#and like fuck dude i guess?????? but im also!!!!! not!!!!!!!!
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Not really sure what incongruous means so I'll look it up after but it does feel like as i get older life gets more complex theres more things i understand now that sure i knew about them before but not in great detail but it feels like I've become so fucking complex as a person that if i tried to explain what i actually think and feel it would just overwhelm a person so i try and section myself off into pieces and just use different parts of me with different situations or people and it may just be because ive spent most of my time these past 2 almost 3 years now alone with nothing to do but think and figure myself out that when im asked what i think about something slightly personal its kinda hard to say it just got lost in my head somewhere and that whatever i think will change at a moments notice like i can bring up memories of lots of things and remember nostalgic times but i spent so long thinking about why i feel a certain way or what makes me feel a certain way in order to try and get a better hold of myself that ive kinda forgotten alot of my past like so many memories that i made are just gone because remembering them made me feel a way i dont want to feel like i remember realizing the beginning of 6th grade that i had completely forgotten 5th grade and the reason why was because that time i had was so nice yet not at the same time my brain just frogot because it didn't want a reminder of how good yet not something can be like great teachers who for the first time ever actually seemed to care as far as i could tell class mates who were generally friendly and occasionally checked on me if i seemed off yet i felt so alone cause nobody there really seemed like a real friend like the friends i had before who even when we were in deep trouble wouldn't rat me out and would stick with me who genuinely cared and missed me if i was sick getting older and not having anyone to socialize with for really formative years off my life has made understand those really old dudes who are nice and always up to make friends but just seem extra lonely for some reason despite knowing so many people i guess technically being that alone did hurt me but i kinda learned that im just not alone ever when im outside theres always some squirrels birds or plants nearby that make it more lively its why ive grown so fond of certain forested spots they are always lively and it feels like hanging out with all my friends its also why i enjoy making things like with metal or wood stone or even writing and painting those things feel alive in a way same with music and having time to think so much has made me reflect and realize that no day is the same and even when something changes something else stays the same or gos back to how it was in a weird cycle like growing but remembering where you were growing older for me anyways is like gaining more skills and more knowledge not just on the stuff around me but on myself too obviously people change sometimes pretty quickly too but getting older makes you learn more about yourself which duh that how life works but still it feels weird to be aware of it at 17 when it feels like i should still be trying to figure out my favorite youtuber or something not contemplate who i am as a person and what makes me feel the way i do but its a good kind of weird and theres always more to learn and find so i still have plenty of room to learn more about myself still not being able to really fully let a person know you kinda sucks but to be fair that is a rather special thing its also nice being able to put into words why i feel a certain way so that i can actually explain myself instead of just going quiet cause i dont know myself that well still kinda funny to know your own problems but not be able to jusy fix them when you know its a very deep problem even when it seems surface level and damn i got kinda personal there woops also just noticed that im shaking so might be overwhelmed remembering 5th grade which is probably why i frogot it or at least thought i did
anybody else feel that being human is like being a long-time syndicated cartoon character watching the world get more complex while your own design stays the same until youre incongruous with the reality around you??
#Anyway im gonna see if i can calm down and mabye froget 5th grade again#not remembering stuff can hurt sometimes so dont try it i already fucked up learn fro. my mistakes
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Also, I just saw you’re 23, I am too! It’s rough out here. Another idea: any characters, what’s it like being 23? Where are they at this point? I feel like hq shows that as being sooo grown up but like I’m just a big teenager right?? Idk just rambling
being 23 is so rough sometimes lmfao. i've got friends from high school getting married and friends from college having early life crises. i'm working full time and living alone but tbh mostly feel like i'm playing at house rn more than i am living on my own. whatever. it's fine. early 20s is just a silly time of life. anyways i don't have a fic for u but i Do have a headcanon list.
in no particular order, haikyuu characters as stupid things i've done in my early twenties:
atsumu: having a brother who is a chef does not prevent him from forgetting to take the cheese packet out of the mac and cheese box and dumping that into boiling water with the pasta.
