#no hate though just my personal feelings
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i watched the show as a huge 1994 movie fan and a loustat truther but tbh i ended up liking ANY ship better. it feels like the show is trying to force me into loustat and im kicking and screaming being dragged on the floor because i donât like to be told what to do
#hot takeâŚ#no hate though just my personal feelings#donât remind me that itâs the main ship idrc#interview with the vampire#iwtv#amc iwtv#thoughts
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tarpit site.
#personal#delete later#for context a tweet i made in the middle of the night blew the fuck up and brought the attention of anime fans who've been#harassing and hassling me about my big factual blunder for an entire day straight#âok i'll apologizeâ âbro it's not that serious.â#âyou're right it's not that seriousâ âwhy won't you just admit that you're wrong and apologize!â#i'm not going crazy right. i feel like i'm getting manipulated into thinking i must've been wrong#it's crazy how twitter hate will trick you into believing saying something someone else disagrees with is a moral failing#sorry i haven't seen frieren i guess but what's it to you. i wasn't making a claim or statement#also because nobody has gotten this in the original post i wasn't talking about the quality of animation i'm talking about solid drawing#which is a very specific principle of animation. dandandan has really good solid drawing wherein all the characters are animated#with realistic and proportional 3d depth. newsflash but trigger doesn't prioritize solid drawing in their animation and that's fine#it's an aesthetic choice and has ties to production limits. none of this is a big deal. this is all so stupid lol#i've dealt with worse and more annoying weebs though it's fine i'll put on my clown nose twitter needs their stupid guy for the day#oh btw at the end of the day this doesn't matter. it'll be over by tomorrow. all that's happening is petty angry emotions.#so please don't involve yourself by jumping into the argument and prolonging this shit#i'm about to go on a date with tulli after being apart for a month this is the furtherest thing from my mind rn
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every time someone reduces CAPTAIN !!! elizabeth "lizzie" lafayette down to "a sad lesbian" a fairy dies bc i shoot it with my gun. like you're telling me you were spoon-fed a character that has one of the most realistic and RAW representations of grief and perseverance in the series and all you got from that was "she's sad" ????
is she a constantly happy character? Fuck no! that's acknowledged!! but to take EVERYTHING that she is, which has positive and negative aspects THAT ARE BOTH SHOWN, to take the fact that she is THE DRIVING FORCE OF THE MAIN BACKGROUND PLOT, and reduce her down to NOTHING but her relationships?? ?what the hell!!!
#saw someone say that lizzie was the most important npc and i cheered and then they tagged on 'bc riptide is abt sad lesbians'#like ok are we ignoring that it's ACTUALLY about living despite everything? are we ignoring that she's fighting an oppressive gvmt?#her sole motivation is NOT ava dude. RAFT is KILLING HER FRIENDS AND HER FAMILY#like you can acknowledge her relationships w ppl. in fact i ENCOURAGE you to do that#because she loves people DEEPLY even though its rare. and that alone says smthn about her.#but she's not waxing poetic about how much she misses ava. id say she's actively ignoring it#my girl is unstable as shit#idk as 1. a lesbian and 2. a person who feels grief intensely#i just. hate how she's reduced to nothing but person b in a ship#BC THE MFS THAT DO THIS HAVE A DEEPER ANALYSIS OF AVA THAN LIZZIE. DAWG AVA AINT EVEN REAL. SHES BEEN DEAD SINCE BEFORE EP 1#sigh. lizzie i love you so much.#jrwi riptide#jrwi#captain lizzie#elizabeth lafayette
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"wylan almost got away with lying to kaz" this "wylan stood up to kaz" that. WHAT ABOUT MY GOAT KUWEI??! HE LITERALLY ACTUALLY LIED TO KAZ AND GOT AWAY WITH IT (pretending not to know kerch)!! LIKE KAZ LITERALLY NEVER KNEW, THEY ALL THOUGHT HE WAS THE POOR INNOCENT KID WHEN HE'S LITERALLY SO SMART AND SCHEMING!!
