#me writing that much every day is NOT sustainable lmao

[b0amagination]

Tastes of Whumptober: Day 4

Content Warnings: Mild gore (descriptions of blood), Needles (into a port, not hypodermic), IV port, Lab whump. All under the cut out of caution!

Sensory Deprivation

The sedative wore off at the same time it always did and they groaned, wishing just for once to curl up and go back to sleep. They had five minutes, or ten if they were lucky… but being found still asleep was never worth it. Old and new wounds complained against the arduous process of standing up and feeling for the door.

Sure enough, the fluorescent lights buzzed to life overhead just as they exited the attached bathroom. 

“Good morning, dear.” Their captor greeted, gesturing to the chair. Of course, always straight to business with him. But they wavered.

The chair wouldn’t have stood out to an outsider as anything other than a black leather armchair. Sure, it was the only dark item in the starkly clinical room, but that only made it all the more inviting if you didn’t know its use.

“You should take a day off. You’re practically married to your work,” they tried.

“You’re my work, and I don’t think either of us want that,” he shot back, removing four vials from his shoulder bag and setting each neatly on the tray. 

The chair. The tray. They were all laughably foreboding. Laughter never eased the fear.

“That’s new.” They knew the first three. Nutrition supplement, immune support, and hydration supplement. Administered every day like clockwork. Days with any more were days to be feared, but they’d started to recognize which drug was which. This was definitely new.

“Yes. Take your seat.” 

Always the same goddamn phrase to warn them they were going too far. 

“Ring a bell and I’ll probably start slobbering,” they muttered, perching on the edge of the chair. He hummed, unwrapping a needle and drawing out the nutrition supplement.

“Thank Pavlov for lessening that network of scars on your body.” His smile was pleasant as always. In another life where he wasn’t so sick and twisted he was probably a medical provider. 

He moved the neck of their shirt aside to access their IV port and inject the liquid, doing the same practiced motions two more times before their hand shot up to cover the port. Disappointed eyes fell upon them.

“Never without some kind of struggle, are you?” 

“I just want to know what it is before you do it.”

“You’ll like it. Now move.”

He pried their fingers apart wide enough to push the needle in and depress the plunger. Then he stood back and grabbed his clipboard, probably noting some bullshit about volumes and concentrations, and clicked a stopwatch.

“Tell me when your back stops hurting,” he instructed, and their eyes widened.

“You gave me painkillers? Seriously?” Somehow, they were more nervous than before.

“Something like that.”

When he wanted serious data he didn’t speak much. So silence filled the room until their pain actually reacted as he said. Not only did the sharp pain on their back fade, but so did the aches of months past.

“Holy shit. What did you give me?” They felt like a brand new person. It was… terrifying.

“Your new favorite thing,” he said, and they couldn’t exactly deny it. He finished writing and made his way back over. “Alright. Now for the real test.”

They couldn’t help the way their body clenched up when he stood over them. Or the way they trembled when he opened the zipper pocket and pulled out his knife. 

“I thought this was a scientific procedure. Where’s your scalpel?” A risky quip. They didn’t want to see that goddamn scalpel ever again.

“Scientific, not surgical. Calm down or I’ll need to start you on high blood pressure medication too.”

He tapped the arm of the chair and they obediently set their arm there, wary of his every movement as he flipped the underside up.

“If you struggle, I’ll strap you to the table instead.”

That was checkmate and he knew it. A timid nod accepted defeat.

The knife started just below their elbow, pressed in, and pulled ever so slowly down to their wrist. Eyes squeezed shut and teeth grit, preparing for the familiar sting, but…

They looked down. The cut was already bleeding, dripping down their arm, wetting slick leather. But all they’d felt was a mild pressure.

Their captor was looking on just as intensely, studying their reaction.

“Nothing?”

“Nothing,” they breathed. No pain. “Nothing whatsoever.”

He drew another line, parallel, and even as more blood wept, their eyes were strangely dry.

“Good. Let’s kick this up a notch.”

They opened their mouth to protest but a hand already fisted in their collar, pulling them up and pushing them against the wall. Their vision blurred when their head knocked off the wall, but the explosion of hurt didn’t precede it. 

“H-how do you know you didn’t just concuss me?” The longer this went on, the worse it felt. 

“I suppose I don’t. Not until I check you.”

“You can’t do that! You need to know how hurt I am, you need to know when to stop-!” A backhand flew across their face, snapping it to the side, and they whimpered. The hit had hardly felt like a brief touch, but its humiliation stung nonetheless.

“I know your limits. Do you think you’d feel a stab wound?” His question made them freeze, tears preemptively flooding their eyes.

“No- please don’t. Please. I’ll lose too much blood, you could hit something vital, please!” 

"Do you think my anatomical studies were for nothing?"

Pressure. Pressing harder and harder against their shirt, their abdomen, and then a horrific, slick coolness. It fell back and exposed a rushing warmth, blood staining white fabric, broken skin peeking through the new hole. God. They felt faint.

They fell to their knees and heard footsteps, probably wanting to test whether or not they were faking it.

“It doesn’t hurt,” they cried. “I just- the blood- I need to stem the bleeding.” That was true. Their hands clamped over the stab wound, trying to stop it. The shoes paused next to them in thought, then continued back toward the chair. Just moments later they heard his bag rustling and each vial clinking as it was set inside.

At least he was done for the day. Probably sad he didn’t get to make them scream.

He picked up the bag and his steps resumed, kicking something that skittered to a stop at their feet.

“Page me once it starts to wear off.”

Fuck.

[seventh-district]

several days and 15 thousand words later, i am relieved to report that the suffocating urge to Write Something has been sated and no longer has me in a chokehold

[nipuni]

Back home again! but it won't be home for much longer if everything goes well!

We came back to another Twitter exodus and a Gumroad and Patreon self destruct update apparently? seems like this month almost every company I financially depend on decided to shoot themselves in the foot 😬 I think I will have to come up with another way to make a living from my art soon because it's looking grim lately not gonna lie, I'm making half of what I was making a couple of years ago for the same amount of work and time and it wasn't much to begin with, it's not sustainable 😭 maybe I will start making merch to sell independently? but I have too much on my plate right now to make a plan so I'll figure something out once I'm done with the move.

My mom is undergoing major surgery as I write this and I have two days to pack everything we own in boxes and clean and prepare our apartment to host Nicolas' family that are coming to visit in a couple of days and staying for the holidays and also somehow finish this month's work in a week so I'm a bit stressed out at the moment, now watch me get a migraine and my period lmao 😂

On a lighter note, Rivals is coming out tomorrow!! a series that looks like something we wouldn't watch at gunpoint but we do anything for David in this house, and also Macbeth cinema release announced!!! we are dying to see that one, and then DA in a couple of weeks!! we are so excited 🥰 hopefully will have everything done by the end of the month to rest and enjoy.

