#not Literally i mean she doesn't seem mean but then i mean she also harshly criticizes teachers on the gc

[shadowbannedthehedgehog]

you ever realize how ur perception of other ppl's perception of u is based on ur perception of them?

[abiatackerman]

Rejection

Event: @levievent "Levi Month 24"

🍷 Day 25: Drunk/Drugged 🍷

Canon universe! Captain Levi Ackerman X Scout (unidentified rank) Reader! Comedy! Fluff! Slight curse words! 1.2K words!

🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷

"What does he think of himself? He may be the strongest soldier but he's nothing but an arrogant ass. A rude-boring-short arrogant ass! How dare he? He rejected me? Actually a shitty person like him didn't even deserve my confession in the first place!"

You hiss with anger as you gulp all the liquor of the glass with just a single sip. You harshly put the glass on the table and glare at the brunette who's sitting beside you.

"You're to blame too! 'I'm 99.9% sure Levi's crazy for you! Just go and tell your feelings I bet he'll then share his feelings too!' Well, fuck your assumptions, Hange. And fuck that midget! Look, where you've led me! I'm now humiliated, heartbroken, furious and drinking like a stupid bitch. All because of your assumptions!"

You scold Hange with a loud voice, a voice which is completely indicating that you're 100% drunk. You clumsily try to reach the bottle but Hange quickly moves that away from your reach.

"Listen girl, first of all I said I was 99.9% sure. There was a 0.1% chance that he'll reject you. Also he didn't actually reject you, he just told you not to be dramatic. He was doing paperwork when you went to confess and I guess he was actually shy to accept your proposal."

You glare at Hange and they smile nervously. Because she's feeling that you're furious and you probably want to throw something at her. Hange quickly checks if there's something in your reach or not.

"He literally told me 'Stop being dramatic and mind your own business, dumbass' when I just confessed to him? Pouring all my emotions, I expressed my emotions to him as clearly as I could and he did what? Told me to mind my own business? Called me a dumbass and started to sign some paperworks?! Well, he's right though I'm totally a fool. I shouldn't have proposed to him in the first place. And hey lemme drink!"

You try to reach out for the bottle which Hange is holding too high for you to reach.

"No girly, enough drink for tonight. You're totally wasted. More drinking will take you nowhere other than resulting in severe headaches. So let's not pain yourself anymore for an arrogant ass shorty."

Hange's words calm you down and you move away.

"Right, why was I drinking anyway? He doesn't deserve it! I should just try to forget about him. I'll go to sleep and starting tomorrow I'll make plans to make his world a living hell. I'll sneak out to his room and mess everything up, make his room filthy with everything I can."

You speak with a smile and Hange laughs.

"I'll surely help you. Like girl, damn... I'll definitely help you... Now let me walk you to your room. You're too drunk to move."

You nod at Hange's words and clumsily stand up. Hange wraps an arm around your waist, supporting you as you both start to walk towards the barracks.

But luckily or unluckily, the person you hate the most (right now, I mean) shows up. It seems like he was on the way of his barracks too. Your face turns red with anger and you curse immediately glaring at him like you want to kill him.

But it's Levi we're talking about! He just takes a look at you glaring and hissing at him and ignores it like it's nothing. He then just casually asks Hange with his usual calm voice.

"Are you carrying a wild kitten with you at this hour? It's almost midnight and you both should be sleeping, four eyes."

At his words you feel your face turns red with anger.

"Excuse me, what did you......"

Before you can finish your sentence Hange pushes you towards Levi and stumbling, you end up in Levi's arms. Cursing, Levi catches you instinctively, wrapping his arms around your waist.

"What the fuck, Hange?"

You both ask annoyedly at the same time. Hange just laughs.

"You're the reason why Y/N's this drunk so you're the one who's gonna babysitting her. Now take your girl to her room and apologize to her before she actually starts to hate you for real."

Hange says pointing their finger at Levi and you look at her glaring. You're still leaning on Levi though, and his arms are still wrapped around you.

"I'm gonna kill you, bitch. You're a betrayer! How can you do this to me?"

You ask furiously and Hange sighs, placing her hands on her waist.

"No sweetie, actually you'll be thanking me tomorrow. Now have fun lovebirds. Also Levi you can take advantage of her if you want. She's totally wasted."

You look at Hange with disbelief as you hear Levi taking a deep breath. He's probably trying to control his anger. Hange just laughs and walks off casually like they haven't just made two people wanting to kill them (Hange).

You look up at Levi's face from his neck as you hear him clicking his tongue. You can't help but realise how pretty he actually is.... You wish to kiss his sharp jawline so badly, bite and suck his neck and...

"Stop ogling, doll."

You blink as Levi's voice pulls you out of your fantasies. His voice is rather soft now and you furrow your eyebrows.

"What have you done to yourself? I thought you were sassy enough to brush off a rejection? Now what the hell is this? You're totally wasted!"

Levi softly scolds you and moves his hand down to pick you up but you slap his hand off.

"I can walk myself! And I didn't drink because you rejected me but because how stupid I was! You're right I was a dumbass for thinking you like me. You're the 'Humanity's strongest soldier' after all! I forgot that you're standards must be fucking high. You're fucking arrogant after all! My sweet confession was just a drama to you! After all why would you want a short girl like me when you have taller richer girls drooling over you?"

Your voice breaks and your eyes tears up as you try to break Levi's hug. Levi remains totally silent but his arms tighten around you.

"I'm sorry."

You pause as you hear the words. Did he just apologize?

"What?"

You ask looking up at him with furrowed eyebrows.

"I never would have acted that way if I knew you would be this hurt. I was just so confused that I didn't know how to react."

Levi says softly and looks into your eyes. His gaze is soft and there's a genuine apologetic look in them.

"I'm sorry, doll. But I, I like you too, I'm just bad with words and expressing my emotions."

Your face softens and you nod.

"I know that! But you were still rude. I haven't forgiven you yet! For you I drank like a loser and I'm probably going to have a painful headache tomorrow."

You complain like a kid making Levi smile. This time you don't stop when he picks you up.

"Will you forgive me if I'm gonna take care of you tomorrow."

You wrap your arms around his neck as he speaks and smile against his chest.

"We'll see."

You mumble against his grey shirt, hiding your smile as Levi walks towards your room.

"I know you will. After all you're crazily in love with me."

"Shut up!"

[sailorgundam308]

Karlach isn't a good girl

Listen, LISTEN. I love her, okay? Now that's out of the way. I see many people reducing her personality to the "big friendly labrador dog" thing. And while it's cute and all that, I disagree. Let me get into why I think Karlach isn't the goodie nice girl she puts a lot of effort to be. She has just returned to Faerun when we meet her in game, and she IS trying her bestest to start anew, to be the best version of herself now that she is free. But it doesn't mean she was always like that, or that her past has not changed her. I think it did - quite a lot, in fact.

Let's start with Gortash. She worked for this fucker. Granted, she might not have known he was such an evil bastard at the time, but she was his bodyguard. And by bodyguard, it is implied that she was his bully, his enforcer and debt collector - you know, the kind that breaks knees and kills people. When she meets an old friend in the city, that friend asks her if she is still in "the business of intimidation", and offers her to come see weapons. Even though Karlach, in her mind, might have been convincing herself that doing such a job was to help someone she respected, she still did it. And that is FINE. She was a young orphan, a tiefling in a place where tieflings are discriminated against harshly, poor and without much perspective. Of course a guy coming over offering her a well paid job that she excelled in would seem like winning a lottery. Still, she was a pretty shady violent person doing it. Now, the Hells. Avernus. She was sold to Zariel quite young still, and went through all sorts of torture and other perks enslavement gets you. For 10 years. She was scared shitless while there, especially in the beginning - she says so herself (to Halsin). All the carnage she inflicted was not (very) voluntary. She HAD to, or she would be the one getting killed. But she enjoyed it - or grew to. She likes violence, the adrenaline of it, the rush of excitement. The thrill of it, she says, is second only to sex.

Continuing on. Avernus, as well as the other layers of the Nine Hells, is not like the Material Plane. The place itself influences you. It means that being in Avernus for any time changes/corrupts/influences who you are. The longer you stay there, the deeper it gets. It did so to Zariel who was a literal angel. Avernus (and it's Archdevil's personality) insidiously get in your body and heart. It is just the way it goes, lore-wise, in DnD. If a fucking SOLAR wasn't immune to it, Karlach - young and lost - certainly wouldn't be either. Even more so because she was near Zariel all the time. I strongly believe Karlach was getting more and more exactly like Zariel - who herself is a fierce berserker warrior who charges head first into battle. Zariel is KNOWN to be this crazy strong, insane, fearless and (in her mind) righteous demon-smiting war machine. Sounds similar to a nice red tiefling we know, doesn't it? Now, did Zariel chose Karlach beause she was already like this, or did Karlach took after Zariel while she fought with her? Hard to tell. In any case, Karlach's 10 years in the Hells did change her. Needless to say, Avernus doesn't change you for the better. It doesn't mean that Karlach became "evil" - she is obviously far from it. But she is chaotic, violent and bloodthirsty. She is also selfish. There are several situations where this personality trait of her comes up.

It may sound kinda wild considering how she offers to help everyone and even sacrifice herself (since she's already dying anyway) - when we meet her. But that's the thing: she is being as selfless as she can now because she has been very selfish for a very long time (proof she has a conscience). Perhaps, she is terrified of what she was becoming and is trying to make amends, to revert whatever evil was growing in her.

She mentions herself that she did not help the tieflings of Elturel when their city was pulled down into Avernus. She did not get out of her way to help them. Instead, she thought that if "she was living that nightmare, they'd have to live it too". She would not put her neck on the line to help another - which, not so coincidentally, is typical behavior in the Hells (again, proof that Avernus was indeed getting to her). The Hag's Vicious Mockery targeted specifically at Karlach mentions how she is willing to "sell everyone's soul's if it means she can save hers". We do not know exactly what it refers to - soul coins, throwing others under the bus, ignoring people in need - but it reinforces the idea that Karlach was not the nicest person for at least 12+ years. Granted, the devils around her were much worse - but they are DEVILS in HELL. So.

Generally, in game we notice that her effort to survive and stay alive has pushed her selfishness to grow. But it still is selfishness. Another example is how she disapproves (together with Astarion), if you say to healer Nettie that you "swear to drink the Wyvern poison". She wouldn't drink it. She'd rather kill Nettie (that gets hostile).

Another hint at her grey-ish personality is when she talks to/about Wyll after he is punished by Mizora for not having killed Karlach. She mentions that she would NOT have done the same in his place. That he was better than her. Again, she would not put her skin on the line like that. She would and has turned a blind eye to situations and persons if it meant it would guarantee her survival or avoid injury. (Mind you, I 100% belive she would do this sacrifice if she was in love with someone, though.)

She will ask to, and will use Soul Coins even though she knows it's morally a sus choice to do so. If you play as her she will repeat to herself "I won't use them, they are people's souls - and I am GOOD." like she is trying to convince herself. Because she would fucking use them to smash some big fuckers in a blink - and feel awesome while doing it. Even as her, she keeps insisting "But... maybe I can use them... JUST when I really need them." Additionally, when she talks to the bugbear merchant in Moonrise Towers and he offers her soul coins, she doesn't really feel guilty for the stories of the souls in them. She even says at some point "they are already doomed, so why not use them anyway", justifying that she will only kill evil bastards with them. In any case, the morality of her choice is debatable. It makes clear that Karlach is not "lawful good" by any stretch.

