#i wish it didnt bother me. and i know in 2 months im going to have brushed it off and move on like i always do when bad shit happens

[our-lady-of-mcr]

.

[mschimdt]

Pissed

colonel miles quaritch x human reader

2161 words

warnings: too many

- - - - - - - - - -

you were part of the military back on earth, they signed you up when you were 16, your parents wanted nothing to do with you, you were 18 when the phoneix project was announced, your parsnts didnt hesitate to sign you up if it meant that youll get sent to a plannet trillions of miles away, they wantes to get rid of you

they provided everything for you on pandora, they had their way with ardmore and made sure you got everything, the only reason they gave you all this stuff is because theyre rich and didnt knoe what to do with their money

you had one of the biggest rooms in bridgehead, your room was basically an apartment

it had 2 bedrooms a kitchen and one luxury bathroom with a living room that could easily fit 20 avatars

you hated everyone, everyone knew you were a brat, everyone knew that ardmore would fuck anyone up if they tried to mess with you, simple because your parents were paying her to keep an eye on you, you didnt know why they bothered because they didnt give a fuck about your existence

you had two friends on bridgehead, seio and mysa, seio was a scientist that specialised in testing samples from around pandora and mysa was part of the pheonix project, you saw mysa more than you saw seio which meant you and mysa were closer

they were the only 2 people on bridgehead that actually cared about you, but they didnt care TOO much, so youre usually left alone with your thoughts in your room

you were hanging out with mysa, you two were yet to get your avatars, some people already got theirs such as the asshole colonel miles quaritch, you hated him, a self centered asshole that only cared about killing jake sully, his friend lyle also got his avatar

lyle was pretty similar to quaritch, both of them were assholes, they always stuck together, atleast lyle never left quaritchs side

there was a huge party happening in bridgehead, to celebrate those that are going to get their avatars such as you and mysa

it was on a saturday, you and mysa were getting ready in your room, you had the closet of your dreams, all the clothes you could wish for, you were looking for a dress, you didnt have anyone to impress but you still wanted to look good, who knows maybe someone will finally like you?

you put a long black silk dress on, and did your makeup, and made sure to wear your favourite gold heels, this wasnt how you usually dressed, usually you walked around in cargo pants and a tanktop, but not today, you needed a change

mysa got ready, but she on the other hand had someone to impress, there was this guy that she noticed was hitting on her, soon they became friends and noe they both clearly like eachother, but they wont admit it

you and mysa walked out of your room making your way to the ballroom that was recently built, it had a bar and a buffet, it opened once a month

you walked inside, everyone stared partying, you looked around and saw the recoms that youll be working with soon, you hated them but you knew if you showed it theyd fuck you up, you sat in a sofa near the door with mysa and her 'crush' he had his arms wrapped around her

suddenly mysa and her crush leave and im left alone, i open my phone because i didnt want to leave just yet, i texted mysa where she went and shr said she'll tell me tomorrow before training, i looked around, saw no one was imterested in me and decided that it was probably time to go back to my room because i couldnt spend any longer in this place, the music was over simulating

you noticed quaritch eyeing you with no shame he was eye fucking you, when he saw youd caught him he just kept staring, raising an eyebrow while both of you made eye contact

it was awkward to say the least but, quaritch was quite attractive and i was surpised he was staring at someone like me. especially because my body isnt really curvy or anything, i wondered why he was staring, there was really no rrason to stare ay me at all, im unattractive and ive accepted it.

you had enough of the eyecontact, you broke it and walked over towards him he noticed it and he smirked a bit, his plan worked, you looked pissed , with full confidence you spat out a "whyre you staring at me?!" you sounded reslly pissed and that was the colonels goal

he stood up towering over you. you were facing his crotch, you stepped back a bit and looked up your neck already in pain from how high you were lifting your head to look at his face

"whyre u talking to me like that, hm?" the colonel grinned at you.

"you know what, i dont know why i even approached you,my necks starting to hurt, im gonna leave, bye" you said turning around to face the door

quaritch grabbed you by your shoulders and spun you around to face him again, this time he was crouching down so he was face level with you

"yr' not leavin' until you explain why you disrespected me like that sweetheart" he said grinning at you again "c'mon, speak up"

"because you were staring at me, what else am i supposed to do when youre staring shamelessly at me?" you say looking way more pissed than before

"sweetheart, i was starin' at ya' because you look stunning, couldnt take my eyes of ya'" he said with a devilish smirk

"well that doesnt explain why you were staring at me for so long, im gonna leave ive had enough of you" you said turnung around again

"stop tryna leave, ya' wont leave until you know how to respect me" he said grabbung your shoulder, this time not lwtting go, anchoring you so u dont leave, "so you gon' tell me or will i have to make you?" you had an idea, you werent scared of him

"then make me" you said grinning at the colonel this time, his expression turned into a pissed one now "look whos laughing now" you laughed at his facr, but then suddenly you were pushed against a wall, you didnt even process it

the colonel spoke "alright then, ill make ya', unless you dont wanna be screaming my name tonight, ya should speak up sweet'eart." your realized he was probably drunk, because hes never sput out anything as filthy as this

"i dont listen to drunk men" you said sliding yourself under his arms trying to get away, although you didnt mind the idea of you sceaming his name in bed.

he grabbed you again, this time throwing you off his shoulders and outside the ballroom, you were heading to his bedroom, so he wasnt lying...

"please- im sorry sir!" panicking because you ddint expect this, "too late cupcake, yr' already in for it"

he pulled his keycard out of his pocket, rushing towards his bedroom and slapping the card on the scanner, the door unlocked and he walked in, tossing you on the bed then locking the door

you were staring at him, he walked over and spun you onto your stomache on his lap. "you gon' be a good girl?" you could hear the smile on his face "y-yes"

"yes what?"

"y-ye-yes sir..."

"good girl, thas one step closer to teaching you manners" he said, he didnt even ask before he slid your dress up, revealing your pink laced panties

you heard him whisper "god damn", he put his hands on your ass, kneading it, then suddenly you heard a slap and felt a sting on your ass, "count, if you mess up we'll start over"

"o-one.."

he spanks you again and again, your ass had red hand marks on it. quaritch likes the sight knowing it was his hands that caused this

after he was dome you were crying, not sad type of crying, the type of crying when youre enjoying something, he spun you back onto your back, kissing the tears that fell from your face, "you were so good" he whispered against your cheek, quaritch trailed kisses from your cheek all the way to above your tits then he lifted himself back up, held your chin and pressed a light kiss onto your lips, it was soft, not rough

"since you behaved fr' me, you deserve a reward" at this point your cunt was already dripping wet, quaritchs cock was hard aswell

you sat up and slid your dress off leaving you in just panties, your tits were exposed

quaritch just stared for a few seconds, then unexpectedly he dipped his face down and started kissing and sucking your nipples. he slid his hand under the waist band of your panties and then releasing it making a slapping sound against your skin

you reached your hands down and pulled the panties somewhere on the floor, quaritch seperated from your nipples and stood up he slid up his tanktop and unbuckled his belt sliding his pants down leaving him in boxers

you could see the tent in his boxers, he was huge

he grabbed the waistband and pulled them off discarding everything he was wearing onto the floor, then he lowered back against your tits continuing what he was doing you felt his hand sliwly make its way down your torso, until it reached your throbbing pussy, quaritch teased your thighs before taking both of his hands and opening your legs

he took ome of his fingers and dragged it between your flaps, making you moan, you wanted anything inside you, you heard quaritch speak against your nipples " so wet fr' me hm?"

"y-yes sir.."

he finally plopped a finger into your throbbing cunt, thrusting it into you while bending it, you were a moaning mess, but you knew you werent done, he kept finger fucking you until you said "i-im gonna cumm" he suddenly stopped. pulling his fingers out and lifting his head off your chest

"aww little y_n wants to cum? we'll, youll only be cumming on my cock hm sweetheart"

you were desperate, "please" you kept repeating it "please what? i wanna hear ya say it or it wont happen" "please fuck me" your brain was too foggy to process what you just said, "alright then, remember, you asked for it" he grabbed his cock that was leaking precum from the tip, and dragged it against your clit

he lined himself up and pushed himself in ever so slowly, knowing that he could hurt you if he went too fast, tears formed in your eyes, quaritch noticed it " you okay sweet'eart?" "y-yea kee- going" he nodded and pushrd himself in, he was almost all the way in when he felt his tip hit your cervix, "we can stay like this for a bit if you need a little time to adjust just know that next time i wont be this gentle with ya"

"move, please" you ddint have to ask twice before quaritch started slowly thrusting his cock in and out of you, slowly picking up his pace making sure to not hurt you, just a few seconds later quaritch was full on ramming into you while you moaned, you swore you heard quaritch let out a low moan

your legs started shaking "can -i cu-cum..?" "sure thing cupcake" you came on his cock, youve never felt this good before, your orgasm finally stopped and now you were feeling over simulated

he was fucking you dumb, you could barely let out words when you heart him say something like he was gonna cum, then you left something wsrm load inside of you, quaritch thrusted a few times more before placing his hands on both sides of your body holding himself up from collapsing over your fragile body

you stayed like that for a bit, then quaritch pulled out, you tried closing your legs but he forced them open, seeing his cum leaking from your pussy, he pulled some of it with his fingers and pushed it back inside of your cunt. he grabbed yoyr knees and roughly closed your leg

he layed down on his stomache next to you, wrappung a arm around your fucked out bodyx you could bsrely see things straight or say words

"lets get you cleaned up" he carrued you bridal style to the bathroom, setting you on the counted whike he ran a hot bath for both of you

he washed your hair and your body making sure you were clean before washing himself and wrapping you in a towel, he carried you back to his bed where you both slept the rest of the night holding eachother

- - - - - - - - - -

lmk if you want a part two

also lmk of therr ate any typos ive missed

[bugboysgf]

Jealousy,Jealousy Pt.2

AN: Okay so like, i'm sorry for disappearing but i promised myself this year i would write more, so i swear i won't take another three months to write again. I saw someone ask for part two so enjoy :)     ( I wrote this in like 40 mins so sorry for all the errors.)

summary: Peter likes Liz, but you can't shake this feeling that he might feel something for you. (repost)

Peter knew what he did was wrong and he wanted to fix it but he didnt know how. You were a  stubborn person .He couldn't have gone to Ned for help because everytime Ned gave him advice. It always backfires so he was going to say the only girl that wasn’t mad at him for advice.