Now I'll go catch up with messages and emails and get back to work aaa 😵‍💫

[the-s1lly-corner]

Bloody Painter when artist!reader can no longer paint

Writing this based out of my own frustrations with shit-- scenarios do not reflect what's happening to me specifically though- readers case had more finality and shit

Notes: reader is gn, implied reader has sustained something that prevents them from doing their passions, short post, this was originally going to include ej but admin realized it would likely include medical stuff that i am. too fried to soak up and actually learn right now LMAO

CWs: implied injury

regardless of what the problem may be- exhaustion making your hands too unsteady momentarily or something more permanent... he feels sympathy for you. he cant imagine his own hands fighting against him-- he doesnt mean to think like that or make it feel like hes taking pity on you, its a genuine fear that sometimes crosses his mind every now and then

he patiently sits to the side as you mutter exasperatedly to yourself as you struggle to grip your tool and get to work, he.... gives you the chance to make something yourself before he steps in and takes your attention away from your struggle

hes still supportive of you, so long as your attempts dont worsen you- and hes so patient when you let out your word vomit frustrations to him

if he can, and if theres some way, he tries to find a way to make it so that you can paint again. finding a way to make it so that you can make your strokes again with your previous precision or outright trying to find a new medium with you

who says you need to hold a brush to paint? theres so many other ways- and hes going to experiment with you so the search feels less lonely

as an aside, only semi related if you need to take meds for your condition he is very much on your ass about you taking your meds. he basically shoves the meds into your hands each day

[chu-diaries]

140 days of productivity: days 15, 16 and 17/140

wow, the last few days have been CRAZY. i ended up leaving day 15 in the drafts but never finished writing about it. then i got swallowed up by days 16 and 17 of the challenge and only got back to it now. the thing is, i got a lot of orders for scented candles this week and i couldn't keep up. my house was a mess, i didn't exercise this week and i struggled with anxiety.

however, i'm so happy because people are enjoying my scented candles! i sent my first order on thursday and almost gave up due to so much bureaucracy. i decided that i won't send new orders until i learn about the postal system and its fees.

i did my best to keep mentally stable: i saw my friends, went to my classes, visited my favorite coffee shop... i've been listening to chanyeol's new album every day. it's been sustaining me. it was a great surprise, since i was expecting a different album, maybe more acoustic and calm. I loved four out of the six songs (I didn't like Back Again and I'm on your side too reminded me too much of the romantic rock songs I listened to in the early 2000s lmao, so I didn't connect with it). Clover is my favorite, followed by Hasta La Vista, Black Out and Ease Up. Thank you, Chanyeolie! I love being an EXO fan!

💥: day 10/29

💧: probably dehydrated

🏋🏻‍♀️: 🚫

🏃🏻‍♀️: 🚫

🕯️: sold and delivered candles

🪘: attended my class on Thursday (3 h)

🇰🇷: I’ve been singing kpop songs out loud… does it count? 😮‍💨

📚: 🚫

🎧: clover - chanyeol

📺: 🚫

🛑: 24 days pick free!!!!!

💊: vitamin c, omega 3 and iron supplements

[ectogeo-rebubbles]

Can I have Siskarak fanfic recs, please? I've only read a few (can't remember too well at 3AM; one on the Defiant comes to mind), and I was surprised by how well the vibe worked!

Oh absolutely. 😈 Fair warning that I’m gonna rec a LOT of my own fics bc I’m shameless like that, but also because I’ve written like 25% of the Siskarak fics that exist. 😂 Of course in addition to my little ramblings, please check all the tags and summaries on these and just read the ones that speak to you! 💖 And now, in no particular order:

so, I lied, I cheated by me - My beloved siskarak novella!! 🥰 It’s an In the Pale Moonlight AU where Sisko and Garak fake an affair to explain why they are meeting together secretly all the time now, so that no one will realize it’s actually bc they’re conspiring to bring the Romulans into the war. It’s a VERY cracky premise, and I then treat the implications of that premise with the utmost severity haha. It’s a big clusterfuck of them making each other worse and ruining each other’s lives but I did aim for a hopeful ending for them and for their healthier relationships (siskasidy and garashir). I’m so proud of it, I have some planted some insane character insights into there that I truly can’t figure out other simpler ways to express/convince people of than by writing them into a complicated angsty porny ITPM-but-way-worse fic.

And Scene by Flazéda (peternurphy) - Obsessed with this one. Sisko and Garak have to go undercover at a sex club, and I am just such a sucked for fake relationship scenarios. I’m also never not thinking about the moment in this fic where Sisko muses internally on how spanking Garak’s ass with a paddle is satisfying in the same way as swinging a baseball bat.

Moonlight Still Casts Shadows by Warpcorps @spocksbeanies - This one is SO HOT. It’s post-ITPM and Sisko is continuing to compromise his morals in delicious, sexy ways to accomplish his goals. 😈 (He’s having sex with Garak to keep him happy and working for him.)

Decadence: In His Service by JA Chapman is soooo good and sooo insane and I want to read approximately 10k more words about the messy, messy scenario described. Siskarak is only a secondary ship, the main one shown is Sloan/Sisko. I don’t particularly buy into it as realistic, but this fic ask all kinds of questions and offers NO answers, and I am driven insane by it every day, I do still recommend. XD

Exaltation by @hellostuffedtiger is another good one involving Sloan and it is much closer to canon than the above hahaha. Sisko and Garak have casual sex, then discuss S31 and Sloan and how to protect Bashir.

going up, going down by me - Crackfic to the max, haha! Garak gives Sisko a blowjob in the turbolift and they get caught.

Plausible Deniability by katiemariie is really interesting and reading it helped kick off my interest in the ship! I do have some small quibbles with it bc I don’t really buy that Garak isn’t interested in Bashir or that Siskarak could actually become a sustainable romantic ship, but oh man other than that the dynamic is great here!

Captain’s Whore by @the-last-dillpickle - Garak pettily making sure everyone knows he’s Sisko’s mistress is just so fun and delightful 😂

partners in crime by anonymous surprise, it was me lmao - A tasty little post-ITPM PWP where Sisko does a bit of introspection about himself and Garak’s effect on him.

you’re a criminal as long as you’re mine by me - This might be the one on the Defiant you’re thinking of. It’s set during Second Skin. I wanted to write a lower stakes, chiller, flirtier Siskarak dynamic here and I really really like how it turned out 🥰

A few more very short fics by me:

me and the devil walking side by side

lying down with dogs

dirty little secret

never loved nobody fully (alternate Siskarak ending) (there’s also a podfic of this drabble by klb and blackglass and horchatapods… I know at least one of you is on tumblr and I can’t remember which rn)

Not super shippy but def have some fun and somewhat charged Sisko and Garak interactions:

Farce of the Prophets by @cardassiangoodreads - This one involves Garak messing with Sisko a little bit haha. It’s got those fake relationship elements I love so dearly 🥰

Dance of Fools by stuffedtiger - More Siskarak fake relationship stuff 😈 They dance 🥰

redacted by me - Garak and Sisko figuring out how to work together when they are both stationed on Starbase 375 at the beginning of s6.

This was so fun to put together, thanks for this ask, I love gushing about my fave siskarak fics 💖

[darling-i-read-it]

The Mistress

Harry Gardner x fem!reader

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: smut (blowjob), cheating, sex in a public bathroom literally while his family is in the other room (who am i) 

Author’s Note: Hi love! Sorry this took so long! I feel like I went with the slightly creepy route straight into a bj lmao so I hope you like it. I don’t know how I feel lmaoo

Requested by anon, Happy to hear you're doing well, hun! I'm so excited to see your upcoming pieces because these most recent two are absolute gems 💗(I'm a big GTA and RE fan what can I saw I was overjoyed to see them 🤭)

Don't mind me with another Harry request (my sincere apologies, I'm obsessed 😌) I had this potentially spicy plot in mind - Harry x fem!reader. When he sees her being flirty with someone but cannot let his jealousy show since his wife is like RIGHT there. But still makes sure to let her know how much she upset him later on 😉 Take your time with this sweetie and if you don't feel like writing it that's totally ok too! 🤗 Thank you for gracing this site with your lovely works and making my day with them as well. Take care and have a wonderful day/night ~ Addie ❤

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director/creator

(not my gif)

Harry’s love for his wife was obligatory. The love he had for her was necessary, to keep their family going. He had created a space where he could comfortably do his job and be seen as successful. He had the wife, the house, and the kid. He had the room to grow and the means to do it. 

But you…you were not a want. You were a need. You were alluring in his worst times, gorgeous in his best. He could watch you move for hours and wonder what it was about you that entranced him. He could picture you from the bed as you slipped your clothes on and the memory filled his entire eyesight. He could see nothing else but you when you were there. 

