#no im still not over how much of a bitch she was
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“how to ask your girlfriend if you’re bad at sex?”
warnings: smut! vibrator, protected sex, overstimulation, squirting
jisung! rummages through your drawers looking for your phone charger, his phone a little under 20%, when he stumbled upon a pink device, half the size of his hand, with a hello kitty top, confusion etched onto his face.
bringing it closer, he examines his new discovery. clicking on the one button he could find, the device comes to life, vibration coursing through his fingers.
he drops it in shock, finally realizing what it was before furiously shutting it off as fast as he could, every click just switching to a new beat before finally powering off and throwing it back where he found it, slamming! your drawer shut.
why the hell did you have a vibrator?
“sungie, you okay in there?,” you yell from your living room.
“y-yeah baby! just dropped my phone,” he replies quickly pulling his phone out of his pocket and doing the only thing he could think of.
—
*7 dream, 1 cup*
jisung: hypothetically…
haechan: i’m sleeping.
jisung: if u find a hypothetical hello kitty vibrator in ur girl’s hypothetical drawer, does that mean ur bad at sex…hypothetically?
haechan: im up
chenle: yes
mark: no
jisung: mark pls elaborate
chenle: fuck u how about me?
jisung: idgaf about ur opinion!
haechan: yeah! wdgaf!
chenle: k. all im saying is my girl doesn’t need a vibrator with how good my dick is
mark: don’t listen to him, think of the vibrator as your friend 🙂↕️
jisung: this isn’t about me! it’s hypothetical!
haechan: yeah, i agree with mark … my girl and i tried it last month and 😩😮💨🤯🪦💐🕊️☁️👼👍
mark: too much unwanted information about ur sex life but yeah same here, felt like i died and went to heaven for a split second too
haechan: omg what type of vibrator ur girl got? 😛
mark: not telling you
haechan: ☹️
chenle: real men used to go to war for pussy now they let a battery operated device beat them at sex
haechan: stfu chenle u know nothing!
mark: real men used to go to war for pussy now they’re scared once their girl touches a vibrator she’ll never need his dick again
haechan: ooooohhhh get him!
*chenle has left the gc*
haechan: dramatic ass bitch, no one add him back!
jeno: what’s happening here?
*renjun has added chenle to the gc*
mark: couldn’t even last a second 😂
haechan: renjun you traitor!
renjun: i actually don’t give a fuck!, jisung just go talk to your girlfriend about it for the love of god! and chenle stop messaging me!
chenle: just ordered a vibrator, gonna prove to yall that my girl don’t need that shit
haechan: which one did u get? u want recs? 🤓
jaemin: jisung can you ask y/n where she got her hello kitty vibrator so i can get one for my girl? 🥺
jisung: this is not about y/n!
—
he sighs in frustration, his friends were absolutely no help but he was more at ease knowing that their girlfriends had one too. taking renjun’s advice, he decides to just talk to you about it but he couldn’t find a way to do so.
he stays there on your bed googling how to ask your gf if you're bad at sex?, until his phone died, leaving him staring at the wall.
you entered the room, eyeing him suspiciously, he was supposed to be back in the living room 30 minutes ago, it doesn’t take that long to grab your charger, “you okay?” you ask.
“amibadatsex?,” he quickly blurts out, brain completely shutting down.
“what?,”
“am i bad at sex?,”
“what?! no!,”
“oh…”
“is there a reason why you’re asking this?,”
“i uhm…found your vibrator”
your cheeks heat up in embarrassment, “oh my god jisung, why were you snooping through my stuff!?”
“i wasn’t! i was just looking for your charger, i swear!,” he nervously explains, eyes almost bulging out of their sockets.
“i-i got one when you were on tour,” you confessed, cheeks still pink from this conversation.
“oh…,”
”yeah…” you look down at your feet, just wanting the ground to open up, swallow you whole and take you away from this conversation.
jisung walks over to where you were standing, gently turning your face towards him, “you don’t have to be embarrassed baby but can you please tell me why?, i don’t feel too good about it,” he reveals his insecurity and you knew you had to clear things up.
