#narcissistic injury on parade

[contentment-of-cats]

What is doxxing?

Doxxing (also spelled doxing or d0xing or 'dropping dox') is about as old as the internet. Certainly it was around in the ancient days of Usenet when the internet was dialup on a 28.8K baud modem. It's defined as publicly providing personal information about a person. That information must be made public, even if deleted later. So while someone had the address information to send @cordeliaperry that amount and a printed screenshot from a discussion I had with her - it was not me who sent her snailmail.

She has me blocked. I reblocked her. I can't see her blog, but someone else can. This silly bitch can't made up her mind if 1) I doxxed her to send her the money or 2) if I am about to doxx her using the photo up on her blog that shows the first four letters of her name that I matched to someone on my donor list - now anonymized.

So, no. I did not have her information in hand until last night. Once I found her name, I went to google with four letters and two numbers. It gave me all I needed along to confirm I was looking at the right person.

Am I going to dox her? It would be against Tumblr's TOS for me to do that and I like Tumblr, so no. Someone else had her info and used it. How many people has she pissed off, intimidated, and bullied? She's not getting traction going after Drac, Beebee, or others so she needs a new target. Narcs always cry foul. Narcissistic injury brings a whole checklist of responses and she's ticking the boxes.

Would she dox me? Likely in a fucking heartbeat. She's done it to others, threatened it to others, she has solicited info on Bee in order to do it - pic below complete with narcissistic rage, projection, gaslighting, DARVO, etc.

And I do not doubt that she would do it.

That's the difference.

She has threatened people before, see the strange case of mary-and-the-other-two. This could be another incident of talking to herself - like her 'anons' but I am willing to take these at face value.

So, whether she's talking to herself or not, I'm putting this right here.

Edit: Yes, I'm aware. So I have either doxxed her to send hr the refund, or I am about to doxx her with information that she put in plain sight on her own blog. Narcs always like to stir shit up and keep people confused as to what is happening so she's just on point. However, she is threatening to dox me with information from my GFM, which she donated to in March of 22, right as I was starting my journey. Not for my recovery, but for my treatment.

Good God, you silly bitch, you're jossing your own timeline.

And I believe you got anons with 'popcorn eaters' in there as much as I believe in the tooth fairy or the nudes you were going to post to ruin someone's fandom life. You are just unspeakable.

[contentment-of-cats]

The cluster b disorders have a lot of overlap in their characteristics. Some helpful videos below.

Hello, my name is Draculard, and I have NPD, which stands for Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Particularly, I’m a covert narcissist, and all you have to do is look that term up to see exactly how it correlates to my every behavior and action within all the fandoms I’ve ever been involved in. For your own sake, do not interact with me. ps: I have HIV AND a vagina.

-

[freelanceexorcist]

I saw your recent posts about Sephiroth and Rufus, and was so happy to see someone else talking about it.

I finished watching the playthroughs a couple hours ago (since I’m too broke to afford a PS5) and my mouth literally dropped at the last scene between these two.

Do you think something will actually happen with them in part three? What do you think led to them beefing so hard?

I found out about Glenn's true identity before seeing all the scenes (I'm a spoiler slut), so that just made those scenes all the more glorious. And it made him 10x sexier to me, NGL.

I could be wrong, but I'm thinking that could be a pretty decent subplot to go along with the main story.

As for the beef, I'll guess that the main part of it is that Rufus is the face of the company that was the main source of Sephiroth's misery his whole life. He wants to end Shinra, and Rufus is Shinra. As Sephiroth said in their first conversation, if Rufus had his way, he won't stop until the planet is dead. Rufus doing that? To the planet that is Sephiroth's birthright? Not on his watch, sweet cheeks. He'll burn Shinra and Midgar to the ground before that happens.

There's probably plenty of resentment on both ends, too. As I said in previous posts, Rufus would almost certainly resent Sephiroth because daddy probably paid more attention to Shinra's crown jewel than he did to his flesh and blood. He would be resentful of the adulation that was thrown his way that he didn't even want, because as the massive military parade he threw himself seems to show, Rufus is your typical narcissist who stumbled into his own dictatorship. The kind of narcissistic injury that Sephiroth inflicted on him would be enough for him to want him dead, considering he's the kind of man who doesn't blink before shooting someone in the back.

This resentment would probably have come out as Rufus bullying Sephiroth when they were kids, knowing he would get away with it because he was the President's son, and finding little ways to make his life hell. That would lead to resentment on Sephiroth's end, surely. And now that he has slipped the leash and can no longer be held to heel, he doesn't have to play nice anymore.

But whatever happens, I'm here for it.

[thoughtsofanempath]

What it’s like living with a Narcissist: chores edition

(Asking for help=insulting. They don’t do enough? Huf!)

Narcs: “You don’t do this, that or this. What do you do? You are helpless and useless, You always need my help!”

V: actually, I did this and that and then some. Oh, and here’s proof. (Now you know better to document everything)

Narcs: “wow! Look at you ((clapping sarcastically)) what do you want an award or something? So proud of you!”

If you’ve ever felt defeated trying to get a narcissist to participate fairly in domestic responsibilities, I hear you. If you’ve had to pick up the pieces because somehow they’ve made it your fault and they got away with feeling like a victim, I hear you.

Here’s the thing:

A narcissist is notorious for being lazy with no actual motivation or goals. They don’t like being accountable for even the tiniest typical upkeeps (this goes to themselves, responsibilities, personal or hosehold duties, etc) You will be stuck with all the assessing, giving direction and most likely cleaning up after them because they do half ass tasks. They know what they are doing (and not doing) Another note, They are constantly distracted, mentally speaking, from whatever they’re not dealing with deep inside. So when you pull them away from that la la land daze to snap into reality to help out, you might start to see resentment. More on that later.

Lesson is, literally everything they say is projection. They are insecure, low standard and still need a fucking mommy to manage everything from their behaviors to their daily routines. My narcissist will make a small list of duties (this is routine for him, btw) cross it off, parade around Like he did everyone a favor, proceed to punish me by intentionally refusing any further assistance from him, all because I didn’t make a list and check things off at the same time. So, in his mind I am lazy and have nothing to show. In the above example, even if I do make a list and cross off completed tasks, he’ll say “good for you, you actually helped out around here” Other times he’s (Intentionally or unintentionally) unaware of what’s out of place or needs attention, So even if I clean up a certain area he won’t notice a difference. He wasn’t even paying attention to what it look like before or just doesn’t care. So he’ll say “It looks the same in here what did you do?? I don’t see a difference”

I can’t win. Even if I play by his own rules.

  In their twisted mind it goes like this: “shes going to get stuck doing whatever I don’t wanna do anyway so fuck it”  

They know they are not gracious or generous with their time and efforts. That’s why they bond to empaths. as irritating as it is, It shows your wonderful qualities & values and when there’s fall short.

Remember, narcs are the ones needing constant validation, acknowledgment and cheering on. Always giving crumbs to need you wanting more from them. They shift blame, guilt trip and carry on like a child. They feel entitled in such a way that people will serve them and do what they want.

What’s interesting to keep in mind, they’ve been stuck in a time when narcissistic injury happened....most likely from childhood. It was probably neglect, abandonment, enmeshment, parentification, or a combination of a lot of things... it’s a layered injury and trauma and not yours to take on to carry. You are not responsible for what was modeled to them, or lack of modeling they experienced as a child.

