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leonw4nter · 1 year ago

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Are they? Are They Not?

Architect!RE2R!Leon x Boss!Reader

Tags - fluff, making out (it's short tho), office romance

“Good morning everyone! Picked up some coffee so we can all start the day right!,” Rebecca cheerfully chirps as she enters the office. She stops by everyone’s desks, placing paper cups of steaming hot coffee with their names before knocking at your door, the company’s COO. “Come in!,” you call out. She enters the organized office, spotting you sitting on your office chair and turning your work computer on. She notices a steaming hot paper cup on your desk, along with a brown pastry bag. “Got you some coffee but turns out you’ve already got a cup in. Oops,” she says with an apologetic grin. “It’s fine. I could use the extra caffeine anyways,” you respond with a polite smile. She leaves the cup on your desk before turning back to the door, walking out the office when she spots Leon come in.

“Mornin’ Leon!” “Good morning, Rebecca!”

Rebecca walks over to her desk and decides to officially start her day, answering emails and editing the current contracts that've been assigned to the company. Soon, the noise of chatter is drowned out by the clickity-clack of keyboards and ringing landlines. The morning can get busy very soon, not that they mind; the company does a swell job of making sure its employees are doing alright and are managing to balance their personal and work lives. People pour in and out of Y/N’s office, hoping to get her opinion or approval on a project before having their ideas sent to the CEO (aka Y/N’s dad). Most of the time, their ideas align perfectly so her approval could be seen as a sign that he’ll approve it too. It’s now break and everyone rises from their seats to stretch and get up to grab a bite.

“I’ll go ask Y/N if she wants to go grab lunch with us,” Leon offers just as Rebecca gets up. Rebecca nods before responding, “Okay. I’ll go join the others already.”

─────────────────────────────────────────────────────

“She’s busy consulting with the engineers and said she's sorry and will make it up to everyone with drinks one of these days,” Leon explains before digging into a breakfast bagel. Despite it being lunch time, he prefers to have breakfast foods.

“Did she ask for help? I can help her out since I’ve got a blueprint or two to review then I'm done” Claire offers. Leon shakes his head but says that he thinks she’ll accept Claire’s offer anyway. The group continued chatting over their respective meals until it got to the topic of their coffee consumption.

“My brother is a beast– out here chugging protein shakes and coffee. I’m surprised he isn’t having a heart attack whilst I’m out here palpitating with two cups,” Claire pipes in.

“I don’t know what’s worse: your brother’s caffeine consumption or the sheer amount of sugar and creamer Rebecca puts in her coffee,” Jill jokes, earning a playful smack to the shoulder from Rebecca. “At this point it’s 99% sugar and a measly 1% coffee. How you’re not diabetic is beyond me!”

“Life’s too short to not absolutely go crazy with sugar and creamer, let me have my fun!,” Rebecca retorts and earns good-natured laughter from the table.

“How about you, Leon? How do you like your coffee?,” Claire asks.

“I’m not too picky with coffee. I’ll take anything,” Leon responds.

“Hmm. You’re just like Y/N; I just get her whatever kind of coffee and she always takes it,” Rebecca responds.

“Y/N? Oh she doesn’t like or drink coffee,” Leon corrects. Jill nearly chokes on her muffin when Leon says those words, eyes slightly widened. “Really? She’s the first person I have ever come across that doesn’t like or drink coffee.”

“But she literally accepted all the coffees I got for her!,” Rebecca says. “Wait… what if she just accepted them to look polite or nice–”

“Knowing her, she probably did that to not hurt your feelings or something…,” Jill softly says.

“She could’ve told me she doesn’t drink coffee. I would’ve gotten her a hot cocoa instead,” Rebecca says. “Guys, do I look intimidating? What if she just took the drinks because my outgoing-ness is intimidating her? We do know she usually keeps to herself too–”

“You’re the least intimidating person I know, Rebecca,” Jill responds. “She might’ve done that because she felt kind of bad… or something– I don’t know–”

“And how do you know that, Leon?,” Claire asks with slightly narrowed eyes, leaning into the table while resting her head on her hand.

Now everyone in the table is sitting in silence, curious gazes focused on Leon as to how he knows that. You've never talked about her preferences in food and drink– it’s not even on the company website. They don’t think it’s ever been mentioned anywhere.

“Oh, you know– we talk,” Leon responds with a neutral tone. “Oh my God Leon you almost got yourself killed! Calm down, calm down. They won’t catch on,” Leon thinks to himself.

“Talk? Talk like how?,” Jill asks.

“‘Talk’ as in we’re just coworkers who decided to strike up a random conversation whilst working on a blueprint that one time,” Leon says. He would’ve looked calm and composed– unaffected even, if it wasn’t for the tips of his ears flushing pink and his subconscious leg jiggle. “What?” Leon asks as Rebecca and Claire shoot him smirks that scream “is it what we’re thinking?”. “Can’t a guy and girl talk like they’re just coworkers?”

“You have a point,” Claire replies but Leon doesn’t miss how her blue-green gaze falls on his pinkish ears. They decided to drop the topic, much to Leon’s massive relief. “That was a close one, Leon. Careful next time,” he thinks to himself. Well, you two did more than just talk that day– no, not in that way; you exchanged numbers, began hanging around each other more frequently until you two took secretly took things to another level. Since there was only 15 minutes left before their break was over, they decided to leave early and go up to their office.

─────────────────────────────────────────────────────

“Hey baby,” you softly say as you walk over to Leon’s cubicle. The others had already gone, the office dark except for Leon’s spot. He had stayed overtime to finish up a model so he would be free for the weekend.

“Hi,” Leon softly said as he pressed a tender kiss to your cheek. “Stayed a little later to finish the playground but I don’t regret it one bit if it means some time spent with you.”

“Congrats for making my heart race a million miles per hour,” you giggle. Leon shoots you a flirty wink before he finishes up packing his bag. “Ready to go, milady?”

“Let’s go,” you respond. You two leave the dark office, looking around for anyone lingering. You part your hands from his temporarily, making sure no one catches you holding hands with an employee; it’s not exactly rule-breaking to be fraternizing with an employee but it is highly discouraged. More importantly, it’s not exactly the best of look to be caught in such an act especially when you’re the daughter of the head of this entire company.

“Coast clear?” Leon whispers, to which you nod. Giggling like two school children who just confessed their crushes to each other, you two make your way down the dark hallways hand in hand. Leon kept stealing glances at you, a nerdy but hopelessly in love smile plastered on his face. Despite the lack of lights, you could accurately guess that there’s a glimmer in Leon’s eyes whenever he looked at you like you’re the sun, which you kind of are since you lit up his world.

Not too long after, you two get in your car. After starting the engine, Leon suggested that you two take his car so he could open the door for you and be the one to treat you lavishly, to which you responded with a small nod and an “I’ll think about it”. Leon connected his phone to your car’s bluetooth speakers, going to his Spotify and picking out a playlist he made that reminded him of you. Upon hearing the lyrics of the song, a warmth crawled up your cheeks and manifested in the form of a soft pink glow. Seeing your reaction, Leon beamed brightly as he leaned back in his seat.

“You know it’s your birthday next week,” Leon says, breaking the comfortable silence that settled between you two.

“Yeah, it is. Why, you wanna know what I want for a gift?,” you ask.