#i'm so done with people overshadowing kuwei#like dont gwt me wrong i love love love wylan#but god why do we have to erease everything kuwei has done just to olace wylan on a pedestal#if kuwei has no fans then i'm dead#like i feel like the fandom hatred for kuwei acrually needs to be studied#but the shit hes hates on for is honestly so fucking stupid when in reality anything hes done is the least worrying thing#like what about the fact that kaz is actually morally gray and for all the lives he's helped there are double the lives he's wronged#in that sure hes jot the worst person in the barrel but why do we hate more on kuwei's relatively tame actions than kaz#like a ything good kaz has done was either for his friends or for some sort of reward#sure hes done some good things as well#but the majority of the time it is NOT our the goodness of his heart#(still love him though)#i'll make on actual post explaining my thoughts on kaz eventually#my point is just the kuwei is overhated and deserves more recognition#soc ck#six of crows#crooked kingdom#soc#ck#six of crows kuwei#kuwei#kuwei yul bo#wylan van eck#wylan hendriks#kaz brekker
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the company i work for decided that its switching from the german formal "You"(Sie) to the informal "you" (Du) in all of our websites so now we have to scour the entire database to change it and i quite frankly hate that, not just bc the unecessary extra work but especially bc its such a weird and unecessary change
i bet its bc everything here is getting englishfied (both literally and culturally it feels like, when my new boss talks its half in english bc every second german word is just replaced by an english one despite there being perfectly fine words for it in german too, its so annoying) and bc they want to sound more personal in hopes of getting more clients bc 'company is your fwiend uwu!!', i know this here is the amercian tm site so you wouldnt understand really but i do not want to be greeted with 'du' by companies, no, thats too personal, you dont know me and im not giving you my data, stay away!!
i guess thats how i would describe it .. the formal you is like a polite distance, like someone you dont know staying outside your personal space, but when its the informal 'you' it feels invasive unless i told you you can call me that, and that goes double for companies
maybe its a small thing that doesnt seem important but i cant stand it, im just a little part time worker doing data work so i got no say in it but the companies founder also announced hes giving his post to his kids some time ago so ...... since then theres been alot of changes and new projects that solely aim to imitate whats popular and whats done by other companies, despite ours being one that is, or used to be, intentionally different, like, that was the POINT, but i guess chasing trends is just too appealing for CEOs
#ganondoodles talks#personal#rare personal rant#theres more and more changes that feel so weirdly forced#like man#i thought being different was the whole point#like climate and ethics are .. or were .. the core idea and now i guess its just fine to do whatever conventional companies are doing#yeah woohoo lets also do an app thing that forces people to sign up if they want reasonable prices!#smartphones the standard everwhere!#who needs anything physical if you can put it in an a phone so syphon off data directly out of people fingertips!! yea!!!#lets use AI pitcures bc we refuse to hire more graphic desingers and they are jsut so overworked uwu#climate? ethic? whats that#argh#sorry this needed to get out#recently had a stupid conversation with a coworker bc i asked them why we are okay with AI shit now when it goes against what this-#company was presumably founded on#and he was rly defensive and said welll we dont have time and its cheap and also maybe we should got WITH the time#like that last thing especially pissed me tf off#but i cant afford to lose this job#im starting to hate it more though so the dream of being able to stay like this might not be real#i cant get a job in this place that is as nice to my mental health so idk man#i wish i was good enough at merch and online stuff so i could live of that#but even trying to find out how taxes work on that stuff is a nightmare to me
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played dragon age 2...just simple scribbles
#dragon age tag#i doubt that will see much use again..but who knows. vvv rambling below#weird game..the characters dialogue stuff and ending were good tho :')#i've played some of the first game but it kept crashing. i knew already despite knowing nothing that this guy was going to be my type#it doesnt feel right making video game art any more bc games like this end up feeling really personal - an experience that happened to me#if i design the main character a bit and fall in love then..that happened to me..i can't make Fan Art of that..only ive been through that..#like i cant make fanart of my dear companions in bg3 despite it having been a huge part of my heart in the last year#almost 1000 hours of playtime in something i can barely talk about bc it means too much.... lol#tons of ideas and conversations and extra thoughts and scenes and emotions about all the incredible times i've been through in bg3#and the maelstrom just rotates around intensely in my own heart forever...but that's ok too...that is so precious to me#but fortunately i already knew people that have played this game and talked/drew abt it recently so it was saved from that for me#sharing scribbly fanart on my Blog is a way to capture the feeling just after experiencing something so it has good points#witch hat atelier escapes that by not being a GAME. games are so immersive. but my wha art & feelings are incredibly immersive too#which makes it difficult sometimes now. i live a complicated and emotional life <3 i am not suited to fandom <3#my character ended up looking so much like oru without me realising that's what i was doing. Kind bearded fireball throwing gay mage. Hmm.#falling for a sad white hair memory trauma fellow that keeps you at a tragic distance. Hmmmmmm.#i see also how very much bg3 is inspired by stuff like dragon age now lol so i'm glad i experienced it. I WANT MY KIRKWALL LIFE BACK...#so dated though as well and unpleasant at times (the city and the dismal atmosphere was depressing.) i hate violence/horror..#bg3 is SOOOO very dismal but it feels like I am killing people and going through horrors because i have to survive i have to be free#Well anyway. ahh it's so refreshing to fall in love. my gay journey continues...