“i just- i couldn’t cum with my fingers alone anymore…i needed yours but of course that wasn’t possible so i decided to try it out”
he feels his pants tighten at your confession. the image of you getting frustrated at not being able to cum without him going straight to his cock.
“did it work?,”
“uhm yeah, it actually did….but it can never make me feel the way you do,” you admit, easing his worries.
he thinks back to what mark and haechan said. “can i try it?,”
“huh? i mean sure, i don’t know what it would feel like for you though,”
“oh my god no….can i try it on you?,”
“oh…like you’re gonna use it on me?,”
“yeah, can i play with you?,”
“oh o-okay,”
slowly you walk over, grabbing the vibrator out of your drawer and handing it to him, nerves of excitement bubbling through you.
“how does it work?,” he asks, inspecting the pink device again.
“well, it has 8 different vibrations, i usually just use the first 3, they feel the best for me and well you just place it where you would usually touch me,” you explain and he nods attentively.
“sit down,” he backs you into your bed, voice going an octave deeper and all you can do is follow his order.
sitting on the edge of your bed, jisung kneels down right in front of your core, you watch him, feeling yourself getting more turned on with every second that passes.
he pulls your shorts down, hips automatically raising up, before diving back into your clothed core, breathing in your scent and pulling your panties to the side, “you’re already so wet baby,” he praises licking a strip down your folds. there’s no way your vibrator is going to taste you before he does.
“does it turn you on knowing what i'm about to do?,”
you moan in response pussy clenching at nothing, “stop teasing sung please,”
jisung clicks the device once, the vibration hitting your ears in the quiet room, quickly pushing it on your cunt. you hiss at the first contact and he pulls it away, afraid he had hurt you, “what? what happened? are you okay?,”
“im okay sungie it was just too much too quick,” you smile, “here,” you guide him back to your pussy, “just push it lightly first, let me get used to it,” he does so, moving your vibrator in slow circles until it finally hit you at the righ spot, “ohhh, f-fuck,” you moan. jisung takes note of it, placing it there again earning another whine from you, “r-right there, baby, turn it up”
he clicks it again, the device gaining more speed before placing it back on your wet pussy, “oh my god!,” you moan, hand clutching his t-shirt, pussy clenching around air, “f-feel what im feeling baby,” you say, grabbing his other hand and leading it right to your hole. his fingers disappearing in you, “you’re so fucking tight,” he compliments in awe.
with the way he has curled his finger repetitively hitting that spot you can never seem to reach, the vibrator humming against your clit, your body gives in quicker than usual, “i-im cumming, baby i-dont stop, keep it right there,” you moan, pushing his hand harder, the added pressure finally sending you to release, back hitting your bedsheets, eyes rolling back. jisung watches in amazement, collecting the juices with his tongue making you whine.
all he could think about is if you were that tight around his finger, how would you feel around his throbbing cock.
“i need to feel you,” he makes his way over to you, soft lips landing on yours as you taste yourself in his tongue. he pushes his body on top of yours, making you feel his hard member, “you feel that baby? that’s how much i need you”
you swiftly discard his tight jeans, freeing him from his boxers, large cock springing up to his stomach. reaching for the condom in your nightstand, you place it on him, he moans at the squeeze of your hand, his rock hard boner somehow getting harder and you start getting worried. his cock was always enough to make you see stars but with the added vibrations you’re not too sure if you could take it.
you didn’t have much time to dwell on it as he lined up against your core, slowly entering you, moans mixing in the air.
“fuck jisung, y-you’re so big,”
“baby,” he grunts, rocking into you, your wet pussy making it easy for him to slide in and out.
he grabs your vibrator again, clicking it on and placing it back on your clit, pussy immediately tightening around him. he groans as you pull him closer and closer towards you, the vibration going straight to his cock, “holy fuck,” he gasps at the new sensation.
“f-feels so good sungie,” you whine against his ear, hips meeting his every thrust, getting quicker and quicker. the rest of your clothes being thrown across the room. you grab onto his back for support.
with his body against you and yours still being sensitive from your previous orgasm, jisung feels you cum hard. you were so fucking tight around his dick, it all feels too good. his lips swallow your moans as he continues his actions, desperately chasing his release.