Let me reiterate that just because I am saying all this about Karlach, doesn't mean I dislike her. I think she is abso-fucking-lutely the best character in the game. But I hate to see her personality "flattened" to nice happy go lucky gal. I think she has a grey-tinged personality - she has good and bad aspects to herself; she has character flaws too.

But I also think that she is trying her damn hardest to be the best she can be right then. The opposite of what she's been. Maybe it is because she has so little time left, that she needs to be the absolute best version of herself while she can. Perhaps she is trying to be what she would have been if her parents did not die - because they seemed like great loving parents. And I think Karlach didn't turn into a broken evil maniac because of them, the way they raised her while they were alive. But she lost her mom at 6, her father around 13-15. After that, it was struggling on the streets, Gortash and Zariel - betrayal, violence, carnage, war and loneliness. It is too naive to think a person would not change after all this, that Karlach would not carry more scars than those she shows on her body. To her credit, she turned much MUCH better than anyone would have. She WILL kill with a grin on her face, seek violence, blood and even revel in it - she learned to relish it and now it's part of who she is. She is selfish, she will look out for herself and has no qualms about killing or throwing people she doesn't care for under the bus (if she sees justification for it). BUT she knows what evil is, and doesn't let shit happen to people who don't deserve it. She will side with those who suffer prejudice and fight against what she sees as injustice - but even she has a limit to how far she'd go.

If you raid the Emerald Grove, she will leave the party. To me, this screams of her trying to right her past wrongs. She left the Elturians to their fate once before, so she MUST save them now that she has another chance - and that it won't cost her her life. I love her being 1/3 brutal killing machine (and fucking LOVING it), 1/3 ptsd, fear and overcompensating trauma under a smile, and 1/3 just trying her best, really, and being lovely for it. Phew. That was a long rant. I guess I just wanted to organize my thoughts about it a bit :V

[modernsuperhero]

Tbh as much as i love seablings i like the idea that lizzie's death has nothing to do with jimmy's curse more. Lizzie's death was her own. If we want to talk about jimmy's curse, instead of lizzie's tragedy, then let's talk about how it was broken on accident.

Consider this: every game has been the same except this one. Certain "curses" are attached to certain people - Jimmy the canary, Skizz the boogey, etc. But not this time - or, well.

Last game was the first time, according to martyn's canon, that two players were so damaged from the watchers' overfeeding on their significant traumas (pearl witnessing scott's suicide, cleo's own traumatic death) that the listeners were able to intervene and temporarily swap their souls out with, ofc, lizzie and gem, to give them reprieve to recover.

I like the perspective that instead of there being one death loop that restarts over and over, there are multiple happening all the time. They overlap. The watchers are of course constantly feeding - and perhaps this is why the members of each loop vary slightly over time. Adding ingredients, removing others, as time wears on. Lizzie was not actively in a loop during limited life - but that does not mean she hasn't been in death games in the meantime. Perhaps even gem has, too, though i believe possessing cleo was her first time.

Also last season, grian was yanked out of his body by the watchers, attempting to remove him from stunting the growth of their anguish farm (making it a game instead of a saw trap, as @stalarys so aptly put it). But he managed to keep his claws in the game, even going so far as to break beyond the literal borders of the game - "we're already dead," as he said, leading the nosy neighbors beyond the veil - because grian is nothing in any universe if not stubborn in the face of authority.

We know from last season that the games are already unstable. The listeners' influence is growing, and grian is proving to be more and more of a problem. (He definitely doesn't know about the listeners' existence, but he's likely unaware of how he may be helping them, and they him.)

Jimmy is not dead first. But he dies so soon after - the second body to fall.

The game, the watchers, the farm - it course corrects when things go wrong.

Grian, who has broken the rules this season not once but thrice - allowing an exception for scar to reroll, even allowing breaking of his own rule on helmets (for both scar and mumbo), and falsely rolling a success last session, is given a chaotic impossible task. (Grian tends to doom his allies - curse or simply bad choices, he is teamed with etho, and their rerolls are entwined. They seem personal, don't they? Etho ran from grian's wither once before. Grian died leading out a warden.) He succeeds, on one heart despite everything, only to be slain on top of the button itself.

He's stuck in spectator. Isn't that perfect? The game, HIS game, GLITCHED. His grip on his in-game body, the part of him he wedged into the mechanics of this death loop, slipped. He regained it, sure, but now he is forced to course correct: he comes back green when he should be yellow.

And grian has just seen the price of breaking too many rules. Jimmy's funeral was too soon. He switches back to yellow, rerolls for his deserved prizes at the cost of his own chances of victory.

(Because victory, while still a goal, is not the point. The point is to break the game.)

(Last season, tango watched one of his closest and most common allies sacrifice himself for his team. This season, he allies with him again. It's ironic that they're giving away their hearts to others - similar to giving away their time. Maybe skizz's death impacted tango too harshly. Maybe his pain fed a bit too much.)

(This is the first season since skizz, an angel, died so full of divine bloodlust that it manifested as the boogey curse, that he has been here and his curse has not. Two curses now, tentatively broken.)

(Martyn feeds the watchers more when he is an unguided hand, wandering and hurting, so ren has not been in this particular loop for a while now. He is available to replace tango, just for a bit, just like how gem and lizzie replaced cleo and pearl.)

Last season, the games finally started to break.

This season, we get to see the cracks.

(The watchers are more obvious this season. The keeper's symbol, grian's lack of achievement entering the end... They're grappling for control as it is slowly but surely dragged away from them.)

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

i was thinking about how ariel from the little mermaid is criticized so harshly for "giving up her voice and family for some guy" when there was definitely a lot more to it than that.

ariel had dreams outside of eric. she wanted to see the world, she wanted to get acquainted with humans and human traditions and she wasn't satisfied with her life underwater. that was the whole point of "part of your world", she barely mentions eric in it. he was just a bonus in her new life, not her entire purpose.

why am i talking about a random disney movie? it's because i was thinking of lumity, and how amity also rebelled against her family for a new life. except.. amity really only mentions luz (and "the others" because let's be real, she did not give a shit about willow and gus at that point). amity's sole reason to go against her family's values was luz.

this, if anything, could be considered "giving up everything for a love interest" but people don't see it that way because amity's parents were shitty to begin with. but if you look at the little mermaid from a different perspective, you could argue that king triton wasn't a very good parent either.

he literally throws a temper tantrum just because his teenage daughter has a crush on a guy. ariel is legit terrified in that scene, and regardless of whether triton had good intentions or not, he made his daughter feel unsafe and turn to an impulsive decision in a moment of emotional distress.

all of this to say, you could argue that ariel had no reason to stay with her family either, given that her father lacks emotional sensitivity and does not sit down and try to communicate with his child, instead of destroying her collection and scaring her away.

coming back to amity, i can understand that luz inspired her to actually do something about her abusive parents, and that's sweet. but we never get to see what else amity wanted. since they never established a friendship arc between amity and gus or willow (she apologized to willow, sure, but the rekindling of their relationship happens much later on), all we know is that amity is tired of being abused and she wants to be with luz.

from an abuse victim's perspective, amity standing up against her parents was powerful. but unlike ariel, amity doesn't seem to want anything besides luz. and she never explores what she wants to do, now that she has successfully cut herself away from her mother's influence. her whole life revolves around luz after that.

there was that abomination brawl episode but even that ended up being about luz. the brawl was just a quick montage, it only existed for the emotional drama that came later on. in fact, even when the plot was focused on amity, it was more about her relationship with her father rather than her autonomy and personal interests.

there's a reason why a lot of people liked the mean girl version of amity. she had personality, she had interests and goals, she had CHARACTER. it was all fake and a result of trauma, but it was there and it helped flesh out her character. but after she is redeemed? there's nothing left of the old amity, not even the more positive/neutral traits, and her only personality is "luz's awesome girlfriend".

amity's arc should have been about exploring what she wanted outside of her parents' wishes. abuse often turns you into a shell of a person and recovering from years of trauma isn't as simple as getting a romantic partner. it takes therapy (and that is canonically an option in the boiling isles, let me remind you), it takes self-reflection, it takes giving yourself the permission to choose your own destiny and explore yourself outside of your abusers' expectations.

and amity gets none of this. her trauma and arc was resolved too quickly, even for a show that was cut short. they just gave her a makeover, got her into a relationship with luz and called it a day. the only reason people aren't giving her the ariel treatment is (probably) because lumity is a queer ship.

[silviakundera]

The Princess Royal ep 35 comments

So the writers made a signifucant change here, with having a traumatized, pregnant Li Rong decide to hide the revelation of the past from Pei Wenxuan instead of just having a complete breakdown in his arms.

The adaption has actually been overall shockingly novel complaint (it may be streamlined and less able to communicate complex character dynamics but on the whole the major events all track and tons of dialogue is lifted from the novel)... so I find myself curious about the few big deviations.

Why do I think they made this choice?

Suspense: the desire to create a conflict & tension btw our leads, because by this period in the story they are so on sync and united in purpose that I think the screenwriter is worried that it's too bland (if we recall The Double, some viewers felt a certain malaise with that couple at the end because they just supported each other w no conflict & drama).

No sex : in the novel they fuck about it; not gonna happen here. With all that stripped away, all of the emotional conflicts & resulting catharsis are happening between other characters in the last chapters. So what to do?

Mirrored behavior: I think perhaps we are intended to see a comparison in how SRQ didn't want to tell LR this secret out of protection for her mental health. He would rather be the villian to her who killed her for a blood feud, than see her face the truth. He originally wanted to "fix everything" without her having to know. SRQ is LR's foil. So I can see how perhaps drama writers thought it would be a plausible reaction for LR hide this from PWX and try to "fix it" behind his back, so his hands are clean and HE didn't betray the crown prince. In the drama as she is doing this, her voice over literally thinks that the only person she can trust is PWX. She just wants to keep him out of it. And then says some stuff in temporary anger when they fight about it.

So how do I feel about the change? While I do prefer the novel version, I guess I can agree it's a plausible scenario in the drama - because the drama's streamlining has reduced the emphasis on LR and SRQ standing on opposite sides politically. In the novel, frankly I do not see her joining w SRQ's camp for even 10 minutes. It just wouldn't happen. At this point, sure she knows he means well but they fundamentally disagree on what is the right path for the country. Even a panicking & broken novel!LR wouldn't be tempted to let a puppet Li Cheng take the throne.

But if I keep an open mind, I can see how in the live action version this might seem like a plausible stop-gap measure for LR and then she thinks she can recover and course correct after. I don't agree with the writing choice but I don't HATE it.

I'll be honest - It's hard for me to judge her too harshly for her immediate reactions in either novel or drama because her lament is just TOO SAD. I know she's far from a perfect person, but it really hurts my heart.

novel snippets of her soliloquy:

"Li Rong, let yourself go."

These words were like a heavy hammer hitting Li Rong, shattering her heart abruptly. She wanted to fight back, to retort, but in the end, it only became a rhetorical question, "If I let myself go, who will let me go?"

"No one has spared me!"

When these words came out, she could no longer restrain the pain she had been trying so hard to contain, "Everyone is using me, Chuan'er doesn't believe me and killed me, Shangguan Ya and Su Rongqing watched me die. Pei Wenxuan," Li Rong grabbed Pei Wenxuan's sleeve as she stared at him with tearful eyes, "how do you want me to let myself go?"

