#my normal day is very much functional thankfully

[theprissythumbelina]

Happy birthday!

Also, going off your previous asthma posts, get well soon!

Thank you!

Also, I'm completely fine now, apparently my asthma is severely allergy triggered, so I'm getting a specialist appointment to try and do more treatment for it. As long as I avoid my allergy, I'm fine! But we haven't figured out what I'm allergic to yet

[penwieldingdreamer]

Love Confessions and other truths

Whoa, this one got out of hand I guess.

Thank you everyone for the likes, comments and reblogs. This fandom has given me so much joy and inspiration and he's definitely hard to resist not to write for.

As you know, I tried to keep the appearance and description of the reader as vauge as possible, you guys will be able to come up with your own picture for the reader, only thing I pictured: female reader, living in London with her british mother and american father, single mother of two girls Lottie (5) and Millie (3), and two years older than Austin.

Summary: Austin confesses his feelings for you, but you keep the truths about your feelings under wraps, until friends come up with good intentions and meddle in your relationship.

Words: 5.6k

Warnings: fluff, some swear words, maybe a few tippos - if so, please let me know

Happy reading and enjoy. And please let me know what you think, if you want to be tagged or taken off the taglist for this.

Dividers @cafekitsune

Tagging: @sqrlgrl22 @buckysteveloki-me @rlinda6 @imusicaddict @fortheloveoffanfic @unicoreads

Dec. 2022

With a groan you pulled yourself up on the couch, your leg propped up on a mass of pillows. 

“You doing okay, baby?” 

Were you okay? You didn't really know. A few days ago you injured yourself walking home from the store down the road from your flat. Winter had taken hold of the city and the streets were very slippery. Of course you thought your running shoes were enough to last that short walk. 

Well, your bandaged knee and ankle spoke for themselves. The ice patch had you out of commission for the time being, thankfully you only twisted your ankle and partially tore your ACL. It was dumb and unnecessary, but a few weeks and you'd be good as new. 

“Hurts like hell, but it's better than yesterday.”

Your mother leaned over and laid a kiss on your hair. She had been helping you with the girls, keeping them occupied and stopped them from running up the wall. “It's only a few more days. Doctor Burnes said you'll be able to walk better by next week, just keep it elevated for now and take your pain meds.”

“Hm, yeah, by next year I'll be a normally functioning human again.” It was a joke but also a semblance of truth. 

Only a few more days and you'd ring in 2023. Hopefully a better one than the last. With Trevor finally paying on time, Lottie still having fun at school and Millie enjoying her time at Kindergarten.

“How's Austin? I haven't heard from him in a while.” She asked, busying herself in the kitchen.

Last you heard he had told you that he was busy with pre awards parties and dinners and planned to go on a trip with Kaia during the holidays. “Don't know, you probably should ask the girls, they've been keeping tabs on him. I just provide the source to let them talk with him.”

Chuckling, your mother shook her head. “They really love him, huh? He's great with the girls.”

“They do. If he's not calling every third day, Lottie takes my phone and calls him herself.”

Your mother had listened to the excited squeals of your daughters when they had their evening calls with the actor. Once she had asked you about your feelings towards him, treading dangerously but you shut her down really quick. He was in a relationship, younger than you and you definitely didn't want to jump into another relationship, even if your last had been years ago.

Was this really what you wanted? 

Every time you talked to Austin, you felt your insides flutter like millions of butterflies. 

No, he's happy with Kaia, with his career. He doesn't need you to distract from all this.

“Mummy, mummy, mummy! Look it's Austin!” Lottie ran towards you, jumping onto the couch and hitting a painful spot on your knee. Her eyes widened as she heard your gasp and shrank back from you. “Careful baby, your mum isn't in the best shape right now.” Your mother reprimanded gently and you saw your daughter’s lips tremble slightly, the phone in her hand to show Austin watching attentively over the FaceTime app.

 “I'm sorry mummy, I didn't mean to hurt you.”

You pulled her back against your side, sitting up on the couch so you were propped upright again instead of laying down. Kissing her hair and breathing in her scent, that still reminded you of the time she was a baby, you brushed your hand along her back. “I'll be okay, baby, now what's this about Austin calling?”

“Hey darlin’, you doin’ okay all the way over there on that island?” 

You knew he was trying to keep in all the questions he had when he heard your mother and Lottie talk, but even as good as an actor he was, he couldn't keep the concern shining in his ocean blue eyes.

“I'll be fine, Aus, nothing a few days rest and a hearty meal won't fix.”

Squinting, he shook his dark blonde locks, giving you a disapproving look. “Lottie said you fell, hurt your knee and ankle.”

“Don't worry about it. My mum is helping out for the time being, keeping the girls entertained and me off my feet.” You sent him a reassuring smile, playing with Lottie's locks. “How are you? Are you taking care of yourself?”

“Hmm, yeah. It's warm, the sun’s shining and I'm relaxing at the beach.”

Your daughter giggled at his playful retort, her body jumping so hard, you had to hold onto her so she wouldn't fall off the couch and hit her head. “Austin! You're so funny. He's so funny mummy, right!”

Humming, you nodded your head, but you saw dark shadows under his eyes, not from lack of sleep but from his anxiety and his brain turning in a million directions as he once told you. “Why don't you help granny while I talk to Austin for a minute. You can come back and show him what decorations Millie and you made for Christmas. How's that sound sweetheart?”

With a deep sigh she nodded her head and skipped into the kitchen, telling your mother that you sent her away to have a grown up talk with Austin.

“She's getting quite sassy for her age.” The actor commented, sitting back on the lounge chair in the cabana, the blue shirt he wore pulled down at the neck to reveal a sliver of his chest making you swallow against the dryness of your throat.

“She is. Seems to be your influence because she never acted like that before she met you.” You accused with a smile before turning serious again. “Now what's this about? Shouldn't you be enjoying your mini getaway with your lovely girlfriend before the award marathon?”

Nodding his head, he put his arm behind his head, leaning his phone against his propped up leg. His free hand scratched along his chin and you knew with whatever in his mind right now, Austin wasn't enjoying his time with Kaia. 

“I've got a lot on my mind, I guess.”

“Want to talk about it? You know, I've got time before dinner.”

A mixture between a groan and a sigh left his lips as he stared into your eyes, making your insides twist with something you hadn't felt in so long, something warm and soothing. “I think I'm stuck in a kind of predicament.”

“Okay, something with your next project? Or the upcoming awards?”

“No,” Austin shook his head. “It's you.”

Wide eyes stared at him as you tried to comprehend what the actor just told you. “M-me? I mean, why?”

“I've been thinking about you and I can't stop it. I should be happy with Kaia, but all I'm thinking about is if I'd have a chance with you, if you'd be my girl and I'd get to call the girls and you my family.”

You shook your head in denial. His confession was making your head spin. You were friends, nothing more. “Austin, you, you've got Kaia, it's not fair to her. I, this can't happen, I'm sorry.”

His hand tightened in his sandy blond locks, trying desperately to keep his composure and you knew his anxiety was ready to make itself known. “I know. I tried so fucking hard. But God forbid, I want you… so much.”

“This…Austin, it’s…I can’t, I’m really sorry. I can only be your friend,” You felt the burn behind your eyes, the tears building up and threatening to make you blind. Yet you refused to let them fall. The crestfallen look on his face made your heart ache but you knew there was no way a relationship would work at the moment. “You need to focus on your career on all those amazing projects you’ll be able to make and we can’t distract you.”

Shaking his head, Austin sat up again, his phone now close to his face and you saw the tears building in his own eyes. He was an amazing actor and yet he could be read so easily. “I can focus on my career with you. I want you, I want the girls, I want everything!”

With each word his voice got louder, until he nearly screamed it for everyone to hear. You could make out a shadowy figure at his side and swallowed thickly. Probably not the best topic to talk about when his girlfriend was just a few feet away and they should be happily engaged in other activities during their couples time.

“I can be friend, Austin, nothing more. You want to talk to the girls? They made Christmas decorations with Elvis on their stars.” He nodded his head, brushing his long fingers under his eyes and you could feel the dredd pool deep in your stomach. Keeping the sniffles to yourself until you were safely tucked away in the bathroom, you called Lottie and Millie and with some grunting and heaving, you managed to get off the couch.

Your mother's eyes followed you before you pushed out your daughters’ excited squeals and Austin’s playful responses. 

Your heart ached and you felt your stomach clench, thinking back on his words. 

What had you gotten yourself into?

He was an amazing guy but you feared you weren't the right one for him. 

Putting your hand over your mouth, you tried to muffle your sniffles, the tears wetting your cheeks on the way down as you felt your heart shattering.

“So, she said No?”

Before he called you, Austin had finally sat down with Kaia and discussed what had been plaguing him the last few months.

He knew it wasn't fair to be with her and think about the what ifs of you being there.

Of course she wasn't happy, their relationship lasting not even a year, but the model had already seen a change in him. She was sad and cried when they talked but knew neither of them would be happy if they continued like they did.

So they agreed to end it there on their mini getaway, agreeing to be better off as friends, still supporting the other on their dreams.

Kaia sat on the end of the lounge right at his feet. She leaned on his knee, watching Austin closely. He always wears his heart on his sleeve and she could see the defeated look all over his face.

“I'm sorry.” Pushing the heels of his hands against his eyes, he tried to keep.the tears at bay, being the sensitive man he was. “She told him she could be my friend, but nothing more.”

“She's lying.” She finally mused, thinking back on what she heard you say during the call. “She was ready to break down and admit it, Aus.”

Pursing his lips the actor watched his girlfriend, well ex closely. “But she said”

“It's not what she said, it's what she didn't say. The way she behaved.” Kaia sent him a smile. “She's just as in love with you as you are with her. No woman in her right mind wouldn't be in love with you. I mean look at me, we had a great time together.”

Awkwardly scratching his fingers along his chin, the actor breathed out a sigh. He was loath to admit that it had been an amazing time with her but life was throwing him curve balls left and right it seemed. “I'm thankful for our time together and I'm sorry for the way this played out, but I”

“We're staying friends, Aus, I'm not letting you off that easily. I'll be helping you get your girl, besides maybe that way mom will be distracted the next time I FaceTime her and the girls to ask me when I'll be deciding to grace the world with little Crawford models.”

“Oh god.” He chuckled, throwing his head back with a laugh. “Please don't. Enjoy what you're doing right now. You'll know when you find the right guy.”

Kaia hummed, drawing an invisible pattern on his propped up knee. “I thought that was you, but you know the last few months we've both been so focused on our career and things we both clearly have different thoughts about, that it hasn't felt like in the beginning. And I guess ending this while we can is the best decision for us.”

“I'll have to talk to Kate, make sure there's no dumb rumors circling and we get a joint statement out there to keep it as low as possible.” His free hand gently brushed along her shoulder, before settling on her back and drawing Kaia into a tight hug. “You don't know how much this means to me. The last time, with Nessa, being friendly wouldn't have been possible.”

