#not bitter not jaded just sad

[blazehedgehog]

Don't think I saw you ever answer this. So, it's been over a year since DLC for Smash Ultimate ended. What are your thoughts on the 11 newcomers that were added in the first and second passes?

I feel like I might have, but I can't find it right now.

The short answer is that I don't really have any thoughts on them in retrospect. I feel like I completely missed the boat on Ultimate, on account of it being such an expensive game.

$60 for the base game, and then $25 for Fighter Pass 1, and $30 for Fighter Pass 2. That makes Super Smash Bros. Ultimate a $115 game. That's almost half the price of the Nintendo Switch itself. More than half, if you're talking about the Switch Lite.

For one game.

I have gradually refused to let myself become too invested in thinking about that or else it risks breaking my heart. If I'm being excluded, I'll just go home. A lot of people got their fun out of Smash and moved on now anyway, the only people left are the hardcore ultrafans who consider this their forever game.

If you want something a little more positive and on-topic than that, you could always go back and re-read...

When Byleth was announced

When K. Rool was announced

When Joker was announced

When Banjo was announced

When Min Min was hinted

When Sephiroth was announced

When Sora was announced

But beyond that, it feels like there's nothing left for me in Smash Bros. anymore. It just feels pointless to think about that game from where I'm standing right now.

[silkjade-archived]

i haven’t been here much recently, and i’m sorry i’ve only been negative on the off chance i’ve been online, but let me just say one last piece before the end of this month, so that maybe the next might be better….

[alchemocha]

Mmhmbmnhm

Robotnik is out in town one day, not working, not really doing much actually. Maybe stopping by a cafe or ice cream parlour he enjoys. He’s walking down a street when a ball or toy belonging to a child bumps his foot, and he stops. At first he’s snarling in his usual disgust at being interrupted, but when he sees the child in question hesitate to approach, Robotnik sees the look in their eyes, and he caves.

With a sigh, he grabs the toy and saunters over, crouching down to place it back in their hands. His expressions softened into something quite rare for him, and he tells the child to be more careful so they don’t lose their toys, and to not worry their parents. The kids sniffling and nodding, and they thank Robotnik. The parent does too, when they catch up, and it makes him freeze up a bit, unsure how to respond to… being thanked like that. But he nods, simply, mumbles something under his breath— no thanks needed, kids shouldn’t have to cry and lose things.— and walks off. Not wanting to hear any more sentimental nonsense from anyone, including himself.

But he can’t help but to think about how he wished someone would have done so for him as a kid. How he doesn’t want any other child to be as miserable as he was. He cared very little about other adults, but… much to his own dismay, he couldn’t stop himself from caring about the well being of kids. Even if he’d try and claim otherwise to keep up appearances.

[orphyd]

🧍🏾‍♀️

[inbabylontheywept]

can we get more security clearance stories? they are amazing

Yeah, sure. Remember how getting contractors in to perform regular to the maintenance is basically impossible? One of the issues that we have is that the roof is kind of fucked. Like, in the newer sections, it's fine, and in the older sections, it leaks and we just have big barrels to catch the rainwater, and in the oldest sections there are actual holes. Which is crazy, because the oldest sections are where a lot of the tests happen. Those are almost always the most important parts of the facility. And the holes have been a problem for a while, but it is only "recently" (the last ten years) (yes, that is recent in government time) that the holes got big enough to fit birds.

So we have been getting birds into our secret facility.

This causes several issues.

The first issue is that, surprisingly, the people here are gentle, and they don't like seeing birds die. Some of the old hands are pretty jaded about it, and they have tennis rackets that they used to use for uh... bird removal. But the newer batch threw a fit when they suggested that, so now we have to make a big ordeal out of getting the birds out of the building. And if I sound bitter about it, I'm not - I am one of the people that said absolutely no bird smashing. But it is much easier to catch a bird than it is to just smack it out of the air.

(Another layer of difficulty is the whole "working in a labyrinth" thing. The birds have a lot of places to run.)

The second issue is that sometimes we can't get the birds out, and they die in weird places. This isn't just sad - it makes the test areas smell bad for weeks afterwards, and a lot of us spend the majority of our working hours in those locations. So it's sad and gross and stinky.

And the third issue, which is actually kind of the worst, is that government knows about the "perimeter leaks" (IE, large holes in the ceiling) and instead of fixing the holes, they put extra security measures in place. You know, in case spies climb in through the holes. Which means that, unfortunately, instead of getting the holes fixed, we got a state of the art alarm system, complete with motion detection lasers.

So the birds get in, and we actually can't leave until they get out, because they will, and have, and frequently do, trip the alarms. And when the alarms trip, people get called in to check the site and confirm for the 10,000th time that no, it's not Russians: It's birds.

It's always birds.

(Some of the techs actually kind of enjoy those calls during the weekends, because it means free overtime where there's literally nothing asked of them. Getting the "bird alarm" call is just 4 hours of OT where you check the test cell and confirm, no spies, just birds, then sit there and play checkers or read or whatever until the airforce base calls back and says that it seems safe enough for you to go home.)

(Engineers like those calls less, because we don't get time and a half, and we also don't need the cash quite as much as the techs do.)

Anyway, the crazy scenario is when it's like, 30 minutes to quitting, and a bird gets in. Because now we can't leave until we get the bird out. And the scene that happens is actually quite pretty.

So, the first thing that will happen is that there will be yelling downstairs. The downstairs people are always irate about birds getting in close to quitting. The anger is directed vaguely at the bird, and vaguely at the government, and more specifically at whatever absolute fuckhead bought us an alarm system instead of fixing our roof.

The majority of the crowd of grousing engineers and techs will then move into the upper offices. A couple will break off to grab the floodlight and shine it down the stairs, a few more will prop the doors open, and someone will venture back into the basement to turn off the light.

Click, the light goes off, it's dark, there's this big, warm, yellow pool of light just dripping down the stairs like a river of melted butter, and there's a crowd of tennish people + whoever is poking their heads out of the office to watch. No one will be breathing at all... and then, 9 times out of 10, a little bird will flit out of the basement, up the stairs, towards the light, and trigger the apocalypse.

Everyone chases the bird.

The goal at first is not to catch the bird. That's very difficult, and none of us have very good hand eye coordination. The goal is to thunder along and keep the bird from sitting down and having a breather.

We are there to exhaust the bird.

It is just accepted that this thundering herd will go wherever the bird goes. If your office door is open, and the bird flies in, it doesn't matter what reports you're filling out, or what phone call you're on - you are expected to deal with the panting and scrambling and general primal chaos of the hunting party until the bird goes somewhere else. Eventually, the bird will slow down enough that someone can catch it. This is a semi-coveted position, because, yes, you do get to hold a bird in your hand. And holding a bird is a wonderful thing. They are so soft, and so small, and you feel so careful with the poor thing. But also, it will bite you. Always. And the birds out here bite like needle nose pliers. It hurts so bad. I have been the guy holding the bird before, and it's this kind of beautiful scene again - to be standing there, hands cupped gently around this thing that is chewing the fuck out of the squishy webbing between my thumb and my palm. Tears streaming down my cheeks, surrounded by my little hunting party, that is telling me how much further until the nearest exit, opening all the doors for me. Hushed in the silence as they acknowledge my sacrifice. Inspecting the chomps afterwards and giving their opinion on how long it will be until it stops hurting.

I'm getting a little lost in the sauce here and don't really know how to end this. It's a really good job. Wouldn't be half as fun if it was run in a sane and competent manner.

I'll make this into a post at some point.

[mochinomnoms]

MOCHII

Hi hi hello

What do you think will happen if like— one day Crowley finally find a way to bring back mc back to their world?? And mc just went with it cuz like personal reasons.

How would the PTM characters especially Jade would react?? I wanna hear your thoughts about this PLEASE MOTHER FEED ME ANGST??

Within the 'canon' of PTM, Yuu can't actually go back, but more information as to why will come up in the later chapters, so I haven't actually thought about it tbh.

Considering how attached all the characters are to Yuu at this point, it would be absolutely devastating to most of them. Some understand, those who are particularly attached or close with their family, and while sad to see you go are happy for you to finally found your way back to your loved ones. They couldn't imagine their own life without their family, being so close with them, so they understand why you went.

Some are less than understanding, maybe even angry! They can't understand why you'd want to go after all you've gone through with them! Do near-death experiences mean nothing? Does their care for you mean nothing? Why, how could you leave!? It ends up with a bitter goodbye, something that they'd grow up regretting as they remember the last time you spoke, full of anger, tears, and spiteful words.

But Jade? Well, it greatly depends on whether or not a confession has happened yet. If taking place before, then there's a great divide within him to confess and yet not. If he confesses, then you might feel obligated to stay with him. Or not, he's not sure what would feel worse. But there's also the possibility of you resenting him if that were to happen, the pressure to stay taking away your only remaining opportunity to go back.

