#dr3 tattoo fic

[naanima]

I am so fucking feral over Maxiel. URGH. Anyways, a fic written in 40 mins. No beta. BUT I NEEDED TO WRITE IT. THE IMAGES OF DANIEL WITH IT IS, SCREAMING!! POST Max winning his 4th WDC. This will get edited and posted to Ao3 eventually. Around 770 words.

ETA: PART 2.

The thing was he didn't even have an excuse for it. He wasn't drunk, he wasn't depressed, and he wasn't even fucking doom scrolling at 2 AM in the morning because he couldn't sleep and his brain was a fucking mess. If it had been any of that he could have had an excuse. He could have kept on ignoring the weird intimacy he shared with Max, all the sharp messy feelings that he had ignored, examined and buried throughout the years.

But he didnt. He had watched Max win his fourth consecutive world championship, watched his emotions overwhelm him, watched the guys hug and fold him into themselves, watched all of it from the comfort of his own home. Watched all of it, and the only things he could feel was pride and so much fucking fondness for his boy. And a soft regret at not being physically there so he could have embraced Max and told him how proud he was of him.

He had watched the close-up of Max's champion helmet, the M, V, and the four stars above it. The design was simple but beautiful, and Daniel was hit with a sudden want, a need. And he couldn't wait anymore. He called his guy Kenny in LA, and was so happy that he could do a home visit that evening. Daniel didn't want to leave the coccon of his home for this one. He had a shower, carefully dried himself off, put on a loose shirt and shorts and waited on his couch till Kenny arrived with his kit.

When Daniel showed him the picture from his phone Kenny had looked at him with a raised brow.

"Man, are you sure?" Kenny looked low level concerned, someone who has seen way too many people regretting their decisions at times of vulnerability or stupidity. Or both.

"Yeah," Daniel said with confidence. This was what he wanted. He knew it with certainty. "And yeah, that's where I want it too."

"It is your funeral." Kenny shrugged and got ready.

Daniel took off his shirt and laid down on his bed. It was the easiest way to do this.

Three hours later Kenny was gone with a judgemental look and aftercare instructions. Daniel had nodded his head to whatever Kenny was saying, and had ran to the bathroom as soon as Kenny was gone.

He stripped naked and looked at the red inflammed skin of his lower back in the mirror. The whole design was about ten centimetres wide, and it sat a bit lower than what most people would have considered the prime tramp stamp location. This was beyond slut territory.

Kenny did an amazing job, the man was an artist. The V cutting between the M were thick lines shaded in molten gold as if hit by the sun, and highlighted by black. The four goldden stars above it were similarity shaded, there was enough space to add more to it beneath them. Because Max wasn't going to just stop there.

His underwear was gonna block off most of the design, just top of the stars showing. So at least he could still go around shirtless.

It was beautiful, and he still wasn't regretting it. And yeah, this probably crossed the line of friends, but if Daniel couldn't fucking admit that they were more than friends now when he had purposely put Max fucking Verstappen's mark practically above his ass crack then he really would be beyond stupid. He could hear Blake's voice in his head saying how he was beyond stupid for marking himself for another man.

Daniel ignored the voice, grabbed his phone and tried to get the perfect picture of the tattoo. It took him several tries, but he finally got the angle that best showed the tattoo. It was fucking beautiful. He thought about cropping out his back and ass, there was no way that people wouldn't know it was him, even if his face was facing away. But fuck it, they had been joking around for almost a decade, and it was best to be as clear as fucking possible.

He sent the picture to Max. No words or messages.

If Max didn't fucking recognise it as Daniel going all in, as a declaration of intent, then Max didn't fucking deserve him or his ass.

[ssprayberrythings]

seeing the world | DR3

daniel ricciardo x female!reader / smau fic

pov: you and daniel spend your holidays travelling all over and keep everyone updated by documenting everything on your socials 🔆

warnings: just fluff on fluff !!

oh wow i've been away for sometime...sorry about that! but i come baring gifts aka a daniel ricciardo smau fic which i hope you all enjoy!

masterlist | taglist

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yourusername posted on their story  

caption: lets go explore the world 🗺️ @danielricciardo 

*replies disabled*

danielricciardo posted on their story  

caption: we're going on an adventure 💛 @yourusername 

*replies disabled* 

-

yourusername posted on instagram    

landonorris, maxverstappen1, danielricciardo, yourbestfriend & others liked 

somewhere in the mountains ⛰️ 

tagged: danielricciardo 

view all comments 

fan1: my favourite couple 

fan23: one day i want what danny and y/n have 

yourbestfriend: whose idea was it for zip lining ? 

╰ yourusername: who do you think 🙃 

fan55: i cant wait to see where else they go 

danielricciardo: i love you 

╰ yourusername: i love you more 

╰ fan22: ^ is this too much to ask for 

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danielricciardo posted on instagram    

yourusername, maxverstappen1, redbullracing, charles_leclerc and others liked 

first travel destination was a success ✅ 

tagged: yourusername 

view all comments 

yourusername: youre the cutest 

╰ danielricciardo: 😘 

landonorris: im sure the .jpg account is gonna be filled by the end of these travels 

fan22: wonder where they’re off to next 

fan15: ive never seen danny look so happy before ☺️

fan3: y/n brought our happy go lucky daniel back to us and for that we love her 

╰ liked by yourusername 

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yourusername posted on their story  

caption: he will find any reason he can to get behind the wheel 😝

╰ danielricciardo: not true.. 

╰ yourusername: babe, dont lie..

╰ danielricciardo: okay maybe partially true..

more replies…

╰ fan23: danny and his two loves: y/n and driving 

╰ fan21: sorry but his thigh tattoo >>

╰ fan12: that smile 🥹

yourusername posted on instagram   

redbullracing, danielricciardo, landonorris, yourbestfriend and others liked 

from mountains to beaches 🏝️ 

tagged: danielricciardo 

view all comments 

danielricciardo: my gorgeous girl 

╰ yourusername: my beautiful boy 

fan24: y/n truly is the prettiest girl ive ever seen

fan22: they’re living their best lives 

fan12: i HOPE Y/N IS VLOGGING THIS I NEED THIS IN VIDEO FORM 

╰ liked by yourusername 

fan12: SHE LIKED OMG HOPEFULLY ITS TRUE

landonorris: you got some sand on your knees..

╰ yourusername: geez thanks, i had no idea 

╰ landonorris: always happy to help 😊

╰ yourusername: 🙄

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danielricciardo posted on instagram  

yourusername, landonorris, yourbestfriend, alex_albon & others liked 

my happiest place; next to you 

tagged: yourusername 

view all comments 

fan12: IM DYING 

fan15: the highway is looking real comfortable 

yourusername: you’re such a sap ☺️

╰ danielricciardo: for you, always 

fan27: CUTENESS OVERLOAD 

landonorris: who knew you could be such the romantic 

╰ danielricciardo: you should take notes 😎

fan16: lando and danny’s dynamic hasn’t changed and I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THAT 

yourusername posted on their story  

caption: next destination here we come ✌🏻

*replies disabled* 

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yourusername posted on instagram    

danielricciardo, landonorris, yourbestfriend, charles_leclerc & others liked 

somewhere in the south of france 🇫🇷 

tagged: danielricciardo 

view all comments 

danielricciardo: je taime ❤️ 

╰ yourusername: 🥰 

fan2: FRANCE? PLEASE WE NEED DANNYY/N AT THE EFFIEL TOWER 

fan15: FRANCE IS SO ROMANTIC 

fan23: go to monaco please and thanks !! 

yourbestfriend: so jealous but also so happy for you two 🥹

╰ yourusername: we’re still gonna go on our girls trip across italy don’t worry 🥹

╰ liked by yourbestfriend 

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danielricciardo posted on instagram   

landonorris, yourbestfriend, yourusername, maxverstappen1 & others liked 

got to see all of france and i think it may be my favourite place we've travelled to ❤️

tagged: yourusername 

view all comments 

fan12: THE FRENCH F1 FANS HOW YOU DOING 

fan4: FRENCH FAN HERE: THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY 

fan9: i ran into y/n and danny while they were on the train and I CAN CONFIRM THE SWEETEST TWO PEOPLE YOU’LL EVER MEET 

yourusername: i’d come back here with you any day ❤️

╰ danielricciardo: maybe we’ll move here one day? 

╰ yourusername: youre getting a bit ahead of yourself..but maybe…one day down the road !! 

fan23: imagine danny living in france? NOPE I CANT..I NEED THIS TO BE REALITY 

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yourusername posted on their story  

caption: there’s so much love in the air ❤️ @danielricciardo 

╰ danielricciardo: ❤️

danielricciardo posted on their story  

caption: more adventures await us ✈️ @yourusername 

*replies disabled* 

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yourusername posted on instagram    

danielricciardo, maxverstappen1, yourbestfriend, redbullracing, charles_leclerc & others liked 

light shows and sunsets with my favourite boy 🧡 

tagged: danielricciardo

view all comments 

fan12: AWE DAN LOOKS SO CUTE 

fan1: they are serving !!! 

fan15: at this point i never want the racing season to start just so they can keep travelling the world 

fan16: THE LIGHTS REMIND ME OF RAPUNZEL 

╰ fan4: YES OMG 

danielricciardo: my very own princess 😘

╰ yourusername: my prince 🥰

danielricciardo posted on their story  

caption: and they lived happily ever after ❤️ @yourusername 

╰ yourusername: our fairytale 🥹

more replies…

╰ fan22: rapunzel and flynn 

╰ fan21: a real life prince and his princess 

╰ fan20: brb taking a shower with my toaster 🙃

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yourusername posted on their story  

caption: home sweet home <3 

*replies disabled* 

yourusername posted on instagram         

danielricciardo, landonorris, yourbestfriend, maxverstappen1, pierregasly & others liked 

dan and i are back home after a whole lot of travelling but please enjoy these moments that didn’t make our instagrams originally. we’ll see you all when racing starts back up, until then rest easy and thanks for joining us on this adventure. xo ❤️ 

tagged: danielricciardo 

comments limited 

danielricciardo: cant wait to do this for the rest of our lives 😘

╰ yourusername: already planning the next round of travels..😘

╰ danielricciardo: i wouldn’t expect anything less ! 

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thats it! i hope you liked it! i really enjoyed this concept and i loved getting to write something for danny !!

anyways i have a couple drafts started on longer pics that aren't smau style which is why they're taking a bit longer so bare with me, i want to get them right before posting and i want to be sure what i'm posting is something you all will enjoy reading but once i have something i will post as soon as possible!

until then goodbye and hopefully talk soon !! ✌🏻

[nottivagos]

Hello, welcome! Was feeling fluffy tonight and wanted to write Rockstar!Daniel being all lovey dovey in an acoustic ballad for Popstar!Reader.

an: this fic is HIGHLY INSPIRED by Jacob Slater's solo album "Pinky, I Love You", and more specifically the song "One For The Pigeons" which I've linked if you want to listen to it whilst reading.

Pinky, I Love You. || DR3

The sun sunk low in the inky blue hue and hazy pastels of purple and red, basking in the laziness and lethargy of its excruciating heat. Summer’s days had been slow this year, the humidity creating snail-paced hours that made you feel like it had been forever since the coolness of the night.

The stillness of the early evening was eerie in your shared house. Whilst you'd been lounging through the humid rooms, Daniel stayed put in his air-conditioned private studio, trying to compose a new song.

He'd been stuck in a rut. Reusing ideas was unethical and he seemed to not have anything as a muse, nothing creative to allow the music to flow with ease and the lyrics to articulate easily.

Until he had his epiphany. His musical calling, perhaps. The heat had brought you closer together, despite cohabiting in the same house for over 3 years already, the love reciprocated and still pure to this day.

He'd curated a series of ballads, confessing his tender love, gratitude for your kindness and the gratefulness for the time and the blissful memories he shared with you, had been composed and messily scribbled on scraps of paper scattered around the room.

Fingertips sore from over-playing, he heard your faint footsteps walking down the long, dark corridor to his studio. He smiled contently, before speaking up.

“Pinky,” Danny called out, comfortably resting his back against the wall, acoustic guitar placed on his thick, tattooed thigh. “Come here,” he added, his tone softer than usual, “please?”

— ⟡ —

The nickname made you giggle. The origins of it humouring, though its use beforehand being more out of malice than endearment. You’d acquired such a name on one of your first encounters with Daniel, at a music awards ceremony, where you were both nominated. Danny, best known for his rowdy rock anthems, was a cocky thing in his prime. Rude, arrogant, messy, destructive— you name it, Danny was it. 