Narcissists are constantly acting out from that period. It doesn’t justify the behaviors. It may offer some understanding at most.

Just know boundaries are super important here ♥️ Remember you can’t make someone change, do their part, or even respect your boundaries. You might deal with resistance, spite or punishment for standing your ground.

IMPORTANT: Never deal with dangerous physical behaviors that may constitute as abuse. Seek a safe place and contact authorities if you have to. Seriously, do not tolerate it. It’s not normal or okay. We all deserve a comfortable safe environment. I will make a resource post as soon as I can. 

For me, I’m dealing with a covert narcissist; A lot what’s happening is subtle, At first glance undetectable. think of a child who has okay moments then irrational outbursts and tantrums. its stressful and unpredictable (yet predictable at the same time?) but im managing- i have the upper hand in this situation.

As aggravating as this is, I’m committed to staying informed on NPD’s, working on my own triggers and tuning into my own needs.

Believe me it’s not a walk in the park. In the meantime i continue to move forward with whatever resources i can. It’s a constant work in progress. I realize there is major dysfunction and I plan on doing something about it. I hope this post offered some empathy and support If you were going through a similar scenario... PLZ Stay safe ♥️

[thedawningofthehour]

#his braincell bouncing between fighting food and fuckboying but sometimes it hits into the ominous gap of supressed emotional trauma#hmm#the person you loved kidnapping & abusing you for entertainment#parading you around like the silly surface monkey you are

Oh, he was on drugs. A lot of drugs.

And drank.

And was high on the battle rush a lot.

And I haven't decided if Big Mama would have been too jealous to send hookers to his room, but if she didn't she still deffo used their sexual and romantic relationship to keep the blood flowing downwards and away from his brain.

But mostly the drugs, Big Mama had him on so many drugs. Steroids, hormones, weird Yokai potions to keep him looking young. Stimulants for when he went into the arena, sedatives for when he started acting up. Not even touching all his injuries and the pain meds he had to have been on. Big Mama probably had to replace his liver at some point.

The way I imagine it shaking out, Lou flicked between periods of euphoria where he was able to immerse himself in the high life and not think about everything else, and then periods where he couldn't and the depression caught up to him. (and periods of sheer rage, but Big Mama would just throw him in the arena when that happened and let him burn himself out) When he got depressed Big Mama would change his drug cocktail and lovebomb him until he returned to his usual activities.

This wasn't the first time he'd curled up and refused to fight anymore, but it was the first time Big Mama was wholly unsuccessful in pulling him out of it. Hence the cell. He didn't want to respond to her bribes, fine, we'll see how he likes it without all the nice things she buys for him. She thought he'd break after a few days. She was wrong.

#And then you get kidnapped again by an obsessed narcissist who wants to have babies with you#And then when you manage to escape from him you get turned into a rat creature that has to live in the sewers and raise four children#all on his own

No but this is actually why I love what they did with Rise Splinter so much, they looked at this rat man with the world's most tragic backstory and correctly went "this guy would have depression."

And then they just let him be depressed. It's great.

#only for the obsessed maniac to come back for you and kidnapp one of your babies that he made you have you spend 14 years raising#it is literally 1/4 of the reason you are still alive#and Draxum takes your baby away from you just because it’s technically HIS property#Splinter needs so much therapy#like where do you even begin this man had such an incredibly miserable life

(to be fair Draxum didn't make Splinter raise them-he would have much preferred to raise them himself. Lou could have just returned to the surface if he wanted, Drax didn't care)

Oh, and don't forget another quarter of his reason to live ran off to join this guy! And a third quarter is a broken china doll with PTSD right now, and he's getting threatened with CPS taking what's left of his will to live away. He blames Draxum for absolutely all of this, by the way.

(And one of his sons might get straight up death penaltied because of the shit Draxum is making him do, that one really is Draxum's fault and Splinter has had a lot of shower breakdowns thinking about it)

But despite everything, he's happy his life happened this way. Not, like-not the recent stuff, obviously not, but if he had the choice between how his life worked out and having not gone through any of that, just being Lou Jitsu kicking ass and serving cunt, but not having his boys-he'd go through it all again in a heartbeat.

guys what would Draxum's Netflix password be

[rosezure]

You'll always have to be okay

Trigger/content warnings:

Abusive relationships, trauma, injuries, somewhat graphic descriptions, swearing, abusive parents, fighting, yelling, abusive and demeaning language, panic attacks, gaslighting.

I wrote this based on something that recently happened to me. This is just my way of coping with it, my way of processing a mess no one wanted. Because it's so recent, it's still a fresh wound, and it may not sit right with many. So don't read it if you feel like it may hurt you or trigger you. I added tags to this post so if anyone has these tags blacklisted, they won’t see it. Please stay safe, be kind, and gentle.

You're 21, held down by unreachable expectations from your own parents. These parents happen to see you as free labor. They also see you as an extension of their own narcissistic and perfect image of themselves. If you don't fit, you're punished. Not cutely. Not with time outs or a smack to the ass. No. You get beaten up. You get twenty to thirty smacks to your ass with a wooden spoon or plastic flip-flops. You get thrown into your room like a rag doll or dragged from the dinner table. When you outgrow the more physical punishments, it's the psychological torture that becomes their favorite: "Where did we go wrong?", "You're an ungrateful brat!", "You got harassed? That's your fucking fault, slut!", "Stop dressing like a whore, you'll make the town talk about us.", "What's that? You think you have an opinion? You're stupid and ignorant, but you're our personal little trophy to parade with, so shut up!", "You're not working for us, your ‘work’ is too easy! You're helping us out of your rightly devoted heart, we're not paying you.", "I'd rather get in debt than give you money so you can have your own life.".

All this, the invalidating, gaslighting, and so much more. You're essentially stuck: they're all you've know, they made sure of that. The first and only example of consistent “love”. You're dependent on them, emotionally due to the abuse and financially too cause you work for them, so you have no means to free yourself. You endure that for 21 years. You only get access to therapy, much to your abusers' chagrin, recently. You're trying so hard. But everything hurts. And it's all exhausting.

Now you're aware of the system they've built to confine you. Now you understand why you're so fucked up. The only two people you thought were the ones that should love you, fucking destroyed you. Your world comes crashing down. The pieces are flying everywhere. The debris is dangerously closing in on you. And you can do nothing but stand and watch. You don't have time to try and fix yourself up. You have to find ways to escape, but you’re stuck. You have friends to love and support, you want to be there for them, bleeding or not, so you try to act like it’s all okay.

But you're only human. And a piece of huge debris lands right on your legs.

You're immobile now. You can’t stand. Can't crawl. Can't even breathe properly. You're screaming. Blinded to everything but the blood and bones coming out of your legs. You’re hyperventilating. You’re having panic attack after panic attack.

You cry out for help. Two people hear, two people you love and trust. They'll surely help you, they've said time and time again how they'd be there for you no matter what. You scream for them to help you, showing your state, and trying to tell them how much it hurts.

You think they see the debris flying. But maybe they don't. Maybe that's why they didn't see the debris on your legs. You cry to them. They know you, they'll help, right? They sure try. They try to pull you out from beneath the debris. They pull you with all their might, but now your arms are threatening to detach from your body.

You tell them to stop. It hurts even more now. Your arms are ripping from your body. "But we're trying to help!" The pain is too overwhelming to explain that they are worsening the case. Your screaming is too loud for you to hear the harsh words you're saying. You're blinded by the pain of it all.