“Maybe, maybe not.”

“Oh then I guess just wear a light pink ribbon on your hair and call yourself a gift. Your presence in my life is the best present ever.”

“God that’s so cheesy,” he says with a small laugh. He keeps his gaze trained on the tall buildings around you two because he knows he’s going to scream like a girl if he looks at you once more. “It’s not a bad suggestion though.”. After a few minutes, you two finally reach Leon’s condominium.

“Good night baby, see you tomorrow,” you say whilst pulling him in for a kiss.

“Night, Y/N. Text me when you get back, okay?,” he says. You nod before he finally waves bye and shuts the door.

You’ll definitely be sending him some texts.

─────────────────────────────────────────────────────

After another entire week of staying overtime and finally finishing the mountain of work assigned to you, you finally get up from your chair to move your body a little bit. This day went great: meetings went smoothly, everything on your planner happened, and most importantly, it’s your birthday. Of course, your father and those close to him greeted you and though you didn’t mind if someone know (or doesn't know) your birthday, the gesture warmed your heart.

“Baby?,” Leon called out.

“Huh? Leon?,” you asked. He emerged from the dark, a dainty bouquet of pink and white tulips in his hand, along with a card. Just as you recommended last week, there’s a baby pink ribbon clipped on his hair.

“Oh you didn’t have to–”

“I didn’t have to but I wanted to,” he says before pulling you in for a slow, tender kiss.

“Happy birthday to my only girl.”

Words won’t ever show how truly thankful you are for this gesture so you show it through actions. You pull him in for a hungry kiss, hands travelling to his black tie to loosen it up. Leon places your gifts on your desk, his finally unoccupied hands going to his own tie to help you loosen it faster. You kick your heels off, legs wrapping around his waist as the kisses slowly become more heated and passionate. His hand travels to your blazer, nimble fingers quickly wo–

“Happy birthday, Y/N–”

“WOAH WHAT THE FUCK.”

“CLAIRE PLEASE DON’T DROP THE CAKE.”

“LEON! Y/N?!”

You quickly push Leon off of you and get back up, fixing your hair and feeling around your clothes for any unclasped buttons or pulled down zippers. Embarrassment rushes through your veins, your heart lodged in your throat. Leon’s embarrassed too– shimmery pink lip gloss smeared on his lips, blond hair ruffled, and his tie hanging loose around his neck. His entire face is red and suddenly it’s not so bad if the ground collapses and swallows him up (though he prefers if you swallow him up but now is not the time).

“Uh… hey guys!,” you chirp with an awfully fake smile.

“Hi guys– we were–,” Leon stammers, hand behind his neck.

“Hey guys, if you were busy… we can… we can wait outside…,” Jill awkwardly mumbles, eyeing the poorly hidden bouquet on the desk.

“Yeah… we can wait outside the building if it’ll be noisy too,” Rebecca adds, which causes Leon to almost choke on air and for you to stare at her discombobulated.

“NO– No guys, you can um– now is fine, I promise–,” you stammer. Leon follows suit, trying to make it look as if you two weren’t interrupted in the worst way possible.

NOTE - I saw the reception of my first fic in here and it's looking positive so far so thank you very much! The likes, reblogs, and new followers mean so much to me and I seriously started contemplating telling my parents that I write (I'm so not telling them lmao). I hope you guys enjoy this fic just like you have with my other one!

The dividers (the doodle-y ones) are made by @saradika , the images are made by me (sourced from Pinterest).

#fluff #leon kennedy x y/n #leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy #leon s kennedy #leon scott kennedy #re2 #resident evil #resident evil 2 remake #leon kennedy fluff #leon s kennedy fluff #re2 remake

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jakeluppin · 4 months ago

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A Book Half Unread

teen, 10091 words also on ao3 shout out to @renninflight for reading over this and just all around being Top

Thursdays have become Buck’s favorite day for a few different reasons. One, Maddie and him always have dinner and most weeks she ends up cooking. Two, his boss, Kevin, brings in bagels from his favorite shop down the street. Three, he gets to lead the afternoon storytime and Buck has been getting very good at using different voices for different characters. Four, he really loves it when Maddie cooks.

Five, though. Number five is the biggest reason. Because on Thursdays, Buck gets to see his favorite person in the world: Christopher Diaz. He also gets to see his dad, Eddie, which may or may not be the reason Buck used possibly too much cologne and why he changed his outfit five times today.

Chris has been coming to the library a couple times a week for the last four months or so. Most times, though, he comes with a woman named Carla. But on Thursdays, Chris always comes with his dad. They always come with a large stack of books to return and end up leaving with just as many new ones. Buck figures at this rate, Chris will have the whole library read in five years max.

The first time they spoke, Buck had seen him around a few times already. As one of the children’s librarians (okay, he’s technically not a librarian yet, but he’s months away from graduating with his MLIS), Buck tries to get to know the recurring patrons, but it was soon after summer break had started and they were extra busy so Buck hadn’t gotten a chance yet.

Instead, it was Chris who came up to him, asking if Buck could find a book on becoming a firefighter. Buck immediately drops the books he was reshelving and turns to Chris with a smile and an, “Absolutely I can.” He then asks, “Do you want to be a firefighter then? I really wanted to be one when I was your age.”

Chris laughs. “No, not me. My dad just became a firefighter. So I wanted to find some books to help him be his best. He always tells me if I want to get better at something, I should read and learn more about it. So if I have to do it, he should too!”

Buck can’t help but smile. “Your dad sounds pretty smart. And it’s really nice of you to help him out this way. I’m sure he’ll appreciate that.” They found a few books, adding to the large pile sitting next to Carla, who quickly introduced herself when Buck came over.

Every time Buck saw Chris after this, he would drop whatever he was doing (as long as he wasn’t helping another patron, of course) and go over and say hi and ask him what he could help Chris find this time. Not only was Chris a joy to be around, he also would always ask for books on the strangest topics, which made for a fun time for Buck to try and find so many different books.

Chris would talk to Buck about a lot of things - how school was going, new friends he was making, new video games he was playing. Most of all, though, Chris would talk about his dad. He would talk about lives he saved, fires he put out. The way Chris spoke made Eddie out to be some kind of god. It wasn’t just the things that he did, but also the way Chris would talk about it, the joy, the way he would light up, his voice high-pitch and fast as he would ramble on. A small part of Buck couldn’t help but be jealous, wishing someone would talk about him the same way.

It was about two months after first meeting Chris that Buck met Eddie for the first time. And well, Chris wasn’t far off. If not a god, at least an angel. Buck can’t remember ever seeing someone so beautiful, especially when he smiled.

When they entered, Buck was busy helping a girl and her mom find books on sewing so he wasn’t able to go over and say hi immediately. It didn’t stop him from looking their way whenever he had a chance. With each new glance, Chris would have added yet another book to the pile Eddie was carrying.

When he was finished, Buck made his way over to where he last saw them standing. He only found Eddie, though. Buck was sure Chris was down the next aisle looking for more books. Before he had a chance to say anything, Eddie’s tower of books started to fall. Buck managed to grab the top book as it fell, his other hand reaching up to try and help steady the rest of the books.

“Oh man, thank you,” Eddie said with a sigh. He leaned down and placed the stack at his feet before looking up, his eyes locking with Buck’s. “I swear I’m normally not this clumsy.” He grinned.