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the gorgug-porter conversation is interesting to me because like. yea for the overwhelming majority of the conversation porterâs being shitty & trying to fit gorgug into a box that gorgug just does not fit into by trying to make gorgugâs relationship with his rage more focused on the aggression aspect of it. but then thereâs also this specific thing that brennan brought up again in the ap, which is that gorgugâs relationship with his rage is wholly âthis is a tool i use to protect my friends.â which isnât a bad thing! but thatâs his Whole relationship with it, & gorgug seems to place next to no value on his rage in relationship to himself. which is problematic, because itâs first & foremost his rage.
being raised in a household with a sort of toxic positivity largely meant that, whether or not it was his parentsâ intention, gorgug internalized the message that more traditionally ânegativeâ emotions such as anger are the wrong response to something. part of the reason he prioritizes his artificing is probably because itâs âfixingâ things. in comparison to being a barbarian, which gorgug associates with âbreakingâ things. good vs. bad behavior, in his eyes.
itâs a totally unacceptable bar to measure a 16 y/o by, but i do think part of porterâs reasoning for not letting gorgug multiclass is him recognizing that gorgug generally does not value anger as a valid emotional response to something, at the very least for himself. & that directly conflicts with what being a barbarian is, because whether you like it or not, that rage is what fuels you. but again, barring a kid from pursuing something they deeply care about in part (not entirely, porter has a lot of more bullshit reasons) because of their fundamental values & world outlook is crazy.
so yes, 98% of porterâs reasoning is pretty shitty, immature, rife with a toxic view that thereâs only one proper way to access rage, & generally not a good thing to do as a teacher, but also within that reasoning is the 2% of âthere is a fundamental part of yourself that you only value if you can use it to take care of other people & you need to accept that as something that can take care of you, too.â but thatâs something to discuss with a therapist or a guidance counselor, not something that should hugely impact gorgugâs academic future.
#gorgug thistlespring#fantasy high#dimension 20#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#btw these r just my personal opinions u r 100% free to disagree#gorgug & his rage interest me so deeply because of how deeply that rage existing seems to be against gorgugâs own will#like mechanically classes are choices & you can switch stuff around any time. but gorgug as a barbarian always felt like an unwilling choice#like that 14 y/o kid did not want to have rage. & that really interests me.#iâve seen people before be like âwhat if gorgug dropped barbarian & went full srtificerâ but i feel like that simply canât happen??#mechanically yea sure but it always felt like a core part of gorgug that the rage will always be there & itâs a matter of how you channel it#idk. dnd classes narratively being treated as âyou can not lose this part of youâ even though you technically can#gorgug could be lvl 19 artificer & heâd still have 1 level of barbarian. because that is part of who he is.#btw i donât think porter truly cares about gorgug valuing his rage only as a way to be a human shield#i think porter just sees that as âwrongâ but like. not as in âyou need to take care of yourselfâ & more âyou arenât conformingâ#he thinks itâs wrong for the wrong reasons. the nastier âthis is how you should beâ reasons#ppl being like âwe r being too hard on porter. itâs an 150% courseload gorgug will be overwhelmedâ i think r missing the point bc like.#that is 100% a valid reason to not approve gorgug for multiclassing! but thatâs also 100% not the reason porter rejected him.#that whole interaction was basically porter shoving his percieved version of conformity down gorgugâs throat. was v neurodivergent kid coded#no hate to anyone saying that last point btw these r all just opinions#thinking about last ep wilma & digby being like âyouâre a great barbarian. youâre so great at it. but look at what you made!!!â like.#they would never mean it like that. but when you only understand half of your son he is going to prioritize the half you do.