udai: does not remember the last time he ate a vegetable.
oikawa: friends all went to a party without him and his coping method was getting so so so wasted on white rum and falling asleep on the living room carpet immediately after giving another friend a tarot card reading saying their breakup is imminent (to be fair, it was. but it was still kinda rude).
iwaizumi: after class, was led to a private stairwell by a friend, jokes "haha are you taking me to a hidden location to kill me." and then received a love confession. proceeded to say "uh. i'll think about it." then did finger guns. and said "im just gonna. go" and then fucking. ran. like not exaggerating, ran.
kageyama: went on a date. did Not At All Know it was a date, despite the very very obvious flirting. yes this was the same person as in the previous bullet point. don't look at me like that.
akaashi: took a 100 level class senior year and did not pay attention to a single lecture. instead wrote thousands of words of fanfiction in the classroom every day.
atsumu (again): another cooking one. i just think he'd be a terrible cook. sorry. anyways. "it's been 20 min, why isn't this scallion pancake im pan frying cooking yet?" (<- did not turn on the stove burner.)
yachi: hm the light in this room doesn't work. guess i'll just learn to see in the dark instead of inconveniencing anyone by asking to fix it.
akaashi (again): completely fell in love at first sight, but fast forward five months and it actually somehow worked out? however the five months were filled with the most insufferable pining possible, which could have been resolved so so so easily. also started talking about marriage, like, six months in.
bokuto: got sad. went out into a raging snowstorm in socks and no jacket. laid down in the snow for a long time. somehow, miraculously, didn't get a cold afterwards?
akaashi and/or yachi: changed majors and career paths because a pretty upperclassman asked them to. (i am very happy in my chosen path but jesus christ THAT was why i did it?)
hinata: flew from coast to coast of the country, then drove halfway back to the midwest in the span of three days. started a new job on the fourth day. didn't sign a lease on an apartment until the fifth day.
semi: skipped a day of work to drive four hours there and four hours back for a fall out boy concert. totally worth it but driving at 4am after a concert wasn’t the smartest thing ever to be done.
kuroo: started reading homestuck in the year of our lord 2024. this is an attempt to remain in contact with long distance friendships (by doing a bookclub) but jesus fucking christ dude.
ok this is getting too long and i needed to be ready for work, like 15 min ago lol. maybe i'll write more of these later, but i hope you enjoy these and my silly disasters are a little comforting :)
#ask#haikyuu#haikyuu!!#hq!!#im not tagging all those characters lmfao#but anyways. it's been an eventful three years.#i hope you enjoy and that your 20s are going okay<3
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[|87
#been burdening my friends and partner too much with bitching about life but talking abt it makes me feel better so. i’m here.#new job is awful. but in a weird way.#i’m learning things and love my coworkers and the location and clients and work itself#but my boss is. my god.#it’s a little local place owned by one woman operated from inside her extra home on her property#she runs everything#and she is nice but she is??? loud ig. abusively loud#she screams and cusses and berates and belittles everyone and like#they all think it’s silly. it’s just her personality. they laugh or shrug it off. it’s just how she is. but i can’t do it#every day i tear up or cry on the way home cus she raises her voice at me or i hear her cussing and screaming in the back about like#me fucking up. over silly things. like i took a message for her but didnt say it was urgent.#then i hear her in the back HOW COULD SHE FUCK UP LIKE THIS SHE SHOULD KNOW THIS SHIT THIS IS SUCH SIMPLE SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH HER#and i just cant handle it man!!!#and she is so nice and supportive and texts me almost every night to ask how i am and if i’m okay#and like fuck dude i guess?????? but im also!!!!! not!!!!!!!!#my partner and mom both said i should quit and i think im. gonna.#the other place that wanted me is still hiring. i’m gonna talk to them monday and see if i can take that job still#but fuck dude. i dont wanna tell my boss im leaving. i dont think she’ll blow up but if she does?????#idk#i just hate that things aren’t getting better. i dunno. i just wanna cry and sleep all day#hopefully i get the other job and my boss understands. we’ll see.#thanks for reading
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I'll find you. Wait for me.
hee hee hoo hoo AUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH PAIN PAIN SUFFERING PAIN IN ALL DIRECTIONS!!!! TO HELL WITH IT (LITERALLY)!!!!!!!!!
