#no one understands my sensory shit and they just keep getting me what they think are soft clothes

[insomniac-dormouse]

Raph doesn’t understand Donnie’s sensory issues, but he’s trying. He’s annoyed that he keeps ruining shirts for seemingly no reason tho

@nerves-nebula

[whocaresstillthelouvre]

Shining Din Djarin x Female Reader

Rating: Explicit. 18+ (Minors DNI) Summary: You want Mando to make you shine. Warnings: Smut, oral (m receiving), exhibitionism (you let Din watch you masturbate), p in v sex, creampie (reader has an implant), light sub/dom vibes, Din gets handcuffed by his own binders, sensory deprivation with the help of Din's helmet. Words: 3,735 A/N: This idea has been dancing around in my head for the past week, thanks to @frannyzooey for her thot night post and kind motivation. Also, shout out to "Ghost In The Machine" by SZA. I dunno man, this is the first time I've ever written Din and wow, he was fun.

Masterlist

Mandalorians want for nothing, so why did he want you so bad? 

Months of you joining him on his hunts, a damned demand of Karga. “She’s young and capable, she’ll be good for my little friend to have someone else to take care of him. I won’t take no, you owe me.” 

Your little trinkets taking up precious cargo in his small ship, your pretty face always shining through the display tempting him to give it all up just for a glimpse of the color of your soft skin, your beautiful body keeping him up and frustrated at night while you sleep soundly on the cot you insisted you needed. The only reason why he caved is because he was tired of you sneaking into his pod and leaving his blankets smelling like you. 

The kid, the damn kid loves you, adores you. He’s pretty sure he loves you more than he loves him. The way you talk to him with your sweet voice, the way you run over to him whenever he lets out a frustrated cry, the way his kid looks held in your arms as you soothe him.

He was frustrated, he was at his breaking point. You’re so beautiful and so delicate and yet you call him out on his shit, you keep him in line. He’s never wanted anybody like he wants you.

He hated facing you after stepping out of the fresher, always feeling like you can look behind the beskar he’s covered in. Like you know he just came on the shower wall imagining the cold, flat metal is the warm, silky skin of your tits. 

Tonight, in the middle of nowhere on this backwater planet, you trounce around the fire in your gauze sleep gown, smiling and laughing as the kid chases you. You look like an angel, lit by the flames licking across your skin casting your body in a deep amber glow. He tries to focus on the gun he’s cleaning to keep his attention off of you but he can’t stop staring. He counts the minutes until it’s the kid’s bedtime. He has to do something about this, either he needs to take you back home or he needs to feel how your cunt feels wrapped around his cock. Taking you home would be easier. 

——

“Well, that didn’t take long,” you say, leaning against the opening of the ship. 

He nods at you, his helmet still downcast focused on cleaning his armor. He’s gotten used to you obviously, he’ll at least remove a piece of armor in front of you. Never the helmet, you understand that, but seeing him without his usual chest piece makes you so wet he might as well be fully naked.

You’re going mad, the Crest isn’t a big ship and he’s a big man. If you have to feel the cool touch of beskar against your skin as you move past him one more time you just might explode. 

You’re used to getting what you want, you’re smart, you’re clever, you’re resolute. Like Karga always tells you, “you have spunk kid, nobody will ever be able to tell you no.” That’s why you put the white nightgown on, he might be wearing a helmet, but you can always tell just how much he likes what you’re wearing by how hard you feel his stare behind that faceless mask, you really feel it whenever you wear this. 

“He’s tired,” you walk down the ramp, “I think all I did today was play with him, don’t know why he needed so much attention.” 

“He knows you’ll always give him it.”

“Really?” You roll your eyes as you sit across the fire from him. “At least he’ll sleep through the night, you’re welcome by the way.” 

“Hm,” he nods, still preoccupied by shining his armor. 

“Think it’s shiny enough, big guy?” You lean over, your hands resting on your knees, the neckline of your dress dipping farther down as you lean forward to look at him above the fire.

“Just about,” he’s rubbing his chest plate harder and faster… you know he’s avoiding looking over at you. 

“I love how your armor reflects the flames,” your voice coming out lower and huskier. “I love being able to watch the fire burn on your chest, like your heart’s been set aflame.”

His hand pauses, the cloth he was using sits idle against the metal. His helmet tilts up, you feel his eyes back on you. 

“Is it shiny enough for me to see that now?” 

A single nod before he lifts his armor over his head and attaches it. “I can see,” you whisper.

He stares forward, his eyes are on you, something has shifted in the air of this small circle around the fire.

You lean even more forward, the plush of your breasts almost spilling out of your dress. You watch his chest rise as he takes a deep breath in. 

“I wish I could shine like you,” your confession leaving your mouth as you run a hand up and down your neck and chest.

“You shine,” the modulated voice sizzles through you.

“Yeah? How bright can I shine for you tonight?” Your hand dipping underneath the fabric of your dress petting back and forth across your breasts.

“As bright as you want for me.”

“Sure about that? I can burn really bright. Can I see if I burn bright in your armor?”

He straightens, sitting taller and nods.

You rise off the rock, grabbing the bottom of your dress as you stand, lifting it up over your head.

You pad over to him naked, the crisp breeze of the forest hitting your skin. It truly feels like you’re the only two people on this whole planet. His hands clench into fists as you stand in front of him. 

“Can’t see much, just the outline of my body in the flickering light. What do you see?”

“You,” the modulated crackling as he chokes out, “all of you.”

You lift one of his hands, grabbing the edge of his glove. “Can I?” 

He nods. 

You remove it. Thick fingers, well manicured short nails, trails of veins running through strong muscles. Your cunt begins to weep as you think of what his hand would feel like between your legs. You’ve seen his bare hands before, sometimes he gives the kid it to entertain himself with, sometimes he needs his hand bare to repair something. But, you’ve never seen it this close. It’s the only body part you’ve seen of his, you imagine the rest of him to be just as golden, just as toned, just as thick as his hand. 

You rest it on your hip, a moan escapes your mouth at the contact. He lets out a huff of modulated air as he grips your skin. 

“Maker,” you whisper into the night sky, just his hand on you igniting something powerful. He tests you, running a lazy line up to your chest and back down to your hips, the path sets your skin ablaze. You want him to go lower, you want one of his thick fingers to push inside, you want him to feel how wet you are.

“See, sometimes you shine too bright, and it does things to me. Sometimes I can’t look away and it makes being around you really hard for me and I have to sneak my hand down at night ‘n try to dull that ache. I think you feel the same way… sometimes I can hear you in that fresher,” his head raises towards you, his grip tightening now searing against your skin, “the walls are thin.”

“I hear you… I-I listen.” Maker, his voice. You’ve never heard his voice this way, the shame dripping out of the tinny speakers.

Your eyebrow raises at his confession. “You listen to me?”

A solemn nod, downcast.

“Hey,” you touch the edge of his helmet, lifting it so he can look at you. This is the first time you’ve ever touched it. In fact, this is the first time you’ve actually touched him, besides a quick brush as you move past or put the baby in his arms. “I like that. Would you watch me if you could?” 

His helmet nods in your hold. 

You can feel the tensity radiating off of him, you know he’s a hunter you know that under all of those layers he’s screaming to get out, to attack you, to make you his bounty. 

“You know, I see you hunt people all of the time. I can’t explain what it does to me to see your big body in the distance walking towards us and the ship, your bounty cuffed and subservient to you. I love the power you hold, but I think you’d like someone else to have that power over you. Am I right?”

“Yes.” 

“Can I have that power over you?” 

“Yes.”

“You want to watch me?” 

He nods.

You turn away from him, grabbing the blanket folded on the rock you were using earlier to look up at the stars with the kid, laying it on the ground by the fire. You settle yourself on it, the warmth from the flames heating your body. You lean back on your hands, locking your knees together. 

“Tell me what you want to see, you’re such a being of few words, talk to me.”

“Open your legs.”

You separate your legs, spreading them open, your pussy is on full display for him, dripping for him. His hands rest on his knees as he leans forward. 

“Touch yourself,” he whispers out.

You trail your hand down to in between your legs, rubbing a line from your clit to your hole. 

“Am I shining here for you?”

“Yes,” the modulator crackles as he hisses.

Your fingers light a trail around your clit, your hips cant up whenever you rub against the tight bundle of nerves. You’re putting on a show for him, biting your lip and staring straight forward into the small window of his helmet. Even though you can’t see them, you know his eyes are only focused on you. You moan into the night, tilting your head back to look at the stars as your finger dips into your entrance. 

You can hear his breathing over the squelchy sound of your finger pumping in and out of you, your head turning back down towards him when you hear a low groan. His hands are gripping his knees, he’s leaning over as far as he can as he watches you fuck yourself. 

The way his large shoulders are rising and falling rapidly as his breathing quickens makes your body ache, your palm knocks against your clit as you add another finger and fuck yourself.  

“Do you want me to cum for you like this?” 

“C-c-can I touch you when you do?”

Oh, his voice. It’s so heavy and yet so light. You’ve never heard it like this, he sounds so young, so excited, so unlike the scary Mandalorian that secretly intimidates you, not that you’d ever let him know. 

“Come here,” you shuffle your feet wider, spreading your legs as far as you can. “Kneel down.”

He moves lightning quick, a dash of metal appearing in between your legs. He’s so fucking big, so fucking broad, so fucking handsome, so fucking strong, he drives you crazy and all you’ve ever seen of him is his hand. 

He takes his other glove off and throwing it to the side before tentatively placing his hands on your knees, the feel of his rough palms planting against your soft skin bringing you closer to your climax. 

“Cum for me,” he whispers. You wish he didn’t have that damn helmet, you wish his real voice could float across the air and land against your cunt. 

His hands grip you harder as your hips begin to rise and fall while you writhe against the soft blanket, your cunt tightening around your fingers as you pull yourself onto the cliff and leap down into the ocean of your pleasure. 

You don’t break eye contact with Mando, his firm stare you feel behind that damned black shield shattering your heart and your pussy into a million pieces as you scream out into the vast wilderness of the night. 

His hands chart a path across your knees, his touch so gentle versus the way he was just clutching you as you came for him. 

“Did I shine for you?” Your voice comes out smaller and more delicate than you wanted. 

“Brightly.” 

“Can I make you shine bright for me?” 

“Yes.”

“Can I have my way with you, the way I want it? The way I’ve dreamed about taking you?” You sit up, his hands still rub your legs, as if once you’ve given him permission to touch you it’s all he wants to do now. 

He nods. 

You turn your head to the side, looking at all of his now clean weapons laid out on the table. The binders are still there, their presence has been on your mind since you saw him pick them up earlier to clean. 

“Can I borrow something from over there?”

“What?”

“Can I borrow your binders?”

“Y-yes.”

You rise up off the blanket, moving quickly to pick them up, as if you don’t do this right now, he’s going to back out. You’re now the hunter. You pick them up in your hand, they’re heavier than you thought, the metal is cool against your touch.

“Can I cuff you like I caught you… like you’re my bounty?”

His deep growl as he tips his head back shoots a wave of pleasure through your body, you can only assume it matches what he’s currently feeling. You love that the two of you are now sharing in each other’s pleasure instead of hiding it behind the thin metal walls of a spaceship. 

“Yes.”

You can’t hide your smile as you stalk towards him, like he’s now caught and you’re ready to get your reward. He hasn’t moved from where he knelt in front of you as he watched you fuck yourself.

“Can you take your vambraces off for me?”

He deftly removes them without a word, laying them next to him.

“Can you do something else for me?” 

He nods.

“Can you show me how to turn your volume and display off in your helmet? You saw my cunt, you heard me fuck myself, but you’ve never felt my pussy or mouth. I want you to only feel it now.”

“Dank farrik,” he grunts. “Yes.” 

He picks up a vambrace, putting in a couple of codes, his fingers driving you crazy as they move across the small buttons. 

“Press this when you want it,” he pants out as he hands it to you.

“Thank you. Put your hands in front, raise them up.” 

He follows your instructions. He looks so good like this, kneeling in front of you ready to serve, you like having this power over him. This must be how he feels whenever he catches his prey.

You grab one of his arms, pushing the sleeve up of his flight suit. His skin is just as bronzed as you expected it to be, born that way, hidden away for years underneath fabric and armor. You do the same with the other arm, the sight of his toned and hairy forearms causing a wave of heat to spread over your body.

