#no one @ me y'all don't need to point out my personal flaws

[rawr-mortgage]

okay so, i saw Jude's route preview translation by the lovely @/archive ikemen and i just wanna say...

I FUCKING CALLED IT

[theoddest1]

Let's Actually Talk About The Issues With Vivziepop

Okay, first off, hello you beautiful people! Sorry about this foreboding title, but I needed to catch y'all attention on this so I can break down the issues that I and many have with "Hazbin Hotel" and "Helluva Boss" creator, Vivienne Medrano. Now I am sure you all on here are already aware of at least a couple of the controversies that revolve around this particular creator and if you have seen my posts floating around already, some have been greeted with the problems surrounding her social media presence and just her overall as a person. I know seeing another callout on her seems very very tiring at this point, but I felt that a lot of the current callouts missed key details that were not at all addressed or properly delved on. I plan on shedding light on my issues with her and I hope you get where I am coming from when I say that she sucks.

BULLYING

Okay, I am starting off with Vivienne's blatant use of bully mentality, her agreeing or encouraging her fans to call people who see flaws in her works sub-humans or harass those who find issue or simply jest about her works trademark cussing and and overcrowded designs. She has had this issue for YEARS and refuses to grow up and act her age despite many telling her, even her own fans at times, that she shouldn't be acting so unprofessionally. Clearly, she doesn't care and thanks to her fanbase caring more about her feelings than her being better she feels as though she doesn't need to change or do better. This goes for her friend group as well, who defend her tremendously and act as though she is never in the wrong. Name one time a friend of hers called her out for acting childish, I'll wait.

Now, you're probably wondering, "Wtf could they have done to warrant such a response?"

Criticism...That's all they did. (White Text is random peeps they would speak with or maybe mutuals)

Keep in mind...they used to be a fan as well. They were also a minor at this point

But, Viv doesn't care, this person's critical yet harmless tweets about her shows is what lead to her painting them in a horrible light and making them out to be someone who has attacked her personally and as "nasty".

Rich coming from Viv since she is completely fine doing exactly that for "Ava's Demon". Not only does she criticize it, she takes a shot at the creator as well, but GOD FORBID others do the same towards her.

And according to someone who knew her well, it's all cause they felt creeped out by her.

Her hatred for criticism is so prominent that Ima makes that a section of its own. But let's get back on the topic of bullying.

Vivienne has a fanbase filled to the brim with pushy and overall annoying individuals who have harassed, threatened, disrespected, and wished harm on many people, all cause someone had a negative thing to say about Vivziepop's mid af show. One of the earlier known instances is the one revolving around a MEME of all things.

This was what started it all, and it led to both parties blocking each other and people being mad pushy and calling them an idiot and the like over their opinions. Now look, their take and you're opinion on said take is fine so long as you stay respectful and humane about it all, but don't dogpike someone all cause they think HH sucks. And while Viv can not control her fanbase, for they are not a hivemind (some of y'all act it tho, ima keep it real) she is seen here ENCOURAGING the behavior. Tell me how someone who doesn't even like your trash ass show has the sense to tell people not to harass others, someone with a smaller following, but not your grown damn near 30 year old ass?

Oh, but people wanna act like she can handle criticism, is a sweet person, and grew from her past experiences. Fam, she was 27 in this screenshot [December 16, 2019] and has shown no change from 2013 to fucking 2024. Over a decade of the same petty ass behavior, and keep in mind, according to several of her old friends and workers, she is worse behind close doors. WORSE. She's already acting like she got no damn sense out in the open, imagine behind closed doors.

Last but not least, a glimpse into her outright blatant slander towards Dollcreep, a once good friend of hers that she even visited and spoke with frequently!

She stated that they fetishized pedophilia yet according to the victim and friends of the victim who were once friends with Viv as well, Viv actually threatened to end their friendship if he hadn't drawn NSFW art of her character and his character having sex [Addi was 15 at the time this was drawn]

On top of that, she liked the post, something she didn't need to do. The art also depicted things she had regularly drawn on her own. Addi being tied up forcefully, being sexualized, being harmed to some degree through bondage, etc. The claim that she forced DC to draw this out is backed up by her own art depicting similar elements. Also, if my memory serves me well, Viv and Doll were 17-18 years old [Doll was 17 Viv 18] and have a 1-year age gap. The way Viv frames things here is as if DC was way older and imposed some sort of power over DC, which sources say otherwise. If anything, Viv had a LOT of control throughout all of this drama, which deserves its own section.

I'll be making posts that talk about the different issues regarding Viv, so one post isn't too long (this one is already lengthy enough) and that you can just pick at one post targeting certain issues around this creator.

[steviewashere]

Loving Who You Are, Not What You Offer

Rating: Teen and Up CW: Referenced Rape/Non-Con (Not Between Main Pairing), Panic Attack (Sort of) Tags: Post Season 4, Post Canon, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Asexual Steve Harrington, Coming Out, Protective Eddie Munson, Patient Eddie Munson, Steve Harrington Has Sexual Trauma, Steve Harrington is a Sweetheart, Eddie Munson is a Sweetheart, Slight Comphet Steve Harrington, Dialogue Heavy

Okay, honestly, this one comes from a more personal place. So I'm gonna have to ask y'all to be kind about this one. I've recently come to terms that I'm somewhere on the asexual spectrum and I just needed to apply that somewhere, so. Also, writing from Eddie's point of view rather than Steve's helps me, so I don't wanna hear shit about it.

Read the content warning one more time before you continue and let me know if I missed anything <3

🩵—————🩵 There was an uncovered layer to Steve Harrington, that much Eddie has deduced.

It’s a subtle, blink and you wouldn’t notice, kind of thing. But even this uncovered layer had layers. And he’s not sure if anybody else has caught on. He was able to catalog several odd things about Steve that just…didn’t match his character. Not at all. Which has led, though it started casually and accidentally, to Eddie making a whole new doctrine.

The Odd Steve Behavior Doctrine. With a few noticeable bullet points:

-Don’t touch him without asking -Don’t ask him about his sex life -Don’t talk about sex around him, at all -He especially doesn’t like casual intimacy -Earning Steve’s trust is like climbing up a rocky mountain

He follows these rules he’s made for himself. Tries to keep himself casual and known in Steve’s presence. And hopes that it’s enough to get Steve to crack, even the slightest. Maybe he’ll say why these things bother him, Eddie initially thought.

Maybe I’ll just keep my mouth shut and let Steve come to me in his own time, he eventually noted. Because he doesn’t need to be in everybody’s business all the time, which is a typical thing for Eddie. He likes being nosy and involved with the lives of people around him. He likes to think of himself as the person his friends can come to, no matter the reason or the intensity of their need. And maybe part of it is selfish, too. He can admit that to himself. That he, in turn, wants to be everything Steve needs at the end of the day. Bearing the brunt of all that Steve has going wrong or right in his life.

Things come to Eddie little by little from Steve’s mouth. None that answer to any of the bullets in his doctrine, but things that are important, too. Like confessions, moments that Steve saw as flaws.

“I called Jonathan Byers a queer in 1983. That’s why he beat me up. I deserved it,” he told Eddie one day. Casually, complete nonchalance, as easy as discussing the weather. Steve had been cradling a mug of coffee at their local diner. Picked at the pancake platter he ordered all for himself. And, at Eddie’s coming out (“I’m gay, Steve,” Eddie admitted quietly mere moments before. He brought up love lives. Was poking around what was going on with Steve’s. And casually, he realizes, it just came up.), Steve took a sharp inhale. Confessed this bomb of a statement. Grimaced at the memory that must’ve played out behind his eyes. Then, murmured, “But thank you for trusting me with that, Eddie. I just need you to know that I was somebody you wouldn’t before. In case that…In case maybe you wanna take back that trust. Wouldn’t blame you, that’s all I’m saying.”

Eddie sat in that for a good several moments. As they slurped at their room temperature, rather mediocre mugs of Joe. “I still trust you,” he eventually said, “You don’t have to keep proving yourself to me, you know?” Steve merely shrugged. And that was confessional number one.

Following that, Steve mentioned being tortured by Russians. Which, Eddie thought that was reason for him not liking touch. It may be part of the reason, but there was something to Steve’s eyes that told him that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Eddie didn’t ask. Steve didn’t elaborate. Tortured by Russians, beat up by his peers, chewed up like a dog toy, the list in Eddie’s mind of All the Bad Things That Happened to Steve was growing longer and longer by the day. But Steve was telling him things, letting him in. It was a start.

So, Eddie had two catalogs all about Steve to keep up with in his mind. All the Bad Things and The Do’s and Don’ts of Steve Harrington.