But personally, I feel like it would be much more devastating if Jade and Yuu were already a couple by this point, and they decided to go back. He spent so long pining after you, with you, knowing just how deeply and intensely he cares for you. How you know him so intimately, not just from your telepathy, but just in your ability to read him in a way no one else really has. It's not like he can even lie to you, you can hear the thoughts in his head, the devastation, the pleading, the sheer feeling of grief washing over you as you leave through the mirror with olive and gold eyes watching your form merge with the mirror. What makes your heart mourn and the tears fall from your face is the blankness in his stare, the lack of feeling other than a soft, polite smile on his face. No one else, except his brother and even Azul perhaps, can tell there's something off about him. The whispers of others commenting on his lack of reaction, their doubt of his affections for you, it only deepens the wound. Perhaps it was foolish of him to open up, to be vulnerable with you, to be someone other than Jade Leech, all to become yours. Now all he's left with is a gap in his heart and an even crueler disposition.

[harunayuuka2060]

Riddle: Am I the only one who gets annoyed sometimes with Professor MC?

Leona: Okay. Then why are you proposing that they teach the sophomores?

Kalim: Is it because Sensei has proven you wrong? Haha!

Riddle: WHAT DID YOU SAY JUST NOW, KALIM?!!

Azul: MC-sensei has only applied your own logic to you. Like they said, "it takes a handful of pills for Riddle Rosehearts to know how bitter the medicine is."

Riddle: *gritting his teeth in anger then immediately realizes that they're right and calms down*

Vil: I hope they teach 3rd years too.

Idia: Why? Weren't you bitter that your dorm didn't win the last event?

Vil: I was. But when they made an exception for Epel, I've come to realize that they found potential in him as much as I am.

Vil: *smiling proudly* And have you seen my poison apple lately? His posture is perfect. He's more alert, and has taken the duties in the dorm like cleaning all the windows without the need for me to bark orders.

Kalim: How about you, Leona? What can you say about MC-sensei?

Leona: *frowning a little* Well... They're fine. They don't poke their nose on other people's businesses.

Leona: Though I couldn't forget when they spun my bed while I was in it.

The housewardens: ...

The housewardens: *burst out laughing*

Idia: How was that possible?

Leona: Don't ask me. That teacher is crazy strong. No wonder they beat up Crowley without struggling.

Crowley: *enters the room* Oh. All of you are here. Except Mr. Draconia as always.

Crowley: Anyway, has everyone arrived to a unanimous decision?

MC: *talking to their first-students, acting all dramatic*

MC: Woe is me! *puts a hand over their forehead*

MC: I'm just new and I'm already teaching two year levels?

MC: *sniffles* *then stops the dramatic act* Anyway, that would just mean that our special classes won't be that frequent anymore.

The first-years: Aww...

MC: However, that doesn't mean that you can slack off. Hehe~.

MC: I'll be dropping by to your dorms and see that none of you have forgotten what we have learned.

The first-years: Yes, sensei!!!

Professor Vargas: Ashengrotto! Why can't you keep your feet on the broom?!

Azul: I'm sorry, sir... But I need a little more practice.

Professor Vargas: *sigh* Anyway, Professor MC will be coming here to assist you. And!

Professor Vargas: Don't.

Professor Vargas: Embarrass.

Professor Vargas: ME.

MC: *appearing behind him* You seem pretty heated up, sir.

Professor Vargas: AH! Oh. Oh... Hello, sensei. No, I'm— *clears throat*— Mr. Ashengrotto here needs some assistance.

MC: Oh?

Azul: *sad frowns*

MC: ...

MC: *beams* *starts pushing Professor Vargas* Okay, sir. I'll be helping him. You should go and rest. Well, I've heard that there's a new dish in the cafeteria. You should try it. Hehe~.

Professor Vargas: Y-Yes! I'm counting on you, sensei! *then left*

MC: *turns to face Azul* Now, let's start with this lesson?

Jade: I wonder how Azul is doing.

Jamil: He'll be fine. He's with MC-sensei.

Azul: *flies past them*

Azul: *evil laugh*

MC: *is sitting next to Azul, waving at them*

Jade: ...

Jamil: ...

Azul: I'M AZUL ASHENGROTTO AND I HAVE CONQUERED MY INCOMPETENCE IN P.E.!

Azul: AAAHHAHAHAHAHA!

MC: *gestured to everyone that are seeing them that he's fine*

*a few moments ago*

Azul: What do you think is the problem, sensei? I've tried keeping my balance, but it wouldn't work.

MC: Hm... Mr. Ashengrotto, I think you're quite the cautious type.

MC: *smiles* You're being difficult on yourself.

Azul: Being difficult on myself? I don't think I quite understand you on that, sensei.

MC: Besides the fact that you're a cautious type, you're quite ambitious as well.

MC: Picture this. Seeing the ones who had underestimated you,

MC: Grovel at your feet. *smiles*

Azul: ...

Azul: You're giving me an ego-boost, sensei.

MC: Oh. Then we shall use that. *chuckles*

Rook and Vil: *watching Azul flying around*

Vil: Has he finally lost it?

Rook: *chuckles* Roi d'Effort is enjoying himself!

[starmakerr]

When Aziraphale said "I don't think you understand what I'm offering" and Crowley just staring so hurt and sadly back at Azi bc "I understand more than you"

And he did. Crowley was a high ranked angel, he worked with Saqael on the horse head nebulae, he saw metatron often enough that he recognized him in physical form when the other arch angels did not.

He can control weather and time. He had access to throne level classified documents. Crowley knows way more than aziraphale does about what it's like to work at the right hand of God and trust and hope, love and believe in it all and then have it so violently ripped from you because you dared ask "why"

He witnessed plans on things he helped create, loved, and breathed life into be destroyed at the almighty's whim and the angels following through without thought or care and it broke his faith and happiness and turned him so bitter and jaded.

Throughout the years he tried to play the part of 'evil', partly in bitterness at God, but also as a way to open Aziraphales eyes as to what he is following because he likes Aziraphale and adores him and doesn't want him trapped under the almighty's thumb to be crushed the way he was.

And after all these years and centuries, after witnessing the cruelty at angels and Gods, and hells hand, Crowley thought after the first Armageddon, that Aziraphale understood, understood him, and he was just let down all over again, the hope belief, and love just stolen from him. And he's sad more than angry at Aziraphale, bc Aziraphale still has that mindset and thinks he can change things.

Everytime that Crowley has been merciful and kind he was tortured either be heaven or hells hand, he just wants to protect this universe he helped create, and all the beings that inhabit it, and he knows for certain that he'll and heaven won't help achieve that, are actively trying to prevent it.

This whole situation is so damn tragic for both of these characters. I'm such a clown for finishing this series in two days and now I have to wait for s3.

[icyolive]

Fairy tale-ish AU where the Cloud Recesses arc still happens, but LWJ is widely known to be suffering some kind of stone heart curse that prevents him from Feelings. The Lan have tried everything, but their precious second jade cannot be thawed. They can't even identify the curse. It's tragic. And very Lan. He's probably acquired some ridiculous honorific about it because *slaps LWJ* you can fit so many titles in this bad boy.

Then WWX shows up, runs into LWJ, and like... this guy... is hilarious?

Like, WWX is immediately Fascinated by this guy that everyone keeps saying is a tragically frigid perfect upright Lan. Because the guy is clearly full of quiet simmering rage (okay mostly just annoyance) and deeply, deeply bitchy. He's fun to provoke. He gets all of WWX's literary puns. He's got this hilarious deadpan humor that... like... how is no one else seeing this?

Novel WWX was hooked pretty early, but with the mystery of this curse that no one can explain, WWX fixates hard and picks up on a lot of what he otherwise would've missed.

He tries a million different curse breaking techniques. Works on it in class and has less time to bother LQR with shenanigans. Drags LWJ to the library to research, instead of being dragged there to copy lines.

He talks to LWJ instead of provoking him (he still provokes him). Notices LWJ is sad. awkward. speaks like his friends are all books. Gives him the benefit of the doubt, at first, because the poor guy's cursed.

WWX asks what kind of curse it is: no one knows. They can't even find a curse mark. No purification ritual has ever worked.

What do they think it is? For a long while, it was thought to be a curse from his mother, and that she hadn't wanted to deal with such a fussy child. When did they tell him that? Around the time when he was taken from her, just after uncle told him that his crying was unacceptably disruptive. Being disruptive meant he would miss his monthly visit. (LWJ has no idea why this is all spilling out of him. He says it all with what he thinks is a blank face, so it's not like he's making a scene. WWX hears the bitter humor in his phrasing, the sadness in his thousands-yard stare. He shares what he can remember about his own parents.)

The current theory is a love curse; they've been introducing him to eligible young women for the last few years, to see if they could break it. (Because he's Paying Attention and LWJ's face does a Thing, WWX adds super gay to his mental list of LWJ's attributes.)