Peter walked into the living room feeling super tired, all night he was wondering how he could make it up to you.

“Hey peter, your up early.” May said as Peter sat down at the table. “You want some coffee?”

“Yes please,” Peter said in a tired voice. May smiled at him and grabbed a cup from out of the cabinet. 

“You're never up this early, what's going on?” she said putting the mug down.

Peter takes a long sip and shakes his head “nothing”

She gave him a ‘Yea sure” look “Come on peter i know you..what's up.”

Peter didn't know how to explain what happened but he knew that may was the only girl that could help him. “ I messed up at the party.”

“Did you get into a fight?” May asked. 

“No, like with a girl,” Peter explains. 

“With Liz? Listen Peter i don't really like her she gives me bad v-”

“No not with Liz!”  He cuts her off  “with y/n.” 

“Y/n? What did you do Peter” May says in a worried tone, she liked you so the idea of him messing up with you caused her to worry. 

“I kissed Liz infront of her.” Peter grits his teeth out of a cringe . He hates thinking about how dirty he did you. He wishes he could go back and change everything.

“Why on earth did you do that? You told me you liked her.” “I do” peter defend himself “but it was a dare, i was asked to kiss the prettiest girl in the room and i choose liz because what if y/n didn't like me, then i would have lost a friend that night.” he explains 

“Come on Peter, I told you she likes you it's so obvious , go to school and fix the mess you caused.”

“But how?”

“Figure it out!” May wanted to help him but he had to learn how to deal with this on his own.

—

You knew that you had to face Peter but you didn't want to. The whole weekend ,every time you thought about Friday night, it brought you to tears. You didn't know why though, it could've been the fact that your crush kissed the girl that you despise in front of you or because you were so vulnerable with Peter, you cried to him and it was something that you've never done before. And for him to just sit there and look at you without saying a word made it worse.

“Hey” Mj said to you as you guys walked into school.

“Oh hi, what's up?” you said without a care in the world, you didn't want her to know that you were hurting from what happened but to her it was all written over your face.

“Oh well i don't know… you tell me” she said in a sarcastic tone “texted you all weekend with no response. You left the party without saying bye.” “It's not like you don't have my location, you knew where I was.” you rolled your eyes.

“Come on y/n i know what Peter did is bothering you.” she said, turning her  unlock to her locker.

“Well of course it is like-” you opened your locker and a rose and card fell out. You look at Mj “what the hell?” you say confused you pick up the rose and card from off the floor. “Im sorry please forgive me- peter” you read the note out loud.

You look in the way that Peter's locker is in just to catch him staring at you with a smile on his face. You gave him a forced smile and started to walk up to him.

“Yes the plan worked.” he says to himself still smiling, his smile dropped when he watched you walk right past him and throw the rose and card in the trash. Maybe his plan didn't work after all

—

You managed to make it to lunch and avoid talking to Peter, you had mostly every class with him so that was impressive on your part. Now it was time for lunch. Mj had electives so she couldn't join you so you sat alone, most of your friends had their own little group but now that you weren't talking to Peter the group was disconnected you knew Ned was going to take his best friend's side even if he was wrong.

Peter saw you sitting alone, he could tell something was bothering you and he knew it was his fault. Every second that he went without talking to you seemed like torture and he had to fix it. He didn't care if you shooed him away because he would just try again. He excused himself at the table he was sitting at and made his way over to your table.

You were so out of it that you didn't even see him approaching you. He sat down and you looked at him with a dull expression on your face. It made him question if he should be even doing this. 

“Please forgive me” you looked at him and didn't say a word. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you.”

“You didn't” you say.

“I didn't?.” peter says relieved

“No, like I said before you just made everything clear. I was just blind i see.”  you said. Peter didn't say a word. “See you didnt change! You're doing the same silent thing you did at the party.”

Every second Peter goes with saying a word, he can feel you slipping away but it couldn't form the words to even explain how sorry he felt.

“I'm going to go,” you say, rolling your eyes. 

“I like you” he blurts out.

“What?” you said.

“I like you.” he says again without hesitation.

“No,” you shake your head. “You like Liz.”

“I- i don't…i like you.”

“You don't have to say that to make me feel better….What about the other girl?” it was hard for you to believe what peter was saying, yes you wanted him to like you but why couldn't he just have told you at the party.

“The other girl was you. I chose to like Liz because I thought there was no way you could have liked me, then at the party you confessed to liking me so ....”

“Oh” was all you could say, you smiled to yourself taking in the information that Peter just told you. “Are you sure?” you wanted to make sure you aren't dreaming.

“Yes, I'm sure,” he says, smiling. “Do you forgive me?” 

“Only if you forgive me for acting weird.”

“Of course…do you think it's too soon to ask you on a date?”

“No, never too soon” you laughed 

“Okay… so olive garden after school?” he asked.

“How could  I say no to the olive garden?”

Request are open!

[kusundei]

food for thought. because everytime it is mentioned i think abt how similar we r and im like. well if he can do it so can i right. but my whole thing js judt that i am so??? awkward? i will never let myself stand out rven though i am very well aware i could. am i smarter than most people? maybe. do i connect with everyone and am i friendly and empathize deeply and am i a listener? maybe. do i have good leadership abilities and can i do all of those things? maybe. but again the big difference is that he is brave and i am NOT. and just in general with everyone. but then again that leads bsck into that weird self loathing. i dont let myself stand out. 1 - because thats embarrassing and i dont want to be perceived all the time , 2 - im afraid of messing up, 3 - i have anxiety and i am incredibly awkward lets not forget abt that (i can fight it well though if i tried) and 4 - i dont want people to remember me. and moreso other people deserve that alot more than i do hut then AGAIN. evil and bad.

idk its just like yes i stand out in small parties. people recognize me and know that i am entirely capable when i know everyone else as well. i dont like standing out in crowds though but im well aware i have a lot of friends and slash acquaintances that would most likely agree w me but also no. jell no i dont like saying that. i enjoy being recognized for my work but if someone else wants to take the credit it doesnt bother me. reminds me of like ap psych with trhe whole data thing. yeah i remembered it all but i dont want everyone to pay attention to that. i get staff of the month repeatedly and i am constantly praised at work but i dont like acknowledging it because thats so scary. ive had so many opportunities where i could have stood out . i could have been asb. i could have been top of my class i couldve been all of this and this and this but i didnt let myself because i believe other people deserve thag more and im also incredibly worried to seem boastful. thats scary. i will never talk abt my own achievements. i am your humble king always and i would have always let alex win every single time

idk i just keep thinking abt it whenever it is brought up. people r so proud of their achievements and will talk about it all the time and they will go on about how capable they r and that they won this and this and this but when i do it i feel so overwhelmingly guilty even when its true. i will never stand up BECAUSE of it. do i think people r boastful whenever they do that sort of thing? helll no. im happy for you. i dont know why its so different for me i just pay attention because i am shocked one can be so confident. so i take it into account. we r the same. i am fully capable of doing those same things. he is so honest abt how smart he is and do i think he is not? hell no. hes right abt everything he says but then i think abt it and im like well why cant i do that. i know i am as well but i cant ever vocalize that but then i also cant dumb myself down tjat much cuz then people will think i am looking for attention. and then it becomes a whole cycle

like maybe i do want attention sometimes. i wish i couldve stood out. i wish i took those leaps i was fully able to do and let myself be myself in front of those crowds but im also so petrified of that attention 😓 which is why it is so endearing when i realize people do recognize that i am. smart i suppose. because its like oh. you knew that? and when people r just like. “I dont get this - ask sam he would probably know” “of course sam got this and this” “ask sam what he got” like especially in ap sem last year. geometry. it was endearing and yes i did bask in it in those small groups because its nice for a bit and yeah i do like the attention. i dooo. and oh my GOD does it suck so bad when somebody who is at the same level as me or lower (sorry) is praised for their work. because its just like. oh well i couldve done that too. but idk i am yearning or something.

idk so random i just keep thinking abt it. he is so proud and i am so proud of him as well and it makes me wonder why i cant be like that. i dont like saying that “we r the same” really because no i do think he is smarter than me and he deserves all of that and he deserves to be so proud of everything hes achieved and his knowledgement of how smart he is . just makes me think alot. where do i stand there. ? but comparing is evil. but that is a thing i do alot. just with evrryone. idk. then again yeah i do dumb myself down just cause its easier that way. but idk its whatever i dont want to go home because im worried being alone alone will cause me to crash out. at work again i cant crash out because im being perceived. same at school. but once i am truly alone then what. idk. i just dont have the energy to really do all of this again and i should probably talk to someone. cant keep doing this idk but whatever

[dullahandyke]

cant be bothered to make mulitple posts. have one post with many contents, it is like a treasure chest. also whoops got long teehee take a readmore

BOOBS. boobs. tits and boobs. soft and eueueuugughghghgh fun to squish and heavy and smell nice. society if i had someone to fool around with. kissing doesnt sound that appealing but if i played w someones boobs it would fix me i think. sorry. not sorry actually #liveyourtruth. whaever im 19 i can post abt whatever i want n what i wanna post abt is boobs

not to hammer home an old thought but god i wish i lived in a town or a village or a city... theres literally fuck all to do here unless i wanna bug my parents for a ride into town so instead i just sit inside n its kind of detrimental to my social life n indepence. like on the plus side, i might have considered taking up vaping in a calculated 'swapping one vice for another' way if living in the middle of a field didnt make getting my hands on any on a regular basis so utterly implausible, so like its good detterant in that way, but also like man do you know how psyched i would be to be able to walk to the cinema. walk to any store where i could buy things. u know how long google maps says it would take to walk to my local library? two hours. cant even go anywhere to hang out on a whim or without enough reason to justify bothering my parents abt it. like all going well ill hopefully be in the city for college come september but like. killing and bitingggggg

graduating in a week and AUGH on one hand out the gap waheyyy only a month until exams are DONE FOREVER (until college) but on the other hand, fuck man im never gonna see this school again, i barely hang out w my friends outside of school unless its someones 18th which in practice means that after the debs thats IT!!!!!oh my god im going to DIE, i need to go find cliodna on instagram so i can follow her because shes nice. ill be sitting in random classrooms in school lately n be hit w the fucking melancholy because im like oh boy soon i'll never see this place again and its like... intellectually i know that i am not one to dwell on shit like this after its happened, as evidenced by the 'oh god my friends are all going off to college, itll only be me and the kiddies in the youth theatre next year' crisis i had last spring, after which i was Fine Actually and rarely even thought of the ppl who left bcos i have the object permanence of a 2 month old, and in practice this summer is gonna be the same as every summer is and i didnt see a single one of my irls during summer last year and i was fine but like.... idk man knowing its the end.... kills

speaking of which, oh my GOD the leaving starts in *checks watch* 22 DAYS. FUCK. like the points i need for my course are actually pitiful like but 🥺 wanna do good... do i regularly and loudly disparage the english course and maintain that the only real measure of one's writing capabilities is your own evaluation? yes! do i still want a H1? also yes! it would be the easiest thing in the world if i was less opinionated but luckily i AM that opinionated. also god. biology the day before history.... death. ive not been paying attention to either class for literally the past few months, im gonna have to kick it into high gear when i graduate bcos lbr im gonna get my shit together enough to pay attention until im not in school anymore.

thinking about boobs again. would like to hold some. an irl's school shirt keeps shifting so i can see her boobs thru the button gaps and im heeueuugueugh

eating a mini viennese ice cream or whatever its called n its good 👍🏻 hard to type w tho

boobs again. hhhahwhauhghah!

my ass hurt. done.