You put a cuff over his wrist, locking it in place. You look up at him, checking to make sure he’s okay with this. He nods his approval as you slip the other cuff on and lock it. He’s now bound, still kneeling, his thick legs supporting him as he lowers his hands down. 

“Good?” You whisper as you stand tall in front of him. “Lay on your back, put your arms over your head.” 

You’ll never not be shocked at how big he is, yet how easily he moves in his large body. He takes up the whole blanket. Your mouth waters as you notice how his pants are tented as he lays down for you.

“I promise I won’t remove any more armor or your helmet, but I will help myself to you. I want you to be as loud as you can be, let yourself go, let me have the power, you deserve it. I’m going to turn off the display and your sound, is that okay?”

“Yes, Maker, yes.”

“If you need me, say Lothal,” you hit the button he showed you, Din’s head thuds against the dirt as you imagine he’s now cast in complete darkness and silence. You listen to his deep breathing as you look down at him. Fuck, this is going to be good. 

You settle on the ground kneeling between his spread legs, just like he did for you. Your hands move across the rough fabric of his flight suit, his hoarse groan rumbles through his body when you caress his thighs.

“That’s it, that’s it baby,” you whisper to nobody, the thrill of seeing him like this letting go for you makes your head spin. 

The shape of his hard cock straining against the zipper of his flight suit beckons you. You run a hand across it, his whole body shudders. He’s panting, the sounds of his struggle soaring into the air causing goosebumps to prickle against your skin and your cunt to clench.

You lick your lips as you unzip the zipper, grabbing the heft of him and lifting it out. Maker, Maker, Maker. He’s so wide and firm, just like you knew he would be. Swollen, throbbing, fucking gorgeous, precum leaking down his tip.   

He lets out a rasped “ahhh” as you wrap your fist around his length. His skin is so soft, so silky, so firm. Your thumb swipes across his tip, collecting the precum on the pad of it, bringing it to your mouth to taste him. He tastes delicious… salty and musky. You sit back and watch him lay there vulnerable only for you, his exposed cock twitching in the light of the fire. Your head, heart, and core are heavy with want for this mystery of a man… you wonder if anybody has ever had him like you do right now. 

“Mesh’la?” His voice breaks you out of your daze. Mando’a, you’ve never heard him speak it. You make a note to yourself to look that word up on your datapad later. 

“I’m here,” you say before realizing he can’t hear you. You place a hand on his thigh and gently squeeze it as you lay in between his thick thighs, his legs caging you in. 

You angle your head forward and seal your mouth over the head of his cock, his whole body shivers as you suck him. He feels so good in your mouth, you love the slight stretch of your lips as you move his length down your throat. 

Your eyes water as you take him all the way down, his tip hitting the back of your throat making you gag around him. You slide him out of your mouth, grabbing him at the base and slapping his length against your lips, you revel in the sting it leaves against your skin as you stick him back in and bob your mouth up and down, your tongue tasting the salt of his skin. 

You hollow your cheeks around him, the combined sounds of ecstasy coming out of the speakers of his helmet mixed with the slurp of your lips soundtrack the night as his hips begin to lift when he begins fucking into your mouth. 

You know he’s close, the way his moans garble, the way his hips begin to stutter as you swirl your tongue against him. He chokes out a protest as you slip him out of your mouth, leaving him pulsing. You’re selfish, you want what you want and he’s given you the opportunity tonight to take whatever you want from him. 

You grab his vambrace before sitting down and straddling his thighs. Reaching down you grab his cock, angling him to rub between your soaked folds, the tip bumps against your swollen clit and you yelp. 

You want him to watch, you want him to hear. You hit the button on his vambrace, his helmet instantly pops up, the black T of his helmet angled to look right at the apex of your thighs. 

“Wanted you to see this,” you say as you rise up, grabbing his cock and slowly sinking yourself down on it. 

Your body accepts all of him as you roll your hips, getting comfortable around the feeling of being stuffed so full of him.

“You feel so good in me, I knew you would, let me do the work, let me fuck you,” you whimper as he stretches your tight hole. 

You use him to fuck yourself, he lays perfectly still like you asked him, you never imagined he’d listen so well to your instructions. He’s panting for you, his arms still raised above his head, his wrists straining against the cuffs, hands forming tight fists as you begin to pound him. 

You move your hand down to start rubbing circles around your clit, you’re on the edge of another orgasm, you can tell he’s even closer. 

“You can cum for me, I have the implant, I want to feel you pump your cum inside me, cum for me Mando.”

His helmet bobbles as his body shudders underneath you.

It destroys you, the feel of his big cock spearing you as he empties himself into you, the sound of the garbled words he’s grunting as he tilts his hips up into you, the feel of your fingers tracing your clit, the heat of the fire warming your already feverish body. 

You strangle his cock as you orgasm, your slick mixing with his spend inside you as you lean forward on him, laying your body on top of his. You reach up and remove both cuffs, throwing them to the side as he shakes each hand out. You stare into his helmet, you can make out the reflection of your face in the black T of his visor. 

“I can see myself shining in you now,” you say as he wraps his arms around you. 

[i-live-inyourwalls]

more haikyuu characters i think would be friends as adults (PLATONIC! I WILL SELF-IMMOLATE BEFORE I BREAK UP MY FAV SHIPS)

bokuto + ushijima

- first of all, part of my reasoning is that it would be funny as fuck

- HOWEVER: bokuto is kinda gullible, takes a lot of what he’s told at face value without questioning it. he’s honest and open about his emotions

- ushijima is VERY literal, also takes things at face value, and doesn’t generally understand other people if they aren’t being direct

- bokuto’s inability to keep anything to himself would actually be helpful for ushijima

- he’d never be confused about bokuto’s emotional state which (as we know) is not something he would pick up on unless he was told

- bokuto would also benefit from being around someone who was incapable of sparing his feelings (ego probably would take a hit at first, but i think as an adult he’d be more capable of handling it)

- also bokuto is insanely social so he wouldn’t stop trying until he and ushijima were friends

- bonus: he’d get to hang out with tendou which would be fun for him

tendou + tanaka

- they are both insane

- high energy, like messing with people, weird hair

- somewhat self-centered but still socially aware

- i think tanaka would find tendou entertaining and i think tendou would find tanaka funny

- also the potential for them fucking with people to an honestly diabolical degree? yeah, i’m sat for that

- i think they would both mess with ushijima, but i don’t think they’d ever actually be mean— and they’re smart enough to know some of their friends should be left alone (…iwaizumi….daichi….oikawa but only because oikawa would put an honestly neurotic effort into getting revenge—which could only be learned through experience)

nishinoya + kuroo

- i mean… i feel like this one is obvious

- obsessed with themselves, enjoy causing chaos

- kuroo is so much smarter than noya but noya is more unpredictable so…they could definitely be a dangerous combination

- smarter than the tendou + tanaka duo because, like, kuroo

- kuroo would probably take advantage of how willing noya is to do dumb shit and get noya to do his stupidest ideas (noya would not realize he was being strategically convinced, also he probably wouldn’t even care if he knew because he was having fun)

- also, absolutely would be each other’s wingmen. probably with asahi and kenma. can almost guarantee they would NOT be good at this and the other men would just find it confusing

akaashi + kenma

- said in my prev post about this, i think akaashi would be friends with kuroo because they took of kenma and bokuto in high school so have a shared (ish) experience

- he’d be friends with kenma for different but adjacent reasons

- they’re both somewhat quiet and reserved but capable of being sarcastic or harsh if the situation requires it

- dating bokuto and kuroo (IN MY WORLD THEY ARE. ITS REAL TO ME!!!)

- anyway, both dating people with VERY different levels of extroversion who like to spend time together

- can sympathize with the sensory overload that is being around bokuto and kuroo at the same time

- BokuAka & KuroKen double dates??? yeah bro. bokuto’s idea, kuroo talks kenma into them.

- they’d probably enjoy watching Bokuto and Kuroo entertain themselves when they all hung out even if it was overwhelming

- ^^^ both of them have a much shorter social battery so would be allies in the situation (if they don’t want to talk, they hide from everyone in silence— my mental image is them quietly doomscrolling in the same room, or kenma playing video games while akaashi reads a book or something— point being, i think they’d be able to be around each other comfortably without it feeling like actual social interaction)

edited for spelling :-)

[teojira]

I hope it's not too much to ask... do you have any head cannons about Bigby dating neurodivergent reader?

[Bigby Wolf with Neurodivergent!reader]

Summary: Bigby trying his damndest to be a good s/o

Warnings: Bigby trying his best, you're a mundy in this!

A/N: Cracks my fingers, it's been fucking ages since someone has asked me about Bigby. I hope these are okay! I miss this man so much. Incurable brainrot he gave me for the last 10 years.

I am not confident in these but I tried, thank you for requesting!

Bigby is rough around the edges, he's not gonna be the best person to comfort you or say the rights things. He's gonna fuck up, and he's gonna feel like shit about it.

You're gonna have to be understanding that this'll probably his first genuine relationship with a mundy, and while the fables use glimmer to pretend to be humans, they're not.

He doesn't get it, neurodivergentcy is not a common topic in fables lives, he will learn for you.

Bighy tries his best though, the second you tell him you're beginning to feel overstimulated, he'll make room and take you away from it.

He's overprotective, almost to an annoying degree but he can't help it. He's not gonna ease off, and he thinks he can handle everything on his shoulders that gets thrown at him.

You gotta tell him that yes, while you may be different and have some issues that fables don't frequently deal with, you're not a child.

Depending on what you struggle with more, he tries to fill in the gaps.

Struggle with time management? He'll be the one to try and remember for you, or telling you to keep track of the alarms on your phone when he isn't around.

Issues with anxiety? He'll force you to lay down with him, sitting in his shitty chair with you on his lap. He'll give you the run down of his day, letting you ask any and as many questions as you want until whatever that's scaring you is gone.

"I'm just, so scared to go in-"

"Do you want me to go?"

"I couldn't ask you to do that."

"So what I hear is that I'm going with you."

There are no real off days for the man, but he does his best to follow you around like a guard dog when he's technically off duty.

He realizes it could be seen as codependent but you're his partner, the primal urge to protect you is strong and it will damn near overweight whatever else has has going on.

Mood swings that deal with anger? He knows all about that, he'll let you scream and cry as much as you want, hell he'd let you hit him if you wanted, he lets you work through your issues on him and just holds you after.

Struggle with the hustle and bustle of the city? He keeps you far away from just about everyone, he's not well liked and he's sure if they spot you, they'll give you a hard time. So he'll probably be the one visiting you on your side of town more often than not.

Takes into consideration that the cigarettes he smokes can be a sensory overload, so he tries to limit it to when he's away from you.

At first he tried to push back on it, saying that it's just smoke but when you put your foot down and say it makes you sick, he starts to wean off of them.

Always tells you you're not a bother, that he would never mind comforting you nor does he hate that he's your safe person.

It makes him feel like he's actually important, that he has a job that actually means something.

He deals with bullshit day in and day out, but at least he has you and you have him.

[sunlit-mess]

Hello, I hope it's not rude but I'm REALLY REALLY fond of your art!!!!! I was scrolling through your blog from new to old and found that you have Bpd,,,. I only heard about this condition, what is it like? If it's ok to know,,,!

hello, thank u! uhm it's something? HAHAHAHA idk how to explain it 😭🏳 lemme try to be as direct as possible

I'm high-functioning, but there are points I seriously just start showing symptoms.

Emotions: INTENSE as it can get while FEELING 99 PERCENT EMPTY. Something just- keeps you so.. hungry (not literally). Sensory is also another factor, and honestly I burn out a lot, tend to get overwhelmed n meltdown like shit

Identity: I either have BEEF WITH it, feel GODLY, or be so LOW, really low. I live with both passion and hate. I'm very confused. But I can say I'm just tired!

Attachments: Relationships are so hard to maintain bc of how much I fear abandonment, like bro I can't even leave my family as much as I want to. I'm more scared of getting disowned or losing my name. Love is a concept I long to grasp at the same time scared of it, I don't understand jackshit about " love ".

