#no matter how much older you get
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like water through weeping rock
Hollyleaf looks exactly the age at which she died. Looking at her, Jayfeather feels his age in every creaking bone, every painful joint. He wonders what image he’ll take, when he ascends to the stars: will he be young, unburdened by knowledge or secrets or death? Will he assume the shape closest to his sister, when she’d been back and they’d fallen into their old habits, their old piles of pelts and purrs? Would he be older than her in death, an age she’d never reach — the shape he had been when he had forgiven his mothers? When he had trained Alderheart fully? Or would it be a form he hadn’t yet discovered, one far away and shrouded by time?
Hollyleaf hadn’t lived to be anything other than a young cat. Jayfeather has the opportunity to grow old, to die peacefully in the elders’ den, to walk the forest paths for season upon season. But his sister looks happy here, content in a way she had never been in life. The weight of the forest has been shrugged from her shoulders, and as she approaches, he sees echoes of her spin around him, muddying the skies with turmoil and fear and anger. Each defining moment sinks into his soul as easily as one sinks into their nest, eased by the peace she’d found with herself before she had died. He edges away from the ideas of the futures she could have had that pelt him like sleet — stinging pains against his face like staring into rain-drenched winds.
“Holly,” he says instead, a relieved sigh that rips almost violently through his chest.
“Jay,” she returns warmly, pressing her starlight-cold cheek into his own. A purr rattles in her throat, warming him from nose to tail-tip.
It’s been years since she died, but it feels like moments as her loss carves through his chest once more. “It’s good to see you,” he whispers.
“You see me every moon, you goof,” she returns. He can feel her whiskers twitch against his spine in amusement.
Jayfeather closes his eyes, shutting away his star-given sight, and focuses on the scent of his sister underneath the tang of night sky. “It’s not enough,” he murmurs.
“No,” Hollyleaf agrees. “It never is. But it’s more than most cats get.”
“Most cats don’t spend their lives in service to the stars,” Jayfeather replies. It’s an old argument, the familiarity making the words easy.
“It would have been nice,” Hollyleaf says, “to live a life with you and Lion, no matter the form it took.”
Jayfeather is struck—again, again, again—by how young the ghost she inhabits is. “It would have been wonderful,” he says softly. He’s not here for this — for a too-brief conversation with his dead sister — but he thinks the stars can afford him this, a few stolen moments with the sibling they stripped away.
Cruel, unnecessary; callous and cold as starlight. There’s grief blanketed over his shoulders, bitterness spreading on his tongue. None of these are unfamiliar to him. He knows what Hollyleaf chose. He knows he’s lucky that the stars took her at all.
He knows that Cinderpelt was given a second chance, even though the life she’d lived was one that she’d loved.
Hollyleaf looks at him steadily. There’s no sympathy or pity in her gaze, and he’s thankful for this cat who knows him so well.
She seems dimmer than she was last moon, and the moon before. He wonders if he’s imagining that she’s fading, but knows he isn’t. He knows that she’ll be gone before him, taken again from those who loved her best. The living world forgets — there’s no such thing as permanency for the cats who swear their lives to the stars. And forever…? What is forever?
#warrior cats#jayfeather#hollyleaf#warrior cats fic#waca#wc#growing older than your sibling#grieving is a process#warrior cats fanfic#have you ever noticed that people stay the exact age at which they die?#no matter how much older you get#their memory stays in those final days#never getting any older#it makes sense logically but... i dunno
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My Personal Headcanon On Why Amy's Love For Sonic Died Down Lately (and their dynamic)
When they were younger, Amy's love for Sonic was pretty extreme, and Sonic was, understandable, uncomfortable for the most part. He knows she means well, but that girl needs to calm down.
She can fight, but sometimes her hammer could only stun her enemies for a while. (It took her a long time to get rid of that robot that has been chasing her around Station Square.) She wasn't fully independent yet, even if she fought on her own a couple of times.
She often follows Sonic and his friends around. She is part of the team, but she was not a strong as she is now at the time yet.
She admires Sonic. A LOT. And Sonic knows that. Obviously, he could only run away from something like that, since he is NOT ready for that kind of thing, and whether Amy takes the hint or stop, she still loves him.
...BUT, I think things were slightly starting to change between her and Sonic after Lost World.
Remember this line?
You remember that? Okay, okay. Here's another totally unrelated question:
Before the events of Lost World, when was the last time Amy said "I love you" to Sonic out loud?
...YEP. 😈 (Unless I'm missing something, let me know lmao)
As more games and adventures come out, the characters get slightly older, and Amy is 12 to 13 now, and she is most certainly at that age where her body starts to change, but especially on how she views Sonic.
She knows she loves Sonic, but it was this moment during her change where she actually wanted to admit that she loves him.
I believe that Amy was all about sharing her affection to him not through confessions, but through obvious hints. Sonic totally got it, and there was no need to confess. Sonic knows she loves her.
