#not proud of it but confident enough to post it anyways

[giantkillerjack]

Ya know. I spent most of my life with horrible painful soul-crushing social anxiety.

And after about 25 years of continuous hard work, suddenly, people started pointing out - to my utter bafflement - that I had, in fact, achieved my lifelong dream of being charismatic. I'm 29 now; I feel comfortable in most social situations, and it is a very rare person whom I cannot make laugh.

I am, undoubtedly, finally, charismatic.

But do you know what I found?

I found that now that I have an understanding of which social rules serve which functions -- Now that I have an understanding of just how much damage my awkwardness was doing to people, well,

I found that, actually, my awkwardness never really hurt anyone at all. People were just judgmental dicks to me about it.

Now that I have the skill-level to (most of the time) creatively vocalize what is in my head as soon as I think it and without fear, I can confirm once and for all what I had always suspected:

I was worth talking to when I was quiet.

I was worth talking to when I was awkward, and when the words in my head took time and patience to hear, and when most of my jokes didn't land. I was worth talking to the whole time.

So I just... I hope that if you've ever wondered whether you are worth communicating with, the answer is yes. Absolutely yes. Each of us has a soul worth sharing - and if you and I were talking, I would happily wait for you to speak (or communicate in other ways) without condescending, and I would never shame you for that harmless awkwardness that so many people feel the need to violently stomp out.

You are worth talking to. You just are. And you deserve people who will speak to you with kindness, with patience, and with the basic immutable respect owed to all people.

(I talk about this with some frequency, both on tumblr and in real life. At some point, maybe I'll gather all my thoughts on the matter into one post. At some point, I wrote about my personal experience trying to build my social skill. But I felt the need to say at least a little bit tonight after seeing this other lovely post, and I'm glad I did. It will happen again.)

[em-dashes]

now that suddence is out to betas i'm oscillating between getting more and more self conscious and overthinking about everything that might be wrong with the story vs. knowing that is literally THE POINT of betas and i can't in good conscience let my story slide out into the world with a bunch of faults i didn't catch simply because i was too close to it

[cactusdying]

i like dill a normal amount

[aria0fgold]

I always wondered how anyone was able to write something with more than 5k words when I'd always struggle with it but now with how this mhyk fic is going I'm like: I understand. Also I feel like my writing has improved somehow? Which I'm really REALLY happy for.

[koushirouizumi]

Fandom: Professor Layton Type: AMV (Anime Music Video) Title: "Times" Characters: Aro-spec/Demi-spec!Luke Aromantic Asexual {AroAce}!/Aromantic!Hershel + either A.U. Future!Luke, Older!Luke, or SEMI-Canon compliant Hershel & Luke {as Queerplatonic Life Partners} + alongside "Clive" {"Future Luke"} (Klaus Albatross in Japanese original)

Spoiler(s): - throughout PL1 to PL3 + PL4; + Luke-centric moments from "Eternal Diva" movie. - There are no spoiler past PL5 (Made before the anime and some later games released.) [PL5 had only just released days before, I don't think I even had it yet / had seen cutscenes to use.]

Summary/Lyrics Preview:

"Are you DONE 'FORGIVING'?" Or can you look past MY 'pretending'?

THE TIMES you Question, "IS THIS for REAL?" My ""LOVE"" is over, it's Underneath, It's INSIDE, it's in-BETWEEN... I'm there through the heartache, I'm there through the storm

I DON'T CARE where YOU'RE 'F R O M' Or where you have 'BEEN'

{My 'LOVE'} never ends. (It NEVER 'ENDS'...)

[Note: I have this marked as 'no r.b.s', but please still acknowledge my banner and F.A.Q/rules]

(More information re: specific involved head-canons under the 'read more'!)

Notes (PLEASE read/Acknowledge!): - This is an A.M.V about Aro-Ace!HERSHEL + (Demi?)Aro-Ace!LUKE as platonic friendship/love. [Luke might also lean 'alterous'; especially if "paired" with Marina in post-P.L. Ani-verse*. *May still not be viewed by me as fully "romantic" Depending, and even their relation I mainly interpret in a very Queer-platonic sense] Klaus I generally head-canon as (overall intended) Queer but Klaus' identity is also very "its complicated" / Aro-Ace specific leaning by the end of this, since Klaus doesn't generally get much time to even "discover" such about themself in canon; so at the opening moments Klaus is more in "Questioning" stage and likely even considers self Cis-Het, Cis-gender, Peri-sex etc. - The song was originally by an Xtian singer singing about what was very likely more likely a deeply "religious" type of love, which is also semi-included here (and yes, it's Important for understanding the context), but since I'm, you know, a Jew, I've modified the interpretation somewhat for myself / my A.M.V (Klaus probably thinks Klaus is Xtian at one point and its also affecting Klaus through the P.L.3 narrative and the whole A.M.V.) So there's multiple meanings involved in the interpretation. It'd be cool if you could understand that. (Thank you.)

[acid-ixx]

update and story excepts

guys i swear if i post chapter 4 sooner for my series: again &. again, soon, will that revive the yandere batfam/dc tag because i swear i've been consuming less content of it both lately and sadly 💔 like it's a bit dead ngl. ill reply to asks once i'm done with ch.4 istg

and yes, i'm back from my short hiatus again to announce this. and it's 3:30am but i dont care teehee. anyways, if i do post a new chapter expect it to be this week and that's final for once, since i've kept all of you guys waiting so long, i'm so sorry :(( i swear it's me trying to gain confidence through my writing and i don't know if i like chapter 4 or not. all i do know is that it's one of the most emotionally draining chapters so expect triple the angst, yippee!

anyways, excepts from the chapter below the line break:

DICK'S THOUGHTS:

he sighs, resigning his thoughts all to himself as he checks his phone every minute for a simple ring of notifications just from you. he prefers to leave his phone in silent mode from the multitude of other contacts bothering him, but god forbade if that means he'd scroll past to a single reply of yours, then he'd rather burn in hell.

dick doesn't know it. why he's suddenly obsessed with you. you? yes you, his stupidly precious sibling, the one who looked up to him, frail and wronged by the world, with so much drive behind that stare. third child of bruce, yet second youngest in the family. the one that got away, the one he has never once saw outside that one memory of glinting, awe-inspired eyes that told more stories than poets, drew more emotions than artists.

CONNER'S SCENES:

"you're hot," and if you were sober enough, you would've felt sheer embarrassment and shame from eyeing the boy, but you're not— and because you're not sober, or any bit sane, the next few sentences you spewed out were all coherent, yet wonkily pronounced utterances paired with teary eyes and sniffling nose, as you can't seem to control the feelings of melancholy in your heart and the sudden emotional burst from your ramblings.

"thank you, you too, actually— but are you alright-"

"haha! is it strange to say that you look so cute whenever you look at me with wide eyes in the short span of time we just met?"

"it's conner, conner kent. call me kon, though. or yours if it's you."

BATHROOM BREAKDOWN P.T.2 PRIOR TO CLUBBING

you don't remember the last time you looked in a mirror, looking healthy, fresh, and proud of yourself for dressing up in your style. in the back of your mind, there will always be hatred, resentment for how you look. and right now, you hate how you every bit of your appearance because...

because you look exactly just like an image of your mother and bruce wayne. a reminder, your punishment for your parents' beautifully tragic affair with one another. a billionaire who courted.the lowly dirt-class slut of gotham.

(spoilers: expect shit to go down with jason todd with you, and him with the family, and a good 4k words of you flirting with conner before actual shit goes down)

leave comments down below if you do like the direction this story is coming to! otherwise, thank you all for reading my series and supporting it from the start !! <33

[mlyscha]

↳ LOVE IS TRUST ⭑

𝓼ynopsis. where you and your boyfriend try the "i trust my boyfriend" trend: will they be able to succeed? 𝓹airing. enha!member x female!reader 𝓰enre. fluff, trendy, kind of domestic? 𝔀arnings. curse words, reader gets hit on the head (help), not proofread, english is not my 1st language. 𝔀𝓬. 1,5k+ 𝓶asterlist.