> I tend to self-Isolate with or without reason

> ...I used to test other people whether they can handle me or not, whether they'd leave or not. Not anymore though, but the thought lingers.

> Very- paranoid- about.. perception, neglect and invalidity HAHA.

Mindset: They call it Black and White, or generally just two categories to label my perception of things. However, I try to understand AS MUCH AS I CAN about a situation, etc. See what's in-between before I decide. that's really hard for me to do LOL.

> I always do my best to think and be nice

> I can be so fucking bad at the same time, only to regret it the next second or so

> My mind is scattered all over the place, It's exhausting

Trauma: I have memory problems and a lot to connect with that. Hate and fear is what I'm accustomed to. I live with a fuck ton of active predicaments like hell. Old wounds keeps reopening, and new ones never closes.

Impulse: shows in speech more than in action (THANK GOD LMAO I'D DIE IF I LET MY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS WIN)

Habits: uhm. Ranging from sunshine and rainbows to SELF-DESTRUCTIVE. I get obsessive, like.. really obsessive.

Coping mechanisms: Usually I have mood stabilizers and anti-depressants n shit, but I don't rely on them anymore (bc I can't keep buying). I don't have good coping mechanisms even for physical needs. It's so bad bro. So I just end up drawing. that's the only good one I can list.

Living with it: Exhausting and an internal war 24/7. Does it affect me physically? Yes. Does it come with other mental factors and conditions? Also yes! But as one of God's most tired soldiers, nothing I can do but keep walking.

What I'm confused about: dawg last time, i kept searching about how conditions co exists like— Thats normal?? N the last diagnosis I was in confirms it does and nothing to worry about. BLUD I AM DEF WORRYING. Autism n bpd? u mean my behavior and shit isnt meant to be invalid as most people perceive — u mean these fckass experiences built that bpd? ☠️ WHAT AM I THEN—

(I'm having a hard time believing it bc as an adult, it's harder to process information like these)

[skylarsblue]

billy loomis / stu macher x reader with autism? tysm! and if you can’t do it no worries ^^

(Autism gang, let's go! Also, I added Danny for my own enjoyment, forgive me.)

✦Ghostfaces With a S/O That's Autistic✦

✦Content; No warnings that I can think of, fluff, GN!Reader with nothing specified physically✦ ✦Stu; He/Him, Billy; He/Him, Danny; He/They✦

✧Stu Macher✧

I'm fairly certain Stu is neurodivergent, ADHD specifically. You look at this man and tell me he has a neurotypical brain, I dare you. Yeah, no, you can't.

Now given this is 1995-1996, the concept of people having ADHD & Autism wasn't super accepted. Honestly, people treated it like a devastating blow most of the time. (Sadly, not a whole lot has changed) I imagine Stu doesn't really understand what being neurodivergent really means. Like, he knows what autism is, but he's got a bit of a warped view of what it means for you. You can blame media for the majority of it, but don't worry! He's not gonna go Anti-Vax Mom™ on yo ass.

He'll actually listen to you, even if he doesn't fully understand. You'll have to break it to him that Autism isn't a life-destroying thing. It just means you process things a bit differently, have sensitivities, etc. He'll grab the concept pretty quickly.

When you explain stuff like sensory processing issues, he'll actually relate really hard. Stu's lived his whole life thinking he was just weird for his reactions to certain stimuli, but when you describe your own experiences, it makes him question.

Bringing up that he might have ADHD won't make him want to get tested, he doesn't see a need, it won't change anything about him and he's not huge on the idea of medications. But, he will ask you more questions. Autism & ADHD are different but they do have a decent amount of overlap and you know more than he does so he trusts your judgment.

"Wait is that why I feel like I wanna tear my skin off when I feel velvet?! ...YOU MEAN NOT EVERYONE HEARS ELECTRICITY? IT'S JUST US?!"

Mans has an epiphany every five seconds while you're talking.

When it comes to him helping you, he tries his best, but he's spacey and forgets certain things. Still, he does his best to keep it all in mind. If he knows there's one food you absolutely can't stand, he'll keep it off your plate. Even if it means scraping it all onto his own and making a mess.

Is there a sound that makes it feel like your head's about to explode? He'll cover your ears, put his head on your head/shoulder and hum something.

Sometimes, if you two share a sensitivity, he'll loudly express his hatred for it and insist you both leave/get rid of whatever's causing it.

Has probably broken something that was making a noise you both hated. "Ugh, finally. Look, see? Problem solved! Aren't I a genius, babe?"

Stu absolutely understands the consumption of hyperfixations and he supports you completely. If it's something he can't get into, sometimes he comes across a bit aloof to it, because it doesn't give his brain the dopamine rush it does for you. Still, he's glad you have something you enjoy and he'll still listen to your rants. As long as you do the same for him.

If you both are hyperfixating on the same thing at the same thing? Bro, y'all annoy the shit out of everyone and he does not give a single fuck.

If anyone makes you feel like shit for talking about it, he's gonna rip them a new one. He makes fun of their biggest insecurities if he feels they deserve it. Is it cruel? Yes, but he, doesn't, care. If you don't wanna feel his wrath, you sit there and listen intently to his baby's ramblings, damnit.

Stu's a pretty intense dude and he likes a lot of stimulation. But he understands if you get overwhelmed sometimes. His tolerance for lots of stuff going on is a lot higher than most people. Again, he'll cover your ears if it's a lot of noise. He'll cover your eyes if it's too much visual stimuli, keep you close to his body in a crowd. This also helps if you're shorter than him because he can surround you completely, helps feel like you're disconnected from the stressors around you.

He's hella rich, he'll get you all the fidget toys you want. All the shit you want for a hyperfixation. Best believe you get the best headphones and music player the market has to offer for those times you need to drown shit out.

He's a touchy-feely person and he's likely to forget your physical boundaries sometimes if touch is a problem for you. But he'll always apologize when you correct him. If touch isn't a problem, he's super cuddly. And if you're the type to be only okay with touch from specific people, he gets a huge ego boost from being that person.

He's a bit boney & fidgety but makes a decent human blanket.

An overall 10/10 for a Neurodivergent Partner.

✧Billy Loomis✧

I'm gonna be real with you, chief. He's not the best. He's not terrible! But not the best. I'm not saying he's gonna bully you for the things you do, no, he's an overall sweet partner in all honesty. He's patient and understanding.

Still, if he doesn't understand a thing you're doing, he might come across a bit annoyed. Like if you have an audible stim that you keep repeating, his tone comes across a bit snappy when he asks why you do it. He's not trying to upset you, his temper's just a bit shaky.

Sitting him down and explaining that you're autistic might get you a few annoying questions. He's not an asshole, he means well, but the questions come across rude. Ex; "But you don't act autistic.", "But you do (insert stereotypical thing).", etc. If you tell him that most of the stuff he knows is basically all poor representation and rumors, he'll give you a pretty basic apology and he'll stop. Billy will also ask what else is a result of shitty ideas of autism so he knows better. (You'll need to tell him that the R-word is a slur. He doesn't really use it but it's good for him to be aware.)

I personally see Billy as neurotypical, but he's been friends with Stu for a long time. If you have behaviors that overlap with Stu's, he'll handle it perfectly. He's a veteran at it.

Sometimes he'll think you're being a bit too sensitive about sensory stimuli, but when you explain it's not just that you dislike something, he'll be more willing to understand.

"It's just a bit of corn, it's not that bad." "Billy, when I bite into a single kernel, it triggers my fight or flight response, my body goes into panic mode, and I wanna tear my hair out and throw up. It is that bad." "...oh. Aight, here, trade me."

When it comes to overstimulation caused by stuff like noise and people, he actually understands. He's an introvert and large crowds exhaust him, which makes him irritable. If he sees you starting to get antsy and uncomfortable in a loud environment, he'll give you his walkman headphones and find a reason for you both to leave. He's excellent at manipulation, he'll find a way.

If you have skin sensitivity, he'll start keeping things on him that help alleviates it. Scissors to cut tags out of your clothes, a spare shirt(that's his because he totally has a kink for that), hand sanitizer, etc.

Best believe he's ready to throw hands with anyone who gives you shit. He will whoop ass, no hesitation. Billy's a very possessive & protective partner most of the time, he's ready to defend your honor at the drop of a hat.

He's got his hobbies and likes, but he doesn't have anything he'd consider a hyperfixation. Still, he'll be perfectly happy for you that you've found one. Sometimes he has to ask you to stop talking when you're rambling about it, but he learned after the first two times to specify it wasn't personal. He just needs quiet every now and then and he knows you'll get sad if he isn't actually listening to you.

Like Stu, he'll be very happy if your hyperfixation has anything to do with his own interests. Billy will actually be impressed if you know more niche facts and nuances than he is, this is often the easiest way to hold his attention when you're in a long info-dump.

He's not as rich as Stu, but he's got some decent money, plus a part-time job. His spare money will definitely be spent on your interests, no matter what it is. It could be a hyper-specific brand of toys and he'll buy the most expensive one they offer. He wants you to be happy! (And the terrible part of him wants to have the leverage to keep you loyal to him, no matter how terrible his actions get)

Despite his struggle to understand sensory processing disorder, he actually offers some pretty decent suggestions to get around it. Using myself as an example, I often struggle to brush my teeth because it'll feel like bugs are in my teeth. If you had something like this, he'd come up with a potential solution on the spot. "What if you brushed them in the shower? That way you can focus more on the water than the brushing."

Again, similarities between you and Stu will catch his attention and he'll make a mental note of it. One, he'll see if he can use his experience with Stu to handle your symptoms better. Two, he'll definitely consider asking you if Stu's neurodivergent.

Not the best, but he's trying his best. Solid 7/10.

✧Danny Johnson✧

ANOTHER NEURODIVERGENT.

I headcanon that Danny has AuDHD, which is both Autism & ADHD. Once he was diagnosed (well into his twenties), it was like they had opened pandora's box. Researching it made them go "OHH THAT'S WHY" every five seconds.

He grew up in rural Utah with a shitty dad who would definitely not treat Danny well if he knew about his son's neurodivergence. But that doesn't matter cause the bastard's dead. Letting Danny have the freedom to research the topic to his heart's content, which he does. It helped them immensely in terms of lifestyle.

When you come into his life and explain that you're autistic, he's completely accepting right off the bat. That's also assuming he wasn't stalking you for months prior to your relationship and that he didn't already know to begin with.

He's probably the most equipped to handle things like sensory overload & sensitivities, given he has so many himself. He's also, ironically enough, got the most patience for things like stims & info-dumping. Danny's a tempermental hypocrite but on this list he's the most chill with these things, funny eh?

They absolutely pick up on some of your stims and you pick up on his. It makes them so much worse, but it's cute. His main stims involve his hands and little sounds with his mouth, like whistling or humming.

Your food sensitivities don't need to be explained to him, he's got a million. It's aggravating because he wants to be a foodie so bad but then they have all these damn sensory problems. If a single piece of broccoli will ruin your entire meal, broccoli will be essentially banned from the house. He's a romantic like that.

Pre-cuts tags from your clothes, picks out things from pre-made meals that you hate before he even gives it to you, has a plethora of scented candles you like to cover up troublesome smells, and he's got a million versions of headphones/earbuds. They all work he just loses them constantly, buys more, then finds the originals again. Honestly, they have a whole drawer dedicated to music players.

Your ability to stick to a schedule helps out with his ADHD experience. He's got a pretty decent routine himself, but sometimes he'll fuck it up and find it hard to get back on track. For example, they've misplaced their meds and it's fucking up their whole morning? There you are with the correction and they're back on track. He'll jokingly call you a saint for it.

Sometimes his temper gets touchy and he'll get snappy at something you do. (This is more a general thing and less an Autistic thing) He gets real guilty when you look at him with sadness and quickly apologizes. Which is baffling, given they were pretty sure they were incapable of guilt for a long time.

"I'm sorry, sorry, it's not you. Not mad at you. Mad at this other thing, it's not personal, doll, sorry."

If you're overstimulated, Danny's got you covered, rest assured. He's got earbuds, at least three fidget toys, and he's always ready to give you comforting pressure. Whether it's by acting like a weighted blanket or a tight hug. They also really appreciate when you return the favor when they've had a bad day at work.

They get a huge ego boost if you consider him your main comfort, or if your comfort object is something of his. Like a gift they gave you or some article of their clothing.