...But she never said it. And she almost did, but she never did again for a while.
I think this was the moment in her life where, oh, God, she actually loves Sonic. SHE LOVES HIM, WHAT.
And she was looking back at all the times she had with Sonic that she can now see were unpleasant to Sonic (At least that's what she thinks) and that's probably why she isn't so expressive about her love to him than how she used to back then.
She wasn't sure what to do with this realization, and sets aside it for a while, and nearly stayed as her casual, peppy self... until the Eggman War happened.
During the 6 months of being with the Resistance, fighting Eggman's army all day and all night, all she can think of was Sonic.
She dreams that he still with not just her, but with her friends. She just wanted to see Sonic again, she just wants to be with her hero again.
But I'd like to think that she was also thinking about how she used to treat Sonic back when they were younger, how Sonic would almost always run away from her whenever she asks him out, or always look so uncomfortable whenever she gets so close to him.
Cringing at those memories big time, she wanted to change and hopefully when Sonic is okay and comes back, she can be better for him.
...Or will he still find her uncomfortable regardless? Would he even be happy to see her at all if he did survive?
But, hold on! She can't just give up her love for Sonic! He made her who she is today! A peppy, nature-loving, hammer-swinging, confident, brave... loud-mouth... annoying... Sonic obsessed... weak... pathetic... lonely little girl.
If she gives up on Sonic, it'll be like she gave up on the one hedgehog who saved her life. If she didn't she'll still be the same ol' Amy.
I also like to think she had parents a long while before she met Sonic, and was even expecting a little sister, but a robot invasion happened from where she was and attacked her parents and instead of trying to save them, after getting hurt, she ran away, hoping that they'll come back okay. But they never did.
She was all alone, and needed someone, a friend, a new family, someone who will hold her hand, anyone, to be there for her. But she was ignored by lots, and at that point, she's better off by herself, but still longed for company.
Eventually though, her tarot cards told her her future hero, and there might be hope after all. She encountered Sonic, held onto the belief of the cards tight, and the rest is history.
So, with that headcanon in mind, not only did Amy loose her parents that she didn't save because of her cowardliness (she was only so little at the time that happened) and also Sonic, who she thought will be her only hope, but now gone.
She doesn't even care if he did come back, he'd probably hate her now after everything she did to him, always talking about their "future wedding" or forcing him to go to Twinkle Park.
For the last few months of the war, it was nothing but Amy mentally beating herself up for either refusing to change or moving on, and they are both not fine choices.
She loves Sonic, but he does not love her, and she finally, finally realized it. And it's probably for the best if no body loved her at all.
But of course Sonic did survive and all of her worries wash away in an instant, she's just not expressive about her love for Sonic AT ALL now, since she's still worried about it but rather not mention it to Sonic because it doesn't matter.
If Sonic doesn't love her, then her feelings don't matter to him, and according to Amy herself, that is okay.
But also, I'd like to think that Sonic was thinking about his friends a lot up in the Death Egg for the past months, sometimes it's Tails (worried for his safety), sometimes it's Shadow (because he's wondering why he would join Eggman.) At some point, for a few days, Amy was in his mind the longest, and he felt bad about how he thought he was rude and pushy to her.
He wondered if she's not thinking about it too much, and if she is, will she give up on him? Yeah, he doesn't feel the same and still not looking for a relationship, but it's so strange but interesting how anyone could ever like someone like Sonic the Hedgehog. Amy was never afraid to show that, and she probably might be now.
He couldn't help but feel guilty. They were kids when she was like this, but he was so... arrogant at the time too. Not a lot happened at the time yet. He'd always have trouble expressing how much he value his friends, until he shattered the Paradox Prism. (I'd like to think Prime took place before Forces. It makes sense.)
She is such a sweet girl, and he probably made her believe that he didn't care for her. Just because he doesn't feel the same, that doesn't mean he hates her at all.
He wished he never ran away from Amy... Worrying for his little bro and wishing to be a good person for Amy was when Sonic cried in the Death Egg for the first and only time.
Frontiers, in my opinion, is kind of confirming their dynamic now. Sonic is a lot more sincere and kinder to Amy and she is not all hyperactive and lovey to Sonic. There is probably a real reason for this now.
They are both hiding their feelings from them, and they are both unaware of this. Amy, hiding her mental issues from Sonic, and Sonic, hiding his guilt away from Amy.
None of those things are important now. Sonic is with Amy and Amy is with Sonic. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.
They don't care if they'll ever be something more when they get older. None of that matters anymore. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.
Maybe someday they'll both talk about it, but for now, the present is important. They care about each other too much to think about it right now.
It's the kind of love that is unbreakable. It doesn't even have to be romantic. It's just love. Love is important for everyone, in any form. It's something Sonic and his friends need. And especially Sonic and Amy.