You were like one of the people he wrote about. You were unreal. He couldn’t live without you now. 

“You’re starring,” your voice broke him from his thoughts. Sometimes he forgot you were actually there. You sat on the side of the bed, arms moving with grace down to your feet. You put your socks on, side eyeing him. “Everything alright?” 

“Uh huh.” He was in a shitty motel with sheets that he knew hadn’t been washed in far too long. 

“H?” You sat up straight. He grabbed your hand, shaking his head. 

“I’m fine,” he promised. You pursed your lips, nodding slowly. 

“You have to get back.” The time schedule he was on was brutal. Sometimes he wondered if the life he had was even worth all this. Couldn’t he just live here with you forever? The misery of his demonic child and his never ending wife seemed like a hell he had trapped himself in. When had he wanted that? “Henry.” 

“I’m here. I swear. I just don’t want to leave you.” Your face read the emotions he was feeling. You didn’t want to leave either but someone had to. If this thing was to be sustainable, you had to go. 

“I never thought I’d be here you know,” you muttered. Even your voice sounded melodic. “In bed with a married man. Jesus. What would my mother say?” He felt a pang of guilt but not for the person who he should’ve. He had put you in this position. You could’ve been living a life with a free man, someone to show you off to the world. Instead you were in shitty hotels by the ocean, the salt coming in through broken window frames. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. You shook your head. 

“It’s alright. We’re in this boat together, hm?” He grabbed your hand and held it. The hand that had just been all over him, the hand that had felt every inch of his body. You must have been thinking about it too because you kissed him gently. A goodbye kiss. He wanted to curse, to beg you to stay. He didn’t. 

“I need to write you into a story,” he said against your lips. 

“Oh yeah? The girl who never got what she wanted?” 

“The girl who could get whatever she desired.” 

“That sounds better than my thing.” You smiled gently. ���I’ll see you later?” He nodded, a promise he was sure to keep. He hoped he wouldn’t see you around town before that, for the sake of his life. For the sake of yours! You stood up. “I’m excited to read what you write me into. Hopefully a better situation than this.” 

You thought about the character of you and envied her. You would be her one day, you hoped. 

-

She was like fire if it never spread. Her silence was dangerous, the presence of her was terrifying. Electrifying was an understatement. She was the lightning that made electricity. She was the origin, the start, the very being that could bring down trees with a touch. She was-

“What’re you writing?” Doris’s voice was like nails on a chalkboard. His initial reaction scared him a bit and he tried to be more caring. 

“Nothing. Nothing, I don’t think anyway.” He shut his computer. 

“Are we still going out to dinner?” 

“Yes. Yeah, sorry, time got away from me.” He got up from the chair. Doris was standing beside Alma who had her coat and shoes on already. She was giving Harry a look of disinterest, similar to her mothers. But Doris at least tried to cover it with a feign emotion, one he couldn’t grasp. “Coming.” 

They piled into the car and were quickly arriving at a small diner. The small diners in Provincetown were stereotypical and uninteresting. There was little local color and little locals. He saw you the second he walked in, like you had attracted his eyes like a magnet. You were sitting at the counter, a milkshake between your hands. Your hair fell in front of your eyes a bit as a smile played on your face. His eyes followed to the waiter you were speaking to. A man about your age, sharing your smile. The jealousy in him was surprising. He didn’t own you. 

But he wanted to. 

You hadn’t seen him yet. Maybe he could convince Doris to leave and go somewhere else. 

“Right here. You’re the newer family right? Big house on the water?” Their waitress said, gesturing to the table. Doris had been speaking and he hadn’t even noticed. 

“Yes ma’am,” Harry responded. 

“We don’t get lots of visitors here, except for the writers.”

“My husbands the writer,” Doris explained. At the mention of the topic, you turned your head ever so slightly. Your eyes locked for just a moment, zero panic in your face. It was like you didn’t even know him. You turned your head back to the waiter behind the counter. 

“What kinds of things do you write?” the waitress asked. 

“Screenplays.” “Anything I’ve seen?” 

“Not yet,” Doris promised. You were too distracting. He couldn’t stay here with you. His phone buzzed and he knew it was you. He checked it obsessively, turning it towards him so that Doris and Alma couldn’t see. 

I’m sorry, you texted. He didn’t answer. 

“Can I get you started with some waters?” 

His eyes flickered to you. Smiling at the waiter, a gentle comradery. It made him sick. 

“Yes please,” Doris said. She watched him and his discomfort but couldn’t find the source of it. The waitress left, leaving them alone, without a buffer between him and you. He opened up his phone again, staring at the message. You should leave. Why weren’t you leaving? “Everything okay?” 

He couldn’t hear what you were saying but he could see your hand brushing the waiters. Closer to your age, likely not married. Attainable. You could have something attainable. He glanced at Doris and nodded curtly. 

“I just need to go to the bathroom.” He got up, loudly. She scoffed, nodding. 

“Okay.” He pushed past you. Your eyes followed him as he turned the corner. You looked back at the waiter. 

“If you’ll excuse me, I have to use the little girls room.” You slid off the stool with a small smile and left your milkshake. You turned the corner and knocked on the men's bathroom door. It opened quickly. It was the type of bathroom that was private, without stalls. Just two rooms. 

Harry grabbed your hand and dragged you inside. He shut the door and locked it behind you. 

“I didn’t know you would be here,” you argued. He was standing so close to you, practically pining you to the door. 

“Who was that?” 

“Who was who?” 

“Don’t act coy,” he spat. You had never seen him so angry, jealousy practically dripping from his eyes. 

“The waiter? He’s a friend.” 

“That all?” “Harry, we can't do this right now. Your family is outside. Come on, we’ll talk later.” You made no movement. He starred, at you, at your features, the ones he could always find comfort in. He grabbed your wrist. “Harry?”

“Get on your knees.” 

You raised an eyebrow but the look in his eyes was too alluring to argue. He was usually gentle and guiding through sex, always careful with you even when he was rougher. You didn’t mind the demanding tone in his voice. You slinked down the door, onto your knees. You looked up at him. 

He was gazing down at you, his hand cupping your chin. You waited to see what he would do. Was he being so daring because his family was out there? Had you crossed a line neither of you had dared to verbalize? 

You put your hands on his waistband. He nodded, ushering you along. You undid his belt and fought with his jeans to pull them down. It didn’t take long for him to get hard at the adrenaline of the moment and you sitting before him. You pumped with your hand, staring up at him still. 

You wanted to tell him the waiter meant nothing. But actions spoke louder than words. You wrapped your lips around him, eyes locked, a glaze over his. He was staring at you like you were a meal. As you moved up and down, bobbing your head back and forth, he grabbed a fist full of your hair. He started to guide you more forcefully, a jealousy lacing his touch. 

You came up for air as minimally as you could. He lasted too long. His family was going to miss him. They would see your lone milkshake and wonder which of you would leave first. There weren’t enough people in this diner to not connect the dots. 

His precum was drooling down your chin. He wanted to fuck you. He knew he didn’t have time. Instead he let you make him cum, swallowing everything you could, making an erotic gagging noise as you did so. His moans came out muffled but clear, head tilted back in pleasure. 

You wiped your mouth, leaning your head against the door. 

“Feel better?” you asked. He scoffed. He helped you up, catching you as you stumbled. He kissed you, tasting himself among your lips. He could stay here with you forever and starve happily. “You go out first,” you muttered. “I’ve gotta wash up.” 

He nodded. He stared at you for a moment longer, brushing your hair out of your face. You locked eyes and the intimacy filled up the bathroom. You wanted to kiss him again but knew you had no time. You would have to let him go, just this once. 

“Thanks,” he muttered under his breath. 

“Anytime H.” You slithered away from him. “Pull your pants up and go back to your family.”

