything that I own, everything that I am, that I have feelings for you too. And I am so sorry,” he says.

You stand up and start to walk away but stop and look at Bucky, “I saw the way you looked at her. You never looked at me that way. So go and be with her,” you say as you start to walk away.

Bucky grabs your arm to stop you, “Y/N, you are the one I want. I broke up with Liz the minute I found out you liked me back. I mean I know I have a lot to make up for, but... can you give me a chance to make it up to you?” he asks.

You turn and look at him, “I have to think about Bucky,” you say, pulling your arm away. 

Bucky deflated completely dejected as you started to walk away. He stood there and watched you disappear over the hill toward Nat’s car. He just wants to cry that he could have had everything he wanted, but instead he ruined it. Why is he so stupid?

He continues to look out at the lake and until he hears pounding footsteps. He turns and sees you running back toward him. You jump when you get close enough and he catches you in his arms. You grab him by the back of the neck and pull him into your lips. Bucky immediately responds, pulling your body closer as you wrap your legs around his waist.

He angles his head to deepen the kiss and you allow his tongue entrance. You both hold on to each other like a life raft, not daring to let go and break this spell. But eventually oxygen becomes a priority and you both pull away, gasping for breath. Bucky leans his forehead against yours, with his eyes closed, scared to open them and see that it’s a lie.

You force him to look up into your eyes, “So there is no confusion, that was not a kiss of friendship. I want to date you, and be with you in every way possible. I’m falling so hard for you Buck, and when I saw you with her, I thought I was so stupid,” you said, letting your legs touch the ground.

“But if you are willing to go slow and build this relationship, and communicate with me so that there is no more confusion, then I’m 100% in,” you say.

Bucky smiles and kisses you again, “I’m yours Doll. In every sense, I’m falling for you too and I don’t want to be with anyone else,” he says. 

You grab his hand and you both walk back to Nat’s car. You both started slow, but have a loving relationship. But you never give up an opportunity to tell people the story of how you both got together. It’s a real crowd pleaser at parties, and Bucky turning bright red makes it even more enjoyable.

--

There you go! Hope you liked it!

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[ive-been-worse]

Liable PT 2

Word Count: 2,419

Warning: Violence, blood, knives, hospitals, close calls, mentions of anxiety/panic, let me know if I missed any.

A/N: this is part two to a different post. It's long, I can't write cases, kinda angsty but it has a happy ending. Enjoy

“Can you believe it?” You point your spoon at no one in particular. “A ‘liability’! God!” You let out a sardonic laugh and viciously dig into your ice cream.

You, Emily, JJ, and Penny are having girls’ night. Yes, you’re a little tipsy and definitely not over anything.

Emily shakes her head while JJ pours more wine for everyone.

“Y/N/N, you know you aren’t a liability. You’re damn good at your job and Hotch was full of shit,” Em doesn’t normally bash the boss but she’s a little more than tipsy too.

“You know what it is?” Penny butts in, “He likes youuuuuuu.”

Her words elicit a scoff from you, “As if.” Heat rose in your cheeks.

“No, she’s right. Everyone can see it. Hotch totally has a thing for you!” JJ exclaims, spilling a little of her wine. “Come on, are you seriously saying you’ve never noticed how much he hovers over you?”

“Or stiffens whenever you’re with an unsub?” Em adds.

“Or how he almost flinches everytime you call him ‘Agent Hotchner’,” Penny giggles.

“And, you like him too!” JJ says with a sudden seriousness.

You shake your head. As much as you want to deny JJ’s words, you can’t. Your crush has been blooming for a long time. It’s part of the reason why you’re taking this sudden cold front from your boss so hard. If only you knew what to do.

***

“Aaron, you gotta tell her,” was the first thing Dave said after sneaking into Hotch’s office.

“Tell who what, Dave?” Aaron asked. He didn’t have to ask. Dave was talking about you, just like he has been the last multiple times Dave has sought him out.

“Y/N. You know she’s a good agent. She deserves to know that.”

“Is that all?” Aaron has yet to look up from his paperwork.

“‘Is that all?��” Dave repeats, “No, first, it’s affecting the team. Everyone can see that. There’s so much tension between you two. After you fix that, you should also tell her how you feel.”

“Enough, there’s nothing to tell,” Aaron pinches the bridge of his nose, “I’ll handle it, okay?”

“You better.”

***

Hotch had kept you out of the field for seven cases. Seven. Working from Quantico was killing you and you had a newfound respect for Penny. That’s why you jumped, literally jumped, at the chance to finally go on a case with the team. However, you’re confined to the police precinct. Not ideal, but you’ll take what you can get. So while the team is gathering information in the field, you’re working on the geographical profile.

Unfortunately, geographical profiles are not your strong suit. More unfortunately, you’ve determined that there’s not enough information to make one. With a sigh, you push yourself away from the desk and make your way to the mediocre coffee station.

A young officer approaches with a smile, “What a case, right?”

You look him over. This case is probably the worst he’s seen. He’s not too bad on the eyes. Not quite your type. You shake your head as the thought of your boss flits through your mind. Giving the officer a small smile, “That’s your opening?”

Red blooms across his cheeks as he shrugs and rubs the back of his neck. “I had to start with something. I’m John,” his hand comes out between you two.

“I’m Y/N, nice to meet you,” he grips your hand a little too hard.

The door to the precinct opens. Hotch, Emily, and Reid come in. They were at the latest crime scene.

Nodding your head at your team, “That’s my cue.”

You take your leave but John stops you. “How about you and I take some time and I’ll buy you a better coffee?”

“I can’t. We have to solve this case. That’s my priority,” It’s a little harsh but that’s what you’re here to do in the first place so that’s what you’re going to do.

“L/N,” Hotch calls.

“I’m coming,” you take your coffee and go to them. “What did you find?”

“Her friends report some guy talking to her at the bar they went to the night before she went missing. Apparently he kept trying to get her to go somewhere with him.” Hotch fills you in.

“Let me guess, she kept turning him down?” You fill in, earning a nod from your boss.

“How’s the geographical profile?” Reid asks.

“You’re welcome to take a shot at it but there’s not enough.”

This time it’s Emily who speaks, “We need another victim.”

And you got one that night.

The next day you're able to finish the profile. Right as you do, coffee is set on your desk. You look up to see John. “Thank you,” you tell him. Relief filling you at the thought of caffeine.

“You looked like you could use it,” he smiled at you. Taking a sip you looked up in surprise. The coffee was exactly how you like it. “I- uh - I noticed how you took it yesterday while we were talking.” John rubbed the back of his neck and you nodded.

“We’re ready to give the profile.” Hotch announced over the room to gather everyone’s attention. It didn’t take long for everyone to get ready.

“We believe that the unsub is a young male, in his twenties to thirties,” Hotch started.

“He’ll probably try to inject himself in this investigation if he hasn’t already,” Morgan went next.

Your turn, “Given the places the victims are taken from and the dump sites, the unsub’s comfort zone is in this area,” you gesture to the map, “Meaning he either lives or works somewhere in the area.” The rest of the profile goes smoothly.

After, you take a step outside, needing to clear your head. The door opens and there’s footsteps. You turn to talk to the person. A butt of a gun slams into your head. You feel the shock.

Everything goes black.

***

You come too in a dark place and you can’t make anything out. You can hear a flip get switched and the lights flicker on above you. Squinting against the harsh light, you try to orient yourself. You take inventory. You’re sitting. Killer headache, probably a concussion. There’s something wet on your temple. You go to wipe it away only to discover your hands are bound behind you. Ankles similarly tied but to the legs of the chair.

Trying to fight the panic setting in, you take a deep breath and look around. Knives line the wall in all different sizes. Pictures of the previous victims are hung on the wall with some sort of writing by them.

The unsub walks into the room. He has an old camera with him. It’s flash blinds you. You turn your head away from the flash. When you look back, the unsub’s back is to you and he’s hanging the picture he just took on the wall. He looks familiar. You can’t place him until he turns around.

John.

John with a knife.

John with a knife, and he's coming toward you.

***

“He uses a knife so he’s likely impotent but there’s nothing else that implies this is sexual for him,” Morgan rubs his temples.

“The multiple stab wounds are all done before the kill. So he’s sadistic,” Rossi adds.

JJ enters the room, a worried look on her face. “Y/N isn’t here. I’ve checked with the hotel and they haven’t seen her since we left. She’s not answering her phone.”

“What do you mean she isn’t here?” Rossi asks.

“No one knows where she went,” JJ says.

“Guys,” Reid enters the room, holding up a phone. Your phone.

“She wouldn’t leave with just anyone. Y/N’s careful.” Rossi scrubs his face.

“She probably didn’t go willingly. It’s broken.” Reid tells them, setting the phone on the table.

“I’ll call Hotch,” Morgan stands, leaving the room.

***

Coughs tear through you. Blood dribbles out, dripping onto your already ruined shirt. You turn your head and spit, trying to clear your mouth from the coppery liquid.

“You couldn’t have just said yes? It was just coffee. But no you couldn’t do that could you!” John lets out a deranged laugh. “You’re just like the others. So stuck up you won’t give anyone a chance.” The knife he wields sinks into your abdomen and you bite your lip to keep in the pained gasp. “We could have been happy together. You’d have to give up your job though. This isn’t a line of work for a lady.”

That line. You’d been hearing that line since you joined the BAU. You’re so tired of it. His face is so close. You spit and it lands on his cheek. A strange sense of satisfaction fills you as the bloody saliva trails down his jaw.

John wipes it off, “You’re going to regret that.” His fist hits the side of your head, sending ringing through your skull.

“No,” you cough up more blood. “You’ll regret this. My team will find you and you will pay.”

“Too bad you won’t be alive to see it.”

***

You were barely conscious when they found you. Your breaths are shallow. You don’t know what happened, what went down. All you know is that suddenly, you’re not in that chair anymore. You’re not there, and someone is being loud. Someone is yelling. You try to open your eyes to see who.

“Hotch,” it comes out weak. Barely a whisper. Your hand goes up on its own accord to wipe his tears, leaving a streak of red in its wake. “Why are you crying?” Suddenly your hand falls back to your side and you turn your head.

“Y/N! Hey Y/N! Stay with me!” His hand turns your head to look at him. His hands are so big. He’s warm. So warm. After you had been so cold.

“You’re so handsome, Hotch. So handsome,” it slurred out. Everything goes back once more.

***

The team is waiting anxiously at the hospital. Most of the cuts are shallow but the ones that aren’t caused you to need emergency surgery. They’re bad, more than enough to cause worry.

“She’ll make it. Y/N is strong. She’ll make it,” Emily sounds like she’s trying to convince herself.

Reid has his head in his hands.

Morgan is pacing.

Garcia rushes into the waiting room when she gets there, “How is she?”

“She’s in emergency surgery,” Rossi answers.

She collapses into a nearby chair.

Hours drip by. One after another. Someone convinces Hotch to change, get out of the bloodstained suit. Someone else gets everyone coffee, or a snack. No one touches those.

The more time passes the more everyone gets worried. When the doctor comes out, it’s too soon and not soon enough all at the same time. “She’s stable,” everything they say after is a blur from the relief. “You’re welcome to see her when she wakes up.”

It’s an hour later when a nervous looking nurse comes in the waiting room. “Are you for Y/N L/N?” Everyone stands nodding. “She’s- uh- she’s asking for an Agent Hotchner?”

“That’s me,” Hotch steps forward.

“Follow me. Uh- the rest of you can see her in a little while,” the nurse sent a smile to the rest of the team.

***

The light was bright in the hospital. The doctor was telling you what happened but you didn’t hear any of it.

The door opens and Hotch rushes to your side, “Y/N!” He scans you over, eyes stopping on every bandage.

“Hotch,” your hand covers his to get his attention. “What happened?”

“I- We almost lost you. It was bad. You lost a lot of blood,” he tries to fight back the tears.

“I’m sorry. I should have been more careful. I should have realized-”

“No!” His voice comes out startlingly loud. He makes an effort to soften it. “No. This isn’t your fault. No one blames you.”

You let out a self-deprecating laugh, “Sure. No one blames me. They all just think I’m a liability right?” The word slips out before you can stop it.

Liability. The same one he used before. It felt like a knife to the gut.

“No. No. No. You’re not a liability. It was wrong of me to say that. God, Y/N, you could never be a liability. You’re an amazing agent. You never would have made it if you weren’t. I never should have said that. I was worried. You were with that unsub all by yourself for god knows how long and could have been seriously hurt. It was wrong. I never meant it,” He was rambling. He knew. Hotch could also feel the tears track down his face.

“You mean it?” Your voice comes out small and weak, you fight back your own tears.

Hotch nods rapidly. “Every word. When this happened. I was so scared Y/N. I can’t lose you.” His head falls to the mattress, trying to hide the tears.

You take a deep breath and decide to try your luck. Today has to be a day of defeating odds. “Aaron,” that causes his head to shoot up. It’s your first time calling him by his name. “Aaron, look, I gotta tell you. I can’t just make it through that and keep quiet about this anymore, who knows about the time. Oh boy, I just- ah- I like you Aaron. More than I probably should, given that you’re my boss but it’s true,” you refuse to meet his eyes, scared of what you’d see.

“Y/N,” he pauses, “Y/N look at me,” his voice is gentle, coaxing you to meet his eyes. He smiles despite the tears. “I like you too. I’ve tried to hide it for so long. I did, but I can’t do it anymore.”

You laugh and then grimace from the pain radiating in your chest. You brush off Hotch’s concern. “I’m fine. If we do this though, we have to do it right. Not just getting together because of the high of relief that we both probably feel. Okay?”

“Of course, we’ll take it slow.”

Despite everything, you’re happy right now. On painkillers, and definitely traumatized, but right now, in this moment, you’re happy. It only gets better when the rest of your team, the best friends you have, flood the room. Everyone is high on the relief of survival and all-in-all, it could only be better if you weren’t stuck in the hospital.

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Redemption Never Came

Prompt: was rereading Tactical Retreat and I think it may just be time for that *conversation* with patton. he must have some kind of perspective here! I love your writing so much like you are an icon when it comes to writing- like you've taught me so much! <3!!

Thank you for the req! Also: 

it is CHECK POINT TIME MY DUDES~

unclench your jaw roll them shoulders back drink something go to the bathroom eat something look away from the screen for three goddamn CONSECUTIVE seconds

okay cool now you may proceed love you very much

Read on Ao3

Warnings: discussion of self-harm, nothing explicit

Pairings: focus on royality, background LAMP, DLAMP, DLAMPR, can be platonic or romantic I don’t care

Word Count: 4690

Redemption: the act of redeeming or the condition of having been redeemed.

Redemption: deliverance.

* * *

Roman and Patton talk.

“Pat, let’s go get L something to drink.”

 “But—I—“

 “It’s too much for him, Pat,” Virgil says softly, “with all of us here, he’s getting overwhelmed. Let’s go and then we’ll come back, yeah?”

 “O-okay.”

 Patton grips the counter as Virgil opens the cupboard. His glasses threaten to slide off the end of his nose. He can’t let go. He’ll fall.

 “Pop Star?” Virgil’s hand appears on his shoulder. “Pop Star, breathe, come on.”

 He manages to swallow, ducking his head to try and follow Virgil’s instructions. The hand stays on his shoulder, rubbing slow circles.

 “That’s it, Pop Star, just breathe, you’re okay.”

 Something twists in his chest.

 “I know,” Patton grinds out, “I know I’m okay.”

 Logan is the one who isn’t okay right now. And that—is that his fault too?

 “Hey, uh uh.”

 Patton frowns, looking up as Virgil tugs on his sleeve. Virgil’s brow is furrowed as he stares down at him.

 “Don’t do that,” Virgil chides gently, “don’t blame yourself for this.”

 “But I didn’t notice—“

 “Neither did the rest of us,” Virgil breaks in, forcing the glass into Patton’s hand so he can fill it up, “except for Remus. And Remus took a long time too.”

 Patton’s tongue swells.

 “It’s not on you,” comes more reassurance, and doesn’t it feel weird, “we’re all to blame here.”

 “We should’ve known,” he mutters, focusing on not spilling the water all over the kitchen.

 “Maybe. But we didn’t. And we can’t change that. We just gotta focus on what we can do now.”

 “I know that,” Patton grumbles, “I’ve said that to you guys more times than I can count, why—why am I struggling with this?”

 “You just found out that someone very close to you is hurting themselves,” Virgil says, “you’re upset.”

 “I know that too!”

 “Uh-huh, then you know that it makes sense that you’re not processing things as easily as you normally would.”

 He knows that too. Patton sighs and scrubs a hand over his face, pushing his glasses back up his nose.

 “He ate some at dinner, he should be alright, let’s just get him the water.”

 “Great.” Virgil glances around. “We should probably get, uh…other stuff too.”

 Right.

 Right.

 Before they can leave, however, Janus and Remus appear, dark looks on their faces. Patton’s heart sinks.

 “What’s wrong? Do we need the first aid kit?”

 “He’s got one in his room, doesn’t he?”

 Janus nods. But he’s not looking at either of them. Patton frowns, looking over at Remus, who looks about two seconds from smashing apart the fridge.

 “…kiddos?”

 Remus snarls.

 Virgil strides forward and takes Remus under one arm, bending close to mutter in his ear. As Patton watches, some of the tension goes out of Remus’s shoulders and he lets out a slow breath. He turns to Janus.

 “Is Roman still…with him?”

 Janus nods sharply. Something twists his mouth.

 “Janus, what happened?”

 “Roman is taking care of him,” Janus says quietly, his voice even, “we’re…here to check on you two.”

 Patton frowns. “There’s something you’re not telling me.”

 “Correct.”

 “…so tell me?”

 Janus glances up at Remus. Remus turns away from Virgil, obviously just having been asked a similar question, and shakes his head firmly. Janus looks back at Patton apologetically.

 “Not mine to tell.”

 “Remus?”

 “No.”

 The dark weight in Patton’s chest expands. Only when Janus calls his name quietly does he realize he’s trying valiantly to break the glass in his hands. He sets it quickly down on the counter and wraps his arms around himself.

 “Sorry.”

 “You’re upset,” Janus mumbles, “we all are.”

 “So what’s going on?”

 Janus sighs. “Our resident nerd appears to be…trapping himself in logical paradoxes and attempting to resolve them in…unique ways.”

 “Let’s never call it that again,” Virgil growls. Janus nods in agreement. “What do we do?”

 “I don’t know.”

 “Lie.” Virgil scoffs when Janus looks up at him incredulously. “Come on, dude, I lived with you.”

 “I’m not going to tell you.”

 “Why the fuck not?”

 “Because it’s not my secret to tell,” Janus snaps, wincing at himself a moment later. Virgil waves him off. “Logan deserves that privacy.”

 “Yeah, ‘cause you two were so concerned about privacy like…half an hour ago.”

 “Yes, and that couldn’t be because the priorities of that situation were entirely different.”

 “Enough,” Patton says firmly. “This is the opposite of what we should be doing right now.”

 He picks up the glass of water.

 “Virgil, where are the weighted blankets?”

 “In the hall closet. I can—“

 “I’ll come with you.”

 Janus follows Virgil back up the stairs. Patton takes another deep breath and looks over at Remus. Remus doesn’t meet his gaze.

 “...Remus?”

 “Yeah?”

 “Come with me back to Logan’s room?”

 “Sure.” Remus follows a few steps behind. Patton can feel his gaze almost boring through his back. “Don’t spill the water.”

 “I won’t.”

 They arrive at the door and wait, listening for Janus and Virgil down the hall. Patton turns to see if they could be coming the other way only for Remus’s piercing stare to freeze him.

 “What?”

 Remus tilts his head and remains silent.

 “Remus, what are you doing? Is there something—what’s wrong?”

 “I’m trying to figure something out,” Remus says and the softness of his voice sends a chill down Patton’s spine, “and what I should do about it.”

 Patton swallows. “Remus, whatever it is, I’m sorry.”

 “Hmm.”

 Before Patton can answer whatever just happened, Janus and Virgil appear, carrying the weighted blankets. Patton spares one more look at Remus before reaching out to gently knock on the door.

 It’s a little bit of a blur after that. They walk in to see Roman cupping Logan’s face in his hands, having changed him into a soft shirt and bandaging his legs. Patton crouches down to help Logan drink and wraps him up in a protective cuddle as soon as Logan says it’s okay.

 They sit there like that for a while, long enough for both of Patton’s legs to fall asleep and not long enough for the ache in his chest to dull. Logan’s sobs trail off into Roman’s shoulder as he strokes his hand through his hair, still murmuring softly. He’s not sure when he gets the courage to reach and gently ask Logan if he can take his glasses off, but if the sleepy way Logan butts his head against his hand, it’s been a while. Poor Logan is exhausted, all but falling asleep on Roman. They get him into bed slowly, bit by bit, leaving just as gradually. Roman is the last one to leave, shutting the door quietly behind him.

 Patton makes his way to his room and goes through his getting-ready-for-bed process on autopilot. His walls are grayer than normal, the sun long since set, leaving the room dark and muted. He climbs beneath the covers, sets his glasses on the nightstand, and turns off the lamp.

 The dark feeling from earlier finally makes it to his head.

 How did he never notice?

 It’s not like Logan was a master at hiding the fact that he has feelings, surely the amount of times his voice softens when addressing them is proof enough on its own. And surely they all knew that he denies it so often that it’s not a question of how he feels about that.

 So why did he never notice that it wouldn’t be hard for Logan to decide that he needed to get rid of them, at any cost?

 He turns over in bed, burying his face in a pillow.

 Is that why Remus was mad?

 Remus being mad at him is not a comfortable situation. Remus is so uncaring about so many things—not that the kiddo doesn’t care! He absolutely cares about some things, his work, the others, Roman, goodness, so much—but when it comes to emotions and responses and good versus bad, well, Remus’s standpoint is normally…no.

 So why is Remus mad? Because he wasn’t doing his job and taking care of Logan? Well, Patton’s mad at himself for that too, but…

 He frowns, turning back over and staring at a spot on the wall.

 That doesn’t feel like that’s why Remus is mad. If Remus were mad at him for not taking care of Logan, he wouldn’t have hesitated to call him out on it. He would’ve cussed him out right there in the kitchen, not caring about what Virgil or Janus would’ve said. It would’ve been much harder for Virgil to calm him down—presumably, even though Virgil is very good at his job—and that certainly wouldn’t explain why Janus was acting strange, too.

 Janus is keeping something from him. Nothing new there, but this…this is different. He can feel it. Normally Janus would deny that he was hiding a secret, but he insisted that it wasn’t his to tell and…seemed to look to Remus to get that confirmation?

 Oh.

 Oh.

 Oh, no.

 Roman.

 Something’s wrong with Roman.

 Patton’s chest grows cold and he hunches over his blankets, eyes going wide.

 Roman is so good at helping. Roman is so good at helping. Patton can’t remember the number of times he’s walked in on Roman helping one of the others or Roman walking in on him helping someone else and immediately offering to help too. Letting Roman help Logan was the right choice, especially when Patton was already too upset to be useful. But…but…

 If Remus and Janus came downstairs to ‘check up on’ him and Virgil, something must’ve happened, and Roman—oh, Roman—

 Patton frowns.

 Logan is hurt. Very, very badly. Roman is helping him. But now…is Roman hurt too?

 What happened to Roman?

 Patton shuts his eyes and buries his face in the blankets again, trying valiantly to suppress a whine.

 Logan is hurt and they need to take care of him and they know that the only way they’re going to help Logan is if he tells them what he needs.

 Logan is talking to Roman and Janus and Remus. That’s good. Maybe he’ll talk to Patton too, then they could all help.

 But with Roman…

 Patton doesn’t know what’s going on. He goes to sleep and wakes up and still doesn’t know.

 He knows how to help Logan. Logan talks to them and tells them things now, or he’ll come seek them out, after that night, just to sit and be and make sure he’s not left alone in his room. He sits down with Patton one day and explains what’s been happening. Patton wells up, because of course, he’ll help, nothing’s wrong with Logan, he’s doing wonderfully, and yes, he can always come get reassurances if he needs them.