Amy Rose is the living embodiment of love, and without her, a lot would go downhill for Sonic and co. Heck, if it weren't for her, Shadow wouldn't have never remembered Maria's promise, which lead him to save the world with Sonic, before he temporarily disappeared from their lives for a while.
She is always there to lend a helping hand for anybody, even bad guys like Metal Sonic, and despite what she had been through, both in Forces and headcanon wise, she still fights back, even without her hammer.
She will pick you back up on your feet, reminding you that you are important and that you are loved, and that you should never give up. It's pretty much the words of encouragement she herself needed also...
She is still the happy, hyper, butt-kicking hedgehog we all know and love, but she still need someone to pick her back up on her feet after so long. Thankfully, she has her friends and her blue hero. The hero who made her who she is today.
I think Amy has no idea how important she thought she is, but Sonic does. Sonic knows fully well how important she is to a lot of people. It's about time he returns the favor to her. It's his turn to remind her how much a lot of people love her.
How much he loves her.
And I feel like The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog was the moment where their dynamic really shined, but also the starting point of their relationship not only healing, but also the next chapter of what's to come for them.
Everyone, friends old and new, gathered around for a special birthday. A birthday for the confident, unshakable, and radiant Amy Rose.
It was such a special moment in Amy's life. After years of chasing and following the people she look up to, she is part of the team, but most importantly, she is part of the family.
She is fully realized as someone more than just a fangirl, but someone strong, courageous, creative, kind and a big inspiration for others.
I feel like this moment here...
-is where Amy is eternally grateful to call her friends her family. A family she thought she'll never have again. She's not alone anymore, and as long as they're by her side, she'll never will be again.
Her chasing days are over. She's finally caught up to them. She's finally home.
And it's all thanks to Sonic.
If it weren't for him, she'd probably be alone forever. Her past moments with Sonic might be embarrassing to look back on for a while, but they are good memories regardless, because they involve him.
Sonic saved her life in more ways than one, and despite everything, he's grateful to have her too.
He cares about her. He really does... And in her eyes, that all she needed to know. As long as Sonic loves her in his own way, she'll be happy.
Amy hasn't given up on Sonic. As long as Amy always supports him, he'll be happy.
Maybe sometime in the future, they can talk about their problems, but that's a story for another time. At this point, they need to. Right now, they are happy. They are okay.
They are here for each other. They are finally better for each other now.
"You guys won't ever leave me, right?"
"Wouldn't dream of it."
#piko rambles#sonic the hedgehog#amy rose#Meant to be platonic but I don't care if you tag as ship lol#I've been meaning to post something like this for the longest time now but never really got into posting it-#-because you guys REALLY hate seeing these two together for some reason.#Well not for SOME reason. There are valid reasons why you don't ship them. Everyone has valid reason why they don't ship this or that.#But sometimes those reasons can just sound so petty to me. Like the reason why is because Amy is a stalker or Sonic hates her which is FALS#Also those age gap arguments are understandable but so goddamn annoying sometimes. Maybe when they hit their late teens or early twenties-#then they can be together if they want to. Besides a good percentage of Sonic ships are better off if they waited til they're old enough im#I love them regardless of whether they're just friends or an awkward older cringe fail couple lmao#But them being just friends and hiding away all their emotions towards each other just to keep them safe and happy with them- 😭😭😭#Son/adow is my favorite ship of all time and sonamy is my favorite childhood ship/platonic ship because they both have one thing in common.#ANGST 😀#I've been thinking about Sonic and Amy's dynamic as of late and MAN-#Mixed with some personal headcanons of mine and their dynamic as of late just makes me so emotional.#Sonic and Amy have gotten so close now and it's so sweet but so heartbreaking at the same time when you think about it.#I'm so happy they are getting along better and being there for each other but there is so much to dissect here. So much to think about.#I might be a little silly but Amy losing her parents and being alone for so long and being the reason why she's always hanging onto Sonic-#-explains SOOOOOOOOO much about her. At least that's my headcanon for WHY that is.#Amy with abandonment issues speaks to me on a personal level. I'm always afraid of being forgotten or left behind by my family.#I sometimes feel like I'm not good enough no matter how hard I try. I do not blame Amy. I relate to her a lot. It's one of the many reasons#-why Amy is my favorite character besides Sonic and Shadow.#She fights hard to prove she's a valuable member of the team and hates getting left behind but despite all that she wasn't afraid to-#-express herself and her love for people. But after the Eggman War there was some changes that made her less expressive about her love.#Yeah she still loves Sonic but she doesn't admit it because none of that matters anymore and she thought that not being loved by Sonic#-is better than being loved since she nearly wasted her life loving someone who she thought has constantly bothered. 🥲#But I think after TMoStH I think she'll be less afraid of being expressive about it. She and Sonic are just so caring for each other 😭#I love these two way too much that when I think about them for too long I'll start SOBBING 😭😭 I'M EVEN SOBBING RIGHT NOW LMAO
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well as you can see besides being ugly as all fuck I'm also extremely bitter so that doesn't help at all in making me appealing. but it also comes with the territory you see, being treated as a hideous freak of nature for your whole life kind of does things to your psyche.