Actively researches your hyperfixation so he can engage in conversation with you about it. They like seeing you get all excited when they bring it up. Most of the time, he ends up having a hyperfixation on it as well. If you do the same for him? You're asking for a cuddly bitch of a man.

Feels their cold heart melt when you do something to help their AuDHD. Remembering his safe foods, his fidgets, etc. If he wasn't obsessed before, he is now.

Anyone who gives you shit for being autistic is dead by morning, that's a basic rule. If you defend him against bullshit? He's fucking the shit out of you.(/hj)

Considers you a hyperfixation, honestly.

100/10, you caught a winner with Danny. If you don't mind obsessive behavior, possessiveness, and murder. But c'mon. You're here. Of course, you don't mind.

[elwenyere]

What are some Cody-related headcanons you have? If you'd like to share 🙏

Hello Anon! Thank you so much for this wonderful ask. Cody is one of my favorite characters to write, and it's a joy to share some of the ideas and inventions that have come out of building stories for him.

I think one thing that's become crucial to the way I imagine Cody is that he's been thrust into this extremely high-responsibility, heavy-emotional-toll position at a super young age, and he's had to learn how to compartmentalize and repress pretty aggressively in order to keep doing his job. There are losses he just can't let himself fully acknowledge if he's going to remain functional (and he's very good at his job, so there will be more losses if he can't function), so I think of there being a distance - both deliberately cultivated and unconsciously formed - between what Cody's feeling and what he's saying, or even what he's thinking about consciously enough for it to surface in the narrative focalization.

That means that I see Cody as a character with an incredible strength of will and power of self-denial, but I also like to think about the small ways he might allow himself to blow off steam, and I imagine a lot of them would be sensory: extra spice in the food, a little flavored creamer in the caff, the ritual of smoking a cigarette, or of having sex - especially with someone with whom he's on the kind of footing that allows for eye rolling and shit-giving.

On that note, I also think of Cody as someone who derives satisfaction from solitude (which he hardly ever gets) and is maybe too good at bearing loneliness (which he gets more and more of as the war goes on). He has a fierce loyalty to his men, and he also has to order them to their deaths all the time. He understands that means he can't share the same kind of camaraderie with them that they share with each other. So he holds himself apart: someone many people respect, some resent, and few really know. But as isolated as that might make him feel, he's also got barely any time that he can truly call his own, so I imagine that maybe in a no-chip/Republic-wins AU he might decide to peace out for a while: go live by himself and do things that are low-stakes and build some habits that are totally his own.

I think he's so used to using anger - a kind of low-simmering, deeply saturating, furious indignation - as a substitute for fulfillment that he barely notices how much of his emotional apparatus is coated in frustration until he's struck by something that reopens the yearning - the curiosity and thirst and restlessness - that not even the brutal grind of being Marshal Commander of the Third Systems Army can crush out of him.

Also he's funny and he's sharp: that's important to me. Cody can absolutely read you for filth while sounding unremarkably polite, and you won't realize he's verbally shivved you until you're on the turbolift leaving the meeting.

Thank you again for this lovely ask, Anon!!! I hope this is close to what you had in mind by headcanon. <3<3<3

[starkraivennemad]

Your Best Shot - Chapter 5

Sherlock sat by the fire fireplace as John paced the reception room of the Mews. 

"He’s had the compulsory neurological examination. It tests the extent of the injury and whether or not their responses are fully functioning. Testing his motor nerves, including muscle tone and weakness, sensory nerves, reflexes. Testing Greg’s reflexes will determine how his bladder and bowel movement have been affected. Control of that unsurprisingly is what worries patients the most. An independent man like Lestrade?-more so. He’s home now and…” John plopped into a chair, and rubbed hard at his face - his frustration on display..

John knew Sherlock knew all of that, he did.

While Sherlock still carried on conversations with Billy the Skull on occasion, much to the amusement of their offspring, when John needed to sound things out - it had to be a living person. Who else but the smartest person he knows - his omega?

 “He’s… I can’t say coping, Sherlock . .” John rose out of the chair again to pace again. “I can’t…”

“He’s a dear friend, he’s family…he’s hurting.” Sherlock made a rare statement of the obvious. “And you’re a doctor, a remarkable doctor, John, and you can’t help him .”

“Jesus! I fucking know that!” John exploded, then sat again dejected.”I’m sorry love - Yeah, all of that… And guilty...”

“What do you mean?” 

“When it all happened… He was on the ground and I was behind him trying to staunch the blood…” John looked askance as the memory of that fateful moment came back to him. “I was trying to  -- I don’t know…feel for it? I felt… something … wrong…”

“Well yes, his paralysis…”

“No,” John cut him off. “Well maybe yes - but I touched something and it was hurting me - my back seized up for a moment and I instinctively pushed back for lack of a better way to describe it.”

“You… pushed back …?”

“Yes..” John dropped his head into his hands. ““I’m a doctor, Omega. Lesson One is always: Primum Non Nocere .”  

Sherlock walked over and crouched before his alpha. He switched to mindspeak.

{What exactly are you not saying alpha…?}

{When someone or someone physically hurts you unexpectedly… You either recoil or …}

(...Or you push back.} Sherlock’s lips pursed as understanding dawned..(You were tending to Lestrade and something from him hurt you and you instinctively pushed back..}

{Yes.}

{And you fear whatever it was when you pushed back…}

 “I just know I touched something in Greg’s back that hurt me so I shoved it away from me. What if in my not knowing, I shoved too hard? What if what happened to him is my fault?”

“You don’t know that you did that, John.”

“And I don’t know that I didn’t .” 

John’s voice was incredibly small as the Alpha’s proud shoulders slumped.  

“Sherlock ...I think…I think “I” broke him. .” 

Greg sat in the living room, looking out the patio window. The rain pattern of raindrop as it splattered against the paving stones.

More like shattered against the stones, as shattered as my spine, he thought bitterly. 

People were talking: his physical therapist, his…nurse…Mycroft… They were discussing him, and he heard them but he was not truly listening. 

“Gregory?” Mycroft touched his shoulder. They were alone in the room, he had not noticed the departure of his physical therapist and nurse. "Penny for your thoughts?"

The physical therapist was one thing: Greg understood needing to keep his leg muscles in tone. It was still early and like the lottery - you never know…  

But the nurse really had one sole job and Greg did not want him. Or any nurse from that matter. At. All. 

“I’m sorry Myc, I kind of zoned out there.” Greg admitted sheepishly. 

“It wasn’t noticed.” Mycroft teased. “Abrahms will be back tomorrow for your PT. Malloy will not return.”

Greg blinked, satisfied, but surprised nonetheless. “Really?”

“He had one job, one that you have essentially refused to let him do.”

“For fuck’s sake Mycroft. His one job was to clean up my shit and check my arse and my nappy to make sure I’m not getting a rash!” Greg huffed. “I don’t need the first one, I’ve become damn good at changing myself. And as for the latter I have you. At least you already know what my arse looks like even if it is getting flabby.”

“Speaking of…”

“Hey!”

“You said it…” Mycroft chuckled “Do you want to watch telly down here before dinner or are you ready to head up?”

“Are you working?”

“Unfortunately, I must…”

“Then I’ll stay here for now. See you in a bit.”

“In a bit…” Mycroft leaned in for a kiss before he headed for the office.

Greg watched as Mycroft’s long legs strolled away and did not even pretend he was not checking his husband out. He did not think twice about palming himself until he realized…

Oh… Oh..? Oh! I’m HARD! 

“ALPHA!”

Mycroft had stopped dead in his tracks. His husband’s sudden amorous joy came loud and clear through their bond before Gregory called out.  He slowly turned and casually leaned against a column, his voice smooth as silk. “Really, Beta?”

It was not something they discussed yet. Neither had brought up the subject, not wanting to upset the other, but it had hung between them each night since Greg came home.It was a most happy revelation to know that while adjustments must be made to do it, the question of IF was no longer a question.

“Really, Alpha!” Greg mischievously grinned, his hand emphasizing the increased tenting that even feeling it through the adult pull it up did not lessen its joy. “ Still have work you must do …?”

“Yes, but apparently not for Crown and Country.” Mycroft’s blue-grey eyes slowly grew dark and lecherous.

He counted himself lucky that he had Mycroft as his partner and Alpha. And was so very grateful they lived in a home with a lift. 

He could lay in his own bed with his husband beside him and maybe not love him as he used to, but make love with him nonetheless. He wheeled himself towards Mycroft.

“Race you!”

----    

Greg woke in the morning, laying down beside him - for a moment for a beautiful, pristine moment it was as though his life had not changed. 

In fact, he had smiled as he reached out for Mycroft, who smiled in return next to him. 

Then that smile slowly faltered as they kissed. Greg knew . 

And just like that, their bed was the very last place Greg wanted to be. 

Greg turned away from his husband as fast as his body allowed. 

“Do you want…?” Mycroft asked softly after a moment.

“No! I do not fucking want! Not at all!” Greg yelled as he pounded their bed. 

They knew it would happen. Everything was prepared for it. Still, the fore knowledge did not help in the living moment of just the two of them.

Mycroft, bless his soul, did not take umbrage at his yelling. Which made Greg feel all the more guilty as his husband reached for a dressing gown and slowly left the room to give him privacy.

After a point even toddlers will remove a solid nappy, but toddlers are accustomed to someone cleaning them until they learn to clean themselves. Nearly all understand the unspoken shame of not being able to control one’s bodily functions past the tender early years. And it has been several decades since Greg was a tender child. 

He has been told, and since read about millions who were either born and learned to live with, or like him have had to suddenly adjust to such a life.Logically he understands this, he does. 

It was an arduous process. check that everything was contained, then pull himself out of the bed into the waiting wheelchair and check again because of the shifting and then get to the bathroom to do the actual change.  

Yes, it would have been faster, and certainly easier to let Mycroft help. And it certainly is not because he has not Greg’s arse. But he has not seen it like this . 

But no, Greg simply… could not .  

Still, Greg had felt more disgusted with himself for yelling at Mycroft than he felt from the feel of the soilness now against his skin to be cleaned.

“FUCK!”

----------------------

Read/Comment on AO3

Read from the beginning...

[nosecrinklewrites]

the post i just reblogged got me by the throat and i instantly thought winterhawk, so lemme just throw a rough draft in here

winterhawk body swap ahead →

He was screaming. He couldn't hear it, but he could feel it in his whole body.

Admittedly, he hadn't been paying that close attention to what was happening, but he couldn't for the life of him think of what could have hit him.

Clint had been shot before. Many times before. By a myriad of projectiles and lasers and beams and whatever the fuck.

His whole body was screaming. Not all of it was pain, but everything was wrong.

He tried to breathe. Tried to keep his breaths measured and slow, and failing miserably.

Suddenly Steve was above him. He was talking, but Clint couldn't hear him. All he could hear was the rushing in his ears. Maybe his ears had been knocked off. He touched his right ear. Couldn't feel a hearing aid.

”Buck. Buck, look at me. Buck.” Steve was frantic.

His body wasn't moving like it was supposed to. He felt heavy. Weighed down. He wasn't screaming anymore.

Clint had no idea what the fuck happened, and shit only got worse, when Clint himself pushed Steve out of the way. Clint cupped his own face and proceeded to talk himself down.

A lot of weird shit had happened in his life. This was a new one.

”You're OK. Clint, you're having a panic attack. You're OK. Look at me,” Clint said above him.

Clint blinked up at him. The pain was receeding. Still very much present, but it was getting more bearable.

”Keep breathing,” the Clint above him said.

Steve looked very concerned, over Clint's shoulder. The above Clint Clint, not the lying on the ground Clint.

Clint frowned. He'd been on a roof. Did he fall off a roof?

Above-Clint rubbed his sternum. Told him to keep breathing.

”What the fuck is happening?” Clint muttered.

Above-Clint looked pinched. ”Christ, your ears are shit. How do you live like this?”

Clint touched both his ears. The sensations were all wrong, but if he got knocked down, and something was broken or sprained–

He wasn't wearing his hearing aids. But he could hear Above-Clint perfectly fine. The panic welled back up.

”Hey, hey, hey, look at me. You're OK. You're in my body. You're OK.”

