#not about to do that for the next however many years

[kurishiri]

Mystery Bag 2025 ┊ Team 3: The adult nobles

William (bi-stander), Elbert (“Al pick me up I’m scared” Victorian child), Victor (bisexual mess #1), Darius (bisexual mess #2)

꒰ ִ ֺ ⊹ @ notice ⊹ ֺ ִ ꒱ this translation may not be 100% accurate or contain creative liberties due to narrative flow and characterization purposes. if you enjoy, please consider reblogging, but please don’t repost these or claim these as your own!

— the mystery bag 2025 sale is a story set sale where the guys are put into teams and participate in a relay event thing. this is one of three teams! you can read the prologue, translated by @.judesmoonbeauty, here.

— cw: maybe a near-death experience.

—— Sky ——

——Group 3’s round: William, Elbert, Victor, Darius.

—— City ——

Victor: Seeing this lineup, I take it we’re ‘Team Nobles’!

William: I find it intriguing how it has a pleasant and genuine ring when you are the one saying it.

Darius: I see you are magnanimous, fun, and wonderful today as well, William.

William: Thank you for your kind words. I think you’re quite wonderful yourself too, Darius.

Elbert: …What are you two to each other?

Darius: I’m just very, veeery interested in William here, that’s all.

City girls: Lord Victor, you’re wonderful today as well~~!

Victor: Oh dear, thank you for your vocal support.

City girls: Lord Elbert~! Please blow a kiss~~!

Elbert: ...Blow...a kiss? (O_O)

William: There seems to be more spectators than usual.

Victor: Since it’s the first time we’re holding this selection for the Happy Boy. It’s natural then for there to be many spectating eyes.

V: Besides, did you know? We four are the strongest contenders, I’d say.

V: First up, William!

V: Those sheer prowess in your legs, and your peerless beauty! And by far, I know very well in these great many years I have stood by your side, just how swift of a runner you are.

Darius: How about you stop putting William up on a pedestal? (*^‿^*)

Victor: And next up, Elbert. There’s not a soul that’s seen you running before, but I hold high expectations for you!

Darius: What a wishy-washy basis.

Victor: And then the leader of Vogel, Darius. Same as above.

Darius: ...What?

Victor: And finally, there’s me!

V: With long, flowing jet-black locks, and these elegant and beauteous eyes. And not to mention——

Darius: William, let’s pay no mind to all his nonsense and prepare ourselves. If you were to get hurt anywhere, that would for sure be a problem.

Victor: Now stooop right there. Darius, I’ve been thinking this for a while now, but...

V: Have you by any chance fallen in love with me!?

Darius: And why do you say that?

Victor: Why, because there are times when you just can’t help but tease the one you like, you know. I see, I see it now~~ I hadn’t realized at all!

Darius: This is exactly what I despise about you.

Victor: What the— despise!? (O_O)

William: Haha, I see you two are getting along quite well.

Elbert: ...They are?

Steering committee: To everyone in group 3, there is something we must inform you about.

Steering committee: We do apologize, but due to mechanical difficulties, there is a one hour delay.

Victor: Oh my, one hour, you say? That’s quite a hefty amount of time.

Young man in steering committee: Lord Victor, the Queen’s Aide, Lord Rex and Lord Elbert. And the personage over there...

Victor: That would be Lord Darius Vogel, the leader of Vogel.

Young man in steering committee: Oh— then it’s all the more reason we can’t afford to keep you waiting in such a place.

Young man in steering committee: Please wait over here until the start time. Well then, if you’ll follow me.

—— Café ——

William: A table just for us, and warm tea as well. Very considerate of them.

W: ...However, Elbert. I would refrain from putting your hands on your cup of tea.

W: That is, if you do not wish to collapse, just as Snow White had when she ate the poisoned apple, and get cozy with the bed.

Elbert: ...Ahh, so it was like that.

Victor: It was like what? (O_O)

Elbert: You two gave off an air of bloodlust. For a moment’s time.

Darius: Ohh, so I see.

D: Basically, there is a target that concealed himself in the shadows of this lively event... is that right?

D: But why did they choose to sneak in a dose of poison for Elbert then?

Victor: Our target this time is a criminal who has spoken out against the authority of Her Majesty the Queen.

V: And so, what if a corpse turned up during this event?

Elbert: It is highly possible Her Majesty, who has planned this event, will be faced with criticism.

Victor: And what’s important is who becomes the corpse then. It has to be someone whose corpse would cause a ruckus.

V: In other words, the perfect fit for such a role would be the one who snags the victory, and bonus points if they are of a high standing.

William: That said, Victor, while a perfect candidate to cause a ruckus among the people, would be too unabashed of a choice, as he is the Queen’s Aide.

W: And as I am written in a very positive light in newspapers, interestingly enough, there is a risk of facing retaliation.

W: As for Darius... targeting him would be an international problem in and of itself, so he is out of the question.

W: That would then leave Elbert. That would be why the possibility of your tea being poisoned is nothing to laugh at.

W: ——Or have we erred in our guess in any way, young man?

Young man in standing committee: Wha...

Young man in standing committee: I didn’t...

William: Your hands are trembling, and your lips resemble the sea in how blue they are.

Victor: And besides, we’ve already collected all the evidence, Christopher Olcott.

Young man in standing committee: ...How do you know my name...

Victor: You are a part of a revolution group that preaches against Her Majesty the Queen, and you were given the mission of assassinating Elbert here with poison.

V: I am also very much in the know of your personal history and family... care to lend an ear?

Young man in standing committee: ...gh.

Young man in steering committee: E-even if that’s the case! There’s something that doesn’t add up in what you’re saying!

William: Doesn’t add up, you say?

Young man in steering committee: If I really wanted to point criticizing eyes at Her Majesty the Queen, I wouldn’t kill any participant in the preliminary round.

Young man in steering committee: I would wait for the finals. I would kill on the most anticipated day.

Young man in steering committee: That would cause even more of a ruckus, wouldn’t it.

William: Yes, exactly. I did figure as much.

W: However——you could not.

W: After all, the birthday of your boss’ beloved daughter, whom he very much dotes on, falls on the same day as the finals, right?

W: And that was why you were ordered to carry it out by today, with no exceptions. Or am I wrong?

Young man in steering committee: ...!

Darius: Looks like that’s the end game for you.

Victor: You’re still young, so if it’s now, you can still turn over a new leaf. That is, if you are able to choose that path for yourself.

William: Indeed. All this happened before the tea could even cool, after all.

—— City ——

Darius: Based on today’s events, the group will be condemned at a later date for their repeated misdeeds...

D: What a magnificent way to plant fear of condemnation, William. I’d expect nothing less.

D: Oh, especially that ‘all this happened before the tea could even cool’ line.

D: Could you say that one more time, pretty please?

Victor: ‘ALL THIS HAPPENED BEFORE THE TEA COULD EVEN COOL’~~! (⌒▽⌒)☆

Darius: Not you. (눈_눈)

Elbert: ..There was something that made me curious.

Victor: Ask away, Elbert.

Elbert: Darius.

E: Since when were you aware William and Victor were going to carry out the condemnation?

Darius: ‘When’?

Elbert: When they revealed the target this time, you did not seem very surprised to me.

Darius: Hehe, look at you, so the Earl Greetia does have his wits about him after all. Color me surprised.

D: That said, it would be a stretch for me to know who the target was, you know? I just had a feeling there was something going on, I guess.

D: Victor, this is what you said.

—— Flashback ——

Victor: Besides, did you know? We four are the strongest contenders, I’d say.

—— End flashback ——

Darius: All the members of Crown and Vogel are participating.

D: And yet, there you were, touting about how we were the strongest contenders. That gave me a feeling.

D: You guys were tampering with information from the start. All to oust that young man.

Victor: ......... (･ᴗ･)

Darius: Indeed, I really do despise you. And how sharply cunning you are.

Victor: I take it that when you say ‘despise,’ it is a form of your love, but...

V: If you really do insist that you despise me, then all you need to do is win against me in the match that’s about to start in a few minutes.

V: That is, if you can win.

William: Look at you, Victor. I’ll have you know that I would hate to lose as well?

Elbert: ...I also have no intention of losing.

E: Kate is cheering, after all.

Steering committee: Thank you for waiting. Group 3, we will begin the round.

William: Now then, how about we enjoy this match to the absolute fullest?

Fin.

team 1 team 2 team 3

ko-fi ☕️ ┊ comms 🤍

[gamerbot-22]

Trigun Cuddles

Because I am ill and depressed and I would like my blorbos to hold me about it. (Literally I am in the middle of the worst cold of my fucking LIFE right now but I persist. Somehow.)

Also it’s kinda wild that it’s taken me this long to write anything for Trigun considering it’s taken over my life entirely since I finished watching TriStamp a while back? So here's me trying to rectify that.

TW/CWs: Written with no definitive versions of these characters in mind (except Knives/Nai) but my clearest point of reference is TriStamp, probably overly sappy in places because I’m allowed it as a treat, pretty romantic in tone because I’m Normal, barely proofread.

Likes and Reblogs appreciated, RQs are open, it’s all under the cut! (If anyone sends me a Trigun request I will kiss you on the mouth /p)

I’m experimenting with layouts, too. What do you guys think?

🥀 Vash the Stampede

Please hold him he has been through so much and he deserves it—

Triple S-Tier fucking cuddler. I will not be convinced otherwise, he’s just the perfect shape for it.

He’ll lay down first and let you move him however you want him so you’re comfy first. Partially does this because of his chronic need to people please and partially because he’s slept in so many weird positions over the years that he genuinely doesn’t mind if it means he gets to hold you.

If you ask, though, his favorite position is any one that makes it easy to put his face against your neck. He just wants to be close.

Being a Plant means he’s, by default, very cool to the touch, I think. Vash is a Well Ventilated King like that—

Also if you let him I think he’ll sneak little kisses sometimes. They never last more than a second or two, but this is what happens when you’re in smoochin’ distance!!

He has dreams most nights, so that means a bit of sleep-talking and mumbling, but if you pet his hair he usually calms down, nuzzling in closer and giving you a little squeeze about it.

🍭 Nicholas D. Wolfwood

Another man who desperately needs a cuddle.

I think he takes a bit more convincing than Vash, though. Like Vash’ll drop everything to give you a hug but Nico is, ironically enough, more of a cat about it. You gotta let him come to you, y’know?

But if you do it’s really nice. He wants to be as close as possible, because he cares a lot and he trusts you, but he’s bad at saying it and this is a good way to make up for all the silence.

He’s strong and you can feel it, but he’s careful. He never crushes you, he's just got you tight so you’re up against his chest all night.

Also this man is a radiator. Blankets are not recommended when cuddling with him because you will wake up in a sea of your own sweat—

He can also be a bit of an asshole about his scruff. He knows it’s rough like the rest of him, but he’s less sorry about it than his calloused hands so guess who’s gonna be on the receiving end of some scratchy-ass nuzzles!!!

He doesn’t sleep-talk, but he does snore, so sometimes you gotta roll him over into a new position to spare yourself the sound.

📸 Meryl Stryfe

Augh... Meryl.... Underrated queen...

I feel like cuddling is not that hard of a sell for her, especially since Gunsmoke nights are cold as shit. And it's compounding with Meryl being one of those people with "feel how cold my hands are" circulation.

Probably gonna have to ask people to donate blankets to The Cause, but hey!! You'll be like two caterpillars sharing a cocoon by the end of the night, and isn't that what it's all about?

Also you're probably gonna want to make sure that cocoon is wrapped up tight because Meryl kicks in her sleep. Not hard, I don't think, but you can definitely feel it in any dreams you have--

Thankfully though, she's very quiet. No sleep-talking, no snoring (usually,) just. A Lotta Movement unless you're holding her especially tight.

I think she's very versatile when it comes to cuddling positions, though. Like some nights she wants to be held and then the next night she wants to be the one doing the holding.

And I'm very firmly of the belief that Meryl is the type to pack pjs whenever she goes somewhere. So like, with Vash and Wolfie you're going to have to deal with various states of undress, Meryl has a really cute, soft two-piece set of pjs.

💼 Milly Thompson

That's right!!! She's here too!!! I felt the need to include this sweetheart even though she's probably the main character I know the least about (one day I will finish '98 and Maximum, this I swear--)

Vash and Meryl being Well Ventilated Royalty 🤝 Nico and Milly being Human Shaped Hot Water Bottles--

Unlike Wolfie though, I think Milly is a much more comfortable heat. Like you can still have a light blanket over the two of you and be okay.

Also low-key I think Milly is objectively the best cuddler in this bunch. She came from a family with like a million kids, she's probably very used to sharing a bed while still being comfortable.

Like if you just tell her how you're the most comfortable she has the position down to a science. It's an observed science, but a science nonetheless!!!

If you ask her what she likes, though, the gal just wants to be cradled. She wants to feel precious and protected, damnit!!

Similar to Meryl, I think she has pajamas packed, and hers is this really long, comfy nightgown that feels really nice to hang on to.

🔪 Millions Knives / Nai

No. [Gets up from my desk]

[I am forcibly placed back in front of my computer] Alright, alright! Jesus Christ, look-- I can play in the space, but truly, down to my core, I feel like there is no way in hell Nai would go down for a cuddle on anyone else's terms. Just like. Idk. "Don't cuddle with this knife pervert" or whatever BDG said in that Polygon Mortal Kombat video I love so much.

Vash and Meryl are Well Ventilated. Nai is fucking freezing. Like the only temperature comfortable way to do this is for you to channel the thickest burrito you have ever seen and pray that's enough blankets.

You get. Maybe an arm out of this trade deal. At least at first. He already went out of his way to get you nice blankets, and you want more? In this economy he's trying to run into the ground??? Humans are so selfish! (He is doing all this complaining while hoisting you and your blankets' mass over to his side of whatever horizontal surface you have claimed as a bed--)

Aside from whatever limb he has on you, I just. I don't think he even sleeps. Like it turns more into a Forced Meditation for him where he just lays on his back and stares at the ceiling while you relax/get some z's.

The Weird Space Onesie Stays ON During Sex Cuddles.

Maybe. Maybe. If he likes you enough... You get to spend a cuddle session swaddled up in that spaceman-ass security blanket jacket/hood/whatever-it-is he wears.

[cads-the-cat]

Sleep Token is being turned into a brand rather than a band and being commercialised to a point where it will harm them more than help them

An opinion on there being too much ST merch

Befofe starting this, i want to clear up a few things

I am aware that Vessel and ii probably have very little responsibility/say in this and it's the management/rca who is doing this

Yes, i am a fan and i support them. However, it is unhealthy and not good to blindly support every decision and action of your favourite artist, person etc without questioning them and holding them accountable

I know that earning money with music in times of streaming is hard/impossible but that does not justify those moves of tryihg to get as much money as possible out of them

This also applies to other bands, but the extent to which this aapplies to ST is extreme compared to others

We are one week into this year and there has already been a new merch drop. After 6 days. You know when the last one was? Less than a month ago. Same merch shop (US). The items? Some of them questionable (flannels??). The leather jacket? Insane (not in a good way). It looks okay but you could make one yourself and make it look way cooler and get it for less money as one of my tumblr moots said.