 That’s what Logan needs from Patton.

 He doesn’t know what Roman needs.

 At least…not until Remus knocks on his door and asks him to come to the Imagination.

 There’s a house. A very simple house. Remus knocks on the door and Roman’s voice calls from inside. Remus pushes open the door and ushers Patton inside.

 Roman sits at the table and stands when Patton walks in. He smiles softly and nods to Remus in thanks. Remus nods back, gives Patton a look that says he’s not going very far, and shuts the door behind him.

 “Hey, Padre,” Roman says softly, “come sit?”

 Patton sits. Roman doesn’t meet his eyes, staring at a spot on the floor. Patton swallows.

 “Roman?”

 “Hmm?”

 “Are you…okay?”

 Roman laughs under his breath. “No, Patton, I’m not.”

 Patton knew the answer to that. It still hurt.

 “Can I help?”

 “I don’t know.” Roman finally looks up at him and the second he does part of Patton wishes he’d look away again. “But I need to talk to you about that.”

 “M-me?”

 “Yeah, Patton. You—“ Roman sighs— “you and I have a lot to talk about, I think.”

 Oh. It’s this conversation.

 “Yeah,” Roman murmurs, “are you—do you think you can have it now?”

 Does he?

 “…yeah,” Patton says after a moment, “yeah, I’m ready.”

 “Good.”

 Patton sits up a little taller in the chair and folds his hands in his lap. Roman catches it and a small smile tugs at the corner of his mouth.

 “You don’t have to do that, Patton.”

 Patton tilts his head. “What?”

 Roman waves a hand at him. “That. Sit up straight like I’m about to tell you off.”

 “…aren’t you?”

 “No. And even if I was, you don’t have to do that.” Something darker flitters across his expression. “Learned that recently.”

 Memories of every time Roman’s stood up taller when someone is talking to him flash across Patton’s mind. Something in his gut twists. But he makes an effort to speak anyway.

 “But you…” he swallows, “you’re in charge right now.”

 “I don’t want to be.” Roman holds up a hand to stop him. “That doesn’t mean you have to be in charge either. This is a conversation, Patton, at least it has to be if we’re going to do anything, which means equal footing. No one’s in charge, no one has more power than anyone else.”

 Oh. Okay. Patton takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, making an effort to relax into the chair.

 “Thank you.”

 Silence. Roman’s back to staring at the ground. Something’s coming. Something big is coming and Patton doesn’t know if he can handle what it is.

 As it turns out, he was right.

 “I self harm too.”

 A thunderclap. Patton’s breath catches in his throat and he only knows he’s gasped by the way his throat hurts.

 “Oh, kiddo, I’m—“

 “Don’t,” Roman says softly, too soft, why does he sound this calm right now?— “let me finish, please.”

 Patton slams his mouth shut. Roman doesn’t look up at him.

 “I self-harm for a different reason than Logan does,” he continues, “but we both do it because we think it’s right.”

 His gut twists again.

 “I’m Thomas’s hopes and dreams,” Roman continues, “I’m his Ego. I want what he wants and I’m supposed to help him get it.”

 One of Roman’s hands twitches.

 “But my wants aren’t important. Thomas’s wants are important. I’m supposed to be happy with what Thomas wants—with wanting what Thomas wants—and what I want doesn’t make Thomas happy.”

 He closes his eyes and takes a breath.

 “What Thomas wants—what the rest of you want—is for me to play the role. I am the Ego, I am arrogant, I am cocky, I am loud, I am annoying. I am soft enough to cave to your demands and to be poked and prodded in the right direction until I finally do what Thomas wants. I’m not supposed to want for myself, I’m supposed to want for Thomas, and when I don’t—“

 He cuts himself off. Swallows heavily. Opens his mouth again.

 “When I don’t, I am rejected. I am only wanted if I can produce work good enough for Thomas, if I act right, if I want what Thomas wants. To do that, I have to play the role. I have to feel the things I need to feel to do the work. A-and to do that, I need to…” he swallows again, “remind myself.”

 Somewhere, far away, something crows.

 “There’s no sainthood in satisfaction. Selfless is safe. Whenever I want something, I’m supposed to give it up to make Thomas happy. That’s what’s important. That’s why I do it.”

 Patton feels sick.

 Not just because what Roman is saying is enough to tear his heart out and leave him a sobbing, broken mess, but because he knows where most of it came from.

 “R-Roman,” he manages when Roman comes to the end of his speech, “oh, Roman, I’m so—I’m so sorry.”

 Roman huffs a laugh. “I know you are, Patton.”

 No. No, no, no, he remembers that tone of voice. Remembers Roman sinking out a moment later, his face as horribly resigned as it is now.

 Remembers the question he asked Janus at the end of that awful, awful day.

 “Do you think there's a limit on how many times someone can say sorry before you have to admit that they're just bad for you?”

 Roman huffs again. “I don’t think I’m the best person to ask to judge when someone’s bad for you.”

 Oh.

 The thing in Patton’s gut twists again.

 “What can I do,” he mumbles, “what do I do to make this better?”

 “I don’t know.”

 “You can tell me,” he pleads, “tell me what to do and I’ll—“

 “No.”

 “But, Roman—“

 “No, Patton,” Roman says again, “I can’t tell you what to do. One because I don’t know what would make this better, and two—“

 He cuts himself off as he scrubs his hands over his face.

 “Two, because I know what will happen if I try.”

 “…what?”

 “I’ll give in. Because I always give in,” he mutters sardonically, “because seeing you upset hurts, more than pretty much anything else, and it doesn’t matter what I have to do to make you stop hurting.”

 Patton’s chest throbs.

 “So I can’t tell you what to do,” Roman finishes, “because it’ll be a lie.”

 And Patton knows he’s right.

 Because the sight of Roman, right now, is enough to make him want to cave to just about anything to see him be alright again.

 “..can I hug you?”

 “No,” Roman whispers, “for the same reason.”

 Patton aches.

 “Why—“ he swallows and tries again— “why can’t we do this? Why can’t we help each other?”

 “Because we care too much,” Roman says softly, “we care too much about each other and too little about ourselves.”

 Something in his tone darkens.

 “…or at least we think we do.”

 Cold. Patton is cold now. Colder than ice. It burns.

 “God, Patton, do you even know how much I’ve sacrificed for you?”

 Roman’s anger, sudden and fiery, burns straight into Patton’s chest, muting him as Roman’s fist tightens in his lap. His glare threatens to scorch a hole in the floor.

 “I gave up everything for you, just to make you happy, I gave up the callback, I gave up my songs, I gave up my entire worldview for you, and you��you—“

 He jams his knuckle into his mouth for a moment and bites. Hard.

 Patton can’t even make a noise of protest.

 “I was never good enough for you, Patton,” Roman says after a moment, “there was always something else I needed to fix, something else I was doing wrong, something else I had to apologize for. And then you just stood there. After everything I’d ever done for you, you didn’t even stand up for me. You just looked at me like I should’ve known it was coming. That I…deserved it.”

 Guilt roils in Patton’s gut, pressing against his stomach, his throat, his mouth, his head, but one word lingers at the tip of his tongue.

 “…worldview?”

 Like someone flipping a light switch, Roman’s expression clicks into a softer fury. He sits back in the chair and for a moment, he looks as if he’s about to reminisce about something pleasant. What comes out of his mouth is anything but.

 “I wasn’t just afraid of Janus being accepted meaning I wasn’t,” he murmurs, voice far too gentle, “I was afraid because I remembered the last time the two of you agreed on something.”

 Oh.

 Oh.

 Oh, no.

 Growing up and seeing messages about one man, one woman.

 Growing up believing that people who didn’t feel that love were destined for something awful.

 Growing up seeing the isolation, the fear, the hatred, the violence.

 Watching Roman start to fantasize about boys.

 He remembers.

 He remembers Deceit—because he was only Deceit then—coming to him and telling him that under no circumstances can they ever act on these feelings. He remembers telling Deceit that they aren’t having these feelings, that they wouldn’t have those feelings, because they were wrong and Thomas was not wrong and so they would stop.

 He remembers the two of them hounding poor Roman about daydreaming about boys, wanting boys, wanting to make Thomas happy by imagining a future with a boy.

 Never mind that it wasn’t wrong.

 Never mind that it made Thomas miserable.

 Never mind that it was Patton that had the feelings first and Roman was just following Patton’s lead.

 Roman just nods.

 Patton opens his mouth to try and say something, anything, but he can’t. The guilt has eaten away his tongue.

 “But I can’t blame you for everything,” Roman says instead, still not looking at Patton—has he looked at him since he sat down?— “I was the one who looked at you as the unquestionable pillar of authority. I was the one who shoved that onto you when you didn’t ask for it. I was the one who made those choices. I’m as much to blame for this as you are.”

 “No.” Patton shakes his head firmly. “No, Roman, you’re not.”

 He takes a deep breath.

 “I...have a lot of influence over Thomas. I have a lot to do with how he reacts to things, how he sees the world and how we determine how to respond to it.” He sneaks a glance at Roman, whose gaze is still turned away. He tried to pretend that doesn’t hurt as much as it does. “And if I remember correctly...you tried to do something once to make me and Thomas happy because you wanted it too, and we...we told you off for it.”

 “With...?”

 Patton nods. “With...him. And I remember you refusing to take the wheel after that.”

 “I did,” Roman says softly, “because I realized I truly didn’t know how to make you—any of you—happy.”

 “I put myself in a position of authority as much as anyone else did,” Patton says, the tears—finally, he was wondering when they were going to show up—start to roll down his cheeks, “you’re not to blame for wanting to follow that, especially when I—when I told you that it was the right thing to do.”

 His glasses start to fog. He takes them off shakily and wipes them on his shirt.

 “But I’m done with that.” He puts them back on firmly. “I’m gonna figure out how to do this right, I promise, I’ll—I’ll redeem myself, I’ll be a good person.”

 Instead of Roman smiling softly and saying he looks forward to it, or Roman saying he doesn’t have to, or even Roman glaring at him and saying he’d like to see him try, Roman just huffs.

 “I think we need to get rid of the whole redemption arc thing too.”

 What?

 What?

 “What?”

 “It’s—“ Roman waves his hand— “it’s you saying you need to what, throw yourself at our feet? Repent? Atone for whatever wrongs you’ve done so we’ll welcome you back with open arms?”

 Patton nods in confusion. “So you’ll forgive me. So I can be good.”

 “Okay, but why is forgiveness a necessity for you to be good?”

 A pause.

 “Like, yes, working out how to stop doing bad things is something that I get, but why—why do we—why is forgiveness a crucial part of that?”

 “Because I’ve hurt you, and if I’m going to make it up to you—“

 “But that’s giving me power I didn’t ask for!”

 Roman pinches the bridge of his nose.

 “Look, forgiveness—in this case—is me granting your salvation, or something, or passing a judgment that absolves you of guilt, saying that you showed that you’ve changed and I judge you and then I agree that you’re enough better than you were, right?”

 He nods.

 “I don’t have that power! What gives me the right to sit there and say I have final say in whether or not you’re a good person? I’m not morally infallible! I’m not morally impartial! I’m not even Morality!”

 Roman throws his hands up and barks out a laugh.

 “And the idea that I could?” He shakes his head. “I have enough problems to worry about with that.”

 Patton’s eyes widen.

 He’s…he’s right.

 Goodness, he’s right.

 “B-but…” he swallows another wave of tears, “will you…you won’t love me if you don’t forgive me.”

 “Who told you that? Never mind,” Roman says, holding up a hand, “I know the answer to that.”

 He takes another deep breath.

 “Forgiveness and love are not the same thing, Patton,” he says softly, “I don’t have to forgive you to love you. I can love someone without forgiving every single wrong thing that they’ve done.”

 “You can?”

 “Virgil has hurt you. Logan has hurt you. Remus has hurt you. Janus has hurt you. I’ve hurt you.” Roman pauses. “Do you still love us?”

 “Yes,” he says immediately, “of course I do.”

 “There you go, then.”

 “But—“ he blinks to try and clear away the tears— “but what—if I’m a bad person—“

 “I never said that.”

 “—but bad people don’t deserve—“

 “Patton,” Roman cuts in sharply, “forgiveness and goodness aren’t the same either. I don’t need to forgive you to be a good person. Just because someone doesn’t forgive you doesn’t make you a bad person.”

 He softens.

 “And being a bad person isn’t as easy as you make it out to be.”

 “…what?”

 “What is courage?”

 Patton blinks.

 “What is courage,” Roman repeats, “tell me?”

 “It’s, um, bravery.”

 “Does that mean never being afraid, ever?”

 “N-no, it can mean being afraid and doing it anyway, because the reason you’re doing it is stronger than your fear.”

 “Then perhaps,” Roman says softly, “being a good person isn’t the absence of bad things, but choosing to do good things, over and over and over again.”

 The dark thing twists one more time.

 “So no, Patton,” Roman finishes, his eyes closing, “you don’t need to redeem yourself. You don’t need me to forgive you. And you’re not a bad person.”

 “How—“ he swallows— “how did this turn into you comforting me?”

 “Because that’s how this works, Patton.”

 “Not anymore it’s not.” Patton glares through the tears. “You did so well, Roman, right now, you told me everything and you didn’t give in, even when it was really hard for you and I know it was.”

 Roman is quiet.

 “You stood up to me and you stuck to your points, you let yourself get angry and you told me what you thought.” He swallows. “That was hard and so brave and I’m so proud of you.”

 He blinks furiously again.

 “I know you may not be a big fan of the word ‘deserve’—“ Roman huffs— “but you deserve to know that. That I’m proud of you. I’m so proud of you.”

 “It’s funny,” Roman says, his voice strangled, “but for all my talk about you not needing my forgiveness, I…I—“

 Patton tears his glasses off to wipe frantically at his eyes and jam them back on.

 Oh.

 Oh, Roman…

 Roman is crying too. His face is shining, wet with tears.

 “…you know I’ve forgiven you already.”

 The dark thing in Patton’s chest shatters.

 “Can we be done,” he pleads, already reaching across the table, “can we be done, can I hug you now, please?”

 Roman looks at him.

 For the first time since sitting down, Roman looks at him.

 “…please?”

 There isn’t a word for the noise that tears itself out of Patton’s throat as he rushes around the table and just about tackles Roman into a hug. They fall to the ground, thankfully onto something soft, their arms wrapped too tightly around each other to tell who’s who. They’re both sobbing, apologies, promises, reassurances, everything, anything, words fumbling over and over each other until it’s just noise.

 It won’t be easy.

 It isn’t easy.

 But it’s okay.

 It’ll be okay.

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[shinidamachu]

I haven't watched anything after ATLA, but I was shocked to find out that Zuko and Mai don't work out. What are your thoughts? Do you think the writers could have gone in a different direction or was it for the best?

I gotta be honest, you're not missing out much by not engaging with the extras. I only watched Legend of Korra and I don't really remember Mai even being mentioned on it.

They did give Zuko a daughter, though. Her name is Izumi. And even though they never explicitly revealed the mother to be Mai (or what was made of her), I just assumed she was the mother due to the remarkable resemblance:

Now, I haven't read the comics (nor will I ever), so if you're actually refering to them, my knowledge is very limited. But it is my understanding, from the metas I've read about them, that Zuko and Mai break up and make up, as it was their modus operandi in ATLA.

Mai not being around in LOK doesn't necessarily mean she's dead or that they broke up for good. The fate of their relationship was purposefully left open and they do end up together at the end of ATLA, so what happens after doesn't really matter since not everybody takes the comics or LOK as canon, anyway.

Now, since you asked for my opinion... I wasn’t shocked to find out about how they were portraying Maiko in the comics at all. First, because Bryke suck at writing romance. Second, because from the interactions in ATLA, this was more or less what I imagined their relationship would play out and that’s why I never shipped them.

MAIKO CRITICISM UNDER THE CUT!

The writers should have gone in a different direction, but in the ATLA finale. I love Zuko. And I love Mai. But I don’t like them as a couple because I think they are not fitted for each other. And I’m not just saying that because I’m a Zutara shipper, let’s get this out of the way right here, right now.

I’m saying this because I would rather they had ended up alone than together. Not only them, but Aang and Katara as well. They were all so young I feel like there wouldn’t be any harm for the story if no couples were canonized. 

Especially because, again: Bryke suck at writing love stories (with the notable exceptions being Yukka and Sukka) and romance was actually the less compelling part of ATLA.

More than that, if Zuko and Mai had to end up with a love interest, it shouldn’t have been each other because Maiko is actually a disservice to their characters. In some aspects, it keeps Mai from growing and it regresses Zuko's development.

You see, their relationship always struck me as something they would eventually grow out of. Don’t get me wrong, I have no doubt they really cared about each other. But the narrative went out of its way to show us that the years they spent apart changed their dynamic fundamentally.

Mai and (especially) Zuko aren’t the same people they were when they first met. And when they finally reunited, no real effort was made to learn who was this new person in fron of them. He tried to open up, but she shut him down. 

Instead of reconnecting, of deepening the relationship, they insisted on jumping head first into dating and picked things up where they left off, desperatelly trying to cling to what they knew and forcing two pieces of a different puzzle to click. Of course it wouldn’t work.

The person Zuko became needed someone passionate by his side. Someone he could open up to and confide in. Someone with the same sense of honor, of justice. Someone who understood him and his actions, who got how important it is for him to take the throne and right the wrongs of his country. Someone he could count on to help him get there. I guess we can all agree that this doesn’t sound like Mai.

The person Mai became needed someone who would focus on her and her needs for once. Someone who would have made her a priority. Someone who could actually see past her poker face. Someone who would take her away from the boring royal stuff she hates so much. I guess we can all agree that this doesn’t sound like Zuko, either.

When he took off to join the Gaang, he left the life style he had always known behind because it didn’t fit who he was anymore. He can’t go back from that. And this includes Mai. She is the personification of that life. And as much as they liked each other, being together just doesn’t make sense anymore. Especially because becoming Fire Lady inevitably traps her in the life she was trying to get away from. It’s one of the worst endings they could have given to these characters.

And the way it was executed? Even worse. They reconciled without as much as a conversation about what happened: his “betrayal”, the end of the war, what it means for their relationship, if their feelings were still the same. In fact, apparently Zuko kind of... completely forgot she was in prison and made no move to get her out because he had been too busy fighting Azula and taking lightning to the chest for Katara.

Mai isn’t even a part of the apotheosis of his arc. He got where he needed to be and she wasn’t one of the characters who activelly help him get there. This is very symbolic. And the apotheosis of her arc? Was saving him from Azula, but she didn’t did it because she understood his reasons and wanted to be supportive. She did it because he is the guy she likes. Which is fine, but not enough to “award” her with Zuko. There were feelings there, but they were never on the same page.

“Mai Alone,” is what she deserved. To travel the world on her own. A different place every day. Never the same, always moving. Maybe that way she would have seen the things Zuko did. Maybe this way she would have understood. And after tasting freedom, she would have realized she would have never want to be confined to palace walls ever again. Not for Zuko, not for anybody.

She would have been much happier as the first woman in the White Lotus or as a Bounty Hunter. A spy who, after seeing what the Fire Nation did to the world, finally found her calling by working on the shadows to make sure nothing will break the peace the Avatar and the Fire Lord managed to achieve.

And Zuko deserved the family he always wanted, with a partner who would not only put up with the political duties, but would have been thrilled to do so. Katara seems like the obvious choice here, but even Jin would have been a better fit.

Sometimes things aren’t meant to be and that’s okay. Zuko and Mai work better as friends.

[cora-vizsla]

Into The Dark- Chapter 1

Pairing: Jedi!OC x Sith!Obi Wan

Word Count: 4.5K+

Story Rating: E (18+)

Chapter Rating: Just assume they’re all E at this point.

Warning: Swearing. Threats of violence. Mentions of death/dying. Mention of war. Drugging. Snark. Angst. (I mean seriously if you know me you know angst is gonna happen)

A/N: This is the beginning! If you haven’t read Hypnotic this story isn’t going to make much sense to you. If you have read Hypnotic, welcome back! I hope you’re ready to be sad lol. Anyway, enjoy and let me know if I missed any tags!

“Darling, you can’t be serious. There is no way that you’re going.”

“I am being serious, and I am going. This isn’t really a discussion. I’ve already made up my mind.”

“Explain it to me. Please?”

Zara sighed and sat down next to her husband. Obi Wan smiled at her softly, brushing her hair back.

“Mace called me. Palpatine got loose which shouldn’t surprise anyone. I wouldn’t care but.. he took Cody.”

“Cody? Who the hell is Cody?”

They both looked up to Anakin walking in, a four-year-old Leia on his hip.

“Zara!”

She slipped down Anakins leg and bolted into Zara’s arms. She laughed and giggled as Zara held her close and spun her.

“Oh, my beautiful little Leia. Couldn’t let your daddy go without you?”

“Nope! Gotta watch him. Mama says so.”

Anakin rolled his eyes but laughed.

“I came here to help you, Obi Wan, but if that slimeball took Cody there is no talking her out of it.”

“The clone?”

“My friend.”

Zara snapped and glared at the blonde. He held his hands up defensively and sat back, crossing one leg over the other.

“Yeah, Oh-bee. Her friend!”

Zara laughed and kissed the girls cheek.

“That’s right. You get it. We protect our friends, no matter what.”

“No matter what!”

Zara set Leia down who immediately ran around the room getting into everything. Anakin sighed but Zara motioned for him to let her go. Out of the two, Leia was the well behaved one. She was busy but it was more out of curiosity than breaking anything. Luke was more likely to break things just to see how they worked.

“The question I have is why you didn’t call me to help you.”

“Mace was very clear that neither you nor Obi Wan were welcome on this mission.”

“So, you’re working for the Jedi. Again.”

“No, sweetheart. I am helping them get my friend to safety. We all know how dangerous Palpatine is.”

“All the more reason for me to be by your side.”

“Can’t say I disagree with the Sith, Zar.”

Zara rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.

“No. Both of you will stay here. Anakin you have a family now. Your kids and wife are top priority. I’m not letting you get dragged into Jedi shit again. And you, my love, don’t play nice.”

“How rude, darling.”

“Rude, but correct. You don’t play nice with the Jedi and frankly I’m not letting you get near Palpatine again. He controlled you once.”

“So, you don’t trust me.”

Anakin cleared his throat and called for Leia. She ran over and jumped into his arms, holding on tightly.

“C’mon sweetheart. Aunt Zar needs to talk to her domesticated Sith.”

“Mama says you need to be nice to uncle Oh-Bee.”

“Well, mama isn’t here.”

“Good thing I am so I can tell her how mean you are to Aunt Zar’s husband who she loves very much.”

“It’s complicated, Leia.”

“Nope. Everyone duh-serves forgiveness, daddy. Plus, he makes Aunt Zar happy.”

Anakin sighed and looked at Zara for help, but she crossed her harms and shrugged.

“And don’t say its com-pluh-cated. You made Aunt Zara cry before. She forgave you. So, you should be nice.”

“You sound a lot like your mother.”

“Good! She’s the smartest person I know.”

Zara chuckled as Anakin sighed, defeated, and left the small home. She turned back to Obi Wan who had been watching her.

“We have a good life, Zara.”

“I agree.”

“Then why are you leaving?”

She sighed and let her shoulders slump slightly.

“Obi Wan, Cody meant a great deal to me. We worked together for a long time. I know that you don’t really work with anyone or play nice. It’s just when you work with someone for so long they become like family to you.”

“Not to be rude, but you left him before.”

“I left the entire order. I trusted the Jedi to keep the clones safe. They were to have their inhibitor chip removed and retired with honor. That isn’t what happened.”

“Well, your first mistake was trusting the Jedi.”

She sighed in frustration and got up off the couch. She put more things in her bag before turning to look at her husband.