”What the fuck do you mean I'm in your body!?” Clint shrieked.

Above-Clint grabbed his wrists and held them up infront of his face.

Clint felt the movement. Could feel his wrists being touched. The movements of the fingers corresponded to what he was doing, but they weren't his hands.

”Bucky?” he breathed.

”Yeah, buddy, it's me,” Above-Clint Bucky said. ”You're OK.”

”What the fuck happened?” Clint said.

”What?” Steve said.

Bucky turned to Steve. ”It's OK, we're OK.”

Hearing Bucky's soothing words in his own voice, made Clint want to vomit a little bit.

”I got– ” Bucky cut himself off, and turned to Clint. ”I was hit by a ray or some shit. I blinked and I was on the roof. My body was thrown back, but I don't think it was hurt. Maybe the head took a hit.” Bucky lifted Clint's head and felt around the back of his skull. Looked at his fingers. ”No blood,” he said and showed Clint his fingers.

Clint closed his eyes. Moved his body as little as possible. Bucky's body.

”How are you calm about this?”

”My tolerance for bullshit I don't understand is higher than yours,” Bucky said.

”Buck?” Steve said.

Clint kept lying still, while Steve and Bucky caught each other up.

Now that he knew, it was easier to identify what was going on with his body. His whole body was full of sensations he'd never experienced before. The arm was pulling on him. He was lying on something that left his body higher than the arm. It was heavy. The sensory input felt weird.

He had a headache. His spine was sore. His knee was sore, but a different kind of sore than the sore knee his own body had. His hearing was better than his own had ever been. Steve and Bucky were talking quietly, but he heard it clearly. He could faintly hear Steve's heartbeat. It was fast.

”I can't hear shit, but I'm fine,” Bucky said to Steve.

Clint took a deep breath, and sat up. It didn't seem to aggravate anything. Holy fuck, Bucky's legs were short. Carefully, he got to his feet. The balance was different, but not to a problematic extent. He moved Bucky's body. Got a feel for it.

It wasn't too bad. Very different, but Clint's balance and body control was good.

The short legs were fucking weird though.

”What happened to the wizard guy?” Clint asked.

Bucky jumped a little. He probably hadn't heard Clint move.

”Disappeared after the ray thing,” Steve said. ”You broken?”

Clint laughed a little. ”I can't tell. My whole body is sore.”

”That's normal for me,” Bucky said.

”Can we go home now? Please?”

[caddyheron]

Aaron hcs?

Wet cat of a man. Anyway

• Really fucked up from his relationship with Regina, more than he’d ever verbally tell people, but he’s also shit at hiding his emotions. Constantly on edge about how he’s being perceived all the time. When he’s with Cady at first, he tries to hide all his “flaws” to make him seem perfect.

• His flaws? He has anxiety, is allergic to most animals and is lactose intolerant. When Cady finds these out, their next date is to an aquarium and a place she knows that does really good alternative milk ice cream (his favourite is soy).

• Cady is obsessed with lions and cats in general and Aaron is allergic to them, she gets them matching Cat stuffed animals. His ginger and hers is a brown cat. He takes his everywhere.

• Following from this, Cady buys him a little catfish stuffed animal at the aquarium because Cady is a cat and he is a fish. (the mg discord server helped with this one last night and now their ship name has become “”catfish””).

• Loves soup. I think I’ve already spoken about this and his sensory issues from anxiety and now he eats the most plain foods ever. He also loves crackers, especially when he’s feeling Extra Bad. For this. damian calls him “Polly”, as in “Polly want a cracker”. (THAT’S COURTESY OF MY PARTNER. they had that hc in public and i was in tears it was so funny.) Aaron just accepts this nickname and doesn’t complain.

• He does a sport in every season. He’s mediocre at everything but he’s at least functionally okay at sports, so he does as many as he can, inside and outside of school.

• Eats ice cream from tubs and tubs only. No one can take this from me. He doesn’t ever get a cone. Also he only eats vanilla ice cream.

• He broke his wrist or arm once, probably when dating Regina and, because it wasn’t his writing hand, he just didn’t do anything about it. It hurt, but he didn’t realise it wasn’t supposed to hurt That Much.

• Has a little ally pride pin on his bag. While i hc Cady as straight, in the idea that she’s bi, he gets her a little bit pride pin to keep on her bag.

BONUS

[This is copy and pasted from discord which is why the formatting is weird but Aaron about masking plastics Cady]:

It’s such whiplash for aaron because he really likes cady as she is. just as cady. Cady who’s a bit off socially, the cady who likes hot chocolate and dresses in flannels and drinks from her water bottle and who’s mom packs her lunch. He doesn’t like the cady in make up he KNOWS is making her uncomfortable, or the short skirt she’s too cold in, or the fact she’s skipped lunch when he knows she gets more overwhelmed when she doesn’t eat enough. He can see right through the mask cady learned to create, even if cady can’t see it’s a mask yet. Cady, post fearless, is very aware of what she’s doing even though it’s a mask, it’s the same one regina wears. She’s the same cady underneath but it’s so deep now and aaron just. can’t. he can’t cope with watching cady slowly destroy herself to what. be liked? Aaron understands all the little intricacies of cady. He knows how to tell when she’s overwhelmed and when she’s upset and when she’s excited, but all these little details he recognises so easily are so suppressed when cady is masking and it’s so strange. watching cady like that. he can usually read cady like an open book because she’d never masked properly before then, she’d just been cady, but he can’t read plastics cady just like he could never read regina .

Feel free to send more asks!!!

[anatheyma]

I am a nosy piece of shit, so... 7, 10, 13, 16, 19, 25, 31, 44, 49, 50, 52, 76, 85.

>:)

7. biggest turn on?

hmm... physically, hands? even being casually touched or held by a partner can do it for me. that's pretty basic, though, i think. i also like it when my partner is, like... not necessarily loud during sex, but not afraid to make noises. or dirty talk. i love dirty talk. scent and voice, too...

10. weirdest thing that ever turned you on?

okay, so, related to my scent kink. this is weird, but my mom's friend, who was picked to be my godparent, had a very specific scent to her that had me fascinated as a kid. i forgot about it, but then i became friends with an exchange student who left their jacket for me once it was time for them to move back to their home country. and it smelled exactly like that family friend. but now it was making me... horny? i literally had to put the jacket away until the smell left because i felt like a creep. i don't know if they used the same perfume or something, but it drove me mad.

13. ultimate fantasy?

being chased. in the woods, hunter style or in the house, slasher style. i've got several scenes that i think about regularly, but that one came to mind right now.

16. how much kissing do you like during sex?

a lot! i've done it to keep quiet. it works i think.

19. cut or uncut dicks?

i've got no preference!

25. what is too big for you to take?

i don't know... i haven't tried. yet.

31. do you like spontaneous sex, or do you need to be in the mood?

i'm into free-use, so...

44. do you have any strange or extreme kinks?

this probably depends on what one counts as strange or extreme. being treated like a dog and getting hurt beyond just choking and slapping can be strange to those who aren't into this type of sexual play. i guess cnc is considered extreme

49. what do you masturbate to?

you. next question.

(on a serious note, i sometimes watch clips to help visualize, but i can't cum if i don't imagine the scenario being with my lover. it be like that)

50. how often do you masturbate?

i don't like doing it when i'm not home alone, because i feel like i'm not quiet enough. but pretty regularly if i happen to be home alone

52. do you masturbate with penetration?

no... either my satisfyer or i'm humping a pillow. i'd rather want to try it with my partner :)

76. do you enjoy having nipples played with?

YES yes yes yeees. very sensitive.

85. do you trim, shave or leave pubic hair untouched? how do you prefer partners?

i don't shave, but i do trim. no preference for partners, you do what you want to do with your body. i find body hair attractive personally, but i understand some people having sensory issues.

[thegreathomestuckreread]

been spinning my wheels again about whether or not i'm autistic

it would explain. so many things. and i feel like a lot of my experiences make so much more sense with that lens of processing the world applied to it

like at this point i've got over a decade of scattered research and reading trying to figure this shit out, including results from a smattering of self-report assessments where almost all of them place me in the autistic scoring range

but more recently all that's brought me to like. the emotional intensity of the autistic experience seems like a pretty crucial piece of the picture and i don't think i really meet that?? things like, i'm a highly empathetic person, but i don't think it's autistic high empathy, not debilitating like my high school friend who once started crying because i was describing an animal video to them. i have a hard time crying actually, it's something i do very infrequently. that's just one more specific example but just like in general, from what i can see the burning overwhelming intensity of emotion is kind of a really big part of the autistic experience, and i don't think i'm there, or at least not there with enough regularity for it to be like A Thing

and like i don't think i've ever had an experience that would fit the description of an autistic meltdown, or an autistic shutdown. i mean, maybe some of my experiences could fit into descriptions of a shutdown, but idk if the same intensity is there, and even if it is the frequency seems way too, well, infrequent to qualify. anything that might fit the description of a meltdown i think would be much better described as just a plain ol' emotional breakdown. and along the same lines i don't think i've ever experienced what would be called sensory overload

like even as a child i don't think the slipper fits on this stuff, i was perhaps a bit more emotionally intense than my peers but not like my autistic childhood best friend was, i didn't even really have tantrums that could have been mislabelled meltdowns

but there's so much other stuff that just makes so much sense. [i had a whole huge paragraph here but i've cut it and put it under the readmore at the bottom to cut length]

there's more. it's a lot. i've been adding things to this paragraph for at least 20 minutes now, maybe closer to 30. like there's a very good reason that i am still on this research thread after so many years. i just can't shake that i could be reading it all wrong

like all of the stuff i talk about causing me stress or whatever, i'm getting the sense that it's not with the same intensity as the autistic experience of that stress. like it really stresses me out yeah, but like. not enough maybe??????????? and that's kind of the thing with most of these traits i guess, i'm questioning whether i actually experience them with enough frequency and intensity that they would fall under autistic experiences

and like, i'm not going to seek professional assessment, because even with a diagnosis i don't know what that would do for me as an adult. the accommodations i got in school for my chronic illness covered any time i needed accommodations for brain reasons while i was in school, not like i plan on going back. and idk what i could even ask from a professional working environment

and at the end of the day if i'm not even seeking that what does it matter???? like can i not just exist as i am and keep using the tools that help me regardless of whether or not i may qualify as Diagnosably Autistic? i guess it all comes down to like, i don't want to water down what autism means by calling myself autistic if that's not really it. it would just be really nice to know why these things are hard and know there's a community of people who understand that. it just feels like if that's not it then what have i been doing wrong? if that's not it what am i doing wrong?? bluh

the childhood bullying and being confused as to why people didn't like me, the intense social anxiety in high school, struggling to start and end conversations that don't serve a logistical purpose, difficulty maintaining or initiating small-talk, how fucking hard it is to maintain friendships especially over time and distance, forgetting to fucking talk to people lol, literally all of the close friendships i've ever had being with people who are autistic or adhd or both, all of those people looping me in as neurodivergent without me even saying anything about it, my ex who said that when they were confused and frustrated trying to figure out what the fuck my deal was and complaining to their mom the two of them would use autism as a lens to talk out what the fuck my deal was and it was genuinely very helpful lmaooooo, my general inclination towards just telling the truth and how stressed i get about lying and dishonesty, the 'picky eating', the chewing the shit out of my lip, constant fiddling with my clothes and jewellery, being a 'high-energy child' (my mother's words) aka hyper bouncing off the walls, the specific noises that made me cover my ears and run away as a child (ripping up the bathmat and the sound of the vhs rewinder going really fast), the amount of stress i feel in unpredictable situations or when plans change unexpectedly or when i'm not prepared for a situation, how untethered i feel without some semblance of routine, the empty state of my brain when plans change and i don't know what to do with myself lol, how stressed the thought of not being in control of myself or being in an uncontrollable environment makes me, my systematizing and sorting and categorizing and organizing, when i learned what even numbers were as a child and immediately thought "those are my favourite numbers because they can be divided neatly", how i often speak in fractions and percentages, my attention to detail and noticing small details others don't (and sometimes having to pretend i don't notice things so i don't come across as 'nitpicking' or 'creepy'), researching and researching and researching for the smallest decisions, being overwhelmed with excessive options and just shutting down and not doing anything, general excessive indecisiveness, my god the fucking 'procrastination' on school assignments and communications and fun things that i would like to be doing, my 'literal' reading of school assignment outlines and surprise at seeing how classmates could twist the assignment and still do very well, my multi-year intense interests such as the sims 3 and homestuck and animal crossing, the fact that even when i play the sims i forget to make my sims talk to people until i realise their social meter is really low lol, how i lost so many things as a child, how if i don't have a written prioritized to-do list i tend to just faff about aimlessly and forget everything that i need to do and/or not get most or all of it done, the genetic factor of it running in both sides of my family

