steviewashere

[steviewashere]

Sorry, I know that we should all be positive about disabilities and having pride in ourselves and whatever. But I need to just rant. Please just listen to me.

I hate having invisible disabilities. I hate it so much. I have suffered so much pain and discomfort throughout my entire life, and yet so few people have noticed because I was written off as the "healthy child" of the family.

I hate being in pain literally every single day of my life. I hate waking up in pain—my back aching or my legs inflamed and swollen even though I haven't exerted them. I hate how stiff and uncomfortable my hips are, how I can't bend over to load the dishwasher without causing immense pain in my hips and lower back. I hate the pressure in my legs, the tenderness in my muscles, I hate the pins and needles, the numbness in my feet and the pain that shoots down my legs, yet travels back up into my spine from my flat, uncoordinated feet. I hate when I limp and then when I'm told I'm just being dramatic; I hate the awkwardness that follows the contemplation regarding using my medical aids. I hate the fondness I have over memories of gym class where I ran and ran, the hills I've rolled down covered in grass and pollen and fallen flower petals, the balance bar and the backflips from when I was little, how I ran those bases the one season I could play softball, how I could tap dance forever and ever in my high school plays, but the anger when I couldn't do the marching band any longer—the furious, boiling, bleeding enrage that followed the lack of sympathy from my band directors. I hate how it hurts and hurts and hurts.

I hate the way I'm labeled as stupid because of the brain fog from migraines. The lapse in memories, the blankness around words, the spaces in paragraphs. I hate the way I wear discomfort: eyelid drooping, eyebags heavy, pale skin, sour mouth. I hate the spots in my vision that scare me half to death. I hate the dizziness, the vague way I'm standing on a stranded boat in the middle of the ocean, the way I seek the waves to ease. I hate the cold ice pack on my head, the sharp temperature shocking against my skin. I hate the roiling and the swallowing and the panting. I hate the sleepiness—once, I slept for sixteen hours straight, my family thought I died; nobody came to check on me. I hate the way these migraines aren't taken seriously, even when sometimes the pain makes me come across as a stroke patient.

I hate the tenderness and bloating of my abdomen, the cramping, the pressure, the inconsistency. I hate the nausea that flips my stomach and the bile that burns my chest and how I've grown reliant on temporary remedies: the Tums and the anti-nausea motion sickness pills, the literal morning sickness pregnancy candies, the mint chewing gum, the boiling hot showers and biting cold air when I need to find the air to breathe during panic attacks. I hate the way my whole body responds to the anxiety regarding symptoms I've had my entire damn life.

I hate the tiredness. The heaviness. The inability to go to sleep, to comfortably stay asleep, to get through my day-to-day life riding the edge of barely enough sleep and never enough to satiate. I hate constantly being tired. I hate being fully rested and then never actually being rested. I hate how I make it half way through my day and then need a nap. I hate how long I have to take a nap for.

I hate the way I've had to adapt my life around health conditions people try to tell me I shouldn't make my whole existence—but how am I supposed to exist without acknowledging and accommodating every fucking condition that ruins my life? I hate the Ensure drinks that replace my meals when I have only enough appetite to fill my left pinkie finger. I hate the Cheerios I need to eat instead of the pasta my family has; because my body isn't digesting what it needs to and my family didn't prepare for me. I hate the way people roll their eyes at me when I say I'm not feeling good, because I didn't feel good yesterday either. I hate how predictable these flare ups get, and I also hate how my friends and family can't predict them with me.

I hate the way life continues to move around and beyond me. My friends with their jobs, buying their houses, getting married, having children. I hate how, sometimes, I don't even have the energy to turn on a pointless YouTube video or even have the energy to flip over in my bed. I hate how many hours in the day I spend supine on my mattress, tucked uncomfortably beneath the same dingy blanket I've had for too many years. I hate how I have to explain over and over again why I can't work certain jobs, why jobs do not want to hire me, why it's hard to leave the house. I hate the social moments I miss out on: the parties, the clubs, the lunches. I hate how my immune system has weakened from spending so many days indoors, how easy it is for me to get sick, how hard it is to rest and fight all this off.

I hate the lack of control I have.

I hate the lack of support system I have.

I hate the way my whole life has now become fluctuation and disorder.

I hate the way I fit the description of the word disorder.

I hate being disabled most days. And it shouldn't be taboo for me to admit that. And it shouldn't be taboo to admit that despite being disabled my whole life. I want to live that normal, casual, nonchalant life. I want all the friends in the world with all the free time and fun in the world and I want the job with the money and the home with my stuff and the romance that I'm missing. I want a life that feels like living, not surviving.

