#my shoulder hurts too much to draw so i did some writing instead
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just-some-random-blogger · 2 years ago
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Hii cutie! Sorry bc my first language it's not English.. First of all I LOVE your writing you do write so sweet about everything and I love that you write about actors too with all the respect!! I was wondering.. I hope it's not too much, if you'd be able to do smth like ewan x actress!reader where she plays his love interest in hotd and they're so comfortable with each other and everyone in the cast can see the chemistry between them but they're afraid of showing their feelings to each other and just think that's just friendship, but somehow someone tries to open the eyes to one of them making the other one jealous and... You know, just write it however you want and of course if you want it, I trust you for this one!! Thanks sweetheart <3
Easy To Be
Ewan Mitchel x Actress!Reader (low key Aemond x Reader)
Summary: "It's really hard to be cruel to you," Ewan mutters. I snort, "if that's hard, then it must be hell to have to kiss me." He hums, "quite contrary," he looks off to nowhere, "I enjoy that more."
Word Count: <500
Warnings: Fem!reader, actress!reader, it starts off pretty violent, fluff, pining, annoying!cast members, crack fic, typos, etc.
A/N: Idk why i'm writing this when my head hurts but i hope you enjoy nonnie though i did take liberties!!! OH WAIT I ALSO WANTED TO SAY DONT *EVER* APOLOGIZE FOR YOUR ENGLISH. ENGLISH WISHES IT MADE MORE SENSE /: AND gurl your english was flawless 🤨 fr you better than me. THANK YOU BY THE WAY FOR YOUR SWEET WORDS ABOUT MY WRITING! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I APPRECIATE YOU AND I LOVE YOU LOVE YOU LOVE YOU Tagging: @pinksirensong @aralezinspace @sloanexx @deniixlovezelda @targaryenmoony @risefallrise @slavyanskiyahui @antisociablewallflower @lxdyred
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Aemond shoves me against the wall and presses me back, hands on both of my shoulders. He huffs, "you must think me either a fool or insane."
I whimper as I try to break away, "no, I know you're insane."
He scoffs and he grabs my jaw, titling my head up just as he draws his dagger and presses it against my cheek, "and do you think I think you're special?"
I make a sound as he tightens his hold on my face. "It will do you good to remember," he leans against my ear, "I can be betrothed to a great many other women. You ought to not test me again."
He shoves away as he storms out of the room.
"CUT!"
I release a sigh and gather my dress as a bunch of stylists come up to redo my make up and fix my wardrobe.
Once that was done, Aemond, or rather, Ewan walks back to his mark and looks at me, "are you alright?"
I smile, "a little rough this time around, but all good."
Immediately he stiffens and walks up to me, grabbing my hand, "shit, I'm sorry. Does it hurt somewhere?"
I grab his arm and step forward, "no, no," I shake my head, "it was just a really intense grip," I make a face, "it was kinda hot-"
"BOO GET A ROOM!"
Ewan and I turn to our side.
Someone makes hurling noises. "KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS-"
"Why are you even here?" I quirk a brow, "you don't even have a sce-"
"YOU TWO ARE GROSS, JUST KISS ALREADY!"
Ewan rolls his eyes and turns back to me.
"EWAN IF YOU DON'T KISS HER, I SWEAR TO FUCK I WILL."
Ewan huffs and looks to the side, "and shall I stab you instead?"
My eyes widen at his reaction. The morons lose their shit after hearing that.
He turns back to me and with knit brows, "I will be more gentle next take."
"No, it's fine," I shake my head, trying to ignore the way I was burning up, "I can take it. Honestly, I'm more concerned about how you keep stepping on my dress."
Ewan brings his hands together and chuckles, "sorry. I'm quite eager. I be more mindful of my steps."
I smile some more.
"-I CAN'T BELIEVE HE ACTUALLY SAID THAT THOUGH!"
We continue to ignore them.
"It's fine, Ewan. Just don't trip on me or we'll both get hurt."
He nods. "It's really hard to be cruel to you," Ewan mutters.
I snort, "if that's hard, then it must be hell to have to kiss me."
He hums, "quite contrary," he looks off to nowhere, "I enjoy that more."
"... w-what-"
"WAIT, WHAT DID HE SAY?!"
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alessiathepirate · 1 year ago
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Until Dawn
A SMALL JOY: Josh Washington x fem!reader
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Summary: Taking Dr Hill's advice, Josh and his lover go up to the lodge and look through all the things his sisters had left behind - after an interesting find she does her best to take his mind off the sadness he's experiencing.
Notes: English isn't my first language. I apologize for any mistake I may have made while I wrote this short story.
To be honest, Until Dawn is still one of my favourite horror games. Thanks to the game I found my favourite YouTube channel, my English improved a lot because I wanted to understand every word, and I have a huge crush on Rami Malek to this very day. Me and my friends were obsessed with him the time the game came out, and soon started to watch more of his work together.
Josh Washington was one of my first fictional crushes, I could defend him for years without getting tired and I drew him so many times I actually learned how to draw portraits correctly.
There's a gameplay I like to rewatch every year, because of the great memories I have connected to it. I always fall in love with Josh Washington once again - and thanks to that tradition, I started to write for him as well.
Warnings: a bit of swearing, mentioned depression and loss, mentioning the Washington sisters' disappearance and/or death
•••
° "(...) We would come up in the summer and we would have the best time. The whole family was there - mom, dad, my sisters. It was some serious competition out there on the big lawn... I don't know. Can't go back. New reality." °
She listens carefully, noticing every little pitch or drop in Josh's voice as he speaks - and as he puts down the baseball bat all she can think about is grabbing him and pulling him into a hug, a tight one, the kind that is both loving and comforting. She watches him, she examines his every little move and her heart aches every single time she finds a new sign of sadness.
She hates it.
She hates that look on his face. She hates that change in his voice. She hates that he feels alone. She hates that the whole case is making him go crazy. She hates that nothing is certain and he can't even grieve.
She hates that he had to change so much; that he had to become this depressed because of some stupid, messed up prank their friends had decided to pull on his sister.
He didn't deserve any of it. He doesn't deserve any of it. None of the Washington kids do.
Coming up here was already hard - back to the mountain where Hannah and Beth disappeared, where they played around like stupid teenagers do. Dr Hill said it's for the best - Josh needs some closure, some proof that he needs to slowly start to move on. She thinks it's bullshit - Josh thinks so too. It won't be easy to put yourself through something like this.
But regardless, they came. They are here now, looking through the rooms, the basement...
The memories are hurting her - and if she as a friend is hurting this badly than Josh must suffer a lot.
"Teach me." the words suddenly burst out before she can stop them, wanting to make Josh concentrate on something else - not wanting him to get lost in his own mind.
"What?" the question is loud in the basement.
"Teach me how to play." she continues on, feeling unsure like she tries to cross a very thin and sensitive line. "I've never played baseball before."
"It's been a while since I did so." Josh starts to explain, his gaze falling on the bat he put down. "You really- want to?"
She steps closer to him slowly, carefully, as if she tries to get close to a very scared and wounded animal. She touches his arm, her fingers hold him as her thumb brushes along his skin in an up and down motion. She leans towards him, her face touching his shoulder as she presses a kiss to the area what isn't covered by his t-shirt.
"You don't have to if you don't want to." she whispers. "I know it's not-" she holds that thought and says something else instead: "I just haven't seen you play yet and I want to join in."
Josh looks at her over his shoulder, he looks at her as she tries to smile even if her eyes stay sad. He watches her like she's the only thing he has left, like she's the only person who matters anymore. He looks at her and feels something break inside, realizing that she really is the only one who he has.
"All right." he says and when he sees her eyes change a tiny bit - showing a bit of happiness - he feels his heart flutter. It makes him feel better, it makes him want to touch her too, putting his hand over hers - over the one which is still clinging onto his arm. "As long as you promise me you won't accidentally hit yourself with the bat."
And there's what he wanted to see - her expression changes, playful offence takes the sadness' place and she gently hits his back.
"Hey! I wouldn't do that."
"You totally wouldn't." his sarcasm earns him another punch and despite the situation and the place, he feels like he got something back.
The last time they bickered like this was half a year ago, the night his sisters had disappeared. They drank and played around until they started to make out in the kitchen, only stopping when Chris stepped inside the room wanting some booze for himself.
As they climb the stairs hand in hand they both feel somewhat relieved. They found a kind of small joy, a bit of happiness - something what they had left here months ago. Josh chuckles when she trips and almost falls, she feels excited as he hands her the baseball bat outside.
"Since there're only the two of us here, I think it's best I teach you how to hit the ball and not yourself."
"I'm not that clumsy Mister!" she tries to sound offended, but it doesn't work.
"I know you too well, girl; and I don't trust you with that at all."
Josh stands behind her, keeping a gentle hold on both of her arms as he explains how to stand and how to hold the bat. She chuckles when he playfully tickles her and this time she doesn't feel guilty about laughing. Before he lets go of her to throw the ball, he gives her a short hug and presses a kiss into the crook of her neck.
She misses the first time...
and the second time; and the third time...
She misses and Josh laughs and she thinks it's the most beautiful sight she's ever seen.
They change positions after a while and no matter how she throws, Josh never misses - not even once. He hits the ball every single time and it flies and lands far away.
She has the feeling that in that very moment, doing that very thing they both feel somewhat complete. She feels like Josh's smiles are honest, his laughs are honest and she forgets about Dr Hill and his stupid advice.
"No shit you like to play it." she says after a while as the both of them are lying in the grass, her head resting on Josh's arm. "It is fun."
"Believe me darling, it is much more fun when you actually hit the ball." his voice has a teasing edge to it and for a moment she thinks about turning towards him and hitting him playfully once again - but she doesn't.
Instead - hoping to get something more, trying to get a kind of good change out of him, she says: "I will, after a bit more training. You'll teach me, I have no doubt about that."
Josh turns towards her, gently touching her face and playing with her hair. She tries to read his face and she realizes that he understands what she's playing at. She wonders if he'll get upset or sad... but she gets an answer pretty quickly.
"I will - of course I will. You'll be the best player in this damn country."
The muscles in her face twitch and she feels like she'll cry. It's been so long, so long since Josh smiled and laughed that now seeing it again feels like a whole new experience. She doesn't want to leave the place or the moment. It's too nice.
"Better than you?"
"Way better." he promises and lets go of the lock of hair he's been playing with. "I love you, you know that, right?"
She feels frozen at the question and starts to wonder where it's coming from. The doubt in his voice, the softness in his eyes... He deserves the world, he deserves everything in it and he deserves to know that he does enough for her - she feels his love and every single emotion and action it causes.
"Of course I do... I know." she promises. "I love you too. And I'm here for you, no matter what."
It's her turn to lean in and she kisses him, making sure the kiss is soft and calm. She wants to make him feel whole and safe. She wants him to be happy.
They lay back down and stay quiet for a bit, enjoying the sunlight and the light summer breeze. She feels like she could melt. Melt into the feeling and moment forever, without ever getting bored.
"You know," Josh starts suddenly, his voice soft and unsure. "it's been a while since I've taken you out on a date."
"It's fine, Josh. These past months weren't exactly the best."
"No... I know." for a few moments he stays silent, not knowing what to say. "All I want to say is I have a few movies here we can watch and we can have a nice time before we-"
"-go back to them." she finishes, understanding what he means.
Them. All the friends, all the family members and pals who show an annoying amount of pity. All of those people who try to comfort Josh when doesn't want to do anything with them. The people who make him feel worse than better.
"I'd love that." she smiles at him as he turns towards him and hugs him. "But no horror."
"No horror." Josh nods.
It wouldn't be good for either of them.
She kisses his shoulder as they get going, stretching their muscles, before climbing the stairs to go and find the movies Josh was talking about.
As they look over his DVDs while hugging, all she can think about is how unfair life is, because Josh doesn't deserve any of the problems life threw at him...
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get lost.
aughsuhdh apologies for my sudden disappearance! i forgot how to write and how to characterize the ghouls... hopefully you guys would still like this somewhat.
ghouls featured: aether, cirrus, dewdrop/sodo, swiss
for the sake of continuity, let's say that this is the situation: someone approaches you and the ghouls start to get jealous. you deny any advances, and the person gets more aggressive. the ghouls step in.
warnings for: boundaries crossed (nothing graphic), more protectiveness and less possessiveness, a little bit of ghoul violence <3
+ the party went by smoothly, for the most part anyway. you've went around the place, stopping by to talk to a few people and small groups. you end up at the bar, leaning against the table. you catch a pair of unwanted eyes. you do your best to hide how your eyebrows furrow as you politely decline their offers to buy you a drink or take you someplace else.
+ their voice is bit louder and rougher, they take a step towards you. the interaction catches more attention as the person's actions become more aggressive. out of the corner your eye you see your ghoul approaching.
aether
- something about aether just makes him very good about feeling things out
- he takes steady steps towards you and the guy
- aether's purple gaze is almost striking as he stares them down
- he's right beside you. he trusts that you can take this one down (be that verbally or else) but he's letting you know that he's got your back
- "i think they've made themself clear. and it seems like your best option now is to go.
- that usual warm energy from him is replaced with something immovable. a threat unsaid, especially with how much force was put on that last word
- and if that person had eyes, they best back away.
- after that exchange, aether checks up on you
- he rubs your back and doesn't dwell much on that creep, instead focusing on you
- but if you ask, he's more than happy to teach them a lesson
cirrus
- cirrus is very protective, definitely
- so when she notices? she's infront of you, no questions asked
- you didn't even feel her move, just the slight gust of air
- cirrus has a sharp expression as she rests her hand on her hip
- there are little wisps that blow strands of her hair
- "hey you. what made you think that you had the right to run your mouth like that?"
- when an argument arises, cirrus punctuated her words with her tail. it slapped on the ground, sounding almost like whip that's been cracked
- that silences them quick
- if anything happens, cirrus will not have been the one to start it. but she'll counter hard. even with fabulous nails (claws).
- might have left a scar too. she will neither confirm nor deny
- she'll turn back to you as if she just swatted a fly
- "apologies, darling. but they won't be bothering you ever again. did you get hurt?"
- cirrus takes your hand and presses a kiss to your wrist
- she asks what you want to do next. she's happy to keep you distracted with a dance but won't mind if you want to go home. she'll pamper you <3
dewdrop
- he will throw hands
- his eyebrows are furrowed, he purposefully bumps against the person's shoulder
- dew's hand is protectively hovering in front of you
- "back off, shithead." he half growls
- dewdrop saw the way they talked and cornered you, he is not letting that slide
- he'll make sure to bruise that fucker in some way, drawing blood
- he looks at them with so much disgust once they scurry away. he wipes his claws and shakes it
- he sighs but it turns into a sheepish smile when facing you
- "sorry 'bout that... i couldn't help it. but more importantly, are you okay?"
- he tends to you and gives you anything you need
- dew is a little more cuddly afterwards, head rubbing against you adorably. he reminds you of a cat
- probably wants the smell of everyone else gone off you
swiss
- oh you just know that swiss always has his eyes on you
- for many reasons, but mostly because he thinks that you're eye candy
- the moment he notices something is off, he's immediately coming closer
- swiss lingers behind you, carefully eyeing them
- his hand wrapped around your waist
- swiss makes a clear sign that you're taken by the way he holds you
- "they said no." he says, annoyed. "now why don't you take your bullshit somewhere else?"
- swiss is ready to jump and fight as soon as they take a step closer
- will break their knees if needed
- but swiss will do his best to limit anything, as he wants your discomfort to end fast
- swiss clicks his tongue as they leave, eyes still glowing
- he holds your face as he moves a little closer to you
- "don't worry, i'm here for you. do you want me to... handle them later?"
- he says jokingly, but you know that you can answer and he will
- swiss kisses you on the nose
- he's more than happy to provide anything you need, kisses and comfort included. wanna order dessert? sure! cuddle? he's immediately going home and pulling you into his lap.
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b0amagination · 2 months ago
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Tastes of Whumptober: Day 4
Content Warnings: Mild gore (descriptions of blood), Needles (into a port, not hypodermic), IV port, Lab whump. All under the cut out of caution!
Sensory Deprivation
The sedative wore off at the same time it always did and they groaned, wishing just for once to curl up and go back to sleep. They had five minutes, or ten if they were lucky… but being found still asleep was never worth it. Old and new wounds complained against the arduous process of standing up and feeling for the door.
Sure enough, the fluorescent lights buzzed to life overhead just as they exited the attached bathroom. 
“Good morning, dear.” Their captor greeted, gesturing to the chair. Of course, always straight to business with him. But they wavered.
The chair wouldn’t have stood out to an outsider as anything other than a black leather armchair. Sure, it was the only dark item in the starkly clinical room, but that only made it all the more inviting if you didn’t know its use.
“You should take a day off. You’re practically married to your work,” they tried.
“You’re my work, and I don’t think either of us want that,” he shot back, removing four vials from his shoulder bag and setting each neatly on the tray. 
The chair. The tray. They were all laughably foreboding. Laughter never eased the fear.
“That’s new.” They knew the first three. Nutrition supplement, immune support, and hydration supplement. Administered every day like clockwork. Days with any more were days to be feared, but they’d started to recognize which drug was which. This was definitely new.