"No one believes me, you all think I'm bad, that I'm selfish, that I'm power-hungry, that I'm unscrupulous, that I won't think of any of you."

"So Li Chuan wants to kill me, Shangguan Ya wants me dead, Su Rongqing watches me drink the poison and says nothing, and even you," Li Rong tugged at his shirt with a deadly grip, "do you also think that I'm pushing you now? That I'm slandering your feelings, that I'm suffering so I'm making you suffer too?"

Pei Wenxuan froze, Li Rong lowered her head, she restrained herself, she tried to calm herself down a little.

She had hurt too many people, everyone had abandoned her, she wanted to be kinder to Pei Wenxuan, she shouldn't have indulged herself.

"I didn't."

She sounded dumb, "I just want to, to be nice to you. I want to be nice to everyone, but I can't do anything right."

"I don't talk well, I'm too dictatorial, I'm like a hedgehog, and anyone who sees me thinks I'm bad. I can't even, when I try to like you, do it well."

"I've done so much for Chuan'er," she said as tears poured down her eyes, "but he still doesn't believe me."

"I fought like that for a' Ya and Chuan'er, and a'Ya still gave up on me for the slightest risk."

"I'd gone to so much trouble to keep Su Rongqing, but I still can't live in his heart, he hasn't even given me a little trust."

"I'm not forcing you, I really just want to be good to you, I don't know what to do, I just want you to not suffer a little in front of me. But I still can't do it right."

"I'm sorry ......" she tilted her head to look at him and said it over and over again, "I'm sorry ......"

Pei Wenxuan did not say anything, he looked at Li Rong in front of him, she no longer had any semblance of decorum to speak of. The most wretched thing in life, he's afraid, is her now. Even when he met her in prison, she was fully clothed and tied up, her posture was calm.

*

"...That was the last life, I can ignore it, but just because I don't care, doesn't mean I don't care."

"One has to hold the power to have a choice. And when you gain power, it shouldn't be mixed with feelings. I used to talk about liking power, but in fact when I made decisions, I always put a lot more trust in them and was willing to fight for them. So when I came up, I always thought of helping Chuan'er, solving his present problems for him, his future problems."

"My mother scolded me, saying that I was thinking all these things. That the emperor thought of me as a princess, and that in the eyes of the future emperor, I was no different in nature from the noble lineage. I thought she was silly at the time, but now I realise that it was me who was silly."

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I think what's truly horrible, what traumatizes her so deeply, is that this was a long process. LR and PWX remember her descent into chronic illness! How she wasted away as PWX brought her doctors to try to save her. Her brother didn't kill her in 1 momentary act of rage & paranoia. He decided over and over again that she must die and he killed her THROUGH THE GAMES THEY PLAYED TOGETHER. Poisoning the weiqi pieces. All of what she thought were private family moments were the tools of her slow murder.

While the confrontation scene she has together w Li Chuan in the novel was sincerely beautiful and literally made me cry... I SO GET her initial repulsion and urge to walk away.

[side note: I can empathize on 1 thing with SRQ - feeling he had no choice but to watch this cruel betrayal and hating himself & hating Li Chuan more and more as he watches what's happening to her... no wonder, considering what also happened to his family, he thinks of Li Chuan as a monster who must be stopped. Like, I'm not in his side at all because the nobles are fucked. But I do think his beliefs about Li Chuan are like the most normal thing about him. I also see why SRQ hates himself (cause he should) - and why he is increasingly distressed as he sees Li Rong prove in this life how little he understood her and much he underestimated her inner goodness & also her bond with PWX. All the reasons he thought he couldn't risk saving her in the 1st life were wrong. So of course this only makes him hate & resent LC more.]

[l0ves1ckf0ol]

ISSUES. . . . xavier thorpe x gn!reader

"after that night he knew it was you all along."

genre: hurt/comfort

part 1

tags: @gutterrataesthetic

semestral break begins, students went home. well, most of them. you however decided to stay behind, after all the events that happened with wednesday you didn't want to go home to your family annoying you with questions about her. it's also because if you go home you would see xavier more since your father was close friends with mr. thorpe it wouldn't help you because your cause was to ignore him to get rid of the feelings that you felt for him. yes, he's a nice guy, and yes he probably is worth the wait- you just didn't want any distractions, or so you would call him.

you couldn't shake the memory of the night where you visited xavier in prison. you were sure you were going insane, but after that meeting you pretty much avoided xavier.

truth be told, he really is a good guy. you just worry for him because wednesday treats him like shit and he still seems to chase her around. you also thought of his trust issues towards bianca, he definitely did not have a great childhood. you didn't want to do something wrong and he'd go along with it, you were scared of hurting him unintentionally.

but thus, the universe ignored your prayers and there he was, sitting at one of the picnic tables at the quad, waiting out the laze of the semestral break.

it was nighttime thankfully, more places to hide within the shadows, though you could move and travel in shadows, your figure ought to be seen, kind of like how peter pan has his own shadow.

you weren't so lucky that evening.

xavier lowers his sketchbook to his lap and stared at the cobbled wall that you were hiding in, the warm candlelight illuminating your shadow. you held your breath, did he see you? "y/n?"

you cursed mentally and walked out the walls, as if it was a portal.

"didn't know you stayed behind for sembreak." you muttered, approaching him. you couldn't walk away now. do you even want to?

xavier closed his sketchbook and placed it on the table along with his pencil. "my dad's busy anyways." he sighs, sadly. you almost felt bad. "well you know, i'm supposed to be going home now, they gave me an earful earlier this afternoon rambling on and on about addams and how she must be making her parents proud and bla bla bla" you told him with a laugh, he chuckled.

he kept giving you this look, as if he was waiting for something- expecting from the lazy poltergeist.

"i haven't been talking to you lately after you got bailed out. you okay?" xavier scoffed, "don't give me that. you were the one ignoring me, why should you ask." he muttered bitterly. you sighed through your nose, "because i'm your friend, thorpe. believe it or not." you told him stiffly, crossing your arms. xavier stood up, towering over you.

"you're one to talk about being friends, you just pop up in my life when i'm in doubt, whenever i'm feeling low. you're like my personal therapist." he told you and you chuckled sarcastically, "oh i'm sorry, for trying to cheer you up. should i stop? i gladly will." you slightly raise your voice and he notices this, he has never heard you yell before. "it doesn't feel like we're even friends anymore, y/n." he clarifies. you stare at him, raising a brow.

"we used to meet up at the art studio, copy off of each other's homework, literally skipping class together- you never talk to me anymore. it's like i don't exist unless you feel the need to comfort me, i'm not a child." xavier argues, you wanted to shove him and run away right now but you had to face him somehow. you swallowed harshly, trying to restrain yourself from saying something stupid, but you did.

"you're one to talk about my own flaws when you can't even see what's happening right in front of you." you shot back, breathing heavily, you felt provoked by him. xavier's face scrunched up in confusion, "what do you mean??" he demands.

"hello! i get that you're head over heels for wednesday, and by seeing how she treats you? you can't even fucking see that, xavier." you told him, practically yelling at him now. he was stunned, he always saw you- carefree, wild spirited and funny. now you were an angry grenade about to go off. "your daddy issues are fucking showing xavier. i just want you to feel i'll be right here whenever a certain someome treats you wrong. because frankly, for some reason i can't get enough of you." you went off, stammering between your words as you're not used to arguing someone so tall and intimidating. xavier scoffed, picking up his materials and walked away.

you scowled, in disbelief "you're seriously walking away?" you tested him, he didn't turn around, your heart falls to the pit of your stomach, a feeling you loathed. "i don't even know why i like you!" you yell after him and ran straight to the shadows.

did he hear that right? xavier stopped in his tracks, looking behind him. you were gone. he didn't know why you said that, he didn't want to like wednesday, after that night- he knew it was you all along. you were there whenever wednesday wasn't, you were there when bianca couldn't make it. it was all you. he needed to find you. more or less in your dorm, that'd be creepy he thinks. whatever you said was the truth, he had issues. you were there to stick around and see how that unfold. you don't like racing, you didn't like pursuit, which is why xavier begins to theorize that you don't want to be some sort of an option to him. you just wanted to be there for him.

he didn't want to be a creep really, so he sat outside your door, sketching away into the night, hoping to catch you, sooner or later fell asleep.

you open the door, you couldn't sleep and figured might as well go do something. then you saw him. layed down on the floor, using his sketchbook as a pillow and his pencil right beside him. he looked ridiculous you could've laughed. he looked so at peace, lately its always been a sour face or a forced smile, now he's slightly drooling but at peace.

you knelt by him and traced your index finger on his nose, his cheekbones, his jaw, hearing him breathe gently caused you to feel more regret.

"y/n?" he slowly opens his eyes to see you, blinking twice to process what you were doing as you pulled back your hand so quickly. "you have a dorm, idiot. good night." you mumbled towards him, making him pout as you felt an arm reach out to you and a hand grasping yours, not letting you go. not this time.

"'m sorry." he hums softly, getting up as he's yet again tugging your sweater sleeve like a little boy, inviting you to sit next to him. so you did, he was only looking at you now, a look with dreadful longing. "i've loved you since forever. did you know that?" he told you, his words slurring due to being a little bit tired than usual. "i mean i did like bianca, but at first it was just for you to stop avoiding me." he huffs out, childishly frustrated, leaning his head against your shoulder. "don't talk about wednesday anymore, she was just another lookalike. you both dress the same, you used to braid my hair when we were kids- she reminded me of you." xavier whispers to your ear. "admit it, you were pretty dang attracted to wednesday too." you chuckled, thinking the same.

"i had a feeling you liked me back, i just thought you didn't want to be friends with me anymore." xavier muttered, you hum in thought. "hey please. talk to me, don't leave me hanging..." he huffs.

"prove it, that you like me." you told him, xavier gave you his sketchbook. "here."

you flutter through the pages, it was either you or your shadows, a drawing caught your eye though. it was when you were coming out of a wall, at the rave'n dance, wearing a flawless white suit, your hair styled in a different way. "want more proof?"

you looked at him as he was 3 inches closer to your face. "sure." xavier held your cheek and caressed it with his thumb, pressing your lips against his. finally, a moment you waited and loathed for.

[foiazoli]

Current Genshin lore predictions people are making make me feel like I'm smoking crack even though my theories also seem perfectly logical. Why are we not paying attention to the significance of us literally replacing stars in the sky during the summer event???

Things we have been told so far about stars/the sky

the sky is fake

stars and constellations determine fate

fate cannot be outright defied, it must be tricked

We learned about the fake sky theory all the way back in like 1.1 with Scaramouche and Mona, and as the story has progressed it's been all but confirmed. Mona is also an astrologer, who is able to read people's fates by looking at "their" constellation. This practice gets a little wonky and off-balance when dealing with the traveler, Paimon, and Venti. The traveler isn't from Teyvat and thus doesn't have a constellation at all, Paimon is still a mystery, and Venti is an archon. When Mona tries to read his constellation, she doesn't see anything and then the wind starts blowing on her very harshly, suggesting Venti is actively trying to prevent her from looking more closely. Mona's predictions and readings when she can get them are otherwise perfectly accurate, and her voicelines about various Mondstadt characters ring perfectly true. Therefore, the stars and constellations really are able to tell people things about the fate of certain people.