They can't see the debris. So they tell you they're really trying to pull you up but you won't budge, you're not cooperating. You're overreacting.

You understand that. You really do. But the pain is so intense. You're bleeding out and they're talking about cooperation and being stubborn. It infuriates you. You just want them to sit by you, give you moral support because it seems like you're gonna have to move the debris on your legs yourself, then they can drag you somewhere safe. But they're insisting, they're really trying but it's hurting you more and more the harsher they pull. So you just blow up. You get furious, you yell back at them. These are people that knew your world was unstable. You're angry that you haven't been able to explain what's happening and how they can help but they're hurting you now and you can't take that much pain at once so you cut off the pain that's easiest to remove for now.

They've hurt you, not just because of your arms but their words too. "Overreacting." "Stubborn." "Not cooperating." Words you've heard from someone else, someone that deeply wounded you.

They leave you.

You're now in more pain, and alone. You have to remove the debris yourself, no one can do that for you. Despite how angry and in pain you were, it would've been better if they had stayed. You feel sad now, you feel betrayed and completely alone. Not only did they hurt you more, they actually left. That's on you, you understand that. However, you feel awful because you've helped them with their issues, even if you were bleeding, or in pain, you did your best to try and understand what was going on to help them. You held their hand when they were under their own pieces of debris. Why couldn't they do the same?

More panic attacks. You’re desperate, hopeless.

You finally get the debris off and manage to somehow, very badly, tend to your bleeding and torn legs. You're still in pain, but you find a way to crawl and find something to make crutches with. Now's when you try to go after the two people that tried helping you, to thank them for trying, apologize for whatever you said or did that may have hurt them, and maybe explain what happened.

You find them and thank them. But they don't respond. They don't even seem to hear you. You try to apologize. This time they do hear you, and they say you hurt them beyond repair. You broke them. You left them feeling destroyed, bruised, and forsaken. You villainized them, they say.

You hear this with pain and anger. Pain because you never wanted to hurt them. You acknowledge that what you said was hurtful, even if you weren't 100% aware of what you were saying or doing. You try to explain what you were going through and what had happened from your perspective, so they can understand why it happened, not to justifiy it but to shed some light on the situation. But they shut you down. No, it seems their pain is above yours. You broke their trust and their respect for you.

Now comes the anger: At the moment you needed them most, the moment they needed to just sit with you, they almost tore your arms out and now they're saying you're the one that did the most damage? No. Fuck no. You're livid. But you understand, they're in pain too. They've also had some debris fall on them recently. You understand.

You just needed someone to hold your hands, not tear you more. But now they want to play pain Olympics. It feels that way, even if it’s not their intention at all. You were disappointed by your own expectations, something you should’ve never created. They’re not going to apologize for almost tearing your arms out and leaving you for dead. That’s okay. So you tell them you understand, you keep the pain to yourself. You tell them they can take however much time they need to heal from your words. They deserve it. They don’t have to be your friends anymore if it’s too much. You'll be okay.

You'll always have to be okay.

[the-courage-to-heal]

Why does the narcissist conjure up another Self? Why not simply transform his True Self into a False one?

We often marvel at the discrepancy between the private and public lives of our idols: celebrities, statesmen, stars, writers, and other accomplished figures. It is as though they have two personalities, two selves: the "true" one which they reserve for their nearest and dearest and the "fake" or "false" or "concocted" one which they flaunt in public.

In contrast, the narcissist has no private life, no true self, no domain reserved exclusively for his nearest and dearest. His life is a spectacle, with free access to all, constantly on display, garnering narcissistic supply from his audience. In the theatre that is the narcissist's life, the actor is irrelevant. Only the show goes on. The False Self is everything the narcissist would like to be but, alas, cannot: omnipotent, omniscient, invulnerable, impregnable, brilliant, perfect, in short: godlike. Its most important role is to elicit narcissistic supply from others: admiration, adulation, awe, obedience, and, in general: unceasing attention. In Freud’s tripartite model, the False Self supplants the Ego and conforms to the narcissist’s unattainable, grandiose, and fantastic Ego Ideal.

The narcissist constructs a narrative of his life that is partly confabulated and whose purpose is to buttress, demonstrate, and prove the veracity of the fantastically grandiose and often impossible claims made by the False Self. This narrative allocates roles to significant others in the narcissist’s personal history. Inevitably, such a narrative is hard to credibly sustain for long: reality intrudes and a yawning abyss opens between the narcissist’s self-imputed divinity and his drab, pedestrian existence and attributes. I call it the Grandiosity Gap. Additionally, meaningful figures around the narcissist often refuse to play the parts allotted to them, rebel, and abandon the narcissist.

The narcissist copes with this painful and ineluctable realization of the divorce between his self-perception and this less than stellar state of affairs by first denying reality, delusionally ignoring and filtering out all inconvenient truths. Then, if this coping strategy fails, the narcissist invents a new narrative, which accommodates and incorporates the very intrusive data that served to undermine the previous, now discarded narrative. He even goes to the extent of denying that he ever had another narrative, except the current, modified one.

The narcissist’s (and the codependent’s) introjects and inner voices (assimilated representations of parents, role models, and significant peers) are mostly negative and sadistic. Rather than provide succour, motivation, and direction, they enhance his underlying ego-dystony (discontent with who he is) and the lability of his sense of self-worth. They induce in the child shame, blame, pain, guilt, rage, and a panoply of other negative emotions.

As Lidija Rangelovska notes, the paradox is that the child’s ego-dystonic shame and guilt emanate from the very primitive defenses that later comprise and underlie his False Self. Having been told repeatedly how “bad”, “worthless”, “disappointing”, and injurious he is, the child comes to believe in his self-imputed delusional ability to hurt and damage family members, for instance.

Such imaginary capacity is the logical extension of both the child’s grandiosity (omnipotence, “I have the power to hurt mommy”) and his magical thinking (“I think, I wish, I hate, I rage and, thereby, with the unlimited power of my mind, I cause real calamities out there, in the real world”). So, it is the child’s natural primary narcissistic defenses that enable him to feel so miserable! These defenses allow him to construct a narrative which corresponds to and justifies the judgemental, hateful appraisals and taunts of his abusers. In his young mind, he accepts that he is bad because he is all-powerful and magical and because he leverages his godlike attributes to act with malice or, at the very least, to bring misfortune on significant others.

To skirt this inner overwhelming negativity, the child “appropriates” precisely these defenses and bundles them into a protective shield, thus sequestering his vulnerable, fragile self. Occupied by the ongoing project of his budding pathological narcissism, the child’s defenses are no longer available to construct and buttress the narratives offered by the abusive voices of his tormentors. Moreover, by owning his fantastic grandiosity and harnessing it, the child feels as empowered as his abusers and no longer a victim.

Gradually, the disharmony between one’s perception of the universe and of oneself and reality becomes unbearable and engenders, maladaptive, and dysfunctional attempts to either deny the hurtful discrepancy away (delusions and fantasies); grandiosely compensate for it by eliciting positive external voices to counter the negative, inner ones (narcissism via the False Self and its narcissistic supply); attack it (antisocial/psychopathy); withdraw from the world altogether (schizoid solution); or disappear by merging and fusing with another person (codependence.)

