#no I am not okay thank you for asking

[localminecraftcryptid]

Live action sanji is just as pathetic as I wanted him to be. Like this man is obviously a virgin who's never even kissed someone, but can flirt but not read signals well. Like he has the ingredients to cook but he's reading the recipe slightly wrong.

It's very cute and if they escalate his flirting in this live action if we get more season then me, Netflix, and a folding chair are gonna have words (for legal reasons this is a joke)

[jaggedjot]

An Extended Set of Notes on a Look at Season Two

Or, an attempt at being cohesive in extenuating circumstances.

"He wants you in pieces for the privilege of putting them back together as he sees fit." Armand has correctly identified Daniel's saviour complex (part projection-denial of his own feelings for Louis, part assertion of the white masculinity he leans into) with Louis.

There is a distinct edge to the smiles that Claudia and Armand give each other.

It is implied through the montage that Louis’ speech about his newfound commitment to pragmatic optimism ("Stop feeling sorry for yourself. A shit life beats no life. And where we're going now, we can't be running away again.") is aimed at Claudia. If that is the case, then Claudia is going to rightfully furious at this implicit criticism of her own despair at being an eternal adolescent, especially as this is coming from the man who played a significant role in causing that about. Not to mention the underlying resentment it suggests Louis has about her willingness to leave him, when Louis will be doing something similar to her later in the season.

I do need Sam Reid to teach classes about how to remove a shirt or waistcoat that smoothly.

The third episode of season one had Daniel point out how different Louis portrays Lestat in the present day to the original interview, namely that at the time he seemed to despite Lestat. Armand though clearly recognised that the anger and loathing Louis exhibited in the 1970s is something of a front to mask still existing love.

Initially I thought that Lestat was eating bible scripture, but, judging by the modern costume, he may be eating one of Armand’s scripts instead; the symbolism of both potential images is wonderful.

While Claudia and Madeline’s heads are already turned away, defeated, we catch a glimpse of Louis watching Lestat leave them to their fate.

Interesting that Armand is not going to pretend that there isn't something between him and Lestat.

Whoever blocks the sex scenes understands the importance of desperately grasping hands. I wonder if this tussle will end, as the previous one did, with Louis’ initial dominance fading as he allows himself to be overwhelmed.

“Let me guess, he’s your companion, finally. Picked another one over me!” It must be incredibly difficult for Claudia to see Louis find love, and be loved so intensely, when she is unable to in large part due to Louis' decision for her to be turned as a child. And for Louis to then decide that he has grown out of their relationship.

The line of "You fear Armand. You should fear the other one." before cutting to Louis smashing a glass against a priceless painting. My crazy girl is back.

Present day Louis actually seems to be wearing a colour that isn't black for the first time.

Even having rewound a dozen times, I still have no idea what horrific creature Louis imagines crawling out of the hollow of Lestat's throat. You would presume it would be a rat, but there is something insectoid to it.

A lot of theories about what happened on that fateful night in San Francisco being refuted or made more valid, specifically the seeming confirmation that it was Louis that left that scar on Daniel, and that the interview did take place the same night Louis and Daniel met.

Claudia and Louis sharing Madeleine is quite something.

The implication of the montage accompanying Claudia’s “You got to give up something to get something.” seems to be that Claudia is going to realise that she can never be fulfilled while maintaining her splintering relationship with Louis. Then for it to be followed up by Louis' "You and me, me and you." speech to her.

Santiago's inclusion in the "You and me, me and you." montage promises many things.

This trailer does nothing to contradict my theory that Armand is standing in the prompter’s box of his theatre during the trial, while claiming in the present day that he had no say over what happened next.

Please tell me Lestat's imagined ghost is not accompanying Louis and Armand during all their Parisian dates.

The shot of Lestat laughing while holding an ashing cigarette further confirms that there will be flashbacks to Rue Royale, as the blurred background looks very similar to the downstairs room.

"Pieces of my life gone. I knew who I was without those pieces." LOUIS.

The toast between Claudia, Madeleine, Louis and Armand seems to be taking place immediately before the trial, because Claudia is wearing the same fateful yellow dress and Madeleine the same blue blouse and, seemingly, red two-piece skirt and jacket.

The collapse of the bookshelves containing memorabilia of the past are not clearly connected to something happening in an interview session. If this is a response to something dramatic or particularly emotional in the story, you would expect Daniel to be up close, not sitting behind a desk alone.