You, on the other hand? Well, you were (and still was) an aspiring pop artist, nominated for ‘Best New Artist’. Timid and quiet, dressed in a fine, sequinned, pastel pink dress specially tailored for the event. A complete contrast to the cocky rockstar.

Maybe that’s what brought you two together. Daniel, thinking he was ‘above you’ in the music industry, spewed many drunken insults directed towards you that night, ‘Pinky’ being one. It wasn’t to his surprise that he scared you, no, it was intentional. But after a forced apology he had to make because of his PR team, the nickname stuck, and you didn’t mind one bit.

It was obvious to you that Danny maintained the mindset that he had to keep up this facade, the act of him being a ‘bad boy’ to the public, which allowed him to achieve his heightened fame. It was hurtful to witness, as down underneath that, Daniel was a sweetheart. A smitten one, truly, but overall he was a gentleman. Not a jerk who destroyed guitars for a living.

Danny liked the tranquility you brought with you, it was like the breath of fresh air he needed. However, his label disagreed. He became ‘too sappy’, his punk-like albums and singles becoming more powerful, love songs, all influenced by your presence in his life. Despite his anger, which he still had from his early days, he made the risky decision to go independent— breaking away from the shackles his angsty past had given him.

To his label’s surprise though, his independent solo record was a hit, many of his older fans now more mature, happily accepting his newer style with open arms. The day the statistics came in, you were overwhelmed with joy, (a tear or two being shed on the side) for him and for the career path which overall boosted his mental health.

— ⟡ —

“Hmm?” you hummed sweetly in response, walking over to where Daniel was perched on the floor.

“Sit with me, love,” he gently patted the space next to him, smiling warmly and loving as his brown doe eyes softened upon matching your gaze.

Happily obliging, you took your seat beside Danny, his empty hand locking with yours, fingers intertwining ever so tenderly. The moment was beautiful, a faint flush painting the apple of your cheeks as you smiled bashfully at him, like a giddy school girl.

“Pinky, my darling,” Danny began softly, “You're the most beautiful woman I've ever met.” Reaching over his guitar, he brushed a few stray strands of hair behind your ear ever so gently, before falling back to his original position.

You diverted your gaze away, cheeks flushing incredibly hot as it radiated off of them. “Stop being sappy, Dan,” you mumbled in response, slapping him playfully against his shoulder.

“Never,” he chuckled richly in response, eyes flashing back to your own.

There was something about you that Daniel couldn't describe. Was it the softness of your accent? The tender features of your perfect face? Your gentle morals? It was a fuzzy feeling, one so warm and homely, that he hadn't felt since he was a child.

Clearing his throat, “I just wanted to say thank you, I suppose.” His words were nervous, the tone slightly wavy.

“For what?” you questioned, voice as sweet as honey.

“For helping me..” he sighed, “you know.” His spare hand rubbing the back of his neck, “Be me, you know?”

“It's nothing, really,” you laughed off casually, “I only want what's best for you.” You added with a soft peck on the cheek, crawling over the guitar still in his lap.

You glanced at it for a moment, “Any luck musically?”

Danny's breath hitched slightly. The love ballad. “Yeah,” he answered with a quick nod, “Can I.. Can I play it for you?”

“Sure thing, sweetheart,” you answered with a smile. Following, Daniel let go of your hand, propping up his guitar properly on his lap.

Clearing his throat, you watched his Adam's apple bob for a moment as he gulped, burly arms coming to hug the instrument with care.

A simple strum followed, creating a melodic riff from the get-go, as his hands meticulously glided up and down the frets with ease. The guitar pick made the strings vibrate so angel-like, the instrumentals of the song calming and soft to your ears, like a soft lullaby.

Beautiful vocals pooled out of his mouth, rolling off his tongue like poetry. The lyrics were tender, very thoughtful, and overall endearing. He took quick glances at you between lines, those specks of hazel in his eyes becoming more noticeable in the sincere softness of them.

“Your love is a language beyond words..” he perfectly harmonised, his rhythm and tempo quickening for a short moment as he reached the chorus again.

Bashfully smiling, you felt your eyes begin to water slightly. The love ballad he was singing ever so gently made you emotional. It was raw. Pure raw emotion, true feelings not even written on a page, just spontaneously composed in what you could only believe was a day.

By the time you sniffled, the song was over. Your lip trembled slightly, Danny noticed this quite quickly, placing his guitar to the side before cupping your cheeks in his calloused palms.

“I'm guessing you liked it then,” he chuckled, thumb coming to brush a stray tear off the burning apple of your flushed cheek.

“You idiot,” you mumbled, sniffling as the tears ricocheted from your wide, loving eyes. “My make-up is going to be ruined.”

“I'll take that as a ‘yes’ then,” Daniel replied even softer, his voice barely heard as his lips tenderly brushed against your forehead.

You laughed through your childish blubbers, making Danny smile even more wider than he already was. He brought his face close, his nose touching your's slightly.

“Pinky,” Danny whispered against your lips, nose nuzzling closer to your own, “I love you.”

“I love you too, Danny,” you murmured as your lips softly met each other so tenderly. "Always."

i'm going to bawl so much i love rockstar!daniel it's not fair guys. it's. just. not. fair. WHEN WILL A ROCKSTAR LOVE ME?! anyways, lots of love - notti <3

[pekoposting]

peko pekoyama fic recs (part 1 maybe?)

want to read more about our favourite shitty self-image swordswoman? i have scoured the peko tag a lot, but if i gave all of my recs we'd be here all day, so i mournfully cut it down to ten fics (mostly character studies)

(note: fuyuhiko is also here for a lot of them because their characters are so entwined)

mason jars by thewildwilds (6k words, canon compliant character study, hurt/comfort. comprehensive)

You are seven and a half when the strange men come and shove you and Peko into the back of a van.

She’s always been there for you when they tried to take you away.

notes: if you are going to read only one fic on this list, let it be this. one of my favourite dr fics ever, it is so comprehensive yet so beautifully written that it's a single, poignant one shot

absolute zero by thewildwilds (9k words, canon compliant character study, angsty coming of age. pre-canon)

She swears she is nothing but a sword, a shield, a cog in a machine.

Peko Pekoyama. The name of the girl who became a tool.

notes: second part of the series containing mason jars, honing in on a specific yet pivotal off-screen event in it. notable for being one of the few fics which depicts pekoyama as choosing to become a tool because of her care for fuyuhiko rather than purely being abused into it (a depiction which kodaka's own tweets agree with)

blossom in the dark by venusiancarbondioxide (3.6k words, character study, hurt/comfort. pre-canon)

Thirteen-year-old girls were not meant to be assassins.

Chen Shi knew this.

The problem was that nobody else seemed to get the memo, least of all the assassin herself.

note: has probably one of my favourite HCs for what yakuza tattoo pekoyama would get

brace for recoil by mithrigil (20k with 5 chapters, dark. canon hope's peak)

Peko didn’t fall into despair: she descended, one blind step at a time.

notes: the best pekoyama despair descent fic i've seen. it was written years before dr3. a minor consequence of that is that natsumi's actual name wasn't known, and so she's referred to as nabiki

absolute lithops effect by venusiancarbondioxide (5k, character study, existentialism with a happy ending. non-despair hope's peak)

In which Peko goes on a shopping trip and tries to grow into who she always was.

notes: finally, something more happy. another great character study

woven by sunbrights (3.7k, character study. pre-canon)

On the thirtieth of June, she is thirteen, and her hair is past her collarbone.

notes: examines peko's relationship to her hair. so good that i had to cite it when trying to do analysis of the symbolism of peko's ribbons

brick by brick by sunbrights (30k, 5/10 chapters, UNFINISHED AND DORMANT. character study, bleak recovery with pinpricks of light. post-canon)

They meet again, after the Neo World Program has torn them to their foundations: hope, despair, and the yawning debt of their history, waiting to be answered. It's up to them to rebuild, from the ground up, no matter how difficult the work or unfamiliar the tools.

No one can lay the mortar of your recovery but yourself.

notes: best post-canon peko (and fuyuhiko) recovery fic i've seen. still absolutely worth it for the fascinating questions it raises about fuyuhiko and peko's relationship. how does the inflection shift when peko realises that something she wants is something fuyuhiko wants? especially if what they both want is a romantic relationship? heads up, this is tagged 'unhealthy relationships'.

Takeo Pekoyama by PekoIsBaby (3.8k, some angst but overall fluffy. non-despair but backstories the same and they're roommates)

It's Peko Pekoyama's birthday, and Fuyuhiko's set up some plans.

notes: one of the greatest looks into the gap in fuyuhiko and peko's relationship where they know they're romantically interested in each other, but they have to improve themselves before they can have a healthy romantic relationship. also they get a cat :D

growing pains. by alighting (3.9k, 2 chapters. angst with a happy ending. post-canon)

Peko has never had a mother of her own, and so when the time comes for her to raise her own daughter, she's not sure what to do.

Companion fic of sorts to such great heights.

notes: summary applies to the first chapter. the second chapter focuses on the pov of a grown kuzupeko fanchild, who has to figure out why older kuzuryuu clan members keep using such a weird and specific insult for her mother.

Cupboard Children by shsldespair (1.8k, angst-tipped retrospective character study. right after natsumi's murder.)

Natsumi Kuzuryuu is not technically Pekoyama's charge, but the grief hits just as hard. It's unbefitting of a tool.

[callmewrinkles3]

That’s when - DR3 x Fem!OC

Masterlist

Summary:  First part here. It’s been eight weeks since Em left Australia, six weeks since she got on her train to Liverpool. But when her closest friends pool their resources to locate her she finds herself back where everything started, just four years later.

Word Count: 11.7k

Warnings: mentions of pet death (not Em or Dans!), emotionally/mentally abusive families, angst, mentions of potential cheating, Zak Brown (he counts), mentions of fatal crashes.

A/N: It’s heeeere! Thank you so much for the wonderful reception this fic has gotten, and we hope part two is everything you’ve been waiting for. This most definitely isn’t the end of Dan and Em’s story, we’ve so much more to write about.

May 2022

--

The worst pain that Emma thought she’d ever felt in her life was when she was six years old. She was barefoot on freshly cleaned floors, running around her parents house playing an imaginary game when she slipped and fell right into the doorframe. She remembered her yells for her parents, her baby toe pointing out to the side and turning purple almost before her very eyes. The joint still ached if the weather changed quickly.

Not even the lack of sympathy from her dad had hurt more than the pain when he found her sobbing on the floor of the hallway. Not the doctor at Alder Hey giving her an injection into the aching joint that didn’t fully numb her before yanking it into place. Nothing in her life had ever hurt as much as right then, and she didn’t think anything ever could.

At least, not until she’d left London for good and arrived back in Liverpool.

She’d built up a routine in the five and a half weeks since she’d gotten on the train. The traditional grey British skies helped too. There hadn’t been a single day of sun since she’d arrived, the weather echoing her mindset as she stared out her bedroom window to the housing estate. It was miserable and cold and near constant rain. It matched her mood, no respite from the constant exhaustion and nausea she’d been dealing with since she arrived making her not want to eat anything. She could hear Michael in the back of her head, telling her to just eat a bloody protein bar when she was stressed and had forgotten to eat. But Michael probably hated her. He’d said in his texts that he wanted to find her once, and she’d read them and stared at the screen. She’d nearly written back, not realising he was online and watched as he asked her for details but she ignored it. He couldn’t have meant it. She was the one who left them.

The rain also helped when she followed her routine to go get her coffee at 11.25 - after the boxing classes she went to but hated because the instructors weren’t Michael, but before she started job hunting - because it meant she could keep her coat on. She didn’t have to see the delicate number 3 tattooed on her wrist. That was a blessing. She kept the same routine every day, the only variations if she needed to stop somewhere or do something. There was a day she had to go to the job centre, the day she thought she needed the chemist but it turned out she didn’t need to. It was easier this way.

Em felt like Bella in New Moon, time passing by her rather than her moving with it. The grey skies and constant routine didn’t really help in that regard if she was honest. Everything felt like she was going in slow motion. Without the sun she could keep her mind focused, keep herself away from the memories that were so happy they made her want to sob. Michael forcing her to stand and stretch and go for a walk through the paddock because she’d been head down working in the one awkward position all day. Blake pulling her tablet away from her when they were on the deck at the farm during lockdown and she was making a colour coded calendar of sponsor videos that needed to be filmed and published. But more than that it reminded her of Daniel.