♡ 𝓪melie's 𝓷ote: just wanted to say hi and thank you guys for the 60+ followers, this is crazy! (╥ ω ╥) it has been only a few days since i started writing here and i have all of you guys here already… it couldn’t feel sweeter and softer than this! <3 thank you, everyone. 🤍

― 𝓱eeseung: confidence is not the key in this case...

you were sat on a chair, heeseung behind you holding a slipper while your phone were recording the moment. "okay... i'm scared but..." you prepared yourself for the worse, carefully protecting the side of your head with your arms and hands, just to make sure the water bottle above your head doesn't fall somehow; other than your boyfriend shooting a slipper to make it fall. "i trust my boyfriend! ah!" you screamed, waiting for him to throw the slipper and the water bottle placed above your head. "OH MY GOD, BABE," you turned to look at him from ― not too ― afar. "you did it!" your boyfriend, walking closer to you with a proud and petty grin replied: "yeah, that was kind of easy," then he shrugged, kissing your lips.

a few minutes later: "'kay guys, hee said he wants to attempt it again so... here we are..." you pursed your lips while looking at the camera, not very excited about this, already having that gut feeling. however, you just consented because this man seemed enthusiastic about the throw thing ― it even made you question yourself if he was mad at you somehow ㅠㅠ. anyway, when heeseung felt confident enough he threw the slipper. but! it hit your head and he immediately came to your rescue, back hugging you, feeling guilty and apologetic. "oh my god babe, i'm sorry," he was feeling worried about you, but when he realised you were actually laughing your ass off, he began to laugh as well, easing the atmosphere.

― 𝓳ongseong: nonchalant about it, but still succeeds.

jongseong is not a big fan of your couple trends ideas or something, worse when it involves your safety. but it's what they say: happy wife, happy life - even though he hasn't proposed yet. sat on a chair while jongseong waited beside you until you finished your tiktok video introduction, getting in position after you hit pause. he grabbed a slipper and gave you a quick forehead kiss before going back to his position, waiting for you to hit the record button. "i trust my boyfriend...!" "guys, i didn't want to do this, but, here i am," your boyfriend explained before throwing the slipper and successfully making the bottle above your head fall. "you did it, baby! woo-hoo!" you cheered for him, making the corner of his lips twitch.

bonus: after you recorded the video and posted it, jongseong told you to re-do this trend, but this time, with him, and let's say... sometimes the fourth time is the charm, isn't it?

― 𝓳aeyun: failed but redems himself.

different from jongseong, jaeyun would be actually excited to try it since you promised him he could be the next one having a slipper being thrown across their head. anyway, cutting the yap, your boyfriend was behind you making funny moves from afar, but when you told him to stop just so you can record the intro, he did it, actually feeling shy after you hit record. "okay, i trust my boyfriend ya'll..." and then... "OUCH!" "OH MY GOD, baby i'm sorry," feeling a extreme sense of guilt but playfulness, he went to hug you. "i'm so sorry, you can hit me now." he kisses your scalp/head, trying to make it less sore.

"okay guys, now it's my turn..." jaeyun announced, sitting on the chair you were sat two minutes before. he sighs before saying the catchy phrase: "i trust my girlfriend!" he closes his eyes, trying to stay still and appear calm ― even though he was shitting his pants thinking you were going to throw this slipper with such a force. however, you threw it and the water bottle sitting on his head fell. "i did it!" "WOW!" your boyfriend would immediately jump and hug you, praising you ― trying to make you forget about his embarrassingly and clumsy failed attempt.

― 𝓼unghoon: "why would i do that?" kind of guy.

yeah? why would he do that? alright, before we jump into the funny part ― not for sunghoon ― he might sound a bit petty and kinda nonchalant about this whole thing not to be rude, but because he just doesn't want to get you hurt. also, he thinks that if the quote was: safe wife, happy life, maybe things could've been solved more easily. anyway, your boyfriend began to practice how he could succeed this trend, which means, how he can throw this slipper across your head just perfectly enough to make that stupid water bottle fall.

after a few seconds, he asked you a hundred time: "why would i do this? i mean... why?!" he pouts, walking closer to you and placing both of his hands on your shoulders, giving them a little squeeze. you held his hands, looking back at sunghoon with a small grin. "babe, i am not going to die, it's just a silly couple trend, relax; you're just gonna throw the slipper and try to make this water bottle fall, while it lays on top of my head, okay?" no, it is not okay, but, instead, he replies: "okay..." you record a simple intro with hoon on the back, jumping into the main part of the tiktok. "i trust my boyfriend- OH MY GOD! THAT WAS FAST!" "yeah... that was fast..." "you still did it, babe! i'm alive!" "i am never doing these things again..." ― lies... (¬_¬).

― 𝓼unoo: the one having the most fun here.

i am used to describe sunoo as the giggliest and the most giddy one, and that specially applies for this kinds of situations too. with that being said i might mention that sunoo was actually just as excited as jaeyun could be, knowing that you wouldn't actually be mad at him or seriously injured, more like a funny moment he will share with you.

"okay, so i just have to throw it? like... this?" he pretended like he was going to throw the slipper. "yeah, yeah, that's all," you nodded, sitting on the chair and pressing record, since you had finished the intro already. "i trust my boyfriend." you said, waiting for the slipper to him your head or maybe the bottle. however, a loud smack was heard, and it was the sound of the slipper falling against the floor. both of you burst in a fit of laughter, before you asked: "want to try again?" "no... but can we switch? i actually wanna see if you can do it..."

― 𝓳ungwon: wonnie says: no, girlfriend sad. wonnie then says: fine...

jungwon is a mix of jongseong and sunghoon, nonchalant and worried about it. he have a big chance of succeeding, and if he does, he would say something like sunghoon said previously ― "i am not doing any such a thing like this with you anymore...!" but what happens if he doesn't succeed? well, first of all he will and would most definitely check on you and probably say: i told you it wasn't a good idea.

"'kay, i'll press start alright? get on your position." "baby, i'm scared i'll hit you too hard..." "would you hit me straight on the head hardly?" "no, but-" "exactly." "but i'll have to hit the bottle, not you, ugh... anyway." jungwon brushes off the urge to stop this, but after he realises you pressed record, he gives up. "i trust my boyfriend." and then after a few seconds preparing himself to throw it... bam! "i told you this wasn't a good idea!" even though his tone seemed kind of pissed off, he still walked over and checked on you like i said, laughing at you. "i told you silly head," he messes up with your hair a little bit. "this wasn't a good idea."

― 𝓻iki: laughs so hard that it makes you mad.

riki is the most playful one besides sunoo. he gives off this annoying guy at class vibes, almost like a bully who's soft on the inside. with that being said, riki would be down to record it, but still a bit worried, reassuring you wouldn't be mad at him if you get accidentally hit. knowing your boyfriend a little too well, you asked: "will you laugh at me?" and he would most definitely reply: "of course i will."

"okay, get ready, i'll start and then you can throw it- ouch! what was that for?" you turned around after getting hit on the head by the slipper. "i didn't pressed record or said the thing!" you complained. "oh sorry, my bad, i heard i could throw it." you sighed while your boyfriend picked the slipper up again, getting back into his position. "...i trust my boyfriend." you said, kind of hesitant. "RIKI! THAT HURT!" you placed your hand above the sore spot on the back of your head. "i'm-" giggle. "sorry!" giggle. you began to fake sob, making him feel guilty and this time actually worried. "oh... actually? did it actually hurt?" "'yes, it did," you looked up at him with a playful grin. "but... you know, it is your time to trust on me..."

riki ended up with a sore bump on his head. <3

© 𝓪𝐦𝐞𝐥𝐢𝓮, 𝗺𝗹𝘆𝘀𝗰𝗵𝗮 𝗌𝓽𝓾𝖽𝗂𝗈𝓼. ⋆

[cloudcountry]

just realized i NEVER posted this to tumblr??? HELLO??? if it wasn't for ao3 this shit would have been lost media because i literally cannot find it in my google docs??? HELP???

ANYWAYS!! WELCOME TO WHAT THE TWST BOYS LEFT YOU WITH AFTER YOU BROKE UP

its bittersweet. you guys broke up on good terms. post-formatting auburn here and omfg what was i THINKING this shit HURTED. OW. CRITICAL HIT I NEED A HEALER. FUCK.

Riddle Rosehearts leaves you with an appreciation for learning, a strong sense of awe at the bookshelves lining the walls of NRC’s library. He leaves you with a pen, tucked at the bottom of your backpack that you forget about until a late night study session. You find it and giggle, remembering the time he gave it to you when yours ran out of ink, and you begin to take notes with the red-rose ink.