I hate being so young and so misunderstood and so angry. I hate how I should be transforming my anger into activism, but right now I'm too exhausted to make that shift.

Again, I hate being disabled. I'm proud that I'm alive and that I'm getting by and that I'm beating a system that has set me up for failure. But I hate that there's a system to fail me. I hate that there are communities willing to fail me because I don't fit their bill. I hate the lack of accommodation and care. I hate being a second thought.

Let me have a regular day, predictable and easy and relaxing; let me have a regular day where I do all the errands I want to do and go to the farmer's market just because and the bar to catch up with my friends and the theater to see the same movie again and again and again and let me fall in love and stay in love and not be too much and let me be the 4k quality human I want to be, not the blurry picture you consider deleting from the camera roll. Let me live.

[steviewashere]

I wish I could just remove all my digestive organs for a little while and just relax. Or like squeeze out all the pain or something. I don't know. I'm tired.

NEW INSPIRATION FOR MY STEVE HAS IBS FIC!

ENTER THE PART WHERE HE WANTS TO STICK HIS HANDS INTO HIS OWN ABDOMEN AND RIP OUT HIS INTESTINES FROM HOW MUCH THEY FUCKING HURT!

ASK ME HOW I KNOW! ASK ME!!!

[steviewashere]

NEW INSPIRATION FOR MY STEVE HAS IBS FIC!

ENTER THE PART WHERE HE WANTS TO STICK HIS HANDS INTO HIS OWN ABDOMEN AND RIP OUT HIS INTESTINES FROM HOW MUCH THEY FUCKING HURT!

ASK ME HOW I KNOW! ASK ME!!!

[steviewashere]

Hear me the FUCK OUT

the fucking FRIENDSHIP between Johnny and Ben is my new favorite thing in this movie I AM PUNCHING THE GROUND crying

except the obvious banter and mild annoyance (affectionate) they were literally hanging out in the kitchen, hanging in johnny's room. ben was the first one who noticed that johnny bolted to confront shalla-bal and yes, while he roasted him (he barely knows english) he was also the first one to be like JOHNNY THAT WAS AMAZING. Literally PLAY FIGHTING in the spacecraft and ganging up to annoy reed. Johnny bringing Ben back to earth when galactus threw him. ben messing w him about the silver surfer situationship SO much. johnny being like hey the beard is cool and ben being like oh dont worry ur handsome! when mole man roasts johnny.

i am unwell and this is SO important to me OKAY 😭😭

[steviewashere]

wanna write a fic where eddie treats steve to, like, five acts of kindness and then steve thanks him with a "token of his gratitude" (a kiss)

[steviewashere]

the weed dispensaries should ask if you would like to round up your purchase to donate to PBS. and if you say yes you get to scan a QR code that gives you 30-day free access to the full run of antiques roadshow. this is how drugs can win the war on drugs again.

[steviewashere]

hey guys just here to say that the new online safety act in the uk has blocked the suicide hotline

this is extremely problematic for very obvious reasons and i have no idea what the fuck this country is fucking coming to

childline has also been restricted

if you're a uk citizen and still haven't signed the petition please do so

even if you're not a uk citizen please reblog to spread the word !!!!!

this isn't safety, it's censorship

[steviewashere]

About the YouTube AI age verification thing in the US:

Here is a link for another post detailing a boycott plan on the 13th of August. And if you think that it's not gonna be that bad...

IT WILL AFFECT YOU, TOO.

If you watch:

Gameplays and gaming-related videos, for example Minecraft, Undertale/Deltarune, The Sims 4, GTA/Minecraft roleplaying videos, mod videos (even if the mod is 18+), Genshin Impact and other gachas, horror games no matter the rating

Unboxing of Pokémon/Magic The Gathering/any other type of playing cards

Table Top Games, including watching TTRPG campaigns

Slime tutorials, probably (yeah, both kinds)

Essays/Commentary/Theories about IP for children, like cartoons/anime - Gravity Falls, Winx Club, Monster High, Pokémon, Digimon, Yu-Gi-Oh, My Little Pony, Miraculous Ladybug, Spongebob Squarepants, and the like

Anything about Doll Customizing, including ball-jointed dolls, Blythe dolls, OOAK projects, and anything similar

Cosplay videos, probably

Videos about collectibles like Labubu, Funko Pop, plushies, and similar

Videos and YT podcasts about Anime, like Trash Taste and Mother's Basement

VTubing, most likely, given the nature of animated avatars

And maybe, Draw With Me/Art tutorials of all kinds

There is a chance that the AI will target your account, EVEN IF YOU ARE NOT FROM THE USA, and flag it as an underage account because of your watching habits. Therefore, requiring you to provide your identification or photo to YouTube in order to continue using their services normally and not have your account deleted.