Sunny days made her think of his wide grin and the dimples that had captivated her from the very first night they met. The way he laughed when she made a stupid joke that yeah, the sun stopped the earth from freezing but his smile did the same to her heart. It made her think of summer Christmas in Perth, barbecues and no turkey in sight as she chased the kids around the garden before getting pulled into a paddling pool. Of the sun ring she’d given him. Of her matching moon one that she’d left behind and how much she missed it.

Sunny days reminded her of Daniel, but more than that they reminded her of everything that she’d given up and how maybe she’d gotten things so incredibly wrong. That she’d lost her Australian family. She’d given up her brothers and her sister and her nibbling and the parental figures who cared about her. Grace kept asking to FaceTime and Em sent one word responses back, unable to ignore her. She could pretend to ignore everyone else, but never Grace. Those sunny days meant her family and now she was alone and she was dreading summer.

Her parents weren’t helping either. As soon as she got on the train she knew that Liverpool was the wrong place for her to go to sweep up her heart. Staying with her parents was so definitely wrong, and she shouldn’t have been surprised by how badly it was going. Instead of asking how she was, if she needed anything, even if she was ok, all they wanted to know about was the rumours. About if she was sleeping with Michael, Blake, and Dan. If the photo of Lance hugging her from when he made his pole in 2020 was another “man she’d slept with”. Because, of course, none of them would like her for who she was. It had to be something else.

She was at the kitchen table for breakfast when she finally responded, siting there nibbling on a piece of buttered toast with a cup of badly made tea.

“You need to tell us if there’s going to be a scandal, Emma. We need to be prepared. Were you sleeping with them?” Her mother asked as the cramps low in her abdomen made Em want to get sick from fear and anger and loss.

“Blake and Michael were like my brothers. Daniel was my best friend. They couldn’t keep me employed any longer and we decided a break from our friendship would be good for a while. That’s it.”

She couldn’t go into the details of what had happened or it would all blow up in her face and that was the last thing she wanted. She couldn’t tell them that she was in love and now was utterly heartbroken. If she went into the details of how heartbroken she was Em would break right then and there. The last thing she needed was for her parents to judge her on the baseless rumours. If she cried in front of them she’d never hear the end of it, and she couldn’t admit that she’d lost the best friends she’d ever have and the man who was the love of her life. That she’d be followed around by Dan’s face every time she moved because it was Daniel Ricciardo.

That was why Em spent so much time in her childhood bedroom. It was the only place in the house that didn’t scream reminders of the life she’d left behind, that didn’t immediately make her think of Dan. Everywhere downstairs was filled with the memory of when Michael had been there once on the way home from a Liverpool match. But the bedroom that still had Westlife and Spice Girls posters on the walls - the latter quickly pulled down to get Geri Horner’s face away from her - was the best place to hide. If she had her way she would never bring Dan to the house, he’d never even go near Liverpool as a city. She wanted to keep him safe from the ghosts that haunted her past, and more importantly she wanted him safe from her parents.

Daniel was everything that they would never want her to have in a boyfriend. He was a man with too many tattoos, who hadn’t finished school let alone gone to university, who she’d basically been in a relationship with for four years. A man who travelled the world and wasn’t going to settle down any time soon, who drove fast cars at dizzying speeds. They’d call him reckless and feckless and judge him on sight, not caring what Emma saw in him.

They wouldn’t listen to her tell them that he was the person who made her laugh until tears of joy fell from her eyes and her stomach hurt from laughter. They wouldn’t know that before every race she kissed his helmet and told him to go fast. They’d have no interest that he was the most caring man she’d ever met, that he’d spent the last four years trying to make sure that she was happy and safe and looked after.

All they cared about were things that were unimportant to Em right now. A ring on her finger, two point five grandkids, a house in the suburbs and a steady office job. Not apartments in different countries and tax residencies, not having friends around the world. Not having racing be such a huge part of their lives.

Her parents didn’t care that she loved him more than she had ever loved anyone else in the world, that she would always love him more than anyone else. They didn’t care that he was bigger than her whole sky. She always said that he was her sunshine, but he was so much more than that.

He was her whole world. But she’d had to learn the hard way that she wasn’t his and that knowledge and understanding still ached in her chest. If Dan loved her he wouldn’t have sent her away alone in Saudi. He would have gone back to the room to check on her, even knocked on the door to let her know he was safe. He would have put an arm around her waist and asked “are you ready to leave, love” at the party in Melbourne because that was their code for him wanting to leave. He would have kissed her forehead in bed that night, he would have hugged her.

He wouldn’t have said what he said. The Daniel that she loved, the one that she thought was in love with her, wouldn’t have said that he was done with her. He wouldn’t have said that he was done with them. He wouldn’t have left. The Daniel that she thought loved her for four beautiful years would have spent every minute that they were together in Melbourne trying to convince her to change her plans and come to Perth after the race because he didn’t need to be in London. He would have roped the kids into convincing her to come stay with them and spend time with them. The Daniel that she loved would have never let her go like that.

The worst part was Em knew that she wasn’t blameless. She could have said something, should have said something. After Christmas when things felt oh so wrong she should have spoken up then. On their trip to Sicily when it felt like they were papering over the cracks with sex and food and selfies. When they’d been talking about finding an apartment for them in London but the conversation stopped. She should have said anything. But she was so afraid of things being broken that she hadn’t realised that there was a fundamental break in their relationship that could never be repaired. Because Dan didn’t love her like she loved him.

That’s what she repeated to herself. It played on a loop in the back of her mind every waking minute of every single day since that warm April evening that she stepped on the first plane out of Melbourne. Every single hour of the seven and a half weeks since she’d seen him she kept telling herself that it wasn’t real. She’d fallen so deeply in love with Daniel and wanted him to love her the same way she loved him, so she convinced herself that he loved her. But he didn’t. Not like that. She had to come to terms with the fact that every time he said “I love you” to her it was platonic. The “Emmy”, the “Baby Girl”, the “y’know, right” was all platonic. He was the Morgan to her Garcia the exact same way it was when they watched Criminal minds on quiet flights, except she had fallen so deeply for him. She was making it up and got everything mixed up in her head. That was all it was, a big misunderstanding.

Thinking that way hurt her so much less than the other thoughts that filtered through her head. The ones like Dan was bored of her. He was sick and tired of having her around. He picked the fight because he wanted her to leave. That he’d met the blonde from the photo in Miami before and that’s why everything stopped. He’d found a woman who looked the way the media said a Formula One driver’s WAG should look, so Dan wanted to get rid of her.

It was so much easier than the “I told you so” she’d heard as soon as her dad saw her again. Better than the judging faces she saw when she came out of her room wearing the cardigan Charles had bought her for Christmas. She hadn’t mentioned where she even got it, it wasn’t worth the “stop lying, Emma. We all know you were just an assistant”. It was easier to be quiet than deal with the shocked expressions on faces when she actually appeared at the anniversary party, her press smile firmly on her face and her aunts and uncles judging her. One of her uncles mentioned that it was too safe and she wanted to scream that she was in Spa that awful day three years ago, that it wasn’t safe and she’d seen boys who were too young hold burdens they shouldn’t have to carry. Some of her younger cousins asked questions about if she’d ever met a driver and she wanted to laugh.

She wanted to tell them the story of meeting a barely twenty year old Max Verstappen, gangly and growing into himself, who’d smiled and shaken her hand. Of Charles helping her with her French and Italian in return for being treated not like il predestinato, but like a normal human. Of being one of the privileged ones to get to pet Roscoe and Coco Hamilton and feed them treats, giving Lewis a card when Coco died. Of Esteban and Lance and Mick treating her like a big sister. Of Hanna Vettel handing over one of her kids for a brief minute just inside the Aston garage while Em was talking to Chloe because she was Em and she was always there and she was trusted and liked. That she’d lived and breathed that world for a solid four years, and she’d lost her family and friends leaving it behind. 

But she couldn’t. None of them would believe her even if she told the stories and showed the photos she had. None of them counted on her, they thought her flighty. Her leaving her job without a safety net was of course something that Emma would do. She’d moved to London in her teens and had essentially run off, coming home for Christmas and funerals and that was it. She was the one who’d built a life away from them, a life that her parents constantly talked badly about her “gallivanting around the world”. But now it was over and she had to make her peace with that. She’d walked away from everything she’d had, lost everyone she’d loved.

At least she thought she had.

Every single time the doorbell rang, Em ignored it. There was no way it could be for her, so why would she go to get it? Her debit cards remained unused in her purse, and nobody knew she was there. Nobody had any idea that she might even be there. The rare moments that she spent in the living room staring out the window reminded her of that.

“Nobody’s coming, Emma.”

It was the refrain her father said when she didn’t realise what she was doing. He didn’t just mean Dan. There was nobody else in her life coming to see her. Michael and Blake were probably too mad that she’d left her work behind to see her. Chloe and Scotty had enough going on that they might not have even noticed her disappearance. Her father was right, but she didn’t want to hear it. So instead she ignored the knocks and doorbell ringing, ignored the raised voices from downstairs. Her dad was doing his usual being annoyed at a delivery driver for being there and Em went to roll over on her bed to mute the noise. But then she heard it, clear as a bell.

“Wiggle!”

Each of the boys had given her a nickname in the four years they’d spent together. Emma had become Emmy from Dan, and Wrinkles after the first night they met. Blake called her Ems, or after her rant about how Tim Tams were basically the same as penguin bars she became Tim Tam. Or Timothy. Or Tamothy. Or whatever variation of the bars he could come up with in the moment. Michael was the most creative. She was Em to him, but after he walked into her dancing around to Speak Now he started calling her Wiggle when he compared her awful dancing to the kids show. It was their thing.

She went from having no nicknames for most of her life to having more than she could count. It was ridiculous and she joked that it was the result of spending too much time with Australians. But she loved it. It was one of the things that made her feel oh so loved. And there was no greater feeling than the one spreading through her when she recognised Michael’s voice calling her from downstairs thanks to the stupid nickname.

Em wanted a clean break from them all. She left everyone thinking it was the best thing for her to do, that the people she loved could move on without her around. But the second she heard his voice again she stumbled out of the bed and ran to the top of the stairs.

“Sir, I know she’s here. I know Em is here and I’m not leaving until I talk to her.”

“There’s nobody called Em or Wiggle here, I’m not sure what you mean.”

When she got to the top of the stairs Michael said her name again, and the moment she saw him a tiny “Michael”” burst from her, the tears in her eyes making everything blurry. Michael Italiano had found her and he was at her parents front door, arguing with her dad to stop him from closing it in his face. He was there.

Her big brother was right there and she didn’t know how he’d found her but he had. Em couldn’t tell you how she got down the stairs, tears spilling as she pushed through to Michael standing there. She didn’t stop moving until his arms wrapped around her, holding her tightly against him.

All she wanted to do was ask how the hell he’d figured out where she was but she couldn’t. How had he found her in the very last place she ever wanted to be? Between her near uncontrollable sobs and the knot in her throat all she could do was rest her head against his chest and hold him tightly. It was Michael. She could feel him and smell his usual deodorant and he was right there with her. It felt like a dream but it wasn’t. He was there. She could tell by the way that Michael was holding her and the way he kept pressing kisses to the top of her head that it was real. He was there. 

“I told you I was gonna find you, Wiggle,” he whispered against her hair. It was barely loud enough for her to hear it, a warning that her parents were still close enough to listen. “Can we talk?”

She didn’t want to let him go. Letting go of him meant that he could disappear, he could leave. She’d take her hands away and he’d be satisfied that she was alive and could go without a word and she couldn’t take it. He was right there.

Em nodded into his chest, looking up and beginning to loosen her arms but Mike knew her so well and kept one of his around her shoulder, pushing another kiss to the top of her head. The last time she’d hugged someone was eight weeks before in the hotel lobby in Melbourne, holding onto Isaac and Isabella before having to let them go and Joe wrapping an arm around her. She hadn’t touched another human since then. After almost four years with her boys and their families hugs and human touch were common and she craved it. Before now she hated it, but they’d converted her to it. She was so touch deprived that actually being held by someone nearly hurt.

If she couldn’t have Daniel there with her, if she couldn’t have the one she really wanted, at least this way she got to have one of her brothers there with her. Michael didn’t let go, keeping a hold of her as she led him up the stairs. They both ignored her parents questions as they made it into her room and sat down, Em leaning against his chest for another cuddle. They were perched on the edge of the single bed as Em took deep breaths, waiting for him to speak first.

“You don’t know how many people miss you, Wiggle. I missed you so, so much. Come home?”

“I can’t.” It was hard to say so casually but she did it, watching as his face fell in shock. “I appreciate that you’re here but I can’t come back. I’ve nowhere to live, I can’t. I can’t come back to London.”