It does hurt me to see Louis cry.

[chanis-banani]

Reply - Part 1

Inspired by: [Han Seungwoo] 'Reply' - M Countdown

Note: Today is the 3rd anniversary of Seungwoo's solo debut and it would be an understatement to say this album changed my life. I just had to write something for it, I couldn't contain myself...

Note 2: stop calling me a seungwoo simp

Synopsis: after a week of contemplation, Seungwoo finally brings up the courage to send you a message. As he waits anxiously for you to reply, all he can do to kill the time is reminisce about the first time met you.

Genre: fluff and very slight angst maybe? Let's just say it's the wholesome start of a slow burn romance

Pairing: Seungwoo x gn reader

Word Count: 3,4k

Contains: some swearing, mentions of alcohol, mentions of cigarettes (but no actual drinking or smoking)

Tic, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock, tick-

With a frustrated grunt, Seungwoo yanks the batteries from the clock and tosses them onto the cabinet. When he tries to hang the clock back on the wall, he struggles to get the little hook on the nail. It only takes two failed attempts for him to be fed up with the stupid thing and he angrily dumps it on top of the furniture. The clock lands next to the batteries, one of which tumbles off the edge and rolls under the cabinet. Seungwoo watches as it disappears from his vision and he scoffs. Piece of shit.

He takes his phone from his pocket and checks his messages. Even though he has the volume of his notifications turned all the way up, he can’t stop himself compulsively checking his phone. There is always a slight chance the sound just didn’t come through, right? Maybe you messaged him and his phone is just lagging. He can’t risk missing anything. But despite his hopeful delusion, there is still nothing.

First he puts his phone back in his pocket, but he immediately changes his mind and places it on the dinner table instead, making sure the screen faces up so he can see everything that comes in. A deep sigh escapes him as he stares at his phone for a while. He is too restless to bring himself to sit down. All he can do is stand there and pace around the room. Once again, he sighs and goes into the kitchen to grab himself a glass of water. When he returns to the dinner table, he sets the glass on one of the coasters to check his notifications again.

It had only been about a week since he met you, but it felt like more like a month. He couldn’t stop thinking about you. The way you smiled and the way you talked… The way you made those snarky comments at him when he approached you. It hadn’t been the most fairytale-like encounter. And yet, he couldn’t stop thinking about it, no matter how hard he tried.

With another sigh, Seungwoo puts his phone on the table again and he leans back in his chair, staring up at the ceiling. He wanted nothing more than to talk to you, hear your voice again, and observe that little twinkle in your eyes when you talked to him.

It was impossible for him to forget how stunning you looked last Saturday. Your clothes were very neat and complimented your body well, which contrasted with your slightly messy hair. This contradiction intrigued him. He needed to get to know you better, wanted to explore what other interesting contrasts he might encounter. Perhaps it was specifically the difference between you and him that captivated him the most. You were exhilarating to him.

Seungwoo jumps up when his phone suddenly rings and he answers it without hesitation. “Hello?” he says, voice shaking a little bit. “Hyung!”, he hears from the other side of the line, “Did-” Without letting Sejun finish his sentence, Seungwoo hangs up on him. Idiot. How could he have been so stupid to call right now? He knew that Seungwoo was waiting for your call. What if you had finally reached out right when Sejun was hogging the line?!

Seungwoo sits back down and rests his elbows on the table, burying his face in his hands with a desperate little cry. “What am I doing…” he murmurs into his hands. All he wants is to hear your voice again. He keeps reminiscing about the evening he met you. 

That evening, he entered the venue with Sejun at 8 pm. Seungwoo offered to get drinks for both of them, so he made his way through the crowd, towards the bar on the other side of the large space. While he waited for the bartender to fix his drinks, he felt someone bump into him. It’s when he turned around to look, that he laid his eyes on you for the very first time. 

“Sorry!” you said quickly, officially marking that as the first word that was ever exchanged between the two of you. “That’s okay,” he replied with a smile, “It’s pretty crowded here, so accidents can happen.” Seungwoo had to try his best not to smile too widely at you. Right away he found you incredibly attractive. Your voice sounded lovely. He wanted to hear it again.

