#i am not a professional

[hipstergecko]

Birdritch in my brains

Uh uh uh @clockwayswrites *ding dong* heretakethisIloveyourworkbye!! *ditches this on your doorstep*

Please ignore the poor anatomy.

I can't get over the eldritch bird preening Batman's ears.

DANGLEY HOOD LEGS For reals tho. Clockway's Birdritch AU is scratching an itch in my brain. I had these doodles on a piece of paper for so long... I finally got it on my computer and rendered. I don't trust myself with colors recently tho, so grayscale it is! Except for the bird. He didn't look right with any kinda shading, so startling white it is! Go read the DP x DC birdritch AU. Is fun! BONUS:

[our-arospec-experience]

CW: mild aphobia or ignorance Soooo this is kind of a question for anyone who wants to answer. So I came out to one of my friends as aromantic asexual and she took it not great but could be a whole lot worse. One of the things she said was that she didn't understand why I would sabotage my own happiness by not getting into a relationship. How do I explain to her that I would be less happy in a relationship than single because of my aromanticism? Thanks!

I’m not really great with that stuff, so does anyone else have a suggestion? possibly try communicate with them? That’s really all I can confidently say

[tlbodine]

How to Socialize

OK, before I dig into this, a few disclaimers:

1 - I'm not like. A psychologist or anything. Just a writer who's been part of a whole lot of online communities and has run a pretty successful one for a few years.

2 - The advice that follows is not intended to make anybody feel bad or be a condemnation or enforce standards of behavior. If you read this and don't vibe with it, cool. Keep on scrolling by.

**also, oops, this is really long because I wanted to be thorough.

OK. So with that all out of the way. I was talking with a coworker today. She's undiagnosed but suspects she's some flavor of neurodivergent, and she works over on the sales side, where she was recently hired. Part of her training involves being coached specifically in how to interface with clients -- active listening, etiquette, how to ask good questions, that sort of thing.

She said to me today, "For like 27 years everybody has always just told me I was weird and intense and off-putting but nobody ever told me what I was actually supposed to DO until literally this week. Mind blown."

And I was like, shit, you know what? You have a point.

And that got me to thinking about communities -- from online spaces to meet-ups to society at large -- and the way we try to teach people behavior.

I feel like, overwhelmingly, folks are assumed to just understand what they're supposed to do. If there are community guidelines in place, they're usually rules about what not to do. But you can follow the rules to the letter, and still come off all wrong, and then nobody will ever tell you what you're doing wrong because it's impolite or whatever, until you irritate them so much that they either blow up at you or else just straight-up start avoiding you, and neither of those are really helpful pieces of feedback.

So. In case nobody has ever actually told you, specifically and explicitly? Here are some tips on being a good community member, the kind of person that folks will generally like to be around and want to be friends with.

Show Interest in Other People

The number one most important thing you can do to be a good community member, is to show interest in your other community members. After all, you want them to respond to you when you say things, right? Well. They want the same thing for themselves.

"But I'm not interested in what they're talking about." No problem. You're interested in getting along with them, right? Cool. So this interaction isn't actually about the subject. It's about making them feel good. And, hey, you know what? If you keep an open mind, you might find that what they're saying is actually pretty interesting.

Some phrases to remember and use when people are talking about an interest of theirs:

"Oh?" (general usage prompt for more information)

"That's really interesting! How does that work?" (acknowledges their interest + prompts them to talk more)

"I heard once about [related thing]." (shows that you are engaged with the topic, and allows you to shift conversation in a direction you're more comfortable)

"I'm really interested in [thing], I feel like that might be similar in [way]." (forges common ground and allows you to shift conversation to a topic you enjoy).

So for example, let's say you're talking to someone who mentions that they're really interested in...idk...volcanos. You don't really care about volcanos. But you like this person. So instead of just saying nothing (because you don't care about the topic), or changing the subject, engage instead: "I saw that movie Dante's Peak. How realistic is that?" "What got you interested in volcanos?" "I don't know much about volcanos. My thing was always horses. What's it like being a volcano girl?"

Whatever. The point is not to learn about volcanos (although learning new things can be fun!) but to give them a chance to talk about their thing.

Give Other People a Chance to Speak

The flipside of the thing above: If you're talking to someone about their interest, don't go so overboard trying to relate to them that you don't actually let them talk. In the horse/volcano example, see how it ends with a question? The question hands the topic back to the other person. It's like playing a game of catch. Conversation is tossing a ball back and forth. If one person hogs the ball, it's no fun for the other person.