“If you wont come back, at least let me FaceTime Blake? I had to fight him to stop him getting into the car with me, part of me thinks he might be in the boot. Let him see you and know you’re ok at least?”

“Ok.” She could do that. Michael kept his arm around her while he opened his phone, Em spotting the photo of the two of them walking through a paddock together as his Lock Screen. It barely rang before Blake picked up, hair unusually askew.

“Mate did you find her? Was Chloe right? Is she ok?”

“Hey Blakey.” Em smiled through her tears, watching the shock on his face as he realised she was there. His hands reached out to the screen as if to touch her face.

“TImmy, you ok?” She nodded, unable to speak while swallowing back a sob at seeing him again. “You scared us, you know that? We miss you so, so much. I can’t wait to see you.”

“I’m not coming back. Thanks for being caring, but I can’t. I need to be away. I can’t see him again.”

“Just come home,” Blake pleaded, barely taking a breath before continuing. “Emma, please. Please just come home to us. I need my sister home with me. Nobody needs to choose between anyone, TimTam. But we need you home.”

She wanted to say no. She wanted to tell Michael to leave, to let her stay in London and try to find her new normal. But she’d left to make life easier on them and it clearly wasn’t. She could go back with them and find a new life with them all still there. And that felt right to her. She could deal with Dan on the periphery of her life rather than in the centre.

“I don’t have anywhere to stay.”

“My spare room.” Em turned to look at Mike, a grin spreading across his face. “You can stay in my spare room, it’s your room now. You’re coming home with me.”

It wasn’t a question.

“Yeah. I’ll come home.”

“Blake, I’ll text you when we’re in London. Gonna get our girl packed up and ready to go.”

It didn’t take long for her to pack, Michael making her stay sitting as she directed him to where everything was. She hadn’t even unpacked her things fully, just pulled out what she needed as she did. But the two cases were packed, Michael had gotten her chargers together, and he brought them downstairs as Em followed behind him.

“Where are you going, Emma?” Her mother asked, watching the way Michael kept his hand on Em’s back.

“Back to London. I shouldn’t have left.”

“We never wanted you to go, everyone’s just glad you’re coming back. Chloe knows I’m here, trying to convince her not to fly over has been tough.”

“Yeah?”

“Oh yeah. She was about to tell Lawrence what happened so he’d get involved in finding you. Lance really misses you. They’re the only ones who know everything, we told everyone else you’ve family stuff happening. Well, Seb, Este and Mick might have an idea from Lance. Natalie and Ted said to say hi and to look after yourself. Charles kept asking when he thought you’d be back.”

Em could feel her parents eyes flicking between them as he spoke, taking in the names.

“Who are you talking about?” Her dad asked, Michael squeezing her hand for a moment as if to ask if he could reveal everything. Em squeezed back hard, watching as he was let off the leash.

“Em’s friends in the paddock. Chloe Stroll, her dad Lawrence owns Aston Martin and her brother, Lance, is one of the drivers. Sebastian Vettel, Esteban Ocon, and Mick Schumacher are Lance’s teammate and best friends. They all helped Em when she learned French and I think Seb helped a bit with Italian. And then Natalie and Ted are Natalie Pinkham and Ted Kravitz from Sky Sports. And of course the last is Charles LeClerc. He got you that sweater, right?” Em looked down at the one he’d gotten her the year before, fingering the soft wool.

“Yeah he did. I told him I owed him for the Italian and French lessons and he told me he owed me for the English ones and got me this. I’ve missed them all.”

“They’ll be happy to see you in Monaco. We’ve got to get going to get back to London.”

“I hope this isn’t another mistake.” Em nearly stopped as her mother commented, but instead she just looked at her.

“It’s not. This is the right thing for me.”

“Let us know if there’s going to be another scandal. We need to get ahead if there is.”

Em turned and left, not dignifying it with a response. Michael was the one who got her suitcases into his car, opening the passenger door and watching as she settled in. It didn’t take long to get on the motorway, Michael pulling into a services about halfway through the drive.

“What do you want with your coffee?” He asked, Em shaking her head.

“A caramel latte is fine. I don’t need anything.”

“Did you have breakfast?” She shook her head. “You need fuel, Wiggle.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“A chocolate muffin?”

“Maybe.”

She sipped her coffee and picked at the muffin, barely eating any of it. But finally they were getting closer and closer to London, the motorway getting busier with people leaving the city after work. She was terrified and excited at the same time, completely unsure if this was the right thing to do. They’d said they wanted her back. They wanted to see her. People were asking about her. But really would she be wanted there?

Her phone lit up with an incoming call from Grace, Em sending it to voicemail. She couldn’t.

“Who was that?” Michael asked, Em taking a sip of coffee before speaking.

“Grace. I still texted her. She kept asking how I was and saying she was worried and I couldn’t cut her off. I was trying to do it slowly. It’s easier when she’s the other side of the world.”

Michael reached over to squeeze her hand, Em squeezing back.

“We’re home.” She looked around the familiar car park, panic starting to hit her chest. Michael recognised it in a moment, a hand on her shoulder. “I’m right here, Ems. Right here. Blake’s in the apartment because he couldn’t wait to see you. Are you ready for that?”

“Yeah.” No. She wasn’t nearly ready but she had to. She had to see him and apologise for leaving him lost with work. 

Again Michael insisted on carrying her cases, the two of them arriving in together. He opened the front door to let Em through and she saw Blake the moment she stepped into the living room. He stood up, opening his arms and Em walked straight into them and clung to him again.

“God I missed you. So, so much. I didn’t think I’d get to hug you again.” Blake’s words made Em want to crack, her sobs coming out so quickly.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so, so, so sorry. I’m sorry.”

“You’re back, that’s all that matters TimTam. You’re home and we’ve got you.”

The afternoon passed quicker than Em expected, the three of them splitting takeout that she barely ate. They boys glanced at her, and she knew she didn’t look great, but she couldn’t stomach anything.

“I added you to the flight reservation for tomorrow, Ems,” Blake said and her head shot up, staring at him.

“What reservation?”

“To Nice. Monaco’s this weekend.”

“I can’t.” Cold fear caught around her stomach. Monaco was the beginning of everything. “You don’t understand, Monaco is-“

“Where everything started. Dan told us.” She looked at Michael, at the first mention of Dan he’d made. “Em the two of you need closure. Say goodbye to him in person. I’ll bring him to our hotel to do it so he’ll leave when you need him to. But you need this.”

“I don’t know if I can walk away again.” The words were choked, yet more tears flowing. She didn’t know she had anymore tears left to cry. “It was so hard the last time. I don’t think I can again.”

“He’ll be the one leaving this time. But you need it. Plus, Chloe and Scotty will be there. I put it in the group chat we found you and Chloe’s insisting. If it wasn’t Monaco she’d be here already.”

“Group chat?”

She listened in stunned silence as they filled her in on everything that happened since she’d left. Chloe’s flight to London, leaving her in laws behind, so she could try find Em. The gossip instagram sightings of her that had been used to find her. The way people kept asking about her. Brown wanting to cancel her paddock pass.

“It’s still active?” It was the one thing she was stuck on.

“Dan wouldn’t let them cancel it. He insisted that you needed it. He kept hoping you’d turn up one weekend.”

“I’ll come to Monaco with you.”

That night she lay in bed, staring at the wall. She was home. She’d get to see Chloe tomorrow, and nobody was mad at her. They all missed her and wished she’d talked to them, but they weren’t mad. She was going to get to say goodbye to Dan for a final time and then come home and start building her life up. She could do it.

Her phone rang and without thinking she answered in her half asleep haze, realising too late that it was Grace calling.

“Hello? Grace?” There was silence on the line, Em leaving it for a moment. “Are you there?”

With no answer she hung up, switching her phone off. She didn’t need this. She didn’t need to mourn anymore, not when she had a hard few days ahead of her because Monaco was the place where everything had begun and where it would end for good.

-

Dan stared at the track map in front of him, his finger tracing the oh too familiar streets of Monaco. He knew every single round of the track. Every single place he’d need to turn, he’d driven them the day before when he got back from Barcelona. When he came back to this apartment that reminded him of Emmy and cried sitting on the couch and spotting her shoes by the tv. When he sprayed her perfume on the pillow next to his because it helped him get a little bit more sleep.

He wasn’t ok. He knew that now. He knew he had monumentally fucked up and ruined the best relationship of his life because he never opened his mouth. He had flights booked to go home and tell everyone that Em was gone and he was dreading it. Having to tell his parents she’d left him, telling Michelle and Adam that she was gone. Telling the kids how much their auntie Emmy loved them but Dan had fucked it all up on them so she couldn’t come back again. 

His heart was completely broken. The one week between races meant he didn’t have to go to England, could avoid the apartments in London. His empty one and her former one he was paying rent on. Instead Dan focused on the next weekend. He ran through the circuit on the sim again and again until he was driving it as perfectly as he could but his lap times were still too high. He ate and worked out and used the sim and showered and slept and that was all he did. Focusing on anything else was too much.

Blake and Michael were still in London. They were getting in on Wednesday but not seeing him till Thursday, two days from then. And that was barely hanging on by a thread. Every morning Dan half expected Michael’s resignation letter. Blake hadn’t said anything yet, but it was coming. He knew his manager too well. The explosion and anger were going to happen and it was going to be deserved.

When Dan was feeling especially masochistic he dug down in his backpack and opened the green leather box hidden in a bottom pocket. Nestled in the black satin was a thin gold ring with a tiny diamond in it. Em deserved more, deserved a huge ring. But she’d never wear it. She always preferred dainty jewellery, made comments about how big stones were destined to fall out. He picked it out for her style, not his. He should leave it in a drawer or sell it but he couldn’t. It meant giving up on her, and he didn’t know if he ever could.

“Dan? Em? Are you home?” His head shot up as his hand dropped the ring into his bag. No. He knew that voice and she should be seven timezones away from him right now. Not walking into his apartment. 

“Danny? You here?” His mum and dad walked into the kitchen to see him, both of their faces brightening at seeing him there before taking in the expression on his face, the tears he’d let out thinking he was alone. “We thought we’d surprise you for Monaco. Where’s Em? Is she gone out?”

His throat went dry as he swallowed, watching the two of them taking in the scene. The lack of anyone else’s belongings. Her baby blue suitcase not there. 

“Danny? What’s wrong?” He hadn’t heard his mum like that since he was a teenager and scared to move to Italy.

“I…uh…I have flights to come home next week to tell you.” He swallowed desperately, unable to make himself say the words for a moment. He hadn’t said it out loud. “Em…I…Emmy left me. She’s gone. She’s gone for good and she’s not coming back and it’s all my fault.”

He could see the moment they hit his parents, the way they nearly rocked back. The devastation on his mother’s face, the shock and dismay on his father’s. 

“But you were going to propose?” Dan huffed a bitter laugh at his dad’s words, putting the ring box on the table where they could both see. “What happened?”

“I fucked up, Dad. I…I did something I never should have. I said things I shouldn’t have said. So she’s gone and she isn’t going to come back. I don’t even blame her, she was right to. I never even called her my girlfriend to her face.” They both sat and looked at him as Dan ranted, letting it out to the two people who he thought would still love him after he revealed everything. “She made me promise her not to leave her alone and then I not only did it, but I sent her away. And we fought in Melbourne. I told her I was done. She resigned when she was flying home from Australia. I haven’t seen her since the hotel and there was a letter in Blake’s and my stuff and she moved and she’s gone. I chased her away. She’s sorry for hurting everyone but I made her leave. I made her go. She’s never coming back.”

He watched his mum pull out her phone and hit a speed dial, putting it on speaker. It rang once, twice, three times, and then hit voicemail. “Hey, this is Em. If this is business related send an email. If not, leave a message after the beep.”

“Dan…” His mother wrapped him in a hug and Dan sobbed in her arms, everything hitting him now he’d said it out loud. Em was gone. His Emmy wasn’t his and she was never coming back. It had been nearly eight weeks since he’d gotten to even see her, it was nearly three months since they’d shared a bed. Not since the night before going to Saudi. She wasn’t going to run her fingers through his hair anymore. She wasn’t going to cup his cheek and kiss him, fall asleep with her arm over his chest. Curl up on his lap on a plane while he talked to the guys and she napped.

He’d never see her in the paddock again. Never get that jealousy when he saw her talking in French with Charles or Lance, never see her hug Chloe before they went to their own garages. Never watch her talk to Mick and tell him to keep his head up, that she was proud of him. 

He was never going to get to have a child who looked like her. One with her hair and eyes and nose. One who looked like him but with her personality. Never put the ring on her finger. Never ask her to please let him be her husband because he didn’t care about the rest of it, he wanted her. 

