#i just want to be a child again. i understand being a child was also miserable I am not glorifying my childhood

[beautifullilacsky]

It's been a while since I wrote about you. Not because I haven't missed you or didn't have good things to say; it's because it's been so, so incredibly good. There is too much for me to say. There have been too many moments that I'd like to write down for me to remember for a lifetime. We came back from our first vacation together, and gad, I have never been more sure about you.

By switching to the other side of the sidewalk so you were the one closer to the road, you made me feel safe. Wearing your 'emergency pants', in case you needed to move the van when the wind was too much for me (which, it was, and you moved the van without a wrinkle or hint of annoyance in your face), you made me feel cared for. Just like all the times you asked me if I was okay. You made me feel heard and made me feel like you truly wanted to understand and hear me, when you asked me how the vacay is going. What our further wishes are and if we want to change anything. You made me feel important and like a princess when you drove around half of the island, just to find a souvenir that I really wanted (even if you usually don't do souvenir hunts). Every single day, you made me feel so good. All of the full body cuddling at night, almost forming a blanket the way you folded yourself all around me. All of the caring during the day. All of the communicating and comfortable silences. The amount of planning you have done, making sure we arrive there and back home safely and that we can "haal het beste uit" our vacation. Knowing I am uncomfortable with manuals and especially a van, you drove all of the time; even if at times, it was stressful as shit. And, everything that came with living in a van; you emptied our water, refilled it, dusted the inside, checked the difficult-closing door, cooking, and did a lot of the dishes.

All the times I asked you to pose a certain way for a picture, you did exactly that. On hikes, you would ask me if the speed was okay, or, like you did most of the time, you'd let me in front. That way, I could go my own speed and you'd be sure that I felt comfi and good. The cute smiles when I said something to Beertje; how I adore and feel so so safe when you like seeing the child inside of me. Ha, the way you went back to souvenir stores with me as I regretting not buying something, while once again, not being annoyed at all. Also, how you paid for my toilet visit twice, knowing I don't carry around 50 cents. It's not expensive, but I know you'd never pay for a toilet like that. But if I really needed and wanted to, you gave me the moneys and always told me to take my time. The way you always let me play whatever music I would like to hear; is that something meaningful that I have overseen every single time (by thinking you just vibe with everything)?

My baby. I can't even describe it in words properly. You truly treated me like a princess. You asked me if u don't always do so. I had no choice but to take my blinding sunnies off during this vacation, seeing how well you treat me. In day to day life, it shines less bright. Now, I couldn't miss it, not even if I closed my eyes during the whole vacation.

One thing I will never ever forget. The 25th birthday you gifted me. You first gifted me a go-pro, which you had named "Renee s vlog camera". It's a typical niklas gift; useful. And damn, even if I was a bit overwhelmed with what it could do at the beginning, I friggin love it. We got to use it sooo many times during the vacay, and I am thrilled that we got to use it in those ways. I am sure there will be more times that I use it, which I am v excited for. And of course, the way you made sure that we got to do what I wanted to for my bday (a hike, an easy one to start with, which,,,, was harder than we had planned but you made sure that I was okay the whole time and we turned around when we both felt like it was a good time). And later, the whale 🐋 dolphin 🐬 watching in Funchal... (where we also looked at the doors I wanted to see, hiked up to a garden u thought I wanted to see, just to take a cable car to the actual palace where I wanted to go to (even if it sounded boring to u to go to a palace), and we ate at such a lovely restaurant, even twice!). Bro. Never will I ever forget the first time you said "I love you too". I was so deep into my feelings, I bit your arm. Yet, that wasn't enough to calm the roaring feeling inside of me. The one that was banging at the bottom of my throat, begging me to say the words. So. I did. "Don't say it back, but I love you so friggin much. Thank you so much for this.... I love you". I felt a weight falll of of my shoulders, as I put my head onto yours. Right there and then, even if I couldn't make it out a 100% over the sound of the waves, the motor from the boat, and the peace that had fallen over me, you said it. "I love you too". My head instantly bounced up: "what?!" I smile, as you also laugh and point out the sharks that you just spotted. Typical Niklas, talking about sharks when he wants to change to topic. Though, it doesn't change the fact that you said it back to me. And even if you are still debating what it means to love someone, maybe you felt the same way that I did right there, on the two front seats of this boat. There wasn't a way for me to explain why I felt the way I did. I just know. For me, it doesn't have to be based on facts. "Okay, so, I really appreciate what he did for me and I feel super safe, appreciated and good. So, in convlusion, that must mean that I love him". I am more of the feeling type. I felt overwhelmed by love for you right there and then. Maybe you felt the same, and told me that you love me too, even if you aren't factually sure that that means. Either way. I will remember you saying it. 24th of October, 3 days after my bday and 8 days before our one year anniversary. I know you only say things you mean, and if you didn't want to say it back, I gave you the options. "Don't say it back", I said the first time that I said I love you. After a short second, I said it again, and even if I didn't realize it, gave you the opportunity to say it back to me. Might not be that big of a deal to you, but as you might know, lol, it is a pretty big deal to me.

So. Baby. It seems impossible to word. But damn. You treated me like a princess. And Gash. I love you, so, so friggin much. No words. I am excited to spend so much more time with you in our future. Endless kisses to you, my love.

emilie.hofferber

[lvis44]

Senna or Superman // LH44

Lewis Hamilton x Reader

Warnings: Language, Angst, Talk of this seasons difficulties, Suggestive dialogue, (Felipe Massa jump scare mention), Not Edited

Word Count: 4.3k+

Summary: Brazil 2024 was unforgiving, but amidst it all some greatness can still be achieved.

Notes: Hey y'all, like I said, I was feeling like typing and needed to work on something different for a second and I think I can speak for all of us that today had me feeling all of the emotions. There's definitely some angst in here but a lot of it is just absolute fluff and reader being an absolute Stan of her boyfriend, bc who wouldn't be if they were dating Lewis Hamilton, lets be real. Also, I've said it once I will say it again, I cannot follow a tense to save my life to ignore that. Kisses xxxx!!!