When you're talking about your interests, you'll want to pay attention to the person/people you're talking to. In general, engaged conversation partners will mirror your energy. If they're asking questions and relating what you're saying to something they know, then they are trying to carry on conversation with you. Proceed!

If you notice they are:

Responding more slowly (without saying a disclaimer like "sorry, multitasking/at work, keep typing!")

Starting to reply with single-word responses ("cool!" "Okay" "lol") or emotes

Saying the same thing over and over ("That's awesome!" three times in a row)

They are most likely trying to disengage from the conversation. It's almost certainly not that they dislike you or that you've done anything wrong. They've probably just run out of things to say, or they really want to talk about something else, and they're looking for a way to politely exit the conversation. You can provide them with a graceful out by saying something like, "Anyway, that's my thing. What have you been up to?"

(Incidentally, if you notice that people have a tendency to stop talking to you or change the subject when you're trying to converse, check that you're not inadvertently giving off those disengagement signals. Saying things like "ok" or "I know" without any further prompting or question can be perceived as a cue for the other person to stop talking).

Avoid Self-Deprecation

Sometimes, you realize that you've made a misstep, and it seems natural that your next step should be to apologize. This isn't a bad impulse! But the way you apologize makes a difference.

For example, let's say you're talking in a discord channel and realize that you've been going on for a while and nobody else is saying anything. You get self-conscious and realize, oh, maybe you're talking too much.

So perhaps you're tempted to say: "Sorry. I know I talk too much and it's annoying."

Do not do this. Because now the people in chat will feel contractually obligated to reassure you that you are not annoying.

Instead, try a joke: "Phew that was a lot! Anyway. Anybody else want a turn?"

Keeping things light-hearted alleviates the pressure that other people might feel and keeps the mood from being too awkward.

"Isn't all of this dishonest and manipulative?"

Look. Here's the thing. People who are good communicators -- folks you might hear described as charismatic -- are folks who understand these rules, and other social rules, intuitively. Most well-socialized neurotypical folks communicate this way without thinking about it or even knowing what they're doing.

For those people, conversation is usually less about exchanging specific information and more about nurturing a social bond. Remember -- it's not about volcanos. It's about making the other person feel heard and appreciated.

To stretch the example to its breaking point: What would be dishonest or manipulative is if you pretended that you loved volcanos, or lied about your experience with volcanos, or went out of your way to build a relationship with someone on a shared passion for volcanos when actually you don't really like volcanos at all and one day you won't be able to stand it anymore.

Showing polite interest for a few minutes by asking a question? Is not dishonest. That's just you signaling to them, "I don't get your thing, but I care about you as a person and talking about this seems to make you happy, so please continue."

That's all for today. I might be back later with a post about sympathy and venting and advice. But for now, I hope this was at least a little bit helpful for somebody. Good luck out there making conversation!

[julian-devorak-stan]

By popular demand, here is Julian's NSFW chart

(THIS IS MY PERSONAL ASSESSMENT. I am open to further discussion, but don't be mean to me, I'll cry)

[cachu302]

Rinne is clingy.

“Rinne suddenly realizes she loves Houtaro! There’s no buildup!” seems like the main reason a lot of people dislike the current arc of Gotchard.

Okay, but take it back a second. Rinne is established to be an outsider amongst her peers. She focused on school and alchemy, and nothing else. Her relationship with her father became strained when he was revealed to have “betrayed” the alchemists’ union (thanks Gereyon). She can’t say anything, because she’s just a child against the masked whoevers in charge of the union. Rinne is the child of a traitor, and now she feels personally betrayed by her father. Because she can’t speak against the union, she bottles up her feelings, and thus, she becomes very cynical and aloof.

Rinne cannot let herself trust anyone, else she might get betrayed again.

Even in the alchemist academy, where she has Sabimaru and Renge (and Spanner, I guess), she doesn’t make a connection with them. She does her own business, they do theirs.

Then enters Houtaro. He quickly becomes a recurring presence in her life after joining the alchemist academy, and slowly manages to break down her barriers. He flips everything she’s perceived about friends and relationships on her head. Suddenly, she’s made a connection. Through Houtaro, she makes connections to the rest of the academy. Rinne becomes friends with Renge and Sabimaru, and the Chemies as well. She goes out to eat with Renge. She becomes comfortable enough with Houtaro (and Kajiki?) to show off her love of spooky things, a side that the old her would have likely hidden. She’s growing up. She may get annoyed with them, but they’re the first friends she’s made in a while, if ever. And Houtaro is the one who helped her build those bridges, supporting her, and she supports him right back. Rinne is happier than she’s ever been, now with friends and purpose in her life.