Once formed and functioning, the False Self stifles the growth of the True Self and paralyses it. Henceforth, the ossified True Self is virtually non-existent and plays no role (active or passive) in the conscious life of the narcissist. It is difficult to "resuscitate" it, even with psychotherapy. The False Self sometimes parades the child-like, vulnerable, needy, and innocent True Self in order to capture, manipulate, and attract empathic sources of narcissistic supply. When supply is low, the False Self is emaciated and dilapidated. It is unable to contain and repress the True Self which then emerges as a petulant, self-destructive, spoiled, and codependent entity. But the True Self’s moments in the sun are very brief and, usually, inconsequential.

This substitution is not only a question of despair and alienation, as Kirkegaard and Horney observed, respectively. Following on the footsteps of the Danish proto-existentialist philosopher, Horney said that because the Idealised (=False) Self sets impossible goals to the narcissist, the results are frustration and self hate which grow with every setback or failure. But the constant sadistic judgement, the self-berating, the suicidal ideation emanate from the narcissist's idealised, sadistic, Superego regardless of the existence or functioning of a False Self.

The False Self is a kind of positive projection: the narcissist’s attributes to it all the positive and desired aspects of himself, thereby endowing it with a quasi-separate existence. The False Self fulfils the role of a divinity in the narcissist’s obsessive-compulsive private religion: the narcissist worships it and adheres to ceremonies and rituals via which he interacts with it. The True Self, on the other hand, is ignored at best and usually denigrated. This process is akin to projective splitting: when parents project onto the golden child positive traits and talents even as they attribute to the scapegoat child negative, undesirable qualities. In this sense, the narcissist a parent with two offspring: his two selves.

There is no conflict between the True Self and the False Self. First, the True Self is much too weak to do battle with the overbearing False. Second, the False Self is adaptive (though maladaptive). It helps the True Self to cope with the world. Without the False Self, the True Self would be subjected to so much hurt that it will disintegrate. This happens to narcissists who go through a life crisis: their False Ego becomes dysfunctional and they experience a harrowing feeling of annulment.

The False Self has many functions. The two most important are:

1.    It serves as a decoy, it "attracts the fire". It is a proxy for the True Self. It is tough as nails and can absorb any amount of pain, hurt and negative emotions. By inventing it, the child develops immunity to the indifference, manipulation, sadism, smothering, or exploitation – in short: to the abuse – inflicted on him by his parents (or by other Primary Objects in his life). It is a cloak, protecting him, rendering him invisible and omnipotent at the same time.

2.    The False Self is misrepresented by the narcissist as his True Self. The narcissist is saying, in effect: "I am not who you think I am. I am someone else. I am this (False) Self. Therefore, I deserve a better, painless, more considerate treatment." The False Self, thus, is a contraption intended to alter other people's behaviour and attitude towards the narcissist.

These roles are crucial to survival and to the proper psychological functioning of the narcissist. The False Self is by far more important to the narcissist than his dilapidated, dysfunctional, True Self. The two Selves are not part of a continuum, as the neo-Freudians postulated. Healthy people do not have a False Self which differs from its pathological equivalent in that it is more realistic and closer to the True Self.

It is true that even healthy people have a mask [Guffman], or a persona [Jung] which they consciously present to the world. But these are a far cry from the False Self, which is mostly subconscious, depends on outside feedback, and is compulsive. The False Self is an adaptive reaction to pathological circumstances. But its dynamics make it predominate, devour the psyche and prey upon the True Self. Thus, it prevents the efficient, flexible functioning of the personality as a whole.

source

[fictionalarsonist]

inconspicuous bad apples - ch.02 (revamped)

pairing ›_taekwoon ⨯ reader ⨯ hakyeon feat. ›_ vixx wonshik ; got7 jinyoung ; cha minjoo (child oc) content ›_angst ; murder ; police au ; serial killer au ; mature language ; smoking ; drinking ; violence ; blood ; age gap relationship ; divorce rating ›_pg-13 word count ›_ 3k  

a/n  ›_ i decided to review this. is not quite all different, but i took off some unnecessary things from it.

「 ao3 | mobile m.list | inconspicuous bad apples m.list」

[ ch.01 | ch.02 | ch.03 | ch.04 | work in progress ]

“Okay, Lieutenant. We got it.”,Jinyoung approaches you as you stand beside the autopsy table, you take a folder from his hand and he stops next to you, “Not to rain on your parade, but the girl is… I mean was– the daughter of Daeun Trading Corporation’s CEO”, Jinyoung sounds amused and you sigh, looking up at him disappointed, “Her name is Kim Da Eun”

“Of course she was”, you droned, earning a chuckle from Jinyoung.

You take a quick look at the files inside before looking at the girl again, squinting your eyes just the slightest to concentrate at the sight before you. Jinyoung’s focuses on his notes for a moment, oblivious to your antics.

“Something wrong”, you speculate, loud enough to get Jinyoung looking up at you with one raise eyebrow.

“Wh-What? Lieutenant–”, he faltered, letting his hands fall beside his body.

“Just a feeling. An instinct–”, you mutter vaguely, offering him a shrug.

Jinyoung breathes out tiredly.

“Lieutenant…”, he starts, “I used to think only I hated when you said things like this, but I’ve noticed it’s a unanimous feeling. People hate when you say something about this instinct of yours, it’s scary!”

“Me included”, you reply vaguely, adding a strangled sigh as you try to put the pieces together, making sure you’re not missing anything, “What do we have so far?”

Jinyoung dutifully walks you through the information gathered, the doctor adds more facts.. It feels like a promising day, alright.

⁎ ⁎ ⁎

You look up when someone knocks on your table.

“We’re going out for lunch”, your Captain announces, walking around your table to take a better look at the files you have scattered before you, “Obsessive as always”

Although his words are a reprimand you can hear the compliment undertone he applies to them. He shifted his weight on his feet, taking a closer look at the files you have on your table.

“What are those?”

You slide one of the file to him and leans back on your seat, massaging your closed eyelids.

“Someone I know owned me a favor”, you confess while opening your eyes.

You see him flipping the file to look at the department’s name, not minding his troubled and rather upset expression, you show him the photos and your Captain snaps his eyes to look at you, inspecualting.

“This case belongs to narcotics, what are you up to?”

“Daeun’s case.” You starts, “Something seems off.”

“Y/n, you can’t compare the daughter of CEO Kim Shin Il with those druggies!”

“Captain–”, you insist, pulling the files for comparison, “Most injuries match and the disposal location as well and the prostitutes aren’t the only ones–”, he interrupts you in a hurry

“Forget this”, he snaps and starts closing the files, putting them in a pile, “I’m retiring, and you will be promoted soon, we don’t need to stir shit up, Y/n”, he leaves only the CEO’s daughter file open on top of the others and taps the photo of the girl’s ID attached to he files, “After lunch we’ll have the warrant for her boyfriend’s house. It’ll be over before you know it”

“But, Captain! Something is definitely wrong here”, you try dissuading him and pulls out Kim Da Eun’s boyfriend mugshot, “I doesn’t make sense!” You hand him the paper, tapping it energetically as you speak on, “How can a narcissistic girl like Da Eun date a penniless man who walks around like a homeless–”, he interrupts you

“How would I know? It could be another trend, who knows?”

“Captain, do you really believe that?” You defy him, staring into his eyes with your hands on your waist and the two of you simply stare at each other for a moment, “Captain–”, you try again once both of you calm down, “I know something’s off about this.”