Trey Clover leaves you with a sense of nurture. You pick up cues from people that you never would have seen before and know exactly how to act, and it isn’t until you find yourself “babying” Ace that you step back and laugh. Of course Trey rubbed off on you, he always was taking care of you with nobody to help out him.

Cater Diamond leaves you with extensive knowledge of camera angles. When you’re taking pictures with your friends or just you, it's like you know exactly which filter would look best with every shot. Sometimes you’ll stumble upon a filter you only ever used on his pics, and you’re filled with a bittersweet happiness. Simple photo editing holds so many memories, and you can only hope he’s making new ones, too.

Deuce Spade leaves you with a motivation to protect yourself. When you started dating him all that time ago, he insisted on giving you some form of self defense lessons just so you could protect yourself. He made you more confident, even if he never knew it. You’ll always be thankful for the way he unknowingly made you stand up straighter, like you were proud to be yourself.

Ace Trappola leaves you with a lighter soul. He’s always been a goofy person, and you know full well that he’s never changed. He made you way more optimistic just by dealing with things the way he did, always being true to his heart no matter who he was speaking to. You always admired that about him, and it made you feel like you could be more like yourself even when he wasn’t there anymore.

Leona Kingscholar leaves you with a piece of his pride. He always told you to keep your head up especially when you’re scared half to death. You find yourself using his advice every time you face a situation you’d rather not be in, and slowly conquer everything that used to freak you out. You finally glow with the pride that you know he would have been so proud of if he was still with you, but you’re starting to think that maybe he’s proud of you anyway.

Ruggie Bucchi leaves you with a determination to constantly fight for better. You need to make the best of your circumstances, being transported to a world where you’re powerless with nothing but the shirt on your back. He’s taught you to be crafty and resourceful, and to never let yourself be taken advantage of. You can’t thank him enough...and really, you can’t anymore, but that’s okay.

Jack Howl leaves a carefully planned school year in his wake. You find yourself planning out your day, little events scribbled into your calendar and schedules created in the margins of your notebook. Jack had always reminded you of things and you wanted to let him know how much you valued his efforts to keep you on track, so you started writing down his schedules too. It isn’t until you flip back through your notebook to find older notes that you see “Track and Field Meet - 5pm” and feel a pang in your heart.

Azul Ashengrotto leaves you with a ton of home-economics knowledge. Long after you two have broken up, you still find yourself checking on your monthly expenses and tweaking your meal plans, and it isn’t until you’re laying in bed one night that you realize you wouldn’t be nearly as efficient as you are now if it wasn’t for your previous sweetheart.

Jade Leech leaves you with a fascination for the world around you. He took things that you didn’t think twice about and twisted them into beautiful sights, and you never quite looked at them the same way. It’s not a bad thing, it’s quite the opposite, actually. Your world has never been more beautiful, even if the boy that opened your eyes isn’t there to see it with you.

Floyd Leech leaves you with a restless need to do something. Sometimes, during your down time, you’ll set down your phone and start pacing around your room, wondering why your legs just can’t seem to sit still. Then something clicks—Floyd used to barge into your dorm and dance with you at random intervals, but he doesn’t do that as much anymore. Laughing to yourself, you slip on a coat and decide to take a walk—anything to get the fidgeting out of your system.

Kalim Al-Asim leaves you with a brighter smile and higher patience. You’d always had to chase after him on whatever misadventure he decided to go on that day, apologizing to Jamil with a wobbly smile on your face once the day was done. Kalim never failed to make things brighter, even your breakup. You two still hang out sometimes, but you aren’t as close as you used to be, even if the memories of your adventures remain.

Jamil Viper leaves you with some of his best recipes. It may seem silly or insignificant to anyone else, but you know exactly how much time he spent cooking and baking for Kalim and his entire dorm on a daily basis. He even found time to bring you and his club snacks occasionally. You still know how to make his favorite curry, and if a recipe calls for dates you scratch them out from the ingredients out of habit.

Vil Schoenheit leaves you feeling beautiful. He never once looked at you wrong, whether you had just woken up or had gotten into another mud fight with Grim or if you were wearing a swimsuit. There was nothing but love in his gaze and a reminder to keep your head up on his tongue, because in his eyes you were precious. Because to Vil, you were unapologetically beautiful (and you still are. You always will be.)

Rook Hunt leaves you with an eye for detail. After picking up on everything you did and telling you about every habit he examined, you became keenly aware of your habits and how to manage them. You’re far more observant when it comes to your own self care, and you know you wouldn’t be as diligent if it wasn’t for the insistence of your ex.

Epel Felmier leaves you with a love for nature. You’re hyper aware of how long it takes apple trees to grow and what you can do to help them along. You whisper to your plants now and sing little songs to them and you water them. Your friends have even started coming to you for pointers, and despite the fact that Epel isn’t your partner anymore, you refer them to him automatically.

Idia Shroud leaves you with an absurd amount of techy knowledge. With all the gadgets Ramshackle has because of him, you’re thankful he took the time to explain how they worked. The gifts he made for you almost make the fact that he had to end things with you because of his...family business and that you’ll likely never see him again easier to swallow.

Malleus Draconia leaves you with a greater love for the night sky. You had a person to share the sight of the stars with for once, someone who loved looking up at them just as much as you did. You can still feel the chill of his hand over yours as he reached for it, holding it like you were the most precious treasure of all. Now, when you look up at the stars, you feel a pain of longing in your chest. You miss him.

Lilia Vanrouge leaves you with knowledge of the worlds you’ll never see. You find yourself drawing parallels between this world, your world, and the mystical places Lilia used to talk about. Even Trein has been impressed by the knowledge you’ve displayed in his essays despite not being from this world, and you can only force a laugh.

Silver leaves you with a safety net, something you can use to calm down whenever. His childhood lullaby. He sang it for you time and time again when you were having trouble sleeping in an unfamiliar place when your anxiety got a bit too much. Whenever you have a nightmare now, you find yourself humming the old Briar Valley tune, in hopes that it will give you some comfort.

Sebek Zigvolt leaves you with a greater appreciation for reading (and a pile of bookmarks tucked in an old leather box he presented when he started “courting” you.) You still find yourself exiting Ramshackle on the weekends, and heading to that very same tree you two used to read under. There’s a part of you that wants to look for him, to check and see if he’s also heading to your tree, but you don’t.

[jeonstellate]

my future in your eyes

mingyu still holds onto you, even after all this time.

๑彡 kim mingyu x gender neutral!reader

๑彡 divorced!au/ex-husband!au, post-break up!au, exes-to-lovers!au — fluff

๑彡 paragraph format — 1.1K words

masterlist

[gif’s full credit belongs solely to its owner]

๑彡 title is taken from zack tabudlo’s as you are.

๑彡 i’m lowk proud of this ngl bc— it’s fluff, but it took me relatively quick to finish?? usually i get stuck for weeks if the wip’s fluff ><

Kim Mingyu is a man of confidence.

Not that he uses his confidence to swindle strangers, as the dictionary suggests the title means. Rather, he exudes confidence — regardless of what he does.

There is always an air confidence around him. He can be in clothes that don’t fit the event’s theme and he’ll still seem perfectly dressed. He can be barely conversant in another language and he’ll still sound like he knows what he’s saying. He can just be standing there, doing nothing, and he’ll still appear like he’s doing something right.

Some people mistake his confidence for arrogance. Most find it admirable. But, in truth, Mingyu hardly cares.

Especially if his so-called confidence vanishes whenever you are in the vicinity and within his line of sight. Just like now.

He sees you in a table with Seokmin. Your back is towards him but he recognizes you, anyway. Despite the distance, he has no problem witnessing how animatedly you talk with your common friend.

It’s almost like he is back in college: you and Seokmin in one row, him and Minghao a few rows back. He can almost hear Minghao state matter-of-factly, "You’re staring," like he often does back then.

Really, all that’s different is Minghao’s currently preoccupied being the groom to comment on his staring. (There are definitely more things that are different now, but he doesn’t want to even begin thinking about them.)

Seokmin catches his stare. Not soon after, specifically before Mingyu can even look away, he sees him leave the table. Seokmin throws him a familiar meaningful look before disappearing into the dance floor.

Truth be told, Mingyu’s confidence comes naturally. It isn’t something that he purposely channels. It’s just always there . . . unless you are involved. Then, suddenly, he has to painstakingly gather the confidence to be near you.

"Is this seat taken?" He tries his hardest to mask his awestruck look with one of kind politeness as he waits your response.