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Mom said his siblings could come on his date with Satya
#Symweaver#symmetra#overwatch 2#overwatch#satya vaswani#lifeweaver#niran pruksamanee#average day at the PruksaManee household#he HATES having to share Satya with his siblings#he tries so hard to not let them know when she's coming over or going on family trips with them#At first he'd deny that he liked Satya but his sister pried it out of him so she makes it her mission to be a pain in the ass about it#but she genuinely does act as a wingman even though Satya is oblivious to it all#She gives satya a lot of hand me downs (aka she wore something MAYBE once and already wants daddy to buy her a new dress)#his little brother has a puppy crush on Satya so he always bugs Niran about wanting to play with them. He denies this when he's older#His parents (esp mom) think its cute that they all like Satya so much and theyre fully prepared for Niran to marry her when they're of age#Satya just likes being included even though his whole family can be pushy at times and have blatant rich people mentalities on everything#Niran is her special person so she focuses on him a LOT but its not obvious to anyone else so no one's actually sure how exactly she feels#When Lifeweaver leaves Vishkar they still keep in contact with Satya and his sister drops by on campus a lot to check in on her#Blizzard can pry this headcanon from my cold dead hands Satya deserves this okay
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Continuing the JJK posting: Gojo is such a mystifying character.
Action show where swinging out the gate you introduce a character who is so incredibly powerful you then have to, before every fight, establish why Gojo can't just show up and fix the problem in seconds. His existence weakens the stakes of everything. The rest of the show you are backflipping ridding yourself of him. He jobs two major bad guys off the gate and every subsequent extensive fight with them feels like cleaning up his leftovers. Put him in a box, he's ruining the game balance. So absolutely broken. As a writer it makes your job so difficult, but it's also the entire point of him. "Hey I want to write the single most badass character of all time who can do the most insane shit but I will also engage with that", rock on king.
I think he's most interesting when understood as somebody who is fundamentally alien and removed from ordinary human thought processes. In his world there is absolutely nothing he cannot do, and the thought 'maybe I can't do something' just doesn't occur to him. He is capable of doing whatever he wants and of killing anybody who tries to stop him from doing what he wants. If he is not doing something, it is because he does not want to do it. If he wants to do something (kill all of his superiors) and he's not doing it, it's because he doesn't think it's the most effective route towards what he has decided to do. I think this informs the majority of his actions (and, importantly, what he doesn't do)(murder). I think he's reasoned out that you should have a general reason to do things, and it feels like sheer luck that he places value and meaning in human life, and as such you shouldn't kill them without a strong reason. Watching the flashback arc, if I hadn't seen a) JJK and b) Naruto and you asked me which shitty teen became a law abiding school teacher and which became a mass murderer I would have guessed the wrong ones.
Anyway, the way I like to think of him, he's a raging narcissist with a god complex to match. Horrifically, he's actually a good teacher, but he is also a teacher as an ego/'raising my child army' thing. He would be the kind of mother who is a good mother but lowkey had kids also as an ego/unconditional love/lots of attention/'surely my child will worship me' thing. Gets randomly into new hobbies, obsesses over them, gorges himself on the novelty factor, before dropping them in a week once he gets too good at them. Rinse and repeat. The only hobby that does not eventually grow boring is annoying people, so it's his only hobby. Geto told him age 15 that he'll never have any friends if he keeps on casually reminding people that they live on his sufferance, so he developed another back-up hobby more conducive for friendship of helping people forget that they live on his sufferance. This has convinced him that he's a god of subterfuge, intrigue, and trickery. Does eat women out, but is convinced that this makes him God's gift to women, and is actually pretty terrible in bed because his partner's desires never even occur to him. Is convinced he's as good at sex as he is everything else. Sex is actually the one thing he's bad at, but he's not ready to hear that.