“Considering you’re a firefighter, I would hope not.”

Eddie laughed and the sound further confirmed Buck’s god or angel theory. Eddie glanced down and then back up at Buck and said, “So you know I’m a firefighter and I don’t seem to be wearing anything that would indicate I am. So either you’re one of those firefighter fanboys or you must be–”

“Buck!” Chris was back, smiling, and Buck reached out instinctively to offer him a high-five. “Buck, this is my dad.”

“So this is your dad, huh? This is the guy who saved, what was it, a man with a grenade in his leg?”

Chris nodded, the top half of his body bouncing along with. Eddie, on the other hand, looked away when Buck faced him. Buck wondered if he caught him blushing.

“It wasn’t that impressive,” he said.

“I can’t see how that could be true.” Eddie looked up and Buck flashed him his best smile.

“Anyway,” Buck said, clearing his throat and reaching his hand out, “it’s nice to meet you. Chris has easily become my favorite patron. But don’t tell anyone I said that. I don’t think we’re supposed to have favorites.”

“Buck’s the one that helped me find those firefighter books for you,” Chris said.

“That was very nice of you. He was so excited to show them to me when I got home. Said he had the best time and made a really cool friend.”

“Who?”

“You, dummy,” Chris said with a laugh.

“Me? Well that is pretty cool.” Buck smiled brightly at Chris.

“Well, we should probably head out before Chris picks out more books for me to drop.” Eddie leaned down, grabbing the tall pile of books. “It was really nice to meet you, Buck.” He stepped closer to Buck and, in a whisper, said, “I’m glad Chris has found a friend in you.” He pulled away, but Buck could still feel the heat of his breath against his ear.

Buck just nodded, unsure of how to speak, his words failing him completely.

“See you later, Buck!” Chris said, waving.

“Can’t wait!” Buck called out. Eddie turned to look at Buck and smiled. Smiled a smile so beautiful, so sweet, so inviting that Buck knew he was in deep. And knew he didn’t even care.

///

There’s no doubt Maddie is Sick and Tired of hearing Buck talk about Eddie, but he can’t stop himself from relaying his latest Eddie and Christopher Diaz encounter with her the second he arrives for dinner. His jacket isn’t even off before the words, “Maddie, I am absolutely in love,” leave his lips.

Maddie shakes her head slightly, not even looking up from the stove. Not that Buck cares or really even notices, his mind is still stuck a few hours in the past when he managed to make Eddie laugh at a stupid joke. And then of course there was the very slight not exactly hand holding that happened when Buck tried to grab the stack of books but accidentally grabbed Eddie’s hand instead.

So yeah. Buck’s kind of stuck in that moment.

“So, when are you going to ask this guy out?” Maddie asks as they sit down to eat.

Buck’s not sure why the question catches him off guard. He’s been talking about Eddie since he arrived. He’s been talking about Eddie since they first met three or so months ago. So. Why is the idea of asking him out surprising to him? It’s the next logical step, right? Ask out the guy you like for coffee. That’s a normal thing a person does. And yet–

“I don’t know,” Buck mumbles, unable to make eye contact. It doesn’t help that he’s not sure if Eddie likes guys or not. Chris mentioned that his mom passed away before. Other than that, the only other people Chris has ever mentioned in relation to Eddie are Carla and some of his fellow firefighters. It didn’t seem like there was anyone romantic in his life.

But then again, why would Chris tell him that? And Buck has had conversations with Eddie, but most of them have been about Chris. Or sometimes Buck will manage to get Eddie to talk about his latest save. That always leaves Buck’s head spinning and heart racing.

“What’s holding you back?” Maddie asks minutes later. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

Buck chuckles because he knows the answer to that question. Eddie could be extremely homophobic and beat him up and also forbid Chris from ever coming to the library again. Not that Buck sees that as a real possibility, but worst case there it is. And Buck does have a history of making worst-case scenarios come true.

“What about your cute firefighter?” Buck says, changing the topic instead of voicing his fears aloud. “That one paramedic you met at the hospital a few weeks back. What was his name? Howard?”

Maddie sighs and then smiles. “What about him? I haven’t seen him since. Unlike you, he doesn’t come to my work every week. Well, he actually might, but not on a schedule where I can plan my time around seeing him.”

“I could ask Eddie about him. See if he knows him. Get his number for you. You two can fall in love. And I will just continue to live vicariously through you.”

“Or you could ask Eddie out and fall in love and I live vicariously through you.” Maddie pauses and then says, “No, wait. We both could actually live our own lives instead. How about that?”

“You’re no fun.”

They continue to eat in silence. Once finished, Buck starts to clear off the table and gets started on the dishes. Maddie starts to put the leftovers away, half for herself and half for him.

“Okay, what about this?” Maddie says, handing him his Tupperware. “You go ahead and ask Eddie about Howard. If he knows him, you are welcome to ask him out on a double date. You and Eddie, me and Howard.”

“And I would do this why?”

“Because you love me.” Maddie smiles bright, in a way that Buck knows he has no hopes of saying no to. He’s stuck. He has to ask Eddie out. Maybe. Kind of.

He agrees but all he can think about is all the different ways he can get out of this. Hopefully Eddie has no idea who Howard is. Buck has never heard him mention the name so maybe he doesn’t. Or maybe he knows him and he’s actually a terrible person so there’s really no reason for a double date. Buck might be in the clear.

He lets out a long breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. He thanks Maddie for dinner and the leftovers. They hug and Buck leaves. As he makes his way to his car, still thinking of ways he can lie to Maddie about having talked with Eddie, there’s a small part of him, somewhere in the far back of his mind, telling him to go through with it. Telling him that he deserves love too.

Yeah.

Right.

///

When Chris comes in on Tuesday, Buck has a set of books he's already pulled to give to him - books he thinks Chris will find interesting. It’s not something he normally does, but Chris is special to him and Buck loves to do this kind of thing. Chris just happens to be one of the few patrons he feels like he knows well enough to do this for.

“Hey Buck!” Chris says, reaching out for a high five.

They high five and Buck says, “I know how much you love looking around, but I pulled some books already for you that I thought you’d like. You can still look around, but I saw these and thought, ‘Chris would like this,’ so I set them aside for you.”

“That’s so cool!” He starts looking through the stack, eyes wide.

“So Chris, has your dad ever mentioned a firefighter named Howard?”

Chris looks up and squints as he looks at Buck. “Um, I don’t think so.”

Buck nods, filled with a mixture of both relief and dread. Not sure what he expected to feel. But just one feeling at a time would have been nice. At least much easier to understand.

“I’m gonna go look for more books, can you hold onto these?” Chris asks.

“Of course, buddy. Let me know if you need help finding anything.”

Chris wanders over to Carla, seemingly to let her know where he’s going. Carla says something and watches him make his way down the closest aisle. Carla then turns and walks over to Buck.

“Chris says you picked out some books for him already.” The words are simple, a fact, but there’s something in her voice that seems almost accusatory.

“Uh, yeah, I did. He’s not mad, is he? I didn’t want to take away from his experience of finding stuff himself, I just thought he’d like these.”

