#no cause THIS hurts so bad actually now that i think about it cause if u had a loved on in hospital in critical condition u KNOW this

[localcanadiancreature62]

Dipper and Mabel vs the Past au (title is a reference to an actual episode in the show) - Timestuck style au where instead of ending up in the time period where the Oregon Trail was being used in The Time Traveler's Pig,Dipper and Mabel end up 30 years into the past and end up uncovering secrets about their Grunkle Stan like WAYYYY earlier than they're supposed to (time travelers pig is s1,not what he seems is s2. they discover things Very Early in the timeline here). Mabel ends up with Ford,Dipper ends up with Stan. Now i know the usual portrayal of this au is "the kids being with their favorite grunkles" but i wanted to do something different cuz i LOVE exploring the dynamics of Dipper with Stan and Mabel with Ford sooo bad. I'm thinking this is set like... Paranoia Ford era aka the events culminating to Stan receiving the postcard,so basically Ford has literally just lost his best friend and also almost had his fucking tendons snapped and now he has to deal with a child who is apparently his great niece in the future while simultaneously protecting the child from Bill,Ford has a lot on his plate lmaooo.

Meanwhile Mullet Stan is down on his luck as he lives in his shitty rundown apartment while trying to avoid Rico due to owing him money that he currently doesn't have,he's miserable as ever and then a child with a hat as well as a striking resemblance to his brother suddenly appears in his car when he was out shoplifting groceries,having to take care of it when he can barely take care of himself. Angst and hurt/comfort + a few wholesome moments ensue. Ford finds himself getting attached to his young niece even when he's incredibly highstrung and feels that he can't trust anyone right now,seeing that such a bright and caring soul is worth trusting. Mabel eventually finds out about Bill after the bastard possesses Ford while she was trying to give him a better sleep schedule,and the girl makes it her mission to protect her other grunkle (like i said. they figure things out way early here) from that bastard after realizing that this pointy jerk wants to hurt him as evident from the fork stabbing and Ford's journal pages regarding him being tormented by Bill (bro the funniest thing is that Bill doesn't even appear yet in this current part of the timeline lmaoo. like dreamscapers happens WAYYY AFTER the time traveler's pig. so Mabel basically just saw a triangle dude that she knows nothing about and has never met and decided that she needs to fight for her life to protect Ford from him despite ALSO not knowing anything about her other grunkle either). Mabel helps Ford slowly get himself back together as Bill is biding his time to eventually get the portal started again one way or another,meaning that Bill is too busy planning things out to torment Ford,thus Mabel chooses self care for her Grunkle Ford and makes it his problem, trying to force Ford to get out of the house for groceries or at least give him a few minutes to touch grass rather than being cooped up in his dumb dork lab all day making him shower giving him a better sleep schedule and even making cupcakes for him so he can eat things besides moldy cheese or strange tasting alien cow milk (reference to that one real life journal 3 page with the weird cow). Ford is actually very shocked and touched by this gesture,because he has been spending weeks all by himself while being actively tortured without anyone by his side but now this girl suddenly makes his life a little brighter and he thanks her for that,despite him being strict snappy and moody most of the time due to being stressed from Bill and the portal (i can't really blame him for feeling that way. i too would feel my sanity slipping as the looming threat of the apocalypse going to be eventually caused by my former muse is getting nearer and nearer while said muse is also torturing me 24/7 all while juggling self care and research and taking care of a whole child to top it all off),bro is close to tears when he realizes that he's not alone after all and that he doesn't HAVE to be alone,and that he actually needs someone rather than not needing people like what he said,i.e "I don't need you. I don't need anyone!" and Mabel is right there to help him. Mabel ends up wearing 80s clothes as well as stops using her phone in public in order to not draw suspicion after Ford pointed out that people would get pretty confused by her glowing shoes and "advanced flip phone",meanwhile Ford tries to figure out how to find the time tape that the girl speaks of as he starts to study time travel and relearn the laws of time in order to help Mabel as he plans on possibly building a makeshift time machine to replace the tape in the case that they never find it.