I am not a professional writer and all of this is a work of fiction and is strictly for fun. Enjoy! xxx

You hadn’t gotten much sleep and you were feeling it as you sat in the back of the Mercedes garage. Lewis had been hyper and full of anxious energy when he returned to the hotel last night. He had spent most of the previous day bobbing around the paddock like an energetic child, complaining about the delay in qualifying and trying to convince anyone that would listen to him that they should be sent out to try and put a lap together. He’s in Brazil, he wants to put on a show, but he’d been forced to wait much to his dismay and that had left you having to deal with him. He had been hyper after being so ready to go but never getting the release from his adrenaline and also annoyed that the sport had changed so much, yapping on about how when he first got to F1 they would have sent them out and that danger and adrenaline is a key part of the sport. You tried incessantly to get him to chill but you really had to just let him wear himself out, much like an actual child. It wasn’t until later in the evening, laying against his chest after finally convincing him to try to get some sleep, that you really got the answer to his emotions.

~

“I’m so excited and honored that I’m driving the MP4 tomorrow, but I’m also nervous. I was so prepared to do it today but having to wait, delaying the gratification, it’s really getting to me.” Lewis whispered into the comfortable silence, surprising you with the unprompted admission.

“It’s even more iconic to do it on race day.” You told him softly, rubbing your hand against his warm chest hoping to lighten the weight of whatever way playing in his mind.

He just hummed in response, evidently deep in his thoughts, his arm tightening around you ever so slightly.

“It’s understandable that you’re nervous Lew, you’re driving a piece of history, not just history to the sport but to your own personal journey and career. You’ve been asked to drive your idols car, the man is the reason you found your calling. Superman or Senna, right?” You kept your voice quiet, realizing that he needed to talk this through a bit more but not wanting to disrupt the peace that had settled around the two of you.

He smiled down at you as he heard the last part of your statement, chuckling lightly,  “Superman or Senna, yes indeed.” He trailed off for a moment, the soft smile lingering on his lips as he stared at the ceiling, almost as if reminiscing over those years when those were his two goals in life, back as a young boy in Stevenage. “What’s kinda funny is that it’s not that I’m really nervous about driving the car itself, like I feel confident in that part, I feel like I’m more than capable. It’s that I’m nervous that I don’t deserve this or something, this is a big deal and I would never want anyone to regret this decision or something. I honestly don’t even really know, like I don’t know why they would regret it I just, I don’t know. Just not really sure I’m worthy of this.” He finished his rant, letting out a deep sigh.

Hearing his thoughts caused you to sit up, no longer caring if you broke the peace in the room. You stared directly at him, eyes locked with his that were evidently startled at your abrupt departure from your cuddle.

“Lewis, I need you to listen to me. They chose you, Senna's family specifically chose you and asked you.” You started, poking him in the chest for emphasis before putting the same finger over his lips to shush him when he tried to argue. “They could have asked any of the other drivers on the grid, they could have asked a retired driver, they could honestly have asked whoever the hell they wanted, but no they asked for you. Not the current reigning champion, not the owner of the car, not even a Mclaren driver. They asked you, not only because they recognize your talent but because they see him in you. They see the love and respect that the people of Brazil have for you and they see you return that tenfold. This beautiful country made you a citizen for a reason, they see you carry that flag with the same pride as your own. Lew even Felipe Massa said that you deserve to be the one to drive that car and isn’t he like literally suing you right now?”

You finally let out a huff before the both of you erupt in a fit of giggles, Lewis forcefully pulling you back down to him to wrap you tightly in his arms. 

“I didn’t know he said that, honestly rather shocking because yeah, pretty sure he is. But ya know, I heard he’s running out of money.” His lips hold a smirk as he looks down at you before you’re both consumed by another fit of giggles. “Thank you,” He whispers once you’ve both calmed down, his lips against your forehead, “I needed to hear that. You know I get too much in my own head sometimes. Still have a hard time believing that all of this is real after everything I’ve been through, where I came from, ya know?”

“I do,” You say, tilting your head up to press a soft kiss to his lips, “you’re allowed to still revel in it, even after all this time. It truly is mental, even if it’s been this way for a while now. And by the way, I’m pretty sure the only reason they would ever regret letting you drive that car is if you crash it into a wall and break it, so just don’t do that and I’m pretty sure everything will be just fine.” You giggle, giving him another kiss.

“Well damn woman, no pressure or anything.” He fakes offence before splitting into a grin with you.

“Hey,” you say, your voice softer again, “I know I’m biassed and all, but know that I can’t think of anyone more deserving of this honor and I am so incredibly proud of you. I’m not sure I’ll be able to hold back the tears when I see you in that Mclaren tomorrow. You are an incredibly blessed man but you do not take it for granted and I am honoured that I get to see how incredible you are every single day, as a driver, as a partner, but most importantly as a human. Let yourself enjoy this Lew, you deserve it and I will be there watching in awe.”

“I love you so so much.” He says, his voice thick with emotion as he pulls you impossibly closer to him.

“I love you too,” You tell him softly, placing a kiss on his chest where he has squished your face into him, “now get some sleep, you have to be up in a few hours for that stupid early morning quali.”

~

Lewis had left early in the morning, sneaking out of bed around 3:30 to get ready. Only waking you accidentally when he placed a soft kiss on your forehead as he was leaving. He was apologetic, telling you to go back to sleep and that he would see you at the track. Not that you were able to get much more sleep, needing to get up and get ready yourself if you wanted any chance of making it there on time. When you had finally arrived to the garage, you made sure to perch yourself in the back, trying to stay out of the way of all the busy people rushing around you.You only got to see Lewis for a brief moment, only having enough time to give him a quick kiss and send him off with a final good luck encouragement. It was pointless though, you both knew the car wasn’t going to perform to Lewis’ liking. If anything it had somehow gotten worse for this weekend. 

As you sat in the garage watching on you couldn’t help but cringe. Lewis was battling with the car, not even making it out of Q1. You knew his mood wouldn’t be amazing when he finally made his way back to you after going to be weighed and speak to the media. You watched the next session, baffled by the sheer chaos unfolding and you couldn’t help but pray that the race would end up being better. The grid was out of position and red flags were being thrown left and right. You let out a sigh when you saw your man finally enter the garage, his helmet still on. He stopped momentarily to speak with some of his engineers, shaking peoples hands and thanking them for their hard work. He finally locked onto you, gesturing for you to follow him as he made his way to his drivers room. When you walked in behind him you could see how heavy his shoulders were. His helmet had been discarded on the bench beside him but he still hadn’t turned around.

“Hey, we knew it was gonna be shit, right?” You said quietly, putting your hand on his damp back.

