#every day i tear up or cry on the way home cus she raises her voice at me or i hear her cussing and screaming in the back about like

[lockawayknight]

[|87

[bubbleteaa]

Destroy her heart [Miya Atsumu x Reader]

Part I | Part II | Part III

destroy her heart;; pairing: miya atsumu x reader, slight sakusa kiyoomi x reader fandom: haikyuu!! warnings: angst. cursing. swearing. suggestive themes. some nsfw.  word count: 5K

a/n: thank you so much guys! I never thought that the first part was really going to get that attention. I decided to make this as a three part-fic. Again, thank you so much! I want to clearify that my image of Atsumu it’s very different that the one that I show on this fic. He’s baby! Sorry if you have thought that I don’t like the character or that I want to gave him this “fuckboy” vibe. This is just a fic. Anyways, I hope you enjoy! Please stay safe <3 I love you. 

Summary: He destroys your heart.

┅┅┅┅┅┅┅༻❁༺┅┅┅┅┅┅┅

“Who are you?” You turned slightly to find a pair of black eyes staring at the activity you were doing. You had just swept Atsumu's apartment and were mopping it. Your face was covered with a white mouth cap, your hair held in a ponytail, you had an apron and cleaning gloves.

The stranger awaited your answer, with his hands in his pockets and a mask covering his mouth.

"Uh, L/N. L/N Y/N” you replied softly before blinking a couple of times when the tall boy frowned a little “Are you looking for Tsumu?”

"You're his girlfriend?" he asked you. You shook your head "Why are you cleaning his apartment? Is he paying you to do it?" You denied again. Before you could answer, he asked you something again "What disinfectant do you use?"

“Uh, take it easy” You smiled a little behind the mask. The boy looked at you as you shook your head. “You ask a lot of questions. What is your name?"

“Sakusa” he snapped.

“Only Sakusa, huh? Okay” you agreed “I'm not his girlfriend. I clean his apartment because, apparently, he suffers from blindness, and he is not realizing that it is a disaster. And well, I also clean it better than him, so” you shrugged as you looked at him, his eyes kept inspecting your covered face “And the disinfectant I use ... well, the one I'm using now is that Tsumu had it at home, not very good. But the one I use in my apartment is the-”

“How often do you clean your apartment?” You blinked at the question.

"Uh... per week?"

"Per day" he said.

"Well... I don't clean it thoroughly every day, but I always try to sweep and mop when I get up and go to sleep. I don't like dust to accumulate”

You looked at how his eyes looked at you with a small sparkle, then averted his gaze and closed his eyes.

Sakusa moved his fingers inside his pocket, feeling strange tickles on his chest. It was strange, he hadn't met you before, he didn't know you existed until a few minutes ago. But your answers, how you cleaned, the care you had. Did it mean something? How had Ratsumu met someone who cleaned so well? Someone who knew how important hygiene was?

Unlike Atsumu, he did not join the college volleyball team immediately. He waited a semester to enter, because he wanted to survive the "fire test" of the first semester. If he did it, he would enter the volleyball team. The positive thing was that his grades were not as mediocre as in high school and he managed to survive the first period. Maybe that's why he didn't know you.

And he also didn't really know why you were cleaning Miya's apartment.

And it smelled good. It smelled good to be a bad disinfectant. He deduced that you had cleaned Atsumu's house once or twice before to know how to clean it.

“Kiyoomi” he said.

“Sorry?”

“Kiyoomi. Sakusa Kiyoomi. I will leave and return in an hour, is that enough? ” he asked you, as if he were longing for an answer “Tell Miya that I will see him in practice. See you later” he agreed before going out the door.

You smiled and nodded. You kept cleaning up thinking about what had just happened.

You thought you had made a new friend, for some reason.

"Learn from yesterday"

"This looks like a pigsty" you heard Sakusa's voice, instead of sounding upset, it sounded sad "How do you feel?" he asked, entering your room. You raised your face a little , which was previously hidden between the cushions of your bed, -the ones that still smelled of Miya Atsumu-colony , the strands of your hair h/c covered your face. You were sure it didn't look that bad, maybe there were books lying on the floor, just like your clothes, you were sure there were one or two bowls of ramen on the nightstand, but nothing more.

You wanted to answer, but your voice stagnated in your uvula. Before you could look at him again, Kiyoomi leaned in slightly so he could remove the hair that covered your forehead and your eyes. You felt the tears begin to flow almost spontaneously.

"You don't always have to answer all my questions" he clarified, before starting to carefully braid your hair "I'm going to prepare a bath for you and I'll clean your room, try to relax a little"

You started to sob, but you didn't hug him. It was enough that Kiyoomi touched your hair so lovingly and took his time to dedicate it to you.

"Sorry, Yoomi" you muttered between sobs, rubbing your wrists against your cheeks and eyes "I'm so sorry" you apologized, again. Sakusa pursed his lips a little, irritated that you were apologizing to him when you were not to blame for anything.

He didn't say anything to you as he continued to watch you keep breaking a little more in front of him. As you kept pushing the fact that you could be strong when you knew full well that you were no longer just broken, you were tearing yourself apart, inside and out.

Everything because of an idiot he thought.

Kiyoomi patted your head a few times, trying to calm you down. After a few minutes, you stopped crying. There were still a couple of sighs coming from your lips, which trembled whenever they parted. You already had a few weeks like that. Your teachers were worried about you, your classmates were worried about you, your friends, everyone.

Even Atsumu was worried about you, but he, unlike Kiyoomi, didn’t go to check on you. If you ate, if you were getting enough sleep, if you were giving a lot of thought to the whole thing.

But he have never entered your room before. He always stayed after practices, cleaned your apartment as he did with you before, prepared something for you to eat and left it at the door. You never opened immediately, you waited to hear his steps go away and you opened slightly, you took the plate, you ate and you left it exactly where he had left it before.

He cared about you, but he wasn't going to break into your personal space, not until that day. Not until after three weeks without seeing your face.

He just couldn't take it anymore.

He did not know everything that had happened, he found out from Atsumu himself.

“Oi, Miya. Where is her?”

“Where's who, Omi Omi?” He answered without looking at him, at that moment he was practicing his passes, Kiyoomi stared at him.

“Y/N”

“Ah” let out a small sigh before looking at him "Well ..., she must be in her apartment"

“Why haven't I seen her?”

“Because I made a mistake and broke her heart, I guess” he replied.

Everyone agreed that Miya did feel things for you. And everyone knew that you had feelings for Atsumu. Was that something so strong? Yes. It was so strong that you refused to accept that even being as you were, you still wanted to be with him. Even after knowing that you were only something for one night - and that everything they did together was to demonstrate something so stupid - you still wanted him.

Atsumu and Kiyoomi had not spoken either.

As he was leaving you for a few seconds, in order to prepare a bath, he thought about why he helped you in that way. Whenever he was next to you, his fingers itched, not in the sense that they were dirty, but that they sting as if they needed to be caressed. Once he tried to hold his own hand while being with you, and he realized that the feeling was not detached from him.

He wanted it to be your hand.

He wanted it to be you.

"Yoomi?" your voice got him out of his thoughts, you were on the edge of the door, your hair was still braided, he could notice now, thanks to the bathroom light, the dark bags under your eyes, your puffy eyelids, your pink nose. You were a mess. His fingers began to prick him immediately.

I want to hold you, I want to help you.

“The bath is ready. I'll go clean your room” he agreed, walking to the door, he stopped right in front of you “Call me if you need anything”

He walked to your room before you answered him.

❥•°❀°•༢

“Hey Tsumu” the Hyogo boy stopped reading your notes to turn around and smile at you. You were wearing his hoodie, your hair was held in a messy bun and your eyes seemed to close from exhaustion “Are you sure you want to sleep on the couch? You can sleep in my bed, you must be tired from practice”

“Nah, c'mere” he clicked his tongue and extended his arms towards you in a childish way “wanna cuddle right now”

“You are such a baby, I swear” even though you tried to sound annoyed, your smile didn't let you lie to him. You walked up to him and before you could sit down next to him, Atsumu had grabbed your wrist to lie down next to him, holding you tightly “Uhm, I see that someone is touch starving” you teased.

“Shut yer mouth” his voice was deep, hot breath against your ear “Why yer using my hoodie? Missed me?”

“No dumbass, I was doing the laundry and my hoodies are still wet. Plus, yours more" you paused suddenly, blushing and avoiding his gaze at all costs “yours is special I guess”

You are so cute he thought. A smiled creeped in his face as he lay on the couch and laid you on his chest. He carefully grasped the garter that held your hair and between your pouts, released the strands of your hair to caress them. Why are you so cute? He thought again, this time your hands were trying to push the setter away from your head, your eyes were shining with love and at the same time, they were drowning from sleep.

"You are cute when you yawned" he blurted out without much thought the moment you yawned again, your cheeks started turning pink from his words "You are really cute, Y/N-chan"

“Only for you, Sangwoo”

Atsumu wanted to take your face in his hands and kiss you, but he could not fall before your charms. He had fought for so long against his feelings for you, he was consenting to them, how could he not be? He always thought of you, he was almost always next to you, your apartment seemed more like their apartment.

It was as if you were a couple without really being one.

"Who the fuck is Sangwoo? Is he hot?" he laughed before pinching your cheeks.

“Maybe. But he is dead”.

"Are you trying to kill me or something?"

"Killing you with my cuteness, maybe" you pouted your lips before hiding in his hoodie. You felt his heart beating harder against you. One of your hands was playing with his dyed hair, the other one was holding his hand.

Please, please, just hold me. You wished.

Please, be this cute only for me. He wished.

❥•°❀°•༢

Memories.

In these moments, you lived on memories.

Memories of how you came to his apartment on Friday nights to watch cult movies, memories of how you went to his practices and games, memories of how he gave you his sweater and memories of when you two cooked together.

You hid your face in your hands, refreshing it with water. Immediately, you felt again as your lips began to tremble. You couldn't control it, but you were fed up. Tired of crying and not being able to control it.

You felt pathetic.

Not being with Atsumu was different, the silence was nothing compared to Atsumu's company, his tended to be overwhelming, there were always people murmuring when the boy walked by you, when he took your hand, when you sat in the cafe together and fed you with a smile. The whispers were always heard.

Now you knew why.

You forgave him, though. But you couldn't talk to him, every time you looked at his photos, memories of the night they spent together landed in your head. The way he kissed the complexion of your skin, the way his hands slid down your cheeks, the way they held your neck and hips, the words he whispered in your ear and against your skin.

Of course you couldn't look him in the eye. You had spent so much time idealizing the situation in your head, how good it would feel, how nice it was to make love with someone who corresponded your feelings, to be with Miya Atsumu.

It was a bucket of cold water that he told you later. And you needed time.

Would it hurt to see him again? Possibly. You weren't ready to do it. There were two years in which you dreamed of him, and your dreams were destroyed in minutes.

You plunged into the water, feeling how your braided hair began to moisten, feeling how your tears are drowning in the warm water.

You weren't ready to see him again.

Not in the eyes.

Not knowing what he had said that night. Not knowing what had happened between you.

You just couldn't.

❥•°❀°•༢

"Live for today"

Atsumu entered the classroom as usual, sat at his table and waited for the teacher to arrive. For the four weeks you hadn't been to class, the sit next to him remained empty. No one wanted to take your place, no one dared.

It was your place. At his side. Always by his side.

The truth was, he hadn't been with someone after he slept with you. He had done nothing more than take and stay two and even three more hours practicing. Trying to get you out of his head.

But it never worked.

When it was daytime, he thought about your smile, how good it felt to have his lips on yours, how his clothes ended up smelling of your perfume. How you were so small under him, how your eyes were filled with a different sparkle that night. He thought about your figure, your laugh, the “I love you”’s that you repeated not once, but several times while you moaned, while you kissed him.

And at night, he thought about how your tears rolled down your cheeks, he thought about how much you trembled. He thought about the damage he had done to you.

He couldn't forget it, not even with alcohol.

He hadn't spoken to many people since then either, he had had some issues, especially with his team after having sex with his libero's ex-girlfriend. It was resolved through discussion, but the tension was still there. The same with Kiyoomi.

But with Kiyoomi it was worse.

The countenance changed from that moment with the boy. You realized that Omi Omi had feelings for you.

“What?” Atsumu's voice boomed in the gym, he went back to practicing his serves while Sakusa looked at him from a distance “Do you want to stay to practice?”

“Y/N has not left her room” he said suddenly. Atsumu's eyes were fixed on the volley ball and he refused to look at the black-haired man again “She hasn't been going to school. I haven't seen her eat, I don't know if she's really eating. I don't know if she slept. I don't know how bad she is- ”

"How do you know all that?" Miya's voice sounded hoarse, different. Annoyance, anger, rage. Jealousy. Hatred. He squeezed the object in his hands. "Are you sleeping in her apartment or something?"

“I stay most of the time cleaning and doing chores. Unlike you, I care about her” he replied, moving closer to the blond “It's your fault that she is like this "

“How did you get into her apartment?” he stared at him. His gaze was dangerous.

"Spare key" he replied simply, looking him in the eye "How much are you interested? Anyway, I'm sure you haven't even taken the time to call her”

"Why the hell do you have a spare key?" his voice began to sound deeper and deeper. Atsumu dropped the ball and it bounced a few times.

What the fuck was wrong with him?

"Don't you-"

"Are you trying to take advantage of the situation? Are you waiting for her to open the door, wrapped in a sheet, crying, asking for your help? We both know you like Y/N. Do you think I haven't noticed how you look at her? What the hell did you think when you entered her home? Did you want to fuck her? You're a damn pig, Omi Omi. Do you think that playing with her feelings you can have her? She is mine-"

"You are the pig. You were the one who took advantage of her. You were the one who played with her feelings” the words made Atsumu stop dead in his tracks. He clenched his fists. “Yours? Y/N is not yours. She never was and I doubt that at some point she will be, not after this”

There was silence after that.

Weren't you from him?

Were you with Kiyoomi now?

Why washe  thinking about that?

He scratched the back of his neck as he tried to push the thoughts out of his head. His gaze fell for a second at the entrance and he immediately veered away.

Only to return almost to the second.

There you were. With your bag hanging from your left shoulder, your hair was loose, you had on the glasses you used to read from time to time. Atsumu stared at you. You looked at him without even noticing.

Both of their hearts stopped for a few beats.

She/He looks fine. Like nothing happened.

You lowered your gaze a bit before walking to your sit next to him. At his side. Where you belonged

The moment you sat down, you took out the notes you had written in a separate notebook, all sent by some of your colleagues, most of whom you had helped in more technical classes. You didn't even look at Atsumu for a second.

He look  immediately your hands. Then your hair, then your face in side profile.

I had missed you.

Were you always that beautiful?

Why don't you look at me?

Y/N.

Look at me.

Please.

Please Y/N.

I missed you.

I need you.

Talk to me.

“Do you want me to talk to you?” Atsumu blinked. He averted his gaze slightly before placing his cheek in the palm of his hand and resting his elbow on the bench. You took silence as his response “Hello, Atsumu”

“Why didn't you come?” he knew the answer. But he wanted to hear it with your words. He wanted you to humiliate him, to hate him, to give him a reason to beg your forgiveness. He wanted you, even out of courtesy, to answer him.

“I wasn't ready,” you replied simply, with a firm voice.

“Ready for what?”

“To treat you like always even when you broke my heart. I'm trying to fulfill what I promised you” you turned your face a little, without looking into his eyes “I'm sorry for failing you, I was missing a long time. I will try to catch up as quickly as possible”

“No” he said immediately, watching as you lightly squeezed the notebook in your hands, "No... don't worry about it, take the time you need. Uhm…” He was speechless when he looked up and observed the professor entering the auditorium.

“Thanks, Atsumu”

Why did you thank me? Thank you for breaking your heart?

You didn’t talk to him for the rest of the lecture.

Atsumu and you did not talk about what happened. You did not even approached to him in class for the next days. He was looking at you, hoping you started the conversation. Sometimes he gave you glances just to notice that your eyes were glued to the teacher at all time.

You were mad. Hurt. Broken.

And it was his fault.

Her legs were moving nervously. The last time you had properly talked, the only words that came out of his mouth were cruelty and lies. Since then, to forget his words, he drank more than usual. He went out more to the club. The hours in the practices were extended. He hit the ball with supernatural force.

He was upset. He was sad. Hewas broken.

And it was his fault.

When the class was over, he watched as you calmly took your things and got up from the desk you shared with him.

"Uh, L/N-san"

His ears focused on listening to your conversation with your Economy buddy while he kept his belongings.

“Yes?” Your voice sounded normal. It was not broken or trembling like when it broke your heart “Is something wrong?”

“We should organize ourselves to work in the workshop”

“Oh yeah!” Atsumu looked at you for a few seconds. You were smiling at him while you were looking for your cell phone in your bag “Do you have a free period? We can go to the university café”

Atsumu frowned slightly. Before the disaster, he hadn't paid attention to the guys around you. Or how they looked at you. Or how they addressed you.

Because he scared all the boys who tried to get close to you.

“No, but, we can see each other next Wednesday at the cafe after school” he smiled at you.

It was jealousy.

The boy was always quiet, but you had never complained about him. You were helping him where you could and the economics teacher had paired them that semester together. Actually, you had said that it was quite nice. It was difficult talking to him, after all, the boy was embarrassing.

He shook his head, trying not to pay attention to your conversation. Your hands landed on the desk .

“Do you want to go to the cafe?” Atsumu asked “If he couldn't, we can go together-"

To catch up. I really miss you .

“Y/N” both turned to the known voice. It was Sakusa. Atsumu furrowed his brow when he saw him enter the hall and up the stairs to where they were "Let’s go"

"Oh Yoomi" you smiled at the event "Actually, Atsumu asked me if I wanted to go to the cafe, I was about to answer him"

"I'll wait for you outside, then" Kiyoomi looked at the blonde and withdrew, at no time did he lower his mask and neither did he remove his hands from his pockets. He walked back to the door, not looking back.

Yoomi?

“Today I can't, Yoomi is going to help move some things from the apartment-"

“What?” he interrupted, opening his eyes a little “Are you going to move or something?”

"No. In fact, I am going to remodel? I need something different"

“The apartment looks good as it is” he whispered, somewhat uncomfortable. “Why would you change it?”

"Many memories, I suppose"

Oh.

That.

“Ah, okay… well, I guess you should go. You don't want Yoomi to be irritated.” He spat out the boy's name with some anger, but apparently you didn't notice it.

You smiled and nodded a little. “Yes, well. See you later, Atsumu "

“Fucking hell” he murmurs while watched you leave the room. You were leaving in front of him. I've needed to talk to you. To walk with you. To be with you.

He needed you.

But he didn't deserve you.

❥•°❀°•༢

He was drinking again.

“What do you prefer? Win a million dollars or find the love of your life?” Miya asked you while he ate the last onigiri.

“I would choose the million dollars”

“Uhm” you laughed lightly before taking a sip of your drink “And why would you choose that?” Her brown eyes looked at you curiously.

“Because money attracts people, duh” you replied before looking at him “And if he comes to me for money, then he is not the love of my life. I would know that he is the love of my life if he stays with me before and after winning the million” you shrugged your shoulders and you looked at him with a smike" As simple as that "

"You are so cheesy, did you know that?"

"I'm just honest, Tsumu~"

"I still don't understand why you don't have a boyfriend, Y/N" He avoided looking at you when he said it, his trunk-colored gaze stuck to the drink in front of him “Are the others guys blind or what?”

“Well, you scare all the guys that approach me” you didn't sound upset, to tell the truth, he could feel your smile between your answer "But I guess I'm still looking for the right one. Or knowing him. Or talking with him right now. Who knows"

Atsumu looked you in the eyes, a soft and sincere smile was adorning your face. Your eyes were fixed on his. There was a particular glow, something unusual in how you were looking at him at the time. Like you're confessing a big secret.

"So cheesy"

I missed you.

“What are you doing here?” his voice sounded agitated, you were in the frame of the door of the gym looking at him “Isn't it late?”

“That is why I am here, Tsumu. You must rest and the only way you rest is to get you out of this gym” you sighed looking at him.

"Ah" he laughed lightly before shaking his head "You care about me"

“Of course I care about you, apparently you don't care about yourself, fool” you defended yourself before frowning “Let's go, it's really late, Tsumu”

“Thank you” he said, smiling at you. “For worrying”

The taste of alcohol seemed like water to be high. It was not enough.

You were more than enough.

"Cheetos or Doritos?"

"They are both cardboard, Atsumu"

"What!?" He opened his eyes to drop the packages he was holding. You instantly burst out laughing "Really?"

"Yes Tsumu"

"Uhm ... I guess I like cardboard."

Your smile.

Your laughter.

"Can you come over, please?" He was not thinking when he called you. It was very late, and early in the morning. Your apartment and his were not far away " I need to talk to you about something"

"We can talk on the phone," you sounded sleepy.

"I... I really need you to come for a moment, please" he practically fought against his voice, he was so drunk that he didn't process his feelings well "Please, Y/N. I've missed you a lot”

You bit your lower lip before answering.

"I'll be there in fifteen minutes”

❥•°❀°•༢

Why did you go?

Why?

You asked yourself the same thing over and over again while your lips were glued to Miya's hair. It was dawn when Atsumu stopped stroking your bare back 

“I love you” he murmured. Your heart was still broken “I love you more than anything in this world” he squeezed you in his arms, hiding his face in the valley of your breasts. He left wet kisses against your skin “I missed you so much, I needed you so much” his voice broke, before beginning to touch you with need, hoping you were real “Look at me, please. You haven't looked at me in weeks. I need you to look at me” your eyes trembled with fear before looking him in the eyes, Atsumu kissed your lips immediately “I'm so sorry, Y/N "

You answered the kiss, between sobs. His hands began to squeeze the flesh on your hips, before gently biting down on your lower lip. Atsumu tasted like dry vodka, you tasted like cold tea. You moaned softly when he inserted his tongue into your oral cavity and his hands found the space between your legs.

“So wet, already?” he hissed in a hoarse voice, he lowered his kisses down your neck as he bit, licked, kissed and sucked your skin s/c, wanting to leave marks for everyone to see that you belonged to him “You are drenched” he lowered his kisses to your breasts, attacking them with licks while one of his hands caressed all your femininity.

"Tsumu" you moaned, squeezing your legs a little, trapping his hand in your pussy.

"You like this, don't ya?" he kissed you again “You like having me pleasuring you? Begging you to come here? Desiring you? Loving you? Missing you?” He gently pulled your jaw, thrusting his tongue in again, without closing his eyes. You moaned in the kiss and lightly denied "You are liar"

"Hope for the future"

“Don't you dare say that what happened last night was a mistake” you said without looking at him, squeezing your hands a little “Don't you dare say it, Atsumu”

“I'm sorry Y/N”

“Don't do it”

“Do you love me, Y/N ?” You were fighting against your feelings, against the truth. Atsumu looked at you with tired, sad eyes

“That is irrelevant now.”

“I love you” you assured

“No... it was the emotions of the moment. You got confused, who would love someone like me?”

“Don't do it. Don't try to manipulate me into making me feel horrible and tell you that I love you over and over again, only to be break me again. Don't do it, Tsumu”

“You and Kiyoomi have something?” he asked, pressing against him “Do you love him?”

“He is my friend, Atsumu”

“No, he does not want to be your friend” he took your face in his hands “He wants to have you against his body, just as we are now” you blinked confused, denying “He wants everything we have. He wants to take you away from me”

“Are you listening to what you say, Atsumu?”

Of course I'm listening to myself.

I do not want to lose you.

I can not lose you.

I must not lose you.

“Of course!” he screamed, hitting the pillow next to you, you froze “And it's your fault!”

"My fault?"

You felt something strange in your chest. It was rage.

Before he could go on, you opened your mouth.

“Do you know something, Tsumu? I wish I had never met you” those words stopped him “Then, I wouldn't be here, humiliating myself. Then, there would not need to cry over you, no need to want you, no need to miss you, no need to loving you” your voice started breaking “No need for forgotten promises, for lies. No need for touch starving hugs, no need of pain and tears, no need to fucking crying until I fall asleep. No need for nothing. Nothing” you shouted, crying “Do you even realize how broken I am? How stupid do I look? How pathetic I am? ”

You were lying. You are lying.

Don't lie to me.

No.

I shouldn't destroy her heart.

But I can't help it.

That words hurted.

I don't want to hurt you.

Please.

“You are right” he whispered “I wish I wouldn't met you either. You are so pathetic, so idiotic. I wish you fucking disappear or something, vanish” He was destroying you.“Get the fuck out of here” he said, coldly “And fuck with Omi Omi if you fucking want. Trash mean to be together, right?” He was not sober. Not at all. “You should fucking disappear for the whole existence; I don't give a single fuck”he stops touching you “Just fucking leave ”

The tears didn't come out in front of him. You grabbed your clothes and started dressing yourself.

“And, Y/N” you stopped, waiting for whatever he was supposed to say “Leave and close the damn door”

And that's what you did. You close the damn door.

Your heart.

[holylulusworld]

Unwanted Love

Request: Reader is mob Steve sis, but she's born out of extramarital affair so he's not very fond of her. He marries her off to mob Bucky. She's scared how he will be, he's quite cold cus even he doesn't know how it should work. Once, in an argument he holds her tight leaving marks. But this scares reader off, every time he moves around her she flinches, so he asks Steve for help. He's too oblivious to her, but now even he realizes he loves her. So, they both improve as hubby & bro & make her happy

Pairing: Mobster!Bucky x Rogers!Reader, Steve Rogers x Sister!Reader, Sam Wilson, Clint Barton, Brock Rumlow

Warnings: angst, unrequited love, shitty brother, sad reader, innocent reader, scared reader, a hint of domestic violence (just in case), arranged marriage, violence, blood, mentions of torture, characters death, kidnapping, comforting, fluff

Unwanted. Again, you feel like you don’t belong even during your father’s burial you are left outside alone.

While everyone condolences your half-brother, the golden boy of your father's Empire his ‘official’ child no one seems to even spare you a glance.

Minutes turn to hours and you look at your father's grave again. With him, the last person at least recognizing you died.

Being born out of an extramarital affair was never easy. Everyone looked at you with this angry expression when your father brought you home one night.

“I am sorry, Y/N.” Clint mumbles.

He’s one of the few people talking to you since your father died. “Must be hard being alone with Steve now.” Nodding silently, you bite your lip.

“If you need anything, tell me so.” Sam steps closer to give you one of his hugs. “I know Steve can be rough, but he will take care of you, Sweetie.”

“Sam, that’s kind of you, but we both know he hates me.” Sniffling you look at the rose in your hand. “He even forbid me to place the rose onto dad’s coffin as everyone else. I am unwanted, always was.”

“It’s not your fault his father was unfaithful.” Clint mutters as Steve talks to someone you never saw before.

An uneasy feeling makes your chest tighten as the man looks at you, grinning like a cat that got the cream. “If anyone is guilty, it’s his father for cheating on his wife and getting your mom killed.”

“Clint,” Sam warns, watching Steve smirk at Brock. “I need to talk to Steve for a moment. Do not let Y/N out of sight. I got a bad feeling.”

“Sure. I’ll bring her over there and stay by her side.” Clint watches his friend run toward Steve. “Right, princess? We will put this rose onto the grave now and Steve can’t do shit about it!”

“Thank you, Clint…” Sniffling you let your friend wrap his arm around your shoulders. “Maybe I can leave town and find a job.”

“You will not do this, Steve. Your father knew about your plans and prepared something. If you try to marry Y/N off to Brock, you will lose the Empire to his brother.” Sam grunts and his friend's features darken.

“I can do whatever I want with that girl.” Eyes narrowed Steve watches you cry into Clint’s chest. “She’s not my sister.”

“Pardon me, Steve but that girl is your sister and you should see it’s not her fault your father had an affair, nor was it her fault your dad got Y/N’s mother killed!” Sam pants heavily as Brock won’t stop staring at you. “I swear if you do this to her, we are done, and I’ll call your uncle.”