“He’s not mad.” A pause. Buck feels like there’s more, a but in there. Maybe Carla was mad? Buck is ready to apologize to her when she says, “Chris loves coming to the library, he loves reading. I think most of all, though, he loves coming and seeing you. He says you are the third nicest person he knows. Just behind me and Eddie.”

“Let me guess, you’re number one?”

“You know it.” They both laugh.

“I am glad he thinks so highly of me. But I’m just doing my job.”

Carla laughs. “You’ve done more than that. This is not the closest library to his place. We went to the other one first and a librarian there was, to put it simply, unkind and unprofessional to Chris. He said he never wanted to go back to the library. It took two weeks before I convinced him to try once more and he only agreed to go to a different location.”

“Are you serious? I can’t believe that. Who would ever be unkind to Christopher?”

“I know, I know.” Carla sighs. “It may have just been a bad day for her, but she didn’t need to take it out on him.”

“It just makes me sad because libraries should be a safe place for everyone. But I know they’re not.”

“But this one is because of you.” Carla reaches out and pats Buck’s hand. “And I know Eddie really appreciates it as well. You know, when I saw him the day after you two met, he told me about going and how you helped him with the books. And then he said something like, ‘It’s so great that Chris has someone else he can look up to.’”

Buck doesn’t know how to respond. He’s not even sure if he can, as it feels like there’s something stuck in his throat. He tries to swallow, but it does nothing. Thankfully, Chris is back a few minutes later and Buck helps him use the shelf check-out machine, listening to Chris talk about the books he picked out.

“See you soon!” Buck says, the lump in his throat finally gone. Carla and Chris wave as they walk about.

Buck finds one of the other librarians and lets her know he’s gonna take a beak. He makes his way outside and just starts running. He’s not dressed for running but he has to move, he has to shake the thoughts out of his head while he can.

It’s like this:

Buck is pretty sure Maddie is the only person who has ever really loved him. His parents love a form of him, a version of Evan Buckley, but not him. He’s had relationships, dates, hookups. But nothing real. Nothing where anyone has ever really been close to him. Things always seem to fall apart right before he starts to get close to anyone. Or maybe he’s the one who breaks them.

So. It’s like this:

What’s the worst that could happen? It’s not a homophobic Eddie who beats him up. It’s a loving Eddie, a sweet Eddie, who Buck gets closer to, and right before they can be something, Buck breaks things. He ruins it. Eddie sees Buck for who he is and runs. It crumbles and falls apart right before Buck can have something real, something of his own.

Then, too, there’s Chris. Chris, who is sweet and funny and Buck wants so badly to protect in every way. The thought of ruining things with Eddie also ruining things with him makes his stomach twirl into knots.

Buck eventually stops, unsure of where he is or how far he’s run, but he’s out of breath, his side aching. He leans against a wall, closing his eyes. The thoughts are still there, a swirling cloud of every negative thing Buck has ever thought and ever felt about himself.

He tries to focus on his breathing, square breaths like his therapist taught him. But his breathing is so heavy, so loud, that it doesn't feel like it’s working. It feels like his thoughts are surrounding him, suffocating, taking his breath away. He tries to make his way out, tries to focus on Maddie, tries to think about his favorite TV show, tries to hum his favorite song. Anything to get out the spiral but.

But.

But!

Nothing.

///

When Buck wakes up, he’s sure he must be dreaming or dead or in some sort of alternate reality. Because Eddie Diaz is above him, looking down at him. And Buck can’t think of any reason for this - he especially can’t think of any reason why Eddie’s face seemed to have lit up after Buck awoke.

But then hearing Eddie say, “Buck!” a loud, joyful voice, confirmed that this must be heaven. Not that Buck ever fully believed in heaven but this seems to be proof.

Only there’s something about Eddie reaching out and touching him, his hand gripping tight around his shoulder, that pulls Buck back into reality. He remembers the running, the thoughts, the panic attack. Feeling the hard, cool ground beneath him, Buck realizes he must have passed out. His whole body aches, but nothing too painful.

“Hi Eddie,” Buck manages to say, unsure how long the pause was between Eddie calling his name and his response. His throat feels sore, his voice sounding off. Still, he smiles, because there’s Eddie, right in front of him, with his own smile. Nothing else could be wrong. Nothing else could matter.

“You had quite the fall there, but everything seems to be okay. Well, other than some scrapes on the back of your arm, but those are easy to bandage up. How are you feeling?”

Buck mutters out an, “okay,” which, while true, is far from the full picture. But it’s not like he can say, “I’m feeling sore but honestly I’m just beyond happy that you are here and are smiling as you look at me.”

Eddie’s hand, still on Buck’s shoulder, slides down his arm and into his hand, pulling Buck off the ground. It shouldn't surprise Buck that Eddie is able to lift him up, but the thought still makes his heart race. Probably not a good sign after a panic attack but. Who is he to complain about that?

“Do you know what happened? Did you trip over something?” This time it’s not Eddie speaking, but another firefighter, an Asian man. Buck hadn’t even noticed him on his other side, as he starts to wrap his arm in a white bandage.

“Uh, no, I didn’t trip.” Buck isn’t sure how to respond. He does know what happened, but the idea of talking about having a panic attack in front of Eddie is, well, panic-inducing. Just another one of those things that Eddie could find fault in, could see through to Buck’s core and realize he’s no good.

“If you’re not sure, we can take you to the hospital and have you checked out more thoroughly. But otherwise, you’re medically cleared to go once we finish with this,” he says, waving the bandage.

“No, no, that’s okay. I uh… I had a panic attack.” Buck tries to keep his voice steady, strong, casual, like him having a panic attack is nothing of note. And in some ways it isn’t - seeing as he’s had them off and on since it was seven or so. It’s just a part of his everyday life now.

“Do you have them often? Do you normally pass out from them?”

Buck shakes his head. “I’ve passed out once before, but that was years ago. They just… happen sometimes.”

The other man nods, his eyes holding Buck’s, seemingly looking for something in them that Buck can’t imagine he’ll find. “Well,” he says, finally looking away and back at his arm, “all done here. If anything starts to really hurt, don’t hesitate to see a doctor or call 9-1-1.”

“My sister is a nurse so I’ll probably just show up at her place tonight and beg her to take care of me.”

“Sounds good. It was nice to meet you, Buck.”

“Meet me?” Buck questions. It sounds like a weird thing to say to a random patient of sorts. Or maybe that’s what he always says.

“Yeah, Eddie’s talked about you before. Says you’re Chris’ best friend. Granted, the first time he talked about you, I thought you were also an eight-year-old kid, but I did eventually catch on,” he says with a laugh. He gives Buck a small nod before making his way back to the firetruck.

Buck is surprised to find Eddie still there. Surprised, despite the fact that Eddie is still holding Buck’s hand. But everything has just been so much, so heightened, that Eddie’s touch had just blended into the background with everything else. Like his touch belongs there, like it was also just a part of Buck’s everyday life.

“You sure you’re okay?” Eddie asks. This time his voice is soft, warm. Intimate?

Buck nods, unsure how to make himself speak.

“I gotta head out but… I know your sister is a nurse, but if she’s unavailable or you need anything, you can always call me.” He pulls out a piece of paper and pen and writes his number on it.

Buck takes the offered paper into his hand and somehow manages out a single, “thank you,” as their hands brush once more. Buck’s eyes follow Eddie into the truck and watch as they drive away, Eddie turning and waving at Buck when they pass him.