also going into shit in the tags as an extreeeemely jaded individual who's been on every side of the discourse and KNOWS it all VERY PERSONALLY so I know many people will find all sorts of different reasons to hate me (if they want ig) because I'm ~politically homeless~ at this point because I'm sick and tired of everything but whatever
(also fuck I ran out of space in the tags so another post maybe idk. )
#so. i get why people are against children transitioning i really do. and i have my own nuanced complicated feelings about it#but honestly. im beginning to believe id be more well-adjusted by now even if just a bit if i had started larping as male by 15.#would it fix all of my problems? no. but it would make a lot of things in my life much smoother and easier.#but i was sooo deep into raddie/gc shit that i had this fucking. complex about not wanting to troon because its ~cheating~#and 'omg all the butches are leaving!!1 butch flight i cant be one of them!!!1'#'i MUST be a good example for all the young girls!!!1' a weird sort of almost martyr-like complex if you will.#but as i get older im like... honestly man fuuuuccckkkkk this.#barely anybody expects straight or even bi women to abstain from dating men forever For the Good of Womankind#its not seen as Expected but rather Exceptional and Wow Amazing if you do.#and anyone who Expects it is seen as a ~crazy extremist~#meanwhile lesbians and especially HSTS are almost fucking Expected to sacrifice themselves for the ~greater good~#and ngl other lesbiams perpetuate this shit too.#oh you CANT transition even if you feel it'll make your life easier because because because#[arguments that would really only apply to OSA females transitioning]#[strawman] [misinterpreted stats] [unverified reddit posts]#and if all else fails 'think of how the very act of doing so will HURT ALL OF WOMANKIND'#no fucking wonder dysphoric lesbians develop an fucking insane martyr complex and start to treat hrt/transitioning like its fucking crack#'ill give into the temptation if i see a happy trans person ohh nooo so nobody should be allowed to troon'#like thats not fucking normal! you realize thats NOT FUCKING NORMAL right?#youre acting like a deranged christian who is so afraid of sinning by wrongthink#and disclaimer no. i dont inherently hate being female or a lesbian but with the way i am physically and mentally#i would have/have had a Much easier time integrating into society as a ~man~. just because of how i am physically and mentally.#now i wont say internalized homophobia/etc. NEVER has anything to do with transition or etc. but im gonna be real#for HSTS (which are extremely rare in the first place) thats often only a very small part of it at most.#its often more about making our lives easier and integrating better without having to completely remold our entire personalities.#thats the reality.#would we not transition if society have patriarchy/gender roles/sexism? perhaps. i wont deny that possibility.#the fact of the matter is however#that it wont be happening any time soon. so we just want our lives to be easier.#'oh but youre lying to yourself' not necessarily. i dont have a ~gender identity~ and im well aware of myself and my situation.
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Okay sure someone reposting my art onto TikTok and freaking me the fuck out because they got images from my Tumblr when I have them blocked. Okay. Go after the guy with paranoia what the fuck ever
#pissing me the fuck off. i just got the car back from the mechanics and need to#purchase tie rod ends and fill a warranty. yknow like someone with a LIFE#how are you older than me#no matter how much you like my art i hope you know i hate you.#imposterchat#whatever ill get over this in like three days. i have cats to draw#theyre deleting my comments too. lol#couldnt even double check to see whos art was whos#man i did not draw some of this shit! that was kennedy. or toad. or twinky. thanks for#thinking i have their art level i guess??