I remember last year up until July/August it kind of was a running joke in the fandom about the emails with obtain and how we're too broke to obtain, but now? This is not a joke anymore. Ever since last year we have gotten emails ALMOST EVERY MONTH, sometimes even several times a month about new merch releases.

Yes, there are different stores worldwide, but we live in a time of international shipping. And even for one store it's lots of releases. Plus then there's all the licensed products shops like Hot Topic, Impericon, EMP and whatever their local equivalents are, who also constantly release more merch.

What's even worse: a lot of those things are either a shitty quality (if i remember right, one of the hoodies or tshirts from the EU tour 2024 had the print peeling off after one wash) and/or really bland. Where is the cool art, the thing that makes these items special? I got a tshirt from the German Rituals 2023 with this sick artwork on it that i cherish more than anything. But compared to that most tour merch of the more recent tours has been nothing special.

Most of them just have the logo on it and it reminds me of any ither fashion brand. There's only so many jumpers and t-hsirts and sweatshirts with the logo that a person needs and the constant release of new but actually the same stuff is creating this insane overconsumption which harms fans' bank accounts and the environment and is straight up boring. There's nothing about them that makes them special and unique and cool. It feels like at this point it is a contest of how many ST logos can they plaster on an item before it looks ridiculous (on the leather jacket i counted at least four, three of them massive).

Which brings me to the next point. People just slap on a ST logo because the band is so hyped and to make money off it or get more clicks, even if it is only remotely related to them. I understand that in today's world you need to use buzzwords to make people pay attention, but with ST it has reached the most ridiculous level. The air of anticipation some magazines or brands build around some upcoming stuff with words like Worship and whatever, which everyone connects to ST, just to reveal a mid product or result is just horrible and will eventually make it less effective which can harm the band in the long run if they can't build up excitement for new releases as much as they could because everyone is 'burnt out' because it's been overused.

Overall, this insane amount of merch and using ST to sell anything or get clicks is not okay. The fan base is so dedicated and loyal and we deserve better than to be - for the lack of a better word - exploited like this just because we like and support an artist. Prices for everything have been rising for years and it's hard for a lot of us financially. We spend so much money on concerts already and then the ton of merch and everything on top is just too much. ST as a brand is used to exploit fans which is not how you should treat your fans (again want to emphasise that this is mostly on management and label, not Vessel)

You might think 'But you don't have to go to concerts or buy their merch'. That's right, you don't. But concerts are kind of the thing when you're a fan of a band, and you want to support your fave band abd wear merch and show that you like them. However, the merch and everything is limited and posed in a way that creates FOMO and everyone is always drilled to Consume and Obtain (yes that's how capitalism works and that is not good in this situation because it harms us fans so much.) I can't deny I've given in to this as well twice during the EU shows and i am now left with an underwhelming sweatshirt and a hat that i never really needed and probably wouldn't have bought if i hadn't been in this mindset so much.

'Oh but i want to support Vessel and the band.' Yes, merch does help out artists, especially in times of streaming. But how much do you think they make? Merch is using little to no lyrics or song related things that the band could earn money off due to copyright. And i don't know who owns the right to the logo (i did some research and found someone in management with three trademarks on something ST related but it never specified if that applies to just the name or the logo or the music or whatever - it was not Vessel though). Who knows how much is going to management and the label and how much the band actually earns. Right now it feels like the management and label want to make as much money possible from them for their own gain. As an alternative to support them, start buying their albums and vinyls so they earn more money off their songs.

So, what do i want? Obviously i don't want fans to stop buying merch because it does help artists to some degree. However, I want less merch releases, one or maximum two a year per merch store (so AUS, US and UK/EU). We can have a few simple designs with the logo on it, but i also want some cool pieces with art or something else that makes them special. I know artists are expensive and stuff, but that's why you make less items but higher quality. Make them available in larger quantities so that more people can buy them and they will still get their money. Plus you always have extra tour merch, which is another extra release. Make the merch special again and make it mean something to people instead of just being another logo like a fashion brand.

If they continue like this fans will eventually be unable to afford stuff, people will turn away from merch because they realise it's all the same, and the effect of using ST as a brand/connection simply to sell stuff will harm their reputation (it already is). Whoever is responsible for this merch insanity needs to put a stop to it. Please!

This is just my opinion. Disagree if you want to. Some things, especially the effects of the situation, are portrayed slightly exaggerated, but this is how it makes me feel and I truly believe this is not a great situation we're in right now with the merch.

(Not taking any responsibility for typos)

[aishangotome]

Azel Radwan: Romantic Ending Ch. 25

Chapter 24 Premium Story

Thank you @shatcey for providing the video for this chapter!

♡———♡

The death of the Tanzanite God would eventually become known throughout the continent. News of it even reached the distant Rose Country.

Clavis: ––That's the gist of what happened.

Nokto: Wow, you guys saw something incredible. That's going to be a historical turning point for Tanzanite, isn't it?

Luke: Saying it like that makes it sound like a big deal.

Nokto: It is a big deal. The God who was the symbol of Tanzanite died.

Nokto: The fact that you were mistaken for Obsidian's agents is also a big deal in a way.

Clavis: Haha, indeed. Thanks to that troublesome man, we now know how other countries see us.

Clavis: Since the God was aware of it, we should assume that the other allied nations already know as well.

Clavis: Luke, you know what to do when you see that man next time, right?

Luke: Infinite pitfall hell?

Nokto: Don't say things like that, it's not funny.

Nokto: But I wonder why they were targeting Tanzanite.

Nokto: It can't be a key location for Obsidian.

Nokto: It's a land they'd want to keep if they intend to go to war with Jade, but that's all.

Nokto: There should be many other countries they'd prioritize...

Chevalier: They weren't targeting Tanzanite...

Chevalier: They were targeting Tanzanite "as well."

Nokto: ...Does that mean...

Everyone's scattered gazes focused on the Chief, who had placed some documents on the table.

Chevalier: By sowing distrust among the people and seeds of rebellion against the nation, they aim to cause internal collapse.

Chevalier: In Tanzanite, the God quickly noticed the anomaly and nipped it in the bud.

Chevalier: By becoming the leader of the anti-god movement himself, he brought the people who were given weapons under his control...

Chevalier: He settled the situation with the least amount of casualties.

Chevalier: However, this series of events is not something other countries can ignore.

Chevalier: There's a possibility that similar cases will occur in a chain reaction in various countries from now on.

Nokto: ...You're kidding, right?

Chevalier: The God letting us hear the gunshot was probably also a warning to our country—no, to our allied nation, Benitoite.

Chevalier: Obsidian's malice has already been sown throughout the continent.

Clavis: Hmm...

Clavis, resting his chin on his hand, caught sight of Luke, who was narrowing his stagnant eyes in the corner of the room, and the corner of his mouth lifted.

Clavis: Well, whatever will be, will be. Leave the investigation of this matter to me.

Chevalier: And if the opportunity arises, arrange a meeting with the God.

Chevalier: A talent who can rival the ever-victorious Marshal is rare. He's worth meeting in person.

Nokto: What are you talking about? The God is dead, isn't he?

Luke: ......

Luke: ...Chevalier. There's actually one thing that's been bothering me.

Luke: What are the chances of accurately shooting someone in the chest with a gun from a distance with an audience present?

Chevalier: That's a foolish question.

The Chief picked up a new document and scoffed.

Chevalier: It's impossible.

-

The solitary castle, nestled deep within the desert, was filled with silence.

A vast number of "Al flowers" had been laid as offerings at its gates, their cloyingly sweet scent stirred up by the desert dust.

Akatsuki: It still has the same... desolate atmosphere.

Emma: It's actually quite beautiful inside.

I stepped on the sand, cradling fresh flowers in my arms, and passed through the gate.

The exterior looked the same, yet it seemed more desolate than before.

(I wonder if it's because the master is gone.)

Kamal: I don't think they anticipated this ruin either. To think it would still be actively used even after 1000 years.

Kamal: At first, it wasn't a place where people could live. The construction methods were ancient, so it was difficult to restore.

Kamal: But Azel is truly full of wisdom.

Kamal: Combining ancient techniques with modern technology to make it this beautiful, even the craftsmen were surprised.

Enis: It's not just the construction methods. He was knowledgeable in every field.

Enis: Even Prince Silvio, who left Tanzanite the other day, visits here regularly for his insights.

Kamal: He's truly my brother to be proud of.

(He was loved by everyone because he was the Living God, but...)

(He was loved because he was someone everyone could be proud of.)

Setting aside whether that was a good or bad thing for Prince Azel...

With the days we spent together vividly in my mind, I offered the Al flowers to the deserted temple.

Even though it's been quite a while, my eyes still hurt.

Kamal: You'll be leaving Tanzanite soon, right? Where are you going next?

Akatsuki: Ruby or Acroite.

Akatsuki: Wherever Emma wants to go.

Emma: I'm having trouble deciding.

(...This is bad.)

Perhaps because I was in front of the temple, my voice was weaker than I expected.

Kamal: ...Miss Emma.

Emma: Have you been to Ruby and Acroite, Kamal?

I covered up my troubled voice with a cheerful one.

Kamal: Yes, I worked as a mercenary in various countries for a while.

Kamal: Miss Emma, if you're unsure, would you like to hear your older sister's advice?

Enis: You're not an older sister, you're a grand—ow!

Kamal: Did you say something, Enis?

Enis desperately shook his head as Kamal pinched his cheeks.

(Prince Azel's persistent cheek attacks were inherited from Kamal.)

Kamal: You want to hear it, don't you, Miss Emma?

Emma: Yes, please, I'd love to hear your opinion, older sister.

Kamal: What a good girl. Come here. Let's have a secret chat, just us girls.

Kamal removed his hand from Enis's cheek and started walking towards the temple.

When I exchanged glances with the owner, he nodded and sent me off with a "go ahead."

Entering the temple after a long time, I felt as if Prince Azel's voice could be heard from anywhere at any moment.

(Even though I saw his death with my own eyes.)

Kamal: You don't have to force yourself.

Kamal: No matter how much time passes, painful things remain painful.

Kamal beckoned me and sat down on the steps of the temple.

As I sat next to him, he let out a gentle chuckle.

Kamal: You fell in love, didn't you?

Emma: ...Perhaps.

(If he were a stranger, I wouldn't be suffering this much.)

(Every time I feel this unbearable pain... I think, ah, maybe it was love.)

(I never thought the love I longed for would be so painful.)

(...I wonder if it was good that I got to know it. Or if it would have been better to remain ignorant.)

Emma: That person... he was truly a terribly suggestive God.

Kamal: You know, even I thought it was unfair, watching from the sidelines.

Kamal: Even though he was so obviously into you.

(Kamal also saw him as being "obviously into me.")

Perhaps the only one who wasn't aware, or was pretending not to be aware, was Prince Azel himself.

Kamal: Even a merciful God can't normally live with a stranger of the opposite sex.

Kamal: Especially since Azel is the type to keep his distance from people...

Kamal: The moment he invited you to the temple, he must have already liked you.

Emma: .....

Kamal: Do you want to see him?

Emma: ...!

(If I could see him, of course I want to.)

(...Even if it's in a dream, I want to see him.)

Emotions overflowed, and my eyes teared up again.

I lowered my head to hide it, but Kamal gently patted my back, and I couldn't hold back anymore.

Kamal: I'm sorry.

Emma: No, I'm the one who should be sorry.

Emma: It's no use. I thought I had calmed down a bit...

Emma: ...It seems it will take a lot more time for me to accept it.

Kamal: .....

Kamal silently offered me a handkerchief.

I thanked her and accepted it, dabbing at my eyes.

Perhaps the ensuing silence was to give my heart time to settle.

(I can't stay like this forever, I have to move forward.)

(I know that, though.)

As if to change the mood, Kamal clapped his hands.

Kamal: Hey, Miss Emma. Have you ever received a request as a book merchant?

Emma: No, I've only helped the owner.

Kamal: Then, can I be your first?

Kamal: Actually, there's a book I want you to find in Acroite.

Emma: What kind of book is it?

Kamal: It's about ancient law, but it's an important document, so it's prohibited to take it out of the country.

Kamal: However, making copies is allowed. I want you to copy only the necessary parts, Miss Emma.

Kamal: Can I ask you, as a book merchant?

(The owner said I could decide where to go next, and that seems like something I can do.)

Emma: I'll gladly accept.

Kamal: Thank you! Actually, that law book is managed by Prince Matias.

Emma: Prince Matias?

Kamal: The first prince of Acroite.

Kamal: I'll snatch the national seal from Enis later and write a letter, so could you give it to Prince Matias?

(A letter with the national seal... That's a lot of responsibility.)

Emma: Understood. If I give it to him, will he lend me the book?

Kamal: Probably. Please give the copied book to my acquaintance in Acroite.

Kamal: Also, could you include an invoice for the fee?

Kamal: You can write any amount you want, so thank you.

(Keep moving forward.)

(That's what Prince Azel wants, so let's take the first step as a book merchant.)

I stood up, burning the scenery of the temple into my memory.

Emma: I'll do my best to fulfill that request.

-

—In an ordinary mansion in an ordinary town in a certain country.

Kagari: ––It seems it went well, congratulations.

Kagari: I prepared celebratory dorayaki. Do you want some too?

Matias: It looks the same as the usual dorayaki.

Kagari: The filling is different. Look, it's red bean paste and white bean paste.

Matias: There are such colorful bean pastes? The world is vast.

Kagari: It tastes delicious too. I supervised the making of it.

Matias: ...Maybe I should start respecting your enthusiasm for dorayaki.

Kagari: By the way, what's wrong, Heretical God?

Kagari: Usually, you'd be the first to greedily devour it.

Azel: ...Of course, I'll have some. The dorayaki Kagari prepares is delicious.

Matias: You seem absent-minded today.

Azel: Perhaps I'm feeling drained after finishing a job.

Azel: Thanks to your efforts, I was able to achieve my goal.

Azel: Let me express my gratitude once again.

Kagari: Ruby simply borrowed Tanzanite's military power.

Kagari: I was wondering about the soldiers from a country without war, but they were quite capable.

Azel: I did train them with care. It would be troubling if they weren't useful.

Matias: You were even meddling in the military?

Azel: Yes, national defense is also under God's jurisdiction. In fact, there's nothing that isn't.