So far Mabel is doing pretty well despite having to deal with her snappy Grunkle Ford and the fact that her Grunkle Stan was lying about her and Dipper being the only family he has left as well as the fact that she actively has to ignore every trick that Bill pulls on her including possession by using unicorn hair that is now a hair extension on her own hair (early discovery) while also trying to not die/get grievously injured at the hands of Bill or Bill possessed Ford and ALSO greatly missing her brother who is nowhere to be found as she can't find a way home to her time as she begins to experience literally disappearing very slowly as a result of a time paradox of her being in a time before she was even born,what fun! :D.

Dipper however,has worse problems to deal with than a demon triangle and a snappy Grunkle. He has to deal with being homeless and being even MORE anxious/guarded than he already was due to the fact that his Grunkle Stan's enemies could jump him any moment. He has to be Stan's accomplice in committing crimes like shoplifting or pickpocketing people for food and money. The fact that Stan is a criminal and that he has to commit crimes with the risk of getting caught or worse,killed by his Grunkle's old "friends" puts a lot of weight on the poor boy,and he was anxious as is with him generally being highstrung and now he has EVERY reason to be afraid due to him being a runaway criminal with Stan. Although having to live a hard life and commit difficult crimes even when it's wrong ended up toughening Dipper up,showing that dealing with the hard and fast life boosted his confidence tenfold. Dipper actually feels bad for his Grunkle Stan,even when the guy kept making fun of him back then (i.e Dipper vs manliness and the bottomless pit stories),as he had NO IDEA that his Grunkle lived like this before. So he makes sure to be as helpful and as less of a burden as possible,just to make his Grunkle Stan happy. Heck,he even becomes protective of his Grunkle despite his weak nerd arms and he has gotten injured for the grifter's sake multiple times such as the time he got a lot of scrapes and bruises from trying to rescue Stan from falling in a ditch as he ended up falling himself instead. Stan is glad to have a little buddy around him,especially when the kid is his future nephew and thus family,since he's been suffering all by himself for so long and he really appreciates the company. He really wishes that he could help Dipper regarding the whole time tape situation,but only Ford could know what to do as he's too dumb to understand time travel (Stan ur inferiority complex is showing). So he figures that the only way he could help is to just watch out for a weird looking tape measure with an hour glass symbol on it and steal it immediately from whoever has it (the time tape has actually ended up with Blendin after he used a spare time tape to look for the other one that the kids have [he needs to return those. he'll get in trouble for losing a single one],and he's been looking for the children for a while so that he could bring them back to their own time as their very presence in the 80s is a time anomaly and thus he wants to fix it before he gets in trouble with the time police).

Dipper ALSO forces Stan to take care of himself,although to a lesser extent than Mabel with Ford. He doesn't do any heavy duty self care work,but he more so reminds Stan to consider himself too whenever they have food or beds to share instead of just letting him have everything and sacrificing the little stability he already has for the kid. Dipper also tries to give them a better lifestyle at some point by convincing Stan to rent a house and also steal wads of cash from an ATM just to give him a taste of a normal life again since he feels bad for his Grunkle having to sleep in his car or a shitty apartment all the time,Stan literally cries from this gesture as he's so happy to have someone besides Ford finally care about him after 10 years of being alone. He discovers that he doesn't have to be alone and push people away despite wanting someone to care so bad,as Dipper is there to help him.

The two happily live in the rented house for a few weeks until they the landlord kicked them out for not paying rent and then they had to make a run for it. Sometimes,being with Dipper physically pains Stan because of how much he reminds him of Ford. He has the same bright curiosity and thirst for knowledge that his brother had,the same innocence and happiness that Ford had before everything happened. Stan missing Ford is so evident to the point of him occasionally calling the kid "Poindexter" because of how much the boy reminds him of his twin. Dipper finds out about Ford sooner or later because of this,plus he ends up discovering the old picture of Stan and Ford in front of the Stan o' War in his Grunkle's jacket.