In S1 he overall left me with the general impression that his entire idea of how high school worked was sourced from anime, and as such decided that being a teacher involved nothing but field trips, sports games, beach episodes, sports festivals, etc. Did not know how the classroom component worked so he skips it. Jossed, but also left me convinced that it would be very funny if he was an immortal 150-whatever years old and had founded the high school himself out of, you guessed it, an ego thing, and never once properly learned how high schools worked and just arbitrarily made his own aging students the new principals so he could continue engaging in training the kids who are too Misfit (TM) to get apprenticeships and living his fun slice of life anime life and raising a child army of kids who will worship him any day now. Annnyyyy day now. Any day now.
#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#gojo satoru#jjk gojo#jujutsu gojo#my posts#this makes it sound as if i hate him and think he's a terrible person#to be clear i think he's great and i just find characters most interesting when theyre terrible#watching the show i was just generally waiting for it to follow up on his established teenage homicidality#explain why and when he stopped being two thin hairs from murdering everyone he disliked#but they didn't so i have to suppose he's just chilled out a little#fic authors arent going far enough with him. i dont think his brain should resemble a human persons.#the 'i am above humanity' thing shouldn't be an angst thing it should be a factor of his psychology#thank you dora for stealth co-writing this post love you#might write the immortal thing might not. writing such a weird POV does sound fun to me though; id like to do it#itll either be very easy or very very hard#it feels like genuine straight-up luck that gojo's an active good guy. liike what.
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epic the musical fans are actually genuinely and truly the most insufferable people on the planet and i say this as someone who has followed the production of epic since 2020
#i enjoy epic but i dont think its a good adaptation and i disagree with much of the characterization and decisions. i can give grace to#jorge for this because i am aware that he does genuinely love the odyssey and his intention was never to make an accurate adaptation#the fans though? oh my god. oh my god. oh my god. i feel crazy#im not thr type of person to be like 'you have to read the odyssey' because im aware that it is VERY hard to read for many people#prose is difficult i get it#but oh my fucking god i hope everyone who is like 'i hate eurylochus hes stupid and bad and selfish' falls in a big hole and cant get out#YOUUUU DONT KNOW WHAT YOURE FUCKING TALKING ABOUT!!!!#ive seen people be like 'why didnt penelope just kick out/have the suitors arrested' YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT!!!#IT IS NOT A 'PLOTHOLE' YOU JUST DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF HOSPITALITY IN HOSTING IN ANCIENT GREEK CULTURE#ok goodbye my favorite streamer just started streaming for the first time in over a week.
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#David Tennant#Alec Hardy#Ellie Miller#Broadchurch#my gifs#Yes they're talking about something extremely serious.#But can you see soft way his eyes tenderly trace her eyes and just rest on her face like it's the best thing he could look at?#He spends so long just looking at her -- and she is so mindful of his comfort level and RARELY looks back when he's looking at her.#If he's looking at her she's always looking ahead or down or away.#Except if she needs to hold his gaze to get a message across. Like go make some tea. Or if they're both worried.#This reminds me -- she is so naturally instinctively understanding of him#We rarely hear her addressing him by name after the rant that falls out of him when he has dinner at her place in S1.#She gets that simply looking at someone while you're talking to them is enough. And you don't need to tack on their name on top of that.#Which astounded me actually! I wondered if Chris Chibnall had spent some time around an autistic person!#Because I feel EXACTLY like Alec does abt names! I hate names. I hate using them. It's so unnecessary.#I'm not as outspoken as him though so I use them when I can't get out of it. But I hate it and I hate ppl using my name.#That scene was ASTOUNDING I'm telling you -- it took my breath away to find my very specific struggle onscreen!#Anyway. Yeah. She doesn't bug him or insist even though to her it's second nature.#I bet you she's very good at coming up with pet names -- another thing my autistic brain shrieks at and sth I suspect Alec finds impossible#Oh Ellie -- beautiful beautiful adorable strong wronged Ellie!#Wronged by everyone except him <3#Well and a few others -- Mark was kind to her despite his pain. Brian never treated her badly that we know of.#I will always love them for that.#I wish Jack had survived -- I think he would've been kind too. Maybe she would've hidden in his store when it got too much.