“Y/n-ah~”, he calls your attention in a rather affectionate way that comes out as bothersome, “I told you before. You can’t solve every case trusting your guts”, he insists, “Sometimes it doesn’t work and when that happens–”, he sighs

He steps closer, placing his hands on your shoulders, shaking you a little, but still looking in your eyes.

“Y/n! Don’t do this”, he warns you, “Think about Minjoo~, huh?” He tries in a dissuading tone and pats your shoulders before letting go of you, “Let’s go eat something, it’s my treat”

It’s not that you don’t understand his mindset. You want this to be that simple, you want it to be just a simple case of an abusive boyfriend jealousy as much as your Captain. This way the case you would be off your hands and you could move on to the next one on the pile resting on the other side of your table.

There isn’t much time left for your Captain’s retirement and your promotion to take his place and both of you are excited for this for different reasons. He has his business planned to stay alongside his family and enjoy his supposed old age papering his grandkids. As a side effect of being taken under your captain’s wings is knowing his family very closely as if you’re part of it, Seungho is his eldest grandkid, only a year older than Minjoo and they go to the same daycare, you’re friends with his mother, your captain’s oldest daughter.

So, yeah, you know everything you need to about him wanting to settle down and he knows all your reasons too. Keeping a low profile is a must in such a crucial moment in this career, but you just can’t look away from what’s in front of you, not when you have such a golden chance in your hands to make this work not just for the CEO’s daughter, but for the others too.

*** 

Your phone buzzes on your desk and the screen displays Hakyeon’s ID along with his picture, one that has him holding Minjoo during her last birthday party, and although the sound is subdued in the noisy room you’re not completely alienated to it, however you decide to ignore it, focusing on the files you have in hand, instead. Trying to connect the dots, because you know something off about this case, you know there must be a connection somewhere and if there is, you better find it fast before it’s too late to do anything about it.

“Lieutenant?” You look up to see Wonshik waiting for you expectantly by your desk, “They got Kim Da Eun’s boyfriend. They’re taking him to the interrogation room right now”, he pants

You jump on your feet and make sure to lock the files you’ve been reading in the lowest drawer on your desk before scooping your phone from your desk and walking hurried steps with Wonshik by your side.

“Who’s with him?”

“Detective Park”, he speaks respectfully

“Jinyoung?”

“Yes”, he nods

“Good”, you mutter more to yourself, then to him, “Did he say anything?”

“Aside from pleading innocence? No, sir.”

“Of course.”

He follows you into the room next to the interrogation room where some of the other detectives are gathered along with the Captain.

“How is it going?” You ask, moving to stand right in front of the two way mirror

“They gave us an alibi”, you Captain speaks, “We’re checking on it”, he adds with eyes glued on the scene unfolding behind the two-way mirror

“Brand named clothes and shoes. Limited edition, artesanal wrist watch…”, Jinyoung clicks his tongue, “You certainly is a high maintenance man”

“Why? Jealous?”, Jongup provokes, “I heard a cop’s pay off is real shit”, he adds, squinting his nose in disgust

“Still better than being a prostitute”

“Wow-wow-wow! Where did that came from?”

“Well, let me see–”, Jinyoung starts sarcastically, leaning back on his chair with arms crossed over his chest, “You’re unemployed and a complete nobody that ran errands for a low-life thug a few weeks ago, then out of nowhere you meet Kim Da Eun. Rich girl with a powerful father. Then, suddenly, you move to a better apartment and starts dressing like a well-bred bastard, except–”, this time Jinyoung’s the one who squints in disgust, “You have a horrible taste”

“I’m not a prostitute! What the fuck?”, Jongup replies outraged, “I’m a personal assistant, ‘lright?”

Jinyoung scoffs much like you on the other side of that mirror, most of the other detectives shake their heads in incredulity.

“Yeah, sure”, you hear someone say, somewhere behind you

“A personal assistant? You?”, Jongup nods insistently

Jinyoung keeps his eyes on Jongup as he opens the file on the table and only looks down to read.

“Moon Jong Up. 23 years old. Barely concluded middle school in a countryside town, the middle of nowhere–”, Jinyoung nudges the file away and looks up again, “How are you a personal assistant for people like Kim Da Eun and her friends?”

“I’m very good at what I do”, Jongup smirks with a careless shrug

“Two people testified that you were Kim Da Eun’s boyfriend, Jongup. Now–”, Jinyoung leans forward again, with his elbows on the table, “You can’t blame me for assuming you’re a prostitute. It’s the best case scenario for you to date a girl like her, even though we both know she could do much better. We understand her friends didn’t want to taint her memory by saying that, but still–”

“Alright, man. Just– stop right there”, Jongup asks in annoyed, raising both hands before dropping them loudly on his lap, “I wasn’t dating her or anything. She was a spoiled, manipulative, annoying bitch. Not exactly my type of fuck, no”

“Then why were you have pointing fingers saying that you were her boyfriend”

Jongup sighs in exasperation, rolling his eyes in annoyance.

“The fuck should I know? All I do is fixing parties for these crazy rich kids, man”

“Then, how come Kim Da Eun spent three days in your apartment?”, Jinyoung doesn’t lose a beat and Jongup takes a deep breathe, tonguing the teeth at the back of his mouth and rolling his head with eyes closed.

There’s a silent in the room and Jinyoung nudges his chair closer to the table in between them and smacks his hand very loudly on top of the files, regaining Jongup’s attention in a instant.

“Hey!”, Jinyoung speaks on the top of his lungs and Jongup stares at him, but it’s obvious he wants to look away, “You’re about to be charged with murder.”, Jongup looks away, “Look at me!”

“He definitely knows something”, your captain speaks up

“C’mon.”, you mutter more to yourself than to anyone else in the room, “C’mon, speak up.”

There’s a silence in the room for a moment. Jinyoung watches the Jongup very closely, while Jongup looks everywhere but Jinyoung.

“Jongup”, Jinyoung calls, “Why did you murdered Kim Da Eun?”

“What the–”, Jongup protests comes out as a groan, “I didn’t murder anyone!”

Jinyoung starts talking again, but your attention is robbed by Wonshik, who walks in and hands you a file. You scan the file, reading the report as fast as you can before handing over to you Captain. Dong Il reads and curses under his breath.

“His alibi checks out”, you say in deception before speaking into the microphone, to Jinyoung, “Come over”

Jinyoung leaves Jongup alone in the room with a threatening remark and meets you with the rest of the team inside the two-way mirror room.

“What is it?” He asks as soon as he steps in.

“His alibi checks out”, you repeat and your captain pushes the file on Jinyoung’s chest while you lean on the table behind you with your arms crossed over your chest in annoyance.

“We confirmed he was arrested two days ago for fighting a VVIP member of the Lotus nightclub.”

“How did he got in a place like that?” Jinyoung asks in annoyance

“Even if he worked for Golden Tiger himself he’d need a high status in the syndicate to get in that club”, you comment

“He was a guest for a private party”, the detective makes a pause, “For Kim Da Eun”

“Apparently Jongup and the other guy was hurt pretty bad. They all went to the hospital, Kim Da Eun too. Kim Da Eun and her friend pressed charges against Jongup”, Wonshik explains, “They left and not too long after he was taken into custody by the Department of Organized Crimes, he stayed with them for two days”

“So, we’re back to square one?” Jinyoung asks

“This Kim Da Eun’s friend is the son of one of Kim Shin Il’s associates. I’ll call the judge, he won’t show up unless we summon him”, you add, “Go back there and try to find something about this other guy and that fight. If he didn’t mention anything about it, then he’s definitely hiding something”

Jinyoung motions his head before leaving the room and you watch him start the interrogation again before leaving the room with your phone in hand. You don’t notice your Captain following you.