[real-odark]

if you were to ask me how i feel about a commercial jingle for regina comet, i might say its pretty good or something.

but if you asked me on a deeper level,

i'd tell you how much i absolutely love this musical. id tell you how im its biggest fan possibly ever, and i curse myself every day for not being able to see it. id tell you about my signed playbill of it being one of my most prized possessions and i used to sleep with it by my side. id tell you how the bootleg is one of my favorite things ever, and how many times ive listened to it, making timestamps for each song and even uploading a full version of it for myself to youtube. id tell you how its my third favorite musical of all time. id tell you how i didnt even know ben fankhauser until i found out about this musical and i dont think i could love any of his roles more than man 2. id tell you how i wrote my own self sustaining fanfiction for it. id tell you how i made up names for them. id tell you about my dozens of fanart for it, and how other man used to be muscle memory to draw, so whenever id go to draw something hed be the first thing to warmup. id tell you how i know just about every lyric of every song. id tell you how when i do home-alone theater karaoke, this musical is the first one i go to everytime. id tell you how literally any role in this would be my dream. id tell you how underrated its representation is, showing the exploitation of women in the media, and has such a good message. id tell you about how during silent reading time in class, id reread the script for this show over and over while everyone else pulled out icebreaker and stuff. id tell you how i have consumed every advertisement for this show ever. id tell you how i would go through every review article, and if they said anything even remotely bad about it, id find a way to counter it. id tell you how i used to go through every 2 pixel picture and video of the set (which is amazing by the way. im obsessed with it) and made a list of every single paper i could make out, how they asked the crew to write down musicals on sticky notes for it, and how i analyzed each of their sides of the apartment. id tell you how id do anything to see the original cast of this in person. id tell you about other mans bpd coding. id tell you about how i started to copy the mannerisms of these characters and actors and put myself in physical distress sometimes because it made me feel like them a little bit gulp thats not like the kind of physical distress youre probably thinking of btw i meant id like run laps of long distances because hearing myself breathe made me think of other man. id tell you how i dont think anyone could ever be more these characters than these actors. id tell you how i would just listen to the bass/piano/drums (all isolated) of the songs and learn the piano by ear. id tell you about the freaking haarrrmoonieeess in it. id tell you how cute and . cool the lighting is. id tell you how i much of the choreography i had(/have) memorized. id tell you how many times ive quoted this show (women in science. and, for a little bit of backstage stuff, nothing i will be woorrking.) id tell you how ive gone through all of their social media posts and every post theyre tagged in as well. id tell you about how i dedicated an account to it until i got locked out lmao?? id tell you how i may or may not have genuinely cried over this musical so many times. id tell you how i made floor plans for the flourishing pig (the hottest vegan nightspot in the meatpacking district) ((i got rid of them tho my bad lmaooo)). id tell you how even perfume just reminds me of this show now. id tell you how i have forced everyone i know at gunpoint to hear this musical at least once. id tell you about the complexity of man 2 and other mans relationship and nothing wouldve happened if they had just kissed sighh (/j). i would tell you about this show. id tell you about this. id tell you about. id tell you. id tell. id. i. .

...but ill probably just say "yeah its kinda cool"

[not-poignant]

hi pia i just wanted to respond to what you said in your tags about the burnout w chronic illness. and i dont mean to condescend or blame but i think your burnout came about because you are an absolute beast of a writer!!!!! the amount of words you were pushing out consistently had me wondering what kind of spell you must’ve been on. (in a good way, except it turned out to be harming you) you worked really really hard for a long time, i think harder than many healthy people even (my chronic illness could never). i know you also enjoyed writing (we enjoyed it too!), but that workload honestly never looked sustainable. the astounding part is not that you burned out, but that you managed to push for so long, despite your handicaps and hardships. want to be careful not to sound like im praising/blaming you. but you’re really just build different than a lot of folks. i hope you had time to recharge so far and keep taking it easy. i do miss your updates but i can assure you im fine waiting, as are your other readers! its really okay! get better soon 💐🐀💓

Hi anon,

This is very kind of you to say, but tbh, I don't think many people know how much some writers can, well, write.

I might seem like an over-achiever, but there are writers out there who easily write around 6000-10000 words per day, and release a book per month. I have met successful authors who aim for 150k or 200k at NaNo, because 50,000 words is 5 days of work to them.

It's hard for me to comprehend, because I know I can't do that. But likewise, I think many folks don't realise that I actually used to write a lot more than I do now!! For some years it was normal for me to write 50-80,000 words every single month. NaNo was a joke. That caused burnout, and so I adjusted down to a 25,000 minimum monthly wordcount which sometimes felt so easy that it was absurd. I now have a maximum which I have to adhere to per month (50k), because it's too easy to go past it.

For me, writing is relatively easy. It's still work, yes. I still need to put time into it. But I don't need to put in the same amount of time as someone who hasn't done it for thousands and thousands of hours. I don't need to put in the same amount of time as someone who can only touch type at 80 wpm, when I touch type at 120-150 wpm.

The amount of stories is an issue, and the number of chapter updates is an issue, but the actual output re: words themselves really isn't. In fact I've written more words this month than I did last month already, and will very likely hit my monthly minimum with the next chapter.

The things that contributed to my burnout are multifaceted. Getting a puppy. A death in the family. Not having access to the mental health drugs I need to function for a long period of time. Friendship disintegration. These things can cause burnout in anyone, even if they are working very sustainably, because they all require separate labour on top of the labour that someone is doing for their job.

When I come back from hiatus, I will not be writing less. I don't believe the wordcount is the issue and haven't for a long time. I will be scheduling out less chapters, because admin is overwhelming to me. If you told me that my job wasn't writing anymore, but I had to schedule + figure out when to post twice as many chapters, I'd fail, lmao.

So I will be addressing admin stuff! But the amount of words I was pushing out, anon, was completely sustainable, and in fact a highly reduced number compared to what I was pushing out 6/7 years ago. Anon, I have been pushing out this many words or more for 5 years without stopping until now. It's felt comfortable. It's been so much less than what I used to make myself write.

So yeah, again, it can be hard for people who don't do this professionally to imagine writing at this level. And all professionals are different. I couldn't write 150k for NaNoWriMo, but the people writing 100k a month find that extremely easy to do. How I feel about their output - that it's impossible (because it is for me) is not how they feel about their output. For them writing 50k a month to make it easy might be extremely laughable to them, like, 5 days of work and then they get 25 days off. That's sometimes how I've felt about 25k (though it's more like 10 days of work to me - which is great, because I have chronic illness lol, so I need a lot of rest days and periods).

The amount of words I was pushing out consistently will be the amount I go back to because that is truly the most sustainable part of my job. I don't expect folks who haven't plugged in as many hours into writing, and who haven't written millions of words to understand, but the fact is the more you do something, the faster you get at it. The more practice you have, the more competent you become.

That was actually how I knew the burnout was so bad, because the easiest part of my job - the words + the writing - was impossible last month, and I only ended up with 14k for the first time in 5 years, and had to make a call.

The reason the hiatus is so frustrating is that so much of it is being caused by external factors, and not actually the job itself. Like yes, I am working on too many stories, and I can address that, but I was actually doing much higher wordcounts when I was working on less stories.

It's all the extra stuff that becomes very overwhelming! But I'll get there anon, and my wordcounts aren't going anywhere.

[owlseeyoulaterpal]

Like Real People Do, Chapter Four

Named! Tav x Astarion Ancunín

Chapter Synopsis: Seraphina and Astarion find a quiet night to sneak away together.

NSFW | 18+

Chapter One. Chapter Two. Chapter Three.

Read on ao3.

Notes: This is probably my 2nd time ever writing smut and I have to say that I definitely prefer reading it over writing it lmao

Learn more about my Tav, Seraphina.

