#my parents dont believe its a thing obviously

[thedrotter]

Re:Kinder Fun Facts of the day☺️!!! Have you ever wondered who talks the most from the main cast in Re:Kinder?? Well, I did😊. Today I'll be answering this question with some graphs and as a bonus telling you what words each character uses the most! I will warn you, this will be a bit long and I don't know how to be less verbose so, yeah!!!

First, I've made some basic rules as to what I counted regarding how much the characters speak. Not all lines really count as speaking, after all.

Any of the incoherent screaming lines don't count. There's a lot of screaming since the characters die a lot (as expected for a horror RPG game), but I don't really count that as speaking unless they're saying proper words. In that same vein, I didn't really count any of the panting or sniffing and such that are conveyed through words. Again, I don't really see that as a character actively speaking their thoughts!

If I cannot tell who a line belongs to, I will not give it to anyone. This happens for certain lines, so I felt this rule was important.

I won't be counting repetitions of the same line if it's on a variation of the same scene. This may sound a bit strange, but when a character dies, the game goes on to the same next scene it would regardless (unless the scene that follows it is an ending), with variations and new lines here and there to account for the dead character, but a lot will be reused and placed in the exact same beats it normally would have been in originally. So, this rule is here for that. Oh, and also the scenes with bits of Yuuichi's backstory that appear in Shunsuke's head won't be counted twice, because some appear twice line by line.

Of course, the "..." lines won't count. I am so sorry Aya!!!!😞

Now that the ground rules have been set, there's just one thing I want to mention. Though I will count all the total lines for Takumi and Yuuichi like any other character, I just want to mention that first I will have two separate counts for them! Takumi | Takumiel and Yuuichi | Yuuichi's Heart respectively.

Takumiel is separate because I was curious about how much Takumi spoke as an archangel compared to when he was alive. Yuuichi's Heart is because he speaks so much he feels notable enough to be given his own division, even if he and Yuuichi at the end of the day are one person

(I count the silly mind telepathy where Shunsuke is being directly spoken to [and being told things normal Yuu would avoid saying at that point] and the comical theater as Yuuichi's Heart. I clarify in case one assumes he only starts being counted the moment he's directly labelled as Yuuichi's Heart. Any line that can't be distinguished between Yuuichi's Heart and Yuuichi will be given to Yuuichi by default.)

With nothing else to be clarified let's get to the numbers!!!😊😊

First, the line counts with Takumiel and Yuuichi's Heart counted individually!! Here are the rankings:

Shunsuke (With a lead of 535 lines over second place!!)

Yuuichi

Rei

Yuuichi's Heart

Hiroto

Ryou

Sayaka

Aya

Takumi

Takumiel

You may be thinking— woah, does Shunsuke really speak that much?! You could say that, for a good chunk of those lines are from how he describes interactable points around the map and his inner thoughts, so they aren't all exactly said out loud. The benefit of being the protagonist, I suppose ww

Funny enough, Yuuichi's Heart has almost as many lines as Yuuichi does for not having that much time in the game, being on the higher end between the characters that don't get the benefit of being a protagonist (lol)!

Admittedly I had expected for Rei and Hiroto to have a more similar amount of lines given their nearly equal amount of presence, but for what it is Rei surpassed Hiroto by 51 lines! I also had expected for Takumiel to speak a little bit more than Takumi but turns out the opposite is true.

While the lack of lines of Takumi and Takumiel are to be expected due to their short time on the game, what stands out is Aya not even reaching triple digits between her other peers who are in there for most of the game. This is because a good chunk of Aya's lines in game are silence!^^" And thus weren't counted. If ellipses were a word, she surely would have reached triple digits, but unfortunately they're not.

Now the line count with combined sums of Takumi | Takumiel and Yuuichi | Yuuichi's Heart!!!

In here, the ranking isn't affected, with Yuuichi remaining second place and Takumi being last place. But the disparity of everyone's numbers compared to Takumi's feels a bit more clear to see when Takumiel isn't individually counted.

With Yuuichi's line counts combined, Shunsuke remains 318 lines ahead of him, but it also means Yuuichi has a 59% the amount of Shunsuke's lines; and impressive feat for someone who doesn't get the benefit of being the point of view for everything you press... Although he does also have an upper hand over everyone by essentially being the plot of this game ww

But maybe line counts do not suffice to tell how much a character speaks. Yes, Shunsuke has a bunch of lines from everything he interacts with, but is it really reliable to say he speaks all that much in all those lines? A good chunk of those could easily have 3 words each! So with this in mind, let's do a word count.

Even in a word count, Shunsuke has the lead, having a lead of 2,247 words over second place. But we'll see about that when we combine Yuuichi's numbers. Anyway, here's the ranking!

Shunsuke

Yuuichi's Heart

Yuuichi

Rei

Hiroto

Ryou

Sayaka

Aya

Takumi

Takumiel

This time, Yuuichi's Heart is the one at second place!!! It's pretty funny that he speaks more than his physical counterpart ww. I genuinely didnt think he'd out yap himself that way when I chose to count for him individually 😭!!! He has a lead of 63 words over himself, but a lead nonetheless.

In here, Rei and Hiroto are more even than in the line counts, with the difference seeming more minimal when put into words. But it also showcases that despite Rei having more lines than Yuuichi's Heart in the line count, those only get to have a bit over half of the amount of words he talks (To be fair he does get to infodump a lot in his section of the game).

And here's the combined word count!!! Suddenly Shunsuke's lead is only by a mere 55 words! So Yuuichi speaks about as much as he does with 318 less lines.

I must admit that I genuinely did not expect it to be that close. When I chose to count the lines for when you interact with things for Shunsuke, I thought he was granted to speak an absurd amount more than anyone else. But turns out that Yuuichi speaks about the same amount out loud when most of Shunsuke's are his own thoughts ww. But it does make sense! He is still the plot of this game.

So, after all those charts, here's the average/middle point of lines and words for characters to have, because why not, it's fun.

Average Line Count (YH and Takumiel counted individually): 197 lines

Average Line Count (When combined): 247 lines

Average Word Count (YH and Takumiel counted individually): 1,333 words

Average Word Count (When combined): 1,666 words

So there it is. That's how much the characters in Re:Kinder speak!

But wait!!! I am not done. I will share with you an additional fun fact... Did you ever want to know what word each of these characters said the most?! This one will be quicker, I do promise.

When it came to counting these words I did not count stop words, that being common words that are used all the time by everyone in English. "I, you, me, the, to, a, my, your, yes, no"... Words like that! Otherwise everyone would have one of those as their most said word and it'd be rather boring to look at. With that said, here are the words these characters say the most!

Shunsuke: Yuuichi - said 40 times! (this genuinely confused me so much im sorry he uses interjections so much I had expected it to be something like "huh" or "um" but no i dont know how this passed by me as i was rounding up all the lines he says or proofreading or writing all of those lines WHAT?!?! its been two days and it still takes me out)

Ryou: Shunsuke - Said 14 times

Sayaka: Murderer - Said 7 times (All in one sentence!)

Takumi | Takumiel (counted in one for how little he speaks.): Takumiel - Said 3 times (That name is so important, he said it thrice.)

Aya: Sorry - Said 5 times

Rei: Hell, gonna, look, Yuuchi - said 8 times (Most of the repeated words she says are stop words for she doesn't tend to speak about the same things repeatedly.)

Hiroto: Shunsuke - Said 17 times

Yuuichi (separate from YH): Problem - Said 17 times

Yuuichi's Heart: Mama - Said 24 times

Yuuichi (Overall): Mama - Said 31 times

So that is finally it. That is the fun fact of today.😊😊 Use this to woe your friends at parties!!!

I am aware Mami speaks about enough to be counted in, but this is pretty time consuming to do and I'm not sure anyone is invested on her enough to count her in. But if there's enough curiosity regarding that, I'll try counting her in. But for now this suffices.☺️ Thanks for reading!

[girl-bateman]

Some days I'm pretty content with my childhood other days I'm ripping my hair out because it just doesn't add up !! someone is hiding things from me !! I don't trust anyone !!

