#dealingwithanarcissist

[thoughtsofanempath]

What it’s like living with a Narcissist: chores edition

(Asking for help=insulting. They don’t do enough? Huf!)

Narcs: “You don’t do this, that or this. What do you do? You are helpless and useless, You always need my help!”

V: actually, I did this and that and then some. Oh, and here’s proof. (Now you know better to document everything)

Narcs: “wow! Look at you ((clapping sarcastically)) what do you want an award or something? So proud of you!”

If you’ve ever felt defeated trying to get a narcissist to participate fairly in domestic responsibilities, I hear you. If you’ve had to pick up the pieces because somehow they’ve made it your fault and they got away with feeling like a victim, I hear you.

Here’s the thing:

A narcissist is notorious for being lazy with no actual motivation or goals. They don’t like being accountable for even the tiniest typical upkeeps (this goes to themselves, responsibilities, personal or hosehold duties, etc) You will be stuck with all the assessing, giving direction and most likely cleaning up after them because they do half ass tasks. They know what they are doing (and not doing) Another note, They are constantly distracted, mentally speaking, from whatever they’re not dealing with deep inside. So when you pull them away from that la la land daze to snap into reality to help out, you might start to see resentment. More on that later.

Lesson is, literally everything they say is projection. They are insecure, low standard and still need a fucking mommy to manage everything from their behaviors to their daily routines. My narcissist will make a small list of duties (this is routine for him, btw) cross it off, parade around Like he did everyone a favor, proceed to punish me by intentionally refusing any further assistance from him, all because I didn’t make a list and check things off at the same time. So, in his mind I am lazy and have nothing to show. In the above example, even if I do make a list and cross off completed tasks, he’ll say “good for you, you actually helped out around here” Other times he’s (Intentionally or unintentionally) unaware of what’s out of place or needs attention, So even if I clean up a certain area he won’t notice a difference. He wasn’t even paying attention to what it look like before or just doesn’t care. So he’ll say “It looks the same in here what did you do?? I don’t see a difference”

I can’t win. Even if I play by his own rules.

  In their twisted mind it goes like this: “shes going to get stuck doing whatever I don’t wanna do anyway so fuck it”  

They know they are not gracious or generous with their time and efforts. That’s why they bond to empaths. as irritating as it is, It shows your wonderful qualities & values and when there’s fall short.

Remember, narcs are the ones needing constant validation, acknowledgment and cheering on. Always giving crumbs to need you wanting more from them. They shift blame, guilt trip and carry on like a child. They feel entitled in such a way that people will serve them and do what they want.

What’s interesting to keep in mind, they’ve been stuck in a time when narcissistic injury happened....most likely from childhood. It was probably neglect, abandonment, enmeshment, parentification, or a combination of a lot of things... it’s a layered injury and trauma and not yours to take on to carry. You are not responsible for what was modeled to them, or lack of modeling they experienced as a child.

Narcissists are constantly acting out from that period. It doesn’t justify the behaviors. It may offer some understanding at most.

Just know boundaries are super important here ♥️ Remember you can’t make someone change, do their part, or even respect your boundaries. You might deal with resistance, spite or punishment for standing your ground.

IMPORTANT: Never deal with dangerous physical behaviors that may constitute as abuse. Seek a safe place and contact authorities if you have to. Seriously, do not tolerate it. It’s not normal or okay. We all deserve a comfortable safe environment. I will make a resource post as soon as I can. 

For me, I’m dealing with a covert narcissist; A lot what’s happening is subtle, At first glance undetectable. think of a child who has okay moments then irrational outbursts and tantrums. its stressful and unpredictable (yet predictable at the same time?) but im managing- i have the upper hand in this situation.

As aggravating as this is, I’m committed to staying informed on NPD’s, working on my own triggers and tuning into my own needs.