“Yes. Take your seat.” 
Always the same goddamn phrase to warn them they were going too far. 
“Ring a bell and I’ll probably start slobbering,” they muttered, perching on the edge of the chair. He hummed, unwrapping a needle and drawing out the nutrition supplement.
“Thank Pavlov for lessening that network of scars on your body.” His smile was pleasant as always. In another life where he wasn’t so sick and twisted he was probably a medical provider. 
He moved the neck of their shirt aside to access their IV port and inject the liquid, doing the same practiced motions two more times before their hand shot up to cover the port. Disappointed eyes fell upon them.
“Never without some kind of struggle, are you?” 
“I just want to know what it is before you do it.”
“You’ll like it. Now move.”
He pried their fingers apart wide enough to push the needle in and depress the plunger. Then he stood back and grabbed his clipboard, probably noting some bullshit about volumes and concentrations, and clicked a stopwatch.
“Tell me when your back stops hurting,” he instructed, and their eyes widened.
“You gave me painkillers? Seriously?” Somehow, they were more nervous than before.
“Something like that.”
When he wanted serious data he didn’t speak much. So silence filled the room until their pain actually reacted as he said. Not only did the sharp pain on their back fade, but so did the aches of months past.
“Holy shit. What did you give me?” They felt like a brand new person. It was… terrifying.
“Your new favorite thing,” he said, and they couldn’t exactly deny it. He finished writing and made his way back over. “Alright. Now for the real test.”
They couldn’t help the way their body clenched up when he stood over them. Or the way they trembled when he opened the zipper pocket and pulled out his knife. 
“I thought this was a scientific procedure. Where’s your scalpel?” A risky quip. They didn’t want to see that goddamn scalpel ever again.
“Scientific, not surgical. Calm down or I’ll need to start you on high blood pressure medication too.”
He tapped the arm of the chair and they obediently set their arm there, wary of his every movement as he flipped the underside up.
“If you struggle, I’ll strap you to the table instead.”
That was checkmate and he knew it. A timid nod accepted defeat.
The knife started just below their elbow, pressed in, and pulled ever so slowly down to their wrist. Eyes squeezed shut and teeth grit, preparing for the familiar sting, but…
They looked down. The cut was already bleeding, dripping down their arm, wetting slick leather. But all they’d felt was a mild pressure.
Their captor was looking on just as intensely, studying their reaction.
“Nothing?”
“Nothing,” they breathed. No pain. “Nothing whatsoever.”
He drew another line, parallel, and even as more blood wept, their eyes were strangely dry.
“Good. Let’s kick this up a notch.”
They opened their mouth to protest but a hand already fisted in their collar, pulling them up and pushing them against the wall. Their vision blurred when their head knocked off the wall, but the explosion of hurt didn’t precede it. 
“H-how do you know you didn’t just concuss me?” The longer this went on, the worse it felt. 
“I suppose I don’t. Not until I check you.”
“You can’t do that! You need to know how hurt I am, you need to know when to stop-!” A backhand flew across their face, snapping it to the side, and they whimpered. The hit had hardly felt like a brief touch, but its humiliation stung nonetheless.
“I know your limits. Do you think you’d feel a stab wound?” His question made them freeze, tears preemptively flooding their eyes.
“No- please don’t. Please. I’ll lose too much blood, you could hit something vital, please!” 
"Do you think my anatomical studies were for nothing?"
Pressure. Pressing harder and harder against their shirt, their abdomen, and then a horrific, slick coolness. It fell back and exposed a rushing warmth, blood staining white fabric, broken skin peeking through the new hole. God. They felt faint.
They fell to their knees and heard footsteps, probably wanting to test whether or not they were faking it.
“It doesn’t hurt,” they cried. “I just- the blood- I need to stem the bleeding.” That was true. Their hands clamped over the stab wound, trying to stop it. The shoes paused next to them in thought, then continued back toward the chair. Just moments later they heard his bag rustling and each vial clinking as it was set inside.
At least he was done for the day. Probably sad he didn’t get to make them scream.
He picked up the bag and his steps resumed, kicking something that skittered to a stop at their feet.
“Page me once it starts to wear off.”
Fuck.
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the-kr8tor · 1 year ago
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i absolutely love how you write hobie, so tenderly and sweet but still very much hobie😭❤️I was wondering if I could ask for hobie with a s/o with fibromyalgia, maybe fluff hurt/comfort? I don't know if you're familiar with it but it's kind of a chronic pain disorder, (I just got diagnosed oof), totally okay if you're not comfortable with it tho!
I'm sorry that you're going through this, I hope this helps lift your spirits, I'll keep you in my thoughts, hun ❤️ I hope I wrote this okay, I did some research about it, to make sure I'm writing it well for you. Sorry this took awhile, hope you're doing okay ❤️
Pairing: Hobie Brown x gn! Reader/ Spider-Punk x gn! Reader
Tags: no use of Y/N, no specific physical description of the reader, descriptions of pain, Hurt/Comfort.
ʕ⁠·⁠ᴥ⁠·⁠ʔ
You lay on your back, the old sofa's springs digging into your shoulder which certainly doesn't help the throbbing pain in your entire body. You're in too much pain to move into the bedroom, especially with the sharp pain digging in your feet. Hissing out when a wave of pain sends shivers through you.
Hobie holds out a cold glass of water near your head, the condensation drops on your cheek, Hobie reaches out to wipe at it quickly but carefully, so as to not cause you anymore discomfort.
"Sorry," his long fingers grazing your cheek gingerly. Hobie crouches down to your eye level, eyes gauging your emotions. " 'm sorry, love" you don't know if he's apologizing for what happened, or if it's because you're in pain.
He hates seeing you like this, your face scrunched up, eyes glistening at him. Hobie wishes he could just take it away from you. Fight it for you. He drops the glass right next to him, you crane your neck to look at him, despite the dull pain, a tight lipped smile.
"It's okay, not your fault" you softly say.
"You haven't drank water in a bit, sorry"
"Stop apologizing, I know you mean well" you raise your finger at the knit on his forehead, trying to straighten it out. "I'll take that water please"
You lift yourself up, Hobie rushes to help you, his hand warm on your hand and back, his grip on you is soft, fully aware of his strength. You exhale, thanking him with a small smile.
Hobie crouches in front of you, he wipes the glass, getting the condensation off it, before handing it to you. You gulp it down, not realizing how thirsty you've been.
"Thank you" he grabs the glass from you, careful not to touch your fingers.
You notice he's been avoiding touching you, opting for small careful touches, you completely understand his sentiment, not wanting you to feel any additional discomfort from his touch. But you want it though, he doesn't know how much it helps, how he helps.
Hobie can't read your mind, so you hold out your hand towards him. "Can I hold your hand?"
Hobie smiles "I'll always say yes to that" he lifts his palm over yours, drawing small circles over your wrists. "This okay?"
"Mm-hmm" you tilt your head, watching as his large hand envelops yours. He places a small kiss over your knee, heat blossoming on your face from the affection.
"It'll be okay, yeah?" He stops himself from resting his forehead on your leg. Instead he watches as you look at him through half lidded eyes. His heart aches for you.
You answer him by squeezing his hand three times. He knows what you meant, so he squeezes back gently, three times, then a small kiss over your fingertips.
"Do you want me to carry you to the bed? This old couch won't do you any good" you know he's not scolding you, genuinely concerned how the bumpy couch isn't helping you.
"Okay"
He stands up, delicately holding onto you. He's cautious of where he's stepping, as to not jostle you too much. Hobie lays you gently on the bed.
"There, let me grab you another glass" before he could leave, you grab his hand, stopping him from his tracks.
"Stay? Please"
"Of course" he goes around the bed, laying next to you. You shuffle closer to him, your fingers intertwined, helping you fall asleep, knowing when you wake up he'll be right next to you.
ʕ⁠·⁠ᴥ⁠·⁠ʔ
Thank you for reading ❤️ please consider reblogging if you enjoyed ❤️
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steviewashere · 6 months ago
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This may be a bit out there request (also feel free to ignore) for a small oneshot, but can I request some pure steve angst? him and hop sharing a drink, no ships, just two dudes talking about shitty things that have happened to them over the past few years. My boy desperately needs a father figure.
Okay, I'm so sorry this took so long to answer. I literally started writing it, forgot about it, and then came back and couldn't think of anything. And I also didn't have Hopper share too much, but I hope this suffices some. This was a fun challenge. <3
Pairing: Steve Harrington & Jim "Chief" Hopper CW: Discussion of Canon Traumatic Events, Brief Mention of Canon Violence Tags: Post-Canon, Post-Season 4, Angst and Hurt/Comfort
🫂—————🫂 He’d been sitting outside with his head between his knees for the better part of half an hour when the door creaked open behind him. Even as the footfalls, heavy and slow, made their way towards him, Steve didn’t dare drag his eyes up. Kept them securely at his feet. To the wooden step underneath him. On the off chance that whatever world existed around him was a mirage.
The person sits down next to him with an unceremonious grunt. Their breaths are as heavy as their steps. A swallow clicking in their throat, probably dry and overused. Something chilled is pressed against his denim clad thigh. And that’s when Steve finally draws enough effort to look up.
Hopper sits hunched, head pointed at the trees beyond his cabin, eyes darting between them. In his right hand is an offered, cold bottle of beer. A firm outstretched bridge. And Steve tentatively takes it. He’s not quite old enough to be partaking in this, Hopper should know that, but also—he’s not the chief anymore, is he? So, why should he care?
His beer is already uncapped when he raises it to his face. Knocking it back and taking it in with a deep swallow. The foam churning on his tongue, sugary between his teeth, and moist on his lips. He heaves a sigh. Mutters, “Thanks.”
Another bottle is drank from. The slosh against the sides of the glass an easy sound. Hopper smacks his lips together. “Looked like you needed one,” he states gruffly. A swig. “God knows I did with all that damn commotion in there.”
“Yeah,” Steve murmurs back, “it’s too loud for me.” He takes a small sip at his drink. Shifts the bottle back and forth between his palms, relishing in the crisp condensation on his skin. Begins to pick at the label where it looks like it’ll peel away easily, if he just gave it his full effort. “I don’t even know why I came over. I can’t stand noisy shit.”
“Feel like the old Steve Harrington that I’ve met would say otherwise,” Hopper muses. Instead of dignifying it with a response, Steve just nods his head in silent agreement. Because yeah, pre-November, 1983 Steve would be doing keg stands and chanting at the top of his lungs. Not moping around on the front porch of the ex-chief of police. Sharing beer of all things.
The noise inside the house floats out from under the crooked front door. A mixture of birdsong and laughter. The subtle soft chirps of crickets beginning to wake up. It’s good outside, the air cold on Steve’s face and the sun nearly set. He takes a deep breath and just absorbs.
“Sometimes,” Hop starts softly when their shared silence stretches too long, “sometimes I look at you and see myself.”
Steve swallows around nothing. “That a good thing?” He asks just as quiet.
“No,” Hopper answers honestly. “You look like you’d rather be under the dirt than be anywhere. There’s…you’re a lonely lookin’ nineteen year old.”
He shrugs. “Yeah, well—“ Steve sighs. “—maybe I’d rather that. All things considered, Hopper.” There are eyes on him, he can sense them through the aching joint of his left shoulder. They burn him. It hurts to have attention like this on him, after so much time alone. And he knows that he’s got Robin and the party members—he’ll maybe have Eddie if he pulls through in the hospital. But that doesn’t make his house any less silent, or his parents’ room any less dusty, or his bed any less cold.
“You got anybody you can talk to, kid? Outside of Robin?”
Steve sniffs. Picks at the label on his beer bottle. Tries not to notice his shaking hands. “Who ‘m I gonna talk to?” He asks lowly. “A shrink is gonna think I’m crazy, put me away. And y’know how my parents are. They aren’t going to believe me, let alone listen.”
Hopper’s leg bumps his. Beer bottle clinking against the porch as he sets it down. He ducks down, enough to make direct eye contact with Steve. His eyes are fierce, yet inviting and soft. Steve’s stomach churns. “Talk to me, then. You need an adult who will understand you? I’m right here.”
He scoffs. “What do you want me to talk about?”
“Anything. Everything. Something, Steve.” A hand lands gently on his shoulder. The warmth a lull, a sweet thing. And something inside of him begins to melt. But he doesn’t say anything, still. Hopper sighs long and winded. And the touch dissipates, leaving Steve drifted and yearning.
Behind them, Hopper’s cabin swells with noise. That raspy laugh of Robin’s. And Mike’s honk snorting. Even Jonathan is adding something, a few loud comments here and there. “I can’t believe we won!” Dustin crows and the others join in intense agreement. And Steve wonders why he can’t celebrate like they can. What happened to him. Where his joy lays in all this.
Hopper sips his beer again, looking out at the trees once more. Smacks his lips together. “I don’t know how to celebrate this shit,” he admits quietly. “I’m…Part of me is excited to not see my girl use those powers of hers again. To hopefully see her hair grow out. But another part of me is—I just remember all the bad shit that happened before we got to this point.”
“Yeah,” Steve croaks. He gulps a good third of his beer in one go. The sour bitterness of the drink burning his throat alive. When he pulls the bottle away, he absentmindedly rubs at the dark red demobat scar on his neck. “Especially when my body remembers and is covered in my failures,” he mutters.
Beside him, Hopper makes a noise of agreement. A hum. A grunt sort of thing. “I used to be a fat guy.” He half-heartedly chuckles. “Now I’m just this skinny dude with real short hair and the eyes of a World War Two soldier.”
Steve snorts. “And I used to have plain, blemish free skin. Now look at me, Hop.” He gestures loosely at his own face and neck when Hopper does turn and look over. “No amount of coconut oil—or whatever—is going to get rid of this shit. Like my mom keeps insisting on. I mean…She doesn’t know all the shit I’ve been through. The—The plate I took to the crown of my head or the needle to my neck or those Russian shitheads that knocked me senseless.”
Hopper’s breath hitches. Steve curses at himself internally. Remembers the haunted body that pulled him in close when they reconvened. Remembers the frantic calls from Jonathan, of all people, asking what to do when it comes to nightmares—“Not mine,” Jonathan had said, “Hop’s. He just…He just yells.” And even remembers the faint hints Hop gave: the relief in finding a jar of peanut butter, the biting cold, the labor, and the cells. The separation from who he used to be. The loneliness within what he’d gone through, which Steve knows all too well. “Russians?” Hopper softly implores anyway.
And part of Steve knows what he’s doing. The crack to his shell deepening, stretching. But he answers despite it all. Keeps his voice leveled, careful as to not be heard from inside the cabin. “Yeah,” he whispers, the syllables cracking. “Robs and Dustin and I, we all decoded this tape, right? There was Russian speech on it or whatever and I ended up finding the source of the intermission. It was coming from underneath Starcourt. So, y’know how stupid we all are, we went ahead and found these assholes and…Well I—“ He rubs the lip of his beer bottle to his own bottom lip. Eyes glossing over, remembering. “They were going to hurt Robin,” he states, his own voice like gravel, “and Dustin. And little Erica. So I did the stupid thing. Answered their interrogation. They didn’t like the answers; I earned a few punches. Went unconscious. Got hit with some truth serum drug bullshit. Threw up my guts, ended up with a concussion, saw a guy die in front of me, went home and threw up again in the shower, and then I went to bed.”
All at once, the world narrows to just them. Hopper’s completely silent though and Steve doesn’t want to glance over. See the pity written on his sullen, aged face. So he shrugs, takes another swig of his beer, and burps lightly when the carbonation comes up. Nonchalance. “Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Right, Hop?” Steve pokes quietly. “Throw myself in danger for the people around me. Try to keep them on my good side. Show them I’m worth giving a shit about. Save ‘em. Love ‘em for a bit. Wait until they turn on me or whatever.
“I know you do it, too. So don’t try to lecture me,” Steve mutters, “At least we don’t have to do it again.”
He’s not sure what to really expect to any of that. But he doesn’t think he’d ever expect a firm, heavy arm to wrap around his shoulders. To tug him in close and warm. To hold him gently.
“I’m sorry, kid,” Hopper murmurs.
Steve tries to pull away, but the hand on his opposite bicep squeezes him back. “It’s not your fault, Hop. It’s—“
“You’re a kid, Steve,” he emphasizes. “A kid with a long fucking life ahead of you. And you’ve already seen enough for, well, for lifetimes. You should’a never been in any of this shit, none of you teens should’a. Not just those Russians, Steve. But for everything.”
He doesn’t feel like a kid. Doesn’t really feel like anything, but Hopper doesn’t need to know that right now. Sure, he’d understand. That liminal space after losing his daughter, right after war, before his world quite literally turned upside down—Hopper lived that nothingness for a long while. Maybe he lives it again, Steve isn’t sure.
But he just sighs. “You shouldn’t have been there, either,” Steve murmurs. His face is warm and his eyes sting. And before he really knows what’s happening, he’s crying. Hot tears that sear all the way down to the underside of his jaw. That don’t really produce much noise from him, but he supposes the terrible stuttering in and out is something.
“C’mere, kid,” Hopper mutters.