The list of things he would never do again felt sickeningly long. He’d forget how it felt to kiss her. How it felt when she woke up from a nap in his arms and smiled up at him. When they were in Sicily and ate food and he showed her where his great Nonna had lived, a house no longer occupied by Ricciardos but where his dad had carved his name into drying cement. The way she looked at him like he was her world. The way she said “I love you”. 

He was going to forget all of it in time. He’d never forget Em, never forget how she had changed his life and ruined him for any other woman, but he’d forget the details. He kept opening his messages praying for something from her but nothing. He was never going to get another one from her.

“You were going to propose.” Joe was caught on that detail, opening the box and looking at the ring he’d bought. “You had the ring, you asked me how I knew. How did…how did it happen?”

“I told her I was done.” It slipped out with another tear, Dan pushing his fist to his mouth. He’d replayed those sentences over and over and over in his head. “If that’s what you want, I’m fucking gone. I’m done here, I’m gone” Em’s face falling as he turned to slam the door. The way that if he’d taken even a second he’d have realised she knew him so well she pushed his buttons deliberately. He’d have known. He wouldn’t have left. He didn’t even kiss her goodbye.

“I can’t believe..you…I…” Joe burst into angry ranting and Dan half ignored it, feeling his mother stiffen at his back.

“Did you really say that to her?” Grace was quiet, and the quiet disappointment was worse than anything else. Italian mothers knew Catholic guilt, and at his heart he wanted to be a good son.

“Yeah. She told me to leave, that I’d been leaving her behind the whole weekend and I should go. So I told her if that was what she wanted I was gone. I was done. And then she went downstairs and said goodbye and I swear she planned it. She knew what she was doing. The resignation email was already queued. She knew she was leaving and I encouraged her.”

“The presents…” he could hear the realisation in his mother’s tone. 

“I have to tell the kids she loves them so much but she can’t see them anymore and she wishes she could be their auntie. It’s why I’m going home next week so I can tell everyone. I just want her back, Mama. I don’t know how to do anything without her. She’s my life.”

His mother sat opposite him, pulling Dan’s face up and wiping his eyes. He stared into that identical face, the same nose and curls he’d inherited.

“You can’t fix this, Danny. If she’s gone she’s gone. But if she saw you like this? You’re too thin, have you eaten?” He shook his head. “If she saw you like this she’d blame herself and you don’t want Emmy to do that, do you?”

“No.”

Exactly. So you’re going to put that away and we’re going to make dinner. You have media tomorrow and you need to get yourself ready for it. Understood?”

“Yes, Mama.” She pulled him into a hug.

“We’ll talk more when you’re ready for it. I bet Michael already told you just how angry he is?” Dan nodded. “I thought so. I’m so disappointed in you. You called her your girlfriend, you were going to ask her to marry you but you never told her that you’re dating?”

“I thought she knew!”

“You always say it. Did you even have an anniversary?”

“Monaco. It’d be four years on Friday.” Grace peeled back through the memories, shaking her head.

“I…that makes sense. You need to get ready for tomorrow. Go shower and change, and I’ll have food ready when you’re out.”

“Thank you.”

He ignored the quiet disagreement he could hear between his parents as he left the room. He just felt hollow, and when he got into the shower and caught sight of Em’s fancy custom shampoo his tears fell almost as hard as the water from the shower head.

—

Being in a hotel in Monaco felt too much like four years before and it was suffocating for Em. She shared the room with Michael, and the day before Chloe had appeared at the hotel room door, wrapping Em in a hug and pulling her to sit and talk. It was awkward and painful and part of the mistakes she’d made were full force in front of her, but it was also like she’d never been away. Having her best friend there as they people watched out the window and Chloe filled her in on the gossip she’d missed in the last few months. 

But it was Thursday and she was on a mission. Michael had agreed to bring Dan to the hotel that afternoon for her to say goodbye to him at last, and Em was on her way back to Dan’s apartment to pack up whatever was there. She wasn’t even sure what she’d left behind, but she needed to get it out of the apartment. She didn’t want to have to go to the place she almost considered home after saying goodbye to Dan for the final time.

For the first time since she’d answered Grace’s phone call and got no response on Tuesday night Em switched her phone back on, muting all her notifications but opening Spotify. Her Taylor Swift Heartbreak playlist was on repeat, big sunglasses hiding the bags under her eyes and making her blend in with the rest of the city. Last Kiss was playing through her headphones and she bit her lip as she went into the apartment building, pushing the button for Dan’s floor and waiting to go up. Their floor. Dan’s floor. He’d kept making the joke that she basically lived there, she should stay more. But London had always been their home base, really.

Never thought we’d have our last kiss. Never imagined it ends like this. Your name, forever the name on my lips. Just like our last kiss.

The music was blasting as she undid the lock, closing the door firmly behind her. Em didn’t notice the extra shoes in the hallway, didn’t hear the movement in the living room until she pulled an earbud out of one ear and heard movement. Looking up she stopped in terror as Joe and Grace Ricciardo were watching her with shocked eyes.

“Emmy?” Grace asked, worry filling her face as she took Em in fully. The panic filled her chest, her phone falling to the floor and the other earbud yanked out of her ear. They weren’t supposed to be here. They were supposed to be in Perth, far away from all of this. They were supposed to be the other side of the world and the apartment was supposed to be empty and she’d run away, why were they still here? Why weren’t they yelling?

Her hand reached out blindly, grabbing the side of the couch and holding on as it became hard to breathe. She didn’t know what was happening, panic filling her entire body as her thoughts fizzed out and she could feel herself shaking.

“Joe, get orange juice and some water? And put on the Red album, its by Taylor Swift. It’ll help her. Emmy I’m going to touch your arm and help you onto the couch. It’s just me, I’m right here Sweetheart. We’ve got you.”

“I’m so sorry, I’m so, so, so sorry,” she gasped out, Grace sitting her down and pulling her into a hug. 

“You don’t need to be sorry, we understand why. We get it. Deep breaths, deep deep breaths. Follow my breathing. In for four, hold it for seven, out for four. Follow my counting.”

She followed Grace’s counting, almost jumping when she felt someone at the other side of her. Em kept her eyes closed, afraid if she opened them it’d be just a dream. State of Grace was playing in the background and the irony made her want to laugh if she was less panicked.

“It’s just Joe. We’re both right here for you, deep breaths. We’ve got you Emmy. We’ve got you.”

“I’m right here Kiddo. Follow Grace’s breathing and we’re right here.”

It took time for her to calm down and the trembling to stop. Treacherous was playing in the background as she opened her eyes, looking at her hands. Two familiar hands were clutching hers, sandwiching her on the couch.

“You’re here?” Em asked, Grace and Joe both squeezing her hand.

“We got in Tuesday to surprise you and Dan. He didn’t tell us what happened. We’re so glad to see you.” Grace’s voice was low, Em looking over at her and leaning in.

“I was coming to get my stuff. Michael’s getting Dan to come by the hotel room so we can clear the air.”

“We missed you so much.” It was quiet as Em took it in. The warmth of the two of them beside her, the way Grace’s arm was still around her back and holding her steady. Leaving once was impossible, but leaving twice felt like torture.

“I should go. I’ll get everything when you’re not here.” She went to stand but Joe held her in place, making her look at him.

“Why do you think you need to go?”

“I left. I’m not sure why you’re being so nice to me.”

“You’re family, Kiddo.” Those simple words made her break. The tears that the panic attack had held back started, Em trying to wipe them away. They wanted her. Nobody ever wanted her and she’d walked away but they wanted her and Em felt like she was going to break in two. But Dan’s parents held onto her tightly, calming her down until Grace pushed a glass into Em’s hands.

“You’ve had a shock. Drink the juice and then we’ll talk.” Once Em drained the glass she looked at Grace, the older woman holding her hands as Joe held onto her shoulders.

“Dan told us about what happened. He told us about you not wanting to make people pick sides. But you’re our family, Emmy. Just as much as he is. No matter what happens or happened with you and Dan, we want you in our lives. Don’t take that choice from us.” She nodded, Grace beaming at it. “Now, the kids gave me presents for you. They told us you weren’t well so they wanted to make sure you felt better. Plus we picked up things for you too.”

Joe was the one who went to a suitcase and opened it, pulling out a pile of presents. There were two packets of Tim Tams to make her laugh, a giant Perth mug the size of Dan’s head, and her favourite of all. A hand made get well soon card with childish colours on it, Isaac written semi neatly and Isabella written in a scrawl inside it. Attached to the card was a small white teddy bear that could fit in the palm of Em’s hand. There was a thin red scarf on the bear, making Em grin. She let out another tear at the inscription in the card, written in Isaac’s messy handwriting.

Auntie Emmy,

Uncle Dan said you’re sick and you can’t go on FaceTime with us but we miss you! London looks like it’s raining so you should come to us to get better cause it’s sunny. Isabella named the bear London cause it’s where you are.

Lots of love and see you in winter!

Isaac and Isabella

“They don’t know?” Em asked, Grace shaking her head.

“None of us did. You know how Dan is when he’s hurt, he keeps it in.”

“We both do. He…he’s my whole world. And it’s over and I have to say goodbye tonight and I don’t know how to.”

“Emma, look at me.” Joe had never used her full name and she looked up, wiping away tears. “I shouldn’t say this, he said it to us in confidence. But Danny said the exact same thing about you. He called you his life. Now I don’t know all the details of what happened, but if the two of you miss each other so much then I think you’re destined to fix things. You don’t get two loves like this. He wants you back, Kiddo. And I think you do too.”

“Yeah, I really do.”

Em sat there, holding the teddy to her chest as Grace and Joe kept her penned in. All she wanted was to stay right there with them.

She knew she needed to leave but it was the last thing she wanted to do. Even with the assurances that she was still family it just didn’t make sense. Her family had never wanted her but the Ricciardos still did? They wanted to keep her in their lives? She couldn’t understand why. Time kept passing and the sun was moving across the sky but she couldn’t do it.

Before she could make herself stand up, the front door opened and the oh too familiar footsteps came in. Dan was right there.

“Mum, Dad, I’m home!” She stood up at his voice, Dan coming into the room and stopping still. “Emmy?”

“Hi.” He was gaunt, the tan not hiding how pale and drawn he looked. She knew they were nearly identically haggard, the split hurting both of them more than they could have believed. They met in the middle of the room, Dan opening his arms and wrapping them around her. Em clung to him, holding on so tightly that she thought she might break him. Dan was doing the same thing, pressing kisses to her head. She could hear movement around them, listening out for speech.

“We’ll make sure she’s ok,” she could hear Joe say.

“Really?”

“Yeah. If we need to we’ll bring her to the hotel ourselves.”

“Thanks.” It was Blake and Michael who’d spoken and left the room, Em barely paying attention.

“We’ll leave you two alone.” That was Grace, squeezing Em’s arm and leaving the room as Em looked up at Dan. He was staring at her, and the look in her eyes made her nearly want to look away. It was fierce and caring and she thought it was echoed in her own.

“Are you really here?”

“I’m here.”

“Are…are you going to leave again?”

Em took a breath, deciding to be brave for once. “I’m only leaving if you ask me to leave.”

The grin that spread across his face was the best thing she’d seen in months, the bright smile making her join in.

“Can I kiss you?”

She didn’t even get the words out, nodding as Dan leaned down to kiss her and it felt like coming home. He was there and they had so much to fix, so much to work out, but he was her home. The idea that she was going to walk away or leave him again was impossible.

“I love you. I love you so much and there’s so many reasons why I should have said it before now but I love you and I want you to be my girlfriend. I know we have to talk but I need you to know, Baby Girl.”

“I love you too. So much. I didn’t think you loved me. That’s why I left. But I’m not going anywhere Dan. I can’t.”

He held onto her as they made their way to the sofa, Em settling on his lap. She didn’t fit the way she used to but she rested against his chest, her hand over his heart as her other hand held the teddy against her chest.

“Who’s that?” Dan asked, Em smiling.

“Isaac and Isabella sent him with your parents, they called him London. He’s to make me feel better. They’re good kids.”

“They love their auntie. I didn’t say anything to them. I didn’t know what to say. Just you were sick and had some family stuff so you couldn’t go on FaceTime with me. Next time I talk to them you can too?”

“I’d really like that.”

It was quiet for a moment before they both tried speaking at the same time, identical words flowing into each other.

“I’m sorry.” A huffed laugh went between them, Dan holding out his hand for her to speak.

“I’m sorry. For running, for not talking. I shouldn’t have left but I couldn’t stay. I was convinced it was over and you hated me. I couldn’t stay waiting.”