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vsynth has long since been trending towards the uncanny valley of singing but i feel like its been especially pronounced the past few years now that a higher proportion of banks sound nigh indistinguishable from human people. you can only really tell if youre already deeply familiar with each bank's respective engine
#its stunning the amount of progress vsynth tech has made within the past few years#and its been really interesting too seeing like adachi rei rise in popularity almost as a counter to ai vsynth#its admittedly kind of saddening that the industry preference overwhelmingly pushes realistic vocals over mechanical robot vocals#and i mean i know they do come equipped with parameters you can edit to make them sound robotic again but its genuinely not the same#when you have the concatenation ai built into the software and the phoneme transitions are automatically smoothed over#this isnt to say that ai vsynth has like completely overtaken or threatening the Future of Vocalsynth though#there is a significant portion of people who largely prefer the clunky/mechanical/robotic sound of early vocalsynth#which is why i think rei has gotten as popular as she has#and the cryptonloids in particular are forever stuck in the piapro ether so the most we'll ever see of a miku ai#is just ppl messing with the rvc ai voice cloner LOL#i think if ai truly was causing Creative Bankruptcy or whatever then utau would not remain as wildly popular as it is#and part of the reason why utau still remains so popular is because [teto image] FREE SOFT its free!! anyone can use it & develop their own#vb on it too. so like yes you have the matter of industry pushing out these hyperrealistic voicebanks at an overwhelming pace#but individual fans will remain using/developing their own voicebanks (aggressively points to adachi rei again) so long as public interest#stays. hence why i dont think ''big ai'' in vocalsynth is a real threat or anything#referring to them as ai banks in the first place anyway is such a misnomer bc its not the same as generative ai#i do think that the relative simplicity at which realistic vocals are synthesized now does somewhat obscure the monumental amount of skill#it takes to tune older voicebank because that shit is HARD!!!!!!!!!#like with how synthv works it obscures the technical tuning feats of older engines and how massively massively massively impressive it is#to get anything to sound good let alone Realistic on smth like vocaloid2#synthv got popular because its ui made tuning a genuinely intuitive process rather than something that makes you want to throw#bricks at your head so its easy to forget tuning (albeit Still hard) was Much much harder#but at the same time.... ai doesnt automatically make tuning better either#actual plain vanilla ai voicebanks often sound very flat and lifeless if no actual tuning is applied i.e. vibrato pitch change tension etc#its such a beautiful complicated lovely artform#anyways my original thoughts. you unfortunately cant get that mechanical/clunky/robotic sound with. any commercial voice synth#released within the past 3 years#i hope more overtly artificial in nature banks along the same genre as rei catch on in popularity
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potentially batshit headcanon, but i think it'd be funny if these two were related somehow.
#i'm inclined to say they're cousins but it'd also be interesting if they were siblings ngl#gustafa hasn't really brought up his own upbringing so far in my playthrough so i'm running hogwild w/ his backstory#i hc that gustafa's parents were classical musicians and pretty strict (very much the types to force what they think is best on their kids)#he felt like the environment was too stifling not only for his music but also his spirit so he left home as soon as he could#he's still proud about his family's history as musicians but definitely doesn't want to raise his kids like his parents raised him#so that's why he's pretty laid back when it comes to raising bea and encourages whatever she loves doing no matter what#wait now that i think about it carter organizes the music festival in mineral town doesn't he?#shit i'm connecting the dots#carter would probably be older than gustafa so i guess he left home as soon as possible too#he just went the route of joining the clergy to get out of town rather than becoming a hippie like gus#imagine going to the next town over to check out their music festival only to be reunited w/ your estranged older bro >>>#you haven't spoken to in like 10+ years#i feel like they'd be okay terms tho they'd definitely bond over how shitty their parents were#okay i'm having fun w/ this headcanon i'm gonna keep it i think#story of seasons#bokujou monogatari#a wonderful life#friends of mineral town#sos awl#sos fomt#sos gustafa#gustafa (awl)#sos carter#carter (fomt)#hc : (sos) awl / fomt#mj.txt
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I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve internally said to myself “why are you ( a woman in her 20s) dating some dude almost a decade your senior???
Why.
Why is this shit so normalized and no one bats an eye??
Like these women aren’t children, obviously, but I think it wouldn’t kill young women to do some thought exercises and ask themselves why men always go for younger women and perhaps visualize themselves in the man’s ( that is interested in them) position where they would hypothetically date someone significantly younger, especially during such a crucial time in one’s age where they’re still figuring out how to navigate the world as young adults.
Why do men get to spend time fucking around in their twenties, decide to settle down nearing their thirties and don’t mind roping in some younger woman to have ‘his children’? Why do so many women shy away at the thought of dating a man even a couple of years their junior and even sometimes exaggeratedly ( sorry) infantilizing said men but don’t judge the older men interested in them (the younger woman) as predatory for being romantically/sexually interested in them?
And keep in mind that men are constantly on social media yapping about women ‘hitting the wall’ at age 30 ( sometimes lower at 25). It’s not a coincidence.