His beer gets set aside somewhere. Pulled even further in. Head nestled on Hopper’s shoulder, the fresh shave of his beard burning on Steve’s forehead. A hand between his shoulder blades and the other on the back of his head. Steve’s arms sit limp at his sides. But within Hop’s warmth, the musk of aftershave and Irish Spring soap, and his firm and careful hold—Steve finally breaks.
It’s not a catastrophic thing, like he had expected. It’s not all that quiet either.
Shoulders shaking, eyes heavy, and nose burning—Steve cries. Cries with the force of a sudden summer downpour. Heaves giant breaths as if he’s just come up from drowning. And he sobs against the bare skin of Hopper’s neck. Open mouthed. Wet exhales. Big globs of spit sticky between his lips.
When he can finally catch his breath, feel the exhaustion into his bones, he pulls back.
Hopper lays his hands on either side of Steve’s face. His own cheeks wet with tears. Sniffling. “I know, okay? I know, kid,” he says quietly. “You need a home to run to? A shoulder to cry on? You just need a good dad hug? Come over, okay? Steve, you just gotta come over.”
And with that, all Steve can do, is give in.
He cries again into Hopper’s shoulder.
Later, he’ll listen to Hopper in turn. Hug him just as fiercely. Laugh at the absurdity of it all. But this is nice. Just this for a little while longer.
For the first time in his life, though, he feels like he’s got a home to return to. An ear to hear him. And a heart to care about him.
🫂—————🫂 Thank you for the ask, this was an interesting one!
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andreaheartscats · 1 year ago
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Sally Face Headcanons
-comfort Sally Face Headcanons because my feelings got hurt :')
possible TW: scars/ mention of self harm.
Sal Fisher
× he is great at comforting people let me just say that first.
× if youre crying he would hold you close to him and let you pour your heart out.
× at first he would be a little awkward not knowing what to do but then he would just hug you and hold you tight whispering comforting words to you such as
"itll be okay" "im here for you now dont worry" etc..
× he cares a lot so if anyone hurt your feelings like your boyfriend/ girlfriend / partner, he would go BATSHIT crazy and be very overprotective of you.
× so once you are done crying he would offer you some tissues/ watch a movie/ go ghost haunting/ or something like that to get your mind off of whatever was bothering you
× he is a great hugger!
× he would let you cry into his shirt not caring if you get it wet.
× if you have sh scars, he would draw over them and or kiss them. He would draw little stars, hearts or cats.
- a little scenario here:
you were at your apartmant, blade in your hand. Your eyes full of tears as your face and eyes got all puffy and red from crying. Your wrists were stinging with red lines across them wondering where did all go wrong, thoughts flying through your head unable to hear anything or anyone as everything was just too much for you to handle at this point.
Sal was worried about you, he noticed that you werent yourself for the past few days and it bothered him a lot. He tried calling you but you didnt answear your phone or his texts. He decided to go check up on you in your apartmant room. Trembling a little with fear not knowing what would he walk into he knocked on thr door a few times waiting for a response. Yet no one opened. A little more worried he knocked again, this time a bit more louder and aggressive. Yet again no answear.
He opened the door as it was unlocked and walked in hearing little sobs coming from the bathroom. Sal rushed to the noise and there he saw you, on the bathroom floor. Blade in your hand, eyes full of tears and wrist bleeding. Without saying a word he sat down next to you snapping the blade from your hand and holding you tight as tears started to form in his own eyes. He didnt bother saying anything as he just held you close him letting you sob into his shirt.
Once you were done pouring your eyes out he looked at you cupping your cheeks in his hands as he managed to mumble the words "why..?" you didnt say anything. He then took a deep breath opening one of the cabinets and taking the first aid kit to bandage your wrist up. He cleaned your cuts as you wince a little at the pain. Slowly he put bandages around your wrist as he hugged you once more but this time you didnt let go for a while.
× after this scenario you two were laying on the couch, your head against his shoulder as he held you :)
(i am SO sorry if this was bad i honestly tried my best to make this scenario as good as possible consdiring that this was my first time writing something like this, also please keep in mind english isnt my first laungage!)
Larry Johnson
× poor guy doesnt really know how to comfort people but he tries his best
× he would hug you tight, sometimes even too tight (lol)
× he would let you know that he is here for you and even if he is not too good at comforting he is definitely a good listener
× but if you didnt want to talk at the moment he would alsk respect that. So then instead he would play some music in the background and let you get yourself cozy in one of his bean bags giving you some tissues and food if you wanted.
× consdiring the fact that he doesnt know how to comfort people he would just sit across from you a little awkwardly but mind you he cares deeply about you and just wants to help you but doesnt really know how.
× if you ask him to bring you anything while you were all depressed and sad that boy would RUN and i mean full on sprint to please you and give you what you asked him to.
× and if you needed a hug, he would not only hug you that guy would full on cuddle you. Letting you lay on his chest as he held you close to him, his arms wrapped around your waist letting you peacfully and comfortably lay on him/fall asleep.
× lets say you did fall asleep, he would not dare to move, AT ALL and i mean it. even of he had to jse the bathroom or something he wouldnt dare to move and wake you up from your dream.
_________________________________________
note : i apologize if this was a little depressing (yea no shit it was) but i hope you liked it and if youre struggling with anything such as your mental health, please seek out some help! or you can just dm me i have no problem with that :)
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m1ckeyb3rry · 11 months ago
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Pomegranate Ink: XXII
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Series Synopsis: Unable to heal but willing to fight, with a fiancé in Kyoto and a last name that looms over everything you do, you accept an offer to study at Tokyo Jujutsu Tech. What you did not know was that your salvation and your ruination alike would soon join you at the school, neatly wrapped in the form of a boy followed by death.
Chapter Synopsis: Your second exchange event goes awry when one of the disaster curses makes an appearance.
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Series Masterlist
Pairing: Yuta Okkotsu × Female Reader
Chapter Word Count: 6.8k
Content Warnings: angst, misogyny, naoya zenin, forbidden relationships, canon-typical violence, character death, original characters included
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A/N: me when i’m in a “accidentally giving two best friends the most romantic storyline” competition but my opponent is tumblr user m1ckeyb3rry writing pomegranate ink
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You all took off into the forest at full sprint, with Maki and Itadori naturally pulling ahead of the rest of you. Clapping his hands together, Megumi summoned Divine Dog Black, who manifested with a unearthly howl. It effortlessly charged forward, nose raised in the air, testing it for the scent of the Grade 2 curse which had been released into the forest. This was the advantage of having more teammates than just Yuta — you weren’t responsible for nearly as much. Doubtless you would take advantage of your cursed signature detection, but the brunt of the tracking would be borne by the shikigami, who looked happy to do it, tail wagging as it bounded along.
At about the same time that you sensed a presence approaching, the Divine Dog barked out a warning. A grade three curse shaped vaguely like a spider dropped down in front of you, baring its fangs in an attempt to look threatening, though none of you were impressed. The Divine Dog looked proud of itself for detecting the curse, but unfortunately, it was not the curse’s signature that you felt drawing nearer.
“Watch out!” you shouted, grabbing onto Itadori’s red hood and yanking him backwards just in time. A huge fist rammed into the air where he had previously been standing, instead making contact with the grade three curse and sending it flying into a tree, where it promptly exploded from the force of the exorcism.
“Y/N L/N!” Todo thundered, pointing at you. “You owe me a fight!”
“Remember the plan!” Maki shouted.
“Sorry, Todo,” you called over your shoulder as you veered around him. “You’ll have to deal with him first!”
You split up into your predetermined groups, with Toge, Panda, and Nobara going in one direction as Maki and Megumi went the other. You and Tullia continued forwards, though you did turn your head, craning your neck to catch one last glimpse of Maki.
She locked eyes with you, and you tried your best to communicate to her with just that single glance what you wanted to say. Please. I will tell you everything when I can. Please don’t be hurt. Please know that you are my best friend. Something like that. If anyone could understand you from just one look, it had to be her, so you prayed that that was enough.
You couldn’t be sure, though. She rounded the corner before you were able to tell. Gradually, Toge, Nobara, and even Panda’s heavy footsteps faded as well, leaving you and Tullia truly alone. Reaching out with your cursed signature detection, you felt nothing, so you motioned for her to slow down.
“There’s no point in wasting energy,” you said. “There aren’t any curses or students in the immediate vicinity, so let’s slow down until we can pick where we want to go next.”
“Got it. How do we pick? Want me to close my eyes, spin, and point?” Tullia said.
“No,” you said. “I’ll be the one closing my eyes, and stealing some of your cursed energy while I’m at it. I’m sorry.”
“Oh, it’s no big deal. I’ll keep my eyes peeled in the meantime, just in case, though you know I won’t be much help while you’re borrowing my energy,” she said.
“It won’t be too much. I don’t need to use Composition; rather, I’m using your power to broaden the range of my cursed signature detection,” you said. Her mouth made a small ‘o’ of acknowledgement.
“Makes sense. Good luck!” she said.
You screwed your eyes shut, firstly reaching out for the other presence that was constantly intertwined with yours. It was the core of Tullia’s cursed technique, dancing alongside your own — in tandem for now, until you dipped your hand into it, siphoning it off bit by bit and letting it pour into your own self. It took a moment, but then there was a sudden surge of strength in your veins as the newfound source of power rushed through them.
Taking a deep breath, you widened the area of your cursed signature detection — which was really just an application of Dissection but supremely simplified — and searched the entire forest for the students. They were your biggest threat; although any of your classmates could handle a Grade 2 curse, you knew that some of the Kyoto students might pose some trouble to them, especially if they had teamed up.
Immediately, though, you noticed something curious. Towards the east were the signatures of Megumi and Divine Dog Black, and to the west were Toge, Panda, and Nobara, but for some reason, all of the Kyoto students’ signatures were concentrated near where you all, the Tokyo students, had begun the event. That is to say, all of the Kyoto students and —
“Itadori!” you gasped. “They’re trying to kill Itadori!”
“What?” Tullia said, voice trembling as she pressed a handkerchief to her nose, red overtaking the white of the fabric. Her face was pale and sweaty, but she smiled bravely at you, a reassurance that she was doing fine even if she looked the opposite. Inside, you felt her cursed energy thrum, rallying as she took a sip from the water bottle full of bleach she had brought with her, reinforcing her facade.
“Are you okay?” you said anyways. You often suspected that lending you her energy took a greater toll on Tullia than she’d ever admit to, but whenever any of you — Ieri, Gojo, or you yourself — asked, she denied it profusely. This time was much the same, as she shook her head, balling up the handkerchief and shoving it back in the small backpack she carried with her.
“I’m not the one you should be worrying about right now. What do you mean, they’re trying to kill Itadori? How can you tell?” she said.
“It’s only a hunch, but what other reason would all of the Kyoto students have to be gathered around him? That’s where they’re all located, by the way, and why we haven’t run into any of them despite how proactively they sabotaged us during the last exchange event,” you said.
“Why, though? He’s such a sweet boy!” Tullia said.
“Tullia,” you said incredulously. “You know, I really admire you for getting to know someone like that, but did you forget that he’s literally Sukuna’s vessel? It’s not a surprise that they want to kill him.”
“But killing is forbidden in the challenge. The only objective is to hunt down the curse,” she said.
“Oh, they’re hunting down a curse alright,” you said, pulling out your phone and swearing loudly when calling Noritoshi sent you straight to voicemail, further confirming your suspicions. “Just not the one that was released for us to exorcise.”
“They really see him like that?” she said. You sighed.
“Of course they do. Or maybe it’s just that it doesn’t matter to them; at any rate, I know Noritoshi is the dutiful type. I wouldn’t put it past Principal Gakuganji to ask him to do something like that, and if the principal demanded it, then he’d definitely oblige. And the rest of the Kyoto students would probably follow his lead, so that’s just as likely of an explanation,” you said.
“I can’t believe they’re all ganging up on him,” Tullia said. “That’s ridiculous, and cowardly.”
“No, not necessarily all of them,” you said, allowing yourself to smile fondly. “There’s one that might even take a liking to him. If it’s like that, then he’ll only have to prove himself once, and that’ll be enough. The others will leave him alone then, too.”
“Todo?” Tullia guessed. You nodded.
“He’s that sort,” you said. “If Todo decides he likes Itadori, then it’s just up to Itadori to prove himself worthy of standing beside him and fighting. Whether he fails or succeeds is a different matter entirely, but I know Todo won’t let the others interfere in the process. That’s the scenario we should be hoping for.”
“What should we do in the meantime, then?” Tullia said. “How far are we from Itadori? If you take on Todo, we should be able to deal with the others. Tell me which way so that we can get to him as fast as possible! That would be the best case scenario, right?”
“No,” you said. It was a split-second decision, but you made it and hoped that your instinct was correct. This time, it was Tullia’s turn to give you an aghast look.
“You’re seriously going to leave him to die?” she said.
“Of course not,” you said. “I can guarantee you that Megumi and Panda, at least, have come to similar conclusions as us, just based on how peaceful the forest is at the moment. Megumi won’t leave Itadori to fight on his own, that’s for sure, and Maki will definitely support him in that. Panda always makes good judgments, so I’m certain he’ll split up their group, with him and, if I had to guess, Nobara heading to Itadori’s defense, while Toge, the higher ranked of the group, continues to search for the second grade curse. Just like we will.”
“With Megumi, Maki, Panda, and Nobara there to help him, they should be able to handle things,” Tullia agreed. “But why should we focus on the event? Doesn’t it kind of take a backseat to something like this?”
“Normally, I’d agree. Even now, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth to seemingly abandon him like this; however, leaving him behind and searching for the target is actually the best thing we can do at this point. Think about it: once we kill that curse, the challenge is over. If we do it quickly enough, then they won’t even get the chance to kill Itadori. Furthermore, we can then confer with Gojo about our suspicions and figure out what to do next,” you said.
“I get it now!” Tullia said. “No wonder you’re a Grade 1 sorcerer, Y/N. You’ve got this stuff figured out.”
“Thank you. It’s really just practice, though — you remember how many missions I had to go on as a Semi-Grade 1? Those were the worst few months of my life. I had to get better at reading and adapting to situations in the moment just because if I didn’t, people would die,” you said, shuddering at just the memory of how many odd missions you had been sent on. You thought it was a little cruel that the majority of difficult assignments were actually given to Semi-Grade 1 sorcerers instead of the Grade 1s, but it made sense; after all, once a sorcerer attained the rank of Grade 1, they had weight behind their name. They could make decisions and choose what they did and didn’t do, with the power and status to reinforce those decisions, but the same could not be said for Semi-Grade 1 sorcerers, who were chasing their recommendations and therefore willingly accepted whichever missions came their way.
“I’ll be on your level one day,” she said. “You can count on it.”
“I believe you,” you said. “I don’t think you’re too far off, either. If you do well enough during this event, you’ll definitely get your initial recommendations in.”
“Right! Then let’s get the curse exorcised!” she said, clenching her fist, determination blazing in her eyes. You patted her on the shoulder.
“Yes,” you said. “Let’s do that.”
Just then, a shout resounded through the entire forest. Birds flew out of the trees in alarm, and it genuinely reverberated in your bones from its depth and volume, though you knew that its origin was somewhere far from where you currently were. Though it definitely sounded like something concerning, the voice made you grin widely.
“Wrong!”
“What was that?” Tullia said, literally jumping in surprise. You laughed.
“That,” you said, some of your worry easing at the development, “was Todo. He’s taken Itadori under his wing, alright; it seems like he’ll be okay for now, as long as he can keep up with Todo’s nonsense.”
“Great!” Tullia said. “Though, doesn’t that mean that the rest of the Kyoto students—?”
“—are free to do as we please? Yes, it’s true,” a musical voice said. Before Tullia could react, there was a shrill whistle piercing the air, and then a rope slithered through the underbrush, wrapping around her ankles and pulling her down to the ground.
“Elakshi,” you greeted, tossing a needle at the rope which whipped towards you. Though it wasn’t a human, it was still an object imbued with cursed energy, much like Momo’s broom had been. Therefore, Dissection worked perfectly fine on it, showing its weak spots and allowing you to destroy the entire thing in one hit.
“Hello, Y/N, Tullia,” she said, revealing herself from where she had been hiding in the trees. In the meantime and along with much angered muttering, Tullia managed to untie the rope from around her ankle, staggering to her feet and stomping on it irritation before kicking it away.
“We both know you aren’t a match for me,” you said. “So why’d they send you after us? I thought for sure that Noritoshi would come himself.”
“Noritoshi is otherwise preoccupied,” Elakshi said evenly. You noticed that in the time she had been in Kyoto, her accent had grown thinner, though it would likely completely leave her. This made you strangely proud of her. If her accent was the only thing she had left of who she had been once and where had come from, then you hoped she never got rid of it, that she clung onto it forever.
“Y/N, can you just beat her up?” Tullia complained. Elakshi whistled again, a low, sweet tone. The rope reared up at Tullia, but this time she was prepared, punching it out of the way in disdain. It fell to the ground once more, but Elakshi did not bother with it, instead returning her attention to me.
“What you said is indeed correct. There is no world in which I can beat you. Even Noritoshi would struggle. In this moment, in the situation we are in, you seem to be the strongest sorcerer participating in the event. You, Toge Inumaki, and Aoi Todo: those are the three that we are the most wary of,” she said.