[andsalttheearthbehindyou]

april reading wrap up

1. binding 13, chloe walsh - THIS is my guilty pleasure.. ohhh this is like if normal people was less well written litfic and more in line with sappy trashy romance novels. BUT GOOD. oh it reminds me of like a good quotev story. which is like wattpad for emo middle schoolers

2. the prisoner’s throne, holly black - MASSIVE disappointment, but now that i think about it, idk why i was so let down. i didnt care for the three cruel prince books but i did really like stolen heir which made me excited for this. but this follows a different characters pov and was just a big downgrade from stolen heir. i wont read any more holly black going forward.

3. the boy who was raised as a dog, bruce perry, md, phd - preferred this one over the body keeps the score. i cried three separate times.

4. the salt grows heavy, cassandra khaw - cute and eerie!! save this one for october.

5. the god of endings, jacqueline holland - also cute! i dont know why i read all these spooky adjacent books in the middle of spring but i digress

6. lilith, nikki marmery - i thought id really like this but the writing style and characterizations felt too modern and tongue in cheek for the content itself. might have served better if reworked as an original story as opposed to a retelling but what do i know

7. clytemnestra, costanza casati - this is like circe x 10000000 oh madeline miller WISHES she couldve written this.. this is such a good retelling. maybe im biased because i just love the atreus family and the orestia and everything but content aside the writing was really magnificent

8. keeping 13, chloe walsh - MWAHHHHH AHHHH RAHHH GAHHHH

9. monstrilio, gerardo sámano córdova - the first three fourths were very good but the last act just lost me! another eerie sort of monster book with a maternal lens. good concept and good execution even, i just felt like the ending fell flat and getting thru it was a chore

10. shatter me, tahereh mafi - i dont know why i bother with the booktok book recommendations anymore. this was PISS POOR. and i think theres like eight of these books. oh you couldnt PAY me to read the rest.

11. butcher & blackbird, brynne weaver - EVEN WORSE

12. thirst, marina yuszczuk - if i had one quarter for every monster aligned book with themes of motherhood i read in april then i would have one whole dollar!

13. stone blind, natalie haynes - was scared because this was like my third retelling of the month and i was nervy. it couldve gone lilith bad or clytmenestra good and it was GREAT!!! im so pleased with this and all the perspectives and everything was done so well and right. everything was so lyrical and smart.

wowwww im so proud of my month!!!!!!!! :)

[angustully]

if you like to read about other ppls drama and problems

feels sad to say this and reflect on it during my 7 hr bus ride home today but i just dont feel like i had a good quality time with my friend quinn this weekend.. it was a short visit for sure so i wish we couldve spent more time together but also i got on the bus this morning feeling completely fine that i didnt have to stay any longer. which makes me feel so shitty but its like.. my friend is going through a breakup and basically has been for months now since june im pretty sure which for me personally its like my friendship kryptonite. when a friend is having relationship trouble of any kind i have no idea how to be a supportive friend because unfortunately yes i am the "break up with them" friend. and right now all i think he should do is ACTUALLY separate himself from her and set some fucking boundaries and not talk to her for a long time, instead of what he did over the weekend which is go to a party he knew she would be at because theyre still friends with all the same people and then also basically ditch me in the middle of rhe party to be with her all night when he knew i didnt know anybody but him and the host. sooo yeah idk that kinda sucked. the thing is too ive been friends with him for 5 years now and ive like hardly interacted with the girlfriend shes nice enough but i dont know anything about her just that she seems to also be going through some shit right now which is why i think they broke up (and should stay broken up!!!). but before rhe party on saturday quinn was like "is it gonna be weird for you to see my ex at this party?" and i almost laughed because like. why the fuck would i care gjdkdh do you hear yourself?? no the only weird part was you acting like i wasnt there after 2 hours. luckily im so charming and easy to talk to and managed to meet some of his friends hes been telling me about for years (and yet hardly bothered to introduce me to anyone) and it wasnt the best night but it wasnt horrible either. and i feel for him i do but at the same time we have completely different personalities when it comes to this shit bc when i am done with someone not even romantically but like friendships too i am capital D done, i dont want them back in my life and i want my space from them so i can actually think about what happened and move on. instead he got so drunk i had to drive us home when ive never driven a car in chicago before and he was just being maudlin about the fact that him and his ex werent leaving together. and then he asked me 800 times if i had a good time at the party and every time i lied and said yes but what the fuck else am i gonna say, that im too old and have always been too lame for parties with loud music and weed and more than 6 people in attendance? i want to help my friend i can tell hes really not in a great place right now but i also dont think he wants to be helped he just wants his fucking girlfriend back and he cannot see that that will do him no good now or in the long run. fucking christ i dont know. rocky horror was fun. the queers there all loved my orville peck costume so that was nice. and i was one of three winners of the costume contest and as a prize they gave me a button that says GIRL DICK 🤠👍

[nicekaylee]

july fucking 31st

it's 2 am

after the show i said fuck all of THIS

and went on a fucking vacation. and getting therapy

and it's been going pretty sick, therapy not started. but anyways thats a write up for another day. im just going to talk about something specific that happened today.. im so pissed, and heartbroken.

CONTEXT

in my past 3 years of wasting my life on this god damn album, someone i knew a bit lit up my life in the last year,2022. this girl. the way she dresses just opened up a new sense of inspiration for me that ive never had before. so i get to know her a bit more once we hang out, and then i get to know how similar our interest in things are. we talk on the phone, and it's really nice. i knew after my birthday that this girl was someone special to me. and even though she's inspiration, i wanted to know i wanted to be there to care for her and be a closer companion, especially after knowing her past history and how i feel like she may have not felt that. fast forward 10 fucking months and im no where closer. in fact, even further away. i bet this girl doesn't think about me at all. and i'm just confused cause she barely shows any emotion at all. like one of the hardest people to understand, yet im still so invested. but it's getting very one sided. I got very depressed after my birthday, and then super focused on my album so i had little social life.. if any at all. not one message of empathy from her.. a couple of times seeing her, but never alone.. but whatever that's not the real point of the story. that was all just context. THE REAL STORY

so it's july 2023 i can't look at her as a friend, cause i have too many feelings. we talk minimally but theres a group chat thats kinda our saving grace. and just recently, she started med school in galveston. fuck. during my vacation, i'm trying to enjoy my life more. ive always wanted to wait till after my album is done, where i feel like my life will be easier, but now a days im thinking.. fuck that. i'm tired of waiting to be in the right time of my life because i can't bottle these feelings any longer. like fr this shit is bothering me so much. i'm getting older and just wishing and having this crush with no substance makes no sense.

so i need to tell her asap.

i wanted to see her in galveston. somehow ended up into a group friend thing to visit her in galveston, then her mom shut that down.

because she is in the most complicated situation literally not meant for dating at all. no car, mom takes her everywhere, curfew as fuck,her mom doesnt even want her around guys, what the actual fuck. but fuck it, she makes time to hang out in houston..for like 2 hours.. but i appreciate it honestly i understand her life situation.

TODAY she pulls up to my friends house with her brother cause her moms a freak about her going out. it's another group hangout. how tf am i gonna tell her my feelings?? anyways,

i mention i went to galveston and she seems UPSET THAT I DIDNT TELL HER?? CAUSE SHE COULDA MADE A WAY TO SEE ME..

NOW SHE WANTS TO SEE ME? WTF. idk dude it's so hard to understand her. so that was some good insight. but it's the past so whatever..

we play mario party on the switch. finish and it's about time to go. i whip out a surprise bag with gifts i wanted to treat my 2 other friends and her with! snacks for one, a fork for another, and i got her these super cute pens. she seemed to like them! she then says i didn't have to get this cause she knows im broke. WTF. honestly, shit was funny. idc but then she starts talking to me or us about some more details of her school life. she seems to always looks at me more. like most of the time. i LOVE that, but i have no clue how basic that is for her. she tells me shes finally gonna start her dream cover band, which is sick, love to hear that. someone said i should do a cover band.. i made a face and was going to say i actually do plan on it--

THEN SHE FUCKING CUTS ME OFF. AND FUCKING SAYS I SHOULD MAKE CUTE JINGLES FOR MY GIRLFRIEND(S)?? LIKE HALLMARK CARDS w pretty messages and simple JINGLES?? .....WHAT THE FUCK...

im staring at her like about to fucking lose my mind... cause i want to do that FOR HER. i almost impulsivey confess everything i feel to her. but everyone was right around me, her brother too. and i didn't know if it would be bad for her brother to hear..and have him spread info to her mom ..which will fuck her over more. i didn't wanna do that. so i just calmed down and played dumb. she left and said it's gonna be a long time till she'll see us again. what the fuck. im so mad. my friends said i shoulda just told her right there.. but idk it was so much random pressure and i wanted to be courteous and not fuck her over..