The model reached her hand up, brushing a stray tear away that had slowly made its way down his cheek. “Have you been able to talk to her at all? Clear it up after all that time?”

He shook his head. “Honestly, I don't know what I would tell her, she didn't want to listen the first time and I guess she's happy now. Why wake sleeping dogs when you can keep the peace?”

“Well, that is a good reason…for now.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Let's focus on your darlin’ and how to get her to admit she is head over heels for you.” Winking, Kaia got up and moved inside the villa they had rented for the week, determined to get her mission, to shove you into his arms, started.

If there was one woman she was going to step aside for it was you. She had known you had feelings for Austin for a while but you never acted on them and she had to give it to you: for her you were more sister and close friend than some of her friends in LA.

Feb. 2023

“Hey, Ash. How's everyone? How's my favorite niece?”

The corners of his mouth raised up at the light chuckles coming from his phone. Austin was back in London for another night of awards. He still couldn't believe he had won all those awards like the People's Choice or Golden Globe and gotten nominations for Elvis alone. Hell, he was nominated for the BAFTA and the Oscar. This was beyond anything he ever thought and yet, looking out over Hyde Park he felt his gut churning. He wished he could talk to his mom, to Lisa-Marie who had given him so much strength before he lost her suddenly a few weeks ago. She had the same calming energy as his mom and after getting to know her he was drawn to her, happy for every moment he shared with Elvis’ only child. 

You still hadn't stopped seeing him as just a friend, calling him and congratulating on his win, listening to him when he got the news of Lisa's passing. He didn't think it possible but he fell even more and Austin wasn't sure he'd be able to recover easily.

“She's your only niece for now but Juju is doing great, really everyone is.” Ashley told him with a grin. “How're you Mr. Golden Globe winner? Heard your in the run for a BAFTA and Oscar.”

“It's unbelievable, I…phew, still can't believe it. I called Nessa, I wanted to talk to her and…thank her, you know, for what she did back then. Didn't want her to just read it in the press. I-I wished mom could be here. And Lisa.” 

His eyes watered. Austin had so many moments he was taking on alone again. Kaia was back in LA filming while juggling the runway as well but she loved it and every time they talked he could hear the lightness in her voice. 

“I'm sorry Aus, you know they're hella proud of you. Your mom is always there, Juju was in the garden a few days ago and this huge butterfly just plopped down on her nose and I knew Lori was there looking after her. And I bet Lisa will shine down on you as well. You made something really special.” She pulled him out of his dark thoughts, the small smile returning to his plumb lips. “And I'm sorry about Kaia, I know you guys were super happy. But you're still friends right? Are you going to be okay, want to talk about it?”

“Hm, yeah, I think so. Right now I wished I wasn't going alone tonight.” 

Humming, the actress sent him a smile. “You're not alone, babe. Baz is there and Kate, she'll make sure everything goes smoothly.”

Running his hand through his hair, Austin sat down on the plush settee in front of the bed. “I know, it's not them, it's…I'm grateful for them but there's, I wished she was there with me.”

“Oh!” Ashley's eyes widened with a grin spreading on her lips. “You still haven't gotten further with her?”

“No,” he sighed. “I even sent her love songs, ones I sang myself, tried to talk to her again when I called the girls, but she's insistent.”

“Don't worry, she'll come around.” The actress winked and Austin racked his brain about what she was going on about. He hoped she wasn't doing something he might regret in the end.

“Good morning my little poppets, I come bearing breakfast.” Your father called in his fake british accent from the front door of your flat. Your daughters squeals erupted with shouts of grandpa and you watched them run around, laughing softly at their antics. Your mother helped you in the kitchen, preparing the cake for Millies's birthday the next day.

“She's so excited for tomorrow.” Your mother laughed, mixing the cake batter and winking at you.

“That she is. She can't wait to be four, kept asking me when it was time for bed so her birthday would come sooner.” Chuckling, the two of you glanced back at the doorway waiting for your rugrats and your father.

“Mommy! Look what grandpa brought me!” Lottie called running over to you, holding up an Elvis coloring book. Your father followed closely with your youngest propped up on his hip. Somehow you had a feeling her obsession with the King of Rock'n'Roll was only fueled by Austin and your father. 

“Found it in that web shop and she wouldn't shut up about this Austin being Elvis in that new movie, so I thought I'd do ya a favor. That way she'll keep quiet for some time as well.” He ruffled her hair and grinned down at his oldest granddaughter.

Shaking your head, you were just about to retort when your phone chimed with a new message. You guessed it was Austin, telling you he had arrived safely at his hotel and was preparing to surprise Millie tomorrow with a visit.

Meet me at the Four Seasons. It's important. K

Kaia? Why was she…You hoped Austin was okay. You hoped she was okay. Of course you had read the news on their break-up, feeling guilty about it all and you knew Austin’s decision on that but you wanted to talk to her, explaining that you never intended, never encouraged him to start feeling anything for you. 

Swallowing the lump that had formed in your throat, you casually replied and asked her when she wanted to meet you. The reply was immediate and you felt that gut wrenching anxiety.

Was she going to blame you for the break-up? Oh god, this wasn’t going to end well.

Get here as soon as you can. K

And you did. You had asked your parents to watch the girls, not knowing how long the talk with Austin’s ex would take and what she really wanted. Anything was possible. Kaia had always been super nice to you and the girls, but there was no way of knowing if her thoughts about you had changed now after the end of their relationship.

So, you made your way inside the hotel, hands clammy and knees chittery from the dark thoughts swirling inside your head. The front desk loomed over you and you raked your brain on how to approach this, they probably wouldn’t just let anybody know information on

“Hey, Y/N.”  

Turning around with a soft gasp, you saw Kaia sitting together with two women watching expectantly. Taking a deep breath you clutched your bag tightly, a lifeline if you will and suddenly you felt stupid for being overly dramatic but you couldn’t help it. “H-Hey, Kaia. I’m sorry, I came as fast as I could and well, honestly I don’t know why I’m here, but I’m really sorry and I never meant”

She giggled softly, stopping your rambling and put her arm around your shoulder to pull you over, sitting with her and the women. “God, you’re such a sweetheart. I’m not mad. I was bummed, sure, but I guess we wanted different things in life so it’s all good.”

“But you, you said it was important and I thought you were going to hate me and I’m rambling again, sorry, I’m just nervous.”

Chuckling, one of the women got up and offered her hand. “I’m Sandra and this lovely lady is Sofia. Kaia asked us to get you ready for your date with Austin.”

Wide eyes turned to the model, your hand tightly gripping the offered appendage. “M-My date? I don’t…I think you’re mistaken. There was never any word about a date, besides we’re not even a couple.”

“Yet and yes, you’ll be going on an awards date. Aus has been moping the last two and a half months and to be honest, I want cheery, cheeky Austin back as my friend. So, we’re going to doll you up and I definitely know you’re going to blow him away.” She smirked at you, grabbing your arm and pulling you along to the elevators. 

“But” Your protests were cut short as the doors closed and the four of you made your way to Kaia’s hotel room. With it still being morning, Sandra told you there was enough time to get ready without any kind of stressing out - at least time wise, inside your brain was another story. You kind of felt like the girl from that Disney movie Inside Out. So many feelings at once.

“Right, so Austin is still up in his room, Tom and Jamie are going to join him later, we’ll be down here and get you ready. If you want you can take a shower first, relax a little and calm down.” The model suggested grabbing the champagne bottle from the large table inside her room - well more like a suite, if you were asked.

“I-I need to call my mum, she’s taking care of the girls right now. I thought I’d not be longer than an hour if you let me live.” You shrugged, anxiously biting off the skin on your finger.

Sofia grabbed your hand and pulled it away from your mouth. “Stop that, you don’t have anything to worry about.”

“So you say. You guys are gorgeous looking with killer bodies. Those dresses belong on you, not little ol’ me.” Your shoulders slumped. “The last time I remotely dressed up was for a date a year ago and the only positive thing he said to me was that my eyes were looking a bit tired and I should make sure to get enough sleep. I haven’t seen the inside of a gym for over three and a half years when I tried to train off all that baby weight and then just gave up. My ass is too big, my boobs are saggy and”

“And you have two wonderful kids that you love to bits. You look gorgeous with the right tool, believe me. Me looking like that is the combination of good genes and hard work.” Kaia pointed to herself. “There’s days I’m super happy to just sit down, doing nothing and enjoying the greasiest food I can get. But then I remember I have to get back to the Fashion shows.”

Taking a deep breath you nodded your head. “I still need to call my parents.”

“I’ll do that, you take a shower and drink that glass of champagne, believe me, it works wonders.” Kaia suggested, pushing you towards the en-suite and taking your bag. “Now, chop chop, we haven’t got all day.”

After your shower, Jamie, Austin’s hairstylist sat you down in front of the large vanity, all tools and makeup stashed on the table. You couldn't remember if you ever dreamed of something like this - your wedding maybe, but on a day like today, definitely not.

“What do you think about this one?” Sandra held up a gorgeous tulle dress, long sleeved and rhinestones all over. It was perfect, just not for you.

Shaking your head, you forgot Jamie was still fighting with your hair. She had been adamant that the last time a female sat in her chair had been back when she was training. The pull on your temples as she combed it was enough of a reprimand to sit still.

“It's the fourth dress you said no to. What is wrong with this one?” The stylist sighed and turned to Kaia who was shrugging her shoulders, obviously giving up on reasoning right now. “The first”

“My boobs are to big for that one.”

“Why do you think I've got Boob-Tape? The next was too low cut, the slit on the other one too high.”

“I just, I don't think this is me. Can't it be just a simple black dress, no fancy feathers, stones or whatever. For all I care, run down to Primark and get me a slip dress and I'd be fine with that.”

Sofia gave you a stern look, brandishing her powder brush as if it was a weapon to hit some sense into you. “Absolutely not. You're going to be the dame of the ball, you hear me. Everybody will be so jealous Austin is having you in his arms.”

Taking a deep breath you reminded yourself that the four women wouldn't let you say anything else. So you sat and let them flit about and do their thing.

“Okay, I've got one more dress, if you don't wear that, you'll have to walk about in your underwear.” Sandra smirked at you, holding up a black evening gown. “I think this one will be what you want. It’s Saint Laurent and paired with those gorgeous black Jimmy Choo heels you’ll look amazing.”

Your fingers brushed along the dress, feeling the cool silk underneath, that’s when you saw the back. The fabric was bound together in the back but if you wore that, you’d not be able to wear a bra. “My boobs are going to fall out of this one.” You moaned looking at the stylist and the model.

“Nope, that’s where the boob-tape comes in. Now let Jamie and Sofia swing their magic wands and get you in this dress ASAP.” Sandra commented, winking at you.

Kaia chuckled next to her, taking a sip of the coffee room service had brought half an hour ago. “You know, that sounded a bit dirty right there, Sandy.”

An hour later you found yourself at the back entrance, hair and makeup on point, pictures taken for your parents and hands clutching the bag like a rope. Kaia smiled at you, her arm linked with your own. “You, you're going to come with me, right?”