///

Buck shows up at Maddie’s with take out. He asked her if he could come over, but he hadn’t told her what happened yet. It felt like something best expressed in-person instead of over text. More specifically, in-person over some Thai food and wine.

He lets himself in and calls out for Maddie, placing the food on the table. Maddie comes in just as Buck has finished setting the table. She grabs a bottle of wine from the fridge and the two sit down.

“So, you gonna tell me what happened with your arm?” she asks, pouring the wine.

Buck laughs. “You are not going to believe this.”

“Let me guess, some kid tried to attack you with some child-proof scissors but somehow still managed to cut you.”

“No, I hope that was a once in a lifetime occurrence. But no, I, uh, had a panic attack and passed out.”

“Oh Buck.” Maddie reaches over and rubs her hand on his (unbandaged) arm. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, my arm just got scratched up. Not a big deal. But that’s not the part you aren’t going to believe. It was Eddie, uh, I mean when I woke up, Eddie was above me, in his firefighter uniform. Which, before we get further into the story, I always knew he was hot. There was no question in my mind. But seeing him in uniform? It’s kind of a miracle I didn’t have another panic attack.”

Maddie chuckles. “I know what you mean.” Buck’s sure she’s thinking of Howie. Or maybe just one of those firefighter calendars.

“Yeah, but not only was he above me, looking hotter than ever, he grabbed onto my shoulder, to like, try and wake me up more I think. I was just coming-to and he was calling my name and then touching me and. Maddie, I honestly thought for a second there I had died and was in heaven or something. But then he held my hand to pull him up and he just. Kept holding it as this other firefighter bandaged my arm.

“Then the other guy asked me what happened and I admitted I had panic attack and I would have bet money that Eddie would have left after that. But he didn’t. He kept holding my hand. Then he gave me his number in case I wasn’t feeling well and I needed anything.”

Maddie looks at him, staring intensely for a few moments before saying, “So, he’s obviously into you. You see that, right?”

“You think?” Buck had thought that yeah, maybe Eddie might like him. Unless this was just what Eddie was like with every person he saved? Maybe he kind of flirted with them all, held onto all of them just a little more than medically needed. “Maybe this is just how he is.”

“Did he have a card or something with his number on it?”

“No, he just had a piece of paper he wrote it on.”

“If this is something he does normally or something required as a firefighter, he probably would have cards to give out. But he did that just for you.”

“It could just be because of Chris. He might only care about me for Chris’ sake.”

“Maybe. But I’ve had children patients I have grown close to and none of their parents have given me their phone numbers.”

Unsure of what else to say, Buck mutters a,“Yeah,” and takes a bite of his pad kee mao.

“You gonna call him?”

“No, I feel fine. No need to call him.”

“You could call him and ask him out on that double date. You could call him to say hello. You could call him and tell him how you think he’s the hottest person in the world.”

Buck laughs. “There we go, just a casual, ‘Hi Eddie, thanks for taking care of me earlier. It was so nice to finally see you in uniform. It was so hot. You wanna like make-out or something? Also if you know a firefighter named Howie, my sister would love to make-out with him.’”

“Yeah, super casual, normal conversation.” Maddie smiles and then says. “I just want you to be happy. I know you might not think you deserve it but you do.”

“I am happy,” Buck is quick to say. And he is. Mostly. Happier than childhood Buck ever imagine he would be. He has a job he loves, he’s so close to graduation, his relationship with Maddie is strong, he has friends at work and school, and he has Chris.

Who did he think he was to dare ask for more?

///

The next day, Buck is busy reshelving holds that were never picked up when he feels arms wrap around his waste. He looks behind him and sees Chris. This is the first time Chris (or any patron) has hugged him. When he lets go, Buck fully turns around and says, “Everything okay?”

“Dad said he helped you on a call yesterday. He said you were okay, but I was just really happy to see for myself. Is your arm okay?”

“Yes, my arm is fine. They took really good care of me.”

“Good! I told him if he had messed up and you were actually really hurt I wouldn’t talk to him ever again.”

Buck is amazed and honored that Chris cares so much about him. “I’m glad you care so much, but even if I was hurt, you would still need to talk to your dad. But thankfully I’m okay. Nothing to worry about.”

“Great, then you can help me find books on lighthouses.”

///

With five minutes left on his Thursday shift, there has been no sign of Chris or Eddie or Carla. Buck has started writing texts to Eddie over and over again, asking if everything is okay, but he never sends them. He doesn’t want to seem weird, to highlight how much he looks forward to seeing them each week.

He can already imagine how much Maddie is going to roll her eyes over dinner as he tells her this. She’s going to go on and on about how he should have just sent the text. Or, better yet, she’s gonna say he should have called. And on that call, he should have told him he’s in love or some other stupid idea like that.

(Of course, Buck would never admit to Maddie how badly he wishes he could do exactly that.)

When his coworker, Lucy, comes to take over Buck’s spot behind the desk, he gets up and looks down at the text message he last wrote to Eddie:

Hey! This is Buck. Just wanted to check that everything is okay since you and Chris didn’t come in today. Hope all is well!

He’s added and removed a heart about twenty times. Switched between exclamation points and periods around fifty times. Switched between Chris and Christopher only about a dozen times, though.

With a sigh, Buck slides the phone back into his pocket and heads to grab his backpack from the back room. He makes his way towards the exit when he hears, “Buck!” from behind him.

He turns and there’s Eddie. Christopher isn’t in sight, but Eddie is there, smiling and waving. Buck starts to head towards him and Eddie does the same. They meet and Buck says, “Hey.”

“Hey.”

Buck knows he should be responding but Eddie is looking at him and Buck can’t think words beyond “wow” so he keeps his mouth shut.

“Your coworker said you had just finished your shift. I was worried I’d missed you.”

“Yeah, I was just on my way out. But I’m happy to help Chris out. Where is he?”

“He’s actually not here. I was hoping you could actually help me out.”

“Oh. Of course. How can I help?”

“I was looking for a book on dating. Well, specifically something on how to properly ask someone out. I haven’t really done that since Christopher’s mom died.”

“Well, I can take you to where you might be able to find some books, but I wouldn’t have any specific recommendations. Unless you wanted something written for teens.”

Buck’s not sure how he managed to even speak, the thought of Eddie asking someone out makes him feel lightheaded. But something about being at work made all the difference. Buck could almost always keep his mind focused when he was here. It was only after he left that things would start to fall apart.

Eddie laughs. “No, I know how it worked as a teen. I tried that already, being subtle, dropping hints. It’s just not working.”

Buck’s heart is in his stomach. “Maybe you just need to ask her to go steady.” He tries to make his voice light but it feels sharp, especially saying “her.” Just another reminder that it’s not him. Never him. How could it be?

“How old do you think I am? Do I really look old enough that I ever asked someone ‘to go steady’?”

“I mean, you’re definitely a few years older than me, so…”

Eddie reaches over and gives Buck a light shove but he’s smiling. Buck stays in the moment and is surprised to find that Eddie does too. They just look and smile and Buck knows he should say or do something but he’d rather just be here as long as Eddie will let him.

“So, book recommendations?” Eddie says sometime later. It was probably no more than thirty seconds but Buck couldn’t say for sure either way.