[nostromo130]

[Image ID: a lineup of 4 non-player characters from my D&D campaign. from left to right. first is a tiefling with orange-red skin, short brown hair, and grey eyes. their left horn is broken. they wear a black cloak, brown leather armour, striped pants and are holding a hunting knife. next is a half-elf man with dark brown skin. his dark brown hair has a grey streak and he is holding a cane. He has two designs. the first wears a black coat, grey pants, white gloves, and little round glasses. the second is a ringmaster-style costume: green tailcoat with silver embroidery, white pants, and he's also wearing some pale blue eyeshadow. In both his shoes are splattered with blood. Next is a white human man with white hair and red eyes. He wears a black suit with red lapels and a grey waistcoat. He is holding a wooden stake. Lastly, a human woman with brown skin and hair. Her eyes are red and she wears a white collared shirt with poofy sleeves and a long grey skirt. She has a chatelaine. They are all standing in a row against a grey background. End ID]

lineup for a dnd campaign heavily based off of curse of strahd. left to right: ezra d'avenir, dr. rudolph van richten, rictavio, lon godfrey, moira godfrey

[oceanwithouthermoon]

yeah

but theres a difference between making angst where it just doesnt exist (example being making kusuos parents out to be abusive and awful. i think this comes from making this exact mistake of taking little gags that actually mean little to nothing and trying to make a bigger picture out of it that just isnt there) and just. writing about the angst in saiki k.

im mostly talking about people who just say this for either no clear reason or in the context of anyone who writes angst about tdlosk, "saiki k is nothing more than a gag manga," cuz like i said, this just. is objectively not true. ive seen people literally try to erase akechi and kusuke from existence because their entire presence in the story is a reminder of something sad in kusuos life

tbh i hate when people are like "idk how anyone makes angst or gets serious topics out of saiki k when its literally just a gag manga🤓" when the akechi arc, the cattank arc, the volcano arc, and literally every episode where he feels guilty about hiding his powers all exist????

[girldriveroscar]

CRACKS KNUCKLES heres some parasocial nonsense. pls dont take too serious im just being silly.

insp by @inchidentally the 814 essay GOAT… Hi.

Okyeah analyzing this video and recent posts.

So Like. oscar piastri being the normalTm guy whos still w his hs sweetheart, wears graphic tees and beat up af1s and still vacations w the guys he grew up w, who was actually kinda socialized (as well as any other well-off posh kid who’s parents could afford the luxury of fucking them off to boarding school i digress).. but like, he played pranks w the Lads and got congratulatory slaps on the back, his first crushes wer probs navigated in small talk during class and walking together in the halls? generally just a guy who balanced his social life and Career to Some relatively healthy degree so it’s not like Completely foreign to him how to talk to girls and make friends. and so he gets that building an intimate relationship w someone is mostly just hanging out, experiencing new food tgthr, new movies, walking around a new city, he just gives such a NORMAL GUY answer of a perfect date, and i think part of being socialized the way he was gave him the understanding that grandiose gestures of love kinda just come off as disingenuous. oscar jus reads as a guy whos never resorted to showboating bc his introduction to romance was just like anyone else, awkward shuffling and bonding on the weekends over pizza and homework. and even as a formula 1 RACE WINNER GUY W MONEY hiiiiii, he still has such a cute simple recipe for a perf date bc hes been through it. he knows how to court someone bc it worked and its been working!!!

then on the flip u have THE peacock tm, shirt unbuttoned so low might as well forgo it atp, lando norris whos perfect date idea is hi, (wtf.) YACHT. and sex (exhibitionist freak. sorry who said that…) like boyyyy oh my god shakes him by the shoulders u are so not normal. lando norris, who’s always ben a little comfier than his peers growing up. always out of place bc his dads pockets were Open and Ready to ensure he never had to worry about pinching pennies in a spar for some chips after class Yeah and he doesnt even know it bc thats NEVER been his life? yeaaa and add in a dash of Always being on the race track, never rly socializing w. girls or boys who weren’t in direct competition w him, turning 19 and immediately being sized up to his older hyper-masculine charming And sexy teammate. (getting carried away mb)

lando himself explaining that having to grow up so fast and be a good boy (His words.) prevented him from finding his footing in social settings and only now being able to experience these things at 23/24?!

i digress now also factor in his (alleged…) favorite movie is a silly romcom?! (also maybe just peacocking tho bc “girls love a guy w a soft side” and lando wld know bc he watched one movie about it…. like srsly u want me to believe the hangover and stepbrothers belong in the same category as Romcom u dont rmbr the name of okk weirdo)

so yea of course a boy who’s never passed notes to his crush in class, never asked anyone to a dance, never pulled pranks w his schoolmates, Understands intimacy thru cheesy romcoms an weekends emptying his dads wallet on flights to wtv racing event. LIKE OF COURSE he thinks romance is wtv he can mimic from A. how his dad showed him love (…$$..) and B. what the movies r saying ! (thats socially repressed twin.) AND THE GAG OF IT ALL!!!! is he thinks he is so suave so playboy, “i have sex and let me announce about it publicly in case u doubted it” when the reality of it is like? dude u are thirst-liking instagram models while oscar is Getting it every night ur such a loser omfg.

just Like. Ugh the juxtaposition of oscar whos so secure in himself in his dad shorts and ANKLE socks and lando who just grew out of his awkwardness in his early 20s and now Needs to slut himself out to make up for lost time.

(AND. the double gag is landos still so obviously not secure abt the fact he Doesnt Really Know what hes doing that every one can see it ouhmygodd lando x chernobyl levels of imposter syndrome u are so complicated and angsty U TEENAGE GIRL. holds a can of diet coke to his lips. there there girl. there there.)

[underratedgrapeju1ce]

i wonder if sonic ever talked to shadow about what happened with other shadow...

sonics not a huge "talking about feelings" guy, but i imagine seeing shadow---even a fake version version of him---begging him for help as he deteriorates, would mess him up a bit

when the others ask where sonics been for the past few days, he brushes it off. free as the wind, remember! he does his own thing! but i dont think shadow would buy it.

he probably brashly interrogates sonic, assuming he was off being irresponsible. when sonic snaps that no one would believe him if he told them, that catches shadows attention.

he probably softens, just by a hair, and demands to know what REALLY kept him away. when sonic describes the Other world, shadow doesnt laugh, or tell him off for making up lies like sonic expected him to. and when he brings up the other maria, any trace of irritation in shadows demeanor is replaced with quiet shock.

little blurb under the cut. (i lied its like a whole ass chapter)

"...Told ya you wouldn't believe me," Sonic huffed a humorless laugh. "Chaos, it sounds even more insane when I say it out-"

"I believe you."

Sonic's hand paused where it was exasperatedly wiping down his face. Emerald eyes blinked up at Shadow, the gloved hand now hovering aimlessly in midair.

"...Huh?"

"Don't give me that idiotic look, hedgehog," Shadow seemed to snap, but his voice lacked any sharp, incriminating edge, "You're not remotely creative enough to come up with a lie that elaborate."

"There's a compliment hidden in there somewhere, I can feel it."

Shadow's round ear flicked in irritation, his eyes rolling and his shoulders heaving as he sighed. Ruby eyes closed, brows furrowed, carefully planning his next words.

"I know how you behave when you lie. This is not one of those instances."

There was silence, save for the far-off twittering of Flickies, muffled by the canopy of the forest. The sun was sinking now, casting orange flares in both hedgehogs' eyes. Sonic sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Well, nothing to do about it now," he mumbled, "I'm sorry I said anything. Doesn't have anything to do with you guys-"

"You said this world seemed to be some exaggerated form of paradise for you, to some extent?"

The blue hedgehog was a bit taken aback by how calmly and objectively Shadow was going about this, but... hey, it was Shadow. He balked for a moment, stammering his explanation.

"I... I mean, I-I guess? I'm not sure how creepy button eyes is an ideal lifestyle but-"

"I'm serious, hedgehog."

Sonic sighed again, averting his eyes to the ground.

"I..." Sonic laughed shortly, devoid of warmth, and threw his hand up in surrender, "Sure, yeah. I guess that's what the thing was going for, but obviously that creepy doll hellscape thing is not my idea of paradise. But Shadow, why is this-"

"Do you think I would be happier if Maria was here?"

Sonic's heart dropped to his feet, and he felt his veins run cold. His body was still for a moment, then he shrugged. Then he started to speak. Then he cut himself off. Then he put a hand to his face and stared at the grass through his fingers. The hedgehog noted how close the toe of his shoe was to crushing a small pink flower. He took a step backwards, then looked up.

"I-I don't know, would you?"

"I'm asking you, Sonic."

The blue hedgehog gave a huff through his nose, shoulders slumping in defeat.

"I mean," he spoke quietly, digging a fang into his lip, "I guess so? I feel like it's pretty natural to wish we didn't have to lose people we care about."

Sonic's thoughts flitted to his parents. He brushed it away for now.

Shadow looked thoughtful, deadpan, brows furrowed and eyes staring vaguely at the grass in front of him. Sonic didn't know why he felt like he was poking a grizzly bear. He knew he and Shadow had a tendency to compete rather than talk, so he supposed he expected the black hedgehog to dart off or hurl a Chaos Spear at his skull.

"I don't think I would be."

Sonic blinked in surprise, the tension dropping from his shoulders from when he'd braced himself for an attack. Shadow seemed surprised at his own answer.

"As dear as Maria is to me," the hybrid continued slowly, as if his words were an elaborate chess strategy, "As much as she would've loved this planet, and you---" Sonic felt a pang in his chest. "--what's done is done. If I could speak to her one last time, I would do so in an instant. But..."

Shadow looked solemn. He sighed again.