[xoxo-g0ssipgir1]

Vent bc my friends won’t let me talk to them abt stuff and I need to get it off my chest

So one my my (not so close) friends was talking to me abt her trauma today and I’m not good with other ppls emotions and I started telling her abt my trauma to and she was like “wow I would’ve never known that you went through that” that one sentence just completely changed my perspective on my life. I feel like I’m so open with my emotions and letting ppl in and stuff. But me and her have been friends for years and the fact that she never realized what shit I’ve gone through just blows my mind. Like idk how to explain it. Like I feel like I talk so much abt myself but I guess I just talk to myself in my head. But then when I do talk abt myself I feel so guilty bc i think I just sound self-centered. I’ve never been good with dealing with my own emotions or other ppls and usually when I’m mad I just cry and yell bc I just genuinely don’t know how to handle it. (I am diagnosed with bipolar and sensory issues so that does affect it a lot). Sometimes I feel like I act out to much but then I also feel like I’m so quiet. I feel like I invalidate my own emotions all the time bc I think I’m not good enough to actually feel things. Almost every night I remember the scariest moments in my life and cry until I can’t cry anymore. Other times I just feel numb and feel like I can’t move or talk or anything. I know that not a lot of people understand these things bc of my bipolar and sensory issues. I’ve never been able to talk to my parents abt my thought bc I can never put my thoughts into words. Like I just can’t. Idk why. When I’m mad I cry. Not cause I’m weak. It’s cause my feelings overwhelm the shit out of me and I feel like there’s no other way to express it. When I try to talk to people about my disorders they always look at me differently afterwards. So I feel like I have to keep everything a secret and can’t tell people about them.

[raine-kai]

So I saw the Spy Family movie.....

And because I love Spy Family, I decided this was a good chance to try a 4D experience.

It did not work out for me.

For the first forty-five minutes or so, I was convinced that it was the 4D experience detracting from the movie.....but as I grew more used to the sensory overload, I started to realize it was not just the 4D but the movie itself.

So to spare my SO and other friends from being inundated with walls of texts analyzing this movie, I've brought my thoughts to Tumblr where I will slice open this movie and extract its shit (SPOILER) just like the villains keep threatening to do to Anya.

This is very much a spoiler post. My only spoiler-free thought is that if you are more in it for the animation, it's worth checking out. If you are more compelled by story and relationships, then spare yourself. If you saw it and liked it, I'm happy for you and this is not me trying to change your mind.

For me, this movie was a crime of Writing That Does Not Understand The Source Material.

Let's go small, and build up to the bigger crimes of this movie, shall we?

Who am I kidding, it's because one of the strangest, yet funniest, parts of this movie is the first thing I want to talk about. But before I get there, I want to acknowledge that the writers of this film were visibly operating under certain constraints.

Part 1: We've Gotta Get the Whole Cast In

I have no idea whether this was a constraint imposed by the studio or one of the film-specific producers or what, but clearly someone somewhere wanted a movie which had a role for every single semi-regular character on this show.

So many of the problems with the plot of this movie can be traced back to the need to incorporate every single element of the extended cast, and only one of those cast members is allowed to be used as a joke (which is, of course, Franky).

I say "of course" because I think that narratively, Franky's involvement is the easiest to undermine as a joke.

But in fact I do feel that the reason Franky ended up being used for a throwaway joke highlights the problem with this movie, which is that it does not understand the characters.

Because the thing is, I had thought earlier in the movie that Anya was behaving in a way that she usually is only inclined to in the presence of Franky.

The story tries to give Anya this mini-subplot where she thinks that her parents are about to break up and matchmakes them. The story understands that this would display a better understanding of romance than Anya usually does, and so employs a flashback with Becky as well as Anya's comical mispronunciations to highlight that she doesn't really understand what she's dealing with or her matchmaking solution. But the thing is, Anya's matchmaking is usually done with Franky in tow. Anya coming up with a stereotypical matchmaking scheme on her own is...a little odd.

Of course, this also highlights how much shit this movie is just recycling from the show without understanding its context. But we will get there.

Part 2: Oops, Anya Ate the McGuffin

Listen, as a concept, this is hilarious. It was literally stored in food—and in a particular food that would be poisonous to Bond, such that in the scene where Anya accidentally eats it, I was desperately worried that Bond would eat it.

So uh...yeah. That's the plot. Anya ate the McGuffin on the way to the vacation to facilitate her learning to make a traditional sweet that will help her get a Stella....(which is a very convoluted plot even excluding the knowledge that a lot of us will go into the movie with that she will not get the Stella, since the movie will have to maintain status quo)...and the bad guys target her and wanna cut her open.

The most bizarre part of this was probably the whole Anya Needs To Shit sequence. This movie kind of had an inconsistency problem with imagined sequences, where some of them were drawn in that childish style to indicate that they were definitely imagined scenarios versus the ones that were illustrated exactly as the rest of the film which creates some troubling implications I'll get into in Part 6, but the Anya Needs To Shit sequence was both bizarre and glorious.

The animators were clearly having the time of their lives. Did it feel like someone trying desperately to find some content to fill airtime? Yes. But given the runtime and the very scattered nature of the story, I will definitely defend the existence of the Poop God sequence. It doesn't need to be there, but by being there, it gives this movie personality and character that it would be lacking otherwise. The rest of the movie is this paint-by-numbers hodgepodge of bits of the show and genre tropes (from shonen as well as family comedies) that, despite the feel-good moments at the end. Without this sequence, the movie would have no personality whatsoever.

So, on that front, it's great.

But at the same time, there is so much weirdness around this. For instance, it is used as a message to children viewers, "never take other people's stuff" without also addressing the issue, "you should brush your teeth."

Because sure, Anya went into that suitcase out of greed. But part of the motivating factor was Bond's foresight about the contents of the suitcase containing a treasure. The narrative pays this a lot of focus and paints the moral for children, "Don't touch other people's stuff". And yet after all that focus on Anya shitting out the microchip, it's stuck to her tooth and comes out with a sneeze???? And nobody even comments that Anya should have maybe brushed her teeth before now?

Please. Own your bizarreness. Let Anya shit out the microchip.

Part 3: Weren't We Supposed to Be Keeping a Low Profile?

Now, it's not unexpected that these movies recycle canon material and reuse highlights in different contexts.

But this movie seemed to forget that a core tenet of the Forger family is that they all want to keep a low profile.

And yet we get Loid openly challenging a military officer who wants Anya's cake, Yor kicking Loid out of a ferris wheel near the top and then, though the movie does not show us specifically, implying that she jumped out after him.....

Add to this the weird subplot that there's another more suitable person to take on Operation Stryx. It's like everybody has forgotten that the highest priority is not appearing suspicious.

Part 4: The 4D Experience

So, 4D probably just isn't for me. That's fine. It happens.

The flashing was particularly unpleasant, and I had to close my eyes during some of the gunfire scenes in the climax because all the flashing lights in the theater were just blinding.

Early in the movie, the weirdest parts were the way the chairs would vibrate in response to characters' reactions. It took me a while to get used to.

Even after I was mostly used to it, though, it was intensely weird to feel the center of the chair pulse rhythmically in time to Tobari's pulsing heart eyes. It made that scene feel way more horny.

I never got used to the little air darts they deliver to your ankles, which always felt like maybe the person behind me was throwing popcorn at me under the seat (even though these seats are too sturdy for such a thing).

I'd seen the warning that you get water sprayed at you, so that in and of itself did not shock me too much..though it did bother me that the first water puff I noticed came during the Poop God scene, which felt very gross. Subsequent water scenes just felt odd in that the characters are getting drenched while I was getting this light spray of water that reminded me of the Poop God.

-50/10 for me, even though honestly I was kinda there for the chairs shifting and tilting through the air battle scenes.

Part 5: So Loid Took a Bunch of Stupid Pills...

Wow, Loid sure forgot his priorities for a movie, didn't he? Haha...ha...

The thing is, I do feel like they were aware that the premise looked weird priority-wise for Loid and were doing their best to write in a reason why he would make the choices he makes.

So now not only is this about the chance for Anya to win a Stella through a pastry competition, it's also about getting to maintain his position in Operation Stryx, with the threat of someone else taking over the mission.

Except....none of this makes sense.

Even if they put another spy in position, why take out the Forgers?

And given that Operation Stryx remains the highest priority, Loid's priorities are deeply off throughout this movie, which act as if his time spent with his family are less important.

This is a point that canon is very good at balancing. Loid enjoys his time with his family, but he rarely simply allows himself to enjoy it, because it is just a mission.

The Loid of this movie seems to be one who is trying to balance family and work, which...may make sense for a version of Loid down the line who knows he values his family for real and views them as something real, but he is not there in canon yet. This creates a head-scratching storyline where Loid keeps abandoning missions for other missions with little to no understanding of the human emotions of the people he is dealing with.

Part 6: ...But That's Not The Worst Part

This movie wants to treat the Forger family as a dysfunctional family that does not communicate, more than a group of people with disparate goals who are pretending to be a family and in the process becoming an actual family. For the most part, this is a subtle distinction. But there are key moments when it is not.

What this movie did to Anya's abandonment issues is really what got to me, enraged me, and cemented it for me as a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Movie.

Canon takes a very delicate approach to Loid and Anya's relationship. Loid is using Anya, but Anya knows this because of her telepathy, and has fun being part of his spy work. Yor knows none of this, and when Loid pushes Anya too hard, helps remind him that she is just a child with human needs above all.

The movie contained a scene where Loid is trying to impress upon Anya the importance that she do a certain thing to get a Stella. Now, Anya understands Operation Stryx and knows how important it is. She knows her role in the operation and in the family, and is always trying her best. But in this scene, Anya expresses that she isn't sure she can do what Loid is asking. Loid, in response, thinks about how this will mean the end of the operation and thereby the end of the family—which spurs Anya into action.

This is the dynamic:

LOID: You need to do this thing.

ANYA: I don't think I can...and I don't want to.

LOID: [unconscously] Oh well, I guess that means the end of our family then.

ANYA: WAIT, please, I'll do it, I promise! I'll be good!

The implication is toxic and horrific, and goes somewhere that canon never has. In canon, Anya's knowledge of the mission balances the pressure Loid places on her, and Loid himself is more inclined to acknowledge the amount of effort Anya puts into things and make alternate plans that take her actual abilities into account, and that is what turns into increased motivation for Anya. This, unlike canon, is just emotional blackmail.

To make matters worse, the art almost seemed to be treating Anya's insecurities about her family as founded in reality, by not changing the art style on one single imagined sequence, and that sequence being the one where Anya decides to sneak out to buy the non-alcoholic cherry liqueur. (Which, isn't that just cherry syrup??? But never mind.)

There's this underlying feeling that the writers of the movie did not understand the role canon Loid serves as emotional anchor to Anya, nor that it is Loid and Yor's ongoing compassion, validation and support that are turning them into a family. The Loid of this movie felt incredibly cold and unfeeling toward Anya for most of the run of this movie in a way that canon Loid never does.

While he had some heartwarming moments toward the end, they did not make it up for me. If anything, they felt duplicitous to me, because they did nothing to address the underlying problems with Loid's attitude toward Anya for the rest of the film.

Frankly, I could even take issue with how Loid treated Yor, because he seemed to be trying to romance her organically in this film? Even though in canon, he only does so at this stage as a calculated plan, and generally they are business partners in their marriage.

The entire family dynamic was just a little bit off in a way that felt like fanfic written by a person imposing their own worldviews onto canon. Which, nothing wrong with that, except that this is an official movie, and I spent a few thousand yen to see it, to my regret.

Part 7: But Was There Anything I Did Like?