“j-jisung” you gasp in pain, vibrator still placed firmly on your clit, but your boyfriend’s thrusts were getting messier and messier, signaling his nearing orgasm, and you wanted him to cum just as hard.
soon enough the pain turned into pleasure, a new commotion stirring up in your stomach, down to your toes. you no longer understand the feeling that’s taking over.
your vibrator has made you cum so many times before but you never felt it work with your boyfriend’s dick — this was entirely new territory.
“f-fuck, j-jisung, i’m gonna-,” you scream at the overstimulation, legs shaking, toes curling and before you knew it your pussy pushed him away, juices squirting onto his belly.
“holy shit babe,” he groans, the action sends jisung into overdrive, watching it all unfold as his release quickly fills up the condom, “aghhh,” he grunts in pleasure, body going slack on yours as you tried to calm your racing hearts.
“what just happened?,” he asks in amazement.
“i-i think i just squirted,”
“you think?”
“i think so, i-i don't know, it's never happened before,” you confess, getting embarrassed. he can’t help but smirk proudly, knowing that he was the first and only person to get you to do that.
jisung kisses you before you have the chance to hide behind your embarrassment.
“that was so. fucking. hot,” he compliments in between kisses” let’s do it again”
—
he finally finds your charger on top of your desk, his phone coming alive. in just a span of 2 hours he and his new friend have made you cum a total of 6 times, him 4, the room smelling of sex. and honestly he could go again but you have made him stop for now, body exhausted.
*7 dream, 1 cup*
jisung: hi chat
haechan: he’s alive! so how was it? tell us everything! 😏
chenle: no one cares
haechan: i care!
mark: yo dude u good? you just stopped responding
jisung: sorry, phone died
jisung: can confirm
jisung: 😩😮💨🤯🪦💐🕊️☁️👼👍
*haechan reacted 🤩 to your message*
*mark reacted 😂 to your message*
renjun: you’re welcome
chenle: just paid for expedited shipping yall better not be lying to me rn
jaemin: jisung did you ever ask y/n where she got it?
jisung: oh it’s at www.NowCummingToday.com/sanriocollab-hellokitty-vibrator
jaemin: thank you!! 😚
renjun: that can’t be a real site
jeno: holy shit they have so many options
chenle: robots are gonna take over my girls pussy and it’s your faults
haechan: ooh! try the rose toy! that one’s crazy ahaha 🤓
jisung: 🫡
mark: 🫡
jaemin: 🫡
an: happy bday to my baby jisung <3 (p.s. i tried to do the little smau text thing bcs those are my favorites to read but i honestly couldn’t find an app that was free plus too lazy to figure it out so sorry!…if anyone has tips pls let me know >.< )
#i just know he’s big#he’s an innocent freak#everyone greet my baby a happy birthday!#nct jisung#jisung x reader#jisung smut#nct dream x reader#nct dream smut#nct x reader#nct smut#love.c.