Matias: ...You say it so casually, but your versatility is terrifying.

Kagari: Not only is he versatile, but he also gets results. Is he a genius?

Azel: No, a God... no, I'm not a God anymore.

Azel: Please think of me as an ordinary person who is slightly more capable than others.

Kagari & Matias: That's sarcastic. / How sarcastic.

Azel: To think that was sarcastic, the human world is troublesome—no, it's difficult.

Azel: Well, it doesn't matter. It would be problematic to have those capable soldiers in my own country, so...

Azel: I'm glad you were able to take them in temporarily, Kagari.

Azel: Under the apostle's command, they could have become a major force in trying to prevent God's death.

Kagari: You're quite bold.

Matias: Originally, sending soldiers to another country en masse means weakening national defense.

Matias: Even if it was a measure to minimize resistance from the royal family and the apostle...

Matias: It's not a tactic you can take without confidence in the future.

Azel: I was confident about that. I'm good at seeing the guaranteed reality.

Azel: The possibility of Obsidian attacking Tanzanite is low, and it's not the right time for Jade either.

Azel: All the favorable timings aligned, creating this opportunity.

Matias: What happened to the apostle?

Azel: He's probably having nightmares right now.

Azel: He's a fanatic who will stop at nothing to protect his faith.

Azel: Even now, he hasn't abandoned his faith and is acting on the premise that God is alive...

Azel: But the utopia where all citizens are believers is gone. From now on, there will be those who don't listen to his words.

Azel: The weakening of faith means the decline of the apostle. It's a truly pleasant feeling.

Kagari: That's the Heretical God I know.

Matias: ...Based on what Azel said, it seems like a fitting retribution.

Kagari: But is there no possibility that the apostle will collude with Obsidian in the future?

Azel: I wouldn't say there isn't, but such trials are welcome.

Azel: The people of Tanzanite don't know how to fail.

Azel: It's my hope that they will overcome many great trials, learn from them, and make history.

Azel: I will lend my strength only when a crisis arises that they absolutely cannot overcome on their own.

Kagari & Matias: That's so like God. / That's God for you.

Azel: ...It seems that becoming an ordinary person is also difficult.

Matias: It's best to get used to it gradually.

Matias: By the way, I heard that you got shot in the stomach in front of the audience.

Kagari: Is that so? You seem fine.

Azel: Could you please not touch my stomach?

Azel: I just used this.

Matias: This bottle?

Azel: It's a sleeping drug, but it can temporarily suppress the pulse.

Azel: Thanks to everyone being so focused on the moon, I was able to take it openly.

Azel: The blood was colored water that I had prepared beforehand, so I didn't actually get shot in the stomach.

Azel: In the first place, I was in a location where it was theoretically impossible to be sniped.

Matias: So the gunshot in the report was a blank?

Azel: Yes. After that, I had my fellow doctor declare me dead, and once I got into the coffin, the disguise was complete.

Kagari: It doesn't seem like a big deal when you hear the explanation like this.

Azel: The important thing is not reality, but persuasiveness.

Matias: ...Even if you didn't actually die, you can't appear on the public stage anymore.

Matias: The people of Tanzanite should be grateful to you.

Azel: Not at all. I didn't do it because I wanted them to be grateful.

Kagari: That's humble for a greedy person like you.

Azel: It's because money isn't involved.

Matias: What are you going to do now?

Azel: Of course, I'll lend a hand to each of your goals, in accordance with the rules of our alliance.

Azel: The incident in Tanzanite is not the end, but the beginning.

Matias & Kagari: "........."

A sudden knock broke the silence that had fallen.

Matias: Excuse me, I have to step out for a moment.

Kagari: By the way, Azel, I've heard another rumor.

Azel: I don't know what you're talking about, and it's irrelevant anyway.

Azel: More importantly, Kagari, the dorayaki is waiting for you.

Kagari: About the girl you were infatuated with.

Azel: I-I can't hear you, I can only hear the dorayaki saying "eat me."

Kagari: So the rumors were true. I'm surprised.

Azel: No, that's not true, I wasn't infatuated, she was just a deterrent for women.

Kagari: Why are you getting so defensive?

Azel: I'm not getting defensive.

Kagari: You are.

Azel: I'm not.

Kagari: You are.

Azel: I'm telling you, I'm no—

Matias: Are you children?

Kagari: You're back already? That was fast.

Kagari: ...Hm? Who's that behind you?

Matias: It's the woman who brought the document with the Tanzanite national seal.

Matias: According to the letter... Azel, it seems she was sent by your brother. He wrote that I should grant her an audience.

Matias: My subordinate came to ask for my judgment, as she's a sudden state guest, and I thought it would be a good time, so I let her in.

Matias: ...But judging by your expression, was that a mistake?

Emma: ......

Azel: ......

Emma: Wh... huh...

Emma: Eeeeeeeeh!?

-

The country of snow and law, Acroite—that was our next destination, the owner and I.

We went directly to Acroite on a direct flight from the port of Tanzanite, but just as I was about to carry out Kamal's errand, I was stunned by the person who appeared before me.

Emma: Prince Azel, you tricked me, didn't you?

Azel: ......

Prince Matias of Acroite and the red-haired man, perhaps sensing the atmosphere, quickly left the room.

I thought that I might have interrupted an important conversation, but I didn't have the composure to worry about that in front of Prince Azel, who was facing away from me and wouldn't look at me.

I stood in front of Prince Azel, who was standing by the window, put my hands on my hips, and looked up at him.

Emma: I cried a lot, you know?

Azel: ......

Emma: I really thought you were dead...

Azel: .............

Emma: ...My tears wouldn't stop... for a long, long time...

Azel: ..................

Emma: Waaaaah!

Azel: Hey, isn't that too much crying!?

When I deliberately raised my voice, even Prince Azel was startled and turned to face me.

Emma: Good, we finally made eye contact.

When I stopped pretending to cry and smiled, his already awkward frown deepened.

Azel: ...It was my fault, okay?

Emma: I don't feel your sincerity.

Azel: I'm so sorry.

Emma: ...Do you really mean it?

Azel: I do, I do.

Emma: ...You could have told me...

(...This conversation, his unapologetic attitude, it's all real.)

(The real Prince Azel is here.)

As sensation returned to my numb heart, the tears I had held back threatened to spill again.

However, the emotion behind these tears was different this time.

Azel: If I had told you, it wouldn't have been "goodbye," would it?

Azel: I wanted to die and part with you cleanly. That way, there would be no lingering attachment.

Azel: ...Mine.

Emma: Lingering attachment... do you have any?

Azel: .....

(So unrepentant.)

Emma: I have nothing but lingering attachment.

When I looked him in the eye and honestly conveyed my feelings, he averted his gaze again.

(But his ears are red.)

Azel: I told you in the beginning. Not to fall in love with me.

Emma: Are you allowed to say that? When you're the one in love with me?

Azel: Are you still saying that?

Emma: Yes, I'll say it as many times as I want, I'll tell you!

Emma: You definitely love me, Prince Azel.

Even if my eyes were deceiving me, I couldn't believe Kamal's eyes were deceiving him too.

If Kamal, who is closer to Prince Azel than anyone else, gave his seal of approval, then I wouldn't hesitate.

Azel: ...........................

Emma: It's no use sulking.

Azel: I'm not.

Azel: No matter what you say, I don't love you.

Azel: ...Go back. Pretend you didn't see me.

Azel: I'll strangle Kamal when I get back. I told him at least a thousand times not to tell you.

Emma: Unfortunately, I can't just obediently go back.

(Now that it's come to this, I want to make him admit it no matter what.)

(...Because of Prince Azel, I've been through a lot.)

I placed the bag I was carrying on a nearby table and took out paper, a quill, and ink from it.

As I sat down on a chair and started writing, Prince Azel, unable to ignore me, peered down at my hand from above.

Azel: ...An invoice?

Emma: Yes. First, the expenses for Kamal's request... and the mental anguish I suffered...

Emma: The reward for the success of that day's plan, plus compensation for various damages...

Azel: What are these "various damages"?

Emma: ...K-Kisses, hugs, and all that stuff!

Azel: Huh?

Emma: Subtracting my debt from this and calculating...

Emma: I think it comes to about this much!

I finished writing the invoice, imitating the style of the one he once presented to me, and thrust it at Prince Azel.

It was a masterpiece of an invoice, with zeros filling the entire sheet of paper.

Azel: You... can you even read these digits?

Emma: No, I can't.

Azel: Don't say it so proudly.

Emma: But I won't let you say you can't pay.

Emma: ...My heart is expensive.

Azel: ......

(Prince Azel bound me with debt, so now I'll bind him with debt.)

(I want a reason to keep seeing him.)

This was a first.

Never before had I met someone I enjoyed being with this much, someone whose absence made my tears flow endlessly.

His gaze, which had been fixed on the invoice, turned to me.

Azel: ...A dead god can't appear on the public stage again.

Azel: Unlike you, I'll be living in the shadows from now on.

(...That was the real reason he didn't tell me the truth.)

("Goodbye" was the best thing for me, in Prince Azel's mind.)

Prince Azel, who is now considered dead in the world, hasn't gained his freedom.

He'll probably have to keep paying the price for building the country's future for the rest of his life.

Emma: Then all the more reason why it's worth paying me.

Azel: Specifically?

Emma: I'll run a lot of errands in place of Prince Azel, who can't move freely.

Azel: That's fine, there are other people.

Emma: I'll even make delicious food.

Azel: ...I won't have any trouble with food even without you.

Emma: More than anything...

Emma: I'll teach you what true love is.

(Thanks to Prince Azel, the vague concept of love has taken shape and entered my heart.)

(I'm sure I can convey it to Prince Azel properly now.)

Emma: I'll correct your distorted perception of love and make you say, "My life was happy"!

Azel: .....

Azel: ...............

Azel: ..........................

After a long, long silence, Prince Azel snatched the invoice from my hand.

Azel: ...I'm just reluctantly accepting you to repay my debt.

Azel: Don't misunderstand.

(Prince Azel probably doesn't realize.)

Even though he's frowning, the corners of his mouth are twitching, unable to hide his joy.

Emotions burst in my chest, overflowing with love in various colors.

Azel: Oh dear... With this much debt, I'll be broke for life.

Emma: Poor you.

Emma: Ow... ow!

Azel: ––...Don't run away until I've paid it all off.

I couldn't help but laugh at his muttered words as he pinched my cheeks.

Emma: Do you know what that's called in the world?

Emma: It's called "adorable."

Azel: .............

Azel: ...I know that much.

(Ah, he admitted it.)

Azel: I've been cursed. By you, of all people...

Azel: I hate emotions that can't be explained with logic.

Azel: But I love you. Damn it...

-

I feel like I had a dream once.

???: Not all love ends in a comedy.

???: Why do you yearn for love?

There wasn't any special reason.

There wasn't any special motive.

It didn't go beyond pure admiration, and I didn't have any deep thoughts on love.

(But if I were asked the same thing now—)

The dream I saw repeatedly changed on the night I reunited with Prince Azel.

Azel: I've seen your dream a few times, but I never thought it would change this much.

The immature space that only had buds was now surrounded by a multitude of roses, and the sky that was covered in night had transformed into a clear blue sky.

The sweet scent of roses tickled my nose, and happiness flowed into my chest.

(If dreams are a mirror reflecting my heart...)

Emma: Burn this into your eyes.

Emma: Because this entire space is probably my heart, which loves Prince Azel so much that it can't help itself.

Azel: ...Please stop.

Emma: And look at this.

I grabbed Prince Azel's arm, which had appeared in the dream world as if it were natural, and led him to the oak table.

There wasn't an unfinished book there, but a rose encased in a glass dome.

The fresh rose was partially crystallized, sparkling in the sunlight.

Emma: It's the most beautiful rose in the dream world.

Azel: ...Is that so?

Emma: I wonder what it means.

Azel: Don't ask me. This is your dream.

(...The rose in the glass dome resembles the rose that tells time, which I saw when I was a Belle.)

(That one was a rose that showed a time limit, but the rose in front of me is crystallizing.)

(If this crystal covers everything, it might become a rose that never withers.)

(I wonder if my current feelings will remain in this form forever.)

(So that means...)

Emma: This must also be my love.

Azel: ......

Emma: Don't I love Prince Azel too much?

Azel: Don't say it yourself.

(What I've been longing for all this time.)

(...It's a unique emotion where happiness and pain are two sides of the same coin.)

Just as beautiful roses have thorns, love doesn't always bring only happiness.

If I hadn't known love, I wouldn't have spent days with swollen eyes from crying.

Although I'm glad that Prince Azel is alive, if I had never seen him again, that pain would have tormented me for the rest of my life.

(But...)

Prince Azel's expression is reflected in the glass dome.

The gentle smile directed at me would surely turn into a frown if he turned around.

So I didn't turn around, pretending to admire the roses and savoring the moment.

(There are many kinds of love.)

(In Tanzanite, I learned for the first time that love can turn into violence.)

(If the true love I envision is to continue wishing for the best for the other person—)

(Perhaps as long as the person I love is by my side, we can give each other "the best life" possible.)

(Maybe that's the true nature of what I've been yearning for.)

Azel: ...Ah.

As if finally noticing his expression reflected in the glass dome, Prince Azel awkwardly looked down.

Emma: It's alright, I already noticed.

Azel: ...What's alright about it, damn it.

Even as he cursed, Prince Azel didn't shake off my hand.

Perhaps it's because he thinks it's "the best for me"—

Azel: ...Sigh.

Emma: Why are you sighing?

Azel: I'm just disgusted with myself.

Azel: When and where did I go wrong? I wasn't supposed to love you, not one bit...

Azel: I strayed from the path, this is the worst.

Azel: ...The fact that I don't hate it, that's the worst part.

FIN

.

.

.

Romantic Ending Ch. 25 His Side Story

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)

[thewalrusespublicist]

Hello! Love your blog and your takes, objective and sane and well researched chefs kiss! I had a blast scrolling through it like it was my feed yesterday lol can you elaborate on klaus and Paul if possible? People mostly talk about them like it’s already understood but I don’t understand 😭 I’m kinda lost on their (all of them, including stu) dynamic during the hamburg years specifically when it comes to Paul

Aww thank you anon! Tbh I was starting to feel a bit down about my blog and what I was putting out ( the eternal crisis on how to give full answers and opinions without being stupid, boring and annoying lol). So I really, really needed this. :)

Oh Paul vs/and the Exsis, it's quite a long one so buckle up.

Disclaimer: all of the people involved are essentially art kids/young adults who are famously the most exhausting people on the planet. Do not blame them for being dramatic, it's their natural state of being.