“Right.” Buck looks away, his mind starting to wander again. Rapid. Fast. Thoughts everywhere in a way he feels unsure how to slow down.

“Well, uh, you know I actually have to go meet my sister and, like I said, I’m not as knowledgeable about our adult section so I’m sure someone else would be better off helping you. Malcolm is probably a good bet - he’s a great librarian and also seems to date a lot. So. Yeah. Sorry.”

Buck starts to turn and walk away. He quickly turns back and adds, “Hopefully see you next week. Tell Chris I missed seeing him today.”

And before Buck can second guess himself, before he gives Eddie the chance to ask him what the fuck is problem is, Buck is rushing out the door. He heads in the direction of Maddie’s hospital, thinking she may still be there. And that’s a closer run than all the way to her house.

When he gets there, he finds Maddie packing up her things. He doesn’t even say anything, just pulls her in for a hug.

“Tough day?” she asks, rubbing his back.

“Yeah. Eddie likes someone else.”

Maddie pulls away and gives him this look like she wants to ask a million questions. But before she can, Buck says, “Can we just talk about another time? I don’t want to get too worked up.”

“Fine, but you’re not leaving tonight until you’ve told me what happened.”

Buck sighs. “Can we have something stronger than wine for dinner then?”

“Whatever you want.”

“You really are the world’s best sister, you know that?”

“Yeah, pretty sure I got that title back when you were still a kid."

“True, but I’m all to happy to continue to remind you anyway.”

///

“So, let me get this straight. Eddie asked for a book recommendation about asking someone out on a date. And you ran away.”

Buck groans. “It sounds dumb when you say it like that, but yeah.”

“Sweetie, it’s gonna sound dumb no matter how it’s said,” Maddie says with a laugh. They’re sitting on her coach. Buck is on his third drink, while Maddie is still on her first.

“I just… The thought of helping him ask someone else out on a date was too much. I couldn’t do it. I wanted to. And normally with work stuff, I can manage to deal with whatever emotions are happening. But I don’t know if it was since I was technically off the clock or what, but I just couldn’t.”

“You do realize you acting like this is only going to continue to hurt your relationship. Like Buck, you literally ran away when he asked you for help.”

“I know, I know. I messed up. I get it.”

“That’s not what I’m trying to get at. But you know why you and I have a great relationship and why neither of us have a great one with mom and dad?”

“Because they suck?”

“Well, yeah.” Maddie laughs. “But more importantly you tell me things. I tell you things. You open up to me about how you’re feeling and what’s going on with you. And it’s that openness that brings us together. So if you want that kind of relationship with someone else, you have to be willing to do the same.”

“So I should just go up to Eddie and say, ‘Hey, I’m in love with you and also I have severe anxiety and abandonment issues.’ I don’t quite see that going over well.”

Maddie sighs. “How many times are you going to jokingly tell me how you’re going to profess your love to Eddie instead of just… talking to him?”

“I know. I know. I’m a grown adult and I need to figure out moving past my years of trauma. It’s just hard.”

Maddie reaches out, touches his arm. “I know. But it seems pretty clear to me Eddie likes you. I mean, who knows? Maybe you’re the person he wants to ask out on a date.”

Buck can’t help but laugh at that. “Then why wouldn’t he just ask?”

“Are you serious right now? Mr. Oh-I’m-Too-Scared-To-Tell-Eddie-I-Like-Him has no idea why someone wouldn’t just ask another person out.”

“That’s different. I’ve got all that trauma, remember?” Buck says with a small smile.

“Well, maybe he does too.”

Somehow, Buck honestly had never considered that before. He’d been so caught up in his own stuff that it never occurred to him that Eddie probably has his own, too. His wife died. That alone has got to trauma inducing.

“So what you’re saying is maybe both Eddie and I are a little fucked up and that’s why we are not currently making out right now?” Buck pauses, letting out a long breath. “Wow. Trauma. Talk about a real cock block.”

Maddie rolls her eyes and hits him with a pillow.

///

Buck spends most of his weekend working on papers and thinking about Eddie. He may or may not have written his name on one of his papers as “Buck Diaz.” Thankfully he noticed the mistake before he submitted it.

“What am I, a teenage girl?” he texts Maddie after this. And then: “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I just need to do something so I can think properly. Or at least a little more properly.”

Maddie replies with the word, “Finally,” in all caps, along with a gif of the old lady from Titanic saying, “It’s been 84 years…”

“I’ll tell him next Thursday, okay? So you better be prepared with an amazing dinner and way too much alcohol to help mend my broken heart.”

Maddie simply hearts the message. Buck wouldn’t have said no to some additional encouragement or support, but Maddie has already given him so much. It’s not like she could send just the right gif or say something new that would magically make Buck feel completely safe in this decision.

Buck has never been the most safe person. As a kid, he was always putting himself in danger to get attention. He’s broken bones, dislocated his shoulder more than once. Part of him still thinks its a bit of a miracle he’s even alive. Part of him never thought he’d make it past twenty-one.

But that’s different, isn’t it? This is his heart. And since Maddie left for college, Buck has been slowly building a wall around it. Not that he blames Maddie for that. Or at least not anymore. But once she was gone, it was just easier to close himself off, to hide behind who other people thought he was. No one can reject the real you if they never know it.

///

Other than a few hours Friday morning, Buck isn’t back at the library until Tuesday. His shift is later than normal, too, so he’s not sure if he’ll see Chris or not. It’s been almost a week since he saw him last and that is far too long.

He starts his shift by walking around the children’s library space, picking up books that have been left behind. He’s only a few minutes into this when he spots Chris and Carla at the shelf checkout kiosk. He makes his way over, happy to see them if only for a few minutes.

“Wow, looks like you got some really cool books here,” he says when he reaches them.

Chris turns around and with the biggest grin says, “Buck!”

(There’s something about Chris being so happy to see him that makes Buck’s heart ache. The idea of someone being happy to see him feels Too Much but also better than anything in the world.)

“You weren’t here yesterday. Or Friday!”

“And you weren’t here on Thursday,” Buck counters. “I was here on Friday, actually, but just in the morning. I had a lot of school stuff this weekend so I took a longer weekend to get it all done.”

“So you spent all weekend doing school work? That sucks!”

Buck laughs. “It wasn’t too bad. If you to get the point I’m at with school, you really only take classes that you are interested in. So most of the time it’s actually pretty fun.”

“You mean I won’t have to take math if I don’t want to?”

“That’ll depend on what you want to study, but if you don’t want to, you can plan around it.”

“Did you hear that, Carla? No more math!”

“Yes, but you’re not there yet. So we probably should head home so you can finish your homework up.”

“If I finish everything, can I have ice cream?”

“What do you think your dad would say?”

“I think he would say I deserve it for being the best.”

Buck can’t help but laugh at that. “See you tomorrow?” he asks as Carla finishes putting the books in a bag.

“Probably not, Chris has a couple doctor appointments after school. But I think Eddie was planning on bringing him on Thursday.”

Thursday. Right. The day he’s supposed to tell Eddie he likes him. Part of Buck was hoping Eddie would just never show up again.

“See you on Thursday then, Chris. And hope to see you soon as well, Carla.”

Chris waves enthusiastically before taking off.