He almost forgot how to breathe when your eyes lock into his. "You may sit if you wish," you offer him a small, polite smile. "I don’t think he’ll be back anytime soon."

"Thanks." He effortlessly returns your gesture before situating himself on the chair your common friend abandoned. "How are you enjoying the party?"

"Really well, actually. I didn’t expect to recognize a lot of people from college." Your eyes don’t leave his as you answer. He tries not to stare back too intently, to look within your eyes to see something . . . anything. "And you?"

Mingyu waits for a beat, gathering enough confidence to say what he wants to. "Better now that you’re here." With me.

He lets out a barely audible embarrassed laugh. He has half a mind to take it back, but quickly changes his mind when he sees you biting your lower lip — an obvious attempt to stop yourself from laughing.

A ghost of a smile plays on his lips. There’s pride in knowing he’s still able to make you laugh, despite it being your first meeting in literal years.

You look down in a presumable attempt to calm yourself down. He doesn’t take his eyes off of you, though, as he refuses to lose you from his sight. As such, he immediately notices the sudden shift in your expression.

"You’re still wearing it." Mingyu follows your line of sight — and ends up looking at the source of your comment. His hand on the table, specifically the band of gold adorning his ring finger. "Our ring."

Our wedding ring.

You and Mingyu married soon after graduating from college. It had been a blissful marriage, one that filled a home with nothing but love and support.

Your divorce was on the basis of irreconcilable differences. It was a mutual decision, for the interest of your career paths diverging too far. There was never a bad blood.

"Ye— yeah." Mingyu stutters involuntarily. He clears his throat before continuing, "It’s a great conversational piece."

Although the divorce has been finalized years ago, Mingyu still plays the faithful and loving husband role in front of strangers. He uses the ring on his finger to his advantage: may that be to wordlessly signal that he’s already taken or to gain the favor of a potential sponsor.

Likewise, even if he knows the ring might be a disadvantage, he refuses to take it off — nor to purposely hide it from sight. The same way he never tells a stranger that he is no longer tied to someone else.

"Does it work?" You ask in wonder.

"We are conversing now, aren’t we?"

You chuckle, "Touché."

Mingyu wants to tell you that he hasn’t taken the ring off since you slipped it on his finger during your wedding. Not even after your divorce has been finalized all those years ago.

He wants to tell you his ring finger is thinner near his palm because of his adamant refusal to take his wedding ring off once in a while. Not willing to separate from the only physical reminder of your marriage, not even for a second.

He wants to tell you the ring is more than a conversational piece. He wants to tell you it’s his lifeline, something he can’t bear to lose. But he doesn’t.

Instead, Mingyu uses all the confidence he has gathered to ask you a simple question. "Dance with me?"

He offers you the hand adorned by his wedding ring. He tries not to show the uncertainty he feels by masking it behind a smile.

He almost lets out a relieved sigh when you place your hand on top of his. But he stops breathing momentarily when he catches sight of the sole jewelry adorning your hand.

"You’re still wearing it," Mingyu echoes your comment breathlessly. "Our ring."

He snaps his eyes back to your face, just in time to witness your smile widen. "Yeah," you say. "It’s a great talisman to ward off potential suitors."

He leads you to the dance floor, silently marveling at how your hand still fits perfectly with his. "Does it work?"

"It’s very effective," you assure him. "Although I don’t think it works well against ex-husbands."

Another slow song starts playing right when you reach the dance floor. You and Mingyu unconsciously claim your respective hand placements during your first dance — and for any waltz you danced after.

Then, suddenly, it’s like you traveled back in time.

Mingyu pulls you closer, a ghost of a smirk is at the edge of his lips. "I think it works well attracting ex-husbands."

[farshootergotme]

Now that I have the confidence to send you asks, fully expect me to bug you periodically from here on out

Anyways- do you think Dick qualifies as a scapegoat? Cause I 100% think he's a scapegoat. People always try to shove the 'golden child' role onto Dick, and it always confused me cause like. He doesn't fit it at all if you actually look into what a golden child is.

Dick is definitely one of the scapegoats of the batfamily (Jason being the other) and it makes me sad that people always label him a golden child when he's the exact opposite. Seriously- he's hit, beaten, unfairly blamed, lashed out at, not told about important things (Jason or being replaced, Jason dying, Jason's funeral, probably other things, i wouldn't be surprised), etc. Definition of a scapegoat to me.

It's also why I hesitate to label him the 'favorite' even when the comics try to say otherwise. Mostly because... favorite children aren't really treated this way. Favorite weapon, maybe, as I've said in a post I've made before, but that's it. Bruce wouldn't kill for him or any of his kids. He's come close, yeah, but he's also come close to killing the Joker too after Jason's death and had to be threatened into not doing it. Every time, it's in a strong surge of emotion, and the second Bruce thinks rationally- well, he doesn't do it. Dick isn't at all unique, Bruce wouldn't kill for him either.

I think Bruce is the most proud of Dick, and has a unique relationship with him due to knowing him the longest and the parentification, but I don't think that makes him the favorite. Maybe to the other batkids, but probably not in reality.

I don't think Bruce really HAS a favorite- Dick is probably the closest to it, but still.

Though, if you wanna play around with angst and fanon ideas, maybe both Dick and Jason are the favorites and that's why Bruce treats them the worst? Dunno, it'd make a fun fic, even if it's not really grounded in canon (though I ignore RHATO and Comic UTRH).

Idk. Just,, gestures. Dick is a scapegoat to me.

Hope my 2 am rambling made sense lol

Okay, I see you, but I'll argue:

Dick Grayson is both the scapegoat and the golden child.

Now, you might not believe this since he doesn't tend to be both at the same time, and it isn't common for these roles to exist within the same individual. But Dick Grayson is praised and favored as much as he's blamed and pushed.

A golden child is the one who carries most of the expectations in the family. The parent expects them to be perfect, make no mistakes, take on roles they're pushed into with no issue (thus parentification can happen), and continue on and on to be good enough and meet the criteria so they don't make the parent disappointed.

The love is conditional hence they develop this unhealthy perfectionism and self-esteem and self-worth issues that will follow them till adulthood even when they're out of that environment and living their own lives.

The reason why a parent might choose a specific child (or children) to be the favored one is because they tend to see this child as an extension of themselves. And consequential to this, they will project their insecurities onto said child and force them to improve—be the best—where they fall short. All of their capabilities are overvalued, making the parent see them as special and much better than the rest, causing the unrealistic expectations a child must hold and fulfill so as not to “fail” their parent(s).

Although this child might seem like the favorite and who could do no wrong on the outside, the love they receive isn't something they can take for granted.

When a golden child underperforms or isn't as good as they're expected, the parent’s demeanor might change. They will feel the disappointment and fear this might cause the treatment they get to change. Sometimes the child might even fear abandonment or rejection from their parent as a result of their failures.

The mix of all this turns into a person who's over-competent, hard-working and someone that tends to take charge of things so they aren't at risk of failing, making them ‘natural’ leaders in any group they might be part of.

Sounding familiar yet?

Now, let's move on to the scapegoat:

A scapegoat child is the one that is blamed by all the things that go wrong in the family. They are constantly criticized and shamed by things they might've not even been part of, but somehow they're now involved and taking all the blame for the others so there are no consequences for anyone but them.

(All the blame also messes with their perception of certain events, making them prone to self-blame for the problems that occur in the family or their behaviors towards them.)

The scapegoating in the family may be due to subconscious projection from the parent when they're dealing with difficult emotions such as shame, guilt, rage, etc. They feel threatened by their own feelings and therefore they will try to escape from them by externalizing those feelings and making them their scapegoat’s problem.

Because of this treatment, the scapegoat might become an outsider in the family, feeling excluded and isolated from the rest. And for this, when push comes to shove and they're going through a rough patch, they will not have any reliable support they can go to inside the family as they'll be ignored or otherwise unfairly treated, having their feelings be invalidated.

Like the golden child, there's some aspects the scapegoat shares with the former:

Being treated differently by the parent/family.

Having unrealistic expectations placed upon them.

Being pushed into roles or responsibilities the child isn't meant to take.

Fear of expressing how they feel.

Self-worth issues and low self-esteem.

Although they're usually roles that are considered opposites, they aren't as incompatible as one might think. A child can alternate between being a scapegoat or the golden child, and this usually happens when the parent is very emotionally unstable, commonly due to a disorder such as narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or borderline personality disorder (BPD).