He gets angry at the future old Stan for never telling him about his brother and that he had another Grunkle,but he soon realizes why after young Stan explains the whole ordeal he has with Ford regarding the science fair incident. Stan himself points that out too. "What the- You- You had a brother this whole time?!. How come your future self never told me about this?!. What other things is he hiding?. Ugh." "Well,kid. If i know myself,i wouldn't go around telling everyone about the drama i have with my brother y'know?. Especially when it still hurts *sniff*." "What?. What do you mean 'drama'?. Actually,is that the reason why you're living like this and you don't ask him for help?." "Uhh.. You see,my brother is a stubborn jerk. So stubborn that he decided to go to college instead of staying with me. And he let Dad kick me out because of what?. Breaking his dumb perpetual motion machine project?." Stan says in frustration as the resentment is oozing with his every word,as he still doesn't forgive Ford for what he did even with how much he misses him. "Oh.. That's awful. I don't really know the full scope of what happened between you two,but i can say that it's that bad considering that you ended up living on the streets soon after." "Ya think?. As far as i'm concerned,that nerd is living it up in a normal house with his dumb college money instead of sleeping out in a car all the damn time." "And kid,there's a reason why the older me didn't tell you anything. Whatever happens to us in the future,that bastard STILL didn't talk to me about our problems. As him- er me not talking about it means that the resentment is still simmering inside." "Ah,figures. I guess you really are Grunkle Stan instead of some random dumb hobo with how wise you are." "Can it Dippy. I wasn't the one crying over losing a hat yesterday." "Hey!. I- It's my signature accessory,i can't go without it" "Yeah yeah whatever". Also,Dipper and Mabel greatly miss the other. The kids' determination to get back to their twin no matter what cost reminds their respective Stans that they used to be like that too back then,always prioritizing their twin over everything else.

Mabel always makes little doodles of her and Dipper's adventures together in her new 80s scrapbook which Ford catches her doing,meanwhile Dipper rambles about how fun and supportive Mabel is to Stan whenever they have a break from being on the run. Stan feels conflicted over letting the boy constantly talk about how great his sister is when his own sibling is a good for nothing bastard but it also makes him think that maybe he and Ford can be like that again sometime whenever he finally gets the courage to call him or send a postcard to him,Ford on the other hand ignores Mabel's Dipper doodles and occasional rambles about her brother while making an excuse about him being "too busy" to hear about it despite the real reason being that he's too angry at Stan to keep being reminded of the fact that they used to be as close as his future niece and nephew. Both younger twins realize that they NEED to get their Grunkles to talk to each other since it's painful to see a set of siblings like them hate each other so much,especially when they're family, although Mabel is more insistent about it than Dipper due to the fact that Stan has bigger fish to fry than making up with his brother plus the girl is more optimistic than her brother who thinks that Stan and Ford's relationship is broken beyond repair and that there's no hope for them. But getting their Grunkles talk to each other is a job for another time,as they still have to find each other and also find the time tape as well as blend into the 80s until they get back.

(i made this au forever ago. but i forgot to finish it until like November or show it to anyone until now 💀)

[vulpixisananimal]

[A:3 C61] [TW for: imagery of mutilated, bruised, and bleeding body] (Odile)

(It was sundown on the third day Ramos was out. No change.)

(You were sitting in the living room. Research notes splayed in front of you. You scoured every inch of your writing for anything that could help. Siffrin was asleep on Isabeau on the couch in front of you. Poor Siffrin had been having panics, but had been getting better. Although, it was concerning who it actually was you talked to.)

(Mal, Asterion, and Saffron. Only those three came out.)

(Asterion would stick to himself, talking silently, eating, and keeping in sight of you all. Any time any of you asked about what happened he froze up. It was clear, honestly, that the only reason he didn’t hide in his room was to alleviate all of your worries for him.)

(Mal would disappear for hours a time, only to return and drag Isabeau away. You asked him what that was about, but his lips were, for once, sealed. You had your suspicions, however.)

(But Saffron. . . They were the worst of all of them when it came to communicating. Getting them to admit they're saffron was pulling teeth. Getting him to admit he needs food was agony. And, you could see behind his smile.)

(“Persecutors need love just as much as anyone in order to heal.” That’s what the booklet Vixul gave Siffrin said. You could confirm it was true, but that didn’t make their biting remarks any less hurtful.)

(. . . Tension was high. If you could figure out how to help Ramos out of their catatonic state then. . . You took your glasses off and rubbed your eyes.)

(The issue is simple: Ramos’ catatonia was caused, indirectly, by mind craft. And the only one who knew mind craft was Ramos themself. So, what do you do?)