“I like your tattoo,” you said, and Seungwoo could swear that his heart made a little jump in his chest. He was wearing his shirt with its sleeves rolled up, so the colorful tattoo on his arm was clearly exposed. You had been observing him just as closely as he had observed you and this notion gave him goosebumps. 

“Thank you! I have a few more.” Was it weird for him to say this? He immediately felt embarrassed and at the same time he wished he had worn his shirt just a little more unbuttoned so the tattoo on his chest could have been exposed to  you. Luckily, you smiled at him, so he probably hadn’t weirded you out too much.

He wondered what to tell you next, trying his best to think of something to keep your attention. But his brain wasn’t working properly anymore. All he could think about was how intrigued he was by you. He involuntarily tried to imagine what kind of person you were and what kind of things you would like. And before he got the chance to open his mouth again, his drinks were ready and Sejun called him impatiently from across the room.

Every person who tried to speak to Seungwoo that evening was in for a disappointment. When they tried to approach him, there was a chance he didn’t even notice them at all. Even when he tried to engage in a conversation, he couldn’t stop his gaze from drifting back to your figure.

At one point during the evening, he had lost sight of you. His eyes looked for you anxiously, but you were nowhere to be seen. He panicked. There was no way he could possibly let you go like that. He started to move through the crowd, pressing himself through the clusters of people. 

At least fifteen minutes were spent searching for you, until he found you outside, away from the crowd, with your phone up to your ear. You ended the conversation just when Seungwoo stepped through the venue door, into the fresh air. He needed to know who you had been calling with. What if you already had a partner? The thought alone was enough to make him nauseous.

He stood there for a while, unsure of what to do next. Your mind was clearly elsewhere since you hadn’t noticed him yet. With his head tilted slightly in curiosity, he observed how you stared absentmindedly into the distance while playing with your phone. But the silent moment of appreciation was ruined when Seungwoo suddenly had to sneeze. You looked his way and he looked at you, completely terrified. Thank god it was dark outside so you weren’t able to see his expression very clearly.

Fuck, now things became weird. He had to act quickly, otherwise you would think he was some kind of weirdo. Even if there might have been some truth to that, he obviously didn’t want you to feel that way about him.

Before he could even make up his mind on what he could possibly do to make this situation seem normal, you opened your mouth and spoke to him with a snarky, yet enchanting tone. “You should wear a jacket if you’re going to be outside,” you said. God, maybe he was in love.

“Oh? Uhh, yeah,” he replied awkwardly. Nice, Seungwoo. Real smooth. This was definitely the way to win somebody’s heart. “I’m uhh- It’s not that cold?” God with every word he uttered, he just managed to mess up even more.

You snickered at him and looked at your phone again. Somehow this made Seungwoo feel at ease. You didn’t seem uncomfortable about him. Even if he made an absolute fool of himself just now, it seemed like you didn’t really mind having him around. He straightened his clothes a bit and ruffled his fingers through his hair while you didn’t look. Then he cleared his throat and took a careful step in your direction.

“Actually,” he began somewhat more confidently now, “I could use a little breeze. It’s quite stuffy in there.” Without looking up, you just replied with a little “Mhmm.” While doing his best to hide his timidness, he took another step in your direction and said “Is it okay if I sit here? I could also find someplace else, if you-” “Oh, sure, it’s fine!”

He blinked a few times when you interrupted him with such a sweet tone. You had put your phone away completely and looked straight at him. The eye contact made him feel like his blood was rushing through his veins at twice its regular speed. The dizziness that ensued made him feel almost relieved, because it meant he wasn’t really lying to you anymore. At this point, he really could use some fresh air.

He sat down next to you on the curb, making sure to keep a good 6 ft distance between the two of you so as to not make you uncomfortable. You were still looking at him with those eyes and it nearly drove him insane. “So, do you smoke?” you asked him. He shook his head, and you grinned. “Me neither.”

The conversation went silent. For a minute, all you and Seungwoo could hear was the sound of passing cars in the distance and the buzzing voices of the people inside. He wondered why you would ask him such a question if you didn’t smoke either. Could it be that you were lying? Did he just fail a test? What if you didn’t want to date anyone who didn’t smoke? He felt nauseous again.

The breeze really was quite cold and Seungwoo’s blouse didn’t do much to protect him from it. The tip of his nose and his ears became red and he shivered, but it didn’t matter to him. In fact, he was barely aware of the cold at all. Being so near to you made him feel almost feverish inside. His heart was beating wildly in his chest and his cheeks felt hot. Even if he had lost almost all feeling in his fingers, the rest of his body was simply buzzing with life. 