“I'll be at the show, but I'm taking a different car.”

Panic seized you, gripping her hand so tight she winced slightly. “I can't go there alone, I don't even what to do.”

Shaking her head, Kaia pulled you into a hug. “You'll be fine, I promise. Now get in the car, Austin will be in in a second.”

“Aus” Your eyes widened, but she already shoved you inside the car. Swallowing against the dryness of your throat you leaned back into the seat. Even sitting down you felt like your knees were going to give away. Then the door on the other side opened and you felt your heart stutter. He looked so handsome in his suit and bow tie.

“Darlin’?” He smiled, his hand reaching for you. “I, what are you doing here?”

“I-I, Kaia, she said I should meet her here and then suddenly they were on me, dressing me up and telling me I was your date for tonight.”

Austin's smile widened as he leaned closer. “I'm not complaining at all, but, are you okay!”

“I don't know.” You shrugged, grabbing his hand in yours and giving it a light squeeze. Thank god the privacy screen was up or you probably wouldn’t have had the courage to talk with him right now. “I keep thinking that I might have hit my head, that maybe Kaia really hated me and I'm up in that room and wake up soon.”

He chuckled softly, shaking his head. “I assure you, you're very awake. Because if you aren't then I'm asleep as well and it would be such an amazing dream.” Leaning in, his lips brushed against your cheek. 

“I'm sorry about before.” Your eyes watered, leaning your forehead against his own, the fingers of your free hand brushing along his chin, the light stubble scratching your palm. “Truth is, I never wanted to fall in love with you. I loved before and was hurt badly in the process. But you were so different and you were in a relationship. Your a celebrity, I'm just me, I'm a nobody. And the girls, they are my world and you were the only one putting them first, not even their own father does that.”

His Adam's apple bopped and you could see his emotions swirling in his ocean eyes. “You're not a nobody, darlin’, you're somebody to me and if I'm honest with you, I never wantesnto fall in love with you either but Lottie and Millie made it hard not to fall in love and in the end all I wanted was the three of you with me.”

Your eyes flitted between his eyes and plush lips, the butterflies dancing inside your belly until you used all your courage and sealed your lips with his, no thought left to the carefully applied lip gloss Sofia used on you. It had taken you months to admit to yourself what you really wanted and now you finally found it. 

Austin's arms wound around your waist, pulling you closer, only just stopping before you straddled his waist. He moaned into his mouth, your arms slinging around his shoulder, fingers playing with the hair in his neck.

“I love you, Austin and I'm sorry I tried to push you away.” You confessed, breaking the kiss.

“I'm happy, you came to your senses. You’ll be my lucky charm tonight.” 

Smirking, your fingers brushing over his lips, taking away the gloss you left there with your kiss. “I'll try to be the best lucky charm you can have.”

“The best and everyone will be jealous of me having the most beautiful woman of the night in my arms.” Chuckling, Austin’s hand moved up along your bare back. “I love that dress.”

“Hm, I think I like it as well.” You had to give it to Sandra, she was a master of her art. She truly made you irresistible to him. "Oh, you want to call the girls before you head off to the carpet?"

“Yes, I missed them today.”

He brushed his lips against your temple, leaning against you as you grabbed your phone from the clutch his stylist grabbed for you.

“Mummy! Austin!” Lottie called loudly, jumping off the sofa to sit next to her little sister who was coloring a page of her Elvis coloring book. “Granny said you were going to a party tonight and we could stay up to watch you win that award.”

“Lottie, I don't think that's what granny really meant.” You admonished, but knew they'd probably be too tired to watch it all once the ceremony started.

“Right, little lady, you listen to your mama, no staying up late just to see me, okay? I'll meet up with you tomorrow, take you girls out to have some ice cream, how's that sound?”

Your heart swelled, listening to him talk to your daughters that way. He truly was made to be a dad one day and you hoped this was actually what he really wanted.

“Now, I'll be heading off to the red carpet, take some nice pictures for you and then you can watch the start of the show. If there's a camera I'll send some kisses your way, okay? You be good for your grandma and grandpa and listen to what they say.”

They nodded their little heads, accompanied by aha’s and uhu’s before they sent Austin off with big kisses and loads of good luck. You waved your goodbyes at them and enjoyed the rest of the ride talking about his upcoming projects and the rest of awards season.

Of course you were his lucky charms that night. He won his BAFTA and you couldn't have been prouder of him than you were at the moment he accepted his award.

The video of you running into his arms and kissing him soundly was one of the most viewed of the night, but in that moment, you couldn't care less if everyone knew about you.

[atearyamallari]

Bath, Bed, and Late Night Phone Calls

This is another entry for @tmnt-write-fight. Get attacked, @untitled-tmnt-blog! This was the prompt I had answered:

New dad Splinter is very unprepared but is trying the best he can.

Not a parent, but having worked closely with children, I can tell you that parenting is hard. Hope you all enjoy the story! (and if you're reading this, I recommend having tissues nearby)

Words: 3669

Rating: Gen

Tags: Fluff, Family Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, Minor Character Death, Bubble Bath, Sad Ending, Bittersweet Ending, Bittersweet.

Iteration: Rise of the TMNT

You can also check out the fic here on AO3!

Enjoy!

\\

Splinter looked at his sons as they cuddled on the couch together, watching one of his films. Admittedly, it wasn’t the best thing to show to children – violence toned down was still violence, after all – but he didn’t have any other movies for them. Besides, putting something on the TV was one of the only ways he could get all four of them to calm down and be quiet for longer than ten minutes. And the boys seemed to really enjoy this movie in particular; their jaws were slack, and their eyes twinkled with awe as they watched Lou Jitsu beat up a dozen bad guys on screen.

Little did they know that Lou Jitsu was standing nearby, and that he was going to pull the rug out from under them. He snatched up the remote with his tail and turned the TV off. “Alright, boys! It’s time for your bath!” he said.

The room grew to a near-deafening volume as all four of them started complaining at once. “But Papa, I don’t wanna take a bath!” Leo whined.

“No baths!” Mikey said.

“Yeah, we already had one,” Raph said. “We’re all clean.”

“No baths!”

“That was two days ago. You need to take another one today,” Splinter said.

“But we want to watch the movie!” Donnie said.

“No baths!”

Splinter’s sanity was slipping from him, like a balloon slipping from a child’s fingers and floating out of reach. “How about we take baths one at a time, and when you’re not being washed you can watch the movie?” he said, trying his best to refrain from yelling. “Does that sound good?”

Bargaining seemed to do the trick. “Yay! Movie time!” they yelled happily.

He turned the TV back on, and the projector hummed with life as it displayed their favorite movie once more. “Red, you will go first,” he said, setting the remote down.

“What? No fair!” he said. “Why do I have to go first?”

“Because I said so.” He grabbed his son by the wrist and tried to gently coax him off the couch.

“I don’t wanna take a bath!” Raph said. “I wanna stay here with my brothers!” He wormed his arm out of Splinter’s grasp, then retreated his head and limbs into his shell.

Normally, that level of stubbornness would have caused Splinter a headache, but thankfully, his son wasn’t smart enough to realize that hiding in his shell only made him easier to carry. Splinter picked him up off the couch and was immediately surprised by how heavy his Raph was. Five-year-olds were supposed to grow a lot, but it should have been illegal for him to grow this much. As he lugged Raphael away into the bathroom, he wondered how much longer he would be able to carry him before he grew too big.

Their bathroom was barely larger than a closet, but it was the only room in the sewer drainage junction that they had come to call home which had spigots to draw water from. A wooden barrel that had been sawed in half functioned as their bathtub, and Splinter had added shelves to the walls to hold soap and towels. As he gently set Raph down into the tub, he realized that his son was almost too big for it now. Another reason why it should have been illegal for him to grow as fast as he did.

Splinter connected a garden hose to a faucet in the walls and turned the valve handle. Water gushed out, brown and murky at first, but eventually it ran clear. Splinter aimed the hose into the bathtub and began filling it. Curious, little Raph peeked his head out from his shell, then his legs, then his arms. A smile slowly crept onto his face as he began to splash around.

“Are you having fun?” Splinter asked, amused.

“Yeah!” Raph said. He slammed his arms into the water, making giant splashes.

“Careful! You’re gonna get water everywhere,” Splinter said. He turned off the faucet, grabbed some liquid soap from one of the shelves and began pouring it into the bath. Mountains of bubbles grew in the tub, much to Raph’s delight.

“Look, Daddy!” Raph said, scooping bubbles with his hands and smearing them on top of his head. “I’m Lou Jitsu!”

Laughing, Splinter took off his red bandana, then scooped up some more bubbles and added them to his son’s head. “You look just like him!” he said.

He spent the next couple of minutes scrubbing him down with a sponge. Halfway through the bath, Raph had managed to splash all the water out of the tub, forcing Splinter to fill it up again. But before long, he had Raph wrapped up in a fuzzy red towel. “Daddy’s gonna get you all dried up,” he said.

Somewhere in another room, glass shattered. Splinter’s heart dropped as soon as he heard the sound. “Never mind. You’re old enough to do this yourself, right?” he said to Raph. Then he bolted out of the bathroom.

Leo and Mikey were standing in the middle of the TV room, looking down at the mess they had made. Between the two of them was a football, a lamp shade, and a pile of broken ceramic. “Did you two just break our brand-new lamp?” Splinter said, aghast.

The boys pointed their fingers at each other. “He did it!” they said simultaneously.

Like the rest of their furniture, the lamp had been salvaged from a dumpster, but it was one of the nicer appliances that Splinter had added to their home. “That’s it! Leonardo, Michelangelo, you’re both in trouble,” he yelled. “No more playing football in the lair.”

“Sorry, Daddy,” Leo mumbled.

“S-sorry, P-papa” Mikey said, bursting into tears.

Seeing his son crying caused his chest to tighten with pity. Still, pity wasn’t going to clean up the mess. Splinter picked up the football and carefully plucked out the ceramic shards before placing it on the very top of the do-not-touch cabinet he had in the TV room. Then he carefully swept up the broken pieces before his sons could cut their toes on them. By the time he was done, Mikey had stopped crying but was still sulking where he stood.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you,” Splinter said, picking him up. “But I need you to be careful. I don’t want you getting hurt. Now, let’s get you back on the couch.” He fluffed up the cushions with one hand before setting him down, then turned to Leo. “Come, Blue. It’s time for your bath now.”

“Okay,” Leo said in a whiny tone.

Taking his hand, Splinter led him to the bathroom. All the while, a nagging feeling ate away at him, telling him that something was wrong. It wasn’t until they had nearly left the TV room that he realized what it was. “Where’s Purple?” he asked Leo. He asked as calmly as possible, but his heart only pounded faster when he remembered that he hadn’t seen Donnie since he took Raph’s bath.

Leo silently pointed behind him. Splinter turned to find Donnie standing just a few feet away, dragging a bucket by the handle. “I’m right here, Papa,” he said.