“You wouldn’t betray me, Sam. We are friends since childhood.” Steve tries to reason with his friend, but Sam won’t give in.

“Yeah, but this doesn’t mean I will allow you to marry the poor girl off to Brock after all the shit she had to bear. Her mom got killed and it was her dad’s fault, a man who never cared about her or helped her mom raise little Y/N.” Steve tries to swallow the lump in his throat as he must watch Brock stalk toward you.

“Sam…she’s not my blood.”

“Bullshit, Steve! She is your sister and got no one left. She never asked to be part of this shitshow or your family. All she wanted was her mom, but your dad got her killed. He decided to take Y/N with him instead of letting her live with her aunt. You know that!”

Sam’s voice raises and Clint looks at Brock with darkened eyes as the mobster tried to touch you.

“Still, it’s my decisions and…”

“No, Steve. Y/N is a nice girl and deserves better than this. Since she’s six years old she looks up at you and Bucky like you are the sun or shit. I will not let you hurt her!”

Blinking a few times Steve searches for Bucky who is busy to help Clint keeping Brock away from you.

“Bucky you say…” A smirk appears on your brother’s lips and Sam doesn’t know if he helped you or made things worse…

“I don’t understand why it has to be me!” Bucky groans as he watches you clean the table. “I mean, she’s a nice girl but I am not ready to settle down, nor do I like her that way, Stevie.”

“Buck, listen.” Placing one hand onto his friend’s shoulder Steve looks at you. “It's you or Brock but…” Whispering the next part Steve leans closer to Bucky’s ear. “If I sell her to Brock, my uncle will get the Empire. Do this for me, Buck.”

“Punk, I can’t just marry your baby sister and do dirty things to her! She looks like an innocent angel and I am far from being nice!” Lips pursed Bucky watches you leave the room. “Can’t you ask Sam or Clint?”

“It has to be you, Bucky. Now do this and you can have as many girls as you want to. We only need the façade to show everyone I take care of my poor sister.”

Scrunching up his nose Steve watches you start to dust the shelves. “She can clean and all. Do this for me so I can keep my Empire.”

“Fine…”

Three months ago, your brother told you that Bucky Barnes will marry you. Normally you would’ve been happy, you always liked and adored Steve’s best friend, but you knew its only business to him.

Now you are here, in his home and feel unwanted all over again. There is not a day he doesn’t glare at you or tries to make you feel small.

“Is my lunch ready? I have an important meeting with a friend…” Smirking Bucky strides toward the table, waiting for you to bring a plate with his food.

“We both know you mean a girl.” Spatting the words, you shove a plate with a sandwich toward your husband and run out of the room.

“You will not talk to me like that!” Bucky yells after you but the door to the dining room slams shut before you can hear the words. “Lousy sandwich…” Poking the tasteless sandwich Bucky grunts.

He’s used to getting delicious homemade food from you, now there’s a tasteless sandwich on his plate and he hates it.

Bucky eyes the sandwhich before he decides it’s better than nothing. While he tries to choke down the sandwich Bucky gets up to follow your laughter.

Giggling you let Sam wrap an arm around your waist while he whispers something into your ear. You seem to like what your friend said as you nod eagerly while you take a bag out of Sam’s hands.

“Thank you, Sam. You’re kind.” Sniffling you wipe away some tears. “You and Clint are the only friends I have. No one likes me. Not Steve, nor Bucky…”

“What do we have here, Wilson?” Snickering Bucky steps out in the garden to give Sam a dirty look. “I think we didn’t have an appointment. If you excuse us now, Sam. My wife and I need to talk about a few things…”

Giving you a cracked smile Sam nods, hugging you tightly before he walks past Bucky. “Call me anytime, Y/N. Unlike other people, I am a friend to you…”

Sam barely left his house before Bucky grabs your upper arm to drag you into the house. The paper bag drops to the floor and you try to pick it up but Bucky steps on it and you sniffle.

“This is my house! You are my wife!” Bucky yells and you flinch at his harsh tone. “You will not meet up with Sam or Clint without my knowledge ever again.”

“Sam only…” Grabbing your arms Bucky slams you into the wall, holding you tight enough to leave bruises.

“I don’t care why he came here. You are my wife, now go to the kitchen and make me lunch…”

Scared you step away from Bucky when he finally let go of you. His eyes are hard, but he gasps at the sight of fingerprint shaped bruises around your upper arms. “Y/N…”

When he tries to touch you, your instinct lets you flinch away. “I…I’ll make you food…” You are gone before Bucky can apologize.

While he curses himself for hurting you he picks the bag up.“Seeds?” Blinking a few times Bucky looks at the ruined seeds. “Lily of the valley, doll?”

The next days you keep your distance to Bucky. Only leaving your room to make food for him you listen to every noise in the house.

The moment Bucky enters the kitchen you grab his plate to rush toward the dining room.

Bucky follows you silently, waits for you to eat with him but you leave the room silently, not caring he called your name.

Sitting in the room in silence, eating your food Bucky remembers the way you used to look at him and your brother.

He can still hear the harsh words coming out of Steve’s mouth to make you see he doesn’t want you around his friends.

Bucky always laughed as you sneaked into Steve’s room to be close to your big brother. He never understood why Steve hated you that much.

Whenever you entered his room, Steve’s eyes lit up for a moment before his features darkened and he started to yell at you.

One day you stopped coming to his room and stayed to yourself. From that day on, Steve’s mood was worse…

When he finished his plate, Bucky walks into the kitchen to watch you eating the leftovers of his meal. You dare not to look at him, even worse – when he moves around you to place the plate into the sink you flinch away.

Bucky doesn’t say a thing, he just grabs a glass of water to sit at the counter for a while. Just like with Steve, you closed yourself off once again. Talking to no one you spend most of your time in your room.

“So…uh…” Clearing his throat Bucky watches your hand tremble when he looks at you. “I…I have a meeting with Steve this afternoon and I want you to come with me to get the rest of your belongings.”

“I…I got everything I own.” Looking at your hands you hold onto your plate for dear life. “There’s nothing left at Steve’s house.”

“You got nothing left at your home?” Blinking Bucky makes the mistake to touch your hand. Scared you flinched away, and the plate falls to the ground, splattering food all over the floor.

“I…I am sorry. I’ll clean it, promised. Please…don’t hurt me…” Sniffling you try to remember where to find the dustpan and brush but the fear let your body shake. “I shouldn’t go to Steve’s house.”

“Doll, I said you will come with me.” Getting the dustpan Bucky tries to help you but the moment he gets closer you flinch away. “I need you to follow me.”

“Steve said I am no longer allowed to enter his house. That this never was my home, Buck…I mean James, I can’t go with you. Please don’t force me…” Tears roll down your cheeks and Bucky nods silently.

“Okay. I’ll check if you forgot anything for you…”

“Steve…I…I fucked up.” Falling into an armchair Bucky runs his hand frantically down his face. “I scared, Y/N and now she flinches away every time I get close.”

“Where’s the problem? You don’t want to be close to her, Buck.” Not looking up from his papers Steve cocks a brow. “’s not as if you ever liked her.”

“Punk, can you stop being an ass? I remember the times when she stopped coming to your room. You yelled at her the week before, called her a bastard child and I saw the light in her eyes disappear. She didn’t stay away as she found new friends, Stevie.” Sighing Bucky looks at his friend.

“Y/N was alone for most of her life and now I hurt her…”

“Hurt her?” Steve’s hands ball into fists and for the first time, he has murder in his eyes as he looks at his friend. “Did you hit my sister? Did you abuse her, Buck?”

“I…I grabbed her arms and forgot about my strength. She only made me a sandwich for lunch, talked to Sam and even laughed. I got mad and she had bruises.”

“Fuck…”

“Yeah, Stevie. I fucked up.” Glancing at his best friend Bucky tries to find a way to make it up to you. “I stepped onto some seeds. I think Sam brought those to her for my garden.”

“About time someone fixes the shithole you call a garden.” Smirking Steve gets up to look at a picture of his parents on his desk. “Mom, she refused to acknowledge Y/N. Till she died, mom refused to call my sister by her name.”

“That’s awful, Steve. Y/N was six years old for fuck’s sake.” Grunting Bucky glares at the picture. “Mrs. Rogers, that was not right.”

“I just realized that Y/N never had a home…”

“Her mom died when she was six years old. Her father dragged her into a family she didn’t know, and no one ever gave her the feeling she’s welcome…” Playing with his phone Bucky debates to call you or not.

“I guess, we all ruined the chance to become a family. Mom, she was hurt, I get that, but Y/N was six years old and she should’ve known better than treating a child like that.”

Voice bitter Steve looks at a picture of Bucky and him in his first car. “I followed my mom’s lead and hurt an innocent child.”

“She looked up at you, Stevie. I could see the pride in her eyes whenever you talked to her. Y/N only wanted to spend time with her big brother. What can we do now, Steve?”

“How about we buy more of the seeds you ruined, some roses and bring dinner with us. We can try to talk to Y/N, apologize and take the first step.” Nodding Bucky isn’t sure if roses are enough to make up things with you.

“It’s sixteen years, Steve. How can you make up sixteen years?”

“What do we have here?” Smirking the man you got to know is Brock Rumlow steps closer as you tighten the hold on the seeds you bought. “Why is your lovely husband not around?”

“He has an important meeting. If you excuse me now.” Not liking the way Brook looks at you, you try to get away from him.

“Let me drive you home, Baby. I can show you some nice places too and we can talk about your marriage, Barnes and your big brother betraying me.”

Before you can get away Brock grabs your arm, making you cry out as he almost dislocates your shoulder.

“Please, let me go! I don’t know anything Steve did! It’s not like Steve would even talk to me.” Sniffling you look at Brock, but he rams his gloved fist into your face to knock you out.

“I will ask you a few questions, Baby.” Brock slides his fingers over your upper arm and you want to flinch away, but the ropes holding you to a chair make it impossible. “Late we can have some fun.”

“I…” Shaking your head you sniffle as his wraps around your throat. “We can do this the hard way, or I’ll be nice…” Licking over your cheek Brock smirks as he can almost smell your fear. “Good girl…”

“BROCK! That was Brock.” Picking the seeds and your purse up Bucky silently curses. “He wanted a deal and I suggested he marry’s my sister to seal the deal. After Sam told me about dad’s plans, I called things off.”

“Steve! How could you offer Y/N to this monster? You know how his girls end.” Wrapping his hand around Steve’s throat Bucky presses his friend against the SUV behind him. “If he hurts my wife, I’ll break your face.”

“Buck,” Coughing Steve wraps his hand around Bucky’s wrist. “Sam and Clint are on it. We will find her before it’s too late. Brock likes to play…”

Retching Bucky needs to take deep breaths. “If he touches my girl, he’s dead…no…he’s already dead…”

“I don’t know anything, please.” Looking at the instruments on the table you shake your head. “Steve never tells me about his business or anything. I swear!”

“They will pay for your freedom, give me all I want.” Smirking Brock slides his hand over your thigh to shove the dress up to your waist. “No one said I can’t touch the goods…”

“Please…don’t. Steve will not pay anything for me. He hates me…” Sniffling you look at the floor. “No matter what you do to me, Bucky and Steve will not pay you anything. You can kill me, they wouldn’t care.”

“Don’t lie to me, Y/N.” Holding a knife to your throat Brock grunts the words. “You are his sister. Now tell me Steve’s weak spot. I know he meets up with a girl.”

“I never was welcome to the family as my mother was only a fling to my father. I’ll never be part of his world. No matter what you do to me, I can’t tell you anything about Steve’s girl and even if I would know her name…” Glaring at Brock you need all your strength to not shake. “I wouldn’t tell you…”

“I will cut you into pieces, little girl.” Musing Brock presses a kiss to your neck. “I could be gentle if you just tell me something I can use against your brother.”

“You don’t get it! He will not come for me, none of them will, as I am no one to them. I never meant anything to Steve or Bucky.” Sniffling you hate you sound pathetic. “I wish one of them loves me, but they don’t…”

“Awe…did you just listen, Sam? Tell your boss I want him here in an hour or his beloved sister will experience more pain than anyone before her.” Snickering Brock hangs up the phone and you are sure you will die tonight.

“Please…don’t…” While you beg for your life Brock enjoys your fear. He’s sliding the dull side of his knife over your thigh, smirking as he gets a glimpse of your panties.

“We will have so much fun before your brother comes here. I’d like to get to know you better, Baby. How about you’ll be my good girl?”

“Fuck you!” Spitting into Brock’s face you flinch as he backhands you, but it was worth the fight. “I am not your good girl!”

While you struggle to breathe as Brock wraps his hand around your throat, smirking when your eyes flutter shut the door bursts open.

“Hands off my wife!” Gun aimed toward Brock’s head Bucky steps into the room, followed by Steve, Sam and a beyond pissed Clint.

“You heard him. Hands off my sister or you will die slow and painfully.” Unlocking his gun Bucky steps closer and Brock finally let go of you, stepping back to raise his hands in surrender. “Steve, free her…”

“Come on, Barnes. I tried to have fun with…” The bullet ending his life hits Brock by surprise. While his body drops to the floor he gasps for the last time in his life.

“No one touches what’s mine.”

“Y/N, fuck…” Looking you all over Steve wants to pick you up but Bucky is faster. Stripping his coat off he wraps you into the warm fabric.

“I’ve got you, doll. You were so brave, Y/N.” Kissing your forehead Bucky wraps his arms around you. “I’ll bring you home.”

Barely able to keep your eyes open, head lulling back you let Bucky carry you out of the house.

Steve yells orders at his men, angrily clenching his fists as he can see the ugly bruise at your cheek.

“Burn that goddamn house down after you gathered all information we will need to bring Brock’s allies down. No mercy for people kidnapping my sister. Spread it, Sam. Whoever dares to touch Y/N dies…”

“Shhh…don’t move too much, doll. Doc gave you some pain meds and took care of the bruises. I have an ice pack for you.” Carefully brushing your hair out of your face Bucky grits his teeth as he can see the bruises at your arm.

“He…he wanted to know about Steve’s girlfriend. I couldn’t tell him…” Sniffling you watch Bucky stroke your arm.

“I am sorry for grabbing you.”

“’s okay. I know you don’t like me.” Bucky brushes his thumb over the bruise, frowning as you don’t look at him. “It was Brock, the large bruise, not you. He grabbed me and when I tried to get away…”

“He’ll never touch you again, Y/N. No one will ever hurt my wife. You know…” Pressing his lips to your hair Bucky sighs. “Stevie and me, we are so sorry for treating you that badly. I will be a better man for you, doll…”

“I can just leave town and you don’t have to see me again, just like Steve. s’not as if anyone would miss me, Bucky. I told Brock the same.” Bucky’s hand gently rubs over your back to calm your shaking form.

“I’ll not let my best girl go, just like Stevie. I know that we have to prove to you that we are worth being in your life but will do so.” Looking up at Bucky in disbelief you blink a few times.

“I…I am not sure what to say.”

“You don’t need to say anything. Steve and I want to make things right from now on. We can’t promise to be perfect, but we will do anything to make you feel welcome and…loved…”

Whispering the last word against your hair Bucky can feel you relax with every stroke of his hand.

“Do you have food? I am hungry. Brock is a bad host for sure.” Snickering Bucky presses his lips to yours.

“Doll, you are one of a kind. Now let’s get my wife some food.” Nodding you let Bucky help you get up to lead you toward the dining room.

“I got no clue what I did but it looks eatable.” Poking the food with his fork Bucky scrunches up his nose.

“Punk, that’s for sure no food. You should taste my wife’s food.” Snickering Sam shoves his plate away. “I will order food for my wife now. Steve, never try to cook again.”

“Agreed.” Clint shudders at the taste of Steve’s food. “Let’s order pizza!”

“Nope. My wife decides what she wants.” Pecking your cheek Bucky looks at you. “What does my girl want?”

“I want…” Looking at your husband, followed by your brother you don’t know what to say. “I don’t know. No one asked me what I want for a long time…”

“Well, from now on...” Taking your hand in his Steve kisses it softly. “...you will decide what you want. Now let’s start with food.”

“Pizza…”

“You heard my sister! She wants pizza…” While Sam orders pizza Steve tries to talk to you.

For the first time since you came into this family, you’ve got the feeling you are welcome…

Part 2

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Bucky Barnes/Sebastian Stan Tags

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[tthankstoyou]

Platonic hevans how would Sam and Kurt comfort each other after all their breakups on glee

I love this omg thanks for the ask! It’s all under the cut cus this got kinda long. Sam deadass dated like every girl on the show 💀

(I’m not doing Samchel bc I didnt watch any of their scenes. I feel like I shouldn’t talk about a ship I know nothing about haha)

Fabrevans breakup: Kurt isn’t at McKinley but he overhears Finn on the phone with Puck bragging about how he got Quinn to make out with him after school even though she’s with Sam. Kurt is like ‘HUH?’ and subtly asks Rachel and Mercedes about it at their next sleepover, which Fabrevans broke up earlier that day. Mercedes and Rachel tell Kurt all of the drama, including how they had a date to Color Me Mine planned for that night that Sam was looking forward to.

Kurt is looks at the time and see’s that there’s still two hours before Color Me Mine closes. Without much thinking, he gets changed into his clothes (since they’re wearing pajamas) and starts texting people for Sam’s address. Mercedes is like “and where are you off to?” Kurt says “I feel bad that Sam isn’t able to go to Color Me Mine anymore, I’m gonna ask him if it’s okay if I go with him.” Mercedes raises her eyebrows and Kurt is like “As two friends who love painting ceramics.”

So he pulls up to the Evans residence. Sam is surprised to see Kurt at his door. He asks what Kurt is doing there and Kurt is straight up like “To take you to Color Me Mine.”

Sam is dating Santana, so Sam says “I cant go on a date with you if I’m dating Santana. Although I think she’d be okay with polyamory if you give me a second to ask her.” Kurt is like “NO! I don’t want to date both you and Santana. I heard that you and Quinn were planning on going to date to Color Me Mine before you guys broke up... and I wanted to know if it would be okay if I took you... as friends.”

Sam says “A bro date to Color Me Mine. I like that. Let me get my jacket and I’ll be right back out.”

Samtana breakup: Sam wasn’t too broken up about their breakup, he honestly saw it coming. He didn’t even realize they were broken up until he saw that Santana was now dating Karofsky. He didn’t care that much, they barley hung out to begin with. But Kurt cared a lot, he wanted to make sure that Sam wasn’t feeling like he was cheated on.

On a night that Kurt was coming over to Sam’s hotel just to drop off clothes, he also decided to bring his laptop and lots of snacks. Sam was surprised to see Kurt bringing all of this stuff, but he wasn’t complaining. Kurt popped in a DVD of avatar that he bought on the way there and they spent the night under the blankets.

Samcedes “breakup” #1: I use the word breakup really loosely as they were never dating the first time around, but that doesn’t mean they didn’t love each other and ending things wasn’t painful.

Sam is living with the Hudmels at this time so Kurt can hear Sam crying from his room. Kurt knocks quietly on Sam’s door. Sam doesn’t answer so Kurt let’s himself in. He see’s Sam bundled under the covers and notices that he’s eyes are bloodshot from all the crying. Kurt sits on the edge of Sam’s bed and tells him that he’s always there for Sam as a friend. Mercedes may be his best friend, but that doesn’t mean he cares about Sam and his happiness any less.

Sam crumbles at this and sobs into Kurt’s shoulder. He tells Kurt all about how Mercedes sing Whitney Houston to him as a way to tell him that she couldn’t do this even though she loved him. Kurt tells him that everything will be okay and that this heartache won’t last forever.... which is true seeing that Sam and Mercedes go to prom together soon after that.

Bram breakup: Sam would, once again, be a sobbing mess. I feel like Sam would be super out of himself, Blaine and Tina are doing their part to cheer him up as their best friends, but Kurt feels like he should do something too seeing as he’s at home when it all happened.

Kurt takes Sam on a bro date, reminiscent of the one that they went on when Sam and Quinn broke up. Kurt takes Sam to see some movie that just came out that Sam has watched the trailer for like 50 times. Kurt almost falls asleep during the movie, but Sam is having the time of his life. It’s the first time that Kurt has seen Sam so happy recently. They leave the theatre and take a short stop to get ice cream. While eating the ice cream, Sam raves about the movie and how amazing it was. He’s already talking about bringing Tina and Blaine to see it with him the next weekend.

Samcedes breakup #2: Sam didn’t see this one coming, they were doing so well. He thought for sure that Mercedes would be the girl he married (spoiler alert: he does marry her, he just doesn’t know it yet).

Before Sam goes back to Lima, Kurt takes Sam out for brunch to talk about how he’s feeling about everything. Sam tells him that he feels like he gives so much love, but the world doesn’t want him to be happy. He tells Kurt that he had a plan for his future with Mercedes. He could see it all so clearly, she was the first person that Sam has dated that he could imagine getting married, raising children, and growing old together. Sam says that feels like he should just give up at love, because it obviously is never going to work out.

Kurt listens to Sam talk in detail about this all for a hella long time, only adding in comments here and there to make sure Sam knows he hasn’t tuned out.

At the end of Sam pouring his heart out, Kurt says “I know my best friends, which are you and Mercedes. I can see how in love you too are and how hard you tried to make it work. From what it sounds like to me, this isn’t a forever breakup. It’s an ‘until we meet again’ breakup, meaning that your story isn’t over. And don’t you give up on love Sam Evans, you are one of the most lovable boys I know. And I promise you that Mercedes hasn’t stopped loving you ever since the summer you guys had your little fling.”

Klaine breakup #1: Sam is in Lima consoling Blaine after the breakup, but he also can’t help but wonder how Kurt is feeling.

One night, Sam calls up Kurt on skype and asks him how he’s holding up. Kurt lies and says he’s fine, but Sam can see right through it. Sam says, “You’re not fine. You don’t have to lie to me” which makes Kurt break out into tears. He tells Sam how much it all hurts and how he never thought he’d have to feel pain like this. Kurt mentions how he feels like he’s not allowed to be sad because he has to help keep Rachel’s spirits up, but it’s just so hard. All he wants to do is have his best friend huh him and help him through his heartbreak.

That gives Sam the idea of visiting New York for the weekend. Sam buys plane tickets with money he’s saved up from working at the tire shop and shows up outside of Kurt’s door on Friday night, completely taking Kurt by surprise. Sam immediately gives Kurt a huge ass hug and tells him that he’s there to help keep his mind off of things.

They have a great weekend, Kurt takes Sam to places in New York that they didn’t see at Nationals two years prior and also takes Sam to all of his fav hidden spots in the city. One of them being a cute little bakery that he spends his mornings in when he doesn’t have anywhere to be.

Sam and Kurt spend Saturday night watching musicals, while Kurt tries to hold back tears because they remind him of Blaine. Sam notices this and makes Kurt turn it off and instead put on Avatar. Kurt is like “Excuse me?” but Sam says it’s because that’s what Kurt did for his breakup with Santana. They might as well make it a tradition.

Klaine breakup #2: Just like with the previous breakup, Sam skype calls Kurt. It’s something they’ve been doing regularly, it helps keep Sam up to date with Mercedes and helps keep Kurt up to date with his dad and Carole.

Sam logged onto this call knowing that they’d already broken up, he got the info from Blaine (since they’re besties). Unlike last time, Sam isn’t able to easily take a day few days off to fly to New York for Kurt. Things at school are ramping up and he’s been needing to work longer hours. So all that he can do is give his support through the computer screen. They stay up all night talking about anything and everything.

Kurt is trying to skate around the topic of the breakup, but he knows that he has to mention it at least once that night. Before the call ends, Kurt let’s Sam know how he’s doing with it all. He tells Sam that it’s painful knowing that the man that you love isn’t the man that you will marry. Sam knows exactly know he’s feeling, as he felt the same way about Mercedes. They fall asleep while on call, Kurt wakes up first and smiles at the sight of Sam’s sleeping face.

[deepdonutkid]

Tracing a shadow

Pairing: None

Requested: No

Word Count: 2360 words

Warnings: Drug use mentioned, abuse mentioned

Summary: Henry Johnson learns about his real family. Years ago he was Michael Gray, now he comes back to meet his mother and is desperate in search of his sister, Anna. 

Author’s Note:  This is the first part of probably two, I made a cut because I am way too eager to post this. It’s my first piece of writing in the english language, so please… if you notice something unfamiliar, mention it. I need this to get better, cus starting to write in a new language is like starting at zero again. I’m very self-conscious about this. I really tried my best to capture the scene, hinting for the second part which is more about the sister. Personally I think this got quite sad and Michael is skeptical at first, because of the way he was treated in the past. I like Michael as a character a lot, because right from the start there is something off about him and he isn’t that easy to like. Actually I end up hating characters who are built to be liked or sympathetic, because I am really not a touchy feely type of person.  And I still hope that season six will change the fate for Michael, which is unlikely because his way seemed to be planned all along. 

And virtual kisses and hugs for every like, reblog, comment or else! 

Do not repost my work

It was a hard day for Henry, actually a hard week, too much for a person of his young age. He wasn’t eighteen and yet he picked all of his belongings, packed it in a suitcase and took the train to Birmingham. That is where his mother lived, his real mother, not the woman who raised him the past few years. Henry was unbelievably sorry, when he left the house while his mum was still crying, but he had to and she had to understand that. He had to go see that woman. Since the man came around and told Henry where to find her, he could not stop himself from thinking about it. About her. This alone brought him to the verge of tears. How many years have passed? Was she still the same woman? Would she recognize him? The questions kept breaking down on him until he could not stand it anymore.

Then he left. Easy as that. The whole train ride he kept staring at the piece of paper with the address written on it in a messy handwriting. The small wrinkly letters haunted him. He still knew the street. That is where he grew up, before his mother lost custody. Henry was around six years old when they took him. Suddenly he had a lump in his throat and his heart started beating with twice the speed. The palms of his hands were sweaty and no matter how many times he rubbed them on his pants, it would not help.

His head was a mess when he finally arrived at the house. Long lost memories came back. Not a good thing to happen. With nervous eyes he looked around. This was the right place, the right door. Behind that was his old life and he didn’t think he would have come back to it so soon. There was Elisabeth Gray. Was she expecting him? Apparently not, because even after he could bring himself to knock on the door nobody answered. Then he knocked again and again. The outcome was still the same. He stood alone on the street as the sky was getting darker.

So there was nobody home. Good to know, he thought and went to the tavern for the night. While doing that he couldn’t stop asking himself if this was a stupid idea all along. He knew this woman. She wouldn’t have changed for the better. Probably, she was still a drinker and couldn’t open the door, because she was asleep on the couch. And why would his sister come back to this mess?

The next day it was still the same, but he was angry and nervous enough to keep waiting. The night before, he couldn’t stay any minute longer, because he knew that the neighborhood was shady. Now he had the time and the patience to stand in front of the closed door that seemed to mock him. Well, he couldn’t just enter. Henry wasn’t part of the household and he certainly did not have a key for this house.

This was no fairytale where he would come back home and everything would turn out great. Henry just needed to know that his mum was still alive, still was the same chaotic person and then he would ask about his sister. What would follow that? He did not know. Maybe he searched for his sister, maybe something else depending on how his mum would treat him.

Henry turned around whenever a woman of suitable age passed. She finally arrived. Oh, he should consider himself lucky! At first she was confused and Henry tried to be nice to her, since he needed information. It was his first challenge, because she smelled like liquor and sex. Even he, who grew up in the small village where nothing ever happened, knew that smell. Her hair was a tangled mess; he could barely see her face.

He licked his lip like he always did when he was on edge. Then he explained himself and the reason why he had shown up at her door this morning and he couldn’t intercept mentioning that he made a quick visit the evening before.