His breath created a tiny cloud in the air, drawing your attention to his shivering figure. “You’re cold!” you laughed at him. Your breath formed a little cloud as well and Seungwoo watched how the little clouds drifted in the same direction for a second, until he snapped back to reality. “I’m really not that cold,” he sputtered, “I just tend to shiver when I’m feeling dizzy.”

“So you’re still feeling dizzy?” you asked. Your voice didn’t sound exactly concerned, but not like you were mocking him either. Seungwoo couldn’t quite put his finger on it. He sure was dizzy now, slowly going crazy from the way your eyes were scanning him. There was something about your look that gave him the feeling this was more than a casual conversation. It felt like he was being inspected, your eyes studying every detail of him and your mind interpreting what you saw. He could tell you were on your guard around him. Not in a defensive way, but much like a researcher would be on their guard around the subject they’re researching. As if he were some kind of experiment and you were waiting to see what he might do next.

“I bet you would feel less dizzy if you wore a jacket,” you continued with a little grin. Seungwoo observed you closely, noticing something like a little twinkle in your eyes. He wondered if you always had that twinkle when you talked to people.

“I was too dizzy to grab my jacket,” he replied with a little scoff, “I just wanted to go outside quickly. And you should know that I’m already beginning to feel better.” He fully expected you to say it was nice that he felt better, but you just scoffed right back at him: “Pfft, if you say so…”

Before he could come to his defense again - even though you were completely right - you already bombarded him with the next question: “So who do you know at this party?” “Oh, I just know Sejun,” Seungwoo replied, “Sejun and I are close, so when he got invited to this party, he asked me to join him.”

“Ahh, I’m here because of Sejun too! We aren’t close at all though. He just invited my friend and told her she could bring more people. So really, I don’t even know Sejun at all."

"I see. The party must be quite boring for you then, if you only know your friend. Is that why you'd rather sit here and call your boyfriend?" The words had left Seungwoo's mouth before he fully realized what he was saying. And now that he said it, he wished he would never be able to speak again. 

You raised an eyebrow at him and turned your body a little to face him better. Seungwoo's heart was beating like crazy in his chest. It felt like minutes of silence were passing by while he anxiously awaited your response. He knew he fucked up.

“You are so obvious,” you said eventually. Your voice was low and almost a little threatening. Seungwoo gulped. “We met like seconds ago and you’re already trying to figure out whether I have a partner or not.” For a second it was silent again. ‘Don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t do it,’ Seungwoo thought to himself, trying to suppress the impulse. But he couldn’t possibly contain himself. He just had to know, so he asked: “Well do you?”

He felt like he was about to faint.

Clearly you were a little perplexed by his bluntness, but that didn’t stop you from responding immediately with “That is none of your business. Besides, I don’t find this party boring at all.” You showed him a little smile, but Seungwoo couldn’t make out whether you genuinely enjoyed this moment with him or not. He had to find a distraction, quickly. He needed to come up with something interesting before you felt scared off. This conversation was getting worse by the second and he knew that he only had one last chance to save it.

“I don’t think this party is boring either, now that I found someone so interesting to talk to,” he said. And he regretted it immediately. This was the nail in the coffin. It was over. He could nearly feel his heart breaking in his chest. But to his surprise, you laughed.

“You’re a little pathetic, aren’t you?” you asked him. The tone of your voice was playful and warm. Even though what you said was quite sour, the sweetness with which you said it was like music to his ears. 

“You say it’s pathetic, but I would call it being an open book. Pretending I don’t like you won’t get me anywhere.”

You analyzed him for a second, your gaze feeling almost like some kind of interrogation to him. “Perhaps,” you replied, “but it would benefit you to be a little more subtle about it.”

Seungwoo wondered what it would be like to kiss you. He tried to distract himself, tried to think of something to say again, but the two of you were suddenly interrupted by a voice: “You’re still here? Come on, we have work tomorrow, we should go home!” Seungwoo turned around to see who was calling you, but the person had already gone back inside again. When he turned back to you, you already stood up from the curb and brushed off your clothes. “Well,” you said, “that was my friend. You heard them. It’s time for me to leave.”