#oakworthy#dungeons and daddies#dndads#fanart#hermie the unworthy#normal oak garcia#The Normal AU#counterpoint: this could also be normal canon. pun intended#they're soulmates your honor#rip to everybody on a phone. this only looks good on pc#I haven't drawn or really even posted about normal a lot because#I guess my internal image of him doesn't really look like what the rest of the community draws him as#like I tried to do the fluffy haired normal in one of my first posts with him#(was also an oakworthy drawing LMAO)#but it didn't feel right for me. it didn't match what I saw in my brain#no disrespect to fluffy normal. shoutout to that guy#gotta be one of my favorite genders#but yknow. every artist has their own unique way of drawing the cast#and it can tell you so much about how they perceive them. so much about the artists themselves.#have you fucking looked at sage's willy stampler. the npcs series. have you looked at their fucking anything dude#have you fucking LOOKED at iersei's EVERYTHING. ESPECIALLY THEIR NORMAL HE IS SO CUTE#I went on a whole rant about dndads artists to my friend qrow the other day. because I could not physically#keep in how much I love these people in our community#would you guys think im weird if I made a post going into Extremely Concerning Detail about how much I love the artists here#I love so many artists here#its so insane. its SO insane#IM ALREWADY ON MY SOAPBOX. ARE YOU SEEING THIS SHIT#SOB#I have to do my homework#my art
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Hated that last episode so i drew this to convince myself i liked it
#didn work i still hate that last ep#LIKE OK LEMME RANT HERE#they cld hav had LITERALLY ANY OTHER VILLAIN#but they chose to undo stranges whoooole character development from szn 1 bcos The Voices i guess#and sure u can make the argument of oH greif isn a linear recovery process AND YES IT ISN BUT IT DOESN MEAN SUDDENLY FORGETTING#WHAT UVE LEARNT WHEN U INITIALLY FUCKED ARD N FOUND OUT!!?!#aaND ALSO it wld hav been SO MUCH BETTER if it was like a different villain who was trying to feed the forge#but strange realises that it requires a powerful being to be fed into it#so he sacrifices himself to the forge to rebuild his universe#ultimately making good on his words from szn1 where he tells the watcher to punish him instead of his universe#AND STILL MAKE HIM THE HERO BECAUSE I REFUSE TO BELIEVE HES A VILLAIN#MCU STOP VILLAINISING STRANGE CHALLENGE!!#srsly he was sortof villainised in spiderman nwh and then all his variants in MOM are bad dudes N NOW UR GNA MAKE IT SO THAT SUPREME IS EVIL#NAHHH I REFUSE#i reject ur canon#ok rant over sorry abt that guys :)#im v passionate abt this character 😭#doctor strange#stephen strange#strange supreme#marvel#mcu#marvel cinematic universe#what if#what if...?
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FINISHED WATCHING MHA MOVIE 2: HEROES RISING!!! SPOILERS AHEAD IF YOU HAVENT WATCHED IT
OH MY FUCKING GOD THIS WAS SO GOOD YO HOLY FUCK I LOVE IT AAAAAAAAAAAAA
This was truly My Bakudeku Academia. Watching that final battle felt like a religious experience- as if I was watching the birth of Christ. Holy fuck if that really was the original ending, with Deku passing OFA to Kacchan, and the whole "Oh it actually stayed with Deku and Bkg got amnesia" didn't happen, this would have been a dramatically different story moving forward.