And here is the kicker: IF YOU DON'T and continue to use the service disregarding your account's newly found underage classification, THEY WILL CONTROL WHAT YOU CAN WATCH EVEN MORE. They are banking on you being too tired to fight this, and just accepting it as the new normal.

This is a blatant ploy to monitor the people and gather massive amounts of data to sell to governments, plural. If it works without too much of a hiccup in the US (and in the UK as well, since over there it's affecting every online service), other countries will follow suit.

If you are in the US, you have to fight this.

They've already come for Steam and Itch as a way of controlling self-expression and speech. This is yet another tool of censorship. And it WILL affect all of us, globally, eventually, because the internet serves a lot more people than the US and the UK, and the rules are applied mostly equally.

Share the boycott plan. Tell your friends and family about it. It will affect them, too.

[steviewashere]

[steviewashere]

Ice cold takes from a Transgender Woman:

Men are not inherently Evil

Everyone has the capacity for evil

Transgender Men are men

Transgender Women are women

Excluding Cisgender Men from your spaces requires Transgender Men to out themselves if they want to engage (Same for Women)

Anyone can be Non-Binary, there is no "look" or requirement

Non-binary masculine presenting people should be welcome in queer spaces, many are just treated as men and predators

Non-binary feminine presenting people should be welcome in queer spaces without being seen as "Woman-Lite"

Edited the wording on the first point because too many terfs keep thinking I'm their friend.

[steviewashere]

I won't reblog that one post I saw where that person was being blatantly biphobic by assuming that just because a bisexual person (yes, even a fictional character like Steve Harrington—in which it's a headcanon) has "more options" when it comes to dating, therefore he'd cheat on Eddie...

But like. Come on? What the actual fuck is wrong with you?

You can have the Steddie cheating subplot without being biphobic, you know that, right? Also to put the character who's been cheated on as the cheater just because of his sexuality is crazy, dawg. That's straight up horse shit.

So much fucking biphobia in the Steddie tag it's insane. Like I get it if the biphobia is an actual plot in the fic, in which wrongs are righted or whatever the fuck. But to just have it casually thrown in there and not have the characters address it because the biphobia is a reflection of your own line of thinking? Lame as hell, dude. You're a fucking loser.

You can have your angsty subplots and darker fictions without inserting your own bigotry into it.

[steviewashere]

🎆🎆🎆 please please pleas ei’m so normal about starcourt aus plesae

You got it, homie! Here's some concussed, disoriented Steve for you.

🎆———🎆

“Hmph. School sucked butt cheeks.” The stranger huffs. “Yeah,” they say dryly, “it sure did. Come inside.” As he’s shoved through the door, clumsily tripping over his two left feet, Steve manages to slur over his shoulder, “Y’gotta take me out to dinner first before you can get me in bed, y’know.” “Dude, I don’t know what the fuck you’re on or what the hell happened to your head, but I am not bringing you inside for a quickie.” “Awww”—and sue him, he pouts—“y’don’t wanna have fun with me?” “Harrington, I don’t wanna get arrested.”

Thank you for the ask!

WIP Weekend (week)!

[steviewashere]

Wip game! 🪼🤒💔 pleeeease because I am greedy and want all of them

Yes yes yes, you can of course have all three of these!

🪼———🪼

“They, uh, spear some of the smaller species if they come too close to the anemones’ tentacles. The spear is full of toxin and it paralyzes the prey. And then the anemone uses its tentacles to carry the prey—which is now their food—to their mouth. Kinda like sand dollars do.” “Fucking badass,” Eddie breathes. “Right? They also swim.”

🤒———🤒

“I’d appreciate the heating pad. Maybe you can get a glass of orange juice with a cap full of my constipation meds? Please?” Eddie stands from the bed and leans down, presses a chaste sticky kiss to Steve’s forehead, and gives one last rub to his stomach. “I’ll be right back, okay? Holler for me if the pain gets worse or something. You think you could handle some toast?” “Might be good,” Steve murmurs, “with butter and jam?” “Course,” Eddie matches, “two slices, plus your medicine, and the heating pad. Whatever you need, sweetheart.”