"It would be selfish of me, to undo the permanence of death. This planet is as dangerous and ruthless as it is beautiful. If people did not have mercy on the ARK, it would be no different here. Her illness would be expedited, and there would be nothing for me to do."

"But what if--"

"The best thing that I can do for Maria is keep this planet safe in her name. That is all."

Twilight now stained the sky softly purple, the faintest glimpse of stars beginning to flicker into existence, and the sinking light cast sunken shadows on the black hedgehog's tired face. Sonic figured talking like this was a fairly herculean effort. The chilled wind softly ruffled their quills. Instinctively, Sonic wanted to lighten the mood by making a jab about Doctor Frankenstein, or Night of the Living Dead, but taking one look at Shadow's exhausted face, he knew it wasn't the time.

The silence was tenuous, both hedgehogs unsure what to do with their feelings out in the open.

Sonic thought about how wrong the Other world had been, how uncanny and fundamentally terrifying it all was. He knew that thing, the puppet made of string and buttons and false fur...it wasn't really Shadow. But it still tried to help him. It was still Shadow's voice begging him not to leave, not to do this to him, not again. He knew the pain in its expression as the little girl in the blue dress unraveled was far from fake. As much as that fake world tried to create happiness, the only real, raw thing? Had been that pain.

Deep down, Sonic thought Shadow deserved to be a bit selfish, at least in this hypothetical, fantastic situation they'd created. And Sonic had the feeling that Shadow really, really wants to be as well. But, ever the realist, he doesn't even allow himself the fantasy. At least that's Sonic's guess. Maybe he's just projecting his savior complex again.

"Race ya home, faker?"

But Sonic also knows that living in a past as painful as Shadow's can be dangerous.

"You mean my home, or the fox's lab you sleep on the floor of?" Shadow smirks challengingly.

He's watched it consume Shadow before.

"That's a low blow!"

It's probably better off for both of them to just live in the present.

"Last one to Rouge's buys drinks?"

Shadow may not have his sister with him anymore, but, maybe the new normal isn't horrible.

"Oh, you're so on! I can taste my victory Shirley Temple already!"

"A Shirley Temple, are you a child?"

Maybe this freedom is what Maria wanted for him all along.

"You're gonna be crying like one when you lose!"

Shadow hmph's with a grin as his skates spark to life, glowing even brighter beneath the now inky black sky. With no warning, he darts off, leaving billowing ripples in the grass behind him. Sonic gapes for a moment, before his mind catches up and he peels away with an eager smile.

The blue hedgehog slows up near the end of their race, if only to see Shadow's victorious expression as Rouge opens the club door.

[gabyun]

⋆ ˚｡⋆ ୨୧ he likes me, he likes me not. - n.riki

pairing - niki x fem! reader

genre - highschool! au , bestfriends to lovers , fluffy fluff, teenage love, awkwardness in some parts, amusement park date

warnings - none besides like a few swear words😭 AND ITS VERY CHEESY

summary - you and niki hangout consistently, multiple times a week. the air started to feel different between you two, but both of you just tried to ignore it. niki, unfortunately wasn’t able to ignore it so easily. he felt butterflies from such little things you would do, little things you would say. he lately had a fuzzy feeling around you, but he just kept telling himself ` i don’t like her, we’re just too close. i don’t like her, i don’t like her, i don’t like her. or do i? `

wc - 2.7k

a/n - ahh this is my first time even writing something like this, i hope its not cringe or anything and i hope it doesnt seem way too rushed. i’ve been wanting to write stuff for awhile now and i finally had the chance to so i hope this came out good 😽 lmk if theres anything i should keep in mind for the next one !! i also finished this at like 2am so its not entirely proofread but definitely give me advice 🙏(also this entire time ive been listening to ur so pretty by the wasia project so this is like the background song of this story.)

you and riki were inseparable. firstly, you guys had almost every class together so it truly added onto the fact that you both were rarely seen without each other. secondly, you both lived on the same street since second grade meaning you two walked home together everyday. so, obviously people had speculated that there was something between you both. but, you guys consistently turned the idea down. it was now last period, english class. you guys inevitably sat beside each other. " hey niki " you began. "hm? whats up?" he perked up after having his head laying down on his desk. "do you wanna stop at the convenience store before we head home? im kinda hungry and both of our parents dont get home until 6pm." you asked. "hell yeah i do!" he looked up at you excitedly. "but you have to pay this time. i didnt bring any money" "ugh, fine" you sulked. "y/n i literally payed last time." you shot him a dirty look. "fine. but dont get $30 worth of snacks like that one time." "yeah yeah whatever.."

the bell rang, and it was time to go home. you and niki excitedly walked to the convenience store you both previously mentioned. you walked up to the door, opening it and jokingly saying "ladies first" to niki. "tch" he said sassily, rolling his eyes. the door chimed whilst being opened, and the employee greeted you both. you guys walked around the snack isle, the brightly coloured drinks illuminating certain sections of the store. one in particular caught your eye, so you walked over and grabbed it "i cant believe you dont like milkis." you said. "there are way better drinks y/n. " "yeah? like what." you challenged him. "um, anything besides milkis?" he sarcastically smiled. you walked over toward the icecream bin, selecting your favourite one. "niki, u want ice cream? they have ur favourite." you reached in deeper to grab it. "yeah sure. thatll be nice on a day like this" "ugh, i don’t want winter to come.. it’ll be so cold!" you shuttered. "you’ll survive y/n" niki sighed. you walked up to the checkout counter with niki, placing your items down. "that’ll be $14!" the older, but sweet looking woman said. "thats much less then last time." you pulled out your wallet, giving her the money. you both walked out, and you sat down on the concrete steps next to the store windows. niki followed, sitting right next to you. you never noticed before, but he smells good. like a mix of shampoo and some sort of cologne. you never knew he wore cologne. you guys simultaneously unwrapped the ice cream together, and started indulging in the sweet snack. "this is so good!" you said. "i bet mines better." niki remarked. "let me try yours." he put his ice cream in-front of your mouth, and let you take a bite. "mmh.. its alright.. niki i just think my tastes are better then yours" you shrugged playfully. your relationship was always playful. you guys were constantly teasing each other, and it felt good. it felt good to be so close to someone. as you guys continued, he looked over at you. the lights of the convenience store lit up the back of your body as the sun started setting earlier due to it getting slightly colder, making your hair glisten. he never noticed how pretty your hair looked under the bright lights. you both finished up, starting to get ready to finish your walk home. as you guys cleaned up, you looked over toward his face. you giggled, reaching your hand towards his mouth. "you’ve always been such a messy eater." his eyes widened, a hint of pink slightly covering his cheeks. "i-i can clean my own face.." "oh. sorry niki." you trailed off, confused. this wasn’t your first time cleaning off his face yet to him it felt different. he felt an unusual feeling, his heart fluttered and his stomach felt warm as his face did too. throughout this whole interaction, the convenience store lady observed quietly through the window. "i miss my high school years." she sighed.

late summer turned into fall, and fall turned into winter. nikis feelings just kept getting harder and harder to ignore. niki was in the change room after gym class with his friends. "are you sure you dont have feelings for y/n?" his friend jay asked. he hesitated momentarily. "yes. i am sure.. why are you asking..?" he questioned, worriedly. "so you wont care if i ask her to go out with me?" niki looked shocked by his comment. "you dont even know her.. why would you wanna ask her out." he said, annoyed. "niki, she is really beautiful. im sure theres a lot of other guys who would love to get a chance with her." his other friend heeseung added. "still! y/n doesnt need to be dating shitty guys like you. she deserves someone who will treat her right.. especially not you guys." he huffed, even more annoyed. "and i dont like her." jay and heeseung shrugged in defeat. "or do you?" jay added. "i dont.." niki trailed off, thinking about it more. "whatever you say, buddy." heeseung said, sarcastically. niki finished changing quickly, grabbing his bag and leaving for his next class. once the door shut, jay and heeseung and a few other boys began talking "he definitely has feelings for her." "yeah, 100%" "i don’t doubt that" "its getting extremely obvious" "mhm"

he stood outside your house, waiting for you to come out so you both could get headed to school. he oddly felt nervous. you opened the door, and waved, cutely. you were wearing a scarf, as niki was also. you both had big puffy jackets. you walked towards him. "lets go! i dont wanna be late again." he took in your beauty. "mhm" he answered, quietly. as you were walking, you offered him your other earphone. you guys had similar music tastes. ‘somethin stupid’ by frank sintara had begun to play. "i love this song." you said, softly. "yeah. it is really nice." he breathed out air, the cold made it look like smoke. you opened your pocket mirror, adjusting your hair. "do i look good? i had such a bad hair day yesterday." niki turned to you, not surprised by your question, but hes never truly seen you that way before. hes always known you’re pretty, but he never actually felt that way. "you look beautiful. you are beautiful." he said. "w-what?" you said, completely taken aback. he’s obviously complimented you before, but about your looks more specifically? this time, it really sounded like he meant it. you looked away from your pocket mirror, facing him. he looked at you with a twinkle in his eyes. you both stood there for a couple seconds more. "n-nothing.. forget i even said anything." he looked down at his feet. you could practically feel his embarrassment radiating off of him. you guys continued walking, listening to your shared playlist. a couple minutes go by and you began to speak. "thank you, niki." "hm?" "thank you. for calling me beautiful." you looked down at your feet, smiling. "oh.. don’t worry about it." he rubbed the back of his neck. both of your feelings were becoming more and more apparent as the days went on.