If we want to go into Paul and Klaus, we have to kind of start with the John, Paul and Stu. Now these three are a mess that's too big to go into here (though I have THOUGHTS about how Stu is utilised in the Beatles narrative that I'm more than happy to share if asked lmaooo). But in short(ish):

John and Paul had had an intense year and a bit of closeness. Then John meets Stu at art college.

John and Stu become c l o s e for many reasons (being peers, living together, similar artistic leanings + ego, Stu being a gentle guide to John, sharing art projects/poetry/long letters and feelings etc.) They became 'closer than two men' a friend had seen (remind us of anyone gang?). Most importantly, John could be open about his feelings with Stu in letters. If John had BPD which I subscribe too, I think Stu was his 'favourite person' and as Aunt Mimi said his 'special' and 'closest friend' from this period up until his death (though imho the transference back to Paul was starting prior to his death).

It's not clear what exactly happens as there's differing accounts but Stu uses his money to buy a new bass as John wants him to come to Scotland then Hamburg and play bass as he will 'look good'.

Paul doesen't like being relegated to the seat behind John and Stu when he used to sit next to John. He also isn't thrilled when he gets to Hamburg and not only does he get to sleep in the other room with just Pete but Stu cannot be arsed to play because he's hanging out with his hot new girlfriend Astrid (more on her in a sec). Our boy has spent a lot of money he doesen't have and given up on further education to be here and is jealous and annoyed.

Paul and Stu probably were friends and I think their mutual antipathy is overegged. HOWEVER, can't be denied that Paul is jealous of Stu and Stu is jealous of Paul (and getting flare-ups from increasing brain damage). John and Stu tease Paul and steal his money, Paul is mean to Stu (as are the others encouraged by John). Do I think John was playing games with both of them? Yup. They end up scuffling onstage because Paul said something about Astrid (not clear what, one account is that Paul said that Stu could borrow money off Astrid if he needed it which isn't really that bad a dig but who knows Yoko??).

Why is this dynamic important? Because it directly impacts the 'Exsis' (Klaus, Jurgen and Astrid's) group's relationship with Paul:

The Exsis were young artists living in Hamburg. They were artistic, cool, interesting and edgy. They were paramount in introducing the Beatles to cool new concepts, aesthetics and ideas. They also took themselves VERY seriously ie pretentious as all hell.

Astrid met Stu at Kaiserkeller and hit it off. They embarked on an all-consuming romance.

Letter from Stu to Astrid, c.1961

I've seen people say they were the proto-John and Yoko in terms of making their romance the whole world and influencing John years down the line and I can see that. With Astrid and Stu it's far more endearing though because they ARE young and the right age to have a relationship like that. Stu is popular with the Exsis in general and brings them into the Beatles group.

The Exsis didn't like or trust Paul. Astrid said later it was because Paul was 'too nice' which she herself admits is a ridiculous reason. The others also thought he was a bit of a show-off. It makes sense though if you're cool and edgy and want to stick it to the world to be sus about a guy being friendly show-off with seemingly no inner world. The other problem was a perfectly reasonable one imo, you're not going to like your friends frenemy who you don't connect with. Compound that with Paul not taking drugs as much as George or John and being in the other room and you begin to have a division.

Paul had been popular his whole life, like from what we know since-primary-school-popular. He had never been in this position before, let alone in a foreign country. I believe it became a bit of a brutal feedback loop. Paul's response to this type of behaviour consistently it to go more surface level, snide and passive aggressive. The natural response of any group with a designated 'ugh' person is to become more shady and exclusionary. The cycle continues and gets worse. Stu letters back home at this time says that in a shocking turn of events Paul is hated by everyone but Stu 'just feels sorry for him' (lmao OF COURSE you do Stu, its giving 'loathing' from Wicked lol). Klaus drew a lot of artwork of the early Hamburg Beatles that includes this highly unpleasant picture of Paul in 1961 which I think says a lot:

Klaus is also a musician and fancies himself a place on bass. When Stu leaves to pursue art, Klaus asks John if he could take over but John says that he thinks Paul is going to do it.

Klaus has later gone on to say that he thinks he was a better bass player for the Beatles' sound at the start and then Paul developed into being better for the group. It's one of those I cannot believe those words actually left your mouth and you are not deeply embarrased moments. But it's important to keep this desire and viewpoint in mind.

Klaus stays in touch with all of them and close to John and George, George especially. They visit Klaus on holiday in tenerife in early 60s and Klaus later draws the Revolver artwork.

This whole context of how they met and Hamburg is crucial and has to be taken into account when hearing Klaus' statements. Klaus and Paul started off with a lack of connection and with Paul on the outs, the Exsis got an incomplete view of Paul and an inaccurate snapshot of the Beatles dynamic overall. This is why when Klaus says 'Paul was always slightly apart from the others' and that 'divorce was inevitable' from early 60s we should remember that that is what Klaus is expecting to see as that's what he saw in Hamburg.

Klaus wanted to be the bass player (and was holding out hope to join a band with George and John in the 70s), was really close with George and suffers as many did with 'John Lennon aspiring boy bestie syndrome' (JABBS). Paul had what Klaus wanted and from the Hamburg experience, you could see why Klaus thought he might have an in and may have been jealous of this 'shallow' Paul of all people having the connection that he felt he should/could have with John and George. As with most sufferers of JABBS, he took John's side with everything, always refused to say any regrets about his involvement in How do you Sleep and thought Paul was fine with the song because 'he was even closer to John than [he] was. (Again Klaus to put yourself in that level of closeness with John that it's comparable to Paul is ???.) JABBS and its secondary condition PMIETGSH (Paul McCartney isn't even that good shut up) are virulent diseases that incapacitate sufferers objectivity and judgement, so it's fair to say that Klaus is a source you have to take with a pinch of salt on the early 70s period.

It seems that Klaus and Paul did get on a lot better the older they got (probably without the jealousy complication of George and John) and developed a sweet friendship. Here is Klaus' tribute to Paul for his 80th:

Here is the jam session he's talking about:

He now wants Paul to live in his house lmao so things have gotten warmer. But Klaus and Paul's dynamic is a great example of how and why natural bias, little jealousies and spats can consciously or subconsciously influence our internal narrative and why we need to be so careful about not taking one perspective as gospel.

[dark-elf-writes]

The idea that Poseidon could essentially just give birth whenever he wanted to and everything would be fine, but he willingly decided not to for an extended period of time (whether because he didn't want to subject his baby to the great prophecy or... other reasons) is fucking hilarious to me.

Mostly because I'm now imagining Amphitrite and Sally having to convince him to have the baby and him just going "... just a little bit longer," like someone asking for five more minutes to sleep.

(Years later, someone (probably Hera) asks Amphitrite how she can stand Poseidon doting on Percy so much, and she just goes "given the fact I'm pretty sure the alternative is him still being pregnant with the child, I think I'll manage to live with it."(Bonus points if this is how everyone figures out (/gets confirmation) that Poseidon was the one who carried Percy ))

Poseidon knows how cruel the world is to demigods.

Knows how cruel the world is to the Demigod children of him and his brothers even more so.

Knows that the Fates are the cruelest of all and the prophecy could very well spell his child’s doom and there is next to nothing he can do about it with the “no meddling” rules in place

So of course he wants to keep his son close to him as long as possible. Wants to keep his baby safe for as long as he can.

It takes both Sally and Amphitrite working together to explain to him why exactly he cannot, and even then he relents incredibly reluctantly.

(Amphitrite loves her husband, and would do just about anything in her power to make him happy but the whims of the fates can’t be ignored and no matter how long he kept Percy if he was the prophecy child there would be no getting around it… and she didn’t think she could handle him being pregnant for however many years it took for Zeus to fuck up again or Hades to finally pull his kids from cold storage)

[pinkkop]

For the past while I've been wanting to start doing weekly post about the QL's I'm watching and the new year is the perfect opportunity to start doing just that!

It'll be a place where i can share my thoughts on the BL and GL shows while I'm watching them and leave my final thoughts as well.

This week I've just left the shows in alphabetical order but I'll probably start sorting them from most to least liked next week. Also I hope this post doesn't feel too long since I don't know where I'd place a cut 😊

Let me know if there's anything you find confusing or if there's anything I could do better for next week.

QL Recap for Week 1 The 30th of December to 5th of January

🇹🇭 Caged Again Ep. 9 of 10 ----- Watching on: Gagaoolala

I'm still enjoying this a lot but it's definitely lost some of its spark. 

🇹🇭 Fourever You Ep. 15 of 16 ---------- Watching on: Gray

I'd completely forgotten that WeTV starts fast-tracking the episodes towards the end so color me surprised when I saw that ep 15 was also available and unsurprisingly I watched it the second I realized. I lost interest in Ter and Hill a couple of episodes ago so I don't pay much attention to them anymore. I am however really enjoying Johan and North. I feel like I haven't seen this kind of pairing before. I'm really enjoying the slow development of North slowly learning who Johan is and opening up to him and then Johan slowly opening up to North as well. I'm not a fan of when characters get unnecessarily jealous of their romantic interest's friends or have a problem with friends being close like when Hill saw a problem with how North and Ter cuddle. On top of this I don't like when a character makes decisions for their romantic interest unless they are small decisions, which meant that I also wasn't a fan of how Hill and Johan fixed the "problem" with Ter and North cuddling. Like who the fuck just moves their boyfriend out of their place and into yours without asking first 🤯. Those two things are the only major gripes I have with this show right now and I mostly just try to ignore them because Johan and North are still hella cute and I love that they are finally officially dating without drawing it out unnecessarily (looking at you, Hill and Ter).

🇯🇵 Miseinen: Mijukuna Oretachi wa Bukiyo ni Shinkochu Ep. 9 of 10 ----- Watching on: Gagaoolala

I'm not sure where they are heading and what Hirukawa is thinking with how he is acting but I've really enjoyed this show as a whole so I trust that it'll all make sense next week with the final episode.

🇹🇭 Perfect 10 Liners Ep. 11 of 24 ------- Watching on: Youtube

I really like Gun and Yotha as a pairing and I'm definitely invested in this show but it's not at the top of the list.

🇹🇭 Petrichor Ep. 6 of 10 ----------- Watching on: iQiYi

So many reveals this episode! This show is not quite the same level of brain-rot as Spare Me Your Mercy was for me but I'm having a good time and I'm invested in the story.

🇹🇭 Sangmin Dinneaw Ep. 2 of 8 ----------- Watching on: iQiYi

The first episode was promising and I'm always a fan of characters having sexual fantasies because it gives a good insight into the character's feelings, both because of the fantasy but also with how they react to it. Episode two made me feel more like I was watching a pulp drama and I'll admit that I'm not a big fan of the over the top acting of some of the characters which seems like those characters will keep being a part of the story going forward. It's just not a type of humor I find funny but so far it's not enough for me to drop this show. The trailer was steeped in it though so who knows how much of the show will focus on that kind of humor.

🇹🇼 See Your Love Ep. 12 of 13 ---- Watching on: Gagaoolala

These two are just the cutest and I'm enjoying them so much. The small touches and the casual kisses are so good and it makes them feel really real and like a good match in a way that not all BL couples do when we get to experience them after they get together. I love how Shaopeng's deafness is still a part of the plot but not in the sense that it needs to be fixed, it's just a natural part of him and it bleeds into all aspects of the plot in a really great way. Honestly this is just such a solid show! 10/10 would recommend. I'd just like for the episodes to be just 5-10 min longer so I could get more of the second couple.

🇹🇭 ThamePo Heart That Skips a Beat Ep. 4 of 13 -------- Watching on: Youtube

I'm still absolutely on board with this show. The plot of getting the band together feels a little simple but I really don't mind it because it works well with Thame and Poo getting to know each other. After this episode I wonder whether Jun actually believed what he said about Thame to Po. Like does he really believe that Thame isn't interested in Po or is he just trying to avoid them getting together? Either way it was so delicious to see Po start doubting himself but then Thame once again showing loudly with his actions that he is so interested in Po and that Po is a priority to him. Like who talks on the phone for hours, falls asleep still on the call and then just keeps being on the phone when you wake up again and then pretty much serenades the other person in the morning 🤯 Absolute bonkers behavior from Thame and I'm so here for it. This actually makes me wonder how self-aware Thame actually is? Does he know that he has feelings for Po? 

🇹🇭 The Boy Next World Ep. 1 of 10 ----------- Watching on: iQiYi

This is definitely a show where I needed to lower my expectations before watching the first episode because I've really been looking forward to this and I'd much rather set my expectations low and be happily surprise. I really liked the production quality of this show after the first episode and Boss and Noeul are doing really well. I'm definitely still excited about this show even if the first ep left me a little confused but I think that's to be expected when a show introduces concepts like parallel universes so I'm expecting that it'll make sense with time.

🇹🇭 Your Sky Ep. 8 of 12 ----------- Watching on: iQiYi

These two are so damn cute! This show just keeps being this little happy bubble for me. I'm glad they didn't drag out the misunderstanding so now they just gotta figure out how to bone. I like Real and Hia a lot as well but we don't really get enough of them for me to get completely invested. So far I'm not entirely sure what Hia thinks and feels because we've only really seen glimpses of Real realizing he has feelings for Hia. I'm guessing we'll get more of them while Fah and Rak figure out how to be a couple. 

That's it for this week!

For links and airing schedule check out World of BL (Only for BLs)

[wenella]

Seeking Zhu Yilong

EN translation of Zhu Yilong X Marie Clarie Jan 2025 Cover Issue Feature Interview by wenella

The search for “Zhu Yilong” started after Dongji Island wrapped.

Zhu Yilong’s 7-month life on the set ended at night. When Zhu Yilong finished his last scene underwater that night, his body was filled with the character’s emotions, and he was overwhelmed by fatigue. He didn’t come back to his senses even when he heard the director yelled, “it’s a wrap!” It was not until the director jumped into the water to celebrate with him that he felt a huge sense of relief. It was finally time to say goodbye to his role Luo Xiao.

Zhu Yilong's role in the movie "Dongji Island" required him to perform many scenes underwater. He had to perform actions and deliver emotions while going with the flow of the water and ensuring that he did not choke. This is his toughest role so far.

Over the past decade, Zhu Yilong has played a variety of characters. His career is akin to a life simulation game; he levels up by collecting different characters. Once the camera rolls, he can be anyone, except Zhu Yilong. After leveling up, he quickly turns back into Zhu Yilong and doesn’t linger in the lives of others.

Zhu Yilong often jokes that he will get "sick" after each film. Once he wraps, it is as though all the taut strings in his body suddenly loosen and his only desire is to lie down and do nothing. This time, Zhu Yilong returned to Beijing and rested at home for a few days. In the past, he always looked forward to diving, swimming, or relaxing by the beach during his break. "I think I swam enough for Dongji Island this time.  I don't want to (go to the beach) for the time being, I just want to rest."