Being his friend was an earned thing and it was a pleasant thing, but it also broke Eddie’s heart bit by bit. He’d never admit to this, but he had to realize that at some point. He wondered if Robin ever felt the same. Maybe even Nancy. But he wasn’t going to ask. Because who asks something like that? Eddie won’t be the first, but it won’t be the last somebody thinks that, he’s sure.

Even though Steve was breaking through his own mold, cracking his mask, shattering mirrors of who he was, none of it actually answered any of Eddie’s don’ts regarding him. None of it eased him. None of it lended itself in any sort of way. If anything, all of these other greater things only added to the incessant itch that couldn’t be scratched under Eddie’s skin.

Who are you really, Steve, Eddie asked himself all too much.

He doesn’t want to upset the poor guy.

But he’ll never know, he’s coming to realize. It’s just not in the cards.

———

It comes to a head, because of course it does. And he didn’t mean for it to, but it just happens.

They’re hanging out at Steve’s new-ish apartment. Lounging around on his, frankly, ugly floral second-hand couch. It’s musty and not all that soft on the cushions, lumpy and shifting. But they make do with it as they have a movie marathon. Steve is sprawled between the far right and middle cushion, Eddie is leaning against the left arm rest, legs crossed one over the other, head in his hand. Then, his stomach grumbles all too loudly in a room full of droning noise.

He leans into Steve’s space slightly. Reaches out a hand and places it on his thigh. Squeezes Steve’s leg and opens his mouth to ask if he’s hungry. But, for some reason, Steve tenses to the extremes underneath his touch. His hands grip harshly to the back of the couch and the throw pillow near his head. Legs going taut and straining against Eddie’s touch.

“Steve?” Eddie calls softly.

“Stop,” musters from Steve. It’s tiny. Cracking in half. Brings tears to his eyes immediately.

Eddie furrows his eyebrows, though. “What?” He asks. “What am I doing?” There’s a thrum in his chest. Something unsettling and obtuse. It pulsates and shifts and bitters his throat the way acidic bile does.

With force Eddie’s only seen in the Upside Down, Steve latches onto Eddie’s wrist. Tight enough that Eddie has to bite back a yelp of pure and unadulterated pain. Nearly enough to break the bone that Steve’s thumb digs into. He shoves Eddie away with just his grip. Scrambles to the far corner of the couch, legs tucked in close to his chest, knees colliding with his chin. He wraps his arms around himself.

And then, the softest noise breaks through between them. It’s quiet, yet somehow louder than the tape playing. It works its way under Eddie’s skin. Into his stomach, through his throat, and into his brain. Steve’s gentle, manufactured cries. Stifled behind his lips. In real time, Eddie watches him shatter. The way his eyes gloss over, his cheeks going splotchy with the sounds, his shoulders shake.

“Woah, hey,” Eddie whispers, reaching out again. He wants to ground him. Wants to comfort the way he knows how. How he soothes Wayne’s panic episodes. And how he calms Dustin down from lashing out. Or when Robin talks herself in circles. Wants to just…be there. “Hey, Steve, are you—“

“Don’t touch me,” Steve bites out, “I don’t have anything—You—I don’t want to.”

Immediately, Eddie drops his hand to the now unoccupied middle cushion. The fabric meeting his palm. Going cold. Warm where Steve had just been relaxed. And Eddie—he may be a dastardly fool most days, dumb as rock the others, three time senior—knows exactly what he did, now that he’s focused on every small movement he makes. He’s perceptive to the way Steve is leaning as far away as possible. How crumpled he makes his body. Eddie notices how much space has been created and where his hands lie.

I’m so stupid, he thinks, that’s like rule one. 

Don’t touch him without asking.

“Fuck,” Eddie softly curses. He pulls himself away. To his own corner of the sofa. And swallows the bit of panic that rises in him. His eyes drift away from Steve’s fearful face, to his own hands. Twitches them in his lap, against his knees. Wants to cut them off. Throw them into a blender. Feed them to the birds. Something. But he forces himself to look back up.

Steve trembles against the couch. In a way that is not the Steve Harrington that Eddie met when fighting other worldly creatures. That dismantles everything and anything he once knew.

“Shit. I—Steve, I’m so sorry,” he quickly apologizes. “I’m sorry. I know that you don’t like that unless people ask. And I just—I wasn’t thinking, I promise. It was just—You know, I’m touchy with all my friends and I was just going to see if you wanted me to make some dinner or order some food. I was just trying to get your attention, y’know, and I didn’t mean anything by it. I promise, I swear. I swear on my mom, Steve. I would never—“ He takes a deep, gasping breath. Coughing on the inhale. His hands shake, now. And he doesn’t think he’s ever seen fear paint itself so clear and bright on a person’s face, but he’s looking into it. Steve’s pallor and yet still red cheeks. And his all consuming, though far away eyes. His built body, yet childlike hold.

A part of Eddie wants to cry, too. I’ve fucked up, he panics internally, I’ve fucked everything up and now he’s not going to be my friend and he was such a good friend, too. Why did I have to do that? I just wanted to make sure he was fed, too. That’s it. He’s such a good friend and now I’ve fucked it and I just—I—

“You wanted to make me food?” Steve quietly croaks.

Eddie, in an instant, nods. “Yes!” He exclaims in his own panic. “Yes, I swear, Steve. I wasn’t thinking when I touched your thigh. And I—What do you want to eat, Stevie? Say the word, I’ll find a way to make it or…something.”

His hands twitch in his lap once more. Thumbs catching on the ripped holes of his jeans. The threads soft and wearing away under his skin. The scratchy, dry bit of skin that peers through. He doesn’t blink. Doesn’t think he breathes. Just makes eye contact with Steve. Which, surely, is overbearing and unnecessary and…I’m probably freaking him out more, calm down. He takes a deep breath, blows it away from him, and lowers his shoulders from where he didn’t know they were hiking.

“It was nothing more than to check-in. I promise,” he reiterates, murmuring.

Steve, finally, draws away from himself. With his own breath. He unravels his legs, stretching them out to their full length onto the middle cushion. Arms going limp at his sides. Hands resting against his thighs. His eyes dart—left and right and left and right—between Eddie’s. Nods once. “Okay,” he meekly musters. “Okay, Eds. Can…We can order pizza. There should be a menu on the kitchen counter. I’ll—“

Eddie stands from his own cushion before Steve gets the chance to. “Nope, don’t worry about it. Just try and relax, yeah? I’ll go put in an order, pay for it. You…Pepperoni pizza?” Steve just nods, tentative and surprised. “Cool,” Eddie states, “I’ll be right back.”

The phone call goes by quick and he easily sets the money out for when the driver gets there. But he’s not entirely sure his presence is going to be a warm welcome in the living room again. He gets a glass of water anyway because, surely, Steve will tell him to go if he isn’t wanted.

Steve’s in the same position as when Eddie left. Though, his gaze isn’t entirely there. Somewhere beyond Eddie’s shoulder. But there’s a gleam, a little shine that tells him that Steve isn’t gone from himself, not yet at least. He sits back down in his own cushion. Glass on the coffee table. And turns, keeping himself tight to his own body.

“Hey, Steve?” He calls out, watching as Steve blinks sluggishly back into his body. “I—uh—I got you some water, if you want it. Drinking water usually helps me feel better after…After a down moment, y’know?”

Next to him, Steve hums. He sighs. “Can I trust you with something?” He asks, forgoing the water entirely.

Eddie nods in haste. “Of course, Steve. If you have something you have to tell me, I can keep things to myself,” he states. Which is one hundred percent true. He may be a loud guy, screaming and yelling when need be. May be somebody that fills a room with noise, if only so he doesn’t succumb to the silence. But he knows how to keep a secret. It’s sort of a survival tactic, is what he’d say if somebody asked him about it. He’s kept secrets about his parents, things behind lock and key in his ribcage. Granted, he may forget, but he won’t say a damn thing. And he surely won’t spill Steve’s beans, especially with the way he looks to him in open earnest.

“Okay,” Steve responds. His legs fall away from the couch and he rights himself into being completely upright. Ramrod straight. On the far right cushion. Mirroring Eddie’s tight pose. Feet flat to the floor. His eyes trace something on the coffee table, cracks probably, but Eddie can’t exactly tell. “Okay. I…You’re going to be the second person I’ve ever told this to, alright? And I—I figured that it would come out sooner or later, but you’re gonna need an explanation for whatever the fuck just happened. And I don’t know how else to talk about it without just going all-in. So…I just need you to listen. Can you do that?”

“Yeah,” Eddie murmurs, “you have the floor, Stevie. My mouth is shut.”

Steve nods slow, a ghost of a smile on his face. Breathes in through his nose, it traps in his chest and comes out as one gentle gust. He swallows heavily, words seemingly rising in his throat. And that smile falls away just as it sprung.