you were laying in bed, reading your favourite book with a comforting lamp on. you were under your fluffy blanket, and your curtains flowed softly as your window was the slightest bit open. you felt the buzz go off on your phone sitting next to you.

riks : omg y/n

you : omg niki

riks : remember that amusement park we mentioned wanting to go to for awhile?

you : yes ofc i remember?!?

riks : WELL THEYRE OPENING NEXT WEEKEND!!

you : NO WAY FR??

riks : YES DO U WANNA GO

you : is that even a question.

riks : alr alr IM SO EXCITED

you : ME TOO

you shut off ur phone, kicking around in your bed out of excitement. you and nikis parents would always take you guys to amusement parks or fairs when you were little. you guys haven’t gone in quite a while, so this was gonna be fun, but also nostalgic. big rides were always your favourite thing, but he hated them. he was always so scared to go on them, so this time you were absolutely determined to make him go on one with you.

around a week passes by, and its time to get ready to go to the amusement park with niki. it was still pretty cold, so you had to take that into account. the park was opening back up for some sort of winter event, apparently it was supposed to be really pretty. you’re getting ready, styling your hair and doing your makeup. usually, you dont put that much makeup on. but this time, without even realizing, you were doing alot more. you put some really pretty eyeglitter on, using waterproof mascara so your eyelashes hold better, just overall doing stuff you wouldnt usually do on a day to day basis. "wait.. why am i so worried about how i look, its just niki." you told yourself. just niki. as you were continuing to get ready, you were getting increasingly nervous. "this isnt a date y/n, this isnt a date. you have nothing to be worried about. its just a regular hangout with your bestfriend." you kept telling yourself. you put your jacket on, and you also grabbed a fuzzy scarf. little did you know, niki was telling himself the same things in the mirror as he tried to lessen the sweat on his palms.

you and niki arrive at the amusement park. it was beautiful lit, even though it wasn’t late the lights of all the fun rides illuminated the place wonderfully. you and niki looked at each other and smiled brightly, bringing back tons of memories. niki ran over to the bumper cars, and you followed. it was always his favourite thing to do. you hopped in the car of your choice and niki went in the one beside you. the game started, and you tried your best to hit niki as hard as you possibly could, whipping him forward practically giving him whiplash. you were basically pissing yourself laughing as he gave you the nastiest look. it took him a few tries but he finally ended up beside you once again and repeatedly rammed into you. you guys went 2 more rounds before becoming tired and finally leaving the bumper car area. you both adjusted yourselves, but niki noticed your shoelace was untied. "y/n, hang on." he knelt down in-front of you, and began tying your shoelaces with his slender fingers. "i could’ve done it myself but thank you niki" he looked up at you, smiling and nodding. you ruffled his hair and he shot up. "hey!! i spent a while trying to make my hair look good.." you laughed at him, continuing to look for other things to do. one of those water gun games caught your eye. "niki look! we used to always try and win plushies on that." his head swung toward you, immediately challenging you to see who could score higher. you both were trying your hardest, and you obviously won. he sighed in defeat. the employee handed you this adorable hamster plushie. you looked at it, smiling. "niki you kinda look like a hamster when you’re sulking." you put the hamster up to his face to compare, jokingly. "tch, yeah yeah whatever y/n" he said. "niki, you should have it. it looks like you anyways, and you’ll be reminded of me everytime you look at it." you shot him a joking wink. he took the plushie as you said he should. some time passes by, and you guys already ate and drank stuff, went on the carrousel and all of the basics and its been a few hours. the sun was starting to set, and the lights of the park continued to get brighter. "niki. we need to go on a big ride." niki looked at you for a split second, as if you just told him his pet died. "um absolutely not?" he answered. "niki pleaaaaaase" you clung onto his arm, pretty close to his face. "cmonnn just this once?" you blinked at him. he was looking directly at you, but no words were escaping his mouth. "f-fine.." he looked away, with a tinge of pink covering his ears. you were unable to tell if he was blushing or if he was cold. "i never thought you’d actually agree. this is like the best day ever?!" you grabbed nikis arm, and rushed into the line of one of the relatively larger rides, but not too large so niki wouldn’t be too terrified. after a bit you guys got seated beside eachother, and the employee pulled the over the shoulder restraint on you guys. you could tell niki was obviously nervous. "y/n i cant believe you made me do this. i actually despise you right now." "im sorry!!! only this once okay, i’ve always wanted to go on one with yo-" your sentence was cut short as the ride began, making a loud noise. "y/n i cant believe this." niki panicked. you giggled slightly as the ride made its way up to the highest point. you put your hand out for niki to hold, and he grabbed it immediately. after a few more seconds of comforting him the ride reached its highest point. after the it holding for a few seconds, it let go and your free hand went up. niki squeezed tighter and screamed loud. "Y/N L/N I DONT KNOW WHY I AGREED TO THIS" "I DONT KNOW EITHER" you yelled back. after around a minute, the ride came to its final stop.

you got off smiling and happy, whereas niki came off completely disheveled. it was a funny scene, you looked like a joyful golden retriever puppy and he looked like a grumpy black cat. you looked back at him and noticed his messy appearance. "sooo, how was it." you asked curiously, fixing his jacket along with his scarf. "never again." his eyes met your face. "it couldnt have been that bad." you reached your arms up, fixing his fluffy hair. you smiled at him whilst he stared into your face, unable to think of anything besides you.

it turned late, and it was 10 minutes left on the clock before the beautiful fireworks started. you guys found a decent place to stand, and you were both snacking on a pretzel. you witnessed multiple couples walking by, and thinking about how you wouldn’t be so opposed to being in a relationship. "gosh, theres so many couples here today." "theres couples here constantly." he added. "okay, but still. they’re all so lovey-dovey." "i guess so." you guys continued talking and the fire work show started, beginning with a few small ones. you both looked up in sync, mesmerized by the bright colours. twinkling eyes, niki looked over at you. it took him a while to take it in, but at this very moment his feelings truly solidified and he wasn’t so unsure anymore. it was forever since you spent a day together at your favourite childhood place, and now its the place where he recognizes how much he likes you. "y/n?" he says your name. "mhm.. whats up..?" you say slowly, completely and utterly enthralled by the fireworks growing in size. "i-i.." he trailed off, still facing the fireworks but his head facing you. "i think i like you." a huge firework exploded. "no, i do like you." it took you a moment to process. you turned towards him in shock. "i hope this doesn’t ruin anything, i cherish our friendship and i don’t ever want to lose yo-" you cut him off, grabbing his face. "you could never lose me. i like you too, dummy." you gave him a quick peck as another firework exploded. it felt like there were mini fireworks exploding in both of your hearts.

[coolprettyleo]

Don't Forget, Don't Forget About Me - Gabe Perreault ☆

wc: 1.9k

tw: angst. alcohol. kissing? cussing. partying. almost sa. slut shaming. weird frat guy.

part 2 of superman !!

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

gabe hadn’t called. he hadn’t texted. it was now sunday night; the night before he was supposed to land back in boston and lottie wondered if he had even thought of her.

her little overthinking insecure mind couldn’t help but hope he wouldn’t go off and save some other girl. a girl who desperately needed saving just like the naive little freshmen lottie was a couple of months prior.

*flashback*

“c’mon!! we’re in college now, you have to actually leave your dorm if you want to make friends char” her best friend from home told her while they were face timing.

i mean its not that lottie liked to stay home. she kinda felt burnt out. her whole life she didn’t have strict authority figures who told her she couldn’t go out. so by the time she was eighteen years old in a new city she didn’t feel the hunger of freeness, every other eighteen year old was feeling.

she grew up with her grandmother in california who had already done her part in raising her children. she was raising lottie out of the kindness of her heart. or mainly due to the fact lottie would be in the foster care system since both her parents were in jail.

“i dont know what if something goes wrong” she says, beginning to look like she can be convinced seeing how cute dylan looks.

it might be fun to dress up and take cute pics…

“it’s college! you finally have the opportunity to be somewhere where no one knows you. you can talk freaking australian and stupid bitches would believe you. your just like every other bitch tonight!”

lottie couldn’t help but smile at her friends drunkness desperately regretting the fact she didn’t go to umich with the blonde friend.

“honestly thats so real and tru. when the hell did u start giving such good advice”

“shutup and let me help you pick a fit” dylan excitedly squeals.