In the past, Zhu Yilong could separate himself from his role after wrapping by changing his clothes or getting a haircut. However, over the past year, he has found it increasingly difficult to remove the lingering traces of his characters on him. These traces remain in him even though he has bid farewell to his role, and it is harder to discern how Zhu Yilong should be like anymore. What does it mean to return to being himself? What does it even mean to be himself? The boundaries start to blur.

Searching for himself

Zhu Yilong lived in Qingshan District, Wuhan, when he was a child. In the area, there was an important cultural venue named Red Flag Theater where many art performances and activities were held. The Theater was converted into an ice rink in the late 1990s and was subsequently demolished to make way for a housing community.

The place holds the childhood memories of a generation of Qingshan residents - the billiards next to the theater cost 50 cents a shot; children always gathered at the video game machines near the theater; the aroma of skewers at the entrance of the theater lingers even after many years. When Zhu Yilong was in elementary school, the school often took students to the Red Flag Theater for movies. The Theatre was like a time travel box that transported children to the past and the future. They got to see the outside world through this theatre.

Besides the theater, open-air movies were often shown on the university campus near Zhu Yilong's home. In the evening, he often ran over to the field with his grandmother's braised chicken feet, sat down with others, and feasted on the chicken feet while immersing himself in the movie. "I was easily drawn into the stories and I believed in what happened in those scenes." Little did Zhu Yilong know that he would grow up to become a storyteller and a character on the big screen.

Zhu Yilong started to watch many movies after he was admitted to the Beijing Film Academy. He learnt about the world through movies and developed a stronger connection with the world. There is a park called Xiaoyue River next to the Beijing Film Academy, where many students practiced their skills secretly. Students usually did morning practice exercises on campus, but if they didn’t want others to see them working so hard, they would get up earlier and go to Xiaoyue River to practice their vocals.

Zhu Yilong found this rather amusing as he recalled the past. “When we were in college, working hard seemed like a shameful thing. Everyone wanted to perform well on stage but didn’t want to appear too hardworking – oh wait, he doesn’t practice martial arts, how can he be so good at it?! – Everyone hoped that they were like this, but in fact they were all practicing their skills secretly.”

Today, Zhu Yilong is no longer ashamed to talk about his efforts. It takes a lot of energy to create a role and he always strives for the best each time he shoots a scene. From the first day he stepped out of school, he demanded himself to do his best in all his performances. Whatever he could give at that moment would be his best. Even if he sees mediocre acting while rewatching his previous works, he will not think of how he can improve that scene as he knows that he had already tried his best at that moment.

After becoming an actor, Zhu Yilong gradually discovered that filming is a constant process of self-exploration and that he didn't know himself as well as he thought he did. "Even if the role is very different from yourself, it is impossible to create a character out of thin air; you can't completely turn yourself into another person. You need to dig within yourself to create the role and sometimes, you will discover that you can leverage something that you think you don't originally have. Through this process, you gradually become unsure of who you really are."

In the past, watching movies was about getting to know the world. Now, making movies is about finding himself.

Immune Response

Every time Zhu Yilong creates a character, he gets very anxious and takes a long time to prepare for his role. He creates different possibilities for his character, sets high standards and tries his best to achieve them. He regards this anxiety as a type of “immune response,” which is the inevitable result of entering a new role. In his opinion, integrating himself with a new character will trigger such an immune response. There is no need to relieve the anxiety when it occurs as it is impossible to get rid of it anyway. Rather than thinking about how to relieve the anxiety, it will be more useful to face it, feel it, and adapt to it.

Besides, people will feel anxious at any stage of their life. Zhu Yilong recalled a moment when he was 27 or 28 years old. He was suddenly seized by anxiety one night and thought: I’m almost 30 years old, what can I shoot in the future? I want to make films, but there’s no opportunity. When he gathers with his friends these days, people tend to talk about their recent situation, thoughts, and issues they are worried about.

He allows anxiety to come naturally as he knows that there will be a moment when it fades out. No one knows how long the anxiety will last, but there will come a day when he suddenly realizes that acting can be effortless - there’s no need to think about where the camera is, when to pause in a sentence, or whether to look left or right. All “immune responses” will disappear once he is completely relaxed and everything he does will feel right. At this moment, he knows that he has connected with his character.

But there comes a risk after he makes that connection between reality and imagination. In recent years, there were several occasions when he couldn't tell if everything before him was real or fake. Sometimes, after he finished a scene, he would realize that the scene was identical to the scene that appeared in his brain when he was resting. At this moment, he is unsure if everything that happened was real or simply part of his imagination.

Zhu Yilong has read many stories about "acting maniacs" and used to envy the way they eat, sleep, and breath acting. Nonetheless, he knows that it will be difficult to do so with his personality. To him, the film set is a microcosm of society. If an actor completely transforms himself into the role that he plays, it may be difficult for him to consider the feelings of the people around him and may even become unreasonable and inconsiderate.

It is impossible for Zhu Yilong to completely ignore the feelings of others. On the set, he is always quickly to sense changes in people's emotions. He hopes that the atmosphere on the set is harmonious, comfortable, and relaxed. Everyone is free to express themselves and offer ideas without worrying about judgement. He doesn't want everyone to be so uptight all the time as he finds it difficult to work in such tense environments. Therefore, he will try his best to control himself, devote himself fully to the role and follow the character's developmental trajectory. However, once the director shouts "cut", he will immediately return to being himself.

Nonetheless, he has also tried to change in recent years. He tries to integrate himself with his role as much as possible without affecting the work of others and strives to release his full potential during filming. Even after the director shouts "cut," he does not withdraw himself from the role immediately as before and does not seek to revert to “Zhu Yilong” deliberately.

Zhu Yilong is trying to find a balance between his roles and himself, as well as between performance and life.

Sweet Moments

Zhu Yilong has been in love with basketball and Michael Jordan since young. This iconic figure in basketball history has created countless moments by controlling the court with his superb skills and frustrating his opponents. If Michael Jordan had to cheer himself on during an important game, one of the tactics he used was to magnify the opponent's contempt for him – it might just be a glance, but he would take it as hostility to gear himself up. Zhu Yilong found this method useful for actors. "For example, if you need a certain emotion at a specific moment, it might be more effective to capture the emotion and magnify it within yourself, rather than simply using your imagination. This way, you will not only own the emotion, but also avoid disturbing others.”

Zhu Yilong’s views about acting are constantly evolving as he accumulates acting experiences over the years. He keeps thinking about how to improve and often hopes to enhance his acting with a stroke of genius. But where does this stroke of genius come from? Are there new ways to act?

After each take, Zhu Yilong will observe everyone's reactions and feel the atmosphere subconsciously. "Sometimes, you get a strong feeling after you finish a take. If the take is good, the whole atmosphere will feel right. Conversely, the atmosphere will not feel right if it was a bad take." Sometimes, when he isn’t sure if he is reading too much into the atmosphere, he will ask the director: is it okay? Is it really okay? He communicates with the director constantly and brainstorms ways to improve the scene. “There is no way to tell what kind of performance is the best. You can always do a better job, but you don't know what the best is. In such cases, we will need the director to make a judgement. If he feels that he has everything he wants, that's it."

There are occasional moments, which are oblivious to others, when Zhu Yilong feels immensely pleased and satisfied by his own performance. It is akin to a golf player hitting a sweet spot that sends the ball travelling far and straight. Zhu Yilong feels that his performance hit the sweet spot when his emotions and reactions are on point and impeccable. These moments do not occur frequently but he always looks forward to such moments each time he goes to the set.  

New Roadmap

Besides these moments, Zhu Yilong also shuts down for some time each year and allow himself to relax. The duration of his break is highly contingent. Sometimes, he may have planned to rest for half a year, but he tries to find something to do after resting for just a week. It also depends on fate. He may have planned to rest for 3 months. But if he suddenly encounters a script that he really likes, he will get back to work immediately.

He doesn’t deliberately plan for the future. He has a clear idea of what a good actor should be and works towards this goal while picking scripts that he wants to shoot. He does not consider factors such as box office and awards. After all, filming is highly time consuming, “if I can’t work on projects that I’m interested in, it will be so unbearable.”

A reporter once asked him: if he could pick a special ability, what would it be? His answer at that time was to stop time. Now, he feels that he really needs this special ability. Time seems to fly whenever he is working, especially in recent years. In the past, he would think that a 3-month filming period with a hectic schedule and tough preparatory work was unbearable. Now, he feels that a few months happen in a blink of an eye. Some moments happen so quickly that he doesn’t have sufficient time to feel them properly. Sometimes, he really hopes that he can stop time to enjoy these fleeting moments before moving on. After all, the journey of exploring himself has just begun.

He looks forward to the future, though he isn’t exactly sure what to anticipate. Regardless, the journey of seeking Zhu Yilong has changed its trajectory. He is no longer obsessed with recovering his known self; rather, he is more interested in uncovering the hidden possibilities within himself. He has a new roadmap on hand, and the terrain ahead is unknown; he is ready to embark on this new journey to fully experience life as Zhu Yilong.

**THE END**

Post-translation note: Post-translation note: This interview gives SO MUCH updated insight into Zhu Yilong's views on acting. Really looking forward to his new role as Luo Xiao in Dongji Island. Can't imagine the number of underwater scenes he filmed for him to avoid the sea/beach temporarily.

If you'd like to translate this into other languages, please drop me a DM + credit by linking this thread. Happy reading and good night.

[ask-postcrash-curly]

well. We’ve established your thoughts on Jimmy and Anya. What about Swansea and daisuke rn?

I’ve known Swansea for years. He‘a got a rough exterior, but he’s a good man. (Though apparently I’m not a good judge of that.) And an excellent mechanic! Tulpar must be on her last legs if there’s nothing he can do about the vents… Not that it matters, since the company’s collapsing and we fucking crashed anyway. I forgot about that. Ship must be beyond wrecked now. But yeah, Swansea’s great. I trust him. Can only imagine what he must think of me now…

I can’t believe he broke his sobriety over mouthwash. Can’t blame him either, considering how bad our lot is, but— No, changed my mind, I can blame him. Why would anyone drink mouthwash? It’s disgusting. I can barely stand to use it. The thought of swallowing it on purpose… Ugh. They’re probably going to start feeding it to me when the IV fluid runs out… Not like I can choke down solid food. Anya tried at the beginning. It did not go well. Bleagh. Sorry, got off-topic. I can’t stop thinking about the mouthwash. So gross.

Point is, I like Swans. He’s got a wife back home. And a dog. Kids, too. They’re not much older than Daisuke. He deserves to get home to his family.

Speaking of Daisuke: I don’t know him like I know the others, but he’s a damn good kid. Not the best mechanic, at least but he’s trying. The problem is that for Daisuke, “trying” can mean “making whatever was broken much worse.” Swansea was at his wits’ end. Hell, a week before the crash, Daisuke somehow triggered the emergency foam trying to fix the vent!

I do like him, though. He never wanted to do this internship, you know. But he’s always brought everything he has, always gone out of his way to make us all smile. Hell, even now, he visits me. Tells me what’s been going on, plays games next to me. He can still barely look at me, but… Well. I knew the kid for a few months before I (allegedly) pulled a murder-suicide on him. And he still tries to help, in his own Daisuke way.

A guy like that shouldn’t be in this place. Shouldn’t have this shitshow of an internship ruining his life before it’s even started. Damn it, I never should have let them bring him on board! They built an extra bedroom for him, but no fucking cyropod! You know, there’s meant to be enough food and drink and medicine to cover however many people there are on the crew, plus one for safety. Guess what? They didn’t give us jack shit extra when they put Daisuke on board. We should have an entire person’s worth of surplus right now, and we don’t. And I fucking let it slide.

Damn. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to keep getting worked up. God, I… Jimmy and Anya don’t have much waiting back on Earth, you know. Tell you the truth, I don’t think either of them is expecting to make it. Anya at least deserves to, anyway, but… Swansea and Daisuke have families. Families who might never see their husband, father, son, and sibling again thanks to me and Jimmy.

[concreteangel92]

Thou Shalt Not Kill - Chapter 12

AU Noah Sebastian x detective female reader

18+

Summary: Reader is a detective and is assigned to a murder case which she soon connects with previous killings and figures out the religious affiliation, proving there is a new serial killer within the city. Reader soon becomes obsessed with the killers mind and methods and won’t rest until she figures out who the killer is. All while she gets used to working with her new partner on the case, detective Noah Davis.

Warnings: graphic writings of murder/killings, blood, gore, violence, serial killer, swearing, god complex, use of religion, stockholm syndrome, mentions of the death of a parent

Here we go, things are going to start heating up again now and I’m so excited!! Only 6 chapters left 🤭

Please let me know your thoughts, it honestly makes me so happy reading all your comments/reviews 🖤

Story Tags: @lacy1986 @hayleylatour @thatchickwiththecamera @calleyx13 @english-fucker @malerieee @ithoughtbynowidfeelbetter @softvgold @lilhobgobbler @glccmreid @badomensls @madomens @loeytuan98 @iluvmewwwww75 @rosebushjhj @livingdeceasedgirl @lilrubles @samanthasgone @blackveilomens @hellayeahsworld @lookwhatitcost @doomhands-jr @nojoyontheburn @poisongirl616 @bakanerd @sacredthefran @flowery-mess @fadingangelwisp @theanarchymuse95 @1toreyouapart @xxkatsatwatwafflexx @overmydeadbodysblog @concretejunglefm @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard @sister-sebastian @alwaysfightforwhoyouare

Let me know if you wish to be added! This is separate to my permanent Noah taglist due to the content within the story!

Chapter Index Here

Masterlist

The next few days had gone by very uneventfully. Noah had been gone more than normal however, not coming in until much later in the evening and not saying what he’d been up to during that time.

The thought had you on edge, you knew he wasn’t finished with his work, had he been killing again?

Being so cut off from the rest of the world down here, you’d never know unless he told you….however you were certain he wouldn’t resist bragging about his latest kill to you if he had.

You wondered if people were looking for you yet, surely someone must have noticed you were missing? Then again, you were married to your job. Over the years you’d distanced yourself from most of your old friends due to the long hours at work, so focused on the cases on your desk that people stopped inviting you out to things, only so many times people will keep trying when you constantly say ‘no’ or ‘sorry I’m working’.

The last few months played heavy on your mind, everything that had happened since that day the first case was assigned to you.

Your feelings for Noah was something you couldn’t deny or ignore, you knew it was wrong, it was sick but you couldn’t stop thinking about him, as your partner and your friend. The only man in recent years who actually saw you, who believed in you.

Did you even want to be found?

That was something else that had been going through your mind. What did you really have waiting for you?

But what did you expect to happen if you stayed? You knew Noah wouldn’t keep you locked down here forever, you knew on some level that you couldn’t trust him…but that was the problem…in some ways, you trusted him more then the people you had around you at the station.