Believe me it’s not a walk in the park. In the meantime i continue to move forward with whatever resources i can. It’s a constant work in progress. I realize there is major dysfunction and I plan on doing something about it. I hope this post offered some empathy and support If you were going through a similar scenario... PLZ Stay safe ♥️

[franklong12]

Dealing With a Narcissist - Trying to Avoid Being Affected When dealing with a narcissist, you mus......Read the rest by clicking the link below! https://worldwidetweets.com/dealing-with-a-narcissist-trying-to-avoid-being-affected/?feed_id=46087&_unique_id=60728e064156b

[shahlanikpour]

The days that you had to pick yourself up off the floor.. those days still count because you got up, you showed up for yourself in any small that you could. Wishing my Phoenix a wonderful weekend. #narcissisticabuse #recovery #dealingwithanarcissist #recovery #help #selflove (at Miami, Florida) https://www.instagram.com/p/CPIfiNMDU-7/?utm_medium=tumblr

[wwtweets]

Dealing With a Narcissist - Trying to Avoid Being Affected When dealing with a narcissist, you mus......Read the rest by clicking the link below! https://worldwidetweets.com/dealing-with-a-narcissist-trying-to-avoid-being-affected/?feed_id=46088&_unique_id=60728e072fec0

[zenrosegarden]

NEW VIDEO! Dealing With A Narcissist In A Relationship! Go to Zen Rose Garden YouTube to see the full video OR Click the link up above in our profile. Want some straight talk about what NPD is AND what it ISN'T and what you can do about it? THEN YOU WANT TO SEE THIS! PLUS get the BONUS meditation! @zenrosegarden #zenrosegarden #lasvegas #personalgrowth #spiritualhealing #spirituality #metaphysics #spiritualcoach #personalcoach #lifecoach #narcissisticabuse #narcissistrecovery #narcissisticabuse #npd #emotionalhealing #dealingwithanarcissist #narcissist #healmyrelationship #narcissism (at Zen Rose Garden)

[zeebaasif-blog]

💩 I’m down with a terrible cold😰 #shitloadoflies #dealingwithanarcissist #agirlwithashatteredheart💔 #thestronggirl🐣 #alostsoul #awanderingmind #anaspiringwriter #love #letthemgo #life #lovequotes #loveyourself #lifequotes #personallifeblogger #muchlove❤️

[thisaintthatkindofstory]

The Frightening Fifteen

Let’s get started with a list.  Here are fifteen things that, when encountered, might mean that the perfect someone you’ve just met, online or in person, may not be so perfect...and you should probably head for the hills.

 1.       The stare  

 Do they stare at you without blinking for a seemingly impossible length of time? This may be a targeting stare; Crazy would think of it as their “predator’s” stare.  You think they’re crushing on you; they think you have something that they want.  This could be social status, looks, money, or just the fact that you’re a kind-hearted person whom people like, and they want to take you down a peg and draw you down to their level since, deep down, they hate themselves and are very selfish, and think no one could actually be nice for the sake of being nice, so they’re going to “expose” you.  

 2.       Attention

Does your new love interest shower you with constant attention?  Do they declare you “the one” on the first day and talk about things like moving in together, marriage, kids?  Slow down – this is called Future Faking in dating circles. They’ve either identified that this is what you’re after – the fairytale romance we all grew up on – or they’ve deluded themselves into thinking you’re it in the frenzied desire to possess you. If you fall for it, be careful - this won’t last.  They will turn on you, often in pretty short order, and it’s not going to be fun.

3.       They love to talk about themselves

 Are you on the first date and notice they always steer the conversation back to themselves and how wonderful they are?  This is an indicator that the person may be very self-centered.  In the worst case scenario, they might be Crazy. If you leave the experience feeling like you’ve been able to share nothing about yourself, and they haven’t shared more than how wonderful they think they are, be very wary.  

 4.       They are obsessed with their image

 Crazy isn’t a real person.  They are an image of what they think will win them the attention they crave, and they will be obsessed with it.  Expect a lot of worry over what other people think, and plenty of rules and regulations about “proper relationship behavior.”   Normal people are comfortable with PDA up to a point.  Crazy is usually one extreme or the other – they may want to go too far in public, or they may completely avoid any public indicators that you are actually in a relationship.   Like everyone else, all Crazy is not equal.  Use your best judgment and stick within your own boundaries. A normal person will happily discuss this with you.  Crazy will tell you the rules and expect you to follow them.

 5.       Friends and Family

 Do they have any?  Crazy tends not to keep long relationships with people, including family.  If the person is far estranged from their family or their relationships are strained, inquire about their friends.  If they don’t have any friends from say, high school or college, and appear to constantly move from one group of people to the next – often leaving said groups in tatters – you might have Crazy on your hands.  This is especially true if you ask about them and get strained, canned responses, or people speak of them as if they’re the most frustrating person they know.