but jesus fucking christ im so mad. or some other word to describe how riled up that got me. this woman needs to know how i feel. i actually dont give a fuck anymore. im a grown dude and that annoys me that this is all weird puzzle solving teenage shit. cause if she was hinting, fuck her so im going to galveston this wednesday. giving her A SPECIAL hallmark card with a beautiful art of her and a BEAUTIFUL SONG only for her. not for OTHER girlfriends.. FOR HER. she is the one i want to make these things for . she needs to know shes the one i care about. before some asshole gets to her in galveston. honestly i actually dont care. i just wanna make sure she knows how special she is to me. that'll give me peace of mind. and she says no, then honestly im okay. anyways im doing it. wednesday. cant bottle this in anymore. i really hope she lets me see her man. i just want to let her know how special she is to me. it'll hurt my heart knowing if i never did anything. and maybe she'll share something loving as well

maybe

[credulouscanidae]

i think. it's because i got denied an appointment to start hrt again despite giving all the history + diagnosis. nhs isnt going to help me. i had a massive breakdown about that. i was told i need to send the docs, sent them off couple weeks before christmas, sent a follow up email as i didnt get a reply back early jan, then called up asking for an update, only to be told that they apparently sent a letter to my old gp about denying me an appt. and then got all indignant when i asked for a copy of the letter -about me-. couldnt even acknowledge my 3 emails i had sent them over the month. nah, all my medical future gets decided without my input or autonomy. such is the case with the nhs i hear. that was....the week before? idk time is getting lost on me.

then within the same week i get indirectly told that i didnt get the job i was really riding on getting, at the place i volunteer. i was hyped up about volunteers having a higher chance by the workers there. radio silence for months. get told by one of the workers at break "oh btw im sorry you didnt get the job". despite...despite asking for a follow up about my outcome, and being assured that i would get a yes or no answer, because "they follow up with everyone who has an interview whether you got the job or not".

me from a year ago wouldve been disappointed, but probably couldve picked up from that and be reassured. the me now? cant bounce back. clearly im not worth having these opportunities. im not worth having a job at the place ive been at for9 months, and instead they hire 2 completely new people to the organisation. i wasnt even runner up.

i miss my old self. i am a fat disgusting estrogen-ridden husk of my former self.

i miss working. it fucked me up in a lot of ways, but it kept me fit, busy, occupied, and productive.

i miss connection and talking to people. god, i miss it every day. and the only solution to it is to challenge myself. but it's so fucking easy to give up and resign to the fact that no one cares or id be a bother or i deserve to be alone. how the fuck are you meant to be convinced to even instigate convo when thats all that goes through your head?

while im not making any effort to end my life, im sure as hell also not doing anything to preserve it. i feel like im going to snap some point soon. i feel more and more unhinged every time i have a breakdown, like i am so rotted from the inside that i can barely hold myself together anymore. my foundations are collapsing. i had a breakdown mid last week and i still feel hungover. my body itches and jitters all over.

cant even do my dog grooming properly. im not confident nor experienced enough, but im too scared to take abreak from it because i know that's just the mental illness talking and i should just suck it up and pull through. i could if i tried.

but the problem is i cant find a reason to try.

i feel like a sim. like a simulation just going through the ropes, making the body movements that constitute a behaviour. but im not actually doing them. i barely comprehended that i made dinner last night, it kinda...spawned. bangers and mash it was. first cooked meal in a long time. beats whatever frozen thing i shove into the oven.

i get up, have breakfast, pass the time and just eat whenever i feel hungry, and before i know it, it's time to sleep. every day blurs into one.

i know this all sounds melodramatic but it's how i feel. i hate myself for only being able to express my misery through dumb tumblr posts hidden under readmores. thats not the way to get help. i want help, and i know i need it. but that requires me to believe that i am worth saving.

but i am not worth saving.

if this is what life has to be then i dont know.

i just. wish i could feel like things will be okay one day. that there is an end to this.

im going to bed.

it's been a. weird past 7 days or so.

[cynettic]

Stay with Me pt.3

Summary - You manage to escape from Scaramouche, if only for a moment before you realize there’s no escape. It only takes until you’re sitting back in your regular spot that you know what you need to do.

Pairings - Kitsune!Reader x Yan!Scaramouche

Warnings - Suggestive content, mentions of death, swearing, slight gore / blood 

A/N - Its really hard to make this depressing while I’m vibing to Rasputin. Like no joke- I have it on one of the 1 hour playlists :D

Here you’ll find -  pt.1 and pt.2

He’d left a key.

Scaramouche didnt make mistakes, not while he had you captive in the vicinity of his bedroom. He didnt have room for mistakes, not when you were watching his every movement while he was in your line of sight. 

Sure, he mightve killed a person or two in front of you, but those were necessary mistakes. There was a sign on the door, it specified not to enter. You’d understand that, right?

Thats what he thought at least, lulling himself into belief after belief that you’d be there waiting for him every time. That you’d welcome him with open arms, even if there were chains ensnaring your wrists. That you’d accept your fate at his hands and submit yourself to him.

The Balladeer was a fool.

He’d kept you there for too long, and while you searched for an easy way to escape, time sent your head spinning. Into a spiral that begged only for the wind against your face, back laying on dirt with the familiar chirping up birds waking you up in the morning.

You wanted to go outside.

And when push comes to shove, you had to risk a little more to make it happen. Lure him into bed with kisses while your hands unbuttoned his vest. But what he believed to be alluring contacts was just your way of finding the keys hidden in the back pocket of his shorts.

It wasnt hard to find the one to your cuffs while he was asleep, cuddled in your chest with both arms around your waist as if to get you to stay put. You took the key, hiding them back in his clothing and hoping he didnt notice.

He didnt say anything the next day.

You werent going to wait any longer.

“Oh for fucks sake, why won't the goddamn door open?”

The room was left in tatters behind you, a little gift for Scaramouche once he got back. Turns out a pair of chains can smash up a lot of things, and rage can be used as a great source of strength when contained for such a long time.

But you’d done more than throw the blankets around, cut up the drawers and smash open the windows. Because your fists had bled red when you punched through the glass, puncturing your skin. Your knuckles were an ugly red, bruising already.

Ah, Scaramouche deserved a much better gift.

Gruesome as it was, you rubbed your knuckles against the pale walls. Till the blood stopped coming, till there was a nice little message for the boy which you held so dearly to your heart.

‘Balladeer.’

The first time you’d found out about him being a harbinger he’d told you not to call him by that name. You weren’t someone he associated with by work, you were a treasure to him. That’s why you continued to call him as he pleased, although the temptation always arose.

You were no longer his.

Shoving the door with your hand again, palm fiddling with the handle and groaning when it hardly budged. “Stupid,” you grumbled when the knob began to loosen. Backing up, you charged with your shoulder to the door, full force as the momentum broke the hinges. The door fell down with you along with it.

It was expected, you’d been stuck in the room for a long time, and thats considering you’d sat on the ground for decades. Your body was slight numb, muscles sore and unused for so long. 

“You a-arent supposed to leave your room!”

A young man stood in the hallway along with a woman who looked relatively the same age. The two were wearing uniforms, flinching when you stood up from the debris and off the door. “Excuse me?” You asked, voice unnecessarily icy and stern. But you couldnt care less, you were going to get out of this house, damn anyone who stood in your way.

They both continued to shake when you walked towards them, staggering from side to side. The woman stepped up in front of the man, presenting a brave face. “If you leave the mansion, the harbinger will kill us all!”

“Well then I expect you should be on your way then. Actually…” you gestured to the maze of hallways. “You can lead the way.”

“What…?”

Your hand went limp to your side, an exasperated looking momentarily crossing your face before you sighed. “Im not staying trapped in that room, I’m sorry if that ruins your life, but frankly you're not the one stuck in there are you?” You took an extra step just to intimidate them, eyes wide to make the appearance of crazy. “It would be a great help if you showed me where he hid my vision too.”

“We can show you to the door…” The man began, “But the whereabouts of your vision are unknown, he wouldnt tell us something like that.”

A gift bestowed from the gods, a piece to help me thrive with my ambitions and pursue my goals.

Gone.

You really wished you’d taken to clawing out Scaramouche’s face instead, but you’d take what you got. Right now your main priority was getting out of this place, even if it meant leaving a piece of you behind.

“Door.” Your voice was raspy and there was a terrible feeling that crawled up to your throat, but you didnt have time to be emotional. “Show me where the door is… please.”

The conflict in their eyes dissipates by the time they lead you along, mumbling words between themselves. You didnt bother to try eavesdropping, you were so, so tired. You wanted to go home.

Anywhere. Anywhere but here.

It took a few minutes until you were standing in front of a grand door, almost twice the size of you and just as wide. You then began to notice the decorational plants and furniture that filled the empty space, there wasn't an inch of dust. Even though you could tell none of it was used.

“Hurry,” the man warned when you paused. “I dont know when our master is coming back, but if its soon, we’ll all be screwed.”

You couldnt feel your head as you numbly nodded, hand clenching the knob and flinging the set of doors open. “Thank you,” you merely mumbled, taking your first step out of the house in what felt like forever.

The days after that were a blur, the area around Scaramouche’s house were nothing but void. Empty and filled with forests and vast plains. You knew he didnt like people or socializing in general, but to this extent?

Your only option was to run.

Let your feet take you somewhere, anywhere. It was a constant pattern of running and taking breaks, leaning on a tree and gasping in a few breaths before you were again scurrying through the forest. 

And yet you felt better than you’d felt in past months that you’d been stuck with Scaramouche.

Food became any boar you came across, the claws you’d spent so long hiding with Scaramouche coming to unleash a wrath beyond your comprehension. Till the animal was cut to shreds and no meat was left even to eat. You’d slaughtered it, without intention to eat or benefit for it, you’d killed it just to kill.

“I’m sorry,” you’d sobbed into the ground where you’d buried the harmless animal. Forehead pressed into the dirt as you pleaded for forgiveness to whatever archons would accept it. You couldn't even remember what archons you were supposed to pray to. “Forgive me- forgive me…”

But eventually you found your way around to somewhere you knew. Territory of Inazuma where you could find your way back, back home.

Where was home?

You’d been on the run from the vision hunt decree, abandoning your post for the Kitsune Saiguu for such a thing. Even now that you could return without a vision and as no threat under the decree…

You’d sacrificed everything for your vision.

Where were you to go now…?

Rain patted down, the trees providing only a slight cover as stray drops fell into your matted dirty hair. You didnt mind, it hid the tears that slid down your lifeless face, feet taking you into the far meadows of your hometown. Till you plopped down underneath a tree, knees curled to your chest and arms hugging them close. You were crying.