“I need you to trust me. I need you to understand that a friend needs help.”

“And I need you to understand, my darling, that I know Sidious better than anyone on the Jedi counsel. What do you plan to do? Waltz in and tell him to give you your clone back and go back to jail?”

“Of course not.”

“Then what are you doing, Zara? This is reckless.”

“You wouldn’t save a friend if they were in danger?”

“I don’t have friends.”

“You wouldn’t save Anakin?”

“Absolutely not.”

Zara scowled and crossed her arms.

“Obi-Wan!”

“You could have picked anyone else we know, and I would have at least hesitated. That’s on you for choosing Anakin. It’s not like we’re the best of friends.”

“You wouldn’t save Padme? The twins?”

“I wouldn’t save them without you. I wouldn’t even dream of going without you.”

“Palpatine controlled you once.”

“Sidious had control; it was not over me. If you recall I convinced him not to kill you and tricked him into thinking that you were becoming my obedient little plaything. I tricked him at every corner, and he had no idea until the very end. Tell me I am wrong.”

She fell silent, looking at him with sadness written all over her face.

“Then tell me what the true problem is. Tell me that you’re afraid I’ll feel the dark side too strongly and go back. This has nothing to do with me not playing nice. It has everything to do with the Jedi playing into your fear of the very darkness that I carry inside of me and using it to control you. How can you not see that?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Which part?”

Zara looked down at her feet and chewed at her bottom lip.

“None of it. Cody needs my help. If I want the help and the resources needed to help him, I must do it their way. I love you with all my heart. I truly do. Is there some truth to what you said? Yes. I think I’ll always be afraid of you turning fully to the dark and not needing me anymore. The darkness does scare me. I’ve never said anything contrary to it. Your darkness doesn’t scare me though.”

“If you trust me, then you have to also trust that darkness, Zara.”

“I have to do this, Obi Wan.”

“You really don’t. You can’t change my mind of this.”

“Then I guess we’re at an impasse.”

Obi Wan stood up and walked to her, placing his hands gently on her arms.

“I know nothing that I say will stop you from going. I’ve known the entire time we’ve discussed this. Just know that I strongly think you should take me with you. We’re stronger together. Always have been, even if we didn’t want to admit it at the time.”

“I have to do this.”

He nodded and kissed her forehead, holding her close to him.

“Come back to me.”

“Wouldn’t dream of not coming back to you.”

“Don’t make me come looking for you either.”

She laughed and wrapped her arms around his torso, resting the side of her face on his chest.

“I mean it, Zara. I will tear this galaxy apart before I let anyone, or anything keep us apart.”

“I believe you.”

“Good. Just don’t ever let yourself forget that.”

XXX

Zara stepped down the ramp of her ship and pulled her saber into her hand, igniting it. She looked at the burned orange hue of it and thought of the man waiting for her. When she had settled onto Naboo, one of the first things she did was make a saber with the crystal he had given her at the ball.

Now she was glad for it. It reminded her of him and everything that she was always fighting for. It wasn’t as beautiful as his eyes, but it was close enough to bring her some peace. She wasn’t thrilled about not having him there, but she knew it was the best thing she could do.

She thought about their argument quite a bit on her trip. Obi Wan had been right about her fear. She feared losing him more than she feared losing her own life. The last thing she wanted to happen was for Palpatine to get his hands on him again. She couldn’t risk it.

The same went for Anakin. He had already twisted him beyond breaking once. He had no training with the darkness that he now carried. She had wondered if Obi-Wan could teach him but never brought it up. They didn’t get along and it came down to how much the darkness scared her.

It hurt her heart how much Obi-Wan was hurting. She didn’t do it to harm him, but it didn’t change that it did. Zara desperately wanted to get Cody to safety and go back to her life. They both deserved to be done fighting and yet there she was fighting another battle for the Jedi.

She made her way down the hallway and felt through the force. She sighed when she felt a familiar signature and moved into a wide-open room. In the middle of the floor was Cody, hands bound in front of him. Zara looked around to check for any traps but when she didn’t see any, she walked to her old friend.

“General?”

“Just Zara, Cody. I’m not a general anymore.”

“You.. you shouldn’t have come.”

“Of course, I did. You’re my friend. As soon as I found out you were missing, I came.”

“You don’t understand, General. That’s exactly what he wanted.”

“Who? Palpatine?”

“I’m so sorry.”

She knelt down to look at him and picked his head up to look at her gently. Her eyes widened when she saw that he had tears brimming his eyes.

“Cody, why are you sorry? We’ve talked about this in depth. I don’t care that you’re a clone. You mean-“

“I’m not the only one that knows your soft spot for clones, General. I can’t.. I’m so sorry.”

Before Zara could ask him what was wrong, she felt a jab in her arm. She looked down to see Cody sticking a syringe into her arm and push the plunger down all the way. She yanked her arms away and fell backwards onto her butt.

“Cody?”

“I told you.. you shouldn’t have come. I’m so sorry, General.”

The binders fell off Cody’s wrists and he stepped forward, pulling Zara up into his arms. The world was spinning so she shut her eyes, desperately wanting it to stop.

“I have her, sir.”

“Very good, CC-2224. Just as I expected. Bring her here. Destroy her ship before you do.”

“Yes, sir.”

Zara lost consciousness as Cody carried her to his ship. He set her down gently, placing her saber on his waist. Once she was settled, he walked over to her ship and looked through her belongings. He pulled out a few holo pictures that he clicked on. A small smile spread on his lips when he saw Anakin alive and well with Padme and two children. The other ones were of her and the Sith that had taken her. He had been worried when he first heard she had left the order with him but was assured it was her choice.

“You look so happy, General. Exactly what you should be.”

He closed his hands around the holos and slipped them into his pocket. He glanced at the dashboard and saw the emergency signal. He hesitated then reached past it, “accidentally” hitting the emergency button. When he stood up walked outside and waited.

“Stars, I hope that signal gets to someone.”

After a few moments he stepped back and shot at the fuel tank, exploding the ship as instructed. Once he made his way back into the ship and checked on Zara, he hit the coordinates for where he needed to go.

“I know you can’t hear me, General. I just hope you know I wouldn’t do this unless I had any other choice. I’ll do what I can to keep you safe. Hopefully General Skywalker and your Sith can find you in time.”

Once they were into hyperspace, he pulled her saber from his waist and looked at it. It was new from what he remembered, but still beautifully made. He expected nothing less from his former General.

He thought back on the first time he saw her. She showed up to command his troops with a smile on her face. He initially thought that she was going to be a weak leader and weakness meant death to clones. He had been so wrong.

She was the first Jedi to show compassion towards him and his men. She grieved their deaths just as much as he did. Nights when he was up wrestling with the pain of losing someone, she was always right by his side. She didn’t need to; the mission was always finished. She wanted to. She wanted them all to know that they were all individual people to her, regardless of where they came from.

She made it easy to run into the heat of battle. It wasn’t that he didn’t ever want to. He believed in his own fighting and trusted his brothers. It just came down to the fact that he wasn’t fighting for her. He was fighting alongside her.

He ignited the blade and widened his eyes when a new color came out. He didn’t know the particulars of the Jedi and their blades, but he had never seen a blade that color before. Cody looked down at his hand holding the hilt and frowned.

He had hurt her. What was even worse was the possibility that she would never forgive him for what he did. The chip had been deactivated before Order 66 could be initiated but somehow Sidious still had a hold over him. He had gotten close enough to him to activate it just enough to make him obedient. He glanced back at Zara asleep and shook his head.

“We will find a way to get out of this, General. We always do. Somehow, we will get you back to your happiness. Maybe I’ll even find a bit of it myself.”

He chuckled to himself and shook his head again.

“Look at me, thinking a clone can be anything more than a tool. You’d think I’d learn by now. Although you’d be yelling at me for even thinking that. Stars, General, I hope you don’t hate me forever for this.”

XXX

Mace sat in the council chambers alone. The last thing he wanted to do was call up Zara, but he didn’t see any other option. Once the war was ended, the Jedi no longer had the authority to do anything without the government’s approval. He knew that they wouldn’t send them for a single clone. As far as they were concerned Palpatine was no longer a threat. Not that the Jedi agreed with that at all.

When his coms went off with Zara’s emergency signal, he felt his chest get heavy. It ended just as quickly as it was received, but he knew the longer it took for her to message or call him, the worse that was. She had a propensity to bump into buttons, but she always called. He tried to call and was met with no answer. Master Yoda walked into the room and looked at him.

“Her signal went off then immediately went dead.”

“Feel it, do you? A great darkness, there is.”

“Yes. I feel it. It has to be Sidious.”

“Mmm. Yes. Suspect him, I do.”

“I’m going to have to reach out to Anakin and Veth.”

“Go. In much danger, she is.”

XXX

Obi-Wan sat in his home, reading the same book for the third time. As much as he wanted to reach out to Zara, he didn’t want her to think he was trying to distract her or force her back home. It was killing him though. Even just hearing her voice would make him feel better. He looked up from his book when he heard a ship land close by. Before he could stand up, Anakin was bursting into the house.

“Sith, it’s the Jedi.”

“Is Zara with them?”

“It’s only Master Windu.”

“Shit.”

He followed the younger man outside just in time to see Windu walking closer. He clenched his jaw, not wanting to see the Master Jedi at all.

“Anakin. Veth.”

The three men looked to the side as Padme and the twins came running out of their home.

“Wow, even your children are strong with the force.”

Anakin stepped in front of Mace and set his jaw; his hands balled into fists at his side.

“Don’t even look at them. They will never be hurt by you or the council.”

“I’m not here for your children, Anakin.”

“Where is my wife.”

Mace turned to look at Veth who was standing with his arms crossed over his chest. He still looked just as cocky to Mace as he had when he was a child, but the darkness swirling around him was new. It was the first time they had faced each other, other than through a holo communication.

“We should go inside. Small ears don’t need to hear this conversation.”

Anakin glanced over at Obi-Wan, who nodded back at him. Anakin looked back at Padme and gave her a tight smile before following Obi-Wan into the house. Once Mace made it through the door, Obi-Wan used the force to slam it behind him, smirking when the master Jedi jumped.

“If it weren’t for the children, you wouldn’t be welcome in this home. Now tell me, where is my wife and why is she not here with you?”

“She made it to where we though Sidious was with the clone trooper.”

“Cody.”

“What?”

“His name is Cody. You sent my wife to find him and don’t even have the courtesy to use the name she knows him by.”

Mace rolled his jaw and sighed.

“Cody. My apologies. She made it there safely and sent a communication she was heading inside the building. From there, we lost contact. Soon after, her emergency signal reached us and turned off within a few seconds.”

“And nothing since?”

“Nothing.”

“Sidious has her. That emergency signal was a mistake. Where is she.”

Obi-Wan was seething. Her being taken was exactly what he was afraid of, and he was completely powerless to change what was happening. The more he thought about how terrible Sidious was and how much she could be hurt, the more the room started swirling with darkness. Mace put his hand on his own saber and took a step back.

“Please calm down, Veth.”

“You called up my wife, the woman that I love more than anything in the galaxy and asked her to go on a fool’s errand with no backup. Then you come here and tell me that Darth Sidious, the most dangerous man I have ever met likely has her. Now you expect me to calm down. After everything you’ve done to me you’re lucky you’re still breathing. Let alone what you’ve done to her. She came to me broken, Master Windu. She came to me lost and afraid that she had lost every bit of her life and soul because she couldn’t live with your lies anymore. You nearly forced her to kill her best friend. Now you sent her into the hands of a madman. Tell me, why in the galaxy should I calm down?”

“I understand that you’re upset.”

Obi-Wan barked out a laugh and crossed his arms again.

“You don’t understand anything that the Jedi didn’t shove down your throat. Tell me where she is. I will go bring her back home where she belongs.”

“I’m going with you.”

Obi-Wan looked at Anakin and frowned. He could feel how unstable Anakin felt. The normal darkness around Obi-Wan he was used to, but the pure rage he was harnessing was drowning him. It wasn’t ever something that was discussed but he would never be able to fully get away from the dark side. It just wasn’t possible.

“You aren’t stable enough, Skywalker.”

Obi-Wan shot his finger out to point at Mace, shaking his head.

“You don’t get to tell him what to do, Mace. The audacity that you Jedi have. It is absolutely astounding that you thought you could walk into my home and tell anyone under this roof what to do.”

“You know he isn’t stable. I can’t be the only one who feels it.”

“What he is or isn’t is no problem of yours. Just give me the coordinates and I will take care of getting Zara back.”

“I want to help.”

“You have done enough. Now, if you will, I have much to do and none of that involves catering to you being in my home. You’re tarnishing the air and I won’t have it a moment longer.”

Mace sighed and shook his head, setting down a data stick with the coordinates and information about the ship she had been using. He thought about asking him how he planned on helping him, but he thought better and walked through the door. Once he left Anakin huffed out a frustrated sigh and grabbed the stick.

“Alright let’s go.”

“You aren’t going.”

“What!?”

Anakin spun around to glare at Obi-Wan.

“You just said-“

“I said he doesn’t get to come into my home and tell anyone what to do. That does not mean I don’t agree with him. You’re unstable. You have been for a long time.”

“I’m fine.”

“Tell me that my darkness didn’t affect you then.”

Anakin opened his mouth a few times and shut it, without uttering a word.

“Exactly. You have a family here that needs you.”

“Zara is my family too, Veth.”

“Stars above I wish you’d stop calling me that.”

Anakin smirked and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Why do you think I call you that?”

“You’re insufferable. I pity your former master. You wouldn’t have lasted five minutes having been my padawan.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that. I’m a lot stronger than you think I am.”

“I gladly would have tossed you off the first cliff we found. I considered it when we found you if I’m being entirely honest. Ungrateful brat that you are. You’re lucky when I shoved you it was to your safety.”

“I still don’t fully believe that was you. I don’t remember you being so smug.”

“No need for you to. It wouldn’t be the first time that you ignored the reality around you to construct fantasies that mean absolutely nothing to anyone else.”

“You’re an ass, do you know that?”

Obi-Wan barked out a laugh as he started gathering his supplies.

“Oh, I’ve been told. The fact of the matter is that you are not stable enough to come with me. I need to focus on Sidious and whatever he has planned. I can’t babysit you through your temper tantrums, reckless behavior and propensity to disobey any form of authority within a parsec of your location.”

Anakin frowned and huffed out a sigh.

“Then teach me.”

“Teach you? If Padme can’t control you, I highly doubt anyone else can.”

“I’ll listen! I’m not asking you to turn me to the dark side. I just.. I’m the only person in this situation that even remotely trusts you. If you would just help me, I can help you then we both can help Zara.”

He sighed and looked at the younger man in front of him. He meant what he had said to Zara: if given the choice he would not save him. He had a point though. He was someone he could trust to at least want to help his wife. After considering it for a moment he sighed and tossed his hands up in the air.

“Fine. Only if you go tell Padme that it is entirely your idea and that I was opposed to it from the beginning. You will listen to me and do as I tell you to. I will teach you how to control yourself at least enough to help Zara. Beyond that, just stay out of my way.”

“Yes! I’ll go grab my bag and let Padme know what is going on.”

Anakin head towards the door but paused when Obi-Wan spoke to him.

“And Anakin? The first time you aggravate me I’m shoving you out the airlock. Don’t think that I won’t either. I’ve killed for less.”

XXX

Cody carried a still unconscious Zara into a dark room, only having the very center lit up dimly.

“CC-2224 I see you have returned successfully.”

“Yes, sir.”

The shadow of a man stepped forward, using the force to push Zara’s hair from her face. Cody thought that she looked almost peaceful curled up in his harms, her face resting against his chest.

“You have pleased me, trooper. Now the next part of my plan begins. Take her to her chambers. She is not to leave unless I command it.”

“Sir, am I permitted to stay with her?”

“Yes. Keep her calm. Give her a reason to stay here. Though I don’t expect her to be on board with everything I say, at first, this entire plan is contingent on her falling in line.”

“Yes, sir.”

Cody turned, walking down a long hallway. Once he entered Zara’s chambers, the door shut and locked behind him. Normally it would have made him uneasy, but he was calmer knowing that he wouldn’t be separated from his former general just yet. He placed her down gently into the bed, careful to ensure she would be comfortable.

He pulled up a chair and sat down next to the bed, crossing his arms over his chest. He glanced down at the black armor that he now wore, unsure of how he liked it. He always wore armor, so it wasn’t new. It just made him uneasy at how dark it was.

When he shifted, he felt the holo pictures that he had taken from her ship. He pulled them out and turned on their display, looking at Zara’s family. He felt so much guilt and pain knowing that he was part of the reason she wasn’t home with them. Cody knew that nothing good was going to come from Sidious getting his hands on Zara, but he was determined that he wouldn’t let her forget where she belonged.

“I can’t let you forget something that you always deserved to have, Zara. I just can’t.”

Zara continued to sleep while Cody sat next to her. He was caught between his loyalty for her and his obligation to follow Palpatine. He wanted her to wake up, but he also was afraid of what she was going to say once she realized he had betrayed her.

“You’re so strong, General. If anyone can fix this, it’s you. I believe in you so much. Please have just a little bit of faith in me.”

Tag List:

@mapplestrudel @cannedsoupsucks @musubabii @mascaracoffee @ahsoka-padme

[ironmandeficiency]

rain clouds

pairing: maxwell lord / reader

word count: 2813

summary: i don’t even know what to say abt this one except it’s filled with yearning

a/n: this was gonna be super soft and happy but then it got soft and sad and then soft and happy again. posting from mobile yet again. tbh idek if this makes a lick of sense, we will see

warnings: mentions of shitty parents (maxwell’s dad & alistair’s mom), hints at child neglect & cps, anxious max, don't worry it gets fluffy

maxwell lord hasn’t had a day off since he founded black gold cooperative. that business was his baby long before he had a living baby with his ex wife, and loved both just as much. there was no such thing as a “sick day” to max; any day spent sleeping or healing is a day lost in the pursuit of greatness, the pilgrimage to the top of the corporate food chain. the only one he would ever make an exception for is alistair, and even then work would sometimes interrupt.

there was a time, almost too long ago for him to vividly remember, where maxwell did more than work. when he actually got his hands dirty in something that didn’t have anything to do with corporate schemes, and laughed with genuine glee more often than scowled. it was a long time ago now, and no one would ever believe it if they were told that maxwell lord ever got dirty with, well, dirt.

“come on! you gotta try this, it’s great!” the memories of his only friend have become worn with constant reminiscing, his mind unsure as to what’s real and what he imagined to fill in the gaps left by age and new priorities.

maxwell had found a secluded section of the park down the street from the apartment you both lived in, one safe from the eyes of bullies and adults alike. his feet were bare as the day he was born while making leaps and bounds in the abundant mud puddles from yesterday’s rain. he did his best to not let what little joy he found be dwindled by circumstance — his shitty father and reticent mother and the lingering ghost of poverty — the way others lost theirs. max believed himself different than that and carried himself as such no matter what others said.

you were still on the sidewalk, watching your best friend with awe and curiosity. the idea of traipsing through mud barefooted was exhilarating, but you knew that if your clothes got dirty, your mother would hang you out to dry alongside the clothes you were wearing. how did it feel to have the mud between your toes, the rainwater soaking into your skin? you didn’t remember, but you would like to.

to be honest, maxwell didn’t expect you to join him. he didn’t think you would ever try to break out of the box of propriety your family shoved you in, not now or ever. but the next thing he knew, he heard another set of feet splashing around in the puddles he had just vacated, making a path to where he stood. a playful shriek he knew as yours rang through the air and he immediately turned to you, wanting to see your face as you enjoyed yourself for the first time in a long time. “maxwell, this is wonderful! why didn’t you get me to do this earlier?”

you never looked more beautiful to him than when the afternoon sun shone on you, your smile bright and laughter clear and joyous. you were free as lady liberty, splashing around like there wasn’t a single other thing you had to do. then you take his hand and max swears that he’s seeing stars. before you know it, you’re dancing in the mud to the song of the birds in the trees. is it just max’s imagination, or do you tell him you love him?

your lips are on his and it’s magic. his shirt is being gripped in tight fists and his hands are magnetized to your waist, holding each other tight enough to need a crowbar to separate you. there’s nowhere he would rather be than back there with you…

but it’s been far too many years since he’s seen or heard from you, there’s no telling if you’re even in the country still at this point. it took a long time for him to not dolefully gaze at every door you could walk through once he left for college, hoping to see that radiant smile and hear you say his name so reverently.

but these days, reverence is the last thing maxwell thinks he deserves, not after the dreamstone debacle. hell, he isn’t even completely convinced that he can adequately take care of alistair despite the low standards his father and his ex-wife have presented him with. despite these doubts (and the perplexing way that everyone acted as if he never almost took over the world), he was just given full custody of alistair when the school called cps on his ex-wife for neglect. it was a terrible way to get a second chance at doing right by his son, but it’s a second chance nonetheless.

after seeing sense and liquidating black gold while he still could get something to survive with, he and alistair found a two bedroom apartment in a nice part of town. it was miniscule compared to what he had but it was a sight more than what he could have ended up with. besides, max had no time to be frivolous when he had his son to protect.

back to the grindstone he went. he knew that people would recognize him if he kept his current appearance and name, so he retired the lord name and decided on another fresh start. he slowly adjusted to using lorenzano after so many years rejecting it, got the blond removed from his hair. he found a job in financial advisory, and ironically enough, he was damn good at it. he knows what he’s doing when it comes to money that isn’t his, who’d have thought?

he actually knew a couple people from work that he almost considered friends. honestly he wasn’t sure what that word meant anymore, didn’t remember the feelings that were supposed to be associated with having them. but it was enough, truly more than enough; because this progress meant that he was dragging himself out of the grave he dug, because he was taking care of his son first and foremost.

alistair was put into a new school; nothing fancy, just the nicer public school that was a pleasing midpoint between work and their apartment. the first day he attended, alistair came home with so many good stories about the friends he made and the games they played at recess. within a few months he had been contacted by his teacher who had nothing but praise for little alistair lorenzano. his little boy was excelling and max couldn’t have been more proud than he was during that phone call. seconds after he hung up, he found alistair in his bedroom and wrapped him in a massive hug, making sure to emphasize the fact that max was proud of his son.

and then there was his neighbor. they lived across the hall from him and max would only catch the tail end of their arrivals and departures to their apartment. he did think it was rather odd, their strangely adept ability at avoiding him. if he didn’t know any better he’d think it was on purpose.

it wasn't intentional — not quite.

you had been avoiding your neighbor, but it had nothing to do with the oil commercials or dreamstone debacle — your new neighbor made you sad. the feeling would hit every time you saw him. his mere presence dusted off long-worn and cherished memories of a time where the sun felt warmer on your skin, where smiles came easier than heartache.

it took a long while before you realized why: it was because this mystery man reminded you of a love long lost to the dagger of circumstance. something about his walk, or maybe his hands during the times you’d see him open his apartment door, reminded you of what an older maxwell lorenzano could have been. the section of your heart that housed your thoughts of maxwell had been wrapped in caution tape with every hazard sign known to man flashing around it for many years, not wanting to venture there for more than a few moments in fear of hurting yourself even more.

if only you realized it was really max that you were so adamantly avoiding.

three months went by of max wondering why he still has yet to meet his neighbor. not that it was imperative to his daily survival, but his curiosity was all but tearing him apart at the seams. he didn’t know what else to do; yes he wanted to know his neighbor, but how did he go about that when they never saw each other?