“In middle school, before I was popular and whatever, I had a group of friends that I ran with. We were all nerds, I won’t deny that. And—And I would involve myself with some of their interests, if only because I wanted to fit in,” Steve explains first. His eyes roam again. Not picking a spot, but Eddie won’t fault him for it. He continues, voice fracturing, “One of the guys I was closer to, we’ll call him R, he was interested in this club. It was kind of like a tech club? Focused on radios and channels and math and…Things that I was actually kind of good with, but needed a better understanding on. So, I figured, I’d sign up for this club. Go with my…friend.”

Before he goes on to say more, he leans over for the glass of water on the table. Holds it gently between his hands. Doesn’t take any sips. The condensation droplets roll down his fingers. Cold most likely keeping him grounded to the room.

Eddie can already tell he’s not going to like wherever this part of Steve’s past leads him. How Steve has to take breaks, it upsets Eddie greatly. He’s not sure he’s entirely prepared for whatever confession comes from Steve this time, but he’ll digest it. Get through this with the guy and figure out all he needs to.

Another steadying breath. And Steve’s voice is like gravel, but he keeps talking.

“It was a weekly thing. And we’d go in. Be taught about gadgets and whats-its and whatnot. R was there, though. He was always there. We’d talk, laugh, shoot the shit. Normal friend bullshit.

“One day, though. One day, something was…different. He looked at me. There was a sense of hunger. Want. A drive to him that I’d never seen before. He’d lean more into my space, drop his voice lower, whisper right into my ear.” Steve blinks in rapid succession. His breath keeps stuttering. And something in Eddie’s stomach sours. He goes, though. Pushing through. “I told him to stop. To knock it off. Kept telling him that I was trying to learn. That I wanted to focus. And he just…He wouldn’t,” he explains.

Eddie spikes with great unease and anger. Never at Steve. But whoever this so called ‘friend’ is, Eddie wants to maybe kill him. He keeps quiet, though. Steve wanted to share and he needs this out. And Eddie can listen. He can, even if it makes him want to cry, too.

“I thought that’s all it would be,” Steve speaks quietly, “Just him talking to me in this new tone. With this new level to his voice. But…I’m kind of stupid, I guess, so of course that’s not all he’d do. The next week at our club meeting, he got closer than before. He began to…” Steve stops and swallows. A single, silent tear crawls down his face. It doesn’t even phase him, the way crying usually does. It’s just background at this point. “…He began to—to touch me in ways I’d never been. And I—I told him to stop, I remember doing that. I remember putting distance between us. And saying no and saying stop and shoving his hands off me. But he just—“ A broken little sob. “—He was supposed to be my friend,” he states, small as a child.

The sobs rack Steve in such a way that his whole body is jolting with it. Nearly toppling off the couch. He chugs the water between cries, but doesn’t move from his spot. Tight and closed off within his own body.

“I wanted him to just be my friend,” Steve continues a moment later, nasally and choked. “But he didn’t want that. He kept overpowering every single decision I made. His breath on my earlobe. And his hands on my thigh, on my…He fucking touched my crotch. Tried to coerce me into having sex,” he spits. “That guy…He made me feel fucking disgusting. About my own body. About things I loved. About sex,” Steve growls, “Made me sort of dislike all those things, too.”

Eddie, for how loud he can be, is completely silent for once. Unable to form words. Not sure how to comfort. And if he could comfort, isn’t sure if that’s something he can do the way he wants to. He can’t touch. Can’t do what he’d normally do. And his body aches to take care of Steve or to simply hold him. To be…well, to be a friend. But that’s not something Steve can exactly trust.

He feels sick to his stomach.

The last bit of water is sipped at slowly, as Steve comes down. Then, he turns to face Eddie. Making direct and purposeful eye contact. “It’s not your fault, that I reacted like I did,” he states lowly. “And it’s not your fault that I close up when you want to talk about sex. Or you wanna talk about all that intimate shit. It’s something with me. Like something’s broken. It’s like a deep crack in me, Eddie.

“And I just wanted to clear up all that. Explain what I can, I guess.” He snakes out a tentative hand. It’s shaking and hesitant, but it still lands softly on the back of Eddie’s right. Squeezes. “But thank you for taking notice. And being concerned. And for apologizing. I feel safe with you, Eddie. I trust you a lot. Which is like—That’s probably highest honors you could earn with me.” And he chuckles slightly. It’s not a humorous thing, but it’s not exactly humorless either.

Eddie lets himself soak in this, though. Smiling warmly back at Steve. Because he needs it. They both need it. He murmurs, “Thank you for trusting me with that, Steve. That wasn’t easy and I’m proud of you for speaking up about it. I’m glad to be somebody you can trust.”

With another exhale, Steve relaxes back into the couch. His hand doesn’t move from Eddie’s. “I also want to say that you’re allowed to talk about your relationships with dudes,” he states quietly. “Seriously, I don’t mind. But just…Just check in with me? Before you do?”

“Of course,” he agrees instantly. “I’ll keep that in my noggin, promise, Stevie.”

Ghost of a smile on Steve’s face again. “Thanks,” he whispers.

A lull floats in the conversation. Steve removes his hand, watching as his fingers twitch, and there’s a little uptick to the corners of his mouth. Something pleased and almost…reverent at the way he looks at his hand.

Before Eddie can get up to change out the movie, he heaves a little sigh. And says, “Y’know, if you ever need any sort of physical comfort, need to talk about this, or you just need somebody to tell you that you’re okay, you can lean on me. Don’t even need to ask, really. I’m all arms.”

“I’ll think about it, Eds. This has been enough for me."

——— Steve comes out to him at the same diner Eddie did only a few years later.

It’s 1990, Eddie’s twenty-four and Steve’s freshly twenty-three. He has a certain spark to him. A sparkle to his smile and a pep in his step. And Eddie’s happy to see him happy.

Happy to eventually call their relationship romantic. Happy to share spots on the couch, curled around each other. Happy to kiss him slow and sweet or not at all, just able to gaze over coffee mugs and across the room and when Steve thinks he can’t be seen.

Eddie’s just happy to be allowed this love that fills his chest and in the colder, vacant spots of their lives.

But he realizes he still hasn’t heard everything about Steve. He gives it time, though. Because the second most important thing to Steve—first just being there for him—is patience.

The next of their chats happens when things get heated on the couch.

Soft kisses turn hungry, carnivorous. Hands wander over heated skin. Steve’s fingers against the hem of Eddie’s t-shirt. But his hands shake. And Eddie places his own hands off to the sides of the couch, pulling himself away before things can get any farther than they already are.

“Hey,” he softly speaks, “Steve, we don’t—I’m okay with just kissing right now. We don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for.”

Steve stops next to him. Tensing up only slightly. “Are you—You’re sure about that?” His voice is so tiny, so unlike him. And though Eddie’s heard this tone before, it still breaks him.

He says easily, “I don’t want you to be scared of our first time, baby. It’s okay if we need to take things slow.”

He watches as Steve heavily swallows. “And if I asked if we never had sex?”

Eddie eyes him for a moment. Not wearily. With something like subtle pride. “Is that what you want?” He asks in turn. “Would that make you more comfortable?”

Subtly, Steve nods. “I—“ He sighs sadly. “I’ve been thinking about how to talk to you about it. With girls, I never even liked it. I just did it because it…There was something to say about a guy who could have sex with anybody he wants. But I also…I don’t know.” He shrugs as if trying to dismiss it, but Eddie doesn’t like that.

He sets a hesitant, soft hand on Steve’s shoulder. Squeezes when he doesn’t move away. “If you never want to have sex again, I’d be okay with that. I’d be more than okay with that,” he states assuringly. “You being happy and comfortable is what matters most to me. Not sex. I don’t give a shit about sex, not when I get to see you every day, smile on your face, and your eyes shiny and beautiful.”

Steve gives another small sigh, but the smile he has doesn’t waver. “Okay. I—Eddie, I don’t think I want to have sex,” he admits quietly. It shakes from his throat, but it’s still confident the way it lands between them. “It just doesn’t feel good to me. And I—I don’t want to force myself to do it. And it wouldn’t be fair to you, either.”

Another affirmative squeeze to Steve’s shoulder. “Alright, baby. Then we don’t have sex,” he agrees softly. “And if you ever change your mind—not that I’m forcing you to—then I’m okay with what you want.” He scoots himself closer so that their bodies are one single line, warm against each other. Reiterating, “Your happiness and comfort matter the most to me.”

With both of his hands, Steve wraps Eddie’s free one. Traces the veins on the back of his hand. Toys with his fingers. “We can still kiss, though,” he states quietly. “Maybe I want a kiss.”

“Yeah, baby?”