She dropped the keys. Henry was a nice boy, so he picked them up but when the cold metal touched his hands, something strange occurred to him. Now he could let himself in, into the house that was once his home. Then he did. It was somehow messy and cluttered, but it didn’t look like his memories. Back then his family didn’t have a lot of money. Whenever there was a need, his parents would do something illegal and the problem was solved. His mum wasn’t a whore, he knew that at least, but they would steal and rob. All his life he was told what his family did to survive was wrong and he stopped questioning it, but it seemed like things worked out in their favor. In every corner was something golden, tacky figures of horses. He left that uncommented.

Wherever he looked he saw something gold and she was wearing quite a few golden rings and earrings. So she stayed true to the gypsy traditions. Henry couldn’t even say if he behaved like one of them. In the orphanage the priest told him that he would beat every drop of gypsy blood out him and it sort of worked. At least that is what Henry thought. He didn’t feel like a Romani, but of course he didn’t know what that meant. It was just a word for him, not his heritage. Maybe if he had stayed and this woman had raised him he would have given a different answer.

He didn’t recognize her. She was a stranger and whenever he tried to remember her face in his memories there was just a blurred spot. What a strange thing, he thought, somehow he knew the house, the street and other things, but the face of his mother felt unfamiliar. Despite how hungover and baffled she was, she made him breakfast. And god, he was hungry. Since he had woken up that day he couldn’t bring himself to eat. Too nervous and that always hit him in the gut.

The food was okay, but he emptied the plate in no time and then thanked her for the meal, like the good boy he was. That was done now and he had questions, tons and tons of it. His first was about her occupation and apparently she was no cook. Then he asked about that man, who visited the Johnson household days ago, the man, who had given him the information Henry sought so long. Well, he didn’t actually want to come back to this woman, this useless mother, who had beaten him, but that was not the main reason for his return. His sister was. Yet his rationality obliged him to start with his search at the beginning and the rich man was a good start.

The woman- he couldn’t bring himself to call her his mother yet- explained: ‘He works with horses.” Much to Henry's surprise, because he had a great passion for them too. He told her that and even mentioned his brown mare.

Her reaction was enthusiastic, too much for his taste. ‘It’s in the blood”, she said and Henry wouldn’t believe her. As if he still had any gypsy blood in him. Wasn’t it beaten out of him by the hand of a priest? And this woman, who had done nothing but to drink, smoke opium and yell in the first years of his life, knew apparently more about him than he did. But he didn’t get mad, though, he had too many questions to start a fight now. Henry knew his top priority very well.  

He was ready to proceed, but was left confused by her upcoming question. If it was okay, that she was his real mother? That sounded much like he had a choice or a saying in that. How could he change which woman had given birth to him? He phrased it nearly like that and she agreed with him. Then she repeated her former issue, which made him think again. The house seemed empty. There was no drunken dad around here. He couldn’t see any open bottles lying around and no pipe. Could have been worse, right?

With a burst through the door other noises came along. Voices and they yelled. He didn’t know who that was, but screaming was never a good thing in this house, that was burned into his brain. So he stood up, ready to leave again to prevent trouble.  Three men rushed into the room, faster than he could have escaped.

What an uncomfortable situation did he find himself into? Grown men were playing war with wooden guns and the woman came quick to console him. He didn’t like her touch and stiffened. This was weird and nobody could have denied that. Everyone could feel the confusion in the little chamber.

The men stopped and then glared at Henry, which wasn’t very welcoming at all. Their smiles revealed that they knew more than they would say and there was something dead and cold in their blue eyes. But Henry recognized the third man. It was the rich guy, who had shown up at the fence just when his mum had called for dinner. Now he was standing right next to Henry and padding his shoulder as they would know each other. Henry gave him a puzzled look as the man spoke with a dark deep voice. ‘That’s our cousin, Michael.’

Even though his words weren’t meant for Henry, he could pull out some information. These three men were his cousins, so a proper greeting was mandatory. This was also a chance to gain distance to the woman, known as Elisabeth Gray. Henry shook hands with them and then learned their names. One was Arthur, the other named John. Later he learned that the last was called Tommy. His name was Thomas Shelby, but just a few people would call him like that. Others called him the devil.

Just in this moment he was a stranger to Henry and it was odd to be called Michael. He knew that this was his name and sometimes when he couldn’t sleep he would say his name so he wouldn’t forget the sound of it. The past few years he hadn’t been called Michael, so it was unusual to him and felt like he was wearing the clothes of somebody else. It didn’t fit, he thought, but then again, he would have to get used to it. His sister, as he had known her, would gladly refuse to call him Henry.

And the stories about how they would have fun as children scared him somehow. He had little to no memories about these particular events and remembering was hurtful. Michael could have tried, but then why would he do something like that to himself? It was not like they had the right to question him. ‘I really can’t remember anything’, he lied with a meaningless laugh, but then added a little truth: ‘Except for the day when they took me away.’

As expected they were muted. The woman hurried as fast as she could and with tears in her eyes she hugged him. He just stood there not moving at all, because he didn’t know what to do and if he should hug her too. Maybe she just needed a moment, he said to himself and felt a wave of relief when she finally got away.

On top of that lunacy the third man welcomed him to the Shelby family as if that word had any meaning to him. He should feel grateful though. That was the right thing to do. The long lost son coming back home, needing a hug and a kiss from mum… Well no, not like that and he didn’t like the position he was in. That role just didn’t suit him and he felt rigid by thinking about it.

Suddenly everyone was so glad to see him and they were making big plans of showing him around. Around where? This lumpy little neighborhood? And they said it with pride in their voices as they were kings so amazed by their edenic territory. Michael wasn’t so sure about their greatness yet. He still had other things in his mind and he wouldn’t be blinded by their sudden kindness. Everybody was kind first and cruel after. He learned that the hard way.

Finally his cousins left. And he could argue big time about their intentions, but their suits were nice and probably expensive, without a question. Michael thought about buying and wearing suits like that on a daily basis, however he was lacking the money. That was a good thing about his new found- long lost family. They seemed to be rich, measured by the golden stuff around the house and the way they dressed.

The two were alone again. For hours they talked and talked, but it was meaningless to him. There wasn’t anything he hadn’t already expected. Polly, as he would call her from now on, told him about the family. How rich they are, that they own some businesses, that she was the treasurer, things that were nice to know but didn’t really matter.

Later she left for work, excused herself about a thousand times, and he searched for Tommy to make a call. Initially, he told his mum that he would be here just for the day only, but after spending hours with this woman, he still hadn’t one single clue about his sister. So he had to stay and they didn’t seem so bad though. Of course they were criminals and betting shops were highly illegal, but at least they didn’t pretend to be holy and innocent. This added to the fact that he would rather cut his right hand off, than go back to the same  boring village where he came from.

He wouldn’t leave without answers, but where he’d go after was still a thing in planning.

[plutoismydaddy]

I can read you like a book 1

Jimin x reader Gangster au

In the midst of a gang war Jimin finds himself in his own war, a war between himself and the feelings he was developing for the girl with the fuzzy pink scarf. 

CH1 CH2 CH3  CH4 CH5

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“Have a nice night” you smiled as the old lady walked through the doors of the café, your smile being replaced with a tired sigh once she was out of the building. Just one more hour and you’ll be able to go home and finally rest, get a break from this tiresome life. 

Leaning onto the counter you peered through the empty cafe, basking in the peace. You felt your eyelids start to flutter, slowly inching down. You were alone in her and if someone walked in you'd hear it, so maybe it wouldn't hurt to rest your eyes for a second. Letting your eyes finally close you felt your hair fall onto your face as it tilted forward, slowly falling asleep your half-awake head was filled with nothing but the ticks of the clock behind you. Slow consistent ticks, tick tock, tick tock, tick to- bang. The sudden loud sound ripped you out of sleep, head snapping up you instinctively crouched down and eyes darting around the room, but it was just as empty and still as before. Your eyes peered out the windows, the streets were just as empty as the small shop you stood in. Yes empty, apart from the hunched over, stumbling figure, two new bangs rang through the air and the man's body jerked as the bullets hit his body before he fell to the ground. Eyes still fixated on the figure you saw something out of the corner of your eyes. Frozen you watched as the old lady you had just served walked toward the body, you watched as bullets hit her body and you watched her fall to the ground, the coffee cup smashing against the ground. 

“I’m sorry you had to see that” the police officer smiled pitifully at you but you only shook your head back at her with a sad smile “I'm not the one that's lying dead on the street.” you looked up at her before continuing “I guess you’re used to seeing this” she put her pen and paper down “Yeah, it's really sad, almost scary.” you watched as the corner of her mouth pulled up, forming a tiny smirk that betrayed the sad face she was trying to hold. “It’s tragic that she had to lay beside that...man”. You swallowed, this was wrong you knew that and you had promised yourself not to do this again, but you needed answers. “Was he in some sort of gang?” starting the act you looked up at her, shrinking back in your seat eyebrows wrinkled and eyes wide in worry. the officer seeing your reaction straightened up and smiled at you “most likely”. She was obviously proud of her job, you let out a sigh “Ah things like these are not common huh?” the office let out a laugh “The past week has been like the wild west with gangsters being shot left and right”. Letting out a fake gasp you raised your hand to your mouth, the officer continued her hand resting on her cheek seemingly deep in thought “it seems like a new gang has arrived, they’re going around robbing small businesses and shooting gang members even if there is no conflict between them. It’s probably some kids that want to be the new big bad gang” she let out a chuckle. You opened your mouth but she spoke before you standing up “I shouldn’t even share this information” she fiddled with a white watch around her wrist “, but like I said it’s kind of crazy out there right now to be careful” you stood up smiling at her “I will”. Picking up her things she walked past you towards the exit of the café "Thank you for your statement, have a nice day.” you gave her a bow “You too, officer”. She climbed into the police car parked in front and drove away. You at the now closed door, a new gang huh.

You watched the bus get smaller and smaller as it drove away taking your good decisions with it. With a sigh you looked around as you made your way through the streets, each door, wall, and store brought up an old memory from the depth of your brain. Your eyes fell on a group of guys that returned the gesture eyeing you up and down, they weren’t all great memories, now that you thought about it. You looked away and pulled your scarf higher, if you didn’t get shot you'd probably die from cold.

You soon reached your destination, the dark wood door looked just as rough as the last time you opened it. Your cold hand immersed from your sleeve and knocked on the door producing a dull, echoing sound on the other side. Standing there you waited, a few seconds later the door flew open making you step back in shock. You barely had time to process the shocked woman in front of you before she pulled you into her warm arms, pain clutched your heart as you breathed in her scent. She pulled back cupping your cheeks “Soomin?!” you saw her eyes well up with tears “Don't cry Munhee, ‘cus I’ll start crying too,” you laughed trying to blink back tears. You sure had missed everyone, but you didn’t realize to what extent until now. “I just missed you so much” you mirrored her smile, your vision becoming blurry as your eyes narrowed, she pinched your cheeks “God I missed you”.

 Munhee had been shocked when you said you had come here to speak to Hyunshik as she walked you to his office. The halls and rooms were the same yet different somehow, even Munhee seemed a bit off but you couldn’t put your finger on it. Hyunshik looked up as the door closed behind you, his eyebrows flying to his hairline, he rounded his table and scooped you up in his arms in a tight hug. You didn’t know whether to laugh or cry as all the memories and emotions crashed down on you “Oh baby bunny!” a laugh fell from your lips at the old nickname “look at you, all grown up!” you shook your head at the man's antics, it was hard to believe he was the boss of Seoul’s biggest gangs at times. Your smile fell as you looked at Hyunshik properly, bags hung under his eyes and his usual clean shaved face was prickly with stub. “Have a seat.” he pointed to the chairs in front of his desk. You sat down and he joined you in a chair in front of you instead of his usual palace behind the desk. “So why are you here? I thought you swore to never come back here when you left?” the both of you let out a chuckle at the memory. You basked in the happiness because something told you it would end soon. 

“Did you see the news?” guilt pooled in your stomach as you saw how the smile fell from Hyunshik’s face. He looked so tired, “I...I came here because” your eyes fell to your hands, why did you come here? This had nothing to do with you, but somehow you felt a duty to do so. “I don't know, the recent shootings are weird.” the old man looked at you with concern but you gave I'm a reassuring smile “I only saw one, and a police officer told me a bit about others”. “I see you're still the same, tricking people into telling you info.'' your cheeks heated up, you furrowed your eyebrows ``What's going on Hyunshik? These are not normal shootings, they shoot the man in the back and shoot an innocent civilian. I've been gone for a bit but isn't that against basic manners?”. Hyunshik leaned back in the chair, his hands rubbing against his tired face “The officer said something about a new gang.” He only nodded his head “Then why are you letting them do this. They sure aren't experienced based on how many times they had to shoot to kill”, “It’s not that easy” Hyunshik let out a tired chuckle. “Ever since you left things here haven’t been the same'' you had totally forgotten about Munhee, “what? I was just an information gatherer”, “yeah but because so many gangs used your help, they started firing the other guys.”. Munhee closed her eyes as she remembered “It was easier to just use you. Especially ‘cause you decided not to make any connections with an individual gang and didn’t reveal information on rivas”. You blinked at her “I still don’t understand, aren’t there any other moles that did that?” “Nope” it was Hyunshik time to speak “Those bastards would do anything for money even if that meant ratting out their own gang… or killing rival moles''. 

You looked between Munhee and Hyunshik “OK and what does this have to do with this new gang", “As Munhee said, the moles had a harder time finding work after the bigger gangs started only using you.”. His hands came back to rub his temples “They formed their own gang when you left and killed all the other moles that followed your way of work, and they are threatening to reveal everything if even one of them gets as much as punched.”. This was bad, you thought. “Are they a big gang?” Munhee shook her head “Then why won't all the gangs just come together and just take all the members down at the same time” you perked up at your idea but Munhee only shook her head and crossed her arms. “We’ve already tried this, but every time we try to come up with a plan everyone starts pointing fingers and blaming at each other” you blinked back at her “you're joking?” the two only shook their heads.

Silence filled the air but your mind was racing. You didn’t want to get back into this business, even if it was only for a while. You barely made it out and you'd put the new life you worked so hard on the line, yet you couldn’t walk away. Hyunshik had taken care of you like a father, hell all the gang had become your family. Lips pouting in thought you spoke, “We’ll why don't I go talk to them?” “No” Hyunshik's voice was firm as he stood up “you're not getting involved in this mess... I still haven’t forgiven myself for letting you into this world before. I'm not doing the same mistake again” he buried his face in his hands “Hyunshik I choose-” he interrupted you standing up “You were a kid, we even called you baby bunny like some sick ironic joke.” You watched him sit behind his desk pulling out some papers “Well, I’m grown up now” he looked up at you, but you didn’t allow him to speak “I don't want you or anyone else I love to die. Those bastards are tainting my past work and I feel in some way guilty.” Hyunshik let what had to be the hundredth sigh, burrowing his head in his hands for a moment before speaking again “God you're just as stubborn as before” he leaned forward eyes piercing into yours “But promise me only to speak, nothing more” you turned and walked towards the door with a laugh “I don't know I’ve been breaking a lot of my promises lately” you stopped by the door, smiling at the man “Don’t worry”. 

You looked up at the sky, it was getting dark but you had only one gang left and had purposely left it to last. Convincing the other leaders was easy, you didn't know if it was because of your past with them or because they were desperate for a solution, but you would soon find out as you walked towards your next target. BTS.

Your ears had become used to the dull and faint sound of knocking at this point, the door opened slowly revealing the face of a guy and his confused face. “I'm here to talk to Namjoon.” a scoff fell from his lips “He's busy right now sweety.” he started closing the door with a smirk. Keeping your polite smile you spoke again “It’s about the black doves.” you watched the door stop, then slowly opened again but this time he eyed you with a septic look, he looked almost disgusted to hear that name.

“I’m sorry to bother you at this hour, I’m sure you know how much the leader of the Tigers likes to speak” you chuckled as you gave him a small greeting bow. He returned the bow from where he was sitting and gestured to one of the chairs “Why don't you sit down?”. You sat down folding your scarf on your lap “Would you like something to drink?” you shook your head “No, I won't take much of your time” he nodded with a smile, and the doors closed behind you. “I don't think we have met before, I’m Lee soomin.”, “Baby bunny, right? I’m Namjoon.” you chuckled “I see you’ve heard about me, but maybe not in the best way.” Namjoon leaned forward interlocking his fingers “Well some like to blame you for a couple of things that have been going around recently.”. You returned the smile “would you believe me if I said I didn’t intend for that?” a chuckle left his lips as he leaned back in his chair. “If you don't hate me too much could I maybe offer a solution?” “A solution?” Namjoon raised an eyebrow “Well you have probably heard it before, but by the things I’ve heard the conservation doesn't go far.” a smile stretched over Namjoons face “All the gangs getting together and killing those fuckers?” you snapped your finger “Bingo”. 

Namoon’s hand came to rest on his cheek as he furrowed his eyebrows, he was thinking, good. He leaned back towards you still smiling and with squinted eyes “And what does baby bunny get out of this, hmm?” his voice was low testing to see if you'd back down. Eyes turning slightly into crescent moons you smiled back “This might be our first meeting but I’ve known some of these people for years and as funny as it would be to see them get taken down by some wannabe gangsters, I would prefer that not happening.”. A laugh fell from Namjoon’s lips before he eyes you up and down, you did your best to not squirm under his gaze. “Fair enough” he eyed you a last time “You can count us in.” you clapped your hands together the sound muffled by the sleeves that covered your freezing fingers. “Great! Please give me some time to come up with a plan of action and I’ll relay it back to you as soon as possible” Namjoon nodded “We'll be waiting”. You stood up wrapping the scarf around your neck again “I’ll take my leave now then, I’ve taken enough of your time”, “Not at all. RJ please drive our guest back.”. You turned back to Namjoon waving your hands “Oh please that is not needed”.

The slow ticks of the turn signal was the only thing sounding in the quiet car, listening to the repeating sound you couldn’t help but remember the shooting in front of the café. Whoever fired the gun didn’t seem experienced seeing how they had to fire multiple shots. Maybe it was on purpose? To inflict as much pain before they died, but why did they do the same to the old lady? Was it just- “if you keep frowning like that your pretty face will get wrinkled.” RJ's voice shook you out of your thought “Hmm?” he only shook his head with a laugh. The car slowed to a stop at a red light “What’s your address?” it was your turn to laugh as you turned to him “Don't act like you don't know almost everything about me and my life for the past 2 years” he returned the laugh.

Silence filled the car again but this time your mind stayed blank the exhaustion of today catching up “you can call me Seokjin in by the way.” you furrowed your eyebrows, noticing your confusion he continued “I know now more than anytime we should be careful with our information, but you seem trusted by a lot of people” a sigh fell from Seokin’s lips. “I can't imagine the stress everyone has been going through” you eyed Seokjin from the corner of your eye, his shoulders slumped and back arched forward. You looked back forward “the guy that was shot in front of that café, who was he?” you eye him once again but his posture didn't change “I don't know, he was a new member of one of the Tigers” you nodded. “Do you know how many have been  killed by them?” he furrowed his eyebrows. “At least two in the past two weeks” you watched as Seokjin turned his shoulder that was closest to you slightly forward and away from you. He didn’t want to talk about it. It was probably a BTS member or someone he knew. You decided that was fine and just basked in the silence. 

“Thank you again” you smiled as you climbed out of the car and onto the cold street “No problem at all, good night”, “Good night”. You watched as the black car drove away before walking towards your apartment. The snow cracking under your shoes. If someone had told you that you’d spend your only day like this you'd laugh at them, yet here you were running between gangs since 7 in the morning.

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Hello, long time no see! I’ve haven’t been feeling that well recently but that's not important, what is important though is this story. I’m thinking of doing a series with individual stories for each member that has some criminal genre. If you have any ideas or improvements please let me know! Also in this story I used some body language. I don't have an education in it, but I have read a bit and I’m interested in it! Baii, be safe bb!

[ajokeformur-ray]

Ok so I have a joker request if you are taking them. Could you please do a headcanon for Arthur finding his s/o hiding in an alley during the riots cus the apartment got overrun and she had to escape, but when he finds her she is scared of him but tries to hide it. Sorry if this doesn’t make any sense.

I changed this up a little, I hope you don’t mind! It’s just what I have in mind is a little different in regards to the reader’s fear.

Okay so we got - swearing, smoking, rioting, moral flexibility (something I have so there’s a tiny bit of self-insert in here woops lmao), blood mentions. All pretty tame but I thought I’d tag them anyway! You never know.

For me, this GIF says one thing: wear your inside on the outside. Also, this poor man didn’t want this. He didn’t want any of this, but that’s a separate headcanon set I already wrote and cried over lmaooo.

Quickly did the riots in Gotham City grow out of control.

There were police cars stationed everywhere; window screens bashed in, blood running down car doors as passengers had been killed immediately or knocked out upon impact.

Fires and fireworks, smoke bombs and smoke grenades all made Gotham a blaze of light, of colours and yes, it was pretty and it made you feel oddly happy, giddy, to see such a shitty city burning, but you were also terrified.

Before Arthur had left for his performance on the Murray Show, he had told you to pack two bags: one for him and one for you.

In the event that anything should go wrong, he had said.

You couldn’t have known how right that wrenching in your gut had been when it had told you to run, to run and to never look back.

But you couldn’t, wouldn’t do that to Arthur, and so you had packed both of you a bag each; with your precious possessions and a spare change of clothes, your spare apartment keys and anything else which you could think of.

You had left them by the front door, again as per instructed (you didn’t know where this confidence had come from, but you liked it more than you probably should).

Hours later, when Arthur was a wanted man and you had finished crying out of shock, fear and horror, the apartment building had been overrun as people who had fallen into the trap of mob mentality had taken out their frustrations on innocents.

Really, they were no better than the people they wanted to burn, but who were you to say anything?

So quickly had you grabbed your bags, having somehow successfully fought off the person who had tried to get in through the door, locked the apartment - it would probably be broken into but you hoped that the lock would hold itself - and done something you have should done earlier that day.

You ran.

Literally lost - in the fog, smoke and in the panic of tonight’s events had you gotten quite lost in the city you had been raised in - you had found an old dumpster and huddled behind it for safety, hugging your knees to your chest.

One thought kept you from going completely fucking mad. Just one.

Where was your Arthur?

His name was a soothing mantra in your mind, your eyes roaming about the place. 

All you could see was the back of the grimy bin, the wet and dank wall making your clothes stick to your back.

Later would you feel grossed out by all the bacterium that you were surrounded by.

For, now, though - 

A staggering figure dressed all in red.

A blood red grin from ear to ear.

Whistling that sounded like That’s Life.

“Arthur!” A hush of joy had fled your lips before you could stop it and the figure had stopped, whirled around desperately.

He was looking for you. His one.

He had heard you, somehow, over the utter chaos of the street.

“Y-Y/N?”

You sprang up, your cold joints aching in protest as you made your way over, holding your arms out like a child begging to be held.

It was as accurate a simile as any, in truth.

“Arthur!” You ran to him, your arms immediately throwing themselves around his neck.

“It’s Joker now,” he murmured, his arms coming to hold you tightly.

He kissed your hair, your face, again and again. He smelled of blood, the metallic tang tainting his every kiss. He smelled of greasepaint and a little of sweat, but underneath all of that could you still smell him.

“No,” You shook your head, moved to cup his injured face in your hands. “You’ll always be my Arthur, no matter what the world sees you as.”

A watery smile, a grateful kiss to your forehead.

He knew you would understand.

Green eyes sharpened as Joker realised you weren’t home. “Why did you leave the apartment? You didn’t listen to me! Why does no one listen?”

“I did.” You rushed to defend yourself, cheeks burning. “The apartment - someone got in. I fought them out, somehow, locked the door, and I got scared and I just wanted you, and - “

“Shshsh,” arms around you again as Joker held you protectively to his body, his eyes darting about the streets as he comforted you with quiet shushes.

Joker was hurt - a head injury, the cut on his lip, bruises all over his body, and you - if you were hurt in any way then he really would werewolf and go wild.

You were the only thing he had left to lose.

He had to get you both home.

He saw you had the bags - that was good. He hoped you had packed his contingency plans. 

You had. You were clever enough to put bits and pieces together; a cryptic comment here and there laced throughout your days with Arthur had all formed into a whole tapestry in your mind.

“I’m so scared,” You mumbled, half to yourself and half to Joker.

“Of what?” A sharp question. 

You clutched at him feeling his shoulder blades through his suit. You held onto them, finding comfort in the familiar parts of Arthur that you could reach.

“You.”

The word was out before you could stop it, before you could articulate properly, and Joker froze in your arms.

He went totally still. He stopped breathing. He stopped blinking. Time came grounding to a halt.

A broken whisper.

“You’re scared of me?”

You stepped back, stepped away, seizing both of his hands in yours.

Look at me, your grip told him.

He looked like he was going to be sick as he met your eyes, green swimming with unshed tears.

“I meant to say that I’m scared for you, not of you. Silly man,” You stepped closer again, pressing a kiss to the back of one of his hands, “How could I ever be scared of you?”

Joker’s brow creased as he struggled to understand through the exhaustion of all that had happened this night. 

Finally did he realise what you were trying to say and the sick expression on his painted, bloodied face mutated and turned instead into a smug grin.

So fucking perfect, he thought.

“They won’t find us.”

“Let them try,” You grinned, “They got what they deserve. It’s our turn, don’t you think?”

A joyful laugh.

You closed your eyes, cherished the sound, and when again you opened them did you find Joker closing in on you, to seal your promise with a blood stained, metallic tasting kiss.

Arms came around you, squeezed you into his embrace, and together did you take a few moments more to simply be.

The Arthur Fleck/Joker Defense Squad @writings-of-a-gen-z      @x-avantgarde-x       @insomniabird      @mavalenovaninagavi     @itwasrealenough     @morrisonmercurymalek     @rand0ms-fand0ms     @rafaelina-casillas     @aclownthing      @rebs-doom      @vivft       @help-i-am-obssessed      @autumnaffection       @taintednihilist   @vladtoly   @mg-woolf99      @misstgrey92  @that-s-life   @dopey-girl-blogs  @seeking-dreamland      @sweetheart-syndrome  @heartxfdesire  @xmusichealsthesoulx  @0callmejude0  @the-one-that-likes-riddles        @hannibalsslut       @folliaght  @freeeshavacadoo  @bingewatchingmylifegoby       @unlovedbyeveryoneandeverything     @okamiredfoxx  @sp0okysp0oky  @the-pandorabox  @mardema  @jibanyyan  @honeyflvredcoughdrop  @emissarydecksetter  @jokerfleckk  @epidendroideae  @chuuntas  @stillmabel  @pumpkinpeyes  @onehystericalqueenposts  @the-jokers-wolf  @nalsswa  @justahyena  @arianatheangelworld  @soullessblondbitch  @gothamslittlejester  @twentyonestarrynights  @sirianfromsixties  @kissmeclownman  @joker-is-my-hero  @lazyloosah  @lovesickkloxx  @ladylovelyluna  @live-love-loki  @clownerybbxx   @tragicarthur    @anmach123     @rommie-chan      @arthurflock     @lucyboytom      @anti-peach     @ immortal-bi-bitch@hearthurfleck      @crazieroutthere      @curlystark     @hailmary-yramliah    @sagyunaro     @playinthedarktillitsgoldenagain     @jokeringcutio      @xenthefox   @mijachula @stcrrynightsinneverlcnd      @cheyennejonas22    @mrjfleck      @pauli1100     @smitten-susie    @actualkey     @callmejokerfleck   @jaylovesbats    @itsforyoubitch   

[wreckofawriter]

I Don't Love

Pairing: Sirius Black x reader

Word count: 7,392 (Woah)

Warnings: Alochal, smoking, talk of sex.