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i'm finally free from this months-long project
#vas.txt#i also killed it!! not my best work but i killed it!!#no im still not over how much of a bitch she was#time to unwind. chocolate stuffed croissant with hot chocolate ^_^
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i was the target demographic of "fan who would hate this season the most". my critrole tastes were specifically aligned and designed in a lab to hate nearly every single creative decision and change that was made
#aroace [vine boom] percy stan [vine boom] glintshore is my favorite arc [vine boom] percy and keyleth is my fav dynamic in vm [vine boom]#ripley is my favorite villain [vine boom] not particularly hot on vaxleth but i tolerate it bc keyleth is such a big fav and she#still has a rich and nuanced character even outside of that romance so it's fine [vine boom]#i liked the focus on vex this season until it was made clear that it was so she could be the designated griever over percy#and like the other characters would barely give a fuck at all#tbh the only part of me that won was my zerxus stanning side#i'm gonna be real if they adapt exu calamity i need i NEED brennan to write/co write the screenplay#i do not trust it with anyone else. i've lost my faith in cr adaptations with this singular season#sorry for bitching so hard but oh my god. oh my god i hated this so much. i hated this SO MUCH#3/10 the animation was gorgeous and i loved the pike/zerxus episode#but also i feel much sadder over the season letting me down than any emotional beats that happened in it#cr#cr1#tlovm spoilers#tlovm critical#HOW CAN THEY TELL US THAT PERCY FEELS GUILT AND HE DOESNT WANT TO BE FREE OF ORTHAX#WHEN THEY SPENT ZERO TIME CENTERING IT WHATSOEVER#im going to SCREAM
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Miryumi uni au!! Its been ages since ive drawn them and uni aus are so dear to my heart
#theyre the cutest#jock x nerd is peak relationship dynamic#except rumi is kind of a nerd too since she does medicine#she just doesnt show it as much#fuyumi on the other hand is totally glasses-wearing-book loving-muttering-tripping over her feet nerdy#she is the stereotype#and because i project onto her every so slightly although shes doing psych she still has a strong love for math#on a theoretical level#she does psych because she wants to be the therapist her and her family needed#btw#and rumi i mean obviously rugby captain#rugby fits her so well#and medicine makes sense to me because of how she improved a tourniquet when she was beating up the nomus#shed probably specialize in sport injuries#im kinda wishing id given her a prosthetic now#for backstory purposes#making my own headcanons about my AUs😭 bitch i am the canon#anyways#them<3#fuyumi todoroki#rumi usagiyama#mirko#miryumi#mha#bnha#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#wlw#chiquilines draws
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working in an art gallery and talking to a lot of full time artists has given me CRAZY imposter syndrome btw lmao
#i went to a local gallery today (not the one i work in)#and i was looking at this one artists work#and she used a lot of patterns but didnt go up to her#she came up to me as i was looking at her work like ' hi i see youre looking at my work which one do u like most' like okay#i had my headphones on at the time so it did scare me#anyway im really stuck thinking about her work#like shes got this lovely cluttered and messy and chaotic style with still life in one dimension#and she uses pattern and quilt-like grids and so much colour#and the chaos of her work is by far the best part#how nothing stays in their boxes andeverythings falling#its homely and DRAMATIC. which is a mix that doesnt always go together but is held together by the chaos of her work#AND THEN SHE PUTS COLLAGE QUOTES ON IT 'fly high in the sky like a butterfly'#AUUUGGGHHH it pisses me off so much. REALLY? THATS THE BEST QUOTE? no song lyrics no deepp meaning nothing to express the narrative? bitch#love her style but its KITCH shes KITCH her quotes are KITCH her subjects are KITCH <- lives in kitch central of the uk but WHATEVER#by the way im not exagerrating with fly high like a butterfly she really thought that was the quote to describe this chaotic scene like she#eight years old like what the hell. there ere others too the pissed me off#and then i talked to her and she was like. WEIRDLY insistant tht even though she used stencils and that her dughter and husbnd drew anythin#mildly complicated that she had still done a lot of work I HADNT SAID ANYTHING#but she was just BRUSHING OVER whenever i mentioned her patterns and stencils like she was ASHAMED#like what the hell im all for having fun with what you draw but youre three times my age and i can draw a bird better than our adult daught#also i spoke to her turns out she knows my stepdad so that was an odd link but whatever#anyway artists that give me imostersyndrome are my boss who does realism in WATERCOLOUR#oh the woman in the gallery also gave me a printed card whcih was cool since i was going to buy one just to be mad at