Aside from her father, Houtaro is her greatest connection and her best friend.

At the same time, however, Rinne is subconsciously relying on Houtaro to be an emotional support for herself. Even if she believes in him, she doesn’t fully believe in herself, even after gaining the power to become Majade. Rinne looks to Houtaro to reaffirm his belief in her and support for her; if he doesn’t do that, she doubts herself. And with Tsukumo suddenly taking up all of Houtaro’s attention, she’s not receiving that affirmation. Her first/best friend and largest connection is being cut off by someone else, and seems to have replaced her.

Subconsciously, Rinne is clingy. Mostly towards Houtaro, but also towards the rest of the squad. She feels like she, and socially awkward introvert, belongs with a group of friends.

She’s maybe a bit jealous, but now, she’s anxious that her connection to Houtaro is diminishing because of his childhood friend who literally came out of nowhere and inserted herself back into his life. And now that subconscious clinginess has become more prominent.

And now she’s doubting herself again.

If Rinne can’t be supported by Houtaro, or if she can’t support Houtaro, does her presence matter with Tsukumo around? Everyone, from Kajiki to Tamami, seems to gel well with Tsukumo hovering around Houtaro, trying to grab his attention with her big ol’ doe eyes. Suddenly she’s become the outsider again. Rinne isn’t questioning if she loves Houtaro, she’s questioning herself and her self-worth.

And Tsukumo, if unintentional, feeds into that doubt. Her declaration to be able to go after Houtaro without any worries feeds Rinne’s self-doubt.

And Atropos is really, really, REALLY, good at fueling that doubt even further.

What if Houtaro starts doubting her? What if her entire friend group suddenly doubts her? Suddenly she’s in her father’s shoes. Is she going to be branded a traitor as well?

(Okay, maybe that’s a stretch)

Houtaro is pure of heart and dumb of ass, so it’s unlikely he’ll turn on her. He’s able to recognize that she was hurting in episode 14, can see the good in humans and Chemies alike, and also seems to be better at socializing… save for recognizing when Tsukumo is flirting with him.

But the worry is still planted. Maybe that’s why Minato tells her to fight as herself in the preview? So she can believe in herself? Rinne has relied on Houtaro to help her believe in herself, but the what-if of if he doesn’t has been provoked.

The main writer of Gotchard is Hasegawa, who graciously gifted us with Yomogi and Yume from SSSS.DYNAZENON, a show that also featured a relationship between two high schoolers. The buildup between Yomogi and Yume versus Houtaro and Rinne is similar: two teenagers learning to support one another. What differs is that Yomogi and Yume are both emotionally scarred by their past, and they learn how to heal and bond as a result, while Rinne is relying of Houtaro to support her as she heals. Houtaro doesn’t seem to carry any kind of emotional baggage going into forming a connection with Rinne, aside from a missing father, so he’s not needing reassurance of himself. He needs reassurance from everyone equally to bring out Gotchard’s full strength. It’s doubtful he would recognize that he’s been christened as Rinne’s emotional support extrovert.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

hi

Do you think John is being ungrateful for distrusting his own psychartrist ? I heard some people say that John is ungrateful due to various reasons I don't want to say and I wish to hear your opnion

Hey Lovely!

My answer might not be what people want to hear, but this is just my thoughts on it given that I have my own therapist. Please take what I say with a grain of salt and just MY OPINION.

A lot of therapy IS about trust, and it takes awhile before one can feel comfortable talking with a new person. And sometimes, the therapist you're first assigned doesn't work out. Sometimes it takes a few people before you "click".

It's BBCS canonical that John has trust issues, and given this, being forced to see a therapist when you really don't want to, I can understand John's reticence around Ella when we first see them. I believe John's blog confirmed that at the time of ASiP, he only recently started seeing Ella, probably mandated by his doctors post-traumatic-return-to-civilian-life. John absolutely had no interest in talking to his therapist. And in TRF, the impression I got was that he had NOT been going to see Ella while he spent his time with Sherlock, but given how much he was grieving, I feel like THAT visit was his first SINCE ASiP, which means those trust bonds are NOT THERE.