“So Todo isn’t allied with you all,” you said. “I knew he wouldn’t be.”
“Todo isn’t a person who allies with anyone, but he also won’t fight us without reason. As long as we stay out of his way, he’s not an issue. That leaves you and Inumaki as our biggest concerns for the purpose of this event. We spent a long time thinking of ways to counter the two of you, but eventually, we figured it out,” she said.
“And what would said counters be?” Tullia snapped from the background. Elakshi rolled her eyes, whistling again at the rope, which once again tried to go after Tullia. This time, though, Tullia took a shot of bleach before grabbing the rope and ripping it in half. It wilted in her hands, and she smugly threw it into a nearby bush, brushing her hands off against her pants.
“I’m not at liberty to discuss such confidential information, but rest assured, they definitely exist,” Elakshi said.
“It has something to do with you. There’s a reason why you came instead of Noritoshi,” you guessed. She hummed in thought before shrugging mysteriously.
“Yes and no. There’s a reason it was me and not one of the others, but it could’ve been Noritoshi if he chose it to be like that. I was not jesting when I said that he was currently engaged with other tasks,” she said.
“Like killing Itadori?” Tullia guessed. This time, Elakshi did not send the rope after her just for daring to speak; instead, she pressed her lips together.
“Todo is the one handling Itadori. The person whom Noritoshi is concerned with is different, but that’s not anything that the two of you need to focus on at the moment,” she said.
“What should we focus on, then? You just seem to be talking a lot at the moment, so what’s the big deal?” Tullia said. Elakshi pinched the bridge of her nose.
“I’ll stop talking then,” she said. “Since you’re so opposed, how about I whistle instead? Would that please you more?”
“Not really,” Tullia said. “But — shit!”
Ropes descended upon the two of you, shooting out from the tree branches, rising up from the grass, wriggling out from under Elakshi’s uniform. It was like a swarm, ropes swirling everywhere and battering at you while Elakshi continued to whistle in the background, an eerie tune that grated on your nerves.
You brandished your needles, but to your surprise, most of the ropes flew past you. The ones that tried to wrap around your limbs were quickly dealt with, bursting into smithereens and then raining down on the grass like the dying embers of a fire. However, the majority of them were concentrated on Tullia, and when the storm finally ceased, all of the ropes now where Elakshi wanted them, you realized why she had targeted Tullia instead of you: Tullia didn’t have a method to completely destroy the ropes the way you did, especially not so many at once. She had clearly managed to rip apart a few of them, but they had remained under Elakshi’s control, and the result was that Tullia was totally restrained, with something resembling a noose hanging around her neck.
“If you don’t drop your needles right now, I’ll tighten it,” Elakshi said. “She’ll die.”
“You can’t kill during the exchange event,” you reminded her. She stared at you blankly.
“Don’t put me in the position to, and I won’t,” she said. You ground your teeth. Would your needles be faster than Elakshi’s whistle? Most definitely, and even if they weren’t, Tullia would probably not be choked for long enough to actually kill her before you destroyed the rope. She’d likely suffer from some injuries, but Composition would be enough to take care of those, so it was a risk worth taking. You had just about decided to throw the needles anyways when you were interrupted by Tullia clearing her throat.
“You don’t have to do that, Y/N,” she said. “You’re already a Grade 1 sorcerer, right? There’s no need for you to play the hero and save me. Let me take care of the situation; I want to look good so I can get a promotion, after all!”
“You’re fully restrained,” Elakshi said, obviously unamused. “What can you even do at this point? It would be in your best interest to ask me not to kill you or to beg Y/N to save you.”
“Those are the kind of options that a sorcerer who doesn’t aim for Grade 1 status would take! But that’s not who I am. I’m a person that’s planning to receive my initial recommendations after this event!” Tullia said.
“It doesn’t matter who you are or aren’t,” Elakshi said. “You can’t do anything. Accept your defeat.”
“This idea came to me earlier,” Tullia said. “After seeing Itadori. Did you know they call Sukuna the King of Poisons, too? I remembered that after looking at him, and it made me think…aren’t I like that, too?”
“What do you mean?” Elakshi said. The corners of Tullia’s mouth curled upwards, but the expression she was donning could not in any world be considered a smile. Biting your lip, you tucked your needles away and bowed your head at her in acknowledgement. If she wanted it this badly, and if she was really so confident that she could beat Elakshi, then it’d be unfair of you to take the chance from her.
“I used to think that the poison I drank was converted directly into cursed energy, but now I don’t believe that that’s the case. For me, poison is a stimulant, something that drives my body’s cursed energy production into overdrive. It can’t harm me for that reason,” she said.
“Get on with it,” Elakshi said. It was clear that she wanted to tighten the noose and be done with the affair, but then she’d have to contend with you, and that was a fight she wasn’t willing to risk, even with the knowledge of whatever weakness of yours that the Kyoto students had discovered.
“That doesn’t mean it leaves me, though,” Tullia said. “It lingers in my body. Again, it doesn’t harm me, but don’t you think that it’d harm someone else? Something else?”
Elakshi’s eyes widened, and she extended her hand as if to stop Tullia. Belatedly, she remembered to whistle, and it was a high-pitched, panicked sound, but it didn’t matter. Tullia had already bit down on her lip, and blood began to flow from her mouth, first in little droplets and then all at once, streaming down her chin and sizzling when it landed on the ropes, reacting with their latent cursed energy and eating away at them until they dissolved into nothingness, leaving Tullia entirely free to move once more.
“No,” Elakshi whispered, now entirely defenseless and facing off against not one but two fully armed sorcerers. “No!”
She whistled again, and the pieces of rope Tullia had discarded in the bush earlier slunk out from it. You prepared to defend yourself, as did Tullia, but it seemed that this time, you two were not the target of the ropes — Elakshi herself was.
“What are you doing?” you said in alarm as she began to choke, the ropes growing tighter and tighter around her neck. “Elakshi, what are you doing to yourself?”
“Seeing if Noritoshi was right,” she wheezed out, coughing dryly from a lack of oxygen. You and Tullia could only watch in horror as she cut off her own air supply until eventually, her eyes rolled back in her head and she collapsed, the ropes falling limp beside her.
“What the hell?” Tullia said. “Why did she do that?”
“I don’t know,” you said. “I’m trying to think, but I genuinely can’t understand why she’d choose to do such a thing.”
“Maybe she just wanted to go out on her own terms instead of ours. I guess it doesn’t matter; if she’s out, she’s out. Do we just leave her here and move on?” Tullia said.
“Let’s heal her first. Neck injuries are no joke, and she should be dazed enough that I can paralyze her with a needle before she thinks to fight back,” you said. “Oh, also, nice job with the blood thing! That was really clever, though I am a little confused. Why doesn’t your blood react with everything like that? Your handkerchiefs, your clothes, why don’t any of those dissolve like those ropes did?”
“It was a wager that I made,” Tullia said. “I didn’t explain it fully. The lingering poison in my bloodstream is closer to cursed energy than anything, as an after-effect of encountering my cursed technique, so I bet that it only reacts to things that also have cursed energy, and even then, only when they were actively using cursed energy — so, like, a sorcerer wouldn’t be impacted unless they were in the immediate process of using their technique or something. I guess my bet paid off!”
“I’d say so. That was definitely good thinking, Tullia, congratulations,” you said. She gave you a thumbs up.
“Thanks! Alright, if you’re planning on using Composition on her, then just know that I’ll be weaker for a bit. It’ll be my second time lending you my cursed energy with not so long in between the instances, so even though I can drink poison to replenish myself, it’ll probably still leave me drained for a bit,” she said.
“I don’t detect any curses or sorcerers in the vicinity, so we should be okay. Once I’ve healed and paralyzed Elakshi, we just have to exorcise the target curse. It won’t be hard for me, so I’ll get it done and then buy you pizza while you relax and recover in bed,” you said.
“Okay, sounds like a plan,” Tullia said, sitting criss-cross on the ground and motioning towards Elakshi. “Whenever you’re ready.”
You knelt by the fallen sorcerer, rolling your shoulders in preparation and then once again seeking out Tullia’s cursed energy. It was there in an instant, and you swallowed before scanning over Elakshi’s body, focusing especially on her throat.
“Composition,” you said. There was a thud as Tullia hit the ground; you must’ve stolen more energy than you had originally anticipated, or maybe she was just that spent. You vowed to heal Elakshi as quickly as possible and set out to do just that, but you soon realized something was wrong: for some reason, despite the fact that you had literally watched her choke herself to unconsciousness, your technique was insisting that there was nothing wrong with her.
A twitch of Elakshi’s lips was all the warning you got before her eyes flew open and she whistled with an ear splitting intensity. The ropes she had choked herself with — no, feigned choking herself with — moved too fast for the eye to see, and by the time you thought to react, they were already wrapped around your hands, binding them together behind your back, your needles out of reach.
“You bluffed,” you said. “That whole thing was just an act.”
“Of course,” she said. “I’m not the sacrificial type anymore. It only worked because we knew you so well, though; at any rate, I was hoping you’d be paired up with that other Zenin girl, but I guess that in a pinch, Tullia and I work.”
“What do you mean? Are you talking about my weakness or whatever?” you said, struggling against your bonds, though it was in vain.
“You haven’t figured it out yet? Well, I can hardly blame you. People tend to be blinder when it comes to recognizing their own flaws,” she said. “Say, do you think I’ll be recommended for promotion now, too? I’ve restrained a Grade 1 sorcerer. I think that’s pretty promotion worthy.”
“I’m going to tell Gojo to levitate outside of your window without his blindfold tonight,” you muttered rebelliously. “I hope you stare into his absurdly blue eyes and feel true fear.”
“Let her go!” Tullia said, though she was obviously a little woozy, stumbling as she ran towards Elakshi.
“Sit down,” you said to her. “You need to recover. I might be out for the count, but you can still fight if you drink some poison and let yourself rest.”
“That’s true, she is still a threat,” Elakshi said, looking at Tullia before clicking her tongue. “It’s fine, though. She won’t recover in time. As long as you’re no longer a viable player, Y/N, Kyoto will win.”
You went to argue in defense of your classmates, but just then, a dark veil began to creep over the sky. You furrowed your brow, giving Elakshi a worried look. She was staring at the sky, obviously just as confused as you were.
“As someone who participated in the event last year, I can say with full confidence that that’s not supposed to be there,” you said.
“Who could possibly be putting down a veil at this moment?” Elakshi said.
“I know it seems counterintuitive, but you have to let me go now. I don’t know what this whole veil thing is about, but if you have me restrained like this, then you’re seriously jeopardizing everybody in the forest. If someone has hijacked the event, then I need to get to Todo and coordinate a plan to take them out,” you said. You thought it might take more convincing, but Elakshi was sensible enough to let her ropes fall away in an instant, leaving you free to move around once again. You flexed your wrists before looking up at the sky, your mind working overtime to figure out what the likely explanation was.
Like a punch to your stomach, you felt an enormously malevolent presence enter the area of the veil. There was only one type of being that emitted that kind of aura: the disaster curses that you and Gojo had encountered. Your nails dug into the soft skin of your palm, forming crescent moons in the skin, and you shifted from foot to foot at the development.
It had to be the work of the spy. They must’ve informed the curses that you all would be alone in the forest like this, away from the safety of the teachers’ protection. Gojo was all of the way in the faculty building, which meant that he might not even know what was happening — you weren’t sure if Mei Mei’s crows worked through veils, so there was a real chance that he was in the dark. That meant that this was the ideal moment for the curses to strike, and it also supported your earlier assessment.
“Elakshi,” you said. “Take Tullia and get out of here. Forget about the event, just get out of the veil and take her to Ieri if possible.”
“What about you?” she said.
“Whoever put this veil up is working with special-grade curses, one of which is inside the veil at this very moment. Because of the veil, it’s not a guarantee that the faculty knows what’s going on, which means that as of this moment, Todo and I are the highest ranked sorcerers aware of what’s happening. That means it’s my responsibility to take care of everyone. I have to hold this curse off until help can arrive,” you said.
“By help, do you mean Gojo?” Elakshi said, at first trying to get Tullia to lean against her but then giving up and picking her up, carrying her bridal style.
“Yes, he’s the only one who can certainly deal with this,” you said.
“I’ll try to reach him first, then,” she said.
“Sounds like a plan. Be safe. Avoid combat at all costs; this is not an opponent you can fight alone and win against,” you said.
“Understood. You be safe, too,” she said. “Don’t let your weakness make you lose again.”
“I’ll do my best,” you said, even though you still couldn’t understand what that weakness could possibly be. There was no time for further chitchat, though. Without another second to waste, the two of you took off in opposite directions, her towards the exit of the forest and you towards the river where you sensed Megumi facing off against the special grade curse.
It wasn’t the volcano-headed one, that was for sure, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t powerful. And was Megumi fighting it alone? No, there was no way he was. Maki was definitely with him, but you just couldn’t sense her due to her lack of cursed energy. She wouldn’t have abandoned Megumi, and she was fine. She had to be fine. There was no way she wasn’t.
Still, the mere chance that she might not be was enough to push you further, faster, until you were bursting out of the forest and skidding in the slick mud of the riverbank. Both Maki and Megumi did not even notice your arrival, so focused were they on fighting the enormous humanoid curse with the branches for eyes, but the tension left you as you saw that Maki was alright.
The curse must have been the one Gojo and Itadori had encountered the other day, the one who had saved the volcano-head at the last minute. It hadn’t attacked them, only run away with its accomplice, but that only meant that it was theoretically capable of anything, that none of you were aware of what the extent of its skills and techniques were. Maki and Megumi had the upper hand for now, but how long would that last? And everyone was moving so fast that there was no way you could throw a needle, for fear of accidentally hitting one of your allies instead of the curse.
You could not hesitate, though. Even if hand-to-hand combat wasn’t your area of proficiency, you still had to try. You were the Grade 1 sorcerer; you were the one responsible for the lives of your classmates. Todo was nowhere to be found, which meant that it was really up to you. You were not allowed to let any of the others fall before you, especially not her. Especially not your best friend.
There was no one single explanation for it, at least not one that was immediately evident. Maybe Megumi faltered having to use an unfamiliar weapon, or maybe it was the splash of your boots in the current that caught them off guard; either way, for a moment, the two of them were distracted, and in that moment, the curse struck. Strange bud-like growths blossomed in Megumi’s torso, ripping his stomach open and cackling amongst themselves as they did so. He collapsed, and you inhaled, about to run towards him when you suddenly realized something — the curse wasn’t poised to deal a finishing blow to him anymore. Instead, it’s focus was on something — someone else.
“I was hoping you’d be paired up with that other Zenin girl.”
“My needles. My friendship with Maki. Those are mine.”
“The next time you mention my friends — the next time you even dare to say Maki’s name — I will aim my needle a little lower, and I will not miss.”
“Well, I love her. She is the reason that I am the person I am.”
Why had Elakshi said that? What did it all mean? Why were you thinking about these things now? What had Noritoshi and Elakshi comprehended about you that even you had not yet? Because there was something you were missing. It was right in front of you, but you could not understand it yet, nor did you have the time to, because that curse, it was about to attack — it was about to attack —
“Don’t let your weakness make you lose again.”
What was your biggest weakness?
“Maki!” you cried out, wrapping your arms around her shoulders as you shielded her body with your own, knocking her out of the way of the assault. The curse’s branch pierced your back, gouging a hole into it before retracting in victory as you fell to the ground at Maki’s feet.
“Y/N?” she breathed. “Y/N, what are you — hey, don’t you touch her again! Let go of her!”
A root sprouted from the ground, wrapping around you and ripping you away from where Maki had been about to pick you up. Suspending you in midair, the curse regarded you carefully, batting Maki away with a different root as it did so.
“Are you the one that Jogo met? There’s a different air to you than there was to the other two,” it said.
“Y/N!” Megumi said, coughing up blood as he tried to stand. You knew he wanted to protect you, you knew Maki wanted to protect you, but they weren’t strong enough. Both of them were beaten down already, tired off from holding off the curse for so long, but you didn’t blame the two for it. They had done the best they could. In fact, they had done better than anyone could’ve expected them to do.
“It’s alright,” you said, even as your vision began to swim, the pain of your wound and the subsequent blood loss causing your mind to grow blurry. Tullia was exhausted already, so you couldn’t call upon Composition at the current moment, which meant you couldn’t heal yourself, but it was fine. “Megumi. Maki. It’s okay.”
“What do you mean?” Megumi said.
“I’m not the only Grade 1 sorcerer around,” you said. “I think it’s just about time for my rival to make his appearance.”
As if on cue, there was a great crash, the force of which sent the curse reeling backwards. In the ensuing chaos, hidden by the waves of water that were created from the impact, you were dimly aware of your body being snatched from the curse’s grip and cradled in a pair of bulky arms.
“Sorry for the delay,” Todo said, so gentle with you despite how rough his exterior seemed. “Poor Y/N, always getting hurt like this! Don’t worry. My best friend and I will avenge you!”
“Best…friend?” you mumbled. “Never mind. Listen, this thing is a special grade.”
“You think I can’t handle it because of that?” he said derisively.
“No, just be careful,” you said, your head lolling against his shoulder. “Don’t die or anything, okay?”