"Lan Zhan... u know ur not cursed right."

Turns out, and no one's surprised here (somehow everyone but WWX is surprised here) this so-called curse is just the cumulative effect of the Lan repeatedly traumatizing and isolating this kid in various ways more or less since birth.

Maybe it's a complete surprise. Maybe LWJ had some inkling. Maybe he knew, but couldn't find the words to explain to anyone. Maybe he's like "yeah no shit but it made them leave me alone."

So yeah I've been having a lot of Feelings about how WWX is just utterly delighted by LWJ. Not despite his personality, not trying to fix him--he's just a dork who's head over heels for his gorgeous bitchy husband who talks like a book.

[lillified]

Just curious, why do you ship Megastar?

[long post incoming, apologies, you activated my sleeper phrase]

Short answer: I like these characters and their potential. I like the idea of them, and I made up new versions because I want to see their dynamic and subtext taken seriously, and not flanderized/made into a meanspirited joke by media that is supposed to be "mature"

Long answer:

when i was watching transformers as a kid i was really interested in the dynamic of two characters who are mean and jaded and instinctively push eachother away, but work extremely well together. i didn't really understand coding yet, but in my interest in the decepticons as an entity with an ideological identity that wasn't just "bad guy" (transformers was like. the first time i really started thinking about deeper meanings and propaganda in media, which probably explains why i am as obnoxious as I am) I was always sad with how megatron and starscream never really got the chance to have their dynamic approached in a different way. in a lot of ways those two are the heart and soul of the decepticons, and I've always thought that putting more care and attention into their relationship and not just writing it off as a cruel plot device would be the first step in having a more nuanced view of the Decepticons as a whole

personally I believe that, in a similar way to batman and the joker, those two have always had a dynamic that kind of blurs the lines, and at times is outright suggested. unfortunately though, like batman and the joker, over time an unwillingness to engage with the reality of that uncomfortable, sort of meanspirited coding just led to the near-sighted stereotyping becoming crueler and more abusive. acknowledging that it exists at all means acknowledging there was that bias, so the "joke" was just repeated until it became the only thing their interactions were really known for. it's an act of flanderization, and that makes me sad

i guess my case in point is--they have a lot of potential that just isn't realized. even in places where their relationship is given depth there's still almost always this really tonally dissonant violence to their interactions that's never unpacked, not really, because how are you going to sell toys of that? moreover, how are you going to make megatron "redeemable" after that? what could be considered strange, poorly executed slapstick in its origin became aesthetically worse and worse, but was never given serious thought--and I think that makes the story, overall, worse! "maturing" the brand didn't make it smarter, it just made an elephant in the room, and now Transformers is so locked in to its decided status quo that we haven't had a different perspective on any of these characters since Animated.

I apologize for the rant, but it's something I think about alot and your question is somewhat related to that. I'm frustrated by how dismissively these characters are written in versions of Transformers that are supposed to "smart" and "mature", I'm frustrated by how that negatively impacts the story, and I'm frustrated by how the people who like these characters can be dismissive of it. I think there's a lot of story potential and thematic insight into the decepticons that can be gained by looking at these two as characters with a history, and not just a bad joke! I think that you can have all the best parts--the sabotage, betrayal, bitterness, and the irony of someone you refuse to trust who still manages to know you better than anyone else, and have that shown through actions and character development, and actually written instead of having to be overscored by unintelligible violence for the sake of being "dark" and reaffirming, in the cheapest way possible, that you're looking at characters who are evil! I want to see that in a story!

my work is honestly not really about what I think transformers IS, or HAS to be, but what I think it has the potential to be, and what my interpretation of the themes means to me. I want to see all of the Decepticons viewed with a different lens, and these two are probably the most important Decepticons, both on a story/thematic level and a cultural one. transformers was the first piece of media I was really consciously critically thinking about, entirely by chance, and in the interest of art and human expression I want to make something different that is interested in being more thoughtful

anyway, sorry again for rambling. I might delete this later to keep my page clean, but I appreciate the question! I'd give more specific examples of why I like the stuff I made up but those would be spoilers.

[two-white-butterflies]

parallel lines | d. targaryen | part five

Description: An ordinary middle school teacher moves to a desolate town with her fiancee. After suffering episodes of vivid nightmares, she realizes that his uncle looks exactly like the man in her dreams.

Pairings: daemon targaryen/reader, aemond targaryen/reader

Trope: Reincarnation

series masterlist |

<< previous chapter

Man who makes a beast out of himself got nothing to lose Sold my soul long ago, nothing left to choose I'm tired, tired of singing the blues - Tired of Singing the Blues, Lana Del Rey.

"There's nothing rich people love more than free things," Jacaerys mused watching his relatives fight over freebies, some were exquisite works of art like that little Monet that his uncle brought or the jade mirror from the Ming Dynasty. "You're not going to join them," you raised an eyebrow - taking a sip of your champagne.

The younger boy stared.

"I still love my life, unfortunately." he chuckles. "We've got a very eccentric family, I hope that this isn't too new for you." Jacaerys apologized, walking you into the other room. "I don't think I know what normal is. I'm an orphan, my mother died pretty young." you admit, biting your lower lip. "Father?"

"Couldn't be more bothered to acknowledge my existence." you shrug, feeling a familiar presence behind you. "Aemond," Jacaerys greeted with hidden rigidity - the atmosphere between the both of them was tense. You were a good judge of character, and you could see that neither of them liked each other.

"Jace," your boyfriend smiled falsely.

Aemond was a shadow in his younger nephew's presence, Jacaerys the golden boy - could do no wrong. While Aemond struggled with being accepted in the school of his dreams, Jacaerys was welcomed - and he still had the nerve to decline the invitation, instead choosing to study in some stupid university in the countryside.

"It's been a while," Jace added, attempting to keep the conversation civil. "Five years? Is that how long it takes to study college?" Aemond undermined his rival. "I took a gap year," Jace turned his head in your direction, trying to put a finger on why you looked familiar.

"- toured the world, I even saw the Arc de Triomphe." the younger man smiles. Aemond says nothing in return - as if sensing the awkwardness, Jace chuckles.

"Well, I think this is my cue to say goodbye." he raised his glass, retreating into the foyer.

(Harrenhal. The Past.)

"I don't know why you keep me here. To prolong my agony?" you rasped at your older sister. Harrenhal had big rooms and soft mattresses that you could just sleep in for thousands of years. You laid in the beds in the morning, feeling tired and sucked dry of life, but in the night - you couldn't sleep.

Memories of what happened months ago came flooding back. Haunting you awake. It felt like you were standing on a pile of bodies. You turned to look at your older sister again, her eyes were once filled with warmth at the thought of you - now they were dim.

"I'll keep the windows open, if you hate your life - then jump - like that niece of yours, Helaena." she announced in a tone that wasn't sad nor happy. Your eyebrows merged into each other. Princess Helaena was dead? But you weren't bothered - you didn't know her.

A bitter chuckle escapes your mouth.

"You took my life into your own hands, to play with as you please. Now that you're tired, you want me to pretend that it was my own agency that led me here?" you argued.

"Perhaps you and I are the same." Alys responded.

"I had a dream before you were born that Aemond would come and free us, save us from our father's abuse. I know better now than to believe my visions." she turned away, slamming the door shut - leaving you alone.

Dreams were portals of the world - you could see the past, present and future in them. Alys Rivers could vividly remember the man in her dreams, his warm purple eye and long silver hair.

The Prince would come and his song will be that of Ice and Fire. From his blood would come the prince that was promised, opposite of him in temperance and demeanor - you almost wouldn't believe that they came from the same tree, but they were and the prince's breath would save them against ice.

"And when will you return, this time?" Alys leaned on the doorframe, staring at your frame that was frantically packing her bags. "Princess Rhaenyra tells that she needs my help, I can't deny her." you smiled.

"She's Queen now - and she's asking you because she needs you to fight in a war." Alys' lips turned thin at the thought of losing you. "Rumors have swirled around, they believe that she killed Harwin." she proceeded, trying to persuade you to stay.

"You told me that Larys killed our brother." you froze slightly. "I don't want you to leave, stay please - I've been dreaming about salvation. If you stay here, we'll be safe." your older sister pleaded.

"I'm never in your dreams, almost like I'm not supposed to be here. I need to save the Queen's soldiers, to ensure that she wins in this war. You tell me that her heirs are fathered by Harwin, shouldn't we protect our blood?" you inquired and your sister takes a deep breath. There was no stopping you.

"Promise me that you'll stay safe," she pleaded, handing you a small necklace that she enchanted. "I will," you promised - squeezing her shoulders as a way to show that you weren't kidding.

Like a ghost, you didn't even realize that you were sitting on the dinner table. "Columbia University is pretty hard, what did you major in again?" Rhaenyra inquires, taking a bite of her steak.