Request: Hiii! Could I request a Sirius x reader imagine where the reader is like the girl version of Sirius. She wears her own leather jacket, and she’s basically a heartbreaker. Like Sirius, she doesn’t really believe in love, she believes in lust and attraction. Until She meets Sirius and starts falling for him and she’s super confused bc she’s never felt love before and Sirius starts falling for her and he’s confused cus of the same reason and it’s just super cute and fluffy 🥺

A/n: A few things: Number one. I am so incredibly sorry that this took me like 2 weeks to write. I had some pretty shitty crap go down and it just sorta fucked with me and I couldnt write. Number two. This is a little less fluffy than I wanted it to be but it still has a fluff ending. And Number three. To all the people who have sent me requests. I am going to start writing regularly again now so, I will probally have one out at the end of the week and another out around sunday or monday. Thank you so much for you patience.

    You had officially decided that there were two types of boys in this world. One would scream and yell at you when they realized you were only in it for one night, while the other would beg for a chance that you were never willing to give. 

               Conor had opted for the latter.

“Y/n, please” He begged, his eyes were wide and pleading, he was desperate. Desperate for you to stay, he just wanted a chance. 

    You sighed taking a large swig of your coffee, it was too early for this shit. “Conor how many times am I going to have to tell you, it was a one time thing.” your voice was monotone, as if you were bored, which was quite honestly the case. Have the same conversation over and over again tended to do that to a person. 

    “Please y/n, I swear you wont regret it. Just one date.” The Huffelpuff begged, he gasped your hand in attempts to gain your attention. He did not succeed. 

    You let out a stiffened groan, the conversation had become increasingly frustrating, the fact that most of the school was listening in on the exchange of words definitely didn't help. “Conor,” you spoke slowly, praying that he could get the information you were about to give him though his thick skull. “Friday night was fun.” you watched his features brighten, his sky blue eyes filling with momentary hope. “But that's all it was, Friday night and fun, so please leave me alone, you're giving me a headache.” 

    You heard the gasps and felt the glares, Conor was popular, he was also nice, and from what you heard extremely sweet. So as he slunk away from you head hung, tail between his legs, you could feel a good dozen people glaring daggers into your back.

    “Note to self: dont fuck popular people.” You mumbled quietly knowing you would never follow through with the rule. 

 You looked back down at your eggs rolling your eyes when you heard an all too familiar voice shriek in rage. 

    You along with everyone else in the hall turned to a furious Marlen Mckinnion who was practically dragging a smirking Sirius Black from his seat. 

    “You son of a bitch!” She shrieked, tears of fury and sadness leaking from her cheeks. 

    “Well my mother is a bitch.” He shrugged a cheeky grin pulling his lips apart. 

    She shrieked again, making you grimace. 

You tunned out of her pathetic argument and opted your attention to the book resting at the bottom of your bag. You were about a chapter in before you got sidetracked by Marleens redicoulsly high pitched blubbers. 

“How could you!” she sobbed behind you. God she was so loud. “You knew how I felt and you still fucked another girl!” 

You weren't sure why but this sentence made you snort. You attempted to muffle the giggles slowly evolving to laughter, but they poured passed your lips like an overflowing sink. Those close to you gave you angered looks, but you didn't care, you received enough of those already. It didn't take long for Marleen, to halt her reckless cries and turned to you with a fiery rage. 

She left Black standing where he was, her attention now focused purely on you. 

“What do you think is so funny y/l/n?” She hissed tears still sliding down her flushed cheeks, her mascara  trying her face into an angry blackened mess. 

You snorted once again “I'm sorry.” You wheezed out unable to contain your laughter, “I don't mean to offend you or anything,” You lied not even bothering to trap your giggles anymore. “It's just…” You burst into another fit.

The hall had gone quite, they wanted to see what was going to happen almost as much as you did. “You're telling me you actually believe that he cares what you felt?” 

He face flashed with surprise, you heard a few fellow Slytherins and even a couple Ravenclaws let out short bursts of laughter.

“How dare you!” She screamed, her voice shaky, hands bawled at her side.

“Look, it's nothing personal.” You shrugged calmly, "It's just ridiculous for you to overreact every time he sleeps with someone else. What did you expect?" You could feel hundreds of pairs of eyes on you, they were thirsting for chaos, something about the way Marleens face twisted at you words made it seem like there was a strong chance of their thirst being quenched. 

"Maybe I expected him to actually give a shit about somebody for once in his miserable life!" She yelled turning around to see the dark haired boy biting his lips to keep in a laugh. "For him to actually love me the way I loved him." 

You scoffed rolling your eyes, "You don't actually believe you were in love do you?" 

"Of course I do." She hissed back tears still leaking from her blackened eyes, she had now taken a few steps toward you 

"Love is bullshit. And if you belive you were actually in love with Black after sucking his dick once, than you just as stupid as you look." You smiled sickly sweet at the girl as she began towards you, her wand suddenly clenched in her right fist. 

"You worthless WHORE!" Her voice rang clear through the hall.

You didn't move, you didn't even flinch because the second she raised her wand it was flying from her hand landing in Avery's, who then muttered a spell that froze her feet into the ground. 

You sent him a cheeky smile and a wink before gathering your things and standing from your bench. You stood in front of the girl, just out of her reach. She was shrieking and crying and over all just a mess. 

"Salazar, your pathetic." You murmured in disgust. 

She yelled something at you couldn't understand, not that you cared to, you were pretty sure it involved the words slut and whore multiple times. 

"Well I best be off" you smiled, "As said in Shakespeare's Coriolanus, Act 2 Scene one, 'More of your conversation would infect my brain.'" And with that you turned on your heel and left the room, green robes billowing neatly behind you. 

A few days past, and as much as you tried to hide it, your world collapsed. Of course this had nothing to do with Marleen or any of her prideful, idiotic friends, this didn't have anything to do with school at all.

It had to deal with your home. You had officially decided that being pure blood sucked. Your whole life had been planned out for you and you didn't want to do even one thing on the pre planned timeline of your life. 

The first thing directly after graduation was marriage. 

You had been attempting to put this one off the longest, you were definitely not the type to settle down and start a family. In fact the idea made you gag. You didn't even like the commitment of a date, let alone of a marriage certificate. 

So when you mother sent you a letter containing a list of names. Your heart sunk to the floor. 

The top of the letter read, "My dearest daughter, as you know you are set to be married soon after graduation. Many young men have asked for your hand, me and your father picked the best of the best for you to choose from. I hope all is going well." And then a list of 11 names, some you had never heard of and some, you sat next to during your meals or studied with after class. 

The thought of marrying any of them made you feel empty inside. You didn't love any of them and you weren't sure you would ever be able to love any of them. 

But you said it yourself, love is bullshit.

This fact didn't stop you from being pushed into a dark hole by your mother's words. She wanted an answer by Christmas break, and hell, you hadn't been able to make a stable decision since you received the letter. 

It started with a party after Slytherin beat Hufflepuff in quidditch. That also happened to be the day you were sent a reminder of your impending doom. So alcohol solved all of your problems for a couple hours and you woke up in the bed of a Ravenclaw you didn't recognize. 

The next day you had an exam you failed which resulted in a mental breakdown that left you dehydrated with a migraine. 

You had downed seven Advils and passed out on your bed by eight. 

The next day your headache had progressed, you had taken an absurd amount of medication to ease the pain that day, you ended up in the locker rooms with a Gryffindor beater.

And now here you were already a quarter bottle deep of firewhisky staring at the list of names scrawled neatly on the tear stained parchment gripped tightly in your hand. 

You glared down at the grounds so far below you, wondering what it would be like if you just jumped. You wondered who, if anyone, would actually care. You wondered if Marleen and her bitchy friends would laugh, you wondered if, some would say you deserved it. They probably would. 

This brought a bubbly giggle to your lips, before the bottle you were holding drowned them. 

You glanced back down at the list. So far you had crossed out two names you would never marry even with a wand held to your neck. 

One was Lestrange, the other Malfoy. The thought of their hands touching you, lips on yours, made you gag. 

You glanced back down at the list circling your current top choice, you would have to do some research on the names you didn't recognize, they must go to a different school. 

You brought the cool glass of the bottle back to your lips, sighing slightly at the burning taste it brought with it. 

You let a few more tears slide down your  cheeks, one dripping lazily off your chin, you watched it disappear into the dark grounds below. For just a second it shimmered in the moonlight appearing to be a drop of pure silver, before it disappeared into the night.

You let out a heart broken sob before letting the stars see the bottom of your bottle. 

Just then you heard a short cough. 

You turned to see Sirius Black, he was adorned in a pair of black ripped jeans a queen t-shirt matched with his signature black leather jacket.

You glanced down at your own appearance, black skinny jeans, tares in each knee, white t-shirt that read "Fuck Off" in black letters and of course your signature black leather jacket. 

He so seemed to be eyeing your appearance. Yiu suspicions were confirmed when he spoke, "I see you've copied my style y/l/n." 

"You wish," you laughed, "I'm pretty sure your the one copying my style." 

He rolled his eyes before walking to your side and staring down at the shimmering of midnight dew on frosted grass. 

"What is Sirius Black doing alone up in the astronomy tower at night?" You asked curiously, offering him your bottle which he took, downing a quick swig, grimacing slightly. 

"I could ask you the same." He huffed glancing at you, taking in the wetness of your cheeks and red tinge in your eyes. 

"Well I asked first." You pointed out before glancing at him as he brought the bottle back to his lips. 

Sirius shrugged passing the liquor back to you. "I guess I just needed some alone time." 

"Guess I ruined that, didn't I." You smirked lazily. 

"Nah," Sirius sighed waving your comment away with his hand, "I didn't have a fire whiskey anyway." His smile was dopey, his hair drooping in front of his stormy grey eyes. 

You let out a giggle, taking another swig from the bottle. 

"So why are you up here." He asked teasingly. 

You grimaced taking another sip. 

Sirius waited for a response for a minute but as he watched you avoid his gaze he realised you weren't going to answer. He sighed sadly, "Come on, you gotta be drowning something with that shit." He motioned to the bottle your lips were closed around. 

You chuckled lazily, "Myself I guess." 

He let out a snort, something you've never seen him do, you simply assumed it was the alcohol getting to him.

Sirius glanced at your paper and before you could whip the list away he gasped.

"Why is my brother on your list!?" He asked in alarm. 

You said nothing feeling tears reach your eyes, the last thing you wanted was someone you barely knew knowing what was slowly tearing you apart. 

"And why is his name circled!?" 

You cringed tears pricking your eyes, Sirius glanced at you, flushing a bit at your glassy eyes, you weren't one to show emotions, seeing you smile alone was a rare opportunity, that was if you only counted sincere grins, not deadly smirks. But crying, he couldn't recall seeing you crying or hearing of you crying from anyone, he figured that you had about the emotional range of a teaspoon. 

But here you were tears sliding solemnly down your cheeks, moonlight causing the drops to shimmer like rare gems. 

"Is this some sick kill list or something?" 

No response, just tears, leaking silently from your deep y/e/c eyes. 

"Because if you mess with him I swear-" 

A choked laugh escaped you crimson lips, your tongue swiping some lipstick from them. "I'm not going to hurt you brother." You then handed him the note and turned, your back facing the window you were gazing from and sliding to the floor. 

Above you Sirius eyes widened as he read the note left by your mother before processing the list below. 

He glanced down at you, your mascara was leaking slightly from the corner of your eyes, your hair was a bit tangled, your hand wrapped around the neck of your bottle as you brought it to your lips, leaving a bit of deep red lipstick on its rim. He recognized the look on your face. It was completely vacant, despite the tears, no emotion lived in your features. 

Your eyes blank and staring, mouth a straight line, not turning up or down. Your whole face was simply empty. Sirius remembered seeing that face in his mirror after he received a letter from home. And he knew that you felt how you looked. Empty.

He sighed, sliding to the floor beside you. Your long black nails came to your face furiously wiping at the tears on your cheek, refusing to meet his eye. 

"I know this doesn't matter to you but 11 guys wanting to marry you is pretty good." Sirius shrugged attempting to lighten your mood

You emitted what was either a sob or a laugh, he couldn't tell, "There were more, my mom cut out the ones that she didn't think were 'acceptable'" you made air quotes with your hands. 

"Damn." The Gryffindor huffed, "What does the circle around Regs name mean?" He asked he didn't want to push you but he had to know. Because for some reason, he didn't want it to mean what he thought it did. 

You fidgeted with the end of your jacket, leaning your head back against the rock wall behind you. "He's my top choice." You mumbled, blushing a bit, another thing that Sirius had never seen you do, even when your sex life became everyone's life. 

Sirius cringed, feeling dread soak into his bones and fill him to the brim, the idea of the y/h/c in front of him marrying his younger brother made him sick. "W-why?" He stumbled lightly over his words as they seemed to get caught in his throat. 

You finally met his eyes, they seemed to swirl with different shades of grey like a hurricane with a black eye. 

"I don't know." You voice was rough, sounded like it was a tap away from breaking, "Hes nice, polite, attractive. He's not a complete perv." 

Sirius now wore a sly smirk, the corners of his lips curving up neatly, "You think Regulus is attractive?" 

You rolled your eyes, "Yes, of course I do, jawline like that don't grow on trees." 

Sirius let out a barking laugh, you could feel his shoulder shake beside you. 

You exhaled loudly rolling your eyes again before handing the bottle to Sirius. He glanced at the almost empty bottle than back at you eyebrows raised in a silent question. 

You shrugged, "High tolerance." 

"You know that isn't good right?" 

"No Black," you drawled sarcastically, "I'm as stupid as you are."

He smacked his hand to his chest and mimicked a shocked expression you felt your eyes roll instinctively in their sockets. 

He dropped the act and chuckled finishing off the bottle with a final swig. "So if you think my brothers hot, where does that leave me?" 

"God Black, don't you think your head is big enough already?" You inquired, raising an eyebrow. 

"Humor me." He smiled pulling out a pack of smokes. 

You took a cigarette, holding it out for him to light, "Fine, yes you are extremely attractive." 

He flashed a set of pearly straight teeth, the warm orange light from his lighter reflecting from them as he lit the smoke you held out to him. 

"How bout me?" You asked after taking a huff and watching as the smoke from your exhale trailed away. 

Sirisu hummed in confusion.

"You know, humor me, how attractive am I?" You asked nonchalantly.

Sirius suddenly felt color rise to his cheeks, he hoped you would blame it on the alcohol. The truth was no girls really asked him what he thought. Well that's a lie, they ask if he thought they were pretty all the time. Asked if he thought they were good enough. But never like this. They all cared, they would burst into tears if he answered wrong. They would hate him for an answer and love him for another. 

But not you. You didn't care in the slightest. He could have said he would have rather fucked a lizard than you and you would have shrugged and continued with the conversation. And something about that made Sirius flush. 

"Well? Don't tell me I'm that bad." You giggled, although your tolerance was high, the alcohol was definitely getting to you. 

Sirius quickly gained back his charms, "My dear y/n, trust me you are gorgeous." 

"Thank you." You smiled suggestively adding a wink that made Sirius stomach fill with wings. 

There was a long pause, the sound of crickets and small frogs chirping faint in your ears. Smoke drifted from the room as a crisp chill filled the air. 

Finally Sirius spoke, "So your really gonna marry my brother?" 

You cringed at the word marry scratching at your wrist nervously, "I guess so. What other choice do I have?" 

"You could leave." Sirius muttered putting out his cigarette on the wall behind him. 

"No I can't." You all but whispered.

"Yes you can y/n, no offense but your parents are assholes, you don't need them."

"No Sirius!" You yelled voice loud and echoing off the open room, "I can't." Your voice had dropped once again, your words almost inaudible."I can't." You repeated face once again empty of emotion. He watched in horror as you put your smoke out on your own skin. He could hear it sizzle in protest for just a moment before the small orange glow disappeared. 

"Why?" He asked annoyed, "What are you scared?" 

"Yes!" You shouted. Sirius' eyes widened in surprise and for a brief moment fear as you turned toward him in anger. "You wanna know why I can't leave? Because last time I tried to leave I almost died!"

Sirius eyes filled with guilt. His annoyed look turning to one of pity. 

"You think I haven't tried to leave? I have! The second my mom mentioned marriage I packed my bags! But when my mother and father caught me trying to sneak out they used two of three of the unforgivable curses on me to get me to stay!"

Sirius winced, feeling the pain from far away memories returning to him. 

"So I can't leave. They'll kill me. I know they will." 

Sirius said nothing. He simply sat staring straight ahead. You expected him to say some inspirational bullshit or just tell you to go for it, but he didn't. He just handed you another cigarette and lit it for you. 

Your face had been sucked of all signs emotion except for one tear rolling slowly down you right cheek. It had cooled from the midnight air and now felt like a drop of ice slowly melting down your warm cheeks. 

You could feel the alcohol slowly affecting you as if it was finally catching up with you. You could feel the rational parts of yourself drift away and just then it was occurring to you that you had been irrational since the long haired boy walked in. You turned towards him, head fuzzy, stomach buzzing, and he turned to you. 

Your eyes locked grey staring into y/e/c as y/e/c stared into grey. You blinked twice, attempting to make a decision. All you could think about was how empty you felt. How much you wanted to feel something. Sirius could do that. He could make you feel something. Something. 

Your lips connected with his sloppily, your nose bumping his, as you dropped your smoke, hands connecting with his hair as he fought for dominance in your mouth. You didn't taste anything but fire whiskey and cigarettes, nothing different than what you tasted of. His tongue explored your mouth as Sirius pulled you onto his lap. You felt his hands roam your body enjoying they pressure they held on your hips as his lips passed down your neck. Seconds before your memory fade to black, you remembered thinking how much different Sirius' hands felt on your skin than anyone else. 

You woke to a familiar sight. Well by familiar you mean unfamiliar, but unfamiliar had become familiar to you. You could feel a warm arm wrapped around your bare waist, your head pounding behind your eyes as a bare chest pressed to your back. 

You could also hear whispers. They were hushed and quick, you could only make out a few words.

"How did he-" a pause of mumbles 

"That's so-" more incoherent words, "I mean what about the…" the murmurs sunk to low for your ears to pick up. 

You opened your eyes slowly opened, you turned to see three boys who you recognized immediately staring at you. They all flushed realizing you were awake but before they could speak you brought your finger to your mouth. 

"Be quiet." You hissed dangerously, wincing at the sudden stab behind your head. 

They all nodded slowly, wide eyes trading for confused ones. You slowly slipped from the bed, doing everything in your power to not wake the boy sleeping next to you. 

You let out a sigh of relief hearing Sirius snore quietly, something you found yourself thinking was adorable. You turned to see the three boys staring at you in awe, shot them a smirk as you gathered your clothes sliding on your panties and bra. You could feel their eyes follow you around the room, honestly you didn't mind in the slightest. 

You turned after grabbing your jeans they were all bright red, James smirking as the other two refused to meet your eye. You felt your lips twitch into a wolfish grin. 

"Enjoy it while you can boys, this will be the last time you see it." 

James let out a hearty laugh as Peter looked away Remus blushing amazingly red. 

"Except you." You pointed at the werewolf "You might see this again." You winked as he sputtered for words.

You slid on your t-shirt snatching your jacket from the ground. "Hopefully I'll see some of you again very soon." you winked, eyes locked with Remus as he grew impossibly warmer. 

You then walked promptly from the dorm room, earning a few glances, but you didn't care, you walked swiftly to your own common room, muttering the password and entering. A few first years looked up before whispering to each other. You rolled your eyes heading to your dorm. You were greeted by a pissed off pair of deep brown eyes adorned in yellow robes.

"You said you would study with me this morning!" Harper scrolled you. 

"I can still study!" You fought back, calling on to your bed.

"Please." Your friend scoffed, "Your hung over and what ever boy you got back from fucking is going to wake up and look for you." 

You laughed, "Please." 

"They always look for you because your too pussy to tell them you only wanted to get laid."

"Trust me this guy is not going to look for me." You assured her as you stood rummaging through your things for something to dull the pain in your head. 

"They always look." Harper said with a roll of her eyes.

"This guy won't." You promised tossing back some advils you found.

"Is he dead?" She asked sarcastically. 

"No." 

"Then he'll look for you." She stated matter of factly. 

"Look its Sirius Black he's not going to look for anyone." You sighed, and for some reason this realization brought you nothing but pain. The idea of him not caring hurt. But you weren't sure why. It's not like you cared. 

"You slept with Black?" Harper gasped.

"Yes" you rolled your eyes, "Half the school has done it, it's not that big of an accomplishment." 

Harper let out a magnificent laugh, "That's true. Now come on, if you can study, let's study." 

It was in your firm belief that Sirius would not look for you, talk to you or even mention you, but boy did you wish he would. As you walked down to the library you found your self craning your neck to catch a glimpse of his glossy black hair or his dashing grin. But you saw no such thing, he didn't care. You reminded yourself, and neither do you.

You had run into the younger Black brother though. He had greeted you and Harper politely despite the Hufflepuffs half-blood status. He had even carried the books you had been struggling with for you. He walked you to the library sharing a small conversation before heading to breakfast.

"Are you gonna choose him?" Harper asked, "He gives off like a mysterious, proper sorta vibe."

You darkened slightly at the memory of choosing your betrothed, making Harper regret her decision on topics of decisions, mumbling an apology. 

You waved her off, "I don't know." Your awnser was honest, you had no fucking clue. 

"Well, I think Black is a pretty good choice, he's nice, he's polite, not to mention really hot." She shrugged attempting to lighten the mood. 

"Yeah he is." You hummed thinking of a different Black. 

Harper didn't miss the distance your eyes held. Something was up with you. Not just the shit with your family but something else. 

But before she could ask a booming voice called out your name. 

Both girls turned to meet eyes with four boys. Two hanging back slightly as the other two headed straight towards your table. 

"They always look." Harper mumbled beside you, but you couldn't hear her over the rushing in your ears. Your heart began to speed as the pair of grey eyes you had looked for this morning shined brightly at you. 

"Yes, Black?" You asked casually as if you didn't feel like suddenly throwing up. 

"Left quite early this morning." He sneered playfully plopping into the chair next to you. 

"Well your snoring woke me." You lied turning back to your work attempting to ignore the pressure his stare held on you. 

"Also gave the boys quite a show." He shrugged, "Didn't know you were into Remus." 

You ignored Harpers confused glance and Remus' flushing face behind you. 

"Please." You scoffed, "We all know I'm flirty by nature." 

Sirius felt his heart squeezed, he really didn't mean anything to you. Who cares you didn't mean anything to him. "I guess we do." He huffed feeling suddenly overwhelmly sad. He glanced up at you, your y/h/c hair framing your soft face, y/e/c eyes glinting your pretty pink lips pulled to a lopsided grin. God how he wanted to feel them against his skin again. 

"Is there a reason for your visit?" You asked impatiently, not liking the queasy feeling that his presence gave you. 

"Oh, umm y-yes." Siriua stumbled on his words. "I have your jacket." He shoved the leather jacket he was holding at you. "I think you have mine." 

You flushed, "Oh, sorry, it's in my room. I can go get it I'd you-" 

"Its fine." Sirius assured you, placing his hand on your shoulder. The touch felt electric, like a spark that will set off a bomb. Sirius eyes roamed you landing on the dark marks he left on the open skin on your neck. You bathed in crimson when you noticed where his eyes lingered. 

"Sirius!" James voice brought him back to reality. The boy removed his hand from your shoulder and snapped his eyes back to your own. 

"I'm, I'm sorry." He stuttered scratching the back of his neck. 

"It's fine." You smiled weakly. 

"So um I'll, I'll just go." He tumbled banging his knee as he stood, he swore as James let out a barking laugh. 

"Wait what about your jacket?" Harper called after him.

"Just bring it to me whenever." He spoke hurriedly, he needed to get out of there. 

You let out a breath you didn't realize you were holding when he exited the room. 

Harper looked at your eyebrows raised.

"What?" You asked attempting to turn your attention back to your essay. 

"You're blushing." She pointed out, "You never blush." 

"I am not blushing." You huffed angrily even though you could feel your face glow. 

"Yeah sure." Harper drawled eyeing you skeptically.

"I'm not!" You exclaimed.

"Totally." She said narrowing her eyes. 

"Stop saying it like that!" You shouted.

"Like what." 

You let out a frustrated whimper grabbing your things and heading for the doors. "I was not blushing!" You added quickly before retreating to your common room, cheeks still burning. 

The next week was weird, it was like someone had flipped a switch to make you like everyone else. 

Suddenly you became awkward and clumsy, you blushed and stuttered when you were nervous. It was all so strange and awkward and it was all because of him. 

Sirius Blafk had done something to you. You didn't know what it was and you did not care for it in the slightest. Every Time you saw him you hated the way you looked. You suddenly began to wonder if your makeup was too dark or if your hair was too messy. When you passed him in the hall, you felt your throat close and your stomach do flips. 

In charms you couldn't focus anymore. He was alway right across from you laughing with his friends and playing pranks on Snape. You were now constantly biting your long nails, something you had never done before, you had begun to find your mind wandering subjects you didn't want it to. It was if you had lost all control of your thoughts. And you had. 

Sirius found himself in a similar situation. Suddenly your image planted itself into his brain and your voice rang in your ears. He saw you everywhere. The more he tried to get you away from him, the closer you became. He had become moody, everything would make him feel something, every little thing made him fight with an emotion, he wasn't accustomed to so much ... feeling. It was like someone had turned into a fourteen year old girl. It was terrible. To make things worse you were always with someone else, something that made him feel unexplainable fury. Every Time he saw you giggle with Avery or smile at Diggory his heart would clench, pausing slightly before he continued on, his mood soured. To make things worse Regulus never seemed to leave your side. He was carrying your books to class, sitting with you at meals, studying with you in the library. Why did Regulus get to do all that? Why did his little brother get to bathe in the light of your smile so often? That wasn't fair.

The rest of the marauders had noticed the long haired boys sudden mood changes. They had first though he had just had a bad day, but when a day stretched to a week, they had grown concerned. Remus was of course the first to identify the cause, with James lost in emerald eyes, and Peter busy being about as observant as a brick wall, it was pretty much his obligation to do so. He noticed the way Sirius's eyes lingered on you, how he soaked in your form as you passed in the corridor. He saw how Sirius would glare at boys you spoke to, specifically his little brother who seemed to be near you at all times. It didn't take the young werewolf long to put two and two together. Upon his new discovery, he began to pay more and more attention to you. 

He noticed how you avoided Sirius at all costs, he saw the way you blushed when Sirius laughed around you. He also caught you staring across the charms room at the long haired boy when he wasn't paying attention. Everything you did confused him. Because while Sirius seemed head over heels, you either hated him or loved him. It was hard to tell. 

But it wasn't for Harper. She knew you were in love with the older Black brother the second he walked into that library. You didn't even have to do anything. You simply looked at him and she could tell. It was like some alarm going off in her head, telling her what was up. When Harpet first realized this, she attempted to tell herself that she was wrong, it was silly, you didn't 'love'. But then she watched as you blushed and watched and avoided, and she knew you were deep in it. Harper was terrified to bring it up with you. She knew that in a way you already knew, but if she brought it up, made you truly realize, things could get ugly. 

But she couldn't wait any longer. You had to see what was in front of you or you would only get hurt. 

So now the burnet Hufflepuff, paced nervously in your dorm waiting for you to come in. She had a plan in her head, but it still didn't change the fact that she was a nervous wreck. 

Most people would constantly tease their friend if they believed them to be in love, but with you love wasn't an option, you had obligations, not feelings. In fact, you didn't even believe in love. You treated it like some superstition. It wasn't real to you. Not like she could blame you, you were going to be forced to marry some guy you definitely didn't want to at age 17, your parents the same way, and their parents and their parents and their parents. It was a never ending cycle of loveless life. 

Harpers frantic thoughts were interrupted by a loud thump. The girl turned to see you ditching your bag on the floor and huffing to your bed. You fell on to your mattress blankets ripping slightly like someone had tossed a pebble into a smooth lake.

"You okay?" Harper asked cautiously. 