(You could continue to hope and pray for conventional remedies to work. You could look for an expert in psychology, or maybe even acupuncture. But you might as well wish to win a coin flip at that point! Ha, ha. . .)

(. . . Even with a grand library in your mind you couldn't think of anything.)

(Except. . . One thing.)

(. . . . . You didn't want to consider it.)

(You were considering it.)

(. . . . You finish considering it, and stand.) “I need a break.”

(The half asleep Isabeau opened an eye.) “Hmm?”

“I'm going to the library.” 

“M’kaaay. . .”

(You've got your notes, coat, everything you need. You waste no time and leave the house, headed directly to the library.)

(You go over the plan in your head. Merlon is back, so there is no truce. Attempt to talk to him. Keep your distance. Look out for any surprises from Merlon, talk politely. Appeal to his soft side, and look for a way to keep him distracted so he can't read your thoughts. He's fast, and your craft type is at a disadvantage, so direct combat is a bad idea. What about a trade? Information for assistance?)

(You couldn't trade any old thing you knew, he's a historian. Perci would know about the Expression of Search’s Elaborate Dance of the Guide. No, it would need to be something more. . . Exciting.)

(You continued to walk. What about What Loop looked like? Call craft? The fact that your party has met gods multiple times now? The fight with the king?)

(. . . Siffrin’s cosmic temper tantrum would be best kept quiet.)

(You made it to the library, you'll check here first. You walk up the steps and into the lobby. The librarian from a few days ago was here, sleepily sipping a cup of tea. They waved.) “Madame Odile, good to see you again.”

“Hello, same to you.” (You walk up to the counter.)

“. . . Tea?” 

(You paused, then smiled.) “. . Please.”

“Camomile or ginger.” (They ask, getting up.)

“Ginger, please. No milk, no sugar.” 

“Perfect, I just boiled the pot.”

(You watch them go. A cup of tea would be perfect. Something to calm your nerves before, whatever happens happens. A moment later they were back, and handed you a cup. You thank them, then move into the library proper.)

(It didn’t take long. Perci was sitting at the center of the library, at a grand table. Books to either side of him. A chessboard to the left. You could hear the familiar scribbling of a pen. Your steps echoed through the silent building as you approached.)

(You stopped a few feet back from him, and waited.)

(There were a few moments where the only sound was that pen, before he finally stopped. He looked up, then back down again.) “. . . Madame.”

“Percival.”

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” 

“. . .” (You walk around the table, place down your tea, and take a seat.)  “I have come to strike a deal.”

“Have you now.” (He’s smiling, the face of a man truly absorbed in his work.) “I thought we weren’t all buddy buddy now.”

“You know why, Percival.” (You glare at him.)

“Haa. . . That, I do.” (He clicks his pen and puts it to the side.) “Three days already? That is worrying, but what do you want me to do about it?”

(You sip your tea, and stare directly at him.)

“. . . You’re very good at hiding your thoughts, Madame. And I must say, after the inn, I would sooner ride a bull off a cliff than try and tame your mind.”

(You keep your face neutral.)

“. . . . . That is to say, I should be giving you some more respect.” (Perci looks at you, then turns and grabs the chessboard, and starts setting it up.) “Chess? It’ll keep my mind wandering to yours.”

“Thank you.” (You huff.) “I’m no idiot, and while I can respect your mind games, I, for one, like cutting straight to the point.”

“Very respectable.” (He finishes placing the last pieces. Darkless on your side, Lightless on his.) “So, after you, madame. Light before shadow, after all.”

“Of course.” (You pick up a pawn, forward two.) 

“So.” (He moves a pawn to match.) “You would like help with Ramos.”

“Yes.” (Pawn to cover.) “Either you help them recover, or teach me some form of mind craft to do it myself.”

“Ah, well that’s an issue, isn’t it?” (Knight forward.) “I will not teach you mind craft, and I doubt your companions will let me into Ramos’ mind.”

“That is an issue.” (Pawn forward.) “Why can’t you teach me?”

“And give you a dagger to stab me with?” (Knight takes a pawn.) “You would have to give me something good in return.”

“I see.” (Pawn takes the knight.) “Then how about what I found on our travels?”

“Hmm, tempting.” (Bishop forward.) “Very tempting, madame.”