He clumsily stood up as well and by the time he got on his feet, you had already made your way over to the door to go back inside the venue. His heart nearly dropped upon the sight of your departure, but to his delight, you turned around to him and he got to hear your beautiful voice one more time.

“Since you seem so desperate to know about this; no, I do not have a partner. Goodnight.” And with that, you disappeared from his sight.

Seungwoo stood there for several minutes, out in the cold, completely dazed.  He had managed to blow every single aspect of this encounter and yet, you almost seemed to be into it. Even when thinking about it now, he can feel the ache in his heart again. He never even got to learn your name.

After you left the party and the absurdity of the conversation slowly sinked in, the first thing Seungwoo did was search for Sejun. He needed to have your number immediately. After struggling to explain who he was talking about, he finally managed to get Sejun to ask your friend for your number. The next day, Seungwoo received a text from Sejun which included your contact information. Since neither of them knew your name, and it didn’t occur to Sejun to ask your friend about it, Seungwoo simply saved you in his contacts as ‘sour candy’. He figured it was a suitable nickname for now.

It took him ages to figure out what he should send. He spent days writing, deleting and rewriting drafts in the notes app on his phone, in a hopeless attempt to create the most perfect message known to mankind. And after days of contemplating, he finally found the courage to send this work of art to you earlier this morning.

Now all you have to do is reply.

Seungwoo stands up from his chair and walks over to the cabinet to grab the battery that rolled underneath it earlier. While feeling around for the battery, he feels something else and pulls it from under the furniture. He holds it in front of him and twists the object between his fingers while observing it closely. Between his fingers, he is holding two little magnets, stuck tightly together.

Just when he’s wondering when and how those magnets ended up there, he is startled by the loud ringtone of his phone, coming from the dinner table. This time, he doesn’t rush to pick it up. Instead, he walks over to the table rather slowly and he first looks at who's calling him. His knees just about turn to mush when he sees ‘sour candy’ displayed on his screen. Quickly, he sits down, takes a deep breath and answers the phone.

“Hello?”

“Yes, hello. You’re that guy from the party last Saturday? With the nice tattoo? You messaged me?”

“Yeah, that’s me.”

Seungwoo’s hands are trembling. He can’t believe it. He is finally talking to you again. While holding the phone to his ear with his right hand, he still has the two little magnets between the fingers of his left hand, fidgeting with them nervously. The other side of the line is silent for a little moment, before he gets to hear your lovely voice again:

“We can go to a cafe. Tomorrow.”

Internally, Seungwoo is screaming.

“Yeah-... I would love that! At what time should we meet?”

“1 pm, the cafe you messaged me about. And it’s not a date. See you tomorrow.”

Before he gets the chance to say goodbye and I love you, you already hang up on him. He is fully aware you told him it wouldn’t be a date, but he isn’t even remotely bothered by it. The excitement rushing through his body is enough to distract him for now. Just because this won’t be a date according to you, doesn’t mean he can’t take you on a real date in the future.

Seungwoo observes the small magnets in his left hand again and feels the urge to press a little kiss on them. After taking a brief moment to calm himself down, he runs to his closet to gather an outfit for tomorrow. This too, happens with lots of contemplation in order to present himself in the best possible way. When he’s finally satisfied, he places the clothes on a chair and slips the little magnets in one of the pockets. For good luck.

To be continued...

[agayworthfightingfor]

i love watching my mental health go down the drain it makes a pretty whirlpool

[slavicviking]

Because i do enjoy pain myself - imagine, if you will, Steve not planning to run away but going for a nightime drive instead. Steve on an empty road leading out of Hawkins, one of lesser known ones, driving past the lab when it happens. The lights flicker, one after another, closer and closer to the beemer. Then, just above him, the light flashes, enough to blind a person momentarily, especially someon who hasnt been expecting it. Steve, panicked, swerves but doesn't notice the narrow but deep ditch until it's too late.

The lights go out.

The road is empty.

The school notices Steve's absence after a week. The Harrington boy did tend to skip classes from time to time. His friends don't know anything, simply shrug when asked. 'Always said he's sick of this hellhole', they say.

The Police searches the house. Steve's room, devoid of anything personal, paints a picture of a golden boy turned runaway.

Everything fits.

No one investigates.

The lab closes and the car, hidden by the bushes, remains undiscovered until much, much later. Because who'd be driving all the way out there anyway?