Chapter Four: To Be Tasted

The party that went out for the day returned to camp battered and bruised after encountering much more than they planned for – giant spiders, a monster hunter, and a hag – and receiving no cure for the tadpole. Their only lead now was the druid who had disappeared at the goblin camp. 

There was little conversation at dinner on account of the mouthiest individuals, except for Wyll, being completely exhausted. Seraphina had to remind herself not to take it personally when Gale turned in for the night without telling her goodnight. He had sustained the most injuries that day, so it made sense that he wasn’t in the mood for too many pleasantries.

As everyone else began to head to their tents, Seraphina put out the campfire and walked to the river to wash their bowls and utensils. Except for crickets and the quiet splashing and gurgling of the water, it was a serenely quiet night. 

Seraphina tried to focus on that beauty – the way that the moonlight dappled off the gorgeous blue of the water, the gentle breeze cooling the sweat that made her night clothes cling to her skin, and the brilliance of the stars. Anything to keep from remembering that it was a night like this, next to a river like this, that Vadan had asked her to marry him. 

The only difference was the weather. The light snow melted as it reached the ground, but Seraphina could hardly feel the cold from how hot her blood was running as she was anticipating something entirely different when Vadan whispered in her ear that he wanted to take her away from the party for some privacy. 

He kissed her forehead and her lips, as gently as he had the first time he kissed her, and, while clutching her hand, dropped to one knee. His blue eyes glistened as he – 

“Hello, darling,”

Seraphina jumped, dropping a bowl into the river. She quickly snatched it up and turned to see Astarion leaning against a tree. The upper half of his body was concealed by the shadow of the tree, making only his bright red eyes visible. He looked every bit the predator that he was, and Seraphina shivered under his gaze. He slowly sauntered away from the tree, revealing a smirk. 

“Out hunting?” she asked. She could feel the rush of butterflies filling her stomach as he stalked closer to her. 

“Hmm. Not anymore,” he said, his eyes falling from her eyes to her lips, to her chest, and trailing back up to her eyes. “I was looking for my little treat and it seems I found her.”

Astarion extended a hand to Seraphina. She put her hand in his and she yelped as he yanked her to her feet, his other hand snaking around her waist and holding her close to him. She could feel the contours of his abs pressing against her soft stomach through their thin shirts.

“Don’t scream for me quite yet, darling. We’re still so close to camp. We don’t need anyone interrupting us tonight,” he whispered.

“You’re not too tired? We don’t have to do this tonight.”

“Truthfully, I didn’t do my best work today. I’ve been saving my energy for you.”

“Where will we go?” she murmured as she looked up at him. Gods, he was handsome. 

“I know just the place. Come with me, lover.”

Astarion led her away from the river and past the camp, his ice-cold hand gripping her heated ones. Seraphina was sure that he could hear the thumping of her heart as it rapidly beat in her chest. Eventually, they arrived at a small clearing in the woods. Patches of wildflowers interrupted the lush greenery, and it looked ethereal under the light of the moon. 

Astarion turned and raised one hand to caress her face. She closed her eyes and leaned towards him, expecting to feel his lips against hers. She gasped as she felt him lift her head, his lips instead pressing just beneath her ear. He placed hot, wet kisses down the side of her neck, softly nipping but never piercing her skin. 

She quietly moaned as his other hand made a slow trail from her waist to her hips and around her body to squeeze her ass. She could feel her body coming alive under his touch.

“I have been waiting to have you from the moment I first saw you,” Astarion purred as he lifted his head to finally kiss her. As he pressed his lips to hers, the thought popped into her head.

Hmm. That doesn’t seem right.

She pulled away. “When you put a knife to my throat?” she asked, a mix of humor and genuine curiosity in her voice.

“Imagine how conflicted I felt to be in such a terrifying situation and then meeting such a beautiful flower,” Astarion responded, his thumb rubbing her cheek. “And I didn’t hurt you, so now we’re here and I can touch you the way you deserve. I won’t hurt you…unless you ask me to.”

He kissed her before she could reply and any other thoughts she was having ceased immediately. She moaned as his tongue brushed the seam of her lips and she welcomed him in, becoming intoxicated with each movement he made. He began to stroke his tongue against hers, his hands dropping to backs of her thighs and lifting her. She wrapped her legs tightly around him, clinging to him to keep from falling and out of pure desperation to be as close as possible to him. 

Seraphina could feel her body humming with each second as he pushed her against a tree and his hands explored her body, searching for each spot that made her twitch, gasp, or moan. His right hand brushed over her breast before he cupped it and squeezed, smirking into their kiss as she rolled her hips.

“Tell me, darling. Do you want to be tasted?”

“Please. Gods, I need it, Astarion,” she gasped as he squeezed her nipple, rolling it between his fingers.

“Already singing so beautifully for me.”

Astarion turned Seraphina from the tree and set her down on the grass. He crawled over her, parting her thighs with his own and grinding his hips against her. She moaned as she felt his hard cock rub against her clit through their pants, arching into his touch as his hands stroked down her body, rubbing from her neck, over her breasts, and down her stomach. He grabbed her shirt, pulling it from her trousers and the fabric was almost over her head when it suddenly caught on one of Seraphina’s horns.

Astarion tugged lightly and the shirt didn’t budge. A beat passed as he pulled again, trying to twist the shirt, and Seraphina giggled. 

“It’s alright,” Seraphina said, her voice muffled as she reached up. She could hear him chuckle and when she pulled her shirt off her horn and took it off, she saw him smiling. No seduction in his gaze or on his lips and Seraphina felt warm inside in that instant. Almost as quickly as she saw the grin, it vanished, his smirk returning as he pulled down her trousers. He pulled back onto his knees, quickly removed his own shirt, and tossed it aside next to her own clothes.

Seraphina’s eyes trailed down his porcelain neck, over his pectorals, and his well-defined abs, landing on the outline of his hard shaft in his leather pants. While she tried to stay in the moment, the memory snuck its way to the front of her mind, and she suddenly was beneath Vadan, beneath the stars during one of the countless times they sought out each other’s flesh while they traveled, gasping ‘I love you’ between kisses.

“Have you imagined this before?” Astarion asked, interrupting her staring and unwilling reminiscing, making her eyes snap up to his. No, she was going to be here, in the now, with him.

“Yes,” she answered breathlessly as his hands began to slowly rub from the inside of her knees towards her thighs.

“Show me.”

Seraphina felt his tadpole reach out for hers. She opened her mind for him immediately, letting him see how her desire for him had consumed her thoughts even in her sleep last night.

They were back in her tent after she had healed him. When he finished feeding, he didn’t pull away from her body. He didn’t leave her tent. Instead, he stripped her bare and lowered his mouth to her dripping cunt and licked her until she was a whimpering mess. She reached the peak of pleasure thrice before he finally fucked her, his cock stretching her as he held her down and gave her every inch. As he stroked into her, he leaned into the crook of her neck and sunk his fangs into her flesh, filling her while he took from her.

“Such a filthy imagination,” Astarion gasped, his hips rolling at the image. His lips curled into a wicked smile as he sunk to his stomach and pressed a feather light kiss to her clit. While she whimpered, he continued to lick her folds through her underclothes, gripping her hips and forcing her to still her squirming. 

“Astarion,” Seraphina moaned. “Please.”

She sat up on her elbows to look down at Astarion and he pulled down her underwear, tossing the fabric aside before immediately returning his mouth to her cunt. His name and a string of curses became a mantra on her lips. Though Seraphina’s eyes were closed, she still could see stars exploding behind her lids as Astarion devoured her. 

When he crawled his way up her body and kissed her again as he pushed his cock inside her, Seraphina clutched onto him, begging for more, more, more. She felt like she was in the Heavens and Astarion’s motion seemed to reply the same, but it also looked like he was staring straight through her. She could feel scars on his back. Maybe he didn’t like where her hands were and didn’t want to say it? 

