#my parents did their best!!!!!

[lilyliveredlittlerichboy]

it's funny how my outlook has shifted from

"i got basically the best start in life, being born to white, academically educated, loving parents, in West Germany in the 90s"

to

"there was literally no way i wasn't gonna emerge out of that life traumatised, as a neurodivergent, queer, and sensitive person"

and i think honestly 2 things can be true at the same time. i grew up in privilege and it fucked me up in a delicate and difficult to articulate way. my parents did the best they could with the information they had at the time; they still messed me up.

as I've learned about trauma and trauma responses, I recognise a lot of my behaviour as trauma response, even behaviour that's been a key part of me since before I started struggling in school. (The onset of my more visible, more obvious trauma.)

I just keep thinking about my personality being in close proximity to my parents, as a tiny baby, their first, when they were younger than I am now and likely overwhelmed and stressed out. I was an "easy baby", I would let them sleep through the night early, I was happy and smiley often from early on.

It could just be that that's who I am as a person, intrinsically. Passive, sweet, not wanting to be a nuisance.

But, knowing my brain, (not remembering early infancy stuff but still knowing that this is the same brain with its ridiculous ability to learn things extremely fast and hold on to the lesson for life) I can very easily imagine a situation where I cried for attention and noticed my parents being annoyed at that. A situation where I noticed patterns, for example mum is always annoyed if I cry late at night so I'll suck it up until the morning.

Can babies do that? It doesn't seem outside the realm of possibility, given the frankly stupid amount of control I have over my impulses, especially as someone with ADHD. Knowing how sensitive I am, knowing how fast I learn. Knowing how much I thrive off positive responses, how early did I learn that smiling gave positive responses and crying didn't?

It's a whole clusterfuck. Someone like me could have ended up on the receiving end of much worse abuse. Someone like me in a more destructive household could have either turned tough and uncaring, or died long before they reached my current age.

I still got probably one of the better starts in life, all things considered.

But damn, it hurts to think about this in detail.

[bunnieswithknives]

Thanks.

Prev

[vlkraft]

[satoru-nintendo]

I’m not addressing gojos letters because I don’t want to think about the fact that he sat down and KNEW he wasn’t gonna make it out but had full faith in those kids, I don’t want to think about him knowing that Megumi would have to live forever with the knowledge that Sakuna used him to kill Gojo and he purposely wrote a cute silly message (sowwy with a lil drawing of him) hoping (and succeeding) to make Megumi laugh especially after all he went through, how he sought out Nobara’s family cause he is estranged from his and he wants a better life for those kids than the life he had. And not to circle back to the whole killing all the elders of jujitsu society cause he wanted to protect the kids he is just sooo fundamentally good Ok DAMN I AM CRYING THINKING ABOUT IT

[hipstergecko]

SO I had an idea of a potential heart to heart between Vlad and Jack.

This has been bouncing around my head for a year now but I GOT IT OUT I'M FREE.

BONUS:

[the-barefoot-hatter]

Lunch Time - Non Euclidean Geometry AU Comic

◬- PREV PART-◬- LAST PART -◬

It will eat you alive.

[quotidianish]

Mom-mercs! Ma, mama, maw, and mum.

[moonyswarmsweaters]

Okok i know it took me a shitloud of time to get around to make this little shit i promised yall here butttt

(Click for better quality bc tumblr fucks it up)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don’t zoom in too much (unless if it's on Remus’ cheek in the second version 🙃)

Enjoy<333333::

[skimmingmilk]

*Spoilers for the end of Sonic 3 (2024)* Tails had seen that look before. He knew what it meant. Rejection. He'd almost let himself forget. Almost didn't have to remember. Every day since he'd come to this planet, the memory faded a little bit more. Even if it would always be there, it couldn't share the spotlight when the intoxicating feelings that came with living in this place, in that house, with that family overwhelmed him with their potency. It had all been so bright… so warm… There was no warmth in Maddie's eyes when she looked back at him. She looked at him like he was a stranger. - A post-Sonic 3 movie fic based on the last look Maddie gives them before they go to stop the Eclipse Cannon and what it means to Tails in particular. Lucky for him he has two big brothers always looking out for him.

Risking Rejection (For a Chance at Acceptance)

Tails had seen that look before. He knew what it meant.

Rejection.

"Freak!"