Crisis averted. Splinter let out a giant sigh of relief. “Donatello, go watch the movie with your brother,” he said.

“Actually, I want to take a bath now,” Donnie said.

“But Daddy said that it’s my turn for bathtime,” Leo said.

“You boys can have a bath at the same time,” Splinter suggested. Thankfully, the two of them were small enough that they could both fit in the tub.

Leo took Donnie’s free hand and together they walked into the bathroom. Raph was standing where Splinter had left him, swaddled in the towel. It was obvious that he hadn’t done anything to dry himself off, however, since water was still dripping from his shell, and he was now shivering. Splinter helped Leo and Donnie into the bathtub, then finished drying Raph off while the bath filled with water. Eventually, he let Raph scamper back into the TV room and turned his attention back to Leo and Donnie.

Donnie was floating his bucket in the bathtub. Lately, he had picked up the habit of walking everywhere with it and often filled it with little trinkets he found around the house. “What do you have in your bucket, Purple?” Splinter asked as he gently took off his bandana.

Silently, Donnie reached into the bucket and pulled out a spoon, then let it drop into the water. Then he drew a second spoon from the bucket, and a third, dropping each of them into the bath. Although this probably wasn’t normal behavior for a child, this didn’t surprise Splinter at all. Donnie, for some reason, had an interest in shiny metal objects. What did surprise him, however, was the next few items that Donnie pulled out from his bucket. They were metal rods shaped like the letter C, and for some reason Splinter had the feeling that he had seen them somewhere before. It wasn’t until Donnie had dropped the fourth one into the bathtub that he realized that they were the handles of the kitchen drawers. “What –? How did you get the handles off?�� he asked incredulously.

“With a screwdriver,” Donnie said, beaming.

If any of his other sons had done this, Splinter would have been concerned. But Donnie had always been a little too smart for his own good. Splinter tiredly dragged one of his hands over his face. Considering that his four-year-old son was able to remove the handles, it should be easy for him to place them back on. “What else do you have in the bucket?” he asked.

“A toaster!” he said, pulling one out.

“No no no no no!” Splinter said, catching the toaster before his son could toss it into the bath like the rest of his trinkets. He set the toaster on one of the shelves, away from the water, then took the bucket out of the bathtub. “Let’s play with this later, okay?”

Like with Raph, Splinter scrubbed Donnie and Leo down with a sponge. It took a little longer than normal because whenever Donnie was distracted, he took the opportunity to reach into the bathtub and pull out the spoons and drawer handles. In a few minutes, however, he had them clean and swaddled in their favorite purple and blue towels. Once they had both dried off, he led them both to the TV room. “Orange, it’s your turn,” he called.

Raph sat on the couch watching the movie, but Mikey wasn’t with him. “Red, where is your brother?” he asked.

He shrugged. “I dunno. I’ve just been watching the movie.”

Splinter looked down at Donnie and Leo, as if they would have the answers, but they only shrugged in reply as well. This was just great. He should have known that it was getting too quiet around the lair. That’s what he got for teaching them basic ninja skills.

Leaving the rest of the boys in the TV room, Splinter walked around and called Mikey’s name. The longer time dragged on without a response, the more panic dug its claws into his chest. All the doors leading out of the sewers were child-proof, so there was no way Mikey could have left – but if he had managed to break through, then Splinter could only hope that his chubby toddler legs didn’t take him very far.

After calling his name for what felt like the hundredth time, Splinter finally heard a response. “Hi, Daddy!” came Mikey’s voice, bouncing across the walls of the atrium.

Splinter spun around wildly, trying to pinpoint where the sound had come from. Finally, his eyes rested on the sight of a little box turtle hanging from a pipe suspended ten feet off the ground. “Mikey!” he said, horrified. “Get down from there!”

“Okay!” Mikey said. He let go of the pipe.

“That’s not what I meant!” Splinter screamed. Adrenaline pumped through his body as his instincts took over. With a giant leap, he stretched out his hands and caught his son as he plummeted to the ground. He landed expertly, still holding onto Mikey.

“Yay! Do it again!” his son said.

“Nope! Not again!” Splinter said, nearly crying from sheer terror. “Bathtime only.”

Splinter gave Mikey his bath, and by the time he was done, exhaustion weighed down every bone in his body. He wasn’t the only one; little Mikey started nodding his head as Splinter dried him off and he seemed to struggle to keep his eyes open. It was a little early in the evening – but it was never too early for bedtime. Splinter picked up his son and carried him to his bedroom. Mikey was sound asleep before his head hit his pillow. Chuckling softly, Splinter knelt over him and kissed the top of his head before returning to the TV room.

Raph, Donnie, and Leo were all sound asleep, cuddled close together on the couch. Splinter grabbed the remote and lowered the volume to the movie, which still droned on in the background. One by one, he picked up Raph, then Donnie, and carried them to their beds, before tucking them in and kissing them good night. As he brought Leo to his bed, however, he began to stir. “Papa,” Leo murmured sleepily as Splinter lay him gently down on his pillow. “Can you tell me a bedtime story?”

“No, it’s time for you to sleep,” Splinter said.

“Please?”

Leo’s sleepy little eyes were simply too adorable to resist. “Okay,” Splinter said, sitting on the edge of his son’s bed. He racked his mind for a bedtime story until at last he remembered an old fairy tale from his childhood.

“Once upon a time there was a young fisherman named Urashima Tarō,” he began. “He lived with his mother and father in a humble village on the coast of a small island, and he was a good son who ate all his vegetables and didn’t complain about bathtime. One day, when he was walking along the beach, he came across a group of children. As he drew closer, he saw that they were torturing a baby sea turtle who was stranded in the sand dunes. Feeling pity for the turtle, he drove the children away, then he carefully watched over it as it found its way to the surf and disappeared into the waves.”

“Those were some mean kids,” Leo mumbled.

“Yes, yes,” Splinter said. “Now don’t interrupt. Two days later, when he was fishing on his boat, a giant sea turtle swam up to him. It was no ordinary sea turtle, for it was the same one that he had rescued. And it could talk! The turtle thanked him for saving its life and offered to take him to Ryūgū-jō, the underwater palace of the Dragon God. Since Tarō was a human and could not breathe underwater, the turtle magically gave him gills, and since he was not a strong swimmer, the turtle let him ride on its shell until they came to a beautiful palace made of pearls at the bottom of the ocean.”

“Saving the turtle had made Tarō the hot-shot of the ocean. He got to meet all of the important people in Ryūgū-jō, like the emperor, and his princess daughter, Otohime. But as the days went by, he became homesick. He wanted to go back to the island to see his mother and father. Otohime was sad to see him go, but she gave him permission to return home and gave him a special box, a tamatebako, to keep him safe from harm. However, she gave him instructions to never open the box. Tarō took it with him and rode on the back of his sea turtle friend until he made it home.”

“When he came to his island home, he found that everything had changed. He couldn’t recognize any of the people there, and he couldn’t find his parents. Just when he thought he had traveled to the wrong island, some of the villagers told him that they knew where his mother and father were. They took him to a pair of graves at the edge of the village – his parent’s graves. Three hundred years had passed since he had disappeared at sea, and his parents were long gone. Distracted by the grief, Tarō opened the lid of the tamatebako. White smoke poured out, turning his hair silver and forming wrinkles in his skin. It was too late by the time that he realized that the box had held his old age.”

Leo’s eyes were closed, and his breathing was soft and even. Splinter gently cupped his son’s face in his hands, stroking the edge of his bright red stripes with his thumb, and leaned over to kiss the top of his head. Then he quietly got up and walked out of his room.

Now that his sons were asleep, the lair was completely still, but despite the peace and quiet Splinter found himself unable to relax. Today marked the third anniversary of their collective mutation – the boys mutating into giant sentient turtles, himself mutating into an ugly, oversized rat. His fur stood on end as horrible memories wormed their way into his mind. The glow of bright green ooze. The acrid stench of chemical fires burning in a crumbling lab. The ache in his bones as he transformed. The horrible, churning feeling in his gut when he realized that Draxum intended to turn innocent baby turtles into weapons of war.

After three years, that gut-churning feeling never really went away. He felt when he and his sons were on the run, living in the streets. He felt it the one time someone had caught a glimpse of him and his boys and screeched in horror. Even when their lives weren’t in immediate danger, he couldn’t ignore the feeling that he was doing this parenting stuff all wrong. He had rescued the boys from a soldier’s life, only to deliver them to a life in the sewers.

He couldn’t do this anymore – not alone, anyway. It was time to ask for some help, or at least some parenting advice. Splinter tip-toed to his room, grabbed an oversized hoodie, and slipped it on. Then he lifted his mattress and snatched up the loose change that he had hidden underneath. He counted the quarters, adding them up until he had nearly thirteen dollars. Enough to make an international call.

Quietly, he tiptoed out of his room and into one of the sewer tunnels that led to a maintenance shaft. He turned the door handle and heaved the giant vault-like door open before slipping through and shutting it behind him. When he reached the top of the maintenance shaft, he lifted the manhole cover and crawled out onto the street. Pulling his hood over his head, he headed east.

Two blocks later, he reached a row of payphones on the side of the road. He lifted one of the phones from its hook and inserted quarters into the coin slot before dialing the number. Although it had been over thirteen years since he had talked to his grandfather, he still remembered the number to his landline.

Splinter nervously twist the phone cord in between his fingers as the phone rang in his ear. Would his grandfather be happy to hear his voice, or disappointed that it took over thirteen years to reach out to him again? Would his grandfather even remember him? Was his Japanese still good enough to carry a conversation? Part of him was tempted to save himself the shame and hang up so that he could get his money back. Clutching the phone tighter, he forced himself to stay on the line. This was for his sons, he reminded himself.

The line clicked as someone picked up the phone on the other end. “Jiji! It’s me, Yoshi,” Splinter said. “I’m sorry I haven’t called you sooner. I need help –”

“I’m sorry, who did you say you were?”

“Yoshi. Hamato Yoshi,” he answered. His stomach twisted when he realized he didn’t recognize the voice on the other end.

“I think you have the wrong number.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry to bother you. I was just trying to call my grandpa, Hamato Sho.”

“Hamato Sho,” repeated the stranger on the other end. “I recognize that name. I think he was the previous occupant of the house I am living in now.”

If the stranger knew his grandfather, then he still had hope of reaching him. “Do you know where he lives now? Or what his new phone number is?”

The stranger paused. “Listen, I know this won’t be what you wanted to hear but… Hamato Sho passed away five years ago.”

A tear slipped down Splinter’s face. “Oh,” he choked out.

“Yeah. I’m sorry you had to find out this way.”

His chest tightened as a sob threatened to escape his throat. “It’s okay,” he said. “Thank you for your time.” With shaky hands, he put the phone back up on the hook.

Splinter’s legs felt heavy the entire walk back to the sewers. Tears streaked down his face now as he allowed himself to cry. His jiji was long gone, and he never got the chance to properly say goodbye. He never even apologized for the way he had left things between them. There was no one left of his family now.