"Mathematics, it was supposed to be my pre-law course but life happened and I had to change a few things." you smiled, eyebrows merging with each other in confusion. What the hell happened? Why couldn't you remember anything before this?

"Ooh being a lawyer is the coolest. It's uncommon to see someone with Math as a pre-law, you must be really smart." Helaena adjusted her glasses and the people around you agreed. "Never in a million years did we expect that Aemond will end up with someone like you." Harwin articulated and Aemond rolls his eye.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he chuckled, trying to make it seem like a joke. "I always saw you with someone weird, like that Claire girl that does music now." Harwin quickly rebutted.

Alicent knocks on wood three times. Rhaenyra giggles, "Put some respect on that girl's name, isn't she engaged to a billionaire?" she inquired and Aemond shook his head. "They broke up." he confirmed.

"Three kids and he just throws her away like nothing."

"It is not nice to gossip," Alicent interrupts their conversation. "Gossiping is done by small-minded people." she insisted and Rhaenyra looks away. They used to be close friends, Alicent was her former-babysitter - then somehow she had an affair with her father.

"So are affairs, but none of us complain." Rhaenyra grumbled and the other woman pretended not to hear. "You're the one to talk, didn't you cheat on your ex-husband with mister hunk here?" Aegon pointed at Harwin and Daemon's eyes widened.

You know what they say - a shot of whiskey for luck, and a bottle of whiskey for disaster. "Oh my god I can't believe we're talking about this again. I didn't ruin a family and as far as anyone is concerned, Laenor was totally fine with it. Weren't you, Laenor?" Rhaenyra turned her head at Laenor's direction.

"I liked it, actually." he hummed watching the drama unfold. "Yeah cuz when you have a mistress it's alright, but when it's my father - suddenly, my mother's the fucking devil." Aegon insulted.

You took a deep breath, what were you to make of this situation.

"So you do agree, that your mother was a mistress?" Rhaenyra said smugly, Daemon bit back a chuckle. "Can we all calm down?" Harwin placed his hand in front of the siblings. "This is supposed to be my son's birthday, and we have a guest here. A little decorum would be nice." Harwin tried to decrease the tension.

"Yeah, whatever." Aegon stood up to leave. He hated his fucking life.

Shortly after Aegon's outburst, you and Aemond decided to leave. "That was the most eventful birthday party that I've ever attended." you chuckled, fastening your seatbelt.

"I can't believe that they decided to pull that shit while you were there." he complained, driving out of Rhaenyra's driveway.

"That's family, I guess." he shrugged.

"- and we're never going back." he added

next chapter >>

[burning-academia-if]

ROs opinions on being told “I wish we met as kids”/ “I wish we grew up together” (or well for Rook smthing like “I wish we actually hung out”)

This made me so sad to think about

Rook: this is...spoiler territory

Beck: His expression breaks for a second. The light-heartedness you're used to shattering like glass. He gives you a soft smile, although you can feel the weight of it. "It might have been nice, but at least we have right now and all the time after." He'll never say it, but he understands the choice Rook made when it came to the two of you. He might have done the same

Rhea: Her eyes widen, looking at a loss at what to say. She had 'friends' growing up, but all of them had always wanted something from her. The idea of you being there, just enjoying her company with no expectations makes her heart ache. "I would have loved if we could have met sooner."

Zoe: "...Really?" Their voice is quiet, remembering how they spent the entirety of their youth alone. How much of a different would it have made to have someone they could have been close with? Would they have been different in any way? Less awkward, more sure of themself, not so jaded and bitter. Their eyes are soft. "I...would have really liked that, I think."

Lars: He shakes his head once, eyes sliding away, "I was worse when I was younger." You get the sense his past self is something he wants to lock away and throw away the key. The way he falls quiet is different, his expression emptying out and becoming blank. You're not sure what to say in the face of this.

???: "I wish we could have met as kids, too." A normal life, as a normal person, without magic or darkness or death. They could have been their for you through thick and thin, and you could have been there for them. Their chest aches with a childhood neither of you truly got to live. It isn't fair to either of you, how you grew up and suffered alone.

[wangxianficrecs]

Now it's just too late to turn around by kokozy

Now it's just too late to turn around

by kokozy

G, 1k, Wangxian

Summary: Cloud Recesses had never truly felt like home to him; Lan Yuan's home was wherever Hanguang-Jun was and sadly, Cloud Recesses was not Hanguang-Jun's home either. Kay's comments: I may be biased, because this work was written for me and is a remix of my own story Justice, but, I really enjoyed this one! This is based on the idea that Lan Wangji was supossed to die from his punishment, but lived, and now the Lan Sect has to deal with it and it makes them bitter and also showcases their own hypocrizy. This story is from Sizhui's POV and tells the story of how he grew up in the Lan Sect and how he realized that something was very off, but the puzzle pieces only started connecting when Mo Xuanyu turned up. I loved this focus on Sizhui and the general vibes, it's really sad with a happy ending done right. Excerpt: Out of all of them, Zewu-Jun was the strangest. From the stories he had heard, the Twin Jades of Lan had once been inseparable, two identical drops of water, yet Sizhui had never seen them interact any more intimately than he would do with any of his peers. It was like there was a barrier between them, not allowing them to act like the brothers they were supposed to be. Zewu-Jun questioned Mo Xuanyu’s presence in the Cloud Recesses the hardest yet he had not openly opposed it. The Lan Seniors had all been too eager to let Hanguang-Jun take care of the demonic arm case, taking Mo Xuanyu with him if that meant not having any of them anywhere near Gusu for the time it took to figure out the whole demonic arm ordeal. As Hanguang-Jun wasn’t present in the Cloud Recesses, the whispers became normal conversation instead. Rumours of the return of the Yiling Laozu arose; someone had controlled the Ghost General that day with the Dancing Goddess, and someone had used the Yin Tiger Tally on the demonic arm somehow. As Hanguang-Jun left, Lan Sizhui could experience for the first time just how deep the whole thing really went. Voices and pointing fingers became the norm. Hanguang-Jun should have died, they said.

pov lan sizhui, canon divergence, parent-child relationship, good parent lan wangji, post-canon, gusu lan sect rules, gusu lan sect bashing, sad with a happy ending, identity reveal, adoption, remix

~*~

(Please REBLOG as a signal boost for this hard-working author if you like – or think others might like – this story.)

[pet-pet-peet]

Can i request ace, floyd, cater, and kalim with a shy introverted crush (who is like idia minus the otaku part) that avoids them at all costs becuz of their extroverted and high energy nature?

Idk how extroverts do it, but I have to like- take a break from my friends sometimes because they have such high energy- Not in, like, a mean way, just to refill my battery, you know?

I am trying to go through my drafts and post the ones I had done, this will not be inspired by canon!

Tw: some very slight hints of angst, but otherwise very fluffy

Pairing(s): Ace, Floyd, Cater, Kalim x gn reader who is a shy introvert (separate)

𝕬𝖈𝖊

You two were quite close since he was good at breaking you out of your shell

Your shyness never bothered him, he thought it was cute and just saw you as wholesome- granted, that didn't help any teasing that was thrown your way

He knew of his crush on you, but didn't let it affect his behavior since he didn't want to accidentally make you feel awkward or bad

He always had that joyful feeling around you, always looked forward to seeing you everyday

So it hit him hard when he noticed you were avoiding him

At first he would be bitter, telling himself that you didn't want to be his friend anymore, but he eventually started to be more sad about it

He would approach you about why you were avoiding him, wanting to get his thoughts off his chest

When you bashfully explained you were just shy because you were developing feelings for him

He laughs at you, making you shrink further into yourself until he wrapped an arm around your shoulder

He asks what took you so long, smile getting wider the more relaxed you became with his affection

𝕱𝖑𝖔𝖞𝖉

He's very affectionate already, but he's especially affectionate with you

He's always got an arm around you when he's with you, and he asks your opinion on everything

It can be a bit overwhelming for you, since you're a major introvert, but his intention is to make you feel seen

He feels annoyed when people overlook you, so he'll end up bringing you into discussions with him

This is probably why you started avoiding him, but he didn't take it very well at all

He was in a terrible mood, especially at work in the Lounge, refusing to take part in his responsibilities

Jade eventually found you and requested you spoke with him, since no one else has been able to help him out of his funk

You approach Floyd and ask him what was wrong, but he acts cold and flips the question back at you

He explains his frustrations until you shyly interject and let him know your true feelings, why you avoided him

He switches his mood quickly, squishing your cheeks and saying that you didn't have to worry him like that

𝕮𝖆𝖙𝖊𝖗

He's very blatantly a flirt, but when it comes to you he's more intense

Probably doesn't show much of his interest in you otherwise, he's very secretive about how he feels as a defense mechanism

