unworthymind

[unworthymind]

You make it look so fucking easy.

[unworthymind]

Part of me knows it's over and pulls away, another is stagnant and seething- standing stubbornly in place, clenching their fists until their palms bleed hatred- the last a sad little kid clinging desperately to the way things were, not understanding why her friends don't seem to like her anymore.

[unworthymind]

Digging your perfectly manicured nails into a wound you know has never healed. Tearing a wider hole, another vulnerability for me to pick and fret over. It doesn't even matter to you.

[unworthymind]

They should invent a new kind of Being Alive where it's not painful and it doesn't hurt constantly and actually feels worth it and you're happy for more than a few hours at a time

[unworthymind]

I feel like I've been splitting for a fucking year.

[unworthymind]

I literally feel like I'm going to throw up. I hate hearing them talk to each other like that. I hate that she just fucking replaced me so easily.

[unworthymind]

I can't help it, I really can't stand this bitch.

[unworthymind]

Part of the reason I so badly hope to be able to move out in the next few years is because the past year the feeling has just been piling up more and more that I'm stuck in this cocoon, this husk of someone I used to be who I've long outgrown but can't get away from. I need to get out of here. I cannot continue to exist in this space.

[unworthymind]

I wonder if it's even worth talking to you outside of surface level fake friend bullshit anymore. Since I'm just getting in the way of your perfect fucking life and your perfect fucking polycule and your stupid fucking orgies. You're so fucking bullshit it makes me fucking sick.

[unworthymind]

It's getting to the point that I can't seem to express any level of negative emotion without being told by the people around me that I need to figure out my health insurance and find a therapist. I don't get spoken to like I'm something worth caring about. TG's the only person who doesn't make me feel like a burden for being in a bad way. But I don't want to make that in itself a burden on him.

I wish I could drive. I just want to be able to go away.

[unworthymind]

I'm so sorry you had to start liking me when I'm like this. When my mental health is so fucking atrocious. I'm so fucking unworthy.

[unworthymind]

I just kind of want to kill myself.

[unworthymind]

Why couldn't we have the kind of depression that makes you lose weight.

[unworthymind]

Fuck you.

[unworthymind]

My skin picking has left marks below my hairline like I'm wearing a mask and isn't it fitting since my spirals are marked by the urge to rip off my skin.

[unworthymind]

i wanna bash my fucking skull in i just want to fucking die i ruin eveything i ruin everything i ruin fucking everything

[unworthymind]

you're ruining it. hes going to hate you. you're just like her. you're so fucking terrible.