“Yeah, we did. I’m just so ready for this season to be over.” He finally said, letting out a deep breath as he turned to face you.

“We’re so close babe, so so close. And for now we get to take a little time away from this devil of a car.” You told him, wrapping your arms around his neck as his hands found your waist. Not caring one bit that he was soggy from the rain and the sweat, just content to be with your guy.

“Still got a race to do hun.” He reminded you, kissing his teeth.

“Oh I know, but let’s not think about that right now. I was talking about you getting behind the wheel of a Mclaren MP4 for a little while instead.” You smirk, leaning up towards his now smiling face.

“A proper race car.” He says, his smile threatening to split his face.

This is what you wanted, you wanted him to revel in the joy, revel in the honor of driving such an incredible car. Enjoy being behind the wheel of a Championship winning car once again even if it was only for a few laps and unlike the cars he was used to winning in. 

“A legacy meant for a hometown hero to carry on, and a race car meant for a World Champion. It’s been waiting for another great to stretch its legs and they found just the right Brazilian for the job.” You whispered to him, your faces incredibly close now. 

“If you keep talking like that I might end up locking you in here.” His voice is teasing as he wraps his arms around you.

“As much as I desperately want to say yes to that, I do believe you have something to get ready for.” You sigh, pulling back and patting his chest.

“I do, but we’ll use it for motivation later, I might need it.” He says as he peels himself off of you, his voice is playful but you both know he’s dead serious.

“The second we leave this track, I am all yours for as long as you want or need.” You promise, watching as he starts to change and prepare to go meet the Mclaren mechanics that have been looking after the historical car.

You sit in a comfortable peace for a while, occasionally exchanging words about little things that don’t really matter that much, just enjoying being in his space. You know that when the day is over you will have a full debrief, all of the frustration that he’s setting aside for this moment will inevitably bubble up once he’s in the safe privacy of the two of you alone, but for now you entertain his small talk and let him start to get excited about his incredible moment as he gets himself ready. When he’s ready he turns to  you with childlike excitement bubbling at the surface and you can feel your heart swell.

“This is a good look for you.” You tell him, eyeing the all white suit with the Brazilian flag at his waist.

“I’m still mad I can’t wear his actual helmet.” Lewis grumbles with a shake of his head.

“I hate to say, I actually agree with them on that one babe, let’s keep your head safe, yeah?” You laugh.

“I know I know, don’t think it would even fit on my head anyway.” He playfully groans, making his way over to you.

“I like the special helmet for this weekend though, it’s still a tribute.” You remind him, knowing he’s half joking but wanting him to be fully confident when he steps out.

He nods, taking a moment to admire you before he’s pulling you close and landing his lips on yours in a kiss that takes you by surprise with its force.

“Thank you, for everything,” He starts when he finally pulls away, his forehead resting on yours, “for reminding me that I’m allowed to revel in this, for keeping me grounded,for letting me be excited, just for everything.”

“Hey, that’s why I’m here. You do the exact same for me when I need it, it’s why we work so well.” You say quietly, your hand coming to stroke his beard gently.

“If I don’t get to see you before I get in the car, just know your words from last night are gonna be in my head the entire time. I’m gonna let myself enjoy this, let myself feel this. Nothing else about today matters other than honouring and paying tribute to my childhood hero and getting to live out my childhood dreams of driving the car that made me want to start racing around the circuit that introduced me to another home.” His voice holds excitement and certainty as he speaks that makes you want to cry and kiss him all at once.

You’ve never been quite so proud of the man in front of you. Yes, you’ve cheered for him since the beginning, before you even met him. You’ve wept when he’s broken records and won each and every championship. Yet nothing quite compares to seeing this amazing moment and knowing just how much he deserves it, knowing that there is no one better to hold this responsibility and honor. There is no one like Aryton Senna and truly there never will be, and there is no one like Lewis Hamilton and there truly never will be. 

“You know you’re doing for millions what he did for you, right?” You whisper, hoping he knows just the level of inspiration he gives to everyone watching him, young and old alike.

“I know, and it’s amazing to be able to do that.” He says, his smile warm.

You don’t say another word, giving him a long kiss, feeling connected to him in a way you both need in the moment, albeit for much different reasons. You are pouring every ounce of pride and amazement into the kiss, hoping he can feel it, while he is absorbing the love and reassurance that comes with your touch, letting himself feel his greatness and humble himself all at once. Finally there is a knock at the door, signalling that he really needs to get going, causing you to part from each other reluctantly. 

“Okay, I gotta go do the most amazing thing of my entire career.” He says with a smile, “Be here when I get back?”

“I can’t promise I won’t be sobbing out near the pit wall but I will definitely find you, promise.” You laugh, giving him one last kiss before he grabs his helmet and makes his way over to the media garage where the incredible car is being stored for him.

It takes you a little while to get out to the pit lane that is already lined with people. You wish you could be closer, see the car up close but this isn’t your moment. Today is for Senna's family and the people of Brazil, you are just lucky enough to be able to witness the incredible moment in person.You know Lewis is somewhere down the pitlane, most likely trying to stay calm as he geeks out over the amazing machine he is about to drive. He has driven one of Senna’s cars before, but not in a long time, and not in this setting, not with this honor and audience. You also know that no matter how many times he may have had the privilege of being around and driving incredible race cars, he is a racing driver through and through and the excitement will never change. While you’re standing there smiling to yourself, thinking about how excited Lewis must be and taking in the incredible aura of the crowd, you catch sight of the live stream playing on the jumbotron. There he is, getting in his idols car, you watch as he takes a moment to really take it in just before he’s being strapped in. It’s funny to you to see him surrounded by Mclaren mechanics again, to see the goodyear tires you remember from your first ever F1 races. Then they’re rolling him out and the crowd gets their first in person glimpse of the car over the wall and the cheers echo through your soul. It takes a few more minutes for them to be ready and the atmosphere is building with anticipation but then they start the engine. The first rumble sends a chill down your spine and silences the track. The sound of the V10 roaring to life evoked a visceral feeling from you, bringing back memories of why you fell in love with the sport as a child in the first place and you could only imagine what the emotions coursing through Lewis in that moment were. You saw him shake his head in disbelief as he revved the engine and you could just picture the boyish grin that would be covering his face at that moment. Then it cut, he stalled, and you heard the boos and wanted to run and protect him. You knew it wasn’t his fault, and realistically you knew the crowd wasn’t booing him, they were booing the disruption of the soundtrack that was the incredible V10 engine and you also knew Lewis was smart enough to know that as well. The mechanics were quick, getting the engine back up rapidly and soon enough Lewis was headed out toward the track. He took a moment, the mechanics meeting him again and you prayed that everything would go to plan, this moment was too important to everyone for anything not to be perfect. And then you saw him, speeding past you in Senna’s Mclaren down the pit straight. The spray of water adding to the moment as he waved at the fans who were evidently stunned at the spectacle in front of them. Their recently adopted hero bringing them back to a moment with their lifelong hero. You couldn’t hold back your tears as you watched him complete lap after flawless lap, handling the car like he’d been driving it for years. You could only imagine what the emotions flowing through his body must be, so incredibly grateful to be able to witness the moment. When you saw him stop to grab the flag your tears picked up, watching the beauty of the moment as he completed his dream of waving his new country's flag as he drove his idol's car with no hands around the wet track. Everything about the moment was pure poetry. 