It doesn't make him treat you much differently, he just swallows down how he feels so he doesn't get hurt

His flirting can get overwhelming, though- especially when he takes surprise pictures with you for Magicam

He doesn't approach you when he figures out that you're avoiding him, he feels it would've happened eventually

If he starts to notice your true emotions, however long it may take, it'll push him to start interacting with you again

He'll see his feelings as more valid and uses the opportunity to win you over more

He confesses to you by taking another sneaky pic and posting it on Magicam, putting you in the caption as his s/o

You'll have to confront him about it, but he's definitely messing with you as you question him in a flustered tone about your relationship

He likes talking about you on Magicam from then on, asking if you would do a lot of the couple's challenges or tags with him

𝕶𝖆𝖑𝖎𝖒

He's pursuing you like a loyal puppy and honestly is the most obvious with how he feels

He definitely tells you that he loves you all the time, smiling very wide when you fluster from his words

Very patient with you and your shyness and will definitely speak up for you if you need him to ("excuse me, they asked for no pickles" energy)

You'll try to avoid him, but it takes a while for him to get that and he'll approach you all the time anyway

When he does notice your attempts to avoid him, he gets a bit sad and wonders if he did anything wrong

Probably tries to make you something food-wise to apologize and will bring it to your dorm

He has such a sad but adorable pout as he holds out his dish to you, asking if you could forgive him-

When you tell him about needing time away to gather your feelings for him, his smile returns and he agrees to give you space

Very happy to accept any feelings you have for him, he'll ask if he can throw a party to celebrate your decision

Won't if you ask him not to and just settles with taking you with him on a magic carpet ride instead

[oneknightstand-if]

Merlin seems like such a sad and lonely character to me so far? Bound by their clairvoyance, barely any freedom, and according to Arthur, between a close, dear person and the greater good they'd always choose the latter. Looking forward to that sweet drama, when romancing Merlin, they inevitably go "surely you understand what's more important?" and sacrifice MC. Not sure how they feel about their fate, are they bitter, do they take pride in it, are they just too jaded to care anymore and have come to terms with it a long time ago? I bet that their nonchalance is a facade though.

I'm also curious if their eating habits bother them at all or do they enjoy that part of themselves and it's entirely too natural to them to even question it? Were they ever jealous of humans and what being one entails or maybe they always considered being an incubus a blessing? I wonder if that part in the legend, that we hear during the loredump, with them being half human is true, the implications if "yes" are interesting. Not expecting any answers and spoilers of course (...unless?👀), but boii, are they an intriguing character.

Yeah, Merlin is definitely the most enigmatic of the ROs for good reason. Spoilers run course through their blood and bloom within their flesh (f they even actually had any of such).

Safe to say, since they've already said as much, but they are very old and don't have a very human point-of-view in many matters. They're still one of the best at pulling off "human" of the various human-adjacents, though.

Otherwise, Merlin's subplot in the narrative is certainly... wild.

[changbunnies]

Purple Hydrangeas (18+)

♡ Pairing: Sunshine!Changbin x Pessimistic!Reader

♡ Genre: angst, fluff, best friends to lovers

♡ Word Count: 7.1k

♡ Summary: Y/N is a pessimistic flower shop owner still suffering from breakup. Changbin is her sunshiney best friend who wants to cheer her up any way he can. Sweetness ensues :)

♡ Warnings: reader has depression and it is a focal point of the fic, discussions about readers past relationship, a lot of self doubt and blame, very very brief mention of a family member that has passed away, that's about it i think but let me know if i forgot something!

♡ Smut Warnings (contains spoilers): i am once again bringing you soft!dom changbin, petnames (love, angel, baby), nipple play, oral (f recieving), fingering (f recieving), multiple orgasms, overstim, body worship ??, protected piv for once (shocking), a sprinkle of cock warming, changbin is rougher at the end (due to reader's request). as usual lmk if i forgot something!

♡ Notes: this fic was written for the @skzwritingcafe prompt “blossoming love” ! it's my first time taking part in a fandom event and i hope you enjoy it! <3

♡ Disclaimer: please read responsibly, and remember that this work is fiction and meant strictly for imaginative fun. the idols used in fics are more accurately faceclaims and personality outlines for imaginary characters, and should not be interpreted as factual representations of existing people.

Life is like a flower. The beginning of your life, you are a bud, ready to grow and full of opportunity. Then the bloom, where your life is the most vibrant and beautiful it will ever be, all the time spent nurturing the bud of your youth culminating into the best years of your life.

And lastly, the wither, the inevitable end that everyone faces, where your color drains and leaves wilt, until you are nothing. Some reach this stage faster than others, but it will always come, an unavoidable permanence. 

Love is like a flower too– beautiful but fleeting, not meant to last forever. You learned all of this as a child, when gloom settled into you before you could even understand it was happening. And then again recently, when your boyfriend of over a year decided he was tired of dealing with your gloom, moving on to someone more vibrant, someone in the peak of their bloom.

You wanted to be angry, wanted to lash out in a bitter display of vitriol, but how could you when all of his critiques of your character were true? 

There was irony, you think, in being so jaded about life while owning and working in such a beautiful place, where every flower held a profoundly positive message. A flower shop inherited from your late grandmother, who taught you everything she knew about gardening and the language of flowers. There were so many messages a flower could hold– love, hope, a sense of peace; all things you didn’t have. 

Was it any wonder your boyfriend-turned-ex was tired of you? You always brought down the mood simply by existing. And the saddest part was that, even if he couldn’t see it, you were genuinely happy with him– the happiest you’d been in ages.

Maybe your personalities just clashed too much. Maybe your love languages differed too greatly, and the way you showed your care was lost on him. Maybe he couldn’t see who you really were underneath the dark layers, your light too dimmed even in your happiest moments. 

All you know is he gave you hope. He gave you love and belonging and connection and then he ripped it from you, stating your ‘constant sadness’ as his reason. He couldn’t stand it anymore– being with someone who was never happy that is.

And yes, you were sad often (depression will do that to a person), but could he really not see that you were often happy when he was there? Maybe you weren’t good at expressing what you were feeling, or maybe he found it draining to be around someone who was gloomy more often than they were happy.  

And that’s why you found yourself thinking you were never meant to be; he didn’t see the real you underneath the dark cloud that followed you. Or maybe he did, and didn’t like the reality of what he saw when the clouds dissipated.

Valid, you suppose; you don’t like what you see either. You’ve tried your hardest to change who you are, but the fabric that holds a person together is permanent. You try and try and try, with nothing to show for it in the end. 

But you carry on regardless, hoping one day that someone will love you as you are, flaws and all. You cook yourself dinner, you force yourself into the shower, and you continue running the shop, because the alternative would be withering, and you don't want that to be your fate just yet.

The bell chime that accompanies the opening of the front door breaks you from your grim inner thoughts, bringing your attention to your first customer of the day. You stiffen at first, mentally preparing yourself to put on your best customer service persona, but you soften when you notice it's your best friend, Changbin.

“Y/N~!” he smiles as he practically skips up to you, his unfaltering vibrance immediately lighting you up. He always has that effect on you– cheering you up effortlessly, just from the simple act of existing in the same space as you. And though he could easily call you ahead of time to tell you he plans on coming in the shop, he never does, always leaving it a pleasant surprise instead. 

You love when his loud voice rings out in your shop, excited to ask you for some new bouquet he doesn't entirely need but buys anyways just to support your business. He's always been like that– vibrant, positive, supportive and incredibly sweet. It was easy for you to become infatuated with him, even when your friendship first began in high school, but you’ve always done your best to push it aside. 

You’ve tried your best over the years to not to think about how much you adore him– the way his nose scrunches when he smiles brightly, the loud exclamations that accompany him when he enters the room, the cute mannerisms he has when talking about something he cares about. You try to ignore his adorable habit of forming his lips into a pout when he speaks, or the way his eyes sparkle when you talk to him about his favorite things. 

It was easier to put those feelings aside when you had someone else to focus on. You didn’t have to worry about just the mere existence of your best friend making your heart tremble when you had someone else to give your love to. But with each failed relationship, your heart always found its way back to Changbin. 

And maybe it was your own fault for always keeping him a priority in your life while dating, but you couldn’t help it. Because in your darkest moments, while the most depressed and alone you’d ever felt, he brought illumination to your gloom-filled world, always a shining beacon in the darkness that is your heart. He just makes you happy; it’s as simple as that. 

“I saw that hydrangeas are in season again,” Changbin smiles, pulling up the spare chair (that you have in the shop specifically for him) to sit in front of your work station. “They are your favorite right? The purple ones? You should make something with them!” 

Leave it to Changbin to remember something small you’ve mentioned in passing. He’s always done that– remember even the most trivial of things you tell him, smiling cutely whenever he recites what you’ve told him at a later date. You don’t know how he manages to retain all that useless information, how he can be so attentive and earnest, but it’s easily one of the qualities in him you love most.