He'd almost let himself forget. Almost didn't have to remember. Every day since he'd come to this planet, the memory faded a little bit more. Even if it would always be there, it couldn't share the spotlight when the intoxicating feelings that came with living in this place, in that house, with that family overwhelmed him with their potency. It had all been so bright… so warm…

There was no warmth in Maddie's eyes when she looked back at him.She looked at him like he was a stranger.

"That thing is not my son!"

She'd never asked for this. For them. For him.

Especially him.

This had all been Tails's plan, after all. Tails's gadgets that got them into G.U.N. Headquarters. Tails's gadgets that failed to get them out. Tails's gadgets that got Tom…

That got him…

…hurt.

"Get it out of the village! It's not what we need!"

Not what we need. Not what we need.

"—'s not what I need."

Tails flinched as Sonic's cold voice swept through him like the most brutal winter wind. He'd only wanted to help.

He knew Sonic knew what it was like to be alone—they all did, all three of them—but he didn't know if Sonic had ever faced that look of rejection. The distant dismissal. The regret of ever knowing them at all.

He couldn't imagine he had when Tails thought of the bright light in Maddie's eyes when she laughed at their dinner table shenanigans. Or the warmth in them when she tucked each of them into bed and pressed her lips to their foreheads, as if to say, "I'm here. You're safe. You're not alone anymore."

Without any words at all.

She moved her hand out of his reach when Tails tried to hold it before the medics wheeled Tom away.

He'd only wanted to give her the same feeling, remind her that she wasn't alone either. But she didn't want it. Not from him. It wasn't good enough if it came from him.

And now Sonic didn't want him either.

His first friend… his best friend. His big brother—

The ambulance doors had shut with an empty stare.

The ring portal had closed with a disgusted glare.

And they were gone.

[Continue at AO3]

[not-so-superheroine]

[bonefall]

It's a shame Tree is so poorly used because playing Clangen made me think about how much drama a mediator could cause even if they have good intentions. Like trying to get two cats to get along but only making their relationship worse or committing a big political faux pass with a rival clan when they need their support at the brink of war. Conflict through diplomacy can be fun if you commit to building tension and consequences with it.

Do you think mediators will eventually become a thing in all the BB!Clans?

Mediators are a great game mechanic in Clangen. Absolutely fantastic design choice, giving you better influence over the relationships between cats in a game all about managing relationships between cats. The people who came up with that one should be kissed on the mouths.

I'm not sure how much I'd get out of them as a storytelling element for BB, though.

It's not a complete no-- Clangen's mediators are pretty close to that "Therapy" rework I floated. Making their role more about interpersonal conflict, giving advice, helping individual cats work through their issues.

At the same time though, I find that the sense of community is so much stronger when that isn't someone's "job," but just something someone in the Clan can relate to.

Jaypaw could have had some sessions with a hypothetical therapist to confront his internalized ableism-- but isn't it more interesting for him to realize that by calling himself worthless for his disability, he's directly insulting his mentor Longtail too? And that Longtail will invoke his Battle Cat right to FIGHT for his honor?

They could consult elders, find a surprising connection in a Clanmate they'd never paid attention to, reignite an old friendship they thought they lost forever. There already feels like so many possibilities, and all of them feel more intriguing than "goes to the designated therapy guy."

If there's anyone like a political diplomat in BB though, it feels like it should evolve from Merchants. Ive got some stuff about trading and bartering in the works, and I think there's more space for interesting ideas there.

[rainbowberriesandcookies]

"Orihime being afraid of Ichigo's hollow power shows she doesn't fully accept him."

I see this take and similar ones pop up from anti fans of Ichigo and Orihime and try to say that Orihime is bad, in the wrong, etc. for being afraid of his hollowfication powers when her first encounter with a hollow was her brother Sora.

I know the anime did a lot of damage to Orihime's character - especially by taking these scenes out and altering them compared to the manga - but when Ichigo begins to undergo the same process as Sora, it only makes sense that she's afraid.

Not because she's afraid of Ichigo but because what he can become.

And just like Sora said, "It would be [her] fault"

Also - this is to counter the whole "Ichigo and Orihime were never close/barely friends/just acquaintances" that I see floating around often too.

But all in all - Orihime was never afraid of Ichigo. She was afraid of what he could have become.

As Acidwire, Sora targeted Orihime because of her growing bonds with Tatsuki and Ichigo. He even says that he attacked them because they tried to tear him and Orihime apart and that she already knew why.

For clarity - what I'm about to say isn't me saying that Sora was abusive in life and I'm going to specifically try to use his name as a hollow "Acidwire" as much as possible to express the slight separation between Sora as he was while he was alive and Sora as he was when he became Acidwire.