Well, that wasn’t entirely true. Splinter had four sons now – four rambunctious, troublemaking, sweet turtle sons. When he returned to the lair, it was still quiet and peaceful. In the morning, it would be loud and chaotic as they woke up. But for now, they were asleep in their rooms, perhaps having pleasant dreams about what the next day would bring. Splinter crawled into bed, still wondering if he was raising his sons right. But no matter what, he was going to try.

[leidensygdom]

Ok, I'm gonna start a post idea I had been pondering. If you're either mentally or physically disabled and you have opinions about representation, this is the thread for you!

So, I've been seeing more people trying to tackle the topic of autism in their stories, but I've felt some of it tries to woobify a bit what is to live with autism, or just focus on the more socially acceptable quirks of it. And as someone with autism/ADHD (was suspected of it for most of my life, got it finally diagnosed by my therapist (who specializes in autism and ADHD) last year), sometimes I'd like for people to acknowledge the more unsavoury parts of it, the weird quirks, etc.

So, this post is going to be about that- If you wanna help people understand how your disability/neurodivergency affects your life, feel free to add to it! Just mention what do you have (no need for a full list, just what you consider relevant to the post) and some experiences, quirks, anecdotes or such that you think that are not often seen in stories or media, and that you consider an important part of it. They don't need to be huge things! I encourage people to share just whatever they feel comfortable. My list is gonna be a mix of stuff, but yours can be very different. Let me start!

Clothes and how they feel was surprisingly one of the most disruptive parts of my autism. As a kid, if I was forced to wear something that caused me some bad texture/sensitivity issues, it would significantly affect my behaviour and performance. It took me many years to be allowed to use mostly sportswear. (And it turns out being a "girl" (not anymore) wearing only sportswear tends to cause a whole lot of bullying)

This happens even nowadays. I've found out that non-heeled boots are more comfortable to me than sport shoes, because feeling something against the back of my foot makes me feel overwhelmed. I tend to wear yoga pants under actual pants, because they keep the actual pants' seams from causing sensory issues. There's almost a sort of ritual on how do I need to combine clothes to be able to function "normally", mostly consisting on reducing how much they annoy me.

On that topic, hygiene is actually a huge thing too. As a kid, I wasn't allowed to shower daily. Days I didn't shower, no matter how much I tried to keep my hygiene in other days, were "bad days" to me. I would literally plan hanging out with friends or eating out around the days I was allowed to shower. I could physically feel the difference between the day I showered and the day I didn't (even if I washed my face, armpits, used the bidet, etc).

This is true even nowadays. I can thankfully now shower daily, which isn't recommended by a lot of experts (specially because it can damage your hair and skin), but it's more worth to me than having days where I feel like I shouldn't be seen in public.

Being overwhelmed sucks! Meltdowns are mostly associated with kids, mostly because adults either learn to mask them, or do everything they can to AVOID having that meltdown. I've mostly figured out routines and such. There's this one place we go eat out every other Tuesday- And in the hours we go in, there's a sort of silent corner that is always free. This week's schedule was a mess, so we went yesterday to that same place, and the silent corner was filled with a very loud group. I got extremely overwhelmed. But enough masking drilled to me means I just sat there unable to talk for maybe 30 minutes.

Autistic adults still do have autism and experience often the full spread of traits, they've just found ways to mask, or avoid being in situations where they do need to do that. I've adapted my life and routine to that. But sometimes I land on situations out of my comfort zone that will make me feel just like when I was a kid. I want to freelance online because I'm fully aware I can't perform properly in a public facing job.

Group projects sucked so much. I know they suck for most people, but most times it was easier for me to do the entirety of the project by myself and add the others' names to it than dealing with chasing people for their parts. My college had a 6-months-long massive group project in the last year, with a 7 people group, which obviously I couldn't do alone. The whole experience was so harmful in so many ways I've had several full therapy sessions talking about it :'')

One of the reasons it's because mental flexibility is HARD with autism. If i set a schedule, I expect that schedule to be followed. If people agree to do a part, I expect that part to be delivered (unless there's a proper reason) on due time. People hate this a lot usually! It will tear group projects apart!

Stimming can be harmless, or it can be very annoying to some. I tend to shake legs and play with something in my hands. I could easy this off drawing in classes- My high school found out that I was paying more attention when I was allowed to draw in classes, and my academic performance was pretty much perfect, so they gave me permission to do that.

However, I had a teacher in middle school that did forbid me from drawing. I stimmed during a class with pens- She got so mad she sent me home with a note to my parents they had to sign. Fun!

Not exactly an anecdote, but I am ace. I hate the discourse about "making an autistic person be aro or ace is infantilizing autism". Aro/ace people can have autism. That's just how it is. I've been infantilized a lot for being ace- Which only got worse because I am autistic, and people perceived some of my special interests as child-ish. The combo didn't make things easy.

On that topic, people will often be very patronizing of your opinions or takes for being autistic. I've had people debate my sexuality (or lack of thereof), my gender identity and presentation, my hobbies, my preferences for everything, down to "what do you want to eat tonight?". This isn't too different to shitty takes about how "autistic people are more prone to being affected by the trans activistsTM", because people assume autistic people can't choose on their own. Trust me: We can.

Anyhow, I'd love if this post could be a good compilation of these sort of anecdotes! I think it could help people who wanna learn more about what is it to live with specific disabilities (and how to better portray them in media)

[iznaekkoya]

nightmares ~ tomioka mai x reader

After years of having more nightmares in a week than not, you’ve gotten used to waking up tired. Your parents tried to quell the subsequent rampant caffeine addiction, but they gave up quickly when they saw how useless you become without it, trudging through the day more or less zombielike.

You may be as used to the terror of the nightmares as someone realistically can be, but you won’t ever be used to the exhaustion.

“Are you listening?” Saebi asks, snapping a finger in front of your face. She’s backlit from the giant art room window, her bunny ears casting a funny shadow that you’d laugh at in any other circumstance. “Y/N. It’s like you’re not even here, what’s going on?”

You groan, and rub a hand down your dry, tired face. “Is it that bad?”

“I don’t think you’ve heard a word I’ve said in twenty minutes.”

“We’ve been here for twenty minutes?”

Saebi shoots you a look of concern. “Are you okay? Like, actually?”

“Sorry,” you bemoan, “I slept so badly last night.”

“Did you have a nightmare?” she asks, but the look of pity tells you she already knows the answer.

You nod, and slump forward onto your desk. With the fake elf ears and crown, it’s difficult to find a comfortable position. “It was really bad, too. More realistic than usual.”

Saebi ruffles your hair, and it’s comforting. “I’m sorry. Can I do anything?”

Maybe a lobotomy, to get rid of the pounding headache. But you don’t want to concern her any further, so you just shake your head. “No. Not unless you have an iced latte with vanilla cold foam hidden somewhere in that fur coat.”

“Try and sleep,” she offers, smiling sympathetically. “I’ll wake you up for lunch.”

Thank god for Jeong Saebi, you think, as you drift off.

👻

After a––thankfully dreamless––nap, your headache is gone, but the bone-deep exhaustion remains. You have no idea how you’re going to make it through world history without any caffeine. You struggle to get through that class on a normal day, much less one where you’re basically non-functioning.

“Y/N,” Ms. Kim says, pointing the end of her ruler at you. “What date was D-Day?”

Your brain short circuits. Honestly, in your current state, you don’t even remember what D-Day is, much less when it is. You sit there for several awkward seconds, mouth opening and closing, struggling to get yourself to say anything, when the door opens.

It smacks against the wall harder than probably intended, going by the quiet mumbling coming from the obstructed doorway.

“Mai,” Ms. Kim says, clearly as surprised as everyone else is to hear that name. “What on Earth are you doing?”

Huh? But Mai is in her usual seat right next to yo––

Nope. In your stupor, you didn’t even notice that your seat partner wasn’t in the room at all. Just embarrassing, really.

“Sorry, miss,” comes a familiar voice from the doorway. “My phone died when I was out getting lunch, and I lost track of time. It won’t happen again, I swear!”

Ms. Kim, flabbergasted, doesn’t even scold her like she usually does for tardiness. She just steps aside, and lets Mai pass to sit in her seat beside you.

Donning a blue gingham dress over a white frilly shirt, with red heels and her hair tied into pigtails, Mai saunters into the room.

She’s Dorothy, your mind supplies after an embarrassingly long time. She looks so cute.

What draws your eye, though, is the distinctly not-Dorothy like iced coffee in the hand not occupied by a basket. Your eyes draw to it like a moth to flame, or like a very, very tired person to an easy metaphor. Or simile. You can’t remember, right now.

“I like your elf costume,” she whispers, sitting down. “You look adorable.”

At the very least, you have enough wits about you to blush. “Thank you, Mai. Dorothy looks good on you, too. You should wear your hair like that more often.”

She smiles into her hand. “What did I miss?”

“Kim terrorizing me,” you scoff, rolling your eyes. “You got here just in time. My hero.”

“Well then, “ she says, grinning. “I am definitely going to be your favorite person today.”

She reaches to the table in front of you and grabs the iced coffee, and, like an angel sent from above, she hands it to you.

“Oh my god,” you say, mouth open. “I would die for you.”

“Yeah, well,” she says, leaning into her hand. “I couldn’t help it. Not when you looked so miserable today. I had to do something to make you smile again.”

Your heart flutters. “You didn’t have to do this. Thank you.”

“I wanted to,” is all she says, before she turns back to the lesson.

For a while, you just stare at her stunning side-profile, the loose strands of hair framing her face, taking the time to catalogue which you think are intentional, and which are from her fussing with them all day. The thought makes you smile, brings a warmth to your chest that always appears around her.

She means so much to you. You should say it more often.

“Mai?” You say, before she gets too absorbed in the lesson.

“Yeah?” She says, eyes soft and beautiful. Expectant.

You grab one of her hands in your own. “You’ve always been my favorite person.”

[nerdieforpedro]

The Lake Between Us - Part One

The Nurse who's frayed at the seams

Ezra AU x plus size OFC (Nickname Moonbeam - has a name in later parts)

This fic is for readers 18+ MDNI

Word Count: 868

Warnings: insomnia, alcohol use, anxiety, mutual voyeurism, brief mentions of death, cancer and post-mortem care

Notes: My first series with Ezra! It's been fun writing this and therapeutic for me. I envision the setting to be on a bayou in Louisiana with the weeping willows and slow waters. Plus I wanted Ezra to have an air boat. ☺️ I'm not sorry for anything.

Main Masterlist / Ezra Masterlist / The Lake Between Us Series

It’s fine during the day, the rapid fire and thinking quickly on your feet. It’s what makes you good at what you do. Able to keep so many details straight while answering questions about six patients and more if you’re keeping an eye out on another nurse’s assignment while they’re at lunch.