“just knock on their door, daddy. be their friend, like you tell me to do when i go to school.” the childlike innocence alistair speaks with betrays the actual feasibility of the idea. maxwell was overthinking everything! people talked to their neighbors all the time! this could just be a simple “hey are you doing okay?” and the chips would fall where they may.

maxwell ruffles his son’s hair affectionately, pulling him into a small hug. “you know what? that’s exactly what i’m gonna do. thanks buddy, i’ll be right back.” it’s only across the hall, max isn’t gonna be gone long.

it’s been years since he’s done anything this casually daring. everything he did for decades was all high risk yielding high reward. talking to his neighbor should seem simple in comparison — it presented no drastic consequence if it went belly up, he almost never saw his neighbor anyway. that wouldn’t change after he finally sated his curiosity, certainly not.

once alistair’s homework is finished and is entranced by the television, maxwell decides to head next door, being sure that the house keys are in his pocket before shutting the door. he probably should have thought it out more than he did — he had no idea about his neighbor’s work schedule or if they had kids or a spouse, if they were a serial killer or an introvert. or even worse, if they happened to be someone who remembers everything he’s done. that would be his luck, his first true attempt at making a friend being thwarted with the magnitude of his past sins.

he doesn’t hear his own front door open, alistair’s head poking out to watch his dad. “knock, daddy!” he whisper-shouts and nearly shakes maxwell out of his skin. the little boy laughs at his dad’s startled expression before nodding and shutting the door back.

max went to knock but realized with his knuckles only an inch from the wood that his hands were peculiarly slippery. when did maxwell’s hands get so clammy? there was nothing to be nervous about. he was just going to attempt to make a friend, like his son simplified.

but the thing is, maxwell knows that it’s been decades since he’s had a friend. the last time someone outside of his son was kind to him not for the zeroes he wrote in checkbooks was you, and sometimes he even doubted that you were real. there are hazy memories of him as a teen that splashed in mud puddles and kissed a being of pure sunshine with the innocence of youth. he hopes they’re real, for his sake and for the sunshine he romped around the park with. maybe memories of him are keeping you sane the way your memory did for him.

as his thoughts spiraled, maxwell lost his nerve. with a heaping dose of irrationality, he didn’t want to disappoint whoever was on the other side of the door. turns out, there was no one on the other side.

“excuse me, did you need something?”

your first instinct when seeing a man almost knocking on your apartment door, on a normal day, was not to be so polite. but you were having a strangely good day and there was no reason to bring down the positive energy with an abrasive attitude. plus, the man looked so conflicted. he seemed to need a friend.

“i, uh, live across the hall, have been for a few months and never got to meet you.” a small gesture to the side shifted your attention to the door across from yours — and the little boy who had the door cracked just enough to see the interaction between you and who you think must be his dad.

this man’s voice, something about it was familiar. he moved from in front of your door and extended his hand towards you in an effort for a decent introduction. “i’m maxwell lor-lorenzano.”

maxwell lorenzano. you never would have thought that out of all the people to have graced this apartment building, he would be one. his hands were still softly strong and shoulders still broad. his eyes were still the same striking shade of brown, but there was a lot more pain there, a lot of experience that was clearly pushing him down by his shoulders and into the depths of anguish. yet there he was, keeping his head above water and still being kind. this truly was your max.

you take his hand with a soft smile, squeezing it gently as you give your name. “it’s been a long time, max.”

max couldn’t believe it. after all these years, it was you.

you had moved in across the street from him in his early teenage years and had become acquainted when walking to school and home. the two of you trekked through high school together, ignoring the cruelty of classmates and focusing on getting to the future, to freedom. hope of being friends after high school was abundant in the beginning, but soon your paths sent you further and further away from each other and towards a future neither of you were sure you wanted without the other.

“it really has been a while. i- i uh,” he could barely string a sentence together anymore. his shock and joy of seeing you again had his brain melting into goo and his tongue an almost immovable weight. “i missed you.” the blood rushed to your face the way it always did when you were with max. even when stuttering over his words and a hand rubbing at the back of his neck, he was still charming.

max noticed your attire and the wet umbrella in hand and was immediately taken back to that day spent in the park after it rained, when he . the sunshine on his skin, your smile that never failed to take his breath away…

a soft smile was on max’s lips but his eyes were somewhere else. “max? is everything okay?”

“do you remember the day we went to the park, when we splashed in the puddles and-“

“and when i kissed you? i could never forget if i tried.”

you really did kiss him! it made him want to do it again, as many times as you would let him. but that brought one little stipulation with it: alistair.

what would you say when you found out he had a son?

before max’s thoughts could dampen your reunion, you continued, and with every word, you solidified your place in his heart. “maybe we could do that again some time, just like we used to. and you could bring your son too, if you’d like.” you were jumping out on a limb by assuming that the little boy was his son, but with the apparent protectiveness max displayed around him when you see them together, what else could he be?

“that sounds so fun! can we, dad?” alistair made his presence known by pummeling into max’s legs, nearly knocking him over with an excited hug. you grinned at the affection, watching max’s eyes fill with warmth as he gazed at his son. “i don’t see why not. just change into some play clothes and get your raincoat from the hall closet.”

alistair shoots with glee and is immediately running back to the apartment, excited to change clothes and play in the rain. you watch max’s eyes as they light up at alistair’s happiness, that flicker reminding of you of when you were younger and the world was kinder to you both.

here was your second chance with max, another opportunity to be with someone who never stopped loving you even as the seasons changed and the zeroes increased. “i’ll let you guys get changed, come knock when you’re ready to go.”

feeling an uptick in bravery, max placed a quick peck to your cheek before he turned toward his apartment. “will do, see you in a few.” the risk he took was well worth seeing you grow bashful at the affection, eyes flitting to your shoes before back at him, a soft smile across your lips. you watched him walk away before going back into your apartment, waiting for the rest of your life to begin at the rapping of knuckles on solid oak.

maxwell lord taglist & others: @phoenixhalliwell @likeshootingstarsinthenightsky @obirain @themarcusmoreno @captainrexstan @battletales @stardustsunrisekisses @senator-nahberries @max--phillips @jedi-mando @veracruz-djarin @andysficrecs @purelypascal @whovianwar @iv7867 @kaermorons @princess76179 @pedropasscals

[anubislover]

Welcome to the Heart Pirates, Nami-ya chapter 19: Lying Hearts

“How can anyone stand to live in a city like this?” Nami grumbled as the light glinted off of yet another painfully white building. True, the setting sun had lessened the glare slightly, but after an entire afternoon of it, she was developing quite the headache, even with the sunglasses.

Law shrugged and continued walking at a leisurely pace, still unaffected. “I’m sure if you’re born somewhere like this it’s easier, but people can learn to tolerate almost anything given enough time, I suppose.”

“Do you think you’d be able to learn to tolerate bread?”

“I said almost. I’d sooner die of starvation.”

She shook her head with a chuckle but kept pace, following his lead. Instead of heading straight back to the submarine, Law had insisted on a few detours through Atifakuto—partially in case anyone had grown suspicious and decided to follow them, but also to scope out potential escape routes under the guise of sightseeing. Nami, for her part, had been exceedingly helpful in this, mapping out in her head which stairways lead where and pointing out various places to hide. If Law found her compliance suspicious, he didn’t say anything; it was in their best interest to work together, especially with some potentially valuable goods on the line, so her behavior was easily rationalized.

For her, however, there was more than artifacts or even belli at stake. This heist had to go well. She needed Law to trust her enough to open up about why he was so obsessed with Amber Lead. Perhaps if he could do that, she wouldn’t even have to sneak into his quarters to take a look at the ledgers. She could just ask and he’d let her in like a rational human being.

Of course, in order for either of their plans to succeed they needed to know where the vase was. Luckily, the rest of the Hearts hadn’t been sitting idle on the submarine. They’d been investigating every possible gallery, art collector, museum, and auction house their prize could possibly be at. The second they had a lead, they’d call on the mini Den Den Mushi.

Until then, though, Law and Nami were forced to meander about the city, planning and killing time.

“So, while we wait for some intel, what else are you going to buy me?” she asked as they wandered the fourth level. They’d passed quite a few shops, and while most had stocked dull business suits similar to the last store, Nami felt her bags were tragically light. They were in a beautiful-if-blinding city, and she was walking away with only one outfit? What a travesty.

Snorting dismissively, Law glanced down at her with a clear look of are you kidding me? on his face. “Nothing. I told you I was only getting you one outfit. I’m your captain, not your sugar daddy.”

“You know, for a man who wants this little job to go well, you’re not putting in nearly the effort you should,” she quipped, a sly smile on her lips, eyelashes fluttering prettily. “I’m supposed to look professional and put together if I’m gonna pull off being your lovely assistant. That means I need matching shoes and accessories. Maybe a cute leather purse or briefcase to really sell it.”

“If you want those so badly then buy them yourself. Or,” he smirked, halting his pace to turn around and catch her chin between his fingers, tilting her head up towards him as he stepped in close enough so she could feel his body heat, “you earn them by doing certain favors for daddy.”

Her cheeks only pinkened a little at his innuendos while she stuck out her tongue and shoved him away. Last night’s dream wasn’t quite as close to the forefront of her mind anymore, but that didn’t mean his smirk didn’t do things to her she’d rather ignore. “Pass. You should know by now that it takes more than clothes for me to play nice.”

“Mmm, I do. That’s what makes it so much fun,” he purred, gold eyes glinting in wicked amusement. One gloved hand was shoved into his pocket while his free arm slung itself casually over her shoulder as he continued stalking along the fastidiously clean road. “But since you’re currently insisting on being a strong, independent woman who doesn’t need a man to provide for her, you can instead borrow some shoes from Ikkaku, and she might still have a pair of glasses or something from the time she pretended to be a receptionist at a Naval base.”

Brown eyes widened at his statement. Not because he was suggesting that she borrow clothes or anything, but the bombshell he’d just casually dropped in light of her recent discovery.

“Was this for one of your plans?” she asked, shoulders stiffening.

He shrugged like it was no big deal, though he did give her a curious glance at the way she tensed beneath him. “Yeah. We needed someone on the inside, and they’d put out an advertisement for an attractive female in her early twenties. It’s not like Uni or Penguin could do it.”

“But…holy shit, Law, are you serious?” she hissed, dragging him over to an unoccupied part of the street behind a solitary gated tree so she could scold him in private. There weren’t too many people about, but the last thing they need was to get unwanted attention because they’d caused a scene, even if Law totally deserved to get chewed out at the top of her lungs for being such an asshole. “Ikkaku has Marine brothers who want her dead and you sent her into the lion’s den? What the fuck?!”

Caught off-guard by her anger, Law’s eyebrows shot up briefly before furrowing. “She told you about them?”

Damn. In her shock and anger on her friend’s behalf, she’d forgotten that this was a subject she wasn’t technically supposed to know. But instead of admitting guilt, she doubled down and threw on her best poker face.

“Yeah. She told me,” she lied easily. Too easily. It came as naturally as it had back in the days she’d been working under Arlong, getting close to pirates by lying through her teeth and then robbing them blind. How many crews and captains had she deceived before Luffy? Nami had honestly lost count, but once she’d joined up with the Straw Hats, lying to a supposed ally hadn’t been quite as instinctual.

But this isn’t Luffy, and Law’s keeping way more secrets than I am, she rationalized. It’s just a little white lie anyway. He’d be way more pissed at Shachi and Penguin for telling me. I’m looking after those guys.

Law’s expression hardened, and for a moment she wondered if he’d seen through her bluff. She didn’t think she’d gotten too rusty in the lying department, but Law was smart and distrusting in general, so she couldn’t quite tell. Trepidation hung heavy in the air as she waited for him to speak, mind going a mile a minute coming up with new lies and explanations to appease him. Worse came to worst, she could throw the guys under the bus, even if she didn’t really want to, but they were his best friends, so Law would doubtlessly be more forgiving towards them, right?

Thankfully, it seemed his anger came from a completely different place, as he snarled quietly through clenched teeth, “Nami-ya, I am, as you have pointed out rather frequently in the past, a control freak. Do you really think I would devise a plan that required sending my top mechanic into a Marine base if there was even a chance she could be recognized? Especially by her utter shit of a brother?”

She flinched at the vitriol in his voice. It seemed she’d touched a nerve, and unless she wanted to lose all the progress she’d worked for, she knew it was best to back down. “Sorry. You’re right.”

“I’ll accept your apology if you tell me what prompted her to tell you,” he stated, crossing his arms. “It’s not information she makes widely known, even to those who are permanent members of my crew.”

Well. At least this was easy enough to justify, and she’d be doing both Law and Ikkaku a favor, right? Sure, the guys would obviously tell him later, but being the first to warn him might earn her a few more crumbs of trust. “There was an article in the paper about Marine reinforcements coming to the Grand Line. Ushi was interviewed. He seemed pretty intent on taking down the Heart Pirates.”

Law froze, his frown deepening into a dark sneer. The tic in his jaw and the way his fists clenched reminded her of his reaction to Ikkaku having been attacked on Grimm. “That fucker will stay away from Ikkaku if he’s got any brains in him.”

“You’re pretty protective of her,” she said. Sure, he’d perhaps phrased his defense in a way that implied his priority was the plan, it was clear from the hiss in his voice that Ikkaku’s safety had been genuinely considered.

The brim of his hat hid his eyes as he stated, “I’m protective of all my crew. She’s just…it’s hard to find submarine engineers, let alone ones as skilled as her. Ikkaku’s hard to replace.”

Well that stinks to high heaven of bullshit, she thought. Sure, the Surgeon of Death had a rightly-earned cruel reputation, but he’d shown time and again his crew meant a lot to him. Stepping in close, she used her finger to lift his hat enough to see his expression unobstructed. “Is that why you let her sass you? Because if she walked you’d be dead in the water?”

The gold orbs glared down at her, though the held no heat. “Everyone on the crew is a vital component. Like gears in a well-oiled machine. You’ve gotta take care of them to make sure they don’t break.”

When Nami merely raised a disbelieving eyebrow, he sighed, body deflating slightly. “Look, Nami-ya, everyone on my crew, we’ve all got shit in our pasts. Some have overcome it. Some still carry the scars. Ikkaku…hers is one of the few that’s actively still trying to get her. So yeah, maybe I’m a bit more protective, but it’s for a damn good reason.”

Ok, now that was a fair point. “I’m surprised you haven’t just killed him.”

“Oh, I want to,” he snarled. “No brother should try to hurt their siblings. They’re supposed to look after them. The only reason Ushi-ya still draws breath is because Ikkaku begged me to spare his pathetic life.”

It suddenly dawned on Nami that, despite his criticizing Luffy for not being more bloodthirsty, Law was…surprisingly merciful in his own ways, too. He didn’t murder Ikkaku’s brother, despite having clear reason to, just because she asked. He rescued Jean Bart from a life of slavery despite not knowing him. And while she didn’t fully understand the Ope Ope no Mi’s powers, she wondered if his cuts didn’t draw blood because he didn’t want them to?

She wasn’t sure if he had a complexity addiction or if he genuinely wanted to minimize bloodshed, but once again another side of the incredibly fascinating man had been revealed.

Taking a deep breath to calm his anger, he gave Nami a sadistic smile. “Doesn’t mean I let him off the hook with a sternly-worded warning, though. Wanna know what I did to him the last time we met?”

Nami turned a bit green as she remembered Jinzo’s still-beating heart in his hands. Complex and caring towards his crew or not, he was still a twisted bastard. “Fuck no!”

Briefly he pouted at not getting to regale her with the gory details before shrugging. “Pity. It was quite the eventful evening. In fact, it was also the night of mine and Drake-ya’s first kiss.”

“How the hell are those two things connected?!”

“Well, I had to distract him somehow. He was guarding my poor mechanic like a dragon would a virtuous princess.”

Before she could demand more details, or even snort at the idea of Ikkaku being virtuous, the sound of the mini Den Den Mushi reached their ears, interrupting the conversation.

Looking around to make sure there weren’t any eavesdroppers, Law pulled out the little snail phone and clicked down on the top. “Guessing you’ve got something for me?”

“I do,” the snail answered, and Nami recognized the faint accent that indicated they were speaking to Cousteau. “Only one place that specializes in North Blue history. Jubilee & Atlas Antiques. It’s an auction house and gallery on the fifth level, a block away from the Elevate Deliverer Restoration Church.”

“Well that’s a needlessly long name,” he quipped, rolling his eyes. Mentally, Nami had to agree, though it also sounded vaguely familiar. “At least that makes it easier to find. Anything else I should know? Other landmarks, nearby guard stations, that sort of thing?”

There was a moment of hesitation before Cousteau replied, “No station, though there would probably be at least a few guards wandering around at night. It’s, uh, right by a fountain. Blessings from the White City.”

Nami’s eyes widened a little. Oh. Now she remembered. That had been the church with the huge stained-glass windows. The one in her book, by the tribute to Flevance.

“…I see.”

The little snail chewed its lip, clearly concerned. “Captain, if you want, I can do all the surveillance—”

“It’s fine,” he cut in, tone sharp before smoothing out, “I saw it earlier. In fact, I’m glad it’s so close. Nami-ya and I will check out the gallery. We’re nearby and I’d rather see it with my own eyes to get the lay of the land. Unless anyone else has a better lead, you and the others can head back to the ship.”

“Understood, sir. Anything else you need?” he asked, sounding relieved.

“Just tell Clione I might have a job for him later on, so don’t make any evening plans.”

“Aye-aye, Captain.”

The call ended, and Nami peered up at Law, expecting signs of the same darkness that had crossed his face when they’d visited the fountain earlier. Instead, his face was totally blank, staring down at the tiny snail, expressionless.

Somehow, that was far, far more unnerving.

“Law?” she asked, touching his arm hesitantly.

As if awoken from a trance he shook his head before smirking down at her. “Well, hope you don’t mind one last detour before heading back to the ship? I know it’s more stairs but look on the bright side; at this rate, the definition of your calf muscles will be a thing of beauty.”

He didn’t wait for her to respond, turning on his heels and heading towards the direction of the stairs to the next level. Frowning, she began to doubt whether or not this was all a good idea. She didn’t know exactly what his deal was, but she really felt like he was too close to this. But she had the feeling trying to talk him out of it would be an exercise in futility, and would set her back far more than any lie she might spin.

Oh well, she sighed internally, jogging to catch up, so long as he doesn’t do anything stupid. He’s sensible enough to keep a cool head, no matter what his problem is. It’ll be fine.

While it wasn’t far, it took longer than either of them would have expected to actually find Jubilee & Atlas Antiques. Mainly because it was a surprisingly nondescript building compared to the opulent churches and museums nearby. Honestly, based on the exterior, one could easily have passed it by. Like everything else the building was pristinely white, the windows boasting small arches over them and flower boxes containing white impatiens. Really, the most impressive thing about it was the marble plaque out front boasting the company’s name in gold leaf.

But the two pirates didn’t really care about the appearance; it was what was inside that counted. That, and the information board out front, which stated in bold, black letters that there would be a showing and auction of North Blue artworks at 8pm that evening.

“Why don’t you just Scan the place, grab the vase, and walk away? Seems like that would be easy compared to putting on this charade?” Nami asked, eyeing the building. It was hardly Harpin’s mansion; it would take almost no effort for Law to use his powers to steal every item of value inside it, replacing artifacts, paintings, and money with pebbles and potted plants with a mere flick of his fingers, then teleporting them away to safety.

Really, if he weren’t such an ass, Trafalgar Law would be a thief’s dream partner.

Of course, he was an ass, so he gave her a look that implied he considered her question to be phenomenally stupid. “Because there’s no guarantee that the vase is even in there—for all I know it’s being kept in a secondary location until the actual event for security or health reasons. It is a relic from a city that suffered a notorious death toll both before and after the World Government had quarantined it,” he explained lowly. “On top of that, my Room would draw too much attention, so if it’s not in there, we’ll have blown our whole cover and probably the operation.”

Though disappointed that they couldn’t just whisk it away with his powers, she conceded that he had a point. Versatile and useful as they were, the Ope Ope no Mi’s abilities did have their drawbacks. Actually infiltrating the auction house was a safer move.

Yet for a moment, she saw Law glare at the building, as if he were equally frustrated that they couldn’t just grab their prize and go. Perhaps even a great mastermind like him sometimes wished to take the direct path. “At least we can be sure it’ll be presented at this auction,” he reassured, almost as much to himself as her as his hand rested on Nami’s lower back while he escorted her away. “Makes it easier to come up with a plan and contingencies when I actually know the target. My crew did good.”

She twirled a strand of hair around her finger in thought. She supposed he was right, and the pride in his voice when he mentioned the Hearts’ contribution…well, she knew better than to argue with that. Seemed the lesson he learned on the last island was sticking. “Still too bad we don’t have blueprints like Harpin’s house, though.”

“It can’t be helped. That was a job I’d been planning for months. This is more…spontaneous. Why? Scared and looking to back out?” he asked, glancing down at her with a challenging grin.

Nami scoffed. She was a thief that specialized in robbing pirates. Sure, she was a scaredy-cat, but when treasure of some kind was at stake, there were few risks she wouldn’t take. “Not a chance. Just pointing out that we’re going in more blind than last time.”

“Maybe, but at least our prize will be out in the open and not in the home of a former Marine with tentacles. Hell, we might even get it legally.”

“Law,” she started, brow furrowing. She wasn’t scared, but she did have a reasonable concern, especially with how intent he seemed on this one item. “What are we going to do if we don’t win the vase?”

The pair stopped by the Flevance fountain, Law taking a long moment to stare solemnly at the beautiful white angels. Without a word he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small coin, pressing it to his lips before flipping it into the water.

When he turned back to her, his gold eyes were as hard as the statues’ and twice as cold.

“Simple; we take it from whoever did.”

XXX

Hidden in a small cove on an unpopulated section of Atifakuto’s coast, the sight of the Polar Tang’s sunny yellow hull was a welcome relief after a whole day of the city’s stark white walls. Law seemed to agree as his tense posture relaxed into a comfortable slouch, even giving a few of the guys a small grin when they called out to them. To Nami, of course, the submarine was still far from the Sunny and thus would never be home, but she couldn’t help but smile at Law’s reaction. The Dark Doctor really did have some softness deep down.

Of course, that didn’t last long, as the moment they were within the safety of the cargo bay he was once more all business. “Dinner is in an hour. Rest up, brush up on your notes, do whatever you need to prepare for the auction tonight; I’ve got a few more dominoes to put in place,” Law stated. He’d been silent for most of the walk back, though Nami attributed that to him mentally filing through all the information they now had and formulating his plan. Much as she missed and loved Luffy, having a captain who didn’t just go rushing in like an idiot was a nice change of pace.

That didn’t mean she appreciated his tone, though. “Say please,” she quipped, hip jutting out. She might have decided to be more compliant for the sake of gaining his trust, but that didn’t mean she was going to let him boss her around.

Besides, if she were too accommodating, he’d probably grow suspicious and then she’d be right back at square one.

He scowled but apparently decided it would be a waste of time to argue. They were on a tight schedule, after all, so her attitude would have to be tolerated. For now. “Please,” he grumbled before marching off, beckoning Clione to follow him. The biologist glanced between the two, bewildered, but smartly said nothing before chasing after his captain.

Flashing a self-satisfied grin at Law’s retreating back, Nami practically skipped to her quarters. Even though they weren’t as prepared as she’d like, so far, things were going well. Perhaps they couldn’t just use Law’s powers to swipe the vase, but by obtaining it through legal means, they wouldn’t have the authorities after them, which would be nice. Besides, it wasn’t her money that would be spent at the auction.

Her research of the North Blue had taught her a few things, including just how valuable things from Flevance were. After all, things made from the white ore had been in high-demand during the city’s heyday; now that it was in ruins, any remaining artifacts would surely triple in price. And, admittedly, if that fountain had been anything to go by, the vase could very well be extremely beautiful. Something any art collector or historian might want for themselves.

Once more, she wondered why the hell Law wanted it. He collected coins, not art, so she doubted it would be something he wanted just for the heck of it. What was his obsession with Flevance—

That train of thought was derailed when Nami walked into her room. She blinked then rubbed her eyes, certain her vision was still messed up from the sun, because Ikkaku was still sitting at her desk, working on some little device, practically in the same position as that morning. Really, the only difference was the lack of towel around her head, though her curly hair was a tangled bird’s nest.