💔———💔

There’s Robin, but she’s well out of Indiana. Nancy, who’s in Boston. The kids—who, really, aren’t kids at all—going and leaving in an endless high school cycle. And then Eddie who…who, well, Steve hasn’t really kept up with; unless it’s to have a very occasional hour to two hour long call. The amount of damn quarters he’s spent on a payphone just to speak with Eddie is unbelievable. But that’s it. That’s all his people. Which, sure, may be more than most. He doesn’t have his parents, though. There’s no friends from the college he’d been attending. His coworkers, again, are complete duds. It’s just him going and returning to his one bedroom apartment; just him in his car; just him on the holidays; just him.

[steviewashere]

Second lot of emojis for wip Wednesday!

💔 and 💉 please and thank!

Whump and Steve helping with Eddie's t-shot, hell yeah!

💔———💔

Steve went to college for all of two semesters before he dropped out. It should’ve felt like a relief, yet it didn’t. He packed up his dorm room. Filled his trunk with the measly same five boxes he arrived with. And he slammed his car door closed, key in the ignition, and he left. He went.

💉———💉

Before he gets an answer, the bathroom door slams open. Eddie flashes a giddy, wild smile. “Do I look the part?” He twirls in the doorway, arms barely lifted at his sides. There’s a used, tired t-shirt on his torso; black and stretched out and littered with holes along the armpits and the bottom hem. And then his pajama shorts, which are just as old as the t-shirt, if the thinned, pilling fabric says anything.

[steviewashere]

I am gonna split the four emojis into 2 asks for wip Wednesday!

🤒 and 🎆 pleeeaase

Got some IBS Haver Steve and Steve going to Eddie's after Starcourt for you!

🤒———🤒

Steve sniffles, eyes just barely wet. “Gah,” he groans, “you’re makin’ me cry, Eds.” As if giving more moral support, Eddie reaches past Steve’s legs and instead places his palm against his stomach, rubbing against it soothingly. “I’m just trying to get you to understand, baby.”

🎆———🎆

Oh, to be back behind that serving counter, cold metal scooper in his hand, starchy stupid hat on his head. Set sail on this ocean of flavor with me? I’ll be your captain— He’d be anybody’s captain tonight. As long as he gets a bed, some food, and something stronger than what his doctor could every prescribe.

[steviewashere]

WIP Word Game

Rules: You will be given a word. Share one sentence/excerpt from your tip(s) that start with each letter of that word.

~

Annnnnd I've got some makeup work! Thank you @steviewashere for all of the words, I've got: Unpleasant, Domino, and Sleep! All of these sentences are coming from my "Nancy Wheeler is Sad" wip that gives us a peek into Nancy diary :)

Without further ado 💛

U

Until Tommy wisens up to what kind of girl Carol is, we’re both stuck with her.

N

Nothing happened!

P

Pulled me back into normalcy again.

L

Last year she told Barb that she didn’t like her mom’s hair cut, it was hilarious.

E

Everything is better with him. 

A

Apparently they’re super uncomfortable to put in, so she doesn’t plan on wearing them often, but wanted to try them out.

S

Steve was so cute when he asked.

A

Anyway, it’s getting kind of late. 

N

Now we’re both thinking that maybe he and his parents just don’t get along too well.

T

The door bell just rang, that’s probably her coming to pick me up.

D

Doesn’t he know I’m trying to get into Emerson?

O

Once we finally got to leave, we went and picked up Barb.

M

Me and Barb! 

I

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m actually really excited about going to the dance.

N

Not only are there monsters hiding in plain sight, people have gone missing, but I’ve also won the award for having the World’s Worst Boyfriend. 

O

Our errand was cut short though when we saw the addition to the theater sign though.

S

Steve said I should just give her a little bit of space, maybe she got sick.

L

Listened to some music….maybe kissed a bit.

E

Even if Steve did provoke him.

E

Even used the nail bat to beat the creature back.

P

P.S. We found Barb.

hehehehe, no context for you 🫶

gently nudging: @adverbally @talanashta @fkinkindagauche @jo-harrington @dame-zoom-a-latte and @steviewashere -

your word is MONOPOLY

[steviewashere]

Oooo it's been a hot minute since I've done this Picrew, thank you for the tag! <3

My last song was: Mice on Venus by C418 from the Minecraft soundtrack (I'm not linking it because I'm trying to get off of YouTube and Spotify)

Tagging: @wheneverfeasible @estrellami-1 @gloomysoup annnddd @ataliagold

. ✦ ݁ ˖ picrew and last song tag game

Thanks for the tag @jo-harrington !

High pressure tag: @fkinkindagauche @alwaysurvalentine