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pont pont vesszőcske
#this year just feels weird. im selfishly not saying ~rawr so awful or tragic#because there are things ive achieved this year that im proud of and that were long due#im so happy i did that masters course and im so glad i landed a job that pays well even though its torture on my nerveous system#my mind is forever free from academic guilt and pressure#and i can afford things that nourish my soul and body when they werent accessible before#so this is the firm acknowledgment of the fact that im lucky and have an objectively good life#part of which i was given and nice parts i actually worked my ass off for#and for the first time in my life im at a stage where its all … freestyle?? lmao like ok girl you did the things now find new things to do#and theres none hehehe just human connections that are harder to build than a cv or a thesis defense and doesnt only depend#on the effort i put in#but also on how the stars and planets are moving or idk#plus i just remembered how my sister told me that the reason why i kept procrastinating on my diploma was bc it was an excuse to not grow u#and now the universe is kicking my ass all year to make me realize that i need to change and grow and build a life i could settle in#because this bitch!!!! took 3 of my 4 closest friends and made them move countries and get married or in one case just simply get over me#and not to make everything about me but its how humans work okay so ofc im internalizing a lot of other tragedies as new signs#from the universe screaming at me#to get away from the parasocial bonds that give me so much joy but also affect me too much#like LAUGH AT ME all you want but ive been wanting to see ts live since 2009#and the only thing that kept me up in exam season at 4am was me and my friend sending outfit inspos to each other#like its silly i know but when that show got cancelled and i was hysterical i kneew the lesson was to grow up and stop investing so much#into lovely but also relatively short moments of my life#because i should be able to#look forward to other things after graduating than the eras tour but i WASNT okay#and i dont have to elaborate on how liam’s passing has been affecting me/us so i wont#but fuck that was a cruel reminder - to make things about me again- that though i can talk about this with friends on my phone#until my retina burns out or melts or idk what retinas do#i still dont have ANYONE in my phsyical proximity who would understand this pain and thats partially on me#and then my 85+yr old grandma got covid AGAIN for the 3rd time and my god she got better but in case i forgot she wont be with me forever#and i reached the tag limit so thats it anyway weird year very weird dont know what it wants from me#to the void
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why why why why why why why why why why why why why
#i have ZERO means of paying off this daily growing electric bill. if i dont theyre going to shut it off on the 4th. its still over 100°f.#and after tomorrow im going to be charged DAILY rent for being here past the 1st#and my grandmother who was supposed to bring materials to pack and help me get this shit organized just straight didnt show up#TWO DAYS IN A ROW LOL#''im just tired and stressed :('' YEA BITCH ME TOO I NO MONEY AND NO WHERE ELSE TO GO BUT UR DOG FECES INFESTED MODULAR#I NEED HELP PLEASE LOL#i promised not to hurt myself but you also promised to help and have flaked like 4 times in less than 2 weeks SO#MAYBE KEEP UR END OF THE DEAL HERE BEFORE I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE HA HA#IM HAVING A ENDLESS PANIC ATTACK AND I FEEL LIKE EVERYONE IS ABANDONING ME 👍👍#MY MOM SAID SHE LOVED ME BUT THEN WHY DID SHE LEAVE ME TO THIS??? I CANT DO ANY OF THIS ALONE MUCH LESS EVERYTHING#I NEED HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP PLEASE#SS ISNT GOING TO JUST GIVE ME HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS BY TOMORROW NO MATTER WHO I TALK TO OR HOW MANY CALLS I MAKE#ALL I CAN DO IS SCREAM IN THE TAGS OF THIS STUPID BLOGGING SITE AND CRY
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I can never look up anything about Skylar white on any site other than this one ever people really do just hate women so much ??? Even her wiki page is chock full of misogyny it's so depressing
#breaking bad#even ppl being like 'well walt was worse but she still sucked'#did we watch the same show??? she was being super gaslit all season 2 & forced into a relationship she no longer wanted in season 3#it makes me angry but also really scared how much the word bitch gets thrown around#i think everything skylar does after yelling at jesse to stop selling walt weed is actually completely understandable & okay#& everything ppl are mad at her about. walt did first & worse & longer#i will never get over this its honestly terrifying#he almost fucking rapes her early season 2 what is wrong with people?? i hate this world#straight up the creators have been like uh yeah we dont get why ppl hate her so much#we kept pushing the limit w making walt sympathetic but ppl just only care abt skylars 'mistakes'#it is literally PURPOSEFULLY WRITTEN INTO THE SHOW that skylar is a victim. that was their INTENT#sorry im preachng to the choir here ik but the more i see of the show the angrier i get about her treatment