(I have so many thoughts about the latter applying to Bruce, but I will refrain from elaborating to not make this longer than it needs to be)

Having all I've said until now in consideration, I'm sure you've noticed how Dick meets both criterias—dare I say the golden child more often than the scapegoat.

Bruce is always speaking about how Dick is “better than him” and “the thing he's ever done right”, but in both of these statements you can see he's taking who Dick is and making it as something that's part of him, comparing Dick's accomplishments to his and putting him in this pedestal, and because of this projection happens and Bruce starts seeing Dick as an extension of himself.

This is why, when he or Dick fail, Dick will suddenly become the scapegoat, contrasting with the former golden child position he was in.

Here you can see the high expectations, praise for his accomplishments, his siblings feeling like Dick is better than them (i.e. treated differently than the rest), and you can also see how when he doesn't meet the expectations, he's met with disappointment (see: Alfred disappointed he's not as bright as he usually is) or judgment (see: Bruce angry at him because he isn't committing to his cause as much as he expects him to).

And these are examples of Bruce being too harsh on Dick and expecting him to do better, blaming him for his brother's death, and in result Dick having a habit of blaming himself and accepting mistreatment, thinking it must be his fault.

More often than not, Dick is put on a pedestal by his family and even his friends sometimes. They praise and love him, but when there's occasions in which he's acting less than perfect, the treatment towards him can change.

Dick Grayson can be the golden child as much as he can be the scapegoat.

[mythicmanuscripts]

Hey, Sea! I'm kinda crazy about your work and I'm always sooo happy when there are new posts from you. I love the way you write the characters, it's so delicate, sweet and just amazing! And truth be told, I came for sub!aemond, but now I'm so hooked up on sub!aegon

In one of your previous posts you said something that made my mind spiral: himbo!aegon. Now I just need to read something, anything about it, if it's not too much to ask

This is so funny to me because I too started writing for sub!aemond and then ended up hooked on sub!aegon so I'm glad to hear others are in the same position.

I have plenty of asks with Aegon angst, which is absolutely brilliant we all know I love torturing the lad, but I think this could be the perfect ask to actually have some happy Aegon? So there will be happy subby himbo!aegon below the cut! Oh and I've made himbo!aegon a tag so that we can discuss it more!

So firstly, very early in your marriage to Aegon you discover that he just functions better when he has instructions to follow? At first this confuses you so much because you've seen how angry and irritable he gets when Allicent orders him to do something, and yet when you do it he almost seems relieved?

It takes a long time for Aegon to talk to you about Allicent and about how she affects him, but eventually he explains that Allicent just has this way of speaking to him and instructing him that makes him feel inferior and stupid? She will purposefully insult him while giving him an order, breaking his confidence and self image down enough that he doesn't trust his own thinking.

But then with you, you're so sweet about it? You listen to him and you help him and you praise him when he does as you ask. You never, ever, make him feel useless or stupid and you always make sure to show him how proud you are of him.

So when you smile at him and ask him to do something, he doesn't even consider disobeying? He's almost giddy as he runs back to you to tell you that he's done as you asked. You always praise him and give him a kiss and him feel so so good, so of course he listens to you!!

His mother is wholly incapable of understanding this by the way.

Anyway, so you quickly realise that Aegon really does function better when you instruct him. You first realise this at your wedding when you ask him for something, and the way he absolutely BEAMED at you when you thanked him and said he was perfect? You immediately knew you'd have to look more into this.

Pretty soon you’ve got Aegon wrapped around your finger and honestly he is loving it. Aegon thrives on feeling owned? He absolutely loves being able to refer back to you for guidance, loves being able to slip onto your lap whenever you two are alone and nibble on your collarbone and ear while you explain what you think he should do. It’s the freely given affection that makes him feel so so special and allows him to let his walls down enough that being told what to do no longer feels insulting.

Of course this works in the bedroom too, but that you knew from day one. The moment you gave Aegon the smallest pushback, he relented and when you responded by taking charge, he was completely enamoured and never looked at another again. It’s like you just claimed him and he’s so so pleased with it.

For a while he tries to not seem as reliant on your guidance as he actually is because he’s scared you’ll see him as too weak if you knew the truth. He’ll ask your opinion on something in passing and try to act all nonchalant about it, but in truth he’s hanging onto your every word because he’s not sure what to do and he knows he can trust you.

Eventually when he realises that he can be more open about it and you’ll never tease him or patronise him, well then you pretty much rule the seven kingdoms. He puts you on his small council, and while you don’t always say much in the meetings, Aegon can tell by your expressions what you think of things and when you do speak, it’s always impactful.

The other members of the small council were originally uncertain about him adding you but after one meeting they were to glad he did. It’s like you’re able to perfectly toe the line between understanding Aegon and also understanding what the realm needs. Aegon doesn’t snap when you steer him in a different direction, so the small council is very very grateful (except Allicent but thats not exactly new or surprising).

Also, Aegon isn’t just a himbo because he’s obedient and pretty and little dumb, he also LOVES his wife. He’s considered to be the most in love king in history. The whole of the seven realms knows how much King Aegon loves his queen, and how important it is for them to get on your good side.

If Aegon had it his way, court would be held with you sitting on the iron thrown and him across your lap, his legs dangling over the side of the thrown. Of course you don’t allow this during court because he needs to maintain some semblance of control in front of the noble lords and ladies, but when everyone finally leaves then he jumps off the thrown, waits for you to sit down and gets back on the thrown, this time across your lap. You hold him and have a little debrief.

The first time you suggested a debrief, Aegon had rolled his eyes and refused. But your tone was firm, and you both knew he’d never tell you no when you spoke like that.

And now he absolutely loves the debriefs. Irrelevant of whether you were at court that day or not, Aegon always starts with telling you everything that happened and venting about whatever he needs to vent about. One of the many things Aegon loves about you is how you can joke with him? When he insults a member of court you respond with an even funnier insult. More than once you’ve had to grab him to stop him from falling off your lap from laughing too hard.

Then he gets to hear your thoughts on everything and he’s so so thankful that the two of you seem to just speak the same language? He always knows exactly what you’re doing about and why, you can just explain things in a way that he absolutely loves.

So yeah, himbo!aegon!!

[centrally-unplanned]

IRL (In Real Life) - Buffydom Propaganda And The Internet-That-Was

It is 1997. You just got back from the latest Hot Topic run to restock on whatever the most raven-black bomb of Manic Panic they have on the shelves is, so you can do double-duty bleaching your hair in the shower while watching a CRT TV precariously mounted on the lip of your sink. On that TV is the Season 1 finale of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and you are obsessed. Unfortunately for you, no one else in Bowling Green, Ohio, shares your passion for a CW WB show about vampire hunting teens who purposefully fumble their line deliveries. You are alone, and you have shit you gotta say about it to someone, anyone, who will understand.

Fortunately for you, the marketing team at ye old WB anticipated that their audience would be a bunch of fucking nerds, and boy do they have a solution to your problem! Welcome to the Bronze:

A while back I stumbled upon the inexplicable existence of "IRL (In Real Life)", a 2007 documentary about the community that formed around the aforementioned Buffy fan discussion forum/chatboard. Officially running from around the launch of the show until it switched over to UPN after its fifth season (with the forum dying a dramatic death in the process), The Bronze was a highly active center for the Buffy fandom, which generated several spillovers into real life. In particular, it was famous for the creatives and even actors on the show occasionally posting on the forum, which culminated in members of the community organizing a yearly party in Los Angeles where posters would fly out and be joined by said cast and crew. This documentary charts its culture & history via interviewing an array of its members.

As always, I am not here to give the blow-by-blow; instead, what is the narrative this documentary is trying to sell?

My previous documentary write-up was about nerd culture in the 2010’s; newly ascendant, growing confident in its own values and looking to justify that to itself, wealthy and with a developed enough ecosystem for crowdfunding to create professional, polished documentaries of its own heroes. None of that is true for IRL. Filmed on whatever camcorder/potato hybrid proto-Ebay would cough up from its zero-bid listings in a series of hotel rooms and people’s living rooms in 2003-2004 after the forum had died, this is the era of nerd culture at its most conflicted and insecure; mocked by the mainstream and unsure if it should be proud of that fact or deeply ashamed of it. And this documentary wears this conflict right on its sleeve; one of its opening lines is a confident assurance to the audience of “don’t worry, we aren’t like those nerds”:

Throwing Trekkies under the bus in the process, cold! Particularly given how it proceeds to barely even blink before pivoting to explaining their hobby of running “WITTs”, multi-day-long collaborative roleplays:

You are exactly those Trekkies my dudes; you weren’t just at the devil’s sacrament you were hosting it! "WITT" stands for Whedon Improvisational Theatre Troupe, you can't recover from that guys.