Horikoshi really loves Bakugou- like absolutely no question. The story following this kind of ending would be about him continuing OFA's legacy with the guilt of a thousand suns on his shoulders for "taking away" Izuku's dream. Izuku would have continued the hero course as an actual quirkless student. I would love to see aus of this being canon and continuing their story from there.
I'm guessing Nine here was supposed to be AFO, and he would basically be gone too. Katsuma is perfectly set up to be the next protagonist (I can already imagine him using Cell Regeneration as Super Regeneration- he could become invincible while also healing others. Incredibly amazing quirk).
NUMBER ONE COMPLAINT I HAD WAS ADDRESSED. THE REST OF THE CLASS ACTUALLY DO FEEL STRONG AND USEFUL AND EVERYTHING AS SHIT I LOVE IT AAAAAAAA
YES MY GIRL OCHAKO FINALLY HAS HER BIG MOMENT FLOATING SO MUCH DEBRIS!!! I'M SO HAPPY- EVEN JIRO, AOYAMA, SHOJI, TOKOYAMI AND MORE HAD LEGIT GOOD SCENES AND FIGHTS I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY YEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH THEY ARE SOOO COOLLLLL THEY GENUINELY GAVE IT THEIR ALL FUCK YEAHHHHH
(note. THAT WOLF GUY CALLED SHOJI UGLY- A FELLOW HETEROMORPH, CUS HE WAS PROJECTING HIS "MONSTER" ISSUES ON HIM HOW FUCKING DARE YOUUUUU)
THEY ALSO MAKE IT ACTUALLY MAKE MORE SENSE HOW THE WHOLE CLASS IS SEPARATED ON AN ISLAND TOGETHER AS A WHOLE CLASS THIS TIME TOO (and not just half like last movie). They even managed to tie it in to AFO, the LoV, and Hero Society. Like it actually feels more grounded and reasonable why the class would be here alone with supervision.
They even add hints of Touya Todoroki with him having a short battle with Endeavor, Hawks spying in the LoV, the HSPC head cameo, and other little things too. Man I loved this fucking movie I would watch it 10 more times right now.
#THIS WAS SRSLY MY BKDK ACADEMIA#I CANT IMAGINE HOW INSANE HORIKOSHI IS FOR IMAGINING THIS AS AN OG ENDING???#CUS WTF. IZUKU GENUINELY TRUSTS BKG SO MUCH IN WANTING TO BE THE NUMBER 1 HERO HES FINE WITH HIM HAVING OFA. WHAT#BKG WOULD BE ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATED AND WOULD DO THE SAME THING HE DID IN THE CANON ENDING NGL IF THIS HAPPENED#HE WOULD N O T LOSE IZUKU BY HIS SIDE BRO#IZUKU WOULD CONTINUE AND GRADUATE AS A LEGIT QUIRKLESS HERO EVEN EARLIER IN THE SERIES- WHAT THE FUCK LSKFJKJSD#OK IM JUST SO FUCKING HAPPY THEY GAVE OCHAKO MORE SHIT TO FLOAT LIKE GODDAMN#SHE WORKS SO WELL WITH TSU AND SERO HELL YEAH!!! IM SURPRSIED NO ONE DRAWS THEM TOGETHER MORE AS FRIENDS!!!#(guess I'm doing that now. tsk.)#I have moved on so much from my younger years bkg hate that seeing him succeed and do shit legit makes me so fucking happy-#thATS MY WINNING FIGHTING FUCKING KINGGGGGG#and Izuku being the absolutely selfless and darling sunshine he is and being so deranged in beating this dudes ass. always beautiful.#ily sm izukuuuu#also. brief TODOIIDA YAYYYYY THEY WERE SO BACK TO BACK IN BEATING THE CHIMERA DUDE LKSFLKSJK#yes kiri and tsu were also there and were Awesome- but u can tell its these two back to back#when iida reminds shoto to prioritize saving civilians with his hand on his shoulder yeAHHH thats their THEME RIGHT THEREEE#they both learned that together from deku and now are always fighting side by side fuck yeAHHHH#ok thats enough. i fucking love these movies. idc if theyre basic big selling fight scene crap and are shallow to most ppl#i care abt these kids and this world and its fucking heroes and villains n jackshit so much#if anyone stops me from enjoying this they can go suck their own dick and crack their neck trying. ha.#evelynpr bnha#bnha#mha#my hero academia#heroes rising#bkdk#bakudeku#izuku midoriya#bakugou katsuki
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would u trust me to be able to carry heavy grocery bags
#absolute anomaly of a human being (positive) for a cashier today at the supermarket#packed all the bags. ok thats fine thats normal (though notably#he did pack them WELL)#but then proceeded to Put All The Bags In The Cart For Us.#if it was just my mom then fine#BUT I WAS THERE??? DID I NOT LOOK LIKE I COULD CARRY THE BAGS???#i swear to god im sure i was older than him too but i also might look younger with the mask#and u know that thing thats like everyones masc till they put their customer service#voice on. well. i do that as a customer too LMAO so maybe idk#but like. im not small. im short but i wouldnt say im like tiny#and i lifted them after and yeah theyre heavy but not incredibly so????#he was like hey is it ok if theyre heavy and we said yea and he just assumed we couldnt do it#or. more to the point. that /i/ couldnt do it#and like i guess yeah thanks good job dude (genuine)#but also what the fuck. am i a joke to you.#me#trying a middle part because the fringe was becoming untenable#didnt realise how visible the facial hair is. i hate shaving