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[|87
#been burdening my friends and partner too much with bitching about life but talking abt it makes me feel better so. i’m here.#new job is awful. but in a weird way.#i’m learning things and love my coworkers and the location and clients and work itself#but my boss is. my god.#it’s a little local place owned by one woman operated from inside her extra home on her property#she runs everything#and she is nice but she is??? loud ig. abusively loud#she screams and cusses and berates and belittles everyone and like#they all think it’s silly. it’s just her personality. they laugh or shrug it off. it’s just how she is. but i can’t do it#every day i tear up or cry on the way home cus she raises her voice at me or i hear her cussing and screaming in the back about like#me fucking up. over silly things. like i took a message for her but didnt say it was urgent.#then i hear her in the back HOW COULD SHE FUCK UP LIKE THIS SHE SHOULD KNOW THIS SHIT THIS IS SUCH SIMPLE SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH HER#and i just cant handle it man!!!#and she is so nice and supportive and texts me almost every night to ask how i am and if i’m okay#and like fuck dude i guess?????? but im also!!!!! not!!!!!!!!#my partner and mom both said i should quit and i think im. gonna.#the other place that wanted me is still hiring. i’m gonna talk to them monday and see if i can take that job still#but fuck dude. i dont wanna tell my boss im leaving. i dont think she’ll blow up but if she does?????#idk#i just hate that things aren’t getting better. i dunno. i just wanna cry and sleep all day#hopefully i get the other job and my boss understands. we’ll see.#thanks for reading
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You know what i hate more than liars?
Lying hypocrites.
#you fucking bitch you never even wanted to why even fucking bother telling me then#i fucking hate my lying ass roommate so much#‘its okay we can go another time’ shut up shut up shut up shut up just kill yourself atp#every damn day you insult me for something i dont do#and then when i do do it you fucking cancel on me just fucking cause#im tired of this shit. my apologies i cant fucking drive and theres no goddamn public transport my fault!#i hate you. you wont. we wont. you dont want to go anywhere so badly? fine.#we wont go fucking anywhere. anywhere. its your goddamn dream.#im glad hou can live such a fucking shut in life while i have no choice to do the same and suffer.#this probably seems wrong to others but idc youve not lived my lifr. its more than this.#its years of nitpicking and making choices that i shouldnt be in the middle of just to be held over later#physical and probably emotional or mental abuse.#its more then ‘being tired’ its more than ‘going another day’#you lied to me. you flat out lied and didnt even try.#do you know how many times ive been berated because i couldnt wake up at the time they wanted(#how many fucking times i was called names just because i asked for it right?#shut up. you have absolutely no goddamn right on what you think is justified until you know the full story#and still probably not even then.#i wish my roommate would just [redacted]. —/ talks about how often she thought about it#and uses it as leverage so might aswell make it a reality right?!#you wanted this you wanted this so badly.#you dont know what the fuck it means to feel and be suicid.#(spesifically refering to my roommate. lots of missing context bc fingrts hurt#but this 1000% doesnt mean that you arent depressed or anything just because you dont selfharm.#—/will never understand the threat of someone commiting suicide just because you didnt respond at a certain time. —/ will absolutely never#understand how important times are to me and why. its not that you didnt. its your constant lack of effort on things i like and nothing else
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its come to my attention now that im less public about having meltdowns and begging for *one specific persons* attention because i thought i *deserved better* than to be treated like a joke or a toy someone could just throw around whenever they want, that im getting less attention from men.
like yall can’t try and play the knight in shining armor to try and get into someones pants so you just don’t even try and honestly that’s pathetic. you shouldn’t have to try and love bomb someone vulnerable into liking you.
i feel complete and utter disgust that these men think i’d be down to hook up especially in a bad time. i’m not easy, and i don’t play games.