“Well, if it’s my most trusted advisor and dearest rival asking for that kind of favor, then I can’t say no!” Todo said. “Panda! Take these three and get them out of here. According to Nishimiya’s report, the veil is an anti-Satoru-Gojo veil, so the rest of us can come and go as we please.”
“I’m on it!” Panda said, slinging Megumi over his shoulder, prompting a groan out of him. He went to do the same to Maki, but she shook her head.
“I can walk,” she said. “I’ll take her.”
“Are you sure?” Panda said. “You look tired out.”
“It’s fine,” Maki insisted. “She’s only even like that because she took the blow for me. It’s my fault, so I’ll be the one to take her back.”
“If you say so,” Panda said. Then you were being deposited into another, more slender embrace, and you knew even with your eyes drooping closed that it was Maki’s.
“Maki,” you said. “Maki, I miss you.”
“I miss you too, idiot,” she said. “Why’d you have to go and be all dramatic about it, though, huh? And why aren’t you healing yourself?”
“Tullia’s…unconscious. Can’t draw on her cursed energy when it’s so depleted,” you said, and even though every word hurt, you kept talking, because it was Maki, because you’d take all the pain in the world to keep talking to her.
“I see,” Maki said. “And how’d that end up happening?”
She was trying to ensure you stayed awake. She must’ve been afraid that if you went to sleep, you might not ever wake up again. You didn’t think the injury was that serious, but it must’ve looked like that, with so much blood everywhere and the wound so deep.
“Elakshi,” you said. “D’you know she figured out my weakness? Her and Noritoshi. I don’t even know what it is myself, though.”
“It’s that you’re shitty at hand to hand combat. How many times do I have to kick your ass until you understand that?” she said. “I bet if you trained with me more often, you wouldn’t be like this right now.”
“Maybe not,” you said. “I’m really tired, Maki.”
“I get it,” she said. “Yeah, me too. Can you stay awake for just a little bit longer? We’re almost there.”
“Don’t know,” you said. “Don’t think so.”
“Okay,” she said. “I’ll watch over you if that’s the case. You can rest, Y/N. You’ve done what you needed to do.”
With Maki’s permission, sleep claimed you all-too-easily, though it was fitful and uneasy, like you couldn’t quite rest yet, like your mind had been jostled and was trying its best to recover. Even the familiar scent of her laundry detergent wasn’t enough to soothe you, and it was only once you were being placed onto the cold surface of a hospital bed that you were able to wake up.
“Mama?” you said. Nothing was in focus, but there was a woman at your side, and even though it should’ve been your father and his Reverse Cursed Technique that you sought out, it was your mother who you hoped was there. Your mother, who you had not called mama since you were a child; even if she couldn’t do anything, you wanted her there.
“No,” the woman said. “Your parents didn’t come to the event, Y/N, remember? It’s me, Ieri. We’ve called the healers of the L/N clan to come work on the rest of the students, but it might be a bit until they get here. I’m healing you and Tullia first in the hopes that you can help me in the meantime.”
“Oh,” you said, and though you had nothing against Ieri, you couldn’t help but feel disappointed. “Gojo? Where is — where is Gojo?”
“He’s trying to get Todo and Itadori out of the veil,” Ieri said. “I’m sorry. It’s just us two.”
A tear trickled down your cheek, and then another, and another. Ieri was silent; for a while, you thought she might be ignoring you, which you would not blame her for doing. Her job was only to heal you, nothing more but nothing less, either.
Yet she was your teacher, too. You didn’t think she would’ve done it for anyone else, but for you, for the Reverse Cursed Technique user that she had helped train herself, she healed with only one hand, doubling the pain and the effort it would require, doubling the strain she took upon her.
With the other, she held yours and squeezed.
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agerefandomrambles · 4 months ago
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hiii ik I’ve already sent in some requests for hbh agere so I hope you don’t mind me sending another — could you write a fic about little!quinni & little!spider being taken care of by caregiver!cash & caregiver!harper? or any of those characters paired up if four characters is too much <3
ofc no pressure, ik you’ve got a bit to work on already!
Title: Crayon
Word count: 958
Little! Quinni + Spider
Cg! Cash + Harper
Warnings: impure regression, sensory overload
Plot: When Spider regresses during SLT'S, it sets off a domino effect
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The SLT's slowly filter in after recess. Ms Obae is standing at the front of the class with a set of pencils, pens and paints in front of her.
The class slowly sits down and she takes the role before starting the class.
"OK everyone. We're going to try some art therapy today. I want you to pick which ever medium speaks to you and tell me a story though your art."
Spider borderline stomps to the front of the class and grabs the first jar he sees.
"Miss! Spiders gone with mental illness gray" Missy teases, grabbing a jar for herself and walking back to her seat.
Spider just sticks his tounge out at her and stomps back to his seat, muttering under his breath. He grumpily sits down next to Harper, still muttering.
Meanwhile, Quinni is sinking further into her seat. She glances around the room, taking note of all her possible escape routes.
"Hey" Cash says, gently nudging her. "You good?"
Quinni just nods and starts to draw on the paper. Cash gives her another concerned glance before giving the class a quick once over.
He does a double take when he sees spider scribbling on his piece of paper and silent tears streaming down his cheek.
Cash elbows Harper rather harshly to get her attention, not wanting to scare Quinni.
"Ow! What?" Harper hisses, rubbing her side where Cash elbowed her. She goes very quiet, with a small, "oh" when she's sees the tears slowly dripping off of spiders face.
"Spider? Hun?" Harper asks softly before placing a hand on his shoulder, trying not to spook him.
As she gets closer, she can hear what he's been muttering under his breath. "This is so cringe. Why are we even doing this?"
"Oi. Cut it out." Harper says sternly. It's mostly to tell him off but it's also to test his mental age and to assess whether or not he's regressed.
"Why are we doing this?" Spider says louder, meeting her eyes in a very clear challenge. His eyes flicker over to quinni and his expression softens for a moment when she covers her ears at his noise. But then he glances over at Darren and it's like a fires been lit in his chest.
"Why is this a more valid way of expressing my emotions then just telling you that this class sucks? How is this crayon going to fix it? How is this crayon going to fix me?" He's standing now, facing the class as he rants.
His voice breaks into a sob on the last word and he raises his hand to his face, alarmed when it comes back wet. When did he start crying?
Harper doesn't even say anything to him, she just stands up and drags him out of the class by his shirt.
It's only once their out of SLT's and she's sat him down in an empty classroom that she turns to look at him. He flinches, expecting yelling and hitting and anger.
She surprises him instead by kneeling down at his level and just holding eye contact. Her face tells him that she's not impressed and he physically feels his heart break in two at the thought of disappointing her.
"What's going on Spec?" Harper asks gently, still holding eye contact.
He goes to talk but all that comes out is a garbled sob. He stammers as he tries to find a way to express the complicated mix of anger, hurt, upset and overwhelm that's swirling around inside him.
Oh. He's regressed. That's why he lashed out and why everything was too much all of a sudden.
"Too loud. Lights too bright. Dusty gone. Ant hurt" he stammers, breaking eye contact to look at the floor, tears still flowing freely down his cheek. "I'm sorry" he says, barely above a whisper.
"Hey. Spider. Can you look at me for a sec?" Harper says, gently lifting his chin to meet his gaze. "You never ever have to apologise for being small. You're allowed to be overwhelmed but you are not allowed to take that out on other people. Especially Ms Obea"
Spider just nods and drops his gaze again. "I don't feel as little as normal. I kinda feel like a pre-teen? If that makes sense? Like I feel all stompy and grumpy" He says after a moment of figuring out how to articulate what he is feeling.
"Oh, that's all good. Tell you what? How about we meet up with Quinni and Cash and we go back to the apartment and we play some video games?" Harper offers, making sure to lower her voice to a more appropriate level.
In the room directly next to them, Quinni was happily telling Cash all about the different types of ducks and what makes them different.
Quinni was on the verge of a meltdown but Cash, knowing Quinni and her regression, pulled her out of the class and into an empty classroom not long after spider and Harper left.
They did some deep breaths, then Cash pulled out a colouring book from his backpack and they decided to colour together until the period was over, then they'd go back to the apartment.
A ping on Cash's phone grabs his attention and he glances down at it. It's a text from Harper reading "Spiders middle regressed. Going to apartment. Wanna grab others and come and turn it into a gathero?"
He quickly texts her back "Quinnis regressed too. I reckon we just bring the two and chill there. Less chance of meltdowns."
Harper texts him a thumbs up and both caregivers quickly gather up the gear spread on the floor before getting in their respective cars and driving to the apartment.
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fangirlies · 2 years ago
Text
Stargazing- (x.t)
Pairing: Xavier thorpe x gn!reader I dont think I used any pronouns in this one.. I can’t remember
Request: Xavier Thorpe x fem reader stargazing together plsss
Warnings: literally just too much fluff to handle. soft reader. (Please let me know if I should be aware of anything else)
A.N: fangirlies 🧚🏼‍♀️ I’m sorry. this is so cheesy but that’s right up my alley. i wrote thorpe boy as a best friend but I’m sure you could just read it as boy friend.
“every now and then, the stars align. boy and girl meet by the great design . could it be that you and me are the lucky ones? everybody told me love was blind. then I saw your face and you blew my mind. finally, you and me are the lucky ones this time” these lyrics from Lana’s ‘lucky ones’ felt fitting. here I go including lana del rey in yet another writing.
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You sighed as you slammed the cover of your botanical sciences textbook shut and tossed it aside. You'd been studying for an upcoming test for so long that you could feel your brain rotting.
“Hey xav?” Trying to capture the attention of your best friend. He hasn't taken his gaze away from his sketch book since he started drawing and you began studying.
You had fun hanging out in his art shed. Being surrounded by trees and hearing the wind roar while working on school assignments has a strangely soothing affect on you. Or perhaps it was the fact that you felt so safe in the presence of your best friend. He loved having you in here, and you knew it. On some days, when he's in one of his moods and struggles to express his feelings, you end up being his muse. It wasn't one of those days today. He was so absorbed in his work that he probably didn't even remember you were there.
You called his name again, but he didn't respond, so you walked over to him and gently tapped his shoulders making an effort not to startle him. He still didn’t turn to face you. Instead, as he proceeded to run his pencil across the paper, a barely audible "hmph?" came from him.
“Do you have any extra blankets?” Although you felt awful for annoying him so much, you would soon be out of his hair. Your head hurt from the overwhelming amount of information you read about plant cells, and all you wanted to do was be outside admiring the stars. No plant cells, no thoughts, just you under the million stars. When you were feeling overwhelmed, you found yourself doing this. It always made you feel that the vastness of the world was so big that you and your troubles were so insignificant.
He quickly uttered, trying not to lose the inspiration he was currently experiencing, "bottom shelf in the cabinet."
You proceeded to the place you were instructed to look, and you took one of his blankets and a throw pillow from his couch. He truly turned this old shack into his safe haven. Decorating it to his liking and even gave you a small corner for you to decorate. You contributed with the snacks seeing as you were in here just as much as he was.
You found your usual spot outside his shed where it gave you a clear view of the sky, free of any trees obstructing your view. The absence of nearby light left the sky covered in bright, beautiful stars. The sky tonight was stunning causing a slight smile to spread across your face. You spread the blanket out and positioned the cushion beneath your head as you allowed your mind to wander. Trying to trace a straight line with the patterns of the stars.
Your train of thought was cut off, and you cocked your head to the side. On the blanket next to you, Xavier was now sitting.
“Hey, did I distract you? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to” you apologized to your best friend, eyes full of worry.
He shook his head and said, "No no, I just felt lonely when I didn’t feel your presence. Besides, I think I needed to clear my mind too. Didn't realize how badly my fingers ached" Xavier twisted his fingers trying to get them to crack and suddenly found himself lying down next to you with his hands clasped together and on top of his tummy. You smiled gently at him.
“Are you going to share the pillow with me or will you leave me with a stiff neck too?” As you giggled, he gently pulled the pillow out from under your head. Causing you to slightly lift your head.
The two of you gazed silently at the twinkling of each star for a while. When it came to Xavier, you enjoyed that you didn't feel the need to keep the conversation going at all times. The mere thought of having each other by your side was enough.
“Isn’t it crazy how we both managed exist at the same time, same place?” You broke the silence.
“Please don’t make me go into an existential crisis right now. . . you always do this when we’re stargazing”
You chuckled. It's true. Your thoughts would frequently go straight to the strangest concepts.
“Xavier, do you think the moon landings were real? Be honest.”
“But xavier, think about it, we can’t be the only living species in our galaxy.. aliens are real and you can’t convince me otherwise.”
“xavi, isn’t it strange they haven’t explored the entire ocean yet? They must be hiding something from us”
“I’m serious xavi, I’m glad we found each other in this lifetime.” Tears are about to escape your eyes as you say, "You mean a lot to me.” When Xavier realized how emotional you were getting, he sneaked his hand under your head and drew you into his body. The hand under you encircled your body as you flipped to your side and laid your head on his chest.
“Hey hey, no crying when the stars are looking right at you.” You giggled at what he said. You were constantly reminded of the one time you told him those exact words when tears of frustration fell from his eyes. It now became something you told each other often as a way to comfort one another.
“You mean a lot to me too, y/n. Without you, I honestly don't know where I would be right now”. Letting out a sigh as he expressed his thoughts, Xavier was drawing tiny figures on your shoulders. Under the stars was a vulnerable place to be.
“With all your bottled frustration, you'd likely be in prison for murder, not to mention lonely.”
“That was strangely specific, but okay.”
He always managed to make you laugh.
“But seriously, y/n, I'm glad I found you in this life, and I hope I find you in the next," your best friend said, a tear streaming down your cheek at the lovely moment you two had shared.
You shifted your attention back to the flickering stars that illuminated the night sky. He was so special to you, you thought. You were sure that without him, you would not have survived some of your most difficult days at Nevermore. On your first day of school, your awkward fencing partner was someone you never imagined would mean so much to you. Being under the stars brought you nothing but peace. Or maybe it was the fact that you felt so safe around your best friend.
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A.N: feed back always welcomed friends! It makes my heart explode.
if you sent in a request, I see you! waiting to get home to start working on them so I can give it my full attention.
for the bestie that sent in this request- ty. i didn’t know I needed this. i hope it was more or less what you were hoping for. thank you for requesting 🤍🦋🪴🧚🏼‍♀️
if you enjoyed this one- you might like ‘mission accomplished’ if you haven’t read it yet!
As always— requests are always open! Share your thoughts! Talk to me! Get something off your mind! ✨
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dreamyenskz · 2 years ago
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coffee dreams || hwang hyunjin x gn!reader (ft. felix)
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↳ you and hyunjin have a cafe date
↳ masterlist
genre: fluff, hurt/sad, unrequited love
warnings: this is gonna be sad
*lowercase intended
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"hey hyunnie, look up for a second." hyunjin looks up and finds you pointing his polaroid camera at him. "smile!"
he smiles and holds up a peace. his eyes were squinted and he was smiling so hard, his cute little whiskers were visible.
*click*
"ahh so cute!" you squeal. hyunjin giggles and he goes back to drawing.
while you wait for the film to come out, you pick up your phone and start snapping even more pictures of hyunjin while he's drawing. he hears more clicking so he looks up again. he put his hand in front of your camera to stop you. "yahh why are you taking more?" he whines.
you lower your phone. "i'm just showing my appreciation for your natural beauty," you pout and try to sound sad, but he knows you're just playing around.
"yeah? well, i'm trying to appreciate your beauty too so keep still juseyo," he says with a cute tone. (the way i can hear him saying that so clearly) he looks back down and continues drawing
you look down at his sketch book. your heart skips a beat bro. "are you drawing.. me?" you ask with widened eyes
"of course, my love." he says so casually, not looking up. he's actually blushing so hard on the inside, which is why he's trying not to look into your eyes.
"i love you so much, hyunnie." you blurt out. he stops drawing and slowly looks up to see you staring at him, resting your chin in your hands. his face went even more red.
he didn't realize how wide eyed he was. when he did, his surprised look softened and it turned into a more loving one. god he was so in love with you.
you were always good to him, and even after being together for so long, the cute things you blurt out would still catch him off guard. he wouldn't trade your love for anything. he cherishes you with all his heart and hopes that it stays that way.
"i love you too, y/n." you smile and stand to lean over the small table between you. you cup his face and look into his eyes. his eyes were full of stars. you truly thought that he was the most beautiful person to ever exist.
his eyes start scanning all over you face and admires how absolutely breathtaking you look right now. he feels his heart about to beat out of his chest. he notices you leaning in so he closes his eyes. just as he thought you were leaning in to kiss him, he hears you whisper in his ear, "wake up."
what.
his eyes quickly open up again, but instead of seeing your face, he realizes he's looking at a person sitting at another table. he quickly averts his eyes and notices that he's still in the same cafe, but it feels.. different.
he slowly lifts his head and looks across the table. he sees you writing in your notebook. you become aware that he's awake. "hey sleepyhead, did you have a nice nap? you were out for quite a while." you have the same soft smile on your face that he's so in love with.
he was about to answer, but quickly gets cut off.