“I’m relieved”, he speaks up with a smile and you raise your eyebrows in confusion, “The next Captain is competent”

He doesn’t wait for you to say anything, just walks away. Whistling his favorite tune with his hands in his pockets and it’s only when he’s quite far that you let it sink in and smiles to yourself at the thought before going back to what you were doing.

It takes some talk and some convincing, but once you get the okay from the judge, you go back to the room, to watch the interrogation.

“We confirmed it was your blood on Kim Da Eun’s hands… literally. So, I’m pretty sure we can hold you here”, Jinyoung states

“Are you fucking kidding me?”, Jongup protests, “I already told you!”, he speaks loud in frustration looking at Jinyoung, before looking at you, “There was a fight at the club, I got hurt and she got… dirty. That crazy bitch”

He whispers the last part to himself and abruptly stands up to lift his shirt up his torso to show the cut, the blood on the wound soaking the bandages.

“Sit down!” Jinyoung commands, stepping further into the room and slamming the file on the table, but he stays standing up

“You see this?” Jongup points at the wound, “It was two days ago and it’s bleeding again because you people keep assaulting me”

“You’re the one getting worked up”, Jinyoung clarifies  in a low, threatening tone, “Now, sit. Down.”

If it was either Jinyoung’s piercing glare or the way he spoke in a yet darker tone, hissing the words with jaw tightened that made Jongup swallow hard and obey, you don’t know. But it works quite a lot.

“I was in jail! I was in a cell for almost two days”, he starts again, more quiet this time

“We already know that part. Tell why you fought with that other guy”, Jinyoung presses and Jongup goes silent again, “Are you scared of losing your sponsor or something?”

“Look. You don’t mess with people like him, okay?”

“Why? Why is so scary about him? Huh?”, Jinyoung smiles, leaning further on the table and closer Jongup, “I’ll make this clear. We won’t have nothing to hold against you if you just say what you know about this guy”

Jinyoung slides a printed screencap from a CCTV from the file, towards Jongup. Keeping his eyes locked with the other’s.

“Just tell me what you know about the guy and we can let you go”

Jongup hesitates before looking at the photo other table, his eyes shift between the photo and Jinyoung. He presses his lips and looks away, lost in thoughts for a moment.

“I’m–”, Jongup hesitates, “I’m not saying he killed her, ‘lright?”, the fear and hesitation is more than clear as he speaks, stealing glances at Jinyoung

“Why? Do you think he could murder Kim Da Eun?”

“I don’t know, man…”

“Hey, Moon Jongup!” Jinyoung calls, loud and clear, “Look at me. Speak clearly.”, he commands

Jongup does as he’s told. When he starts speaking again he’s still hesitating and biting down on his lips, but at least he’s looking back at Jinyoung.

“All I know is that he’s a twisted bastard”, Jongup speaks up, “Mr. Kim wanted his daughter to date this dude, but Da Eun came to me–”

“To you?” Jinyoung asked skeptically

“All I know is that she wanted someone to protect her from this crazy-ass dude. She was scared of him”

“Did she tell you why?” Jongup hesitates to answer, “Jongup!”

“I told you, he’s crazy”, Jongup halts

“How?”

“He’s a controlling freak. A total psycho, I’m telling you”

Sometimes comes to your mind and you reach for the microphone again.

“Jinyoung, ask if Kim Da Eun was being abused by her boyfriend”, there a pause while you stand back and Jinyoung asks

“You bet. Just ask anyone, if you make sure he won’t do anything to them, they might speak up too. Or just check on his ex-girlfriend.”

“So why did Kim Da Eun choose you?”

“Because she knows I’m good at what I do”

“You were a low-life thug.”

“Exactly–”, Jongup motions his head with a shrug, “I’m good at what I do”, he repeats himself

“Then, what happened?” Jinyoung presses in urgency

“The guy is like a vicious dog”, Jongup stresses clearly, tapping his index finger on the table to make the gravity of his words worth, “He came to the club and tried to take her away, calling her all kinds of stuff, trying to drag her away–  He was high on something. I tried protecting her–my job, remember? But the crazy son of a bitch cut me open with a fucking broken bottle”

“You said he was high–”, Jinyoung insists, “Is he addicted to any illicit drug?”

Jongup scoffs. “Why? Do I get extra points if I answer that one?”

“It doesn’t matter. We have what we need to get the playboy over”, you say out loud to the others, “Wonshik, go check on the summon the judge is supposed to send. I’ll be on my desk.”

This is heading down the same path, only now the person to have fingers pointed at is different. You know quite well, how this might end, but you can’t take those files locked in a drawer out of your head. You know there’s something about it that connects everything.

⇽ chapter 01 | chapter 03  ⇾

[contentment-of-cats]

It's been a while since I posted anything Narc 101.

I guess @cordeliaperry isn't getting the attention she feels she deserves, so she posted this about Beebee. Her anons to Drac were so obvious that it was embarrassing. My guess is that she's treading the line so her account doesn't get kicked again. She's running out of targets - which is what happens when your main claim to fandom activity is running people out of fandom for not kissing your ass.

So, she did this.

@cordeliaperry is someone who weaponizes other people's difficulties like Bee's cardiac issues, like she did with my having cancer. I suspect she was the anon who wished for my cancer to come back - it does fit in with her pattern of behavior as does accusing me of bullying her. Narcs often accuse the people fighting back, not lying down and taking their bullshit or bullying. The projection is amazing. She's an IMAX, honestly.

I don't bully.

I hit back.

I don't stand by and let a cluster b clusterfuck pull a seagull where they come in, make a lot of noise, and shit all over everything.

SO, time for some more Darren F. McGee and his wisdom about narcs, sociopaths, and cluster b clusterfucks.

And, as always, what is the sound of one clown beclowning?

[contentment-of-cats]

This is literally this post below.

The amount of projection is amazing. Everything she is accusing others of doing is shit she did to Drac, to Bee, and who knows how many other people. She might as well have stick her name on it, it's just like the ones she's posted on her blog. IMHO, the mysterious anons are@cordelliaperry talking to herself.

A small sample below including doxxing, outing, lying

When accused of outing Drac, resorted to 'oh, somebody else sent me the pic.' Drac and Bee are her scapegoats, she tried to make Jade a scapegoat.

If I post about all the bullshit @cordeliaperry has pulled, I will be here until Labor Day, and I have enough to keep me going until then.

Hello, my name is Draculard. I create whisper campaigns against authors I don’t like, cry wolf about harassment and stalking, and watch with glee as fellow fanfic authors get dogpiled due to my lies. I cry and whine about getting mean anons, even though my lies have caused other people to drop out of fandoms, stop writing altogether, get stalked and doxxed by my flying monkeys, and caused more mental pain and anguish than I’ll ever be worth. I am a toxic person, have zero friends irl, and have failed at every single thing I’ve ever tried to accomplish, hence the morbid insecurity and jealousy.

-

[deadlifts-and-derrida]

Thoughts in progress

I’m working on a pet theory that might only make sense to me.

Powerlifting is dominance. Bodybuilding is submission.