“The ascent through the Dormont House of Change?” (Pawn forward.) 

“Getting there.” (Pawn forward.) “Dormont is a nice little town, isn’t it?”

“Hmm? Have you been?” (Pawn takes a pawn.) 

“Oh no no.” (Bishop takes a pawn.) “I’ve just heard so much about it when researching you all.”

“Really now?” (Knight takes a bishop.) “But of course, rumor can only tell you so much!”

“Ah of course, of course.” (He thinks, then moves a pawn up.) “After all, you tend to hear the strangest of rumors.”

“. . . Like?” (Knight takes a pawn.) 

“Oh nothing too strange, just. . .” (Queen takes a knight; advantage to Perci.) “Giant cracks in the sky of an unknown shade, a cloaked figure dozens of stories tall, small things like that.”

“. . .” (You move a rook.) “Just silly rumors.”

“Oh? Is that the same with the rumors of the king?” (Queen takes a pawn.) “That he was an islander too?”

“. . .” (Move the king.)

“An islander just like my bonded, just like your traveler.” (Queen takes a rook.) “I wonder, do they share some other connection? Perhaps even a family member?”

“. . . Whoever Siffrins family was, they weren’t like the King.” (Knight takes the queen.) “If anything, the King's family would have been like your own.”

(Perci is stunned, looking at the board. He glances up, then back. He castles his king.) “And what would you know about that?”

“Quite a lot.” (Bishop takes a pawn; advantage to you) “Percival Monet, the youngest of the Monets, who destroyed his own family.”

“. . . That’s nothing-” (Knight forward.)

“Oh it’s everything.” (Bishop takes the knight.) “I did not recognize that swear you use, Perci. So, I got curious.”

“And what does that have to do with anything?” (Pawn forward.)

“I looked it up in a teenager's book about swears.” (You chuckle, pawn moved up.) “It’s Poterian.”

“. . .” (Pawn up.)

“A Poterian swear that’s only really used in very old, rich families.” (Knight takes a pawn.) “And from there, there’s only so many families to check.”

“But there isn’t a book in the library about the Monets.” (Pawn takes pawn.) 

“And the House of Change library?” (Bishop takes a knight.) “The secret library? Each house has one, after all.”

“I. . .” (He pauses, looking over the board, eyes wide. Rook forward.) “. . . What do you know?”

“The Monet family. One of the oldest and well known in devoted Soleanist society. Old money. And old corruption.” (Bishop takes a pawn; Perci is in check.) “The last Monet’s were disgraced, the two house leaders at the time.”

“. . .” (Move rook.) “What else?”

“Just that the only Monet with any reputation left, is a historian.” (Bishop forward; Perci is in check.) “And that historian, is you.”

“. . . . . . Hah. . .” (Perci lowers his head.) “Ha, HA! HAHA!! Oh yes! Madame, I knew you were brilliant. From the moment I touched your mind, I knew, I just knew, you were something else.”

(His rook takes your bishop.)

(You lean forward. Something was wrong about this board. You had been counting moves ahead, but there were errors. You didn’t take into account some pieces, pieces that were there but you just, didn’t focus on them. They were out of the way, not a problem. He took your bishop, and you could see the next moves clearly. Next, your knight, then rook, then queen, and then. . .)

(Checkmate.)

“. . . . ha. . . Haha!!” (You sit back with a sigh.) “. . . How.”

“Ah, took you long enough.” (Perci looked at you with a smug smile.) “It was the tea.”

(You look at the cup of tea, then shake your head.) “You took control of the librarian, and spiked the tea with some sleep or relaxation agent. Not enough to be noticeable, but enough to graze my hand without me noticing.”

(Exactly.)

(In a motion, the tables and chairs melted into the floor. The bookshelves expanded, the ceiling disappeared into a thick fog miles in the air. Lanterns lit the endless halls. Perci seemingly disappeared. You stood in your headspace.)

(I don’t think vast is an accurate enough word to describe your mind, Odile. Your voice echoes through the library.)

(A better word for it would be private! You turn, where are you?)

(You pull a book off a shelf. Why, I’m just over here!)

(The hallways shift once again as you glide towards his voice. You can see him! Get, OUT-)

(Your breath catches.)