You were home.

____________________

“Awh,” a ginger haired murmured, elbow resting on the cool wood of the tabletop. “Is little Mouchie sad? I heard your kitty cat escaped~”

A death wish, even fatui that idly minded themselves around the bar knew it. Sipping cold drinks and swirling their cups, the soft chatter was nothing but a distraction from the main course of events. That being the smaller Harbinger who sat sulking in his seat, hunched over with a drink in hand. He’d drank far more than what was on the counter, but everytime he finished a glass, he’d smash it on the ground, watching the fragile glass shatter into pieces.

“I dont have a cat,'' was his only response, tone daring Childe to pursue further. To give him a reason to start throwing the glass in his face instead.

And Childe was an idiot when it came to challenging someone.

“No cat?” The rest of the drink in the taller harbinger’s glass was gone when he threw his head back. “Hmmm, I cant think of what else could’ve had you so enraptured in returning home then~!”

Scaramouche didnt respond, uneven bangs shadowing the bags under his eyes. “Stronger,” he said instead, elbow on the counter and hand outstretched for something. When there was no movement from the man managing the wine, the harbinger looked up. “I need something stronger to drink,” he repeated, voice seething.

“Of c-course!”

The glass was nestled in Scaramouche’s palm in no time, fingers curling around the circular form to down it in seconds. The drink merely slid down his throat in one movement, alcohol burning his senses. It didn’t matter, he was numbed by the growing rage inside of him.

Finally, he turned to the ginger haired boy, eyes hazily dancing along the counter till it reached his fingertips. Up his hand and along his arm, till Scaramouche was staring right into Childe’s eyes. “They escaped,” he admitted softly. “But it’s alright, because I sent something that’ll bring them back.”

Childe paused, raising his drink up away from his lips to pose a question. Hesitation danced along his features before he brought the glass back, he’d rather not provoke the shorter male any further. Wasn’t like he could interfere anyway.

____________________

“That… that…” 

It was preposterous, having returned to that same spot for a day or two and heading back to the hometown you’d once lived in. The one Scaramouche had lived in. There shouldn’t have been an issue, you were solely gathering supplies for the sake of it, ambition driving you to travel far far away.

Out of Inazuma.

It was your new beginning, convincing yourself that you didn't need a vision. Finding some sort of purpose before Scaramouche shattered the vision and your life along with it. You’d seen how people had reacted when it had been ingrained in the statue, neutralized and broken. They lost hope, purpose and aspirations for anything new.

It’s not like the Raiden Shogun took my vision.

But you’d taken that fact for granted, expecting some sort of new start without Scaramouche. A victory, getting away from him just for a split second and getting out of Inazuma altogether, you’d never see him again.

Until you got his message.

“How the hell…” You crushed the note until it was just crumbled paper in your hand, slowly leaning on the stone wall. “Piece of shit… what kind of person even…” 

Not only did he manage to find you, but without making his presence known, he’d tugged at your one weakness with an ease that had you down on your knees.

You threw the paper to the ground, deliberate as you stared past the alleyway. Pensive as you considered your options. Damn, what options did you even have? You’d been an idiot to underestimate Scaramouche, he wasn’t a child, you knew that… but archons he seemed like one when he was with you. Shown you a vulnerability he wanted only you to see. But maybe that had been part of his plan all along, until all you believed was his soft demeanor.

He may act like a child, but he’s a harbinger.

You stared down at the crumbled piece of paper in disgust.

Not only that, but he has no regard for human life.

Either way, you’d lived decades more than him. You could face him, you would present yourself to him just as he expected you to. Even when everything in you rejected the idea, sobbed at the thought of returning to that house, those chains. Being locked up and confined only for the purpose of coddling a small boy, a selfish boy, a cruel boy. 

Deep breath in, deep breath out.

You’d figure out a way, and this time you wouldn’t rule out the option of his death.

———————

Oh darling Y/n, how have you been?

I hope this letter reaches you rather soon, we both have much to discuss, no? About me, about you, and much more. You see, I’ve taken up quite a distaste to your little friends. Stone statues in Inazuma as small as Kitsunes truly hold no purpose, what will they do, come back to life? Haha, I should think not. I’ve already arranged to have them demolished, who knows what kind of material they might possess. Ah, and of course I’d show you the finishing product, unless you’re willing to come and have a chat with me once more? Under the Sakura tree like we used to, you’ve waited years, I believe you can wait for me?

I hope this letter reaches you in best interests. I’m always looking out for you after all.

Sincerely, your Balladeer

——————

It was raining.

Beautiful weather as you lay sitting there, feet crossed and tucked in the same you’d often do. After all, there was no need to fear the vision hunt decree or the Raiden Shogun. Let them come, let them take care of you before Scaramouche did.

You werent cold, not when the cold drops dampened your clothing, slipping down the length of your spine and drenching your face. Despite having lived in a luxury residency for such a long time, this was where you were most comfortable, enduring whatever the weather had for you, taking it with a smile. Because you were waiting…

The Kitsune Saiguu was a distant memory.

You were waiting for Scaramouche, the young boy that often bound into the field in lengthy strides, childlike wonder in his eyes. The one who’d cried when the other kids pushed him away, the one that just wanted to be praised. You’d held him in your arms, and now, even knowing the results, you wouldnt have done differently.

He was just a boy.

Just a boy when he joined the fatui, looking for praise that he was given. He created chaos and bellowed orders with a cruelty that was highly looked upon. Told that he was doing well, so he continued to do so.

He’s just a boy.

You wished you’d held him in your arms, if not only for a tad longer. Shield him away from the wrongness of the world, if only for one last time.

Banishing away your hatred for him was hard.

But you found it under the tree, rain soon dimming down to a clouded cold breeze that swept through the meadow. You’d hated him while stuck in the mansion, but you could now see it from a larger point of view. What he did was wrong of course, but you could remember him so vividly now. His small form giggling, tiny arms around your neck.��

“Play with me!”

Was it your fault?

For not holding him tighter? For trying to rectify his bad doings and teach him what was wrong and right? Maybe if your grip was firmer, if you’d spoken to him about the warmth he’d given you that day when playing cards...

“Lazy ass.”

Burying down that pile of worry and insecurities, you took a deep breath in to relax. The edge of your lip perked up, only slightly. “Still terrible with your social skills arent you?”

Slowly securing a dry space under the three with you, Scaramouche sat down. His features were the same ones you’d grown accustomed to at his mansion. Rich clothes, sharp eyes, and the baby face that refused to go away. His movements were soft as he pulled out a deck of cards. The two of you didnt speak as he distributed them between you both. It was tense… no, it felt too much like the warmth form long ago to be tense. You only wished the situation to be different.

“I love you.”

But you could only offer a bitter smile to his words. “I love my vision,” you replied. “I love the Kitsune Saiguu, and I love my friends.”

His touch was gentle when his fingers came to gently cradle your cheek. Holding your face dearly as he peered into your eyes, his were soft. Different from the cruelty he held within, the hatred that burned and destruction that seeked to explode.

You saw a little boy.

Your hand came to press his hand further against your cheek, till you slid his palm to your lips. He appeared so calm when you pressed the first kiss, lips tracing the lines along his palm with all the care in the world.

But you needed to change your view, see him as the man he now was. As the man he had become.

“I love you,” he repeated, and you let go of his hand. It fell limp by his side, cards all but forgotten. There was a much more pressing matter at hand, because you truly needed to see him as he was.

It was necessary if you planned to kill him.

[aestheticsuwu]

🍃Blue Lagoon 🍃

@judahlux I wrote this , hopefully you like it

.... . ......

Coming out of the hut where they kept the wood safe and dry for the fire . Mr.Miyagi asked him to cut some , laying down the wood and starts to sectioned them to be chopped .

The old man was inside probably organizing their mess , he will blame it on Daniel later .

The omega himself was laying in the hammock , he was about to tease him about not doing anything like always until he looked at his direction .

He froze .

Daniel looked beautiful , His dark skin shined alongside with his hair . His lanky arms were behind his head , Johnny felt like he couldnt breathe.

Daniel turn his head toward his direction  , the smile on him made johnnys chest feel warm . He looked gorgeous until the omega opened his mouth .

" You know , you should do less starting and do more working . "

Spluttering in anger he throws sand in his direction , all he got back were more gigles .

Beautiful ,huffing at the idea more like little punk .

Focusing on the wood until it was done. Sweat was dripping down his back , the sun was  bright making his skin rosy from the heat .

" Daniel-san go get more fruit for dinner . Johnny-san come help Miyagi to move pot . "

 The old man walked right back to the hut , following him to help him . But he couldnt help to look back once more were Daniel was heading .

Shaking his head and blaming the heat for his behaviour  .

 After helping Mr.Miyagi,  he sat watching the old man finishing lunch for the three .

" Old man , do you ever look at Daniel and just feel annoyed .

" Daniel-san ? No , he just full of energy like puppy . Why ask Miyagi ? . "

" I dont know today he just .... nevermind . " He couldn't find the right words to describe it and he kind of felt embarrased .

They waited for a good while for Daniel to come back but he never showed up .He didn't want to admit but he had been worried , Maybe he had gotten hurt on his way back .

" Johnny , go ." Sometimes he felt Mr.Miyagi could read minds .

" ME !? "

" Hai , check the river . "

Springing up from his spot and started heading towards where Daniel had left earlier .

He told himself the gut feeling of being worried was because the punk was making them wait on lunch .

The omega was knowhwere to begin with , tired walking aimlessly he went to the river where Mr.Miyagi had mentioned .

Catching sight of the headband that Mr. Miyagi gave to daniel when he presented and sinced then he never not once wored it .

Never once to give up the chance to scold the omega he went forward to scare him but the second time of the day the words got caught on his throat .

He felt his face get hot , his mind was confusing him from the thoughts he recently been getting ever since his status was presented as Alpha .

His mind been catching every little thing that Daniel would do . How he whined of not getting to do hard work and then continued to whine when he did .

How when he would eat he would get all the fruit juice all over him when he was in a rushed to go swim .

Or how his wolf kept reminding him to get bigger and stronger , and felt big pride when the omega would notice .

 Not realising how sometimes at night he wants to hold him and touch him without feeling ashamed .

" Johnny !! Come join me the water is fantastic !! .