“Astarion,” she murmured, placing her hands instead on his shoulders, and pushing him closer. His eyes focused on her again and he smiled. 

“Do you have a request, lover?”

He snapped his hips harder, deeper, and she let out a sinful whimper. For a moment, what she wanted to say next left her head. She bit back a moan and tilted her neck.

“Feed. Take what you need.”

Astarion’s grin softened as his eyebrows rose. 

“You spoil me.”

As his fangs pierced her neck, never ceasing stroking inside her, Seraphina thought to herself that she didn’t want this to be the only time they came to the woods for this. She would let him lead her away from camp as many times as he wanted.  

x x x

Seraphina started to stir when she heard the crunch of leaves and grass. Frankly, she didn’t want to open her eyes when she had been sleeping so well after her body had been taken to its limit the night before. Still, she blinked awake and sat up. A few feet away, the culprit of her body aches stood. 

Astarion’s arms were outstretched, and his head tilted back as he bathed in the orange glow of the early morning sun. Seraphina took a deep breath, truly blown away by how beautiful he was. She also could finally see the scars she’d felt on him. She felt a tingle of fear as she made out the shapes as infernal. What the hells was he doing walking around with scars like that? 

As she stared, she suddenly felt like she was intruding on him, reading his scars while he was having such a private moment. She couldn’t fathom what it must be like to simply exist in the warmth of sunlight after 200 years of not even seeing it. 

“I guess you’re not a fan of cuddling?” she finally spoke up, her voice hoarse.

Astarion chuckled but didn’t turn around. “I expected you to be more tired.”

“You exhausted me. It was incredible.”

Her next words came out before she could stop herself.

“Were you enjoying yourself? It seemed like…like you weren’t fully there.”

He glanced over his shoulder. 

“I admit that I was holding back. You’re delicious, darling, and I didn’t want to lose control. Now, we should head back.”

Seraphina began putting her clothes back on. She was pulling on her trousers when another question that had been on the tip of her tongue finally forced itself out of her mouth.

“Where’d you get your scars?’ she asked. 

“It’s a poem. A gift from Cazador,” he answered evenly. “He carved this one over the course of a night.” He turned away from her and slipped on his shirt.

Seraphina felt a pit in her stomach. Astarion had told her of his master and the torture he’d been put through. He was a despicable monster which made him writing in infernal more terrifying.

“Did he always write in infernal?”

Astarion froze and whipped his head to look at her incredulously.

“Infernal? Who…who knows? The bastard was insane.”

He doesn’t know what it says she thought. 

“Let’s go,” Astarion grumbled, already making his way back to camp. She wanted to rush and keep up with him, but she felt ashamed for mentioning his scars and upsetting him. She was back in camp and about to slip into her tent to sleep for a little while longer when her elbow was grabbed. Seraphina turned to see Astarion. 

He didn’t say anything. He smiled softly as he cupped her cheek and leaned closer to her. She could feel her heart racing as the space between them decreased by the second. 

“I hope you won’t be too distracted today, the way that I surely will be. I don’t know how I’ll function when all I can think of now is how beautiful you look when you take me,” he whispered, his lips brushing hers.

She let out a blissful sigh as she pushed up onto her toes and kissed him. He groaned as his fingers reached into her hair at the nape of neck and lightly tugged. When he pulled away, Astarion smirked at her. She promised herself that she was going to figure out what she needed to do get another genuine smile out of him.

[araedi]

I promised an update on my life/activity and stuff, so here it is! I’ll stuff it all under the cut but the tldr is I’m still here just on a super slow. I’m always down for chats and interactions as long as you’re cool with that!

I’m quite private about myself online so gonna keep this brief (lol watch me do anything but), but I feel like I keep circling back to apologising every few months for not being here enough then punishing myself over it when I’m not magically active again. It’s ultimately a hobby but I still feel bad that people writing with me could be feeling let down/ignored, so I wanted to drop this rather than keep on cycling the same apology until it feels hollow.

Life’s a Lot right now: I’m currently juggling two part time jobs, pretty much full household responsibilities for three people, night-school with essays, and an emotionally intensive placement as part of my training which also involves paperwork. Home life is also less than ideal (won’t go into details). On top of this, I have chronic health problems alongside chronic pain so most days I’m just crabby and exhausted; my mental health could be better but rn it just feels like I’m treading water to get to a place where I’ll have fewer commitments.

Ultimately rp and writing/creative stuff in general is part of how I unwind so I’ll always be around because this outlet is so rewarding, but as it stands I’m just so mentally and pysically drained that when I do have the time I’d rather just switch my brain off and play a bit of a game and have a sliver of social life than try to force out writing which is gonna be sub-par. I’ve been feeling kinda down about my writing for a bit and just feel like I’m giving the same post over and over, which also isn’t helpful!

As for my activity and where y’all fit: I’m still around and intend to be; still responding to DM’s on Discord or IM’s on here (unreliable though they are -_-) just being ridiculously slow with replies and popping reblogs or replies out just as and when. I’m not the type to up and quit, hell I’ve been on this blog for years so I’m going nowhere, just on the go-slow with the odd spurt of like 3-5 replies.

Of course I 100% understand if this weird unpredictable activity doesn’t fit for you: we all have different needs and expectations with this hobby and if me only showing up now and again isn’t gonna work that’s totally ok and you don’t have to follow or write with me: it’s been a blast knowing you!

If you’re chill to stick around and deal with my slowness, please know I WILL get to replies, even if it’s at glacial pace. I’ll post a shot of my tracker/a list up in the future so I can be 100% on what I owe and know you can always check in with me/hold me accountable for stuff. Please know you can ALWAYS drop stuff in my ask boxes, whether it’s memes or questions for muses or just crack. It always puts a smile on my face <3 if I received it I’ll reply to it, so barring just a few memes I have nothing else waiting!

This all being said I would LOVE to build up more long term/in-depth character relationships and sustained interactions over multiple threads. I love getting to know my rp partners beyond the muses – it’s just that right now it’ll take six times as long to get anywhere. My door’s open for any chats r.e. any muses here or on the multi.

If you need my disco handle just ask/reply here or whatever and I can send it; if you need to get in touch for any reason and can’t seem to get through to me, just send a ping to the bestie Benevolentgodloki c:

If you read all this and are ok with sticking around know that you have my undying love lmao; I know it isn’t easy trying to build anything with someone who only posts once in a blue moon so your patience is appreciated and I’ll always appreciate having people to come back to on here <33

[the-scarlet-witch-22]

i absolutely loved Agatha day!! the episode went by so quickly, i was surprised when it ended. (and what an ending! 😳) i don’t want to say too much in case you have followers that haven’t had the chance to watch yet, but i love how we’re getting to see more of Agatha’s personality as we go. i forget which interview / preview said it, but it really feels like peeling back layers on an onion; there’s just soooo much more to her and it’s amazing. 🤩

lawyer!Agatha gets no objections, only sustaineds (which isn’t a word but 👀 i don’t know how else to say it.) i am SO looking forward to learning more about her past relationship with R, the picture you’ve created of it is intriguing and heartbreaking and i am just so very excited!

also while i’m here, thank you SO much for Lark Ascending! the ending of Chaconne was heartbreaking and beautiful and had me in tears, and i am so glad it isn’t the end for R and our favorite conductor. chapter 3 and the performance (again i don’t want to give anything away for anyone that hasn’t been able to enjoy it yet!) literally took my breath away, it was so beautifully written.

so sorry this got so long, but thank you for being amazing. 💐

The episode DID go by so quickly! I'm going to be having serious withdrawals once the show is over. Aww thank you for keeping it spoiler free! I know a few of my followers haven't watched yet so I appreciate it!! I really love how much we're learning about Agatha. I find every aspect of her character to be so fascinating- there's so much under the surface that she has buried sooooo far deep down. Now she's without her powers- without that crutch she's been leaning on for so long, I'm very interested in seeing her having to face what she's been running from. It's definitelyyy similar to peeling back the layers of an onion (I forget which interview that came from as well, but I loved it and it gave me major Shrek vibes lmao).