“I’m so sorry for making you think that, Baby. I love you. I’ve loved you for so long. I never should have said that, I shouldn’t have sent you away in Saudi. I shouldn’t have stayed away from you in Melbourne and I definitely shouldn’t have just left the bed that morning. I should have been there for you. If you’ll let me I want to be there for you now.”

“Yeah. I want it.”

“Yeah?” Em reached up to kiss him, separating and kissing his nose next.

“We have so much to talk about. We have so much we need to fix. But we can’t do it now.” Dan went to speak but she held up a hand and he let her continue. “This conversation we need to have is gonna take time and we don’t have time in the middle of the season. When summer break happens we’ll do it then?”

“That sounds good. But if stuff comes up we talk about it straight away. I can’t lose you Emmy. When you answered that call on Tuesday I couldn’t speak. I can’t lose you.”

“You won’t lose me. Not again. And that was you?”

“Yeah. I thought you’d answer if you thought it was Mama, but I was in shock hearing you again. I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Danny.”

She stayed curled up on him as they both half dozed, content to just be together. Grace and Joe came out a few moments later, looking at the two of them. Em fell asleep in Dan’s arms, unaware of what was happening around her.

“You gonna tell her everything?” Joe asked Dan quietly, watching as his son ran his hand up and down Em’s back.

“Yeah. We’re going to make this work. I got a second chance, Dad. I’m not losing her again.”

“Good.”

Em woke for dinner, actually eating the meal put in front of her. She still wasn’t hungry but having people around made it easier for her to eat. She was beside Dan, his hand on her thigh as they ate Grace’s cooking. It was quiet afterwards, Em pushing kisses to Dan’s cheek because it was something she could do now.

“Are you staying the night?” Dan asked, Em shrugging.

“I don’t know if I have anything here.”

“Your clothes are all still where they belong. I couldn’t move them.”

“Then yes.”

It was awkward as they got into bed for the first few moments, each lying on their own side and trying to get comfortable. Em took the first step, rolling over and putting her arm over Dan’s chest, resting her head on his pec and curling into him. One of Dan’s arms went around her, his lips pushing kisses to her to make her smile. It was the first night of uninterrupted sleep she’d had since she’d left Saudi.

Em woke to a kiss on her forehead as Dan eased out of the bed. “Hmm?”

“Go back asleep, Baby. Just getting up. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

She put her arms around his pillow and curled into it, smelling Dan again on it. He was there and he’d told her he was getting up and it was fine. Fifteen minutes later she woke to more kisses to her face.

“Wakey wakey, I’ve got breakfast.”

“What?”

There was a tray waiting for her, bacon and eggs and a pancake on a plate. Dan’s own meal was there too, along with a bowl of fruit for them to split and a coffee each. She grinned and sat up as Dan got back into bed.

“You made breakfast?”

“You always love when I do.”

“I just didn’t expect it.”

“Happy anniversary, Emmy.”

“Happy anniversary.”

Four years since she’d been in Monaco and watched him win, four years since that night in the club and the sex that had led to everything. To the happiest and saddest she’d ever been in her life. She couldn’t help but grin, eating her breakfast and talking to Dan before going for a shower.

In the bathroom Em fully realised just how she looked. She’d lost weight, her face tight and her hair dull. She looked sick, dark bags under her eyes. And yeah she was there with Dan now but she wasn’t ok, not really. She needed to get herself together and Monaco was not the race to be back in public for.

It was too early in the morning for them to really get up, but Monaco was always weird and Dan had more media that day before and after the practices. Em had insisted she’d be fine there alone, she’d be happy on the couch with F1TV on. But Dan had another surprise for her.

There was a knock on the door at eight, Grace opening it up and welcoming the visitor in. Chloe Stroll stood there smiling, hugging Em and kissing her cheek.

“Everything good?” She asked, Em nodding.

“My boyfriend and I are good.” Chloe grinned, hugging Dan and whispering something that made him pale.

“I’m here for the day. Practice day isn’t fun from the garage, and I figured you wouldn’t want to be around the paddock this week considering everything.”

“Thank you.”

Blake and Michael were the last to arrive, the latter immediately coming over to Em.

“I’m good. Really, I’m good.” She gave Michael a hug, giving one to Blake as well.

“We need to head. I got Nat to move your interview to this morning instead of last night. I told her Em needed you because of family stuff. She was good to move because it was for Em.” Blake nodded towards her after he finished speaking, Dan putting his game face on.

“Tell her I said thanks?”

“Of course.”

Everyone except Em and Chloe left the apartment, the two women sitting on the couch with coffee and Chloe catching Em up on everything that had happened. Apart from that it was relaxing, FP1 on. Em cringed at the times, nervous watching Dan going around the track. She’d seen him be confident on it and seen him be miserable on it, and this was reminding her too much of the year before. But she had lunch with Chloe and they spent an hour painting each others nails as FP2 began. Ems were blue and purple to match Dan’s helmet from the year before, just dry as she caught sight of an orange car going into the wall.

“No. No.” Chloe grabbed her hand as Em increased the volume.

“Is the car ok?” She heard Tom say.

“I’m ok.” She breathed a sigh of relief before standing, heading to the bedroom and putting one of Dan’s oversized hoodies on.

“Em? What are you doing?” Chloe called, watching Em slip on vans.

“I have to see him.”

“Ems, you can’t. He’ll be back soon, he’s fine.”

“I have to. Chlo…if that was Scotty and something happened on a half pipe, and you were a kilometre away. You’d run, right?”

“Yeah. I would.”

“Please.”

It took five minutes for Chloe to do Em’s makeup, hiding the worst of the dark circles around her eyes and the sickly pale complexion she had. The two women had their passes, Em picking hers up from the counter and putting it around her neck. It was an active pass, it was her pass, and it’d get her into McLaren which was where she needed to be. They scanned in and were mostly ignored, just looking like two more young women who were in the paddock. Chloe slipped into Aston, promising to text as soon as she saw Lance for Em to head over to them. Em walked up to McLaren, scanning her pass in front of the security who watched with suspicion as she was immediately allowed into the garage.

Grace and Joe were standing in the viewing spot and Em crept up, tapping Joe’s shoulder. Dan’s car was back, the suspension clearly an issue and the front wing gone. Joe wrapped her in a hug, Em returning it and giving one to Grace.

“How is he?”

“Ok. He got checked out, he’s just finished media. He was going to the med centre afterwards so he could be approved, and then he’s going to his room. Head up there, he’ll be glad to see you.” She nodded, turning and going straight to it. She caught sight of a nod from Andreas and a look from Brown, but they were mostly ignored as she set her sights on her target. 

The drivers room was small, Em sitting on the tiny couch and waiting. He’d be there soon. She’d see him and get to see him. He’d be ok. She could hear his footsteps coming down the hallway and when the door opened Em stood to see him.

She didn’t know who hugged who first, Em wrapping her arms around his shoulders to hold him. Her boyfriend was so much taller than her but she didn’t care, keeping him close and rubbing his back.

“I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve got a meeting in ten though,” Dan whispered, Em kissing his cheek.

“I’ll go down with you and sit in hospitality. It’ll be fine.”

Em held Dan’s hand going downstairs, walking into the garage still holding it as they got looks. Brown came over to call Dan to his meeting, but Dan leaned down to peck her lips before he said anything.

“I’ll be over when I can. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Chloe was just outside the garage, the paddock still mostly empty while practice was happening. She draped another lanyard around Em’s neck, nodding at Blake behind her.

“You’re in Aston Martin for the rest of the weekend, Dad said yes immediately. I thought it’d keep the media away, they won’t expect you to be there. Can you tell Dan?” The second part was to Blake who nodded, watching as Em was swept down to the green hospitality.

She spent the rest of the afternoon in there until she got a text saying they were leaving, the paddock now empty of media and Em putting her sunglasses back on to head down and walk out in the gaggle of people around Dan. She blended in and nobody noticed, Em tired after the day. Once they were further into the city Dan took her hand and she smiled up at him, the two of them able to do it in public. It felt so good.

That night Grace insisted on cooking for them before leaving to go for dinner with Joe, making their anniversary dinner before hugging them and saying goodbye. It was good food and smiling, Em ending up in Dan’s arms on the couch.

“I love you.” It felt so lucky to get to say it over and over and watch Dan’s eyes light up.

“I love you too. I booked flights to go to Perth on Monday. I was gonna tell everyone that you and I were over and you’d left. I thought the kids deserved to know in person.” Em sniffed, forcing back tears as Dan kissed her forehead. “Come with me. It’s a super quick visit, we’re back in Baku by Tuesday next week. But we need this. And I think you really need a hug from them.”

“I do. I really do. What do they know?” She hated asking, clutching the teddy they’d given her even closer.

“You were sick and there was family stuff going on so you couldn’t be on FaceTime. They didn’t need to know anything else.”

“They don’t need to know anything else.” She was firm, staring up at Dan. “They’re kids, they don’t need to know what happened. All they know is they have an auntie and an uncle who love them so incredibly much.” She nuzzled into Dan more, feeling kisses pushed to her head.

“Exactly.”

The next two days were exhausting, Em not fully fit for the experience. Dan was driving and looking miserable, she was constantly exhausted and felt like she was on the verge of having a meltdown. The noise, the movement, the people were so much. Chloe was great, Scotty there and holding her hand when she needed it in the hospitality. Lance came over to give her a hug on Saturday and she waved at Seb from across the room, getting a grin back in response. Her friends had learned she was there and it was secret meetings in the back of the Aston Martin garage where cameras wouldn’t see. The hugs Mick and Charles gave her made her grin. It wasn’t unusual for the two to pop by Aston, so they could be there in secret. She felt human again.

The practice and race were a wash. Dan wasn’t lapped, which was better than the year before, but she was so fed up of hearing Brown make comments about her boyfriends performance. Give him the car they promised and he’d be able to do something with it. This hunk of junk they’d given him that was designed around his shorter teammate? It wasn’t going to work.

They went back to the apartment that evening, Blake and Michael on the couch with her as she watched Dan change into a suit for a sponsor event. Em offered to go with him, put on a dress and heels, but Dan insisted she shouldn’t do it. She needed to relax and spend time resting, so instead Em kissed him goodbye and waved to Grace and Joe who were accompanying him. She was wrapped in one of the original Ric3 hoodies they’d designed and clutched London the bear as she dozed off. It was one more night until she got on the first flight to Australia and she couldn’t wait.

She woke being lifted off the couch, Dan holding her up and carrying her to the bedroom.

“Huh?” Em asked, still half asleep.

“Just going to bed, Emmy. I got out early and wanted to come home to you.” She filed the question about getting away early to one side, instead focusing on how Dan slipped next to her in the bed and she got to curl up beside him, arms around her as he kissed her forehead before going to sleep with her.

Taglist (Let us know if you wanna be added!)

@dr3lover @sabrinaselina55 @majx00​ @tall-tanned-tattoo @lovingdennishauger @lauehr @msolbesg @f1medlife @idkwtfimdoing2 @leclercsbae @hiphopdancer101universe @mehrmonga @lewispool @saintandrea-droidsmuggler @coldheartedmar @sugarbabygirlofdaddy @nonsensical-nonce @a-distantdreamer @tita010 @leslizzle @javden @mloyer 

[catgirl-catboy]

Would fall into mlm scheme-

*Coughs* Kakeru x Kinji i guess?

He saved us from Tsurugi's wrath just being existing, we should grateful for him...

And what is your remnants headcanons?? I love remnants more than my life I need to know people's opinions on them

Oh hell yess! My Remnant headcanons can go on for days!

CW: a buncha fucked up shit. This is your dead dove tag. Also, none of this is Dr3 compliant because Dr3 was made by cowards that didn't show much gore.

First off, can I drop someone else's fic? This Kazuichi fic is absolutely horrifying, and I am afraid of the person who can think that up. The other one-shots in the fic are good too, but this one... fantastic.

Sonia decides she despises all of the pressure she's put under being a queen, and wants to abdicate. Junko won't allow this, thinking that staying as a princess will cause her despair. Kazuichi makes a robot meant to perfectly imitate her. (I imagine he gets gross with it, but nothing explicitly illegal happens) Gundam actually takes over the running of the kingdom, leaving him no time to take care of his Devas.

Sonia decides to give up on both being a princess and a person, and mostly just does the first impulsive thing she can think of. If she wants to try something she heard in a true crime podcast, she does. Cut all of her hair off, sure. why not!

I imagine she'd rarely communicate people other than Kazuichi and Gundam verbally. Most of the time, she just makes noises or is creepily silent.