“I wonder what he truly intends to do with me…”

You suddenly heard the commotion of Noah coming down the stairs, so much louder than normal, like he was bringing something down with him.

The sound of the locks turning and the heavy door creaking open slightly reached your ears as you waited to see him appear, twiddling your fingers together as you stood on the spot.

Noah’s masked face came around the door, his breathing more laboured than usual. He brought his gloved hand up to his mask and pulled it off his head and tossing it carelessly to the side, his hair falling around his face which held a sinister but satisfied grin like he was extremely pleased with himself.

“Hello angel, I have a surprise for you”

Your brows frowned as a knot started to form within the pit of your stomach, feeling something was definitely wrong.

“Bring that chair over here”

It was an order, not a request.

Noah swung the door open wider and you gasped as you saw Noah dragging a body into the room, a dark sack type bag covering the face, but you could tell from the persons build that it was a man. A man who was very much alive as he struggled against Noah’s strong hold.

You stared in shock until he shot you a sharp look and you quickly turned and grabbed the chair by the desk and pulled it over to where he was standing, the man still struggling in his grasp.

“Shh, shh, shhh”

Watching Noah shushing the man so casually in his ear sent a chill down your spine.

Noah manhandled him until he was sat in the chair and he tied his arms tightly around the back of the seat, the man making muffled noises from under the sack.

You felt the knot grow as your voice was lost, a nauseous wave hitting you hard, what was about to happen?

“There we go, make yourself comfortable”

Noah turned back to you, that sickening smile still present.

“What’s the matter angel? You look nervous?”

You swallowed the lump in your throat before you found your voice again.

“Wha…what’s going on?”

Noah opened his arms wide and gestured to the man.

“I told you that I had something planned for you angel”

You had no idea what was happening, nothing was making sense.

“I don’t understand…”

Noah’s smile grew as he approached you and cupped your cheeks in his gloved hands as he stared down at you.

“Then how about I just show you…”

Noah smirked as he stepped back, he reached over and grabbed the sack and yanked it off his head, the identity of the man being revealed.

And your blood ran cold.

Tied up in front of you was a man called Ethan Collins. The man who killed your father.

FLASHBACK

You were sitting at your desk in your office doing some research for the case, sipping on your half cold coffee every so often.

Noah was sat next to you, typing away on his own laptop before he yawned and stretched his tall body out.

“Well I feel like I’m going cross eyed”

You giggled at his statement as you turned to him, giving your own eyes a rest, you had both been going over old cold cases for hours now to see if there was any connections but so far, nothing.

“Maybe 10 minutes away from the screens wouldn’t hurt”

Noah nodded and downed the rest of his cup, grimacing at the cold liquid.

“Perfect time to get more coffee as well”

You finished yours, not particularly bothered that it was basically cold.

You set the cup back down next to the photo on your desk, causing Noah to follow your movements.

“That you and your dad?”

You glanced at the photo, a heavy feeling settling instantly within your chest as you smiled softly as you saw your younger self, somewhere around the age of 8 on your dads back as he gave you a piggyback ride, your arms wrapped securely around his neck as you both beamed at the camera.

“Yeah. That’s one of my favourite photos of us together”

Noah smiled as he looked over the picture.

“He really would be so proud of you detective”

You shook your head softly.

“Maybe, but…I’ve always felt like I’ve let him down”

Noah frowned as he looked at you.

“Why’s that?”

You took a deep breath before you answered.

“Because his killer got away with it…I told you that he was killed on duty? My dad had been after this guy for a while, all petty crime shit you know? The night my dad caught him robbing someone red handed, he shot him down” you took another breath and steadied your voice before continuing. “I know who he is, everyone here at the station did…but there wasn’t enough evidence as he had a ‘watertight alibi’ from his cronies and so the jury let him off”

Noah’s hand came to rest on top of your own gently.

“I’m sorry”

You looked up at him and felt your eyes welling up.

“I just wanted my dad to have some justice, I wanted that bastard to pay for what he did…and yet still he walks free to this day…I failed him”

Noah shook his head.

“Now you listen to me, you never failed him, the system failed him, failed you. Your dad would be so proud of everything you have become and what you’ve accomplished at this station, you’ve carried on his legacy for him and made a name for yourself”

You smiled and wiped a tear away that had fallen down your cheek before you pulled away and tried to compose your emotions.

“I hope so”

You went to go back to your laptop when Noah spoke again.

“What was his name?”

“Huh?”

You turned to him confused.

“The man who killed your father, what was his name?”

You felt your blood boil at the mere thought of that man’s name.

“Ethan Collins”

END OF FLASHBACK

You felt your body shaking as you stared at your father’s killer tied up in front of you.

Ethan’s scared eyes looked up and met yours and he tried to speak through the gag in his mouth, clearly begging for help as he struggled against his restraints.

It was obvious he had no idea who you were.

Suddenly you felt like a little girl again. A little girl who was yearning for her dad. A wave of emotions flooded your body, not knowing which one you were feeling more.

Shock, sadness, fear, anger, the gut wrenching pain of the loss of your dad feeling as strong as the day you were told he was gone.

Noah stayed quiet as he allowed you to take it all in, his eyes never leaving your face.

You tried to gain some control over your thoughts as you finally turned to Noah.

“Wha…what the fuck is this?!”

Noah smiled.

“Your surprise angel. You’re ready”

“Ready for what?!”

Noah’s smile grew as he pulled one of his knifes out of his jacket pocket, flicking the blade open.

“To help me finish my work…you’re going to kill him”

[amaya-143]

hello. part two of me ranting about the fear of memory loss in isat. is it that obvious i have autism?

part one was about the kings fear of forgetting. Go read. *clicks my fingers like a cat* go.

disclaimer not a psychiatrist blahh blahhhh u get the idea :p king rant was long, this will be longer. maybe one singular person is as normal as i am about this game and will enjoy. otherwise at least its out of my system and into words

So yeah, the king is afraid of forgetting. Siffrin, however, is afraid of being forgotten.

Siffrin, is late 20s, and just like the king lost the majority of their memories to the island.The people they loved, all that jazz i don't need to write the cinematics again. They too end up in an unfamiliar place, however they end up a rouge. They travel from city to city, never staying anywhere solid, never making any real connections for years (at least as far as we know.) To him, he is just a guy* who lost everything that they knew, and that's that. No point if it'll just happen again. In fact im not even sure if they're aware they're from that island, since I'm pretty sure he learns it ingame. He just exists. Thats it. Their life doesn't matter, doesn't impact anyone. He is forgettable

But then, they meet Mira, Odile, and Isa. Then Bonnie, and when things couldn't get more confusing, he loses an eye for them. The party loves Siffrin, even if they never say it pregame. They appreciate him. And even if Frin doesn't think it directly, they definitely subconsciously believe it pregame. Otherwise, it wouldn't be such a shock when odile says they're colleagues at best. So how can Siffrin go back to his old life? A life on the go, with no connections, nothing but the millisecond bumps into strangers and polite conversations with the clerk at the hotel desk. Nobody to come home to, no one to ask how their day was.

Its like trying chocolate after eating coco beans all your life. Maybe you can tolerate going back to coco beans for a bit, but you'll never forget the chocolate. It'll be something you think about all the time, your thought before sleep takes you, as tiktok would say your 'roman empire'.

So Siffrin cannot let them go back home. He wishes to stay with them. and thus, the loops happen.But after a bit he, quote, 'understands the king more than he'd like to'

He refuses to be forgotten, to have to go back to that life. They've lived the span of their memories being so blindingly forgettable, now someone, some people see them and its so close in his grasp. Isabeau is so close to confessing to him. Mirabelle is so close to her full potential as a housemaiden. Odile is accepting she's more than her roots. And Bonnie, the kid he lost an eye for, disabling him permentantly, HUGGED them. a massive deal for a fella whos been living off small talk and avoiding eye contact for the last 10 years. Just one more loop, if they do it all right then just maybe..

Not here to talk abt the loops. moving on.

After all these people who love him, they don't wanna be forgotten. Trauma isn't just a factor in disorders. Trauma can, and often does create its own reactions. For a real world example, Children who grow up with absent parents often react with avoiding and distancing tendencies, where as children with emotionally unstable parents tend to grow to be anxiously attached to those they love. These aren't disorders, but they are a reaction to the trauma faced and ingraned. Frin's fear of being forgotten is just as much a trauma response as it is a result of the way he lives. Who knows how many people Siffrin forgot in the island. What's stopping him from being like them? What's stopping him from being so forgettable.

Side note, act 5 is next to the Sunny vs Basil fight as my favorite two scenes in games, especially when it comes to imagining/reading about them in other characters povs other than the mains. And bigfrin is my absolute joy in the world. not sorry.

But after loops n loops of trying to prevent it, hearing off handed comments about how bonnie hates them, and how isa will say i love you to anyone except him, Sif's self worth is at an all-time low. They just don't have it in them anymore. They cant do it. we're looking at months of living the same two days over and over. Same lines. Same people. Same events. Years, if you're an insane person who does like 500+ loops. I think most people did like 70-150 though. Siffrin has been reliving this for so long he's begun to find comfort in it. It feels safe. Its boring, its insufferable, yes, but its SAFE. After suffering all those months, they're leaving anyway. They are going home. They will go home and forget Sif and it will all be for nothing. When Odile stops them from looping back, they strike. Either at themselves, or those they love. They would literally rather attack those they've gone through months of suffering just to spend more time with, or attack themselves time after time till it kills them. They'd rather it than risk them all leaving and forgetting him. I don't really have much more to say i guess i just ugh

i love act 5 i love bigfrin and if theres any writers reading this write some act 5 from other party members pov and you will get the juciest kiss.

if you read all this way, congrats!! i diagnose you with autism 💜

*guy is used as a unisex. i know the correct term for siffrin is fella. i went to gender school.

[benzodiazepinica]

Alexandre Bissonnette edit + infopost

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The edit is for you to see some photos of him!

I want to say I don't support any actions !!

My content is because I love true crime and political cases ~~

if I like the person is for him/her personality, appearance or manner. But I do not support hate crimes or murders

Event summary

Alexandre Bissonnette, 27, entered a mosque armed with a pistol and killed 6 men, injuring 19 more, one of the victims was left paraplegic for the rest of his life

Family, social life, curiosities

Bissonnette has a twin brother with whom he shared an apartment four miles from his parents' house. But Alexandre Bissonnette often slept at his parents' house on weekends.

He was Canadian, born and raised in Quebec City. He was always described as a simple and ordinary man. Bissonnette had already taken antidepressants, but it was stated that his mental state had absolutely no influence on the crime, as he was considerably stable and fully conscious.

He had a Facebook page and also a Tumblr page, where he posted about his daily life, food, etc. However, on Facebook, he made a lot of political comments. Emails from Alexandre and his father were also found that spoke negatively about Muslims. Many people believe that Alexandre received this prejudiced upbringing from home. He and his father used to practice shooting at an outdoor range and Alexandre would often hang out with old friends. However, he did not have a girlfriend, and was described as a shy and somewhat introverted man.

The father, and also Alexandre himself on social media, stated about the problems the boy had with alcohol. However, according to a blog by Bissonnette, he had stopped drinking because, according to him, it "is very bad for your health!" and he reported, with these words, that he was "very happy about it!" However, even with this abstinence from alcohol, the shooter told the authorities that he drank sake the entire day of the massacre.

Security camera footage from a depanneur shows Alexandre Bissonnette buying a drink minutes before the Quebec City mosque attack on January 29, 2017

"Throughout his life, until January 29, Alexander had never demonstrated violent behavior in words or actions toward anyone. "Alexander is the last person we, and all those who know him, could imagine doing something so out of character," Alexander's father said.

Bissonnette was a political science student at Université Laval in Quebec City. He also works and had a steady job, but was on three weeks' leave when the shooting happened. Alexandre had a history of bullying, probably because he was quiet and reserved, but this did not seem to have a direct impact on the case. In any case, he was described as an "ordinary" man.

about the bullying he suffered his father said: "Realizing that nothing was getting better, Alexandre simply stopped mentioning it to us. I can't tell you how much I regret not doing more to make sure Alexandre was safe at school."

In 2014, Bissonnette was introduced to firearms by a friend. He went on to apply for a license, falsely reporting that he had no history of mental health issues or suicidal thoughts. Over the next few years, he would legally acquire six guns.

Bissonnette told psychologists during interviews that he had always had thoughts about mass shootings. Interestingly, Alexandre was fascinated by the Columbine Massacre.

Alexandre had also thought about carrying out a massacre in a shopping mall, carrying weapons in his bag and everything, but he gave up.

ideologies and thoughts about Islamists

Alexandre was an actively political person in his speeches and discourses. He seemed to be very interested in the subject, and it was no wonder that he was studying Political Science. However, Bissonnette's political positions always leaned towards a more extreme side, related to violence. He was a nationalist, but a nationalist who preached the unity of white people only. He also supported Marine Le Pen's party in France and Donald Trump in the United States. He frequently posted on his Facebook page against immigrants, against pro-immigrant policies, against Muslims and against feminists.

Historical context of the city and the mosque

Before talking about the massacre, it is essential to talk a little about the state of mind of the city and the mosque that suffered the attack.

Quebec City has always had questionable positions on ethnicity, immigration and Islam. The mosque has previously suffered an Islamophobic attack, in which a pig's head was placed on the mosque and a note reading "Bon appétit" in French (the local language).

The Quebec City mosque mass shooting on January 29, 2017

In the month leading up to the shooting, Bissonnette was on leave from his job at Héma-Québec with an anxiety disorder following an altercation with a co-worker. During this month, he obsessively visited the Twitter accounts of several right-wing media personalities, including Tucker Carlson, Laura Ingraham, David Duke, Alex Jones, Mike Cernovich, Richard B. Spencer, and Kellyanne Conway. Bissonnette checked Ben Shapiro's Twitter account 93 times in the month leading up to the shooting. He was also on leave from his university political science program. He was scheduled to return to work the day after the shooting. During his free time, he regularly visited Islamophobic websites and searched the web for information about mass shooters.

When Alexandre Bissonnette heard about Justin Trudeau’s famous tweet welcoming refugees to Canada, the frail-looking 28-year-old political science student told police he went crazy. A few hours after watching a television report suggesting that Canada would accept immigrants rejected by President Trump

On the day of the shooting, Alexandre spent the day drinking and finishing his research on mass murders, immigration and Islamic terrorism, including checking news reports on crimes committed by Muslims in the country. That night, he went to his parents’ house for dinner and then sat in a corner, fiddling with his computer. At 7 p.m., he left the house armed with a 9 mm pistol and a Czech semi-automatic rifle of .223 caliber. He left home in his parents' car, saying he was going to practice shooting. At 7:37 p.m., he hesitated to continue shooting, so he went into a store and drank some vodka. Then, afraid of being seen carrying a large weapon, he decided to return to the mosque to carry out the attack.