Hahaha no I followed what you were saying! I will say, I have to do a lot of googling with some of the terminology I'm using for Love & Liabilities because my current law experience is the LSAT and Legally Blonde. I'm so glad you're excited! I will say, this is a lot more angst filled than anything I've dipped into writing before. I'm very excited to keep updating though!!

Oh my gosh, thank you so much <3 Chaconne was so special to me. Writing that ending gave me a lot of closure from various things and I'm grateful it's resonated with some other people as well. Lark is definitely a different vibe, but I love writing Agatha as a conductor sooo much. I know au's aren't everyone's cup of tea, but I enjoy thinking about how characters would interact in different situations with some minor, some major changes and how that impacts them. Rambling, haha, but I hope you enjoy the conclusion of the arc!! <3

Thank you so much for the ask, I truly appreciate it and you! I hope all is well xoxo <3

[fonulyn]

Wait, wait, wait, goodbye??? Please no! You're one of my absolute favorite writers, and I especially adore how you write metaltango. I don't want to lose you too 😭♥ which Fandom isn't good to you? The resi Fandom as a whole, or?

thank you for the kind words 💖

idk i'm just very lonely and sad and tired. it's... very lonely to churn out thousands upon thousands words and then maybe a couple of people like it enough to say something, and it's just wearing me out because i crave interaction as a part of this process. it's like driving for hours and then getting a spoonful of gas into the tank. it's not sustainable. i'm driving on fumes.

and most of all i can't keep doing this to myself. i hype myself up for a new fic, get super excited to share it, get all "well this time people will love it as much as i do!" ...but it doesn't happen. i'm again left wondering what i did wrong and where i fell short because yeah no one did love it like i did. i keep getting excited over nicely structured sentences, over clever references, over concepts i think work super well, and i hold my breath wishing someone would notice... but it doesn't happen.

and i'm so tired.

i'm also being somewhat dramatic, i'm aware, because there are some fics that got a better response and i truly am thankful for every single nice comment i've gotten! each time someone takes the time to type out something in the comment field it makes me really happy.

and i'm aware it's my own damn fault for writing niche pairings and niche tropes :'D but urgh. like the Damnation au I was so excited for it but clearly it tanked miserably lmao so I am tempted to just axe it. or the mutant baby series, for which i had SIX fics planned but yeah 3-6 now might not see light of day.

i guess i'm just. i have too high hopes, probably. i had a friend, once upon a time, who did quote things they liked and made me feel seen in the way i craved so maybe i'm still mourning that and unable to get over the grief of not only losing that but losing the friendship as well. idek. or maybe i'm just a selfish hag :'D

ANYHOW this is super long already but I'll still say that I don't know if this actually is a goodbye or not. I do have a list of like thirty things I still want to write! and I am not ready to give up on these characters and the dynamics between them. so who knows. maybe in a few weeks i'll slink back like nothing ever happened. it wouldn't be the first time!

[narwhalandchill]

(just my 2.3 pull / general hsr rambles/rant but i get negative abt fireflys characterization again so thought id hide it for all the fans sake. good for yall & good luck pulling her i just cant get into her)

welp got my e1 gallagher (+ e2 mika) in 30 pulls on firefly so thats it from me, ill get e2 from the character selector so at least thats sth!!! i have been playing him a bit even at e0 and i do overall like how he feels so getting him to that e2 breakpoint where he rly starts to thrive as a sustain pick is v nice

anyway no early firefly which is whatever i consider her in game writing an absolute failure anyway and havent cared enough to watch Any of the trailer stuff either bc like . they lost me in 2.0 im sorry girl no matter how hypothetically good those trailers could be the writing team lost me forever at the ayaka-teppei forced date arc and thats it lmao . she couldve been an actual character but oh well what matters is shoving how cute and perfect and sad and in love with TB she is down ur throat at every fucking moment . her idle animation is so fucking bad too it made me laugh irl at how awful and cheap the fanservice is w her like yeah alright navia idle (which is already the worst idle in genshin i hate it) 💀💀💀 how do you do a characters potential this fucking dirty holy shit . we havent shilled firefly self insert ship to players enough so lets upskirt her too uwu!!!!!

But uhhh yeah thats a me being a hater thing ultimately i just physically cannot stand characters like this and first impressions do matter . Dont let me ruin her for u. nothing but props to her VA too like as much as her general characterizations appeal has been unsuccessful on me still shes been giving it the Absolute most to try to make her feel real and sympathetic and i respect that a lot

Still tho only thing that rly sucks w not just getting firefly at 4 pity or whatever and being done w it is just the. Welp Guess ill proceed to be unable to full clear any of the next 7 AS or MoC updates bc i pulled the wrong characters instead of Good Meta Dev Faves acheron and firefly like havent rly been a fan of the way the shilling has been going recently . like i just have rly shit matchups into the weaknesses of most stages these days and idk i havent even felt like Bothering to do PF 4 bc i just. DoT PF is always the fucking worst and i genuinely dont know what the hell to try to slap at it for a clear. guess my bad for not pulling swan either like truly my mistake . whatever its just a game .

Actually am i getting like burnt out ? well tracks for a honkai game i suppose. ig it also has to do w just the absolutely abysmal luck ive had now like. ive lost LC 75-25 of the 3 times i went for it TWICE . ive lost 50-50 like 5 times in a row now lmao and fully expect to lose on jade too at this point 🙃 might not even manage to get her at all . Sigh guess thats gacha at its worst for u

Sorry this got way more negative than i thought HSJSKSKSKSKSKD i hope the 2.3 story ends up being good at least so theres Sth good about it . and its not like i will die not clearing endgame content w full stars or sth it just sucks bc the way its happening just feels bad

edit: yeah im @ coffee break at work and it took me this fucking long to realize i just casually typed mika instead of misha JSJSTUHTS8J5Z9 💀💀💀💀 im so sorry misha youre way better than that nerd 😭😭😭😭😭 esp at c2 w the def shred i might even build him who knows . So sorry for this

[hier--soir]

I’m absolutely clawing the wall at the new Lovers Pinch my GOD. I have so many things to say but I don’t even know how to articulate them all.

1) wow wow wow nudes/suggestive pictures in fic is one of my personal top 5 kinks. It’s somehow even impossibly hotter that reader is still in her underwear! That was perfection. “Joel doesn’t stand for the rest of the class” yes yes make that old man suffer through a 90 minute hard on pls he deserves it after trying to embarrass reader like that.

2) On that note! Trying to embarrass her in class then acknowledging that she holds the power and the ball is in her court?? Perfection. I love when men are little puppies who come when called 😌😌. Throw another hissy fit and then sit by the phone and wait for her text, Joel!

3) Another one of my top 5 kinks !! stealing someone’s underwear!! I feel like you wrote this chapter just for me honestly I could cry. The way he takes those wet panties off her and BATS her hand away before closing them away at his desk?!? That will sustain me for the rest of my life istg. He’s sooo needy my god. I have to imagine he took them home hoping that would sustain him for a while. Filthy.

4) the way he took his belt off while he lectured her about teasing him and making him wait??? You’re INSANE (that’s a compliment and said with so much affection 💕)

God the constant push and pull of them is almost too much it’s so mind numbingly hot and frustrating and sexy. The embarrassment at how drunk she is, the almost rage he feels at how much he can’t resist her, the closed off “time to go home” texts from him like he’s trying not to care, the softness at the end. How fucking cool and smart reader is!! I love her, your honor!!

I feel like he wants to possess her entirely one second and then scream at her the very next for making him feel insane with need. Oh god this is perfection.