“Mhm,” Steve hums. So, he closes the gap. A wet peck to Eddie’s lips. Soft and venturing. One that last only a few seconds. He draws back with the softest smile adorned on his features. Murmurs, “Thank you for hearing me out on this. And for understanding. And for accepting this.”

“I love you, Steve. Just for you. Not the sex or touch. We could never do anything except sit next to each other and talk, and I’d still love you,” Eddie swears.

Steve sniffs something wet. Shoves himself a little closer, cuddling into Eddie’s chest. To which Eddie wraps his arms around his back in response. And he sighs, but it’s a sound of long awaited relief. “I love you, too, Eddie. God, I love you.”

The conversations are tough and they are stomach turning, but after it all, Eddie gets to have Steve. How he is. How he wants to be. And that’s all Eddie could hope for.

He kisses the top of Steve’s head and relaxes back into the couch. “I’m proud of you, Steve,” he murmurs, “Thank you for trusting me.”

“Thank you for being patient. Being here.”

Eddie squeezes them together even tighter. Warm in his chest at the content noise that draws itself from Steve. This could be all that they do forever and Eddie would never ask for more.

🩵—————🩵

[vani-is-typing]

so i lowkey gave up on the agggtm adaptation after finishing episode 3 of the series. i was at the very middle of the show, and so disappointed by all the unnecessary changes they'd made from the books, and the snowball pacing was doing nothing to engage me whatsoever, in fact it was one more reason that i turned away from it. the only thing redeeming i think i found was the dynamics of pip's friend group. it was fun whenever they were all on screen together.

i heard someone online talk about pip and ravi's chemistry together being another redeeming point, and i thought about adding that as well, but looking back it was only okay, nothing out of the world. the fact that they were spending a lot of time alone together probably helped this person believe that their chemistry was excellent, when it was only fine. the actors tried their best, of course, but they are also very young and i personally think they were having a hard time conveying the kind of under the surface tension i would've loved to see.

lastly, i also heard someone online say that stanley forbes just never showed up. that was probably the most crushing thing i heard in the time after episode 3 and about to go on to episode 4, eventually stopping me from continuing because stanley is my man yo. you can't do me like this. you can't literally handpick one of the most memorable and important characters from the books and just kick them to them to the curb. even if stanley does end up hopefully inevitably in season 2, which i don't know yet if there will be one, it seems very sucky to me that he wasn't there at all this season, when the show is just taking off.

now although i have more to say from the first three episodes i saw of a good girl's guide to murder, i will refrain from doing that because incorporating all those things into this post will take a lot of time and make it so much longer. also, i'm waiting on the premiere of the umbrella academy season 4, if that wasn't already crystal clear enough from my last post, and will be pouncing on it the moment it's available, so i can't scar this beautiful waiting time by writing down and explaining the flaws of a show i didn't like, in length.

that'll be all. i do think i will complete watching a good girl's guide to murder someday, most probably if there's a season two later on, because then i'll need to know the show's altered version of what happened before. if there never comes a season 2 after all, then it's really in the hands of fate if i finish agggtm or not.

i will probably end up doing it though, like five years down the line. i can't handle unfinished shows, or anything else. see y'all.

[polyamorousmood]

Hi I need some advice.

So I identify as poly even tho ive never had a poly relationship before and made that very clear to my girlfriend before we started dating. She said she was fine with it, and that we could always discuss terms when I start to like another person. We've been dating for a year, and I'm starting to like one of our mutual friends. I was excited to tell my girlfriend, but when I did she freaked out about it and said she couldn't do it. Because she was freaking out, I said it was OK and agreed to be in a mono relationship (I often will say anything to get someone to calm down, and I know that's a flaw of mine which is why I was open about everything before anything was at stake). I don't think I am OK with it, but they way she spoke about it sounds like she won't be convinced either.

I feel like I was lied to? And now I'm in this situation I didn't want, but I don't want to break up with her because I do love her. Functionally our relationship is the same as it always was so maybe I can handle it, but I just don't understand why she would have such a negative reaction when she seemed completely OK with it at the beginning.

I mean... maybe she said it was okay when it wasn't for a similar reason you did? Because she wanted to make you happy more than she wanted to dig into the issue? While I understand this probably felt like a major gut-punch after you made a point to be open about it, it seems to me unfair you'd hold her to a higher standard than you're holding yourself now wrt voicing what you'd be okay with.

Anyway, TL;DR: I think y'all both need to "come to Jesus."

What do I mean by that.

You need the classic Uncle Iroh moment

And it really, really fucking sucks, but you both will have to consider if the life you want -- poly for you, monog for her -- is feasible with each other. I'm sorry, I know it hurts even to think about, but even if everything gets worked out, you will have to think about the possibility it won't first.

First, you're going to have to bring it up again, and explain its importance, and explain your confusion, and acknowledge this is clearly difficult for her. I think a strong possibility is that she's okay with you dating someone else, but not someone she knows. It being her friend may be the sticking point! I've found a lot of people don't consider that a possibility until they're confronted with it, and it drudges up a lot of bad feelings and anxieties that you "always really wanted them and not me," so that's worth investigating.

... Its also really possible she never gave it a ton of thought and assumed it was never really gonna happen🫤. Its also possible your timing was just shit in a way you're not mentioning (maybe didn't even think of!) like, if you mentioned it a week after y'all Had A Talk™️about her feeling really insecure lately, I can see how that could cause her some panic. You are just going to have to grit your teeth and talk🗣️. It is the ONLY path forward that has a chance of everyone feeling fulfilled. Which to me at least, makes it the only path forward, period ⏺️ It sucks. Its hard. You'd rather saw off your toes.

But here's the secret -> people regret more the things they didn't do than the things they did do. A life spent wondering is generally much harder than anything else.

So if after you talk to her, she does have a problem with polyamory, there are only a few options for how this shakes out:

You never get the polyamory. Either because you kept your mouth shut 🙊 or because you asked and it was clearly never going to be okay with her. You stay with her forever and cut off this desire of yours to make her happy. Most poly people find this a very constricted existence.

She consents to polyamory even though she doesn't like having to share you. You guys broker some sort of compromise. Maybe she comes around, but maybe its always a sore spot, and she always feels like she's settling for half a relationship.🌗

You break up💔. Maybe now, maybe after years of trying and failing to do one or both of the first two options.

That's all there is. There's room within those categories, of course, but every outcome is one of those three. Give each of them their fair consideration, because there are some major, long-term pros and cons with each of them, and you need to know what you're signing on for. Oh, and if you're not willing to talk about it? You're locking yourself into the first one. Maybe she's worth it to you, but if that's the choice you're making, you cannot hold that choice against her later, because she won't even have realized you made it if you don't talk about it.

And if you do broker some sort of deal, you better fasten your seatbelt. Because you will have to talk about things she's uncomfortable with very regularly. Accept that right the fuck now. You know its true. You know that even if she understands, there will be new situation after new situation you will have to go through together. And a lot of them will be hard on her. And it will be on your shoulders to see her through.

This is, without exaggeration on my part, one of the worst situations to be in ever. My heart goes out to you.💝 I hope from the depths of my soul there's some sort of misunderstanding that gets resolved without much drama, and you're all okay. I am also truly sorry if that sounded harsh, but I don't want you to waste your time looking for miracle fixes. Everything from this point on will be messy and labor-intensive, but I hope it can be a labor of love.

Wising you the strength to see yourself to a life you love 💙💖🖤

[sokkastyles]

What bothers me in particular after seeing the millionth post saying something to the tune of, "yes, Ursa was abused, but that doesn't excuse her mistreatment of Azula," when the supposed "mistreatment" doesn't actually occur in the show - the post I saw said that the show itself was "biased" - what bothers me in particular is not only the victim blaming of Ursa, but also the insistence that our focus should actually be on abuse that happened offscreen. When you are saying that the show itself is biased, then you're saying that you're willing to discard actual evidence of abuse in favor of another narrative that can be invented out of thin air. Because Azula is not, in fact, a real person. What is presented on the show is Azula as she is. There can be no "biased" portrayal because Azula is a product of fiction and does and thinks and feels only what she is written to do and think and feel, for the purpose of fulfilling a particular narrative function. Ditto for Ursa and Zuko and Iroh. So when you say you don't believe the text as it is presented, and you'd rather come up with another narrative, what you are saying is your first instinct, when presented with an abuse narrative, is to not believe it. That you'd rather believe that Azula's abusive behavior is the fault of other people, many of whom were either her victims or the victims of her abuser, because of her age or gender or whatever.

Azula is an abuse victim who became an abuser and instead of accepting that, y'all want to create excuses for her and blame other victims instead.