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hi my beloveds <3 i just wanted to say, i feel so bad lately for not being a better friend and mutual, and i'm so incredibly sorry for that :( i haven't been in a great place mentally these past few months, and i feel so guilty for the fact that i struggle to be active and positive on here. i've been really horrible about keeping up with people and messages and fics etc, and even though i know this is just a hobby and just for fun, i do consider many of you my friends <3 i care about you all so very much and i feel so selfish for being so neglectful of everyone. it's just been very hard for me to balance things in my personal life and on here, and i am truly truly sorry i can't be better about it. i love you always, and i hope everyone knows that <3
#i posted something along these lines on my personal but#i know not everyone saw it or doesn't follow that blog so#i just wanted to say something again#bc even though i know this isn't true i've just been feeling a lot like everyone hates me :( or that i don't care about them#when that could not be farther from the truth#i'm planning on archiving or going inactive at the end of the month if i'm not feeling better by then bc#i just feel like i'm very much stuck in a bad cycle rn and i can't keep doing it to myself anymore.#until then i'll pop on and off here as i have been.#but please know i'm thankful for each and every one of you <3#i'm always thinking of you and wishing the best for you
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Out of all the people to hate in Pelican Town (cough pierre cough), hating Demetrius seems like a wild choice
#stardew valley#sdv#video games#gaming#this is my hot take#i ascibe a lot of his Bad Behaviour as: it's probably awkward for him and sebastian#there's a small likelihood that sebastian remembers his biological father and sometimes that can lead to feelings of inferiority#also he's a dork and a nerd who likes to go errrrm âď¸đ¤#i think he's just a dorky guy who doesn't know how to express his feelings#and he's outright trying to connect with the family#like as a kid of a father who remarried: i can tell when a stepparent is at least TRYING#and not to trauma dump but the person my dad remarried cared WAY less than demetrius does#the autistic demetrius reading is very relatable and explains things with more grace#also that family is not good guys vs vad guys. pretty much all of them are flawed in some way and thats OKAYYYYYYYYYYYYY#maru's family isn't my favourite (do they have a last name like the mullners do??? they're my favourite though) but still#okay wait is alex's family the only one with a canon last name??? huh????????#i'm autistic in a similar way that demetrius is and i feel like i relate with him a lot#and the way that people like hate him for being socially obtuse just reminds me of why i don't particularly like to socialize lol
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just read the new mutants issue where Charles chose to stay behind in space and my god the juxtaposition between Charles trusting Erik and Erik joining the hellfire club and wondering at his own trust worthiness. I wonder how much of Charles decision was him ultimately trying to avoid the fact that his first class had seemingly betrayed mutant kind and not be willing to face them and how much of it was Dani and Illyana's reaction to him having Karma mind control Illyana. the fact that Illyana was depending on him to ease her mind through limbo and in choosing to stay he forced karma to do it instead, probably fucking up their relationship in the process.
I love him, this is crazy, how much of this is him trying to runaway and how much is this him not trusting himself to fix things and how much is it just him trusting Erik?
i keep trying to put into words my exact thoughts about the sitch but there really is a lot for one issue aintit... oh charles you and your brain...
#snap chats#thats why we have tag rambles AHAHA#ok so to tackle things one at a time charles ultimately deciding to stay in space despite his expressed want to return to earth#obviously it was when lilandra pointed out if her sister took charge of the shi'ar then the universe- earth included- would be in peril#charles notes his position as a losing one: whichever choice he makes he loses#he goes to earth then the universe could be at stake/he stays in space he loses his kids#of course charles COULD just put his faith in the starjammers but is that a risk he wants to take ? evidently not#charles' reoccurring flaw is he's willing to sacrifice personal relationships for the greater perceived good#even lilandra acknowledges this- that charles' homesickness for earth was an inevitability just as she is indebted to protecting the stars#so now his ruptured relationship with illyana and co- esp right after comforting a split illyana last issue#we've seen charles act more coldly/rashly when he's about to lose people (i think of his first death with the og5 mostly)#i mean it's a key part to charles' chara that he doesn't favor mind controlling others and im sure he has the same regard for his students#he's aware of the damage it can do and in this instance- for one reason or another- he orders it to be done regardless#im sure he does this as a form of defense: if his kids are upset with him they won't feel too bad about losing him and it'll be less painfu#obviously we still see sam wish charles farewell and wish for him to come back soon but yk.. worthy attempt..