By the time he parked the car on the grid, you were sure there wasn’t a dry eye in the entirety of Sao Paulo. You watched through teary eyes as Viviane went and spoke to him as he collected himself in the cockpit. You could see her thanking him and you knew that he was thanking her just as profusely. You tried to dry your eyes as you watched them pose with Senna's helmet while Lewis sat in the car, but they came back quickly. You finally managed to pull yourself together just a little bit as you watched him pose with flag but the second he knelt down next to the car as if to thank it for everything it had done for him and his idol, you lost it again, You couldn’t help but laugh at yourself just a bit, your emotions were definitely getting the best of you. You could see the emotion on Lewis’ face as he too pulled himself together to get ready for the interview. He was beaming, eternally grateful for the opportunity. You listened as he described his love for Brazil and the love he has received from the fans, you could hear the emotion thick in his voice the entire time, even through the incredible joy that was paired with it. You knew he meant it when he said it was the ‘honor of his career’ and you were certain this would be a moment that neither of you ever forgot. Everything about it was purely beautiful, seeing everyone pause for something so meaningful, you weren’t sure you had ever seen the sport so at one in your entire life.

When you saw him finally making his way to the pit lane you scramble to try to pull yourself together, hoping to be somewhat emotionally sound when you went to meet him in his drivers room, but he found you first, a strong arm slinking around your waist before you were being crushed in a tight hug. When he finally let you go you took a moment to take him in. The emotions were written all over his face, the weight of the profound moment sinking in for him as the joy was palpable. He took in your state, his eyes softening, knowing that every emotion on your face came from your love for him and your love for the sport.

“C’mon, lets go be alone for a second.” He said softly, guiding you toward the garage.

When you were safely inside his drivers room you turned to him, your words dying on your tongue as they didn’t feel enough to express just how proud of him you were. Instead you opted to grasp his face in your hands and kiss him, hard, tears falling down your cheeks as you did. When you finally parted from him you saw that the smile had never left his face.

“I think you’re more emotional about that entire thing than I am.” He teased you softly, wiping a stray tear from your cheek.

“Stop it,” You laughed, swatting at him pathetically, “I’m just so proud of you and so happy for you. I can only imagine what that meant to you.”

“Yeah, it was surreal, never had so many emotions at once. It felt incredible, it truly felt like a dream come true.” He said as he placed his hands on your waist, pulling you toward him.

“I was right you know, there was no one more suited for that than you.” You tell him softly.

“You were absolutely right, that felt perfect, Viviane was so kind and so grateful, I will never forget this.” He sighs and you can tell the weight of the weekend is leaving his body with it.

“Nothing else that happens this weekend matters, okay? This was what it was all for.” You assure him, placing your hand on the side of his neck.

“Thank you, you’re right, that was truly the only reason I am here this weekend, none of the rest matters in the slightest.” His eyes are soft as he melts into your touch.

“I know you said you wanted to be Senna or Superman but I think you may have achieved both just now. You are more than a hero to just about everyone here, me included.” You tell him softly, staring deep into his eyes as you do.

“That means a lot, I felt it while I was out there. It was a crazy feeling, getting to be that for everyone.” He says earnestly.

“You do it way more frequently than you think, even if you haven’t been feeling it lately.” You assure him, wanting him to know just how much you mean it.

He doesn’t respond but you can tell he’s just taking it in as he lets out a breath and traces circles on your hip. He’s a confident man, cocky at times, but even the strongest of soldiers can be weak in the face of defeat.

“I know you are a natural born competitor, but let's make a deal that your only objective today is just to come back to me in one piece. That’s all I ask of you.” You say after a moment, listening to the rain pickup against the roof.

“I will absolutely come back to you, but I ain’t making any promise about not also trying to pull that tractor as far forward as I can.” He laughs, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Okay fair enough, just need you in tiptop shape to be my superman when we get back to the hotel tonight.” You smirk, pinching his bicep.

“Well when you put it like that why don’t we just leave on a high note and head back right now?” He asks playfully, pulling you closer to him.

“I’m down, but you’ve gotta go keep being both Senna and Superman.” You giggle.

“Okay, I’ll do my best, but I’m still holding you to that even if this race is shit.” He says, pinching your bum.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

[sparrowlucero]

Hello sorry I am being shy and anon but do you have any advice for someone who wants to get into Doctor Who again after briefly dabbling (and enjoying it very much) in like the early, early 2010s? I know this is mostly your art blog but you were the only person I could think of to ask you're like the Doctor Who authority of blogs I follow

Oh yeah of course! People can be really confusing about this so I'll try not to be.

So first, the majority of doctor who episodes are self contained stories that you could just watch and understand perfectly without any further context. even when there is some overarching context it's usually written in a way that's either pretty easy to glean and/or just doesn't impact your understanding of the story. 99% of the episodes don't even care if you know the premise and are just like "what if some people were on a spaceship and the devil was there? wouldn't that be fucked up or what??". Don't feel like you have to binge a 60 years long show to watch it. Some standalone episodes I think are fun if you (or anyone else) just want to check out one or two:

The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances (A supposed-to-be-dead boy in a gas mask haunts a young woman in world war 2)

Blink (A woman gets wrapped up in a mystery involving statues that make people disappear. This one is especially good if you flat out know nothing about the show. Has some really great time travel stuff.)