“Are you really going to pay for a bouquet of my favorite flower instead of your own?” you ask with a slight giggle as you begin to gather the things you need to get started. “Hey, as long as I’m supporting you, it doesn’t matter! Just make whatever you think is pretty,” he answers with a laugh of his own.

The truth is, he just wants to see you happy. He can tell you’ve been really down since your breakup (even if you don’t want to admit it to him), and this is his way of getting you to do something that you’d enjoy without being too obvious.

And he has tried the obvious methods, of course– like binging your favorite movies in his apartment while you eat popcorn, or taking you out shopping with him to get that new pefume you've been eyeing, but every time you realize what he’s doing, you make an excuse for him not to do it. 

Variations of “oh, that’s okay, you don’t have to do that for me,” and “I’m fine Binnie, don’t worry about me!” leaving your lips every single time. He doesn’t understand why you don’t accept his care when he can obviously tell that you’re upset, but he figures you’ll accept his affection eventually. And until that day comes, he’ll commit himself to finding creative ways to show you he cares about you. 

There’s a comfortable silence that follows as Changbin watches you work. If he’s honest, he could easily sit and watch you for hours. He loves seeing the way your brows knit together and tongue sticks out slightly when you’re focusing on something, and the way your smile beams when something comes together the way you want it to. You’re so cute, even you don’t entirely realize it. 

“Hey,” he says, eventually breaking the silence, and you lift your head to look at him, a slight tilt to your head as a “hmm?” leaves you. “I just realized, I don’t think I know why purple hydrangeas are your favorite. Tell me about it?” He asks, genuine curiosity painting his face. 

Changbin knows you well– is acutely aware that you know everything there is to know about flowers and their languages and meanings. Every little fact about them is committed to your memory, so if one of them is your favorite, it must be for an explicit reason. 

You pause for a moment, debating on how much of your personal feelings you are willing to admit. Changbin is your friend, (a friend you most definitely have a crush on at that) but it’s still hard for you to talk about your feelings with him. And you have tried, but every time you feel like there’s a lump in your throat that prevents you from speaking, no matter how badly you may want to. 

“The desire to understand someone. Like.. really understand them. I’ve always wanted that.. To be understood,” you end up answering honestly despite the nerves, using your work to avoid direct eye contact.

You’re not often open about things like this, always finding it extremely difficult to be vulnerable, but if there’s anyone you trust in this world it’s Changbin. He’ll never look at you with judgment or discrimination, just genuine care. 

You look back at him now, taking notice of how intently he’s listening to you. He’s always done that, too– listen to you like there’s nothing else in the world that could take his attention away from you, like you’re the only one that exists.

You suppose that’s just him being polite or a good friend, as it’s only right to listen when talking to someone, but it still makes your heart flutter. And when he looks at you the way he is now, it makes you feel safe.  

“I feel.. alone, oftentimes. And like no one gets me, or wants to even try to get me. Like I’ll always be this way, no matter what I do to try and change it,” you continue with your admission. He’s quieter than usual following your statement, but that’s okay.

You didn’t say it expecting any sort of special response, and you can tell by the crinkle in his brow and the pout on his face that he’s reflecting on your words. He’s genuinely thinking about them, what they mean and what they say about you, and that’s all you really need from someone. You can tell he cares about what you said, and that’s enough. 

“All done!” You say with a smile not too long after, proudly holding out your completed arrangement for him to take. Maybe you're biased since it consists primarily of your favorite flower, but you truly think it’s one of your best arrangements. Changbin takes it from your hands, staring at it for a moment before looking up at you. 

There’s a pause, a much longer one than usual, and you tilt your head, looking at him in slight confusion. “Is there something you need?” “Here,” Changbin says, holding it back out to you. 

Huh? 

You look at him, the bouquet, and back up to him. His expression is serious, much more than you’ve ever known it to be. “Is there something wrong with it? Do you not like it?” You ask with a frown, genuinely sad and confused by the uncharacteristic reaction he’s giving you. 

“N-No, that’s not it, I..” he pauses another moment, red overtaking his face as he looks at you. Is he.. blushing? “This is how I feel,” Changbin continues, watching you intently for any change in expression as he speaks, “I.. want to understand you, I want to be there for you, I don’t want you to feel alone.” 

Time feels like it stops around you, his words slowly repeating in your head as you try to process them. Regardless of platonic or romantic intention, hearing him say those words to you makes a myriad of emotions rush to the surface. You’ve always known Changbin cares about you, but to hear it like this makes your heart race; especially when he’s using your favorite flower as the conduit for his feelings. 

You swallow, trying not to let the emotions pour out of you from a gesture so simple. With trembling hands, you accept the flowers from him, your heart jolting from his fingers brushing against yours. You've felt his hands a thousand times at this point, but it’s different in this moment. Everything is different.  

"I love you,” he says, making you turn your attention back to his face. This isn’t the way he intended on confessing his feelings to you, but if you really feel as alone as you say you do then.. He needs you to know. He can’t let you think that there's no one in this world that cares about you as deeply as he does, he can’t let you think that there’s no one who will listen to you, accept you, and love you as you are. 

Your stomach does full on summersaults now, mind racing impossibly fast. The incredibly handsome and simultaneously extremely cute friend you’ve been silently crushing on this entire time loves you? But he’s so vibrant and bright, and you’re.. You. What does he see in someone as gloomy as you?

“B-But I– I’m not–” you stutter, trying (and failing) to put your thoughts into words. You should be happy, but instead you feel dread, almost. You feel... Like he doesn’t realize what he’s signing up for, like once he realizes the true depth of your sadness he won't want to remain by your side. And even if he does stay with you, you’ll ruin him. You’ll strip him of his vibrance, taint his joy and drag him through the mud with you. 

“You’re not what?” Changbin asks, concern written on his face and clear in his voice. “I’m.. not good for you, I– I’m too.. different,” you answer, nervousness palpable in your tone. “What do you mean?” His expression changes to one of incredulousness, as if you suggesting he could do better than you is ridiculous, as if he would never even consider it a possibility. 

“It’s just– you’re so cheerful, and funny, and bright, and I’m.. the opposite. I’m sad all the time, it feels like it never ends. I was, I still am, trying to be better, like– seeing doctors and taking my meds, but.. I don’t want to drag you down, like I did with–” You immediately freeze, stopping yourself mid-sentence.

Shit. You haven’t told Changbin about why things ended with your ex before; obviously as your best friend, he knew you had a boyfriend and that things didn’t work out with him, but you never talked about it openly. You didn’t want to dwell on any of your hurt feelings when you were with Changbin, so you always kept the way things ended to yourself. 

His expression changes, a sadness that is simultaneously soft and caring. He doesn’t know whether it's something your ex explicitly said to you, or is an opinion you hold about yourself due to your relationship failing, but he can't accept it.

You would never drag him down. He would never view your feelings as a burden, he would never expect you to bottle everything inside for his convenience, he would never look at you and think you should be anything other than what you are. 

“Do you remember when we became friends?” Changbin asks and you nod hesitantly before he continues, “That was the hardest time of my life. I had so many thoughts and feelings I didn’t know how to deal with or express and you were there for me. You’ve always been there for me. Even if you didn’t consciously do anything, having you there was enough to make it better.”

“The only reason I’m so happy now, the reason I can be so cheerful is because of you. You've helped me more than you even know. Maybe I can't change what you think about yourself, but whatever bad you think there is, it's not what I see. I see someone incredibly accomplished, intelligent, considerate, beautiful. Worthy of love and kindness. That’s who you are. And I'm on your side, always.”

Any hope you had of holding back your tears crumbled the minute such sweet words left him, the crashing wave of previously pushed down, dormant emotions engulfing you entirely. Reaching out now, you hug him tightly, sniffling into his chest while he wraps an arm around you and brings a hand to your head, holding you closely to him. 

You almost never cry in front of others, the vulnerability always making you feel embarrassed and ashamed. In fact, in all the years he's known you, Changbin can count on one hand the amount of times you've cried in front of him.

He always noticed the way you held it back when you were upset, how you would put on a brave face or a smile and continue on as if nothing happened. And he had admired that quality in you, but now he understands how lonely that must have been. 

All the pain you silently harbored, all the tears you didn't allow to fall, all the thoughts you kept inside your head.. He hopes you know now that you never have to do those things again, that you don't have to be scared to show your authentic feelings to him. Because no matter how "ugly", he's not going anywhere. Because he loves you. 

You let yourself stay like that for some time, indulging in Changbin’s comforting touch as months, maybe even years worth of repressed emotions tumble out of you. All you can do now is let the waves of emotion crash into you, until the tide of feelings recede back into the depths they were once stored in. 