Especially since early on, it established that hollows - while they were once former humans - often end up being twisted versions of the people they once were.

Now onto the point -

The "You already know why" isn't dissimilar from how abusers, manipulators, etc. often talk to their victims when they're angry or upset. It's similar to the silent treatment in a way where it implies that the victim intentionally made the abuser upset.

He references her prayers for him every day helped ease his own suffering before she became friends with Tatsuki and entered high school before she stopped praying for him altogether. He then says how it hurt him that when she got home, all she would talk about was Ichigo.

For one - the fact that Acidwire knows this proves that Ichigo and Orihime were at least already friends by the time the manga started. In contrast to the anime where Ichigo outright says to Rukia that they've "never had a real conversation"

Anyways - this here in and of itself proves Ichigo and Orihime at least knew each other beyond just acquaintances - because they were close enough for Acidwire to notice and be hurt by it.

She tries to defend herself but he cuts her off before attacking Ichigo again

Acidwire tells her to come with him back to when it was just the two of them. In the context of the story, this would basically be him killing her.

However, this is also a tactic abusers use known as isolation.

When she questions why she should go with him and why he'd hurt Ichigo and Tatsuki before saying that the brother she loved would have never done anything like this.

I feel like in the anime, it kinda breezed by these moments which are honestly heartbreaking in hindsight and key for the leadup to why Orihime was afraid when Ichigo would use his hollow mask.

but Acidwire's response to her refusal and saying that the brother she loved would never do this is to not just harm her, but blame her and say that he is going to kill her.

In the time that she's become friends with Ichigo and Tatsuki and slowly grew happier, Acidwire blamed her for his own despair and sadness.

The kind, loving older brother that she had always known became a monster that would kill her and everyone close to her, and it would be her fault that he did because she stopped praying for him.

Here, it shows how Acidwire views Orihime not as a person who should live her own fulfilling life, but as an object who should live for him because he gave up his entire life to raise and protect her.

Once again, not to say that Sora was an abuser or abusive person, but this line of logic is the same one that abusive and toxic parents often use when it comes to emotionally abusing their children. Saying how the sacrificed so much for their children to control how their children live their own lives when the child never asked to be born. Similarly, Orihime didn't ask to be born or ask for Sora to raise her.

Sora did because that's the kind of person that he is, but Acidwire turns these loving traits of Sora's into a manifestation of abuse.

And even though she has nothing to be sorry for... She apologizes to Acidwire because that's the kind of person she is.

It also shows how she puts on a smile so that way others don't have to worry about her. She didn't want Sora to think that she was sad and hurting, she didn't want him to worry about her so she buried and hid her own sadness.

She apologizes to Acidwire for making him sad and (in what she thinks are probably her last moments) says that she loves him and that she didn't mean to hurt him.

As he's slowly regaining himself, Sora admits that he already knew that Orihime was just trying to shield her sadness from him but still wanted her to pray for him because it was only in those moments that her heart was his.

Ichigo then tells him that it's the same, those who die and those who survive are just as sad as the other.

It's in this moment Sora had fully regained himself, enough to know that he couldn't stay in a form like this or else he'd come to hurt Orihime again. If he killed the little sister that he raised like a daughter over his own heartache, would he have been any better than their own abusive parents?

And finally, the two get to say goodbye properly.

Also - a side note - a lot of people criticize Orihime's passive nature and how she never seems to fight or argue with anyone but it's because the one time that she did have a fight with someone, they died and became a monster.

This entire sequence emphasizes why Orihime always tries to reach out to others in need and never argues or fights. She doesn't want her friends or even strangers, to become like how Sora became Acidwire.

Now, Rukia had changed/erased Orihime's memories following this event but it likely didn't work as intended since during the Rukia rescue arc, Orihime mentions that she's been able to see hollows and spirits ever since the encounter with Acidwire.

Now let's go ahead and jump ahead to VL Ichigo -

Going to Hueco Mundo - Ichigo already knew without having to be told or convinced by anyone that Orihime was in danger. Aizen did his best to make it look like Orihime was a traitor to the Soul Society and Ichigo never bought it

It's being put in plainer and plainer terms that Ichigo transformed as a response to Orihime's call for help.