Carla holds back a second and then says, “Take care of yourself,” and gives him this look that feels like she can see every part of Buck. Like she can see his anxiety, his fears, his worries. But also his joys, his love, his passion. All of him.

And for some reason Buck doesn’t seem to mind.

///

Buck’s Thursday morning class, Young Adult Literature, is spent mapping out possible conversations with Eddie. He doesn’t want to sound rehearsed, but if he can at least think through some initial ways to respond to any type of reaction, it will be less likely that Buck will completely freeze up. And that would not be ideal if it happened.

By the time his class is over, he’s managed to come up with responses such as, “It’s okay you don’t feel the same. I understand. I hope we can still be friends,” and “I promise, I have no plans to turn Chris gay. I am not even gay. I’m bisexual. But that won’t be talked about with Chris. Please do not stop him from coming to the library.”

What he hasn’t managed to is come up with a response if Eddie says he feels the same. It feels so unlikely, so impossible, that Buck can’t seem to imagine anything further. (Well, other than simply imaging himself tackling Eddie to the ground and making out with him. (But that would not be a great idea since this was going to happen at work and he really didnt want to lose his job.))

As he makes his way to work, he gets a text from Maddie saying, “You got this!” Buck hard disagrees but doesn’t respond.

He gets in early and grabs a bagel in the break room. He sits down and pulls out his notebook and reads over his messy responses. They all feel so wrong. It feels like he’s setting himself up for failure, stuck with only seeing the worst outcomes.

Turning to a blank page, Buck writes on the top, “Eddie likes me too,” and instead of figuring out what to say in the case, Buck allows himself to imagine anything that could happen in the future. Messy bullet points of what could come next.

The double date he promised Maddie.

Spending more time with Christopher, going to the park, to the movies, playing video games at his house.

Holding hands Eddie for real this time.

Holding Eddie.

Kissing Eddie.

Eddie attending Buck’s graduation.

Chris and Eddie joining his Thursday night dinners with Maddie.

Making them breakfast after sleeping over.

Moving in with them.

Being in love.

Being a family.

Buck looks over the rough list, thinking over all the things he could have if he just let himself. He rips the paper out and folds it up before placing it in back pocket. Despite being literally just a piece of paper, it weighs heavy on him as he makes his way out to the floor.

When he sees Chris, the weight seems to add. When he spots Eddie ten feet away with a small stack of books, the weight feels almost too much. Buck looks at the front door and wonders if he should just run for it.

But.

What would that do? How would that help him? The weight would still be there every time he sees Chris, every time he thinks about Eddie. He would be caught in this, weighed down. Drowning.

Instead, he makes his way over to Eddie. Eddie, who smiles at Buck when he sees him. Buck’s heart is racing so fast that he wonders if he’s going to pass out again. Maybe this time he can just pass out right into Eddie’s arms and cut out the middleman.

Instead, he reaches Eddie and gives him the biggest smile he can. He had thought out so many different ways to tell Eddie how he feels, had jokingly practiced different ways with Maddie. He wanted to start by apologizing from running out on him a week ago, wanting to explain what happened, where he was coming from. Explaining that and then telling him how he felt.

Instead, he simply says, “I like you.” A small pause. “A lot.” Another pause. “Like, romantically.” And Eddie is looking at him but Buck can’t seem to make out the expression, can’t seem to understand what he is feeling. Buck thinks through all the possible negative responses he had imagined, trying to place what Eddie is going to say.

Instead… Well, instead Eddie starts laughing.

Which was not something Buck had prepared for.

Buck stares at him, unsure what to do. Does he leave? This is obviously bad. Buck is about to walk away when he hears, “What’s so funny?” behind him and sees Chris there.

Eddie is still laughing as Buck says, “I’m not really sure,” which is only half true, but he’s not going to offer up his feelings and risk Chris laughing at him as well.

“Fuck,” Eddie says a second later, finally no longer laughing. “Sorry,” he adds, although Buck isn’t sure what the apology is for. Him laughing at Buck? Him swearing in front of his kid?

“Chris, could you give us a minute? Maybe pick out a movie for us to watch later?”

“Okay, but when I come back you gotta tell me what was so funny.”

Eddie nods and the two watch as Chris walks off. Buck prepares himself for what comes next. Eddie tells him that he doesn’t feel the same. Eddie tells him they’ll never come back here again. Eddie tells him no one could ever love him.

Instead:

“I didn’t mean to laugh,” Eddie starts out when Chris is out of earshot. “The whole thing just caught me off guard so much that it just kind of happened.” A pause and then he continues, “I’ve been trying for months to drop hints that I like you. Last week, when I tried to get a stupid book recommendation from you on dating, I had thought books were something you understood and either the book itself would help or as we talked about it I would figure out how to tell you directly. Or it would just finally slip out.

“I thought after giving you my number and you not reaching out I was out of luck. But Chimney, the guy who bandaged your arm, swore he could tell that you liked me. I didn’t believe it, but I thought I’d give it once last chance. So I did the book thing. And obviously that didn’t go over well so I was just gonna give up on it. On you.”

“So me telling you I liked you was funny because you were so sure I didn’t.”

“Basically. Yeah.”

This time Buck can’t help but laugh. “I was so sure you didn’t. I felt like it was obvious I liked you because, I mean, who in their right mind wouldn’t? So if you liked me, you would have just asked me out. Like, why not?”

“Because of Chris… He thinks the world of you and if I asked you out and you weren’t interested, I didn’t want that to mess up your relationship with him.”

“And I didn’t want to ask you out because if you weren’t interested I didn’t want you to keep Chris from coming back here. I didn’t want to lose him, too.”

“Well that was dumb. Even if I didn’t feel the same, there’s no way I would have stopped Chris from coming here or seeing you. You matter too much to him.”

“And I never would have messed up with my relationship with Chris if I hadn’t liked you. So I guess we’re both kind of dumb.”

Eddie laughs. “I guess so.”

“So now what?” Buck asks a moment later. He’s looking at Eddie, earnest, open, desperate to find what comes next.

“Well… if it’s all right with you, I am going to reach out and hold your hand until Chris comes back here. And then maybe we could grab dinner when you’re done with work?”

“Yes, please,” Buck says reaching his hand out towards Eddie. While this isn’t the first time their hands have touched, it’s the first time that Buck has realized just what it actually means. And it feels… electrifying and scary but also warm. Comforting.

“Shit, actually, about dinner, though. I have plans with my sister. She always makes dinner for us on Thursday and, although I know she’d more than understand if I ditched, I don’t feel like doing that to her. Especially since without her I would never have told you how I felt.”

“Oh really? You gotta tell me how I can thank her for that.”

“Well, actually, do you know a firefighter named Howie? He came into her hospital a while back and she has a bit of a crush on him.”

“Not only do I know him, but so do you. Chimney’s real name is Howie. But wait… Is your sister a nurse named Maddie?”

“Yeah, how did you know?”

“Because Chim’s been hung up on a nurse named Maddie for weeks now.”

Buck laughs, shaking his head. It feels like one of those big of course moments where everything seems so clearly obvious you can’t help but wonder how you missed it. “Okay so double date then?” he offers.

“Sounds perfect.” Eddie leans in, his face probably close to Buck’s than it should be when he’s working, and then adds, “As long as I get to spend some time alone with you after.”