A Christmas Carol (A christmas carol pastiche (of course) where the doctor tries to rewrite the past of a cruel man who's going to let a lot of people die. very sad and sweet. I love the "wintery planet with sky fish" setting of this one)

Vincent and the Doctor (The famous Vincent Van Gogh Episode™)

The Rings of Akhatan (A pretty lowkey little adventure story about an alien festival. has supreme autumn vibes)

Flatline (A species from a 2 dimensional world tries to break into our 3 dimensional one. really fun special effects)

Midnight (A tour bus breaks down on a diamond planet where nothing can survive. Something knocks at the door.)

Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead (The Doctor and friend go to a library that covers an entire planet and finds that everyone has disappeared. Has a lot of really great, interesting concepts baked into it that I won't spoil)

It Takes You Away (A girl is left alone in a cabin in the woods when her dad disappears through the mirror. Has a famously goofy ending that I really love)

73 Yards (A character is steps on a fairy circle and is followed by an old woman who always stands exactly 73 yards away)

The Devil's Chord (This doesn't really have, you know, a plot, but it does have jinkx monsoon as an evil music god)

Boom (The doctor steps on a landmine on an alien planet and cannot move)

Wild Blue Yonder (A two hander where the Doctor and co are trapped on a dilapidated spaceship at the edge of the universe. really atmospheric with some fun/strange visuals.)

That being said, it does add a lot to watch it in order; there's a lot of plot twists, character dynamics, and general payoff you get if you marathon it. I would personally recommend starting with either the first episode of the 2005 show ("Rose") or the first episode of the 2010 season ("The Eleventh Hour") and just watching in order from there. I think you could also start with "The Snowmen", "The Pilot", or "The Woman Who Fell To Earth" if you wanted, but the first two (especially rose) are the better jumping on points.

some other little notes of advice I don't often see people mention:

it's stupid sometimes just roll with it

once in a while the show sort of "reboots" with different writers, actors, directors, and a new tone. it's much more like watching several small shows than one long show, so don't be too put off by the length!

IMPORTANT: pretty much all streaming services will separate holiday/anniversary specials from the show proper and you have to deliberately search them up on the same service to find them. It's really necessary to be aware of this because many of these specials are the first or last episodes for characters/whole eras of the show and are genuinely unskippable. I strongly recommend looking up a list of the episodes and checking it after finales just to make sure you don't skip anything on accident.

there's two spin offs (Torchwood, a more adult (read: gay sex) show about a mysterious agency that solves sci fi crimes, and the Sarah Jane Adventures, a pretty good monster of the week kids show) that ran concurrently with season 1-4. You don't have to watch them to understand anything happening in doctor who, but sometimes they cross over with the show in fun ways, Ex. the first season finale of Torchwood continues directly into season 3 of Doctor Who. My friend and I got a kick out of watching them at the same time so maybe you will too. (either way I recommend watching "Children of Earth", the torchwood miniseries, if you want to see a weird dark sci fi show about the government making contact with aliens. It's a bit like arrival (2016) if it was way nastier.)

alternatively, you can inject fast acting brain poison into yourself with this

anyways I hope this all reads as, you know, more approachable than the way dudes on quora recommend this show:

[galactic-rhea]

The thing is,,,,abuse doesn't have anything to do with intelligence or lack of confidence, though yes, a person with low self-esteem is an easier target for abusers, however that's what not I'm talking about.

Like I'm someone who doesn't like to take part in The Discourse (tm) because this is fandom, I'm here to talk about my favorite dolls and create silly scenaries with them. And it might feel a bit egregious to talk about something as delicate and serious as abuse, grooming or domestic violence but also it's the perfect playground to explore such themes and you can learn a lot by psychologically analizing a character and do your own research on the matter so you can understand abuse better, and sometimes that way you can also have a more critical view on real life, and for some of us, also come to terms with our own lives.

That said, back to my original point, it has nothing to do with intelligence. A person that falls into a cycle of abuse doesn't make them stupid, the whole deal of predators and abusers is that they know how to play their game, they know how to manipulate. A victim's mind will always try to cope with the abuse in ways that can be hard to understand sometimes in ways that will make you say 'well, that's enabling their abuser', but is not a statement on their intelligence or lack of it, abuse dynamics are extremelly complex, and victims will go through several states such a guilt, or violent outbrusts, fear, appeasing, avoidance, sometimes all sometimes just a few. And it's because no one is the same and no one's experiences will be the same, even though there are patterns you can identify sometimes.

So when someone wants to argue against a character being too smart to fall for abuse or manipulation, it's a bit sad to me. Not necessarily malicious or dangerous, or anything, again this is fandom and fandom runs rampant with whatever takes that makes all of us grimace. But because that's not how it works, if a certain dynamic isn't abusive by your pov, then it has nothing to do with the character's intelligence. It's not about being strong, or confident; that downplays how abusive dynamics come to be.

Like for example y'know I don't think padmé and anakin were abusive, I've made several posts about it, but it's not because they are too intelligent for that.

Likewise, Anakin wasn't stupid for being groomed by Palpatine; the contrary, he was quite literally a gifted child and a genius at mechanics and was good at many things, including drawing and strategies, but he fell for Palpatine's grooming because:

a) Palpatine is an evil top tier manipulator and predator who knows how to play adults, he literally knew how to play the jedi council, what was a 9 y/o going to do about it.

And b) Anakin's trauma and unattended mental illnesses made him an easier victim for grooming; he was already used to be a thing and be a servant from the moment he learned to talk.

But even if we weren't talking about someone as deeply messed up as Anakin was already, abusers and predators always will take advantage and exploit of the weaknesses and flaws on an individual, they will adapt and change their tactic according to the victim needs, that's why anyone could become a victim, it doesn't matter if your IQ is up there on the moon.

It's not about being too "stupid" to not realize there was abuse, it's a deep, complicated and terrible ensemble of thoughts and insecurities tangling around the brain in such a way that there's no a way to blame the abuser without feeling at fault, or at the very least without feeling scared of retaliation or lost, it's a power dynamic that messes up the sense of self.

[lightningthunderstorm]

Haha glad you like this.

The way Smokescreen told his backstory was somewhat funny.

It sounds very diminishing and was understandably dwarfed by his star struck over Optimus (also because the story wanted him to play the questionable ally), but when taking a closer look, it told a very different story.

He mentioned the Elite Guard only to say it’s like a boot camp training directly after, and the dialogue picked up without mentioning it again. Like until Ultra Magnus, who also mentioned it very briefly.