I’ll back up.

A lot of people might not even recognize the difference between the two. Meatheads pick up a heavy thing and put it down again. But the pursuits are very different on a number of points.

Powerlifting is based on ability. It’s based on what you can do. How much weight can you lift in a specific manner, relative to your bodyweight. How you look is no matter. At a powerlifting competition, you only have to lift the weight once. Because of this, powerlifting training is explosive, very low repetitions of each exercise per set, long rest times between sets to fully recover one’s physical and mental strength.

Bodybuilding is all about looks. It’s about sculpting your body, growing muscles in proportion to each other, and stripping away body fat so that they can be best displayed.

In this way, powerlifting (and Olympic lifting, and their hyperactive offspring, Crossfit) are somehow more respectable to most people than bodybuilding. Less superficial, less vain. “Functional strength,” not “useless” big biceps. In this way, powerlifting and its associated practices are coded as more masculine, as suitable pursuits for intellectuals with an athletic side - Dr Oliver Sacks was a powerlifter..

And - let’s not kid ourselves - they’re presented as less gay. Masculine competence versus feminine vanity.

Bodybuilding is super gay. Even if the culture of bodybuilding still has some lingering homophobia - probably it lingers because the straight men involved in it, if they have any insecurities, sense the overwhelming gayness of it all. Bodybuilding is a celebration of the (usually male, but not always) physical form. Men transform their bodies into aesthetic - and, for many, erotic - objects, cast themselves in bronze, put on the tiniest underwear they can find, and parade on stage in front of hundreds of admirers and enthusiasts whose gaze will devour them whole.

One of the slurs against bodybuilders is they’re not as strong as they look. Physically speaking, this can be true. Preparing for a competition requires dehydration and a starvation diet; most on-stage bodybuilders, despite the throbbing masses of muscle bursting out of their skin, are weak as kittens. But in the off-season, they’re stronger than almost anyone - it’s just that few of them are as strong as powerlifters of equivalent size.

But that’s just physical strength. Mental strength is another thing altogether.

Having trained in both powerlifting and bodybuilding styles, let me say - the mental strength bodybuilding training requires is simply beyond what most people are capable of mustering. It hurts. Powerlifting training requires a huge amount of mental fortitude too - it is scary to put 500 lbs on your back and squat down, not knowing if you’ll be standing back up. But typically a powerlifter only has to do it once, or twice, or at the most five times. A lot of bodybuilding training requires high volume - that means a lot of repetitions. It means lifting a weight a dozen times, until the muscles being begin to curdle and burn from lactic acid - and then keeping going. The work of bodybuilding doesn’t even start until the pain does, and the longer you can dwell in that pain, the more successful you’ll be.

Powerlifting training is adversarial. You are going to war against this deadlift. You are going to slay it. You are going to dominate the weight. Once you have, you are going to throw it down and strut in your triumph.

Bodybuilding training is submissive. You are going to submit to this set. It is going to hurt you, and hurt you, and hurt you, and you are going to stick it out, you’re only going to use your safe word and end the scene if you’re in danger of real injury, if you experience the bad kind of pain. You are going to submit to this weight and it is going to do something to you.

The link between bodybuilding and masochism seems deep, even foundational, to me. People assume bodybuilders are narcissists, and sure, probably many of them are. But to willingly - gladly - submit to literal torture, day after day, requires a masochistic streak a mile wide, as deep as the seas. To finish a workout totally demolished in mind and body, hands shaking, stoned on an incredible endorphin high - you come to love the pain not just for how it transforms your body,  but also for how it makes you feel. You come to love the pain for itself.

[grabtee]

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[getseriouser]

20 THOUGHTS: Sorry Harry, pretty sure Rachel already moved to Seattle and married Mike???

AND we thought we had nothing to offer on the Royal Wedding.

As far as we can tell it was a joyous occasion to celebrate one single family’s reign over not just the UK but anyone still under the monarchical Commonwealth heavily improved by the inclusion of a batty Bishop from Chicago who added real flavour to the pomp and circumstance.

Bless him.

Otherwise, in the real world, one club from Tullamarine tagged themselves out of the Royal Rumble and one from Royal Parade tagged themselves in... 

And yes, I know, wresting fans, you don’t tag yourself out of a Royal Rumble, but it meant we could use the word royal another couple of times, given the week’s events, oh never mind, onto the week in footy:

 1.    Let us start with the Bombers. Saw it mid-week from John Worsfold in his demeanour and it carried on into the game on the weekend. There appears to be the emergence of a real edginess to the team. It’s almost as if they’ve flicked a switch, finally moving on from this ‘recovery’ mode, a forced developmental phase, feeling the effects of those year-long suspensions. It felt like last week and then in their win over Geelong they became a serious side that no longer had any excuse or hangover from that period where expectations were lowered – now it’s about being taken seriously with no lingering effects of that time. Game faces. Desire, want, effort. Their coach is no longer helping a club out of travesty and is now demanding ruthless excellence. Let’s see where they go now.

2.    Also, their form line shows great promise. In that whilst they have lowered their colours in their loss to Carlton, on Anzac Day, etc., they have shown to be capable of competing with the better sides. Only West Coast, Port Adelaide and Essendon have three wins against teams currently in the top eight. That’s something to build from. Their six losses to date will hurt their chances but on paper this is a list good enough to make finals and win one, their task will be to try and get there from this far back.

3.    A small exercise to gauge form and credibility from nine rounds in, given some teams have had easier draws, or some teams have cashed in accruing wins against the bottom clubs: if we attribute 18 points for every team who has beaten West Coast right down to 1 point for defeating Carlton, and tally it all up, it makes for interesting reading. Even though Melbourne has won twice as many games as Essendon, because the Bombers have defeated the Crows, Power and Cats, they would be higher on this form ladder; the Dees yes have defeated the Roos but aside from that their other wins are against the current bottom five. Sydney would leapfrog Richmond because they defeated the Eagles in Perth, the Tigers got spanked at their attempt. Everyone else is largely where they sit on the real ladder give or take a few spots, so for those clubs their ladder position is somewhat validated. But interesting that Melbourne and Essendon essentially swap, despite how we ‘think’ they are going.

4.    Last one on the Bombers, sorry Cats fans (positive couple on you next), Devon Smith continues to lead the way. Last week we spoke about his pressure and if his teammates could follow in behind. Another ten tackles on the weekend, moves into no.1 in the league now, but this time he had plenty of support and that showed in the result. He would be All-Australian squad for sure right now.

5.    Onto their opponents on Saturday, couple positive and then a negative. Firstly Tim Kelly, out of the Rising Star calculations because of age but he is the best first-year player by far. The 23 year-old, a second round pick last year (Geelong took Lachie Fogarty ahead of him) after coming second in the Sandover, looks like a 100-game veteran from the get go. One of the Cats’ most important onballers already, averaging 22 touches, five inside 50s, four tackles and four clearances a game, he is a bonafide AFL jet. Great recruiting.