"Can you help me close the shop?" you ask when you finally pull away, wiping your face clean before you look up at him. "Of course, love," he gives you a sweet smile, giving your hand a comforting squeeze before he continues. "You can just head up now and rest if you want, I know what to do." He's helped you close the shop plenty of times in the past, so he's confident he can do it on his own.

You let out a soft 'thank you', deciding to take Changbin up on his offer and go straight to your apartment above the shop. Honestly, it's probably not the best idea from a profit standpoint to close this early in the afternoon, but that will have to be a problem for future you, because right now all you want to do is flop on your bed and bury yourself in your blankets. 

And that's exactly where he finds you when he finishes closing up– wrapped in makeshift blanket burrito and work attire strewn on the floor, close to your hamper but not quite having made it inside. You poke your head out from under the blanket when you hear his voice call your name from the doorway to your bedroom. 

“Can I join you?" he asks and you quickly nod, lifting a corner of your blanket up so he can crawl in next to you. He wraps his arms around you once he's under the blanket with you, urging you to rest your head against him. A comforted sigh leaves you when he starts gently rubbing your back, eyes closing as built up tension finally begins to leave your body. 

Having emotions is exhausting, but being with Changbin makes it better. You hope this is what your life will look like from now on– wrapped in Changbin’s embrace, words of affirmation and care lingering in your ears, his vibrance bleeding onto you and turning you into someone that can be happy. 

"Can I kiss you?" Changbin asks, voice almost a whisper and timid in its request. You give your approval easily, because obviously you want to kiss him. How could you not want to kiss the person you’ve been secretly in love with for ages? 

His lips are soft, gentle against yours, hands careful in the way they roam your body. He longed to touch you, to know what it was like to feel your soft skin under his fingertips while he kissed you, to love you the way you deserved to be loved.

He’s always viewed you with the utmost reverence, would spend his nights imagining what he would do if he got even the smallest chance to show you, promised himself he would never leave you doubting if the opportunity was granted to be with you. 

Your hands rest on his chest, his kisses making you impossibly dizzy despite how soft and slow they are. Because it’s Changbin, you think; because there’s no one else in the world that has held your heart in their hands the way he has. You realize now that there was never going to be any getting over him. No matter who else you entertained, who else you gave your love and care to, you’d always find your way back to him. 

“Binnie, can you touch me? Please?” You ask during a brief moment of separation, voice soft and timid but still loud and clear in his ears. Do you even know the effect that question has on him? The way it sends a wave of arousal throughout his entire body? “God, yes, of course, anything you want,” he says before he’s kissing you again, albeit hungrier this time. 

You feel his hardening cock twitch against your thigh, the close proximity of your bodies making it impossible to ignore– not that you even want to ignore it. If it were with anyone else, he might be embarrassed over being worked up over so little, but he’s not because it’s you; the only person he’s had eyes for since you entered his life in sophomore year of high school. 

Carefully, he reaches a hand inside the sleep shirt you changed into, surprised to find that you’re not wearing a bra, though he supposes he shouldn’t be– of course you wouldn’t keep one on if you intended on being in bed the rest of the day. 

He licks your lips as he squeezes one of your breasts in his palm, urging you to open your mouth from him. You oblige easily, letting his tongue lick and swirl around your own, soft moans and gasps leaving you with every gentle squeeze and thumb brush over your nipple.

“Can I take it off you?” he asks between breaths, and you hum in approval, separating yourself from him just enough to allow him to pull your shirt up and over your head. 

“Bin, take yours off too,” you practically whine when he goes to kiss you again as soon as your shirt lands on the floor. “So sorry, angel,” he says with a low chuckle before he obliges, having no trouble pulling the loose shirt off himself with one hand. 

You’ve seen him shirtless before, when swimming together or when he’s preparing to change into pajamas during a sleepover, but it never stops being a breathtaking sight. Large, defined muscles with an equally as defined chest, yet below lies a soft, cute tummy; it’s devastating how attractive it is– how attractive he is, specifically. 

You lie flat on your back now, Changbin hovering above you and staring down at your exposed torso. “So pretty,” he says, smiling when it causes you to blush and look away. You have plenty of experience in things like this and don’t consider yourself all that shy but Changbin is.. Well, Changbin. A single look from him can turn you into a puddle, a simple compliment enough to have your heart beating out of your chest. 

He takes one of your hands and brings it to his face, planting soft kisses to your fingertips, before having your hand rest against his cheek. He keeps his hand on top of yours for a moment, a silent request for you to hold it there when he takes his own hand away and kisses you again. 

And so you do; you hold his face in your hand as his lips touch yours once more. You open your mouth, without any prompting this time, easily allowing him to slide his tongue against yours. He finds your other hand, taking it in one of his own and squeezing for a moment before he places it on his chest. He wants you to keep touching him, wants to feel your hands all over him, and this is his way of showing you, telling you. 

He nuzzles his face into your hand when he separates from your lips before moving down to plant open mouthed kisses to your neck. Your hand travels to the back of his head now, fingers tangling in his curly hair and tugging slightly when he sucks on a particularly sensitive spot on your neck. A soft groan escapes him when you tug on his hair; it’s a feeling that delights him more than he ever anticipated it would. 

You continue to touch him with your other hand, letting it run up and down his torso, over his chest, down his stomach, and then back up again, repeating the movements to your heart's content. “Keep touching me,” he says as he travels lower, lips ghosting the top of your chest, “don’t stop.” 

His words make your stomach flip, a tingle spreading down your spine due to the request. It’s one you plan to oblige, even if his new position lower down your body makes the task slightly harder. His stomach no longer in your reach, you instead focus on rubbing over his shoulder and down the length of his bicep, a soft gasp of pleasure escaping you when he takes one of your nipples into his mouth.

He stays there for some time, alternating the attention between your breasts whenever he deems necessary and reveling in the feeling of your hands touching his body. So simple yet so intoxicating, he never wants you to be apart from him ever again, never wants to go without the feeling of your fingers in his hair or your palms on his bare skin. But eventually it becomes clear that you need more, he needs more, and he decides to continue making a path down your body. 

"So beautiful," he whispers against your skin as he travels down your stomach and toward your legs, planting more soft kisses on your body along the way. It tickles, but at the same time it feels incredibly good; getting attention from Changbin like this is akin to a dream, something you once believed impossible for you to experience. And he is as attentive and caring now as he has ever been, leaving no part of your body untouched. 

His fingers hook in the waistband of your shorts and underwear, pulling them off together in one motion. The way he stares down at your now fully exposed body makes butterflies erupt in your gut, the desire in his eyes palpable. Your legs unconsciously begin to close together, Changbin’s gaze on you making you the most shy you’ve ever felt. 

“Please don’t hide from me, I want to see you,” he says, and wow, does that make the butterflies a million times worse. With a breath to try and steady your racing heart, you spread your legs, watching with bated breath as Changbin lowers himself between them. The sight in front of you, of the person you love most drooling in anticipation between your legs, is enough to make your head spin. 

God, he wants to taste you so bad– and he will, but not just yet. He kisses your thighs first, in a gesture that is incredibly sweet but also drives you crazy with need. You aren't sure if it is intent to tease you, to make you become impatient with want, but that's certainly the effect it's having on you. "Bin, please, need you so bad, please–" 

Fuck, that makes him weak. As if he isn't a slave to you already, willing to do any and every thing to please you, endlessly subservient to your every desire. Your breath catches in your throat when his tongue runs between your folds, the way his eyes lock on yours as he does sending jolts of electricity throughout your body.

He hums as he laps at you, lifting your legs just enough to hook his arms underneath them, hands squeezing at your thighs. “Tastes so good,” he moans into you, tongue alternating between your hole and swollen clit, his hips grinding down into your mattress to give some much needed relief to his aching cock.

No one has ever eaten you out the way he is now– desperate, wet, and messy, a mixture of his saliva and your juices running down his chin. And you want to watch but you can’t– it’s impossible to keep your eyes open when you feel this good. Your sweet, drawn out moans encourage him to keep up the pace he set for himself, wanting nothing more than for you to come undone from his tongue alone before he adds his fingers. 

And that's exactly what you do when he focuses all his intention on your clit, the low hum of approval he releases when you tug on his hair again being enough to send you over the edge. Your moans turn into loud whines as he keeps going even past the conclusion of your orgasm, showing no signs of slowing down even the slightest bit. 

Your eyes roll back when he pushes two of his fingers easily inside you, overstimulation prickling your skin and jolting your body, yet you don't want him to stop. You'll take all he has to give, for as long as he wants to give it. And it doesn’t take long for him to find the spot inside that sends you reeling, the overwhelming pleasure making your mouth hang open in a silent moan. 

Your fingers, still tangled in his hair, tug much harsher than before, but he loves it. Between the sensitivity, the way he hums and moans against you, and the expert use of his tongue and fingers together, you won't last long. One, two more presses into your sweet spot and your second orgasm rips through you much faster than the first one, with an intensity you’ve never felt before. 