Basically “I go to this school, the food sucks and it’s kinda boring” but that’s school is one of the top academies in the country 😭

But even without knowing the lore of the Aligned continuity, its name already hints at something out of the ordinary.

And then he mentioned briefly Alpha Trion as a teacher and a friend. Again, the story wrote him like “omg this is sus” but in the other light, he was taught by one of the original Primes, and the same person Optimus was basically mentored under. Imagine being assigned to be a bodyguard of the original Prime, and then the same guy agreed to teach you something.

Like kid is so unserious that half of the stuffs just flew over the head 😭

Also remember how Arcee called him “Destiny child”? Welp Optimus is that OG destiny child, being the reincarnation of the 13th Prime himself, like Acree you’re calling someone else out 😭

Random stuffs that I noticed during TFP rewatch:

-Optimus seems to be right handed as he always prefers using his gun/sword on his right.

-Ultra Magnus, his second in command and probably the second strongest of the Autobots, is instead left handed, he often opens fire first with his left hand gun, and he holds the Forge with his left arm as dominant.

-And Smokescreen, the potential future Prime, is ambidextrous. He has been shown to wear the Phaseshifter on both left and right wrists, which is probably the most notable clue, as people don’t often switch their watch wrist that often.

[honey-minded-hivemind]

Not really relevant to any current au's or anything but I'm kinda stuck on the thought of how easy it would be for any Reader to end up becoming a "glass child" amongst the Xmen/Brotherhood/whatever mutant group.

Like Reader Readerson is just your average young mutant. They have friends, basically family, and all they could want in life. But maybe they aren't involved in the conflicts this time. Maybe they were on a different smaller mission when something went wrong or just otherwise busy. But they find themselves absent from whatever disaster of the week. And that'd be fine...but everytime there's a conflict the group either gets closer or falls apart and Reader doesn't know where they fit in anymore.

Mutants drift away, develop their own identities or new teams come together. Reader wants to be involved, should be involved, but gets rebuffed because they don't share the same base trauma at the moment and "wouldn't understand" what's going on with their friends. That's not fair to Reader. It's not like they chose to miss something so big. But no one will let them in either. They try to go to the adults so they can help in some way, but the adult mutants are too busy trying to pull all the pieces together. They wrongfully presume Reader is looking for help, instead of trying to help them. And they brush Reader off in the moment because there are bigger problems at hand. Well things get resolved. People come together, new members join...but the distance is still there between Reader and the rest. Because Reader wasn't part of the problem but they also weren't part of the solution either (even if they wanted to be but weren't allowed to help). So now Reader is on the fringes. They still have friends and family...but it's not the same. Well they try to move on with life, but this happens again. And again. And again. It's a never ending cycle, because these mutants trauma bond like no one's business and once you miss one thing, you miss a whole encyclopedia worth of issues and bonding.

Pretty soon Reader is basically a member of the group in name only... It's not intentional and it's not malicious. But Reader is the "stable" one, the one who never really has any major problems or murderous villains out for them. So Reader just...stops being relevant in a day to day sense. Of course Reader is really the only one who notices this. The others are too busy to pay attention to the distance they created.

And with Reader unattached and seemingly unneeded...it becomes all too easy for them to just...slip away.

Oooo... I like this. Bring on the angst. What exactly do you have in mind? (smiles deviously and is ready to make a whole new au for your liking) (any power ideas for Reader? Or a big traumatic event only they experience, and is the reason they leave the group or groups?) (Tell me more, please?)

[katiemcgrathhh]

So after watching Agatha all along and just rewatching. Can we just talk about how much Rio LOVEDDD Agatha.

Like not even taking into account that she gave Nicky 6 years to live when he shouldn’t have even lived?? Or when he said “my mother needs me” not mama which he called Agatha. Or the fact that she basically just took the chance to destroy the imbalance of the universe just for her wife, my love, her m‘lady what ever you want to call them. Ex wives, ex-toxic lover (which is a whole different story) her savior ?!? If you read ff it’s a conclusion. To let her keep their son for as long as she could allow before taking him. The fact that she let Nicky say goodbye we all know HE KNEW it was his time and he was ready because he just knew his mother would take care of him.

Fast forward to the cat and mouse game they played, the hiding behind the darkhold, to the being stuck in the hex. In the first episode of Rio and Agatha meeting. You can just clearly see the way Rio is 1. Playing the role she has to for “Agnes” and 2. The way she responded to everything Agnes said. They way she clenched her jaw, her hands, her stuttered blinks. She knows this isn’t her Agatha but she loves her enough to play into it when even tho it’ll hurt her in the long run. She stayed off topics she KNEW weren’t approachable to save her love the confusion.

And when she got on the road. She tried to keep Agatha from another heartbreak. Agatha not letting her get close to rio and not wanting to leave behind that grief or even talking about it as a family. To her playing it off to the cons that Agatha pulled so Rio would have her bodies.

Rio saying she had the emotional scar because she had to take Nicky from them and she’s hurt the only person she ever allowed herself to love. Agatha.

She talked back to Evanora Harkness not just cause she hates ghost but just because it’s her wifes mother who hated her child.. Someone who treated her poorly. Rio wouldn’t stand for it. Their has to be history behind that.

To the betrayal of Agatha hiding Billy because to Agatha it was another Nicky situation even if she knew who he was. To Rio being betrayed because Agatha was purposely hiding him like she tried to do Nicky with all the witches Agatha killed back then. The fact that Agatha didn’t trust her. Or the fact that Rio knew that once again it was her purpose as death to do what she had to do and Agatha wouldn’t understand. No matter how many times she could say it.

The fact that when it all came around when Rio was screaming “why don’t you want me” because no matter what she did for Agatha. Agatha was driven by grief for their child. Their Nicky. It was way ultimately (I think) Agatha finally realized in that moment when teen said “is this what you did to Nicky” and she reached up for her necklace to to finally come to terms to realize it wasn’t Rio that took him on purpose. It wasn’t rios choice, it was just his time. His death. And who is death? Rio, his mother. Someone who also losses someone

Which led us to the kiss of death. Literally. But the fact that Rio loved Agatha so much and when she realized what it was she still gave all her love that she had for Agatha into that kiss. She wouldn’t let her wife go without letting her know how much she loved her and probably how much she’ll always love her. Heart fucking breaking.