—

lottie walked into a frat party alongside her roommate and some girls they had just met. the music was typical frat music but she was honestly feeling it.

maybe because she missed going out or maybe because her and her friends had just pregamed a bottle of titos before leaving the dorm.

the thing about lottie is that she doesn’t usually drink so when she does, she drinks to have a good time.

“oh my gosh!! charlotte pls let’s go dance. plsss” my roommate Mary slurred whining.

lottie was obviously not going to turn that invitation down, so off she went. unbeknownst to her she had already caught the attention of several guys with the worse intentions possible.

all lottie can remember of that part of the night is that she was dancing with mary having the time of her life and then the next thing she knew, mary was making out with some guy.

okay mary!! slay!

she didn’t want to awkwardly third wheel that, so she quickly made her way out the dance floor. into the kitchen where there were several tall guys standing around with red cups.

“hey charlotte right? we have english together” a shorter boy walked up to her. lottie didn't think he was with the taller boys.

ive never seen this man in my life.

but of course she was naive. and in her little naive mind she didn’t want to make this random guy feel bad so she went along with it. as if they were old friends. they weren’t.

“oh yeah! hi!” she told the black haired boy standing way too close for her comfort.

unbeknownst to lottie he didn’t actually have a class with her and he was just another dumb freshman hoping to get into a frat, trying to prove he was somebody to a bunch of nobodies. in all the wrong ways too. he had just been ordered to slip something into her drink.

why he chose lottie, she would never know.

“here let me get you some water, you don’t look too well”

“thanks!! thats so nice! I was just dancing with my roommate but I don’t know where she went, I think she went off with some guy which is totally fine! im not judging or anything, like good for her” lottie drunkly rambled. one thing about lottie is that she becomes a yapper with just one sip of alcohol.

“ya it can get pretty tiring out there” he said looking around and at her nervously handing her some ‘water’. or so she thought.

as lottie was about to pour the liquid down her throat a tall dark haired boy came and slapped the cup out of her hand. spilling it all over the floor and on her top.

what the hell man

“im so sorry but don’t drink that. here” he said handing her a bottled water desperately searching for a towel to give her to wipe off whatever the hell that liquid was which smelled like the farthest thing from water.

“cmon man i was already talking to her and it was just water” the frat boy said grabbing lottie harshly.

“get the fuck out of here ass hat. how stupid can you be”

"that wasn't water!"

the taller boy and i yelled at the same time while the frat boy shoved him.

“don’t fucking touch me or her” he said pushing him back. harder.

"she's pretty easy to touch man, I mean look at her" the frat guy drunkly said.

the tall dark haired boys friends quickly came and got between them before something bigger started.

“cmon gabe it’s not worth it” a freckled boy said to him while shooting a dangerous glare to the stupid frat guy.

lottie just stood off leaned against the counter trying to figure out who’s the hell are these people? and what the hell was going on? and did that asshole just slut shame her? what the hell did he even mean by that? .

“let’s go find your friends” he said taking my arm much gentler and guiding me through the party. trying to see if I recognized anyone.

“thank you for that, honestly. i didn’t think anyone could ever be capable of doing something like that” I told the boy who had gentler eyes now as we stepped outside. as lottie began to sober up, it hit her what could of happened if this mysterious boy never came to save the day.

im so dumb.

lottie couldnt help but think.

“well now you know for next time right” he said with a light smile as he texted on his phone.

whose he texting?

“who we texting!” lottie said jokingly. trying to lighten up the mood.

“im trying to call us an uber, your a freshman right?” he said with a chuckle, feeling a flip in his stomach as he seen her smile.

thats pretty.

“yeah, are you?”

“yeah, my names gabe by the way” he said realizing he never got her name or even told her his.

“charlotte. but i go by lottie” she said smiling at him, noticing gabe was honestly cute.

“the uber is fifteen minutes away” he said looking down at her, into her big brown eyes.

“thank you. really” she said starring into each others eyes, as if they’ve spent all eighteen years of their lives searching for one another.

feeling her heart beat a million times an hour; something lottie has never felt before. so she couldn’t figure out what it meant. heart attack? maybe?

lord save me.

*flashback over*

lottie felt like an idiot. she knew gabe was back from his trip seeing as his location was in his dorm. he usually would have asked her to go over by now or he would of came here, but seeing as he probably believed lottie didn't love him; he was going to be stubborn and not answer her.

screw it I cant take it anymore

lottie rolled her ass out of bed and put on her uggs as she marched down the hill to his dorm with a mission on her mind.

she had spent the weekend wallowing in self pity and she couldn't take it anymore. this had been the longest they had gone without speaking to one another since they got together and lottie realized she did not like it. not one bit.

—

"gabe just call her back, if she's calling you so much then she obviously does care about you" will snapped finally tired of seeing his roommate in such a terrible mood; all weekend.

"thats the problem! i want her to love me not just care for me. you guys know lottie; she cares for the homeless man down the street that she's never even met before!" gabe gestures with his arms.

"dont be complicated gabe" ryan chimes in, knowing all too well how their friend and teammate is.

as gabe opens his mouth to talk further he is cut off by a loud knock on the door.

ryan quickly trying to escape gabes self pity party practically runs to open the door while will and gabe stay sitting back on the couch.

"lottie! come in!" ryan says loudly looking at will with eyes that speak 'lets get outta here'. will practically ran out with ryan. not wanting to deal with depressed gabe any longer, not before waving at lottie on his way out though.

gabe rolled his eyes at their antics before getting up and walking to his room as lottie began to shut the front door.

"gabe wait! please hear me out"

"there's nothing to hear out lottie. its okay to not love someone back, you dont have to explain anything" he said looking anywhere and everywhere but her.

lottie took a good look at him seeing as he looked like his heart was breaking into a million pieces; lottie wanting so desperatly to put it back together one by one, however long it took. she loved him.

"you cant honestly believe that I dont love you gabe" lottie said softly, walking closer to him.

"look at me gabe" she whispered, while softly turning his head down to look at her. his deep green eyes has her wanting to scream from the rooftops.

"I love you" she said as she shook with nothing but raw emotion and pure love.

gabe couldn't help but scoop her up into his arms and kiss his girl like there was no tomorrow. smiling into the kiss because he hated what he had felt all weekend long.

lottie pulled away from the kiss as she wasn't finished. she planned the speech the whole way here, she wanted to tell him. because when you know you know and she knew.

"I love you gabriel perreault. and im sorry for not telling you sooner. i just assumed you knew and that was wrong of me and so sorry. since the very first day I've loved you. since you saved me from my own stupidity, I loved you. since you've put up through every bad habit and fit I've had, I've loved you-"

"lottie, i know. you dont have to say it" gabe said cutting her off knowing well lottie isn't one to scream her love from the rooftops. with his hands on her lower back. making her stomach do cartwheels.

god I love him. I want him.

"I want to though" lottie said, looking into his eyes. eyes that lottie thought were heart shaped starring deeply into her soul. leaning on her tiptoes to kiss his soft sweet lips again.

the boy who was her boyfriend. the boy she loved. the boy who knew she loved him. her version of superman. at least its the same thing too lottie.

the end!!

I dont know if I want to make this into an au or leave it as it is. we'll see!

[many-but-one]

i believe survivors of RAMCOA when they talk about the abuse they suffered, but the one thing i cannot wrap my head around is how abusers purposefully program alters? and this makes the moral ocd worms in my brain go NUTS.

i think i dont understand bc not every child who goes through severe torture/abuse will develop DID/OSDD and it feels way more probable that abusers arent attempting to make alters so much as theyre conditioning certain responses (and if a childs brain happens to split these experiences into alters then thats a byproduct that benefits the abuser).

all of this makes me feel like a bad ally to RAMCOA survivors, and while its not your job to educate me would you mind explaining how the programming alters aspect works?

[Trigger warning: talking about how programming works and why not all children who experience RAMCOA develop DID or may not end up becoming fully programmed. Brief mentions of child death. Mentions of child torture. Nothing in detail, obviously. Also talking a lot about how the deprogramming process works. If you are a programmed system yourself and you worry this could be triggering, have grounding items nearby just in case.]

Note: when I say “successfully” or “properly” programmed system, I’m talking about in the eyes of the abusers. Also, this is talking about TBMC (torture based mind control) programmers. I have to put that disclaimer because you wouldn’t believe how many confused computer programmers I’ve gotten in comment sections on other socials.

So, the reason not every child who goes through RAMCOA develops DID is because developing DID requires some pre-requisites. Things like genetic predisposition to dissociate actually do make a big difference. Also, how early the abuse started. If someone goes through RAMCOA trauma, but not until they’re older and their personality has already begun integrating (which can happen younger in some children, even as young as around age 5-7, though some researchers have said personality integration can happen as late as the teen years) it will be significantly harder to develop DID and therefore properly program the child. In addition, how much access programmers have to the child, how long they had access to the child, and how much support the child has outside of the abuse are also contributing factors.