6.    Just want to touch on a sliding doors moment out of the continual fallout in the life of Bomber Thompson. We all know the Essendon drugs scandal has left such a lasting impact, for life, for so many involved, but without the intervention of someone like Brian Cook, this scandal could have so easily played out down at Geelong instead. Thompson got Stephen Dank into the Cats’ football program back when he was senior coach but stronger heads within their tent, whilst sticking with Bomber which ultimately proved a masterstroke, gave Dank the boot for grounds probably very clear in hindsight. When Bomber moved on and joined the very inexperienced Hird at Essendon, a club who didn’t have the ‘strength’ of leadership like Geelong with Cook, Frank Costa, etc., Bomber played the ‘Dank card’ again, no-one intervened, and the most tormented chapter of one of the league’s great clubs ensued. Given the state of affairs with Geelong at the time, had Dank stayed at Kardinia Park it could have almost undone that club, so if it was Brian Cook who intervened, bloody hell, that’s massive.

7.    Pointed out on one of the Monday night football programs that this marvel that is having Dangerfield and Selwood joined by Ablett in the centre square is far from being the effective weapon the rest of the comp thought it would. They have started 14 centre bounces so far this year for only three successful clearances. That’s bizarre. Mind you, they have only started so few together because with the likes of Kelly, Mitch Duncan and others, the luxury of Dangerfield or Ablett down forward is a weapon in itself.

8.    China. Why are we taking some of our national culture over and trying to make that work in their backyard? How narcissistic of us! I mean it’s not like, shoe on the other foot, we let them, say, I dunno, bring their cuisine here and put a gazillion takeaway outlets on every corner, selling whatever it is they make, rice or meat or something, in something as preposterous as rectangle, clear, containers…. So that analogy doesn’t work, but nor does footy in China. Kochie. Bin it please. Nobody is bothered. But I am now definitely having beef and black bean for lunch, how delicious?

9.    Carlton had their pants pulled down on Sunday by a Dees team that, yes, as we said, hasn’t beaten tonnes, but to their credit have been as impressive as a top-eight fancy can be in dispatching those lower clubs. But for the Blues, it is not all doom and gloom. This is still a young group who yes, will cop it this week, but we were piling into Essendon only seven days earlier so it can so quickly change. Plus, missing their two best players on the weekend, Charlie Curnow and Sam Docherty, the latter out for the rest of the season of course, they possess a very rusty captain, and are playing a lot of youth which is always a rollercoaster ride in itself – the kids were good for the Dees on Sunday but not so much were the Blues’ kids the same time.

10.Now St Kilda. Let’s be honest, Collingwood did not at all play well. The Pies don’t for whatever reason play Etihad with any alacrity (a home game against the Bulldogs this week at the same venue is anything but a home game) but even though they almost went a final quarter goalless under a roof, they had no troubles with getting the four points in reality. On talent, you could argue the Saints really struggle to stack up with any other club, so when their President still holds top four ambitions, either there’s a lot of untapped chemistry still to propel his team up the ladder or they desperately need a big fish or two to take the rest of the playing list there. Not good.

11. And as for old mate Tim Membrey, a horror two weeks. Kicked 1.8, so many of them were straightforward set shots that he has missed to all sides of the goals, so it’s not just a bad slice or hook, everything’s going wrong. If he doesn’t have a good week in front of the sticks this week I fear he will need to be dropped to find form. Which is a shame because everything else in his game is ok for playing inside 50 in a poor side, getting plenty of touches and taking good catches. It’s just the finishing.

12.On the flip side, gee, Jack Darling, a legitimate star is born. Always thought he was a bit flaky, happy to do the easy bits and be a ‘foil’, but overshadowing Josh Kennedy in a side that’s winning well is no small feat. Working very hard, showing as good a hands as any in the comp, and if you look at the last two premiers, a forward, in form, of Jack Darling size is part of the perfect recipe.

13.Getting way too far ahead of ourselves in May, but the Eagles are packing out that new stadium just nicely week in week out, so some home finals there would be another level, especially if the Eagles are able to host some deep into September. The game is in good nick in Perth and Adelaide, job well done.

14.As for finals, top four, at this point, we’d be pretty happy pencilling in, in very strong HB lead, Richmond, West Coast, Sydney and Adelaide, in no order. The reigning premier look good things to be thereabouts again, their opponents on Sunday look better still, the Swans might be better than the Eagles, and the Crows, doing really well thus far given their injury list to show that 2017 can still be bettered.

15.So, for the final four spots, Melbourne despite the form we exposed above has the talent to convert a 6-3 record into at least 8th, Port Adelaide, probably, then we’d be thinking two of Geelong, Hawthorn, North, Collingwood and GWS. 13 wins, or at least 12 and a half if your GWS, is what you’ll need. The Roos and Pies have the kinder draws in that group – that win for North up in Sydney will be enormous come the end of August.

16. Speaking of North. Hobart. Why are we there? This column is not against Tasmanian footy, not at all, we love Tasmanian footy like Rafael Nadal liked pottery class at high school, but less than 10k there on a lovely Saturday afternoon at Bellerive. Yes, North probably gets a better cheque for the game than if there’d been a crowd twice the size at Etihad, but clearly the locals are showing that they will turn up for their own mob but no-one else. The Hurricanes games in the BBL sell out, so the Taswegians are giving the Roos lip service.

17.Can we then get a Tassie team eventually? Not soon. Here’s why. 18 teams is possibly too many, which I’ll mention next, so we aren’t close to 19, 20 teams in expansion, it would then need to be an existing team moving south. Well how about North themselves? Now they didn’t take a massive package to head to the Gold Coast, so why take something smaller to cross Bass Strait, they are actually ok without being strong at the moment off-field, debt free, and only some on-field success away from a possessing a reasonable membership base. So, unless the league bails on the Suns or Giants such is the mess they find themselves in, sorry Tassie, no dice.

18.State of the game, have we got too many teams? Have we considered that the declining visual of the game has been pretty much aligned to going from 16 to 18 teams? 44 more players each week take the park in our wonderous, elite competition, that prior to would have been found in reserves footy. You think about the fringe players in the lower teams, be it youngsters who are getting games too soon, or guys at their second or third clubs now getting regular gigs, these players would just not be featuring pre-expansion. The talent pool definitely doesn’t extend to filling say 20 good, quality sides each week, we know this, so have we pushed the boat out too far by heading to Surfers Paradise and the Municipality of the Greater Western Sydney Shire Council?

19.Some non-footy to finish, firstly the cut lunches thrown at AAMI Park last Saturday. Yes, we’ve probably rightly outlawed physical violence in all our codes, but how about the nostril flaring, trouser-buckle adjusting taking place in the commentary box to lounge rooms everywhere when Curtis Scott, the 20-year-old Melbourne Storm centre, landed a couple beauties on the yappy Dylan Walker from Manly. He only got a two game suspension for that too, so given the arousal he gave red-blooded footy fans who yearn for the biff, and probably the extra couple thousand Insta DMs from the fairer sex who like a bad boy, I say a good weekend’s work to you, young Curtis.

20. And lastly, ice hockey. The NHL expanded from 30 to 31 teams this season, becoming the first major league to set up camp in Las Vegas. The expansion process was different to what we see in AFL, essentially each of the existing 30 teams could ‘protect’ ten of their roster from the Vegas franchise who then picked one ‘unprotected’ player from each club to create theirs. A bunch of misfits, average players, no stars, who would battle to be relevant and competitive in year one. This week though they defeated Winnipeg four games to one in their best of seven series to be crowned Western Conference champions and will play Tampa Bay or Washington next week for the infamous Stanley Cup. 500-1 at the start of the season to win the whole thing, and if they win four more games they will do just that. The kind of stuff they make movies about. Less of the dancing minions and talking safari animals, more movies like this please. Amazing story.

(originally published May 23)