Going back to the sky being fake, part of the justification for this other than it being said again by Dottore in the Sumeru archon quest, is the fan theory that Teyvat is upside-down/inside-out. Tighnari states that deep underground, Irminsul trees grow upside-down, and when progressing through the spiral abyss the deeper floors have stars above them, indicating that going down is actually going up. The Abyss order is frequently seen inverting things and being upside-down, when "abyss" is frequently seen as a thing that is deep down. So, if everything is inverted, a new sky has to be created for everyone underneath/inside in order to trick them into thinking they're still in the same place. Who would do such a thing? The general accepted answer is Celestia, given that they're the ones who set up everything else concerning the current state of humans archons and dragons.

Okay, so what? Celestia flipped everything and made a fake sky, but why would they do that? Why would they care? Celestia's motivations are still a little murky at this point in the game, but some of their actions have been explained as they wanted the planet of Teyvat to be hospitable to humans. That's why they stripped the dragon sovereigns of their power and gave it to the archons, whose job it is to nurture and help out humans. But what just happened in Fontaine? Focalors deceived Celestia in order to kill herself and destroy the position of the hydro archon, returning that power to the hydro sovereign dragon, Neuvillette. That's not only not what Celestia wanted to happen, it was a way to circumvent the prophecy that all of Fontaine would drown, killing the people and leaving the archon alone, crying to herself. And prophecies are fate! Focalors defied fate! It took her 500 years and tricking literally every single thinking being on the planet and trusting that simply living amongst Fontainians would convince Neuvillette to help save them, meaning it's a damn difficult thing to do, but still technically possible. (There's another theory that half the reason this worked is because Celestia is asleep but we're not getting into that right now)

So. Fate exists, and is tied to the positions of the stars, which are fake. Fate and prophecies are said to be immutable, but if you do unimaginable amounts of set-up, trickery, and rules-lawyering, you can get a different outcome. What if you could alter these fake stars, like we did in the Simulanka summer event? Every past summer event has foreshadowed something for the next patch cycle, and I think Natlan's archon quest is going to be about altering the stars in order to alter fate.

And from the Ignition teaser on youtube, we have "what our eyes see, ought to be our fate. But now, close your eyes and feel. For with our blood... we will forge our true fate." from Mauvika, who is probably going to be our Pyro archon. So. There will definitely be SOME kind of changing of fate, and I'm just connecting these two dots to predict the method. My prediction for how feelings will come into this is that we the traveler will again "power of friendship" our way into a power-up for the final deciding moment and no I'm not kidding. In Inazuma, we were getting our ass beat by Raiden until Yae showed up and enabled us to connect with the wills of the people of Inazuma, at which point we started doing better. In Sumeru, we got our asses beat by Scaramouche until Nahida tapped into the power of the akasha, which was feeding on the power of the people of Sumeru, and we finally won. The traveler has a history of "power of friendship"-ing their way through the most difficult fights is all I'm saying. As for where blood comes into it, I'm not sure yet. There is the blood-moon dynasty of Kaenri'ah, but considering Natlan is supposed to be the nation of war, it's also possibly just literal blood. we shall see.

I've seen several other theories about how the summer event could possibly be predicting the events of Natlan and I really like Ashikai's video "What Simulanka Tells Us About Natlan" on youtube but I've seen NOBODY talking about the stars so I had to get this out there.

[silvermaplealder]

Follow The Leader Chapter 2

Y'all are going to have to deal with the POV change, I apologize. It was the only thing I could think of to make it easier to follow the characters as they switch bodies.

Story Summary: David switches bodies with a stranger, Michael Emerson, after a motorcycle accident. Michael has to take on the role of a vampire gang leader while David has to adapt to a domestic human life until they can figure out how to change back.

Chapter Summary: Michael wanted to give Sam a chance behind the wheel to teach him how to drive on the quiet back roads. This goes horribly wrong as Sam doesn't have the experience to handle bad drivers on the road. The life changing event gets a little too literal.

Word Count: 4065

“Michael?” 

The brunette boy looked over to his younger brother. Sam stood in the doorway of the bedroom. “What do you want,” Michael mumbled, throwing down the motorcycle magazine he was reading. 

“I want to go to the boardwalk, but Mom’s busy. Can you bring me?” 

Michael sighed. “Right now?” 

Sam nodded. 

He pursed his lips. He didn’t want to go. But their mother was busy unpacking from the move and he didn’t want to add any stress onto her. “I don’t want to waste the gas on my bike,” Michael said, grabbing his magazine. 

“Mom said we can use the Land Rover,” he pleaded. 

Michael couldn’t think of another excuse. He set the magazine on his nightstand. “Fine, go get dressed.” 

“I am dressed,” Sam argued. 

His older brother raised an eyebrow but shook his head. Michael would never be seen dead in that outfit, but if his brother wanted to wear it, he couldn’t argue. Michael brought his brother downstairs. “Ma, we’re going down to the boardwalk.”

Lucy was unpacking a box for the living room. “Watch your little brother,” she said. “And have fun. You boys deserve it.” 

Michael grunted in response. Sam bounced after him as he took the keys off of the kitchen counter. The brothers went to the SUV. “Can I drive?” Sam begged. “Please?” 

The older brother looked between the keys and the car. Lucy had let Sam drive a few times. He was almost old enough to get his permit. She had told her boys many times about how Grandpa had let her drive tractors and trucks on the farm long before she had her own permit. 

Michael tossed the keys over to his little brother. “Driver’s seat,” he instructed. Sam’s smile spread ear to ear as he climbed into the car. Michael took the passenger seat and made sure to fasten his seatbelt. He trusted Sam enough to drive, but there was always a little bit of fear in the back of his head about a new driver. But everyone has to start somewhere. 

The younger brother started up the engine of the land rover. Sam glanced over all the controls briefly. He knew where the gas and brake pedals were, but he wanted to familiarize himself with the gear shift and the lights. 

Sam launched the car in gear and Michael immediately cleared his throat. “Forgetting something?” He asked, tapping up onto the rearview mirror. 

“Oh, right,” Sam gave a nervous laugh and put the car back into park. He adjusted the mirrors. Michael watched his little brother looking uncomfortable in the driver’s seat. Sam wasn’t too far off from getting his driver’s permit. He never thought he’d see his little brother start to drive. It just seemed weird. He felt like he was growing up too fast. One moment he was Sam’s age and sitting behind the wheel for the first time, and now the thrill of driving has long since passed. 

Once he was ready, they pulled out of the driveway. Michael made sure to check all the lights were on properly as they got onto the main road. “Make sure to double check-” Michael began. 

“I know, I know,” Sam shot back, a bit harshly. He didn’t mean to, but the stress of driving was a lot on the younger boy. He kept a sharp eye on his mirrors and the empty street just in case something happened. 

Michael also kept an eye turned to the sides of the road. He didn’t think there was much that could happen besides a squirrel hopping out in front of the tires. “You just follow this road until we get to the next intersection,” Michael commented. “Then make a left.” 

“Got it,” Sam stated, gripping onto the steering wheel tightly. He went to touch the radio, but Michael smacked his hand away. 

“Focus on the road,” Michael scolded.

The two of them drove through the quiet road silently. The street started to curve and wind around a small descent. As they came around one of the sharper turns, Michael heard the familiar sound of a motorcycle.

Sam came around the next corner sharply, but still on his side of the road. A singular headlight popped out from the darkness.  

Michael saw it before it happened. He sat upright in the passenger seat, watching as the light casually drifted towards them. “Sam..- Sam!” Michael yelled. 

The boy had a white knuckle grip on the wheel. “What do I do?!” He shouted in a panic. He slammed on the breaks, throwing them both forward against their seatbelts. Michael tried to snatch the wheel and yank it to the side, but his hand went into the dash. 

The motorcyclist's face became illuminated by the headlights of the land rover. Even with the braking, the momentum still had them going forward. The biker tried to correct himself, but the front bumper of the land rover smashed into his back tire. 

The land rover came to a screeching halt. 

Both boys were silent. 

“Oh my god…” Sam finally managed to whisper. His death grip on the wheel tightened. “Oh my god oh my god, Michael I-” 

“Sam shut up,” Michael whispered quickly. 

“Michael, I hit him!” Sam screamed. 

“I said shut up!” Michael shouted back, burning both of their ear drums. “Stay in the fucking car.” Michael clawed at the seat belt buckle until it came free. His shaking hands could barely feel the handle of the car. His knees buckled, making him stumble onto the asphalt. His little brother just probably killed a biker. He didn’t have a driver’s permit. He legally shouldn’t have been behind the wheel. 

Michael wanted to vomit. He debated throwing himself back into the land rover and telling Sam to drive off. But he had to check on the biker. If he got hit by a car, he’d want someone to check on him. 

The boy forced himself back to his feet and across the road. The bike had spun out offroad. Michael tried to ignore the blood smeared across the asphalt, but his eyes couldn’t help but look at it. 

It felt like an hour by the time he reached the man’s body. His shaking hands reached out, pushing the biker onto his back. The boy looked lifeless. Michael gagged at the damage to his body. He had no idea how fast the biker was going. Sam couldn’t have been going very fast due to how curvy the road was. “He came onto our side of the road,” Michael whispered to himself, trying to convince his conscience that this wasn’t his fault. 

If he was behind the wheel, he would have avoided the biker. The boy would still be alive. Stupid, but alive. 

He carefully reached into the pocket of the biker’s coat. He wanted to find some sort of ID. He felt compelled against his will to know who this man was. Was he a boy Michael’s age? Hard to tell with the road burn on his face. 

Michael dragged out everything from the pocket. A cigarette carton, what looked like a strange bell, and a lighter. He put the cigarettes and lighter back, but he paused with the bell. Such an odd trinket for someone to carry. It didn’t make any noise when he shook it. 

His snooping was cut short when he heard another engine. Fear gripped his stomach almost to the point of vomiting. He bolted back to the car. He threw the driver’s side open and shoved Sam into the passenger seat. “Move, move!” Michael shouted. The second he closed the door, he launched the land rover into reverse and shot back up the road. Another motorcycle was coming, no doubt a friend of the boy they hit. 

Neither boy spoke as they flew back towards the house. Michael passed the driveway, but Sam said nothing. They drove silently through the darkness. 

Almost thirty minutes passed before Sam spoke. “Was he dead?” His voice cracked in fear. 

“It never happened,” Michael shot back sternly. “You get it? That never happened. You do not mention that to anyone, Sam, do you hear? You’ll be arrested. I’ll be arrested.” 

“But he-” 

“It doesn’t fucking matter, Sam!” Michael hissed back. “He’s dead, alright?” 

Sam went silent again. He knew better than to argue with his older brother. He was terrified about the repercussions of this. Sam was only fourteen years old, he was not ready to go to jail. And the boy couldn’t imagine what it would be like if his older brother took the blame. 

Both of their lives, destroyed in just a few seconds. 

Eventually the boys circled to a gas station. They sat in the car after Michael cut the engine. “We went to the boardwalk,” Michael stated, keeping his voice steady. “You didn’t feel good so we went back home. We grabbed gas on the way. You hear?” Sam nodded quickly. 

Michael got out of the car to fill it with gas. He wanted an alibi. He went inside to pay and then filled up the land rover. Sam stared blankly out the window. Michael could see his petrified expression. The boy was imagining the worst of the worst fate, that was for sure. 