Steve Harrington dies but no one mourns him.

I'm a glutton for punishment --as though I don't have enough fics to work on right now, the brain worms have struck again!

What if Steve had been preparing to run away in season one?

He had it all planned out. He would have one last hurrah with Tommy and Carol at his house, his last night ever having to look at the empty halls and cold dark rooms devoid of any life or semblance of family.

It was perfect, his parents would never know he was gone.

Perfect.

If he kept repeating it, it would eventually have to be true, right?

Nancy and Barb come along, which is fine, great even -it shouldn't delay his plans and it maybe even gives him a chance for one last good memory in that house with the beautiful, smart, kind, Nancy Wheeler.

Only when Barb cuts her hand open trying to learn how to shot-gun a beer, Nancy takes her friend home with an apology in her eye's and a, 'maybe next time,' on her tongue.

But Steve knows, there won't be a next time. He's leaving town tonight.

He had packed his car with everything he owned that could reasonably fit in the trunk, enough food and water to get him to Muncie, the paperwork for his car, his birth certificate, and license.

He was nearly free. Fuck Hawkins, fuck his parents. Steve was so close to a fresh start, he could taste it.

Steve slams the trunk of the beemer shut and surveys the Harrington house one last time.

The windows reflect the street lamp on Loch Nora, shining pleasantly in the cool November evening.

Until it doesn't.

The lamp flickers once above him.

Steve looks up with narrowed eyes, the streetlights have never done that before?

He steps away from his trunk, reaching into his pants pocket for his keys before freezing at the low rumbling growl that emanates from the brush just off the road just as the light from the lamp above him dies.

Steve doesn't turn in time to see it.

A long echoing scream reverberates down the empty street as the lamp turns back on, revealing a lone car in the driveway.

A pair of keys hanging in the driver's side door.

[egophiliac]

What do you like about the Diasomnia boys if I may ask?

I always love hearing about the different reasons people enjoy characters.

I mean, c'mon. he has split custody over Sebek okay

also, Lilia in particular has maybe the best timeskip character development of all time

[inkskinned]

so while i was writing the book, i became violently suicidal.

this was mostly due to the fact that i had a very bad reaction to some meds and my brain stopped producing any serotonin. also i was in the last semester of grad school where it's actually illegal to feel anything but dread. so it wasn't going well.

somewhere in the fog of it i became aware i needed help. nobody was taking clients or my insurance. i didn't want to do inpatient care - it wasn't right for my needs. there's not really an "in between" stage between "inpatient" and "no care," but i was trying to do the right thing. i was trying to activate the chain of command that was my emergency plan. i knew i needed help now.

i used betterhelp.

i know, i know. i'm a straight-A student and so smart and so clever, how could i ever use something so blatantly bad. to be honest with you, i didn't feel particularly keen on it from the getgo - things that seem too good to be true usually are. also, if something online is free, the price is usually your privacy.

the thing is that there was kind of a global pandemic happening at the time and i worked 5 jobs alongside of being a fulltime student and also like writing a book on the side. it is a miracle that i even thought about getting help. i would love to tell you i had the mental wherewithal to like, process whether this was the right choice for me. mostly i was desperate. i was so suicidal that i was trying to find a reason to stay inside of fortune cookies. i was the kind of suicidal that looks like splatterpaint. i hadn't been that bad in an entire decade.

they took my data. i gave them it freely. somewhere out there, they have a dossier on me. on everything i survived. my story in little datapoints, scattergraphed beautifully.

the first woman told me that really i should be grateful, because (and this is a direct quote): "at least you're not anne frank." i said that i felt that statement was antisemitic, as anne frank's life and experience shouldn't be compared to like, a nonbinary lesbian in western massachusetts. the therapist said that i should try to use lucid dreaming to try to picture myself in an actually scary situation, like running from nazis.

i applied for another therapist. i was willing to accept the possibility that there was a bad apple in the bunch. the next therapist and i even laughed about how inappropriate that statement was. and then, in our next session: the new therapist said if i was struggling with body image issues, i should just work harder on my appearance. she spent 3 sessions in a row talking about how she was grieving, and made me memorize facts about her grandmother so "she can live on through my clients."

i am a three's-a-charm kind of person. okay, so what if the last person made me uncomfortable. i figured it was just a misunderstanding of priorities - she had felt she was sharing with me, i had felt like i had to take care of her. i applied for another therapist.