" While you were busy having fun swimming we were starving . This is why you get on our nerves . "

That pout wasnt going to make him reconsidered his argument .

" Johnny cmon , just real quick ."

He didnt know why he felt like doing what the omega wanted , his inner wolf making him go against his word .

Daniel wasn't lying , the water felt amazing to the days weather . Diving in to take a quick swim , rising up to shake off the water .

The boy infront of him was smiling , he himself couldnt help but to smile . Daniel started splashing water , that little punk tried to swim away from him but he latched on to his waist .

Both were face to face , those eyes reminded him of the book with pictures Lucille had taught them words and animals . Even since he was young he thought that Daniel had ressemblance to a deer .

Yeah , Daniel was bambi . His bambi .

He surged forward to kiss him , the need was killing him inside and once he did Johnny knew he couldn't get enough .

He felt happy .

Until he's pushed him away by angry looking eyes .

" Why did you do that , i was saving my first kiss for an alpha . "

" Im an alpha ! . " Was Daniel dumb , because he clearlt wasn't a beta or omega . If he was he would think Miyagi would have told him .

Daniel looked frustrated , but what he said next made him feel sad that soon turned into anger .

" But it wasn't supposed to be you , now you ruined it ! "

" You know what, I was doing you a favor . Nobody would want to kiss someone that looks like a wet rat ! "

He shouted as he got out of the water , he couldn't believe how stupid he was to kiss Daniel.

" Hey ! Not like your any better ! looking like a .......... "

Saving him the excuse to find the word to insult him with he continued to fight .

" oh yeah , then how come your always drooling as you stare at me . "

But that kinda didnt help when he's been lately staring .

" Haha thats the other way around !  . "

" whatever "

Mood being ruined walking past by the basket full of fruits not even bothering to help Daniel. 

Other alpha ? Why would Daniel want another alpha . It made his stomach upset and his hart ache , arriving to the hut he quickly goes up to his bed not longer having a appetite.

He was grateful that Mr.Miyagi left him alone for awhile and Daniel didnt kept being his annoying self .

When refusing to eat dinner , Mr. Myagi became worried .

" Johnny-san San okay ? "

" Yeah , just not hungry ."

" Miyagi make tea for maybe rut , just in case . "

Mr . Myagi was suprise after arriving on the island that his suppressants tea made it along with Books , knives and some clothing had not once touch the water .

Miyagi himself was a beta he didn't need the tea but Lucille was an omega so she did get her heats once every 3 months .

When lucille passed away when her bite mark started to fade meaning her husband had passed away . With her time left she taught Johnny and Daniel everything she knew .

Johnny was the first to present soon after Daniel presented but it was harder having an alpha around . Myagi knew a smell of an omega in heat made an Alpha Hungry for lust so he started to give them teas to help them with their heats and ruts .

The tea helped him a liitle but his wolf was restless knowing the omega rejected him making his scent stronger every minute he dwelled about it .

In the middle of the night he felt someone get in his bed , the smell of vanilla and cinnamon with a tint of sadness invaded his nose . Opening his eye to see Daniel crawling in .

" What are you doing , were not allowed to be in each others beds. "

Turning around quickly to see if Miyagi had woken up .

" Im sorry about earlier . "

" Its whatever , stop it .stop . Im not gonna fall for your bambi eyes ! . "

" My bambi eyes ? You havent called me bambi in a long time . Can you start calling me that again ? "

" I thought you said that you hated it . Are you blushing ? " .

" Stop asking questions . "

Daniel moves forward , he expected a kiss on the cheeck but he was wrong once he felt lips on his own .Soft and chaste,  it drove him crazy just by a 2 second peck .

" We can kiss whenever you want , but just that okay . "

Nodding , leaning forward to kiss the omega . It was hard to refrain himself while having daniel under him .

Holding daniel in the verge of falling asleep , he wished they wouldn't leave or that no one would could rescue them from their home .

The thought of not being with Mr. Myagi who raised and was a father to them left him sad but Daniel being with someone elses droved him mad .

He didnt want to share what was his .

TBC.

[erasabledinosaur]

Not another Simblr Tag

I thought of these when I couldn’t fall asleep and I’m curious about my mutuals so here ya go

thanks for the tags @wheremysimsfell @shuu @plant-sim and @simsnectar

Rate in order favorite to least favorite, Sims 1, Sims 2, Sims 3, Sims 4: Sims 3 ≥ Sims 2 > Sims 4 > Sims 1

Favorite expansion: i have a ton of nostalgia for makin magic and hot date. i dont start playing a sims franchise until seasons comes out so im going to say SEASONS but its honestly tied between that and the supernatural packs and pets.

Small pets or horses: small pets, dogs in particular. confession time: i never went through a horsegirl phase and all i know about horses is that some of them are very fancy??? i dont understand them honestly 🙈

Favorite active career: i havent played any of them except ghost hunter

Favorite LTW/Aspiration: i dont have any eek

Whims, wishes or wants and fears: wants and fears followed by wishes. whims can suck it.

Favorite occult: witches (i still havent played fairies)

Cowplants, Bonehilda or Social Bunny: bonehilda rules, cowplants drool.

Favorite non-PC Sims game: i didnt play any except mysims (and it wasnt good)

Favorite spin off game:  mysims i guess?

How do you pick the names for your Sims: baby name websites for goths or named after the singer of whatever song im listening to

Create a spouse or find them in game (townies): i find them in game. this forces me to interact with the townies/npcs (plus I cant be assed to make more than one sim - i cant even be bothered to capitalize my letters dont ask too much of me)

Do you prefer following storytelling simblrs or gameplay simblrs: gameplay. im really into visual storytelling.

What year did you join simblr: 6 months ago

im not tagging anyone, all you mofos have been tagged already lol

[twopoppies]

hi gina! i hope u're having a good day today!! and i hope its not a bother that im abt to go on a small rant - tad bit annoyed is all

got to school today(im 18 turned a few months ago actually, i waited a few months to follow the 18+ rule!!) anyway i ended up roped into a conversation abt harry, and for some background: at my school we have a hotties wall in the yr 12 common space/room/area and basically it just has a bunch of ppl on there who we(yr12s) think are hot and its fun and cute and ppl just stick photos up there of ppl they think are hot

harrys on there which makes perfect sense (so is louis lol multiple times each ;) )

but the convo i got roped into basically involved holivia and it started with us discussing how hot harry was and somehow turned into omg holivia is so cute nd when that happened i laughed bc i cant keep my mouth shut ugh but i ended up just trying to casually be like ye i dont believe it bc how tf did the paps find them on a yacht in the middle of the god damn ocean yk? and i like let it in there that i didnt believe in most celebrity relationships especially if they were this public bc that just makes it obvs they're being used to promote smth etc etc. and almost everyone there was like oh ye that makes sense (there were abt 6-8 ppl total actively participating in the convo but like alot more around us)

anyway for the most part most ppl were agreeing with me and were talking abt how it makes sense - someone even bought up dwd and was like it would make sense they have a movie to promote

but there was this one girl who took it upon herself to say that she thinks im speaking gibberish bc wtf do ik abt the paps and what the hell do ik abt hollywood and ofc harry's dating olivia bc he looks so in love and hes dancing with her and they're so romantic and why would he kiss her if he didnt want to he could've just stood there on the yacht or smth along those lines? idk gina she said smth incredibly stupid as an explanation for him kissing her it made 0 sense but girl just went off and then she said smth along the lines of "just because he wears dresses and paints his nails doesnt mean hes a faggot" and i-

no one even bought that up??? like she fully just? for no reason? out of nowhere? it was so quiet and i didnt even know what to say but the worst thing abt what she said was 1. her tone she sounded so genuinely disgusted at the idea and 2. the fact that im out, she knows im gay and she just fully said that to my face and she is so lucky the bell went off for class i swear to god i wanted to throw hands at her

at the same time i lowkey feel so defeated, like what on earth is wrong with her? that wasnt even part of the conversation, i didnt even mention his sexuality as a reason for him not being with olivia!! no one did!! it was never bought up!! and she just out of nowhere bought it up??

anyway sorry for the rant gina i hope u're doing alright and that u're days been better than mine lots of love 💖

Oh, love. I'm so sorry. That's such a shitty thing to experience. I guess, at least, now you see what sort of person she really is. It does go to show how there are absolutely people who only like Harry (or Louis, or whomever) if they fit their fantasy. The fact that she clearly wouldn't be a fan if he were queer is her loss, but it's sad fucking commentary on the state of the world.

By the way though, try not to feel defeated because you clearly opened people's eyes to the idea that PR romances do exist. That's a huge step in dispelling any of the bullshit around Harry (and really any celebrity).

Sending you a hug. I wish someone had told that girl to STFU.

[thisdreamplace]

Im sad nd m feeling hopeless byond woeds. i feel directionless , alone nd..... very upset about everything in my life

Like yesterday i tried to talk to my mum abt somethng that was bothering me nd instead, she gets so much madder like she has high bp and her bp went up from yelling the crud outa me, like the only explanation other than eiyoo is she got defensive nd felt i was being ungrateful, i mean everyone else in the family stays silent and dont step forward i feel abandoned sometimes like maybe they're secretly glad shes not mad at them? Im sick of feeling this way. Idk if u know this feeling? Im not talking abt her my mum but i mean abt life in general? One real reason my mum is harsh is cuz im not doing well in life, like im not going places i want to (not literal places like metaphoricaly) bcuz of fear and social anxiety that no one ariynd me has a teeny idea of what its like. So im aware that she wants the best for me cuz i understand the everyone is u cincepf a bit. Even then its been years of same things nd issues repeating with me. For example m feeling like im gonna crack one day and when i break forever i don't even want to pick up my pieces!