“Have you even moved today?” Nami exclaimed loudly, flabbergasted.

The mechanic jumped a few inches out of her chair, a pen cartwheeling through the air before falling back onto the surface of the desk with a clatter. Apparently since she’d had the room to herself, she hadn’t felt the need to put the earplugs back in, leaving her vulnerable to Nami’s loud voice. “Damn, girl, you scared me,” Ikkaku said with a breathy laugh. She glanced around, noticing the time on the clock and the fact that her hair had dried completely. “Guess I was in the zone.”

“You haven’t been working all day, have you?” Nami asked, plopping her shopping bag on her bed. “At least tell me you had lunch.”

“Sounding an awful lot like Law there,” she teased, pushing away from her desk to stretch. There was an audible pop from her back, and her dark eyes closed in relief. “Like me, too. The boys and I are always bugging a certain workaholic captain to eat something and not subsist solely on coffee and aspirin. But to answer your question, yes, I did have lunch.” She pointed at an empty plate that had been shoved into the far corner of the desk, a few grains of rice stuck to the surface. “Bepo brought me some onigiri.”

“Good. If you didn’t, I’d be dragging you into the galley and force-feeding you a sandwich, then charging you a cooking and inconvenience fee.”

Snorting, Ikkaku cracked her knuckles and rolled her shoulders, further releasing the tension sitting hunched over in one spot for hours had built up. “Dinner’s soon enough; even if I hadn’t eaten, I could have waited. And good luck making a sandwich with no bread on board.” Despite her dismissal tone, though, she gave a wry grin. “But thanks for caring, I guess, even if it does come with a price tag.”

“What are friends for?” Nami shrugged with a smile that was a little forced. It was such an alien feeling, this sudden awkwardness. Since first arriving on the Tang, she and Ikkaku had gotten on like a house on fire. It was almost inevitable, being the two women on the ship surrounded by men dealing with that insanity together. Hell, even if that hadn’t been the case, Ikkaku had practically sacrificed herself for her back at the club on Grimm. A companion like that was more than she’d even dared to dream of before she’d met Luffy.

Was it really right for Nami to act like she didn’t know about her brother? Should she just tell her that the guys told her about Ushi? Really, what was the point of keeping it a secret? It wasn’t that Nami thought she’d slip up and spill the beans—lying was her specialty, after all—but Ikkaku wasn’t some mark or stranger. She was her friend.

Hell, even if they were on opposite crews, she’d even dare to call her nakama.

The issue resolved itself, however, when the other woman’s expression turned a little melancholy. Ikkaku sighed as she rested her cheek on her fist, her other hand idly playing with the pen. “Heh. Funny, I used to ask myself that question a lot when I was younger. I didn’t really have friends back on my home island. I lived with my Gramps in a lighthouse, so besides the occasional trip to town, it was a pretty isolated life.”

“What about your brothers?” Nami asked, masking her interest by taking her purchases out of the bag so they wouldn’t wrinkle before the auction. A swell of relief surged through her. If Ikkaku talked about Ushi herself, the whole charade of pretending not to know about him wouldn’t even be necessary! She just had to carefully press for the right crumbs of information, maybe even offer up a couple tidbits about her own life in exchange. No big deal. Tit for tat, right? “Nojiko was my best friend growing up. Hell, probably my only friend until Luffy came along.”

A dark look crossed Ikkaku’s face. “Yeah, well, Nojiko on her worst day was probably a way better sibling than all of them combined.”

“I don’t think you’ve talked about them much. I basically just know that they exist and said you wouldn’t really make it as an engineer because you’re a girl.”

A long sigh escaped her lips. “That’s…the nice version. Didn’t want to unload my shitty childhood on you, especially since yours sounded worse. I mean, my island was never taken over by pirates, and I didn’t work for the guy who murdered my mom.”

Well, that was certainly true, but then again, people with healthy, normal childhoods seldom became pirates. Or at least, those that did rarely lasted long on such cutthroat seas. Nami should have realized there was more to the mechanic’s past than some run-of-the-mill misogyny. “Maybe, but I don’t mind. We’ve all gone through some rough shit, right? We wouldn’t be in this line of work otherwise.”

“True. I just…I guess I just like to pretend he doesn’t exist most of the time.”

“He?” she asked as if she didn’t already know.

Ikkaku’s calloused hand dropped the pen to instead clench into a tight fist, and there was a haunted look in her dark eyes as she stared off into space. “Ushi. He’s the oldest. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t afraid of him. Spent our childhood making our other brothers use me as a punching bag. When he wasn’t doing that, he gave me almost hourly reminders that I was a burden on the family, that no one really loved me, that I’d never amount to anything.” There was a hitch in her breath and a pause, and Nami noticed her close her eyes tightly for a moment. As if she were fighting back tears. It was a look she’d never expected to see on the tough, vibrant woman’s face. “Then, when I was seven, he tried to kill me.”

“What?!” Nami exclaimed, dropping her blazer to the floor in shock.

“Yeah. Joras had a huge fucking forest, and he led me into it to look for mushrooms or some shit. Can’t remember. Next thing I know, he’s shoved me into a pit, and by the time I’d climbed out, he was long gone and it was night. I think…I think it was supposed to be my grave, ‘cause it was really fucking deep. Or at least it seemed that way. Maybe I’m misremembering.”

Somehow, Nami doubted that. Sure, memories could get warped with age and fear, but some details remained solid for the rest of a person’s life. “But, you got out, right? And I’m sure your parents must have been worried sick!” She could almost picture it. A young Ikkaku, sticks and leaves caught in her messy curls, knees and elbows scraped, face covered in dirt and tears, frightened but once more able to smile when she was finally found, her mother and father scooping her into their arms, scolding her for worrying them but just so relieved she was safe…

At least, that’s what Bellemere or Mister Genzo would have done if Nami had gone missing.

From the bitter laugh that escaped her throat, Ikkaku hadn’t been so fortunate. “I spent three days wandering around those fucking woods, scared and cold and wondering if I was gonna die out there. My parents didn’t even notice I was gone.” After a long moment of silence, her fist unclenched and some of the tension eased out of her shoulders. “Gramps found me, though. When I didn’t come home after two days and a storm rolled in, my brothers Nausagi and Fukuro ran two miles to the lighthouse to tell him what Ushi had done. Maybe they realized he’d gone too far. Or they were scared I’d come back as a vengeful zombie. Either way, Gramps rescued me and demanded custody. Mama and Pops were glad to hand me over. One less mouth to feed, and I wouldn’t be causing their Future Marine Hero any more trouble.”

“That’s…that’s horrible.” And yet Nami could tell she was getting the abridged version of the story. “Tell me your grandfather was a better guardian.”

Despite the childhood trauma she’d just confessed to, Ikkaku merely shrugged, a small grin tugging at the corner of her lips. “Yeah. He was. Gramps was crazy, but he loved me and taught me how to fight. Told me to never lose my smile, ‘cause that’s my best protection against a world that’ll try to break me.”

“Bellemere said something similar to me and Nojiko. ‘Whatever happens, never lose your ability to laugh. If you can survive, happy times, lots of ‘em, will come your way’.”

“Smart lady.” She tried to casually run her fingers through her hair, only to find them caught in the tangled knots. She let out a light chuckle at her predicament and added, “I think she and Gramps would have gotten along pretty well. Well, assuming she liked salty former smugglers who had the gumption to threaten Law with a shot gun. Not that he didn’t deserve it a little.”

Nami had to smile at that, and she could only imagine what he’d said that had nearly gotten him shot. It was definitely something snarky, a shit-eating grin on his face while he provoked a protective grandfather just because he could.

Noticing Ikkaku’s hair situation, she abandoned her suit to instead pick up a wide-toothed comb. “Well, I’m not sure about Bellmere, but I’d certainly love to meet him.”

“Of course you would.” Leaning back in the chair, she allowed Nami to carefully put her thick curls to rights. “How was shopping? Boss show you the blinding sights of the city?”

“It was…enlightening,” she said cautiously. There was still so much to sort out, and every time she thought she had an answer to one of her questions, four more popped up in its place.

Grabbing the pen she’d been playing with earlier, Ikkaku handed it to her over her shoulder. “Here; I made you something, since I doubt you’ll be able to bring your Clima-Tact with you. Kinda why I was so focused—I wanted it to be ready by tonight.”

Curious, Nami inspected the item. It was a plain black ballpoint pen maybe a bit longer than her hand. There was an almost unnoticeable jolly roger engraved into the middle, and she ran her thumb over it idly. “You spent the whole afternoon making me a pen? I could have just as easily brought my stylus.”

“Oh, but a stylus is only good for writing. This is so much more useful. ‘The pen is mightier than the sword’, right? Click the top.”

She did so, and instead of an ink-filled nub, a small syringe, similar to an epi-pen, popped out. Her eyes widened in realization as Ikkaku explained, “Inside’s a powerful tranquilizer. Should knock any fool out in minutes if injected into the bloodstream. Takes longer if it’s ingested. It’s non-lethal to humans, so it should be safe to use on anyone you’re looking to knock out. Assuming they aren’t really Fishmen in disguise.”

“Why? Does it react differently for them?”

She grimaced. “Yeah. Severe allergic reaction. Anaphylactic shock typically. So, unless you want that on your conscience, humans only.”

Tucking the pen away for later, Nami nodded in understanding and went back to combing her hair. “Gotcha. Doubt it’ll be a problem, though. Jean Bart said this place is pretty humans-only.”

“Doesn’t mean it’s impossible for someone to have that kind of bloodline. If it’s diluted through a few generations, a lot of the time you can hide it and pass for human.”

“Hmmm, hadn’t thought of that.”

There was a moment where Nami could tell she was mulling something over. Even faced away from her, Ikkaku wasn’t hard to read, and it was only a matter of time before she voiced whatever question was on her mind.

While she waited, the ginger took the time to appreciate the texture of Ikkaku’s hair, combing out each curl individually so it wouldn’t frizz. The thick, black locks were coarser than her own, yet surprisingly soft despite her hard life at sea. Hair maintenance was extremely difficult living on the ocean, the salt and fluctuating weather of the Grand Line wreaking havoc on Nami’s much finer strands. And while Ikkaku was far more feminine than one would expect upon first meeting her, in the time they’d roomed together, she didn’t seem to put much more extensive care into her shiny locks than some leave-in conditioner.

Guess she’s just got some good genetics, Nami thought appreciatively. Either that or she’s hiding some amazing shampoo formula, and damn if she is I’ll never forgive her!

When Ikkaku at last broke her silence, the hesitation in her voice was palpable. “Hey, it was a Fishman who held you prisoner all those years, right? You ever…blame all Fishmen for what he did?”

It was an unexpected question, but a fair one, Nami supposed. Arlong had committed a crime so heinous she knew she’d never forgive him, and she knew there were plenty of people, especially ones who spent years abused by such a monster, who would project that hatred onto an entire race. But why even ask?

“I…not really. I mean, I can’t say I never lumped them all together in my head, since Arlong and his crew were my only baseline for Fishmen for a long time.” She bit her lip, thinking. “But that was when I was a kid. My view of things was a lot more black-and-white, mostly because I was bitter at my situation. As I got older, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it was stupid to think all Fishmen were like him. He was the one who hurt me, so he’s the only one who should get my hate.”

“So, you don’t hate them all?”

She shook her head. “Nah. Hell, I was even able to forgive a member of his crew. I’m sure you heard about how Luffy punched a Celestial Dragon?”

Ikkaku craned her neck up to look at her, dark eyes widening in shocked understanding. “Yeah? You saying the Fishman he defended—”

“One of Arlong’s crew. Hatchi. Like all of them, he hurt me too, but it was on his captain’s orders, and he clearly regretted it.” Well, it had been a bit more complex than that. Hell, when they’d first encountered him again, she’d nearly gone back on her promise to Camie to rescue him. Even if he hadn’t abused her like the others, he’d still been complacent in it. Still destroyed villagers homes, held her hostage, attacked the Navy ships that tried to come to the rescue. He hadn’t been blameless in the least. She would have had every right to demand that he be left to be killed or enslaved. That it was karma come to bite him in the ass.

Yet what had swayed her, apart from Camie’s determination to save him, was her own friends’ reactions to seeing him again. Those who knew her past had immediately been ready to turn the ship around and leave Hatchi to his fate. Of course she’d expected Sanji to be her knight in shining armor and want nothing to do with someone who had abused a lady, even by proxy. Zoro and Usopp had been a bit more surprising, though perhaps it shouldn’t have been. They knew what she’d been put through. Had fought and bled for her. Despite their sometimes heated disagreements, Nami knew she could count on them to always have her back.

The one who shocked her the most was Luffy. He might have flip-flopped between reason and his stomach, but the fact was, her loving, forgiving captain had actually held a grudge on her behalf. Hatchi and Arlong hadn’t done anything to him personally, but his nakama had suffered, and that wasn’t something he’d easily set aside. That genuine show of solidarity and loyalty to her had melted what ice had still been around her heart, which allowed her to truly forgive the octopus Fishman.

Yes, Hatchi had hurt her, but her hatred was solely reserved for Arlong, not his underlings who genuinely felt remorse.

“I’m not a saint or anything but hating Hatchi…it seemed pointless. He wasn’t the one who killed my mother. And blaming all Fishmen for the actions of one seemed pretty shitty. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t kill Arlong if I had the chance, though.”

Nami could practically feel the tension drain from Ikkaku’s shoulders, and she couldn’t hide her smile before she looked away. “That’s good to know. That asshole deserves it, from what you’ve told me. He and my brother should meet, then get sacrificed to some kind of horrible sea monster. Plenty of hungry Sea Kings out there to feed.”

“Couldn’t happen to a nicer pair of guys,” Nami giggled as she ran the comb through the last strand of hair. “Though, that might be cruel to the Sea King. Poor thing deserves a better meal than shit like them.”

“True. We’ll just have to think of something else then. We can ask Law; he’s always got great suggestions.”

A shudder ran down her spine, though she had to admit, it wasn’t as horrified as she’d like. She justified it with the fact that Arlong was scum who deserved whatever painful death the likes of Law might propose. So did Ushi, from the sounds of things. Though, Law had said Ikkaku had begged him not to kill her brother. Why? Did she still care about Ushi due to their familial ties? Or was there something else?

Maybe she just doesn’t want her brother’s death on her conscience, Nami thought, putting the comb away and proceeding to raid the closet for shoes. I just hope that doesn’t come back to bite her someday.

XXX

Dinner on the Tang was certainly livelier and noisier than breakfast. Mainly because the crew didn’t have to walk on eggshells while waiting for Law to get his caffeine hit. Most of the time about a dozen different conversations could be heard, utensils clattered against plates, insults were tossed about, and laughter filled the air. But at the moment, the whole galley was silent save for Nami, who was telling the Heart Pirates—save for a few who’d been sent out on last-minute errands—all about her crew’s wild adventure on Skypiea.

“…so, after Luffy beat the crap out of him, Enel flew off to the moon in his gold airship, and we escaped the island with the help of an octopus balloon, our ship loaded with treasure!”

There was a pregnant pause as the Hearts stared at her in a mix of awe and disbelief. She’d had their undivided attention ever since Law announced that the Straw Hats had found Noland’s lost city of gold, all but demanding she tell the tale and not skimp on the details.

Naturally, those details made the story even more bizarre, practically unbelievable, but she gave them what they asked for, so they couldn’t complain. Even Law’s jaw had dropped once or twice in incredulity. Mostly at the part where Luffy’d been eaten by a giant snake and thus been hidden from Enel’s senses.

Finally, a few of the crew managed to find their voices.

“An orangutan nearly wrecked your ship with singing?” Shachi asked, face utterly baffled.

Penguin grabbed his hat and smacked him over the head with it. “That’s what you’re stuck on? That’s from way back in the beginning of the story!”

The ginger punched him in the shoulder in retaliation, which quickly devolved into a childish slap fight. “Well it’s weird, ok?”

“Weirder than Straw Hat punching Kami or the knock-up stream business or the ship that flew to the moon?”

“Yeah! You ever met an orangutan that could sing?!”

“No, but that’s not the point!”

“You met Monte Blac Cricket?” Ermine interrupted, eyes so wide the whites could be seen even under the rim of their hat, though their mouth quickly split into a smile. “Holy shit, I’d wondered what had happened to him!”

“Wasn’t he your friend or something?” Seiuchi asked through a mouth full of rice.

They shook their head, looking a little wistful, a faint blush rising to their cheeks. “Just a neighbor. The people of Lvneel were dicks to his family and anyone who associated with them didn’t get treated much better. But I always thought there had to be some truth to Noland’s story.”

“Because a city of gold is so fantastical it’s gotta be real?” Nami asked, amused. She’d half-expected everyone to laugh at her like the people on Jaya when she’d asked about Sky Island—she’d even glossed over that part, finding no reason to recap such a blow to her pride. Yet instead, they’d been respectful, even entranced by her tale. It seemed to help that she’d been able to fill in a few blanks with what she remembered from Noland’s ledger, thus adding credibility to the man himself instead of just imagining the lying fool the king’s slander had reduced him to.

Usopp would probably love these guys, she thought fondly. Not that they’d likely believe his fantastical lies, but they’d probably at least let him spin his yarns to his heart’s content.

“Because you don’t tell a king about a city of gold unless you’ve got something to show for it,” Uni interjected wisely, ladling some more curry onto her plate. He paused to smile at her with his eyes, the bottom half of his face still distinctly covered by his bandana despite it being dinnertime. This close, Nami couldn’t help but try to subtly look for signs of scarring, and in fact could spot a line of slightly-paler skin peeking out just over the edge. “That, and history’s rarely all that accurate. Full of lies and twisted to suit a certain narrative.”

“That’s the World Government way. I’m sure we’ll see plenty of it tonight,” Law stated, leaning back in his chair as he munched on some onigiri. The bulge in his cheek might have been comical, but the glint in his eye was humorless. “Can’t wait to hear the dumbass assumptions people make about us Northerners.”

Murmurs of agreement echoed throughout the room, though an angry tic formed on Nami’s forehead.

“Are you saying the stuff you had me study is going to be a load of crap?” she demanded, pointing her finger accusingly. Of course she knew history was skewed at best, but she’d spent days cramming! Had weird sexual dreams about him because of it!

Yes she was blaming the book for that and no one could stop her.

He shrugged and took another bite of rice, unbothered by her irritation. “It’s the information you’ll need to be able to regurgitate if anyone asks you about the North.”

“Yeah,” Penguin chimed in, nodding sagely. He and Shachi had finally been pulled apart by Jean Bart and had resumed eating like nothing had happened. “These people aren’t interested in the truth. They just want to feel superior to the ‘uneducated masses’.”

“Buncha pretentious pricks,” Shachi sniggered, balancing a spoon on his upper lip. “Bet they’d have a fucking fit if they found out El Dorodo’s not only real, but in the fucking sky!”

“I mean, can’t say I’d blame them,” Jude grumbled, playing a bit with his food like a grumpy child. “I figured we’d be the ones to find it, but this whole time we’ve been sailing around in a submarine for nothing!”

“You got something to say about my ship?” Ikkaku snapped, glaring at her crewmate. Behind her, Crozier, Cousteau, and Ermine made slashing motions across their throats, silently reminding him that disparaging the Polar Tang in any way in front of its chief engineer was a sure death sentence.

Before he could say anything, Uni thwapped him on the forehead with the spoon, apparently taking just as much offense. “How can you say it’s been for nothing—we’ve found tons of cool shit down here! May not have been El Dorado, but there have been some amazing sunken cities. And fish! We’ve discovered more aquatic animals than any other ocean explorer,” he pointed out excitedly, Cousteau nodding in agreement. “I mean, we’ve seen deep-sea fish not recorded in any book! Extracted hallucinogenic venom from puffer fish! Taken samples of bioluminescent plankton! We’ve seen octopi punch fish!”

“You ever figure out why they do that?” Shachi asked, cocking his head.

“Best I can figure? Spite.”

As weird as this little tangent was, Nami found herself giggling a bit at how excited Uni was. She didn’t know him too well, given how he was one of the quieter, more reserved members of the crew, but it was endearing to see him so animated and giddy as he discussed marine life.

“Plus, it’s cool to study navigational currents and everything, and underwater topography. The maps I can make from that kind of intel are really good,” Bepo added, twiddling his claws a bit beside her.

“Right! And if that’s still not enough to convince you, who needs a city of gold when you can get your hands on more sunken treasure than most pirates see in their lifetimes?” Uni asked, puffing out his chest.

She couldn’t help it—Nami’s eyes lit up with belli signs at the thought of how many sunken ships the submarine probably came across, all that gold theirs for the taking. Most treasure was basically lost once it hit the bottom of the ocean, but the Hearts’ ship and diving equipment turned the ocean floor into their personal piggy bank.

It seemed Jude had the same thought. “You’re right, you’re right,” he conceded, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry, it’s a great ship, and we’ve definitely found more than a city’s worth of loot—and yes the fish are cool Uni put the spoon away—but it’s still annoying to find out that we’ve been searching the wrong place this whole time.”

“Eh, happens to every pirate crew,” Jean Bart said, sipping his drink. “You find a treasure map only to discover the gold’s already dug up. Same with legends of lost cities. The fact that the Straw Hats actually found El Dorado and came away with a profit just means they’ve got the Devil’s luck on their side.”

“Or the favor of some god. Probably not that Enel guy, though,” Shachi said with a smirk. “And hopefully nothing from Joras, either.”

There was a murmur of agreement among the crew at that, though Ikkaku looked more uncomfortable than amused. Nami wasn’t the only one to catch that, though, as Uni reproachfully smacked the side of his head with the spoon.

“Dude. Don’t joke about the eldritch horror gods, yeah?”

“Sorry,” the ginger said, blushing slightly as he wiped away the curry splattered across his face.

“Eldritch horror gods?” Nami asked, recoiling at the thought. What the fuck?! Joras sounded vaguely familiar and given the context she guessed it had to be someplace in the North Blue, but she sure as hell didn’t recall reading anything about that! Was this something related to Northern culture, or were the guys just fucking with her?

“Nothing to worry your pretty little head over, Nami-ya,” Law stated with a smirk, though she didn’t miss the glare he sent Shachi’s way. “We’ve been sailing under the ocean for over five years and I’ve yet to see a sleeping god who can turn you mad with terror.”

“No, just an underwater ruin or two that talks about him,” Ikkaku muttered, picking at her food.

Underwater ruins with tales of sleeping gods? Sounds like something Robin would be interested in, Nami thought, nervous sweat running down her neck. Not that she’d be able to blame her. Sure, the archeologist was macabre as hell, but Nami could appreciate her thirst for knowledge, creepy or not. Who knew what history and cultures had been lost to the seas? Maybe there were even Poneglyphs down at the bottom of the ocean!

Damn. Robin and Law would probably get along great. She wasn’t sure if she was frightened or comforted by this thought.

Uni seemed to notice her unease and patted her shoulder. “We’ve seen some strange stuff down there, but nothing more dangerous than Sea Kings. Which, I mean, aren’t exactly friendly guppies, but they’ll leave us be. The Tang’s Seastone coating and electrical defenses ensure that.”

Though she still found the whole concept horrifying, she was appreciated how hard Uni was trying to keep the peace and not make things needlessly frightening for her. The whole crew had a morbid sense of humor, but while she’d mostly adapted, she still found this whole conversation creepy. It made her feel a little guilty for wanting to pry into his business. Yeah, it was annoying to know the crew was hiding stuff from her, but Uni deserved a little privacy, right?

“Yeah, and if there were anything more, Uni’s fish buddies would warn us ahead of time!” Malamute added.

“Fish buddies?” Nami asked, eyebrows lifting to her hairline in surprise. So much for respecting his privacy. “Wait, can you talk to fish?”

The man in question stiffened beside her. “I, uh, I can understand fish a little,” he said, looking nervous. His large hands twisted the napkin in his lap, and he refused to look at her. “It’s a Haki thing.”