(I love how “dozens” is large by the way - it was for the internet in 2001, right?)

Anyway, beyond documenting the forum and its members, the conclusion this documentary wants you to hold is that the Bronze was a special place of real community, and it is a community of “normal” people, who made real relationships. And in particular, that internet relationships can be just as real as those found in meatspace, that these relationships transcended the digital and entered the physical; and that this is what fandom can be about.

I want to start with the ways that narrative was correct within the context of the time. I can actually explain that Klingon comment! I have one extant interview with the director of the film, Stephanie Tuszynski, and she put her motivation as follows: 

FFN: What made you decide to study Buffy fandom, particularly the Bronze, for your documentary? ST: The idea to do a documentary film about the Bronze actually came to me very early on, because "Trekkies" came out in the late 1990s so I was already a Bronzer at that point. And when I saw it I started throwing things at my television. I was incensed. That wasn't a documentary about the fandom experience, it was "hey let's find the most extreme examples possible and have a freak show!" It infuriated me […] It reinforced every awful stereotype about media fans while purporting to be objective.

It wasn’t a random example - the 1997 documentary Trekkies set the “standard” view of fandom as extremist oddballs, and Tuszynski specifically wanted to counter that. It was the early 2000’s after all, nerd stereotypes were strong, you had to fight them explicitly! In a society where there is strong background hostility to one’s identity, you will attempt to normalize it using known reference points; and certainly the people on these forums were more “normal” than the stereotypes admitted to because that entire binary framework is a dead end.

More importantly to the narrative is the online aspect, “making friends on the internet”. Another find I have is a blog post from a professor who used the film in a class; and in the film’s narrative of “people with no one ‘irl’ to share their hobby with finding friends online” triggered a debate around if the online relationships are “taking away” from in-person relationships that are presumed to be more valuable. A debate that still rages to this day over social media! But the contours were different back then, the internet was presumed to be niche, ancillary, and relationships made online in a completely separate box from “in person” friendships. The documentary goes to great lengths to explain that they were a real community because that idea is so contested. Ironically, they do this by emphasizing that they met up in person, hung out, attended each other's weddings, etc; as if only by meeting up in person could the relationships be validated as real? But you can’t truly fault them for meeting their implicit critics halfway in making their case.

So what can I fault them for?

*****

I was perpetually amused when watching the doc that they included two married couples in the filming, and for both one of the spouses would talk and the other would sit there, in silence, the entire time. Maybe they were members of the community and just not talkers; maybe their lines got cut in post. But what I kept thinking was that they were there selling normality to me; married couples are just inherently less oddball, less threatening, and in the era where “nerd = virgin” just less nerdy. Like with the Klingon line, there is an intentionality to the “just like you” vibe.

Which, as mentioned with the extensive forum roleplay, inevitably breaks down once the reality of forum activity is dug into. And I buried the lede here - you may have seen the title of the “longest” roleplay was “RTBS Soul Restoration Project”, but what does that mean? RTBS was a forum member’s name, and well:

Oh yeah, we are saving our friend from “a fate worse than death: worshiping Britney Spears” - welcome to 2001 baby! This is peak “nerd wars” stuff, the normies hate our shit so we hate the normie shit right back. Which is exactly how nerd culture was in the 2000's. I am not at all throwing shade at their tongue-in-cheek roleplay, resplendent in the ludicrously purple prose and asterisk-laden action descriptions as required by the early internet; but it sits in clear tension with some of the other messaging in this film. Leave Britney alone guys!

The documentary highlights a number of common practices from the forum - people doing daily greetings, the way that it being one unending massive chain of posts with no threading or topics meant people would mass-tag individual people to respond to and form “circles” that way - but there are things it leaves out. I did what any normal person would do after watching this documentary and read through over a year of archived posts on The Bronze to understand the community - but man did I not have to, as on literally the first page of my archived link I see:

And through God’s good grace that second link is archived:

Yes there are pictures at the link, and yes later on it does compare Buffy’s cleavage to the Mona Lisa. (The Giles link is not quite functional, but I was able to find it; sadly it is not nearly as thirsty)

I also found these “onboarding” sites for new members. Remember, this forum was the official forum, which meant there were no community mods or ability to “pin rules”, it was pure anarchy - so advice filled the gaps. And one of the bigger ones, in its *sighs and rubs forehead* blue font on black background, warns against “hottie posting” aka talking about how hot say Angel is, not because it isn’t allowed, but because it is like “pointing out the sky is blue” - it is so common that it will just get washed out.

It might seem like a similarly sky-is-blue comment to note that this forum was heavily about shipping, hotness discussion, fanfiction, and the like. Of course it was, right? These website “senior members” were trying to minimize it, police it, but it broke through constantly and also simmered under the surface through discussions and RP’s from my own review of the forum. The documentary, however, spends incredibly little time on it. Brief mentions of Angel fics, and no mention (iirc) of discussion of how hot the women were at all. Because once again those details really don’t fit into the narrative it is trying to sell.

At one point in the documentary someone notes how diverse all the friends they met in this community were? Which I broke out laughing over. In one way it is not wrong, I get it! Midwest college kids meeting people from all over the country, ages 40 to 14, talking about something no one in their podunk town understands. But on the other hand, you could not come up with a more standardized slice of humanity if you tried to rig it. Everyone here is an American+ with computer access in 1998, it is a grab bag of sys admins, nerd creatives, and comp sci majors.  I did a random sampling googling the people interviewed to see what they are up to now, and literally a third of them are librarians. Even their fashion is like God played a prank on this director; not even a 2000’s anime con panel lineup is this stereotypical in the combinations of alt-goth lit girls and nerdcore computer bros.

The evolutionary process of joining this forum -> liking it enough to go to the live meetups -> liking that enough to participate in a documentary about it was a pressure cooker spitting out only a certain kind of person. Which is truly fascinating to see on display! This is the internet-that-was; and it bleeds through the grainy film despite the director’s efforts at times to the contrary.

Though even then it was only a very specific slice of the internet-that-was, because this is a very special breed of Online; namely, the professionals.

*****

Something that is decidedly not typical of The Bronze as an online community is that, as mentioned before, Joss Whedon and other creatives posted on the web forum, answering questions and also just playing around, and how that led to in-person parties where both forum members and cast/crew attended - the Posting Board Parties, or PBP’s. At these they hosted fundraisers, talked about the show, and in the documentary one girl reverently describes with incredible Repressed Lesbian Energy her experience of seeing Eliza Dushku dancing next to her. The PBP had a panel of party organizers, admission systems to keep out the “undesirables”, budgets, the works.

All this the documentary shares openly; it is a peak moment where the digital becomes real in a transcendent way, opening doors analog reality never could. It is also a cold-sweat-waking nightmare story from the lens of a modern Hollywood social media manager; one person in the documentary tells the tale of how one time lead actress Allyson Hannigan posted her phone number on the forum asking people to leave her cute voicemails. The person in question immediately called, and got Hannigan herself instead of the voicemail, so they chatted for a bit (The guy telling this tale is obviously lovestruck; his wife is sitting in typical silence next to him). Today this would be a code-red, nuke your phone situation; but the circle was so cloistered, and the rules so unwritten, that no one cared in these early years.

What they share less openly is all the drama that went into this event. They wax nostalgic about how the parties brought them together, but what isn’t mentioned is the church schism it caused, as the moment cast from the show started attending the party it got mobbed by outsiders. By its ~3rd year there were approximately 400 guests but only ~50 or so were from the forum. They had a huge fight about it, the head of PFP planning committee - “Morbius the Vampire”, who was later jailed for financial fraud btw - told the dissenting faction why don’t they just throw their own party if they hate his so much, and so they did. There was more fighting about it, and eventually they held a peace summit at an LA joint called Mel’s Diner to merge the two factions together. (My source for this is a book, which I will link later)

Hilarious, for sure, but while so much of what we have discussed is “proto online nerd communities”, this part is most decidedly not. The typical web forum absolutely cannot replicate the experience of roleplay-posting your way into shaking hands with Joss Whedon and having a shitfight over party budgets in LA. But most posters never got to attend these parties, of course, this didn’t mean much to them. While for those who did, you cannot help but imagine that this played a gigantic role in making them all become a “real” community. And care enough about that circle to, well after the forum was gone, schlep to a hotel room to be interviewed for a documentary about it. Participating in a documentary is always, in some way, an exercise in selection bias; but here the pruning is turned up to 11 - this is a very elite slice of a very unique fandom experience.