You sat up meeting the pair of green eye scanning you in concern. "Marleen is such a bitch." You stated beginning to pick at your nails. 

"Can't disagree with that." Harper chuckled, "What she do now?" 

"She said I was Sirius 'sloppy seconds' which makes literatly 0 sense. And now she's pinning after him again." You seethed angrily.

"You're in love with him aren't you?" 

Harper's plan just crashed through the window. 

"What?!" You exclaimed."In love? With who? Black!? Never!" 

"Y/n/n, it's not a bad thing to be in love." Harper spoke calmly attempting to soothe your fury. 

"I'm not in love! Love is bullshit!" You had how risen from the bed, your hand clenched into fists beside you.

"Y/n I see the way you look at him I'm not blind! You love him! You get all flustered and weird around him, and I know you know what's going on, you just are too scared to admit it." 

"I'm not scared of shit. I know who I am and what I feel and I'm going to tell you this one time. I. Don't. Love." 

"Everyone loves y/n!" Harper heaved, her eyes desperate for you to understand. How could you not see what was in front of you. But she knew you were blinded by fear. Fear of what most craved. 

"What the hell would you know about love?!" Your voice echoed off the stone walls of the small room, reminding Harper of a jail cell. 

"Clearly more than you!" She huffed back anger sewn delicately into each word she spoke. 

"You will never know more than me you worthless HALFBLOOD!" You spat the last word of your damaging sentence as if it were a bitter taste you were attempting to ride your tongue of. 

Harpera eyes flashed with fear. Not fear of some asshole who you had to kick the shot out of, not of Malfoy, not of one of one of the  boys who had suddenly become aggressive in there chase after you. But fear oif you. She was afraid of you.

The fear left her eyes and was replaced by fury and disgust in a second. Harper walk straight to you practically shaking with rage and she slapped you across your face. You gasped head turning from the impact of her hand. When you turned back she was already practically out of the door. You felt tears slip from your eyes and you shrunk to the floor clutching your cheek. 

It wasn't the pain that hurt. Well it was but it wasn't the pain from the slap. It was the pain that the look in Harpers eyes sent through you. It was the pain from the momentarily fear that ripped through her. It was the pain of you realizing you had just lost your only true friend. 

Your body shook with sobs, the force of your tears making breaths hard to gather. Suddenly the door to your dormitory burst open. 

"Holy shit y/n/n."

You could hardly hear the voice over the echo of your own sobs. But soon a pair of arms wrapped slowly around you lifting you slowly from the floor. You buried your face into the cloak of the boy who now held you in his arms. You took a sharp breath of alcohol and smoke, with an undertone of chocolate.

(Well fuck I hit the word limit. Click THIS for Ending.)

Taglist

@accio-rogers @roslea @k3nz-doodl3 @songforhema

[snapecanslytherinin]

How are they still employed??

I hope you enjoy!! No warnings just fun times!!!

Word count: 2099

..........................................

How they got employed? Well that is relatively easy to answer; they all aspired to be a part of the Behavioral Analysis Unit in Quantico, Virginia and showed great strengths with the ability to easily pinpoint the places the criminals would flee, along with having an outstanding skill in getting information from them that they needed. How they STAYED employed? I can promise you that it is a mystery to each of them at this point. Between the pranks they pull, how much they truly annoy Strauss and how they all barely manage to turn in paperwork done correctly and on time, it is truly an American mystery by now.

There is the time that Kira was caught posting criminal dick pics on Strauss' facebook account, thank god Aaron was the one to catch Kira, or they may have gone missing. Or the time Vel kept hacking the main sound system and played emo hits for the entire day which only made her sad. Then you have the time that Sammy 'kept telling Reid blatantly incorrect facts which ended with him crying in Hotch's office and Hotch taking away Sammy's internet at work for a week. While they may be crucial to the team and how they function, everyone has thought about giving them three their own office to share, hoping to keep the chaos controlled. I feel the best way to explain how these heroes function is just a list of the chaos from the past month.

Kira

1. Monday morning, at precisely 8:30, the bull pen is filled with the sound of a scream from Vel who is currently standing on Reid's desk, using him as a personal shield. Hotch comes flying out of his office, only to see a cackling Kira in the corner and instantly knows Vel has been pranked. Sighing and walking to the back of her desk he sees a rubber realist spider, and rips it off from where its taped. Kira instantly knows they are in trouble when they see the famous Hotchner glare.

"My office. Now."

2. "So how do you think he will react?" Kira asks perched at the edge of Sammy's desk.

"I don't know, but keep me out of it. I'm still in trouble for stapling Hotch's tie to the desk." Before Kira could react, a bombing Italian voice sounds from behind them.

"Kira, I know you are the culprit. Stop putting pasta sauce in my drawers. Do you understand how infuriating it is to expect a pen but get A JAR OF PASTA?!?"

3. Sitting in front of the criminal with Emily at Kira's side, they stare dead at the creep, surprisingly making them shift uncomfortably in the seat avoiding eye contact. The team needed information and decided that Kira was best fit to make him regret ever keeping a secret.

"So" Kira finally speaks up, " you like to murder people huh?"

"Yeah, sure. Why else would I do it?" They answer back sarcastically?"

"Tell me, how would you murder me?"

Walking from the interrogation room, criminal pulled off behind them, Kira walks straight to Hotch, a Proud look across their face, Vel and Sammy running over to hear the news.

"How did you get him to talk?" Hotch questions, a weary eyebrow raised.

"Well I asked how he would murder me, and he isn't a sexual sadist, so APPARENTLY vigorously letting out sexual moans when he explains what he would do and talking about getting some alone time together, it can really make a murderer uncomfortable, and fess up."

Vel

1. Rolling in to the bull pen, Vel slides by Morgan and spins to face the others desk, sitting on top of her own, slushie in hand. Losing a deal with Kira, Vel had to show up to work in roller skates, and deciding to spice it up some, she chose to add heart sunglasses, a work appropriate red flared skirt and a FBI navy shirt she found at a goodwill a year back.

"What in the world are you wearing?" Morgan asks a smile making an appearance.

"I lost a bet, so this is my work outfit. Nowhere does it say I can't wear roller skates. The sunglasses and space buns are just to add to the effect. I think it's very work appropriate!"

The first two hours of the day went along without a hitch until she was called into Strauss' office, for some unknown reason.

"What are you wearing Agent?"

"Well ma'am, I looked through the entire handbook and it says nothing about roller skates, my skirt is the correct length, and if I'm honest, I think I look amazing."

She was excused from the office since, she was correct and Strauss couldn't say a word about it, having her get back to work. Instead of doing the files she needed done, she chose bother Morgan by trying to talk him into getting a pair, showing them off to a proud Rossi and also getting avoid by Hotch, since every time they crossed paths, Vel would grab his sleeve for a free ride, and he refused to let the office see him cackling at the interaction he actually found amusing.

2. It was a rainy Friday afternoon, which resulted in Vel choosing to stay in for lunch, and bug the shit out of Hotch until he murdered her, or found a way to shoo her off; which would be quite hard, because she knew how to talk her way out of a goodbye, jesus does this child have issues? (yes)

Hanging upside on the couch, legs crossed over the back, Vel sat there as a disgruntled Hotch was placed a few feet away at his desk, trying to finish his current pile of work.

"Do you think star fish have feelings?"

"I don't know, Vel."

"Would you kiss Rossi for 500 bucks?"

"I'd rather choke."

"If I lost my voice what would you do?"

"Cry happy tears, probably."

"Fuck, marry, kill; Me, Morgan, JJ?"

"Language, Agent."

"Answer the question."

"Kill Foyet, get rich, never play this game again."

"Nothing about that answer was correct!"

"Fine, fuck, marry, kill, me or Morgan. Only two choices."

"Kill myself."

"WHY ARE YOU SO BAD AT THIS!!"

"You are super pretty, Hotch, you know that?"

"Thank you. Please shut up."

"Do you like me?"

"I can't imagine where I would be without you and the other two migraines."

That left a smiling Hotch and a quite Vel, choosing to take a nap, now tired from all of her questions. Plus who could pass up a nap on his couch?

Sammy

1. "No okay, but hear me out, Reid. It's a talking Mongoose!"

"It isn't real Sammy! why would you believe that!"

It is the last time Reid will insult Sammy's cryptids, I mean what kind of monster do you have to be to argue with Sammy about something so fun and exciting!

It is a week later on the jet, coming back from a long case in Ohio and everyone is thrilled to finally go home. After take off everyone does their own things, Hotch and JJ do some finalizing on paperwork, Morgan listens to music, Rossi and Emily share a drink, Kira and Vel watch a horror movie together, which normally Sammy would join, but instead he sits next to boy genius, rereading a book.

"Wanna play some chess?" He asks with a chipper tone.

"Of course Sam, I'd love to!"

Pulling the board over to them, Sam asks if Reid will grab them some drinks, to which he obliges leaving Sammy alone with the board. Quickly setting up the pieces, he adds a little extra love to Spencer's pieces, him arriving shortly after.

"Let's get this game started!" Trying to move a black piece, Spencer's eyes grow wide before letting out a girlish screech, realizing that Sammy glued his pieces down to the chess board.

While that action got him work grounded for two months, and the out of pocket money to buy a new board, Sammy was content, and Reid learned to not question the cryptids ever again.

2. Sammy wasn't one to often interrogate, usually bored by the slow place or ready to fist fight the room's occupant, but when he does enter that work area you can imagine, just like Kira and Vel, he himself also has an interrogation quirk that shows itself in each case.

"Listen, just fess up to the fucking murder, and I'll hand over the candy of mine you've been eyeing the entire time."

"THIS IS THE LAST TIME I WILL ASK! ARE YOU GOING TO ADMIT TO FIRST DEGREE MURDER, IF I CAN PROMISE YOU'LL GET A LIFE TIME SUPPLY OF COOL RANCH DORITOS!?!?"

"Okay I know this is super serious, and I usually offer the snacks to the criminals for information, but Hotch, if I can talk Vel into sharing her Mac n Cheese cups with you on the jet, will you go drink some water, you look like you could pass out."

All of that is relatively normal, but the next encounter is not something anyone on the team expected to happen, and frankly, caused Vel to have to use her inhaler from laughing so damn hard.

There the team sat, a long dark wood table in the court room, under their clasped hands as they awaited the trial for themselves. The BAU has gotten in trouble before, but when they failed to remove all by standers before trying to take down and apprehend a bomber, resulting in injuries, there they all stood on trial for their actions. In front of them were the supervisory board, all very scary mean looking men, who were bound to scare Penelope and Vel more than any criminal they've seen before. Each person got their own moment alone with the board to speak, although he others were still near by and could hear the events of each private session. Sammy's came third to last, passing Emily who was on her way out. Sitting down he crossed his arms on the table and looked as professional as Hotch could convince him to, waiting for the question to be asked. After arguing with them for what seemed like every question, Sammy had, had enough and knew he was going to be suspended anyways, so thought to have at least a good exiting line.

“Would you like a snickers, Sir? They say you aren’t you when you’re hungry and you are being annoying as fuck right now.”

With that last comment he was excused with a week extra of suspension, but he couldn't care less. He got to get away from that grouch bag and that's just an extra week to go visit his favorite folklore.

THE THREE PIGEONS (DON'T ASK, NO ONE KNOWS)

1. No day was greater for the pigeons, than when they decided to hide tiny plastic babies around the office. They put them where ever they could manage; in everyone's coffee cups, taped to pens, glued to paperclips. The best was when Hotch when to open his bottom desk drawer only to find it filled with tiny babies, the look on his face causing the trio to burst out laughing, and out themselves as the culprits.

2. When I tell you they like to mess with Hotch, I mean this man can never get a moment of silence when they are around (Even though he enjoys their company, he would never admit it) which brings us to the great season of summer, when he couldn't get them vacation time to go camping, he walked into his office the next day, to see a tent step up in the center of the room and his furniture pushed to the side. On the floor sat the group, in pjs, laying in sleeping bags and watching a movie on a tv they somehow managed to get in. The day was filled with forcing to watch one with them on his lunch break, having to quiet the laughter when he got a phone call, and by the end of the day, the whole team was in Hotch's office to do paperwork and enjoy the "camping".

Although they create mass chaos and definitely made some things harder than they have to be, the team would be lost without them, and they sure in hell would be lost without each other in this work force. Now just wait until you hear the story of how they become the BAU teams fuck toys ;) [for legal reasons that last comment was a joke....unlessssss]

@davidrossi-ismydad @good-heavens-chris-evans

[horansqueen]

AM Conversations : chapter 30

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.1k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- you can send me questions and theories and comments. tbh they all make me SO SO SO SOOOO HAPPY! and make me want to write more! you can also tell me if there are things you WANT to happen. you never know, i may add it :P

- thanks for being patient btw! i work a lot these days and will work even more in the next few weeks (until halloween) so i may not update as often as i’d like. :(

- note for this chapter: idk, i feel like its a bad excuse for a chapter. especially the ending. im sorry for the bad writing.

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 30 : His chapter

NIALL

I had been in denial for so long that when reality hit me, it hit me hard. After the conversation with Louis, I went back home and locked myself in for a few days. I didn't try to call anyone, and didn't answer the door or my phone either. I needed time to think and I ended up watching comedy movies for days without really focusing on any of them. It was crazy to always think about the same person, to wonder what they're doing or what they would do or say if they were here... but it was happening to me. It had never happened to me before.

I would spend hours laying in bed with my eyes open, thinking about the conversations Olivia and I could have and have had before. So many things became obvious now that I knew she had feelings for me, so many of her words or actions made so much sense now... and some of mine, too.

I had thought about her sexually for a few weeks now but it never crossed my mind that it could be love. Not because it was not, but because it was easier for me to believe it was lust.

I started thinking about so many things we went through, so many things we lived together, so many times we were there for each other. I didn't have that many memories with anyone else and it's only when I realized that I wanted all my memories to include her that it hit me. I loved her. I was in love with her.

Why did it take me so long to realize that? Why did it take her so long to admit her feelings to me? She said she had always loved me and I couldn't even begin to guess how she must have felt all these years.

My reaction to her confession was pathetic. It was fear and when I admitted that to myself, I started writing. At first, it was only a bunch of words thrown on a napkin at a bar but with time spent on my piano, it became something that was potentially worth turning into a real song. I had never written a song that deep in such a short period of time and when I decided it was done, I was not sure what to do with it.

I was not proud to say I ended up in a bar a few times, searching for a girl to meet and bring home but every time I was close to do it, I would run away. There was a reason why I couldn't have sex with Maya and the same reason stopped me from banging a random girl I didn't know... and I missed that reason. I fucking missed her.

I had never been as nervous as I was then when I saw her walking behind Louis and sitting at the table. Seeing her after two weeks without any contact with her was refreshing. She looked exactly the same, she looked exactly like the girl I was in love with. There was nothing I wanted more than find a way to apologize to her, to prove her that I was sorry and that my feelings were real. I was not the type who would display or expose my feelings but I knew that this time, I had to go big, if only because I felt like I owed her. If paps and online articles wanted to talk about it and post pictures, then whatever. She was more important.

I didn't care about everyone who stood up when I was done singing, I didn't care about the clapping and the cheering. I was only looking at her and she was crying. She walked up to me and I cupped her face, wiping her tears with my thumbs. I don't know how many times and for how long I kissed her but I didn't want to stop. It was completely different than the first kiss we shared when we were teens. In fact, it was completely different than any other kiss I've ever had. Was that too cheesy to say? She tasted amazing, a mix of expensive beer and candies, and I couldn't believe I had waited that long to discover that taste.

"I love you." I whispered against her mouth, deepening the kiss very slowly, making sure I would feel everything. "You still love me, yea?"

“Don’t be stupid.” she replied, just as low. “I always have and I always will.”

"Me too. I always have, and I always will." I answered, my grip tightening on her jaw. "I was just.. a fucking idiot. And a blind one at that. I hope you can forgive me."

She suddenly seemed taller and I noticed she got on her tiptoes, her hands moving from my wrists to my hands on her cheeks. My eyes opened and her lips curled into a fond smile as my gaze traveled on her face.

"That song forgave everything."

Her words made me smile and I suddenly relaxed, realizing that I was still scared. I was scared she had given up on me, that she didn't trust me.. that she didn't love me anymore. She could have changed her mind, she could have given up on us, I could have lost her... but she was still there, even after all the pain I put her through, she was there, ready to give me an other chance that I wasn't sure I deserved.

"I promise I'll write you many, many more."

Once again, I brought my lips back on hers, wondering if it would always be like this, wondering if I would get addicted to the taste of her mouth, or if maybe I already was.

"Okay, okay guys, it's time to drink."

I groaned in her mouth when I heard Louis' voice and moved away slightly before sighing.

"Fuckin' Tommo." I mumbled with a grimace before my eyes fluttered open again.

Olivia laughed and got back down on her feet but when she turned around to go join our friends, I found her hand quickly and squeezed her fingers. It was not the first time we held hands but it felt like it because this gesture meant more than it ever did before.

"Livi, hey." Louis said, pushing her mug on the table. "Aren't you glad you spent those five minutes on your hair now?"

She started laughing and I frowned with a smile at the inside joke I didn't get. I turned to Louis and raised my eyebrows as a question, making him grin.

"It's nothing, Neil, but you should have seen your girlfriend's hair when I knocked at her door." Louis explained, making my heart jump in my chest. "Priceless. And I said that 'cus no one would have paid for that."

My eyes found Olivia's and I didn't have to say anything. The fact that she was now my girlfriend had hit both of us at the same time and I was blissful... like intoxicated by the realization.

"You should see her when she just woke up." I pointed out, sending Liv a smirk and finally turning back to Louis. "A real mess."

"Really?" he replied with a thick accent, glancing at her. "I bet you can't wait to find out what her sex hair looks like."

I didn't expect that answer and choked slightly on my beer. Louis laughed, slapping my shoulder in a friendly manner, and left to get something else to drink. I finally sat next to Olivia and leaned my elbows on the table, turning my head to look at her.

"Are you okay with that?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"With what?" she frowned with an amused smile. "You and Louis laughing at my hair?"

"No," I chuckled. "With being my girlfriend."

Her smile turned into a shy one and she looked down chuckling sadly and shaking her head.

"Niall, being your girlfriend is what i've always wanted." she explained low.

I used two fingers to move her chin up and make her look in my eyes. She looked just as vulnerable as she seemed when she admitted her feelings to me but this time, I was not going to run away. My eyes roamed on her face and I licked my lips.

"I'm so sorry I've hurt you all these years." I apologized in a whisper. "I love you, real love."

Her smile came back, more gentle, fond and endearing than ever, and my heart twisted in my chest. I didn't want to ever hurt her anymore and I was going to do anything I could to keep her happy.

"I think we should leave, it's getting late." I proposed when I realized she wouldn't answer.

She simply nodded and we said our goodbyes, thanking out friends for their support and finally getting out of the too crowded bar. Instinctively, I gripped her fingers and pulled her closer, moving my arm up and making her twirl around. She giggled like a kid and it made me grin. She looked up in my eyes and I knew I didn't have to say anything. We reached my car and I opened the door for her but she tilted her head and frowned.

"Are you sure you're okay to drive?" she asked, worry in her voice.

"Yea, no problem, I only drank a beer." I answered with a shrug.

She sat in the car and closed the door as I did the same but when I glanced at her, she had her eyebrows raised and a small smile on her lips. I loved her facial expressions, I always have. She was the funniest person I knew.

"What?" I asked with a smile too.

"You only had one beer?" she questioned. "One?"

This time, I chuckled and raised one of my shoulders, bringing my head closer before shaking it. I knew it was unusual for me and i couldn't blame her for being surprised.

"Yes, one." I repeated with an other chuckle. "I wanted to be sober for the song but when it was over I drank one. So yea, it was the only one."

She smiled fondly at me again and I just knew I was going to get that look very often from now on. Perhaps she looked at me that way a lot, I just never really noticed before. Or wanted to notice.

"Thank you."

"And also, I couldn't let you clumsy ass drive my new car." I joked as she hit my arm lightly, making me laugh even more.

I started the car and we drove around town in silence. The night was cold and it started snowing, bringing a magical vibe to the moment and although I knew she was not a fan of winter, I could see the happiness in her eyes as she watched the snow fall slowly. It's only when we were close to my house that I felt her hand on my thigh. I thought i'd stiffen at her touch but it was the complete opposite : it relaxed me in a way I couldn't explain, not even to myself.

We got out of the car and walked to the front door still not talking and I closed the door behind us. I knew I didn't have to explain anything, I just glanced at her and smiled.

"Grab a few blankets, i'll join you."

She just nodded and I reached the kitchen to make some tea, adding a cloud of milk in both and going through the sliding door of my kitchen. She was sitting on the small bench, staring up, her shoulders covered with a blanket and when I handed her her favorite mug, she turned to me and smiled. I sat next to her and grabbed a part of the blanket to cover my shoulder too and put the beanie she handed me on. We stared up in silence, just watching the snowflakes fall and cover the ground, and in that moment, everything was perfect.

"So everyone was right." I broke the silence, turning to look at her. "About us being more than just best friends. It was... written in the stars, or something cheesy like that?"

I raised my eyebrows with a small smile and she shrugged, tilting her head. She looked pretty with one of my beanies covering her head and an old scarf I hadn't worn in years around her neck, all wrapped up in blankets as she held her tea with both hands. In fact, she was breathtaking.

"No it was just..." she shrugged in a cute way and looked away before looking back at me. "Obvious."

I bent down close to her and reached her lips with mine, and it made my heart jump in my chest. It was so weird to do that yet it felt natural. I saw her close her eyes just as I closed mine and the feeling of her mouth against mine made me feel better than I thought. I hadn't felt like that when I kissed Maya or Heidi or any of the other girls I kissed before. This feeling was different and better. I couldn't lie to myself, it was much better, so much better.

"I see it too." I murmured, my lips brushing against hers as I talked. "It really is obvious now."

                                                      ---

I let her borrow some of my clothes to sleep even if we both knew she had left some of hers in my drawers. She had always preferred wearing my clothes and I had always enjoyed watching her wear them. Perhaps it was a bit possessive but the feeling of seeing her in Harry's clothes was horrible and I never got used to it.

"Tired?" I asked, putting my shirt on and turning to her.

"Not really." she shrugged, making me smile.

"Come here, I want to hug you."

It was the kind of things I could have said even before we started dating but once again, it meant so much more now that she was my girlfriend.

"Yea?"

"Yea.

"Catch me, then!"

She started running, taking me by surprise and passing right by me quickly. She was already in the hall when I started running after her, reaching my arm in front of me. My fingertips brushed against her arm and she squealed, making me laugh. She jumped on my couch and ran on it and I got suddenly scared she'd fall down but she jumped back on the floor and ran back where she came from. I ran quicker and bent down slightly, wrapping my arm around her waist and pushing her in my room before throwing her on the bed. I moved on top of her, straddling her waist and holding her wrists above her head as we were both panting.

"Caught ya." I whispered with a smirk.

"You did." she admitted just as low, licking her lips.

My gaze moved to her mouth and I dipped my head down again to kiss her. My grip on her wrists loosened but she didn't move. She just answered my kiss, smiling the whole time.

The last time I ran after her and tackled her down was because she teased me, saying only crazy girls wanted to kiss me. Now, she was the one I was kissing and she didn't seem to hate it. Perhaps, the girls who want to kiss me aren't all crazy, but I was not going to mention that. We had also ended up exactly in this position and it was right after that sex dream I had.

"I really, really want to touch you." I whispered in-between kisses.

She moved her arms and I let her, letting go of her wrists. Her hands ran on my shoulders and down my arms, but I kept kissing her for a few seconds before moving slightly away. I stared in her eyes and she bite her bottom lip gently. I had noticed that habit and i loved it.

"Maybe tomorrow, okay?"

I felt my heart sink in my chest but I smiled and nodded lightly. "Okay."

I kissed her softly one last time and got off of her to turn the lights off in the house. When I got back in my room, she was laying under the blankets, looking at the ceiling. I turned the light off too and joined her, laying on my back and staring up, too.

I knew I could wait for us to have sex and I knew it was not something urgent, even if I really wanted her, but I felt like she was a bit scared, and so was I, if only because I was not sure what she liked and what she didn't like.

"How do you feel?" I just wondered in a gentle tone.

"Better now." she whispered.

Silence again. Not an awkward silence, no. A light and warm silence that we both enjoyed.

"Did you write that song for me?" she finally asked after a while.

I knew this question had been burning her lips since our first kiss at the bar and I sort of anticipated it. I smiled, still looking at the ceiling, and brought my hands behind my head.

"Yes, I wrote it for you." I confessed, turning my head her way. "Only you."

We stopped talking again as we both tried to process what was happening between us. Now that we were laying together in the dark the way we always are, it felt real and true and once again, it hit me hard.

"You were wrong, you know?" I pointed out, still staring at her, now seeing her very well in the darkness of the room.

"About what?" she asked in a murmur, licking her lips.

I looked down at her mouth, trying not to focus too much on kissing her again and finally looked up in her eyes.

"The One Direction song that represents us the most is not Infinity, it's probably Home."

She turned her body my way and smiled, bringing her hand to my cheek. I moved my body to face her too and put my hand on her waist, feeling her fingertips brush on my skin softly.

"And Drag Me Down? Maybe?"

She smiled and I did the same.

"A bit of End Of The Day?"

"What A Feeling." she added, making both our smiles grow.

"Fireproof."

"Everything About You."

I frowned, an amused smile still on my lips, and laughed.

"What? Could you have picked an even older song or what?"

We both burst into laughter and I pulled her closer to me. She smelled good and she looked happy. Just seeing her like that made me feel happy too.

"I thought you hated that album." I pointed out, raising my eyebrows as she shook her head.

"No, it's just my least favorite because you don't sing enough." she explained, moving her chin slightly up to look in my eyes. I could feel her breath on my skin and it made me want to kiss her. Again. "I don't hate anything you do. Except... when you date extra gorgeous models. That, I really hate."

"Says the girl who dated my sex symbol of a bandmate."

She laughed lightly and the sound was incredible. Was that what it felt like to be in love? To think everything the other person does is endearing, sweet, incredible... to feel something explode in your stomach every single time you look at them... Was that what I was blessed to feel ever single day for the rest of my life?

"The truth is... The first time I kissed Maya, it was right after you kissed Harry." I had realized that a few days after Liv had admitted her feelings for me and it had been a shock. All these reactions I couldn't explain now made so much sense. "I was scared, and lost and... and I was jealous, Olivia. I was so fucking jealous."

I didn't expect it but she suddenly crushed her mouth against mine, one of her hands pressing on my cheek as her lips kissed me avidly. Her tongue slipped in my mouth and I finally answered the kiss, pulling her as close as I could and squeezing her body against mine. It was not a gentle kiss, it was rough and passionate and I was a bit scared of how turned on it would make me, especially after she said she wanted to wait before we did anything sexual. She slowed the kiss after a while and I groaned low in her mouth before she pulled away.

"I'm sorry." she whispered, her fingertips slide down my neck.

"Don't be." I  answered in a low tone too. "I'm the one who should be sorry. For everything. Just... you should stop kissing me like that, it makes me want... more."

She laughed and her eyes roamed on my face as she let one of her hand slip down my chest. Her gaze never left mine but her smile fell and she started nibbling on her bottom lip. I could feel my heart throb hard in my chest and remained motionless, just looking at her and telling myself how much I loved her.

"I never said anything about not touching you." she just replied as she moved her hand on my cock over my sweatpants. "I mean, if you want me to."

"You don't have to ask." I reached for her hand and pressed it harder against my dick. "I always want you to touch me."