"here you go, cutie." felix says, putting a slice of cake in front of you. he sits in the seat next to you and wraps his arm around your shoulder. hyunjin closes his mouth and stares at the two of you.
he acknowledges hyunjin's presence now that he's awake. "oh hey, you're awake! ..you okay?" felix furrows his eyebrows as he notices the sad look on hyunjin's face.
he quickly fixes his face and puts on a fake smile, ignoring the feeling of his heart breaking. "oh yeah.. i am." he lets out a breath that he didn't even realize he was holding.
felix nods and picks up his fork to feed you some of the cake while you finish your homework.
he puts his head back down and stares at the floor. his ears are filled of you and felix giggling. he squeezes his eyes shut and whispers to himself,
"i just wanna go back to sleep."
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i really enjoyed writing this fic.
liked it? check out my other works!
please give some feedback or reblog if you find this :)
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pineappleciders · 2 years ago
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hi! im not sure if you did this request already but could you do RW mari, aubrey, hero, and kel walking in on the reader doing SH? idk it will make me very happy since they are my comfort characters and i deal with that stuff and all, but its okay if not! dont sweat it!
CONTENT WARNING: self-harm, blood, suicide blades that kind of thing
A/N: hi anon, i've done similar requests with different characters that you can check out in my masterlist if you'd like!! this is also assuming the SH is cutting, i apologize if it's something else! im also sorry if kel or heros part seems rushed or short i was tired
RW MARI, AUBREY, HERO, and KEL walking in on reader s/hing
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MARI
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"I'm sorry, may I be excused?"
You were having dinner with MARI and her family. They considered you a close family friend, so often times you'd be spending time with MARI and SUNNY at their home.
Something was said at the dinner table that night.
Getting up and pushing your chair in, you rush up the stairs and close the bathroom door behind you.
Sitting on the toilet, you dig around your bag to find the blade you more often than not carried with you. Not like you planned to do this all the time, but it was helpful to have one on hand.
You hiss and exhale as you cut, and you use the rag in your backpack to slow the bleeding. After all, you wouldn't want to stain their towels or waste any paper.
You hear somewhat loud talking downstairs, and you can make out MARI's voice. She seemed upset, but nobody was yelling. You tear up as you realize she was probably upset with her father for the comment he made. You knew she cared too much. You know she sees right through you.
The talking stops, and footsteps come up the stairs and stop at the bathroom.
"Y/N, can I come in?"
In any other situation, this probably would've been strange for her to ask to come into the bathroom with you. But she knows you better than anyone. You cover up and put your things away.
"Yeah, come in.."
MARI creaks open the door, slides it, and locks it shut. She turns to you, and you stand up. "Y/N, are you alright?" She places her hands on your shoulders.
You blink to hold back your tears. "Yeah.. I'm okay." She sighs and hugs you.
"I'm.. I'm really sorry. He didn't mean to say that, he doesn't think before he speaks sometimes.." MARI wanted to be angry at her dad, but she knew it wasn't worth it.
Pushing your face into her shoulder, you sigh. "MARI, can.. can you help me?" Your eyes dart down to your arm. You didn't want to, but it was bleeding and you needed to stop it.
"Oh, dear.." She takes a cloth from the rack and asks you to roll up your sleeve, to which you comply. She presses it onto the wound gently and holds it.
"Here, hold this. Let me grab some sterile strips," she says, worry in her voice. As she rummages through the cabinet, you can't help but let a few tears fall. This is incredibly embarrassing.
You wanted to go home.
The bleeding stopped, and she bandaged your arm and put disinfectant gel on the wounds. After rolling your sleeve back down, she looked at you deeply in the eye.
"Y/N, I know I can't fix everything, but please talk to me next time instead of doing this. I really don't like seeing you sad."
You could tell MARI wanted to cry, but she kept herself strong for your sake. You've always felt you didn't deserve your friends, but right now you especially felt MARI was too good for you. She didn't deserve to witness this.
She hugged you tightly. "I love you a lot, Y/N. I don't want you to hurt yourself. I'll always be here for you, okay?"
You teared up more and nodded, squeezing her back. "Yeah.. thank you. I love you too."
AUBREY
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You quickly open the door to the park bathroom, using the intersex/family one as it was often less crowded than the other ones.
Opening one of the blue stalls, you lock it and sit down on the toilet. Public restrooms were always gross, but you didn't really pay any mind to it. At least, not right now. As you reach into your sock, you examine the drawings and writings on the stall wall. Silly things, doodles, words in a language you didn't know, so on and so forth.
Refocused, you take the razor out of your sock. Today was a day you knew something would happen. Something would go wrong. Something always does. As you make the first swipe, the door opens and someone walks in, with light footsteps. You put your feet up on the toilet and hope they don't try your stall.
You don't hear anything in particular after that. You assume they left, or maybe they're distracted in the mirror. You let your feet down.
Thirty seconds later, you hear a voice you very clearly recognize.
"AUBREY! Come check this out!" The voice of KIM, one of AUBREY's hooligan friends, shouts out. At the sound of AUBREY's name, you freeze up. Did she notice you?
A few seconds pass, and you hear talking outside the bathroom door. It opens, and you don't think you could get sweatier.
"Look at this drawing!" KIM snickered, and AUBREY scoffed. You almost sigh in relief that they haven't seen you yet. You assume that the drawing they're looking at is something inappropriate. Classic KIM.
"Heh. Check out this one, it's really good." AUBREY seemed to point out another drawing, earning an 'oooo' from KIM.
"Well, I'm gonna piss. You can wait for me outside with ANGEL." AUBREY walks away, right into the stall besides you. You hear KIM leave the bathroom.
You thought you were nervous before. This is a whole new level.
What do you do? Do you continue? Do you leave? No, AUBREY's friends will most definitely see you. Do you say something? No way! You don't want to talk right now. You decide to wait it out.
Your shoes are still on the floor from your freeze-up earlier, and you consider putting them up, but AUBREY will sense your movement. Stay still, and she won't see you.
"Y/N?"
Fuck! She saw you!
"AUBREY? Hey.." You try your best to keep your voice composed, but you can't keep it up for long.
"Were you here the entire time?" She asks, and you chuckle. "Yeah.. didn't wanna interrupt."
A moment of silence passes.
"You okay?" She questions.
"Hm? Yeah, I'm chill." You play with the blade in your lap.
Another moment of silence.
"Okay, do you wanna come hang out with me and everyone else? We were gonna head to GINO's."
"Oh, no, I'm good. I have stuff to do, so.."
Yet another moment of silence. It breaks when you hear AUBREY flush, and open her stall door, her feet stopping at yours.
"Can I, uh... can I come in?"
You panic. "Uh, I'm, uhh.. shitting.."
"Your pants aren't down." You've been busted.
Letting out a sigh of defeat, you oblige and unlock the door for her. She steps in, her eyes somewhat averted in the case that you actually were pooping or something.
She looks at you, and you forget you're holding a blade, with a cut seeping blood on your arm. "Holy shit! Are you okay?!" AUBREY freaks out a little, getting closer to you.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Uh.." You fail to find an excuse as AUBREY connects the dots and takes hold of your wrist.
Her eyebrows furrow, and for a second you think she might yell at you. But, she doesn't.
"Fuck, okay, I have a band-aid on me- It won't do much but it's all I got, uh, here let's put some toilet paper on that," AUBREY stumbles to form sentences as she rips off a wad of paper and gently presses it to your wound, still having hold on your wrist with the other hand.
You awkwardly look to the side. "Y/N, I-.. You can talk to me, y'know that, right? We're-we're best friends, I've always.." She sighs, giving up on trying to say anything.
You notice that she seems frustrated, and you nearly break down. Why did you always make people take care of you? Can't you fend for yourself?
AUBREY seems to realize she's making you feel bad, so she regains her composure and leans down to hug you, keeping one hand pressing the paper onto your arm. "I'm sorry. I.. I understand. I don't.. understand everything but.. I understand the urge."
Your eyes burn and you can't help but lean in, taking a whiff of her. She smells surprisingly good. Not in a bad way or anything, but, usually delinquents don't smell like conditioner.
She sighs yet again and leans back up, removing the toilet paper and making sure the cut has stopped bleeding, before applying the band-aid vertically, as if it were a steri strip. She takes a moment to form her words before speaking, a habit MARI had taught her as to not fumble while talking.
"Listen. I know it's been so hard.. But, please, this isn't the right thing to do. It seems like it now, but, it'll only make it worse. Can.. can you tell me next time? If- If you need help, or something.. just call me. I'll be here ASAP." She places her hand on your shoulder while talking, a look of worry on her face.
You blink away any tears that formed, and nod. You want to thank her, but nothing comes out. But, she seems to understand. She seems to know what you want to say.
"Do you.. need some time? That, uh... GINO's offer still stands." She puts her hands in her pockets and looks away sheepishly. A light smile adorns your face, and you chuckle. "Hah, yeah, I'll come. Thank you."
You weren't necessarily saying thank you in response, but you think she knows that. She smiles and takes your hand. "Let's go."
HERO
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A patterned knock at your bedroom door sounded throughout the room, filling you with panic.
"Hey, Y/N? Can I come in? I made some pancakes." HERO's voice rang and the door creaked open, as he peeked his head in.
HERO and KEL had decided to spend the night at your place, and they slept in your living room, as your room was far too small to house two people. Unbeknownst to them, you had unintentionally stayed up all night.
You weren't sure why, but you had a total breakdown. Maybe due to seeing your friends again, maybe something else. You're not sure, but it happened. And it just so happens that HERO walked into your room as you were taking care of it.
He stops when he sees you bleeding with a boxcutter in your hand. After hesitating, he quickly sets the breakfast tray down and runs to get presumably medical supplies. He comes back quickly, with a towel and a first-aid kit.
He rushes over to you, and you're still in a state of shock. How do you explain this to him? What if KEL walks in? What if your parents come home? What if he tells-
Your thoughts are interrupted by HERO placing the warm, wet washcloth to your wounds. He had taken the blade away while you were distracted. You're kind of pissed that he asked to come in but came in anyway, despite you not answering. Maybe he thought you were asleep.
The look on his face is sweaty and panicky.
"Hey, u-uh.." He tries to say something, but instead he removes the towel to see the bleeding has stopped, and immediately puts ointment on the wounds and bandages them with gauze.
Nothing can describe how HERO feels right now. This, this was his chance. His chance to help for once.
He.. he had been too late with MARI. But now that he knows you're hurting, maybe, just maybe, he can do better this time.
He sets down the kit and awkwardly sits next to you on the bed. He wants to hug you, but he isn't sure that he should. His eyes keep darting to your wrapped arm.
You avert your gaze, and for a moment an awkward silence fills the air.
When he was patching you up, he had been so hasty, so quickened and anxious. You can only assume why.
He wanted to save you. He wanted to help. You yourself had always blamed yourself for MARI's suicide, but you could only imagine how HERO felt.
"Listen, Y/N.." HERO tries to speak again, but tears prick his eyes. At this point, you feel like you should be comforting him. He takes a few deep breaths and gathers his thoughts.
"Y/N, I.. I know things have been rough these past few years. And, I'm sorry I left for college. I know you and the others have been going through a lot, and.. and I feel like I messed up. It was my responsibility to be there for you all." HERO is playing with his fingers and looking at his lap.
You feel awful. He was always one to blame himself when things went awry.
He sighs. "But.. I'm here now. I care for you and the others a lot.. So please know I'm here for you. Even.. even when I have to go back to school, you can phone me anytime. Or, you could talk to KEL, or-or.. maybe SUNNY. He's a great listener.. They-.. They care for you a lot. Even if they don't show it. We all do."
You feel yourself about to cry. You didn't want to subject anyone to anything that they didn't have to see. They didn't deserve you.
You can't help but reminisce of all the times HERO has been there for you. It wasn't often, but whenever you needed an ear, HERO was there. And you were there for him. He was almost like a big brother.
You wipe your eyes, and he finally pulls you into a hug, patting your head and rubbing it.
"I'm here, OK? We all are."
You cry into his shirt and grip it, and he holds you tight. It had been so long since you've had a HERO hug.
Eventually you pull away and he smiles at you. "You still want pancakes? I can re-heat the food if you'd like." He suggests, eyeing your plate. He was planning to bring you breakfast in bed.
You smile as well. "I'd like that."
KEL
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You sit in your chair in your room, a razor blade in hand. You were really going to do this again, weren't you? You couldn't help it. Not under stress.
With each swipe, you hold a towel to ease the bleeding, then continue. You weren't sure how your parents hadn't noticed the blood stains all over your laundry. Maybe they did, but haven't brought it up yet.
Hearing a few voices downstairs, you grow uneasy, and your nervousness grows as you hear footsteps come up the stairs. If that was your father, you wouldn't hear the end of it. Your door was locked, though.
Or at least, you think it is.
A couple loud knocks at your door make you jump, and a sing-songy voice rings your ears.
"Oh, Y/N!! Guess what I have!!!" Your heart drops at the voice of your friend KEL. Oh dear.. now was not the time.
You don't respond. Maybe your best bet was to tell him to leave or say 'not right now', but your brain told you to freeze, and that's what you did.
"Y/N? Are you in there?" He says, his voice growing a but quieter. He tests the door, and you're fucked. A bright looking KEL stands in your doorway.
"There you are! Guess what I...." His voice trails off, and his grip on one of the older CAPT. SPACEBOY comics loosens in his grip. You turn to him and try to cover up.
"KEL? Hey, man.. Uh..." You try to say to come back another time, but he's already seen it.
His face grows with worry. "Are you okay?" He sounds genuinely concerned, and it tugs at your heart strings. You don't know what to say.
He very slowly walks into your room, setting the comic book on your dresser and approaching you in your chair, looking down at you.
His height is almost intimidating from this angle. Almost.
"Do.. do you need help?" KEL was a little unsure how to go about this situation. On one hand, he wanted to help you mentally, to talk it out and get you help. On the other, he wanted to run away. To leave you to your own. But he won't do that.
No, you need help.
You want to cry.
He skips away a bit, and starts running to your bathroom to grab stuff. "I'll be right back!" He shouts.
Returning with a couple Hello Kitty themed band-aids, and anti bacterial ointment, he kneels down.
"Can.. Can I touch you?"
You have to congratulate KEL for maturing. Although it might not seem like it from the outside, KEL's changed a lot. He's more aware of personal space now, you note.
You nod and try to avert your eyes as he applies the ointment and puts the band-aids over your wounds to close them up. He lingers on one knee after he's done, and starts chewing his cheek. You can see the gears turning in his head.
"I, um.. do you wanna talk about it?" KEL really wanted to know how you felt. He wanted to help, he wanted to know what was making you hurt yourself. But he just couldn't ask.
Your bottle bursts and you start to cry. He immediately wraps his arms around you once you fall into his chest, ranting and sobbing.
You really didn't care if he didn't get a word you said. You were so grateful to have someone like him in your life, and you couldn't express it enough.
He lets you talk, and doesn't say a word. Small, simple pats and rubs of your back and knowing he hears you is enough comfort. KEL never liked it when people cried.
You sit up and wipe your face, noticing the snot and tears on KEL's shirt. Oops..
"Hey.. I.. I know we're all struggling. These past few years have been rough, and I know.. I know you have your own problems. So anytime you want to, you can talk to me. Or just hang out. Or, I don't know, we can do.. whatever. But, um, when you wanna do this again, let me know, OK?" He takes a breath.
"I, uh.. I know I don't say it often, but I really care about you. A lot. So, please talk to me." He ends his sentence with a soft smile, and you can see his eyes full of hurt.
You tear up again and hug him. "Yeah, yeah. Okay. Thank you, KEL."
He gives a genuine smile, and you swear he lights up a room with his face. "Of course. Now, about that comic!"
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bardic-inspo · 11 months ago
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Okay so I also happen to know nothing about BG3, other than what several characters look like and sorta...general D&D knowledge? if that counts?
but "Blood in the Mortar" sounds veeeerrrryyyy interesting 😗
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@krokaxe Thank you both! <3 <3 I think general D&D knowledge definitely counts!!
[Ask me about a fic on my WIP List]
This fic features an Vampire Ascendant Astarion (a powered up vampire lord is the short of it) with a vampire bride Tav. The Tav I'm using (Naomi, a bard) is the same main OC from my multichapter with her and Astarion, Midnight Chimes, but this fic is very much a standalone and a sort of "what if they both ended up evil" AU occurring post-game. It's just a smutty one-shot for now, but I might end up writing more of their "evil" versions at some point if I have enough fun with it.
There's a lot of different interpretations of Ascended Astarion out there, but some concepts I'm playing with in Blood in the Mortar are:
Tav has been made into his bride and not just his spawn. This is a concept a lot of folks have played with and is based heavily off this excerpt from what I think is an old monster manual talking about vampire bride/groom rituals.
In the rendition of this I'm playing with, a bride and a spawn is really similar. Astarion could compel Tav if he wanted to. But, they have a really intense/intimate mental/telepathic link and he's gonna take a buttload of psychic damage if he did anything to hurt or really upset her.