“Haki can do that?” she asked, surprised.

“Observation Haki can do a lot of things, and Uni’s the best at it on the ship,” Law cut in harshly, glare brokering no argument. “It’s a skill that’s saved our asses plenty of times.”

Nami blanched at his defensive tone. “Hey, I’ll take your word for it, but you don’t have to act like I insulted his mother or something.”

“It’s ok, Law,” Uni said, shrugging a bit, though his face seemed to sink a little further into his bandana. “I know she didn’t mean anything by it. It’s a fair question, and it is a weird talent.”

“It’s not weird. It’s fucking useful as hell and I won’t hear anyone belittling my crew.”

“I’d never belittle him—” Nami snapped, starting to stand up to give Law a piece of her mind before Bepo’s heavy paws fell on her shoulders, gently but firmly keeping her seated.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized softly. “Law doesn’t mean you. It’s just…the last person outside the crew that found out, he was extremely cruel about it. Beat Uni to a pulp and even threatened to sell him as a freak show attraction before Captain found them.”

“Oh my god,” she replied, anger cooling quickly as she covered her mouth in horror, imagining Uni bruised and bloody on the ground at the hands of some bastard. Well, that would sure as hell explain why Law had taken such offense. If such a thing had happened to Chopper because he could speak to animals, she’d likely be just as pissed. From the scowls on the rest of the Hearts’ faces, the whole crew felt similar. Her gaze flicked to the fuming captain. “I’m guessing he ended up on your operating table?”

“I wish,” he growled, gold eyes glinting in fury as he crossed his arms. “Marines showed up before I could cut out his heart. Must have been his lucky day, but luck won’t be enough to save him if I ever run into Hyena-ya again.”

“Hyena?” she asked, the name not ringing any bells.

“Bellamy the Hyena,” Bepo explained, snout wrinkling in distaste. “He’s also from the North.”

Oh. My. God, Nami thought, wondering if the world was really so small. “You said Bellamy, right? Blonde hair? Spring powers? Asshole with a stupid grin?”

Law cocked an eyebrow in mild surprise. “Seems you’ve encountered him before.”

She ground her teeth as she remembered the way he’d mocked Luffy’s dreams in the bar. “Yeah. On Jaya. His crew laughed at me for asking about Sky Island and his first mate tried to buy me. Later he stole Cricket’s gold, so Luffy went after him. I didn’t see the fight but given what an ass that guy was…yeah, Luffy wiped that stupid smile off his face.”

Once more the room fell silent, but quickly broke out into thunderous applause.

“Hah! I would have paid good money to see that!” Ikkaku laughed, spirits lifted.

“If he hurt Cricket, I’m glad he got the beating he deserved,” Ermine said with a grin.

Uni smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling happily. “When you see Straw Hat again, shake his hand for me! That guy’s a dick.”

Even Law was put in a better mood, though there was still a malicious edge to his smirk. “Good on Mugiwara-ya. Still wouldn’t mind doing some permanent damage to the fucker myself, though. Bad enough he insulted my crew, but that bastard should pick his idols more carefully.”

Nami’s brow furrowed at that. His idols? The hell did that mean?

She didn’t have time to vocalizing that question, though. Sweat ran down her neck when said smirk then took a more lecherous edge as he rested his chin on his fist, eyes glinting with mischief. “But Sarquiss-ya tried to buy you? I might have prioritize kicking his ass, then. I’m the only one who gets to be your sugar daddy.”

“Oh shut up! You didn’t even buy me new shoes!”

“You got her a suit but no shoes? For shame, Boss,” Ikkaku giggled, getting up to help Seiuchi and Jude clear the tables. “I thought you were supposed to be a ladies’ man.”

“I’m a cruel bastard who doesn’t do something for nothing. She can borrow yours.”

Sauntering over, she playfully poked him in the forehead. “Says who?”

Law snorted and childishly poked her right back. “Me. Your captain. The guy who pays your salary.”

“You pay me to keep the submarine running and sass you when you’re being an idiot.”

“I don’t pay you for that.”

“Mmmm, you’re right; that’s a service I provide for free.”

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say those two were siblings,” Nami chuckled under her breath.

“Right? When I was first recruited I was convinced they were secretly related,” Uni agreed.

Bepo gave them both a smile and said quietly, “I think it’s good for them. Especially Law. I think he secretly likes having a little sister again.”

Brown eyes widened at that little tidbit. Law had a sister? What happened to her? Bepo had stated the past tense, so there was either some kind of falling out or…

…oh no, she thought, turning to watch Law continue to bicker good-naturedly with Ikkaku, his expression annoyed but the glimmer in his eyes belying that he was enjoying himself. Another piece of the puzzle that was the Surgeon of Death had fallen into her lap, but it wasn’t a particularly happy one. Sure, people died or were killed all the time, but Nami couldn’t imagine what she’d be like if she’d lost Nojiko. And depending on how young they’d been or how she’d died, that could really fuck with a guy.

“Nami-ya.”

Her attention was yanked from her musing as Law called her name. He was on his feet, plate clean and smirk dangerous as he regarded her. Nami wondered whether this would be the last time she’d see him in a genuinely good mood for the rest of the evening. “It’s seven o’clock. Time to get ready to watch history be defiled by pretentious morons. And for your obnoxious thunder god’s sake, make sure you’re wearing shoes you can actually run in.”

( @ninhaoma-ya, @awesomi, @vannahfanfics)

[katierosefun]

well, even though literally no one asked, am i going to do a whole analysis on how the red album is also lowkey about tcw? sure. sh, let me indulge 12/13 year old me.

state of grace:

our wonderful opening track. the lyrics “just twin fire signs / four blue eyes”—from this line alone, i think a lot about anakin and ahsoka and obi-wan, just because what color are their eyes? blue. check and mate.

but on a more serious level: “and i never saw you coming / and i’ll never be the same” speaks to how each of these characters’ lives were interrupted by the presence of the other. obi-wan certainly didn’t expect anakin to come into his life, and i doubted anakin ever expected ahsoka to come into his life.

“love is a ruthless game unless you play it good and right” and “these are the hands of fate / you’re my Achilles heel” speaks to how this whole theme of love and how both raw and burning and ruthless love can shine in this specific universe. specifically anakin’s kind of love. additionally, the idea of Achilles heel...i’ve already discussed the parallels between Achilles and anakin and don’t feel like rehashing, but it’s def. worth noting.

“this is the golden age of something good and right and real”...golden age. the war was messy and terrible and shouldn’t have ever happened, but also, i think for that brief moment, disaster lineage was at least together.

red

look me in the eye and lie to me about how this song doesn’t sum up the exhilarating rush that must have been being around someone like anakin skywalker.

“losing him was blue like i’ve ever known / missing him was dark grey all alone / forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met / but loving him was red”: this entire refrain is about that kind of ruthless, very fiery-seeing-red-everywhere kind of sensation that comes with love. (or, as the song alludes, a kind of dangerous love.)

and if we’re talking about dangerous kind of love—“fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there’s no right answer / regretting him was like wishing you never found out love could be that strong”...thinking thoughts about how there must have been all these times for the people around anakin to clash heads. bro. what even is that.

“remembering him comes in flashbacks, in echoes / told myself it’s time now, gotta let go”. ha ha. you ever think about the people who live after order 66 and wonder what the hell happened to the person they loved. ha.

treacherous

alright, time to put on the anidala hat. this song is supposed to be all about loving someone and constantly feeling like you’re sliding down a slippery slope. a treacherous path—a reckless path—and yet, and yet, “i like it”.

the whole concept of these two being put in a whirlwind romance matches perfectly with these lyrics: “i can’t decide if it’s a choice / getting swept away / i hear the sound of my own voice / asking you to stay”. this mess of a relationship that probably shouldn’t have happened, but it happened, and now the only choice for these two is to hold on...bro.

i knew you were trouble.

ohhhh god, do i need to explain how this is an anidala song or—

“i was in your sights / you got me alone / you found me”,,,the fact that anakin skywalker really looked at padmé amidala after ten years and automatically went “i love her”. a part of me will always sigh and want to pat anakin’s head that please, please, please control yourself, but what am i supposed to do anyways—

but also, the way this song also addresses all the dangerous things that come with a love that probably shouldn’t have started / shouldn’t have been born with so many secrets. the damning / basically self-loathing lyrics like “the joke is on me” and “shame on me now” is honestly kind of sad, and while i don’t think padmé ever regretted loving anakin (and i’ve covered this so many times, but i think anakin and padmé genuinely loved each other), there was def. a sense of constant danger and fear that one day, all the secrets will come tumbling out / something’s going to happen. and all that ultimately bubbles over in revenge of the sith, right when padmé looks at anakin and just doesn’t see him anymore.

all too well

tbh, this song deserves a whole long post on its own, but i’ll try to be concise. i genuinely think this could be about any of the tcw characters / tcw pairings, but because it’s my post and my obsession, i’ll discuss the disaster lineage. there’s something so quietly sad about the line “but you still got [my scarf] in your drawer, even now” and how that speaks to how obi-wan has anakin’s lightsaber / how anakin has ahsoka’s lightsaber both as himself and as ahsoka after ahsoka left the order / after order 66. the fact that you still have a piece of someone you love(d), long after they’re gone...

the fact that this song is so full of memories and longing and aching and grief over a loved relationship. thinking about the lyrics “you tell me about your past, thinking your future was me” is especially sad because while i don’t think anakin was ever completely open about his childhood / past, i like to think he must have told some stories to obi-wan and padmé and ahsoka about happier moments—and you have to wonder what kind of future anakin saw for himself with his loved ones.

“maybe this thing was a masterpiece until you tore it all up” speaks to how for a rare, rare moment, we see anakin skywalker as the hero we’re all supposed to like—and we see how it all crumbles apart so fast.

“but you keep my old scarf from that very first week / because it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me” hits especially hard when you think about how vader still has ahsoka’s lightsabers, or the fact that everything goes “back to when i loved you so / back before you lost the one real thing you’ve ever known”...thinking. a lot about anakin and how the love he felt / received from his friends were real, realer than anything that palpacreep could ever give him. it was all real, and now they’re all memories.

22

okay, this is just a fun song so i can’t really apply it anywhere, but i like to think there must have been a birthday somewhere along the line / some kind of happy event where there’s some chaotic tcw fam shenanigans. ditching the whole scene and “end[ing] up dreaming instead of sleeping”...i like to think they must have had some kind of happy moment like that.

i almost do

this song honestly reminds me the most of anakin and ahsoka. do you ever think that ahsoka might have wanted to reach out to anakin at some point? how “it takes everything in me not to call you”—how she might wish that she could talk to him again but every time she doesn’t, she almost does. (and ha. this makes their S7 reunion even more painful.)

the whole “i bet you think i either moved on or hate you” and “i bet it never ever occurred to you that i can’t say hello to you and risk another goodbye” speaks mostly to that very same reunion. the fact that ahsoka and anakin leave so many things unsaid—the fact that ahsoka restrains herself, cites that reason for the fact that they’ll just catch up another time...when that another time never happens.

we are never ever getting back together

hahaa, i can’t quite laugh about this but also i can because i kinda made a crack edit of disaster lineage + this song over the summer, and it really is just a joke but also...lol vader + ahsoka + obi-wan, but more specifically ahsoka and vader in their reunion in rebels lol. they’re never getting back together, geddit? they “used to think [they] were forever” and “[sigh] he calls me up again and is like i still love you and like,,,this is exhausting, you know?” yeah, me too sis. 🙄

stay stay stay

okay, okay, okay, maybe going a little bit into crack-y happy tcw feelings, but all i’m saying is that i love the image of these dorks staying for each other, you know? the whole “you took the time to memorize me” and “all those times that you didn’t leave / it’s been occurring to me i’d like to hang out with you for my whole life” and “no one else is gonna love me when i get mad” makes me kinda soft but also sad knowing that one of the tragedies of tcw fam is that no one really stays.

the last time

highkey the whole clovis arc in season 6. but anyways, especially the lines about “this is the last time i’m asking you this / put my name at the top of your list” speaks a lot to me about this hunger (yeah, this is @ anakin) to be someone’s first choice. it’s about the anger and jealousy and dull pain of knowing that everyone else’s priorities are elsewhere (and that’s not their fault, but you still feel like it is).

but if we’re thinking about the clovis arc especially, i think a whole lot about anakin + padmé, as well as anakin and obi-wan, esp. in these lyrics: “you wear your best apology / but i was there to watch you leave” and “all those times i let you in / just for you to go again”. we know anakin and padmé were...going through it in this arc, but specially anakin and obi-wan’s conversation—the one where obi-wan’s trying to reach anakin? we see obi-wan briefly open up (ie. about satine!) and anakin quickly shuts it down, and when obi-wan leaves, we see the pain on both of their faces because this wasn’t how the conversation was supposed to go.

but also, if we’re circling back to anakin and padmé’s relationship in this arc especially: the really, really painful lyrics about “this is the last time you tell me i’ve got it wrong” and “this is the last time i say it’s been you all along” and “this is the last time i let you in my door” and “this is the last time / i won’t hurt you anymore”...this arc truly explores just how deep the hurt can run when you have a secret relationship. how quickly love can blur into possession and jealousy and anger, and we see that in how anakin and padmé just...both crumble apart, especially in that one bit when padmé basically says she doesn’t want to see anakin for a little while. like. idk. it’s just sad, because this arc really showed just all the issues and problems within a relationship built on lies.

holy ground

oh god, what a fun song. but anyways, just to kick things off: “and darling, it was good / never looking down / and right there where we stood / was holy ground” speaks to a relationship that was good, even if it was wild and brief. which. disaster lineage.

the whole “i guess we fall apart in the usual way / and the story’s got dust on every page” and “i see your face in every crowd” vibe too—these idiots miss each other, and they probably see each other where they’re not supposed to. there was nothing unusual about their falling apart, of course, but something about this song compels me to think about how even in the grief and pain that ultimately drags ahsoka and obi-wan down especially, i think they still are fond of their happier memories with anakin.

also, “tonight i’m gonna dance for all we’ve been through” and “but i don’t wanna dance if i’m not dancing you” makes me a little sad because i think a lot about the fall of the empire and how the whole galaxy is out celebrating, but there’s a certain togruta woman who can’t completely celebrate because now she knows that. her whole family. really is gone.

sad beautiful tragic

this whole song is so tragic, but. anyways. more tragic disaster lineage vibes. the words “words, how little they mean / when you’re a little too late” makes me want to scream because i think a lot about how in rebels, ahsoka tells vader that she won’t leave him—not this time—and obi-wan crying that he loved anakin—the real tragedy here is that these were all words that anakin should have known deep down, but he didn’t, and they all felt late. their timing is terrible.

and “in dreams, i meet you in warm conversation” screams to me this one passage about how obi-wan dreams about anakin, although those dreams are anything but warm. but the idea of how obi-wan still dreams and how “time is taking its sweet time erasing you”—because in the kenobi novel especially, obi-wan explicitly struggles...a lot with anakin’s loss. he definitely gets...sad and tries to remember how the hell it all happened. he keeps pulling out anakin’s lightsaber and just. forcibly puts it away because he knows looking at it would cause just more grief and oh yikes.

the lucky one

ngl i forgot how fuckign good this song is,,,bro. anyways, i think this def. speaks to the og prequel trilogy trio especially, because i think they were all seriously going through with the whole...reputation thing. thinking mostly about how anakin, padmé, and obi-wan are all supposed to be these heroic / cool / beautiful figures who everyone’s supposed to look up to when in reality, they were all struggling with something. also lol the fact that obi-wan and anakin were both propped up as war propaganda figures in-universe because of palpacreep def. speaks to that whole “they’ll tell you now you’re the lucky one”.

and “they tell you that you’re lucky / but you’re so confused because you don’t feel pretty, you just feel used” and “you wonder if you’ll make it out alive” hurts the most, i think, just because how they apply to all those in prequel trilogy. anakin, obi-wan, and padmé—not to mention all the other jedi and the clones, oh god, the clones—were all fighting a war that ultimately didn’t matter, and they were all fighting a war that didn’t leave them as heroes. it just left them as pawns.

but i think if there’s any hope—any hope at all in this song, i think it’s in the last lyrics: “and they still tell the legend of how you disappeared / how you took the money and your dignity and got the hell out” reminds me the most of probably ahsoka and rex, or the people who survived the mess that was the clone wars. granted, rex didn’t exactly have the choice that ahsoka had, because she was the one who really made the big decision to look around herself and say “nope, i can’t be a part of this order”. she got the hell out.

everything has changed

hear me out, but i just think this makes for a cute anakin and ahsoka song, esp. their very cute beginnings. just like. as soon as they meet each other, both of them are ultimately changed. the fact that ahsoka has been noted to be the key to understanding who anakin is—the fact that it’s ahsoka’s relationship / interactions with anakin that ultimately makes him a better person because they’re siblings, your honor—yeah. very much the cute “all i know is we said hello”...the lyrics going on about “i just wanna know you better” and “your eyes look like coming home” makes me soft because. i think that while yes, they had their own rocky beginning, the difference between anakin and ahsoka’s relationship vs. anakin and obi-wan’s (rip i love anakin and obi-wan and i genuinely believe that obi-wan was the best teacher for anakin, and i think their bond is incredibly special, but.......boys please communicate better) is that i think anakin makes a really explicit effort to make sure ahsoka knows that like. he wants her around.

idk—i’m not saying obi-wan didn’t want anakin around! but i think one of the greatest tragedies of their relationship is that anakin always seemed to just. not click with obi-wan’s own demonstrations of love / i want you to be here messages. (the gambit duology goes a little more into this—only in those books, anakin and obi-wan actually talk a little about their feelings! which is nice!) but anyways, point being: anakin and ahsoka really looked at each other and were like “oh yeah. you’re my idiot now.” and i think that’s really cool of them.

starlight

oh god, this is kind of an anidala song but i also am tempted to say obitine song just because of that one line about “pretending to be a duchess and a prince” because,,,lol duchess geddit? and overall just think it’s really cute because. summer love!!!

but also, i do see this as an anidala song because “he was trying to skip rocks on the ocean, saying to me / don’t you dream impossible things?” because i see anakin as most certainly that dreamy-eyed boy who looks at padmé and is just. like that. (and we see a whole ton of that, esp. in aotc and how padmé initially is like “this is a terrible idea” and eventually winds up falling in love anyways, as one does.)

begin again

this song is odd because it doesn’t really give me overwhelming star wars feelings, but it does remind me a little bit of how ahsoka must have felt getting with the rebels crew. because i think ahsoka must have “watched it begin again” when she noted kanan and ezra’s interactions with each other, and i feel like when she’s with ezra, she sees a lot of the young padawan she used to be, and i think there must have been a point where she recognizes that “what’s past is past”. she’s watching everything begin again.

the moment i knew

this is another one of those songs that makes me sad about anidala because it seems like they’re always getting interrupted? the idea of being told that someone’s going to show but it might not happen because life (ie. war! there’s a war!),,,and still not being able to be really that sad about it in public makes me sad. just. i’m reminded of this one moment in tcw where anakin has to leave early because of something and just. the lyrics “what do you do when the one who means the most to you is the one who didn’t show”—like, of course, we see anakin sneaking off, but i def. think in that one tcw episode, we get a glimpse of. how lonely life might be if you’re just. waiting for someone to come home, only to realize that they might not show.

come back...be here

ha....hahahahaa weirdly both anakin and ahsoka and obitine feelings? give me a second.

okay, so as for anakin and ahsoka first: “i can’t help but wish you took me with you” hits hard just because of the time anakin tells ahsoka that he knows what it feels like to want to leave the order. just. oh god.

and then there’s this bit of “this is when the feeling sinks in / i don’t wanna miss you like this” hits hard, esp. considering the whole utapau arc where anakin accidentally slips in ahsoka’s name. he misses her, and i don’t think he really wanted to show that—but it sinks in so hard and fast for him, and it hurts so much oh god

also, the “right when i was just about to fall”: i know that in this context, fall is supposed to mean falling in love, but. the fact that anakin is literally about to fall like,,,a few days after his reunion with ahsoka. i cry now!

as for obitine: ahahahaha. pain, esp. considering how they probably separated after their year on the run? thinking about how that goodbye must have been like—mostly thinking about how there’s so much history between the two. how strange it is that they “didn’t know each other at all”, and how they might have had “the feeling they could know so much without knowing anything at all”, and now i think about how both of them could have “stumbled through the long goodbye”. i think a lot about those years of separation and how satine confesses how she had been in love with obi-wan for a long time—and how that in itself...wondering how or when satine knew for certain that she had fallen in love with the young jedi who came to her aid. thinking about how her “falling in love in the cruelest way” is how that whole falling in love—and realizing just how in love she was—is so cruel, because like. you know. when you’ve been in love / are loving someone for like...ten years....that’s kinda intense ngl

girl at home

lol this song doesn’t really fit with anything star wars related because i don’t think anyone in tcw would actually cheat on their loved ones? still 100000/10 a bop of a song though, and i still think it’s one of swift’s more mature songs, 10000/10 recommend.

[matbarzyy]

Wasted Love (part 2) [T.S.]

A/N: Wow look at me post part two soon after I started the series! Now I need to hurry up and write the third part but that’s a tomorrow problem. Thank you to everyone who told me what they thought of the start of the series, it really means the world and I hope you’ll like this part too <3

Word count: 2445

Warnings: an abusive boyfriend

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“Hello you,” Tyler grinned as he fist bumped her as a greeting. It was hard to do anything else over her desk, and it was now a habit between her and all the guys on the team. “How’s your day going?”

“It’s been good,” Alessia smiled back effortlessly, leaning back into her chair to rest her back for a minute. “How was practice?”

“Pretty fun, we’re all going out for dinner tonight with a few other people, if you want to join,” He threw it out there because it was a work thing and he had never seen her out with everyone before. Alessia only ever joined when everyone was getting lunch somewhere together. Most of the people she worked with were older than her, and predominantly men too. Tyler knew it might be hard for her to be included in plans.

“Oh, thanks, but um, I’ve got to be home with my boyfriend tonight,” She said it with a little sigh, and that prompted Tyler to poke a little bit further.

“Is everything okay at home?” He leaned against the wall with a slight frown. Ever since he had met Alessia he had felt protective of her. She was one of the youngest people working for the team, and she was slowly discovering the industry. He didn’t doubt that she had the skills to do amazing, or she would never have gotten hired, but he liked to keep an eye on her to make sure she was fine.

“We had a little fight, nothing to worry about,” She admitted with a shrug. “I had plans with friends and he got a little annoyed that I haven’t been spending enough time with him, and them my friends got pissed that I cancelled so… yeah, it’ll blow over in a day or two,”

“That sucks, I’m sorry,” He didn’t know what to tell her, she would clearly annoy either her friends or boyfriend no matter what she did now. “You guys been living together long?”

“Almost six months, yeah,” Alessia nodded. “It’s nice, plus rent is so much cheaper divided by two,” She chuckled and Tyler faked a little laugh too.

“Fair enough. I’ve gotta run, but I’ll see you tomorrow?” He stopped himself from mentioning how fucked up that sounded.

Sure, regular people had to worry about money a little more than he did, but he was still sure mentioning saving money to describe how great it was to live with a boyfriend was messed up. He had expected her to say she was happy to see him more often, to come home to him every night, to wake up to him in the morning.

“Of course,” Alessia cut him off from his thoughts, and Tyler pushed himself off the wall.

“Good luck tonight, I hope things settle down at home,” He said it sincerely, but a little voice in the back of his mind nagged him. He didn’t hope things would settle down. He hoped she would break up with the guy that clearly wasn’t giving her the happiness she deserved.

“Thanks Ty,” She waved as he left, and he gave her one last smile before he was out of sight.

.

The fact that Jordan didn’t like it when she spent a night with her friends didn’t sit well with Tyler. It bothered him the first time she told him, but after a couple of weeks he noticed a pattern. Whenever Alessia had plans with a friend it had to be lunch, if it was at night the plans would either get cancelled or she’d show up in a bad mood the next day because she argued with her boyfriend.