Once the car was filled, Michael made sure to return straight home. When they pulled in the driveway, he looked to his little brother. “Just go to your room. If mom asks, you don’t feel good.” 

“I really don’t feel good, Michael,” Sam admitted, his face pale with his stomach churning. 

“I know, Sam. I know. Go to bed.” 

The brothers got out of the car together. Sam ducked his head and beelined straight for his room. Lucy caught Michael’s attention as he wandered into the kitchen. “You guys weren’t gone very long,” she commented. 

Michael turned his chin towards the stairs. “Sam and I stopped at a gas station for snacks. It upset his stomach so we came home.” He felt sick lying to his mother, especially about killing someone. 

Their mother frowned. “Hopefully he’ll feel better in the morning.” 

“Hopefully,” Michael whispered. “I’m going to go upstairs. Kinda made me nauseous too.” He turned away from his mother. She cared so much about her boys, he knew it would break her heart if she found out the truth. She’d be devastated. And if they got arrested, what would she do? He didn’t want to think about it. 

Instead, he went up the stairs and closed himself in his bedroom. He collapsed onto his bed and stared at the ceiling. He never found out who that boy was. He wondered about the boy’s family. What would they think when he never returned home? Would they be as distraught as his mother would be? 

He couldn’t help but lay awake in bed for hours thinking of the endless possibilities. Around midnight he rolled out of bed and ran to the bathroom to vomit from the anxiety. He hunched over the toilet, his arms shaking. He didn’t know what was worse, the condition of the boy’s body or the knowledge of having played a part in his death. 

His arms eventually caved and he laid on the tiled floor. His exhaustion took hold, dragging him into an uneasy sleep. 

-David -

I jolted awake suddenly. My hands grasped the tiled floor and forced myself up. “What the hell,” I mumbled to myself. A dull headache pounded against my skull. The accident, I reminded myself. I sat back against the wall and sighed. Dwayne must have brought me to a house to recover. Rude that he left me on the bathroom floor, but maybe it was temporary while he went to feed. 

I waited, listening to the world around me. I couldn’t hear much happening. There was certainly movement downstairs, but nothing that sounded like a feeding. I forced myself up. My body ached in ways I haven’t felt in a long time. My muscles were sore. “Fucking regeneration,” I mumbled. 

Something massive moved out of the corner of my eye. I spun around to find someone staring at me in the mirror. The hair on the back of my neck rose and I pulled my lips back to bare my teeth. 

And then I felt something in my chest. A heartbeat. 

The man in the mirror didn’t look like me. While I hadn’t been able to see my reflection in many years, Marko liked to draw portraits of us. And I knew I certainly did not have black, curly hair. 

I started making facial expressions. The mirror replicated everything I did with absolute precision. At first I thought maybe it was a dream, but everything felt so real. The heartbeat repeated rhythmically and continuously. I had never had such precision in dreams like this before. 

In the few times I had gotten completely obliterated and needed to regenerate a large portion of my body, I always returned as myself. Never as a stranger. 

And to add onto that, I couldn’t feel my vampiric side. I tried to force my eyes yellow and my fangs out, but nothing happened. My senses were all dulled. I leaned on the bathroom sink and stared. It was such an unfamiliar feeling, being human. 

My body felt warm. I pulled at the white shirt I was wearing. Warmth wasn’t something I was used to. I usually got my warmth from my kills or whatever radiant heat was in the area. It had been decades since the warmth was from me. 

A knock at the bathroom door yanked my attention away from my reflection. The heart beating in my chest rose towards my throat. I hadn’t felt this anxiety before in decades. It was a stronger fight or flight response than I could imagine.

“Mike?” A young voice called out. 

“Mike,” I whispered to myself. I certainly was not this Mike fellow. I cleared my throat. “What?” I responded. I furrowed my brows. My voice sounded different. 

“Are you almost done?” 

I grabbed the doorknob and paused. This felt like a nightmare, but none of these were my human memories. Either way, I had to keep pushing through. I pulled the door open and was greeted by a young teen. He looked like shit. His face was puffy from crying, he had bags under his eyes, and he barely had any light in his irises. He looked like a zombie. 

I couldn’t even form words before taking a step aside for him. He closed himself in the bathroom, leaving me alone in the hall. He wasn’t one of my boys, but I felt disgusted with the need to comfort him. Every time those damn boys of mine brought home another one who was sick, sad, or miserable I always felt the need to take them under my wing. Perhaps I was too much of a pushover when I saw sad eyes. 

I stepped away from the bathroom door and decided to investigate the house. I poked my head into every room on the upper floor, but there was no one else around on this level. I tried to delve into my memories to see if this was something I fabricated. But nothing here looked familiar. The face in the mirror wasn’t familiar, and nor was the boy. 

The stairs brought me down into the living room. I could hear someone moving around in the kitchen. I padded over as quietly as I could and found a short haired woman at the sink. I watched her grab an apple out of a fruit bowl and rinse it under the cold water. She placed it onto a plate with some other fruit. Her movements were graceful. The sunlight basked her as it flowed in from the window above the sink. 

Sunlight, I thought to myself. If being awake during the day wasn’t weird enough already, there was now sunlight. If I was my usual self, I would have burst into flames by now. 

She started chopping the fruit up on the counter. I backed away from the kitchen and started to investigate the downstairs. I came around the corner into one of the parlors and almost collided into an old man. 

“Michael! Just the man I was looking for,” the old man said to me. He placed a hand on my shoulder and forced me to walk with him. I cautiously tried to sniff him, but my human senses couldn’t tell me anything. “I could use your help with moving something out of my truck.” 

“I guess,” I responded. There was a part of me that wanted to lash out and rip into his throat. But without my vampiric powers, I was afraid of the consequences. 

Consequences. Such a human term. As a vampire I was entitled to kill. But as a human it was considered a crime, and crimes had consequences. 

The old man brought me outside to his blue truck. The truck was old and that was familiar. I had seen this truck before in town. Though, I never cared who the owner was. But I’d seen it driving on the streets. 

He opened the tailgate. The smell of blood hit me, and somehow it felt revolting. I grimaced at my own response to that. In his truck bed was a piebald doe. “Richard up the street saw this on his way to work. Hit by a car last night.” The old man looked ecstatic. “Help me carry it into the shop, won’t you?” 

I grabbed a hold of its ears and tugged it out onto the tailgate. I had never seen a piebald deer in person. Marko would have loved to capture the moment of its death. He would have sat on the side of the road with his sketchbook sketching out the broken corpse with immaculate detail. I held the doe’s face in my hands, staring into her lifeless eyes. “You and I both, huh?” I whispered to her. Only she died to the vehicle. I instead ended up in some other life. 

I got the doe up onto my shoulder with the old man’s help. I followed him to the back entrance of the house where his taxidermy shop was. He helped me get her down onto his main table. The man excitedly ran around the room for his tools. “Where’s your gambrel?” I asked, looking around the shop. It had been a long while since I had to skin out a deer. Countless decades since my own human life. 

The old man glanced over, pausing in his excitement. “Gambrel?” He repeated. “I didn’t realize you were familiar with such things, Michael.” 

“I read it in a magazine once,” I lied, giving him a smile. It was my favorite lie. Any time I slipped up with knowledge I shouldn’t have know, I slapped the ol’ “read it in a magazine” story. No one was interested in pushing about which magazine or which issue. 

His eyebrows sky rocketed upwards. “Well now! If you’re ever interested in learning more, I’d be happy to have you help around the shop. We’re not using a gambrel for this one. No, it would do too much damage to the heel. But if you’ll excuse me, I must get to this beauty first. Once in a lifetime sort of piece.” 

“Of course.” 

The sliding doors to the house pushed open. The woman from earlier poked her head in. “Michael, sweetie, breakfast is ready.” 

My stomach growled at her words. I was hungry. 

“Go wash up first after touching that thing,” she ordered. 

I headed back to the bathroom to find the young teen sitting on the floor with the door open. A big, wolf-like dog sat in his lap offering comfort. I froze when I saw the dog, the same fight or flight response ripping through my body. Boy, I was glad I didn’t have to deal with this sudden burst of adrenaline every time something happened as a vampire. The dog did not respond to me at all. It sat with the boy, never leaving his side. 

“What?” The boy croaked out. His face showed his exhaustion worse than before. 

It took me a moment to calm my nerves. The dog wasn’t attacking me, nor was it being even a tad aggressive. “I, uh, didn’t expect to see you here.” I washed my hands in the sink, but the boy didn’t move. “What’s wrong with you, huh?” 

The look of dread in his eyes told me it was something worse than just getting bullied on the playground. “I’m scared, Michael,” he whispered. “We killed a guy last night.” 

I surpressed my laughter. This destroyed, after killing a man? But the look of grief on his face didn’t falter. I sighed, drying off my hands on a nearby towel. When Paul first turned, he was very hesitant on making his first kill. Even after he fed, he retreated into the cave to sit in silence for hours. His turning did not go as I had intended it to. We rushed into it, excited to make him one of us. He drank my blood one night, and the next we took him out to hunt. He killed without knowing what he was doing. So close to his human side, it drove him mad for a few weeks. But he came to terms eventually, and now you’d never know he was so scared about being a vampire. 

I leaned against the sink and crossed my arms over my chest. “What happened?” 

The boy looked up at me. “You were there, Mikey.” 

“Well, pretend I wasn’t. What happened?” I repeated, more sternly this time. I watched him squirm a bit. I’d treat him like I treated the other boys when they were in trouble. Silence was a powerful tool when used properly. I rose my eyebrows and stared until he eventually started to cry again. 

“I killed that guy,” the boy whispered, trying to hold back his sobs. “And we just drove away.” 

I stayed silent still, watching as he wiped away the tears on his cheeks. 

“What if that was you?” he whimpered. “He was on a bike, just like you.” 

“A bike?” I repeated. “A cyclist or a motorcycle?” 

“Michael please, you were there,” he cried softly. “I don’t want to keep reliving it.” 

“A cyclist or a motorcycle?” I repeated, more sternly this time. 

“Some guy on a motorcycle,” he replied, starting to get a little angry at my questions. 

“Did you see the guy?” I asked. 

“Michael please stop-” 

“Did. You. See. The. Guy?” I demanded. I crouched down next to the boy. 

The boy looked horrified. “Mikey why are you doing this? This isn’t like you.”

“Answer my question,” I said, soothing my voice a bit to ease him into an answer. 

“His face is literally stained in the back of my mind,” the boy finally said, hugging his dog tightly. “He couldn’t have been much older than you.” Tears streamed down his face as he spoke. He pushed through the sobs. “Really light hair. And dark clothes. I don’t know what else to say.” 

I couldn’t help but smile. “And you hit him. With your car.” I leaned my head back and looked at the ceiling. For some fucked up reason, I was now a part of the life of the damn kid that hit me with his car. Was this hell? Was I cursed? I returned my gaze to the kid. “How badly damaged was the bike?” He stared at me blankly. “Repairable? Just a few scratches? Or like do I need a whole new bike?” 

The look of confusion on his face was priceless. I stood back up. “Come on, kid. Get up. You didn’t kill him. You just fucked him over.” The boy hesitantly took my hand and I hauled him to his feet. “You knocked him from one goddamned realm to the next though, so I applaud you for that.” 