(You can only begin to imagine what form of hell Perci must have gone through to end up looking like a walking corpse. No, not a corpse. A corpse could at least rot.)

(He had scars, bruises, pinpricks, lines that look as if someone was sewing something into his skin. He had rashes from shackles, his nose was broken, one eye droopy. His clothes were torn and now looked more like a university uniform with the crest torn out.)

(He looks at you, the look he had, it was. . .)

(Hello, Madame. She looks so similar to how she does in reality, except for the fact she floats ever so slightly off the ground. Are you so tied to your own self image to not experiment a little, Madame?) 

(Gems alive. Something hits you in your soul, some emotion, some fear. You take a step back. Why do you-)

(Look like this? Oh, Madame~ You close the book, drop it, and turn to her. Please, allow me to show you!)

[atheostic]

The irony of you saying I have bad reading comprehension is *chef's kiss*.

"...nor was I giving an answer with personal trauma"

I never said you did. I said that you were pushing me to give a more in-depth answer that involves MY personal cultural trauma because my original answer wasn't "valid" enough for you.

"I didn't claim to be a victim, I claimed to be annoyed"

Oh, but you did. Not explicitly, but implicitly. Maybe you need to read up on how subtext works.

Because complaining that non-Christians are to blame for watering down your religion instead of the Christians who push it on non-Christians IS playing the victim.

What you were saying in your response was basically "Oh, us poor innocent Christians were just minding our business when these mean non-Christians came along and appropriated our religion out of nowhere against our wishes uwu" when in reality everyone else was minding their own business and y'all insisted we observe your holidays or else.

If non-Christians celebrating Christmas is "watering down" your religion then Christians are to blame for forcing everyone else to participate.

"I claimed to be confused"

Which was why I politely answered your question, leading to you having a meltdown because you didn't like the answer.

"I wasn't being a bigot..."

Reeeeally?

Telling people who your religion forces to celebrate your religion that we're at fault for "watering down" your religion's celebration isn't being a bigot?

Telling a minority person that their experience isn't valid simply because you don't like it isn't bigotry?

Telling someone that their perfectly polite response about a question YOU asked is "acting like a toddler" for making the point that y'all push Christmas celebration on everyone every damn year in a post that had nothing to do with you isn't being a whining bigot?

*snorts*

"...you seem to think that Christians as a whole are responsible for the commercialization of Christmas..."

No, I don't. Saying that it was Christians who commercialized Christmas is a factual statement, because the capitalists who started commercializing it weren't Sikhs or Muslims or Jews or even atheists. They were Christians. And in a way non-capitalist Christians DID play a part in commercializing the holiday, because

a) they bought the commercialized things, thus signalling with their wallets that they wanted more of the commercialized things

b) they pushed (and continue to push) Christmas down the throats of non-Christians every damn year

"I claimed to be hurt by how capitalism has stripped my faith of its holiness and injected it with consumerism."

Aaand implied that that was non-Christians' fault instead of pointing to Christian capitalists and Christians who bought into the commercialization of the holiday.

"...also you think that Christian’s ‘stole’ pages traditions..."

No, it's called syncretization. It's a well-established fact in academia that Christianity constantly "borrowed" from Pagan religions in order to make conversion easier to stomach for Pagans. Take an unbiased class in religious history, I'm begging.

"...when in actuality pagans and Christian’s coexisted in Europe..."

They didn't coexist like you're implying. Coexistence in the sense you're using is peacefully existing at the same time and in a proximity close enough to affect each other without causing harm to one another. You're implying that they got along and converts would convert without pressure to do so. Christianity persecuted the other religions, it didn't coexist with them.

The one exception is what is now Scandinavia, where there was a council on whether the people should convert. According to my Norse Mythology & Culture professor, it's more or less the only known relatively peaceful mass conversion into Christianity that we know of.

"I DID NOT DO THAT, you are taking out your (valid) pain, and frustration of particular christians, on me, when I did not do that to you."

You're once again missing the point in favour of acting like the persecuted victim.

The point is not that you personally slaughtered Indigenous people. The point is that Christians can't complain that non-Christians are "ruining Christmas" when it was Christians who forced us to participate.