#ic.text#I dislike age gap relationships ( well primarily where the man is older than the woman in OSA is pairings) so much#like and you’ll get people defending this because ‘ I’m grown - I have agency - my choice’ blah blah blah but like I think dudes aged 30 +#are so freaking grimey and inconsiderate#no matter how I look at it because your 20s are when you see so many women learn to#stand for themselves and gain confidence etc
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mmm essay about sally and kid gort in the tags (cw for child abuse, mentions of suicide, animal cruelty and a murder attempt. i always hope i don’t have to say this but just in case: i don’t excuse or condone any of her or gort’s behaviour at all.) this is literally not even touching upon everything i have to say because i hit the fucking tag limit lmao. NOBODY READ IT’S BAD BRAINSTORMING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW
#thinkin too much about gortie side characters again.#sally this time and why she specifically talks about him the way she does#like dravo is obviously still shitty but to me he was. ‘just ‘neglectful#while sally actively hated and even felt terrorised by her own child#like. it’s not like i don’t understand her at all.#imagine you and your love don’t have much besides each other and your shop and you get pregnant and ready to raise a child#only for it to not be a child he didn’t and doesn’t cry ever and he learns everything so much sooner than most but then he never calls you#his parents and it’s not just a petty thing kids do sometimes you feel that he doesn’t see you as family and the worst part is that you#agree deep down#and as he gets older he doesn’t have any friends and actively rejects the notion of the entire concept#but then as time passes you hear about how he has entire groups of children following him and then several of them commit suicide#and that thing coming to sit with you and dravo at the dinner table says that he did what you did last week when the axe to chop wood broke#and you discarded it and got a new one#and he has these habits of ripping out flowers and making sure that they don’t regrow#and then you hear rumours about a friend’s daughter’s cat disappearing and think nothing of it#until you visit his tree house a month later and find a declawed cat and birds with clipped wings and crushed bugs that he keeps fondly#and then you see him with other children and they don’t know and his face is different and body language is entirely different#and were it not for the fact that you know better you would never see anything but a normal child#and you know that you are one who painstakingly brought this thing that should not be into the world and so you decide to end it all one da#and go to him as he’s asleep with the knife shaking in your hand#but he cries when you’re above him! screams at the top of his lungs!#so you beg for forgiveness even though you don’t deserve it through tears but as soon as the knife is put away you see the act drop and fee#his clever fingers having twisted your brain inside and out and you know that you can do nothing#and so the opportunity arises to at least remove him out of your life if not everyone’s lives and you take it immediately.#but you heard him talk. how he will close his fist around the world one day. and you know that it is not a matter of if but when.#like. imagine that. jesus dude.#like i hc her as someone that is messy and does not know a lot about life and she certainly wouldn’t have been a good mother but the love#or at least desire to love is there somewhere. and believing that having a child is really the only somewhat meaningful thing she can do#with her life. she’s not some hero or rich or anything of note. so there’s a lot obligation and not genuine desire for family here.#but she never really got the chance to be an actual mother in the first place so. who knows what that might have looked like
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Y'all ever had that one F/O or Crush from media that you either just a casual fan or never watch at all and just decides to like that character solely out of their vibe????
#okay since I started this I go first lol#its Roronoa Zoro hshsjsksjs#oKAY SHHH LISTEN LISTEN I CAN EXPLAINNNN#i watch OP but ONLY CASUALLY#and then I just stopped at somewhere pre-timeskip#theres just too much for me to catch up now I just didnt bother and also shh out that spork down because im about to say something bad#turns out I dont really vibe with OP like this is totally a me problem and i just dont like the cringy anime exaggerated action thing#idk how to explain but you know when anime character go EHHHHH and HAAAAAA and make weird faces?? yeah turns out i dont like that when-#i get older lol I liked OP as a teenager but as I get older i just dont like it lol#but oh god all of this doesnt matter the only reason why I tolerated with OP in the first place is because of Zoro#his stupid sexy voice and his stupid sexy grin and his stupid sexy body and his stupid sexy attitude and his stupid sexy-#this stupid green haired man made me go to ao3 actively seeking his y/n fanfic#and i have to pretend I know which character is which#i'll be like “mmhmm yes i know this bad guy he's a pirate mhmm yes angsty sword fight and OH why are you pantless zoro????” when im reading#but skxhgxjdks ENOUGH i said too much this is so embarassing akdhdjissbsjap#now someone please tell me if they had the same situation like me or im just a weirdooo 😭😭😭😭#asuka speaks#selfship talk
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I think it’s so interesting how we as a community really like exploring this soft, beautifully poetic quality of vore, but only ever seem to do so in writing. I’ve seen so many lovely poems and short stories waxing on in beautiful prose about the beautiful inner workings of the human body and the intimacy and trust that comes with having another person literally inside you, but when it comes to art you almost never see that. Sure art often focuses on those same qualities as well but...they’re never emphasized as beautiful in quite the same way I think. And maybe that’s why my art is so soft and almost like...classical feeling? Because every time I draw I want to capture that poetic beauty in a visual format. Something that, while painting a visual picture, also evokes a very special sense of awe. Even in the silly little scenarios I draw or the spookier pieces I post every once in a while I find myself trying to integrate older styles of poetry and artistry I don’t see much now. And maybe...maybe that’s why my art feels so nostalgic...