It wasn't like this movie has nothing to recommend it. As I've mentioned, the Anya Needs to Shit sequence feels like some animators and the voice actor of the Poop God were having the time of their life and I dig that despite the bizarreness.

Yor also deserves a shout-out. She really shone in this movie, not just because of her show-stealing action sequence with the machine gun cyborg and her clever-as-fuck strategy to blow him up with lipstick. Throughout this movie, Yor's desire to be a part of Loid's and Anya's lives was front and center.

I'm not a fan of the whole Yor thinks Loid is cheating subplot where it felt less in keeping with her usual MO of not understanding the "normal" social nuances and more like the writers fed her stupid pills because Loid was about to overdose, probably. But it was resolved fairly quickly and easily, and at the end of the day, that was not the focus of Yor's storyline in the movie. (And probably was shoehorned into the story to create a reason to include Yor's coworkers in the movie.)

Anya is adorable, as usual, but where usually Spy Family lets Anya be the one surreptitiously finding a way to save her family, in this movie, she was the liability and the damsel. I'm not opposed to such a scenario in general. I do feel that in canon Anya has too much on her shoulders, and even if her parents don't realize the degree of it, I'd love a storyline where Anya gets to be the one saved.

This was not that, but Anya does get to be protected, and even if I have a lot of issues with the details of how it was done, I figure this deserves a shout out.

Concluding Thoughts

If I liked this movie a little more, I would say I ought to see it one more time before refining my thoughts.

I still love Spy Family, enough so that even after seeing this abysmal movie, I am happy about the free stickers I got with my ticket, and opted for the Spy Family themed theater membership card.

But oh boy, this movie rubbed me so very much the wrong way that I have no wish to subject myself to it again.

Also, this isn't important, but was the ending implying that the south of Ostania has an ocean? Given how much canon parallels Ostania and Westalia to East and West Germany, I found this bizarre and it made me feel that the writers of the movie have very little understanding of the source material (well, more than I already did, since that is at the end of the movie, at which point there was already no salvaging my take).

Basically...this movie was Not It.

Don't spend money on it unless it's for the art.

[ashtonisvibing]

"I kissed a boy, and I liked it"

Fandom: Jacksepticeye Egos

Alternate Universe: None? (Jackie isn't a hero in this universe)

Ship(s): Marvelsepticeye

Character(s): Jackieboy Man, Marvin the Magnificent

Warning(s): Alcohol, Sexual Actions(?)

Originally Published: Aug. 30th, 2023

Author's Notes:

so, you guys ever heard of that way better cover of "i kissed a girl", by jupither where it's instead gay (mlm)?

yeah so what if that but it's marvelsepticeye? but also minus the "hope my girlfriend don't mind it", only cuz i feel like it tbh. jackie's single here. and it's more loose inspiration (just the "kissing a fellow guy and getting confused by liking it" bit)

jackie thinking he's straight as a ruler until BOOM, hot guy comes walking up to him at a club

turns out he's very much not straight-

uhhhhh please note that i have NOT written people making out in... a while, so this might turn out like complete shit, and i apologize for that. but hey, can't get better if you don't start somewhere, right?? just be lucky i'm not turning this into a smut piece like i'm thinking of doing, the cringe levels with that writing would be off the charts- unless you guys would be fine with that then i dunno, part two maybe??? you'd have to watch a guy try to fumble around trying to describe sex LMAO

also, you might notice me using masculine terms for marvin. while yes, (my fanon interpretation of) marvin uses they/them pronouns, they're also just totally cool with masc terms! they're fine with any terms, i just sort of default to masc terms with them lol. but don't you worry, i'm not misgendering them, they just got that fun gender where they don't care.

okay, that's it, let's see some guys kiss!

jackie: he/him

marvin: they/them

Full Story:

Clubs were always too loud and too bright for Jackie to enjoy them like everyone else. He could barely stand to look at the flashing lights, and the music was so loud he couldn't hear anyone. That was ignoring the multiple conversations he could hear around him. He couldn't make out a single one, there were too many speaking at once. And that didn't help when someone tried to talk directly to him. It was like their voice became blended with the sea of others. The only safe spot to keep him from developing a migraine was the bar, but even then he'd need noise cancelling headphones to keep the voices from overstimulating him. It didn't help that he also got weird looks from the other bar patrons because all he ordered was a glass of water. He just hated the taste of any alcohol, no matter how much added mixings you might put into them.

The only reason he was even here tonight was because a friend of his wanted to celebrate their birthday here. And despite knowing that clubs were a sensory nightmare for him, they still begged Jackie to come along, even claiming that he was "trying to ruin their birthday". He... Really didn't understand why he still hung around his friends. They never really seemed to respect his boundaries, and he'd laid those out several times for them. He didn't have his car with him but he could easily just call a cab and leave, and he doubted any of them would even notice. They were too absorbed in the dance floor. That's how these club outings always went.

He was just about to pull out his wallet to pay for his water when someone sat down next to him. A man, seemingly a few inches shorter than himself, with long lavender purple hair tied into a loose braid. There were patches of burn scars on their face, hands, and neck, and those were the only ones that could be seen thanks to their long sleeved black dress and tights. Honestly they looked like they were somewhat dressed for Halloween with how much of a witch-y vibe Jackie got from their outfit. And god, were they gorgeous. Jackie didn't need to be queer to recognize that. They had such an elegant and mysterious aura to them, and he took one look and just wanted to know more about them. He wanted to know everything about them.

"So, what's a hot guy like you doing all alone here, hm~?" The person practically purred as they looked over at Jackie, a soft and playful smirk on their lips. Now that they were facing him, Jackie could see that the four card suits were drawn onto their forehead in a diamond layout. Or maybe even tattooed? Their eyes were also a vibrant blue and purple, seemingly glowing in the slight darkness that the bar area provided. But the strangest part of all was their voice. It was a heavenly sound to Jackie, almost hypnotic by how it pulled him in. But it also sounded so... Clear. Like every other voice was immediately drowned out the moment they spoke. But that didn't seem possible, maybe Jackie was just so curious about this person that he could push past the conversations for once.

"Just enjoying a glass of water. And considering leaving." Jackie yelled over the music and voices so the other person could hear him, just in case the noise was too much for them as well. But they just simply laughed and quickly ordered themself a drink; a Bramble, no ice.

"No need to yell handsome, I can hear you loud and clear." They chuckled softly, leaning an elbow against the bar top. "But then again, wonder what other ways you could yell~"

That caused Jackie's brain to just stop all trains of thought it had. Oh, okay, this guy was flirting with him. He didn't really know what to think right now, he'd never had anyone besides women flirt with him. And he never expected to actually... He quickly shook his head in the hopes he could clear his head and make his bright red cheeks fade back to their usual paleness. He didn't know why he suddenly got flustered like that, this had never happened before.

"So- Sorry, you've got the wrong guy, I'm straight." Jackie mumbled a little as he took a sip of his water to try and calm himself down. And to try and ignore how weird it felt to say that. A bad kind of weird. "I'm sure there's plenty of other guys that would love someone like you trying to get into their pants.

The mystery person simply hummed as they took a sip of their own drink now that they had it, swirling it absentmindedly in their hand. "Really now? Never seen a straight guy blush that hard over my words. But hey, what's one quick fuck? Or will that hurt your masculinity too much?"

That got Jackie to nearly choke on his water. He coughed a few times to get his throat cleared before looking back at the other. "Look, I don't know who you are, but you're being a little bit of a dick. I'm sorry I'm the first guy who didn't wanna fuck you, I guess." Oh wow, someone who actually bit back. The other person had to take a moment before just... Smiling, extending a hand to Jackie. Their fingernails were painted a crimson sparkly red.

"Marvin, they/them. Pleased to meet someone who actually has a back bone." They chuckled a little. Jackie looked at the hand held out to him like this was a trick. Marvin had just insulted him a second ago. But he still shook it nonetheless, albeit with slight caution.

"Jackie, he/him. Please to meet someone who spits venom, I guess."

That got a laugh this time from Marvin. "Sorry about that. Sometimes I forget to hold my tongue, it gets me into so much trouble you see." They leaned their head on their folded hands, propped up by their elbows. "But you must admit, quite strange of someone so straight to become so easily flustered, especially with no alcohol. I hadn't even reached my peak."

"You just- Caught me off guard, that's all." Jackie quickly looked away from the other lest his returning blush be shown. He hated that Marvin wasn't really wrong. There was something about them that sparked a feeling in his heart, one he'd certainly never felt before, not even from any women he'd been with. And it was scary. There was nothing wrong with being attracted to other genders, obviously. But he never liked change, even now. Change was unpredictable, he couldn't rationalize it. He didn't know if this was temporary or meant to last, this new feeling.

Marvin only gave a little nod in response, finishing their drink and pulling out the money needed to pay for it. "I'm not one to be lied to, darling. I can read people all too well." When they looked at Jackie, they didn't have a flirty smirk or a condescending look. Just a small smile that actually seemed genuine. "But hey, you clearly don't want to be here. Overstimulating, I'm assuming. You've been wanting to leave for a while. Why not leave with someone you can talk to? Nothing more than that, I promise." They chuckled a little and stood from their stool. "I know when I need to keep my hands to myself."

Okay, at the very least they weren't trying to invite him over for any sort of sex. He thought it over for a few moments. It scared him so much, not knowing what this feeling in his chest was. But at the same time... He wanted to know more. He wanted to discover who Marvin was, even if just for the night. Maybe he'd be able to figure out this feeling if he went. And it wasn't like his friends- No, not really friends. It wasn't like the people he came here with would care. He could just block their numbers if any of them tried contacting him. So with a shrug he stood up as well, placing his pay under his glass and putting his jean jacket on. "Alright, lead me to your place, then."

That brought a smile to Marvin's lips. As said they could easily read people like they were open books, and Jackie posed no challenge. They could see that curiosity now showing in him, over both themself and what happened with himself earlier. And that's why they invited him over: To hopefully help him learn something about himself, in whatever way they needed. Marvin didn't say a word, just taking Jackie's hand and quickly leading him outside and into the alleyway next to the club. Jackie just let himself get towed along. Maybe their car was parked behind the building. But when they stopped halfway through the alley he got confused.

"Um, I don't think this is where we can get a car from."

"Oh trust me hun, we don't need a car." Marvin chuckled. "Just for some privacy." They then held a finger up in front of them, and as they drew shapes in the air those same shapes appeared in front of them both, glowing a soft teal. And once they were done drawing they tapped the middle of the shapes, causing them to glow brighter until they revealed a living room. A portal right into a living room. Jackie backed away a little. There was a portal, right in front of them.

"What the fuck...??" Was the most he could muster. Marvin only chuckled before they stepped in and disappeared into the still image, their hand poking out a second later and beckoning Jackie to follow. He knew, logically, he should be running. He should be trying to wake himself up, there was no way he wasn't sleeping right now. But his curiosity was so peaked right now that he really didn't care. He needed to know what the fuck was currently in front of him. So he decided to take the hand poking out from the portal, just in case something might go wrong, and let himself walk through. And he was in the living room that the portal displayed. And no limbs were missing or suddenly a different color, nor were his clothes suddenly gone. He stepped through and was perfectly safe. And now standing pretty much chest to chest with Marvin, who was letting soft giggles that they couldn't help.

"Pretty good for someone who's never seen magic before, I was fully expecting you to have run off on your heels." Marvin giggled, unknowingly intertwining their fingers together. Just something about how their slightly smaller hand fit into Jackie's so nicely... It had a cozy feeling to it that he wanted to keep for as long as he could.

"Holy shit, that was actually magic..." Jackie ran a hand through his hair before letting out a soft laugh. He actually just experienced magic. Magic, that shouldn't be real, yet there it was. Maybe he really was just dreaming right now. He didn't know when he could have run into someone like Marvin in real life, but that didn't matter. For the moment he just let himself believe without turning to logic and reason. Just to let himself have a little bit of wonder for once. "That was magic, you just used magic."

Marvin found it adorable how excited the other was over such a discovery. Some simply didn't believe them, no matter how many tricks they pulled. Others just ran away out of fear. Jackie was the first to react so positively, and with such joy as well. They were thanking their lucky stars that they met this man tonight. "And I can pull off a lot more than just portals, hun." They giggled softly and tugged at Jackie's hand that was still in theirs (the realization of it making Jackie blush), guiding him to the U shaped couch and sitting him down in the middle. "I'm going to go make myself some tea." They said as they walked out of the room, presumably to the kitchen. "You want any?" They called out.