“What the hell are you talking about?” The boy asked. 

I grabbed one of the small towels from the shelf. I ran it under warm water and squeezed it out. I tossed it right at him. “Wash up. You’re going to show me where this happened. Dwayne spent too fucking long fixing my bike last for it to have gotten destroyed on the road again. So let’s go.”

[flower-of-knighthood]

Bruh, Dimitri is only king because of his Crest, that's literally a case of crests being abused and creating conflict or did you miss Miklan and Sylvain's arcs entirely.

What about Sylvain's misogyny? What about Ingrid's lack of personal autonomy due to being the literal breeding cattle of her family, fed before her siblings.

Yes Hanneman and his story come from Adrestia, but that same shit absolutely happens in Faerghus, we just don't see people like Hanneman or Manuela come from Faerghus because they're fucking idiots with the near sole exception of Annette. Mercedes is Adrestian and a victim of crest abuse, absolutely, but it's not like her current adoptive family isn't sending her to Garreg Mach to find a husband because she has a crest!

Crests inherently create a privilege within their societies, and this happens in EACH country. Just because some of the most privileged people in the entire game don't have a clear cut abuse narrative doesn't mean you're getting the full picture of the actual situation. AND beyond that, crest related discrimination affects the women in the game disproportionately to the men. Which house has exclusively crested women? Which house has LESS women than any other house?

So, and follow me here because I know this is probably pretty difficult, how do you imagine life is for women without crests in Faerghus when we don't get to see them?

Leonie, let's use her. The Alliance has some of the most empowered non-noble people due to their strong merchant class. Who is still crestless and poor as dirt going to the one place in the entire continent that could give her the best education in return for a lifelong debt? Leonie! Woo. Ignatz too is also fascinated with the art and library of Garreg Mach. Why? Because someone banned the printing press to keep the commoners dumb! (That would be Rhea of the Church of Seiros, btw.)

So, rampant sexism, homophobia, a king who even in his best scenario can ONLY marry women who have a crest. Hmmm. Yeah. Look. Idk.

Do you think maybe Adrestia seems worse because the people from Adrestia are actually CRITIQUING their home country? Edelgard, Hubert, Dorothea, and Hanneman are ALL very anti-crest and anti-noble. We hear their stories BECAUSE they are stories of abuse that they wish to prevent from happening. Dorothea extends that same empathy to Bernadetta and Ingrid.

Meanwhile on the flipside, it's pretty much just Sylvain who is like "this shit is fucked and no one is talking about it." Perhaps because they have a culture that doesn't reject is as harshly as the questioning nobility of Adrestia, such as Hanneman who is also attempting to remove the power differential created by crests. Because his sister experienced what was most likely repeated marital rape to produce an heir. Hate to tell you what's in store for Ingrid, Mercedes, and Marianne if basically anything goes wrong. Whoop. There's another one. Marianne. Another candidate for the King to marry and simultaneously another character with a father so determined to get her to marry. Wow! It's almost like the game heavily features the need for women to get married so that can be bred by men purely for the sake of having crest babies and we're literally given an example of what that's like by three major characters in the game. Hanneman, Dorothea, and... Sylvain!

Because guess what Miklan's story is literally still just abuse founded on crests and Edelgard is genuinely sympathetic to what happened to him in game.

Miklan was raised for several years expected to inherit his family's territories then his mother died and his father remarried and this new kid came along and stripped him of all his birth rights specifically due to having a crest. His abilities as a powerful leader meant nothing in the face of his bother's crest. His entire life was stolen from him.

This doesn't justify what he did next, but it does highlight the importance that Faerghus places on crests. Had Miklan been someone like, idk, Dorothea, a first daughter instead of a first son, she probably would have been wed into a powerful crested family to be as Sylvain implies, a cumdump for crest babies. Because let's not forget! Crests are extremely important to the Kingdom (that's canon) and they're becoming rarer. So. How does a Kingdom keep the strong crest lines alive? The corpses of abused and tossed away women of course!

This generation just got lucky with how many of them were crested from the start without much work on behalf of their parents. But it's so dire they swapped crowned princes for it.

Is it really so hard to understand that the Blue Lions only has 3 women in it because the Kingdom is just that sexist? That the most powerful woman in Faerghus is an extremely powerful MAGE who is reliant on sex appeal to maintain her position? Not physical combat, unlike, idk characters like Ladislava or Judith? Catherine barely counts but is still crested and part of the CoS as one of Rhea's pets that she has a life debt over. She literally excels OUTSIDE of the Kingdom.

No the Blue Lions have a mage, a mage, and a woman betraying her family to be there as a knight. And one of the mages isn't an heir, and the other one isn't from the country to begin with. And they're all privileged.

While we're on the subject of classmates, say what you will about Edelgard at least her prisoner from a vassal state isn't codependent. Petra perceives Edelgard as going off the path and is free to side against her. Dedue sees that and decides to jump off the cliff with the insane man who can't do math. And literally desecrate a woman's corpse, but you know. Faerghus probably just ran out of respect women juice during the war due to rations or something.

I mean, then there's the whole disability thing with the "unempathetic" Edelgard.

Okay, so the Black Eagles feature disability with Lindhardt, Bernadetta, Edelgard, Jeritza and Lysithea. Yes, Lysithea counts as she joins of her own volition.

Edelgard creates a new form of employment for researchers who struggle with ADHD and ASD for Lindhardt. She is the literal most effective as helping Bernadetta in overcoming her issues with severe anxiety (something Dimitri goes out of his way to belittle her for having during his paralogue, women, amirite?) Edelgard manages Jeritza's DID as best she can by limiting its impact and trying to structure it productively and also providing pathways to atonement that aren't just punishment. She does what she can to lighten Lysithea's load, but also attempt to ease her loneliness at being the only one affected by her affliction. She manages her own issues with PTSD and likely ASD is you pay literally any attention to how she speaks or makes jokes, which is likely why she's so good at communicating with Byleth. And if we want to go further, and I do. She and Hubert were the first friends that Petra made in Fodlan, and while learning a second language isn't a disability, Edelgard consistently offers her assistance to Petra in her adjustment to Fodlan's way of life and expectations. She approached Caspar with the assumption that he would be disheartened like Miklan about the situation regarding nobility birth order only to find that he was one of those bootstrapping people who didn't care and would just work harder (the kind of person Dimitri criticises Edelgard for assuming everyone is,) which surprises Edelgard because she never thought she would meet someone like that, expecting that everyone needs help and support in order to reach their full potential. Because Edelgard never assumes anyone is born fully capable or strong vs weak.

Which just so happens to be mirrored in Marianne's dialogue regarding Edelgard and how she wishes to be strong like her and change the world.

Jeez, it's almost like the very idea that someone is either born strong or not born with the ability to be strong is literally undone by the failed endings of each character and how they're all supported by Byleth and each individually MADE strong by her ongoing support. Each and every character literally goes through the exact arc Edelgard preaches about when given the correct levels of support and opportunity that she and Byleth provide. Even Dimitri. It's incredible. Fucking hilarious too. That's called a ludonarrative, where the gameplay matches the storyline.

The idea that Edelgard somehow isn't obscenely empathetic when that literally her every interaction with every character she can interact with as a house leader, including those who's perspectives she initially disagrees with (Manuela for example) is just brain-dead.

Here, I'll help. Rhea isn't empathetic. Why? She started a war. Because that's how those two things relate right? No, obviously fucking not.

And the whole Knights of Seiros are helpful actually is just, oh my god. Say Blue Lives Matter. Do it. I dare you.

The Knights of Seiros are useful because they're a standing army within every nation on the continent because Rhea has no respect for the individual sovereignty of ANY of the nations. Not to mention that Faerghus didn't even revolt for their own reasons it was manipulation by the Slithers, so they're hardly staking their country's pride as individuals when the impetus for doing so was corrupt to begin with. Rhea was going to conquer it all when Sothis came back anyway. That's why it's so xenophobic.

Or did we forget that. That Fodlan is xenophobic? That Rhea actively tries to keep cultural influences from other countries out so she can maintain Fodlan as it is, her mother's kingdom.

But yeah, sure. Edelgard who doesn't force those from other countries to fight for her cause, such as Brigid, is so lacking in empathy. So blind to the corruption despite her literal every interaction with her classmates and supports.

"But her actions as the Flame Emperor!"

Oh yeah? Which ones? Because the last thing she did as Flame Emperor was target the casket of Seiros. Everything else was the Slithers going over her head. Not to mention that she was really only enabling the ideas that Lonato and the Western Church already had to conflict the Central Church, she didn't create those for them, they already thought that Rhea was disrespecting the saints, we see that with Christophe. Someone Rhea had killed and then lied about it. Then she massacred the remaining Western Church people, for. Something. I'll be honest, I forget why Seteth went to the coast and killed people practicing their regional sect of their faith?

The Knights of Seiros help people. It's kind of funny. Because they don't have a country of origin, which means they're taking militant forces to be controlled by an external form of government FROM their countries of origins, but only specifically those who are the best and can afford to be there. Which, diminishes the abilities of the other countries, say, like the Kingdom with the absence of Catherine. Which creates a need to call on the Church to deal with these supposed threats.

Like everything in the game and that is related to the church is a self fulfilling cycle. Nobles are made noble by crests, crests are significant because of the church, other religions would diminish the power of the church, the church backs the nobles, so the Seiros faith is taught to everyone so the church stays in power and all the people know how just the nobility is.

Such ethics. I believe the word is indoctrination.

Oh, and since the Kingdom only exists because the church says it does, they have no choice but to back each and every play the church makes, so despite the fact Edelgard only declares war on the Church, the Kingdom, flexing their autonomy, joins the fight to back their sugar mommy. Based on a decision that wasn't theirs to begin with. Sovereignty is fun.

So yeah. The war was for the people who are being abused and tricked into compliance with the only governing body who is providing them with any help even if that helps just reinforces the oppression. Like Catherine and Shamir's conversation. Or the NPCs in Abyss express. Rhea's little pet foreigners that she can make grateful because she isn't lynching THESE ones. They're the exceptions.

It's for the women like Dorothea who couldn't get into Garreg Mach from Faerghus even if they tried. Seriously, Dorothea and Leonie DO NOT have a counterpart in the Lions. Ashe comes close but he was legitimately adopted and a guy. The other women in the Lions are marriage fodder or literally privileged prodigies. And none of them have severe criticisms for their living situation because defiance of their country is akin to defiance of their goddess blessed king who they need to either lie down and get fucked by if they're crested or die for in battle.

But no, I'm sure liberating the straightest most emotionally repressed, and least disability friendly country from the clutches of the church who removed their ability to practice medicine, develop literacy through the accessibility of books, and use their natural resources of oil, had absolutely nothing to do with Edelgard's plans. Because she says something about uniting Fodlan (which since her plan is to undo the Church that validates Faerghus' existence in the first place means that she would be fucking them over and creating a power vacuum if she didn't install a new system of government), a few times as her party line, and is completely independent from all other facets of her character. Heaven forbid anyone takes into account what the game is saying through her supports and actions instead of the nationalist war leader she is forced to play under the scrutiny of Those Who Slither. Or did you assume they added Kronya to the Black Eagles just for fun and NOT to isolate Edelgard from the people who she was supporting and being supported by in turn?