You're victim-blaming persecuted minorities instead of pointing the finger at the real culprits (Christians who pushed [and continue to push] Christianity onto nonbelievers).

"I have experienced religious celebrations in a secular capacity, and I no longer do..."

And yet you act like only Christian holidays are celebrated by non-members of the religion.

Shows how intellectually dishonest you are.

"...because there is no fucking reason if i don't believe in it."

Just because YOU don't see any value in having fun with your loved ones if Jesus isn't involved doesn't mean that applies to everyone else.

"...and you do celebrate non christian holidays secularly.... why?"

Ready to have another meltdown?

Because holidays are fun, and often involve having fun with your loved ones or even complete strangers.

Because experiencing other cultures and traditions is interesting and fun.

I hate to say it but I do fear we need to take Christmas away from non-Christians.

‘Secular Christmas’ babes that’s just capitalism…

[chaotic-average-child]

getting back on my drawing slowly but surely ^^ here's an aleena

[autisticlee]

sometimes people who struggle like to make jokes or find positives about their condition that causes them to struggle so they can escape the constant negative and struggle. sometimes autistic people will say things like "the 'tism" or use the "autism creature" or say their autism helped them have a *positive trait* to feel better about their struggles. because living your life only focusing on the struggles and negatives is depressing and makes it hard to want to live, even if those struggle take up 100% of your life and you can't actually escape them. sometimes any little seemingly positive thing can help a lot.

but there's so many other autistic people that hate when we do that and call it "reducing autism to a cute trendy thing" and say it takes away from *their* struggles and is bad and shouldn't be used. maybe *you* want to only focus on your struggles, but some people can't live in constant negative and need some positive or to find ways to make their condition more positive so they can feel better about living with their struggles. life is hard. I take anything I can get.

I cant get jobs. I can't make and keep friends. I can't get help and support for doing "normal" things so sometimes I go weeks without being able to shower and without eating more than a bowl of cereal a day. most times can't even do things I like. struggle to communicate. have meltdowns. i'll never be able to live independently. I struggle a lot. but instead of sitting here always depressed and having no motivation to live, i'd rather try to joke about "my 'tism is acting up again" when i'm struggling (just an example. don't think I ever actually used the 'tism thing but i saw others use it) or say "i'm just being a creature" when I need to stay in my dark room because everything is too much and I personally find it cute to be a little creature meant in a positive way. i'm not actually downplaying mine or anyone else's struggles. I still acknowledge them and that silly jokes dont make them go away. i'm not trying to be trendy. i'm not doing any of the things people say we do by making silly little jokes. i'm using the silly little jokes to convince myself life can be a little more than pointless, painful garbage all the time.

(continue in tags)

[james-spooky]

this is a test

[whump-galaxy]

Alright, so in another bad dream, it started pretty normal.

I was driving with my aunt to my school. We got stopped by a light, and to my left there were 2 other cars stopped in the median. Maybe a crash? In the middle, there was a man yelling, waving a weapon around. He walked up the window of one of the other vehicles and started screaming, yelling, waving his arms around at them.

Then he turned to look at me, and started storming over. I tried to push the gas but the car wouldn’t go anywhere. When I turned back, he was already at the window. He broke it with the butt of his weapon, glass shattering into my face and lap. He then pointed the gun in my face and started saying something. I couldn’t make it out, I was absolutely frozen and terrified he’d hurt my aunt.

Then I sort of…woke up in the dream? I was in a new location. In a house I’d never been in before. I was sitting near the door with my hands and legs bound.

The same man walked in, but he walked right past me. He knew I was there, but he didn’t need to acknowledge me. I could feel how heavy his boots were as he walked by. How they shook the glassware on the table.

Luckily I could get my hands free, and untied my legs. He was right in the other room, a kitchen I think, so I had to be careful about my escape. I knew I couldn’t outrun him.

So I took my chance when he had his back turned. I ran out the door. It was overcast and there were plenty of trees canopying the neighborhood. A neighborhood I still do not recognize, except for the Spanish moss hanging from the trees.

It had been drizzling, and the mud tried to slow me with every step. I weaved around houses and through yards, just hoping to find one house that I could get to with enough time to call for help.

But I looked back.

He was following me.

Not just following me.