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the frame-up job is such a good episode in general but from sterling's pov. its stunning. he's watching his old partner who he has an intellectual hard-on for and his new hot thief girlfriend who is also insanely intelligent flirt w each other and generally be super hot in front of him ......... rough night for ppl w a thing for competence
#aka sterling. and nate and sophie#also him trying to prove to nate his own competence..... just fuck!#'you ever want to do this again... i'm hiring. and you can bring the art thief' literally proposing#also no hate to maggie i love her but being w her is exactly the type of repressed bullshit i expect from a dude w like a 20 y/o crush#leverage#anyways. i guess im rewatching
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i know i am not at all a big creator i'm just some guy with some internet access and an account and friends but even then all of this, fandom, internet fun, its all become so incredibly insufferable to be in? the only reason i made a tumblr was so i could post my art online and maybe get some validation and silly for it, and because there were strangers on the internet who would share the same opinions as me and we could interact via shared interests and love for content we both enjoy but never actually ever know each other personally and as someone whos been in the undertale fandom since i was like. a genuine child, how did fandom culture go from fun and joyous to genuinely exhausting and like walking through a landmine? i understand trying to weed out all the genuinely shitty people, but like, atleast on my side with my friends, and of course one of the bigger online presences in them being kia, why is it so unimaginable that people are friends with eachother outside of fandom discourse that doesnt hold a single candle to anything in real life? i'll tell you this much; whatever shit my friends like to draw doesn't do anything to me in the real world all of this "blocklist" shit (which, by the way, never has to be made public, if you really want a blocklist make it in private or dm people if they want it), is so dangerous and it's absolutely insane and incredible to me that nobody in the rabid anti spaces can see it as a genuine danger that has real world consequences until things don't exactly go "the way they wanted" why are you airing out, generally average and pretty fucking normal, people and artists around on a list expecting whoever's on the internet to see it and have an ounce of etiquette? and, actually, why are you even willing to put out public lists in the first place? does it not fill you with regret? i fucking hate dreammare as a ship and i dont like the shit that people would consider proship, if anything i'm pretty normal, i just dont give a fuck about what people do in their own little spaces because i can choose not to go in there. so why are you choosing to put me out on a list as if i personally hurt you? like i drew incest brothers and sisters kissing with nsfw written all over it or some shit? brother the only social media that i post publicly on for the world to see is this one!! tldr please leave me the fuck alone and have some idk, sympathy? i dont look on tumblr much, i'm busy you know, living on my own barely a year after turning 18, its not very fun running the risk of harassment, and knowing that people are stalking you and your friendgroup constantly over shit that doesn't fucking matter to you