It’s why it bothers you so much. You’ve taken your medications. Stopped looking at your phone an hour before bed. The room was pitch black before bed and the white noise machine was going. You even took your shower earlier than normal because apparently a nice warm shower doesn’t promote sleep according to the experts. You personally found warm water relaxing, isn’t that why tea is good before bed?

One of them needs to come to your house and see why you’re not sleeping.

It’s three a.m. You’ve at least gotten five hours of sleep. Enough to function. You’re awake in this darkness though and you’re well acquainted with it. There’s one thing you can do that will at least relax you now. You’ve done it the last few weeks despite all these changes to your sleep hygiene and routine. 

Your legs are over the side of the bed and carry you to your back door where your yellow crocs are. It’s off the back of the kitchen so you grab some rum and mango juice. A chair you bought when you went to an antiques show with some friends sits on your back porch and you plop down. It rocks and that helps your nerves slightly. Your large thighs press into the sides of the rocking chair but not painfully. The periwinkle sleep shorts you have are matched by the camisole that has bunched up at the bottom exposing the pooch of your stomach.

The crickets are loud and there are even some lightning bugs about dotting around the tall grass that surrounds the lake in the middle of your backyard. The lake is connected to an estuary that your neighbor across the way often drives his airboat off in. Thankfully the water is at least slow moving to it only attracts but so many bugs, but that’s also why you’ve taken to lighting a lavender eucalyptus candle when you come outside on the porch. Ironic considering the very same scent that keeps various insects away is supposed to lull you to sleep and it does not. You’ve never met the man. Only seen him on his back porch.

You know very little about him, not even his name. He’s at least your age, if not older. Tall and broad with sun-kissed skin from working during the daylight hours you assume or it could be his natural skin tone. His hair is brown except for a gray or blonde patch in the front. From what you’ve seen, he has a patchy beard that could have gray or more blonde and a wicked smile. It’s then that he emerges from his abode the same as you. He has something to drink as well. Usually he’s wearing a t-shirt or tank top but it’s balmy this morning so he’s shirtless in some loose shorts. You’re not sure if they’re for sleep or lounging. There looks to be some definition to his chest as he takes in the night air. He looks up after pouring himself a glass of something that might be brown, it’s hard to see from here and it’s dark. The man’s limbs are weighted down like yours are. Could his thoughts be running a mile a minute as well? What would lead him to be on his porch too? Is he alone like you? Shouldn’t he have someone warming his bed? Given how he looks from here, he shouldn’t have any issue in that department. Maybe it’s by choice, but why would he choose to? Divorced? Separated? Recent break-up? Maybe a fight with someone and they’re letting each other stew…

Planning different scenarios for the day, reviewing what you’ve seen, the care you’ve provided the people you encountered. Today you discharged a patient home, consulted one where the doctor sort of explained that they have cancer but it didn’t really sink in and assisted with post-mortem care because you were the nurse with the most experience on the unit. The rest were new grads, bless them but they really needed to remove teaching care plans and expand on communication, psych and discussions with biases surrounding death. Maybe you should email the state board, do they even check their email? They had to, right? They’re a government body, but are they gonna do anything with it? Your mind has spun again in that short time. 

The lack of restful sleep is having the same encumbering effect on the pair of you. Fatigued bodies to match your brains. 

His glass raises and he nods in your direction. You do the same. Then you both drain your glasses and refill them. No words are exchanged. The sounds of water, insects, and a light breeze fill the void where speech would be. Normally these sounds are what lull most people to sleep in Louisiana, but not you nor him.

A toast to another night of sleep lost.

Part Two

[guardkeywolf]

Hey! I'm the one who requested for the 7'3 male reader with a huge dog! And I want to say that was good thank you for doing it! :D

So I'd like to request again.....if you don't mind :D

So I was thinking of male reader that's the same height as köng and doesn't really sleep like he can sleep for an hour and survive a few days without sleeping since he's been in a unit where you have to wake up really early

And male reader having a pet bird (your choice) that just goes into his shirt and cuddle up between his big man boobs when he's cooking or taking his few hour nap if he ever feels tired.

Just a scenario or Headcanons your choice :)

But thank you again for doing my request hope you have a wonderful day!

You are very welcome and thank you for the request!

Since you didn't really specify if König and Male Reader were in a relationship, I kinda just wrote this from König's perspective and him watching this all go down lol

König + Male Reader with his Raven

It was surprising for König to see another man that was equal to him in height and size considering he was a mountain of a man himself

Only thing was, Y/n was the type of guy who didn't need much sleep, like another man he knew, and lurked around the base late at night, along with an ungodly silence that shouldn't even be humanly possible

If the Austrian did catch the man sleeping, if would be roughly for an hour or even less than that

Hell, König remembered when Y/n decided to take watch for them one night and while he slept soundly like a normal person, Y/n was wide awake each night, hardly looking drained each morning as well

Honestly where the hell did this man get his energy from?

König had no idea...

He couldn't help but ask Y/n, which he thankfully obliged

He explained how his old unit, (you can name them), were early risers

They didn't need much sleep to function in the field

Plus, most of their operations involved staying awake for long periods of time until the mission was complete

So for Y/n, being up late was natural to him

König could only look at the man in bewilderment as he could only imagine how someone could stay up so long and not go insane

Before he could ask, he took notice of the raven that was always around him

Y/n called it P/n and König was in awe at how comfortable it had become with him

P/n was around Y/n all the time no matter where he was in base

If he was cooking, the raven was cuddled up near his chest, or sometimes rest on his shoulder while peering down at the food

Sometimes König thought they were having their own little conversations about something and couldn't help but laugh if he caught Y/n and raven arguing too

If they had just gotten back from a mission, Y/n would tend to P/n first to make sure it didn't have any injuries then himself after

König could only coo everytime he saw you two

He hoped Y/n would soon trust him enough to let him near P/n and maybe even himself, but only time would tell between you two...

So, he continued to watch you both from afar

Comfortable with what he had with you now

Please REBLOG if you liked this!

Also, ADD THE TAGS IF YOU DO PLAN ON REBLOGGING THIS!

Again, thank you Anon for requesting this!

-Guards

[getvalentined]

Tyalaskr is my oldest (surviving) OC, having been originally invented in his roughest, simplest form when I was 11 years old; this makes him 27 this year, which is a hell of a thing.

He's Riv's bestie. Possibly his boyfriend. Definitely his husband, but in the "for tax purposes" kind of way. They don't live in a region that has taxes, so nobody knows exactly what they mean by this. They were born on the same day!

Random OC lore below.

Tyalaskr is the only male in his entire species, and is the result of a vicious breeding project undertaken by his mother over 10,000 years ago. His father was an aur, like Riv, which means that Tyal shouldn't have been able to be conceived at all because there shouldn't have been a soul available for him to form around—but somehow there was, and now he's here.

Tyal has 60+ "sisters," although they're actually almost entirely grandnieces and great-grandnieces; his mother's species operates similarly to ants or bees, with one queen capable of breeding and a host of sterile workers/warriors/etc., all of which refer to each other in sibling terms regardless of what generation they come from. This species is one of three that were intentionally crafted by one of the first generation born on the planet, and were designed specifically for use in war. The culture that made them is long gone, but they've never really been able to shake off their original purpose.

He's immortal on his father's side and almost indestructible on his mother's side, so Tyal is just gonna be here forever and he's made peace with that for the most part. He has limited shapeshifting abilities (from his mother's side) that allow him to move in and out of mortal society periodically, although he spends a lot of time living with the aur.

In spite of being considered a success as far as his mother's breeding projects go, Tyal has a lot of what could be considered birth defects:

Instead of having feet like his sisters or cloven hooves like the aur, he has mostly-digitigrade three-toed almost-hooves with a dewclaw in the back, which aren't very functional on the majority of terrain.

The opening of his mouth is too small for his teeth (because aur don't have mouths but do have teeth) so he has some difficulty opening up very wide without hurting himself.

There are multiple places where he produces feathers instead of hair due to a follicle mismatch, most notably along one side of his head, the underside of his ears, and several points on his tail (which is not visible in this picture).

The inability to shapeshift properly could also be considered a birth defect, particularly since he has access to pretty much all the abilities of an aur save for sublimation.

His longer-than-normal limbs (particularly the structure of his legs and feet) make him slightly heavier than he should be, which gave him some trouble learning to fly; thankfully, aur can levitate when they reach adulthood, so Tyal is able to leverage that together with his wings and hasn't had much trouble since childhood. He still doesn't like wearing anything heavy, avoiding metal accessories, weaponry and armor entirely, opting for the lightest and most minimal clothing possible.

I'm gonna cut myself off here because, again, this is my oldest OC so I could talk about him for years. I will not bore you further.

[wososage]

A Team Effort: USWNT x Reader

Request: autistic reader x team, where they help r when r has a meltdown during a game, and just protect her

Word Count: 940

Warnings: so basically this is based off of my struggles as an autistic person. Obviously everyone has different experiences so this is not a complete reflection on what it is like to be autistic. 

A/N: Besties I gift you another one. I can almost guarantee that I can’t keep up this pace, however, I shall maybe finally not have an intense combination of writers block and little to no interest in things that normally make me happy. please send requests if you have them. i cant promise that i will get to them timely, or like ever, but they help very much with the getting of my creative brain to function.

Y/n is fine until they aren’t. Which is pretty much how it always goes. When Y/n first joined the team it was pretty obvious that they were different, that they struggled in ways the other people on the team didn’t understand. Now that Y/n has been with the team for a while, everyone has found ways to help them and support them, but there are always things outside of the team’s control. Game days are always the least predictable days which means they are the hardest for Y/n to stay regulated.

This game has been particularly aggressive. People on both sides have been taken down countless times. There has been a lot of trash talking coming from both sides. For Y/n, the whole day has been bad. At breakfast, they struggled a lot more than usual with food textures. Then when they got onto the bus they realized they forgot to charge their headphones. And finally when they got into the locker room it was colder than usual.

Becky was the first to notice that Y/n was getting overwhelmed, which is typical since Becky plays right behind Y/n. It started with Y/n counting their fingers so Becky let it go because Y/n is usually able to handle themselves well enough to know when it is time to get subbed off. A few minutes later though, it starts raining and that is when Alyssa notices something is up.

“Check on Y/n!” Alyssa yells at no one in particular and after watching Y/n twitch their arm repeatedly, something that they do when they are starting to lose control. 

When the position of play allows Becky runs up to where Y/n is in midfield while calling to her fellow defenders to cover her.

“How are you doing kid?” Becky asks.

“I need off,” Y/n says. “Can’t be here any more.”

“Just wait a few minutes and we will get you subbed,” Becky says.

Becky runs back to her position on the back line and tries to signal to the bench that Y/n needs a sub. Unfortunately for Becky, no one is looking at the back line because all of the action is happening up at the net. Eventually, Alyssa is tired of waiting and screams the message towards the sidelines, which thankfully someone hears because Y/n is starting to obviously struggle more. They are struggling to focus on the ball. All of their reactions are slowed down. Every time someone yells out for a play Y/n flinches.