We're talking about fiction, but if the only abuse narrative you can accept is the one that only exists in your head, if the abuse survivor for whom you have the most sympathy is one whose narrative you can change to suit your ideas of what abuse looks like, what does that say about your ability to empathize with real people? People whose narratives you can't reimagine into comfortable headcanons because you think the narrative is biased.

That's what bothers me whenever I see people praising Ursa for being "a flawed character." Ursa is, in fact, barely a character at all and mostly defined by being a mother, but there's enough room in the narrative for people to imagine their own headcanons and so what the fandom comes up with is "she must have been a bad mother because her daughter is a bad person." Even though we KNOW why Azula became the way she is. Even though Azula (and Ozai, who Azula imitates) is directly juxtaposed with the goodness her mother represents in the narrative.

It's just so tiringly misogynistic. Like, the fact that Ursa mostly exists to be fridged is itself a product of sexism. Sometimes you need to ask yourself "is this a wonderful, detailed portrayal of a flawed female character, or am I just being a misogynist?"

Another good thing to ask yourself is "am I really listening to abuse narratives, or am I just changing them in my head to fit what I think they should be to make them more palatable to consume?" (i.e. the "but Azula is 14!!!" crowd. Particularly when y'all say Zuko can't be abused by his younger sister.)

Being a survivor of abuse doesn't excuse abusing others, but the character who exemplifies that message is Azula, not Ursa. Ursa's role in that narrative is to be juxtaposed against Azula, to represent that this is a truth Azula knows deep down but won't accept. To argue that Ursa mistreated Azula or is the reason why Azula is the way she is is to miss that point completely.

[iravinirattu]

🧾 + smitten + cyno

⥽ • smitten.

. . in which CYNO is head over heels for you, and you have the audacity to doubt your beauty.

⥽ ~0.5k words. gn! reader. tw: body insecurities. ⥼

from z; i think sometimes i can get a little too caught up in wondering how the world perceives me. it's very easy to spiral into an endless chasm of am i good enough? do i look pretty enough? and it's an infinite chase of perfection that does not exist. as important as it is to not rely on others to determine your self worth, at times like that you really wish someone would tell you that you were enough.

and if you're feeling like that today, that person is gonna be me! if you've got something your upset about, hit me up! y'all are doing great, take care loves! ♡

to join; send me an emoji + a word + a character!

all you had done was look away, instinctively covering up your face when you'd giggled at one of his jokes.

"why do you do that? it hides your face. i can't see you laugh."

"i mean, yeah, that's sort of the point."

"why?"

you couldn't answer; you didn't know how. the question was simple, yet you found yourself looking away again.

ahh, you didn't mean to turn the mood gloomy. you were trying to think of something else to say, and-

"why?"

he held your chin, tilting your head to face him. the way he looked at you- his eyes were filled with earnesty, keeping you still, not letting you look away.

you couldn't escape, you couldn't lie either. he looked so genuinely curious, and you were trapped.

"i don't know. it's an instinct, i guess? i think i look a little worse for wear today, don't i?"

"you look like you always do. the most beautiful person i've laid my eyes on."

some would say that was cheesy, but to you, anything that came out of cyno's mouth was extraordinarily sweet. it was a talent of his, really.

nevertheless, you were skeptical.

"most beautiful in the world? really?"

the room turned deadly quiet. for a moment, you wondered if you'd said the wrong thing. the expression on his face was unreadable, and he was still staring at you intently, as if wording what he wanted to say next.

"i love the way your eyes look in the sun.

they are as brown as the earth after the year's first rain/ as blue as the sky sans clouds/ as green as a leaf that had just tasted dew/ as purple as the finest amethysts of the chasm/ as hazel as freshly picked honey/ as grey as a raging tempest.

i love the way your skin feels against mine.

it is as warm as the hearth on a cold winter day/ as frigid as the desert once the night sets. you are the shade of fine powder from a sandalwood tree/ milk chocolate dripping on summer's day/ a paneer rose in a child's hair/ palkova that is still kindling on the stove/ a raven's feather falling onto the ground.

i love the way your face is shaped, because it perfectly fits into my hands. i can cup it between my palms and kiss the bridge of your nose. you don't like the way your face is shaped? you wish you had/ didn't have a jawline? you wish your nose wasn't so? you wish it wasn't covered in scars/ freckles/ moles/ spots?

i suppose it is impossible to like everything about yourself. but i will not allow you to dislike them because you see them as flaws. you do not look perfect, because perfect does not exist. it is not something you need to attain.

every time i look at your face i melt. it doesn't matter if you are all dressed up, or if you just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. it doesn't matter if you are happy or sad or excited or mad.

as long as you are you, i will find beauty in everything you do."

[bennie-jerry]

Black Cat is NOT better than MJ - An Insomniac Rant

Listen, I'll definitely make a post about how crappy a love interest Insomniac's version of MJ is for Peter Parker (and when made, I'll link it in THIS post). But there ain't no way in dog drool I am EVER going to say that Black Cat is better love interest for him. If anything, a part of me would like to argue she's a bit worse.

"Oh, I only like her/ship them as a joke---" Congratulations, you can leave the post because I'm obviously not talking about you :)

Maybe I'm off my rocker, but what about this DC Catwoman copycat screams wifey-material to you guys? Felicia has manipulated, lied to, and used Peter for her own advantage time after time with seemingly no remorse. And even if she supposedly did for one millisecond, she sure as heck doesn't atone for it. And even when she apologized for tricking him into helping her, it sure sounded un-genuine.

Whether she truly had a son or not (though considering Felicia's history of being a pathological liar, I wouldn't put it past her), she used that narrative to trick Peter into a sense of false security, only to then trap him in a room after she got what she wanted.

And let's say that Felicia having a son WAS true. Guess what? THAT'S EVEN WORSE!

Because NOW instead of it just being a slimy scheme to get him vulnerable, she's lying to him by omission. Regardless of what her so-called intentions could be, she's still manipulating him which is an absolute no-bueno for ANY type of relationship (romantic or not).

You guys seriously need to stop glossing over how flawed these characters are just because you're attracted to them.

Y'all will complain up and down about how Peter's constantly broke but then want him to hook up with a chick that'd just steal his money without a blink? Make it make sense.

Once again, MJ is DEFINITELY not a good girlfriend for him either, but are we really going to pick a literal criminal as a love interest JUST because she's pretty?

“Oh, but Felicia has a similar lifestyle to Spider-Man!” Uh…no the freak she does NOT.

Spider-Man fights crime. Felicia COMMITS crimes.

Do they have chemistry? Yes, way more than an actual chemistry lab. But Felicia would absolutely NOT be a good long-term partner for Peter—he deserves way better than her.

At this point, if Peter having a love interest MUST (utterly MUST) be a prerequisite, I'd genuinely prefer he at least (at the freaking LEAST) get with Sable or Watanabe (before she became Wraith, that is—don’t even get me started on that mess) because at least those two try to have SOME (not good but some) sense of decent morality.

“Oh but look at her, she's bad–” You don't need to project the fact you're a masochist on everyone else.

If you're the kinda person who likes being manipulated and taken advantage of by people you find hot, that's your problem you need to get fixed in therapy.

But here's what annoys me the most about this whole thing: I know for a FACT that if MJ was the more attractive one and that FELICIA was mid-looking, you guys would then be SCREAMING for her to be with Peter instead of Felicia.

Really think about it. Without Felicia's looks, what kind of person is she? Is she really someone worth being with? Don't worry, I have the answer: NO-

Felicia is in NO way a better love interest for Peter and I'm tired of people acting like she is just because she looks like an Instagram cosplayer.

“Felicia's always been this way in the comics and stuff—”

As if that makes it any better. If anything, all that's doing is giving me MORE proof as to why she's not a good person for him WHATSOEVER.

If the genders were reversed, you'd all be grossed out by Felicia, let's not even lie. If Felicia was a guy doing all of this to a female version of Peter, you'd all be calling him a creep and trying to cancel him on Twitter -_-

[thessalian]

Thess vs Lack of Accessibility

Is it petty to just be, like, really really sad right now?

I came to Tumblr because of the Dragon Age fandom. I hadn't been in a fandom in so long, not after the first one, which ... look, getting into a fandom while having a nervous breakdown is a bad thing, okay? Especially when that fandom has named you a BNF for some reason and the responses end up going from "nagging daily to finish a fic" to "long essays shitting on everything you ever wrote" and you're a people-pleaser by nature. Just ... that on top of everything else is ... not recommended. You have no idea how phobic I was of the very idea of fandom. I literally flinch when the media in question comes up (though I have some very good friends because of that fandom and I would not be without them; just ... I will avoid that particular piece of media the same way I do anything overly zealously Christian and conversations about politics with my mother, and for the same reason - my sanity).