#beef meister#this was kind of all over the place#im just fucking tired??? i dont know dude#its like people see “oh god someone doesnt want to be apart of exhausting hateful discourse!! they obviously ship incest!!!”#have you ever considered that maybe someone just doesnt like hate#or hating others#i dont care about what people think of me and i dont think anyone cares about what i think of them unless i know them personally#i only follow people on tumblr for their artwork and content because it caters to my interests#shocking announcement that someone doesnt let internet drama run their life and how they view their relationships with others#its also annoying#considering the fact most of the people doing dumb shit like this are younger than me#but at their age i still had half the fucking brain to you know#be a decent human being#i genuinely cannot understand nor fathom how you have the energy to hold so much hate for people you will never meet irl#i dont even have the energy to hate my abusers bro what fent are you all taking#rant over i guess#leave me out of your stupid fucking chronically online drama that i literally dont care about!!!!! i use tumblr to bring myself joy#so leave me out!!!!!!!!!!!! dont fucking talk about me regarding that shit nor ask me about it i dont FUCKING CARE!!!!!!!!!
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yeah, im sure Trump as president is going to make things soooo much better for all the people in Palestine, Congo, Sudan, Yemen, and the US as a whole. So good that some people were able to keep their great morals for themselves/s
#im fully aware both do suck af#but dude#are you kidding me?#Palestinians lives matter and so do queer women disable and POC lives#I cant believe some people actually feel like this is good#that this would cause a revolution#trump fucking wants a dictatorship#and guess who else fucking won a democratic election and started a dictatorship?#and he also has the senate#and I know a huge part of this is the voting fraud (paying ppl to vote him) and controlling the vote of many married women#and also the difficulties to vote of many people#i fucking hate them
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’hikaru’ & yoshiki but theyre nennetti
cishet boy best friends behavior nothing to see here 🙈
#tshd#the summer hikaru died#hikaru ga shinda natsu#yoshiki tsujinaka#hikaru indou#yoshiki x hikaru#sardigna#idk if i should translate it#i feel like itd ruin the joke#oh well !#‘yo bro you lowkey stink like shit’ ‘what the fuck r u talking abt’ ‘yes dude u smell like u havent washed in ages’#‘oh gtfo. like what can i do abt that now ?’ ‘idk. btw not to be like gay or anything but ur literally cool (handsome) af bro’#this made me realize how many concepts n phrases can be reduced to a single word in sardinian. damn#btw. ‘nenni’ r like. the gangster wannabes of sardinia or wtvr. specifically of cagliari#idk how to translate ‘cess’ its like ‘jeez’ i guess but not really. most of these words cant really be translated accurately#im gnna try 2 translate them#oja = hey / ouch / ow / aw; nenno = i said it earlier but also technically it just means dude / bro; fraghi = you stink (frago = stink);#tagazzu ses narendi = what the fuck are you saying; eja = yes; lillo = nenno slang for dude / bro; caddozzo = someone whos unclean / unkept#bairindi = get out; intzà = various meanings but generally its ‘and now ?’ or ‘so what ?’; abboh = a variation of ‘boh’ so it means ‘idk’;#cess = cant really be translated ? most similar to jeez but not really ? variation of ‘cessu’ which is the exclamation ‘jesus !’;#‘caghinery’ = 🚬 /🚬gotry ; togo = cool / handsome & its mostly used for guys but also js in general for things#also keep in mind that i dont rlly speak a singular dialect due to my family n friends but i think everythings in cagliaritan dialect here#also bairindi can be used as a variation of ‘wtf r u saying’ n ‘go fuck urself’ ig#and eja is also just in general an affirmation. like someone could tell u ‘im gonna go now’ and u could reply ‘eja’ to mean ‘got it’
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the most rancid drama starters in fandoms are always like "gee i wish this fandom was nicer, why do we have to fight all the time :("