A few minutes later the ref allows the sub for Y/n to come on and immediately, a member of the training staff takes Y/n to the locker room, completely bypassing everyone on the bench. Not too long later, the team starts to quietly come into the locker room, where they find Y/N staring in the direction of the showers biting their lip and hitting their head over and over again.

“What do you need right now kid?” Alyssa asks quietly.

“Sticky. Shower.” Y/n grunts. “Can’t make myself”

“How about someone helps you with a quick bath,” Alyssa suggests. “Would it help to not have the water spraying at you?”

“Yes. Lights off.”

Once Alyssa and Y/n reappear into the locker room Becky takes over offering headphones that belong to various members of the team so Y/n can choose the ones that would be most helpful in the moment. Once Y/n finds the pair most like their own, soft rain noises are played through them. After a few minutes Y/n decides to ask what they need next, even though the team almost always fights about who gets to provide.

“Hug?” Y/n asks loud enough for everyone to hear.

After a quick roshambo tournament amongst the team, Y/n finds themselves in Kelley’s arms. Kelley on her part gently massages Y/n’s back to help further ground them and to just gently remind Y/n that no one is too far away if anything is needed. 

On the bus ride back to the hotel, everyone takes turns distracting Y/n from everything on the bus that is overwhelming. They keep Y/n from thinking too hard about the texture of the seats. They do everything they can to make sure that Y/n does not hear the windows and door of the bus squeak. And the bus driver may or may not have been bribed (and also threatened by a certain few members of the team) into avoid potholes and sudden movements at all costs.

Back at the hotel the team lets Y/n walk through all of their rooms to decide which one would be the least overstimulating to stay in for the night. Ultimately, after an extensive pros and cons list process, Y/n decides that they will be sleeping in Tierna’s room.

“But Tobin to read a book to me and I want everyone to be there,” Y/n requests, pretty much to no one’s surprise since Y/n has claimed many times in the past that Tobin has the most soothing voice they have ever heard. 

And so the team gets ready for a potential slumber party. Partly because they all are willing to do anything possible to make sure that Y/n is okay. But they also know that post meltdown Y/n is a very cuddly person and never wants anyone to feel left out.

“Thanks for always helping me,” Y/N says to the group. “And for always loving me. I love you guys a lot.”

[theautisticjedi]

Mike and Abby headcanons because my brain can't function normally now that I know Mike raised her

He picked out her name, as his mother was unresponsive to the nurse when trying to fill out the birth certificate. He chose Abigail (Abby) because it was the name of the protagonist of his and Garrett's favorite book series.

He put Abby's crib in his room after the first week she was home so he could reach her faster when she woke up

He broke down crying one night when no matter what he did, she wouldn't stop crying. He held her and they cried together, until both fell asleep

He stole his parents' credit card to buy essentials for her (diapers, formula, clothes)

He got a job mowing lawns to buy her essentials in case his parents ever noticed he was stealing their card (they never did)

He hated going to school because he was terrified of something happening to her when he was away

He would come home during lunch to check in on her

When she got a fever for the first time, he nearly called 911 in a panic

She loved peek-a-boo and they'd play it for HOURS

Her first word was 'Mike', and Mike cried afterwards

He got her into art when he bought finger paints for her and they painted together

He would take her to the public library on weekends so they could get out of the house, he spent hours reading to her

Abby loves snow, so whenever it snowed they make snowmen, snow angels, and build forts.

He cried when dropping her off to her first day of kindergarten

He put her hair in two braids everyday for school, it's the only style he knew how to do

She first asks about Garrett when she's five, and he tells her that he was their brother who died before she was born. She asks if Garrett would have liked her. Mike tearfully says 'Yes'

For his nineteenth birthday, she buys him ice cream with her tooth fairy money (all three dollars). Mike tries to refuse it, but she won't let him. They end up sharing it after he tells her he couldn't possibly finish it all himself.

Aunt Jane tries to bribe Abby with dolls and nice clothing to convince Abby to live with her instead. Abby is excited but when she finds out she only gets it if she leaves Mike, she refuses

Abby hates thunderstorms (too loud), so whenever there is one, Mike let's her sleep in bed with him. It's the only time he doesn't have dreams about the camping trip

When Abby got into her first fight at school (she was being bullied and she decided to fight back), Mike takes her side. When they get home, he shows her how to properly throw a punch so she doesn't hurt her fingers as much.

She asks Mike for a cat or dog, and he tells her they can't afford one, but promises he'll get her one someday

He keeps every drawing she gives him, they either go out on display on the fridge or walls, or they go into a box in his room.

As she got older, they started to butt heads a lot more. Mike remembers how he used to be with his parents before Garrett got taken and thinks it's the universe punishing him.

Her school has a father-daughter dance and Mike offers to take her. They have a great time, it's one of the best nights of their lives.

She cut her own hair when she was eight and didn't do a very good job. Mike thankfully managed to fix it and make it even.

He tried to get her involved in sports or dance, but she never wanted to do it. He's secretly thankfully since it can get expensive.

He never, ever blamed her for the shitty situation his life had become. She's the only bright spot in his life

[chenkari]

Haven't made a personal post in a long time. I don't use tumblr like I used to, haha. I've been using it a little more lately though.

Bitchin' under the cut. Tw for depression, suicide, whatever.

I'm at a really low point in my life right now. We moved homes and it's been very hard on me. I lived in my old house for 24 years (since i was 5) and it's just very difficult for me to let go. I cry like every night about it, I miss my old house so bad. I'm thankful that I have a place to live and everything but it's just. So fucking hard. I know it'll get better with time but right now is so difficult. Thankfully we're still in the same state, initially my parents wanted to move out of state, so that's a plus. But regardless, we moved further away from my friends and work. My old commute to work was about 10 minutes, now it's 35-45. I hate my job, so having to drive further is like. So fucking annoying. Right now I'm off work on a medical leave, thankfully. I don't think I'd be able to function. I'm farther away from my best friend and while it isn't unmanageable, it's just.... idk frustrating. We've lived close together our whole lives.

I feel so isolated out here, it's further from the cities, there isn't a lot out here. I went on doordash and there were only 3 restaurants and a gift shop lmao. (major gripe: there is no target. im going to KILL MYSELF.)

I contemplated killing myself a lot. I'm so unhappy. I thought about doing it before we left the house. Like, so in a way so I wouldn't have to go. But I'm still alive. I still think about killing myself like every day though, especially at night. I think at night I become more emotional and shit. I'm alone with my thoughts in bed I guess, so I just think about it. I feel like this might be the most suicidal I've ever been in my life, and I've been trying to manage it but i'm struggling. I feel like I'm not even living. I'm just like. Surviving.

Something that has been really hard is like, my dad doesn't give a fuck. I can't be upset about moving in front of him cause he's like, oh my gooood, just get over iiiit. And like, I'm trying. But I'm allowed to be sad and miss my home too. Idk i want to be comforted by my family I guess. He's also just been more mean to me in general and idk why. Like I'll ask something totally... Normal. And he gets all pissed. Like I asked if he could pick up ramen noodles when he went to the store, and he got all pissed off. Like damn, sorry. And the thing is, I don't ask for much. I usually just ask my parents for like. A food item. I did ask recently for one of those mirror cabinets cause the new bathroom here does not have a lot of space. I asked about it again cause he never replied to my text and he yelled at me about that. Like, you can just say no. I just ended up buying it myself. Idk, i just wish he would say no instead of launching into yelling at me about it.

Idk I've just been so depressed lately, I can't bring myself to do anything productive. I just lay in bed. Even things I enjoy. I don't feel like playing games, I don't feel like talking to my friends, I don't feel like drawing. I just lay there doom scrolling on twitter. I've been a little better lately, I've been able to get out of bed and get on the computer for a bit. But still I have days where I just lay there.

I don't think i mentioned it on tumblr, but I'm a streamer now, (cringe ass vtuber. very small, not a big deal.) and while I normally like streaming, I can't bring myself to get back into my routine. My streams don't do so well too, so it's a bit disheartening. I'm not the most entertaining, it's my fault. Idk I'm just not very good at chatting about things going on cause I don't really have a lot going on. It's easier when people come watch and talk with me, but I can't expect that of people. I have to be better.

I'm scared about returning to work. I feel like I can't take it anymore. I hate my job so much, it's so fucking much. It's non stop work, no downtime, everything is always broken, and we don't have any appointments for people. (I make dr appointments for my job) All the appointments are like at least a week out and everyone is like "what the fuck" and I can't do shit about it. It's so stressful and idk. I don't want to go back. I've been looking for new jobs but I'm not having a lot of luck.

Tbh though I'm kinda in a tough financial situation right now so if anyone feels up to it, my paypal is https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/chenkari, I could use gas/grocery money. I would appreciate it.

I had to take Venus to the vet, she had an aural hematoma. They drained it, but her ear swelled up again. It is slowly going down now. I wonder how long until she'll be all better. I hope it isn't hurting her anymore. The cats have been good about the move. Sometimes Venus hides though and I can't find her anywhere :C I don't know where her hiding spot is wehh.

Anyways. Guess I just wanted to talk about what I was up to these days. Get it off my chest. Later.

[alexsgrimoire]

Plurality & Paganism: An Introspective

If any of you keep up with my main (@sinfulauthor), you may have noticed this post, along with my new pinned post. In short, I've come to the realization (after burying the thought of it for many years) that we are a Collective.

Now, how does this impact this blog and my craft?

To start off, this blog's content will remain the same. It will still primarily act as an e-grimoire with some additional posts, but the people posting what content will change. Specifically, these people:

-Alex (they/them), the host (hi!). I'll generally do most of the talking/posting. Works with The Signless/Sufferer and Dionysus. ANP that the IRL coven knows. (I'm not open with them about being a Collective just yet.)

-Vaati (he/him), who works with Demise and focuses on divination. Writes solely in cursive and gets VERY frustrated when grimoire notes are in standard print.

-Ghira (he/him), who works with Demise closer than Vaati for Obvious Reasons™️. (Though he generally doesn't do any actual spellwork, just offerings, worship, and altar setup.)

-Karkat (he/they) on occasion, solely because Signless HAS shown himself to him and is very much a Dad™️.

-Toko (she/her) has not yet "awakened." She was a former kin heavily associated with our craft. Taking bets on her being a spellcrafter/writer.

So, now that the roll call is done, onto some other stuff regarding plurality and paganism, the introspection the title mentions. (This will be below the cut as it's not as integral to the "functioning" of this blog.)

So, coming to the realization as a system was... interesting. We first became aware of dissociative disorders through Danganronpa (Yes, Toko's horrible representation. We know.) and related to Toko heavily. At the time, we were heavily involved in the Fictionkin community and had "memories" of those "timelines." However, this relatability on the DID aspect was soon hidden under the guise of "I like to write, and so does she! Also super traumatized like me lmao," and then we didn't think about it for five more years.