He arrived at the mosque around 7:53 or 7:54 p.m. Outside, there were two brothers, at whom he pointed the rifle, which failed, jamming. Alexander appeared relaxed, smiling, throwing the rifle on the ground and pulling out his pistol. He fired several shots at both of them, in the arms and abdomen, then got close and shot the brothers in the head, with the pistol pressed against them.

Two more mosque worshippers announced that there was a shooter, and chaos soon broke out. Alexandre entered the room, firing ten shots, then reloaded. Bissonnette re-entered the prayer hall. He would fire 30 shots in 30 seconds during the second wave, and would target mainly people trying to take cover.

Aymen Derbali, crouched near the gunman, attempted to distract him from the busier areas of the mosque by staggering toward him, but was shot in the knee and chin.[31] As Derbali fell and crawled on the ground, Bissonette shot him 6 more times, but Derbali would survive.[32] Bissonnette then targeted 44-year-old Aboubaker Thabti, murdering him at close range with three shots to the skull.

The gunman returned a second time to the lobby to reload his weapon, then returned to the prayer hall and killed some of the worshippers who were already wounded and others who were wounded. He then pocketed a bullet, intending to take his own life in a nearby forest, and then left the mosque at 7:57 p.m.

According to an initial report, a man who came forward as a witness said that two assailants dressed in black and with a Quebecois accent entered the mosque and shouted "Allahu Akbar" before opening fire. Police later determined that there was only one shooter, and that was Alexandre.

Later, at 8:10 p.m., Alexandre Bissonnette called emergency services (911) and turned himself in.

Alexandre Bissonnette was sentenced to life in prison for the 2017 Quebec mosque attack. He was originally scheduled to serve 40 years before being eligible for parole. However, in 2020, the Quebec Court of Appeal reduced that sentence to 25 years, ruling that 40 years without the possibility of parole constituted cruel and unusual punishment. In 2022, the Supreme Court of Canada upheld that decision, maintaining his eligibility for parole after 25 years. Therefore, Bissonnette will be eligible for parole in 2042.

Victims

The six murder victims were Ibrahima Barry (39, an IT employee for the Quebec government), Mamadou Tanou Barry (42, an accounting technician), Khaled Belkacemi (60, a professor at Laval University), Aboubaker Thabti (44, a pharmacy technician), Abdelkrim Hassane (41, a computer analyst for the Quebec government) and Azzedine Soufiane (57, a grocery store owner).

[littlemourningstarr]

Do You Mourn the Passing of the Hours?

Former Professor Emmrich Volkarin had spent years settled into a quiet life running a small, quint flower shop in Nevarra. He expected that any excitement was far behind him. Enter, Lucanis Dellamorte. Professional assassin. Antivan Crow. A possessed man. A possible bad decision to take in Lucanis after an assassination goes slightly off kilter, and suddenly Emmrich finds his life is full of far more excitement than he'd ever had. But maybe, for the man who had begun to experience the world through a cloudy window of fascination but never truly partaking, the excitement would remind him what it was like to truly be alive again.

Chapter One!

Pairing: Emmrich Volkarin x Lucanis Dellamorte, Emmrich Volkarin x Spite, Emmrich Volkarin x Lucanis Dellamorte x Spite

Read below or on AO3!

Tags: tags to be added as we go, modern AU, flower shop AU, demonology AU, former professor Emmrich, still assassin Lucanis, physical hurt/comfort

Emmrich spritzed one of the plants in front of him, carefully inspecting the vibrant green leaves as the water stuck like dew drops. Content the plant was indeed thriving, he moved to the next, checking the large blooms. The shop around him was rather quiet, but that wasn't an odd occurrence, for him. Not many folks in Nevarra stopped by the flower shop without a prior requested order, and most of those were for funeral rites.

Humming to himself, Emmrich moved back towards the counter, setting the spray bottle down and glancing at the old clock on the wall. Not necessary, when he could check the time on the computer, or his phone, but he liked the air it gave the small shop. There was about an hour until closing- and already, he was considering what book he'd pick up, once he arrived home.

He was mentally debating between a bit of light fiction for the evening, or a deeper dive into one of his tomes on the history of spirits within northern Thedas- a rather dated book that had many points already disproved, however it was fascinating to wonder what had driven the author to come to the false conclusions he had- when the little bell atop the shop door tinkled. Emmrich glanced up, noticed a man had stepped in, was giving the entire shop a sweeping gaze.

"Ah, good afternoon!" The man shifted his glance to Emmrich and walked properly into the shop. "Is there anything I can assist you with?"

The man walked around the center display Emmrich had been watering, managing to not touch a single leaf or bloom, pausing when he reached the counter. This close, Emmrich wanted to swear his eyes were black. They were rather gorgeous.

A thought he quickly pushed aside as improper, as the man spoke.

"I'm looking for a specific bouquet." He reached into his pocket, pulled his phone out, obviously looking for a note on it. His accent was blatantly Antivan, and Emmrich wondered what had brought him to Nevarra. They didn't see a lot of visitors that weren't for one of their universities- not that this man couldn't be, but he didn't seem the scholarly type and-

Oh, Emmrich was mentally rambling again.

"Three roses," the man said, tapping his thumb on his phone, "and however many lilies you need to add around them."

An interesting choice- but neither bloom was difficult. Emmrich couldn't very well serve Nevarra and not have lilies on hand at all times. "A unique choice! What color lily would you like? And I do offer both red and white roses."

The man seemed taken aback slightly by the question. Ah, but so many were! Most folks assumed roses came in only red and perhaps pink, and forgot the lovely snowy white the petals could take. And the selection of lilies-

"What would you suggest?"

Emmrich smiled. "Well, that would depend on the message you're trying to convey. Red roses are a classic if you're looking for a more romantic and, if I dare say, sensual message to share. I've always found white roses a delightful nod to everlasting affection-"

He talks. So much.

Emmrich paused, for just a moment. The voice had been clear as day, yet the man hadn't moved his mouth in the slightest. Nor did it match his voice, it was raspier, like a death rattle ricocheting through brittle rib bones.

Thankfully, before his pause could be truly noticed, the man said, "Red."

Emmrich cleared his throat, nodding. "A… good choice, yes. So, three?" A nod from the stranger. "Fantastic. And the lilies, they come in so many shades-"

Make him. Stop!

Emmrich trailed off, knowing he had heard it again. He inclined his head, just slightly, studied the man in front of him- he seemed unphased, by the voice. But there was no mistaking a spirit's voice- he'd heard them enough, since he was a small boy. A gift, yes, he tried to see it as such-

Occasionally, it had felt like a curse, in his youth.

"What would be appropriate for a funeral?" the stranger asked, pulling Emmrich back from his thoughts.

"I beg your- oh, yes. Well, white is the classic funerary look."

"White, then."

Emmrich nodded, asking for just a moment so he could go cut and assemble the bouquet. He stepped into the small back room, closing the door behind him, taking a slow breath. It shouldn't be strange to hear a spirit's voice- not in Nevarra- but it most definitely wasn't here before his new customer had stepped into the shop. He'd dare guess it was attached to him.

A possession, perhaps? But the man seemed in full control. That would be quite extraordinary…

Emmrich forced himself to focus on his task at hand. He rolled up his sweater sleeves, the sound of his various bracelets clinking and chiming as he worked. He cut the three roses first, careful to avoid the thorns, before he began cutting each lily individually, slowly arranging them around the roses, until they were fully encircled.

He wrapped the bouquet in a gauzy black cloth, tied it off with a shiny red ribbon. Typically, he would have asked about such details- yet he had felt compelled in his choice. Not that is was a large change, if the customer disagreed.

He stepped back out, found the man waiting exactly where he had left him, studying his phone. There was a subtle air of excitement about him- not a good type, per say, but not impatience. Just a need for movement.

"I took the liberty of choosing these colors, I do hope that is alright. If not, I can change them-"

"It's fine." The words were slightly clipped, and as Emmrich set the bequest carefully on the counter, he realized why.

The voice was talking. Very softly, nothing but a grave whisper, words he couldn't quite make out, as if they were breathed into this man's ear alone. So he was definitely aware of the spirit, clinging to him.

Emmrich was sorely tempted to pry, but kept the questions to himself. That would have been impolite, even if he meant well. Instead he kept a rehearsed, pleasant smile on as the man paid for the bouquet and took them in his hands, holding them with such a delicacy that Emmrich was drawn to look at his hands, devoid of any adornments like his own rings. Why did he get the feeling those fingers, those hands, had the sort of control that could drive someone to their knees?

Oh, that was most definitely an improper thought.

The man headed for the shop door, but as he opined it Emmrich spoke again. "I'm sorry." The man glanced back at him, and Emmrich nodded to the flowers. "For your loss."

After all, why else would he want funeral lilies? Perhaps he was in town for a funeral, the passing of a friend, or, if those roses meant anything, someone more intimate. He seemed to be keeping himself together quite well, but Emmrich knew that never meant that someone hadn't just experienced something utterly life sundering.

The man glanced at the flowers himself, before he looked back at Emmrich. He gave only a nod, before he let himself out. Emmrich's shoulders sagged slightly once he was alone. He hadn't been expecting to hear from spirits today- and while he couldn't predict when he might hear from one, he hadn't come across a possible possession in years. And nothing where it seemed the spirit was simply holding on, but not taking full control.

He couldn't deny that his curiosity was piqued.

* Emmrich locked the shop door then pocketed the key, turning into the slight evening wind and stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jacket, the collar turned up and a light scarf around his neck. Gods, he got so cold as he got older, and he cursed it lately.

He always parked his car a block and a half over from the shop- mostly so that his clients could have the prime spots, but also as an excuse to get some fresh air every evening, if only for a few minutes. Despite the slight chill, he decided a walk would be good for him, and instead of turning in the direction of his car, he turned the opposite and began down the street. Shops were beginning to close up, but other evening life was picking up- restaurants becoming slightly busier, bars opening up for a proper evening.

There was a joy to watching the daily change, like a change of seasons. It gave Emmrich a moment to at least be around people. The only real interactions he had lately were customers at the shop and the occasional correspondences regarding his previous research work and teachings. And those were becoming fewer- except for one student, not from Nevarra- oh, he did hope he had an email from her that evening. An update on her thesis, truly a remarkable topic-

He rounded a corner, just to hear voices- one rather loud, a male, pleading. The street was fairly quiet, no other pedestrians about, and surely anyone inside a shop wouldn't hear anything over their own ambient music.

Emmrich went straight for the noise, leaning into an alley just as he heard a pained grunt, concerned that perhaps someone was ill. And while he had expected someone in distress, what he found was still far beyond any expectations.

There was a man, crumpled on the ground, a pool of blood forming beneath him from wounds on his chest or abdomen- at this angle, Emmrich couldn't be sure. He didn't recognize him-

But he did recognize the other man, leaning against the wall, panting heavily. The same man who had been in his shop, an hour prior, had bought the roses and lilies. He had a hand pressed against his side, beneath his jacket- and Emmrich could see his dark shirt was growing darker.

The man slid down the wall, head tipped back, looking up at the dreary sky- a Nevarran special. Emmrich rushed over, crouched down, ignoring the way it made his knees ache- and oh damn the chill and what it did to old bones- reaching out for the man and settling a hand on his shoulder. The man glanced at him, seemed to not even see Emmrich, before his eyes slipped shut, his head tipping to one side.

He was still breathing, it was quite obvious, but he was out cold. Emmrich glanced at the dead man, and knew the proper thing to do was to alert the authorities. But something about this seemed…

Not right.

He stood up with a whispered hold on young man, and hurried from the alley, backtracking. He ran in a way he hadn't in years, the few blocks to his car. He nearly dropped the keys when he tried to start it, and cursed his own shaking hands. Hadn't he been stead fast, once?

Once the damned thing was started, he drove back to the street, left the car running as he hopped out and hurried into the alley. He bent over and grasped the living man's shoulders, giving him a gentle shake. If he could just get him awake enough to get up, he could get him in the car- but he didn't think he could lift him as he was.

The man's eyes snapped open, but when they looked at Emmrich, the charming darkness he had found earlier was gone. They glowed a glorious amethyst, unlike anything Emmrich had seen in more years than he could count.

The older man didn't speak- he simply slid his hands down under the stranger's arms and tugged. The man stood on shaky legs, grunting in a voice that was brittle as he leaned forward, pressed his face into Emmrich's scarf, leaning his weight against him.

"Smells like flowers. Death. Loneliness."

The voice was exactly as Emmrich had heard earlier, death rattle. A spirit indeed.

But it wasn't the time or place to wonder what the spirit was, or why it was here- he was just thankful it had taken over enough to help him move the man. Emmrich walked him to his car, got him in the passenger seat, before he glanced back at the scene.

The flowers he had sold were clutched in the dead man's hand, as if they had just been gifted to him. Oh, that would be lovely to deal with once the body was discovered- everyone knew his handy work with flowers when they saw it. He could pluck the bouquet up, but something about it felt important.

He stepped back into the alley, found the man he had managed to pack into his car had left a rather devious looking knife where he had fallen. Emmrich stooped down and picked it up, not wanting to leave anything of the man's behind. He moved over to the body, noticed there was a much smaller knife protruding from beneath the corpse- as if he the man had used it and then collapsed onto the hand holding it.

Emmrich pushed at the body slightly- and oh, yes, this was a great decision to make, to not only remove a man who had most likely just committed murder in broad daylight, but to also take evidence with him. But he was operating on a gut instinct he couldn't seem to deny.

He pulled the little knife free, then hurried back to his car, tossing both in the backseat. He climbed in and threw the vehicle back into drive, speeding just a bit as he hurried from the city.

Emmrich's home was a solid twenty minutes outside the busier parts of Nevarra- an old country home. It was a lovely place of repose, and never once he had hated that he had been separated from the more lively aspects of the city.

Today, he was.

The spirit seemed to have receded- most likely not bemused by the pain it had discovered upon possessing the young man. Every thirty seconds Emmrich glanced at him, kept his eyes locked on his chest long enough to see it rise with a single breath, before looking at the road.

He ran two stop signs without even noticing.

By the time he pulled into his driveway, the cool wind had turned to a light rain. Emmrich always kept an umbrella in the car, but the thought to grab it didn't even cross his mind as he threw his car door open, rushing out and around it. He opened the passenger door, leaned in and gently shook the stranger by the shoulder's again.

When there was no response he said in a loud and stern voice- the kind he used to invoke when students were far too rambunctious during his lectures- "Spirit, I need you to wake up!"