#theres this one guy who is SO vile on twitter lol#he was in my tumblr notifs the other day and has left kudos on all my devils minion fics#idk if he missed the message or whatever#i keep hornyposting about marius so these folks dont get the wrong idea about me LOL#i guess im not hornyposting hard enough#anyway i was dying he's crying on twitter about how fandom is so nasty to each other#but every other tweet is him kinkshaming someone or QRTing a bad take instead of moving along#saying how “these people” (kinky folks) need to be chased off the internet#how marius stans belong on a list#etc#dude the call is coming from inside the house#anyway sorry for vauge posting i just cant believe my eyeballs LMAO#there was also this guy in VC fandom a couple years back who was SO nasty#and he made this huge plea to fandom abt how we need to leave ppl space to grow and learn and walk back their bad opinions when they learn#like my dude YOU are the one attacking everyone!#he was so mean to me lol#he wouldnt shut the fuck up making fun of my asexuality posts lol#like “gee why do queer ppl feel unsafe in fandom? cant be because i mercilessly mock everyone i've decided deserves my ire and abuse!” lol
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aftermath
#pokespe#pokemon special#gold (pokespe)#silver (pokespe)#crystal (pokespe)#pokemon adventures#you know you'd never be able to tell that i like more dexholders than the johtrio but consider . im love them#my art#nailed crys's look and then flubbed gold's but like. its ok.#this sketch is supposed to like..... give minimal details but if u know the hgss arc then you can probably guess where its supposed to be#<:3 minimal body language from silver is intentional. but again you can probably tell based on the looks from crys and gold :)#OK NOW HGSS SPOILER TALK AFTER THIS if u spoil urself with this warning then i can do Nothing abt that#fuck pry/ce all my homies hate pr/yce#forget giovanni beating him up. silver's ursa/rang would've thrown down with him if it wasnt for lan/ce#i think silver could use a second. his father returns and then is like yaha im gonna still lead team rocket even tho i just got better from#my chronic(?) condition. i also showed up with the dude who took u from me and i didnt body him after arc//eus was done fighting#most of my stuff lately has been traditional stuff but by golly i am doin my best to return to computer stuff too
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hear no evil, se̵e̸ no evil, spe̸a̸k̸ no e̵̠͐v̷͍͗i̸̙͋l̸͎̅
#メ���マライザー#重音テト#初音ミク#hatsune miku#kasane teto#art#illustration#vocaloid#my art#dooblenauts#i dont know what else to tag#almost forgot my own fucking art tag dude i am so tired#im FINALLY done with this#this tool so much longer than i wanted to and idk if it was worth it#though i like how tetos hair came out a lot#and i kinda like how fucked up miku looks#wish i did her hair a lil differently but. it looks ok i guess#also did this on stream (':#its crazy people watched me go insane trying to draw but its nice they had a good time ahaha#anyway yea this song still has a chokehold on me#one more fanart for this song#that i have planned anyway. maybe later down the line ill have more but right now i just have one#i need to work on something else though#idk what but. literally anything dsfhliduahdfliaudhgf
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thank you J.R.R. Tolkien for writing the most devastating romantic subplot in your lotr books without even realising it
#im talking about sam and frodo sorry everyone#guess who like watched all the extended films and cried#whether you intepret sam and frodo’s love platonically or romantically you have to understand that they are so entwined that it is#devastating nonetheless#the forehead kiss#im on the ground sobbing#dawgs it was such a real depiction of how trauma is irreversible and will change you entirely#frodo baggins#i love him so fucking much guys#i love those little hobbits#samwise gamgee#lord of the rings#i could and most likely will write an essay on this#samfro#dawg sometimes love can be both platonic and romantic as queer love is not to be constrained by heteronormative values#sorry did i read too far into the little fantasy story#dude i was not expecting a story about the horrific effects of war racism and power corrupt addiction when i sat down in front of the telly#jokes on the side frodo looking absolutely miserable at sam’s wedding is so fucking real#i get it’s because he knows he cant move on and he is forever changed by his trauma but also that hobbit gay#his wound from the witch king never healing being a symbolic representation of his trauma FUCKS ME UP#frodo you may have been a whiny bitch at times but like yeah that ring probably did weigh a fuck ton and i was worse on my dofe expedition#i may be fucking too hard with lotr#lotr#teehee
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weird storytime and an abed analysis (abednalysis ?)