Buck just nods before somehow managing to pull away. “So what are you going to tell Chris was so funny?”

“Shit, I have no idea. You better come up with some really funny joke.”

“You think he’s gonna be okay with this?” Buck asks, his voice small.

“More than okay. He keeps asking me when you can come over and whenever we go somewhere he asks if you can come along.”

They’re both too busy looking at each other to notice Chris has made his way back before he says, “Why are you holding hands?”

“Uh… because we wanted to?” Eddie says. Buck stifles a chuckle.

“You guys can do that later. Right now I need Buck to help me find more books. He’s my friend right now, not yours.”

“You’re so right, Chris,” Buck says, letting go and moving towards Chris. “Let’s go find some books.” As they walk back, he glances back at Eddie, whose lips are pursed together, holding back a laugh of his own.

///

Between the two of them, Buck and Maddie have changed their outfits a total of twelve times. Chimney and Eddie will be there any minute and Buck is without a shirt and Maddie can’t seem to find any shoes that match her dress.

When the doorbell rings, Maddie ushers Buck to answer, even though he’s the one half naked. Still, he answers the door and beckons them in.

“Guess I’m over dressed,” Chimney says as they step inside.

“Sorry, just running behind a bit. Maddie should be out shortly. I’m gonna finish getting dressed, but make yourself comfortable.” He motions over to the couch. “You guys need anything?”

“Yeah, can I use the bathroom?” Eddie asks.

“Yeah, it’s just down the hallway over there.”

“You wanna show me?”

“Uh… yeah, sure.” Buck leads Eddie down the hall, not completely sure why. It’s very easy to find the bathroom, but he’s happy to help however he can.

When they reach it, Buck is about to turn around and leave when Eddie pulls him inside. He closes the door and before Buck can say anything, Eddie has lifted him up on the sink.

He leans in and kisses along Buck’s jawline. He pauses, his lips inches away from Bucks, and says, “I really thought I’d make it through at least most of the date before I had to kiss you. But then I show up and you’re shirtless… Was that intentional?”

Buck laughs. “No, I was just having a hard time picking out what to wear. Not that I’m complaining,” he adds.

“Good.” Eddie’s voice is hoarse and Buck can feel his breath hot on his skin. Their eyes are locked until Buck can’t take it anymore. He leans forward and kisses Eddie.

There are times when you’ve thought about something so often or imagined it too many times that the real thing can’t compare. Like the ice cream shop Maddie and him used to go to as kids wasn’t as good as he remembered it being when they were back last Christmas. Or like when Buck started his first graduate school class, it was a lot more boring than he had imagined it would be.

But kissing Eddie wasn’t that. Kissing Eddie was everything and more. Kissing Eddie felt right in ways Buck hadn’t even known existed. Kissing Eddie was, simply put, perfection.

Buck is breathless by the time they pull apart. His heart is racing in a way that almost worries him, worries he’s about to have another panic attack. But it’s not that, not the same. And when Eddie starts kissing down Buck’s neck, he feels grounded, solid, safe (even as Eddie bites just so (causing Buck to groan)).

Somehow Buck manages to say, “I should probably finish getting ready. Or we’ll miss the reservation.”

“You sure you want to do that?” Eddie asks, pausing between each word to kiss him, his lips so light against his skin.

“No,” Buck admits. “But we do kind of owe Maddie and Chim, don’t we?”

Eddie laughs and Buck can feel it vibrating against his skin. “I suppose you’re right. I’ll meet you out there.”

Buck jumps off the counter and says, “I’ll be sure to have a shirt on by the time you come out,” with a smirk.

Eddie rolls his eyes as Buck closes the door behind him.

///

None of the shirts Buck has with him cover the marks Eddie left on his neck. But somehow Buck doesn’t mind.

Epilogue.

It’s graduation and Buck feels dumb in his graduation robes. He’s just grateful that alphabetically his name will be read close to the beginning and once that’s done, he can take them off.

It feels surreal when they call his name and he walks across the stage. He looks in the audience and sees a small cluster standing up and cheering him on. They’re a little blurry at this distance, but Buck is fairly sure he can make out Chris on his dad’s shoulders.

As soon as he can, he makes his way over to them. Maddie is the closest and the first one to hug him. “I am so proud of you,” she says and Buck knows she means it. He wouldn’t be surprised if she, too, didn’t think he would make it past twenty-one. And yet!

Chris is still on his dad’s shoulders when Eddie comes over. Buck gives them a hug, his arms around Eddie’s back and Chris’ legs. Eddie can’t really hug him back, but Chris wraps his arms around Buck’s head.

“So what’s the plan?” Buck asks once he’s pulled away.

Eddie, maneuvering to get Chris back on the ground says, “Last I heard, Carla has broken into your house and is making dinner. I think Chim and some of your friends from work were coming over as well.”

“So does that mean we don’t have time to stop for ice cream?” Buck asks.

“Ice cream!” Chris calls out. “There’s always time for ice cream.”

Eddie sighs. “Guess we’re getting ice cream. You wanna join, Maddie?”

“I told Chim I’d meet up with him before dinner. I’ll meet you then.” She walks over and gives Buck another hug. “I’m sorry mom and dad didn’t come,” she says, voice small.

“It’s okay,” Buck says as she pulls away. And it is. Mostly. Part of him wishes they were here, wishes they cared enough about him to understand what a big deal this was. But others did. And maybe that was enough.

///

Dinner is, of course, amazing. Carla is a phenomenal cook and it was clear she went all out on this meal. Beyond that, too, everyone is chatting and happy and Buck’s apartment feels so alive in a way he’s not used to.

When Buck finally has a chance, he sneaks away to his room for a minute alone. He goes over to his desk and opens the top drawer and finds a worn out, folded piece of notebook paper. He unfolds it and finds the “Eddie likes me too,” list. Since he first wrote it, he’s been marking things off as they’ve happened.

The double date he promised Maddie.

Spending more time with Christopher, going to the park, to the movies, playing video games at his house.

Holding hands Eddie for real this time.

Holding Eddie.

Kissing Eddie.

Eddie attending his graduation.

Chris and Eddie joining his Thursday night dinners with Maddie.

Making them breakfast after sleeping over.

Moving in with them.

Being in love.

Being a family.

He grabs a pen and crosses out, “Eddie attending his graduation.” He looks over the last few items. He’s sure moving in, if it does happen, is still far off. Even though Buck already spends about half of his time there.

Buck remembers marking off, “Being in love,” as soon as he came back from that first double date. Not that he needed to wait that long. He could have just as easily crossed it off as soon as it he wrote it.

“Being a family,” feels far too soon as well. It hasn’t been that long and the last thing Buck wants to do is feel like he’s taking up space that doesn’t belong to him.

But maybe. Maybe it’s not that far off. It was Chris and Eddie who were there today when Buck’s own parents couldn’t have bothered to come visit. They were the ones to arrange this little party. And Eddie’s the one who has told Buck over and over how much he means to him.

And Buck’s not sure what exactly it means to be a family. Other than Maddie, he’s never really had one. Maybe he’s way off, maybe he’ll never really find it.

But this, this, feels like family.

And Buck realizes that’s enough.

#ezra.txt #buddie #buddie fic #evan buckley #eddie diaz #911 fic #my writing

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