Who knows
Perhaps I’m just a hopeless romantic
#to be clear I’m not saying anyone doesn’t do this or that it’s bad people like drawing in different ways to capture different feelings#I was just musing about how you don’t see many pieces that focus on this very specific feeling of common#yet abstract beauty you see in older artwork#and if my quest to capture that style is what makes my art feel as soft and nostalgic as people have described it before#because I think we focus too much on the OMG TEETH AND STOMACH AND INSTINCTS AAA aspect of vore in a lot of art#which isn’t bad lmao I do that all the time and I don’t plan on stopping#but we focus so much on the intensely...visceral? aspects of vore that we loose something special#safe fatal doesn’t matter#they all are capable of having this quality and idk I just#I wanna see it more#soft vore#safe vore#vore mention#vore thoughts#Cj speaks#don’t mind me just getting philosophical#this post was brought to you by me drawing classic lit vore
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Wine stains on porcelain
(Alternatively: @katkastrofa and I have created 5 OCs in 3 days and I suffer from chronic “I wanna draw the little guysssssss” disease)
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#original characters#I have not figured out a tag system yet so for now this is all they’re getting#their names are liba and abyan and I’m very much obsessed :)#they’re the children of two of our other newest OCs. Himman and Summiya#the latter of whom just happens to be Zaheer’s older sister#but he ran away from home years before these two were born so he most likely isn’t even aware of their existence#I mean. I’m sure he suspects his sisters had children. but that’s the extent of what he knows#anyway#quite a few headcanons came to mind as I was drawing so I’m gonna type them out while I can still function#(haven’t slept for two nights in a row. I’m starting to doubt whether I’m actually alive or not)#Liba is older by about a year but once they grow up a little it’s barely noticeable and people assume they’re twins#over time they stop bothering to correct them because really. they’re so close they might as well be#they were both burn with port wine stain birthmarks on their faces. much to their mother’s dismay#she has a whole perfectionism complex and needed her children to reflect that to maintain the family image#thus they were taught how to hide the marks early on. but the powder makes them constantly sneeze#liba is very self conscious about it bc of what her mother put in her head. Abyan less so bc while he’s expected to be perfect#his future doesn’t depend on his looks. he always tries to comfort his sister whenever she spirals too deep. no matter that she’s older#when no one is around to hear he calls her Lili <3 it annoyed her at first so she dubbed him Yanyan in retaliation#but over time they both grew to love the nicknames and now use them unironically#they’re the ultimate partners in crime. their goal? gaining as much freedom from their mother as possible#and sooner or later they will manage to do so permanently. which will make Summiya fall apart. but that is currently Kat’s domain#speaking of. hi Kat. I know you’ve already seen this in pencil but look! I coloured them!!#the birthmarks were both kinda annoying and rather fun to do. maybe I’ll change them later. I was too tired to look at refs so I improvised#and there’s no detail in clothing since again. 0 energy whatsoever. but once I refine their full body designs I shall go all out#that reminds me I need to go collect my new sketchbook. might do it on the way home from the store#okay I’m getting distracted. is this my very unsubtle way of trying to influence Kat to write that Summiya fic?#maybe. maybe not. you can’t prove anything 😁
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Roleswap(?) (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#ZEX#The Captain#As easy as this would be for a Setup - y'know lol - this idea actually came from an angst perspective#I mean - initially it would be fun and fine! ZEX gets his wish of a human! Doesn't have those 20 years of waiting and pining#Building up the idea in his head until he becomes So desperate that anything short of perfection is- Well hmm ♪#I just keep getting stuck on the idea of that common trope of ''What made you like this?'' :/#Or worse yet ''Did someone do something to you to make you like this?''#An older human taking advantage of a brilliant young VUX! Are there no depths to which they won't sink!#Nevermind that no one would listen and he becomes a martyr yet again but this time not the scapegoat#''Oh poor traumatized ZEX he really never was the same after that'' ''It's so unfortunate but you can't blame him too much''#As if any of them actually knew him at all huah#Until he speaks just a little too loudly about how he Wanted this he Reciprocated and it becomes too much of a nuisance to sympathize#The angst I'm telling you#He's in a very unfair situation no matter what! Either way he's being looked down on#Anything to spin things to be humans' fault! Anything to sweep deviation under the rug!#I wonder if he'd even be able to fight humans if this was the flow of things - would he be emotionally detached enough?#Would he even be allowed to? Worry of instability or defection? Is it worse to be disinvolved in the War with a mind like his?#So many moving pieces that would shake out so differently from just one chance encounter at a different time!#He's so integral to so many things having happened the way they did hehe <3 He's very important!#I also like to imagine that even being younger he'd still err on the eloquent side hehe ♪ VUX upbringing! Fanciful ♫#His usual speech but just a little more hurried and nervous hehe <3 Complimenting his human's hair ♪
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BEAST's time line not adding up is one of the major factors to why in my head currently beast sskk are in their twenties and adopted 5 cats in a quiet little cottage on the outskirts of Yokohama
Yeah this is the only valid take tbh
#Beast sskk mean so much to me. You don't get it guys. I'm literally always thinking about them and their happily married couple life#Beast sskk is like sugar in coffee. Also like the best thing ever#sskk#shin soukoku#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd beast#people asks me stuff#Beast sskk are married and living together!! No you don't get it I know them personally#Tbh. I should really post that one post on how post Beast canon sskk works out for me#The five cats thing is so cute tho#Nnnghhh please talk to me more about Beast sskk. Look to me I'm starving#Back to the matter at hand tho like... Beast Akutagawa is v v immature but so is canon Akutagawa.#That's why I can perfectly see Beast Akutagawa being as old or even older.#On the other hand Beast Atsushi feels so much more mature compared to canon Atsushi in a way I struggle to believe he's any younger than 20#I'd say the Beast dilemma keeps me awake at night but that's not true I sleep soundly at night and dream of Beast sskk kissing#Sending kisses to you Anon (ㅅ´ ˘ )♡
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calling back to an old post i made about neuvillette not being one to often accept gifts as it can compromise his reputation as the impartial iudex.