6.       They’re controlling

Does your new love interest demand all of your time, but in a flattering way? Do they keep you from friends and family by constantly packing your bags for a guilt trip?  Normal people have jobs, friends, family and hobbies or activities.  They cannot make you their full time vocation, but Crazy can and will.  If it seems like you are their vocation and they’re regularly asking you to ditch friends and family, whom they will often avoid meeting, this is a trick called isolation that’s meant to cut you off from your support network (you know, the people who will tell you they have some reservations about Mister or Miss Perfect.)  

7.       You’re in high school again

While we all remember the thrill and excitement of high school and college relationships, when you are dealing with Crazy, it can feel like déjà vu all over again. Crazy will use tactics you’re familiar with to get you to comply with their agenda once they come out of the honeymoon phase of the relationship (which can happen very quickly) – claiming you’re not invested enough (because, you know, you have a life outside of them), threatening to end things, temper tantrums to create some drama when things are going well, starting arguments for no reason about trivial things.  Once this begins, they are not going to get better. They are not going to stop. Eventually, you may become someone you don’t even recognize as you’re constantly battling this person.  If it feels like you’re in high school again, they’re probably crazy.

 8.       They’re always involved in drama

 Crazy will claim to hate drama, but you’ll notice that any time some drama goes down, they are right smack in the middle of it.   This is because Crazy is always bored.  They need drama to entertain themselves.  If none is happening, they will create it, either with friends, family, or you.  If that happens…

 9.       They cannot handle criticism

 Crazy is a damaged child in an adult body.  No one is quite sure why, but if they’ve had a damaging childhood or childhood experience, they may have developed psychological defense mechanisms to protect themselves emotionally that stunted their development and have left them with the emotional maturity of a child.  You will see this if you criticize them in any way.  A normal person will be comfortable discussing the issue and seek to find a resolution; Crazy will throw a temper tantrum, give you the silent treatment, or try to turn the conversation on you.  This is called Crazy-making, where anything they say is the truth, and anything you say is lies and distortion.  If you use anything they’ve said, even as little as five minutes ago, you’re now petty and “bringing up old shit.”  

 If they bring up anything you’ve said, it is the truth and they are going to hold you to it, and you’re still petty.   See, it’s confusing, but that’s the point – anything to distract you, to throw you off balance, anything to avoid taking responsibility for their words and actions.

 10.   They lie

 Some people can be liars without being Crazy.  But Crazy is a pathological liar.  They will say anything to achieve their goals, regardless of whether it’s an outright lie or withholding information.  They will lie about major things, like a divorce or their actual relationship status, they will lie about little things where it’s obvious they are lying and it doesn’t make any sense to a normal person who knows they’re being untruthful. They will tell people things about you that are untrue, often assigning these negative attributes to you, and they will do this when you think everything is a’OK and have no reason to suspect they would ever badmouth you to others. If you catch them doing this, or catch them in a lie, see #9 – that’s the reaction you’ll get.   Normal people don’t lie much, and if they do and get caught, they will explain themselves and try to resolve the situation if they care about you.  Crazy will just try to turn the tables and go on living the lie.  

 11.   They disappear

 If Crazy thinks they “have” you, expect that constant attention to quickly wane. They will begin to disappear for long stretches.  The calls and texts will slow down dramatically or disappear altogether, then they’ll come back to you like nothing happened and act confused as to why you’re upset.   Often, they have found a new target and are attempting to woo them.  If this fails, they come back to you, old reliable, because they know you’ll still be there to feed their ego and make them feel good about themselves.  Crazy doesn’t see you as a person – you’re an object, like an appliance they’re very fond of but can and will easily replace if it doesn’t please them.  Your job is to stroke their ego, give them a shoulder to cry on, an ear to bend for their problems, or provide sexual pleasure.  