Her smile came back and I fought against the urge I had to kiss her. Her hand rubbed on me slowly but it's only when she slid it in my pants that I held my breath, focusing on the way her fingers wrapped around my cock. She took it out slowly and I realized how hard I was, even after only a few seconds of her touch. She started stroking me gently and I let out a groan, my eyes fluttering as I tried to keep them open. Her lips parted at the same time then mine when she jerked me off quicker and i whispered a curse word. Her thumb rubbing steadily on my tip brought me closer to my orgasm but it's only when her other hand slipped on my balls that I let out a moan.

"That time I fingered you." I whispered without thinking. "It turned me on so bad I came in my pants."

I watched the expression of slight surprise on her face and her movements faltered for a few seconds before her lips reached mine again, this time a bit softer. I groaned again in her mouth when one of her fingers slid right under my tip and I bit her bottom lip maybe a bit too hard.

"Fuck, you're gonna make me cum so hard, petal."

I could swear I felt her shiver next to me and I couldn't decide what turned me on more : her or what she was doing. With an other curse word, I felt an orgasm spread inside me and gripped the sheets of the bed hard as I came, my lips rubbing against hers with every jerk of my body. When I opened my eyes again, she was staring at me with a small smile and I grinned back at her. I couldn't remember the last time I didn't have to guide a girl on what to do to make me cum when it came to handjobs.

"I fucking love you." I breathed out with a chuckle, making her lips curl more.

"I fucking love you too." she repeated after about a minute.

We stayed in silence, just looking at each other, for a very long time until she yawned and I laughed. She looked adorable, why didn't I notice that before?

"I'll be right back."

I nodded and waited for her as she went to the bathroom while I pulled my pants back up and tried to lay down comfortably in bed. I was tired too but there was no way I would fall asleep without her in bed with me. I felt myself start smiling as soon as she entered the room again and although I thought it was a bit pathetic, I really didn't care.

"You're gonna hold me all night?" she wondered, her eyebrows raised, as I felt the warmth of her body close to mine.

I was never going to stop loving this girl. I could feel it in my bones, in every fiber of my being. She was my person, and I was a fucking idiot for not realizing it before.

"Do I ever not?"

[t-lostinworlds]

Nothing (Shawn Mendes)

A/N: I think I've been posting a bunch of fluff recently so I decided to change it up a bit lol. Also wrote this in third person cus I felt like it haha. Hope you guys like it. x

Summary: Where Shawn shows up at your door a few weeks after the break up. (Based on the song: Nothing - The Script)

Warnings: Angst and not proofread lol

Word Count: 3.8k+

Masterlist in Bio

-:-:-:-:-

"Come on man, you've been locking yourself up in this condo for almost three weeks now." Brian sighed as he kicked one out of the many empty bottles of alcohol littered across the floor, a deep frown on his face when Shawn didn't even bother to look at him.

"I'm fine Brian." Shawn grumbled, voice muffled since his face was buried in the sheets, head pounding and his heart breaking over and over at the thought of someone who's supposed to be by his side right now.

"You're not fucking fine Shawn."

Shawn didn't respond to that. Of course he wasn't. He hasn't been for the past two weeks. How could he be fine when he's lost the love of his life?

"You're not getting her back just by sulking here Shawn. Yes you two are over but that doesn't mean you stop living because of it. You need to keep living your life man, even if that's without her."

Brian's words stung but they were the truth, and Shawn couldn't argue with that anymore. No matter how much he tries to push the thought away, it doesn't change the fact that it happened. The break up happened and he can do nothing to change it, especially when he's just moping around.

"Come on, the boys are going out at that local bar down the street and you are coming whether you like it or not." Brian pulled the sheets off of him, and Shawn didn't protest, turning to lay flat on his back to stare at ceiling for a couple moments before sitting straight up, surprising his best friend.

The boys had each tried to get him out of bed and every time, each one of them leaving his room without him and a look of disappointment on their faces. They made it their mission to come visit him every day and take turns on trying to make him do something other than sulking in his room. Maybe even making it a challenge on who gets to make him leave the condo first. And he knows they're waiting for him in the living room, it's been like that the past few weeks.

So he understands why Brian seemed shocked to see him on his feet. "I'll be ready in 10 minutes." Shawn muttered, throat hoarse from all the crying. He gave Brian a pat on the shoulder before going straight towards the en suite.

Shawn was not surprised to see how bad his state was once he took one look at the mirror. He felt like utter shit so it's already suspected that he'd look like utter shit.

His cheeks were red and blotchy, matching with his bloodshot eyes, the bags under them very visible as if he hasn't slept well in days, which was the case in this situation. But what hit him really hard was how hollow his eyes looked, lifeless even. It's like he doesn't even know who this man is, staring right back at him with a solemn face.

Shawn closed his eyes with a deep sigh, turning on the water as he washed his face.

He needs to get back on his feet again, even if he has to force it.

***

The boys took him at the local bar Brian had mentioned, Shawn smiling while they joked around as they walked their way down the street. Shawn tried his best to pretend and look like he was fine, but in reality, he was dying inside as he tried his best not to drag his feet on the way there, the thought of her still in his mind no matter how much he forced himself to think about something else.

Once inside, he was then dragged straight towards the bar, a drink being placed on his hand by Jon in a span of minutes, "A few drinks will help you to forget her man, now drink up!" He patted Shawn on the back, a small smile on his lips but with a look of concern on his face.

Shawn forced a smile, giving Jon a nod before downing the drink in his hand, the alcohol burning his throat but the pain in his heart remained the same.

Shawn wished his friend was right, that the drinks will help him forget, but after one too many, his emotions only started to overwhelm him. Drink after drink, he knows he can never forget because the memories only seemed to get clearer the more he gets intoxicated.

Her smile. The smile that slowly creeps on her face once he wakes her up with soft kisses. The smile she has when he does something to impress her, or something incredibly stupid for that matter. Or that proud smile she has when she greets him backstage after the show, a soft 'I am so proud of you' always escaping her lips as he wraps his arms around her, which is always followed by that sweet giggle and that cute scrunch of her nose because of how sweaty he is.

But Shawn's favorite smile is the one when he calls her beautiful. That smile when he looks at her lovingly and she slowly notices, 'What are you looking at mister?' She'd raise her eyebrow at him and he casually says, 'The most beautiful person I've ever laid eyes on.' And that's when Shawn sees that smile, a shy but bright smile that makes her even more gorgeous in his eyes.

"Another bottle please." Shawn grumbled to the bartender, another beer in his hand in no time as he threw his head back to take another swig, begging to just let the substance blur his thoughts because it hurts.

It hurts so fucking bad remembering that smile, and that one day if he sees that smile again, he might not be the reason behind it anymore.

But the more Shawn drowns himself in alcohol, everything about her seemed to taunt him even more.

Her laugh, that lovely sound gracing Shawn's ears as she laughs at something he said or did.

The way her skin feels when their cuddled up next to each other in bed, clothes nowhere to be seen with their legs all tangled up underneath the sheets, her head on his chest as she sleeps peacefully, Shawn admiring the angel in his arms with a wide smile.

And the way she looks at him with those beautiful eyes, her eyes glowing with so much beauty as she looks at him with pure love, the eyes he'd fell for over and over again.

Shawn hung his head low with his eyes shut tight to stop himself from crying, his fingernails digging in the palm of his hand as his breathing started to quicken, feeling himself slowly began to lose all control of his emotions.

He wished the pain would just subside for a moment, wished that he would just feel nothing for even a couple of hours. Hell, Shawn will take even minutes of being free from pain if he can because he is so fucking tired, so tired of the pain that's burning inside him.

He loved–no, he still loves her, so deeply and it hurts to think that she isn't his anymore.

As soon as Brian saw Shawn's aura change, he already knew where this is going to end. He knew he needed to get him home before things start to escalate.

"Shawn, that's enough drinks for tonight buddy." He stated slowly, hand coming down to grab the bottle which Shawn let's go of reluctantly, "Come on, let's get you home." Brian added, now going to grab his friend's arm.

Shawn's head shot up at the contact, eyes staring at his best friend as if realization hit him.

Home. She's my home.

Shawn stood up abruptly, stumbling on his feet as he started to walk towards the door, not sparing the boys any attention as they called out for his name.

All the boys scrambled on their feet, following hot on his heels, properly confused at Shawn's sudden change in demeanor, the concern in them growing by the moment as Shawn started to mumble her name.

When they managed to get out of the bar, all of them looked at each other with worried faces as Shawn walked aimlessly with his hands on the wall to try and keep his balance, but judging by the look on Shawn's face and the direction where he was heading, they knew something bad was going to happen.

"Shawn where are you going?" Brian jogged after him, grabbing his arm to help him keep steady.

"Take me to her. Brian please, I need to see her." Shawn begged, his voice cracking as his heart started to ache even more.

His friends turned to look at his him like he's gone crazy, but he doesn't care, he knows this will work, if he sees her now, everything will be okay.

"No Shawn, I'm taking you home. You're drunk." Brian grabbed him, looking back at Jon for some help which he quickly obliged, rushing to grab Shawn's other arm as the tall man struggled to keep his feet under him.

"No! Let me the fuck go! Brian please! I need to fucking see her!" Shawn yelled, face red from all the alcohol and all the emotions running through him.

"And what makes you think she wants to see you?" Brian retorted, not really wanting to hurt his best friend but he might as well knock some sense into him.

Shawn froze in his spot. Tears starting to brim in his eyes as he shook his head no.

"She does. I know she does. I'll call her right now and prove it you. Now let me the fuck go." Shawn hissed as he yanked his arms free. All the boys only sighed in defeat as they let Shawn be, because sometimes it's best to just let him learn his lesson on his own, even if it'll badly hurt him in the end.

Shawn clumsy fished his phone out of his pocket, heart pounding out of his chest as he opened his recents, and sure enough a dozen of unanswered calls flashed on the screen, all of them with her name and her number.

Shawn tapped her name before pressing the device against his ear, his palms sweating out of nervousness and fear that just as always, she'll never pick up, she always doesn't.

But when Shawn heard that simple click, a sudden burst of relief and joy soared through him.

"(Y/N)! Hi baby, you answered my call." Shawn slurred grin wide since this has been the first time she's answered his call since... since it happened. But when he heard her sigh in complete disappointment on the other line, his smile got wiped off his face as fast as it showed up.

"What's wrong my love?" Shawn asked, almost forgetting that they weren't together anymore,the nickname just casually rolling off his tongue like second nature. He heard her breath hitch on the other line followed by a sharp intake of breath before she spoke.

"You've got to stop doing this Shawn. Please. Just stop trying to contact me. It will be better for the both of us." Shawn furrowed his eyebrows with a shake of his head, leaning his weight on the wall beside him as he knees started to weaken not only by her words, but the sound of hurt in her voice.

"No honey, no, it's not better for me. I need you (Y/N). I can't be without you, please just – I love you." Shawn choked back a sob, a frustrated hand going through his hair as he bit his bottom lips to keep the tears at bay.

"I'm moving on Shawn. You should too."

Shawn opened his mouth to protest but was cut off when she suddenly hung up. The disconnect tone piercing his heart as it hit his ears.

"No no no." Shawn croaked as he stared at his phone, his tears dropping one by one on the screen before he lets out a frustrated yell and threw it across the road.

"I love you (Y/N)! Why can't you fucking see that!" He screamed at the sky, not caring if he was earning weird looks from other people, he doesn't give a damn about that right now.

But Shawn doesn't want to give up easily, he knew he needed to see you so he wiped his tears aggressively with his arm, heaving deeps breathes as he started to walk down the road.

Shawn shouted her name over and over again, just making it known to world how much he needs her, how much he loves her as if she'll hear it even if she's miles away. As if it'll make her come back if he yells it loud enough.

Brian looked at his best friend in horror, concern and pity. The boys all rushing towards him before someone could film him at this state, trying their best to calm him as much as they can.

"Shawn, please calm down bro. Let's just go home." Brian practically begged on his knees, trying his hardest to pull Shawn to a stop but his friend just kept going.

"No, I'm going to see her. I'll change her mind. If I go there now I can turn this all around Brian. I can fix this." Shawn's voice cracked, the sound of desperation so evident as the tears kept running down his face.

"Shawn why can't you understand this? It's over, she doesn't want to see you and she's moving on."

"No! You are not understanding this Brian! If she sees how much I'm hurting, she'll take me back." Shawn faced his friend and Brian felt his heart broke.

He can just see it written on his face, the look of a completely broken man staring at him, grasping at any chance of hope to be with the one he loves again.

"She still loves me. I know she does, I just need to see her. To make her see that she still owns my heart." Shawn added, his head hung low and his body shaking as he sobbed continuously. The sight utterly heart wrenching to anyone who knew that this boy once had the brightest smile on this planet.

Brian knew that he shouldn't have caved, he knew he shouldn't go with his wishes, but when you see your best friend in a state where nothing else would let his soul be at peace than giving him what he wants, then Brian had no choice.

He looked back at the group and gave them a nod, signaling them that he'll take care of him from here. Brian then hailed a cab, tapping Shawn on the shoulder, "Come on."

"I said I'm not going home Br–"

"We're not going home. If you want to see her, then let's go see her." Brian sighed, opening the door of the car and getting in himself.

Shawn's face almost lit up as he gave Brian a small but thankful smile, but his friend didn't return the gesture, because Brian didn't want to get his hopes up. He knows that this will only go one of two ways, and in Shawn's odds, it's no going to be good.

***

"I'll wait here." Brian said as soon at the car parked across her house. Shawn nodded as he opened the door, stumbling his way out.

"And Shawn, what ever happens, I'll always be here you bud."

"Thanks bro."

Shawn looked at the house and he felt his heart pick up its pace again. The lump in his throat growing, breath heavy as the nerves started to kick in.

She's right there, behind those walls.

Every drunk step he took slowly leads Shawn to her door, the weight on his heart very unbearable but he needed to keep going, he needed to get her back.

Shawn grabbed the railing on the porch, trudging his way up a few stairs before finally reaching the door, hands shaking as he brought it up to knock, but after a couple, no one answered.

"(Y/N) please! I know you're in there! Just talk to me my love, please." Shawn cried out, forehead pressed against the wood as he kept rapping his knuckles on the door.

"Please just let me see you (Y/N). Please." He sobbed, the tears coming back like they never even left, new ones replacing the old ones that were already drying on his cheeks.

Shawn was about to lose all hope, telling himself that this was going no where, but then he heard the door click.

He stumbled back, trying his best to stand straight but who was he kidding? He was drunk and drained, plus one look at her beautiful face always makes him weak, especially when he hasn't seen her in weeks.

"(Y/N)." He whispered, the things he was replaying inside his head on the way here completely getting wiped clean as he now stood there, now not knowing what to say.

"What are you doing here Shawn? I thought we already talked about this?" (Y/N) stated firmly as he stood on the door way, though Shawn can sense it, he knows her like the back of his hand, he can sense how she's trying her best to keep herself together.

"Please honey, just give me one more chance. I need you. I can't live without you (Y/N)."

"Shawn please. I can't do this anymore. It's already been hard trying to move on with your face plastered everywhere, then hearing your voice on the radio every other day and then you do this. Just please let me go." She pleaded, tears brimming in her eyes and this broke Shawn even more.

"No no no, please don't cry. I don't want to see you cry my love." Shawn tried to take a step towards her but she took a step backward, a telltale sign that she doesn't want him near, and Shawn swore he heard his heart crack.

"Then go Shawn. Leave." (Y/N) couldn't stop her voice from breaking at the end, her walls slowly crumbling as the man who she ones knew, the man who she still loves standing right in front of her after weeks of avoiding him.

"I'm not leaving (Y/N)." Shawn answered with a shaky voice, trying again to get closer to but, hands going to grabbed hers but she flinched, crossing her hands across her chest as she bit her bottom lip, looking at him in with nothing but hurt in her eyes.

Shawn shook his head as his bottom lip trembled. She's never been scared of his touch ever, and to see her look at him all hurt, Shawn felt everything crashing down.

Shawn dropped on his knees, "No, please, I'm not giving up on you (Y/N), on us. Just please give me one more chance. Please honey, just one chance." He sobbed, looking up at the love of life in utter despair before hanging his head low as he buried his face in his hands, deep sobs coming out of him.

(Y/N) wanted nothing more than to rush to him, hold him and tell him he's going to be okay. Tell him how much she loves him still, but he did what he did, and there's no going back from it.

She drew her bottom lip between her teeth as she watched Shawn cry in front of her, the sight breaking her heart into pieces, even more so when he looked up to meet her gaze, two eyes meeting that once held so much love, but now only showed true pain.

(Y/N) threw her head back to stop a tear from falling, almost tasting blood as she hit on her lip harder to stop herself from letting out a sob.

"(Y/N) please look at me. Please my love." Shawn begged, he needed her to look at him when he says the words, and when she finally did after a few seconds, he stared right into her eyes and said,

"I still love you (Y/N). I love you." Shawn whispered, making a tear slipped out of (Y/N)'s eyes which was then followed by a couple more, gaze still locked with his.

But she shook her head no, parting her lips as she let out a ragged breath, voice coated with betrayal, anger and pain when she said,

"You stopped loving me the moment you slept with her Shawn."

Shawn didn't have the time to react as she stepped inside and slammed the door close, a broken sob escaping her lips as she fell down on the floor, back against the door as she hugged her knees, crying her heart out for the umpteenth time that week.

Shawn stared blankly at the air for a couple seconds as he slowly digested her words, brain gradually coming to its senses as he stood up and rushed to the door, his palms and forehead pressed against the it as he called out for her.

"Honey please, that was a huge mistake. Yes she's was in my past, my ex but you're my now (Y/N), and my future. Please, I love you, I only love you (Y/N)." He cried, desperate for any response, any words from her, he just wanted to hear her voice just once more time, he just wanted words but all Shawn heard was nothing.

"Please, (Y/N), I never meant to hurt you." Shawn choked out, pressing his back flat on the door as he let his body dropped on the floor, but still, she said nothing.

"I love you (Y/N)." Shawn whispered one last time, but Shawn got nothing, making him sigh in utter defeat, asking himself if he was better off a quitter, but he stayed there for a couple more minutes, heart breaking because he hears her crying on the other side, and to think that he's the reason of those tears, Shawn could never forgive himself.

(Y/N) wanted to open the door and just forgive him, to let him in and take him in her arms, but she know everything will only go downhill from there, because she trusted him with all her heart, but he broke it. As much as she still loves him, she needs to fix her heart first, and by giving it back to the very person who broke it, she just knows it won't end well.

Shawn started to get lost in his thoughts, taking everything into consideration and thinking that maybe he was better off without her, and she was better off without him. Maybe it's time that Shawn just stops fighting, because it seems like she deserves someone better than him, someone who would never hurt her.

The two of them were just separated by a thin piece of wood but the distance between the two hearts was unmatchable. Both were physically so close but emotionally so far. Both wanted so desperately to call out the other, to reach out and feel the other's touch, the other's love, but no one said another word.

Both hearts were screaming how much they still love each other but they said nothing.

-:-:-:-:-

Like & Reblog if you enjoyed and let me know what you think! x

[rosemaidenvixen]

A Secret’s Worth

Chapter 5: Barbara

Ao3

Barbara pulled her coat tighter around her and shivered. The air out here was brisk and sharp, but the roaring fire in front of her helped take the edge off. And a good mug of hot tea didn’t hurt either. Still, it wasn’t about to get any warmer. Jim had said he wouldn’t be out long tonight, just a quick walk and back in time to go to bed by eleven. 

 Not that the cold bothered him.

 Wind rustled through the trees around her, autumnal reds and golds rustling against evergreen needles. It wasn’t really that late in the season, but it certainly wasn’t early either. Barbara and Jim usually prefered to do their trips during the more palatable times of year, then again, this wasn’t one of their usual trips.

 She might be oblivious more often than she cared to admit, but Barbara wasn’t blind. She saw the posters printed on orange and black paper hanging on the community board at the hospital. Heard her coworkers talk about all the plans their kids were making together. Plans involving candy and costumes and spending the night out on the town. Plans no teenager would dare turn down without very good reason.

 Like say a family vacation.

 So when Jim called her during the middle of school three days ago, begging her to take the weekend off and go camping, she hadn’t been very surprised.

 Saddened, but not surprised.

 Pulling an impromptu camping trip off hadn’t been easy by any means. Between the lateness of the season and the incredibly short notice, Barbara had barely been able to get the reservations in place, not to mention gathering all the supplies they needed. But she had rolled up her sleeves, dug in her heels, and made magic happen. 

 And now here they were. Sitting in the middle of the woods, pretending that they would both rather be here than at home celebrating the holiday with friends and family.

 A burning sensation built up behind her eyes. Barbara set her mug to the side, if she tried to drink anything now she’d only end up choking on her own tears.

 It wasn’t fair, not to either of them, but especially to Jim. She knew being cooped because of his transformations was hard. Even more so when he had to say no to going out and having fun with his friends.

 On some days the only way Barbara was able to get up in the morning was by telling herself that all of this was temporary. One day she would find a cure and Jim would be free of his transformations, then they both would be able to live their lives without this nightmare. 

 Things might be bad now, but only for a little while, sooner or later it would end. For years she had told herself this and for years it had worked.

 At least until Jim’s last birthday. When Barbara stopped being so sure that there would even be an end.

 She stuffed the dismal thoughts into the back of her mind and tried to force herself to relax in her seat. No point working herself into a downward spiral. It hadn’t worked the first dozen times she’d done it, no reason to think it would be any more productive now. 

 Looking around while pulling her jacket tighter around her shoulders, Barbara checked the periphery of their campsite for signs of Jim’s return. She couldn’t see much, the fire was bright but not that bright. The only things she had a clear view of were her small tent, the clear area laid down with blankets on top of a tarp for Jim, the electric lantern behind her bolstering the dim firelight, the ATV they used to get out here, their cooler and chest full of supplies, and just a fraction of the miles of forest around her. 

 No sign of Jim.

 Barbara glanced at her watch, sighed, threw another log on the fire, grabbed a couple of magazines from the stack, and settled in to wait. Jim always told her not to wait up for him, but it wasn’t like she could sleep without knowing where her son was. Better to pass the time with a magazine. Barbara never went camping without a fat stack of them. They could help her pass the time when Jim was out on his walks and could be repurposed as kindling so they didn’t have to haul them back. She always made a point to grab some from the waiting room at work when they cycled the new issues in. 

 Reaching over to the stack at her feet, she glanced between the copies of People and National Geographic before tossing the People into the fire. Gossip rags had never been her thing.

 Yawning, Barbara thumbed through the National Geographic . Hopefully this would keep her more entertained. One of the cover stories looked promising, ‘The Salem Witch Trials: Over three centuries later’ . Sounded better than celebrity gossip at least. 

 Barbara flipped to the corresponding page and started the article using the speed reading techniques she learned in medical school. It was ok, but pretty ho-hum, no more or less entertaining than watching the History channel. Should be an adequate way to pass the next twenty minutes.  

 Which was exactly what Barbara planned on doing until she came to a line that caused the world around her to come crashing down around her.

 Whipping her head to the side Barbara coughed and sputtered up the tea that had gotten rediverted into her lungs due to her shock. 

 She couldn’t have read what she just did, it was impossible, delusional even. 

 But when she turned back toward the page with a pounding heart there it was. A deceptively innocuous line of text buried in the middle of the article.

 The true witch hunt began with the arrests of Tituba, Sarah Osbourne, and Sarah Good.

 Sarah Good.

 The same name tied to the mystery that haunted their family for the past ten years.

 For a few seconds she forgot how to breathe, just sat there staring at the words printed in cheap ink on even cheaper paper. Mouth open, sitting frozen rigid in her seat, gears whiring as her brain processed all the implications of this.

 Was it just a coincidence? Sarah Good couldn’t be that rare of a name, or could there be a connection? 

 It was a stretch, even by the Lake family’s standards. 

 Her fifteen year old son turned blue and sprouted horns when the sun went down and had been doing so for the past decade. Nothing was off the table. 

 She flipped back and began rereading the article with much more intensity, blood rushing in her ears.

 Moral panic, mass hysteria, mob mentality. According to the stuffy old professors that wrote the article there wasn’t anything even remotely magical about the Salem witch trials. 

 But they hadn’t seen the things Barbara had, lived the things she’d lived.

 Was it somehow possible that one of these long ago women was more than she seemed? Had a touch of something that could still be causing ripples centuries later?

 The paper crinkled under her fingers. If there really was a connection, and Barbara wasn’t sure that there was, then this was their biggest break in years.

 As soon as she got home Barbara was going to take this new lead and hit the library, hit Wikipedia, hit anything and everything that might offer her the slightest clue. There was a chance, however faint, that history might hold some of the answers that had eluded them for a decade.

 Her lips parted as she leaned in and skewered the magazine with her gaze, feeling almost feverish.

 A dream, an idea, too lofty and terrifying to imagine flickered to life in the back of her mind, despite her best efforts to snuff it out before her hopes could rise too high.

 Barbara knew first hand how much it hurt when hope was dashed to pieces, but she had forgotten just how intoxicating it could be.

 If history had the answers, then it just might have a cu--

 “Mom?”

 Barbara shrieked, tea sloshed out of her mug and the magazine went flying.

 Jim took a hesitant step back “Sorry, did I scare you?”

 “NO! no-- I just--” Barbara glanced back towards where the magazine had landed “I was just really engrossed in the article I was reading,”

 Jim cocked his head “What was it about?”

 “I-- it….”

 He blinked back at her, wide eyed and curious. 

 “...something about the revolutionary war, how was your walk?” 

 Barbara forced a smile and very deliberately did not look toward where the magazine had fallen. She would tell Jim, but not yet. Only once she had discovered something solid, more tangible. 

 She couldn’t raise his hopes when she wasn’t even sure that her own were founded.

 “Fine,” Jim took a seat at the fire across from her “Moon’s full, that was pretty cool,”

 Barbara nodded and leaned back in her seat, picking up her half-full mug and willing the buzz of nervous energy in her limbs to fade. She reached for the long wooden branch to poke at the fire, only to notice the tote bag at her feet. That’s right, with all the excitement of her discovery she had almost forgotten. 

 “Jim, I have a surprise for you,”

 He perked up instantly “Really? What?”

 “Here,” she lifted the tote and tossed it across the fire towards him. 

 Jim caught it with ease and reached an arm in, pulling out a smaller plastic bag with a look of surprise “Candy corn?”

  “Yep,” Barbara gave him a gentle smile “Happy Halloween kiddo,”

 Jim smiled back at her, but it didn’t reach his eyes “Thanks mom,” he tore open the bag and started popping the orange triangles into his mouth while staring into the fire, expression unreadable.

 They sat like that for a few minutes, the only sounds Jim’s chewing and the crackling of the fire, before Barbara couldn’t bite her tongue any more.

 Normally she would leave well enough alone, but reading what she did in that magazine had set her thoughts a-buzzing like a nest of hornets.

 She didn’t want to corner Jim like this, to put him on the spot, make an already stressful trip worse. But she couldn’t just stay quiet, her own conscience wouldn’t let her.

 For years Barbara had tried , tried so hard to give Jim space. Let him deal with his problems without hounding him every ten seconds. 

 It wasn’t until Jim broke down crying in school that she realized just how poorly that approach had worked out. 

 Jim had shouldered so much by himself, struggling in silence, until one day came the staw that broke the camel’s back. Leaving him a shattered wreck.

 Of course who’s fault was that? A nasty voice whispered in her ear. Who should have been modeling healthy coping mechanisms for him? Who showed up after work every day dead tired and still pasted a smile on her face for years and pretended like everything was fine even when they both knew it that it damn well wasn’t. 

 Who was it that taught Jim to bottle up his emotions until he exploded? 

 More importantly, what kind of mother didn’t notice that her child was in pain?

 Barbara steeled herself even though her stomach still churned with doubt. Even if it meant pushing his boundaries she wasn’t going to let Jim fall into such a bad place, not again, not if she could help it.

 “How are you Jim? I mean really,” 

 Jim didn’t respond at first, merely finished chewing his mouthful of candy and swallowed, but he didn’t pick up any more.