#liek what happened girl????#did you actually like me or did you just try manipulate your way into my life by playing the good guy???#the amount of experiences i have on here from guys like this is ASTRONOMICAL and its very telling now that im back and suddenly they dont#give a fuck anymore#like i’m not publicly CRYING about another man and am appearing more free and single than ever (not that i would ever scream what my status#is from the rooftops unless i’m with the loml because it’s NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS im never having my fights mistakes and heartbreaks#public ever again)#and EVERYONE is silent#like i don’t get it#if i was as beautiful and wonderful and deserving of love like you told me i was when you were trying to console me you’d see that im#now’s the time to do it when i don’t appear all hung up#but no instead it’s silence and don’t you think i don’t notice that tahts a red flag itself and kind of makes you look bad???#sure you can praise me to my face and try and save me from what you called an asshole but after that what’s left?#nothing#because you don’t genuinely like me you just like the opportunity and how it makes you look and how much ‘’helping’’ someone makes your#little ego SHINE#and you use the same moves and say the same things to everyone else you do it too and i see right through it and that’s why i never felt#anything talking to you people and just did it because i didn’t wnat to be rude but im over that#everyone i thought was genuine wasn’t and some of yall aren’t deserving of forgiveness#i was in love with that man i was crying about i know it would’ve been easier to rebound and fall for someone else giving me the attention i#was lacking but i knew there would be nothing left because i already felt everything before hand#i knew you didn’t actually love me and i knew you were pathetic little bitch boys (some of yall older than me still doing this shit LMAO)#i knew it would just make things worse because i didn’t actually fix anything i just distracted myself in something shallow and meaningless#with someone who got satisfaction over seeing me down just to save me afterwards and then leave#its pathetic#let me make this clear i’m not a toy or a joke or a prize to win after playing the game ‘’right’’ i am a person who deserves genuine#connection and care and for that to not be used as a weapon or a card you can play and hope you get a desired outcome#this is not poker this is emotions that i’m actually feeling#it’s liek only going for the model because she’s hot and not for the girl you’ve loved your whole life#when you go after something shallow and meaningless you’ll never actually win in life you’ll just feel empty
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#when ur the bitch that’s like waaa i want a relationship to get over my first one so that it’s not the only one that I obsess over#but also make 0 attempts to like…socialize or download hook up apps or like anything that would help me get over (redacted)#like there’s a girl in my grad school class who’s funny & cute but like idk her that well and for all I know she might have a gf or like not#be interested so#tho maybe it’s bc im attention-starved but whenever she talks to our group she does look like…directly at me#maybe im reading into this way too much#also if (redacted) saw her they’d be like yeah u have a type don’t u#bc she looks veeerrryyy similar to them lmao#ughhhh i wish i was more spontaneous & just did shit without needing like 3-6 months of overthinking beforehand#maybe i can talk abt this stuff w my therapist idk#just be all whiney and wail abt how there’s still a stupid part of me that’s like well they didn’t break up w me bc they didn’t like me#they did it bc of the nature of the relationship#so they still could have feelings for me#& what if I just ignore all that stuff and get back together w them#again i wish ianthe was real so she could give me a lobotomy like she did w harrow#I would be a lot happier if I could just. stop Fucking Thinking all the goddamn time#fae flutters
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Replaying p3 is such a frightening experience because it forces me to remember Ikutski is a real character that exists
#persona#the klock keeps ticking#like. idk what they put in this guy that makes him so forgettable to me but its like#i literally forget he exists every single time i boot up the game#and even when i remember beforehand that hes gonna be there so i need to anticipate him. i still get jumpscared when i see him#i dont think there are enough words in the world to emphasize how much i hate this guy#forget madarame forget teddie THIS GUY this fucking yassified ben franklin bitch? hes the worst persona character#he doesnt even do jack shit its literally all mitsuru like every time he shows up to help he ends up doing absolutely nothing#and mitsuru has to pick up the slack#also like when i complain about the original p3 voice acting im. mostly complaining about him#im sure his VA is very talented has probably voiced characters i know and love but god like#its so bad in this game he sounds so robotic and fuzzy its like theres big red arrows pointing at him#saying THIS GUY IS BORING AND IS JUST HERE TO EXPLAIN PLOT STUFF YOU DIDNT EVEN NEED HIM TO TELL YOU#also my hatred of Ikutski fuels my growing protectiveness towards mitsuru#cuz hes just so incompetent unreliable just creates more work for her but then acts like hes a trustworthy adult#and its so sad cuz all mitsuru needs is like. any positive mentor who can be responsible for her#and all she gets is this shit and while i think its funny how obviously evil Ikutski is its also like#dont blame mitsuru or really any of these characters for a second for not realizing it cuz like. its not like she has any frame of reference#for how a caring responsible adult behaves! and hes with the kirijo group which she has to trust cuz its all shes ever known#and she has to base her entire life around the group and never step out of line or question authority!