#VENTTVEBTVENT!!!

[born2b-beheaded]

Long, ranty vent // TW: Child abuse, childhood trauma, shitty father, very child abuse, trauma dumping

Sorry if I make jokes or sound unserious during this! I use humor to cope. I don't really find the situation funny.

OKAY UHM. Okay so I just watched a playthrough of the game Bad Parenting and. Uhh. I need to talk about it.

I've yapped a little before about how my father abused me. Physically, mentally, emotionally, religiously. So um. The game Bad Parenting really resonated with me. And I want to yap about it a little bit.

Bad Parenting was very much similar to my childhood. My mother worked late (she had 3 jobs) to support our family, so I was often left at home with Jordan, my biological father. He was very abusive.

He'd get angry at every little thing, and I was often hit and screamed at for hours. That in itself is scarring. But just like Ron in Bad Parenting, I blocked out all of those memories and made up stories to distract myself.

Just like Ron, I believed Jordan was a good person. I wanted to see him. I blocked out all the bad memories.

Not only did I make up stories, but Jordan made up stories as well. Harmful, harmful stories.

This is where the religious trauma comes into play. He told me that I was chosen by god to be the savior of the world. He made me read the book of Revelations, and told me that that would happen in my lifetime and I would have to be the one to save the world. And if I told anyone, god would know and be very angry with me.

That was terrifying. I woke up every day in fear of the end of the world. I was trying to make plans on how I would save my family and friends. I felt weak and helpless- how was I supposed to save the world? I was only, what, 8? 9? Those fears eventually lessened, but didn't fully go away until I was 13 and managed to escape him.

He also told me he was a "seer." That he could see me and my thoughts at all times. That caused so much paranoia. I felt so scared all the time. I had to make sure that my thoughts were always perfect. Never any negative thoughts about him, or lies, or swear words, or questioning god, or anything. Because I feared that if he saw those thoughts, I'd be hurt.

My mother was always and has always been very caring. She worked a lot (3 JOBS!!!) but she was not neglectful. I want to make it a point that she is the best mom I could ever ask for. Felt like I needed to specify that, since the mother in Bad Parenting was neglectful and I'm drawing comparisons from that game to my childhood.

Obviously she has her flaws, we all do, but she has always made sure to check on me and take care of me and protect me. She has taken so many blows for me, and saved my life multiple times. I could never thank her enough.

Obviously there's so much I could talk about, but this vent is long enough as is. Maybe one of these days I'll yap more about it or show you guys my notes for court. I dunno. But thank you to anyone that actually read this.

If anyone's curious, Jordan now has a (practically a) cult on tiktok and does tarot card readings and continues his mystiacal manipulation, mainly preying on young (early 20's) girls. Should I name drop da (practically) cult? 🤔

Okay anyway uhhh sorry for the random lore drop out of the blue 👍👍 now y'all get to know (a little of) my tragic backstory