Im so happy to hear ur doing wonderfully. Nd a part of me felt angry at it for a short while lol honestly like how come things are effortlesly going for u as u say, why cant i how can i experience it too, even tho my inner place is a nightmare place 😆 not a dreamplace like urs. I actually lov ur blog nd you lol dont mind me im just throwing out my thoughts, nd I fully understand how things weren't easy for u in the beginning nd everything u say on ur blog. Wish i could be brave nd not in my mind only

💀 nightmare place

i feel sad that you feel so down because life seems like its against you and you're feeling hopeless. its truly the worst to be in that sort of mindset, and i truly know you can find your way out of it. i'm glad you felt safe throwing out your thoughts here.

the truth of the matter is... the law can be difficult in the way that you really have to be willing to take responsibility for yourself. you really have to be willing to stop feeling sorry for yourself. you really have to be the one to pick yourself up and say, "enough is enough, i cant live like this anymore — i have to do better for myself." the truth is you have to want it more than you want to stay in your comfort zone. because if you dont, your comfort zone will always be waiting to invite you back in. and you will always answer the call. i would know, i lived like that most of my life. because the old way of life is comforting, its what youve always known so it makes more sense to you. you rationalize it, "this is the way things have always been." well guess what. it doesnt have to be that way. but i cant make you change your mind. only you can take that leap of faith.

you have to be willing to change before anyone and anything else does. no more waiting for life to treat you better so that you can finally feel good, you have to feel better with or without the help of the 3D.

when you say it made you angry to see how i'm doing well, i understand. i used to be similar. success stories were bittersweet. i felt happy for the person, but upset that i couldnt relate. why was everyone else able to make the law work in weeks and yet it had been months for me, and things just didnt seem to work ? why me ? that's the way i used to think.

well one day you'll look back at this type of moment and it'll all make sense. you seriously cannot keep being the same person, thinking the same thoughts and same feelings you have for years, thinking you'll get a new result. it's the opposite of what the law teaches us to be true. you've got to change and i mean really change. you must let the old story die and let the new story become your life, entirely.

you can brush off my struggle easily, but realize this. everyday i wake up and make the conscious decision to wake up and have a beautiful experience. a month ago i literally hit rock bottom; everything in the 3D i cared about so much seemed to fall apart. and i had to face that and still find the strength to say, "you know what, fuck this — i can't keep living this way." without the help of the 3D i had to pick myself up everyday, even when i felt like crumbling. i had more than my fair share of crying all day, of feeling like my heart would literally come out because of how hard i cried. considering that maybe life isnt for me after all, and perhaps i would be better off ending it there. i didnt have anything in the external world to give me hope. i had to find hope within myself. i had to look at a world that made me feel so ugly and decide its actually a beautiful world, despite the illusion. i had to take the law seriously, i had to surrender to the teachings, i had to make the art of imagining a daily practice because i decided i deserve better. and only i can give that to myself. the world cannot provide me with anything i refuse to provide myself with — this is the basics of the law. and through persistence, through not giving up on myself on the hard days, i am now singing a much more beautiful song.

when you fully accept that 1) imagining creates reality and 2) you are the only cause for all you experience... it becomes difficult to not take this more seriously. because you know how whatever you are/have within, is your experience. but you have to surrender to those truths, its up to you. i'd recommend listening to the podcast 'feeling twisty' if you're interested in what i'm saying here. mike is really the one who's explanation of the law helped me learn the importance of taking responsibility for my inner world.

im rooting for you sweet, dream place. behind the illusion of the nightmare, a dream awaits. 💖

[violetnotez]

⤷ Genre: Fluff

⤷ Word Count: 3161+

⤷ Warnings: cursing(?), mentions of panic attack

⤷ Synopsis: Welcome to Hannah simps for Shoto constantly and can’t decide on a fic so she writes EVERY IDEA SHE HAD

Buy Me a Ko-fi! | Requests Open| Matchups Closed

Also @shoutogepi is the reason why I’m a Shoto simp now so say thank u to her, cause without her this probably would’ve been a Bakugo fic lmao 😂💀

You groaned into the pillow, your icy hands trying to find refuge under the soft covering of the pillow.

Your body was shaking, every bone screaming in aches, your forehead thumping against your skull..this cold was kicking your ass.

“How are you feeling love? Do you need anything?”

Shoto asked sweetly, coming over to the bed you were currently laying on. He crouched down, his bicolored eyes watching your every move carefully. He placed his hand against your forehead, feeling your temperature as you closed your eyes wistfully at the sensation.

“I-Im good…,” you mumbled groggily, “I just want to sleep…”

Shoto smiled lightly-even while sick you were so incredibly adorable, probably even more so. You had come down with a cold a few days prior, nothing too serious, but he still wanted to take care of you while you were more weak.

“That's probably best for you,” he agreed. “Sleeping off the sickness will help you recover sooner.”

He stood up, his slender hands taking the covers of the bed and wrapping them around you more snuggly.

“Just close your eyes, Ill still be here when you wake up,”

He placed a small kiss on your forehead, his lips soft against your skin and his bicolored locks tickling your face.

You snuggle even deeper in the blankets, cuddling yourself up into them as a flustred smile grew on your face. Shoto’s lips felt so deliciously warm, and you wished you could envelope your whole body in that heat. No matter how many blankets you wrapped around you or how high you put the heat up, you still felt cold. It was a strange feeling, since you knew your temperature was actually higher than normal, but you couldn’t shake the unbearable freeze that was icing your bones.

“Can you turn up the heater tho, S-Shoto? I still feel really c-cold…” you stuttered, hating how cliche your shivers sounded.

Shoto turned to look at you, a worried look washing over his face.

“Its as high as it can go y/n, I cant make it any warmer,”

“-Oh”

That’s all you said, a pit of anxiety filling your stomach.

Well that was just great-now you couldn't get any warmer and have to suffer until this stuipd sickness went away.

Shoto knew you were unnaturally cold at the moment and needed special care because of it. He reassured himself that it was just a side effect of the sickness, and it wasn’t something he should worry about too much.

It didn’t bother him how hot it was either-the ice side of his quirk allowed him to regulate his temperature, keeping him nice and cool even as the heat in the room steadily rises as you kept asking him to raise it.

It broke his heart though to see you so cold and shivering, your body curled into a little ball to gain some type of sensation of warmth. Shoto looked down at his hands in defeat, wishing he could do something, anything, to relieve you of that discomfort.

Suddenly an idea popped in his head, lighting up his mind and making him feel quite dumb for not thinking of it earlier.

Your throat began to feel scratchy, but you felt too cold to actually crawl out of bed to go get some water. You rolled over, your body beginning to prop itself shakily on your elbows.

“Actually, Shoto, is it alright if you could get me a glass of-WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR SHIRT?!”

You screeched, your eyes blown out of your sockets.

There was your boyfriend….of barely 2 months….strolling around with his shirt off like some sexy god. His collared shirt was balled neatly in his hands, his taut muscles rippling with each movement as he stood in his full glory.

You gulped, your eyes drinking in the scene in front of you. God, you knew he was ripped...but not this ripped.

You could wash clothes on his damn abs, they were that pronounced!

“I thought that since my quirk has heat qualities to it, you could use it to your benefit.” He said nonchalantly, as if the sight of him just flaunting his body wasn’t enough to make you want to pounce on him. “Am I- making you uncomfortable?”

“I-uh-np-no it doesn't, its just…” you were stuttering, your hands fidgeting in your lap. It felt like your tongue was made out of cotton, your eyes only able to focus on how adorably messy his hair looked from taking off his shirt. “I'm not used to..to seeing you-”

You had been dating Shoto for a month or so now, and you couldn’t be happier. But the boy was shy with physical touch, and you were honestly a little bit of the same way. You hadn’t seen him show more skin than right now, only getting glances when he trained and accidentally burned his training uniform. You had always wished to see more of his perfectly built body-but you always imagined you would have some warning.

Shoto fidgeted in front of the bed, his cheeks a soft shade of red.

“I can put my shirt back on y/n, it's no trouble-”

“Please don't do that!” You yelled hastily, your eyes screaming with desperation. “Honestly, that's the last thing I want you to do,”

Crap, you sounded so perverted! You basically yelled at him “Please stay half naked I love your body and I’m thirsty for you.”

You never wanted to kick yourself harder.

Shoto didn’t seem to notice your dilemma, only nodding his head. He began to walk over to the opposite side of the bed, your body feeling a dip in the bed as he sat on the mattress.

Your heart began to quicken, staring at those bi colored eyes...god, he was so damn close.

“Very well then...skin to skin contact would be best. It’ll ensure the heat transfers directly to you.”

You gulped, propping yourself up more so you were now sitting up. HIs tone was so warm, so inviting, you could completely just melt into it like honey. But nervousness began to floss your stomach, making your whole body feel heavy-how he worded his sentence, he almost made it seem like he wanted you to undress to. God-the thought made your ears tinge pink, your eyes quinting to helplessly close that flustering thought away. It was tempting….but-Shoto was too modest to suggest something like that, especially when you were sick.

He leaned in close to you, each muscle in his arms rippling in a chain reaction as he took your hand in his own.

You were amazed at how warm his skin felt, the iciness in your veins scorched away by his touch. A sigh escaped your lips, relishing in that wonderful feeling. You were already craving more of that delicious warmth, your aching body crawling towards your shirtless boyfriend.

All worry and nervousness seemed to fade ever so slightly, your icy hands tentatively touching the boy's body. Your fingers trailed lightly against his ribcage, the sensation shooting electricity throughout Shoto’s body.

Shoto stiffened at the initial contact-he still felt extremely flustered with physical touches, but he began to melt into it and relish the feeling of your skin on his. Your arms wrapped gently around his broad shoulders, a small grin enveloping on s\Shoto’s face as he felt you snuggle your cheek into the crook of his neck.

“Are you sure this isnt a sneaky way for you to see me shirtless?” you joked, your voice muffled from your lips pressed against his skin.

Oh god-his instantly felt his quirk intensify, his flusterness taking over. His skin immediately began to heat up, his cheeks blushing starkly from your words.

“Oh no-I-I didnt mean it like that-my intent t was for you to stay clothed, I just-”

He was a stammering mess, and you couldn't find it any cuter. You giggled at his obvious nervousness, your lips pressing a kiss to his cheeks to quiet his stammering.

“Its fine, Shoto, I know you're a gentleman-,” you giggled, your hold on the boy becoming tighter as you soaked in his wonderful heat

“And Besides-your warmer when your flustered”

You snuggle yourself deeper into his shoulder, Shoto’s cheks tinged with a more intense red. You were so sweet and adorable in his eyes, his body loving every second of you touching his bare skin. Every caress felt like pure electricity was coursing through his veins, sending shivers down his back and head.

“Are you sure that wasn't a sneaky way to intensify my quirk y/n?” he asked cheekily, his voice having a hint of playfulness in it

Now it was your turn to blush, a small nervous giggle slipping out of your mouth

“Maybe…” you said, almost like a child who was caught doing something they weren't supposed to.