If programmers see this kid one week out of the month, the parents don’t know about it and therefore the kid has a relatively okay home life with love and support, and they only have access to the kid for a couple years, that’s not going to be good grounds for programmers being able to properly do what they want to do. Some may still try if they don’t have access to anyone else, but this rarely creates a “successful” programmed system. Conversely, if they see the kid every day or multiple days a week, a parent is in on it/they have a bad home life where abuse (of possibly a lesser magnitude but not always) occurs, the parents are neglectful or very busy and likely to not notice things, and they have access to this kid for several years, that makes for a better chance that this kid will be properly programmed.

Because of all of these factors, programmers will often pick children who they know have parents with PTSD or CPTSD (or a dissociative disorder, if the parent has disclosed that to them), who they can access early in their life or have prior history of abuse (so are more likely to already have begun developing a dissociative disorder), and whom they have access to frequently. Sometimes, the child’s parent will be programmed by the group themselves and be born quite literally just to be programmed by the group. Some groups take great care in keeping family groups within the group because that creates stronger loyalty bonds and gives them easy access to children to program. It’s not uncommon for a group goal to be for their grown programmed systems to have kids to eventually give to the group, which is why apprehending a programmed system and having them work on deprogramming before this can happen is essential.

A lot of kids that programmers desire to program actually end up “failing out” because they aren’t able to take to the programming. Depending on the group, this could mean they will end the kid’s life or they will just stop the programming-related abuse altogether. And contrary to what most people know, even successfully programmed children have loads of failed programs, or parts that didn’t take well to programming. Most of the time these parts who have failed programming will be put in “discard areas” in the system’s inner world, and they will be either forced into dormancy or they will be stuck there until amnesia barriers eventually break down as the grown person starts to work on deprogramming (if they ever do.) A successfully programmed system’s most active parts are parts who did not fail their programming, and these are often the most well-rounded parts retrofitted with a personality that would have likely been created by the abusers.

To add: there is often layers upon layers of amnesia even in these single well-rounded parts (that often end up having an alters-in-alters subsystem, and said part might not even be aware they have one) and the “top part” or most front-facing part of that subsystem may not even be aware they are programmed. At least, until a cue happens and their program starts running and they start doing things they wouldn’t normally be doing. A lot of programmed parts don’t even know their own cues or even what traumas they have that would have created their programming. They might know they have trauma, but the memories of the programming might be missing, or the context surrounding the programming traumas might be missing. Usually these cues and context behind the traumas are hidden in EPs or fragments that are buried pretty deep within their subsystems. Accessing these EPs in therapy is integral to the deprogramming process, as learning what manipulations were done to make a programmed part believe what they do is essential in undoing it. All deprogramming really is, is showing programmed parts that what their abusers made them believe was true is a lie and that they are not at risk to be harmed anymore if they no longer have contact with the group. (Cutting off a system’s communication with the group is first and foremost what they should do when deprogramming)

As for your assumption, that abusers are trying to condition children and these experiences happen to split an alter to hold the conditioned response, you are partially right. In some cases, especially in cases where it’s a single parent or a family unit doing this to their own kids, it’s often more likely that the parent is not fully aware that they are creating a DID system. This is where the difference between programming and conditioning is important to note. We made a video about this here: link to TikTok video.

However, in larger groups, programmers do know they are creating a system. DID is not some unknown secret to much of the world, and research about it is easy to find. Even inexperienced groups can find research on DID and how alters form very easily and use that to try and create a system in a child. Whether or not they will be successful with that info alone is hard to say. I was abused by two different groups, one of them inexperienced and one of them very experienced. The initial attempts at programming were often unsuccessful, and we assume they got in contact with the experienced group to learn more and they essentially showed our main handler/programmer how it was done. (We have memories of him being taught and observing/taking part as necessary to the teachings, so this is not speculation, we know this was the case.) Once we were in the hands of the experienced group, we became very well programmed and our system’s organization changed massively. On top of that, the inexperienced group was now experienced, so we actually have alters who are programmed by two separate groups, each loyal to their own group. Some of our parts were loyal to both because they were programmed by both. (“Were” loyal because we’ve deprogrammed significantly and they no longer feel loyal to the groups anymore.)

Like I said in my initial post, programming alters is actually not that complicated on the surface, though in practice it is difficult, and to create a well programmed system takes a lot of skill and intelligence. Skilled programmers are unfortunately often incredibly smart individuals. Anyone who’s been willing to speak with me about their programmers often cite them as being people with high level college degrees. Doctors, engineers, mathematicians, scientists, psychologists. If not a college degree, they often work in areas like police work, political work, religious ministry, or other city/county/state positions. If none of these, they (horrifyingly) tend to work in areas where children are often present. Pediatric doctors/nurses, summer camp counselors, Sunday school teachers, daycare attendants, nannying jobs, teaching, etc. While not all programmers will fit this bill, a lot of them do. In the world outside of their programming job, they are often well-liked by their community. This is not to say everyone in these positions is a programmer, also. Want to make that REALLY clear. Not every person with this job has a secret side job of torturing kids, these just happen to be common areas they tend to gravitate toward. They are often thrill-seeking sadists and egocentric. Having a position in their community in which they are consistently recognized for their accomplishments or adored is often important to them. Sometimes, programmers are also programmed themselves, especially in large groups with generational aspects involved.

Now that that’s out of the way, I’m not going to explain in explicit detail how programming works because that doesn’t make me comfortable to share, but a very dumbed down version of it is pretty simple:

1) torture child to create alter splits

2) get one of these splits to front via triggers related to the torture that caused them to split

3) indoctrinate them with a behavior or action that, if they do not do that action, means they will be punished further. While they are doing said action/being indoctrinated with certain beliefs, have a specific trigger or cue present so that when they see that trigger/cue in the future, they will immediately do the action/enforce the beliefs they have been taught.

4) repeat steps 1-3, basically.

This is why I explained that programming is kind of like conditioning on steroids. Except the child is severely manipulated, tortured, and has extreme threats of harm to self or others to reinforce it, and this is done repeatedly, to the point where it causes the alter extreme duress if they do not do their assigned task because if they didn’t do their task in the past (in childhood) they would be tortured or would have to witness other children be tortured. They will fully believe if they do not do the thing, they or others WILL be hurt, and they believe the programmers WILL know if they don’t, so they often just do it automatically in efforts to avoid the punishment they believe is coming. It is extremely hard for them to override the emotional flashbacks, somatic flashbacks, etc, if they try to resist doing the task. Adding onto that, programmers will often create alters who will punish parts in the inner world the same way the abusers would if they do not do their task, so that is another layer of fear on top of that. These programmed parts often cannot distinguish the difference between outer world torture and inner world torture, as they rarely get contact with the outside world except to do their tasks. So if they don’t do their task, they will be punished by alters in the inner world space and they may fully believe they are being punished in real life. Creating safe spaces for alters to go in the inner world if they don’t do their assigned task is an important part of deprogramming. Because once an alter realizes they will not be punished both externally and internally by not doing a certain action, they will be much less inclined to do said action.

If all of that sounds extremely messed up and fucks with your moral OCD, you’re right to feel that way. It is messed up. These people are vile, fucked up, and cruel. They often do not see the children as human beings and care not of how much this damages the child physically, psychologically, and emotionally. These children are dehumanized beyond belief. Many programmed parts of a system do not see themselves as human unless they were specifically meant to be human. Commonly created alters are things with no free will or no ability to think for themselves, such as angels, robots, and inanimate objects. If a child truly believes they cannot think for themselves, it will be harder to deprogram them. Which is why deprogramming often involves teaching the grown system that they are allowed to make choices outside of their group’s desires and control. It is not easy.

For those that read this and are feeling dissociated and/or anxious, remember your grounding techniques. Get some mints, cinnamon candies, or sour candies and munch. Smell a strong scented candle. Hold some ice or hand warmers in your hands. Look around the room and pick out items that you recognize to be from the present. Pet a cat/dog/[insert animal here] or hug a stuffed animal. Remember, it is currently 2024 and you are safe. Your abusers will not know you read this unless you tell them yourself. You are brave, capable, and safe. I believe in you and your healing journey.

Take care, everyone.