 “Better,” he said after a long time.

 Barbara’s gut twisted with equal parts anxiety and relief. Better wasn’t anything to dismiss, but it wasn’t the same thing as good either.

 The days following Jim’s fifteenth birthday, and the realization that things might not get better than they were now, had been some of the worst of both of their lives, only comparable to the days after James’s departure and the night Jim first changed. 

 And as bad as things had been for her, she knew Jim’s condition was far far worse.

 He had sunk into a deep slump and stayed there for days. Barely speaking, barely eating; not even glancing at anything, video games, vespa magazines, cooking equipment, that had brought him joy just a few days before. Jim had been in such a dark place, and Barbara was powerless to help him find his way out.

 “Better how?”

 Jim twisted the plastic of the bag around his finger “Me and Toby are hanging out with Mary, Darci, and Claire; you know about them, right?”

 Barbara nodded.

 One day in the middle of his depression, just when she’d been starting to worry that her son would never smile again, out of the blue Jim had come home and told her that he was invited to go to the county fair with Toby and some girls from his class. Unsure what to do with this development, Barbara had sent Jim off with a kiss on the forehead and $20 to pay his way, hoping for the best.

 When Jim had come home that night he was smiling brighter than he had in a long time. 

 Those three names had come up frequently in Jim’s gushing the night following the county fair. And for many nights after. 

 “Has being friends with them...helped?”

 “Oh yeah, they’re really fun,” Jim said with a grin “We hang out almost every day after school and during our off period, Mary always has the best ideas about what to do and Darci is a total daredevil, plus Steve never bothers us when we’re with them,”

 That got her attention “I’m sorry, what?”

 Jim’s eyes widened, clearly having revealed more than he intended.

Barbara’s mouth straightened into a hard line “Who is this Steve and how does he ‘bother’ you?”

“A guy in my class, and nothing really,” his eyes darted around the clearing, landing on anything but her “Honestly it’s not a big deal,”

 “Jim.” her voice was iron, and offered no room for negotiation.

 He squirmed but remained silent. 

 Barbara fixed him with a narrowed gaze and waited.

 A minute and a half was all it took.

 “It’s...sometimes he…” Jim stared down at the fire, still unable to look her in the eye  “He’ll...push me and trip me in the hall, little stuff like that,”

 Barbara could practically feel her blood pressure rising “That is unacceptable. When we get home we’re going to talk to the school about him,”

 Jim visibly cringed “You don’t need to do that mom, I can handle Steve, please just don’t make a big deal about this”

 Somehow her frown got even deeper. This was a big deal. No matter the circumstances, Barbara was not going to let Jim minimize someone else’s violent behavior.

 “This isn’t up for debate. You shouldn’t have to handle another student being violent with you,”

 “It’s not that bad, telling will just make things worse,”

 “Has he threatened to retaliate if you tell on him!?” 

 “No! I-- it’s just…” Jim trailed off, his words hanging in the air. 

 The silence as taut as a wire.

 Then he sighed, sounding utterly defeated “Things at school are finally normal again, Steve might give me a hard time...but everyone else has finally stopped looking at me weird,”

 Jim looked up and met her eyes “Steve’s a jerk, a huge jerk, but I can handle him, I just want…” his voice dropped into a hoarse whisper “I just want other people to at least think I’m normal,”

 Her throat was tight. It rankled, more than that, it went against every instinct Barbara had to ignore a bully, and a violent one at that. It felt wrong, hell, that was probably because it was wrong. But could she really make things for Jim more turbulent after he’d finally regained some stability in his life?

 His life that was only going to get more difficult from here on out. 

 Or maybe it wouldn’t.

 Barbara shut her eyes and let out a deep breath “Ok, if you don’t think the situation with Steve needs addressing we can leave it be,”

 Jim perked up.

 “ However , if things start to escalate with him, even a little bit, you let me know right away, got it?”

 Jim nodded “Got it,”

 “Good,” Barbara leaned back and forced herself to take another sip of tea.

 The uncomfortable subject was officially dropped, but things were still strained between them, waiting to snap under the slightest trigger.

 “Steve may be a jerk,” Jim said softly “But I really am doing better,”

 “Are you Jim? Are you really ?” she knew her tone was sharper than it should be, but right now she didn’t have the mental space to worry about that. Right now Barbara was too worried and too scared and too frazzled and too tired. So goddamn tired “Because I feel like everytime you say that it’s only to make me feel better. You never tell me when things are bad or that you’re hurting,”

 “I swear I’m not downplaying things this time!”

 “How do I know that? You didn’t tell me what was going on on your birthday, you didn’t tell me about being kicked out of the Mole scouts-- Christ, another student’s been harassing you at school and this is the first I’m hearing about it!”

Neither one of them said anything for a long time

“This-- this isn’t like that!”

“Well I don’t want the next time that I find out you’re struggling to be when one of your teachers calls me because you broke down crying again!” 

 Her mouth shut with a click. She’d gone too far, way too far. Barbara should not have said that. But now the words were out there, and she couldn’t take them back if she tried.

 The stunned look on Jim’s face told her that he hadn’t been expecting her to go this far either.

  “There’s social media,” Jim finally spoke up in a quiet voice “Mary practically forced me to make seven new accounts so I can follow her on everything,” he gave a weak smile “So even if they move away we can still stay in touch,”

 “Jim…”

“And Darci’s dad’s a cop and Claire’s mom is a politician, so maybe not all of them will move away...” 

 Jim straightened and raised his head towards her. The look on his face, uncertain but so so determined, tore at her heartstrings “I really am doing better,”

 Barbara got up from her seat and walked over to him, reaching out and laying a hand on his shoulder “And I’m happy for you, I’m glad that you’re doing better and I’m sorry I snapped at you like that. It was wrong of me to say what I did and I promise I won’t do that again,” 

 She gave his shoulder a comforting squeeze “I’m glad things are better for you now, but if they get bad again...please don’t hide it. Talk to me, share how you feel so it doesn’t build up,” 

 It was a testament to how tall he was getting that Barbara barely had to kneel to look Jim in the eye even while he was sitting “I know you think you’re protecting me when you hide your problems, but remember, we’re a team. And I can’t help you if I don’t know that something’s wrong,”

 Even with the tusks she could see his lip start to quiver “We take care of each other,” Jim’s voice was thick with emotion “Right?” 

 Her own eyes brimming, Barbara pulled him into a hug “Right,”

 Their embrace lasted a few more seconds, long enough for both of them to sniffle their unshed tears away, before Barbara gently pulled back, Jim releasing her willingly, and went back to her seat.

 She took a few more sips of tea and he munched on his candy corn while the fire cracked and popped between them, the silence much more palatable now. 

 Her tea was almost gone when Jim spoke up again.

 “Actually, there is something…”

 “What is it?” Barbara forced herself to stay calm and not jump down his throat with a dozen questions. Jim was putting himself out there, now she had to do her part and let him speak.

 Jim shifted uncomfortably in his seat “You know Claire? One of the new girls I’ve been hanging out with?”

 “Yes?”

 “I...like her...as...more than a friend,” even as he said those words he slumped back in his seat, like a puppet with the strings cut “But I can’t...date her or even tell her as long…” he sank even lower “As long as I’m like...this,”

 A dagger to the back couldn’t have hurt her any deeper. Jim’s transformations had taken so much from him already and now he couldn’t even...

 Barbara was keenly aware of the magazine on the ground behind her, blazing like a hot coal from just beyond her vision. 

 In that moment she vowed that she would chase down whatever possible leads this new discovery offered her. Run to the ends of the earth, leave no stone unturned. Do whatever it takes to find a cure. Barbara would find a way for her son to live a normal life, with all that entailed.

 No matter how many decades it took. 

 “Thank you for telling me,”

 Jim managed to crack a smile before going back to his candy corn.

 Finally able to relax, they settled in to just enjoy the rest of the night and each other’s company, accompanied by the soft glow and crackles from the dying fire. The hour slips away, Barbara finishes her tea and Jim polishes off his candy corn and eats the bag to. 

 Eventually Barbara stood up from her chair “I’m going to bed, be sure to take care of the fire before you go to sleep,”

 Jim yawned and stretched “I think I’m gonna turn in to,”

 Barbara raised an eyebrow “Aren’t you still hungry?”

 “Nah,” Jim appeared to only be half listening while he spread the coals around with the stick.

 She frowned, glancing at the crumbs of orange sugar on the ground. Even by his night-food standards that wasn’t a very nutritious meal “You should have more to eat than just candy,”

 “It’s ok, I ate earlier,”

 She looked over at their cooler full of food stores, all of it untouched “What did you eat?”

 Jim fidgeted and looked away while pouring their used dishwater over the glowing ashes “I...uh...a fox,”

 “A fox?”

 “Yeah...I saw it on my walk...it was dead when I found it...so I figured why not,”

 Her blood ran cold “Do you have any idea how it might have died?”

 “Old age?”

 Barbara slowly walked over and grabbed the electric lantern, now that the fire was out they needed the extra light to see each other “How long ago did you eat it?”

 “About two hours ago?” Jim’s voice was small, some of her anxiety starting to leech into him.

 Two hours. Which meant it was probably too late to make him vomit it out.

 “Mom, what’s wrong?”

 Barbara took a deep breath and willed herself to stay calm. The were in the middle of the woods miles away from any kind of civilization; panicking wouldn’t do either of them a damn bit of good right now “That fox might have died from a disease, like tularemia or bru--”

 “Or rabies…” Jim finished, blue face growing pale in the lantern light.

 Barbara grimaced, her thoughts exactly, she’d wanted to avoid scaring him by saying so out loud but it looked like he’d put it together himself “It’s ok, it’s only two hours back to the rental place and one to the nearest town big enough to have what we need. We can just say a fox bit you, that should get you all the shots you need. If we get up at six we can get there before ten,,”

 Barbara walked over to Jim and squeezed both of his shoulders “Don’t worry,I’ve seen rabies exposure cases before, people have received their initial rabies shots almost 24 hours after they’ve been bitten and made complete recoveries. Ten am tomorrow is plenty early enough,” 

 Even if she was battling her own fears Jim needed to hear those words from her right now.

 She managed to smile and pat him on the cheek “You’re going to be fine,”

 His expression wavered before solidifying into enforced composure, he nodded back at her.

 With that they separated and set about preparing to retire for the night, despite the fresh undercurrent of panic.

 Soon pajamas were on, teeth were brushed, and the lantern was out; the only light coming from the small flashlight she held. And once Jim was bundled up on his tarp and Barbara was cocooned in her tent that was extinguished too. She shut her eyes and settled into the sleeping bag, determined to get a full night’s rest.

 Barbara was just starting to nod off when she heard Jim whisper from outside. 

 “Are you still awake mom?”

 “Yeah,” she replied with a yawn “What is it hon?”

 “We’re going to tell the clinic that an animal bit me and that’s why I need the shots, right?”

 “Uh huh,” 

 “Then...won’t it look weird if I don’t have any bite wounds on me?”

 Her eyes shot open. 

[moorehollandplz]

Undrunk :-: T.H.

Authors Note: This slammed into my brain without warning. Based on the song “Undrunk” by Fletcher. Italics indicate voicemails.   If you enjoy my writing please like and reblog! And check out my other stories on my Masterlist.

Summary: Leaving Tom a series of drunken voicemails in one night… two weeks after a terrible break up.

⚠️ Warning: angst, adult themes, drinking, language, mentions of sex and self touching

Word Count: 1930

Tom woke up to the sound of his phone pinging and vibrating, which was alerting him to messages he’d received overnight. Most nights, he kept his phone on ‘Do Not Disturb’ so any calls or texts came in silently for him to review in the morning. He sleepily cracked one eye open as he fumbled for the phone. He unlocked it with his thumb and slowly dragged himself into a sitting position. He lazily rubbed his face with his left hand as he looked down at the illuminated screen. First, he checked his private Instagram, the one he used only for his close friends and family. He checked the likes and comments on his recent uploads. Then decided to scroll through his feed a little.

Suddenly, he stopped scrolling, his breath hitched in his throat, and he just stared for a moment. There you were. Arm slung around a mutual friends waist. Red solo cup raised high in the air. A beautiful smile spread on your face, one that told a story of how much fun you were having. You were clearly one sip away from wasted. He checked the date stamp on the photo and saw that it was from the previous night.

Tom noticed that the post had multiple pictures attached, so he sucked in a shaky breath and swiped left on his screen. Again, your smiling face assaulted him. This time you were pouting. But, your eyes were still bright with laughter. Your cup was raised just under your stuck out bottom lip, as if you were about to take a sip when the photo was snapped. He tore his eyes from yours, which he had always found himself getting lost in.

He swiped left again. This one took his breath away completely. It was candid. It was stunning. You were outside around a bonfire with a few others. Everyone around you was laughing and appeared to be having a good time. But, not you. You were staring off into the distance. Your eyes were glassy as if you had been crying. Your cheeks were pink. Your hair had been blown slightly forward so some pieces were in front of your face.

Tom found himself wondering what you were thinking. What had made you cry. Even though, he knew the answer. Even though, he wasn’t supposed to care. Not anymore. He shook his head trying to loosen his thoughts and closed his Instagram app. Having had enough of the memories of you and that night two weeks ago.

He decided to stay off his other social media accounts. He really couldn’t take anymore pictures of you popping up in his feeds. So, his eyes settled on the green phone icon. His eyes widened at the number in the little red bubble next to it. Eight. He opened the phone app and saw he had four missed calls and four new voicemails. All from you. He covered his mouth to stifle a groan and he looked to his right at the naked body of the woman he’s been trying to fill the void in his heart with for the last week.

He slowly shifted out of his bed and tip-toed out of the room. He closed the door behind him softly, definitely not wanting to wake her up. He moved silently through his quiet apartment. He plopped down on the couch in the living room and he let out a huff of air that he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.

He closed his eyes and clicked the first message.

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Y/n Saturday 3/30/2019

2:37 am

“Tom? Uh… hey. It’s me… I don’t even know why I’m calling. I’m veeeeery drunk. Hahaha… I’m at Bryan’s party. I only came, because they said you couldn’t make it. Why did I say that? Ugh… I should really go home. This party has been… over for a while now. Every… everyone important is either passed out or gone. But…. but I’m scared of being… sober. Sssssssth… ow! I just got lime juice in a paper cut from work! You don’t need to know that. Shit that burns… but not…. not as bad as thoughts of you… (mumbling)... Yeah? Oh… shots? Out by the fire? Coming! Yeah I’m on the phone… no it’s no one… just someone I used to know….”

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Silence. Tom’s finger hesitated over the delete button. He shouldn’t be listening to these. To you. After what you did, he should hate you. He needed to hate you. But, he loved you so deeply and he just couldn’t stop himself. He passed over the delete button and pressed the next message, instead.

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Y/n Saturday 3/30/2019

2:51 am

“(Sniffle) T… Tom… It’s… me… (sniffle) I’m sitting on a bed. I’m… not sure (sniffle) where I am. I think I’m still at… (sniffle) Bryan’s. It’s dark. My clothes… I don’t know where (sniffle) they are… I think I… I made a mistake. I don’t remember. God my head… (Gasp) He moved. Please don’t wake up. I need to… to get out of here. But… (sniffle) I don’t want to… turn on the light. I don’t want to see who… who it is. (Shifting) I wish I could see you... I want to come over… (sniffle) oh fuck… (sob) that’s weird to say… especially after… And I know… (sob) I know… she’s there. Of… course… she is! (Loud bang) FUCK! Oooowww… (Mumbling) Oh… no… I’m fine... I think… yea I’m just gonna head home. No no no… I’ll find my way. I’ll call an Uber. Hahaha… please no… don’t. Just go to sleep. I’ll be fine. I always am. (Door click) I need a shot.”

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Silence. Tom felt his heart break all over again. He couldn’t believe you had called him after having just had sex with someone. He felt tears stinging his eyes. But, he refused to let them form. He shook his head and thought about not continuing. Sure, this was only going to get worse. He wasn’t sure his heart could take anymore of this. But, he needed to hear the rest. He needed to hear your voice. He hung his head as he pressed the next message.

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Y/n Saturday 3/30/2019

3:34 am

“Tom… hi… me again. I’m sorry I keep calling, but I hate being alone…. and drunk. All I do is look at all the old pictures of you. You know the ones you sent me. The ones from Venice. I should have deleted them, I know. I'm sure you deleted the ones I sent you… so she wouldn’t find them. I get it. But, i just can’t seem to let go of them. Mmmm… I find myself getting… you know… aaah… and I just can’t… mmmm… let them go…. not yet…. Ooooh… This… this is my… ha… ha… secret… aaaah… crazy right? Hahaha! Oooh... Mmmmm… Tooom… Ha… Ha… mmmmm… I… ah… ah… ooooooh mmmmm…. Tommy… Pleeeeaaase! I’m so close…. Ha… ha… yes… aaaaah! I’m… I’m… cu...mmmmmm… cumming! TOOOOM!! (Heavy breaths) Sorry… I shouldn’t have done that. (heavy breaths) I… I’m hungry.”

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Silence. Toms jaw hung open and he stared blankly ahead at what he had just heard. You had been touching yourself. To pictures of him. You had called out his name as you reached your high. He felt his boxers tighten a little. And, he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about you when he was with her. But, he would never admit that he hadn’t deleted his photos of you either. He hadn’t looked at them once since that day. But, he still had them. Just in case. In case what? He had no idea. Tom blinked and looked back down to his phone. One left. He took a deep breath. And pressed the final message.

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Y/n Saturday 3/30/2019

4:22 am

“Oooow shit … Tom…uh hey it’s me again. You probably won’t even listen to this. Not after the others… which to be honest, I don’t even completely remember what I’ve said to you. But… I just hurt myself… no not on purpose. I’m still pretty wasted… and I shouldn’t have tried to make spaghetti… but I’m just so hungry…. I dropped the… the pot on my foot. The boiling water… ooooow… splashed on my leg… FUCK!! It burns! Hahaha! But… not as much as… as these never ending thoughts… thoughts of you and that… that day…………………..(Silence)............................ (glass shatters)... FUCK!... (Glass shatters)... AAAAAAAH!!! (Heavy shaky breaths) Tom…. (sniffle) I can’t do this…. (sob) I can’t function…. I can’t… (sniffle)... these two weeks… have been… (sniffle) the absolute worst! (Sob)... I’ve been bouncing… bouncing through every emotion… (sniffle) I seem to have settled… into sad… (sob) and broken… like… (sniffle) these bottles… these empty bottles… I just… (sniffle) threw on the floor. I should…(sniffle) clean them… up, but… but I’m too drunk to care… (sob)... I deserve this. I know that. (Sniffle) I ended us… (sob) that night, I know that. I… (sniffle) wish… wish I could undo it! Undo it all! (Sob)... I wish I could get undrunk that night… (sniffle)... so I could un-lose my temper…. Haha.. I don’t even… (sniffle) remember what we fought about. (Sob)... I wish I could… (sniffle)... wish I could un-kiss that room full of strangers. (Sob)... I did that just to hurt you… and I’m so… (sob)... sooo fucking sorry! Fuck! (Sob) Haha… I wish could be undrunk right now… (sniffle) so I could un-call you! And I wish… wish that night… no… our first night... (sob)... that I could un-fuck you… then this… (sob) never would’ve happened, because… we never… (sob)... never would have been… (sniffle)... i wish… I wish (sniffle)... I could… I could un-love you… (deep breath)... but some things just can’t be undone… (sigh).. and one of those… (yawn) things is… you. (Silence)...... (light snoring)”

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

Tom felt the tears falling down his face. But, he didn’t care. You had just ripped his heart out. These messages were the first time you had made direct contact since that night two weeks ago. You had never tried to apologize. Not until now. He felt his insides twist, and all he wanted to do was go to your place. He wanted to see you. To scream at you. Tell you how bad you had hurt him. How you tore him apart that night. He wanted to hold you. Let you cry into his chest until you had nothing left. He wanted to forgive you. He wanted to carry you to bed and make sure you were okay. This whole time he thought he was the only one who was in pain. But, you were too. Tom felt his chest tighten. The need to run back to you was overwhelming.

“Tom?” Her voice from the hallway broke his spiraling train of thought. His head shot up and his eyes found hers. Soft and gentle. And he felt a rush of calm through his body. That’s why he was with her now. She grounded him. Kept him level. “Are you okay?” She asked and Tom’s eyes dropped back down to his phone.

“Uh… yeah… “ he lied as he stared at the voicemails. “Well…” he rubbed his cheeks with the back of his free hand to rid himself of his tears. “I will be.” He hit delete all, and dropped his phone on the couch. He stood up and crossed the room. He wrapped his arms around her and she was quick to return the gesture. “Let’s go back to bed.”

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

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[rocketjams]

Drunk Enough to Say I Want You

Don’t mind me, I’m just re-posting this one-shot from Valentine’s Day.

[X] Read on Ao3

Pairing: Todoroki & Bakugou

Word Count: 3,208

Description:  A little liquid courage paired a chance reunion has Todoroki finally making a move, one that’s been ten years in the making.

The very first thing Todoroki saw were his eyes, they were red and burned brighter than fire itself. Even with just small glance or uninterested gaze they were hypnotizing, and in a single instant it was as if Todoroki could forget the entire world. It was just him, that sandy haired boy. His name? Bakugou Katsuki.

Todoroki couldn't remember if it happened slowly or all at once; falling in love that is. All he knew was that he was drawn to Bakugou like a magnet to metal, his eyes followed him. He noticed even the smallest differences whether that be in appearance or mood.

Most significantly he noticed the significant change that had taken place one spring afternoon. Bakugou had entered the classroom with a small spring in his step, a soft smile replacing the usual frown on his lips.

“Someone looks like they're in a good mood!” Kaminari had teased.

“Why wouldn’t he be,” Mina chimed in. “He officially graduated from the single life.”

What?

Todoroki’s eyes widened, the air constricting inside his lungs.

“Shut up,” Bakugou mumbled turning his head to the floor. A pink hue barely visible on his cheeks from where Todoroki was sitting.

Despite the ongoing chatter among his classmates, to Todoroki it was as if his whole world had gone completely silent. Was it true? Was Bakugou..

“Todoroki!”

A soft hand laid itself on Todoroki’s shoulder, causing the red and white haired boy to look up from where he sat as he was pulled from his thoughts. His gaze meeting Midoriya’s concerned eyes.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Todoroki said, pulling the corners of his lips upwards. “Why do you ask?”

“Because your crying.”

Reaching up, Todoroki laid his hand on his cheek. Feeling the wet trails his tears had left. “Oh.”

Looking around the classroom, Todoroki could feel the various gazes which watched him curiously.

“I’m fine,” He assured them once more, standing up from his seat suddenly. “Excuse me.”

Making his way towards the door, Todoroki kept his eyes on the floor, not daring to look up. He had expected this would happen, that Bakugou would eventually find someone. But still, why did it hurt so bad?

Just as his hand lifted up to clutch his chest, his shoulder knocked against something causing him to fall backwards.

“Sorr-” Todoroki glanced up to see the last person he ever wanted looking down on him.

“Hey, watch where you’re going Icyhot.”

Todoroki opened his mouth to respond but nothing came out and soon after he could feel the hot tears pouring over his cheeks.

“Uh- I-” Bakugou stammered, trying to find the words. His eyes wide with shock at the unexpected response.

“I’m okay!” Todoroki repeated loudly, quickly pushing himself up off the floor before running out of the classroom and towards the bathrooms.

Once there, he locked himself inside one of the stalls. His hand balled tightly into a fist.

Great! Just great.

Racking his brain for possible excuses as to why he was crying, Todoroki let out a frustrated sigh. Why did thing have to be this way? Why couldn’t he just- No, I can’t.

I won’t. He can’t know.

Wiping his face for the last time, Todoroki stepped out of the stall. Catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror. His eyes swollen and bloodshot, the pain inside his heart buried under the resolve that he would never reveal those feelings.

Returning to class a mere thirty minute after his small outburst, Todoroki was surprised to see that no one pushed him for answers. No one asked, and he never dared to tell.

Instead he decided to keep his feelings bottled up at a distance. Making sure never to get too close out of fear that one day everything would come spilling out all at once.

Eventually, the passing days turned into weeks, those weeks into months and months then turned into years. Therefore, just as Todoroki hoped, he successfully maintained his distance and Bakugou was never able to find out about his feelings. There were absolutely nothing between them, no strings that would tie them together, no bond to nurture and when graduation came so did the time for them to walk their separate paths.

However, though the situation was ideal at first, when the last day finally came, it would be a lie to say it didn’t hurt. As the ceremony came to an end and Todoroki watched as Bakugou walked away hand in hand with his partner. It was if every part of Todoroki was aching for Bakugou. His mouth wanted to call out his name, his legs wanted to run after him, his arms wanted to embrace him.

Though Todoroki remained still, not moving an inch and simply watched as Bakugou vanished from his life. It was over and all Todoroki could think of was the thing he didn’t do and just how much of a cowardly fool he was.

- 10 Years Later -

“I think this is a bad idea.” Todoroki relented as Midoriya pulled him toward the restaurant entrance.

“I bet everyone is going to be happy to see you.”

Todoroki smiled nervously, following along with his friends demands.

“Oh there they are!” Midoriya exclaimed, waving his hands in the air.

“Oh my gosh Deku is that you?!” Uraraka exclaimed, greeting her old friend with a hug.

“Yup,” Midoriya gleamed. “And look who else I brought with me?”

Uraraka smiled as Midoriya pushed Todoroki forward.

“Hey Todoroki,” She said. “It’s nice to see you again.”

“Same to you.”

Silence soon fell between the three for a moment before Uraraka laughed aloud nervously, breaking the silence. “Well, let’s go inside. Iida was able to get us a private room.”

Entering the room, Todoroki was greeted with the smiling faces of his old classmates.

“Hey Midoriya! Todoroki!” Many of them cheered.

Todoroki bowed slightly, acknowledging the many greetings.

“Have a seat you two.” Iida insisted.

Sitting down at the end of the table, Todoroki watched quietly as many of them conversed among each other.

“Okay we’re just missing Kirishima and Bakugou?” Kaminari stated aloud, causing Todoroki’s ears to perk up at the mention of his name.

Turning to Midoriya, Todoroki leaned over and whispered into his friends ear. “You didn’t say Bakugou was coming?”

“I didn’t think that was an important factor to mention.” Midoriya stated simply. “Besides, Iida invited everyone from our first year class.”

“Oh.” Todoroki nodded, not wanting to push the subject anymore.

“Todoroki!” Mina exclaimed. handing him a glass. “You look so tense. Have a drink.”

“No I'm ok-”

“I insist!” She smiled. “Have fun every once in a while. At least have one.”

Todoroki stared at the glass blankley for a minute before eventually giving in, “Fine.”

As the night went on, one class turned into two, then two into three and so on.

Todoroki soon found himself growing increasingly drunk with each passing minute.

*2.5 Hours Later*

“Aye there he is!” Mina shouted suddenly. Garnering the attention of everyone in the room.

Looking towards the door, Todoroki’s eyes caught sight of the sandy head of hair he had always loved.

“Don’t make a fucking scene.” Bakugou snapped at her, before turning to Iida. “Sorry for being late. I had some stuff to do at the station.”

“It alright.” Iida responded, motioning for Bakugou to take a seat. A small smile graced Todoroki’s lips, as the alcohol took the driver seat to his common sense.

“Bakugou! Come sit by me!” Todoroki called out, garnering confused looks from everyone in the room.

“Uh,” Bakugou hesitated. “Alright.”

Taking a seat next to Todoroki, Bakugou watched as he took another gulp of his beer.

“Hey,” Bakugou warned. “Take it easy.”

Slamming his cup down on the table, exhaling dramatically as he looked to Bakugou with a small scowl. “Drink with me.”

“Just one drink.” Bakugou said, “I don’t want to get shitfaced tonight.”