So when people say he's "ungrateful", I'm viewing it from the perspective of someone who initially didn't WANT to see one, and then reluctantly returned to see her after nearly 2 years because he recognized within himself that if he didn't, he might hurt himself. I don't think they understand, then, that those of us WITH trust issues, that ARE naturally introverted recluses, have a hard time opening up to new people.

YOU HAVE TO WANT THE HELP. John initially did NOT.

So no, I don't think at all he was ungrateful, just distrusting of a situation he was forced to be in, and continue being in. I'm sure over time, if they continued the route of John seeing Ella regularly in the show, begin to open up a bit.

Unfortunately, there's a large chunk of the fandom that is determined for some godforsaken reason to paint John as a monster / horrible person / unworthy of love. Why, I don't know. It's weird. These same people seem to think Moriarty is a saint, so I dunno.

Sorry I'm not much help other than this, but I hope it shows you my perspective anyway. And if you have a different opinion, all good. As I said, this is just MY read of the character presented on the show and as with all of my character-asks I tend to draw from my own personal experiences.

I welcome anyone else's opinion, respectfully <3

[justaguywithadhd]

There probably won’t be a Next Big Thing That Fixes You Forever™️

I know, I know. Every new tip and trick and strategy is fresh and new and you love it and it’s amazing and This time is different and This is the thing you’ve been missing this whole time.

Your brain is wired to crave novelty. You’re okay. That’s allowed. Don’t put so much pressure on each individual thing to be The One Thing. Each tip and strategy is a tool. It belongs in a toolbox. A toolbox full of things you can cycle out as soon as one gets stale. Fill it with enough tools that by the time you get back around to the first thing, it’s like new again.

[pooce-art]

My attempts to translate ch99 of 123 Rhodes Island on Valarqvin. Keep in mind I am not a professional, I did this for practice so some things might not be right. The 2nd comic's speech bubble was especially hard to try to translate since it's said in a weird way.

It miiight also be akin to "the future is set, what you say doesn't matter"

Link to the comic https://terra-historicus.hypergryph.com/comic/6253/episode/3177

[k-starr-ent-ceo]

Lil fanfic trailer I made for @mycatismyeditor's new fanfic Lena's Space Log.

Little bit late, but life got in the way.

[inlesbianswithpixels]

anyway i painted my ILW mc, yasmin, and my friend @mage-hecked‘s mc, rose

[hipstergecko]

SO I had an idea of a potential heart to heart between Vlad and Jack.

This has been bouncing around my head for a year now but I GOT IT OUT I'M FREE.

BONUS:

[our-arospec-experience]

Once my girlfriend asked who is my love life i confessed my best friend and my sister are people who I love most, they been there through thick and thin guess what? she lashed out made a rant 24h how a relationship works how a boyfriend and girlfriend works concluding with a break up. living with such perception that your partner MUST be important involved in anything is not only unrealistic but unhealthy. I don’t know if I’ll be ever able to keep living at this point…

if you need to talk to a professional, perhaps visit this website for some helplines. You deserve to feel respected and stay alive.

[generalluxun]

There's always been a long-standing question among fandoms that if this villain has anti-social personality disorder, then what would it say about their capacity for redemption? The correct answer is NOTHING, but the path that one with ASPD might take towards redemption may look different from everyone else. No one's path is identical. There are countless disorders that "could" potentially affect your moral behavior. Why is ASPD always singled out as the one that prevents you from achieving redemption?

I am NOT an expert on this. I think there are two big contributing factors most likely.

1)ASPD isn't 'sexy' and doesn't have a 'good victim' vibe. Sad people get the feels/sympathy, people who lash out get the boot. It's a pretty common thing in media. It's not fair, or just, but it is a fact.

2)ASPD specifically, from what I now as a Very non-expert Layman, is a condition with very few 'good' outcomes. You don't just 'get better' broadly. You usually end up on medication, perpetually. That medication often has strong side effects. It's a balancing act trying to live a functional life while taking medication. ASPD is of course not the only condition that has this sort of treatment, but it's definitely one of the more severe ones.

This means that there's rarely a happy/final outcome in these stories. It's about maintaining, it's about living life day to day. It's about not giving up. There's definitely a strong message that could be written around that kind of story but it isn't quick/easy/what people crave in general.

Net result- demonize those who act out, because we need baddies for our heroes and sadbois(girls, enbies, etc.)

[cachu302]

Gavv so far has been adequate. It’s a very Junko Komura show, if that makes sense. Looking back at her main works makes me consider her a “safety net” writer.