Their relationship was obviously fucked up, and Tyler didn’t feel like sitting around and letting her be sad. Surely her boyfriend wouldn’t be able to say anything if she stayed out at night for a work event, so he invited her for drinks with the team and a few other people in admin and services that they got along with.

“Be careful Tyler,” Jamie shook his head disapprovingly as they got changed for their morning skate. “She’s taken,”

“I know that,” The other man grumbled. “We let everyone else we like come along, she’s cool, why wouldn’t I invite her?”

“Because you obviously like her, and she’s got a boyfriend,” Jamie was far from stupid and he knew his friend all too well.

“I’m not trying to make a move, the guy’s an asshole though,” Tyler laced up his skates, huffing as he pulled them on tightly.

“Sounds like someone’s jealous.” The bearded man used a teasing tone as he finished adjusting his own gear.

“I’m not,” Was he?

“Just don’t get into something messy, okay? She’s also just twenty two,” Jamie added. The whole scenario screamed recipe for disaster and he didn’t want to see what would go down if Tyler actually let himself fall for her.

“Way to make me feel old Jamie, thanks for that,” Tyler patted his friend’s shoulder and headed out of the locker room, ready to clear his mind on the ice for a while.

.

The bar was relatively quiet that night if you made an abstraction of the team of giants in green taking up most of the space. Alessia was sitting at the bar on one of the far ends, her hair falling in front of her face to hide herself.

“Is that apple juice?” Tyler slid into the seat next to hers with his own drink, lifting her curtain of hair and pushing it behind her shoulder.

“Yeah, work in the morning, remember?” She smiled, and he couldn’t help but notice how cute she was when the side of her eyes crinkled like that.

“I’ve got practice in the morning too, it’s one drink, won’t kill me,”

“I’m half your size with no muscles, my alcohol tolerance is low,” she chuckled when she saw the whiskey in his hand. One of those was enough to give her a headache. “Besides I’m driving, and I don’t want to see Jordan’s face if I come home after drinking at a work thing,”

“So what? He doesn’t like it when you hang out with your friends, he doesn’t like it when you drink, so you’re just not gonna do anything you want to do?” Tyler cocked his head to the side, pointing out everything he didn’t like about the guy while she shrugged.

“I don’t want to drink, and it’s not stupid of him to say, it’s Tuesday night. It’d be different on a weekend,” Alessia defended him and made it all sound like her own decision, but he was far from stupid.

“Fair enough,” Tyler cleared his throat to move on to something a bit more cheerful. Just hearing the name Jordan got on his nerves and he wanted the night to be fun. “Hey look! Jamie needs someone on his team,” He pointed over to the three men around the pool table. “Do you know how to play?”

“Absolutely not,” she curled further into her seat and a wide grin spread over Tyler’s face.

“Time to learn then!” He put a hand on her arm and gently tugged her up after him.

The guys were generally competitive, but considering that it was her first game they used it to teach her rather than try to win. Jamie and her took turns with Tyler coaching her from the side and showing her how to place her hands or telling her what angle she’d need to hit the ball at.

“Here,” He chuckled, standing close behind Alessia and gently grasping her wrist to adjust her.

He ignored the warning look he received from Jamie and went on with his instructions before stepping back, letting her do the rest on her own.

“Dude, you call her Allie?” Jamie groaned when Alessia was gone. “I’ve seen you like this before and you’re so fucked. You can’t have her,”

“It’s not like that!” He tried to defend himself but his friend didn’t buy it. “Fine, maybe I like her, but we’re just friends. I’m not doing anything,”

“Just don’t be stupid, okay?” The older man warned him again but he dismissed it as he had done every other time.

“It’s a nickname Jamie, not a proposal.”

.

The more Alessia went out for drinks at the end of the night the more she got along with the guys on the team. She didn’t talk to all of them, but Tyler, Jamie and their closer friends were now also her friends. It was refreshing to have a group of people close to her outside of home, and she loved to spend her evenings with them before she came home.

The lack of time she spent home translated into hurtful comments and reactions from Jordan almost daily. It was exhausting, but Tyler was always there to lift her mood in the morning so she found it all worth it. She blamed it on Jordan’s job being stressful at the moment, and on most nights they made up rather quickly with a little bit of effort on her part.

“I’ve just got a couple of emails to reply to,” Alessia opened her laptop on thursday night and Jordan huffed.

“Well maybe you wouldn’t need to do that at night if you weren’t always out with those people having drinks.” He stood in front of her across the table, arms crossed over his chest.

“I never even drink,” She defended herself, typing her reply while trying to ignore Jordan’s grumbles in the background. “It’s good for my career if I have contacts,”

“Enjoy your career then, just go take care of that and forget I exist,” he walked around to stand next to her and Alessia turned to him.

“Jordan I’m not-” she started but got cut off immediately.

“Are you sleeping with one of them? Uh? Is that how you’re building your career? Fucking some rich asshole behind my back?” His voice rose and her eyes widened.

“Of course not!” She insisted, flinching when he yelled.

“I’m always here taking care of you!” He stomped forward and Alessia felt her hands shake. “And yet you’re never here when I come home!”

“I’m sorry, Jordan, please,” she said quietly, trying her best to calm him down.

Jordan only shook his head at her, turning on his heels with her trailing close behind. She wanted to fix things, the emails could wait until morning. He didn’t seem to be in the same mindset as he got to the bedroom and turned around with a glare.

“You can stay out here until you’ve sorted out your priorities.” He slammed the bedroom door, missing her face by a few inches and turning the lock.

Alessia remained still behind it, in shock for a full minute.

Knowing he wouldn’t calm down too fast, she went back to her work and quickly did everything she needed to catch up on. She hoped he had settled down as she walked over to the bedroom with a yawn and tried for the door. It was still locked, so she knocked on it softly.

No answer came from the other side. She could hear him moving in bed, but he didn’t even care enough to get up.

Alessia held back her tears and went back to the couch, eyeing the laundry drying on the rack in a corner of the living room. At least she should still be able to throw a decent work outfit together in the morning. The same couldn’t be said for pajamas, there were no casual clothes drying and Jordan didn’t like it when she wore his stuff.

It was too cold to sleep without clothes on, especially with a small throw blanket rather than the comfy thick duvet that she normally had in bed. So, Alessia found herself with her legs bare and a slightly scratchy sweater on her upper body to stay warm as she curled up on the couch.

.

When she made it to the office in the morning she felt like crying. She had barely slept, she was exhausted both mentally and physically and she was already dreading the night ahead of her.

“What do you need?” She nearly growled when Tyler strolled into her office without a knock.

“Uh, never mind,” he swallowed and took a small step back.

“Okay?” Alessia looked up from her screen with an eyebrow raised, waiting on his next move. Did he need her or was he just standing there for no reason?

“I don’t really want to make you work right now, I don’t mean to be rude, but you look like shit,” Tyler unfroze a few seconds later and pulled a chair out to sit across from her.

“Thanks Ty,” A dry chuckle fell from her lips, and she rubbed her hands over her face. “I’m kinda sleep deprived,”

“What happened?” He stopped himself from reaching over to move her hair away from her face.

“It’s not that big of a deal,” Alessia sighed. “Jordan and I were arguing over something dumb, I spent the night on the couch and it’s ridiculously uncomfortable,”

“It’s not dumb if you didn’t even want to go back to bed,” Tyler gently pryed a little further.

“More like he didn’t want me in there,” she rolled her eyes, leaning back in her chair and fiddling with a pencil. She was staring at her hands rather than at him because she could already guess what he was about to say.

“I know it’s none of my business,” Tyler said it slowly so that he could think over his words. “But you’re my friend, and your relationship sounds really fucked up,”

“I swear it’s not as bad as it sounds, besides it’s just one night,” Alessia argued weakly, she always tried to defend him, she always had an excuse.

“You’re old enough to make your own decisions,” He shrugged. Tyler was good at hiding how furious he was, it wasn’t directed towards her so she didn’t need to see it. “But it he was mad enough to refuse to sleep next to you, he should have been the one taking the couch,”

“He’s not a bad person,” Alessia looked up then, but her words weren’t convincing.

“You know him better than I do, I guess,” Tyler let out a long sigh. He didn’t know what else to say to her, and he was afraid that pushing her would stop her from confiding in him in the future. “Call me if that happens again, okay? I live fifteen minutes away, I’ve got three empty guest rooms, and I’m sure they’re more comfortable than your couch.”

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Please reblog and let me know what you thought!

[pparkerpoetry]

Face Reality (Part 3)

Title: The Void Becoming His Best Friend (you tried to stop a god? i’m still here)

Summary: Tommy searches for a way to get to Ranboo. Ranboo isn't having fun. Things that have been done here are permanent, there's no escaping what happened, and Ranboo can't help but feel like there's no hope.

Will Tommy reach him in time to prove otherwise?

WARNING: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

Part 1 Part 4

Masterlist

It was a while later, and three of the four people were awake and thinking. 

“Tommy, I get that you want hope and that you’re optimistic, but really? ‘Oh, we just gotta waltz up to the enderman and give it the old chat’ really, Tommy?” Techno asked, unhappy that his slumber had been interrupted while Tubbo got to rest.

“But we could find him! You’ve got so many books here, surely one of them is on enderman language.” Tommy argued. “What’re you gonna do, just abandon Ranboo?”

There was silence in the cottage. It was deafening.

“What the… no! I don’t get why you’re so content to just leave it alone, how do you sleep at night?” Tommy exploded. “How do you sleep at night knowing that somewhere, Ranboo is all alone, just like I was? I know what he’s gone through, you don’t. You only know riches and pride. So how about once, just once, you get off your pedestal and get your head out of your ass to help me find my friend?”

“Tommy-” Phil tried to interject.

“No, you don’t get to interrupt me. You two only wanted to use him- not even Tubbo is completely innocent, he used some pretty questionable methods to try to restore his memory- but at least he had good intentions! You just wanted to use him as what, a secret weapon to help you get your way?”

Silence fell again, until Techno heaved a heavy sigh.

“Fine, Tommy. I’m sure that at least the villagers have a book that might help. Just… don’t get your hopes up. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I’m not going to get hurt, because I’m not going to stop until Ranboo is home.” Tommy retorted, getting up to begin his work.

In the following days, Tubbo left for Snowchester, for he had other priorities. He wished he could stay, but he wasn’t sure he completely trusted his room mates yet. He’d visit soon, but ultimately, he wasn’t part of the second search.

Technoblade did help Tommy in finding books and scriptures that might help him, but he didn’t have spare time other than that. He had pets to tend to, farms to harvest, journeys to travel. He’d be there for the major parts of the research, but ultimately, he wasn’t part of the second search. 

Phil helped in his own way. He kept the food plentiful and warm, he made sure the woodpile outside was always ready to fuel the fire, he made sure that in the late nights where Tommy had stayed up, he found his way to bed. He made sure that Tommy was well taken care of, but ultimately, he wasn’t part of the second search.

Tommy dove into his quest to bring Ranboo back. He travelled to a multitude of villages, he ransacked Techno’s library, he wouldn’t sleep until he had finished that page- that chapter- the whole book. He wouldn’t eat until he’d found one more hint, he wouldn’t rest. Tommy was doing everything in his power to succeed. He was the second search.

It seemed like ages to Tommy, by the time he found a reasonable script of text that would help him learn the language, but maybe that was because he pulled one-nighters more than he slept through the starry skies. 

The book itself was small and unassuming, and to be honest, he had almost passed it by without bothering to check. But, in the end, he was glad that he did check it, because the purple cover and black binding held all of the answers that he had been looking for. 

The pages were old and crackled as Tommy flipped through them, he was almost scared that they’d dissolve right in his hands. The handwriting was beautifully curved, and it seemed to give off glowing purple particles every few minutes. He looked through it quickly, and he grinned, because there on the pages, was a way to communicate to the only way to find his friend.

It took him weeks to figure out how to make the guttural chirps and various noises, and he knew it would take even longer to learn it fluently, so he figured it was best to just translate as he went. So, on a bright, sunny day, Tommy went outside in the snow. There was no one around, they were all off in their places, he didn’t know where. He only knew where the enderman was.

It was old now, that lanky creature, since it was already a considerable age when it had reached the overworld. It’s vibrant skin had faded to a dull grey, and its warbling cries were hoarse. It pried its eyes open as Tommy approached, and its gaze lazily shifted to the book that he held. The look in its eyes was almost one of… recognition. 

“Hello?” Tommy tested, unsure of how this would work. He wasn’t sure if he trusted the writing yet.

The enderman let out a similar sound to the trill that he had tried, so he supposed it was fine. Was this working?

Tommy flipped through the book he held, finding the words he wanted to say. It was slow, but it was working. “Where… boy… go?” Not the greatest grammatically, but it got his point across.

The enderman let out a huff of air, settling down in its boat. It was silent for a moment before looking back at Tommy. “Hybrid?”

Once he found the word that he thought the enderman had said, he nodded frantically. “Where?”

There was now a sad look in the enderman’s eyes, but the way its teeth were bared almost made it seem like it was smiling. What was going on?

“Where?” Tommy asked again, more aggressively this time.

A soft crooning came out of the enderman. It held emotion, it held regret, it held everything that Tommy never would have thought endermen would feel. It took longer to find the translation now. When he did, he wasn’t sure if it was a clear answer.

“Called home?” He repeated.

The enderman nodded. “The boy was called home.”

“Where is home?” Tommy asked. Ranboo had a home other than here? Where was it?

“The End.” 

Tommy scrunched up his eyebrows. The end? “End of what?”

“Home.”

No matter how much Tommy tried, the enderman kept repeating those two phrases. Home. The end. He never answered where home was, never answered what it was the end of. Was it the end of their home, Ranboo returning? Tommy didn’t know.

He got up to leave after a few hours of trying, tired of listening to the same words over and over again. As he stood, the enderman said one last thing.

“Find him. Hurry.”

The voice was so genuine, so worried, that Tommy just nodded and didn’t bother telling the enderman that he was going as fast as he could.

_____________

That night at dinner, Tommy brought up what he had heard. Techno and Phil were just as well off as he was- confused and angry because of it.

“Tell me it again?” Techno asked.

“The boy was called home, the end, home. It kept repeating that, like some weirdo.” Tommy scoffed.

“Pass the salt,” Phil said, before continuing. “Ranboo went home, but as far as we know he doesn't have another home here, right?” He got confirmation, so he rushed to finish. “Well, Ranboo’s a hybrid, so what I’m trying to say is… what if he went back home, but to the endermen? There’s gotta be a place where they all exist, right? We just gotta figure out how to get there.”

They thought about that for a moment.

“Yeah, but that still doesn’t explain the end thing. The end of a story? I don’t get it.” Tommy said, frustrated.

Techno chucked. “You don’t get a lot of things, Tommy.” He let out an indignant noise when he was smacked by a dark grey wing. “Phil, aren’t you going to tell him to stop it?”

Phil laughed. “Tommy, don’t hit your brother.”

Tommy stopped, but he couldn’t help but think that Phil hadn’t done anything when Techno was trying to kill him way back when, in L’manberg. He shook his head as if that would help clear it. Those times had passed, at least he had a family. That was more than Ranboo could say.

Unless the endermen were his family. Maybe he wouldn’t even want to come back. Maybe this was all useless.

____________

When Tommy tried to research a home for the endermen, he came up with nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. To the world around him, endermen just popped into existence when they wanted to, but he knew something was wrong. He needed answers.

So Tommy did something he hadn’t done in a long time. Not since right after Ranboo went missing and they didn’t even realize it. He put on his boots, he put on a determined look and he picked up his communicator. 

“Hey, Sam. Mind heading to the prison? I fancy a visit to that green-looking bitch.”

It was no less ominous than the last time he had been there, and you could tell that no one had visited in a while. After a long wait, when he finally got through the lava, he saw Dream. 

He looked significantly worse than last time, but Tommy didn’t feel any sympathy. He got what he deserved.

“Hey, Tommy.” Dream drawled, sitting on the floor in the corner. 

Tommy nodded. “Hey Dream. Listen, I need some information. I need to know where the home of the endermen is. I figured you might know.”

“It’s gonna cost you, Tommy. I-”

“I’m not going to call for your release, so you can just forget that right now.”

Dream laughed. “I’m not stupid. I know that I’m stuck here until I can figure out how to escape. I was gonna say, if you want this information, I’m not going to revive Wilbur. This kind of information is valuable, I need to make sure you really want it.”

Tommy inhaled quickly, and looked away, shoving his hands in his pockets. He didn’t like how his eyes filled with tears at the mention of his older brother. He didn’t like how even then, in that moment, Dream still had power over him, trying to scrabble for even the slightest bit of hold on him.

“Think it over, Tommy. This isn’t a rushed decision.”

Tommy glared at the man, but his brain rushed with thoughts. The most prominent? 

Wilbur was gone. He didn’t want to come back. One of his brothers was too far gone to be helped, but there was still one that he had the power to save. He couldn’t do both.

“Just give me the information, Dream, and I’ll leave you alone again.”

“You’re doing all of this for Ranboo? Are you sure he’s worth it?”

Tommy rolled his eyes to hide his insecurity and didn't bother asking how Dream knew. “Shut it, Dream. I’m not going to give up on him like everyone else. So give me that information, and we’ll see what other purposes we can have for you besides rotting in hell.”

_____________

Dream ended up writing out some stuff in one of the many books that he had, and Tommy left him with a middle finger in the air and a smile on his face.

“You all set?” Awesamdude had asked, and for once, Tommy was able to say, truthfully, that he had never been better.

______________

He was back at the cottage, sitting at the dining room table, the simple leather book open to the lazy scrawl of Dream’s writing. There wasn’t much, for even Dream had his things that he didn’t know, but there was enough that surely they’ll be able to find the enderman home. Tommy scanned the book and-

“That motherfucker.” 

Phil looked over. “What?”

“You wanna know what the home of the endermen is called? Huh, Phil? You wanna know? Jesus.” Tommy raged.

Techno popped into the room. “Well, I want to know. What is it?”

“The End.” Tommy said, running a hand over his face. “I can’t believe it. I was all ‘the end of what’ when it was a name the whole time? Man.”

Techno laughed, but Phil didn’t. He had some questions. “Well, does it say how to get there, or are we just as well off as we were?”

Tommy squinted at the words on the page. “It says there’s a portal that we have to put eye of enders on. I’d always wondered what those things were for. Huh. Oh, here we go. The portal can be found in a fortress, uhh… there’s a lot of rooms in a fortress, so we need to find the portal one.”

Technoblade stopped laughing. “Does it say what the portal looks like?”

“A circle of sand-like yellow bricks that have some sort of blue substance on it? That doesn’t make sense.” Tommy muttered to himself, but Techno just groaned. 

“I am such an idiot.” At a look from Tommy, he elaborated. “Tommy, we’ve been using the portal as a table this whole time.” 

________________

After another week of preparation, they all stood around the portal. 

Well, not everyone, because the room was pretty small, but there were a few people there. Phil and Techno were there, Tubbo was there. Tommy was there. Fundy wasn’t, and Niki wasn’t, but there were people there. They were all geared up and ready to go, all prepared to go fetch Ranboo back. 

They had eyes of ender. 

They just had to be placed.

Tommy wasn’t sure if he was ready, because he’d spent months on this. Years, if you count the first search. He had grown, in those years. He was still Tommyinnit, legendary fighter. He was still immature sometimes, he still swore, he still had fun. But yeah, he had changed. He wasn’t innocent or naive anymore. Was he ever? His laughs weren’t so carefree, his smiles weren’t so sincere, his eyes didn’t shine with the mischief that they used to. He had grown, and he was ready for this. He placed the enders into the portal.

Nothing happened.

“What?” Tommy asked. “What? No, no, no, no, Dream said this would work. It has to work. This is the only way to get there- this has to work.” His breathing quickened and he grabbed the book, flipping it over and searching the words again. “Yeah- it’s supposed to work-”

Phil sighed. “I don’t know, Tommy. Maybe it’s just a regular table. Maybe it’s not a portal.”

Techno was silent, but he nodded. 

Tubbo didn’t say anything. 

Tommy didn’t know which one was worse.

His wings circled his body as he fell to sit on the ground, knees pulled up against his chest. “It was supposed to work.” Tommy’s voice cracked, and he didn’t have the energy to groan at it. “Why didn’t it work?”

There was silence. He knew they’d be leaving soon. 

Before they could, though, there was a soft gust of wind. They all turned to the doorway of the room, where a shadow stood. 

“Who are you?” Techno asked, raising his axe.

“Calm down, Blood god.” The being sneered. “I’m not here for you.” The being drifted over to where Tommy sat and gave out a quiet cluck. “Aw, the scripts really haven’t been kind to you, have they? No matter. Do you want to go through the portal?”

“Yeah.” Tommy’s response was too small-sounding for his liking.

The deity looked at the room, and hummed. “I can’t let all four of you through, and two of you couldn’t even travel through the End without those handy wings… But, I only promised Ranboo that I’d let someone through if they truly were looking for him.” The piercing gaze turned to Phil. “So you can understand why you can’t go through either. Only Tommy can go through, and that is final.”

“How do you know my name?” Tommy asked, dragging himself to his feet. 

“Oh, Tommy.” The deity laughed, waving its hand and doing away with the portal, only to wave it again and the portal was back, only this time the middle of it was taken up by a black expanse, scattered with stars. “You’ve been trying to kill a god, but you were looking in the wrong places. Sure, you locked up a wannabe, but I’m still here. Go through the portal, Tommy. It’ll be open as long as it takes you, but don’t expect to be in my good graces again. You’ve lived life on a thin line, Tommyinnit. Eventually, you’re going to fall.”

Tommy hesitated, but he was given a harsh push and he fell through the portal, screaming.

_______________

His back hit the ground and the air left his lungs, leaving him gasping. When he rolled over, he noticed that what he was standing on was definitely not dirt. Because, last time he checked, dirt was not yellow.

Was it snow?

He got up onto his feet and stretched his wings, turning in a slow circle. There was no land in sight, in any direction, and he certainly did not know where to go for sure. He had a hunch, but his hunches were barely right.

He ended up deciding to just pick a direction to fly in, and hope he encountered a city to ask for a route to Ranboo or something, and he wasn’t going to question why his method succeeded. 

It just didn’t work out exactly how he thought it would,  but it worked.

When he landed in the city, the endermen avoided his gaze. He’d never seen so many in one spot, and he’d never seen any so mad. It looked like a relatively new settlement, but he plucked up the courage to speak to one.

“Hello?”

One glared at the space between his eyes. “What, Human?”

“Where is hybrid boy?” Tommy asked, hoping they got what he was trying to say, hoping desperately that this was a city that knew Ranboo. 

He got a response, but it wasn’t a positive one. It was a hiss, a scream, a yell of such pure and unfiltered anger and disgust that Tommy took a full step backwards. The enderman pointed in a direction. “Kill him if you want to. We have no use for him. Now go, before we kill you.”

Tommy didn’t understand the entirety of the words, but he got the gist of it. Kill? Why would they think he wanted to kill Ranboo? Why did they hate him so much?

He ran to the edge of the floating island he was on and leaped, letting his wings carry him. He traveled for ages, but eventually, another island came into sight. Only, instead of a heavily populated city, all that was left was ruins.

_______________

Ranboo didn’t do much on the first few days after he was abandoned for the… third? Time. The only thing that kept him going was the fact that his animals needed tending to. It was the only thing that kept him alive, that kept him from finding the void more appealing than it already was. They’d be all alone, no one would find them.

No one deserved to be alone.

He stopped writing in his memory book. It hurt too much, to pick up that pen and have to face all that had happened, but he couldn’t burn it. It hurt too much, to flip through the pages that he had been so happy in, still alone but happy. He thought maybe, if he didn’t remember it happening, it wouldn’t have. TIme would go in reverse. He wasn’t stuck here. Surely, someone would come for him. Why was he here again? He didn’t remember.