"Oh, uh, no thanks. More of a coffee guy personally." Jackie responded. And now that he was alone in the room he had the chance to look around and observe all of the surface level things. The living room had a very dark magic vibe, having a dark blue, purple, and red color scheme to it. Against the wall in front of him was a television stand with the standard things: TV, internet box, blueray player, as well as several movies stacked in the side cubbies of the stand. A coffee table stood in the middle of the couch with a stack of moon shaped coasters off to the side. Silk drapes and glow-in-the-dark stars hung from the ceiling to give an even more magical vibe. There were two shelves on either side of the TV that were filled with books, photos, and various knick knacks. He wanted to get a closer look at the photos to see who or what was in them, but he didn't want to be too intrusive. He didn't know how much of their private life Marvin wanted to give out to a complete stranger.

After a few minutes Marvin returned with their tea, sitting down next to Jackie and setting their cup down atop one of the coasters. "So, what do you think?"

"Um- About what?"

"About my living room, silly." They laughed softly, which pulled a sheepish blush to Jackie's cheeks. "Obviously you were looking around at it. But you don't seem like the type to snoop in other people's drawers so I trust you."

"Well, it's... Definitely you. I- If that makes sense." Jackie shrugged a little as he took a quick glance over everything. "Like, when I look at you, this is definitely what I can expect from a living room. At the very least." He rubbed the back of his neck once his eyes returned back to the person across from himself. "Sorry, that probably makes no sense."

Marvin just chuckled and picked up his tea, taking a sip now that it was a little cooler. At least not so hot that it would burn their mouth off. "It's actually the best reaction I've gotten. Every other guy I've brought home has told me it's so dreary, that I need some color or whatever. I suppose it's a good thing that they were all one night stands."

"So what, picking up guys from bars is a common occurrence for you?" Jackie laughed softly. He already knew the answer for that if their interaction at the bar was any indication of how the magician acted around other men. "But I've never been one to judge people on their taste in... Whatever. I guess unless it's, like, genuinely harmful or something. But this just looks like a vampire threw up over everything." Marvin had to keep themself from laughing lest they choked on their tea. Thankfully they got it down and just turned into a coughing fit. Jackie immediately bolted up in his seat when he noticed, rubbing the other's back in a poor attempt to help a little. "Shit- Are you okay?? I- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to almost kill you."

"No, no-" Another couple of coughs interrupted Marvin's sentence. "Don't worry, you're fine." They chuckled a little before clearing their throat to try and get rid of the tickling feeling now sitting there. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Nearly choked on my tea from laughing."

Jackie let out a small breath of relief. Admittedly he was scared that maybe the magician would have been upset at him for making a joke while they had tea in their mouth. "Well, it would've been a hell of a way to go then." He let out his own little chuckle, earning a small laugh from Marvin.

"Truly would have been one of the stranger possibilities. But to answer your question, yes. But you're the first one to not push me against the wall and shove a tongue down my throat so... You at the very least have class." And now it was Jackie's turn to nearly choke, but this time it was on air and out of complete surprise. He needed to get used to Marvin's bluntness over everything, even intimate details like that.

"I- I mean, there's also the obvious bit of me being straight, so of course I wouldn't do that."

"Denial doesn't look pretty on you, hun." The magician hummed as they took another sip of their tea.

"I-" Jackie was about to protest. But the words got caught in his throat, and he really had to consider if it was worth it to just... Keep ignoring this feeling in his chest over the person next to him. He didn't know how long it would last... Maybe he could get some answers. "Is it really that obvious...?"

"With how much you bring up your lack of gay, yes." Marvin chuckled a little, earning a sigh from the other, who was running his hands through his hair.

"I just-... I've never felt this way about any other gender." He leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees, his foot tapping out of a need to do something. He always got like this when having important talks, and this was very clearly important. "But then you come along and... Not to get too personal, but suddenly I've got this want to pull you in and make out with you. And I don't even think it's cuz you present femininely, but I don't know what else it could be besides... Apparently I'm gayer than I thought!" He did little jazz hands as he exclaimed. "And obviously, there's nothing wrong with that. But when you think you're one way your entire life and suddenly something happens and you're now something else..."

"It can be really scary, yeah." Marvin interjected, looking down at the scars on their hands. "I get that, trust me. Maybe a little more than you." They then shifted themself so that they could be closer to Jackie's face. "But you've got the urge to make out with me? Well, why not go for it then?"

Yeah, Jackie really needed to get used to that bluntness.

"Wh- Because I've literally never met you before tonight??" He backed away a little when he realized just how close Marvin had gotten. His cheeks were now red and he was looking at literally anything but the magician in front of him. And there was that urge again. To grab this person by the face and see what their lips tasted like. And he really couldn't push it down now. "I'm not going to just kiss a stranger without permission."

The magician then gave a shrug and a playful smirk in response. "I give you permission then. Go on. You don't seem like the kind of guy to try and take advantage of me, not in this state anyways. That and I could easily overpower you with a quick spell. But let's see if maybe this feeling is a one off thing. And if it is, no need for a sexuality crisis."

Okay, Marvin was really opening the floor for this. They were fine with Jackie experimenting with them. He was... A little thankful for that, honestly. At least he was experimenting with someone he probably had a genuine interest in. And so, he gave a nod for confirmation, leaning back in to Marvin to rest a hand on their cheek.

"Just, um, let me know if I do anything wrong. First kiss with a guy and all that."

That got a laugh out of Marvin. "I don't think it's any different than kissing a woman. But I've never kissed a woman, so who knows. Just... Do whatever feels right." They couldn't help as they bit their lip a little from anticipation. Jackie wasn't the only one who'd been having strange new feelings towards a complete stranger. The magician had felt a pull towards the other this entire night, something they hadn't ever felt towards someone before. They wanted to do so much more with this man, and for once they weren't even thinking about sex. To even just lay in his arms seemed like it would be a blessing. Jackie only gave another nod, taking a few seconds to prepare himself before finally connecting their lips.

Cherry. Marvin's lips tasted like cherry. He hadn't noticed any lipstick, so maybe this was lip balm. It was a surprising taste, he would've never associated them with cherries. But he loved it all the same. He loved this kiss all the same.

It remained slow at first, with Marvin making sure they let Jackie control the speed the entire time. They didn't want to possibly go too fast and overwhelm the other, no matter how much they wanted to. Jackie's lips on theirs felt like a breath of fresh air. Like they could finally breathe after having waited all night. And when Jackie wrapped an arm around his waist to pull them closer they were quick to respond with an arm around his shoulders, their other hand reaching up to undo his hairbun and tangle their fingers into his hair. And that pulled a hum from Jackie that nearly sent shivers down their spine. Oh if that simple hum caused such a reaction who knows what the other sounds that Jackie had would do to them.

Unfortunately the kiss didn't last for much longer, as Jackie pulled away for air, leaving them both staring at each other as soft pants left their lips. "So... How was that...?" Marvin spoke softly once they caught their breath enough.

"Good... Really good..." The other spoke just as softly. He didn't want to break whatever atmosphere had been created.

It only took a second for Marvin to be pulled back in for another kiss, much to their pleasant surprise. But this one was much harder, needier than the last one. It nearly turned the magician's brain to putty from the rush of emotions they were getting. And Jackie felt all the same, plus so much more right now. He didn't know why he kept himself in denial for so long if this is how amazing the kiss would feel. It didn't even matter if this was only his first with a guy, it was enough for him to know he wanted it all from Marvin.

A soft noise of annoyance and displeasure came out of him when it was Marvin's turn to pull away. But it was only to place a hand on his shoulder and push him back against the couch, now straddling his hips as the kiss resumed. Evidently the magician was a touchy one. Jackie's arms and shoulders weren't left alone from Marvin's hands. Those hands found themselves moving down to the other's torso, and with a hitched breath and slight arch of his back they were given permission to slip their hands up his shirt to keep feeling around. Jackie was a sensitive one when it came to touch, the magician was learning. His back was almost painfully arched into their hands, and they were sure that if they weren't making out right now they'd be hearing loud moans and whimpers from the other.

And Jackie managed to get some revenge for it. All it took was a little nip at their lip and a slip of his tongue for Marvin to become weak in his arms. Not like Jackie wasn't practically the same way, he was glad that his brain hadn't been turned to mush from all that he was feeling. The way their hands trailed over every inch of his chest, all of the soft moans he was managing to pull from them, the knee now pressing itself and rubbing a little against his crotch.

He was quick to pull away at that new feeling, gently pushing Marvin's knee away a little bit. The magician hadn't even realized what they were doing, but they were filled with dread with how fast the other stopped them. Maybe they'd completely ruined this now. "Shit, I'm... I'm sorry, I didn't even realize... I was moving too fast..."

Jackie shook his head at that as his grip tightened around the magician's waist, taking a second to catch his breath. "No, you're good, I... I just got thrown off is all.." He chuckled a little, his eyes now meeting Marv's. And theirs looked quite happy that they hadn't ruined anything. "But if we're going that far I think a bed will be better than the couch, yeah~?" Oh stars, help Marvin. That voice was enough to drive him up the walls.

"Yes, please~"

[just-an-enby-lemon]

I feel really shit rn because I'm super against saying people are using their disorders as a free pass to be an asshole and I don't think this is the case. But at the same time a friend of mine keeps using her RSD (as a result of her ADHD) as an excuse for being shitty to me.

She just expects that I for instance know that certain things trigger her (but only when said in specifics ways and by specific people) based on her facial expressions. Or that I can catch everytime someone is ironic to her even if she pretends they weren't being ironic. So I can stand up and protect her from those people (most that are our friends and she constantly calls friends). And everytime I don't do that she keeps calling me a shitty friend. So I tell her that I can't do it. That because of the way my autism acts I literally can't read facial expressions or that I didn't noticed it was sarcasm or that since she herself keeps talking about how she has small feet and jokes about it I did not think someone making a similar joke would upset her. But she just says "yeah, sure" and that she isn't mad. And than vague posts about her shitty friends that don't protect her. And now even when I notice she is upset and ask what made her upset and how can I help she says "you wouldn't understand anyway" and vague posts about her awfull friends that don't get her.

It doesn't help that she makes ME feel bad everytime I have to talk to her about trans stuff she got wrong (because she is the director of the gender studies league at our college now) to the point I didn't even talked to her about things like me as a transmasc finding it kindda offensive that she as a cis woman proudly said she wanted to portray a transman in our therapy simulation and didn't because it would be an even harder pacient. Nor the fact she constatly commits the same microagression against one of my best friends (and her best friends as well) since said friend said A LOT OF TIMES that while she marjoritarially uses fem pronouns and is afab she is nonbinary (and sometimes has preference for other pronouns) and feels unconfortable when people call her a woman a thing said friend keeps "forgetting" so she can make the call that all the directors of the gender studies group are woman.

Like most of the times we talk about serious stuff I end up apologizing even in conversations that outside of the moment of the conversation I don't think I was wrong. And her arguments are mostly based on her disabilities. Even though besides my sensory issues with loud noises (and not always) and my stims the only other time she aknowledge my autism was to send a passive agressive coment about how she forgot I have "rigid thinking" because of it. (And she also demonizes my friend who has BPD and BPD ppl on general).

And I made all this post to rant and am still feeling bad an like a shitty friend because yeah sure she did all that but she didn't mean to and she has issues and I'm just being petty (I mean I'm angry at silly things like she passive agressivaly comenting to my friends that our project had took more work even tho I did most of it and the rest was done by the other ppl in the group and not her and this is such a silly nitpick) and ableist (she has cronicle issues and is sick a lot so it makes sense she can't always meet deadlines and she has a lot of trauma so ofc she wants us to protect her from being triggered) and maybe if she was the one remembering things she would show all the times I was a shitty friend.

I just feel so tired of failing to help her. And a bit angry over feeling like she has a lot of expectations for me but never reciprocates (specially when she throws the things she does to you in your face if you don't respond to them the way she wants a thing that actually makes sense because yeah it sucks to do a lot for someone and they don't appreaciate it but I didn't ask for any of that).