Even if you want to argue that there was a mistranslation or that Ichigo doesn't directly reference Orihime, even if you remove all of the text the sequence of events goes

Orihime's cries

Ichigo began to move and get up - functionally coming back from being dead

Once again, even if you want to remove the text avoid arguing about whether or not it was properly translated - nevermind the fact that in Japanese pronouns are often omitted and there is a big assumption to just know who/what you are talking about -

Even without text, the images show Orihime crying, and Ichigo beginning to come back to life.

Both she and Ulquiorra question whether that is Ichigo

Now that said, I think that Ichigo vs Ulquiorra is one of the most brutal and best fights in the series. Both Uryu and Orihime know that this isn't Ichigo.

Yet remember how it is established that hollows often become twisted versions of the people they once were? This is a power that Ichigo can't control and yet uses it to protect the person who called out to him.

While I don't disagree with the notion that this is also White protecting Ichigo, it doesn't change the fact that Kubo intentionally drew Orihime and Ichigo rising side by side multiple times. Even without text, Kubo places emphasis on her and her cries for help against VL Ichigo - not White or Zangetsu.

And when Uryu tries to bring him back to his senses what does Ichigo do? Put a sword through him.

Once again, even if you want to remove any and all text, Kubo puts VL Ichigo paneled side by side with Orihime, and when Ichigo comes back to his senses

The first person that he sees is Orihime.

As much as I want, I'll save my yapping about Ulquiorra for a separate time.

But for a moment, even if only briefly, his desires to protect were twisted in a way that hurt those around him, and once again - Orihime was the catalyst.

Ichigo says that he didn't want to win like this - showing that he views fights as something more honorable than what White/VL Ichigo had done. His last memory being that he had a hole put in his chest, also shows that he more or less "blacked out" and had no control over his actions.

What is one of the things established when people become hollows?

That they lose control of themselves and their desires are twisted.

The difference between Ichigo and Acidwire is that Ichigo wants to protect Orihime while Acidwire wanted to own her - which is why Ichigo never directly harms Orihime even as he loses control of himself.

But - all of this yapping is to show how from Orihime's perspective, hollowfication and hollow powers aren't good. They turn people into monsters that hurt their friends and loved ones.

It's also established that Orihime is the type of person who will internalize her own thoughts and feelings (it isn't ""hubris"" as some people call it).

Whether or not you want to argue that it was an assumption that Ichigo became a VL because she cried for help, it doesn't change the fact that she still cried for help and that Ichigo became a hollow/VL.

From her own perspective, she blames herself regardless of whether or not you think that it is an assumption on her part that Ichigo became a VL to protect her.

And after all - why wouldn't she blame herself when her first encounter with a hollow - Acidwire - blamed her for the monster that he became?

I know I skipped over him using his mask in the fight with Grimmjow, but I already yap too much and wanted to try to keep an already long post short(er).

Anyway - all of this illustrates the trauma that Orihime has regarding hollows and hollowfication. It's not truly her fault - yet in both instances she blames herself.

And not just Kubo, but Ichigo himself is fully aware of this.

Which is why when he tells her not to worry and that he's still himself is so important - because it shows that Ichigo has learned to control that side of himself while at the same time, being aware that Orihime is someone who has been traumatized by hollows and hollowfication.

Ultimately - she doesn't want Ichigo to become a monster like Sora. For Ichigo, it's growth in his own ability while for Orihime it's comfort in knowing that Ichigo won't lose himself fighting to protect those he cares about.

In short, she isn't afraid of Ichigo - she was scared of him becoming a monster like Sora had.

[winged-thinged]

Life gets so much lighter when you are just allowed to exist. When there's no god in your head listening in on everything you think. When the trees outside are not a sign of anybody's presence, but just beautiful. I think the world, fundamentally, belongs to itself. And we are a part of it. That's all.

[vaguely-concerned]

shathann fucked up in so many ways with raising taash but she also makes me. so so SO sad. welcome back deeply flawed dragon age mother figures in various shades of 'well. I mean you tried. I guess' (from 'not at all' to 'I can see what you thought you were going for at least' as appropriate) we tango once more

[housecow]

i always wonder what it’ll take for how fat i am to get acknowledged. the only time ive ever had it publicly or privately called out (besides in kink situations) was in 9th grade. i didn’t go to anime club because im not into anime (im still not) even though i told this dude i would be there lol.

he was pissed at me the next day and just mouthed the words “you’re fat” in the hallway like that would mean anything… i’ve never rlly been insulted for my weight or had it poked fun at. is it weird i want to get big enough for that to happen??

[thelaurenshippen]

the onion bought infowars. I repeat, the onion bought infowars