Shoto chuckled, his head turning to plant a quick kiss along your scalp.

God- you were too cute for your own good.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ

(⚠️Mentions of panic attack!⚠️)

It was the dead of the night, an intense feeling of panic flooding the room.

You had just had a nightmare, the scene so real and intense that even when you woke up, you were sweating with uncontrollable fear.

Everything felt so small-the walls of the room were crushing your lungs, the sheets were tangling your legs together in a vise, the shadows felt like demons crawling to swallow you whole.

Shoto had thankfully woken up when you did, the sound of your muffled screams making him shoot up out of dead sleep.

But even with your protective boyfriend so close to you, reassuring you that you were okay and safe, you still felt like you were full of panic.

“Shoto-pls-I cant-cant-” you panted out, your voice cracking with anxiety. You couldn't get a breath of air it seemed like, as if your body was getting suffocated by your own mind.

Shoto was worried-he had never seen you so worked up, so terrified as if something was going to happen to you at any moment. He tried to comfort you, his hands gripping your shoulders in order to ground you, but it wasn't working- you were having an attack of some sort, your mind unable to bring you down from your panic.

“Y/n, you're fine, everythings fine-” he tried to reassure you soothingly, but it didn't work, your eyes still wide with terror.

“It doesn't feel fine!” you cried in panic, “ Everything is crazy, and heavy, I cant think straight Shoto I cant-”

Shoto felt his heart break hearing your voice- you almost sounded desperate, as if you were begging him to help you.

He cupped your face in his hands, his intense bi-colored eyes staring into you. Even in the dark, Shoto could see how shaken you were by your dream-your eyes were big and doe-like, shining as tears threaten to spill out. It made his heart ache, his mind determined to bring you down from your attack.

“-Give me your hands.” he commanded softly, his voice deep and silky. Your eyes widen ever so slightly, your breath still irregular and intense as you slowly gripped his wrists. Your digits were shaking as they wrapped around his skin, his hand quickly detaching from your face to entangle with your fingers.

“Just focus on my voice. Can you do that for me my love? Just focus on me-nothing else.”

You quickly close your eyes, trying to do exactly what your boyfriend instructed you to do.

“What does that feel like?”

A strong sensation of cold filled your hands, the icyiness nipping at your skin. It shocked you at first,the sting an unwelcome sensation. But then your skin slowly got used to the foreign touch, the dull pain bringing a starker clarity to your mind.

“It-its cold,” your words felt thick as they stumbled out of your mouth, each one a labor to process out of your cluttered mind. But it was slowly getting less foggy, the sensation gently swiping the panic away.

“What else?”

“Its smooth, like-like silk. And slippery,” your eyes were scrunched shut, desperately trying to form your words. It was still a struggle, but getting slightly easier to just focus on his touch.

“Good, you're doing wonderful-” Shoto congratulated, his tone having a hint of relief. He could already notice how you were affected by his ice, happy that it was helping you in some way. “how does it feel against your palms,”

“It kinda stings but...it's nice,”you smiled, the panic already ebbing out of you. Your breath was finally normal, your mind felt clear, and the panic inside you had deceased. “ It hurt at first but then its numbs so I can feel it.”

“Do you feel better? More grounded?” Shoto asked, his tone worried, but a part of him already knew the answer. The small, tired smile on your lips and your soft expression told him loud and clear you had finally calmed yourself from your panic.

You opened your eyes tentatively, a hum of acknowledgement ringing from your lips.

Shoto smiled at you, relief washing over his face. But he wanted you to completely rid yourself of the panic, worried that if you weren't calm enough, you’d fall asleep and wake again to another nightmare.

“Take a few deep breaths-it will reconnect you alot better.” he stated softly, watching you close your eyes again and slowly breath.

Inhale...exhale-repeat.

You did this three times, each one grounding you more and more. The room felt cool and spacious again, the sheets werent suffocating anymore, and you finally felt at peace with yourself once again.

A small blush of embarrassment began to creep on your cheeks, as the realization struck you that you had had a full blown panic in the middle of the night.

“Thank you… Im so sorry I freaked out so much-” you apologized, your face flustered from your actions.

Shoto only smiled, his other hand busy at work to slowly melt the ice on your palms.

“Y/n, dont apologize. That was your body’s reaction to stress, something you cant control. Just-if you ever feel like that again, please don't hesitate to get me.”

The ice was now a pool of water on the bed, the sheets sucking up the silky droplets .Shoto gave you a loving smile, his hand tucking a strand of hair behind your ear and leaning in to plant a gentle kiss against your forehead

“ I can help you,love-I just don't want you going through that alone,”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ

You twisted on the sofa, your face smashed against a pillow as you tried to forget about the excruciating pain in your core.

“DAMN MY UTEREUS,” you yelled into the pillow in frustration, your words muffled against the fabric.

“Is everything alright y/n-san?” Shoto asked, his eyebrows cocked up in worry.

Shoto was fully aware that this week was your “period” week, the intense cravings and sudden moodiness days prior signalling the dreaded time. Shoto was pretty, well, clueless to the female system, only knowing the basics from school health classes. He had felt slightly nervous around you all week, tending to you as if you were sick and in need of his care.

Of course you had told him that all the attention wasn't necessary, you could survive on your own, but that didn't stop him from doing little things like buying you the food you were craving or a fresh set of feminine products. He wanted to prove to you and himself he could take care of you.

You groaned again, a wave of intense pain making you curl into yourself.

“No…” you grimaced, “ I feel like there’s a butcher hacking at my insides and this damn water bottle is doing nothing-”

Shoto cocked his head, looking up from the book he was reading.

“Water bottle?What is that used for?”

Sure enough, there you were, your hands placing a water bottle wrapped in a thin layer of paper towels against your lower back. Your hands were pushing against it, almost to get it as close to your skin as your face contorted with pain.

“Well...I kind lost my heat pad,” you explained,” so this is my next best solution to just heat this thing up-but its not doing anything-”

Shoto looked at you, his heart breaking at the look of utter discomfort on your face. You looked as though you couldn't take it anymore, your lips quivering and your eyes threatening to spill tears. It was absolutely painful for Shoto, and he felt like it was his duty to at least help alleviate the havoc going on inside your body.

He scooted his body next to yours, his eyes soft with concern. You noticed a dip in the couch as Shoto sat closer to you, the sensation of his hands wrapping around your waist making your eyes shoot open.

Before you could register what was going on, Shoto had expertly pulled your body into his lap, your breath knocked out of your chest and your heart thumping. The water bottle was long forgotten on the floor, your knees cradling Shoto’s sides as he looked at you with those intense, bi-colored eyes

“Can I see if I can be of any help?” he asked, his voice low

“Sure,” you gulped out, “ but I dont know if-uhuh-”

Shoto’s hands wrapped fury against your lower back, his palms radiating an intense heat you had been craving for . The heat was so soothing, something you had desperately needed, and you couldn't help but slump against the man in relief.

“Does that feel a little better, love?”

“God, so much better,” you exhaled out

This is what it felt like to be painless? You seriously loved you boyfriend… you reached around your back to place your hand on his own, guiding his delicious heat to the most critical areas

“Ah...can you do a little lower,,that's it, right there-”

You smiled in relief as you found the perfect spot, your arms wrapping around Shoto’s neck lovingly.

“Who knew you had so many talents Shoto? I have to keep a list of all the amazing uses for that quirk of yours-” you joked, your cheeks nuzzling itself into his neck.

“Also-Im just telling you right now that I wont be leaving your lap for the next few hours-”

Shoto smiled, his cheeks a warm shade of red. DId you always have to be this cute, nuzzling your head into him like a little kitten? He lifted his left hand up to your head, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Oh thats alright, love, that doesnt bother me one bit-”

You lifted your head up in shock, a surprised grin enveloping on your face.

“THE Shoto Todoroki? Being flirty? Never thought Id see the day-”

Shoto smiled at you, his bi-colored eye twinkling with adoration. You felt your heart skip a beat, that warm hand on your lower back intensifying as he planted a warm kiss to your cheek

“Only for you dear,”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ

[percybitch-shelley]

The only place I can vent since nobody knows me.

My friend of 9 years totally cut off our friendship in March. I know that was a while ago but I have issues with friends abandoning me as my Best friend did 3 and a half years ago. This friend of 9 years knew this, she even said the week before she got rid of me that she would never do what that other girl did. She cut me off, she claimed, because I was too intense. For context, in the 26 days before I last saw her, she had called me 35 times. I know because I counted. Yes, I did call her 16 times, but that was less than half the amount she called me, so... I personally think that's fair. Maybe it was being I was being weird about a boy that was her friend. Fair enough, I was being a bit weird about him, I concede that. When I complained to her her general response was don't think about it, but whenever she had a problem with her boyfriend of over a year, we would have full drawn out conversations where she would complain, I would comfort her, offer her advice and and listen. This happened, and I'm not kidding, every single one of those 26 days. She never listened to my advice and frequently came back with the same problem I had helped her solve the day before. So of it was boy intensity, that too would be hypocritical. The guy I was hung up on then isn't really a problem to me anymore, im not so bothered about that, more focused on the girl I knew for almost a decade that called me her best friend, as one might be. She always complained that she never had anything to talk about with her boyfriend who knew a lot about films - not her best subject. So as someone that knows about films, she asked me to help her out. So i did. Even compiling video playlists that explained his favourite films in lamens terms. She knew I was going through a rough time at uni and that she was the only person I really trusted. But in the message she sent that essentially told me to go away, she said she couldn't deal with my intensity and that I needed help. I didnt expect her to solve my problems, just be there for me as I was for her. But evidently that was too much. Why am I still so hung up about it? Because lockdown has been shitty for everyone and I never got a proper explanation and therefore no closure. All I want is a proper explanation, but after I sent her 2 messages (months apart and only 2 in an 8 month period) it was clear she wouldn't respond and though she claimed she just needed space for now and that she carry about me, she was done so I am not willing to text her again and humiliate myself further (and trust me, I know I've been humiliating myself, just by thinking about it months later when no doubt it doesn't even occur to her. I even told her boyfriend that I thought we were getting along and it sucks about what happened with me and his girlfriend. I really did like the guy, I thought he was good fun and not a shitty person, but I also realise how embarrassing that was too, and I wish I hadn't done it (sorry, wherever you are) .

Hopefully this will feel better? Who knows.