 12.   They have a lot of exes around

 Crazy doesn’t commit, even if they are married.  If unmarried, you’ll notice they have a lot of exes around.  Some may even boast, “I’m friends with all of my exes. Did you hear me?  All of my exes,” like it’s a badge of honor.  Many of these exes are in the same boat you’re about to be in; if they think you’re hooked, Crazy will dump you but keep their foot in the door, which leads me to…

 13.   The relationship is over…but it doesn’t seem that way

 They may shower you with attention now, so that you’ll think there’s a chance you can rekindle the relationship.  This is a trick – they’re doing this so you won’t move on and get over them, because they want you available if they change their mind.  As far as they’re concerned, you’re always an option, you now belong to them, and you need to be available to be used if they should ever need you. Even if you get them to agree to give you some space, they won’t.  It might feel like the honey moon phase again, with the frequent texting and them always popping up in places they know you’ll be, looking their best.  But if you ask if you’re getting back together or what’s going on, you’ll get a bunch of hooey about how they don’t know, and they’ll hem and haw around it without ever doing anything or moving the relationship forward.  

 If you find yourself in this ambiguous situation, know that someone who wants you, wants you, and they will not hesitate to clearly define the relationship. If you’re getting anything else, walk away.  That part of a relationship shouldn’t be difficult, even when they’re not Crazy. They either want you or they don’t, end of story.  If they get really annoying about it, block their phone, change your routine, and cut them off.  They’ll be really mad, but it’s not your problem anymore.  Your only concern needs to be getting over them and finding someone else.

 14.   The Smear Campaign

Now that you’ve gotten away from Crazy, you’re likely to hear all kinds of things about yourself if you move in the same social circles that are ridiculous and in no way a reflection of who you are and who you were in the relationship. Crazy has been planting seeds for this ever since they started thinking about moving on from you, and now they’ll tell anyone who will listen to protect their image and get their story out in front of yours, which if you’re a decent person, will be pretty close to the truth.   They will try to get you kicked out of mutual social groups, turn friends against you, and make your life a living hell.  

15.   They will make a lot of noise, even if you don’t fight back

Again, walk away.  You’ll lose some people you thought were friends, but true friends will know you’re not anything like all of that.  Don’t defend yourself.  Spend your time figuring out why you fell for Crazy, find the weakness they exploited to get in, and work on improving what you think of yourself and what you want out of a relationship.  Spend time with good friends, with your family.  Avoid dating until you are ready and know you can walk away the second you see any of the frightening fifteen.

Eventually, Crazy will talk too much and mature people will be wary of their sob story while your silence and refusal to engage in verbal warfare will reflect well on you with most.  It’s just another trick – Crazy wants your attention, good or bad, and when you engage, it eggs them on and they’ll keep it up.  If they’re getting nothing from you, they’ll eventually get bored and move on to pestering someone else.  Later, after you’ve gotten over it, it’ll be okay to talk about with mutual friends and acquaintances, if asked why you did x, y, or z, and your explanation will probably make a lot of sense.  Crazy is going to continue to be Crazy, and normal people will begin to suspect something is wrong with them, even if they never say it.

And if they go REALLY crazy, do not hesitate to call the police, get a restraining order, or do whatever is necessary to protect yourself.  

Bottom line, if you get to number 6 or 7 and you choose to stick around, what Crazy does is on Crazy, but making the decision to put up with it is on you.  

Cut your losses and get out.

[zeebaasif-blog]

🤦🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️ #dealingwithanarcissist #shitloadoflies #agirlwithashatteredheart💔 #thestronggirl🐣 #personallifeblogger #recoveryourlife #life #letthemgo #muchlove❤️

[zeebaasif-blog]

🤷🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️ #dealingwithanarcissist #thestronggirl🐣 #agirlwithashatteredheart💔 #recoveryourlife #personallifeblogger #life #letthemgo #muchlove❤️

[zeebaasif-blog]

✍🏻Most of us are ignorant to the personality of a Narcissist until find ourselves dealing with one. You just begin to let go and try building yourself up when we are once again faced by them. We keep hoping for an apology, just one sincere apology for their actions, yet all we get are the most hurtful things we would have never expected. Stay strong though! Your best revenge is success. Show them what they missed out on. And if they come back then, don’t treat them the way they treated you. Treat them with love and humble them with guilt. But stay away now, cause your healing is most important to be able to heal others. #dealingwithanarcissist #recoveryourlife #agirlwithashatteredheart💔 #thestronggirl🐣 #love #life #lifeblogger #personallifeblogger #muchlove❤️

[zeebaasif-blog]