It also works as a sort of perpetual feedback loop. They feel each other's happiness and affection for the other as if it was their own (and other, less pleasant feelings, too). Who the emotion originally started with starts to get a little blurry. Their individual wellbeing is really tied up in the other's happiness. It's intense and probably toxic but for the most part, they're both happy about it. (As Wyll comments in-game, they are the "unholiest union")
I wanted to toy with the protective/possessive streak in Ascended Astarion, but also, some text I saw in an epilogue that I think was ultimately unused in the game. Something about him hosting grand masquerades at his palace while Tav bolts the doors behind the party guests.
So, some uppity nobleman (or maybe another true vampire, I haven't decided yet) starts talking shit about Tav at one of Astarion's masquerades. It's clearly an effort to get a rise out of him, or to poke at what this nobleman perceives as Astarion's only weakness (Tav). But instead of getting the desired result, Astarion takes the "have you met my wife?" angle:
“Do you know what they call her? Other than mine, of course?” “The hero of Baldur’s Gate." Astarion waves a manicured hand irritably, as if swatting away a stray fly. “One of them, true, but isn’t there another name that comes to mind?” The man swallows thickly. “The Siren of the Sword Coast.” "And yet here you are," Astarion sneers with a curled lip, "ready to dash yourself upon the rocks like a little wayward ship blown astray. I can hardly blame you." His eyes soften, just past the shoulder of the lordling's gaudy doublet. In the low flutter of candlelight, he spies the sheen of sapphires set amongst delicate feathers wrought from silver. He'd had the mask made for her, with the likeness of a swan in mind. Still, as pretty as it is, his favorite gleam is those eyes, set between the glittering finery. She still kept the kiss of violet in them, even in death. It mingles with the red in her irises, like a rich, deep wine. "She is captivating, isn’t she?," Astarion sighs, a faint smile grazing his lips. "My beautiful bride." At long last, it seems, lord what's-his-name has found the decency to shut up. Astarion draws a long draught from his goblet, drawing a dark glare over the sheen of sweat that's started on the other man's brow. “You see," Astarion drawls, as the vintage seeps sweetly down his throat, "my beloved, oh, she’s a monster too. She so does love the taste of blood in her mouth, now that she’s supped of mine.”
And then they do murder and steamy (if wildly impractical) sex together. I think there's a grand piano involved. 👀
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districtxii · 5 months ago
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it's not hard to fall when you float like a cannonball (everlark fic from 2012)
Posting this here on the new dedicated Hunger Games blog. It's the only complete fic I ever posted for this fandom, for a fic exchange back in 2012, even though I spent many hours in private RP.
Link to AO3.
Rating: T Warnings: none Word Count: 6,019 Post-Trilogy hurt/comfort everlark
it's not hard to fall when you float like a cannonball
🌿
My eyes follow the marks Peeta makes on the page, opposite a long burst of painstakingly neat handwriting that belongs to me. I can see where the pressure of my writing darkened and thickened the lines, corresponding with the moments when I clenched my teeth in anger or struggled for deep breaths that wouldn't turn into easy, overwhelming sobs. Some days it's harder than others, to write down those things that I refuse to forget.
Peeta had reached out and squeezed my shoulder, his thumb running up a cord of tension in my neck, his hand as steady as it is now while he draws on the paper. He asked me if I wanted to stop and I snapped at him, but his hand stayed in place for a while anyway. Finally, I wiped roughly at my face, drying beneath my eyes and against my cheeks and kept writing, causing yet another of the dark marks on a line.
I can't stop writing, even when it's harder to write down the things that had felt like hope, that had made me smile at the time. The things that I might say made me happy are the ones that bring me most dangerously close to stopping. They're all gone now, those moments, taken away or simply over, but I can't forget them. Peeta has forgotten too much, lost too much in his mind, for the both of us.
The sketch begins to take shape from the initial, seemingly random soft lines that look a little chaotic to me. I rub beneath my strained eyes and lean forward across the kitchen table against my elbows to watch more closely as the page becomes something almost living, the ghost of a moment I recalled on the page beside it. When I glance up at him, there is a faint smile on Peeta's lips and I know I'm not returning it. Instead, my mouth is a little agape and I reach for the book impulsively. The edge of the cover brushes against my fingertips as Peeta slides it over to me so I can see the image in the direction it's meant to be seen. I can't help but marvel at how deep the piece of paper has become, as if I could step into it. He captures the past as easily as any photograph, more easily. The drawing looks, feels real, and it's not even finished yet.
“It's good,” I say, remembering that I should probably give Peeta some kind of positive feedback for simply being here with me, for holding onto what he knows. It's more than that, though. It's so easy to forget. For such a long time I was without him. First he was left behind, taken by the Capitol, while I spent all that time in District 13, wishing for a person to be safe, to be there with me—a person who would never really come home. Then Peeta did come back, different, and then gone forever. The boy with the bread, the boy on the beach, not mine anymore and unreachable. Even with the pieces of him that seem to come back and to become a bit more real, natural each day, it's easy to lose just how much of it he was there for. I spent so much time trying and failing to steel myself against the raw, painful truth that the steady, naively adoring, real Peeta was gone, dead, killed in some cold sterile room in the Capitol, that I still don't dare let myself believe that he'll really come back, stay with me. But he was there for so much of what has happened to me, since that first reaping, and what he has drawn matches what's in my head, but he hasn't drawn it just from my writing. It's in his head, too. It belongs to him and he's sorted it free from the shiny, false memories the Capitol gave him.
“Thanks,” he replies in a leading tone that I'm sure is trying to draw a returned smile from me, like he doesn't believe I mean the compliment, but only in jest.
“... I'm going to get some air,” I announce abruptly, pushing the book back firmly into Peeta's possession and getting up from my chair.
“I'll come with you,” Peeta asserts, getting up with an urgency that almost startles me and still makes me worry about his leg. We just stare at each other for a moment and he reaches out to carefully close the book and set it out of harm's way. It's just a reminder that there's no one ever there besides us to spill anything on it or to damage it at all. The world is so still now.
“I'm going out into the woods,” I tell him, almost hoping that it will deter him from following me, but I guess it might be a bit of a test, too. I'm just not sure what I'm testing for.
“... And I'll make too much noise,” Peeta supplies, not quite a question. He looks down, away from me, apparently disappointed.
“No,” I say quickly and then wonder why I did. Now I've trapped myself, though, and have to keep going with the train of thought. “... No, I'm not going to hunt. If anything it might... keep anything from wanting to sneak up on me.”
Peeta's expression brightens a little and he pushes up the chair I had been sitting in, too and moves to follow me out the door. There's a little spark of satisfaction that runs through me when I see some kind of life go back into him at the promise of coming into the woods with me, but I don't trust it. I take a few backward steps and then turn around, tensely leading the way out the door, my thumbs sliding down into my trouser pockets for a moment until I pull them back out, compelled to fidget.
I'm meandering toward town and eventually on to the fence, so Peeta easily catches pace with me and we walk along in silence for a while. It only occurs to me after several minutes to glance over at him to see whether he seems to be enjoying it. I remember the last time he and I walked into town together. I'd asked him if he would run away with me—not just with me, though. My family, his, Haymitch—all gone now except for Haymitch who has enough liquor to last him at least another week or two. For a moment I want to hide my eyes from what remains of the 12 I knew, from what they're building back on top of it, but I keep my feet moving, going through the motions.
“Are you alright?” Peeta asks.
“Great,” I reply, a little breathlessly. I'm a little surprised at my attempt at sarcasm, but then I'm too busy worrying about seeing the raw earth above the mass grave that the Meadow has become. It still isn't much easier and Peeta being with me makes me even more aware. Soon we're passing by where the bakery once was and I notice the momentary falter and subsequent quickening of his step. All the things I know about his family with the exception of his father are somehow negative and fill me with resentment. His bruised face, the way the one brother who could have didn't step up to take his place, but if he had then I'd never have known Peeta at all. The thought gives me pause and I wonder if I should ask him if he misses them, but I know he must and I don't want to talk about all the things I miss anymore today. Instead, I reach out and brush my fingertips along the edge of Peeta's hand, not quite taking it in mine but drawing his attention down to my fingers and then up to my face. I expect some conversation to follow but instead Peeta takes my hand, apparently perceiving some invitation, and I don't revoke it.
When we finally reach the edge of 12, Peeta finally lets go and reaches down to hold up a section of the fencing for me as if I hadn't been crawling under on my own for years. This earns him a strange look from me for a moment, but I'm about to just accept it and squirm my way beneath to show him how at the very least when he speaks up.
“Finally getting out of the district with you... Running away,” he muses lowly, offering a sad smile in place of the hopeful, searching one I've gotten almost used to getting sometimes. The thought that his thoughts run along the same tracks that mine do, that the moments that make up my memory of the past are so entwined with his, makes something catch in my throat and I try to swallow it. I search his eyes for a moment and then look abruptly down at the ground at the looser section of the fence down at the bottom that's familiar.
“We can't run away anymore, Peeta,” I say simply, not sure why his name rolls from my tongue. There's nothing left worth running from and what's left of 12 is all that's left of home. Then I take a deep breath and get down closer to the ground to step through and roll my body beneath the fence to the other side. “Like this,” I say, settling my balance once I've gotten through to the other side. Peeta listlessly lets go of what he'd been trying to hold up for me and instead reaches out for the loose one and tries mimicking my movements with as much grace as he's ever managed. He makes it through, but when he's trying to get his balance again, I hear a metallic snapping that makes me terrified that the electrical current in the fence has gone live again even though I know better. Instead of being electrocuted, Peeta just stumbles back a little and I instinctively reach up to stop his progress backward. My hand against his back seems to give him the stability he needs to stop. He's holding the fencing still when he's much too far out from it because it has snapped away from one of its posts. I stare at it and at the slacked gap that it's now left just above the ground, a window between two places, the woods and the district, that I still can't imagine ever really touching.
The breaths that follow from me are a little halted and I find myself looking back at Peeta and wondering just how it was that he survived two arenas, even with my help—and then without it. I swallow hard and try forcing the kind of tentative, hopeful smile he gives me.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
Peeta nods and looks down at the fencing he's holding and lets it down gently, as if it might minimize the damage. While he does this, I look out beyond him and try to decide where to take him. The idea of taking him to the place where Gale and I looked out for such a long time seems wrong, off, so I set off to guide him deeper into the woods toward the only other landmark I can really think of.
- - -
“I didn't know this was here,” Peeta comments with some measure of awe when we're at the edge of the lake, surveying around it, focusing for a moment on the ancient, untouched building hidden away by time.
“You didn't know any of this was out here,” I remind him. Peeta exhales in the same halted way I had at the fence and hearing it from someone else, I realize it's some attempt at a laugh that something broken within each of us blocks from escaping. “... My father brought me here. That's... how I knew how to swim,” I tell him with the most careful confidence I can, as if someone else might be around to hear us and I don't want them to. There's no one else, but I still feel some kind of vulnerability as I admit it.
“I still don't really know how to swim,” Peeta replies after a moment I realize was filled with some acknowledging reverence.
“I know,” I say quietly, giving him that same attempt at a smile and this time we both manage it at the same time. I walk a few paces around the lake's shore and find a gap in the trees were unobstructed sunlight touches down, warming the earth. Then I sit down, leaning back a little against the heels of my hands and nodding for Peeta to do the same if he wants.
He joins me after a moment and I notice that he's looking at me in the light with startling clarity, his gaze moving down until it falls against my stomach. I straighten a little and draw up my knees, tugging down at my shirt but finding that an extra fold of fabric bunches against my thin body. I'm not actually emaciated the way I got dangerously close to being at one point since we got home, but I'm not wearing the clothes that still hang in my closet that were from Cinna, tailored for the girl I used to be.
“I could teach you,” I decide quickly, looking up to Peeta's face and hoping to catch his eyes, to steal them away from my body.
“What?” he asks, startled.
“I could teach you how to swim,” I say more idly, hugging my knees and then leaning my chin against one of them.
“Are you sure--” Peeta starts to ask dubiously, looking out at the water contemplatively.
“I taught Gale,” I say quickly, cutting off any argument and staring out at the water, my face flushed with something I tell myself isn't shame. There's no reason for it to be, but I can't deny that there's a tightness in my stomach that no longer feels like confusion, really. Gale's gone, too, and I don't need him. When silence is what follows, I finally furtively glance over at Peeta and am relieved when I realize he hasn't become angry. Instead, I see him nod if only to himself and then shift to get back up to his feet.
“Okay,” he agrees as he offers me a hand I don't need to help me up. I get up on my own anyway, dusting my hands off on my pants and glancing at the water as I consider what I need to do. Again I've volunteered for something without thinking it through, without letting myself think it through because I can't stand the alternative. Now I've put Peeta's life in my hands again without any hesitation. For a moment all I can see in the water is the potential for him to sink beneath into the shadows provided by the trees. Even if I could get him back to shore, I don't know how to do the pressing on his chest, the kissing him that Finnick had known how to do to breathe air and life back into him. I simply can't let that happen. I can't let Peeta drown, can't let him die.
“You've got to do everything I tell you,” I insist when I face back to him, cementing my demand with a stern expression.
“Yeah,” Peeta agrees with some kind of dismissive reassurance, widening his eyes at me a little. “I know... I've got no idea what to do in water much deeper than a bathtub.”
I catch my breath and nod, first at him and then toward the water.
“Take off your clothes,” I tell him, not making eye contact as my hands go down to the bottom hem of my shirt. I realize too late that I hadn't really thought through the idea of distracting Peeta from looking at me. The only way I can get myself to proceed with taking off my shirt is steeling myself with as many layers of defiance as I can to remind myself why it shouldn't matter. As the fabric catches on my fingers and drags up across my stomach, I remember how I'd once tried everything to insist that I not take off Peeta's pants to examine and clean an almost certainly fatal wound. Now my body is scarred, lines running across it where surgeons have left marks where once different doctors had removed all traces of everything I'd ever touched, but Peeta has scars, too.
“What?” Peeta asks, breaking my resolve with a single syllable and causing me to quickly lower my shirt back down just as it had made its way midway up my abdomen. I look at him, nearly glaring but then realize that it's pointless. He hasn't suddenly grown shy or reprimanding or squeamish I gradually realize. He's just surprised, confused.
“... So the water won't drag. You're less likely to get hurt if you're not all weighed down.”
Peeta considers and smiles wryly.
“Just never thought I'd hear you say that to anyone.”
“You can leave your underwear on if you want,” I say calmly, having resolutely decided to keep mine on. There had been no secrets about my body between my stylists and me, but Peeta is different. He's seen me nearly naked quite a number of times and I think of the way my last arena outfit had torn. Only then does it occur to me that I've brought Peeta back to another shore, another beach, but even as I narrow my eyes at him I cannot imagine being the girl, him being the boy that had lost themselves to something I still can't name in one another's kisses. It just makes my skin flush and a lump of regret weigh on my chest and then my throat.
“Deal,” Peeta agrees and then he's pulling off his shirt and I decide to let mine join his at the same time. I get mine over my head just seconds after he's dropped his to the ground and then I'm glad I am wearing a real bra rather than simply wrapping my chest the way I had done before I'd ever gone to the Capitol. I'd owned one bra before then. When I hear my shirt fall down against his I look up for a second and catch him doing the same. I'm not sure if it makes it easier or harder, to have our knowledge of the state of one another's bodies become experience and reality. We don't approach each other and there's nothing said about it, but scarred we are but he's remarkably the same. I just momentarily let myself wonder if he thinks the same about me. Then under some silent agreement we look away from each other again, not quite making full turns toward the water as we both remove our shoes—it takes Peeta a little longer with his artificial left leg but not much anymore—and then our trousers join our shirts on the ground in a mingled pile.
The next time our eyes meet, I hurry over to the edge of the water, feeling the more coarse soil beneath my bare feet. I kneel down and brace myself for the feeling of water completely surrounding my body for the first time since the last arena and am helplessly reminded of Annie for a second. It won't be abrupt, though, or terrifying, to wade out into the water until it's deep enough to lose my footing. I look up when Peeta joins me and my eyes run along the complex artificial limb that he hardly seems to notice at all now.
“What do we do first?” he asks.
“Are you afraid of the water?” I ask, getting back up as I feel less compelled to curl my body in against itself.
“I'm afraid of drowning,” Peeta quips but he doesn't seem very nervous. He trusts me now. He's always trusted me, even when he shouldn't have, as long as he could remember that he wanted to.
“Don't be,” I demand, then let my expression soften, looking over at him less intensely as I swallow down the anger I feel at the suggestion. “I'm not going to let you,” I say more quietly. I reach for his hand again, a little less reluctantly than back in town, taking it gradually with my fingers. “First we need to get you used to the water. We can wade out for a little while, but let me keep a step ahead so I can feel for where it drops off,” I explain, taking the first two steps out into the water. I take a deeper breath, surprised at how cool it is on the warm day. Peeta follows me and I glance back and see his jaw tighten a little once we're deep enough for him to feel the water up to his right knee.
“Colder than you'd think,” he comments.
I look up at the canopy of trees that almost completely surrounds us and nod in that direction as I look back down to meet his eyes.
“Lots of shade and it's not really into the summer yet. We can go in a little faster,” I suggest with a bit more of a smile that I feel tightening my cheeks, almost instantly making them ache. “If you think it'll help.”