Come 2023, we've relapsed for the first time in four years and are going through some pretty traumatic stuff again. At an Esbat in September, an argument breaks out that causes us to dissociate and brings up those really painful feelings from childhood. Nothing felt real, and the rest of the night was foggy. (The people in the argument have since apologized. It was also an extremely stressful night due to our old High Priest being ousted for sexual misconduct not even 4 hours before we started.)

At this point, this whole debacle causes us to realize, "Hey, this isn't really a normal trauma response. There might be something else going on." We have a lot of friends who are systems, and we went to them asking, "Hey, do you like. think we're a system?" and FIVE OF THEM SNIFFED US OUT YEARS AGO AND DIDN'T BOTHER TO TELL US??? Like maybe that would have been useful information, idk (We still love our friends to bits, though)

So, fast forward to 2024. Still in the process of diagnosis but receiving trauma-focused therapy to process things. It's been a long process of figuring out how to live/function as someone with a dissociative disorder, but we're learning.

Thankfully, having a good support network has been a great help. We have an almanac (specifically The Practical Witch's 2024 Almanac by Friday Gladheart) to track our craft/spiritual work, and it's interesting to see the input of everyone in the collective. It's a lot of taking things day by day and seeing how things go, but we feel the energy around us changing.

Anyway, ramble over. If y'all read this to the end, thanks for sticking around. I've got some other posts we plan on making, so keep an eye out for those, too.

Signing off,

Alex of the Magic Collective

[immortalbutterflycos]

For the WIP ask game:

💾What is your document of your wip/ a wip called? (not the stories actual title but what you’ve saved it as)

And:

❤️❤️❤️

Good morning~ (it's 8 am here when I'm writing this) I meant for this to be my first post of the day, but while trying to find the information I have, I found out that the summary section of Google Docs was deleted along with all of my "summaries" (which are, because my brain simply cannot function on a "normal" level, actually extensive plot notes that I now lost forever. Which is super cool~ ^.^ <3 Just another reason why I prefer to write on paper I guess...

Anyway, sorry about that, I'm not in a super fantastic mood rn.

BUT! To answer your question, unfortunately, I don't have an extremely fun one for this for the main fic that I've been working on. But that is primarily because I literally have -and I'm not kidding because I went back and counted them all- Ninety-nine docs relevant to this fic and I'm about to start on #100 because I just thought of a new plot point yesterday (that I thankfully wrote on paper since I was at work) and I need to give it a home.😂

And that is JUST for 'The Art of Running for Our Lives' (aka TAoRfOL since writing that title out every time is exhausting 😂)

I had to make a whole-ass Masterlist of docs with their links so that I could keep track of them and all of the titles are more spoilery than anything so that I know that what information I need to find will be in that doc before I click on it.

I started writing this fic in March, 2023 and I wish that I could tell you that this was all simple overkill, but I wish it was. It's not even posted yet but this plot has a grand total of 8 main characters and the AU I'm doing is so niche that I'm trying to merge magic systems (to an extent) and keeping track of timelines is wild in this one even without my ADHD getting in the way of things.

I'd say I do this because I hate myself, but this is very much a passion project and I really just want to do it the justice it deserves. 💜

That being said, I do have a few doc titles I'm willing to share because I think they're silly (I know, it took a WHILE to get here. Have I mentioned that I have really bad unregulated ADHD? 😂)

"TAoRfOL Cheat Sheet: [insert character name here]"

"James isn't doing well (TAoRfOL)"

"Post-[redacted] Dorlene Heist"

"I was in my feels..."

✨Bonus from other AU's:✨

"The cat distribution system but the cat is Regulus"

and finally,

"this was supposed to be smut how did I get here..?"

TL;DR: I have ADHD so there is no 1 specific doc for my fic. And also because I apparently need to dip my toes in every pond I find, (write too many fics/AUs at once), most of my docs are titled "[blank] AU" with a small description of the contents in the title.

Also apparently I can't give a simple answer to any of these ask games. Hope this is okay because I have no self-control and I'm very passionate about this fic.

[pokemoncaretips]

I just got a Gastly from a friend. How do I take care of Gastly and Haunter and Gengar??? They aren't native to my area and I've never had an amorphous or poison or ghost type before.

Gastly. A tricky pokemon, though not without its sweet side.

General notes: A ghost/poison type, this line does require a lot of care and attention, but rewards loyalty with lifelong devotion. And beyond.

General care: This line doesn't require normal food, being classed as a vitavore. In other words, it takes sustenance from the life energy of those around it. Thankfully, unlike poor pokemon like greavard, this line has some level of control, and doesn't seem to require much. Still, it's a good idea to maintain your own health as well.

Gastly and haunter in particular require good ventilation, as though you'd need to stick your head right in a gastly to get really sick, the lingering fumes can cause headaches. However, be careful with this, as gastly struggle in strong breezes, which dissipate its form. A strong enough gust can even fatally injure it. Ideally, it should be kept inside on windy days.

Haunters are very light sensitive, but unlike zubats, never really get used to it. They really do need darkness to be comfortable. Blackout curtains in a spare room or a well ventilated attic are good places for a haunter to roam free when not in its pokeball. They have a bad reputation for stalking but really just like following people. (Admittedly sometimes because starling strangers is funny) If you ever stay up late, it will follow along behind you.

Be very careful of the entire lines saliva. It's strongly poisonous.

Gengar is much more solid and sturdy, though still fairly lightweight despite its size. They're heat sinks, and absorb ambient warmth. They can't control this, you may have to get used to wearing warm clothing. Gengar enjoy playing in shadows, and may tag along in yours.

Ghost pokemon often have different needs to other pokemon, but their basic care tends to be simple, as few need to eat or sleep.

This line is functionally immortal, so I would advise having a plan for what to do with them once you pass on. Care rating: Green

Training: It's vital to remember that this line rewards loyalty and kindness. And harshly punishes neglect or cruelty. A well cared for gengar with a strong bond to its trainer is mischievous and playful, being careful with its life drain. A bitter, angry gengar is lethally dangerous.

These pokemon are loyal to a fault, and cemetaries have a reputation for being haunted, not by the ghosts of the departed, but often by pokemon in this line, unwilling to leave behind their departed master. Socializing them and encouraging them to be friendly with other humans is a very good idea, as this makes it easier for them to move on and live a happier life rather then sheltering under gravestones for centuries. Training rating: Green

Safety:

Wild members of this line should be avoided unless you're trying to catch one, and even then, do this in company. Though they acclimatize well to captivity, the wild ones can cause serious harm.

This lines saliva is dangerous, causing convulsions and heart palpitations upon skin contact. Wear long sleeves and other body covering clothes when handling them in case of accidental contact. In case of contact to others, wash it off with water immediately if it is safe to do so, and contact emergency services. In case of contact to yourself, it is recommended to have a medic alert bracelet if you live alone, so you can activate it between convulsions. If possible, recall your pokemon into its ball to keep the paramedics safe, as it may be panicky and reactive.

This is not a line that is safe for children, the elderly, or people with underlying health conditions, though much of the danger can be mitigated with good training and socialization. Safety rating: Red

Overall ranking. A decent ghost type, but one you need to be alert and present for.

[tequitoclown]

A few months ago, I got an email in my living room. Discord had notified me there was suspicious activity on my account and had locked it until I created a new password. This came out of nowhere, and I had no idea who was trying to get into it. I hadn't even checked Discord that morning!

I followed all the normal security measures and made sure there were no new logins to my account. Thankfully, whoever was trying to do this didn't succeed in logging in. What they did succeed in is making me aware of how catastrophic it would be if someone actually got into my account or deleted it.

There are so many memories and so much data that would devastate me if it was gone. I have servers with chat logs going back to 2016 or older. That's 8 years of logs that could disappear instantly, including precious memories some of friends who have since passed away.

The internet has been overtaken by corporate greed. Just a little over a year ago, I was on Twitter and Reddit every day. Twitter was made nearly unusable by Elon, as every day a commonly used feature was being removed or changed for the worse. My mutuals were leaving the platform in bulk, so there was no reason for me to stick around. Shortly after came Reddit. Their horrific decision to charge a ludicrous amount for 3rd party apps to function and Spez blaming the user base was catastrophic to the platform. Some subreddits are still permanently wiped. In a year, I had left two platforms because rich CEOs cared more about lining their pockets more than their userbase. How little would it take to lose everything I have right now again? Not much.

There are so few places on the Internet to feel comfortable with anymore. We're all just products that are used to farm advertisement money, and the users are the last thought. I could just get banned for nothing and lose it all again. It's out of my control.

Now, I'm not an expert on archiving data. You've probably heard the saying "If data doesn't exist in 3 places at once, it doesn't exist at all." That rings very true with the state of the Internet. One day, these platforms won't exist. And it's unfortunately up to us to remember what we created.

Tyrrrz's DiscordChatExporter - For archiving Discord DMs and server messages.

How to Backup your Tumblr Blog by Magz - Detailed instructions on how to export your blog + sideblogs, with multiple methods.

I know there's a lot of options out there for different websites, but these are what I've been using recently. I also recommend getting a flash drive or backup storage of some kind in case your hard drive gives out.

Save everything. These memories are important.

[PT: Save everything. These memories are important. ./End PT]

[dyke-a-saur]

I know there's a shit ton of posts out about something similar but like, people who are so convinced they can "always tell" are lying to themselves.

Case in point: very recently I gave myself a big chop and got it cleaned up. It wasn't tied to gender reasons, moreso I just wanted a change.

My mom, who is massively fucking transphobic, admitted that from the neck up (I have a very impressive nyash) I look like a "Dan", the more masculine nickname I've gone by in public for over a year.

Not to mention an instance at work wear I was wearing a sports bra, have no gloss or mascara on, and had my hair pulled back in the world's sloppiest slickback. I got called sir by quite a few small children and their parents.

In day to day life, I'm 5'11", and have the hands of an NBA star, with some hair on the knuckles. The women in my family tend to have chin whiskers and a visible mustache line. I even have a bit of a five-o'clock shadow in average lighting. My shoulders and hips are the same width, I've decent muscle from being on my school's Raider and Throwing teams, and my feet are a whopping size 12 1/2. In the winter, my legs arms and pits look like fucking legwarmers, comparable to the boys in my class.

However, my birth certificate has the F marker, and I was born with a fully functioning vulva and uterus.

I need people to stop being arrogant, ignorant, loud, and wrong about "sexing people by looks". Most of the way you "clock" people is based on social signifier of what a man/woman looks like in your culture/society. And if we're being so fucking for real, a lot of popular and even less so transgender people fit that to a motherfucking T. Even "non-passing" people end up fitting because these "aberrations" from the norm are actually super fucking normal.

I've been stared at in the women's restroom, despite thankfully not being stopped or questioned. And I've shared a restroom with a trans girl in my highschool, who gets in a stall, does her business, and leaves like everybody else.

Terfs are NOT the fucking majority. Transphobes of all leanings are NOT the fucking majority. You do not live in reality and it very much shows.