Many many forehead kisses for you thank you for the food baby 💕

oh my goodness! this has made my day, you're so lovely😭 i think i know who you are and i love seeing you in my notifs👀♥️

god i know the exact feeling of reading something and being like ME! THIS WAS WRITTEN FOR ME! so i am so glad that's how you felt with part 3!

joel is so needy, and it's so much fun to write. every hesitation between them, every shift in control, every longing glance, every filthy interaction - it all fuels me for another day lmao.

forehead kisses for you in return! tysm for taking the time to send this, it made me so happy💥💥

[copics-and-renegades]

Interrupting our scheduled Whumptober program to introduce y'all to this little brain bug that's been biting me for months now and that I've been quietly developing further AND that's now becoming relevant context for quite a bunch of Whumptober pieces I've prepared so far.

Let me tell y'all about.

Whumper!Yuan AU

Yes, it's got such a creative name. I guess its full title is "That One Terribad Unhinged Whumper!Yuan AU".

So what's it about? Let me tell you way more than you ever wanted to know! Basically, the spark to this whole AU came to me in a dream (no, really), where I dreamed up the gist and like a few scenes, and then I got up and was like "holy shit" and then I told my friend about it and he was like "holy shit" and then I started writing down stuff for it and even made a comic I never posted (until now).

The tl;dr is: Whumper!Yuan and Whumpee!Botta. (Really twisted setup tbh.) Modern setting. A series of bad coincidences and also bad active decisions happen that lead to a fist fight escalating to Yuan... basically chaining Botta up in his basement. That's it. That's the gist.

The more detailed description (and I'm still making some of this stuff up as I go or don't have an answer yet) is as follows:

Modern setting AU. No Renegades, no Cruxis either afaik. However, there is half-elf discrimination.

Mixing and matching the canon situation of half-elves and putting them in a modern context, half-elves are at the bottom of society's hierarchy. While open slavery like in the recent past of Canon!Sylvarant is, hm, not really practiced anymore and probably somewhat frowned upon? other discriminatory systems such as a whole economy of indentured servitude, lack of voting rights, exclusion from certain jobs or education, ... , you name it, is in place to keep them down. Like in Canon!Tethe'Alla, half-elves are also always one (1) misstep away from serious legal repercussions. Probably no death penalty on the regular, but harsh prison sentences, loss of rights, pretty much no chance of social recovery from a criminal record at all, that kind of stuff is the norm.

Half-elves have no right to bear, well, pretty much any weapon of self-defence at all, either.

Our man Yuan actually holds a "proper" job and has an income. He lives in a run-down little house in a pretty depopulated area he got for cheap somehow. He's working IT Support at some office and everyone is constantly pushing him around. He's above the half-elves cleaning the place or stocking the supplies, but wayyy below any human at all. For a half-elf, he's pretty privileged. As a whole? He struggles and struggles to be The Good Half-Elf, reaching and always slipping on the societal ladder, constantly beaten back down even though he's trying to convince himself he is just trying HARDER than all those other half-elves that don't even get their own shitty desk.

He's a mess and an asshole lol. His pent-up stress and rage are always at the point of finally overwhelming him. He makes himself look proper on the outside, for his human work contacts, he is A Good Half-Elf after all, but in truth he sustains himself on nothing but half-heated convenience store meals and caffeine in every form he can get a hold of. His sleep cycle is shit, the only hobby he feeds is getting mad at videogames he specifically is bad at, he has no social circle, no friends, family estranged, clutter heaping up in his house and pretty much all of it just shit that's been already there when he got it... You get the picture. He's a mess. (He's Canon!Yuan when he doesn't have someone to guide his relentless energy lmao.)

One day after work, circumstances I have not yet fully decided on lead to him meeting and CLASHING HARD WITH a half-elf called Botta.

Botta is also a bit of an asshole lol. He's NOT holding a steady job, maybe never has (he's against letting his labour be exploited by human society duh), he's homeless and always on the run. He gets along relatively fine like that, tho.

When they meet a second time, it's pretty much on Yuan's front lawn and Botta is currently fleeing from the cops. Probably for some petty crime he actually did commit lol. Yuan and Botta get into an argument, somehow. Maybe Botta is expecting help from a fellow half-elf, but Yuan is APPALLED to be put onto the same level as an uncivilised, criminal thug, WHO IS ALSO RUINING IT FOR THE REST OF US OK. (Yay, internalized bigotry and lateral discrimination, yay! Yay, respectability politics!)

One things leads to another, I don't have all details yet, the argument escalates to a fist fight that Botta is DOMINATING SO HARD because Yuan is a little office dweeb and Botta has been fighting for his life on the streets since forever. All under the time pressure of the cops around the corner.

In a fit of anger and desperation, Yuan finally pulls out a taser he is NOT supposed to have and ZAPS the other man at point-blank. Botta goes down, HARD, hits his head and is out like a light.

Oh shit.

Cop getting closer.

Yuan has just assaulted someone with a weapon he is banned from as much as touching, maybe even looking at.

Yuan does the only thing that is rational in this situation: Breaks into a run, catches the cop head-on as far away from the crime scene as he can get, and does the whole "Officer, sir, good sir, officer. There was a suspicious half-elf running past JUST that way, sir, suspicious half-elf. Always happy to assist the police, officer, good day to you, officer, sir."

Somehow that works.

When he returns to his front door, that living evidence of him a) illegally owning a weapon, b) illegally USING the weapon he illegally owns, and c) being obviously uncontrolled, untrustworthy and DANGEROUS enough to enact violence against a person (plus d) being brazen and CRIMINAL enought to lie to a good upholder of the law DIRECTLY TO THEIR FACE, unprompted!!)... Yeah, that living, breathing, but very out-of-it evidence is still THERE.

Yuan does the OTHER only thing that is rational in his situation: Chains that asshole up in his basement, because he SO had it coming. And also that level of power over someone?? When you've always been the one other people had power over?? Fucking hell, it feels GOOD. Vindicating. Intoxicating. GOOD.

Very quickly Yuan has to realize, tho, that he can't count on an element of sheer dumb luck and surprise to keep subduing a VERY angry, VERY uhm passionate PRISONER IN HIS OWN BASEMENT (also taser cartridges are expensive and hard to get, and for a rechargeable stun gun to be an option he'd have to get well within arm's range EVERY TIME), so he's lucky enough to somehow procure one of those shock collars for, well, very large (and in this setting possibly monstrous) dogs. which maybe belonged to the previous owner of the house?? and put it on his hissing, spitting, extremely "I'm going to break your spine LET ME GO!!!" uhm new involuntary roommate.

Said new "roommate" gets over the shock (hehe) but not the anger of all of this happening to him soon-ish enough, when he takes a good long look at That Unpredictable Weirdo Freak and starts asking (and asking and asking) the question that's REALLY pressing into his conscious mind now: "Damn Bitch, You Live Like This??"

:DD

Aaand that's how the initial situation came to be.

Whumper!Yuan AU.

Now how it's developing is, well, the topic of way too many of my thoughts. (Which I'm going to be filling y'all in bit by bit around here, I would assume.) To put it mildly, it's an uneven, unhinged, toxic AND ABSOLUTELY DARKLY HILARIOUS dynamic THAT IS SO MUCH FUN FOR ME TO EXPLORE YOU HAVE NO IDEA. Like, all their interactions are the American Chopper meme. I shouldn't laugh at my own jokes, I guess, but I do. It's such a fun AU to explore.

I've already drawn up a bunch of stuff for Whumptober that I'm going to share this month. (Which is also why I finally made this huge introduction post. For context. Context!!)

But brain is empty for now. Will post more on the whole thing later, in snippets and art and stuff. For now just. Be prepared. For Whumper!Yuan AU on my blog.

:D