Anyway, point is that the Dragon Age fandom gave me back my love of and, more importantly, trust in fandoms. Sure, there's some toxic bullshit, but it isn't like that. Y'all have been so wonderful, and between how awesome the fandom is and how DA: O itself really helped me cope during a particularly dark time, for all I flag up its flaws, I'm always going to have a soft spot in my heart for this franchise.

So of course it makes me happy that everyone's finding something to love about Veilguard and spreading it all over Tumblr. Picking their blorbos and squeeing about Assan and all of that, and it's everywhere. And on one level, I'd love to join in. I'd like to start thinking about what my Rook would be like - which of my internal presets would I send after Solas first? What faction would a Molly be a part of? A Jessie? A Jallira?

...Just ... why, when I probably won't even be able to play it?

One of the reviews had the reviewer literally screw up a livestream by getting knocked over a cliff because her reflexes weren't up to it, and highlighted just how much you need those reflexes and that dodge to actually get through the game. And she couldn't manage. And she's not, as far as I'm aware, fucking disabled. I, on the other hand, am. And it doesn't sound like easy mode and accessibility options are going to get me out of "you have to constantly dodge-roll or experience Death By Cliff".

For most things, I can budget my spoons appropriately. If I want to go to a convention - a big one like MCM or a small one like Dragonmeet - I can plan my life accordingly. But that's a one-off. So is "I'm going to bake things", or "I'm going to make soup", or "I'm going to Borough Market". I can have rest breaks after these things. I can plan them for good days. Most of the time, I can cope with this. I hate it, but I can cope.

But ... I mean, how do you do that kind of thing for a video game that runs so many hours? Too many breaks and you lose the momentum - far too many abandoned playthroughs of BG3 have taught me that. Waiting for good days could have me waiting a week or more before I'm up to even touching it again. If it's not a bad pain day, it could still be a day where I'm having spasms, and believe me, I don't touch anything that requires precision when I'm having spasms ... but sometimes I don't know until I'm trying to do a thing, so I could end up dodge-rolling myself off a cliff if I go to the spasm place.

Thankfully, I'm not the sort of person who turns around and resents the people who are looking so forward to it when I can only sit here and dither over what I'm going to do about this whole mess. I'm glad people are enjoying the anticipation. Just seeing it makes me sad, and I don't want to block the tags because a) I still have some tiny shred of hope and b) that's too many tags.

I resent the fuck out of EA and Bioware, though. I get that they couldn't necessarily go back to DA:O's real-time-with-pause tactical structuring, but moving us to something that's ... probably closer to Kingdoms of Amalur than anything Souls-like but there's still an element of that latter ... anyway, it's a giant fuck-you to the disabled. I've had one of those before. I got chosen for the closed beta of Secret World: Legends when Funcom was making its changes to The Secret World. I was not alone in flagging up that everything from the reticle targeting to the particle effects to the random-roulette light-up stuff all over the UI was a massive trigger for vertigo and migraines. And we all got the same response: "This is what we're doing and we're not changing it; sucks to be you". And it really wasn't that much more polite than my paraphrase, either. (Which is another problem with Veilguard for me, because even that first gameplay trailer full of prologue gave me a migraine that lasted for like two days; part of it was the particle effects, part of it was the glowy redesigns of all the demons, but mostly it was the dodge-rolling making the camera bounce around like a fucking squash ball.)

I resent EA and Bioware for jumping so entirely on the ARPG train that even the best their accessibility options can do don't help. I also resent them for not giving us a fucking demo. I know that AAA games don't do that anymore, for some reason, but how the fuck am I supposed to know whether or not I can play it if I don't have a demo? Steam gives a two-hour return window, and adding the time taken in character creation plus the prologue, that doesn't give that much time to really get a feel for whether or not it's playable, especially not when it depends on the kind of day I'm having.

There are a lot of reasons I hate being disabled. I think most of them boil down to "the people who make accessibility a fucking nightmare". That thing about Borough Market, for example, where I'd have to take a fairly roundabout route to even get there because the most direct route is via a train station that has raised platforms and no elevators, and those stairs were a nightmare even before the cane. And of course, video games. Far too many video games. Including, it seems, the franchise that really got me back into video games in the first place, and one of the first things that really gave me joy after fleeing the abusive ex.

Fuck my life entirely.

[voidedaurora]

May I ask why you and Quartz don’t talk anymore? You two seemed to be close and last month they posted you on the radiomagicshow account??

This is no disrespect, but if Quartz hurt you, we would support you!

I honestly really want to talk about it because what happened/how It happened wasn't ok at all, I was honestly treated really unfairly and terribly by her + 2 other (now ex) friends but to be 100% honest I don't think I can currently speak on it, at least not here. I also don't wanna start a bunch of drama but idk some of the stuff is just :( I have proof for 80% of the things I'd need proof for so I'm covered on that end, there's some really fucking weird/questionable stuff going on behind the scenes that I never got any clarity on so I'm weary to throw things out there only having my point of view- (though she wouldn't let me talk to her or clear things up so I guess If I do speak on them its her fault for not talking to me about it I guess?) ASWELL to talk about her I also have to directly bring down the other two Ex friends which I have no issue doing bc they are foul people but its just alot There's ALOT I've kept to myself for a long time because she was my closest friend and I didn't want anyone attacking her anymore but now im left with her gone and absolutely no reason to keep that loyalty She's surrounded by people who constantly glaze her and refuse to recognize toxic behaviors or even accept she's flawed so im a bit scared to fully speak out I really do not want to be witch-hunted by the really dedicated ones, nor do I want her to have a "Ha!" moment and frame me speaking out as some "freak out". On that last note though, Its absolutely crazy to me that I got booted/treated badly because I treated her like a normal person and tried to communicate with her but yes I am the villain TLDR: I wanna talk about it but I think her fans + friends will gut me no matter what or how I say it! If any of y'all think its important for me to talk about it based off of the vague description I'll try my best to because I do need some sort of closure but AUUGHH sorry this post is scattered, I originally actually wrote out what happened but I didn't think it was written correctly (I'm better at verbally talking about "drama" than I am writing about it) Also a little edit + Side note for the record If she ever wants to talk this out and communicate like normal people do then I've made it 1000% clear to her already that I'm more than willing to talk to her about everything in private because this whole thing is something that genuinely could be worked out with a conversation or two (respectfully I know she will in fact NOT talk to me herself, if anything i'd probably have to "pass notes" through a mutual or something bruh)

[beevean]

Rank your top 5 Belmonts And if you have the energy/desire to do more: Rank your top 5 Castlevania games Rank your top 5 Castlevania tracks

5) Richter. I don't think much of the guy, but undeniably he is a very important figure, the symbol of the cracking of the Belmont legacy. At first, he's a hotblooded shonen young warrior, full of energy and life and will to fight... and then we learn that the will to fight is actually an issue, because after he defeated Dracula at age 19, he found no other reason to live.

4) Simon. Got higher up to the list in recent times <3 he's the Belmont, without any drama or obvious flaw. But I've come to like that about him, and admire his feats in Simon's Quest that show that he's not just a formidable badass, but a very noble man too, willing to even bury his foe out of respect.

3) Leon. He deserved none of that :( Leon is another Belmont mainly defined by his noble nature, perhaps to a fault (my good man why are you storming a vampire castle without a sword). His shining moment is, of course, him rejecting Mathias' absurd proposal: he may be full of anger against his former friend, to the point of swearing vengeance and dooming his descendants to a lifetime of fighting, but he also refuses to fall into the pit Mathias won't escape from, and has the perfect rebuttal for his inane logic and indirectly Dracula as a whole: "But defeating him... No, preventing others from suffering the same cursed fate... That was Sara's dying wish... Granting my beloved's wish. That is all I can do to prove my love to Sara. Eternity without her would be nothing but emptiness."

2) Juste. The golden child in deep denial :D It's a bit unfair that he gets reduced to "Alucard Belmont" and at most praised for his OP powers, but hey, he's not the only one. He has an interesting personality if you read between the lines, from his brashness that contrasts with his angelic looks, to how fervently he forces Maxim to keep Lydie in the dark. Also he's the king of interior decor :P

1) Trevor. He's the Sonic of Castlevania. He invented the Superpower of Teamwork™. He's kind and helpful to those he considers his friends and a terrifying menace if he thinks you're in his way (he won't ask first). He has the Legs of all time. His theme slaps an inordinate amount of ass. He's shaped like a friend and I love him <3

(a close runnerup would be Christopher, because I really like the concept of an older Belmont, who thought that could retire, nyooming to rescue his son from Dracula's influence <3 a prelude of things to come <3)

~

I was sure I had already ranked them, but perhaps I need to remake the list anyway...