He didn’t want to remember.

After a week, he got angry. He had internalized his pain for so long, maybe he deserved an opportunity to let it out. So he did. He let it all out, he screamed as he let his true height show, as his body was surrounded with floating purple particles. He didn’t remember what happened, but he blacked out and when he woke up, the city was destroyed. It was only when he opened his eyes that he realized what had stopped him. One of his parrots had been caught in the crossfire.

Wasn’t everyone?

The parrot got buried. It took work, but he couldn’t just toss the body in the void. 

He started talking to himself. “What if I act as enderman-like as possible? Will they come back?” 

“What if I punish myself? Will they come back?”

“What if I make myself worth it? Will they come back?.”

Eventually, it got worse. 

“Please, I’ll do anything, I want to go back. I made a mistake, they didn’t care for me but maybe if I come back, they will. Maybe if I lose the part of me that they wanted to use, they’ll see me as someone to care for.”

Who was he kidding. They’d always use him.

Ranboo started crying more. It always hurt, but sometimes he liked it. Sometimes the dull pain was a nice reminder that he wasn’t dead, yet. He fell asleep at night crying, and would wake up with a headache. He’d shake and scream, he’d panic and have his breath speed up, but he made it through it.

At some point, he couldn’t remember when, he stopped crying. He couldn’t feel the pain anymore. The stinging had faded. He didn’t cry at night (was it night? The sky just stared endlessly at him. He didn’t remember what time it was.) anymore. He stayed awake most of the time. When he did cry, it still didn’t hurt. It took him a while, but he got the courage to look into the water bucket he had brought with him. He wished he didn’t. His face was covered in ugly red and maroon scars, deep and aching. They’d never heal. This was something he’d have to live with forever. Maybe forever wouldn’t last that long.

He started dipping his hands into the water instead of crying. It burned more.

It seemed like months passed before he got used to his whole situation. Sure, he still pondered on what could have been done differently. What if he never left his shack? L’manberg? The End, the first time? He couldn’t tell where the mistakes and bad decisions began.

He could feel himself adapt. 

His hearing was more sensitive, for without the constant buzz of endermen, the End was dead quiet. Maybe that wasn’t the best metaphor, though. 

His eyesight was better, but it was different. He wasn’t sure how to describe it. Dull? Maybe it came from staring into the void. 

He did keep talking, but only spoke in the human dialect when the voice of Dream came to visit him. It wasn’t that often, but it kept him company. He never got that closure that everyone told him he needed. Most other times he used the endermen warbles that he had been shunned for forgetting, hoping that it might bring them back.

DId he want them back?

Time passed. He wasn’t sure if it was slowly or not, because he couldn’t tell time at all. He measured time by when his pets died, first the other parrot, then one cat, then his dog, then Enderchest. Enderpearl was the last to go, of old age or lack of food. He guessed nothing but endermen could survive in the End. Was he part of that?

He already felt half-dead. What was the difference? 

He knew time had passed. He was no fool, he knew it left him behind like everyone else. He lived in his ruins alone, and he learned to tolerate it. No one used him. There was no one to use him, and no one to use him against, but he glossed over the details.

What if things had gone differently?

He couldn’t think like that. They never would go differently. He was stuck here, and maybe he’d learn to love it.

The void was becoming his best friend. 

Days went by in a steady routine of the same thing over and over again, a haze that he could never be broken out of. At least, that’s what he always thought. 

Until he woke up one day and heard something for the first time since he’d last felt pain from the water on his hands and had screamed. He didn’t know what it was, but as it got closer, his ears hurt more and more. He decided to curl up in his house until it was gone.

It didn’t go away. It got worse.

It stopped for a second, then it got way worse but- was that- no, it couldn’t be. Was that- was that- English?

“Ranboo? Ranboo, are you here?”

He whimpered, and the noise paused, replaced with the sound of feet hitting the ground. A shadow came across the doorway, though the room was already dark. 

“Ranboo?”

He put his hands over his ears, and he heard a soft ‘oh’.

The voice spoke soft nothings, comforting words that he hadn’t heard in so long. It was a while before he felt like he could open his eyes. When he did, he gave a quiet screech of surprise.

“Tommy?”

The blond smiled. “Hey, buddy.”

Tommy was almost an adult, or was already one, either way he was old enough that his eyes told weary stories of his battles but young enough that his bones still had spirit. 

“Are you real? There’s no way you’re real- you’re fake, you’ve got to be, you came after all this time?”

Tommy’s grin faltered. “I can’t understand you that well. You wanna talk in a language we’re both fluent in?”

Ranboo almost laughed, because that was such a Tommy thing to say, but instead, he felt tears welling in his eyes. He sniffled a little bit, and suddenly he was being hugged- and surely, it shouldn’t have been so nice, but it had been so long since he had last had one that he cried, and he hadn’t cried for such a long time, but it felt good to feel something again. It felt good to just be held, because it felt so good to be comforted and cared for. 

Ranboo didn’t notice when Tommy brought him outside, but it was brought to his attention when Tommy said something about it, in better lighting.

“Oh, Ranboo, what happened to you?”

Ranboo didn’t respond, he was burrowed too far into a hug, and the gentle touches on his scars were more comforting than painful.

“Ranboo, I know you haven’t seen me in a while, but we gotta go back. Phil, Tubbo and Tech are all waiting for you.”

He barely registered it, but he noticed the fond nickname that Technoblade had been given, and suddenly he felt guilty for intruding on the probable whole family. “I don’t want to get in the way of your true family.” He said sleepily.

As he drifted off into the first peaceful sleep since before he found this hell, safe in Tommy’s arms, he heard one last thing.

“Aw, but you are my true family, big man.”

[winchester19-67]

Taking Care of You

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: Passing out, Little bit of angst, Fluff

Word Count: 1,774

Square Filled: Bed Sharing (Fluff Bingo)

Square Filled: Bed Sharing (Dean Bingo)

Request by @theichabbieclub:  Hello !!! Can I have Dean Winchester x reader? Reader has been so caught up in her work that they forget to eat. They get extremely lightheaded and stumble a little. Dean steadies them and he is worried when he finds out they forgot to eat. While he is making food they faint and land (luckily) on the couch. When he's done, he comes back,at first he thinks that they're just laying down but he kinda freaks out when he realizes that reader is unconscious. ( I forget to eat sometimes) THANK YOU🥺💚

A/N: This was written for @spnfluffbingo, @spndeanbingo, and @supernatural-jackles​ Bi Weekly Writing Challenge with the prompt. “We found each other. That’s all that matters.”

“Take a break.” You jump a bit and you turn around to see Dean walking into the library.

“I can’t,” you mumble before looking down at the book that you have in your hand. Dean walks over and carefully slides the book out of your hand before setting it down onto the table.

“Yes you can,” Dean says. You roll your eyes a bit before leaning over, but Dean blocks you before you’re able to grab the book off of the table.

“Dean…”

“How many hours of sleep have you gotten since yesterday?”

You take a deep breath. “I don’t know. Three maybe.”

“Go take a nap.”

“Dean, you and Sam told me that you need my help with this case. You two can do your part now please let me do mine.”

“You won’t be able to help at all if you keep running yourself into the ground.”

“I’m alright,” you tell Dean stubbornly as you turn around to walk over to a bookshelf. You’re halfway there when you lose your balance and almost fall to the floor.

“Woah!” Dean hollers as he throws his arm out to catch you before you face plant. He helps you to get your balance and you give him a grateful smile.

“Thanks.”

“No problem,” Dean says. “Now please go take a nap or eat something or whatever it is you need to do to take care of yourself. I’ll take over for a while and you can relax.”

“No,” you tell him. “Dean, you won’t hardly let me hunt anymore and I get it because I keep you both distracted because you worry about me too much. Fine. I’ll give up hunting. But I will not give up helping you and Sam and you are going to have to get that through your thick head.”

“Sweetheart, I’m not saying that you should quit helping us,” Dean tells you softly. “You have no clue how much Sammy and I appreciate everything that you do for us. All I’m asking is that you slow down a bit to take care of yourself.”

“I promise you that I am taking care of myself, Dean.”

“Okay, then, what all have you eaten today and don’t you dare lie to me.”

You think about it for a while before you answer Dean. “I guess that I’ve kind of forgotten to do that today.”

“(Y/N),” Dean tells you as his eyes widen a bit.

“Sorry, but it isn’t exactly a priority to me right now.”

“If you were actually taking care of yourself then it would be,” Dean tells you. “Take a seat. I’m going to go cook you something to eat.”

“Dean…” He ignores your arguing and turns to walk on out of the library anyways. Sighing, you grab the book off of the table once more and open it up.

As you read, your eyes start to lose their focus and it almost looks like the room is spinning. You get the same light-headed feeling that you’d had earlier when you tripped, so you decide to play it safe and sit down in one of the chairs in the library. It isn’t long until the entire room looks like it’s spinning once more before everything goes black.

“You didn’t give me a specific request for anything, but I know you said that you like tomato soup when you don’t feel good, so I hope that’s okay,” Dean tells you as he walks into the library carrying a bowl. Dean frowns when he sees that you’ve fallen asleep in one of the chairs. He knows that you need rest but he also knows that you need to eat while your soup’s hot. “(Y/N),” Dean says softly as he sets the bowl down onto the table in front of you. “(Y/N), sweetheart.”

Dean reaches over to gently push some hair out of your face and he frowns a bit when you don’t move. “(Y/N), you need to eat,” Dean tells you as he pushes at your shoulder a bit. He still doesn’t get a reaction out of you and his heart starts pounding a bit when he realizes that you’re not just asleep.

“Hey!” Dean hollers as he moves you a bit harder than he was. A small gasp escapes you and you slowly open your eyes. Dean lets out a breath of relief when your eyes open. “You scared me there for a minute, sweetheart.”

“I was only asleep,” you mutter as you let your eyes slide shut once more.

“Hey, don’t go to sleep until you’ve eaten a little something for me,” Dean tells you softly as he helps you to sit up a bit. “I don’t want to argue with you, sweetheart, but I gotta tell you that you weren’t just asleep. You passed out on me.”

“No I didn’t,” you mumble.

“Yes you did and now you need to try to stay awake so that you’re able to get some food in you,” Dean tells you. “I promise that I’ll let you go to sleep if you’ll eat a little bit.”

“Fine,” you sigh as you lazily reach over to grab the spoon. You have to admit that the soup feels good going down your throat, and yet the thought of curling up underneath your warm blankets and going to sleep is even more appealing. “There. I ate a little bit and now you have to let me go to bed.”

“Half the bowl,” Dean says.

“Another spoonful,” you argue.

Dean sighs. “If you eat all of it then I’ll carry you to bed and I’ll even lay down with you,” he negotiates.

“Fine, I’ll let you win,” you smile up at him.

“I know how to get my way with you,” Dean smirks as he leans over your chair to press a kiss to your cheek.

“Yeah, you think that you know me soo well,” you tease as you take another bite. When every drop of soup is gone from the bowl, you look over at Dean and hold your arms up at him. Dean chuckles as he walks over and bends down to take you into his arms. You wrap your arms tightly around his neck and you lay your head over onto his shoulder.

“Your room or mine?” Dean asks you softly.

“Doesn’t matter,” you mumble as you completely relax in Dean’s arms.

“Don’t go to sleep on me yet, sweetheart,” Dean chuckles as he carries you into his room. He carefully lays you down onto his bed and you curl up on the side that he usually sleeps on. “Scoot,” Dean laughs as he pushes you over before laying down beside of you. He wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you in tightly to him.

“Thanks for taking care of me,” you whisper into Dean’s chest.

“You don’t have to thank me for that, pretty girl,” Dean tells you softly. “But I do want you to start doing a better job of it yourself. You can’t keep running yourself down like that.”

“I know,” you breathe out. “I’m sorry, Dean.”

“I worry about you.

“I know.”

“I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.”

“I know.”

“You know a lot then,” Dean teases as he tucks your head underneath his chin. You giggle and hide your face in the side of his neck.

“How on earth did I find you?” you ask him.

“Actually, I think that I’m the one who found you,” Dean says.

“Well, one of us is wrong here and it isn’t me,” you tease.

Dean chuckles as he pulls the blankets up over you. “We found each other. That’s all that matters.”

“Agreed,” you tell him as you snuggle down deeper into his arms.

“(Y/N), sweetheart, we honestly do appreciate you helping us out but you have got to promise me that you’ll take a break every once in a while. Get out and have some fun or take a nice long bath. Eat something.”

“I get so focused on helping you and Sam that I forget to take care of myself sometimes.”

“Well, please don’t do that anymore because you honestly scared me today.”

“I’m sorry,” you frown.

“It’s just… Sweetheart, you didn’t ask to be thrown into this life yet here you are and you deserve to take a break and do the things that you love to do.”

“You didn’t ask to be thrown into it either and yet you still don’t take a break.”

“Yeah, but I could have gotten out of it if I wanted to.”

“So could I,” you tell him softly. “If I have to start taking better care of myself and doing the things that I love to do then so do you.”

“Oh, sweetheart, I do that everyday anyways,” Dean tells you.

“Oh, like what?” you ask him.

“Taking care of you,” Dean says softly. Your heart melts a bit and you turn your head up so that you can see his face.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah,” Dean smiles softly. “I mean, someone has to do it because you suck at it.” Dean grunts as you elbow him playfully and you let out a small laugh.

“I’ll do better at taking care of myself,” you tell him. “Although I don’t know why I would want to because you obviously do a much better job at it then me.”

“Ah, she admits it,” Dean laughs as you roll your eyes a bit at him.

“Go to sleep, Winchester.”

“Alright, but I’m getting up tomorrow and I’m going to cook you a big breakfast and you are going to eat so that you don’t scare me like that and pass out on me anymore.”

“Okay, Mom.”

“Brat,” Dean chuckles as he presses his lips gently to your temple.

“I’m your brat,” you giggle. “Dean, thanks for letting me sleep in your bed.”

“Like you’d have it any other way,” he chuckles.

“Your bed’s more comfortable then mine is though.”

“They’re the same thing.”

“Yeah, but you’re here to hold me and that makes it more comfortable.”

“And I couldn’t hold you just as well on your bed?”

“Yeah, but my bed doesn’t smell like you.”

“It should with how often I sleep there.”

“I don’t make the rules.”

“What?” Dean chuckles.

“I don’t know. I’m too tired to make any sense,” you yawn.

“Well, then go to sleep,” Dean chuckles as he kisses your lips. “I’m right here to take care of you if you need me.”

You smile and you let your eyes slide shut, mumbling one more thing before you let the sleep pull you under. “I’ll always need you.”

Tags: @polina-93 @adoptdontshoppets @justanotherwinchester @blue-pink-green @spnbaby-67 @deanwanddamons @defenderrosetyler @mlovesstories @akshi8278 @idksupernatural @hobby27 @emoryhemsworth @flamencodiva @therollingstoners

[wodstories]

"Rules. Rules keep us all functioning, surviving, sometimes even thriving among these shadows in which we found ourselves in since the night we died. But I'm not talking about the rules imposed by others, domain laws, Traditions, yadda yadda. I'm talking about your own rules, those we all have, those that differ from one Kindred to another. Morality, you could say, but not in a universal sense. The moment the Blood becomes what sustains you, your priorities change. Thou shalt not lie, thou shalt not steal, thou shalt not kill - great set of convictions to go by while living, I agree, but it doesn't work half as good on this side. So, what do you replace that with? Nothing at all? That's a quick route to losing yourself, kiddo. You gotta believe in something, have some constraints, even if they sound nothing like what you learnt from your Bible or your parents. Thou shalt never hurt innocents. Thou shalt punish those who deserve it. Thou shalt always protect your own ass first. Whatever keeps you going, kid." Theme: Morality Play 📍 Harrisburg, PA 📸 Zack Jarosz - This is one of the stories inspired by Vampire Stories development blogs shared on worldofdarkness.com, in which Justin Achilli introduces various themes to build VTM chronicles around. Read the blogs for more insight and let us know how they inspired your roleplaying!

[amberskywrites]

Soulmarks and Surprises

First fic for this fandom! A bit iffy on how well it turned out- but! Hopefully as I write more for this fandom the more comfortable I can become with the characters and writing fics with them! Anywho- enjoy!

Masterpost

Pairing: Zukka

Fandom / Genre: Avatar the Last Airbender /  Fluff

Summary: Soulmarks and soulmates were something that was pushed to the back of people's minds once the fire nation attacked... Suddenly, it was no longer a priority to find the one you were supposedly destined to be with, all according to black images somewhere on your body. 

Well, Sokka at least doesn't have to look too far to find his soulmate.

-------------------

Sokka had noticed the mark a long time ago, when they were staying in Ozai's old house. He was watching Zuko teach Aang firebending one day, and couldn't help searching the prince's torso for that telling mark. He was curious if Zuko even had a soulmark.

He never usually thought much of soulmarks. They were common, but often overlooked at this point. It was difficult for most to find their soulmate after the fire nation started trying to take over the world, and suddenly soulmates weren't the most important thing in cultures anymore. But with the war hopefully ending soon… Sokka wondered if people would become more determined to find their soulmate.

Suki wasn't his, he knew that. The two had compared their marks late one night when they had become curious, and although they looked kind of similar, it was clear they weren't the same. Sokka's was a wave that crashed and turned into flames, and Suki's were flames being blown into a night sky by a fan.

Sokka had never seen Katara's soulmark, and Aang… Aang didn't seem to have one. Sokka assumed it was because he was the Avatar, so maybe he just wouldn't ever have a soulmate. And Sokka hadn't tried seeing Toph's.

But he was curious about Zuko's soulmark. And so, watching him train Sokka observed and searched until he spotted it. It was on the same side his scar was on, on his lower back, easy to hide if he wanted. And Sokka's heart stopped beating for a few moments as he stared at the mirror image of his own mark.

Sokka had trouble sleeping that night, but with the comet arriving soon, Sokka decided that he could bring up the soulmark another time.

-

The day before Sozin's comet, Sokka finally pulled Zuko aside. He couldn't stop thinking about the possibility of one of them dying and Zuko not at least knowing that they were soulmates. Sokka thought he had a right to know, so that if Sokka did die and Zuko lived Zuko could at least not spend years hoping to find his soulmate. 

Zuko tilted his head at Sokka, frowning slightly. "What's going on with you?" he asked. "You're more jittery than usual."

Sokka let go of Zuko's arm, instead folding his own arms over his chest. "I… I really need to talk with you about something, something that I've known for a bit now." Sokka didn't meet Zuko's eyes as he spoke, trying to gather his thoughts.

Zuko waited patiently, watching as his friend worried at his bottom lip. He'd never seen Sokka appear this nervous before, really. "It's about soulmarks, specifically yours."

Zuko stiffened slightly at that, frown deepening. He thought no one cared about those anymore… he certainly didn't like them, especially knowing he had one and that some poor soul was quite possibly destined to be with him. As a child, because of the water mixing with flames in his soulmark, Azula would tease him because his soulmate would probably be a waterbender, or from one of the water tribes at least, something not really sought after in his family.

"Yeah?"

Sokka nodded.

Zuko also really didn't like the idea that a stupid mark told him who he would end up loving, if they ever met at all-

"I um, I have the same one."

Zuko blinked at Sokka in confusion, his thoughts having come to a sudden halt. It took a moment for Zuko to process what Sokka had said, and he was shaking his head at the water tribe boy.

"No, you don't."

Spirits, Sokka had to be lying. Zuko couldn't think of why Sokka would lie about being his soulmate, but there was no way Sokka was Zuko's. Zuko knew Sokka was destined to be with someone much greater.

"I can show you if you don't believe me." Before Zuko could say anything, Sokka was moving his tunic aside and turned slightly, showing the back of his shoulder. Black swirled together in a pattern Zuko very easily recognized, and he felt his throat closed as he stared at the mark. Sokka took a deep breath as he shifted his clothes back in place. Zuko shook his head again, trying to catch up with his thoughts. "This was probably the worst time to tell you- I should have when I first found out but I couldn't cause I wasn't sure how to bring it up or how you would react or even feel about that, but you deserved to know, especially if things go south and something happens."

The silence was worse than any rejection Sokka could have imagined, it just felt so tense and Zuko looked blank, and Sokka needed just some sort of reaction.

"Zuko, say something, please," Sokka didn't speak loudly, taking a hesitant step towards Zuko. Zuko didn't move away from him, instead, he glanced towards where the others had all made camp. When he returned his gaze back to Sokka, something seemed to switch and he reached out for the young warrior and embraced him tightly.

Sokka was frozen for a moment before he returned the hug, feeling Zuko bury his face in the crook of Sokka's neck. "Don't you dare let things go south," Zuko mumbled, pressing closer. "I want to be able to properly talk about this when we aren't gonna go end this war in about a day."

Relief washed over Sokka for a moment, and his arms tightened around Zuko. "Will definitely try."

-

Things luckily worked out in the end. They talked in the infirmary of the palace and had agreed to try dating, see if they were actually a good match, but they also wanted to take it slow. Things were already moving so quickly in their lives, they didn't need another thing to pile on.

That was roughly three years ago, though. Zuko had been crowned Firelord, and after Sokka healed he returned to the southern water tribe to help rebuild and to also help improve his tribe's home. They exchanged letters for those two years, each letter growing sappier the longer they were apart.

Zuko was reading over a document, one he was planning on proposing to the school administrators soon to change curriculums. He was so focused he barely registered the loud knocking on his door. It was fairly late, he realized as he rose from his desk, back stiff and aching, and he wondered who would even be up at this hour besides some guards.

The knocking continued until he finally opened his door, sighing, about to scold whoever for possibly disrupting some visiting ambassador's sleep. Zuko snapped his mouth shut though at the grinning face in front of him, and the smile was infectious.

"I thought you weren't going to be able to make it for another week?"

Sokka shrugged. "I couldn't help myself from making a surprise visit," and he nodded towards Zuko's room, a silent question. Zuko moved out of the way, letting Sokka inside and Zuko thanked the guard who had escorted him before closing the door.

Sokka was already settled on Zuko's bed and he reached out, beckoning his boyfriend over. Zuko rolled his eyes as Sokka started making grabby hands instead, and he shrugged off his formal robes. He had started wearing more comfortable clothes underneath them so he could feel a bit more relaxed in meetings. Zuko put the robes in a hamper, knowing the servants would come and retrieve them by morning, and he accepted Sokka's embrace, practically melting into the water tribe boy's arms.

"You've been working too hard," Sokka muses as he kicks off his shoes before shifting them both under Zuko's blankets. He did it with ease, Zuko curled up on his lap basically made it easier for him to move and lie down. Zuko nestled into his chest, and felt Sokka remove his hair from the bun he always kept it in. The crown was also taken out, set on the nightstand near Zuko's bed.

"I've gotta if I want to keep improving the fire nation," Zuko says, listening to Sokka's steady heartbeat. Sokka hummed knowingly, fingers combing through Zuko's hair. Zuko sighed at the touch and relaxed further.

"Missed you," Sokka mumbled, and Zuko nodded slightly in agreement. "I can stay longer than I did last time, too."

Zuko glanced up at him, curious. "How long, exactly?" Last time, Sokka was able to stay for about a month. But that was last year. Sokka grins down at him, hand not in Zuko's hair moving down Zuko's back and slipping under Zuko's shirt, tracing the soulmark there.

"As long as I want, if you'll let me."

Zuko returned to his previous position, and he nodded slightly. "Of course, you could stay forever if you truly wanted."

Sokka laughs at that, and he presses a kiss to the top of Zuko's head. "I'll keep that in mind. You look tired though, so how about we sleep, and tomorrow over breakfast you can complain about the boring meetings like you do in your letters."

Zuko huffs, but doesn't object to sleeping and he falls asleep faster than Sokka thought he would. Sokka doesn't mention the pendant he made, that's something he could bring up after he caught up with his soulmate.