✍🏻 Is that a Narcissist or just a tired soul who gave up? Never confuse Narcissist behaviour with a partner who’s tried long and hard and then given up. The Narcissist never really loved you and will never show any remorse for their actions. They blame their behaviour and their infidelities on you. They would refer to their ex as a psycho person while with you and now your being painted as the psycho one. But it’s not your fault that you believed in them. Of course you are going to be an emotional wreck and sad and needy, while they just remain calm and composed making you look crazy. They remain untouched by the entire period they had with you, because to begin with, they hadn’t ever invested any real feelings. Every single moment you spent with them was an act, a lie, drama to keep you hooked for as long as they needed you. But now you know and if you know, it’s never too late. Run away now cause it only gets worse if you stay. You’d have lost too much of yourself to recover entirely. So get help quick and run before it’s too late. ❤️ #agirlwithashatteredheart💔 #thestronggirl🐣 #personallifeblogger #selfhelp #lifequotes #life #narcissist #dealingwithanarcissist #recoveryourlife #love #muchlove❤️

[zenrosegarden]

NEW VIDEO! Dealing With A Narcissist In A Relationship! Go to Zen Rose Garden YouTube to see the full video OR Click the link up above in our profile. Want some straight talk about what NPD is AND what it ISN'T and what you can do about it? THEN YOU WANT TO SEE THIS! PLUS get the BONUS meditation! @zenrosegarden #zenrosegarden #lasvegas #personalgrowth #spiritualhealing #spirituality #metaphysics #spiritualcoach #personalcoach #lifecoach #narcissisticabuse #narcissistrecovery #narcissisticabuse #npd #emotionalhealing #dealingwithanarcissist #narcissist #healmyrelationship #narcissism (at Zen Rose Garden)

[zenrosegarden]

NEW VIDEO! Dealing With A Narcissist In A Relationship! Go to Zen Rose Garden YouTube to see the full video OR Click the link up above in our profile. Want some straight talk about what NPD is AND what it ISN'T and what you can do about it? THEN YOU WANT TO SEE THIS! PLUS get the BONUS meditation! @zenrosegarden #zenrosegarden #lasvegas #personalgrowth #spiritualhealing #spirituality #metaphysics #spiritualcoach #personalcoach #lifecoach #narcissisticabuse #narcissistrecovery #narcissisticabuse #npd #emotionalhealing #dealingwithanarcissist #narcissist #healmyrelationship #narcissism (at Zen Rose Garden)

[zenrosegarden]

NEW VIDEO! Dealing With A Narcissist In A Relationship! Go to Zen Rose Garden YouTube to see the full video OR Click the link up above in our profile. Want some straight talk about what NPD is AND what it ISN'T and what you can do about it? THEN YOU WANT TO SEE THIS! PLUS get the BONUS meditation! @zenrosegarden #zenrosegarden #lasvegas #personalgrowth #spiritualhealing #spirituality #metaphysics #spiritualcoach #personalcoach #lifecoach #narcissisticabuse #narcissistrecovery #narcissisticabuse #npd #emotionalhealing #dealingwithanarcissist #narcissist #healmyrelationship #narcissism (at Zen Rose Garden)

[zenrosegarden]

NEW VIDEO! Dealing With A Narcissist In A Relationship! Go to Zen Rose Garden YouTube to see the full video OR Click the link up above in our profile. Want some straight talk about what NPD is AND what it ISN'T and what you can do about it? THEN YOU WANT TO SEE THIS! PLUS get the BONUS meditation! @zenrosegarden #zenrosegarden #lasvegas #personalgrowth #spiritualhealing #spirituality #metaphysics #spiritualcoach #personalcoach #lifecoach #narcissisticabuse #narcissistrecovery #narcissisticabuse #npd #emotionalhealing #dealingwithanarcissist #narcissist #healmyrelationship #narcissism (at Zen Rose Garden)

[zenrosegarden]

NEW VIDEO! Dealing With A Narcissist In A Relationship! Go to Zen Rose Garden YouTube to see the full video OR Click the link up above in our profile. Want some straight talk about what NPD is AND what it ISN'T and what you can do about it? THEN YOU WANT TO SEE THIS! PLUS get the BONUS meditation! @zenrosegarden #zenrosegarden #lasvegas #personalgrowth #spiritualhealing #spirituality #metaphysics #spiritualcoach #personalcoach #lifecoach #narcissisticabuse #narcissistrecovery #narcissisticabuse #npd #emotionalhealing #dealingwithanarcissist #narcissist #healmyrelationship #narcissism (at Zen Rose Garden)