[atimesfeeler]

Love the idea that Wade will just accidentally say some traumatic thing about his cancer, chronic pain, mental health issues, disabilities, traumatic childhood, or being tortured, and Logan reels in shock every time bc he genuinely just thought Wade was an annoying idiot when he first met him and the more he gets to know Wade the guiltier he feels about the things he said to him.

“I mean you are a ridiculous, immature, half-wit moron.”

Wase was terrible in school. His combined ADHD and neglectful mother and abusive father made it pretty hard to focus on grades. He didn’t even graduate and signed up for the army/ special forces bc they’ll take anyone.

When Logan notices Wade struggling to spell or taking a long time to read or genuinely trying to focus but having a hard time not getting distracted or feeling like he’s going to die if he doesn’t fidget then Logan understands. Maybe Logan once makes a joke about Wade’s schooling after Wade says something about the X-Mansion and Wade jokes about he didn’t even graduate and how the army didn’t need someone smart as long as he had two thumbs to shoot a gun. Maybe Wade snorts if Logan ever compliments Wade for a smart plan and tells Logan that he’s never been smart and genuinely thinks he’s dumb because of how often he’s heard it said to him.

“I have never met a sadder, more attention-starved, jabbering little prick in my entire life”

Yeah he’s pretty attention starved because he definitely didn’t get enough attention when he needed it growing up and making everyone laugh was a sure way to get positive or negative attention. Wade didn’t care what kind as long as he wasn’t invisible like he was to his mom. And after his skin scarred up and he didn’t have his pretty boy looks anymore Wade gets even more negative attention and even less positive. He starts to realize he doesn’t like negative attention but it’s what he gets even when he’s trying to be good and do the hero thing. He’ll take anything he can get really.

When Logan sees the way Wade lights up at positive attention, he also sees that sometimes Wade will poke and prod to get any attention even if it’s bad and starts to notice the self destructive tendency.

“I’ll tell ya, that bald chick was right about one thing. You will never save the world!”

The funny thing is that Wade never wanted to. He was a mercenary and a bad guy in his mind, but he couldn’t help but try to help others when they need it. It got him in trouble and he rarely ever got a thank you, but Wade never called himself a hero. He wants to be. He tries to be. But he doesn’t think he is, not a real one anyway. He already can’t die so Wade figures that he should do something with his powers even if nobody thinks he’s capable of it.

When they get back into mercenary work, Logan sees just how clear Wade’s morals are. He will fuck up a child abuser and kill a mutant hating scientist before you can tell him to be the bigger person. He won’t hesitate to take jobs from people who can’t afford it who really need his help getting rid of their abuser or stalker. Wade gets hurt relentlessly in horrific ways doing the boldest shit without a care for how it would hurt him. It would be impressive if it didn’t stress Logan into getting more grey hairs.

“I wish I could say you die alone, but it’s one of god’s best jokes that you can’t die except it's on all of us!”

When Logan figures out that Wade has tried to kill himself over and over again in colorful ways, this is the line he regrets the most.

A fic I wrote about it (bc I too crave attention)

Wade: “If I talk enough the voices can’t get me.”

Logan: “The fucking what?!”

[lemonycheesecakes]

Can we just take a moment to think about how amazingly the TOTA characters show the unspoken reality of how mental health issues can affect a person?

someone who experiences mental health issues as a teenager and doesn't finish school. He is disadvantaged when trying to get more education (due to the education system not providing support to those struggling mentally) and is also disadvantaged when he tries to enter the working world.

A girl with a dysfunctional and abusive family trying to cope with her own teenage pregnancy and death of a child that was the result from rape. This causes her to struggle to have healthy relationships and gives her a warped perception of love, family and independence, even well into adulthood.

someone who develops schizophrenia and will permanently be at risk of loosing his jobs and damaging his career (mainly because of protected characteristics not existing at the time - but some truth still holds in that today). The constant misunderstanding of how his disorder affects him drives him to be suicidal.

A mother who's child dies from a disease and she develops severe germaphobia and OCD from the mental impact. Her marriage deteriorates due to her husbands lack of understanding and acceptance of her disorder. She copes by developing a parent-like relationship to a teenager, not being able to accept the death and the fact that her marriage will never again be in a good enough condition to have another child and be a happy family.

A husband who is also struggling with the mental impacts of his child dying from a disease. Even though his character isn't explored much, it's clear he struggles to cope when his wife develops severe issues and gets sent to a mental hospital, leaving him with no support. Due to the general lack of understanding of mental health issues in the 90s and his own personal misunderstandings, he tries to pressure his wife into becoming "normal" again by trying to make her feel ashamed for her disorder. He loves her and wants her back, but he doesn't know how to make their relationship work around her disorder, so he doesn't come to acceptance with how she is mentally impacted and so tries to force her to change.

A middle aged man who's career has never set off and so has no money. He doesn't have any family (aside from his grandma whom he has a complicated relationship with and leaves halfway through the show) and has only had failed romantic relationships. He resorts to alcoholism as a way to cope. Despite his life being considered a disaster, he is considered the most healthy and capable main character due to him not having any sort of condition. People only expect mental health issues to affect the characters with disorders, leaving him misunderstood and without support.

Keep in mind, THIS WAS MADE IN THE 90S! Gosh, I fucking love Donna Franceschild. She wrote mental health issues (specifically ones affecting women) more brilliantly and with more truthfulness and understanding than most writers today. She's like the Sylvia Plath of the 90s. If only her work wasn't so obscure.

[sweetjazzygirl]

I'm just going to clarify this, sorry if i didn't word it right.

I was not and never has once before saying that "Snaccpop team are horrible people", criticizing is one thing but saying they're horrible people is not. Saying this because someone acted like that was my intentions. (Not to the person who made the tiktok video btw)

Besides, with the whole thing happened before this drama. I couldn't help my paranoia and overthinking, i couldn't help hoping that nothing will go wrong.

I swear i didn't mean to act like i was rushing them, i was expressing my frustration and even they understand that, that doesn't mean you gotta take me for someone who throws false accusations around out of nowhere. I may be getting frustrated but i'm not some dumbass that is here wanting to seek attention by starting drama as if treating it like some kind of a trend just because you came across many content creators coming out as problematic people.

So now seeing this is happening, it's crazy how my worst fear came true (i wish i didn't jinx it). Having the internet making up rumors all because they lacked communication, it's even worse to learn that this was not the first time.