5) Adventure ReBirth. Admittedly it's been a while since I replayed it, but I have fond memories of it as far as Classics go. It's simple, it's well designed, it's fun, it has kickass remixes (Aquarius <3) I wish it wasn't so obscure because I think it's the best entry point for those interested in the genre.

4) Portrait of Ruin. Y'all sleep on this title unfairly. Jonathan and Charlotte are very fun to play as, the gimmick of the paintings allows for new locations rarely explored in the series, it has an interesting mission system that makes the game more fun to master, and an OST that seriously deserves more love.

3) Curse of Darkness. Yes, it's noticeably flawed, from the mindnumbing level design to the obtusity of Forging. It's not a game I can pick up whenever I want, the only reason I can't put it in first place. But aside from that, it honestly feels like it was designed just for me and my tastes lmao. The fighting/crafting/raising loop is incredibly addictive and reminds me of the Sonic Adventure games <3 and ofc, as you could tell, I'm in love with the characters and story :P

2) Symphony of the Night. The one, the myth, the legend. Describing it feels like a waste of time. It's a timeless classic for a reason. It may not be perfect, but much like Super Metroid, I think the atmosphere is so well crafted that it pulls you in regardless of any issues you might have. It's an experience to be had.

1) Harmony of Dissonance. Oh yeah. This game is stupid fun to me. I just pick it up and play it to wind down. The ability to dash in both directions makes it a 10/10, then you add the spells that are fun to experiment with, the breakability, the COLORS FEEL SO RIGHT, the eerie music (yes it's good! it's good!!! fight me!!!!), Maxim Mode...

~

I was also sure I had this list... how could I pick only 5 tracks from this giant, beautiful repertoire...? D:

5) Chapel of Dissonance. Unlike many of the tracks in this soundtrack, this one is perfectly hummable and sweet. It fits the beautiful sky like a glove, and it may subtly reference Divine Bloodlines which is a stroke of genius :)

4) Lost Painting. SoTN abunds in jaw-dropping tracks, but this one feels uniquely magical, and it plays just in the right areas of the castle (a chapel, a library, and icy caves). It sounds like a sad lullaby sung to Alucard, and I hear reluctance to venture further and fight.

3) Garibaldi Courtyard. I have no clue why this mundane area in the game has music that brings me to tears. Similar in atmosphere to Lost Painting and Fog-Enshrouded Nightscape, but with CoD's more modern sound. I don't know how to put into words the profound sadness I hear here.

2) Dracula Battle (SCIV). I cannot gush enough about the genius of this track as the final boss theme. It never gets faster, or drop a harder beat: you only get these long strings and this complex arpeggio for an unsettling atmosphere. I said back then: "It sounds like you're quietly resigning yourself to your fate. You will die. But that's alright. He will die too."

1) Leon's Theme. This could pass for a classical piece. It's perfect in every way. You can almost touch Leon's sorrow and anger - you can hear the fingers pressing on the piano! It gets you pumped to reach the end of the game, and you get to grieve with Leon for the terrible night he's going through. Special shoutout for the part at 1:34 for sounding like the aforementioned Dracula theme.

[born2b-beheaded]

Long, ranty vent // TW: Child abuse, childhood trauma, shitty father, very child abuse, trauma dumping

Sorry if I make jokes or sound unserious during this! I use humor to cope. I don't really find the situation funny.

OKAY UHM. Okay so I just watched a playthrough of the game Bad Parenting and. Uhh. I need to talk about it.

I've yapped a little before about how my father abused me. Physically, mentally, emotionally, religiously. So um. The game Bad Parenting really resonated with me. And I want to yap about it a little bit.

Bad Parenting was very much similar to my childhood. My mother worked late (she had 3 jobs) to support our family, so I was often left at home with Jordan, my biological father. He was very abusive.

He'd get angry at every little thing, and I was often hit and screamed at for hours. That in itself is scarring. But just like Ron in Bad Parenting, I blocked out all of those memories and made up stories to distract myself.

Just like Ron, I believed Jordan was a good person. I wanted to see him. I blocked out all the bad memories.

Not only did I make up stories, but Jordan made up stories as well. Harmful, harmful stories.

This is where the religious trauma comes into play. He told me that I was chosen by god to be the savior of the world. He made me read the book of Revelations, and told me that that would happen in my lifetime and I would have to be the one to save the world. And if I told anyone, god would know and be very angry with me.

That was terrifying. I woke up every day in fear of the end of the world. I was trying to make plans on how I would save my family and friends. I felt weak and helpless- how was I supposed to save the world? I was only, what, 8? 9? Those fears eventually lessened, but didn't fully go away until I was 13 and managed to escape him.

He also told me he was a "seer." That he could see me and my thoughts at all times. That caused so much paranoia. I felt so scared all the time. I had to make sure that my thoughts were always perfect. Never any negative thoughts about him, or lies, or swear words, or questioning god, or anything. Because I feared that if he saw those thoughts, I'd be hurt.

My mother was always and has always been very caring. She worked a lot (3 JOBS!!!) but she was not neglectful. I want to make it a point that she is the best mom I could ever ask for. Felt like I needed to specify that, since the mother in Bad Parenting was neglectful and I'm drawing comparisons from that game to my childhood.

Obviously she has her flaws, we all do, but she has always made sure to check on me and take care of me and protect me. She has taken so many blows for me, and saved my life multiple times. I could never thank her enough.

Obviously there's so much I could talk about, but this vent is long enough as is. Maybe one of these days I'll yap more about it or show you guys my notes for court. I dunno. But thank you to anyone that actually read this.

If anyone's curious, Jordan now has a (practically a) cult on tiktok and does tarot card readings and continues his mystiacal manipulation, mainly preying on young (early 20's) girls. Should I name drop da (practically) cult? 🤔

Okay anyway uhhh sorry for the random lore drop out of the blue 👍👍 now y'all get to know (a little of) my tragic backstory

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

hi guys.

personal stuff under the cut

I'm going to try to start coming on here more often, because it really is good to see my friends here, even though it can take a lot of energy to interact with things. I took tumblr away from myself in part because I just needed a break, but also in part because I felt like it was distracting me from things that were more important, like maybe I was enjoying it too much and making it an idol because I was on tumblr more than I was reading my Bible or praying to God. but the truth is, I'm not sure if that was just me making an impulse decision that wasn't actually true, or the Devil trying to strip away all the things I have in my life right now that keep me going forward each day. I've been absolutely wracked with fear for months now, and I'm sick of it. I just need to get out of my head, and I can't do that sitting around the house all day with nothing to do and no one to talk to because every time I start to enjoy something, I fear it's an idol.

in personal stuff--I'm supposed to start college in about a month and a half, and I'm a little bit terrified. part of me wants to call the whole thing off, because I just don't know. I don't know that this is the best choice for me. I don't know that this is exactly what God wants me to do. I don't even know that God is with me in it. I'm going to be thinking over my options and praying really hard for the next few weeks, and I'm also going to try to stay busy and do things that cheer me up (even as I'm trying to train myself not to be led entirely by my emotions at the same time).

there's just so much fear. and I'm sick to death of it. I just want to be free of this feeling of constant impending doom. I just want to know that God really does love me and really won't leave me, even as it feels like constantly I'm one wrong step away from all his wrath being poured out on my head. I'm so tired and worn out and I just want to be held in his grace for a little while, without fear.

(also I really want to go back out to where Lu is, because everything seems like it makes a lot more sense on her end of the world lol)

if y'all want to pray for me, I would really appreciate that. I'm trying to keep talking to people, trying to bring other people into this struggle, and my dad found me a councilor who I've had one appointment with so far and who I'm going to see again next weekend. I'm praying that will help. and I've been watching Buck Denver shorts with my mom and littlest sister each night, and those are helpful too because they remind me of what the Bible really says, not the fear-based things that get stuck in my head so easily.

thanks for being kind to me. I really shouldn't doubt that God has his hand on this website, for all its flaws, because there are people here who truly do love him and point me back to him when I'm at my lowest. <3

[actual-changeling]

I do hope you don't take this message the wrong way. Normally I enjoy reading your takes, but this one is not at all supported by the show itself. I'd say the canon actually shows the opposite!

Aziraphale's interactions with Maggie show he does not in any way care more about money than people. If he were an unscrupulous landlord who only cared about money he didn't need, he wouldn't have waived the several months of missed payments. He's clearly more concerned about her well-being than the money she owes him. She's the only tenant we see struggling to pay and he's quick to suggest an alternative she can easily accommodate. Maggie even protests that he can't just take a few records in lieu of several hundred pounds of rent, yet he does just that and the matter is settled. That is not a sign of someone who only cares about money! There is no evidence in the show to indicate he wouldn't do the same for any of his other tenants if they had difficulties paying, which none of them show they do.