Remember how in Ultra Despair Girls, becoming Junko was a big thing? Fuyuhiko wants to become Natsumi. Peko objects to this, so he donates her to Mikan. (more on Mikan later.)

He tries to forget that he ever held a differing opinion than Natsumi.

He's one of the few despairs that doesn't kill his parents. Why would the golden child ever do such a thing?

Mikan worked on the Kamukura project. It was her first human experiment, but it wasn't the last.

She does unethical experiments on people, and is by far the most terrifying despair. It isn't even about knowledge for her anymore. Its about control. She's done lobotomies on several people, so she has staff that unflinchingly follows her orders.

Fuyuhiko donates Peko to her cause, but she escapes with minimal damage.

Hiyoko isn't so lucky. Mikan manages to capture her early into the Tragedy. Almost everyone suspects Mikan has her, but nobody wants to say anything.

She does a reverse Izuru and manages to remove Hiyoko's talent. Her feet look fine. But her sense of balance is almost completely destroyed, making her extremely clumsy.

Mikan doesn't stop there. She makes Hiyoko extremely dependant on her to do basic tasks like eating and getting dressed, while not causing her much physical injury. (I imagine Mikan undoes some but not all of it post Dr2) Mikan loves this. Imagine a complete role reversal where Hiyoko has to be super polite to Mikan so Mikan doesn't hurt her worse, while Mikan is just batshit insane.

The only one aware of Hiyoko's whereabouts is Mahiru. She documented the whole thing, along with most of the other crimes the despairs have committed.

Mahiru is the only despair with an intact sense of morality, but it doesn't stop her from acting. She's just an observer. Really.

She observes everyone she's close to fall into despair, and doesn't notice her slipping into it herself.

After Junko made it clear that Sonia was never going to date him, Kazuichi gives up on romance as a concept. He's still very horny, but it never really goes anywhere.

I imagine he's had sex with pretty much every attractive person he meets. None of the measure up to Sonia.

Also, I imagine he'd likely be the one to give himself tattoos, and that they'd be related to his Ultimate. Practical.

Akane starving herself is Dr2 canon, but I imagine she also starved her siblings. Slowly. She was tired of being the brave one, so she killed them.

I imagine that she takes up smoking to kill her taste buds.

She's the type who will needlessly endanger her own life just to feel something.

Nekomaru is angry and bitter about the fact that out of these fuck-ups, he's the one most likely to die first. As a result, he will attempt to murder the other remnants. His body isn't strong enough to be as much of a threat.

I know the fanon is that Kaz built the executions for Junko, but I like to imagine Nekomaru helped with the phycological aspects. A coach knows how to bring out both the best and the worst in people.

Horrible influence for Akane.

I like Ultra Despair Girls so Servant is canon to me, but I'd like to imagine that he keeps waffling back and forth on if he wants his talent removed like Hiyoko.

I also imagine that he makes it very easy for strangers to attempt to murder him. It never works.

Izuru discovers he likes the sensation of pain. (I don't mean it in a sexual way but if you do thats cool dw.) He tries to seek out and experience the most painful things the world has to offer, to see if something more painful than boredom exists. It doesn't.

Ibuki regresses to how she was before she quit her old band. Incredibly self-conscious of how others view her and ready to follow the crowd. The crowd screams for bloodshed, so she delivers! She should be happy, right?

The Ult. Impostor mutilates themselves to the point where they won't be able to successfully impersonate someone ever again. You can't hide those scars. They are a nobody, and they took away their choice to even be seen as a somebody.

Peko is in a depressive state throughout the entire plot post Fuyuhiko. She doesn't do much of anything, but she could never raise a hand against him.

Teruteru absolutely did some shit with that Mondo butter, thats all I'm saying. All of the Dr1 kid's corpses were probably stolen by the kids, not just Junko.

[evstostuff]

At Least I Don't Have To Do Cardio

Pairing: Reader x Danny Ric

Warnings: 18+, choking, language, hair pulling, unprotected sex, public sex, thigh riding, slightly dominant Danny and reader, dirty talk, slight tattoo obsession.

Word count: Roughly 2,000

A/N: So this is my first smutty bit of writing. Please leave feedback, make it constructive! Welcome to my head and my obsession with Dany Ric's tattoos :)

“Come on you can do it Y/N, just one more.” 

A large hand swiped across your arse cheek, supposedly an effort to encourage you to push through the pain of the barbell squats Danny was making you do. The sharp sensation from the slap went straight through to your core causing you to bite your lip. You got through the last one and put the barbell back on the rack so Danny could do his set. 

“I’m proud of you baby, you’re getting stronger.” 

His eyes racking over your body as you removed your oversized t-shirt. Those gorgeous brown eyes were full with lust, making every inch of your body shiver with excitement.

Both of you continued with your workout. Danny focused on his legs and you deciding a run was the best way to clear your mind of the dirty thoughts.

You and Danny had been friends for years before your relationship. Obviously, you took a bit of a backseat once he got into formula one. However, you supported him no matter what, constantly texting him good luck and watching on tv when you were unable to go to races. Unfortunately, towards the end of his 2018 season at Red Bull, things got hectic. Work got in the way and his busy schedule meant you barely saw each other. You’d text occasionally, checking up on each other but usually the replies were short and sweet, not leading to too much of a conversation. 

It wasn’t until a year later during the summer break that you two bumped into each other whilst holidaying in Ibiza. You were relieved that he was still the same Danny you had grown up with. After a quick catch up, you both agreed to meet later that night at one of the clubs with all of your friends. Nothing had changed between the pair of you, no awkward moments or anger due to the lack of communication over the last year. You couldn’t help but notice how well the Renault move had paid off for him, there was an aura of content you had never seen in Danny and it was really working for him. 

As the night went on and the lusting stares continued. The sexual tension between the pair of you was so intense, you both ended up rekindling under the bed sheets in his hotel room.

From then on, you both spent every moment you possibly could with each other whether it was exploring different cities in the countries Danny was racing in, or spending endless hours in the hotel room showing each other how much you both had truly missed being around each other.

Fixated on Danny, you looked at him in the mirror. Scanning his body, sweat dripped from his forehead causing the chocolate curls of his uncut hair to stick to his skin as he continued to push himself. 

Your eyes locked onto the colourful tattoos peaking out from underneath his gym shorts. They complimented his thighs so well. There was just something about them that made you drool. 

Your mind wandered to a couple of nights ago, Daniel had just come back from Canada. With jet lag involved, you were just happy to have Daniel back in your bed. None of that mattered though, he just wanted to show you how much he had really missed you. Part of that night you spent clawing at his thighs and those amazing tattoos as you rode yourself and him to the third or fourth orgasm. You had lost count as his hands fondling your breasts, occasionally rubbing either nipple between his finger sending you crazy.

“What are you thinking about babe?” Danny’s Aussie accent echoed around the empty gym snapping you out of your daydream.

“None of your business Danny.” You smirked at the sweaty man as you hoped off the treadmill and walked past him to your gym bag. 

Daniel came up behind you. “I think you should tell me y/n.” 

His hand wrapped in your ponytail, tugging your head back gently giving him access to your neck. His lips kissed every single inch of your skin available to him, nipping at the sensitive areas that never failed to make you moan.Your breathing grew heavy as his teeth gently grazed against the skin on your neck. 

Growing impatient, Danny tugged a bit harsher, clearly wanting an answer. 

“I was thinking about the other night, about how good you felt inside me whilst I rode you” Your words caused a blush to creep up your cheeks. 

“Oh baby, you really do look phenomenal when riding me. Such a moaning mess all for me.” Your words clearly had an effect as he pressed his growing hard on against your ass. 

“Daniel, we can’t, not here.” You gasped as he slipped his hand out of your hair and situated itself round your neck. 

Your eyes locked with Daniels in the mirror, his eyes darkening as he wanted nothing more but to be inside you. 

Luckily, your apartment building’s gym wasn’t very popular and was always empty in the mornings. 

Danny sat down on the bench in front of you, legs spread. “Sit.” Danny gently patted his thigh. 

You looked at him slightly confused. 

“You’re gonna ride my thigh like you did my cock the other night.” Danny pulled you down on top of his thigh.

He let you get comfortable as his fingers gently massaged your hips. The growing ache of your core begged for some attention causing you to gently roll your hips forward on Danny's thigh.

Danny's fingers tightened on your hips guiding you at a much quicker pace than you were prepared for. You couldn’t help it, the friction was just where you needed it. A small string of moans slipped out as Danny’s eyes were stuck watching you slowly build up further towards your orgasm. 

“How does that feel baby?”  

In all honesty it felt amazing but still nothing compared to the real pleasure you knew Danny could give you by having his way with you.

“Y/N, answer me.” Danny grabbed your hips, holding you still. 

A groan left your lips.

You knew exactly what he was doing. He wanted you to beg and that wasn’t happening. 

You slowly moved you hand down Danny’s chest, making your way down to his shorts that were now extremely tight, revealing how hard he really was. A sigh left Danny’s lips as you traced your fingertips over the outline of his cock. 

“It felt amazing baby” you whispered in his ear as you dragged your core over his thigh again.

“Do you want to be inside me Danny?” 

“Fuck baby, I want you so badly, let me have you here?” He pleaded. 

Danny’s eye, full of lust racked down your body as his hands brushed down your curves. You couldn’t resist Danny much longer. You connected your lips with him. The kiss was desperate and was sending waves of pleasure down to your core. 

Danny lifted you up. “Bend over and hold on to the bench.”

You did as you were told. Waiting in anticipation, you could feel the wetness gathering within your shorts. You were throbbing for Daniel to be inside you.

Danny’s hand slowly caressed the curve of your arse. You were getting impatient and Danny could see the frustration building on your face in the mirror.

Within seconds your gym shorts were round your ankles. Danny pushed your thong to the side and slipped his finger through your wetness. You gasped at the sudden contact. A small chuckle left Danny’s lips as he removed his finger and brought it to his lips. You watched him as he sucked your juices off of his finger. 

“Oh baby, you taste so good. All ready for me to fuck you.” Danny’s shorts had been pushed down along with his boxers to reveal his extremely hard cock. 

He situated himself at your entrance. Slowly, he ran the tip through your folds. Both of you moaned. Danny’s cock twitched at how wet you were for him.

“Please Danny.” You moaned.

Danny couldn’t wait any longer, seeing you bent over and begging for his cock made him feral. He wanted to fuck you into oblivion, screaming his name letting everyone in the apartment block know how good he made you feel as you’d cum round his cock. 

Lining up to your entrance, Danny secured his grip on your hips. Pushing into you, he didn’t give you any time to adjust. He was on a mission. Danny's thrusts were fast, jolting your whole body forward with the sheer force he was applying. Within seconds you were a panting mess, head bowed, bottom lip between your teeth, leaving fingernail imprints on the headrest of the bench. 

With every thrust he was hitting every sweet spot inside you. Danny released the grip of one of his hands and moved it to your ponytail, pulling your head up to be able to watch your reaction. The sharp tug on your hair made you gasp, your eyes opening to lock with Danny’s in the mirror. You both kept your eyes fixed on each others as you both quickly became moaning messes at the feeling of one another. Danny’s thrusts were getting slightly slower indicating he was trying delay his orgasm. You were close, the feeling building within you, ready to take over and blow your mind. 

“I wanna watch you cum Y/N.”

Danny let go of your ponytail and moved his hand down to your front to the top of your thong. 

“Don’t you dare put your head down, you keep your eyes on me.” Danny was stern and you knew he would punish you if didn’t do as you were told. 

His fingers found your clit, adding an extra amount of pleasure to what you were already feeling as he slowly circled the bundle of nerves. The pressure inside you was building, you knew you wouldn’t be able to hold it much longer. With the new added pleasure from Danny’s fingers surging through you. Becoming weak at the knees from the intense pressure building up within, you gripped the bench harder hoping it would bring you a bit of extra stability. Danny could feel how close you were, you were tighten around his cock which was really putting his restraint to the test.

“Cum for Y/N” he cooed at you.

His wish was your command, as the words left his mouth you felt your soul leave you body as you screamed.

“Fuck. Danny.”

With you tightening around Danny, he found his release with your name being repeated like a chant to the gods. You watched Danny come undone in the mirror, head thrown back as his grip tighten on your hip whilst he emptied himself into you. The image alone shot extra waves of pleasure causing you to grip around Danny, his hips bucking into you further causing you both to groan. 

The gym filled with the sounds of you both panting, coming down from your highs. Slowly Danny pulled out from you and grabbed his gym towel to help clean you up. You sighed at the contact of the towel, still sensitive from your orgasm. 