“You're the mentor,” he replies easily and for a second I wonder if I should give into the stinging the word causes. Haymitch isn't a mentor anymore and the word doesn't hold the same meaning it did in the world before. I guide Peeta a little further into the water, focusing on its rippling surface to keep him from noticing how my brow has furrowed. I catch our reflections anyway in the part of the water that's illuminated by our gap in the trees and I remember the way Finnick would joke about dying so easily with a rope, how it made us laugh. Laughing then might be one reason I'm alive, we're alive, today even though Finnick is gone. I frown a little more tightly and then all at once I'm letting myself smile again and nodding as I look back up. “Don't let yourself tense up. Your muscles cramping is one of the easiest ways to drown if you can't stand up,” I warn patiently.
Peeta nods and looks apprehensively further out into the lake, but he just tightens his grip on my hand. He trusts me.
He trusts me, so I take his other hand and feel my feet backward along into the lake, letting myself trust him a little, too. Sometimes I feel a tiny plant snap beneath my feet but my feet are tough enough for it to not cause me any real pain and when I'm confident about how far we can go back I try and get a little momentum to draw us both into the water about chest deep. The sound that's drawn abruptly from my mouth is a shrill gasp as the sensation of unexpected cold overwhelms me for a moment. I know I'm breaking the rule I just gave Peeta, my body tense as I try not to shiver, but we're both still firmly on foot. I open my eyes, letting them refocus on Peeta's face and he's grinning but his breath has quickened, too, and I think one of the reasons his teeth show with his smile if that he's trying not to chatter them.
“Try kneeling down,” I get out, leaning a little until I've bent at my knees and feel them knock his, the water rising higher against my body. Peeta follows my instruction and I can feel his body heat and then a faint indication of his heartbeat as I move my cautious grip up from his hand along his arm until I feel the firm muscles just beneath his shoulders. We search each other's eyes and then Peeta's teeth do chatter once and I'm breathing fast, but this time it's that same thing I had recognized earlier as an attempt to laugh. This time I try letting myself and a faint sound comes out and it's unfamiliar, foreign even, but it catches Peeta's attention as much as mine and he smiles in return. “It gets easier after a few minutes,” I try telling him, reminding myself as I find myself wishing that the rest of the water were as warm as I feel where my skin almost touches Peeta's.
He moves abruptly in the water and I flinch, but then he's just reaching for my hair, catching some of it that has come loose on the side opposite my braid that falls along the side of my face. He draws it out a little and examines it quietly before tucking it behind my ear, his hands a little less steady than they usually are. He's still trying not to shiver and so am I. I feel my eyelids closing when his damp fingertips brush against the dry skin of my ear, but I quickly try to just move past it and swallow down what I'm afraid might be sadness coming back again.
“The next thing you need to do is get out where your toes barely touch, and--”
“Katniss,” Peeta interjects, a soft plea. It catches me off guard so I stop and purse my lips to listen. “It's too cold,” he explains without delay, laughing softly without that broken hesitation.
“No, it's--” I try to persuade him gently but then my words catch because I'm breathing deeply again against the cool water. It's not warm enough to just get used to comfortably. Then I'm laughing too and run my hand up to his shoulder on his right only to lightly push. I don't push hard enough to let him go, though. Even though there's no danger, I'm not about to let him think there's any either. I don't want to frighten him and that's also when it's the worst for him, more likely that he'll forget for a while again and have to find some focus, some kind of pain to hang onto what's real. “Okay. We'll try again in June.”
Then I let go of him and wait long enough to make sure he's headed out of the water too and make my way back to the shore. At the edge, we both sit down and I still stubbornly try letting my toes dip into the water. I know that I could swim in it if I needed to, but the season hasn't warmed enough yet to teach Peeta. Peeta must read my expression as disappointment or something because he immediately tries to reassure me.
“I don't think I really need to know how to swim anyway,” he says.
“You should know if you ever--” I start to snap in reply but then I stop arguing and won't even let myself follow that thought through to conclusion. Peeta looks over at me expectantly but doesn't demand completion. Suddenly weary, I look behind us and move a little closer to the pile of our clothes and decide to let my skin dry a little before I put mine back on. I lie back against the ground, feeling grass against my back and the sun warming my skin. Peeta's eyes follow my movements and this time I don't try covering the network of scars on my skin or anything else, deciding that it really doesn't matter.
“Thanks for letting me come with you,” he says, taking a deep breath that isn't quite a sigh before he follows suit and lies down on his back. I wonder if he's disappointed somehow and about what before I realize that I am. There's an emptiness that settles into my chest again and I'm thinking of being back on shore, back on the edge of something I can't have anymore. I look across the space between us, the full width of the pile of our clothes. I've lain beside Peeta so many times now, shielded from nightmares and darkness by his arms, but the light of day somehow chases away his regained freedom to hold me and all at once I hate it.
“Peeta--” I start, not quite sure what I want to say. I'm not very good at saying something, not even when I need to desperately. His name gets his attention, though, and I lock eye contact with him and try and let it invite me in the way I'm certain he'd been trying too so many times before we lost so much, back when I couldn't see. I crawl the short space over to him and inch by inch settle into my place at his side, easing into the feeling of his skin's warmth the way I'd tried to ease into the water's cold.
“Katniss,” I'm answered when I feel him tensing again.
“Shh,” I try to insist, but then I realize that I'm in his space as much as I'm drawing him into mine. I lean against my arm and look down into his eyes and glance down his chest for a moment before I manage to ask. “Is this okay?”
Peeta nods and shifts to tentatively put out his arm for me and I lower myself down, even more drawn to lying beside him now that I have started to feel some sense of relief now that I've begun the slow, arduous process of working through countless seemingly impossible questions so painlessly. For the first time in a while, I'm too tired to resist a feeling so good as relief and I try tucking my head down against Peeta's damp chest, my ear pressed to the place were I can hear his heartbeat. He moves, though and grabs his shirt from the pile of clothes.
“Wait a second,” he instructs quietly, placing the soft fabric over his shoulder and one side of his chest. “It's dry,” he explains when I look at him with a slight frown. Agreeing to what I feel deeply, almost viscerally is a compromise, I nod and finally find the place against him where the old Katniss would have fit with the old Peeta, more than she ever knew. I can't get comfortable against the shirt, though. I let my arm extend over him, feeling his body heat move through me at each place where I can find contact. A breeze blows across the lake and I roll over slightly toward Peeta and he wraps his arm protectively around me. The real Peeta still wants to protect me. I look down at the color of his shirt and take a deep breath, smelling Peeta's skin on it and deciding that I'd rather see it, too, scars and all.
“Peeta, it's okay,” I tell him. Then I look up at his face and catch him looking quizzically at me. “It's okay,” I repeat. “We can still--” But then I stop talking, face flushing as I realize at least in part what I'm asking for and feel ashamed.
“... Katniss, what's wrong?” Peeta prompts, reaching up and touching the bottom of my damp braid, the way he had touched me before. “What are you talking about?”
I don't want to talk about it because I don't know what to say, so I pull back and think about moving away from him again but then remember something that had worked a long time ago. My lips press to his and I can't quite remember what to do. I'm not the girl who simply, clumsily did back on the beach. Instead, it's so unnaturally still for a moment that I'm not sure it counts as a kiss and that it might even be worse than the first time I'd tried for the cameras.
Then Peeta's hand moves from where he'd pinched the very bottom of my braid to the side of my neck where he steadies me gently and his lips move against mine in turn. His movements are tight, halting as my own, unfamiliar and learning how to do it again, even though it'd always come more naturally to him. After just a moment he tilts his chin down and breaks the contact. I can feel my breath mingling warm and damp with his but he doesn't try for my lips again and I don't know if I should start feeling an even deeper ache of regret. I don't know if we've lost everything as much as I thought he had.
“It's okay,” I plead this time. I'm answered with a light peck of a kiss against my lips that doesn't last at all and a nod that I can feel brushing against my own forehead.
“Yeah, Katniss. Of course it's... okay,” he says, once again taking for granted something that terrifies me a little. I nod and pull back enough to meet his eyes and he smiles at me and I do too. “... I just... don't know what you want, sometimes,” he apologizes, glancing down.
“Neither do I,” I say quickly, a little bitterly but then I realize this isn't the place, the moment for that. There actually is a time now for something else, something a little better. “... Stay with me,” I supply after a moment's searching my mind, the threatening hollow in my chest for the words. I grip at the fabric of his shirt with my fingertips but then realize that he can't feel the tugging and instead pull it back down to the ground beneath us. “Not just... when I have nightmares. When we walk through town or... anytime you need to, it's okay. Stay with me.”
Peeta examines my face so intensely that for a moment I wonder if he recognizes me at all and I have to look away.
“... Always,” he says, an echo and a reminder that he does remember. Then I can't look at him because I know my eyes are wet again but this time not because I'm sad or angry. Instead I press a kiss to his bared shoulder and another a little lower, water from the lake touching my lips. Another breeze blows across the water and over us and I hide from the cold against his body's warmth and feel his hand against the skin between my shoulder blades. When my eyes have stopped stinging, I press my cheek down against his chest, my ear down over his heart again, this time without the shirt between us.
“I'll teach you how to swim when it's warmer,” I insist.
“Yeah?” he prompts, sounding almost amused.
“Well I can't teach you to hunt,” I reply and realize I'm teasing. He laughs again, though I know it's not very funny.
“I'll teach you how to bake when we get back,” he offers, bartering.
“I know how to bake,” I argue, rolling toward him a little firmly and then back since I can't push him but he's undeterred.
“Knowing how to make bread isn't the same,” he teases and I can hear the smile in his voice.
“Fine,” I agree. “I'll let you teach me how to bake, or try. Later,” I try to appease him because I want him to be quiet. I hear him start to reply but I quickly hush him and turn my lips down to kiss lightly against his chest again. He starts to speak again and I sigh wearily and press another slightly more sure kiss to his mouth which he returns and I can feel him smiling against my lips. I wonder if he'd lured me into the kiss on purpose, but I decide I don't care as I break it again and feel my nose brush against the side of his. After a few more tentative, shared kisses I finally lie back down against his chest and he's content to be quiet so I close my eyes and let his heartbeat lull me half to sleep, not hidden away, cold in a cave but warm against his skin in the sunlight.
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streettealee · 1 year ago
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theory i've had running for a while now about how various downworlders represent different aspects/forms of neurodivergence and mental illness. and without being too spoilery about ~anything~ I was reminded of the connection I made a while back, long story short, do you think werewolves could represent something like the mood swings in bipolar or bpd or even autistic meltdowns? i know it's a very out there ask but i have IDEAS
TW: steroids, personal medical experience
That's quite an interesting take to think about. Without, of course, being spoilery about anything: when I write about werewolves, I more had in mind a period of my life where I was actually on steroids (prescribed by a doctor) on and off. At first, they feel kind of amazing, because they made a chronic pain I've been living with since the age of eleven disappear like it'd never been there. But I had a lot of energy all of a sudden. I struggled to sleep at all for many nights, and when I did, it was extremely lightly. My appetite increased dramatically and sometimes wasn't there at all. And I had wilder mood swings than I think I've ever had in my life. My skin broke out in acne worse than ever. The first time I was on steroids, I was only about thirteen, when a lot of my hormones were also going wild out of natural processes - and, of course, this medication threw them further out of balance, from my understanding.
I was aggressive, more physical, highly self-conscious, easily angered, quick to sadness and meltdowns, extreme in happiness, hyper, just... it was an intense experience. I got into arguments more. Literally took to punching a guy I had a crush on (just in the shoulder, but the intent to hurt, oddly, was there because of some provocation he did some days) and, on one occasion, throwing food at him (I have the distinct feeling he found it much less amusing than I did at the time). He confessed he had a crush on me too (I have no idea why and now I'm concerned for him upon reflection) but instead of being nice about it, I ignored him (for an entire year. As in I did not directly talk to him for the duration of a year.) I pushed myself physically further than I should have when lifting weights. I remember literally feeling like I could run up walls, wanting to try it, needing to bolt outside and run up the hills like a hound let loose. Everything about me was snappy, in a way. Words, moods. I couldn't focus either. Blew up in class at people. Hated myself. Was driven to a very, very dark place, the worst I've ever been in. There were, admittedly, other factors.
But I'll never forget how invincible I felt while on steroids or how much I craved them when the pain came back. The only thing holding me back from dangerously consuming more outside of what was prescribed was the fear of becoming as unstable as I was again. I scared myself with who I became and I'm still a little scared of her now.
In equal parts, I felt good, but I also felt like absolute shit. I had energy yet was simultaneously exhausted. Being on the medication and then off was, for a decent while, a real struggle (I did not suffer actual withdrawal, because my doctor was careful about that, but I did still suffer from intense mood swings for a while after I stopped taking the medication). It's what I draw inspiration from when writing about werewolves because of how changed they are when first turned. To me, werewolves have more to do with having more of things inside you that you lacked before, that you don't know what to do with, that lashes out and struggles to stay in no matter how desperately a distant, quiet part of you is saying "this isn't me, I know who I am, why can't I just be like I was?" Not so much a monster within as a version of you that is reflected tenfold outward, with less of your sensibilities. If, well, that makes sense. That was my experience I drew from. Changing and being not like yourself in a frightening way you feel like you can't control.
Honestly, I don't know enough about bipolar or BPD or autistic meltdowns to say with any confidence that Cassandra Clare was likely using werewolves as an allegory for these things. I barely have a clue what goes on in her mind after ChoT and some of the author talks I've seen her post. I used to think I knew what she was about, but I'm lost now. When I've seen CC write about newly turned werewolves, they are highly volatile, who need time and training before they can even interact with the wider world (hence the existence of the Praetor Lupus, for example, and some packs in general).
I could imagine werewolves representing some mental illness, but I'm unsure about a disorder or aspect of one. I'm wary of the possibility of unflattering comparisons that may harm others who may not appreciate the idea. What I will say is that when I write of werewolves, they represent a self that is intensified often beyond recognition, some change in you that you eventually learn to accommodate for and live with or control in some ways. I hope that all made sense <3
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sarasa-cat · 2 years ago
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Today: one win, one lose. A lot of hours wasted. Oh well.
(What was I expecting ordering a bargain basement posh product from Amazon Basics?)
The win was actually a trip win: My body feels almost back to normal. I woke up before my alarm at a pleasant hour — not too early, not whoooa oh too late. Banged out 4400 words of text at record speed (loving this clickity clackity mechanical keyboard lololol) that helps orient/reorient a major writing project. Well, technically, TWO (2) writing projects.
The lose that wasted so many hours of time? So, I have this Cintiq pro that is small — only a 16” one — which is extremely light weight. Like, 4 lbs 4 oz, maybe? Something like that, it’s been a week since I looked at its specs.
It is really really really REALLY REALLY difficult to find a vesa-plate monitor arm thinger with the specs and positional flexibility I need that is capable of holding something lighter than 7 or 8 lbs. THE PROBLEM.
Eventually someone on reddit claimed that they had luck with an amazon basics product that is essentially a reworked Ergotron arm. And it is only US$100. So, fine. Ordered. Waited for it to arrive. Set it up. AND despite the thousands of reviews with a 4.5 star rating, THE FUCKING THING DID NOT WORK.
Well, so I searched 1 star reviews and it seems there is a quality control issue with this product and lots of people end up with an arm that is all locked up (stuck and not fixable) for all of the joints that move in various directions near the vesa plate. after hours of fucking with it — bc the screws it came with didn’t fit so I needed to get different (shorter) screws for my cintiq — I confirmed that I indeed had one of these zero quality control fuckers. You cannot tilt the monitor (cintiq in this case) left or right or up or down. The mechanism the vesa plate is attached to points up to the ceiling 5evah. Which makes it useless for a normal monitor. For a cintiq I can get the lever arm to drop the whole thing into my lap but that is NOT ergonomic. BAD FOR THE NECK! And hard to draw from the shoulder.
Back in the box, processed a return. Risking a replacement but if that one is also a bust I’m giving up on this and back to the drawing board.
Honestly, I am this close to saying ARRRRGGG and purchasing a big fucker cintiq with cintiq’s mounting system and either selling my 16 or using it for travel because it is really very laptop sized and portable and can be used in one’s lap (which is what most people used it for, at least prior to the pandemic). But for ergonomic reasons I need something on a mount that I can swivel around and tilt and move based on how my body feels.
I just don’t spend enough hours per week in digital land to make me feel justified purchasing the big fucker from cintiq but I cannot afford to be taking off 2, 3, or even 6 to 12 months at a time to let shoulder RSI (yes, my fucking shoulder. The final year at daygig destroyed it. When it was at its worst I really did need 9 months of time off to get it workable.)
But also, I don’t spend much time in digital land for my art process BECAUSE I cannot do it comfortably and ergonomically given my set up and/or equipment.
So fuck.
All that said, once I get a highly ergonomic situation going for digital art, I suspect I will switch a lot more of my process to digital. Tbd. I just don’t know.
I need a new shoulder. Honestly, it hurts right now from all of the fucking around with nonsense that did not solve my problem and it did not hurt this morning or all of the past month.
Who needs a bank account with savings in it. (Yes, I am self employed so I cannot ask boss for ok and expense this to some corporation but instead must fuck around every spring with annual taxes to sort the nonsense out)
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