But if they owned their properties themselves and had to make whatever payments are required to own such real estate in London to the government instead? I can't imagine how that'd be better than having a landlord who's demonstrated he's more than happy to accommodate someone who can't pay! Aziraphale owns all those properties, so Aziraphale would be the one to make those payments, leaving the shopkeepers to focus only on their business-related payments. I'd say that's much better than worrying about all of it, especially if anyone were struggling as Maggie was! There's no way the government would be as forgiving to her if she'd missed months of payments to them!

Having a good landlord willing to help you out means a whole lot more than owning a property, which can be impossible if you're struggling with your business. Good landlords are rare (and not a contradiction in terms) but they do exist and Aziraphale is shown to be one. Happily accommodating someone who is clearly very upset over the money she owes is the sign of a kind and compassionate person, not someone who cares for money over people.

Aziraphale's interactions with Maggie show he does not in any way care more about money than people.

No, it shows that he cares more about himself than anyone else. Aziraphale wants his records in this scene, and Maggie's distress is an annoying hindrance, so he just waves away her concerns, takes his record, and leaves. It was never about Maggie or money or helping her. There is no sympathy extended, no comfort offered, no actual understanding of WHY she is so upset.

Aziraphale hears rent and goes "oh my fault for not collecting—no money? ok don't care didn't ask now give me my fucking records and I will leave."

It is supposed to show that his idea of "forgiveness" is deeply flawed and not about showing compassion or sympathizing with someone but a purely selfish act. It's foreshadowing the final fifteen, nothing else.

Aziraphale could as be a "landlord" and not ask for any money, which would be—according to you—the best way of doing it, but he IS asking for money and he DOES collect rent unless he forgets about it. Sure, it's better than someone who wants rent every single month on the dot, but he still wants rent, no ifs and buts about it.

The whole POINT of the show is that Aziraphale is not kind or compassionate unless he feels like it or it is self-serving. The whole POINT is that he's a selfish angel, and the fact that so many people are forgetting about how he actually behaves (especially in season 1) is concerning and disappointing (though not surprising).

The point is that Crowley is kinder than he should be and Aziraphale is less kind and more selfish than he should be. Neither of them is what they're supposed to be, did everyone somehow forget what this story is about????? Like damn, y'all, maybe a season 1 rewatch is a good idea if that's the case.

[realfernmayo]

10 Characters • 10 Fandoms • 10 Tags

Thank you so much for the tag @bellaxgiornata !!!!

These are in no particular order and I am about to absolutely GUSH about my little meow meows (some of them committed crimes so the fuck what) so, putting this under a cut.

1: Elektra Natchios

Alright, so I know most of the Daredevil fandom doesn't see eye to eye with me on this one, but HEAR ME OUT. Until I started reading the comics, I too thought she was just Matt's mean ex girlfriend that came to town to wreck shop, but she is so much more than that. She's an orphan. She's not seen as a human being, but a weapon. All she knows is to kill or be killed. She's a survivor, and she's incredibly self aware. One of my favorite arcs is when she becomes Daredevil in the Zdarsky run and she takes another orphan under her wing as a sort of apprentice, but the girl ends up running away, and Elektra thinks "maybe it's better this way because I'm poison". I didn't think I could cry at comic books, but Elektra just makes me feel all the feelings. Also, Elodie Yung is MY Elektra. I don't even recognize Jennifer Garner as Elektra.

2: Matt Murdock

My DARLING disaster Catholic lawyer vigilante. Oh, he's got a savior complex deeper than the Mariana Trench, but I just wanna cuddle him and stitch up his wounds and tell him it's gonna be okay.

3: Shiv Roy

SHIV DID NOTHING WRONG. She was never going to be given a seat at the table so she had to take it by force. She's just trying to play the game in the world her daddy created. Yeah she's a tough boss bitch on the outside, but she is deeply flawed and she feels just as deeply. I SOBBED at the scene when she reverted back to being a scared little girl when talking on the phone to her dying father. Give Sarah Snook all the Emmys.

4: Gwen Stacy

My blog handle isn't "theradioactivespidergwen" for nothing. Honestly, the Earth-65 Spider Gwen comics are my favorite. I love Gwen so much. She's a drummer, she's a superhero, she's a daddy's girl, she's deeply misunderstood, she's EVERYTHING. I could honestly talk about my dear "Gwenzelle" all day, but I shall refrain.

5: Kate Bishop

Y'all should have heard the SCREAM I scrumpt when I heard that they were bringing my girl Kate into the Hawkeye series! The Avengers' best annoying little sister. I hope to see more of her and I hope that she takes up the Hawkeye mantle from Clint in the MCU.

6: Amy Santiago

Yeah, ACAB and all that, but I have never been so seen in my life in a character. Just, the awkward nerdiness, the need to prove herself to the boys, and the absolute mega type A personality. I like to think I'm Rosa Diaz, but I'm actually Amy Santiago.

7: April Ludgate

"I only like dogs and sleeping late."

Same girl, SAME.

8: Tina Belcher

How can you not love Tina?! I will not hear any Tina slander, NONE.

9: Frank Castle

Another disaster vigilante. He's driven by revenge, but he's still got a soft side. He's a protector at heart, and he loves animals.

10: Lestat de Lioncourt

So, I fell in love with the 1994 movie adaptation, and I attempted to read the books at one point, but life happened. I recently finished the IWTV series on AMC, and Sam Reid's take is just SUPERB. I love that this version delved into the hurt he's endured over his long lifetime, and that there is a reason for his madness. There usually is, but this is nice to see.

No pressure tags and apologies if you have been tagged already: @acrossthesestars @withahappyrefrain @moongirldreamer @spiderispunk @virginiaisforvampires @chvoswxtch @castlesnchurches @peterman-spideyparker @magpie-to-the-morning

[avelera]

My dreamling fic writer flaw is that I'm always gonna have Hob be going by his original name of Robert Gadling in the current lifetime I'm writing, no matter how unrealistic it would be.

(My ADHD-brain felt the need to over-explain this beneath the cut, but the point above stands!)

It does not matter to me if he used it in the previous lifetime or in the previous story I wrote.

Realistically, actually, enough people have the same name and Robert Gadling is common enough that I honestly believe he could just move to another town and get away with it, people really don't notice similar names or assume this person who looks like a younger version of the person they knew is the same person. That's a logical fallacy made up in our monkey brains from the fact we're at the center of our own lives, everyone knows us in them, and our monkey brains can really only conceive of 400 people in our immediate community and everyone beyond that is mostly "other", hence why people have statistically bonkers beliefs about their likelihood of winning the lottery and stuff y'all, 1/1,000,000 is so inconceivably vast but our brains can really only handle the idea of 1/400 other people being out there ANYWAY.

... But regardless, I just do not have the creativity or rather the creative interest in coming up with another "Robert Gadling"-sounding name likely Bob Gadler or whatever, except in passing as something he once used in the past and EVEN THEN I feel dumb trying to come up with new variations .

More to the point, from a Doylist perspective, all the audience has on the page is the character's name and pronouns to visualize them. When I say "Hob opened the door" you have a mental image. When I say "Robbie Gadler opened the door" you will probably have a different mental image. Given that writing characters as in-character as possible and having my prose be visual for the readers is a major priority for me, the last thing I need is for a different mental image to pop into the reader's head because I gave a named character a different name, even if he would realistically have a different name at that point.

It's also one reason I didn't switch Dream's pronouns or give him a wildly different name in "Come live with me". The minute I write "Dream looked around and then she opened the door" I have an allergic reaction. It doesn't feel like Dream anymore, even to write him that way. Heck, I have trouble visualizing the character and staying in his head and aligning his actions with stuff he would do when I switch even something as small as pronouns. It's why Dream is referred to as Morfea only sparingly when the characters speak aloud, or to remind readers what Dream currently looks like, which is the "Morfea" identity who uses "she/her" pronouns because that character does and should feel slightly off center from what the true "Dream" feels like because it's not his identity, it's not how he would choose to present himself if he could avoid it, and it disturbs Hob too because he struggles with recognizing Morfea as Dream when look at "her" as much as I feel like I and if I do it right the reader should fee like Morfea isn't "quite" Dream, the word isn't quite Dream's name when reading it and visualizing it from the page.

ANYWAY, writerly ramblings aside, yeah. "This Rough Magic" "Come live with me" and "Giving Sanctuary" all give reasons why Hob is currently going with the name Robert Gadling in his present life (GS doesn't really bother because as a vagrant, no one was really asking Hob anyway, but...) and if I set a longer fic in 2022 you'd miraculously discover that Hob has cycled back to using Robert Gadling again just in time for the story to take place because I just point blank simply refuse to fuck around with that shit lol