Snaccpop doesn't mind getting criticized, they also understand our frustration. I admit i was more upset that it took long for them to announce Jambee's computer issues because here's the thing, no one knows the creator's account (as i do ever since i came across the classic version of SDJ which was before they deleted their account) and they aren't up to date because of that so, it's understandable why they'd be upset that it took them this long and again, this is not me saying they're horrible people. I never considered them as "the bad guys", i'm not an idiot.

And to the internet, just because you're frustrated, doesn't give you the right to throw false accusations around them. NOR does it give you the right to compare Jambeebot to Yandere Dev, a guy who has been outed as a CHILD PREDATOR, even if you compare the part of them "whining to the fans", you do not compare Jambee to this disgusting human being. I only decided to stick around because i felt guilty, guilty for being upset, even if they claim that it's valid, even if they said they don't mind us leaving.

They're a small team with struggles, that's something most of us needs to understand, i know i said somewhere in my post "make a video" before this whole situation happened and dare i say i'm glad i wasn't the one who made one (a video), i was going to but hesitated, waited until i see if something happens. The video wasn't going to be about them being "terrible people", it's more about the lack of communication, the removed content with no explanation, stuff like that, that is not to consider "horrible people", hell no.

it's not my fault i wasn't up to date because people came up feeling like they have been scammed or something and if my posts really did seemed off, at least try and correct me, don't just accuse me of someone that wants them to release the game immediately (as that would be rushing the game and ruins it) and stuff like that or even tell me to go outside, do better. Same goes to others that throws rumors around.

[harlivyanddansen]

Okay, so we see ONE section of plot-relevant dialogue and you just assume that they said nothing else? Also, ignoring nuance, because there is obvious fear and desperation from her mother in this scene. Doesn't look like they really want to do this, but they have to.

And what, you think if Kal-El never existed, they wouldn't send their daughter away from an exploding planet despite having the ship to send her in? Is that really what you think? The last heir to the House of El is just going to be allowed to die because there's no male to look after? Wow... okay...

Survivor's guilt is a powerful thing, and Kara is feeling all this from the perspective of 12-year-old who had a child's understanding of the situation. She's just repeating what she thought her responsibility was without taking into account what the purpose was behind that. Alex was right, and you're just being judgmental.

Okay, that entire quote was, again, Kara speaking from the understanding she had of the conversation that took place when she was a child. Her mother never said it was the ONLY reason she was being sent. The word 'only' never appeared in the dialogue. In fact, one can argue that with how it was phrased, this was Kara being asked to protect her much younger and more vulnerable cousin (he was ONE YEAR OLD, just as a reminder). Jumping to conclusions isn't an Olympic sport.

Yeah, the show sucked at giving Kara a real throughline, and also, her dad didn't say anything in the original scene, as you pointed out. Not onscreen, at least, because they only gave us plot-relevant dialogue. But notice how her dad said absolutely nothing about the mission she supposedly failed to accomplish, and neither did her mother. None of their dialogue had anything to do with her 'mission' at all if you paid any attention. They were just glad she was alive.

Funny how, once again, it's Kara's perception of her parents' wishes and not anything they actually said that trips her up. How interesting.

Again, the word 'only' wasn't in the plot-relevant dialogue. At no point was that what they said.

You still didn't answer the question. How could both kids be sent to Earth and Kara not at least feel responsible for her baby cousin? If they're both meant to survive, it makes sense that she would be put in charge as the older of the two.

Oh, thank you for those examples, neither of which actually mention that Kal-El was going with her. In the comic example, it actually looks like the familys are doing this independent of each other. In the screencaps, her mother still tells her to find her cousin, so she's still being made responsible for him. Not really shoring up your argument, hon.

Yeah, funny how families sometimes try to make decisions in tandem, and try to make one that's going to do the most good. Funny how they should care about both their daughter and their nephew. Seriously, did you try think about this from their POV at all, or did you just jump to 'horrible parents'?

Alura was on a chunk of her home planet with limited resources, hence their asking for help from Lena for the Huran-El. And how was she supposed to locate Kara on a planet of 14 billion people? I mean, Earth is a thriving planet full of other beings who are at least physically identical to Kryptonians in looks, having the same outward physiology, so it's not like all she'd have to do is look for the woman with the extra head. Not helped by the fact that she last saw her daughter when she was 12 and has no idea what she looks like as an adult.

Alura wouldn't have seen anything because they were still in the hanger at the time the pod got knocked off course, so I don't know where this part came from.

Ah, here we are. I mean, yeah, this has been used as a story beat, but that's not what actually happened. Besides, another good story beat is a character who has to find a new purpose after the one she thought she had was ripped away by fate, which was the one the show actually gave her.

If you want to show me where her parents were so disappointed she didn't wither and die because she didn't fulfill their original plans for her, go ahead. Show me that dialogue.

honestly, it's really crazy how kara's parents (in the show) saved her only so she can watch over kal. "you'll journey to earth to look after your baby cousin, kal-el.", "my father sent me to earth to take care of my baby cousin who went before me..." don't you just want your daughter safe? don't you just want her to live? is her life not worth that much to you? her happiness? why must she be spared only to look after some boy? why must you drill into the head of this young girl her life's worth it only if she's giving it away for others? are you not ashamed? ... fucking assholes!

[lilithofpenandbook]

Seriously how can M*r*uders stans like random Slytherins (who tf are Evan Rosier, Pandora (is that Luna's mum and why tf is she Evan Rosier's twin in half of these), and I don't even want to discuss Regulus) and make them Actually Misunderstood Good People Who Were Forced Down That Path when at least one of them *coughreguluscough* was obsessed with Voldemort

And then turn around and make Snape an awful person?

[thebirdandhersong]

Lol

[bacchuschucklefuck]

the boy-but-not-that-way-ism of riz gukgak send tweet

[hanzajesthanza]

this looks like a long time but initially it said 1 MONTH 15 days

[nearestend]

sorry but i'm going to need everyone to stop writing autistic / "gifted" (in quotes because i hate that term) characters who were little baby geniuses that skipped grades and graduated as valedictorian and were every teacher's pet because it's the most unrealistic shit ever and kind of just perpetuates this ableist misconception when in reality most autistic / gifted kids are more likely to be abused and exploited and bullied (both by peers and teachers), especially if they are not rich and especially if they are not white