Waiting for the waitress the return to order a drink, Bakugou turned to Todoroki with a soft look in his eyes. “So what have you been up to?”

“Me?”

“Who else am I talking to dumbass?’

“Oh, uh, I’m a doctor now.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. What about you?”

“I’m a cop with the Tokyo Metro Police.”

Todoroki nodded as he laid his head down on the table, still keeping his eyes on Bakugou. “That’s nice, are you still dating Kirishima?”

“What the fuck?” Bakugou snapped harshly, “Where did that come from?”

Sitting up, Todoroki leaned over, resting his finger between Bakugou’s eyebrows. “Don’t get mad. That’s not cute at all. I was just asking a question.”

“C-cu-cute?” Bakugou tried to articulate what it was Todoroki had just said. The heat rising to his face before he used the palm of his hand to smack Todoroki on the back of the head. “What kind of shit are you spouting?!”

“Ow! No hitting, that’s mean!”

“I’ll show you mean!” Bakugou threatened.

“That sounds like the Bakugou we used to know.” Kaminari teased. “I thought that part of you had left us after you joined the force.”

“Shut it shithead!”

“Another one please, Miss Waitress!” Todoroki shouted, raising his hand in the air.

“No another one!” Bakugou snapped, pulling Todoroki’s cup away from him. “I’m cutting you off!”

“Awe why?!” Todoroki whined.

Turning to Midoriya, Bakugou gave him a small glare. “Just how much did this idiot drink already?”

“I don’t know, um, two, six, ten glasses.”

“Try the entire fucking bar!” Mina pitched in. “I heard they ran out because of him.”

“Mina please, don’t make it worse.” Uraraka pleaded.

“That’s it we’re going home.” Bakugou declared.

“Awe but you just got here?”

“And?” Bakugou responded. “It’s your fault for letting this dumbass drink so much, so fas-”

Bakugou’s words stopped short as he felt a gleaming pair of eyes on him, glancing down he could see Todoroki looking up at him with a stupid grin on his face. “Awe you said we.”

“Meaning you.” Bakugou rebutted. “Let’s go.”

Helping Todoroki up, Bakugou took it upon himself to escort him out. Allowing the white and red haired boy a moment of fresh air as they both walked in silence through the parking lot.

The cold February air just a bit sobering, as Todoroki took a deep breath and looked down at his watch. “The last train already left. Now I have to order a taxi.” He complained.

“I’ll drive you home, my car’s just around the corner.” Bakugou said simply, pulling his keys from his pocket.

“Oh, thanks.” Todoroki agreed, following behind Bakugou. Upon getting to the car, the two waited outside a bit longer before getting in.

"I can’t believe this is how I’m spending my night." Bakugou admitted, trying not to let his dissatisfaction show.

“Hey Bakugou,” Todoroki spoke up suddenly. His liquid courage taking it’s finally blow.

“Yeah?”

“Can I hug you?”

“What?”

“Can I hug you?”

“No.”

“Okay.” Todoroki said, looking down at the floor; having half expected that very response.

As silence took over the air between them, Bakugou felt an annoying feeling clawing at the inside of his stomach.

“Ugh fine!” He snapped, pulling the slightly taller boy into a hug. As Bakugou held Todoroki’s body tightly against his own, Todoroki could feel all his emotions bubbling to the top. When they broke apart, Todoroki’s cheeks had taken on a red hue and his eyes glossed over as the night chill replaced the warmth Bakugou’s arms had left around him.

“Wow,” Todoroki breathed as he tried to repress the smile that at this point had permanently engraved itself on his face.

Though Bakugou could see it, and instead of responding he reached out for him instinctively, resting his warm hand on the arch of Todoroki’s back, pulling him toward him once more.

They didn’t say anything but at the same time they didn't have to, as their eyes said everything. All the untold feelings and the newly unknown desires which had sparked within them both. Many which were new to Bakugou but for Todoroki had been there all along. Bakugou searched his gaze, marveling at the mix of emotions they held but at the same time didn't quite know what he was looking for and while he was lost in his eyes, Todoroki had found what he was searching for in his and for once in his life, he no longer wanted to hold back.

Reaching out, Todoroki placed his hand on the back of Bakugou’s neck and pulled him closer. Their lips eventually finding each other and they kissed, first softly, then more urgently, Bakugou’s tongue in his mouth, Todoroki’s arms around his neck,their bodies battling against each other for dominance as they meshed together like two puzzle pieces.

Feeling the heat of the moment beginning to take over, Bakugou panicked and pulled away.

"We can’t. You’re drunk right now." he stated. “You’re not thinking clearly.”

Todoroki shook his head, “I disagree. I’ve never had a more clear mind than I do right now.”

Without saying another word, Todoroki walked over to the passenger seat of Bakugou’s car and smiled up at him as he spoke, "Let’s go home."

Despite not having a single drop of alcohol, Bakugou felt intoxicated as if something had already pulled at the seams of his reason.

Bakugou's apartment was the closest and as soon as they made it inside and the front door was closed, their lips found each other again. Todoroki’s tongue wrestling against his and Bakugou’s hands began tracing his bodies. One hand deep in the softness of Todoroki’s hair and the other trailing down his back, pulling Todoroki closer to him, feeling as if he could never be close enough.

Taking Todoroki’s hand, Bakugou led him to his bedroom, which looked in many ways just as Todoroki expected it would. Though even as they moved throughout the house, never once did they let go of each other. Making it to the bedroom, Todoroki nibbled on his collarbone as he pulled on his shirt, whispering into his ear, "I want you."

Falling onto the bed, both of them wrestled for dominance over the other and it wasn’t long until Todoroki had pinned him down and took his spot on top that the blond finally gave in. Though it wasn’t long before Bakugou felt him slide down the bed. Todoroki’s hands soon busy at work as they unfastened Bakugou’s pants, freeing him of his underwear shortly after. Todoroki smiled as he stroked the length of Bakugou’s cock with his hand before taking him into his mouth. The sudden sensation eliciting a moan from Bakugou as his eyes rolled backwards, thinking about how unbelievably good it felt when Todoroki would moan around him. Pulling away Todoroki gave him a cheeky smirk. “You have no idea how many times I imagined doing that.”

Bakugou stared at Todoroki in amazement. Was this seriously the same guy he went to high school with all those years ago?

“What?” Todoroki said innocently. “Don’t go getting embarrassed on me now.”

"Fuck," Bakugou grunted. “You are way too sexy for your own good.”

Pulling him back onto his lap, they were face-to-face once again. “It’s my turn.”

Bakugou slid his hands down his back, under the hem of his boxers. Adjusting the position of his fingers until Todoroki’s eyes gave way that he had reach the perfect spot. Nuzzling his face into the crook of Todoroki’s neck, causing a small giggle from Todoroki. Not knowing he was ticklish, Bakugou was happy to have learned something new about him. As his fingers played with his entrance, it was as if Todoroki had lost himself within his own pleasure. Bakugou watched as Todoroki bit his own lip and grinded harder against his fingers.

“More,” Todoroki moaned as he climbed off Bakugou.

“What?”

“It's not enough.” Todoroki whined as he slipped off his boxers, positioning himself on his knees. “I want more.”

Feeling a fire ignite within him, Bakugou placed his hands on either side of Todoroki's waist. “Don't you dare go regretting this tomorrow.”

- - -

As the next morning followed, Todoroki awoke to the smell of coffee. Rolling over on the empty bed, Todoroki stared at the window, it only taking a few minutes for his brain to process that this room wasn't his.

Sitting up, Todoroki went to peak outside the bedroom door.

“What are you doing?” A voice suddenly asked, causing a small scream to escape Todoroki.

“Sorry.” He laughed.

Turning around Todoroki was faced with a familiar pair of red eyes and it was suddenly as if all his memories from the previous night came rushing back at once.

“Um,” Todoroki started, his embarrassment welling up within him. “I'm sorry for last night but if you could just excuse me. I'm gonna go die now.”

Turning around, Todoroki had only put his hand on the doorknob when Bakugou spoke again. “I hope you don't plan on leaving like that.”

“Like wha-” Just as Todoroki opened his mouth he caught a glimpse of himself in the reflection on the doorknob.

“Oh God!” He yelled, running back toward the bed, just to have something that would cover him.

Bakugou laughed as he walked over and took a seat at the end of the bed. “I don't know why your hiding. It's not like I didn't see it in all it's glory last night.”

“Stop please.” Todoroki begged, burying his head in the pillow.

“What if I don't want to?”

“Huh?”

“You know what I realized this morning when I woke up?” Bakugo paused giving the other a chance to think before supplying his answer, “Today is Valentine's Day.”

Todoroki peeked his head up from under the covers, “So?”

“So, I don't know about you but I didn't really have any plans.”

Todoroki stayed silent, trying to decipher what exactly it was Bakugou was getting at.

Rolling his eyes, Bakugou chuckled. “I'm trying to ask you out dumbass.”

“Really?”

“Are you calling me a liar?”

“No!”

Bakugou's laughter filled the room, “Relax. Contrary to popular belief I have grown up. I like to think I'm not as defensive anymore.”

“I know, I was just surprised that's all.” Todoroki explained, pulling the covers over his head.

“Hey, don't go trying to hide again!” Bakugou said pulling down the covers to reveal a teary eyed Todoroki. “Wha- why are you crying?!”

“I'm sorry.” Todoroki said as he wiped his tears. “I'm just happy.”

Bakugou watched the boy for a few seconds before reaching out his hand to brush the tears off his cheeks. “You're still such an ugly crier.”

“What? That's mean.”

Laughing some more, an old memory suddenly appeared within Bakugou's mind. “Just like that day.”

“What day?”

“In high school. You started crying randomly in the middle of class and bumped into me when you were trying to leave.”

“Oh, that day.”

“Why were you crying that day anyways?”

Because of you.

“No reason.”

“Seriously, I want to know.”

“I'll tell you someday but honestly it doesn't really matter at this point.”

Bakugou hesitated for a minute, “If you say so. But regardless that doesn't answer my earlier question.”

“Being?”

“Will you go out with me today?”

Todoroki nodded smiling sweetly as he replied, “Of course. I'd love too.”

[poppyknitt]

Payback, Part One- A Darkness and Desperation tale

Summary: Jameson came home with bruises all over his arms, and, well, Marvin found out, so, he asked Jamie what happened. As it turns out, the poor little kindergartener’s bullies were back, but this time, they came with extra things to hurt him with. They jumped him, and, he still somehow managed to walk home, however, his brothers called their country’s emergency hotline as soon as all of them knew about how severe the injuries were.

TW: MAJOR PHYSICAL TRAUMA, VIOLENCE, SEVERE ANGST, BULLYING, ALCOHOLISM, ETC.

———

Marvin gritted his teeth. His baby brother came home crying once more today. It was those damned brats again. They never left poor Jamie alone! God, he hated them.

“What happened this time, Jamie?” He asked, holding his littlest brother’s painfully injured arm delicately in his hands, as he studied the horrid, nearly blackened bruises that practically covered it from his wrist to his shoulder.

“... T-They... Jumped me after school... Charley had a bat, Luke h-had a b-big textbook, S-Sammy had... steel-toed boots... and the rest just kicked me or encouraged them...”

“But what happened, Jame? I... How much of you hurts?!”

“E-Everything... My... w-whole body hurts...” His voice was so weak and broken from his pain and distress... Marvin hated that his brother went through that. He promised himself he’d do everything his baby bro described to him right back to those stupid brats, and more, just to get back at them for everything else they’d done to his bro.

No one hurts his little brother.

No one.

“... Do you remember what happened, Jame..?” He asked, much more gently this time.

“... Y-Yes...”

“Can you tell me? I won’t tell mama, promise. She won’t know this happened.”

“... O-okay...”

When Jamie finished, he was much, much angrier than before. In fact, he was shaking a little, just from the effort it took not to grab a knife and run off to kill them all right there and then. Thankfully, the boys were all in the same boy scout troop, so he wasn’t going to have any issues getting them all rounded up for the moment he’d pay them back all the pain they gave poor Jamie.

“... Jame... Take off your shirt, please, I wanna see how bad it is.”

“... I... But, what if mom sees..?”

“I won’t let that happen, lil bro.”

“... Ok..” Jamie took off his once pristine, ivory shirt, which was now scuffed with dirt, grass stains, and, in some places, blood. Oh, it looked so much worse than it sounded... His brother’s chest was littered with bruises, big and small, some even seeming to overlap in places. Not to mention all the little cuts and gashes everywhere... How on earth did Jamie manage to walk home with all of that?!

“Jack! S-Seán! Henry!!!!” He cried for his brothers, his voice filled with worry. He wasn’t afraid his mother might come looking for what was wrong; She wasn’t home yet. The sounds of the others all getting up from their beds and such echoed through the house, as Chase was the first to come in the room, only to find Marvin hugging the horribly beaten and bruised kindergartener like he was about to die.

“J-JayJay?! W-What the crap happened to you?!” The 6 year-old cried, his eyes filling with tears as his older brothers came in and each took places- Henrik, calling emergency services, Seán, comforting Chase, and Jack, trying to get Marvin off of Jameson. They all went quiet as Henrik finally got an answer from the operators.

“H-Hello?! P-Please, Ma’am, w-we- my- my baby bro, h-he needs-! N-No! He-He’s really really hurt!”

“N-No, I-I- He-He looks like someone t-took a-a huge pile of bricks and d-dumped them on him-!”

“... I-I... I’m 7.... H-His name’s Jameson... H-He’s 4...” Henrik’s voice broke as he mentioned Jameson’s age.

“Jackie... I... I’m getting dizzy...” Jameson whimpered.

“J-James-! S-Stick with us!” Jackie cried, catching the poor child as he collapsed a little.

“P-Please! Send them, quick! He- He’s getting really pale!” Henrik sobbed. The operator’s was voice raised to be detectable to the others now, though, it was severely muffled.

Henrik was breaking down now, tears spilling from his eyes in mass rivers as he begged the operator to send the ambulance.

“N-N-No! M-Mom can’t know!” He sobbed. The operator sounded confused, but he responded quickly.

“B-Because she’ll yell and scream and Jameson for not- not shutting up and de-dealing with the pain..!” Henrik’s voice was shaking and squeaking constantly, as he choked his words through his constant, terrified sobbing. The operator went quiet for a moment, but then she seemed to start trying to get Henrik to stay calm.

“... T-There’s more than just m-me and him, yeah...”

“... S-Six, there’s s-six of us... Y-Yes, we’re all here... p-please... tell them to hurry...”

“H-Henny..?” Marvin whimpered, wanting to go to his other brother, but also knowing Jameson needed more than just Jackie there.

“... O-Okay... G-Guys, s-she says to k-k-keep James awake!”

“O-Oh, no, Ja-Jamie, darling, stay with us..!” Marvin immediately turned to Jameson, whose eyes were half-shut.

Jamie groaned quietly “mmmm... b’... m’tired..”

“J-Jamie, please! T-The person who sent help says you c-can’t sleep!” He cried.

“J-James, p-please, stay a-awake for me, ‘kay?” Jack begged, jostling the much smaller boy a bit. “I-I-If you have to, d-don’t stop talking, o-okay?”

“okay... Mavvy... w-where... where’s mommy..?”

“M-Momma’s at work, Jamie..”

Chase and Seán finally ran over to them, helping them keep Jameson awake, and getting Henrik to join the group as well. They all sat down in a little cluster, with jameson held up in the middle.

“... S-Speaker...? H-How do I put it on..? O-Oh, okay...” Henrik asked the operator, but she answered before he finished.

“... Jameson, honey, can you hear me?” A woman’s voice came through the phone.

“Y-Yeah..?”

“There’s help on the way to come save you, okay, sweetie? It’s gonna be okay.”

“... Okay...”

“Don’t fall asleep, alright? I know it’s tempting, but right now you have to stay awake, no matter what happens.”

“... I won’t...”

“Good.”

It was quiet for a few seconds.

“... Can you tell me about why your mom would yell at you, sweetie..?”

“... Mamma doesn’t like it when we tell her we’re hurt... she’s not very nice to us, either...”

“... I see... Has she ever hurt you, sweetie?”

“... Mm-hm... She gets really dizzy and really angry whenever she drinks at night... Sometimes she does it in the mornings too...”

“J-Jamie...” Marvin started.

“Marvin knows what I’m talking about, too...”

“... Does she hurt all of you..?”

“... Mom prefers to take most of it out on Jameson... She sometimes goes after the rest of us, too, though...” Seán explained.

“... Have you interfered before..?”

“... Mommy throws them when they tell her to leave me alone... Last time it happened, Mavvy got a coh-cushin...”

“... Oh, dear... Does anyone else know about this, sweetie..?”

“... No... Mamma’s a good liar...”

“Alright... How are you doing? The doctors say they’re almost there.”

“... It... hurts...”

“I know, sweetie... What exactly happened to you..?”

“... The mean kids from the 4th grade class attacked me while I was walking home...”

“Were you alone?”

“Mmhm... None of the others go to the same school as me... momma has to work...”

“Why doesn’t your mother pick you up?”

“... jackie says she can’t afford to have us all and not work all day...”

“Oh... I see. Do... Do these kids attack you every day?”

“... yes.”

“What?!”

“James?!”

“...”

Everyone gasped in astonishment aside from the operator and Marvin, since Marvin was the only one Jamie told about these things.

“... Did you tell the teachers?”

“... no... they told me the teachers can’t do anything ‘cus it happens outside of school...”

“How far do you walk from school to home?”

“Two miles...”

“That far?! Oh, dear...”

The comforting sound of ambulance sirens rushed to their ears, and Chase and Henrik started crying again. The next few minutes were a blurry mess. The paramedics all ran into the house, with Seán running out to guide them to the wounded boy, and helping put him onto the stretcher. They rushed Jamie out of the house, and Marvin, Henrik and Chase all followed, begging to come with him.

They were allowed to go, thankfully, and got into the back of the ambulance with the paramedics and their baby brother. Even as the doors shut, and the ambulance started zipping down the road, the adults all scrambled to start trying to help Jamie.

“... How much is this gonna cost mom..?” He asked.

“... Hopefully nothing...” One of them responded.

“... Okay...”

The ride was scary from then on, dragging on endlessly, as Chase and Henrik clung hopelessly to Marvin. He was struggling not to cry, too.

They arrived. Jamie was rushed to the ER, but Marvin and the other two had to wait outside with a nurse watching them. Another nurse came by and exchanged concerns with the one helping watch them, and they kept looking at the three of them worriedly. The second nurse went back to where she was, and the first sat down next to them.

“Are you boys alright..? I just heard what your brother said about your mom..”

“... We’re.. not injured right now, if that’s what you’re wondering...” Marvin responded flatly.

“How old are you three?”

“I’m 10, Henrik is almost 8, and Chase is 6...”

“... Oh, you poor babies...”

“... I know, I’ve heard it... I’ve been here a couple times myself...”

“You must be Marvin, then, right?”

“... Yeah. The one that got thrown.”

“You should get some rest, little ones... You’ve had a long day.”

“Will do, Nurse..” Marvin said, as Chase nodded and leaned against Marvin. Henrik fell asleep leaning on his other side, though, he ended up falling over onto his lap. Marvin didn’t take long to go to sleep, either, since he’d lost a fair bit of energy over what happened, too.

... Those boys were gonna have hell to pay for this.

[nevillelongsbottom]

do you have any george x neville headcanons for the summer holidays?

i do! i’m gonna cry cus i accidentally deleted them all and have had to rewrite them, but... it happens! it gave me time to make some alterations, too :) so hopefully this is the best version

neville is not having a good summer

wherever he goes, there seem to be bullies round every corner: he’s been chased, egged, chased with a clown mask - everything, and no matter how much it happens, he’s never found a way to really solve the bullying

so he just legs it

and that’s how he ends up, while retrieving the takeaway pizza for himself and gran, in the middle of the old abandoned creepy house in the middle of the street: he had just been trying to have a good time, only to be cornered by a gang in clown masks with what looked an awful lot like real steak knives

the stupidity of barrelling into a haunted house only hits him once he hears the whine of the doors closing: the house is full of cobwebs, and he’s sure he’s heard more stories than usual this summer about it being haunted - noises, voices, faces at the window... 

oh, god, what has he done? this is so stupid, why is he here, oh god, now he’s going to get haunted!

swallowing his nerves, he slowly takes a few creaking steps forward and peers around, calling “hello?” out into the dark (that seems to be creeping in on him), and it echoes around him, loudly

“i’ve got pizza,” he offers, wondering if 1) ghosts eat pizza, and 2) if ghosts will be appeased by pizza - everybody likes pizza, right? 

“did you say pizza?” a voice says from the floor above, clearly sounding interested; neville starts as he suddenly hears the slamming of footsteps, and a figure dashes down the stairs, running up to him -

but it’s not a ghost

it’s a slightly stocky ginger boy with so many freckles he’s almost tanned with them; and he’s definitely not a ghost, or if he is, he’s a very alive-looking one, with a chest that inflates when he breathes and one with working limbs as he disappears off with the top pizza

“is this just cheese and tomato?” he asks as neville follows him through to the kitchen. “thanks for bringing me some pizza, by the way. i didn’t know anyone knew i was here - as a not-ghost, i mean”

neville scratches his head. “er - i didn’t know, really, but i was being chased and... i came here- why are you here? do you live here?”

the boy shrugs, cutting the pizza with significant effort and a slightly dusty butterknife, tearing a slice away and setting into it with vigour. “i don’t really know,” he says, trying not to spit too much cheese at neville, “i mean, we were having a big party at my neighbour’s house, and i put a whoopee cushion on this old lady’s chair and she started screaming at me and told me she was cursing me and then i ended up here - and i can’t leave. i try to go out the doors, i just walk into another room. same with the windows. it’s kinda weird”

neville pauses. “you got cursed?” 

the boy grins. “cursed - oh, by the way, my name’s george. what’s yours?”

“neville,” neville says, entirely unsure how to take the news that this boy has apparently been cursed; instead, he runs a sharp knife under the tap, dries it quickly, and cuts the remaining pizza, trying to ignore the way george is messily devouring his own. “how long have you been here?”

“a week, maybe two,” george shrugs

“and... is this the first food you’ve had?”

“nah. the kitchen keeps filling itself up; i’m just having to get a crash course from these shitty old recipe books in how to cook, that’s all. nice evil witch, right?”

“absolutely charming,” neville says softly. “do you want me to maybe go out and get you some stuff? more clothes, stuff to read and to do, maybe?” 

george’s eyes light up. “you’d do that? shit, man, you’re sweet”

neville flushes. “i mean - if you really are stuck here, that just sounds so horrible and dull...” 

“oh, i am stuck. hold on, let me show you.” george puts down his pizza and scrambles over to the window, wrenching it open before levering himself out with care - only to lever himself back through the doorway, as if there’s a portal that connects the window and the door

neville has no idea what the fuck just happened, but it’s weird

“okay,” he says, “i’m gonna get you some stuff, after this pizza”

he gets george some snacks and fizzy drinks and soda as well as some medium-sized clothing, trashy magazines, and novels that don’t look painful or have won some prize or another from the local tesco, returning as quickly as he can to drop off the goods 

“i’ve got to get back to my gran now, she’ll be worried,” he says. “do you want me to come back tomorrow?”

george nods. “would you? i don’t want to bother you, but it’s just so bloody dull here, you know?”

“no problem, really,” neville assures him, because, in the end, there’s really nothing better he can imagine doing in his summer than spending his time with someone that (probably) isn’t going to bully him and chase him around wearing a clown mask

and so he returns the next day, with some pens for doing the puzzles in the trashy magazines; george is happy to sit and do them together, doing a crossword in closer while neville does a sudoku in pick me up, occasionally bouncing answers off each other 

once they’ve finished, or done their best with, the puzzles, they have some lunch, which ends up being some scrambled eggs (george is quite proud of his technique now, and neville has to say, they are good) 

“how do you think you’re going to get out?” neville asks after lunch, filling in the last few numbers he’s figured out with time to spare

“i don’t know,” george admits. “she didn’t exactly tell me while she was cursing me how to undo it. it’s not really a fairy tale or anything. it’s boring, i’m hungry, and this place is just gross.”

“you could clean it,” neville offers; though george pulls a face, neville returns the next day with cleaning equipment, because he’s not really comfortable sitting among the dust and spiders’ webs (he’s done some curse research on the internet, too, but he can’t find anything, unsurprisingly, except the plot of beauty and the beast) 

and, even though george complained, he helps neville clean up: it takes them long enough, taking days to plough through the vast rooms and remove the layers of ingrained dust from them and their possessions - most of the books appear so old they’re in latin

neville takes some of them home and flicks through them, surprised to find a section underlined in pencil; he runs it through google translate, and, much to his shock, finds that there is indeed a way to break the curse - just, a little hidden

he takes the books back, but he’s not sure he wants to tell george the cure; it seems like a lot of pressure, really, and he wants george to get out - so the pressure’s just on neville, now

but he soon forgets it: he enjoys spending time with george, even if it’s menial cleaning and just talking to each other and laughing - they find out more about each other, george explaining to neville that he’s grown up with six siblings with not a lot of money to spare and neville talking about growing up with his gran after his parents died in a car crash and the bullying he seems to suffer everywhere

george is sweet, though - he doesn’t tease, and listens earnestly, and makes lunch and dinner for neville when he’s over without complaint, keen when neville brings over an old radio for him, even though the signal’s particularly fishy in that house

“do you think this place is haunted?” neville asks once they’ve finished cleaning it out: it’s nice, really, if not a little bare, and it certainly doesn’t carry the same eerie vibes without the layer of disuse 

“only haunted with the people who get trapped here,” george snorts, though they certainly haven’t found any evidence of anyone being trapped and dying there - it just looks abandoned, for the most part, and like it came from another decade

the first time neville sleeps over, it’s an accident: it drifts into late night, and he sends a woozy text over to his gran assuring her he’s okay as he falls asleep in the room where he and george read and talk, worn out from trying to rearrange the furniture to make things seem less empty (it didn’t work)

but he likes it: he likes his eyelids fluttering open, waking up to george’s wild expanse of matted and wild ginger hair

“hey, george,” he says when george has stirred enough to be coherent, toying with the fabric of his shirt. “do you... like... like me?”

george raises an eyebrow that neville can’t see, but that he knows definitely happens: “like, romantic like?”

“uh-huh,” neville says shyly 

“yeah,” george says softly, “i do”

“i really want to kiss you,” neville admits, in a nervous whisper, but george clearly doesn’t mind and hears it; he twists round to find neville, and pushes himself up onto his elbows before leaning right into neville’s face, hair grazing against neville’s skin. “don’t tease me,” neville mumbles, so george doesn’t, leaning in to kiss him, which is all messy because he half-collapses on neville in the process and he’s never really kissed anyone before because they’re both just inexperienced teenagers 

“maybe you should try going outside now,” neville says carefully, and george’s eyes flash with that knowing - that knowing that neville must’ve known about this, but also the knowing of why neville kept quiet, because though george is a teenager he’s not stupid - and he nods, clambering to his feet and heading for the door

“wait,” he says, “come with me, nev”

neville hurries over, and he slides his hand into george’s, surprised that he’s being called upon: but, he supposes, george likes him - and that’s definitely something he’s not used to 

when george pushes open the doors, the morning sunlight spills out on them: it’s so warm in the street, and quiet, and the birds in the trees are singing

george takes a step outside

and his feet land on the pavement

he takes another step, and another, and he realises with growing joy and ecstasy that he is outside - he’s not stuck, he’s free, he’s out and he’s taking gulps of fresh air and running on ground that his feet haven’t touched yet before, and he lets out a joyous bellow

“fucking finally!” he screams, scaring a few elderly residents

and neville knows that george probably lives far away, and that they’re probably never going to feel like this again once he’s taken the train away, but he knows that right now he really likes george, and wants to be in the sun with george

so he runs forward, grabs george’s hands, screams with him for a moment, and kisses him