It's honestly like people are trying to misrepresent her, which makes sense for those who support a nation of sexism, ablism and homophobia. It truly is a wonder why disabled, lesbian women from outside of America love her so much and ship her with FByleth, while all the guys and yaoi fangirls go coocoo for the forbidden romance guy who is so centrist and impotent it hurts. I can't think of a better example of defying the status quo and making a change within a single lifetime to better the situation of those around us, vs someone who is so afraid of conflict that they'd prefer to avoid it at the cost of real human lives and then take all the credit when some woman comes along, gets 95% of the way, dies and has her crusade coopted by that centrist who makes minimal and less impactful changes in the long run but still gets heralded as a hero.

I understand the inability to conceive that someone in Edelgard's position might stand up for a non-selfish reason, but that's what happens to minority groups who are backed against a wall and have no options but to lay themselves on the line and hope they can fix it for everyone else. Believe me. I've experienced it personally and have put my employment and education on the line so I can achieve effective change for people like me who can't risk losing those opportunities to affect things.

But for fucking real, she destroys the Slithers, her lineage and abdicates. She wasn't doing it for fucking power and everyone she removes from power, The Slithers, The Church, and Rhea are removed in every single other route too or under new management. (that idk if you've noticed, but religious institutions that persist as major players in government decision making tend to love restricting human rights, especially those of women! That's just a thing that's true in our world.)

If you enjoy any of the endings that also don't respect sovereignty, Rhea's leadership (which she admits was corrupt), or include the existence of the Slithers, then how in the fuck can anyone say she was wrong? Everyone mimics what she was doing. It's all built off of her war. That PROSPERITY is only happening NOW because she started a WAR and effectively killed everyone she wanted removed from power. She fucking always succeeds and Fodlan is ALWAYS better for it.

The game genuinely says that the ends justified the means, every time. Fodlan is always better for the war. That's why Sothis says it's "time to begin" by the way. That's why it's inevitable. That's why you can't go back and prevent the war in any route. Because the game isn't anti-war.

You are always rewarded through acts of war in Three Houses. It's not diplomacy. It's acts of violence and war. The game has a theme of mercy, but it agrees that conflict is a necessity for progress. It depicts the tragedy that progress requires, but at no point does it say it wasn't inevitable. I mentioned ludonarrative earlier, the idea the game says "war bad" but then rewards you with happiness and glory through acts of war is literally what ludonarrative dissonance is about.

The game is about causes, justice and necessity. And that's why no one can point to an ending where Fodlan's future didn't require the war. Sylvain's success with Sreng and removing the crest/nobility system would never have worked with Rhea in charge.

Crests and church bad. Fodlan's sexism and homophobia and ablism bad.

Stop not listening to what Edelgard says and does. She genuinely cares about helping people. If she wanted power, why does she abdicate? Why empower the people? Why leave the church's faith alive? Why educate the people. Why do everything Rhea doesn't?

If you wish for a actual response to your essay, learn how to structure your arguments properly, and most of all stop randomly jumping from topic to topic. If a topic doesn't fit in the scope of your arguments, put said topic in another essay that is more fitting.

If you continue the way you are with how you structure your essays, no one will bother to actually read them, instead just giving your essay a brief look before giving a funny response making fun of your efforts.

[mr-ribbit]

Really hit a sore spot calling your long posts long I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️. Txttletale is the bigot. She's admitted to saying racist stuff before, there's screenshots. That's partially why I don't like the bitch, she's an asshole, I don't care if she's trans. Then when someone says anything remotely negative about her it's all "SHE'S TRANS! DON'T SAY A SINGLE BAD THING ABOUT HER BECAUSE SHE'S TRANS!" and then block your ears when it's pointed out how irrelevant that is for several reasons. So I guess I'm now forced to assume everyone still following/interacting with her after this turn a blind eye to racism when it's against certains groups or when it's coming from a popular person they like. No matter how lightly or harshly someone criticizes her (or someone in her circle), the fucking mob comes out screeching about transmisogyny. Get a new shield.

That's all I can be bothered to say. I'm tired. Maybe you don't routinely die on the sword for her whenever someone brings up her shittiness, but a lot of people do.

again, it's not a sore spot just because I responded to the thing you said. like yeah my posts tend to be long, maybe because I had a lot to say maybe because I ramble. im not mad about it, I just thought it was worth pointing out, particularly when you were telling me to fuck off and mocking me for "caring about people's feelings". did you want me to just like... ignore your ask? do you imagine everything I'm saying is being screamed through tears or something? for context on the following post: I am chilling typing it on my phone and making a stir fry.

you say you don't care that she's trans, but it's literally half of your message. you might not care that she's trans but it's being brought up because of how it feels to be on the receiving end of this type of pattern when transmisogyny is so prevalent and uses the same tactics. it's not being used as a shield, it's being brought up because it is something she is experiencing. if you personally don't think your vitriol towards her (and me, another person you do not know but feel comfortable being kind of mean to) is related to gender, then great. but it's still mean and other people who *do* behave this way because they know she's trans have been saying the same things. so it is possible that her, my, or others' responses are not actually about your extremely specific grievances, but the large amount of grievances being received from multiple places

the reason she's admitted to saying racist stuff before is because she has acknowledged that it was racist and apologized for it, admitted she disagrees with the sentiment now, and illustrated why her post was wrong so that others who had agreed with it would understand. im not gonna speak much on this part because it's not my place to decide what racist stuff is ok to forgive and what isnt and I don't think anyone wants to hear that for me, but I do think that if you think she is a bigot, you should block her account and ignore her posts. i don't really see why you would only bring it up here to shame me, an unrelated person, for defending someone against bullying. it doesn't seem very respectful to the actual people hurt by that post.

also again I'd like to point out that parts of your message here intentionally paint me, her, and more importantly all other people that care about transmisogyny as "a screeching mob". this is the kind of stuff that makes it look like you do actually disrespect trans women / allies. it's the same thing a lot of bigots do when they want to depict someone as irrational, crazy, or otherwise not worth hearing out. even if you disagree with me, her, or others on this, I'd much prefer if you just talked about it rather than tell me I'm screeching and rambling and shielding and doing all of these things that make me out to be less of a person than you. this isn't an accusation, I'm just trying to explain how you're coming off so you can understand why people might still think you're being mean to trans women.

again going back to my post, my main point is the same as yours here: maybe some people here *aren't* attacking certain people just because they're trans. but they're still being really mean and targeting single individuals in a way that is upsetting to me, and feels unfair and immature. and what trans women ARE trying to say is that, intentional or not, it sucks how often it happens to them as a group, and they'd like to be given a chance to explain how that feels more often without being told they're whining, screeching, aggressive "bitches"

also like i am not "dying on a sword" for her, she is my friend who I know is not a horrible person, and so i thought it might be okay to speak up on the matter because I think people are being mean to my friend. sometimes people can talk about things without it being a sword death

[romanarose]

got distracted singing my way through your prompt list, thx.

“I’m not okay” + babyboy Marc Spector

I literally was about to clean my dorm but then I got this and you always give me such LOVELY REPLIES so I hoped right on it bestie.

Also, they way I was LITERALLY singing im not okay RIGHT WHEN YOU SENT THIS

***************

You woke up to Marc thrashing in the bed you shared, and while it took you a moment to find your bearings as you woke up, your hand immediately found his. You shake your head and blink awake, jumping into action, sitting up over him. You just knew something was wrong today, see seemed off and when you asked what it was, he insisted he was okay.

'I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay.' every time you asked, or even looked at him with worry. But he wasn't, and you knew it, but you'd never force him to talk to you. You'd be there to support him though. Always.

"Marc, baby." You softly carded one hand through his curls, while the other held his clammy hand. "Wake up honey, I'm right here. It's okay."

His eyes shot open, wide with terror, and his reaction was to shout and push you away, hand slapping harshly against your chest. It hurt a bit, but you knew he didn't mean to do it to you; he was still half in whatever his dream had kept him in.

"Fuck, baby I'm sorry" Marc sat up, taking your body in a strong hug, fingers digging into the fabric of your shirt. "I'm so, so sorry."

You hugged him back tightly, trying to ground him in reality. You grab your phone, turning on the flashlight and placing it under the blanket, a trick you learned early on dating Marc, the soft glow enough to help him see where he is and your features (and check if you're safe), but not being harsh on his eyes. "It's okay honey, I know"

"I never want to hurt you, I'm sorry."

"I know, baby"

"I couldn't see you; I thought you were her. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" Marc began crying, you could tell by the crack in his voice, and the wetness that soon settled on your sleeve.

"It's okay, Marc, I know you didn't mean to hurt me. I promise it doesn't even hurt anymore" You wanted to lie and say it didn't hurt at all, but he'd know it was a lie. You needed him to trust you.

He took a shaky breath. "I'm not okay." He finally admitted. "I think... I think I'm broken"

You rub his back. "You're not broken. You just need help. Me, Jake and Steven want to help you. You just have to let us, when you're ready."

Marc still gripped you tightly. "I had a dream she..." He started, but hesitated.

"It's okay, beautiful boy. You can tell me if you want to, it's just a dream, she cant hurt you."

You felt him shake against your shoulder, then pulled back to look at you. You never had seen him cry before. He had cried around you, mostly in time like this, but always nestled in your grasp, hiding his face until the tears dried, and you both pretended it didn't happen. "No, baby, she hurt you" His eyes were puffy and his face still wet.

Oh.

He took another breath, hands on your shoulder as his eyes darted all over you, seeming to check for ingury. "She s-said since I took Randell, she was going too, going to take you and she started drowning you in the Mikvah bath and god, I don't know what THAT'S supposed to mean and I supposed I can add sacrilege to the list of things wrong with me, although I probably already crossed that line when I smashed my Kippah into the sidewalk, and I couldn't do anything I was just frozen and trying to move and I just wanted you screaming and fight and it just wouldn't end!" By the end of his explanation, he was tugged at his hair in frustration.

You waited to make sure he was done, then took his hands, kissing both knuckles. "Marc, baby, I'm safe, you're safe, she's gone. It's going to be okay, but I understand that was really scary. It must be awful to just watch and not be able do anything"

He nodded a bit, calming down. "Y-yeah"

"I'm no expert, but I don't think you can sin in a dream, but I can ask next time I go to Shabbat, not say anything about you of course, but if it makes you feel better to get that off your mind."

"That, um, that might be nice, actually. I have some really fucked up dreams. Might be good to know."

You nod. "Okay, I'll do that on Friday"

"Okay."

You slowly go to touch his face, careful not to startle him "Wanna watch some tv? Sun's almost up."

His eyes dodged yours, and he pulled his hands back. "No, you're tired, go back to bed"

But you shake your head, "No, honey I'll stay up with you. Steven and I can have an early night tomorrow. We can have a nice quiet morning, maybe go to IHOP for breakfast before work? Watch some kids cartoons?"

"I don't... I don't want you to get less tim with Steven because I kept you up"

You shake your head. "Don't think of it like that. Think of it as Steven and I getting a good nights sleep. And Steven won't mind at all, he wants me to be there for you. I promise"

"Yeah..." He mumbled. "Yeah sure."

You guide his face to look at you. "You aren't a burden. Me, Jake and Steven love you, we're here to help you, okay?"

He smiled, just a little bit, and nodded. "Okay"

**********

Send me a prompt from the emo lyrics list!