in s1e17, physical education, abed says that he didnt mind changing for other people because hes comfortable with who he is . a season later, in s2e19, critical film studies, he says instead that he doesnt like change . and now i realize what he really meant when he said that he didnt mind changing .
when i was younger, around 11-12, i would pretend to be other people online . more than five different separate identities in one discord server . because i wanted people to like me more . i made these alt accounts and assigned each one a personality, a different typing style, a reason for joining, a region, and a timezone . and for the most part, they were people who were nicer and just generally likeable . because im not someone who is any of those things . i am not a nice person . i dont even think im a good person . and god i am not likeable . at all .
so i played these characters . most of them only being active for short periods . i would have full back and forth conversations with these alt accounts to sell it . i had these weird insane elaborate plans . a 16 year old former drug user, lives in manitoba, somewhat parental . 13, california, liked minecraft and drawing -- completely different artstyle (and different software) too . etc .
i would let these accounts bake (make them and then not use them) so that it didnt seem suspicious with a brand new account joining the server . then i would spend a week making the account and forming a character to go with it, sometimes asking people to help me out . it was so fucking crazy . i was insane . might still be .
…yeah i probably still am .
i was such a better person on those different accounts . because i didnt know how to change on the inside, i just started over and over again . different account, new me . like i was experimenting with who i really wanted to be like . formulating the perfect person to act like when i finally decided that i wanted to become a better person .
i gave up eventually obviously . im not a tween anymore . i was a really weird tween . obviously . but i think about it a lot .
honestly i only went back to being myself because it was comfortable . i felt better being a fucking douche . and i still am a douche . im not a good person . i dont think ill ever be a "good person" . what the hell is a good person, anyways . all i know is that im fine with myself like this . even as much as i not-so-secretly hate myself, and deny it out of fear of seeming like an "edgy attention seeking loser" .
its not that abed doesnt mind change, he just doesnt mind changing the persona . he doesnt mind changing the person showing on the outside . a separate identity . but ultimately, he wouldnt ever fundamentally change as a person . because hes fine with who he is, even if other people might not like him for that . and i want to be like him . i want to be someone who is fine with who they are, even if that someone is a socially inept ass who learned tenth grade math at age ten but cant figure out when their own face is making a smile or not .
#shui talks#nbc community#community nbc#community tv#abed nadir#jeff winger#this is such a jeff post dude .#this is like#shui posts that are basically just shit jeff would probably say and do . part idk how many but probably a lot .#theres that thing jeff said#about slater and britta#how slater makes him feel like how he feels when he writes his new years resolutions; the guy he wants to be#and britta makes him feel like the guy weeks after that; the guy he really is#abed is my slater#and jeff is my britta#ultimately . im just jeff#hes my community parallel#but i guess because of this i kin abed#abed is god . truly#sorry i dont know what my point really was with this post ??? i just wanted to share this weird life experience#and also because ive been rewatching community and this episode really just struck a chord . in a good way ? i think ?#gave me a moment to think#i kind of pass over with how annie was in mixology certification except annie only did the fake identity thing once#and according to troy abed does that like every week#which is basically what i was doing#man i was really fucking weird . what the hell#i got bullied in school if you couldnt tell
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