#and it's not as if charles wants them to hate him ENTIRELY.. he's still touched by sam's goodbye no.... fickle man he is..#i dont think charles is totally afraid to confront the og5- its what made him want to return to earth with the nms initially#tho again.. could his decision to stay in the stars be influenced by that? that maybe he ISNT prepared to confront them like he thought?#who's to say... not me i dont got that psych degree yet..#erik being charles' trusted confidant definitely made his decision easier on top of that: i mean is he needed if he has a substitute#i think charles DOES wholly trust erik: charles really doesnt approach his x-men half heartedly. from his pov ofc#if he didn't genuinely believe in erik's potential he wouldn't have picked him; hes a comforting thought when charles decides to depart#'although i'm gone erik understands me and my goals enough to continue my work as good as i would have so i have nothing to worry about'#which. yk. makes the whole White King thing kinda awkward VJAELVJEAKL charles you fool#i have no idea how this saga ends though... tbh im only on ish 45 of NM i just read 50 and 51 to get context for this ask#so i can only wait and see how this saga turns out... once i finish reading house of m/secret invasion stuff jvLKEJKA#idk im tired and rambling dont pay attention to me.. ramblin bout charles' brain is a good day for me regardless if i make sense jVLAJ
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Sometimes I think to myself "actually maybe I'm exaggerating the terror I felt from being stalked", but then I remember that the person in question followed me and waited for me outside my school every day, tracked me down on every website I'd spent even the slightest time on, left physical letters in my mailbox, sent creepy as hell novel length messages on a near daily basis on FB. And then when I was living abroad and I answered the phone I told the caller to text me cause I couldn't hear, after which I had to read "I was saying that you would probably be VERY scared if you knew who's calling... hehe" with my own damn fucking eyes...
And then I'm like yknow what nevermind!!!! the fact that I'm still terrified of being perceived and seen in public not just IRL but also FFXIV might be understandable actually!!!
#im not saying its what caused my psychotic breakdown cause there were many factors#but needless to say it played a HUGE part especially surrounding the debilitating paranoia i was left with for years#i should mention that i only learned LAST YEAR that this person supposedly gave up according to them#by an old mutual classmate (the only one im still in contact with sadly because this person destroyed all the connections i held dear)#(we were classmates for years and this fucked me up cause we were friends for years before it all went down)#but yeah so last year they gave up apparently and it started 2012.#id managed to evade their notice online since 2019 when they last contacted me on facebook and i assumed id simply shook them off#given the habits i developed as a result of it that still affect me in ways i hate#but yeah its only been about a year of feeling relatively safe for the first time since 2012... and even then only relatively#cause i have no idea how permanent that is. and i dont dare to fully relax knowing what the person is capable of in terms of violence#hysterically tumblr is one of the very places online where they never found me it seems#but yeah. apparently they can just move on and here i am meanwhile still feeling the effects#such as feeling like im drenched in ice even in fucking *ffxiv* just because someones targeting or emoting at me#even though its never actually a problem! its a normal thing! and yet that brief moment of dread and fear seems to stick#IDK WHY IM RANTING ABOUT THIS I WAS JUST REMINDED AND. AURGH#awful. horrible. hopefully itll be fine forevermore and that ill be able to relax one day#silvi talks
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i only cried once today after being yelled at/scolded for two hours straight!!!!! i would like my hug and pat on the head for being so good now please!!!!!!!
#technically i did cry one more time when i got home lmao#but like IT WAS MY FIRST DAY#AND MY FIRST DAY DOING ALL THESE THINGS#and i kept getting scolded for not knowing how to do stuff when it was a) literally my first time#and b) the person who was upset with me was SUPPOSED TO TRAIN ME#BUT THEY DIDNT#instead they just kept saying âyouâre doing that wrongâ#without ever showing me how to do it right#:(( like itâs your job to teach me!!!!#also they ignored me the entire morning like literally didnât introduce themself or even say hi#and i am a VERY like outgoing/bubbly person irl#but i also need positive feedback or i will crumble to pieces#and i hate being made to feel stupid when i wasnât taught something#like if you show me how to do it ill do it perfect the next time!!!#but expecting me to know something without being taught is impossible and setting us both up for failure#bleh sorry for ranting :(( bad day for quinn lmao#anyways iâm gonna eat some chocolate and do some homework and think about kissing gojo and maybe things will be better#i am accepting hugs and pats on the head though#because i was very brave (didnât audibly cry in front of others)#q speaks
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