the last woman asked me to help her pray. she bowed her head. i stared at her, frozen, while she said: lord, i beg you: cure her. take the pain of being gay away from her.

i spent somewhere between 2.5 and 3 months on betterhelp. in that whole time, i was not getting the professional help i so desperately needed, even though i was fucking trying.

in the end, i survived this because i finally could get off the meds that were literally killing me. a request for a real therapist finally went through. i survived because my friends saved my life. because nick let me sob myself dry in his arms. because maddie took the razors out of my room when i asked them to. because grace slept over in my bed for like 3 weeks in a row since nobody trusted me not to hurt myself when i was alone. i survived because i got fucking lucky. because even when i was desperately suicidal, i was too old and too self-aware to take "you need to be prettier" as good advice.

the thing is that there's a 19 year old me who isn't like that. who would have heard "just think about how grateful you should be" and said - oh, i see. i would have assumed that is what it means to be in therapy: the same thing my abusers used to tell me. that i am just pretending and lazy. that i am ugly and unworthy.

betterhelp positioned itself to take advantage of an incredibly vulnerable community. it preys on desperation. it knows it is serving people who are not doing well mentally. it saw that there is a huge need for real, immediate, compassionate mental health care: and then it fucking takes your money and privacy.

i still get their ads on instagram. last night i watched as a woman in a pool pretends to talk to a different woman. they discuss her anxiety.

there's a 19 year old version of me, and she didn't survive this. she was too tired, and drowning. i almost fucking died. this thing almost fucking killed me.

in the ad, the woman playing the therapist takes a note on a clipboard and then nods once, sagely.

i have to admit it's a pretty scene. the steam and light coming off the pool water lands on the actresses. like this, it almost looks baptismal, holy.

[i-got-da-rubes]

“Thank you for asking what nobody else did.

What not even I considered.”

Drawn with my non-dominant hand.

[crunchy-rocc]

get to meet them next month ….. everyone start cheering

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

I love how you draw Xie Lian fucking jacked lmao

He's built like a trucker. To Me.

[ask-modern-patrochilles]

hope you guys are doing okay (you too mun!)

Achilles: A lot’s been going on!

[emry-stars-art]

Have you ever heard the noises axolotls make? its kinda quiet blub!, when they reach the surface of the water to gulp down some air. Anyway any time i see JellyNeil my mind immediately goes to Neil just making that noise

I HAVE NOW. wow I made a reel for the first time in forever just so I could get this across properly, here you go

(Audio from this YouTube video)

Find the mer au masterpost here 💕

[violent138]

Hey I’m rewatching atla what kind of benders do you think the batfam characterss would be?

Oh man it's been such a fun night for asks ♡♡

Bruce -> Water bender. The power to heal, the power to fuck you up, and the most adaptable and curiously overpowered of the elements.

Dick -> Fire (or air really). Hello I'm biased because cool Shaolin style and he's my favourite. But for me it's the moments with Iroh and Jeong Jeong that show another side of the firebending philosophy that he slots into. But he'd fit well into air.

Jay -> Air bender or water... I do lean more to air. Wait what no. He's a Kyoshi type. Ugh. I still see him as air a wee bit. For the principles.

Tim -> Fire bender (cop out but a) the industrial thing and fuck around and find out attitude is very real)

Steph -> Water bender, for lots of reasons, chiefly that she's underestimated, unexpectedly all or nothing (mercurial as water is). Also I think she'd really enjoy splashing people. And healing, that's another reason.

Cass -> Earth bender. The Toph sensing thing is an obvious one but also there's something about the "bluntness". She could also be air.

Dami -> Air bender, so much of Legends of Korra's handling of air can fit neatly into what I think about his development

Duke -> I was gonna say fire but that seems so obvious... Probably earth (it's determination for me, the fact that it held out for centuries, the building something aspect mayhaps). Maybe he's divergent.

[xenonsdoodles]

B1 dimivain :)

Disaster at Ailell

if there is one thing I love to do it's putting feralmitri in situations where he's forced to care about something other than vengeance. maybe it's just heat exhaustion though, maybe he's fine

[imminent-danger-came]

—Becoming Light: Poems New & Selected by Erica Jong

[dailynakaharachuuya]

6. Yokai AU