[steven-has-exploded]

okay ive looked over the last few chapters and the various amenogozen deaths after about a day of crisis and confusion, and ive noticed a couple things about junichirous death in specific that i think are more than worth noting

firstly, amenogozen seems to show some kind of pity for kunikida and his state of shock before it kills him, and even as its stabbing its sword into his stomach. it lets him attempt to pull it out with no resistance, albeit acting as if it makes no sense by saying it cant truly harm him- though this could potentially be seen as an attempt to "console" him

junichirou, on the other hand? nothing. amenogozen stabs the illusion he created of himself with no hesitation, and no words to spare. when it locates the real junichirou, it coldly stabs him through the brain and out the eye from behind, where he couldnt have even tried to locate its attack

under cut is further rambling, warning for that one page where junichirou gets stabbed in the eye + mentions of sexual abuse

narratively, this is definitely because of the explicit bloodlust junichirou expressed towards amenogozen; it attacked as quickly as possible with as little chance for him to fight back because he's obviously dangerous, and fyodor instructed it to kill all of the ada members there as soon as possible. but, in a more metaphorical sense, especially when comparing it to kunikidas "death" (hes not dead i dont believe any of them are like seriously) it gets. um. upsetting

considering the way it seemed to try and console kunikida as i mentioned earlier, comparisons can be drawn to that of an abusive parent, although ill just be saying its an unspecified authority figure for the sake of this rant. in this metaphor, junichirou seems to play the role of the "disobedient" victim; whereas kunikida was frozen in place and didnt do much to fight against amenogozen attacking himself specifically, junichirou was immediately aggressive and threatened amenogozen, prompting it to "punish" him as soon as possible

now, this on its own is far from groundbreaking; if you did a drinking game for every time a character was mentioned to have been abused by an authority figure in bsd youd be dead before episode 6, but its the specific imagery evoked in junichirous death scene that really gets to me

looking at this page more closely, especially in the first and third panels, brought up some EXTREMELY unsavory implications for me. the specific way that the action of him being stabbed is drawn, what with the blood oozing from around his whole eye and the way you can just barely make out what looks like the inside of the eye socket, all exacerbated by amenogozen practically pulling his hair to keep him in place and unable to fight back... look im not gonna pretend like this isnt based off my preexisting perception of junichirou and his trauma but oh my god this feels so much like an allegory for some kind of sexual exploitation, especially the fact it was the EYE in particular which is an already existing opening in the body kind of

could this just be me going insane? very much so, not gonna deny it. do i fullheartedly believe thats whats being pointed at here? yeah actually

and the worst part of it is that junichirou is just so dejected during this whole thing. he pointed out his location to amenogozen when it stabbed his illusion, phrased his request to atsushi as if it were last words, and was just in general so horribly unsurprised by the attack. whatever this is symbolizing, my personal interpretation or not, junichirou has grown so used to it he cant even bring himself to act like he really cares about it anymore. youre going to hell kafka asagiri

[keithbutgay]

vat7k headcanons?

oh my gosh my time has come (you will probably regret this)

so first off imma reference my like three other posts i've made on the topic because i'm a nerd

starting with lgbt+ headcanons-

hugo is genderfluid and likes men i don't make the rules (he/she/they)

i am very much a trans varian truther. in my mind they use he/they pronouns and is also very biromantic

transing nuru's gender too- i love transfemme nuru (she/her) and also she's a lesbian definitely

yong gets the aroace nonbinary treatment

okay moving on to headcanons about languages-

its canon that varian speaks like three languages but i headcanon that he is fluent in coronan, saporian, and is learning the dark kingdom's language

hugo definitely knows so many languages because he gets around. i like to think he's fluent in ingvarran, coronan and bayangoran

i love the idea that yong is still learning coronan and that hugo sometimes has to translate for him or they repeat things for him sometimes because varian talks too fast or they use an unfamiliar word or like accents trip him up

on a seperate note in my mind coronan is german, bayangoran is mandarin, ingvarran is farsi (based on this post)

one of my favorite possible vat7k storylines is when hugo finds out about varian's past and i love the idea that he found out because of a wanted poster they found- perfect angst potential. on that note, i also believe that the rest of them would have heard about varian (the alchemist) when he was still wanted for example

hugo would have been told about him from donella, whether he was always told to be better and be like varian, or that he admired varian and thought he was really cool and dreamed of working with him

nuru had heard about him through horror stories about the kidnapping and attempted murder of the royal family. she most likely would have been scared of varian when she found out, not trusting him not to hurt her

i honestly think yong wouldn't understand. i don't think his parents would have told him if they even knew, and he would have been like seven at the time, so

hugo was varian's bi awakening except not really. he had liked guys before that but hadn't realized that was what he was feeling

they definitely met cass while on their adventures and she definitely had a girlfriend

ruddiger and prometheus hate each other

hugo is extremely jealous of ruddiger as well. ah yes him, his boyfriend, and his boyfriend's raccoon that's taking up all his attention

firmly believing in hugo showing up one day with period products because he might be a loser but he's not a jerk and nuru not knowing how to tell him she's trans while varian (also not out) comes up and just takes the pads being like 'thanks i needed these'

varigo-

t4t obviously

also they're both neurodivergent i dont make the rules

they hate each other but like not

like in the sense that, if they were asked if they liked each other, they would be like ew gross no i hate this man

and then at the end of the conversation varian kisses hugo on the cheek and is just like see you at home babe and everyone is like w h a t

they argue nonstop, to the point of being violent, and then someone changes the subject and hugo's in varian's lap

obsessed with that one au where they were in prison together

also obsessed with hugo dropping the piano on eugene's head

this entire post

might add to this later but here you go have fun!

[mamadarama]

tags from @majesticmagics

ok this is a rb from my main but any excuse to talk abt nagisa

two things:

1) nagisa is affected strongly by his past, but it doesnt look the way youd expect that sort of trauma to look like . his trauma manifests as his god complex— after being deprived of humanity by godfather , he chose to leave it behind along with the trauma he associates with humanity as a concept in favor of being a god— someone with full control over his own life. as a god hed be above anything that harmed him , making him "untouchable"*. his god complex is actually more of a load bearing delusion his mind created to shoulder his trauma, and it worked!

* obviously he is not untouchable, but by believing he is he essentially mind over matters himself into being pretty damn close

2) after being rescued nagisa immediately had a strong support system which is an absolute game changer when it comes to recovering from trauma. instead of being sent to an orphanage he was taken in by the tomoe family and instantly hit it off with hiyori, and they've been inseparable since. having hiyori and his parents there to teach him what its like to be loved and cared for helped him salvage his childhood . if he was never taken in by the tomoe family his would be a much different story. not only does he have a found family in eden but he was adopted by a completely unrelated family, so he couldnt be farther away from where he started as a kid alone with only godfather . his trauma is more of a scar now than an open wound— still there, but not hurting anymore, and minuscule compared to the good things around him. nagisa is a success story, hes already had his happy ending and enstars is his epilogue. (which is really cool cuz you dont usually see characters that have recovered, or characters whose traumatic experience isnt an active plot point in the story for that matter)

[theosconfessions]

if youd like to read the stephens from the beginning you can over here:)

if youd like to read the stephens continued you can over here:)

@ohsosims

jami-marlee

marlee- jami

jami- im guessing youre here because of chloe? i called you. said she didnt want to go home so im not going to make her

marlee- shes seven. she doesnt get to make those decisions by herself and neither do you

jami- im her dad. i get some say in this. especially becasue shes basically living here,mars. its not good to MAKE her do everything

marlee- i just think its kinda funny that im standing in front of a kline lecturing me about parenting

jami- and i think its kinda funny im standing here listening to you critique my parenting choices you know being that you were married to my dad once. cant deny youre NOT GREAT at parenting choices yourself or you know. just choices.

marlee-i cant believe you just said that to me

jami- i dont mean to be an ass but if youre on my doorstep lecturing me about being a shitty parent i think its fair game

marlee- i wasnt the only one participating jami. obviously

jami- obviously yeah. BUT you low blow me im going to low blow you. we going to talk about chloe or just keep taking shots at eachother

marlee- [sighs] why doesnt she want to be home with me?

jami- i dont know . weve always been tight. im assuming when i moved out and i only seen her on weekends it kinda just..set it off. that or the parade of dudes you keep bringing home to meet them

marlee- thought we said we werent going to low blow eachother. its not a parade of dues. its one dude

jami- right . my bad. and im sorry about what i said earlier i just get.

marlee- assholey . so do i

jami- i guess thats why we stayed together for so long

marlee- guess so. and some other things

jami- innocent ears marls. listen i think the separation has been rough on her. she misses me being around all of the time. the other kids maybe not but it definitely is messing with chlo. the last thing i want is a scarlett situation

marlee- scarlett is different. she left because i was so up your ass and that was..irresponsible of me

jami- well i mean its kind of the same thing. its a small give here ,marls. lets just. see how she does

marlee-i miss her

jami- i know look. just a small give here. see if her attitude improves. her outlook improves. and we go from there

marlee- okay but ..just a trial period. to see if this makes the separation easier

jami- shes gonna be so happy marls! AHHHH

[melissa-titanium]

For the ask game.. my friend serizawa 🙏🙏

SZAWA MY FRIEND. MY WONDERFUL BUDDYBOO. hes... okay, hes awesome. but he doesn't give me brain worms. i think he's SO interesting but i think about him mostly in the context of his dynamic with mob, sho or tome, and less on his own. BUT !!! i do find him interesting on his own, its just that i simply ... dont Talk about him as much.

i doooo wish more of his dynamic with mob got shown because. i think it's so important that mob was his first friend. i feel like, similarly to ekubo & mob, szawa and mob get pushed into the "uncle/dad and son" slots (fanon-wise) when in reality i feel like they're on equal footing as friends? there was a better analysis than i could ever write on ekubo & mob that sort of fits what i'm trying to say about szawa. i feel like the expectations of that particular dynamic are -- oh, x is older than y so immediately they're in a parental/guardian and child dynamic. when like .no ? being on friendly terms with someone who is older than you does NOT = them being your parent or guardian or whatever. essentially -- mob and him are friends. not uncle and nephew, friends. there's something that irks me with the innate idea of szawa holding responsibility for mob. does that make sense? like, obviously that is a grown ass man so he's got to protect a kid if it comes to it but also they're Friends. i genuinely cant word it right but you get what im saying right.