#its a very interesting dynamic but also unfortunately Ikutski is not a very interesting character#oh boy do i try to make him interesting when i write him but god i just hate him so much lol#running him over with a bus i hate you stupid bitch get out of my head 👺👺👺
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#also god bless my friend who pointed out that im moving up and im going to be in a salon soon and will actually be doing something good with#my life vs the friend who did me this way pretending shes still in high school that freaks out and loses all her friends every 6 months#i wish it didnt bother me. and i know in 2 months im going to have brushed it off and move on like i always do when bad shit happens#but for the wound being fresh this shit just fucking sucks i hate it i hate it i hate it#i made a very very very vague post on reddit just asking for advice#and the more popular reply was someone more on my side who basically said i should tell her to go fuck herself pretty much#and the second one was someone who v obviously did not actually read the post who said it was all fluff and basically defended her even#when in my post i am saying i defended myself while still listening to the shit she says#and i fucking hate reddit bc people are so.....quick to be hateful and judge#and i knew to expect people being hateful but god DAMN like you yourself are basically saying theres not enough info (yes there was) and you#still are quicker to assume im in the wrong#meanwhile everyone who knows her is like bitch we told you to not forgive her last time and now look where you are#and i am not a perfect person i have flaws the same way everyone else does. literally everyone has said and done shit they regret#and i have fucked her over before because she lost her fucking mind on a campus manager and an educator and she told me to find my own ride#home because i didnt defend her losing her shit and screaming at everyone and ended up having to write an incident report (so did the other#girls who watched it happen so nOT just me) anyways now she uses that as an excuse for treating me like fucking trash because she finally#found out about the god damn incident report which made it so now anyone can say i said anything and she just believes it#its such a fucking joke to me because like ????? girl if we were in opposite positions you would have filled out the fuckin report too#granted it was a handwritten letter and not a report but it was basically the exact same thing as an incident report#my bad that a year ago i wrote a letter saying i was scared you know where i live and that youre mentally unstable. funny how a year later i#feel the same way all over again! except i dont because im not scared of her anymore shes a fucking theater kid who needs to get a grip#i cant wait to look at my self tag again in 2 years and be like DAMN REMEMBER WHEN THAT HAPPENED#every single person who knows her that isnt friends with her (i am basically refusing to text her friends bc i dont even want to know)#keeps telling me i didnt do anything wrong and ive given her too many chances and she fucks me each time#i just wish she would go get help bro there is something so wrong with her#self
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I stand by my stance that rude customers should face a federal charge of being an asshole
#legit i was just doing my job#putting a rack away. I told the lady looking through it#“Excuse me- i just need to move this down a bit!” itd be moved like#half of a meter. If that even.#and she got pissed at me???? Had some attitude???#like bitch how abt i run your ass over w the rack instead#not that it would do much. Its a small rack.#still though. Im alr on edge for some reason and feeling more anti social than normal#i just gave her the side eye. I dont think she saw though#fuckin hell man. I wanna go home.#but i still have 3 hours.
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How to not act stupid towards your gay crush who also has been your best friend for like 4 years and also you're kinda tipsy.
I need a tutorial i feel like anytime i open my mouth im risking the entire thing we have over here
#also i just texted him a long ass text about how his last crush on a mutual friend was kinda doomed and he was holding onto it for way too#long bc over the course of that whole thing she was with like two different people#she was also kinda a bitch but i dont feel like getting into tht#my life is a fucking rom com i just want a bf send help#i like him so much#ramblings#rn my entire love life has just been recetcion after regection#im proud of myself for confessing it instead of pining to all hell but fuckin still#someone remind me to talk to my therapist about that
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