for that very same reason, neuvillette does not often give gifts either. for important officials a signed card from the office of the chief justice might be sent. otherwise a select number of individuals can perhaps expect something sent to them via courier. only a very, very select handful can expect something personally delivered.
his gifts are often practical and if one didn't know neuvillette then perceived as cold and utilitarian. pens, sheaves of expensive paper, organizers.
paradoxically, while to the outsider neuvillette only has a sparse number of people to gift give to, his shopping list also numbers close to the upper hundreds.
#❛ㅤ⚜ㅤㅤㅤ✦ㅤ:ㅤsubmerged in reflectionsㅤㅤ◟ㅤheadcanonㅤ◝#each and every melusine gets something from him#but also it's not that he gifts these sensible items because he doesn't have an understanding of what people might like#but also he has vast doubts of his ability to give thoughtful gifts and assumes rather wrongly that he doesn't understand their tastes#and that they would be disappointed if he goes out of his comfort zone and tries something grand it speaks a lot of how much you matter#when he starts putting in thought and effort#but also he WILL give you clothes and they WILL be the plainest socks#but the older i get the happier i am when people give me socks tbh
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like. Nina listens to Taylor, moderately keeps up with the front-facing aspects of her life, enjoys her quality, has her minor critiques, recognizes her place in the current culture, can set her down and do other things when she wants to, and most importantly knows who Taylor is through her art.
#you cannot engage with Taylor completely casually it doesn’t work#you won’t get to know her#you have to let her in. go on a sunset walk with your headphones in and open your heart to her and just HEAR her#and then once you know who she is you can go from there#but there absolutely is this level of refusing to get to know her#and I am truly (once again) not addressing people who have that door simply closed (my mom! my older sister!)#people whose opinions matter so much to me#but I am talking to the people who wrestle and want to love her but actually hate her and idk. I feel that it is something where—-#well it’s like people isn’t it. you have to get to know her without judgment#and without bias#you have to know her FROM her#(which does not involve Easter eggs OR celebrity headlines if you hate both of those things#and then if you don’t like her you do in fact have to leave without making that other people’s problem#especially Taylor’s!#I am thinking of this girlboss journalist who wrote a piece on Taylor the other day#that was LIVID with Taylor for sharing only positive reviews on her insta story#(as is not only Taylor’s right but literally normal behavior??????????)#and was practically foaming at the mouth about how Taylor’s level of power was getting scary#and it’s like. I’m so sorry for swearing but BITCH#a lot of the numbers are out of Taylor’s control and also NOT REAL. Taylor also DESERVES her success and is simply doing her job very well#and riding the waves of virality she knows how to create in ADDITION to that#also stop worshipping power and money!!!! the way you clearly do!!!!!!!#Taylor is not doing anything with it except her job!!!!!!!!!!!!!#she is also CLEARLY a human being who suffers#SEE HER AS SUCH#and end it THERE#INSANE#turning off reblogs for this one#because I have gotten carried away but wow
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I'm pretty sure my experiences haven't changed from when I last asserted my identity labels but my view kinda has I guess
#in the sense of. who cares about an orientation label if nothing ever really comes from it yknow.#it's fruitful yearning towards individuals my brain latches onto. that's the extent of it#there's no reciprocated dynamic that allows it to ever get to grow into sexuality#so like yeah I'm demi but 99.9% of the time sexuality just doesn't play into anything at all#and when it does it's brief blips that also don't go anywhere#and I have a pretty good idea of the pool of people I'm theoretically attracted to#but that also just. doesn't matter much once my brain latches onto someone and runs its tiring one sided course#and my gender is still accurate technically but I also have Nothing to say or think about it. it's all whatever#basically all the labels are still accurate it just means very little to me anymore.#it's weird cause it used to be an identity point right. of like hi! I'm [gender] [sexuality] and it's rooted in how you see yourself#and now if I think about how I would introduce myself. well. I wouldn't know but those elements aren't really on the radar to be honest#it comes into play so rarely that like. literally who cares#it's just wild cause people my age who I used to share online spaces with are still strongly debating over what it means to be x or y#and it just. doesn't matter to me anymore. I'm Anders and I like people out of my league generally speaking. hi etc#anyway musing rambling. it's okay if you feel different also#I guess those posts about how definitions matter less when you're older and more in irl spaces were right#bien rambles
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