Zyuohger and LuPat both came after different approaches to the Sentai formula (Ninninger being a hot mess and Kyuranger overloading the budget), and were used to get “back on track”, though those two were hampered by their reliance on filler and refusal to progress the story. Zenkaiger similarly played it safe by reusing different MOTW plotlines for each episode with their own spin on the story, which was boosted by the script being very open to ad-libbing.

That’s what Gavv feels like—a safe Rider show to give everyone a breather after the experimental insanity of Gotchard and whatever the fuck is going on with Outsiders. So far, Gavv feels like it needs time to take off, but that’s because the show is taking its time doing all the safety checks.

That being said, I do think introducing the secondary rider at episode 6 is too fast, but what do I know?

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Not sure if you can help but...

I used to write fanfic a lot (not just Johnlock, but other fandoms too) and I got a particularly nasty comment on a fic months back (almost a year ago now I think) that made me delete my entire AO3 and never write anything ever again.

But I miss it so much. And every time I go to write something, the magic is just gone and I get nowhere. It's like any joy I had in writing was just sucked out by one single comment. How do I fix this?

Hey Nonny *SNUGGLE BUGGLE HUGGLE*

I'm so sorry that the "magic" feels gone, and I am so sorry that you had such a terrible experience because of one entitled asshole.

Unfortunately, I am not a professional in this regard, so please take what I say as just a grain of salt and as someone who adores and supports all creatives in this fandom... I've gotten lots of nasty comments over the years, and honestly... I take more joy that I continue on doing what I'm doing and that they're SO bloody bothered by me that I just ignored them... because really that's all you can do online. And sites like AO3 now give you the option to have your fics only be commented on by registered users only, so if you get that hate comment, just report it, block the user, and laugh at them.

I know that it's easier said than done, but to me it seems like you want to do start writing again. I've found that I just stopped caring about who my content is for, because at the end of the day, I'm doing my content for me, and it has the side effect of other people enjoying it too. I've lived long enough to just... not give a shit anymore about asshats online, because honestly they're just sad, bored people who get a sick thrill from riling people up.

BUT AGAIN, Nonny, this might be deeper than "just writing and forgetting about it" because that one comment WAS traumatic for YOU and that's VALID. I think talking to other authors might be beneficial to you to help you overcome that hurdle. FOR ME, I've found just... doing my projects with me as the primary audience does wonders. I love going back to my SUPER old stories and rereading them, because I take a lot of joy in remembering that these worlds were created by me FOR me. And looking at my old art and seeing how much I've improved often is motivation enough for me to carry on.

Actually, thinking back to my college days (OOOOOOF I'm old), we specifically had classes where the profs would rip apart our projects during critique sessions, on purpose, because in the real world, unfortunately, it is stuff you have to deal with in real life and they didn't want us to have our first experience be on-the-job. So I MIGHT be a bit more indifferent to "critiques" than most people, I'm now realizing, so AGAIN, please take what I say with a grain of salt.

That all said, you know what, Lovely? You have a lot more fans than you know, I'm sure, and they'd be thrilled to have you back <3 I REALLY REALLY wish I was better at articulating just how much I really want to see you happy, and how much of the best I hope for you. I know that my words aren't going to make everything better, but I hope they helped a bit.

If there's anyone who struggled to get over that hurdle themselves, please don't hesitate to reply or send me an anonymous message and I'll paste it here so Nonny knows that they're not alone.

And if you do, Nonny, decide to return and post up your stories, I am ALWAYS here to promote them and boost them for you <3

Please take care Nonny, and I hope you continue to write again <3 But KNOW that if you inevitably DON'T, THAT IS OKAY TOO. <3

[justaguywithadhd]

Work with your brain, not against it.

Stop trying to mold yourself into someone you're not. You can just be someone that isn't a morning person. Find a way to adjust your schedule to your natural sleep schedule as much as possible. You can just be a person that needs multiple things going at once. Instead of beating yourself up trying to force yourself to focus, try doodling during meetings (or jotting down distractions if you can't doodle). You'll be surprised how much easier it is to pay attention. You can just be someone that hates the taste of toothpaste. Instead of gagging every morning, buy flavored toothpaste (do watch out for flouride content though, may need to supplement). You can just be someone who is braindead the last couple hours of the workday. Instead of scolding yourself for not being as productive, save your tedious, mindless tasks for the end of the day so you don't have to think. My life has gotten infinitely better after just accepting myself where I am and rearranging my life around that, instead of trying to force myself to be like what I thought I should.