*****

I have one deeper level to go on this thread, somewhat buried in time today, that further shaped the participants here: “Whedon Studies”. The 2000’s was not the birth of media studies as an academic discipline; but it was the birth of fandom-driven media studies, and Buffy was nearly unassailably the leading light of that movement. Academics hosted entire conferences (and inexplicably still do!) on Buffy, Firefly, etc; almost all from the lens of gender & media, as Buffy’s brand was deeply entrenched in that deconstructive milieu. This movement would die a fiery death during the 2010’s shift in media & gender politics, and when the controversies around the toxic working conditions on the set of Buffy/Angel led to Joss Whedon’s near-total expulsion from creative pursuits. The whole edifice is, in a deep way, “cringe” for many of its former participants today.

But what is relevant for our story is that director Stephanie Tuszynski was a full member of that movement; while composing this film she was, for example, giving talks like these at conferences devoted to the Buffyverse:

God that is a lot of talks. This film itself was her thesis project for her I believe philosophy masters, and in our scant interviews lists other fandom-academic film projects she wanted to tackle (which as best I can tell fizzled out later). And the interview subjects were often participants in the same space as well! Academic-types doing media studies with a Buffy bent, or things like culture writers for new media outlets. One of them, writer Allyson Beatrice, even published a book about the Buffy fandom that was in regular bookstores:

To quote the blurb:

A hilarious collection of true stories from Allyson's days as one of the Internet's leading cult TV fan gurus, her mind-boggling escapades include meetings with network executives in dark steakhouses to try to save doomed TV shows and one hastily arranged wedding for two committed Buffy fans. 

I highlight this not to say that academics cannot make documentaries, they certainly can. What I am saying is that if you point your camera at career Buffyverse writer Allyson Beatrice, and label her as a typical forum member giving you the hometown everygirl perspective on the community, you are, however unintentionally, lying to your audience. In its quest to give you the just-like-me Buffy fandom experience, what this documentary elides is that it is often giving you the lens of people who are fans of Buffy as a career. Those people are going to be bringing very different experiences to the table - of course they are concerned with sanitization, with nerd culture debates, the works. That is their bread-and-butter trade.

This dynamic bled into the forum’s day-to-day; there was a very clear hierarchy of “veterans” and “top” posters, who organize the live parties, have deep roots in the community, and even the ear of the show team...and everyone else. Particularly because as mentioned there were no rules on the forum, but since that can’t actually function in practice they self-generated community rules and thus their own leadership class. Cliques and groups were common and named, and veteran posters even had formally designated groupies:

I had also by this time become a groupie. I so enjoyed one particular Bronzer’s posts that she allowed me to become the seventh of her groupies. It was through groupie-dom that I got my first taste of firsthand WITT: several Bronzers, on the occasion of the birthday of she-to-whom-we-group, each took turns grabbing the microphone and praising the day that she was born. In retrospect, I’m not sure why we did this. But it was fun, and very funny, too, as we each took turns waxing melodramatic off the top of our heads. And from work, no less.

The source for this by the way is a 400 page ethnography of The Bronze posted by academic who did *cough* “field research” there; I am sure their membership in the “Bronzers Adoring Darla” fangroup was purely for comprehensive data collection purposes.

And to emphasize, I am not saying this is problematic or anything - the groupie things were all in good fun, best I can tell. I simply aim to showcase how the Bronze wasn’t just a baby version of online fandom forum dynamics; but also a baby version of e-celebrity mechanics. Something the documentary does not even attempt to touch on because that would be something normal people would not understand.

*****

All of the above may have come off like one big roast, and it is a little bit, but as I have mentioned before every documentary is propaganda. It is just impossible to have a tight film building a narrative out of the pieces of letting people speak to the camera without that narrative being but a slice of the truth those people want you to know. The Bronze web forum was a very special place to these highly invested fans, and this documentary is not lying to you about that.

But it is also a big part of early internet fandom! The Bronze was famous at the time, and it is right there at the beginning of so many shifts; the first generation of non-technical internet users, a new era of ‘fantasy’ media with the trappings of prestige and social critique, a boom in critique-as-community, and more. I very much want the full picture of that community; who made it up, what did they want from it and what did they get from it, and so on. No film could offer the full picture; this film’s homebrew rawness gives a valuable piece of it, and I enjoyed it for that. I just aimed here to draw out not only what the broader, more accurate dynamics of The Bronze were, but also the cultural question of why the film focuses on what it does, hides what it refuses to show, and what that says about 2000’s internet & nerd culture. Hopefully I succeeded in that.

And also to have fun looking at some incredibly dated Buffy fandom bullshit. May it have been fun for you too! {hugs you and waves goodbye}

[honeytonedhottie]

your life is yours⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🍵

the fact that ur life is ur own is something that we often tend to forget but most importantly your life is all about YOU. in this post im going to talk about ways in which u can romanticize being the main character in the cinema of life~

find ur individuality : its great to take notes and inspiration from others, but when ur trying to be like someone else you've literally already failed. bcuz when u try and become someone else, you'll never be them, so ur gonna be trapped in a never ending loop of not being enough. so find the beauty in ur own uniqueness. you have ur own vibe so rly embrace that

exclusivity : you know the expression dont show all ur cards at once? keeping an air of mystery is so magnetic. u dont have to constantly explain urself bcuz its enough to just exist and do you. no one has to know every little detail about u, bcuz no one ever will anyways.

with that being said dont feel the need to respond to every hate comment that u receive, bcuz the world revolves around you (in a non-pretentious way ofc)

unapologetic : tap into ur childlike self, when ur confidence in being urself wasn't constantly being chipped at. when u would just do you without the nagging fear of being perceived. tap into being unapologetically urself. bcuz thats ur beautiful and magnetizing vibe.

how you treat urself matters : be comfortable in ur own skin. treat urself as though you would treat someone that u loved unconditionally. be proud of yourself!! and take baby steps bcuz the goal is to be proud of who you are

nurture and pour into urself the way that u should. treat urself like someone that u love. nurture urself -> compliment urself -> cater to urself -> spoil urself. bcuz you'd do all those things for someone that u loved right?

improve what ur already good it : nothing is better than becoming exceptional at something. find whatever it is that is ur gift or that comes naturally to you. maybe something that you liked to do when u were younger, or something that ur good at and do often. and enhance it. master it. bcuz this sets u apart ofc which would die into my first point of individuality.

embrace change : the goal is to continuously evolve. when u think of a main character you'd often think of someone who has experienced immense change. with that being said dont hold onto the past. especially if you see it as "baggage" or "dead-weight" be able to step into the next chapters of ur life, if ur life was a book and u were stuck on the same chapter you wouldn't wanna read it would you?

"but what would they think" : stop being so consumed with what people have to say about you. a lot of people have a fear of being perceived but that fear of judgement or what other ppl think will keep you STUCK. at the end of the day someone's judgement of you has NOTHING to do with you. the people that have the most to say are always doing the least.

[crazyco0tz]

I’m working on a new way to submit nsfw requests but until then I’ll gladly take this request^

{ stray kids favorite reward }

Hyung!line

Warnings: soft smut, pegging, dom!reader, fem!reader

(:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅[̲̅:♡:]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅) (:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅[̲̅:♡:]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅) (:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅[̲̅:♡:]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅)

*chan

Simple enough his favorite reward is def getting to cum. he loves his rewards to be simple, once he’s finally getting to cum he needs you to hold him through it whispering about how much he deserves it! (If he actually does deserve it)

If it’s been a long time since hes cum he’ll make sure he’s been his best then he gathers up the courage to ask; “Can you pleaseeeeeee make me cum miss? It’s been days…”

Very few times you pity his pathetic begs enough to actually let him but most of the time you tell him off for being oh so needy

in fact all you need to do is place your hand on top of his clothed dick and he does all the rest

But he still needs to hear reassurance from your silky voice. “So good for me” “can’t hold it anymore baby?” “You deserved every bit of this” ect ect.