“Come on baby, let’s get back upstairs. How does a bubble bath sound?” Danny pulled your shorts back up and helped you stand up straight.

You nodded your head. A small smile forming as you looked at your boyfriend, truly appreciating how lucky you were. Danny picked up your bag, handed it to you and wrapped his arm around you, pulling you closer to him.

“At least I don’t have to do cardio now.” Danny chuckled as you both walked upstairs.

[saturninemartial]

alright so a question for your fic,

is there an description or better yet a picture of their appearances? i don’t know if it’s just me but; reading it i still imagine their high school appearance, so it’ll be nice to have some visual on what they look like now.

mostly kazuichi and gundham, but having the rest of cast would be great as well!💖💖

hi! thanks for the question!! 🥰🥰

i totally understand where you're coming from. so i've already written in a few parts of it but intend on revealing more pieces as they open up more to each other. i feel like maybe what i've included so far is a little broken up, so i'll put it together here for ya. i don't think they've changed that much, mostly just cosmetic things.

EDIT: this art is heavy inspiration!

kazuichi: i'm not using his shark teeth, sorry!! i just couldn't make that part feel realistic, especially if he'd had them in high school. but my headcanon was that he had pretty crooked teeth in school; and is just now using an invisalign that's helped a lot. he's kept his hair pink af (though i imagine he's experimented with the exact shade of pink), and it goes quite a bit past his shoulders now, i would say definitely over his shoulderblades. he's experimented with styling it in new ways, mostly with different kinds of braids—i detailed the style during nagito's party as half-up, half-down, with the up portion being in a regular 3-strand braid. he bleaches and dyes his eyebrows too, to match, but he also fills them in a bit with makeup. he has an eyebrow piercing, and a septum piercing, both of which he usually just wears a simple barbell in. he wears a larger gauge in his earlobes (nothing massive) and a collection of piercings in each ear. i like the idea of an industrial and a daith in one ear, and a couple helixes and a forward helix on the other. i haven't 100% decided yet on all the exact ear piercings but the industrial and daith will definitely be there. he's pretty tan and he has some freckles, especially across his nose, cheekbones, and forehead—this is a change since he lives next to a beach now and spends a lot of his free time outside, while he was confined to a city for so long before! also, here's a sneak peek: he's pretty fit, because in the time since he's moved down to minamitane, he's taken up surfing!! he's still a little bit of a fashion disaster lowkey, but he's kinda had to tone it down a bit so he wears more boring "grownup" office clothes for work. he has a few tattoos, though they're all pretty much covered by clothing. we'll definitely get to those eventually, though, as well as his other piercings: both his nipples! chiaki is right, he definitely sets off metal detectors.

gundam: biggest change is the hairstyle!!!! as i detailed in the fic, it's no longer up in the ice cream swoop. i believe in floppy hair gundam supremacy, so it's a lot like the dr3 anime tbh. i love the middle part, and i'm keeping the undercut as well. he found something that worked for him and stuck to it. he does have those bigger streaks in the front of his hair, though they're white due to his poliosis; and he has some premature gray hair too. another big change is the eye color! controversial, maybe, but i'm going with the gray and red both having been color contacts, and his natural eye color is closer to a medium-dark brown. he'll sometimes wear gray in both but i feel like his eyes tend to get irritated by contacts now, haha. also: the "facial scar" was just his dramatic-ass makeup during high school!! no more "scar"!!! he does like a tasteful smokey eye though, even if it does make him look more tired. he stopped wearing the scarf a while ago, since it got in the way while he's working; although sometimes you might catch him pulling the collar of his shirt up to cover his face when he's extremely embarrassed, hehe. he's still pale and built as HELL (we stan gundam's giant tiddies here). no bandages either, but i'll give you another sneak peek: he has sleeve tattoos!!! i'll go into more detail in the next chapter but yes. he's also still a goth, but like, more refined and simplified most of the time? so at nagito's bday he was probably wearing something like a black turtleneck and black pants.

sonia: shorter hair, technically, though still around her waist. also love the idea of her being a liiiittle bit chubbier. 🥰

chiaki: no real changes.

nagito: no real changes.

hajime: no real changes. he's never been crazy about styling his hair a specific way. honestly he's not that obsessed with his own appearance.

fuyuhiko: no real changes, possibly incapable of aging? he might not have those lil designs shaved into his head anymore. he may have lost a little baby fat in his cheeks but otherwise this guy is hiding the fountain of youth.

peko: she's graduated from the girlish dual braids and ribbons, to a more refined look. think sleek, high ponytail; or a single dutch braid. occasional dual french braids. smaller glasses frames, though she's stuck with the rectangular shape. also looks fine as hell in a suit.

i'll be having more characters added eventually, and will be writing in any descriptions of changes! i'll just say that i, personally, have changed very little in appearance since i graduated high school 10 years ago—the main differences being that my hair is a different length, i'm better at makeup, and my nose is pierced (i'm also fatter and have a couple tattoos). so generally everybody is pretty recognizable, there's just some style changes!

god, sorry for going on for so long, but i really hope this helped!!!

[naanima]

I needddd Max reaction! I NEED HIM TO GO FERAL ABOUT IT

This is part 2. Part 1 is here.

YES. HE WOULD. Max receiving the message of Daniel and his new back tattoo.

Not beta'd. Gods, this is so NOT edited in any way shape or form. But I wrote this in a half dazed frenzy. I'll post a proper copy of this and the first part as one whole fic sometime in the next few days on ao3. Thanks for being equally feral as me guys!

EXPLICIT: There's wanking and sex. Sort of.

1.48k words. I wrote over 2k words today. I am done. Probably tapped out writing wise for the next two to three days. Lols.

"MAAAX!" An arm went around his neck and a wet kiss missed his cheek, and was instead plastered across his head. More people joined and Max was pulled out into the heaving mass of people dancing to the club music.

Max was so happy, he was also so drunk, but he was so fucking happy. Every win was of course important. But this one, this one was so important, this year has been shit. The fucking worst. The car is shit, the people who had won with him, the ones he thought would be always with him had left, gone to the competition. He had thought he had finally gotten Daniel back, after years of not having him. That they were finally at a point in their lives that they could get their shit together and make it work. But that had been snatched away.

And he understood why Daniel couldn't stay, why he had to leave. Max wasn't a teenager anymore, he understood that F1 wasn't always fair. It was shit.At least Daniel had visited him in Monaco. At least he the past two years had allowed them to be together more often then they had.

Winning the WDC made it, not exactly worth it, but it made things easier to accept. Made it bearable.

He threw back his gin and tonic, and a full glass of gin and tonic was placed into his hand. He laughed, drank it all, passed the empty glass to whomever was closest, and jumped into the mass of people all celebrating his win. Their combined efforts gave Max the opportunity to win.

He didn't know how long he danced for, pulled in by people who wanted to hug him, kiss him on the cheek, tell him they loved him, then he was passed along to the next person, rinse and repeat. Max was so happy, Max wished Daniel was here with him, wished it was Daniel pulling him in to kiss him on the cheeks, maybe to miss and then they would end up kissing on the mouth. Daniel was so strong now, he would be able to lift him off the floor for a hug, and maybe Max could wrap his legs around his waist, and then - fuck, he needed to stop. He was so hot, and the air felt like thick molasses, and Max was a bit dizzy, and fuck he needed to take a piss.

He stumbled his way to the bathroom, avoided outstretched hands with a laugh, and told people, "I need to piss."

His phone buzzed as he was washing his hands at the sink. He looked down and saw Daniel’s name flash across the top of the screen. It didn't show the content, something he had set up so that he could have some privacy from fans, the media and the paparazzi.

He had received so many messages, from almost everyone in his life, but he hadn't received anything from Daniel yet. He knew he was in America, most likely in LA. But he had not received anything from Daniel.

But now Daniel was texting him, and Max could feel his heart beating faster. He was worried, not seriously, but he was a little concerned. But it was okay now because Daniel was messaging him, probably so that could congratulate him like had for every win he has had.

Max unlocked his phone and opened his messages, pulling up his message thread with Daniel. He didn't know what he was seeing at first. Didn't know why Daniel had sent him a picture of a naked man, but then everything clicked, the curls, the tattoos on the thigh, the muscled back and the ass that Max had dreamed about as a teenager, fuck, had dreamed about as an adult.

Shit, did Daniel send this by mistake, was it meant for someone else? Fuck that fucking person. God, Daniel looked so good, Max wanted to touch every bit of the exposed skin. And then Max took in Daniel's lower back, something gold and black on red skin just above his ass. And Max had to zoom in, squinted his eyes to look, and when it finally became apparent, Max’s hand tightened around his phone and a deep guttural groan escaped his lips.

And oh my fucking god. He was suddenly so hard, a whiskey dick apparently not making an impact at all in the face of a naked Daniel Riccardo. A Daniel Ricciardo who had branded himself with Max's name right above his ass, and what the fuck was Max meant to do with that. His brain felt like it was on fire, his whole body felt like it was too small for his needs, he was sweating, and he suddenly felt like he was starving. A deep ache that needed to be filled, felt as if it could consume him if he let it. Fuck. Max needed to come right now.

He made his way into one of the cubicles, locked the door and sat on top of the closed toilet. He had to hold his phone under his chin as he used both of his hands to unzip himself, to pull his pants off so that he could reach his dick. And gods it felt so fucking good, his pre-come overflowing across his hands, running down his dick.

He used his right hand to hold the phone up so that he could see Daniel's naked back, so that he could see his initials, his wins, his fucking brand on Daniel. His left hand formed a tight wet channel around his cock as he fucked into it. He kept on looking at the tattoo, thought about tracing his name in gold with his fingers, thought about kissing it, licking it with his tongue, biting into it until he left his teeth marks on top of it. His hands pressing into it as he went down the curve of Daniel's ass. His mouth and tongue licking downwards till he reached Daniel's tight hole. He could bring so much pleasure to Daniel, could make him squirm and moan, shake and cry like a mindless drooling toy, could make him come on his tongue as he held him down by his hips.

He could fuck slowly into Daniel using just his spit and his pre-come, his dick buried deep, and then slowly pull out as Daniel’s body tried to hold him in, all the while watching Daniel's lower back, his name tattooed onto smooth skin. Daniel had branded himself for Max. Had made himself his, and Max wanted Daniel here, he wanted to suck Daniel's dick, push his face into his pubes, wanted to come over Daniel's back, his come all over his name in gold and black ink. He could lick his own come off Daniel's back afterwards, could push his own come into Daniel’s red used hole, and - fuck, his body tensed all over, his brain whited out, and he came with a long deep moan, and he might have blakced out for a split second. When he came back into himself, his come was cooling all over his hand and he could feel some on his chin.

His pants were half off his ass, and his spent dick was out in the open air. But he didn't really care, he felt relaxed and saited. His phone was still held tightly in his hand, the screen black now. And he realised that he hadn't responded to Daniel. He unlocked his phone, looked at the picture of Daniel, felt his dick twitch, didn't think, just snapped a photo of his spent and sent it to Daniel.

Halfway to pulling his pants up a thought struck him, and he unlocked his phone again to google for an answer. He almost threw his phone against the cubicle’s wall. Barely contained himself from screaming in frustration as he sent a message to Daniel.

TO DANIEL: Daniel, a tattoo can take up to 8 weeks to heal!?

Fuck this shit. He had waited for nearly a decade for a sign from Daniel that he would be interested. And now that he has got his answer it was going to take eight fucking weeks before he could lick, bite and fucking push his hands into the gold of his name on Daniel's back. Fuck this shit.

Max Verstappen was a four times world champion. He played to win, took the gap no matter how small if it meant he could win it all. Daniel had given him a free and open invite for the rest of his life, and Max was not going to let Daniel have a chance to ever doubt his decision to make him Max’s.

TO DANIEL: Daniel. This means you are mine now, and it is of course only fair if you know I am yours. I always wanted a tattoo, and “3” is my favourite number.

[naanima]

Oops. I forgot to post the link here. I posted the tattoo Maxiel fic on to Ao3!! It is definitely better written, still unbetad by anyone else but yours truly. But it has more depth and flows a bit better in Daniel's section, at the very least it should no longer have spelling mistakes.

Title: Personal Brand

Word: 2.9K

Explicit: Blowjob, anal (but like one person is fantasizing about it.

Summary: Daniel watches Max win his 4th WDC in the comfort of his own home. And then decides to get something permanent to remember this minute by.

(Two people who are super tender, horny and just unhinged about one and another.)

The tattoos are gonna be in like 90% of my Maxiel fics now. I can see it already. Lols.