NOW. shou. is interesting too in his dynamic with szawa. a kid who desperately is in need of a friendly adult figure in his life and szawa who is not equipped and not mature enough to handle such a responsibility. i cannot quite recall how old sho was when szawa joined claw, but all i know is that he was LITTLE. the rest of the ult5 were probably very unapproachable for a kid as young as sho. so, i imagine, the one person sho would gravitate to? none other than szawa. now we know szawa, this highly anxious guy who's known nothing but the darkness of his room for well over half of his life . but he's not mean! he's gentle, if a bit willing to look away from bad things that disprove his beliefs (eg; how touichirou treated shou. he couldn't have NOT known, but he also couldn't afford to lose his trust in the president, lest the fragile foundation he'd used to build himself back outside of solitude crumble.) i can imagine sho growing older, maturing past his idea of who his father is and understanding what he's doing. but szawa doesn't. this grown ass man, in sho's eyes, is too weak, too much of a loyal guard dog to leave the president's side. this only contributes to what i imagine is shou's standoffish attitude towards adults. he knew he couldn't trust szawa, but knowing his blind loyalty towards someone who's hurt shou so much must be so painful. angering. szawa, as gentle and kind as he may be, can't let himself fall back into his old habits. so he grasps onto that idea like a lifesaver in the middle of the ocean. but to shou, all that looks like is him being ignorant, deciding to believe what he wants despite what effect it's having on other people. ok i want to write more about shou and also tome but this is long im sorry . nel voice I Don't have a lot of thoughts on szawa. and then this. fuck

[undeaddollz]

patrick hockstetter analysis hi, i realize there was spelling mistakes on my henry bowers one but i'm really too lazy to go over it all and fix em so if theres some on here too then ignore it! don't come at me for the hypothetical disorders i'm saying patrick may have, i do believe he probably is on the spectrum somehow and i will not listen to anyone who says otherwise.

patrick is SO INTERESTING, the disorders that i suspect he has is possibly CIPA as he doesnt show much reaction to pain and possibly some sort of BPD or autism but im more sure of CIPA. but it's confirmed for him to have solipsism he doesnt think other people or things are real, the reason he killed his little brother avery is because he felt avery was real and his parents were taking attention away from him. he doesnt like deviating from his schedule, he expects dinner to be at the same time, parents to be in bed at a certain time every day but the baby took away from that and so he suffocated avery to death. i believe he also has a sort of god complex as he thinks he decides what happens in the world. he doesnt think him harming people and animals matters because they aren't real anyways and meerly toys for him so he doesnt get bored. we don't get a lot of background on patrick let alone his parents but the movie gives us jack-shit about him. he's obviously a pyromaniac and doesnt seem to have any reaction to pain, laughing when henry hurts him after patrick sexually assaults him. he has a sort of psychosis, he doesn't love anyone besides himself but its not in a narcissistic way. he doesnt really have attachments to anyone, his family could die and he'd just be worried about whats for dinner. he'd only be upset cause it ruins his schedule. He would be upset if bowers gang died but simply because they bring him entertainment and its someone to bully kids with. I feel he probably was subjected to some sort of trauma when he was younger, possibly sexual or some form of neglect. people arent usually born acting how patrick does and all the adults shown in derry seem to be abusive or neglectful. his favorite past time is to torture kids and animals, he enjoys taking their lives, he has a fridge full of tortured animal corpses, mainly cats. since the fridge is his favorite thing it gets used as a factor of his demise, after sexually assaulting henry he goes to his fridge and is killed by pennywise. he loves to spend time at the barrens/junkyard since thats where a lot of the violence happens, those places being frequent bowers gang hang out spots. Bowers gang is scared of him, most adults are too. theres rumors floating around of patricks hobbies so people often let him do whatever he wants as to not agitate him. I dont know if victor and belch exactly know about the fridge as its a little hidden away in the junkyard but henry knows, when patrick teases henry for "letting him" sexually assault him henry shouts "if you fucking tell anyone about this im telling everyone about your fridge and you'll be taken away" or something similar. Henry keeps him around since 1, hes deeply scared of patrick and doesnt want to anger him 2, he also finds ways to entertain henry, helping him blow off steam from the abuse at home on other kids and sometimes animals. henry seems to be a big fan of animals but when he starts to go crazy after patrick dies he shows similarities to patricks behavior, growing violent with dogs and cats and being more murder-driven with his bullying. patrick seems kind of obsessed with henry but it could just be finding henry useful or a good source of entertainment and he can torture henry to end up getting what he wants. patrick is only fueled by his own selfish desires, he has no exact motivation for doing anything, other than him deciding he wants to. psychosis can be drawn out by not sleeping sometimes and maybe patrick could suffer from hallucinations, in the movie it seems he's scared of what he's killed coming back to life but honestly i dont think thats really accurate as i dont think that is something he would think about and he already feels no guilt about it so i think it was just the movie being stupid again. so if he does have hallucinations i think he would be indifferent to them, maybe only being annoyed they arent always at the same time every day.

[stillfrownyclownlol]

I will also talk about Tyler because he's also not normal about stuff 🫠

Right from the start you get these signs he's protective to a detrimental level lol

(BTW Aidlyn scene cuz I'm not normal about them ❤️ The way he literally wraps his whole body in front of her sent me lmao. Mans got his leg around her and everything 🤡)

He's pretty much like this with Taylor in all their scenes. In the Sorrel House he puts his arm in front of her when they see the phantom (that he does not think is real, considering his reaction).

He also has a tendency to drag Taylor away from situations with out asking for her opinion on it 🫠 He just kinda assumes she will want to go with him. Like when he drags her out of the house after saying the phantom was just a prank.

Sir. PLEASE. Kinda possessive of you-

I don't think Red did this on purpose because like. She hasnt really brought up their culture/heritage or anything in the story so far lmao (I'm crying). But idk like just this behavior reminds me a lot of the guys in my family 🙃 I think Latino boys get kind of socialized to be more aggressive and protective of their families at their own expense. He definitely seems like the kind of brother to impose a curfew- He has control issues like. We all see it right? He's a control freak.

Obviously his dad dying has a lot to do with this. His mother took it extremely hard, so then Tyler "stepped up" to take care of both his mom AND his sister, he's been parentified since a very young age (he doesn't look older than 10 imo). I think he feels a need to "be the man of the house" so to speak. He genuinely does not seem to have any hard feelings towards his mom even tho she...you know, fucked up. if any of you know the "latino boys are mama boys" cliche, but.

yeah.

(I do think Taylor has more mom issues because she kinda resents how Tyler has been parentified and she's allowed herself to be angry at their mom for leaving them to fend for themselves)

Sidenote: It looks like his family is very isolated. Like, its strange that nobody came to help Marianna after Ethan died. This isn't always the case but usually Latinos have large families (my mom's family had to push together eight beds so all the cousins could sleep in one room lol) WHICH probably means Tyler's branch of the family is, so far, the first and only to have immigrated to the US. He's probably already a second or third generation tho, his mom has only one surname and he and his sister never seem to speak Spanish, so I don't think they learned it (probably some basics). I don't imagine they've ever been to Mexico except MAYBE when they were very young (its kinda rare to visit...since...it's so hard to get out of there in the first place...🫠 I dont think my parents have been to Venezuela in more than 20 years...but also Venezuela is in way worse condition, so...)

But yeah like. His protectiveness of Taylor is something that actively works against her and something she dislikes. She always looks upset when he drags her out of a situation or tells her what to do. She just wants to help :(

BABYYYYY 🥲

Ofc she never says anything because for most of her life Tyler has put himself in a position of authority and is her caretaker. It's hard to speak up to somebody when they constantly say "I'm doing this for your own good, for your own safety, for-" Whatever. Taylor always believes Tyler does everything for her own best interests, so... even when she doesn't feel good about something, she'll still listen to him. It's a veryyyyyy slippery slope that can quickly become toxic, if it isn't already. Because besides being her brother, he's put himself as her parent figure as well.

He does the thing. You know. Where parentified kids try to overcorrect so they kind of coddle their own children and don't let them do anything because they're scared to death something is gonna happen to them 💀

I don't really know what the point of this was I just wanted to talk about how possessive Tyler can be and how unhealthy his attachment style is 😭 If I write Tyler and Logan angst tho just know it's gonna involve Tyler being overprotective and Logan being Not Cool TM about it 🫠