Olympic level sprinting at me. I couldn’t see his face twisted in anger.

In terror I tried to find somewhere to hide, but I knew I couldn’t outrun him. I knew there was no real hiding spot now.

There was a large mound of dirt by someone’s house. I thought if I could climb it and shout for help, maybe someone would come. Maybe I could trick him into following me up and give me some time to run away.

But when I got to the other side of the mound he was on me. He grabbed me and held me. It was like an inescapable hug. His grip was tight but not painful. Like we both knew I couldn’t escape, so he didn’t need to crush me.

I tried wriggling and crying, saying I was sorry, I wouldn’t tell anyone, I would do anything for him to let me go.

And that’s where that dream ended.

Another, shorter dream:

I was kidnapped by a guy and held in his apartment.

He punched out a mirror and grabbed a shard of glass and sat in front of me.

He had a box of sharp things in front of me, and I was chained to a wall. He smiled, happily playing with the shard of glass. I’d been crying and knew he was going to kill me, or at least torture me to death.

He put down the glass, and said something I can’t remember. He picked up a pair of scissors instead and held them to my neck.

Then he started cutting my neck open. Not just slicing, actually using the cutting motion of the scissors to cut my neck open.

I woke up from that one with my neck feeling funny, but I don’t know what caused it irl.

I have more, and some slightly less traumatizing but nonetheless harrowing dreams. I also have good dreams, but they’re usually a bit less interesting. Usually about food and family.

Then I have the weirdly anxiety inducing recurring dream about having too many chinchillas.

I like having these dreams put to better use than just sitting in my mind, giving me anxiety.

Had a terrible dream where I was stalked and attacked several times by this person. It’s not the first time I’ve had dreams like this. I get bad dreams, nightmares, and sleep paralysis from overheating or sleeping at the wrong angle. This time just felt weirdly personal.

I was trying to protect someone else, a girl younger than me. I knew the stalker was after me, but I still didn’t want her in harms way. A few times we outsmarted him, but when I thought she was safe, the stalker basically held her captive till he knew I was there.

I went to find her and he started chasing me. He tackled me to the ground in the street and beat me with golf clubs and a mallet and something sharp. I protected my face and tried to grab at his weapons to stop him. I managed to hit him back. Maybe I killed him with his own weapon. I don’t know.

Afterward, he was being investigated and they found a lot of evidence of his obsession with me. It wasn’t romantic or anything, he just kept following me and drawing pictures. Pages after pages. I flipped through his journals. Boxes upon boxes of brown paper sketches. Some were graphic and brutal and others were just…me.

That’s when I got woken up, so I guess that’s over.

I get a lot of bad dreams, but this was one of the worst. For now.

[princessmyriad]

.

[hana-bobo-finch]

I fucking hate miya I fucking hate miya I fucking hate miya I FUCKING HATE HER SO MUCH I HATE HER SO FUCKINH MUCH someone is gonna have to sedate me before I EXPLODE

[pagesofkenna]

Just said "sheesh, Kenna, you're the smartest person I know" out loud while reading your tags on the FMA Truth and Ed's atheism post. Then I realized that Indiana probably doesn't care as much for this information as you might lolol

honestly i'd originally written a really annoying ramble about gods in fiction under that post and now i'm so glad i deleted it to write that much more succinct breakdown of my thoughts on the matter

[lesenbyan]

Scientists: want so badly for adult children who are friends with and/or still dependant on parents for money or a roof to be Bad that they are intentionally looking for detriment in the study results

Study results: so overwhelmingly positive they can't actually find the data needed to twist the narrative

Scientists: >:|

[thingamagob]

lrt ive been thinking about that sort of shit a lot lately. like i feel like the general discussion of misogyny got nuanced a bit too hard and now a bunch of people are basically softcore mra's

[boomerang109]

i came home, panicked about one thing, and my toilet was leaking. bathroom floor is covered in water and brown particles. oddly, this has not improved my mood

[p4nishers]

i know some people already pointed it out but like. eddie was in black. BLACK. he was in LITERAL MOURNING CLOTHES. he was already mourning. already prepared for the worst.

[pepprs]

doing really bad in ways i can’t talk about which is making it worse

[ningningkittie]

the anxiety pills arent even working :c