Your cum soaks his face and fingers, liquid pooling underneath you and drenching your bedsheets. Arched back falling back onto the mattress, your lungs desperately heaving, begging for air as you come down from the explosive high. “B-Binnie, wait, too much–” you whine as he licks you clean, that simple act alone proving much too overwhelming for your sensitive body. 

He wipes his mouth and chin with the back of his hand when he pulls away, looking down at you with dark, lust blown eyes. Your eyes travel from his face down to his painfully hard, leaking cock. “Do you want to fuck me?” you ask, the words leaving you before you can even hope to try and formulate that question less vulgarly. 

You are going to kill him, he thinks. Because how can those words leaving your lips not make his entire body react, how can it not drive him insane with want? “Fuck, yes, I want to fuck you, so bad,” his voice almost a whine as it leaves him, desperate and craving the feeling of you wrapped snuggly around him. 

“Condoms in there,” you tell him, pointing to the 2nd drawer of your nightstand. He leans over you to reach into the drawer, finding them hidden beneath your glasses case, medicine bottles, and various hand lotions. You chew at your bottom lip as you watch him tear open the packaging, unconsciously holding your breath in anticipation as he rolls it on. 

He leans down to kiss you once he’s finished, letting you taste yourself on him as he rubs his length between your folds, letting your arousal and remnants of cum serve as its lubrication. Your body shudders when he presses the tip into your hole for the first time, making sure it’ll slide the rest of the way easily before he begins to fully sheath it inside you. 

He’s so thick and feels so fucking good, it’s unbelievable; and you can tell he’s being effected by you equally as much, by the way his brows furrow and body trembles on top of you. He’s silently grateful for the condom serving as a barrier between his cock and your walls, because he’d surely cum simply from being inside you if he wasn’t wearing one. 

"W-Wait-" your voice calls out when you can tell he’s ready to move, soft and breathy but still loud enough for him to hear. “What’s wrong, baby? Did you change your mind? We can stop right now if that’s what you want, there’s always next time, we can–” Changbin begins to ramble, clearly concerned that he’s somehow breached a boundary or did something wrong. It's endearing honestly, and in a different scenario you might let him ramble a bit longer, but now isn't the time for that.

“Changbin. It’s not that, it’s just..” you trail off, unsure of how you should word what you’re thinking to him. Honestly, you love that he cares so much, is willing to stop even when he clearly wants it so badly, and you don’t want him to think it’s somehow his fault that you need to stop and collect yourself for a moment. 

It's not that you don't want to have sex with Changbin, or that he did something wrong. In fact, he did everything right, as perfect as he always is, exactly as attentive as you always imagined him to be. It's just.. this is the first time since your ex broke up with you that you’re having an intimate moment with someone and you feel.. vulnerable? Overwhelmed too, by the fact that someone you’re so in love with has the entirety of his cock buried inside you.

“I.. I still want to but.. can we maybe just cuddle for a minute?” you ask with a slight pout and Changbin’s heart positively bursts. It’s such a soft, cute request; one that endears him to you even more than he thought was possible. “Of course, angel,” he smiles, wrapping his arms around you and bringing you into a hug, “anything you need.” 

He plants kisses on your cheeks, on your lips, under your ear and along your neck, keeping you pressed close to him as he does. “That tickles, Bin,” you giggle between his extremely light kisses, and you can feel him smile against your skin, endlessly delighted by the sound of your soft laughs in his ear. You wrap your own arms around him, hugging him tightly, indulging in the closeness between you.

You stay like that for some time– wrapped in eachothers arms, sharing kisses and soft words, tiny giggles escaping you whenever his lips brush over a ticklish spot. You can occasionally feel his cock twitching inside you, still impossibly hard and eager for further stimulation from your body.

You’ve had enough comfort now, it makes you think– you want Changbin to feel good now, to lose himself in you the way he made you lose yourself. “Binnie, you can move now,” you tell him, and again he twitches as you speak, “want you to fuck me.”

Fuck, he has to resist going completely feral right now, cause the way you speak to him drives him absolutely crazy. One more kiss, then he unwraps his arms from you, lifting himself up and resting his palms on either side of your head. "I'll take care of you, show you how you deserve to be treated," he tells you, still eager to focus entirely on your pleasure even now. 

But that’s not what you want now; he’s already done that. Taken such good care of you, treated you with so much love and care, shown you the depths of his affection. It's his turn to get whatever he wants. “No, fuck me,” you say, voice stern and confident in your words, “ruin me, I promise can take it.”

‘Oh my fucking god,’ he thinks. You’re the one ruining him, driving him so fucking crazy he almost can’t think straight anymore. But fuck, if that’s what you want, he’ll give it to you. Without holding back, until the both of you are delirious and breathless, minds foggy and eyes glossed over, he’ll fuck you.  

"I love you," he says, one last display of affection before he loses himself; and lose himself he does, pounding into you so fast and hard straight away that it makes the air evaporate from your lungs. He grabs your legs, hoisting them over his shoulders and allowing him to sink deeper inside. Your hands claw the bedsheets underneath you, bunching them in your hands so hard that your knuckles turn white. 

Changbin’s head falls back, curses leaving him freely, the harsh grip of his fingers bruising your thighs. Tears prick the corner of your eyes, the merciless drilling into the gummy spot inside you making your toes curl and body writhe. “So good, you feel so fucking good,” he whines, already so close to his high. And he can’t help that he's so close already, not with the way you squeeze so tightly around him and how pretty your moans and whimpers sound in his ears. 

You want to tell him that you’re close too, that you’re gonna cum just from his cock, but you can’t; you’re too breathless, the only noises you’re capable of making are high pitched sounds of pleasure. But it’s okay that you can’t tell him, because he can tell with the way your eyes roll back, tears freely falling once you squeeze them shut, body trembling as your third orgasm hovers over you. 

So he gives you a little push, bringing two of his fingers to your clit and rubbing in quick, sporadic circles. You cum hard, body convulsing underneath him and a string of expletives pouring out of you. “F-Fuck,” Changbin gasps out, the sight of you, so pretty and fucked out, while squeezing him so tight and gushing all over him– he can’t hold it back anymore. 

“C-Cumming, f-fuck, ‘m cumming-” he tells you with a moan that transforms into a whimper, thrusts sloppy as he comes undone, pouring all he has to give into the condom. He pulls out as soon as his high recedes, slipping the condom off and tying it closed, tossing it aside to be properly disposed of later.

His body is heavy as he flops down next to you, the both of you entirely spent. You open your closed eyes when you feel him wipe the stray hairs that clung to you from sweat out of your face, only to be met with one of the sweetest smiles you’ve ever seen. “You look happy,” you say with a small giggle, one that he easily returns. “Of course I’m happy. I just got to fuck the prettiest girl in the world, and she loves me.” 

“Mm, I’m happy too,” you say as you snuggle in closer to him, “because I can say that Seo Changbin is my boyfriend.” You give him a quick peck before you lay your head down, eyes once again closing as his arms wrap around you. You’re so exhausted, but it’s a pleasant kind now; the kind that follows a perfect day, where every moment of happiness will be playing in your mind even as you drift asleep. 

“I meant what I said, you know. That I’m gonna take care of you, treat you how you deserve to be treated,” Changbin whispers to you, following it up with a soft kiss to your temple, “love you so much.” You hum an acknowledgement, whispering an ‘I love you too’, much too tired to fully put into words how much that means to you.

And you know it’s true, because it’s what he has always done, even before he confessed his feelings to you. He’s always been there for you, doing his best to cheer you up even when it wasn’t easy, always listening to you when you did have rare moments of vulnerability. You may have been blind to it before, too stuck in your head and your overwhelming feelings to see how much he truly loved you, but you know now, and that’s all that matters. 

Sweetly, tenderly, he lifted you up out of the eternal dark, assured you with the sweetest of words and kindest of gestures. You had always thought you deserved everything you got from your ex, from life in general, always placing the blame for why things were so hard on your own shoulders.

Until Changbin’s words, you never considered that you didn’t deserve it– that you should be allowed to experience joy and happiness freely and without worry of it being undeserved, or of it coming to an end. 

Your mindset won’t change in a day, and you’ll always have your depression and pessimistic thoughts to struggle with, but that’s okay now. Because you know you have someone who loves you unconditionally, who will help you to see the bright side of every situation, who will support you and care for you on the days you can’t care for yourself. 

His love as beautiful as the flowers you care for everyday, his care the nutrients you need to bloom into the radiant person that lies under the dirt. You think back to the purple hydrangeas, and how their meaning reflected something you always wanted.

You didn’t realize it then, but you had it all along; someone who loves you, someone who cares, someone who understands. And they’ll stay your favorite flower, you think– because you’ll always remember the way Changbin held them out to you, love and concern embedded in his eyes, the beginning of the biggest, most vibrant bloom of your life.