[sunny6677]

So decided I'll make an oc instead of a S/I for Inside Out! Jensns

She's sort of based off of my minds slightly unhealthy way of thinking from time to time. And since she's just a way of thinking, she doesn't exactly stay in Headquarters, but she shows up when necessary or if Riley needs her.

By her coming prepared—I mean to basically ensure nothing like Inside Out 2 happens, Logic quite literally invented a jar with a copy/mimic aura of each emotion just incase they get thrown out again—and anytime someone tries to bring it close to the window, the jar will start to let out a comically loud alarm sound. Logic is very protective of it though since she isn't sure which one of them might decide to throw it out next, so as a 'reasonable' way of a solution, she decides to not allow them to use it unless she seems it necessary—and this is sort of meant to be kind of like when you force yourself to feel things?? Sometimes I have a bad habit of forcing myself to feel happy even though I'm not or angry even though I'm not. It's kinda like that jdndnd. And because of the events of Inside Out, Logic keeps a bit of an eye on Sadness anytime she gets close to the memories. And she wants to ensure that no emotion is ever suppressed since they're all very much needed. So she makes absolutely sure each emotion gets a turn, and will harshly get onto one of them if they try keeping one of them from taking a turn—however, she sort of ends up doing this without realizing when it comes to Anxiety. Because irrational thinking and rational thinking don't exactly go that well together lmao. She always shuts down Anxieties fears or predictions with logical solutions or kind of just calling out how ridiculous it is and how this would have happened if that were true or blah blah blah. And she also sort of keeps Anxiety away from the panel anytime she starts to overthink—because if Riley is supposed to be hiking in a literal forest where she probably needs to know what to do in order to even be camping at all, she probably can't think irrationally. At least that's what Logic thinks—sort of commiting the same mistake Joy did in the first movie in the process.

Immmmm—kind of unsure if she should be an antagonist at all since this is just the way my own brain treats my Anxiety sometimes, and I don't know if it's normal. Sooooo—

[hard-core-super-star]

original shield agent like from old movie yk anyway

they are a bit older than kate maybe 4 or 5 years and she’s afraid t be judged by other avengers and they tease her about that

-🧞‍♀️

i'm going to assume you mean original like in the first avengers movie but feel free to correct me if i understood this wrong lmao [once again, sorry for taking a literal week to write this; also screw the MCU timeline, i'd love to see kate interact with some OG's so they're still alive because I said so]:

you've been working at SHIELD for a while now when you hear the news about clint's newest recruit, the overconfident archer with a tendency to bite off more than she can chew.

you're confused about what the veteran archer seems to see in her until you meet her and you suddenly feel very stupid for judging her so harshly. yes, she's young and slightly immature but she's also passionate and skilled and certainly not the first avenger to pass through with an ego larger than most people can handle. [she's no tony stark, of course, and it's obvious her tendency to be over confident comes from a long list of insecurities she easily hides behind her gentle smile]

so, you decide to give the brunette a chance. jokingly offering to tell her all the best places to hide snacks in at the compound. she either doesn't realize you're joking or is far too eager to spend time with you to care.

you quickly realize you're eager to spend time with her too.

it doesn't take long for kate's excitement to turn into actual nervousness and, despite how adorable she looks, you can't help but poke fun at her for it. mostly because she gets way too easily flustered and the sight is as entertaining as it is endearing but also because she comes up with the most ridiculous responses to justify her nerves.

you've heard everything from,"oh my god, natasha's going to think my punches are too weak" to "my suit isn't anywhere as cool as steve's" and your favorite,"maria's going to kill me for flirting with you."

the last one definitely slipped out of her mouth on accident but you have no problem holding it over her head whenever possible.

[sneezemonster15]

So this has to be the longest reblog tags I have ever gotten yet.

Another Sakura apologist. Sigh...

Okay, here goes.

Tags - Op seems to be anti Sakura and I absolutely disagree with that.

Me - Lulz. Don't care. ❤️. It doesn't matter what you agree or disagree with. I interpret Sakura as she was supposed to be seen. By the author. Look for it Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. And there's much more. You can go through my blog.

And more is coming, believe it! :)

Just because You don't see things doesn't mean they aren't there. Heh.

Tag - Instead of tormenting the author, write something on the basis of your own hc. Policing etc.

Me - This Argument is just lulz. 😹

Argument - If you are so unhappy with the corrupt and cruel leadership of your country, why don't you become the president instead? Who are you to criticize?

Lmao. No. ❤️. This is a fandom and this is necessarily a platform about communication and sharing ideas. A fandom is a collection of fans. I reserve my right to criticize or discuss anything pertaining to it. There can be no fanfic without FANS. Who read them and actually make them a FANfic. And they have an inherent right to judge them. I am not tormenting anyone, I didn't tag them, didn't call them names. I simply wrote an objective analysis without bad mouthing anyone. Because that's how it's done.❤️ Policing, lol. Oh yeah, throw catchphrases and silly token words around, that will prove your point. Lol. I am not forcing anyone to follow me, in fact what I am doing, is giving them a well reasoned and well researched perspective. Take advantage of it, don't cry about it. Learn and absorb. It's called growth. I am sure of my stuff because I have the knowledge to back it up, I don't throw useless words around. Please be naive somewhere else. Lol. I write an analysis blog and I do my research. If you write a fic that you claim as 'in character', I have a right to judge and I will talk about it with other fans, and I will do it with Authority. No one can take that away from ME. Also, not my HC. These are FACTS. I read the manga as the author wants me to, I make a strict point of it. When I don't understand something, I invest time and effort to find out about it, like any other credible blogger does. When I write hc, I mention it accordingly. Take it however you want. I honestly don't care. ❤️ Heh.

Tags - Interpretations might differ. Blah blah.

Me - Hahahahha. SuBjeCtiVe inTerpREtaTIon.

Nope. You are wrong. ❤️ Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. And much more, just go through my blog etc etc. I don't have the energy to explain it here.

Tags - I don't think Kishi is intentional about making Naruto gay........but if makes perfect sense.

Me - Seriously, people don't see the contradictions in their own arguments. Did you read the tagline of my blog? No? Read it. Unintentional, lolol. Shows how much you are mistaken. Regardless, you are so very wrong. ❤️ Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. And there will be more, I promise.

Tags - Kishi is homophobic and heteronormative blah blah.

Me - Sigh..... I am so sick of this absolutely stupid ass argument. Here. Here. There is much more, just go through.... Etc.

Finally. Yeah, people are liable to judge me here because I also reserve my right to judge. But when you are given valid arguments, evidence and objective analysis, listen. Pay attention. At least do a cursory checkup. See whether it makes sense or not. I do and anyone who makes sense in this crazy fandom also does. Do your part before giving criticism. Otherwise your words will hold no value and it will show. No one, absolutely no one judges me more harshly than I judge myself. It's a thing with me. I make communication and media my profession. Literally. I sound the way I sound because I am extremely anal about things, I speak from experience and reason fortification is my jam. Step by step. I have been told so many times that I write long ass posts, and it's kind of like a private joke but there's a reason for that. I tend to over explain because I don't want there to be any miscommunication, I want my intent to come out properly. I can understand that random people wouldn't know that about me. But it doesn't matter. Pay attention to what is said and do your fact check up. Doubt everything. And come to your conclusions after seeing it, reasoning it out for yourself.

I may be intense. And I am. About this media. About my boys. Which is why I inject so much of my time and effort into it. I am also flexible when I am given a reasonable argument, I can change my opinion if you talk sense to me. On my level. I work on my stuff and I won't demean it for anything less. But I am glad there are people in this fandom that are also like me. And I feel encouraged. It's upon you if you want to take it or leave it. No skin off my nose. This media inspires motivation and effort and deep thought and as long as it exists, I will keep finding kindered souls in here, like I have till now. Couple of them are good friends. I don't need or want approval but it certainly is nice to connect with people regardless. For what I do regarding this media, so do others and I appreciate them for that, even if you aren't one of them. And I am thankful for that. 🙂

Thank you for your other kind words towards me. The contradiction in your tags is not lost on me. Your sweet passive aggression. But well, that's fine. I have been in this fandom for over a year now and I have had worse. All sorts of hypocrisy and ignorance. You aren't saying anything to me that I haven't already heard. Heh. :)

[jovialjuggernaut-draws]

"would you kiss them?" "..." "there's your answer."

"Would you kiss him?"

"..."

"There's your answer."

"It's not that simple!" Bruce groaned.

Selina rolled her eyes, going back to finger-combing her pink wig. "It is, though. It's perfectly simple. 'Complicated feelings' are liars. Your head's telling you 'this guy is trash' and your heart's telling you 'he's a jerk'. It's just your pussy telling you to give him a chance."

"Selina, you know I don't have a-"

"You know what I mean!" She tossed the nearest cat toy she could grab at him, the little ball jingling when it bounced off his shoulder and attracting no less than three excited cats to chase after it where it rolled across the cluttered apartment floor. "I've had to have this talk a dozen times, about guys who did a hell of a lot less than literally try to kill them, and none of those girls have been half as stubborn as you're being! Stop mooning over him if you wouldn't even kiss him!"

"I'm not mooning," Bruce grumbled.

"Oh, really." Selina put on an exaggerated pout, folding her fingers under her chin and batting her eyelashes up at Bruce. "Oh, uwuwuwu, I feel so bad about Eddie, and do you know what Eddie said when I went to visit him in Arkham? And oh, Selina, do you think I was too mean, after he tried to fucking kill me, do you think I should have been nicer, he seemed sooo sad, Selina! Do you think he'd forgive me if I sucked his dick, Selina?!"

"I don't sound like that!" Bruce snapped, though, insultingly silly voice aside, he had said those things… some of those things, anyway.

"You can't let a guilty conscience and a cute face dupe you into doing dumb things!" Selina snapped back at him, gesturing with the wig too harshly and tangling it again. She slumped into her mattress, returning to her task with a tension to her full lips. "...You're better than that."

Bruce fidgeted with his gloves, embarrassed by the unexpected declaration of faith. "...Thanks."

She shrugged, avoiding his eyes while she hooked the wig's clips into place, sizing it down to fit before sliding it carefully into place. "Don't mention it. If you want to thank me, just… actually take my advice. Okay?"

"...Okay."

She stared him in the eye- or, well, in the mask near his eyes, as he was also avoiding her gaze. "I gotta go, okay? Stay here if you gotta, but make sure you close up when you leave. Heating bill's high enough as it is."

She marched past, her stilettos giving her just enough of a boost to come up to Bruce's chin, and she paused to press a quick kiss to the sharp cheekbone of the cowl before continuing on her way out, graceful despite the minefield of cat toys and balled-up trash between her and the door.

"Don't be a stranger!"

The door clicked shut, the lock clicking into place behind her. Bruce let out a heavy sigh, sinking to her low, lumpy mattress, a cat leaping to fill his lap the moment he touched down. Absent-mindedly, he stroked the dark fur, earning a throaty chirp along with the loud purr, the cat's entire body leaning heavily into him.

'Complicated feelings are liars', she had said, but what of his feelings weren't complicated? He surrounded himself with complicated, to the point that simple seemed more like a trap than a safety net. So what if the emotion muddying his resentment of Edward was guilt? He did still feel an obligation to help him, and if guilt made that obligation less genuine, well, then, that would render his entire crusade against crime in Gotham just as hollow and that didn't bear thinking about.

"She just doesn't get it," he told the cat in his lap, to which it gave a contented little meow in reply.