He eats up every “good boy” and “I’m so proud of you” like candy~ he could definitely cum untouched just by hearing your voice.

*minho

He also likes it plain, he has made it very clear that his all time favorite reward is kisses, EVERYWHERE

after you both finish he loves being called a good boy while he flops over so you can kiss all up him back, bonus points if you have plumping gloss on, he loves the tingling feelings it really makes him relaxed especially after all the dirty things you just did to him

Sometimes hes just so fucked out that he just lays there with a smile on his face while he feels your lips pecking on every hickey and scratch you gave him. PAMPER HIMM TOO!!

Whether it be wet sloppy kissed or soft pecks he just loves to have your lips all over his body especially his face. Calling him your pretty doll while smothering his face with kisses after he made such a mess on the bed is just perfect.

*changbin

I feel like he would be on his hands and knees begging just for you to use a vibrater on him. I can just imagine him about to cum all over your hand before pulling your hand away and pleading. “No!! N-no… I wanna cum with the vibrater today.. please?” How could you say no?

He also goes crazy for remote controlled vibraters too, his favorite sensation controlled by you? He LOVES it

But just because it’s a reward doesn’t mean you can’t be a tease. “I’ll bet I can make you cum with this in under 10 seconds binnie~” his flushed cheeks didn’t deplete his confidence.

“HA! I’ll bet I can lasted more that 40 se-. AHH~ F-FUH.. Y/NNIE!” The second the wand touched his tip he was practically screaming in under 10 seconds. And he loves every second of it.

Hyunjin

Lingerie+pegging he wants to feel pretty and what better way to make him feel like a princess then to put him in some cute baby blue stockings and fuck his brains out. unlike the others he’s humble and never asked for a reward he always waits and when it does arrive it’s so worth it

“Aw arent You pretty?” You coo, he giggled in excitement  “I’m v-very pretty!” You peck his cheek before leaning into his ear “so pretty I think you deserve a little something~” he instantly hops up and runs to your shared room

His favorite position is when you hook both of his legs over your shoulders so you can hit his special spot every time.

He also seems like a “fuck me until I can’t speak” kinda guy, which you gladly do. Only 5 minutes in all that can come out of his mouth is “AHH~ AH~ AHHH~ M-MOR..MORE~” while he clutches his pretty lingerie mini skirt in his hands

But he’s always so sad that he gets cum all over his fancy lingerie by the end of it, but you can always make him feel better by stripping it off and fucking him again🤷‍♀️

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My first nsfw post LETS GO

Anyways pt.2 coming soon obvvv

Bye sweeties😮‍💨😮‍💨

[savannahsdeath]

haiiiiii, this is my first time requesting 😖😖😖😖😖 what ab boxer ellie and boxer reader fucking ts out of each other 😖😖😖😖😖

BOXER!ELLIE WILLIAMS X BOXER!READER

mdni please<3

warnings: 18+!! just.. smut

writers note: im so proud you trusted me with your first request??!!?!! omg also idk im no boxer so.. but i tried !! also this is some short drabble or whatever buut im posting it anyway because.. yes

you always admired ellie at the gym, what usually made your workout session worthless. you were a boxer, just like her. you knew every punch or kick you saw her do, it wasn't anything new nor special. yet, the way she did them brought your attention. her movements were fluid, quick, and precise. there was no hesitation or wasted energy. everything was a perfectly timed, deliberate attack. the way she moved was like liquid, weaving through the air with ease. she was art in motion, each strike a beautifully crafted, deadly dance.

and then, she saw you looking at her. her determinated expression got replaced by the playful smirk that made you lose your mind.

"hey!" she chuckled. "anything interesting?"

her green shirt was clinging to her body, exposing every curve and muscle. it was difficult not to keep staring at her.

you tried to compose yourself, to play it cool and not let her get to you. "just watching you, and thinking about all the ways i could beat you." you gave her a cheeky grin, and raised your eyebrow to let her know you're not one to be messed with.

she laughed and approached you. "care to show me on a practice session later?" she asked playfully.

"of course!" you smiled back at her, your heart racing as her body draws nearer to yours with each step. still, you played along, pretending to be confident and totally-not-impressed. "who knows, maybe i can show you a thing or two that you haven't seen before." you added with a smirk on your own face.

as she got close, you could feel the heat from her body and see how her shirt clings to her curves like second skin. your face flushed with blood and you had to look away, unable to keep a steady gaze as she drew your eyes back to her with that inviting smirk.

that's how you ended up between her legs, showing her 'a thing or two she haven't seen before'. your tongue dipped inside her cunt, collecting everything in your mouth. then, you moved to lick her folds sleek, carefully moving up and down, stopping at her clit to suck on it. she was trying her best to stay quiet and keep her 'unbothered' facade, but you thought it's useless after she failed once. oh, how oblivious she was to the fact that you could feel how her hips moved closer to your face.

"are we- fuck, do we practice the same boxing?" she mumbled, trying to sit up and look at you but ending up squirming even more.

the air, disturbed by the vibration of your laugh, hit her inner thighs. she squeezed them around your head, but your hands quickly parted them back to their previous position.

"i don't know about you, but that's what i practiced." you replaced your tongue with your fingers, rubbing her clit while you pulled away and sat up, letting her see you. "is that something... new for you?"

she whined and moaned out a; 'fuck you', before regaining her composure and adding a more confident; "i can do just as much."

not long after that, your places swapped. you admired how full of energy she was, even though she struggled to speak not long ago.

"what happened to the 'no fucking before an important fight'?" you taunted - your breathless state wasn't enough to stop you from teasing her.

after that, she pushed two of her fingers into your puffy cunt. you gasped as your ability to speak went missing, your cheeks shining with not even bright red as an uncontrollable groan in form of her name escaped your mouth.

"i was just about to ask you 'what happened to you stuttering and blushing everytime you talk to me?'" she made a dramatic pause, letting her fingers pump in and out of you, closely watching your reaction to every move so she would figure out where your sensitive spot was. it took her about two times, or more but really fast ones, your sense of time got ruined and you weren't sure. "but there you are."

[galacticsuperstitions]

the minds of a lab at three different points (LONG rambling under the cut)

I am constantly in awe of the analyses people put out about Arknights on this website. I feel like my own interpretations are somewhat lacking as a result, but I was confident enough to post this, at least. I've had this idea for a long time now, I think since Lone Trail released, but I've only been able to make the time for it now.

Rhine Lab has so many fucked up elements and people involved in it that it's actually impressive. They were really gunning for "most unethical scientific consortium" reward. Really, though, it's just the result of Kristen gunning for her parents' wishes. All of the directors want something and all of those somethings are different.

Things I want to mention or just feel proud of (allowing myself this because of how long this took):

-I was originally planning on crossing out Saria's surname to reflect that we still don't know what it is in canon, but I don't know why whoever has this poster would do that, so I just kept it in. Hermon refers to Mount Hermon, which Saria's name apparently derives from. Technically, her name here is the same thing twice. Oh well.

-I don't know who this poster belongs to. It's just in some Rhine Lab tech's personal desk, I guess? Doesn't explain the doodles, though. Maybe they were bored and feeling spiteful about the potential job insecurity of your boss being comatose in space.

-I realized only while making this post that I made Saria's, Muelsyse's, and Jara's doodles reference Kristen, yet Kristen's only references herself and her parents. Completely unintentional, but appropriate nonetheless.

-I am so happy with how the poster came out. It makes up for how hard I had to fight Canva for it to come out like that. Here it is in full if you want to look at it closely for whatever reason. (writing an actual description for this thing was fun!)

-Andenate doesn't actually have a face under the sticky note. That's why he's still Mike Wazowski'd in the poster png. I didn't feel like drawing one since it wouldn't be shown in the finished pieces anyway. His jacket is just the same as Magallan's.

-Ifrit's picture board was a literal last-minute addition. It's why the images are sketches rather than being in the lineless style of the poster. It feels fitting, though, so I'm keeping it that way. Seeing Ifrit all grown up and doing so well in Lone Trail was wonderful. There's something in her being happy and healthy and also surrounded by not just her loved ones and friends from Rhine Lab, but also people outside of it. She's cultivated her life to be as fulfilling as she wants it to be, and while there is still room to grow, she has plenty of support and insight from others for it to do so. I may be misrepresenting her a bit (the sleepiness doesn't help), but man. I love Ifrit. She's so cool.