Those eyes opened again, amethyst and glowing, and the man frowned. "Hurt- what is this?" Emmrich ignored it for a moment, trying to haul the man out of the car. The spirit had to assist, and gave a sharp, loud noise as it bent towards the wound on his side.

"If you want to continue having a host, you'll help me get him inside." Emmrich kicked the door shut- something he hadn't done since his youth- and all but dragged the man to his front door. The rain wet his hair, began to undo the work he put into it every morning, so that a few wet strands clung to his forehead. He managed to get the door unlocked and shut with his hip behind them. He headed for the stairs, and found he could barely step up the first one with the extra weight leaning into him. "You'll have to help more than that," he said, rather sharply.

The spirit grumbled, as if it had been about to slumber and been pulled awake again. But the man supported enough of his own weight that Emmrich could climb the stairs, guiding him. Without much thought he went for his own bedroom, shouldering the door open and guiding the man to his bed, helping him to sit on the edge.

"No. More!" As soon as the man was settled the spirit pulled back, and his eyes fluttered shut. He pitched to the side, collapsing into Emmrich's pillows.

Panting from the exertion, Emmrich simply stared at him for a moment. What in all of the heavens and hells was he doing?

Without a proper answer, he pulled his scarf off and shed his jacket, leaving both on the floor- very much unlike him- and began working the man's jacket off the arm near his injury. His knuckles brushed the man's side and grew warm, sticky, wet. A quick glance showed his shirt had been quite soaked with blood.

Emmrich cursed, before he pivoted from the bed and out the door, hurrying to the bathroom. He opened his sink cabinet, pulling out a well kept first aid kit, which had seen little to no use beyond the occasional band-aide due to a pricked or sliced finger.

He hurried back to the room, assessing the slumped man. He needed to get to the wound, but he didn't think he could get the man's shirt off the way he was- and he doubted the spirit was going to assist again.

He left just long enough to track down a pair of scissors, before he returned and grasped the hem of the man's shirt, pinching the fabric between the blades. In a shockingly quick and precise movement, he cut up to the collar, until it was split open like his jacket. Scissors set aside, Emmrich pushed the fabric from his chest and abdomen, found a rather small but deep looking wound, in the man's side.

A knife wound- the small blade he'd taken off the dead man.

Emmrich opened the first aid kit, pulled out a bottle of disinfectant, and after only a moment of consideration, poured a healthy dose directly over the wound. The man grimaced, tossed his head, face scrunching up in pain- but Emmrich had to ignore it. There was no world in which this would be pleasant.

He left the room again, feeling frenzied, disorganized, as he rushed for the linen closet. He tossed it open, pulled out a pile of towels, before closing it with his heel and hurrying back. He took a smaller towel and pressed it to the wound, applying pressure. While there was a lot of blood, he was pleased to notice the wound didn't seem to be bleeding heavily now.

He pulled the towel away, wiped at the skin with a clean corner, before he poured more disinfectant onto another one and wiped at the wound. Another little pained sound, and he glanced up at the man.

He looked much younger than he had, earlier, unconscious like this.

Emmrich turned back to the wound, moved the towel aside and piled on a few layers of heavy gauze from his first aid kit. He taped them on- with perhaps too much tape- but it held, and he was pleased to notice that the blood wasn't soaking through right away.

"Right. Crisis averted." He straightened up, his back aching from the amount of lifting and bending he had been doing, and placed his hands on his hips for just a moment, taking in the man's slightly damp hair, his sweat soaked shirt still hanging limply on him.

Concerned the man might end up ill on top of this, he sat on the edge of the bed, bent over and got his arms around him, carefully pulling him into a sitting position. He slumped against Emmrich, pure dead weight, and nearly knocked the wind from him. Still, after some rather frustrating effort, Emmrich managed to get the man's jacket and sliced shirt off his arms and tossed to the floor as well. He reached blindly for a towel, swiped it down his well but lean muscled back. He could feel how warm the man was, through the towel-

And, of course, by the way he was leaning into Emmrich. It wasn't unpleasant.

"Oh get a hold of yourself," Emmrich muttered to no one other than him, as he gently guided the man back down to the bed. He wiped down his chest, before he stood up, moving down the bed to work his boots off his feet. Then, with a bit of effort, he managed to free the blanket from beneath him and draped it over him, effectively tucking him in as he gently pressed the blanket just under his shoulders.

Content that the man was as comfortable as he could be, Emmrich walked out of the room, heading down the stairs and bee-lining directly for his kitchen. He felt as if he was on autopilot, as he took out his kettle, filled it with water, and turned on the stove to let it warm.

He was only pulled out of the mindless movement by an inquisitive little meow. He blinked, before he looked down, a gray cat staring up at him.

"Oh Manfred, how rude of me that I didn't greet you when I first arrived." Emmrich bent down, scooped up the cat and cradled him to his chest. The cat closed its shockingly green eyes, purring softly, as Emmrich rocked him slightly. "I fear I may have finally lost my mind, Manfred. There's a half naked strange man upstairs, and I think he might have killed a man."

The cat murped, but otherwise stayed content in Emmrich's arms. Right, of course he wouldn't care. So long as he was fed and still received the majority of Emmrich's attention, the world could burn and Manfred wouldn't bat an eye. He was just most of the company Emmrich had, and it felt odd and quite frankly, rude to not explain the situation.

Not that he could even explain it to himself. Not a single thing he had done since perhaps meeting this man's eyes for the first time could be considered rational. And Emmrich was, at his heart, a rational man.

Even if a large portion of academia might disagree and say he was far more driven by foolish, fairy tale delusions.

Emmrich sighed, finally set Manfred down, and moved to get a mug for his tea. He had a feeling this was going to be a long night- with more unanswered questions than he had even formed yet.

[artstennisracket]

Artrick hurt/comfort? I think I need art being comforted by Patrick about something so bad

this was soooo cute, I feel like Patrick would 100% be amazing at comforting Art

cw: fluff

Art never really cried often. There were exactly two times that Patrick had ever seen Art cry, once when he took a tennis ball straight to the dick during practice (it was very painful) and second when his grandma ended up in the hospital. She was still kicking but the thought of losing her struck Art to his core.

One thing Art never really cried about was tennis. He had been doing it for so long that he’s accepted that losses just come with playing the game, no one ever always wins. However, this particular match was the tipping point.

Art had been having such a shitty week. His girlfriend, Stacy, had broken up with him. She felt like he prioritized tennis (shocker they go to tennis boarding school) and Patrick, over spending time with her. Whatever. He also wasn’t doing too hot in his history class. He usually aces everything but his mind had been really cloudy the past few days, his game has been off, and so had his school work.

Now come to think of it, he hadn’t seen Patrick since last night so who even knows what he’s been up to. Overall Art was just feeling pretty down and upset so he knew he wouldn’t be on his A-game for Florida Regional Boys Final that day. This was the one year he had a real shot since him and Patrick didn’t end up versing each other in any of the qualifiers, so once Patrick lost, Art realized there was no other competitor he was worried about.

Unfortunately it was just bad timing. It was down to last set and the odds were not in his favor. He had missed too many shots and lost the final. He felt like he wanted to cry right there on the court, but he held it in until he got back to his room. There, Patrick was already waiting with open arms.

“hey it’s okay babe, you’ll get ‘em next year.” Patrick says soothingly as he takes Art into a giant bear hug.

That was enough to let the flood gates open and now Art is full on sobbing in Patrick’s arms. Patrick takes Art’s hat off and strokes his hair, his other hand moving up and down Art’s back hoping to calm him down.

“it was just a bad match is all, that happens sometimes.” Patrick says softly.

Art shakes his head no, inadvertently nuzzling into Patrick’s chest, “no i’m such a fucking idiot. i should’ve trained harder, i should’ve been better, but i’m just a fucking loser.”

Patrick pull away to look Art in the eyes. “no none of that, you’re not a loser. what loser ends up in regional finals to begin with? how many people did you have to beat to get there? and you are definitely not an idiot you get way better grades than me, if ur an idiot what does that make me?” Patrick says in all seriousness.

Art sniffles looking down, breaking their eye contact, “doesn’t matter, i lost the game that mattered.”

Patrick puts his hand under Art’s chin, forcing Art to look up at him. “but they all matter don’t they? that’s the only way to get to the final. my point is art you are an amazing tennis player, if not this year then i’m sure you’ll win next year. you did really well, i’m so proud of you babe.” Patrick responds.

Art’s sniffles start to subside and Patrick wipes the fallen tears on Art’s cheeks. “can you take a deep breath for me?” Patrick asks.

Art nods before taking a deep breath in through his nose and out through his mouth.

“there we go, now how’re you feeling?” Patrick questions.

Art shrugs. He’s definitely calmed down but overall he just feels meh.

“hm well we can’t have that now can we?” Patrick smirks and before Art can register what’s happening, Patrick’s hands make their way to Art’s armpits and he starts tickling him.

Art shrieks, “patrickkkk! stopppp”, he’s laughing and trying his best to wiggle out of Patrick’s grasp.

Patrick stops, letting go of Art. “i just wanted to see you smile babe, consider it payment for my services.”

Art shakes his head, faint smile on his face “yeah yeah, whatever. now i’m just exhausted and kind of hungry too.”

Patrick nods, he thinks for a second then says “well how about I go get us something from the cafeteria or better yet i’ll order some takeout and then we can take a nap, how does that sound?”

That actually sounded really nice. Art never realized just how much Patrick takes care of him, “thank you patrick.”

Patrick shrugs, he knows he’ll always take care of Art no matter what they go through or how they change throughout their life, “you don’t have to thank me, that’s what best friends are for.”

[ghoulfuckersincorporated]

Hot take: Cooper Howard was an avid drug user before the bombs. Boyfriend was a big Hollywood star; all that pressure and you’re telling me that he’d be clean? My guy was prolly seeing more snow than Alaska.

Another Anon with 100% correct opinions who deserves a kiss straight on the mouth. Mwah.

But also...do you guys have backdoor access to my drafts? Yet again, someone comes into the ask box discussing a topic I was already thinking heavily on for a long-form piece; definitely touching on a lot of this in the next installments of Duplicity. Mister Howard doesn't deal with stress in the healthiest of ways. I also have a follow-up to this question in the inbox and I'm so glad you sent separate asks, actually, because I have a ton to say about this topic.

Substance use was absolutely a cornerstone of Cooper Howard's life long before the bombs dropped.

His vices of choice are primarily alcohol and cocaine (and cigarettes, obviously, but that's a societal addiction in the world he comes from), the former especially. Cooper is the definition of a high-functioning alcoholic. While he did dabble a bit more in party drugs when he and Barb were younger, when he was first starting to become famous and make good money, he more or less gave them up when Janey came along.

The coke use started as a social thing, a curiosity and a fun enhancer that he, and even Barb, occasionally, would dabble in. While he'd never pressure her to use (well, not that much, at least...), the few times she did are pretty fond memories to him, even after they split. She's always been a pretty straight-laced, serious, and high-achieving person, and he loved seeing her open up any time she decided to let her hair down. Plus, the sex after they got home would always be extra wild.

Addiction runs in the family on Cooper's side, so he grew up around people who drank a lot, and began drinking rather young himself as a result. He's been a fan of the sauce for a long time, far before his marriage or even his time in the army. Once they'd made it to Los Angeles, social drinking became a pretty big part of the Howard's lives, both using alcohol and sharing drinks with important contacts as a way to network their way into better opportunities. Barb isn't nearly as much of a drinker at home, save for an occasional glass of wine with dinner or a celebratory cocktail to top off a big accomplishment.

Coop's relationship with alcohol changed after he returned from his deployment; for the first time in his life, he began to more frequently use booze to chase away feelings he didn't want to feel, thoughts he didn't want to have. However, he kept a pretty solid handle on his habit for a long time, at least in terms of keeping it a secret. Janey's birth made it easy to keep his consumption to a minimum for several years. However, as his career began to decline as he aged (and as Vault-Tec became a more and more prominent presence in his life), he turned back to the bottle. When his stress began to peak, he started using cocaine more and more to "take the edge off".

He gets quite defensive (even aggressive, depending on who you are and how hard you push) if you start asking him too many questions about his substance use. Doesn't appreciate the implication that he has a problem he can't control. Cooper is already painfully aware of the number of things in his life that he has no control over and refuses to add another to the list. His manager, a pretty good friend with good intentions, very casually mentioned him possibly checking into rehab exactly once and he absolutely blew his lid. The idea of the public knowing about his struggles, judging him, laughing at him is more than he can bear, and that fear only intensifies after he spends over a year being mocked for his divorce and career backslide.

Besides, if he went to rehab, Barb would know, and that idea humiliates him. As far as he knows, he's hidden his problem from her for a long time.

Barb sees the signs much more clearly than he thinks, though. He comes home from parties she didn't attend incredibly late, teeth-grittingly on-edge and horny, but can't get it up properly due to the blow. Has the lingering smell of whiskey on his breath when she kisses him in the morning and conveniently always has a coffee waiting for her so she doesn't ask for a sip of his. Towards the end of their marriage, she finds a couple of flasks in places so obscure that they can only be hidden stashes, implying he's drinking so often that he feels the need to have near-constant access to alcohol.

Cooper's been a poor sleeper since his time in the service. He came back changed in more ways than one, but that was the most noticeable. However, he acts different when he's awake from insomnia versus when he's awake because he's fucked up. A regular night of bad sleep includes him quietly curled up in a chair, studying a script or watching the television turned down low as he tries his best to will himself into some rest.

When he's high, though, he has too much energy to sit still, so sometimes she'll wake up to him finishing up some household task that absolutely could have waited, or even doing things they pay people to do. She finds it hard to believe that he, for example, did four loads of laundry overnight or gave his car a meticulous tune-up because he was just that bored, despite his insistence. Once, she found him out in the back yard in the middle of the night, shooting live ammunition at a target and murmuring to himself. Though she'd stayed up and lingered at the window for hours watching over him, for the first time ever in their marriage, she'd been afraid of him, too unsure of how he'd react to approach.

She hadn't known it at the time, of course, but they'd be divorced within two years of that night.

His addiction issues absolutely came up in court, though they weren't the focus of any of the discussions. Barb withholds some information. While she fails to truly grasp all of the reasons her marriage ended, and therefore goes into the divorce angry and wanting to get back at him for his perceived rejections, she doesn't want to completely drag his name through the mud. But she still mentions a few aspects of it, namely those she feels could impact Janey. Cooper takes this very personally, especially when their custody split is decided and he's dissatisfied with the outcome.

After the split, when he no longer sees his family every day and spends significantly more time alone, his use increases, as does his tolerance. All the while, his ability to hide his dependence slowly wears away. Unfortunately, he has no idea what's in store for him in the future.

If he did, though, it'd probably only drive him to use more.

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~